第7章

Quaintandrigid，withtheirgoggle—coveredeyes，theirneckstiedupincomforters，theirbodiessmotheredinwhatlookslikedirtybedquilts，theirpaddedarmsstretchedstraightabovetheirheads，theymightbeapairofungainlyclockworkfigures。Theseconds，alsomoreorlesspadded——theirheadsandfacesprotectedbyhugeleather—peakedcaps，——dragthemoutintotheirproperposition。

Onealmostlistenstohearthesoundofthecastors。Theumpiretakeshisplace，thewordisgiven，andimmediatelytherefollowfiverapidclashesofthelongstraightswords。Thereisnointerestinwatchingthefight：thereisnomovement，noskill，nograce（Iamspeakingofmyownimpressions。）Thestrongestmanwins；themanwho，withhisheavily—paddedarm，alwaysinanunnaturalposition，canholdhishugeclumsyswordlongestwithoutgrowingtooweaktobeableeithertoguardortostrike。

Thewholeinterestiscentredinwatchingthewounds。Theycomealwaysinoneoftwoplaces——onthetopoftheheadortheleftsideoftheface。Sometimesaportionofhairyscalporsectionofcheekfliesupintotheair，tobecarefullypreservedinanenvelopebyitsproudpossessor，or，strictlyspeaking，itsproudformerpossessor，andshownroundonconvivialevenings；andfromeverywound，ofcourse，flowsaplentifulstreamofblood。Itsplashesdoctors，seconds，andspectators；itsprinklesceilingandwalls；itsaturatesthefighters，andmakespoolsforitselfinthesawdust。Attheendofeachroundthedoctorsrushup，andwithhandsalreadydrippingwithbloodpresstogetherthegapingwounds，dabbingthemwithlittleballsofwetcottonwool，whichanattendantcarriesreadyonaplate。Naturally，themomentthemenstandupagainandcommencework，thebloodgushesoutagain，halfblindingthem，andrenderingthegroundbeneaththemslippery。Nowandthenyouseeaman’steethlaidbarealmosttotheear，sothatfortherestoftheduelheappearstobegrinningatonehalfofthespectators，hisotherside，remainingserious；andsometimesaman’snosegetsslit，whichgivestohimashefightsasingularlysuperciliousair。

AstheobjectofeachstudentistogoawayfromtheUniversitybearingasmanyscarsaspossible，Idoubtifanyparticularpainsaretakentoguard，eventothesmallextentsuchmethodoffightingcanallow。Therealvictorishewhocomesoutwiththegreatestnumberofwounds；hewhothen，stitchedandpatchedalmosttounrecognitionasahumanbeing，canpromenadeforthenextmonth，theenvyoftheGermanyouth，theadmirationoftheGermanmaiden。Hewhoobtainsonlyafewunimportantwoundsretiressulkyanddisappointed。

Buttheactualfightingisonlythebeginningofthefun。Thesecondactofthespectacletakesplaceinthedressing—room。Thedoctorsaregenerallymeremedicalstudents——youngfellowswho，havingtakentheirdegree，areanxiousforpractice。TruthcompelsmetosaythatthosewithwhomIcameincontactwerecoarse—

lookingmenwhoseemedrathertorelishtheirwork。Perhapstheyarenottobeblamedforthis。Itispartofthesystemthatasmuchfurtherpunishmentaspossiblemustbeinflictedbythedoctor，andtheidealmedicalmanmighthardlycareforsuchjob。

Howthestudentbearsthedressingofhiswoundsisasimportantashowhereceivesthem。Everyoperationhastobeperformedasbrutallyasmaybe，andhiscompanionscarefullywatchhimduringtheprocesstoseethathegoesthroughitwithanappearanceofpeaceandenjoyment。Aclean—cutwoundthatgapeswideismostdesiredbyallparties。Onpurposeitissewnupclumsily，withthehopethatbythismeansthescarwilllastalifetime。Suchawound，judiciouslymauledandinterferedwithduringtheweekafterwards，cangenerallybereckonedontosecureitsfortunatepossessorawifewithadowryoffivefiguresattheleast。

Thesearethegeneralbi—weeklyMensurs，ofwhichtheaveragestudentfightssomedozenayear。Thereareotherstowhichvisitorsarenotadmitted。Whenastudentisconsideredtohavedisgracedhimselfbysomeslightinvoluntarymovementoftheheadorbodywhilefighting，thenhecanonlyregainhispositionbystandinguptothebestswordsmaninhisKorps。Hedemandsandisaccorded，notacontest，butapunishment。Hisopponentthenproceedstoinflictasmanyandasbloodywoundsascanbetaken。

Theobjectofthevictimistoshowhiscomradesthathecanstandstillwhilehisheadishalfslicedfromhisskull。

WhetheranythingcanproperlybesaidinfavouroftheGermanMensurIamdoubtful；butifsoitconcernsonlythetwocombatants。Uponthespectatorsitcananddoes，Iamconvinced，exercisenothingbutevil。IknowmyselfsufficientlywelltobesureIamnotofanunusuallybloodthirstydisposition。Theeffectithaduponmecanonlybetheusualeffect。Atfirst，beforetheactualworkcommenced，mysensationwascuriositymingledwithanxietyastohowthesightwouldtroubleme，thoughsomeslightacquaintancewithdissecting—roomsandoperatingtablesleftmelessdoubtonthatpointthanImightotherwisehavefelt。Asthebloodbegantoflow，andnervesandmusclestobelaidbare，I

experiencedaminglingofdisgustandpity。Butwiththesecondduel，Imustconfess，myfinerfeelingsbegantodisappear；andbythetimethethirdwaswelluponitsway，andtheroomheavywiththecurioushotodourofblood，Ibegan，astheAmericanexpressionis，toseethingsred。

Iwantedmore。Ilookedfromfacetofacesurroundingme，andinmostofthemIfoundreflectedundoubtedlymyownsensations。Ifitbeagoodthingtoexcitethisbloodthirstinthemodernman，thentheMensurisausefulinstitution。Butisitagoodthing？

Weprateaboutourcivilisationandhumanity，butthoseofuswhodonotcarryhypocrisytothelengthofself—deceptionknowthatunderneathourstarchedshirtstherelurksthesavage，withallhissavageinstinctsuntouched。Occasionallyhemaybewanted，butweneverneedfearhisdyingout。Ontheotherhand，itseemsunwisetoover—nourishhim。

Infavouroftheduel，seriouslyconsidered，therearemanypointstobeurged。ButtheMensurservesnogoodpurposewhatever。Itischildishness，andthefactofitsbeingacruelandbrutalgamemakesitnonethelesschildish。Woundshavenointrinsicvalueoftheirown；itisthecausethatdignifiesthem，nottheirsize。

WilliamTellisrightlyoneoftheheroesoftheworld；butwhatshouldwethinkofthemembersofacluboffathers，formedwiththeobjectofmeetingtwiceaweektoshootapplesfromtheirsons’

headswithcross—bows？TheseyoungGermangentlemencouldobtainalltheresultsofwhichtheyaresoproudbyteasingawildcat！

TojoinasocietyforthemerepurposeofgettingyourselfhackedaboutreducesamantotheintellectuallevelofadancingDervish。

TravellerstellusofsavagesinCentralAfricawhoexpresstheirfeelingsonfestiveoccasionsbyjumpingaboutandslashingthemselves。ButthereisnoneedforEuropetoimitatethem。TheMensuris，infact，thereductioadabsurdumoftheduel；andiftheGermansthemselvescannotseethatitisfunny，onecanonlyregrettheirlackofhumour。

ButthoughonemaybeunabletoagreewiththepublicopinionthatsupportsandcommandstheMensur，itatleastispossibletounderstand。TheUniversitycodethat，ifitdoesnotencourageit，atleastcondonesdrunkenness，ismoredifficulttotreatargumentatively。AllGermanstudentsdonotgetdrunk；infact，themajorityaresober，ifnotindustrious。Buttheminority，whoseclaimtoberepresentativeisfreelyadmitted，areonlysavedfromperpetualinebrietybyability，acquiredatsomecost，toswillhalfthedayandallthenight，whileretainingtosomeextenttheirfivesenses。Itdoesnotaffectallalike，butitiscommoninanyUniversitytowntoseeayoungmannotyettwentywiththefigureofaFalstaffandthecomplexionofaRubensBacchus。ThattheGermanmaidencanbefascinatedwithaface，cutandgashedtillitsuggestshavingbeenmadeoutofoddmaterialsthatnevercouldhavefitted，isaprovedfact。Butsurelytherecanbenoattractionaboutablotchedandbloatedskinanda"baywindow"thrownouttoanextentthreateningtooverbalancethewholestructure。Yetwhatelsecanbeexpected，whentheyoungsterstartshisbeer—drinkingwitha"Fruhschoppen"at10a。m。，andclosesitwitha"Kneipe"atfourinthemorning？

TheKneipeiswhatweshouldcallastagparty，andcanbeveryharmlessorveryrowdy，accordingtoitscomposition。Onemaninviteshisfellow—students，adozenorahundred，toacafe，andprovidesthemwithasmuchbeerandasmanycheapcigarsastheirownsenseofhealthandcomfortmaydictate，orthehostmaybetheKorpsitself。Here，aseverywhere，youobservetheGermansenseofdisciplineandorder。Aseachnewcomerentersallthosesittingroundthetablerise，andwithheelsclosetogethersalute。Whenthetableiscomplete，achairmanischosen，whosedutyitistogiveoutthenumberofthesongs。Printedbooksofthesesongs，onetoeachtwomen，lieroundthetable。Thechairmangivesoutnumbertwenty—nine。"Firstverse，"hecries，andawayallgo，eachtwomenholdingabookbetweenthemexactlyastwopeoplemightholdahymn—bookinchurch。Thereisapauseattheendofeachverseuntilthechairmanstartsthecompanyonthenext。AseveryGermanisatrainedsinger，andasmostofthemhavefairvoices，thegeneraleffectisstriking。

Althoughthemannermaybesuggestiveofthesingingofhymnsinchurch，thewordsofthesongsareoccasionallysuchastocorrectthisimpression。Butwhetheritbeapatrioticsong，asentimentalballad，oradittyofanaturethatwouldshocktheaverageyoungEnglishman，allaresungthroughwithsternearnestness，withoutalaugh，withoutafalsenote。Attheend，thechairmancalls"Prosit！"Everyoneanswers"Prosit！"andthenextmomenteveryglassisempty。Thepianistrisesandbows，andisbowedtoinreturn；andthentheFrauleinenterstorefilltheglasses。

Betweenthesongs，toastsareproposedandrespondedto；butthereislittlecheering，andlesslaughter。SmilesandgravenodsofapprovalareconsideredasmoreseemingamongGermanstudents。

Aparticulartoast，calledaSalamander，accordedtosomeguestasaspecialdistinction，isdrunkwithexceptionalsolemnity。

"Wewillnow，"saysthechairman，"aSalamanderrub"（"EinenSalamanderreiben"）。Weallrise，andstandlikearegimentatattention。

"Isthestuffprepared？"（"Sinddiestoffeparat？"）demandsthechairman。

"Sunt，"weanswer，withonevoice。

"AdexercitiumSalamandri，"saysthechairman，andweareready。

"Eins！"Werubourglasseswithacircularmotiononthetable。

"Zwei！"Againtheglassesgrowl；alsoat"Drei！"

"Drink！"（"Bibite！"）

Andwithmechanicalunisoneveryglassisemptiedandheldonhigh。

"Eins！"saysthechairman。Thefootofeveryemptyglasstwirlsuponthetable，producingasoundasofthedraggingbackofastonybeachbyarecedingwave。

"Zwei！"Therollswellsandsinksagain。

"Drei！"Theglassesstrikethetablewithasinglecrash，andweareinourseatsagain。

ThesportattheKneipeisfortwostudentstoinsulteachother（inplay，ofcourse），andtothenchallengeeachothertoadrinkingduel。Anumpireisappointed，twohugeglassesarefilled，andthemensitoppositeeachotherwiththeirhandsuponthehandles，alleyesfixeduponthem。Theumpiregivesthewordtogo，andinaninstantthebeerisgurglingdowntheirthroats。

Themanwhobangshisperfectlyfinishedglassuponthetablefirstisvictor。

StrangerswhoaregoingthroughaKneipe，andwhowishtodothethinginGermanstyle，willdowell，beforecommencingproceedings，topintheirnameandaddressupontheircoats。TheGermanstudentiscourtesyitself，andwhateverhisownstatemaybe，hewillseetoitthat，bysomemeansoranother，hisguestgetssafelyhomebeforethemorning。But，ofcourse，hecannotbeexpectedtorememberaddresses。

AstorywastoldmeofthreegueststoaBerlinKneipewhichmighthavehadtragicresults。Thestrangersdeterminedtodothethingthoroughly。Theyexplainedtheirintention，andwereapplauded，andeachproceededtowritehisaddressuponhiscard，andpinittothetableclothinfrontofhim。Thatwasthemistaketheymade。

Theyshould，asIhaveadvised，havepinneditcarefullytotheircoats。Amanmaychangehisplaceatatable，quiteunconsciouslyhemaycomeouttheothersideofit；butwhereverhegoeshetakeshiscoatwithhim。

Sometimeinthesmallhours，thechairmansuggestedthattomakethingsmorecomfortableforthosestillupright，allthegentlemenunabletokeeptheirheadsoffthetableshouldbesenthome。

AmongthosetowhomtheproceedingshadbecomeuninterestingwerethethreeEnglishmen。Itwasdecidedtoputthemintoacabinchargeofacomparativelyspeakingsoberstudent，andreturnthem。

Hadtheyretainedtheiroriginalseatsthroughouttheeveningallwouldhavebeenwell；but，unfortunately，theyhadgonewalkingabout，andwhichgentlemanbelongedtowhichcardnobodyknew——

leastofallthegueststhemselves。Inthethenstateofgeneralcheerfulness，thisdidnottoanybodyappeartomuchmatter。Therewerethreegentlemenandthreeaddresses。Isupposetheideawasthatevenifamistakeweremade，thepartiescouldbesortedoutinthemorning。Anyhow，thethreegentlemenwereputintoacab，thecomparativelyspeakingsoberstudenttookthethreecardsinhishand，andthepartystartedamidthecheersandgoodwishesofthecompany。

ThereisthisadvantageaboutGermanbeer：itdoesnotmakeamandrunkastheworddrunkisunderstoodinEngland。Thereisnothingobjectionableabouthim；heissimplytired。Hedoesnotwanttotalk；hewantstobeletalone，togotosleep；itdoesnotmatterwhere——anywhere。

Theconductorofthepartystoppedhiscabatthenearestaddress。

Hetookouthisworstcase；itwasanaturalinstincttogetridofthatfirst。Heandthecabmancarrieditupstairs，andrangthebellofthePension。Asleepyporteransweredit。Theycarriedtheirburdenin，andlookedforaplacetodropit。Abedroomdoorhappenedtobeopen；theroomwasempty；couldanythingbebetter？—

—theytookitinthere。Theyrelieveditofsuchthingsascameoffeasily，andlaiditinthebed。Thisdone，bothmen，pleasedwiththemselves，returnedtothecab。

Atthenextaddresstheystoppedagain。Thistime，inanswertotheirsummons，aladyappeared，dressedinateagown，withabookinherhand。TheGermanstudentlookedatthetoponeoftwocardsremaininginhishand，andenquiredifhehadthepleasureofaddressingFrauY。Ithappenedthathehad，thoughsofarasanypleasurewasconcernedthatappearedtobeentirelyonhisside。

HeexplainedtoFrauY。thatthegentlemanatthatmomentasleepagainstthewallwasherhusband。Thereunionmovedhertonoenthusiasm；shesimplyopenedthebedroomdoor，andthenwalkedaway。Thecabmanandthestudenttookhimin，andlaidhimonthebed。Theydidnottroubletoundresshim，theywerefeelingtired！

Theydidnotseetheladyofthehouseagain，andretiredthereforewithoutadieus。

Thelastcardwasthatofabachelorstoppingatanhotel。Theytooktheirlastman，therefore，tothathotel，passedhimovertothenightporter，andlefthim。

Toreturntotheaddressatwhichthefirstdeliverywasmade，whathadhappenedtherewasthis。SomeeighthourspreviouslyhadsaidMr。X。toMrs。X。："IthinkItoldyou，mydear，thatIhadaninvitationforthiseveningtowhat，Ibelieve，iscalledaKneipe？"

"Youdidmentionsomethingofthesort，"repliedMrs。X。"WhatisaKneipe？"

"Well，it’sasortofbachelorparty，mydear，wherethestudentsmeettosingandtalkand——andsmoke，andallthatsortofthing，youknow。"

"Oh，well，Ihopeyouwillenjoyyourself！"saidMrs。X。，whowasanicewomanandsensible。

"Itwillbeinteresting，"observedMr。X。"Ihaveoftenhadacuriositytoseeone。Imay，"continuedMr。X。，——"Imeanitispossible，thatImaybehomealittlelate。"

"Whatdoyoucalllate？"askedMrs。X。

"Itissomewhatdifficulttosay，"returnedMr。X。"Youseethesestudents，theyareawildlot，andwhentheygettogether——Andthen，Ibelieve，agoodmanytoastsaredrunk。Idon’tknowhowitwillaffectme。IfIcanseeanopportunityIshallcomeawayearly，thatisifIcandosowithoutgivingoffence；butifnot——"

SaidMrs。X。，who，asIremarkedbefore，wasasensiblewoman：

"Youhadbettergetthepeopleheretolendyoualatchkey。I

shallsleepwithDolly，andthenyouwon’tdisturbmewhatevertimeitmaybe。"

"Ithinkthatanexcellentideaofyours，"agreedMr。X。"Ishouldhatedisturbingyou。Ishalljustcomeinquietly，andslipintobed。"

Sometimeinthemiddleofthenight，ormaybetowardstheearlymorning，Dolly，whowasMrs。X。’ssister，satupinbedandlistened。

"Jenny，"saidDolly，"areyouawake？"

"Yes，dear，"answeredMrs。X。"It’sallright。Yougotosleepagain。"

"Butwhateverisit？"askedDolly。"Doyouthinkit’sfire？"

"Iexpect，"repliedMrs。X。，"thatit’sPercy。Verypossiblyhehasstumbledoversomethinginthedark。Don’tyouworry，dear；

yougotosleep。"

ButsosoonasDollyhaddozedoffagain，Mrs。X。，whowasagoodwife，thoughtshewouldstealoffsoftlyandseetoitthatPercywasallright。So，puttingonadressing—gownandslippers，shecreptalongthepassageandintoherownroom。Toawakethegentlemanonthebedwouldhaverequiredanearthquake。Shelitacandleandstoleovertothebedside。

ItwasnotPercy；itwasnotanyonelikePercy。Shefeltitwasnotthemanthatevercouldhavebeenherhusband，underanycircumstances。Inhispresentconditionhersentimenttowardshimwasthatofpositivedislike。Heronlydesirewastogetridofhim。

Butsomethingtherewasabouthimwhichseemedfamiliartoher。

Shewentnearer，andtookacloserview。Thensheremembered。

SurelyitwasMr。Y。，agentlemanatwhoseflatsheandPercyhaddinedthedaytheyfirstarrivedinBerlin。

Butwhatwashedoinghere？Sheputthecandleonthetable，andtakingherheadbetweenherhandssatdowntothink。Theexplanationofthethingcametoherwitharush。ItwaswiththisMr。Y。thatPercyhadgonetotheKneipe。Amistakehadbeenmade。

Mr。Y。hadbeenbroughtbacktoPercy’saddress。Percyatthisverymoment—

Theterriblepossibilitiesofthesituationswambeforeher。

ReturningtoDolly’sroom，shedressedherselfhastily，andsilentlycreptdownstairs。Finding，fortunately，apassingnight—

cab，shedrovetotheaddressofMrs。Y。Tellingthemantowait，sheflewupstairsandrangpersistentlyatthebell。ItwasopenedasbeforebyMrs。Y。，stillinhertea—gown，andwithherbookstillinherhand。

"Mrs。X。！"exclaimedMrs。Y。"Whateverbringsyouhere？"

"Myhusband！"wasallpoorMrs。X。couldthinktosayatthemoment，"ishehere？"

"Mrs。X。，"returnedMrs。Y。，drawingherselfuptoherfullheight，"howdareyou？"

"Oh，pleasedon’tmisunderstandme！"pleadedMrs。X。"It’sallaterriblemistake。TheymusthavebroughtpoorPercyhereinsteadoftoourplace，I’msuretheymust。Dopleaselookandsee。"

"Mydear，"saidMrs。Y。，whowasamucholderwoman，andmoremotherly，"don’texciteyourself。Theybroughthimhereabouthalfanhourago，and，totellyouthetruth，Ineverlookedathim。Heisinhere。Idon’tthinktheytroubledtotakeoffevenhisboots。Ifyoukeepcool，wewillgethimdownstairsandhomewithoutasoulbeyondourselvesbeinganythewiser。

Indeed，Mrs。Y。seemedquiteeagertohelpMrs。X。

Shepushedopenthedoor，andMrs。X，wentin。Thenextmomentshecameoutwithawhite，scaredface。

"Itisn’tPercy，"shesaid。"WhateveramItodo？"

"Iwishyouwouldn’tmakethesemistakes，"saidMrs。Y。，movingtoentertheroomherself。

Mrs。X。stoppedher。"Anditisn’tyourhusbandeither。"

"Nonsense，"saidMrs。Y。

"Itisn’treally，"persistedMrs。X。"Iknow，becauseIhavejustlefthim，asleeponPercy’sbed。"

"What’shedoingthere？"thunderedMrs。Y。

"Theybroughthimthere，andputhimthere，"explainedMrs。X。，beginningtocry。"That’swhatmademethinkPercymustbehere。"

Thetwowomenstoodandlookedatoneanother；andtherewassilenceforawhile，brokenonlybythesnoringofthegentlemantheothersideofthehalf—opendoor。

"Thenwhoisthat，inthere？"demandedMrs。Y。，whowasthefirsttorecoverherself。

"Idon’tknow，"answeredMrs。X。，"Ihaveneverseenhimbefore。

Doyouthinkitisanybodyyouknow？"

ButMrs。Y。onlybangedtothedoor。

"Whatarewetodo？"saidMrs。X。

"Iknowwhat_I_amgoingtodo，"saidMrs。Y。"I’mcomingbackwithyoutofetchmyhusband。"

"He’sverysleepy，"explainedMrs。X。

"I’veknownhimtobethatbefore，"repliedMrs。Y。，asshefastenedonhercloak。

"Butwhere’sPercy？"sobbedpoorlittleMrs。X。，astheydescendedthestairstogether。

"Thatmydear，"saidMrs。Y。，"willbeaquestionforyoutoaskHIM。"

"Iftheygoaboutmakingmistakeslikethis，"saidMrs。X。，"itisimpossibletosaywhattheymaynothavedonewithhim。"

"Wewillmakeenquiriesinthemorning，mydear，"saidMrs。Y。，consolingly。

"IthinktheseKneipesaredisgracefulaffairs，"saidMrs。X。"I

shallneverletPercygotoanother，never——solongasIlive。"

"Mydear，"remarkedMrs。Y。，"ifyouknowyourduty，hewillneverwantto。"Andrumourhasitthatheneverdid。

But，asIhavesaid，themistakewasinpinningthecardtothetableclothinsteadoftothecoat。Anderrorinthisworldisalwaysseverelypunished。

CHAPTERXIV

Whichisserious：asbecomesapartingchapter——TheGermanfromtheAnglo—Saxon’spointofview——Providenceinbuttonsandahelmet——Paradiseofthehelplessidiot——Germanconscience：itsaggressiveness——HowtheyhanginGermany，verypossibly——WhathappenstogoodGermanswhentheydie？——Themilitaryinstinct：isitall—sufficient？——TheGermanasashopkeeper——Howhesupportslife——TheNewWoman，hereaseverywhere——WhatcanbesaidagainsttheGermans，asapeople——TheBummelisoveranddone。

"Anybodycouldrulethiscountry，"saidGeorge；"_I_couldruleit。"

WewereseatedinthegardenoftheKaiserHofatBonn，lookingdownupontheRhine。ItwasthelasteveningofourBummel；theearlymorningtrainwouldbethebeginningoftheend。

"IshouldwritedownallIwantedthepeopletodoonapieceofpaper，"continuedGeorge；"getagoodfirmtoprintoffsomanycopies，havethempostedaboutthetownsandvillages；andthethingwouldbedone。"

Intheplacid，docileGermanofto—day，whoseonlyambitionappearstobetopayhistaxes，anddowhatheistoldtodobythosewhomithaspleasedProvidencetoplaceinauthorityoverhim，itisdifficult，onemustconfess，todetectanytraceofhiswildancestor，towhomindividuallibertywasasthebreathofhisnostrils；whoappointedhismagistratestoadvise，butretainedtherightofexecutionforthetribe；whofollowedhischief，butwouldhavescornedtoobeyhim。InGermanyto—dayonehearsagooddealconcerningSocialism，butitisaSocialismthatwouldonlybedespotismunderanothername。IndividualismmakesnoappealtotheGermanvoter。Heiswilling，nay，anxious，tobecontrolledandregulatedinallthings。Hedisputes，notgovernment，buttheformofit。Thepolicemanistohimareligion，and，onefeels，willalwaysremainso。InEnglandweregardourmaninblueasaharmlessnecessity。Bytheaveragecitizenheisemployedchieflyasasignpost，thoughinbusyquartersofthetownheisconsideredusefulfortakingoldladiesacrosstheroad。Beyondfeelingthankfultohimfortheseservices，Idoubtifwetakemuchthoughtofhim。InGermany，ontheotherhand，heisworshippedasalittlegodandlovedasaguardianangel。TotheGermanchildheisacombinationofSantaClansandtheBogieMan。Allgoodthingscomefromhim：Spielplatzetoplayin，furnishedwithswingsandgiant—strides，sandheapstofightaround，swimmingbaths，andfairs。Allmisbehaviourispunishedbyhim。Itisthehopeofeverywell—meaningGermanboyandgirltopleasethepolice。Tobesmiledatbyapolicemanmakesitconceited。AGermanchildthathasbeenpattedontheheadbyapolicemanisnotfittolivewith；

itsself—importanceisunbearable。

TheGermancitizenisasoldier，andthepolicemanishisofficer。

Thepolicemandirectshimwhereinthestreettowalk，andhowfasttowalk。AttheendofeachbridgestandsapolicemantotelltheGermanhowtocrossit。Weretherenopolicemanthere，hewouldprobablysitdownandwaittilltheriverhadpassedby。Attherailwaystationthepolicemanlockshimupinthewaiting—room，wherehecandonoharmtohimself。Whenthepropertimearrives，hefetcheshimoutandhandshimovertotheguardofthetrain，whoisonlyapolicemaninanotheruniform。Theguardtellshimwheretositinthetrain，andwhentogetout，andseesthathedoesgetout。InGermanyyoutakenoresponsibilityuponyourselfwhatever。Everythingisdoneforyou，anddonewell。Youarenotsupposedtolookafteryourself；youarenotblamedforbeingincapableoflookingafteryourself；itisthedutyoftheGermanpolicemantolookafteryou。Thatyoumaybeahelplessidiotdoesnotexcusehimshouldanythinghappentoyou。Whereveryouareandwhateveryouaredoingyouareinhischarge，andhetakescareofyou——goodcareofyou；thereisnodenyingthis。

Ifyouloseyourself，hefindsyou；andifyouloseanythingbelongingtoyou，herecoversitforyou。Ifyoudon’tknowwhatyouwant，hetellsyou。Ifyouwantanythingthatisgoodforyoutohave，hegetsitforyou。PrivatelawyersarenotneededinGermany。Ifyouwanttobuyorsellahouseorfield，theStatemakesouttheconveyance。Ifyouhavebeenswindled，theStatetakesupthecaseforyou。TheStatemarriesyou，insuresyou，willevengamblewithyouforatrifle。

"Yougetyourselfborn，"saystheGermanGovernmenttotheGermancitizen，"wedotherest。Indoorsandoutofdoors，insicknessandinhealth，inpleasureandinwork，wewilltellyouwhattodo，andwewillseetoitthatyoudoit。Don’tyouworryyourselfaboutanything。"

AndtheGermandoesn’t。Wherethereisnopolicemantobefound，hewandersabouttillhecomestoapolicenoticepostedonawall。

Thishereads；thenhegoesanddoeswhatitsays。

IrememberinoneGermantown——Iforgetwhich；itisimmaterial；

theincidentcouldhavehappenedinany——noticinganopengateleadingtoagardeninwhichaconcertwasbeinggiven。Therewasnothingtopreventanyonewhochosefromwalkingthroughthatgate，andthusgainingadmittancetotheconcertwithoutpaying。Infact，ofthetwogatesquarterofamileapartitwasthemoreconvenient。Yetofthecrowdsthatpassed，notoneattemptedtoenterbythatgate。Theyploddedsteadilyonunderablazingsuntotheothergate，atwhichamanstoodtocollecttheentrancemoney。IhaveseenGermanyoungstersstandlonginglybythemarginofalonelysheetofice。Theycouldhaveskatedonthaticeforhours，andnobodyhavebeenthewiser。Thecrowdandthepolicewereattheotherend，morethanhalfamileaway，androundthecorner。Nothingstoppedtheirgoingonbuttheknowledgethattheyoughtnot。ThingssuchasthesemakeonepausetoseriouslywonderwhethertheTeutonbeamemberofthesinfulhumanfamilyornot。

Isitnotpossiblethattheseplacid，gentlefolkmayinrealitybeangels，comedowntoearthforthesakeofaglassofbeer，which，astheymustknow，canonlyinGermanybeobtainedworththedrinking？

InGermanythecountryroadsarelinedwithfruittrees。Thereisnovoicetostaymanorboyfrompickingandeatingthefruit，exceptconscience。InEnglandsuchastateofthingswouldcausepublicindignation。Childrenwoulddieofcholerabythehundred。

Themedicalprofessionwouldbeworkedoffitslegstryingtocopewiththenaturalresultsofover—indulgenceinsourapplesandunripewalnuts。Publicopinionwoulddemandthatthesefruittreesshouldbefencedabout，andthusrenderedharmless。Fruitgrowers，tosavethemselvestheexpenseofwallsandpalings，wouldnotbeallowedinthismannertospreadsicknessanddeaththroughoutthecommunity。

ButinGermanyaboywillwalkformilesdownalonelyroad，hedgedwithfruittrees，tobuyapennyworthofpearsinthevillageattheotherend。Topasstheseunprotectedfruittrees，droopingundertheirburdenofripefruit，strikestheAnglo—Saxonmindasawickedwasteofopportunity，afloutingoftheblessedgiftsofProvidence。

Idonotknowifitbeso，butfromwhatIhaveobservedoftheGermancharacterIshouldnotbesurprisedtohearthatwhenamaninGermanyiscondemnedtodeathheisgivenapieceofrope，andtoldtogoandhanghimself。ItwouldsavetheStatemuchtroubleandexpense，andIcanseethatGermancriminaltakingthatpieceofropehomewithhim，readingupcarefullythepoliceinstructions，andproceedingtocarrythemoutinhisownbackkitchen。

TheGermansareagoodpeople。Onthewhole，thebestpeopleperhapsintheworld；anamiable，unselfish，kindlypeople。IampositivethatthevastmajorityofthemgotoHeaven。Indeed，comparingthemwiththeotherChristiannationsoftheearth，oneisforcedtotheconclusionthatHeavenwillbechieflyofGermanmanufacture。ButIcannotunderstandhowtheygetthere。ThatthesoulofanysingleindividualGermanhassufficientinitiativetoflyupbyitselfandknockatSt。Peter’sdoor，Icannotbelieve。

Myownopinionisthattheyaretakenthereinsmallcompanies，andpassedinunderthechargeofadeadpoliceman。

CarlylesaidofthePrussians，anditistrueofthewholeGermannation，thatoneoftheirchiefvirtueswastheirpowerofbeingdrilled。OftheGermansyoumightsaytheyareapeoplewhowillgoanywhere，anddoanything，theyaretold。DrillhimfortheworkandsendhimouttoAfricaorAsiaunderchargeofsomebodyinuniform，andheisboundtomakeanexcellentcolonist，facingdifficultiesashewouldfacethedevilhimself，ifordered。Butitisnoteasytoconceiveofhimasapioneer。Lefttorunhimself，onefeelshewouldsoonfadeawayanddie，notfromanylackofintelligence，butfromsheerwantofpresumption。

TheGermanhassolongbeenthesoldierofEurope，thatthemilitaryinstincthasenteredintohisblood。Themilitaryvirtueshepossessesinabundance；buthealsosuffersfromthedrawbacksofthemilitarytraining。ItwastoldmeofaGermanservant，latelyreleasedfromthebarracks，thathewasinstructedbyhismastertodeliveralettertoacertainhouse，andtowaittherefortheanswer。Thehourspassedby，andthemandidnotreturn。

Hismaster，anxiousandsurprised，followed。Hefoundthemanwherehehadbeensent，theanswerinhishand。Hewaswaitingforfurtherorders。Thestorysoundsexaggerated，butpersonallyIcancreditit。

Thecuriousthingisthatthesameman，whoasanindividualisashelplessasachild，becomes，themomentheputsontheuniform，anintelligentbeing，capableofresponsibilityandinitiative。TheGermancanruleothers，andberuledbyothers，buthecannotrulehimself。ThecurewouldappeartobetotraineveryGermanforanofficer，andthenputhimunderhimself。Itiscertainhewouldorderhimselfaboutwithdiscretionandjudgment，andseetoitthathehimselfobeyedhimselfwithsmartnessandprecision。

ForthedirectionofGermancharacterintothesechannels，theschools，ofcourse，arechieflyresponsible。Theireverlastingteachingisduty。Itisafineidealforanypeople；butbeforebucklingtoit，onewouldwishtohaveaclearunderstandingastowhatthis"duty"is。TheGermanideaofitwouldappeartobe：

"blindobediencetoeverythinginbuttons。"ItistheantithesisoftheAnglo—Saxonscheme；butasboththeAnglo—SaxonandtheTeutonareprospering，theremustbegoodinbothmethods。

Hitherto，theGermanhashadtheblessedfortunetobeexceptionallywellgoverned；ifthiscontinue，itwillgowellwithhim。Whenhistroubleswillbeginwillbewhenbyanychancesomethinggoeswrongwiththegoverningmachine。Butmaybehismethodhastheadvantageofproducingacontinuoussupplyofgoodgovernors；itwouldcertainlyseemso。

Asatrader，IaminclinedtothinktheGermanwill，unlesshistemperamentconsiderablychange，remainalwaysalongwaybehindhisAnglo—Saxoncompetitor；andthisbyreasonofhisvirtues。Tohimlifeissomethingmoreimportantthanamereraceforwealth。

Acountrythatclosesitsbanksandpost—officesfortwohoursinthemiddleoftheday，whileitgoeshomeandenjoysacomfortablemealinthebosomofitsfamily，with，perhaps，fortywinksbywayofdessert，cannothope，andpossiblyhasnowish，tocompetewithapeoplethattakesitsmealsstanding，andsleepswithatelephoneoveritsbed。InGermanythereisnot，atalleventsasyet，sufficientdistinctionbetweentheclassestomakethestruggleforpositionthelifeanddeathaffairitisinEngland。Beyondthelandedaristocracy，whoseboundariesareimpregnable，gradehardlycounts。FrauProfessorandFrauCandlestickmakermeetattheWeeklyKaffee—Klatschandexchangescandalontermsofmutualequality。Thelivery—stablekeeperandthedoctorhobnobtogetherattheirfavouritebeerhall。Thewealthymasterbuilder，whenheprepareshisroomywaggonforanexcursionintothecountry，inviteshisforemanandhistailortojoinhimwiththeirfamilies。

Eachbringshisshareofdrinkandprovisions，andreturninghometheysinginchorusthesamesongs。Solongasthisstateofthingsendures，amanisnotinducedtosacrificethebestyearsofhislifetowinafortuneforhisdotage。Histastes，and，moretothepointstill，hiswife’s，remaininexpensive。Helikestoseehisflatorvillafurnishedwithmuchredplushupholsteryandaprofusionofgiltandlacquer。Butthatishisidea；andmaybeitisinnoworsetastethanisamixtureofbastardElizabethanwithimitationLouisXV，thewholelitbyelectriclight，andsmotheredwithphotographs。Possibly，hewillhavehisouterwallspaintedbythelocalartist：asanguinarybattle，agooddealinterferedwithbythefrontdoor，takingplacebelow，whileBismarck，asanangel，fluttersvaguelyaboutthebedroomwindows。ButforhisOldMastersheisquitecontenttogotothepublicgalleries；and"theCelebrityatHome"nothavingasyettakenitsplaceamongsttheinstitutionsoftheFatherland，heisnotimpelledtowastehis，moneyturninghishouseintoanoldcuriosityshop。

TheGermanisagourmand。TherearestillEnglishfarmerswho，whiletellingyouthatfarmingspellsstarvation，enjoytheirsevensolidmealsaday。Onceayeartherecomesaweek’sfeastthroughoutRussia，duringwhichmanydeathsoccurfromtheover—

eatingofpancakes；butthisisareligiousfestival，andanexception。Takinghimallround，theGermanasatrenchermanstandspre—eminentamongthenationsoftheearth。Herisesearly，andwhiledressingtossesoffafewcupsofcoffee，togetherwithhalfadozenhotbutteredrolls。Butitisnotuntilteno’clockthathesitsdowntoanythingthatcanproperlybecalledameal。

Atoneorhalf—pasttakesplacehischiefdinner。Ofthishemakesabusiness，sittingatitforacoupleofhours。Atfouro’clockhegoestothecafe，andeatscakesanddrinkschocolate。Theeveninghedevotestoeatinggenerally——notasetmeal，orrarely，butaseriesofsnacks，——abottleofbeerandaBelegete—semmelortwoatseven，say；anotherbottleofbeerandanAufschnittatthetheatrebetweentheacts；asmallbottleofwhitewineandaSpiegeleierbeforegoinghome；thenapieceofcheeseorsausage，washeddownbymorebeer，previoustoturninginforthenight。

Butheisnogourmet。FrenchcooksandFrenchpricesarenottheruleathisrestaurant。Hisbeerorhisinexpensivenativewhitewinehepreferstothemostcostlyclaretsorchampagnes。And，indeed，itiswellforhimhedoes；foroneisinclinedtothinkthateverytimeaFrenchgrowersellsabottleofwinetoaGermanhotel—orshop—keeper，Sedanisranklinginhismind。Itisafoolishrevenge，seeingthatitisnottheGermanwhoasaruledrinksit；thepunishmentfallsuponsomeinnocenttravellingEnglishman。Maybe，however，theFrenchdealerremembersalsoWaterloo，andfeelsthatinanyeventhescores。

InGermanyexpensiveentertainmentsareneitherofferednorexpected。EverythingthroughouttheFatherlandishomelyandfriendly。TheGermanhasnocostlysportstopayfor，noshowyestablishmenttomaintain，nopurse—proudcircletodressfor。Hischiefpleasure，aseatattheoperaorconcert，canbehadforafewmarks；andhiswifeanddaughterswalkthereinhome—madedresses，withshawlsovertheirheads。Indeed，throughoutthecountrytheabsenceofallostentationistoEnglisheyesquiterefreshing。Privatecarriagesarefewandfarbetween，andeventhedroschkeismadeuseofonlywhenthequickerandcleanerelectriccarisnotavailable。

BysuchmeanstheGermanretainshisindependence。TheshopkeeperinGermanydoesnotfawnuponhiscustomers。IaccompaniedanEnglishladyonceonashoppingexcursioninMunich。ShehadbeenaccustomedtoshoppinginLondonandNewYork，andshegrumbledateverythingthemanshowedher。Itwasnotthatshewasreallydissatisfied；thiswashermethod。Sheexplainedthatshecouldgetmostthingscheaperandbetterelsewhere；notthatshereallythoughtshecould，merelyshehelditgoodfortheshopkeepertosaythis。Shetoldhimthathisstocklackedtaste——shedidnotmeantobeoffensive；asIhaveexplained，itwashermethod；——thattherewasnovarietyaboutit；thatitwasnotuptodate；thatitwascommonplace；thatitlookedasifitwouldnotwear。Hedidnotarguewithher；hedidnotcontradicther。Heputthethingsbackintotheirrespectiveboxes，replacedtheboxesontheirrespectiveshelves，walkedintothelittleparlourbehindtheshop，andclosedthedoor。

"Isn’theevercomingback？"askedthelady，afteracoupleofminuteshadelapsed。

Hertonedidnotimplyaquestion，somuchasanexclamationofmereimpatience。

"Idoubtit，"Ireplied。

"Whynot？"sheasked，muchastonished。

"Iexpect，"Ianswered，"youhaveboredhim。Inallprobabilityheisatthismomentbehindthatdoorsmokingapipeandreadingthepaper。"

"Whatanextraordinaryshopkeeper！"saidmyfriend，asshegatheredherparcelstogetherandindignantlywalkedout。

"Itistheirway，"Iexplained。"Therearethegoods；ifyouwantthem，youcanhavethem。Ifyoudonotwantthem，theywouldalmostratherthatyoudidnotcomeandtalkaboutthem。"

OnanotheroccasionIlistenedinthesmoke—roomofaGermanhoteltoasmallEnglishmantellingatalewhich，hadIbeeninhisplace，Ishouldhavekepttomyself。

"Itdoesn’tdo，"saidthelittleEnglishman，"totryandbeataGermandown。Theydon’tseemtounderstandit。IsawafirsteditionofTheRobbersinashopintheGeorgPlatz。Iwentinandaskedtheprice。Itwasarumoldchapbehindthecounter。Hesaid：’Twenty—fivemarks，’andwentonreading。ItoldhimIhadseenabettercopyonlyafewdaysbeforefortwenty——onetalkslikethatwhenoneisbargaining；itisunderstood。Heaskedme’Where？’ItoldhiminashopatLeipsig。Hesuggestedmyreturningthereandgettingit；hedidnotseemtocarewhetherI

boughtthebookorwhetherIdidn’t。Isaid：

"’What’stheleastyouwilltakeforit？’

"’Ihavetoldyouonce，’heanswered；’twenty—fivemarks。’Hewasanirritableoldchap。

"Isaid：’It’snotworthit。’

"’Ineversaiditwas，didI？’hesnapped。

"Isaid：’I’llgiveyoutenmarksforit。’Ithought，maybe，hewouldendbytakingtwenty。

"Herose。Itookithewascomingroundthecountertogetthebookout。Instead，hecamestraightuptome。Hewasabiggishsortofman。Hetookmebythetwoshoulders，walkedmeoutintothestreet，andclosedthedoorbehindmewithabang。Iwasnevermoresurprisedinallmylife。

"Maybethebookwasworthtwenty—fivemarks，"Isuggested。

"Ofcourseitwas，"hereplied；"wellworthit。Butwhatanotionofbusiness！"

IfanythingchangetheGermancharacter，itwillbetheGermanwoman。Sheherselfischangingrapidly——advancing，aswecallit。

TenyearsagonoGermanwomancaringforherreputation，hopingforahusband，wouldhavedaredtorideabicycle：to—daytheyspinaboutthecountryintheirthousands。Theoldfolksshaketheirheadsatthem；buttheyoungmen，Inotice，overtakethemandridebesidethem。NotlongagoitwasconsideredunwomanlyinGermanyforaladytobeabletodotheoutsideedge。Herproperskatingattitudewasthoughttobethatofclinginglimpnesstosomemalerelative。Nowshepractiseseightsinacornerbyherself，untilsomeyoungmancomesalongtohelpher。Sheplaystennis，and，fromapointofsafety，Ihaveevennoticedherdrivingadog—cart。

Brilliantlyeducatedshealwayshasbeen。Ateighteenshespeakstwoorthreelanguages，andhasforgottenmorethantheaverageEnglishwomanhaseverread。Hitherto，thiseducationhasbeenutterlyuselesstoher。Onmarriageshehasretiredintothekitchen，andmadehastetoclearherbrainofeverythingelse，inordertoleaveroomforbadcooking。Butsupposeitbeginstodawnuponherthatawomanneednotsacrificeherwholeexistencetohouseholddrudgeryanymorethanamanneedmakehimselfnothingelsethanabusinessmachine。Supposeshedevelopanambitiontotakepartinthesocialandnationallife。Thentheinfluenceofsuchapartner，healthyinbodyandthereforevigorousinmind，isboundtobebothlastingandfar—reaching。

ForitmustbeborneinmindthattheGermanmanisexceptionallysentimental，andmosteasilyinfluencedbyhiswomenfolk。Itissaidofhim，heisthebestoflovers，theworstofhusbands。Thishasbeenthewoman’sfault。Oncemarried，theGermanwomanhasdonemorethanputromancebehindher；shehastakenacarpet—

beateranddrivenitoutofthehouse。Asagirl，sheneverunderstooddressing；asawife，shetakesoffsuchclothesevenasshehad，andproceedstowrapherselfupinanyoddarticlesshemayhappentofindaboutthehouse；atallevents，thisistheimpressionsheproduces。ThefigurethatmightoftenbethatofaJuno，thecomplexionthatwouldsometimesdocredittoahealthyangel，sheproceedsofmaliceandintenttospoil。Shesellsherbirth—rightofadmirationanddevotionforamessofsweets。Everyafternoonyoumayseeheratthecafe，loadingherselfwithrichcream—coveredcakes，washeddownbycopiousdraughtsofchocolate。

Inashorttimeshebecomesfat，pasty，placid，andutterlyuninteresting。

WhentheGermanwomangivesupherafternooncoffeeandhereveningbeer，takessufficientexercisetoretainhershape，andcontinuestoreadaftermarriagesomethingelsethanthecookery—book，theGermanGovernmentwillfindithasanewandunknownforcetodealwith。AndeverywherethroughoutGermanyoneisconfrontedbyunmistakablesignsthattheoldGermanFrauenaregivingplacetothenewerDamen。

Concerningwhatwillthenhappenonefeelscurious。FortheGermannationisstillyoung，anditsmaturityisofimportancetotheworld。Theyareagoodpeople，alovablepeople，whoshouldhelpmuchtomaketheworldbetter。

Theworstthatcanbesaidagainstthemisthattheyhavetheirfailings。Theythemselvesdonotknowthis；theyconsiderthemselvesperfect，whichisfoolishofthem。TheyevengosofarastothinkthemselvessuperiortotheAnglo—Saxon：thisisincomprehensible。Onefeelstheymustbepretending。

"Theyhavetheirpoints，"saidGeorge；"buttheirtobaccoisanationalsin。I’mgoingtobed。"

Werose，andleaningoverthelowstoneparapet，watchedthedancinglightsuponthesoft，darkriver。

"IthasbeenapleasantBummel，onthewhole，"saidHarris；"I

shallbegladtogetback，andyetIamsorryitisover，ifyouunderstandme。"

"Whatisa’Bummel’？"saidGeorge。"Howwouldyoutranslateit？"

"A’Bummel’，"Iexplained，"Ishoulddescribeasajourney，longorshort，withoutanend；theonlythingregulatingitbeingthenecessityofgettingbackwithinagiventimetothepointfromwhichonestarted。Sometimesitisthroughbusystreets，andsometimesthroughthefieldsandlanes；sometimeswecanbesparedforafewhours，andsometimesforafewdays。Butlongorshort，buthereorthere，ourthoughtsareeverontherunningofthesand。Wenodandsmiletomanyaswepass；withsomewestopandtalkawhile；andwithafewwewalkalittleway。Wehavebeenmuchinterested，andoftenalittletired。Butonthewholewehavehadapleasanttime，andaresorrywhen’tisover。"