第6章

"Ithink，"saidGeorge，ashestoodlookingdownatit，"thisisthebestviewwe’vehadofit，asyet。Thereisonlyoneotherpointfromwhichwecanseeit。Afterthat，Iproposewegodownintoitandgetsomerest。"

"Idon’tbelieveit’sthesamevillage，"saidHarris；"itcan’tbe。"

"There’snomistakingthatchurch，"saidGeorge。"ButmaybeitisacaseonallfourswiththatPraguestatue。Possibly，theauthoritieshereabouthavehadmadesomelife—sizedmodelsofthatvillage，andhavestuckthemabouttheForesttoseewherethethingwouldlookbest。Anyhow，whichwaydowegonow？"

"Idon’tknow，"saidHarris，"andIdon’tcare。Ihavedonemybest；you’vedonenothingbutgrumble，andconfuseme。"

"Imayhavebeencritical，"admittedGeorge"butlookatthethingfrommypointofview。Oneofyousayshe’sgotaninstinct，andleadsmetoawasps’nestinthemiddleofawood。"

"Ican’thelpwaspsbuildinginawood，"Ireplied。

"Idon’tsayyoucan，"answeredGeorge。"Iamnotarguing；Iammerelystatingincontrovertiblefacts。Theotherone，wholeadsmeupanddownhillforhoursonscientificprinciples，doesn’tknowthenorthfromthesouth，andisneverquitesurewhetherhe’sturnedroundorwhetherhehasn’t。Personally，Iprofesstonoinstinctsbeyondtheordinary，noramIascientist。ButtwofieldsoffIcanseeaman。Iamgoingtoofferhimtheworthofthehayheiscutting，whichIestimateatonemarkfiftypfennig，toleavehiswork，andleadmetowithinsightofTodtmoos。Ifyoutwofellowsliketofollow，youcan。Ifnot，youcanstartanothersystemandworkitoutbyyourselves。"

George’splanlackedbothoriginalityandaplomb，butatthemomentitappealedtous。Fortunately，wehadworkedroundtoaveryshortdistanceawayfromthespotwherewehadoriginallygonewrong；withtheresultthat，aidedbythegentlemanofthescythe，werecoveredtheroad，andreachedTodtmoosfourhourslaterthanwehadcalculatedtoreachit，withanappetitethattookforty—

fiveminutes’steadyworkinsilencetoabate。

FromTodtmooswehadintendedtowalkdowntotheRhine；buthavingregardtoourextraexertionsofthemorning，wedecidedtopromenadeinacarriage，astheFrenchwouldsay：andforthispurposehiredapicturesque—lookingvehicle，drawnbyahorsethatIshouldhavecalledbarrel—bodiedbutforcontrastwithhisdriver，incomparisonwithwhomhewasangular。InGermanyeveryvehicleisarrangedforapairofhorses，butdrawngenerallybyone。Thisgivestotheequipagealop—sidedappearance，accordingtoournotions，butitisheldheretoindicatestyle。Theideatobeconveyedisthatyouusuallydriveapairofhorses，butthatforthemomentyouhavemislaidtheotherone。TheGermandriverisnotwhatweshouldcallafirst—classwhip。Heisathisbestwhenheisasleep。Then，atallevents，heisharmless；andthehorsebeing，generallyspeaking，intelligentandexperienced，progressundertheseconditionsiscomparativelysafe。IfinGermanytheycouldonlytrainthehorsetocollectthemoneyattheendofthejourney，therewouldbenoneedforacoachmanatall。

Thiswouldbeadistinctrelieftothepassenger，forwhentheGermancoachmanisawakeandnotcrackinghiswhipheisgenerallyoccupiedingettinghimselfintotroubleoroutofit。Heisbetterattheformer。OnceIrecollectdrivingdownasteepBlackForesthillwithacoupleofladies。Itwasoneofthoseroadswindingcorkscrew—wisedowntheslope。Thehillroseatanangleofseventy—fiveontheoff—side，andfellawayatanangleofseventy—fiveonthenear—side。Wewereproceedingverycomfortably，thedriver，wewerehappytonotice，withhiseyesshut，whensuddenlysomething，abaddreamorindigestion，awokehim。Heseizedthereins，and，byanadroitmovement，pulledthenear—sidehorseovertheedge，whereitclung，halfsupportedbythetraces。Ourdriverdidnotappearintheleastannoyedorsurprised；bothhorses，Ialso，noticed，seemedequallyusedtothesituation。Wegotout，andhegotdown。Hetookfromundertheseatahugeclasp—knife，evidentlykeptthereforthepurpose，anddeftlycutthetraces。Thehorse，thusreleased，rolledoverandoveruntilhestrucktheroadagainsomefiftyfeetbelow。Thereheregainedhisfeetandstoodwaitingforus。Were—enteredthecarriageanddescendedwiththesinglehorseuntilwecametohim。

There，withthehelpofsomebitsofstring，ourdriverharnessedhimagain，andwecontinuedonourway。Whatimpressedmewastheevidentaccustomednessofbothdriverandhorsestothismethodofworkingdownahill。

Evidentlytothemitappearedashortandconvenientcut。Ishouldnothavebeensurprisedhadthemansuggestedourstrappingourselvesin，andthenrollingoverandover，carriageandall，tothebottom。

AnotherpeculiarityoftheGermancoachmanisthatheneverattemptstopullinortopullup。Heregulateshisrateofspeed，notbythepaceofthehorse，butbymanipulationofthebrake。

Foreightmilesanhourheputsitonslightly，sothatitonlyscrapesthewheel，producingacontinuoussoundasofthesharpeningofasaw；forfourmilesanhourhescrewsitdownharder，andyoutraveltoanaccompanimentofgroansandshrieks，suggestiveofasymphonyofdyingpigs。Whenhedesirestocometoafullstop，heputsitontoitsfull。Ifhisbrakebeagoodone，hecalculateshecanstophiscarriage，unlessthehorsebeanextrapowerfulanimal，inlessthantwiceitsownlength。NeithertheGermandrivernortheGermanhorseknows，apparently，thatyoucanstopacarriagebyanyothermethod。TheGermanhorsecontinuestopullwithhisfullstrengthuntilhefindsitimpossibletomovethevehicleanotherinch；thenherests。Horsesofothercountriesarequitewillingtostopwhentheideaissuggestedtothem。Ihaveknownhorsescontenttogoevenquiteslowly。ButyourGermanhorse，seemingly，isbuiltforoneparticularspeed，andisunabletodepartfromit。Iamstatingnothingbuttheliteral，unadornedtruth，whenIsayIhaveseenaGermancoachman，withthereinslyinglooseoverthesplash—board，workinghisbrakewithbothhands，interrorlesthewouldnotbeintimetoavoidacollision。

AtWaldshut，oneofthoselittlesixteenth—centurytownsthroughwhichtheRhineflowsduringitsearliercourse，wecameacrossthatexceedinglycommonobjectoftheContinent：thetravellingBritongrievedandsurprisedattheunacquaintanceoftheforeignerwiththesubtletiesoftheEnglishlanguage。Whenweenteredthestationhewas，inveryfairEnglish，thoughwithaslightSomersetshireaccent，explainingtoaporterforthetenthtime，asheinformedus，thesimplefactthatthoughhehimselfhadaticketforDonaueschingen，andwantedtogotoDonaueschingen，toseethesourceoftheDanube，whichisnotthere，thoughtheytellyouitis，hewishedhisbicycletobesentontoEngenandhisbagtoConstance，theretoawaithisarrival。Hewashotandangrywiththeeffortofthething。Theporterwasayoungmaninyears，butatthemomentlookedoldandmiserable。Iofferedmyservices。I

wishnowIhadnot——thoughnotsofervently，Iexpect，ashe，thespeechlessone，camesubsequentlytowishthis。Allthreeroutes，sotheporterexplainedtous，werecomplicated，necessitatingchangingandre—changing。Therewasnotmuchtimeforcalmelucidation，asourowntrainwasstartinginafewminutes。Themanhimselfwasvoluble——alwaysamistakewhenanythingentangledhastobemadeclear；whiletheporterwasonlytooeagertogetthejobdonewithandsobreatheagain。Itdawneduponmetenminuteslater，whenthinkingthematteroverinthetrain，thatthoughIhadagreedwiththeporterthatitwouldbebestforthebicycletogobywayofImmendingen，andhadagreedtohisbookingittoImmendingen，IhadneglectedtogiveinstructionsforitsdeparturefromImmendingen。WereIofadespondenttemperamentI

shouldbeworryingmyselfatthepresentmomentwiththereflectionthatinallprobabilitythatbicycleisstillatImmendingentothisday。ButIregarditasgoodphilosophytoendeavouralwaystoseethebrightersideofthings。Possiblytheportercorrectedmyomissiononhisownaccount，orsomesimplemiraclemayhavehappenedtorestorethatbicycletoitsownersometimebeforetheendofhistour。ThebagwesenttoRadolfzell：buthereI

consolemyselfwiththerecollectionthatitwaslabelledConstance；andnodoubtafterawhiletherailwayauthorities，findingitunclaimedatRadolfzell，forwardeditontoConstance。

ButallthisisapartfromthemoralIwishedtodrawfromtheincident。ThetrueinwardnessofthesituationlayintheindignationofthisBritisheratfindingaGermanrailwayporterunabletocomprehendEnglish。Themomentwespoketohimheexpressedthisindignationinnomeasuredterms。

"Thankyouverymuchindeed，"hesaid；"it’ssimpleenough。IwanttogotoDonaueschingenmyselfbytrain；fromDonaueschingenIamgoingtowalktoGeisengen；fromGeisengenIamgoingtotakethetraintoEngen，andfromEngenIamgoingtobicycletoConstance。

ButIdon’twanttotakemybagwithme；IwanttofinditatConstancewhenIgetthere。Ihavebeentryingtoexplainthethingtothisfoolforthelasttenminutes；butIcan’tgetitintohim。"

"Itisverydisgraceful，"Iagreed。"SomeoftheseGermanworkmenknowhardlyanyotherlanguagethantheirown。"

"Ihavegoneoveritwithhim，"continuedtheman，"onthetimetable，andexplaineditbypantomime。EventhenIcouldnotknockitintohim。"

"Icanhardlybelieveyou，"Iagainremarked；"youwouldthinkthethingexplaineditself。"

Harriswasangrywiththeman；hewishedtoreprovehimforhisfollyinjourneyingthroughtheoutlyingportionsofaforeignclime，andseekinginsuchtoaccomplishcomplicatedrailwaytrickswithoutknowingawordofthelanguageofthecountry。ButI

checkedtheimpulsivenessofHarris，andpointedouttohimthegreatandgoodworkatwhichthemanwasunconsciouslyassisting。

ShakespeareandMiltonmayhavedonetheirlittlebesttospreadacquaintancewiththeEnglishtongueamongthelessfavouredinhabitantsofEurope。NewtonandDarwinmayhaverenderedtheirlanguageanecessityamongeducatedandthoughtfulforeigners。

DickensandOuida（foryourfolkwhoimaginethattheliteraryworldisboundedbytheprejudicesofNewGrubStreet，wouldbesurprisedandgrievedatthepositionoccupiedabroadbythisat—

home—sneered—atlady）mayhavehelpedstillfurthertopopulariseit。ButthemanwhohasspreadtheknowledgeofEnglishfromCapeSt。VincenttotheUralMountainsistheEnglishmanwho，unableorunwillingtolearnasinglewordofanylanguagebuthisown，travelspurseinhandintoeverycorneroftheContinent。Onemaybeshockedathisignorance，annoyedathisstupidity，angryathispresumption。Butthepracticalfactremains；heitisthatisanglicisingEurope。ForhimtheSwisspeasanttrampsthroughthesnowonwintereveningstoattendtheEnglishclassopenineveryvillage。Forhimthecoachmanandtheguard，thechambermaidandthelaundress，poreovertheirEnglishgrammarsandcolloquialphrasebooks。ForhimtheforeignshopkeeperandmerchantsendtheirsonsanddaughtersintheirthousandstostudyineveryEnglishtown。Forhimitisthateveryforeignhotel—andrestaurant—keeperaddstohisadvertisement："OnlythosewithfairknowledgeofEnglishneedapply。"

DidtheEnglish—speakingracesmakeittheirruletospeakanythingelsethanEnglish，themarvellousprogressoftheEnglishtonguethroughouttheworldwouldstop。TheEnglish—speakingmanstandsamidthestrangersandjingleshisgold。

"Here，"cries，"ispaymentforallsuchascanspeakEnglish。"

Heitiswhoisthegreateducator。Theoreticallywemayscoldhim；practicallyweshouldtakeourhatsofftohim。HeisthemissionaryoftheEnglishtongue。

CHAPTERXII

WearegrievedattheearthlyinstinctsoftheGerman——Asuperbview，butnorestaurant——ContinentalopinionoftheEnglishman——

Thathedoesnotknowenoughtocomeinoutoftherain——Therecomesawearytravellerwithabrick——Thehurtingofthedog——Anundesirablefamilyresidence——Afruitfulregion——Amerryoldsoulcomesupthehill——George，alarmedatthelatenessofthehour，hastensdowntheotherside——Harrisfollowshim，toshowhimtheway——Ihatebeingalone，andfollowHarris——Pronunciationspeciallydesignedforuseofforeigners。

Athingthatvexesmuchthehigh—classAnglo—SaxonsoulistheearthlyinstinctpromptingtheGermantofixarestaurantatthegoalofeveryexcursion。Onmountainsummit，infairyglen，onlonelypass，bywaterfallorwindingstream，standseverthebusyWirtschaft。Howcanonerhapsodiseoveraviewwhensurroundedbybeer—stainedtables？Howloseone’sselfinhistoricalreverieamidtheodourofroastvealandspinach？

Oneday，onelevatingthoughtsintent，weclimbedthroughtangledwoods。

"Andatthetop，"saidHarris，bitterly，aswepausedtobreatheaspaceandpullourbeltsaholetighter，"therewillbeagaudyrestaurant，wherepeoplewillbeguzzlingbeefsteaksandplumtartsanddrinkingwhitewine。"

"Doyouthinkso？"saidGeorge。

"Suretobe，"answeredHarris；"youknowtheirway。Notonegrovewilltheyconsenttodedicatetosolitudeandcontemplation；notoneheightwilltheyleavetotheloverofnatureunpollutedbythegrossandthematerial。"

"Icalculate，"Iremarked，"thatweshallbetherealittlebeforeoneo’clock，providedwedon’tdawdle。"

"The’mittagstisch’willbejustready，"groanedHarris，"withpossiblysomeofthoselittlebluetrouttheycatchabouthere。InGermanyoneneverseemsabletogetawayfromfoodanddrink。Itismaddening！"

Wepushedon，andinthebeautyofthewalkforgotourindignation。

Myestimateprovedtobecorrect。

Ataquartertoone，saidHarris，whowasleading：

"Hereweare；Icanseethesummit。"

"Anysignofthatrestaurant？"saidGeorge。

"Idon’tnoticeit，"repliedHarris；"butit’sthere，youmaybesure；confoundit！"

Fiveminuteslaterwestooduponthetop。Welookednorth，south，eastandwest；thenwelookedatoneanother。

"Grandview，isn’tit？"saidHarris。

"Magnificent，"Iagreed。

"Superb，"remarkedGeorge。

"Theyhavehadthegoodsenseforonce，"saidHarris，"toputthatrestaurantoutofsight。"

"Theydoseemtohavehiddenit，"saidGeorge。"Onedoesn’tmindthethingsomuchwhenitisnotforcedunderone’snose，"saidHarris。

"Ofcourse，initsplace，"Iobserved，"arestaurantisrightenough。"

"Ishouldliketoknowwheretheyhaveputit，"saidGeorge。

"Supposewelookforit？"saidHarris，withinspiration。

Itseemedagoodidea。Ifeltcuriousmyself。Weagreedtoexploreindifferentdirections，returningtothesummittoreportprogress。Inhalfanhourwestoodtogetheronceagain。Therewasnoneedforwords。ThefaceofoneandallofusannouncedplainlythatatlastwehaddiscoveredarecessofGermannatureuntarnishedbythesordidsuggestionoffoodordrink。

"Ishouldneverhavebelieveditpossible，"saidHarris："wouldyou？"

"Ishouldsay，"Ireplied，"thatthisistheonlysquarequarterofamileintheentireFatherlandunprovidedwithone。"

"Andwethreestrangershavestruckit，"saidGeorge，"withoutaneffort。"

"True，"Iobserved。"Bypuregoodfortunewearenowenabledtofeastourfinersensesundisturbedbyappealtoourlowernature。

Observethelightuponthosedistantpeaks；isitnotravishing？"

"Talkingofnature，"saidGeorge，"whichshouldyousaywasthenearestwaydown？"

"Theroadtotheleft，"Ireplied，afterconsultingtheguidebook，"takesustoSonnensteig——where，by—the—by，Iobservethe’GoldenerAdler’iswellspokenof——inabouttwohours。Theroadtotheright，thoughsomewhatlonger，commandsmoreextensiveprospects。"

"Oneprospect，"saidHarris，"isverymuchlikeanotherprospect；

don’tyouthinkso？"

"Personally，"saidGeorge，"Iamgoingbytheleft—handroad。"AndHarrisandIwentafterhim。

Butwewerenottogetdownsosoonaswehadanticipated。Stormscomequicklyintheseregions，andbeforewehadwalkedforquarterofanhouritbecameaquestionofseekingshelterorlivingfortherestofthedayinsoakedclothes。Wedecidedontheformeralternative，andselectedatreethat，underordinarycircumstances，shouldhavebeenampleprotection。ButaBlackForestthunderstormisnotanordinarycircumstance。Weconsoledourselvesatfirstbytellingeachotherthatatsucharateitcouldnotlastlong。Next，weendeavouredtocomfortourselveswiththereflectionthatifitdidweshouldsoonbetoowettofeargettingwetter。

"Asitturnedout，"saidHarris，"Ishouldhavebeenalmostgladiftherehadbeenarestaurantuphere。"

"IseenoadvantageinbeingbothwetANDhungry，"saidGeorge。"I

shallgiveitanotherfiveminutes，thenIamgoingon。"

"Thesemountainsolitudes，"Iremarked，"areveryattractiveinfineweather。Onarainyday，especiallyifyouhappentobepasttheagewhen——"

Atthispointtherehailedusavoice，proceedingfromastoutgentleman，whostoodsomefiftyfeetawayfromusunderabigumbrella。

"Won’tyoucomeinside？"askedthestoutgentleman。

"Insidewhere？"Icalledback。Ithoughtatfirsthewasoneofthosefoolsthatwilltrytobefunnywhenthereisnothingtobefunnyabout。

"Insidetherestaurant，"heanswered。

Weleftourshelterandmadeforhim。Wewishedforfurtherinformationaboutthisthing。

"Ididcalltoyoufromthewindow，"saidthestoutgentleman，aswedrewneartohim，"butIsupposeyoudidnothearme。Thisstormmaylastforanotherhour；youwillgetSOwet。"

Hewasakindlyoldgentleman；heseemedquiteanxiousaboutus。

Isaid："Itisverykindofyoutohavecomeout。Wearenotlunatics。Wehavenotbeenstandingunderthattreeforthelasthalf—hourknowingallthetimetherewasarestaurant，hiddenbythetrees，withintwentyyardsofus。Wehadnoideawewereanywhereneararestaurant。"

"Ithoughtmaybeyouhadn’t，"saidtheoldgentleman；"thatiswhyIcame。"

Itappearedthatallthepeopleintheinnhadbeenwatchingusfromthewindowsalso，wonderingwhywestoodtherelookingmiserable。Ifithadnotbeenforthisniceoldgentlemanthefoolswouldhaveremainedwatchingus，Isuppose，fortherestoftheafternoon。ThelandlordexcusedhimselfbysayinghethoughtwelookedlikeEnglish。Itisnofigureofspeech。OntheContinenttheydosincerelybelievethateveryEnglishmanismad。

TheyareasconvincedofitasiseveryEnglishpeasantthatFrenchmenliveonfrogs。Evenwhenonemakesadirectpersonalefforttodisabusethemoftheimpressiononeisnotalwayssuccessful。

Itwasacomfortablelittlerestaurant，wheretheycookedwell，whiletheTischweinwasreallymostpassable。Westoppedthereforacoupleofhours，anddriedourselvesandfedourselves，andtalkedabouttheview；andjustbeforeweleftanincidentoccurredthatshowshowmuchmorestirringinthisworldaretheinfluencesofevilcomparedwiththoseofgood。

Atravellerentered。Heseemedacarewornman。Hecarriedabrickinhishand，tiedtoapieceofrope。Heenterednervouslyandhurriedly，closedthedoorcarefullybehindhim，sawtoitthatitwasfastened，peeredoutofthewindowlongandearnestly，andthen，withasighofrelief，laidhisbrickuponthebenchbesidehimandcalledforfoodanddrink。

Therewassomethingmysteriousaboutthewholeaffair。Onewonderedwhathewasgoingtodowiththebrick，whyhehadclosedthedoorsocarefully，whyhehadlookedsoanxiouslyfromthewindow；buthisaspectwastoowretchedtoinviteconversation，andweforbore，therefore，toaskhimquestions。Asheateanddrankhegrewmorecheerful，sighedlessoften。Laterhestretchedhislegs，litanevil—smellingcigar，andpuffedincalmcontentment。

Thenithappened。Ithappenedtoosuddenlyforanydetailedexplanationofthethingtobepossible。IrecollectaFrauleinenteringtheroomfromthekitchenwithapaninherhand。Isawhercrosstotheouterdoor。Thenextmomentthewholeroomwasinanuproar。Onewasremindedofthosepantomimetransformationsceneswhere，fromamongfloatingclouds，slowmusic，wavingflowers，andrecliningfairies，oneissuddenlytransportedintothemidstofshoutingpolicementumblingyellingbabies，swellsfightingpantaloons，sausagesandharlequins，butteredslidesandclowns。AstheFrauleinofthepantouchedthedooritflewopen，asthoughallthespiritsofsinhadbeenpressedagainstit，waiting。Twopigsandachickenrushedintotheroom；acatthathadbeensleepingonabeer—barrelsplutteredintofierylife。TheFrauleinthrewherpanintotheairandlaydownonthefloor。Thegentlemanwiththebricksprangtohisfeet，upsettingthetablebeforehimwitheverythinguponit。

Onelookedtoseethecauseofthisdisaster：onediscovereditatonceinthepersonofamongrelterrierwithpointedearsandasquirrel’stail。Thelandlordrushedoutfromanotherdoor，andattemptedtokickhimoutoftheroom。Instead，hekickedoneofthepigs，thefatterofthetwo。Itwasavigorous，well—plantedkick，andthepiggotthewholeofit；noneofitwaswasted。Onefeltsorryforthepooranimal；butnoamountofsorrowanyoneelsemightfeelforhimcouldcomparewiththesorrowhefeltforhimself。Hestoppedrunningabout；hesatdowninthemiddleoftheroom，andappealedtothesolarsystemgenerallytoobservethisunjustthingthathadcomeuponhim。Theymusthaveheardhiscomplaintinthevalleysroundabout，andhavewonderedwhatupheavalofnaturewastakingplaceamongthehills。

Asforthehenitscuttled，screaming，everywayatonce。Itwasamarvellousbird：itseemedtobeabletorunupastraightwallquiteeasily；anditandthecatbetweenthemfetcheddownmostlyeverythingthatwasnotalreadyonthefloor。Inlessthanfortysecondstherewereninepeopleinthatroom，alltryingtokickonedog。Possibly，nowandagain，oneoranothermayhavesucceeded，foroccasionallythedogwouldstopbarkinginordertohowl。Butitdidnotdiscouragehim。Everythinghastobepaidfor，heevidentlyargued，evenapigandchickenhunt；and，onthewhole，thegamewasworthit。

Besides，hehadthesatisfactionofobservingthat，foreverykickhereceived，mostotherlivingthingsintheroomgottwo。Asfortheunfortunatepig——thestationaryone，theonethatstillsatlamentinginthecentreoftheroom——hemusthaveaveragedasteadyfour。Tryingtokickthisdogwaslikeplayingfootballwithaballthatwasneverthere——notwhenyouwenttokickit，butafteryouhadstartedtokickit，andhadgonetoofartostopyourself，sothatthekickhadtogooninanycase，youronlyhopebeingthatyourfootwouldfindsomethingoranothersolidtostopit，andsosaveyoufromsittingdownonthefloornoisilyandcompletely。Whenanybodydidkickthedogitwasbypureaccident，whentheywerenotexpectingtokickhim；and，generallyspeaking，thistookthemsounawaresthat，afterkickinghim，theyfelloverhim。Andeverybody，everyhalf—minute，wouldbecertaintofalloverthepigthesittingpig，theoneincapableofgettingoutofanybody’sway。

Howlongthescrimmagemighthavelasteditisimpossibletosay。

ItwasendedbythejudgmentofGeorge。Forawhilehehadbeenseekingtocatch，notthedogbuttheremainingpig，theonestillcapableofactivity。Corneringitatlast，hepersuadedittoceaserunningroundandroundtheroom，andinsteadtotakeaspinoutside。Itshotthroughthedoorwithonelongwail。

Wealwaysdesirethethingwehavenot。Onepig，achicken，ninepeople，andacat，wereasnothinginthatdog’sopinioncomparedwiththequarrythatwasdisappearing。Unwisely，hedartedafterit，andGeorgeclosedthedooruponhimandshotthebolt。

Thenthelandlordstoodup，andsurveyedallthethingsthatwerelyingonthefloor。

"That’saplayfuldogofyours，"saidhetothemanwhohadcomeinwiththebrick。

"Heisnotmydog，"repliedthemansullenly。

"Whosedogisitthen？"saidthelandlord。

"Idon’tknowwhosedogitis，"answeredtheman。

"Thatwon’tdoforme，youknow，"saidthelandlord，pickingupapictureoftheGermanEmperor，andwipingbeerfromitwithhissleeve。

"Iknowitwon’t，"repliedtheman；"Ineverexpecteditwould。

I’mtiredoftellingpeopleitisn’tmydog。Theynoneofthembelieveme。"

"Whatdoyouwanttogoaboutwithhimfor，ifhe’snotyourdog？"

saidthelandlord。"What’stheattractionabouthim？"

"Idon’tgoaboutwithhim，"repliedtheman；"hegoesaboutwithme。Hepickedmeupthismorningatteno’clock，andhewon’tleaveme。IthoughtIhadgotridofhimwhenIcameinhere。I

lefthimbusykillingaduckmorethanaquarterofanhouraway。

I’llhavetopayforthat，Iexpect，onmywayback。"

"Haveyoutriedthrowingstonesathim？"askedHarris。

"HaveItriedthrowingstonesathim！"repliedtheman，contemptuously。"I’vebeenthrowingstonesathimtillmyarmacheswiththrowingstones；andhethinksit’sagame，andbringsthembacktome。I’vebeencarryingthisbeastlybrickaboutwithmeforoveranhour，inthehopeofbeingabletodrownhim，buthenevercomesnearenoughformetogetholdofhim。Hejustsitssixinchesoutofreachwithhismouthopen，andlooksatme。"

"It’sthefunnieststoryI’veheardforalongwhile，"saidthelandlord。

"Gladitamusessomebody，"saidtheman。

Welefthimhelpingthelandlordtopickupthebrokenthings，andwentourway。Adozenyardsoutsidethedoorthefaithfulanimalwaswaitingforhisfriend。Helookedtired，butcontented。Hewasevidentlyadogofstrangeandsuddenfancies，andwefearedforthemomentlesthemighttakealikingtous。Butheletuspasswithindifference。Hisloyaltytothisunresponsivemanwastouching；andwemadenoattempttoundermineit。

HavingcompletedtooursatisfactiontheBlackForest，wejourneyedonourwheelsthroughAltBreisachandColmartoMunster；whencewestartedashortexplorationoftheVosgesrange，where，accordingtothepresentGermanEmperor，humanitystops。Ofold，AltBreisach，arockyfortresswiththerivernowononesideofitandnowontheother——forinitsinexperiencedyouththeRhineneverseemstohavebeenquitesureofitsway，——must，asaplaceofresidence，haveappealedexclusivelytotheloverofchangeandexcitement。Whoeverthewarwasbetween，andwhateveritwasabout，AltBreisachwasboundtobeinit。Everybodybesiegedit，mostpeoplecapturedit；themajorityofthemlostitagain；nobodyseemedabletokeepit。Whomhebelongedto，andwhathewas，thedwellerinAltBreisachcouldneverhavebeenquitesure。OnedayhewouldbeaFrenchman，andthenbeforehecouldlearnenoughFrenchtopayhistaxeshewouldbeanAustrian。WhiletryingtodiscoverwhatyoudidinordertobeagoodAustrian，hewouldfindhewasnolongeranAustrian，butaGerman，thoughwhatparticularGermanoutofthedozenmustalwayshavebeendoubtfultohim。OnedayhewoulddiscoverthathewasaCatholic，thenextanardentProtestant。Theonlythingthatcouldhavegivenanystabilitytohisexistencemusthavebeenthemonotonousnecessityofpayingheavilyfortheprivilegeofbeingwhateverforthemomenthewas。

ButwhenonebeginstothinkofthesethingsonefindsoneselfwonderingwhyanybodyintheMiddleAges，exceptkingsandtaxcollectors，evertookthetroubletoliveatall。

Forvarietyandbeauty，theVosgeswillnotcomparewiththehillsoftheSchwarzwald。Theadvantageaboutthemfromthetourist’spointofviewistheirsuperiorpoverty。TheVosgespeasanthasnottheunromanticairofcontentedprosperitythatspoilshisvis—

a—visacrosstheRhine。Thevillagesandfarmspossessmorethecharmofdecay。AnotherpointwhereintheVosgesdistrictexcelsisitsruins。Manyofitsnumerouscastlesareperchedwhereyoumightthinkonlyeagleswouldcaretobuild。Inothers，commencedbytheRomansandfinishedbytheTroubadours，coveringacreswiththemazeoftheirstillstandingwalls，onemaywanderforhours。

ThefruitererandgreengrocerisapersonunknownintheVosges。

Mostthingsofthatkindgrowwild，andaretobehadforthepicking。ItisdifficulttokeeptoanyprogrammewhenwalkingthroughtheVosges，thetemptationonahotdaytostopandeatfruitgenerallybeingtoostrongforresistance。Raspberries，themostdeliciousIhaveevertasted，wildstrawberries，currants，andgooseberries，growuponthehill—sidesasblack—berriesbyEnglishlanes。TheVosgessmallboyisnotcalledupontorobanorchard；

hecanmakehimselfillwithoutsin。OrchardsexistintheVosgesmountainsinplenty；buttotrespassintooneforthepurposeofstealingfruitwouldbeasfoolishasforafishtotryandgetintoaswimmingbathwithoutpaying。Still，ofcourse，mistakesdooccur。

Oneafternooninthecourseofaclimbweemergeduponaplateau，wherewelingeredperhapstoolong，eatingmorefruitthanmayhavebeengoodforus；itwassoplentifularoundus，sovaried。Wecommencedwithafewlatestrawberries，andfromthosewepassedtoraspberries。ThenHarrisfoundagreengage—treewithsomeearlyfruituponit，justperfect。

"Thisisaboutthebestthingwehavestruck，"saidGeorge；"wehadbettermakethemostofthis。"Whichwasgoodadvice，onthefaceofit。

"Itisapity，"saidHarris，"thatthepearsarestillsohard。"

Hegrievedaboutthisforawhile，butlateroncameacrosssomeremarkablyfineyellowplumsandtheseconsoledhimsomewhat。

"Isupposewearestillabittoofarnorthforpineapples，"saidGeorge。"IfeelIcouldjustenjoyafreshpineapple。Thiscommonplacefruitpallsupononeafterawhile。"

"Toomuchbushfruitandnotenoughtree，isthefaultIfind，"

saidHarris。"Myself，Ishouldhavelikedafewmoregreengages。"

"Hereisamancomingupthehill，"Iobserved，"wholookslikeanative。Maybe，hewillknowwherewecanfindsomemoregreengages。"

"Hewalkswellforanoldchap，"remarkedHarris。

Hecertainlywasclimbingthehillataremarkablepace。Also，sofaraswewereabletojudgeatthatdistance，heappearedtobeinaremarkablycheerfulmood，singingandshoutingatthetopofhisvoice，gesticulating，andwavinghisarms。

"Whatamerryoldsoulitis，"saidHarris；"itdoesonegoodtowatchhim。Butwhydoeshecarryhisstickoverhisshoulder？Whydoesn’theuseittohelphimupthehill？"

"Doyouknow，Idon’tthinkitisastick，"saidGeorge。

"Whatcanitbe，then？"askedHarris。

"Well，itlookstome，"saidGeorge，"morelikeagun。"

"Youdon’tthinkwecanhavemadeamistake？"suggestedHarris。

"Youdon’tthinkthiscanbeanythinginthenatureofaprivateorchard？"

Isaid："DoyourememberthesadthingthathappenedintheSouthofFrancesometwoyearsago？Asoldierpickedsomecherriesashepassedahouse，andtheFrenchpeasanttowhomthecherriesbelongedcameout，andwithoutawordofwarningshothimdead。"

"Butsurelyyouarenotallowedtoshootamandeadforpickingfruit，eveninFrance？"saidGeorge。

"Ofcoursenot，"Ianswered。"Itwasquiteillegal。Theonlyexcuseofferedbyhiscounselwasthathewasofahighlyexcitabledisposition，andespeciallykeenabouttheseparticularcherries。"

"Irecollectsomethingaboutthecase，"saidHarris，"nowyoumentionit。Ibelievethedistrictinwhichithappened——the’Commune，’asIthinkitiscalled——hadtopayheavycompensationtotherelativesofthedeceasedsoldier；whichwasonlyfair。"

Georgesaid："Iamtiredofthisplace。Besides，it’sgettinglate。"

Harrissaid："Ifhegoesatthatratehewillfallandhurthimself。Besides，Idon’tbelieveheknowstheway。"

Ifeltlonesomeupthereallbymyself，withnobodytospeakto。

Besides，notsinceIwasaboy，Ireflected，hadIenjoyedarundownareallysteephill。IthoughtIwouldseeifIcouldrevivethesensation。Itisajerkyexercise，butgood，Ishouldsay，fortheliver。

WesleptthatnightatBarr，apleasantlittletownonthewaytoSt。Ottilienberg，aninterestingoldconventamongthemountains，whereyouarewaiteduponbyrealnuns，andyourbillmadeoutbyapriest。AtBarr，justbeforesupperatouristentered。HelookedEnglish，butspokealanguagethelikeofwhichIhaveneverheardbefore。Yetitwasanelegantandfine—soundinglanguage。Thelandlordstaredathimblankly；thelandladyshookherhead。Hesighed，andtriedanother，whichsomehowrecalledtomeforgottenmemories，though，atthetime，Icouldnotfixit。Butagainnobodyunderstoodhim。

"Thisisdamnable，"hesaidaloudtohimself。

"Ah，youareEnglish！"exclaimedthelandlord，brighteningup。

"AndMonsieurlookstired，"addedthebrightlittlelandlady。

"Monsieurwillhavesupper。"

TheybothspokeEnglishexcellently，nearlyaswellastheyspokeFrenchandGerman；andtheybustledaboutandmadehimcomfortable。

Atsupperhesatnexttome，andItalkedtohim。

"Tellme，"Isaid——Iwascuriousonthesubject——"whatlanguagewasityouspokewhenyoufirstcamein？"

"German，"heexplained。

"Oh，"Ireplied，"Ibegyourpardon。"

"Youdidnotunderstandit？"hecontinued。

"Itmusthavebeenmyfault，"Ianswered；"myknowledgeisextremelylimited。Onepicksupalittlehereandthereasonegoesabout，butofcoursethatisadifferentthing。"

"ButTHEYdidnotunderstandit，"hereplied，"thelandlordandhiswife；anditistheirownlanguage。"

"Idonotthinkso，"Isaid。"ThechildrenhereaboutspeakGerman，itistrue，andourlandlordandlandladyknowGermantoacertainpoint。ButthroughoutAlsaceandLorrainetheoldpeoplestilltalkFrench。"

"AndIspoketotheminFrenchalso，"headded，"andtheyunderstoodthatnobetter。"

"Itiscertainlyverycurious，"Iagreed。

"Itismorethancurious，"hereplied；"inmycaseitisincomprehensible。Ipossessadiplomaformodernlanguages。IwonmyscholarshippurelyonthestrengthofmyFrenchandGerman。Thecorrectnessofmyconstruction，thepurityofmypronunciation，wasconsideredatmycollegetobequiteremarkable。Yet，whenIcomeabroadhardlyanybodyunderstandsawordIsay。Canyouexplainit？"

"IthinkIcan，"Ireplied。"Yourpronunciationistoofaultless。

YourememberwhattheScotsmansaidwhenforthefirsttimeinhislifehetastedrealwhisky：’Itmaybepuir，butIcannadrinkit’；soitiswithyourGerman。Itstrikesonelessasalanguagethanasanexhibition。IfImightofferadvice，Ishouldsay：

Mispronounceasmuchaspossible，andthrowinasmanymistakesasyoucanthinkof。"

Itisthesameeverywhere。Eachcountrykeepsaspecialpronunciationexclusivelyfortheuseofforeigners——apronunciationtheyneverdreamofusingthemselves，thattheycannotunderstandwhenitisused。IonceheardanEnglishladyexplainingtoaFrenchmanhowtopronouncethewordHave。

"Youwillpronounceit，"saidtheladyreproachfully，"asifitwerespeltH—a—v。Itisn’t。Thereisan’e’attheend。"

"ButIthought，"saidthepupil，"thatyoudidnotsoundthe’e’attheendofh—a—v—e。"

"Nomoreyoudo，"explainedhisteacher。"Itiswhatwecallamute’e’；butitexercisesamodifyinginfluenceontheprecedingvowel。"

Beforethat，heusedtosay"have"quiteintelligently。

Afterwards，whenhecametothewordhewouldstopdead，collecthisthoughts，andgiveexpressiontoasoundthatonlythecontextcouldexplain。

Puttingasidethesufferingsoftheearlymartyrs，fewmen，I

suppose，havegonethroughmorethanImyselfwentthroughintryingtoIattainthecorrectpronunciationoftheGermanwordforchurch——"Kirche。"LongbeforeIhaddonewithitIhaddeterminednevertogotochurchinGermany，ratherthanbebotheredwithit。

"No，no，"myteacherwouldexplain——hewasapainstakinggentleman；

"yousayitasifitwerespeltK—i—r—c—h—k—e。Thereisnok。Itis——。"Andhewouldillustratetomeagain，forthetwentiethtimethatmorning，howitshouldbepronounced；thesadthingbeingthatIcouldneverforthelifeofmedetectanydifferencebetweenthewayhesaiditandthewayIsaidit。Sohewouldtryanewmethod。

"Yousayitfromyourthroat，"hewouldexplain。Hewasquiteright；Idid。"Iwantyoutosayitfromdownhere，"andwithafatforefingerhewouldindicatetheregionfromwhereIwastostart。Afterpainfulefforts，resultinginsoundssuggestiveofanythingratherthanaplaceofworship，Iwouldexcusemyself。

"Ireallyfearitisimpossible，"Iwouldsay。"Yousee，foryearsIhavealwaystalkedwithmymouth，asitwere；Ineverknewamancouldtalkwithhisstomach。Idoubtifitisnottoolatenowformetolearn。"

Byspendinghoursindarkcorners，andpractisinginsilentstreets，totheterrorofchancepassers—by，Icameatlasttopronouncethiswordcorrectly。Myteacherwasdelightedwithme，anduntilIcametoGermanyIwaspleasedwithmyself。InGermanyIfoundthatnobodyunderstoodwhatImeantbyit。Inevergotnearachurchwithit。Ihadtodropthecorrectpronunciation，andpainstakinglygobacktomyfirstwrongpronunciation。Thentheywouldbrightenup，andtellmeitwasroundthecorner，ordownthenextstreet，asthecasemightbe。

Ialsothinkpronunciationofaforeigntonguecouldbebettertaughtthanbydemandingfromthepupilthoseinternalacrobaticfeatsthataregenerallyimpossibleandalwaysuseless。Thisisthesortofinstructiononereceives：

"Pressyourtonsilsagainsttheundersideofyourlarynx。Thenwiththeconvexpartoftheseptumcurvedupwardssoasalmost——butnotquite——totouchtheuvula，trywiththetipofyourtonguetoreachyourthyroid。Takeadeepbreath，andcompressyourglottis。

Now，withoutopeningyourlips，say’Garoo。’"

Andwhenyouhavedoneittheyarenotsatisfied。

CHAPTERXIII

AnexaminationintothecharacterandbehaviouroftheGermanstudent——TheGermanMensur——Usesandabusesofuse——Viewsofanimpressionist——Thehumourofthething——Recipeformakingsavages——

TheJungfrau：herpeculiartasteinlaces——TheKneipe——HowtorubaSalamander——Advicetothestranger——Astorythatmighthaveendedsadly——Oftwomenandtwowives——Togetherwithabachelor。

OnourwayhomeweincludedaGermanUniversitytown，beingwishfultoobtainaninsightintothewaysofstudentlife，acuriositythatthecourtesyofGermanfriendsenabledustogratify。

TheEnglishboyplaystillheisfifteen，andworksthencetilltwenty。InGermanyitisthechildthatworks；theyoungmanthatplays。TheGermanboygoestoschoolatseveno’clockinthesummer，ateightinthewinter，andatschoolhestudies。Theresultisthatatsixteenhehasathoroughknowledgeoftheclassicsandmathematics，knowsasmuchhistoryasanymancompelledtobelongtoapoliticalpartyiswiseinknowing，togetherwithathoroughgroundinginmodernlanguages。ThereforehiseightCollegeSemesters，extendingoverfouryears，are，exceptfortheyoungmanaimingataprofessorship，unnecessarilyample。

Heisnotasportsman，whichisapity，forheshouldmakegoodone。Heplaysfootballalittle，bicyclesstillless；playsFrenchbilliardsinstuffycafesmore。Butgenerallyspeakinghe，orthemajorityofhim，laysouthistimebummeling，beerdrinking，andfighting。IfhebethesonofawealthyfatherhejoinsaKorps——

tobelongtoacrackKorpscostsaboutfourhundredpoundsayear。

Ifhebeamiddle—classyoungman，heenrolshimselfinaBurschenschaft，oraLandsmannschaft，whichisalittlecheaper。

Thesecompaniesareagainbrokenupintosmallercircles，inwhichattemptismadetokeeptonationality。TherearetheSwabians，fromSwabia；theFrankonians，descendantsoftheFranks；theThuringians，andsoforth。Inpractice，ofcourse，thisresultsasallsuchattemptsdoresult——IbelievehalfourGordonHighlandersareCockneys——butthepicturesqueobjectisobtainedofdividingeachUniversityintosomedozenorsoseparatecompaniesofstudents，eachonewithitsdistinctivecapandcolours，and，quiteasimportant，itsownparticularbeerhall，intowhichnootherstudentwearinghiscoloursmaycome。

Thechiefworkofthesestudentcompaniesistofightamongthemselves，orwithsomerivalKorpsorSchaft，thecelebratedGermanMensur。

TheMensurhasbeendescribedsooftenandsothoroughlythatIdonotintendtoboremyreaderswithanydetailedaccountofit。I

merelycomeforwardasanimpressionist，andIwritepurposelytheimpressionofmyfirstMensur，becauseIbelievethatfirstimpressionsaremoretrueandusefulthanopinionsbluntedbyintercourse，orshapedbyinfluence。

AFrenchmanoraSpaniardwillseektopersuadeyouthatthebull—

ringisaninstitutiongotupchieflyforthebenefitofthebull。

Thehorsewhichyouimaginedtobescreamingwithpainwasonlylaughingatthecomicalappearancepresentedbyitsowninside。

YourFrenchorSpanishfriendcontrastsitsgloriousandexcitingdeathintheringwiththecold—bloodedbrutalityoftheknacker’syard。Ifyoudonotkeepatightholdofyourhead，youcomeawaywiththedesiretostartanagitationfortheinceptionofthebull—ringinEnglandasanaidtochivalry。NodoubtTorquemadawasconvincedofthehumanityoftheInquisition。Toastoutgentleman，suffering，perhaps，fromcramporrheumatism，anhourorsoontherackwasreallyaphysicalbenefit。Hewouldrisefeelingmorefreeinhisjoints——moreelastic，asonemightsay，thanhehadfeltforyears。Englishhuntsmenregardthefoxasananimaltobeenvied。Aday’sexcellentsportisprovidedforhimfreeofcharge，duringwhichheisthecentreofattraction。

Useblindsonetoeverythingonedoesnotwishtosee。EverythirdGermangentlemanyoumeetinthestreetstillbears，andwillbeartohisgrave，marksofthetwentytoahundredduelshehasfoughtinhisstudentdays。TheGermanchildrenplayattheMensurinthenursery，rehearseitinthegymnasium。TheGermanshavecometopersuadethemselvesthereisnobrutalityinit——nothingoffensive，nothingdegrading。TheirargumentisthatitschoolstheGermanyouthtocoolnessandcourage。Ifthiscouldbeproved，theargument，particularlyinacountrywhereeverymanisasoldier，wouldbesufficientlyone—sided。Butisthevirtueoftheprize—

fighterthevirtueofthesoldier？Onedoubtsit。Nerveanddasharesurelyofmoreserviceinthefieldthanatemperamentofunreasoningindifferenceastowhatishappeningtoone。Asamatteroffact，theGermanstudentwouldhavetobepossessedofmuchmorecouragenottofight。Hefightsnottopleasehimself，buttosatisfyapublicopinionthatistwohundredyearsbehindthetimes。

AlltheMensurdoesistobrutalisehim。Theremaybeskilldisplayed——Iamtoldthereis，——butitisnotapparent。ThemerefightingislikenothingsomuchasabroadswordcombatataRichardson’sshow；thedisplayasawholeasuccessfulattempttocombinetheludicrouswiththeunpleasant。InaristocraticBonn，wherestyleisconsidered，andinHeidelberg，wherevisitorsfromothernationsaremorecommon，theaffairisperhapsmoreformal。

Iamtoldthattheretheconteststakeplaceinhandsomerooms；

thatgrey—haireddoctorswaituponthewounded，andliveriedservantsuponthehungry，andthattheaffairisconductedthroughoutwithacertainamountofpicturesqueceremony。InthemoreessentiallyGermanUniversities，wherestrangersarerareandnotmuchencouraged，thesimpleessentialsaretheonlythingskeptinview，andthesearenotofaninvitingnature。

Indeed，sodistinctlyuninvitingarethey，thatIstronglyadvisethesensitivereadertoavoideventhisdescriptionofthem。Thesubjectcannotbemadepretty，andIdonotintendtotry。

Theroomisbareandsordid；itswallssplashedwithmixedstainsofbeer，blood，andcandle—grease；itsceiling，smoky；itsfloor，sawdustcovered。Acrowdofstudents，laughing，smoking，talking，somesittingonthefloor，otherspercheduponchairsandbenchesformtheframework。

Inthecentre，facingoneanother，standthecombatants，resemblingJapanesewarriors，asmadefamiliartousbytheJapanesetea—tray。