第5章

Hemightbeginwiththat。Bywavinghisbedoutofwindowhecouldgetintotroublebeforehehadhisbreakfast。Athomehemighthanghimselfoutofwindow，andnobodywouldmindmuch，providedhedidnotobstructanybody’sancientlightsorbreakawayandinjureanypasserunderneath。

InGermanyyoumustnotwearfancydressinthestreets。A

HighlanderofmyacquaintancewhocametopassthewinterinDresdenspentthefirstfewdaysofhisresidencethereinarguingthisquestionwiththeSaxonGovernment。Theyaskedhimwhathewasdoinginthoseclothes。Hewasnotanamiableman。Heanswered，hewaswearingthem。Theyaskedhimwhyhewaswearingthem。Hereplied，tokeephimselfwarm。Theytoldhimfranklythattheydidnotbelievehim，andsenthimbacktohislodgingsinaclosedlandau。ThepersonaltestimonyoftheEnglishMinisterwasnecessarytoassuretheauthoritiesthattheHighlandgarbwasthecustomarydressofmanyrespectable，law—abidingBritishsubjects。Theyacceptedthestatement，asdiplomaticallybound，butretaintheirprivateopiniontothisday。TheEnglishtouristtheyhavegrownaccustomedto；butaLeicestershiregentleman，invitedtohuntwithsomeGermanofficers，onappearingoutsidehishotel，waspromptlymarchedoff，horseandall，toexplainhisfrivolityatthepolicecourt。

AnotherthingyoumustnotdointhestreetsofGermantownsistofeedhorses，mules，ordonkeys，whetheryourownorthosebelongingtootherpeople。Ifapassionseizesyoutofeedsomebodyelse’shorse，youmustmakeanappointmentwiththeanimal，andthemealmusttakeplaceinsomeproperlyauthorisedplace。Youmustnotbreakglassorchinainthestreet，nor，infact，inanypublicresortwhatever；andifyoudo，youmustpickupallthepieces。

WhatyouaretodowiththepieceswhenyouhavegatheredthemtogetherIcannotsay。TheonlythingIknowforcertainisthatyouarenotpermittedtothrowthemanywhere，toleavethemanywhere，orapparentlytopartwiththeminanywaywhatever。

Presumably，youareexpectedtocarrythemaboutwithyouuntilyoudie，andthenbeburiedwiththem；or，maybe，youareallowedtoswallowthem。

InGermanstreetsyoumustnotshootwithacrossbow。TheGermanlaw—makerdoesnotcontenthimselfwiththemisdeedsoftheaverageman——thecrimeonefeelsonewantstodo，butmustnot：heworrieshimselfimaginingallthethingsawanderingmaniacmightdo。InGermanythereisnolawagainstamanstandingonhisheadinthemiddleoftheroad；theideahasnotoccurredtothem。OneofthesedaysaGermanstatesman，visitingacircusandseeingacrobats，willreflectuponthisomission。Thenhewillstraightwaysettoworkandframeaclauseforbiddingpeoplefromstandingontheirheadsinthemiddleoftheroad，andfixingafine。ThisisthecharmofGermanlaw：misdemeanourinGermanyhasitsfixedprice。Youarenotkeptawakeallnight，asinEngland，wonderingwhetheryouwillgetoffwithacaution，befinedfortyshillings，or，catchingthemagistrateinanunhappymomentforyourself，getsevendays。Youknowexactlywhatyourfunisgoingtocostyou。Youcanspreadoutyourmoneyonthetable，openyourPoliceGuide，andplanoutyourholidaytoafiftypfennigpiece。Forareallycheapevening，Iwouldrecommendwalkingonthewrongsideofthepavementafterbeingcautionednottodoso。Icalculatethatbychoosingyourdistrictandkeepingtothequietsidestreetsyoucouldwalkforawholeeveningonthewrongsideofthepavementatacostoflittleoverthreemarks。

InGermantownsyoumustnotrambleaboutafterdark"indroves。"

Iamnotquitesurehowmanyconstitutea"drove，"andnoofficialtowhomIhavespokenonthissubjecthasfelthimselfcompetenttofixtheexactnumber。IonceputittoaGermanfriendwhowasstartingforthetheatrewithhiswife，hismother—in—law，fivechildrenofhisown，hissisterandherfiance，andtwonieces，ifhedidnotthinkhewasrunningariskunderthisby—law。Hedidnottakemysuggestionasajoke。Hecastaneyeoverthegroup。

"Oh，Idon’tthinkso，"hesaid；"yousee，weareallonefamily。"

"Theparagraphsaysnothingaboutitsbeingafamilydroveornot，"

Ireplied；"itsimplysays’drove。’Idonotmeanitinanyuncomplimentarysense，but，speakingetymologically，Iaminclinedpersonallytoregardyourcollectionasa’drove。’Whetherthepolicewilltakethesameviewornotremainstobeseen。Iammerelywarningyou。"

Myfriendhimselfwasinclinedtopooh—poohmyfears；buthiswifethinkingitbetternottorunanyriskofhavingthepartybrokenupbythepoliceattheverybeginningoftheevening，theydivided，arrangingtocometogetheragaininthetheatrelobby。

AnotherpassionyoumustrestraininGermanyisthatpromptingyoutothrowthingsoutofwindow。Catsarenoexcuse。DuringthefirstweekofmyresidenceinGermanyIwasawakenedincessantlybycats。OnenightIgotmad。Icollectedasmallarsenal——twoorthreepiecesofcoal，afewhardpears，acoupleofcandleends，anoddeggIfoundonthekitchentable，anemptysoda—waterbottle，andafewarticlesofthatsort，——and，openingthewindow，bombardedthespotfromwherethenoiseappearedtocome。IdonotsupposeIhitanything；Ineverknewamanwhodidhitacat，evenwhenhecouldseeit，except，maybe，byaccidentwhenaimingatsomethingelse。Ihaveknowncrackshots，winnersofQueen’sprizes——thosesortofmen，——shootwithshot—gunsatcatsfiftyyardsaway，andneverhitahair。Ihaveoftenthoughtthat，insteadofbull’s—eyes，runningdeer，andthatrubbish，thereallysuperiormarksmanwouldbehewhocouldboastthathehadshotthecat。

But，anyhow，theymovedoff；maybetheeggannoyedthem。IhadnoticedwhenIpickeditupthatitdidnotlookagoodegg；andI

wentbacktobedagain，thinkingtheincidentclosed。Tenminutesafterwardstherecameaviolentringingoftheelectricbell。I

triedtoignoreit，butitwastoopersistent，and，puttingonmydressinggown，Iwentdowntothegate。Apolicemanwasstandingthere。HehadallthethingsIhadbeenthrowingoutofthewindowinalittleheapinfrontofhim，allexcepttheegg。Hehadevidentlybeencollectingthem。Hesaid：

"Arethesethingsyours？"

Isaid："Theyweremine，butpersonallyIhavedonewiththem。

Anybodycanhavethem——youcanhavethem。"

Heignoredmyoffer。Hesaid：

"Youthrewthesethingsoutofwindow。"

"Youareright，"Iadmitted；"Idid。"

"Whydidyouthrowthemoutofwindow？"heasked。AGermanpolicemanhashiscodeofquestionsarrangedforhim；henevervariesthem，andheneveromitsone。

"Ithrewthemoutofthewindowatsomecats，"Ianswered。

"Whatcats？"heasked。

ItwasthesortofquestionaGermanpolicemanwouldask。I

repliedwithasmuchsarcasmasIcouldputintomyaccentthatI

wasashamedtosayIcouldnottellhimwhatcats。Iexplainedthat，personally，theywerestrangerstome；butIoffered，ifthepolicewouldcallallthecatsinthedistricttogether，tocomeroundandseeifIcouldrecognisethembytheiryaul。

TheGermanpolicemandoesnotunderstandajoke，whichisperhapsonthewholejustaswell，forIbelievethereisaheavyfineforjokingwithanyGermanuniform；theycallit"treatinganofficialwithcontumely。"Hemerelyrepliedthatitwasnotthedutyofthepolicetohelpmerecognisethecats；theirdutywasmerelytofinemeforthrowingthingsoutofwindow。

IaskedwhatamanwassupposedtodoinGermanywhenwokeupnightafternightbycats，andheexplainedthatIcouldlodgeaninformationagainsttheownerofthecat，whenthepolicewouldproceedtocautionhim，and，ifnecessary，orderthecattobedestroyed。Whowasgoingtodestroythecat，andwhatthecatwouldbedoingduringtheprocess，hedidnotexplain。

IaskedhimhowheproposedIshoulddiscovertheownerofthecat。

Hethoughtforawhile，andthensuggestedthatImightfollowithome。Ididnotfeelinclinedtoarguewithhimanymoreafterthat；Ishouldonlyhavesaidthingsthatwouldhavemadethematterworse。Asitwas，thatnight’ssportcostmetwelvemarks；

andnotasingleoneofthefourGermanofficialswhointerviewedmeonthesubjectcouldseeanythingridiculousintheproceedingsfrombeginningtoend。

ButinGermanymosthumanfaultsandfolliessinkintocomparativeinsignificancebesidetheenormityofwalkingonthegrass。

Nowhere，andundernocircumstances，mayyouatanytimeinGermanywalkonthegrass。GrassinGermanyisquiteafetish。ToputyourfootonGermangrasswouldbeasgreatasacrilegeastodanceahornpipeonaMohammedan’spraying—mat。TheverydogsrespectGermangrass；noGermandogwoulddreamofputtingapawonit。IfyouseeadogscamperingacrossthegrassinGermany，youmayknowforcertainthatitisthedogofsomeunholyforeigner。InEngland，whenwewanttokeepdogsoutofplaces，weputupwirenetting，sixfeethigh，supportedbybuttresses，anddefendedonthetopbyspikes。InGermany，theyputanotice—boardinthemiddleoftheplace，"Hundenverboten，"andadogthathasGermanbloodinitsveinslooksatthatnotice—boardandwalksaway。InaGermanparkIhaveseenagardenerstepgingerlywithfeltbootsontograss—plot，andremovingtherefromabeetle，placeitgravelybutfirmlyonthegravel；whichdone，hestoodsternlywatchingthebeetle，toseethatitdidnottrytogetbackonthegrass；andthebeetle，lookingutterlyashamedofitself，walkedhurriedlydownthegutter，andturnedupthepathmarked"Ausgang。"

InGermanparksseparateroadsaredevotedtothedifferentordersofthecommunity，andnooneperson，atperiloflibertyandfortune，maygouponanotherperson’sroad。Therearespecialpathsfor"wheel—riders"andspecialpathsfor"foot—goers，"

avenuesfor"horse—riders，"roadsforpeopleinlightvehicles，androadsforpeopleinheavyvehicles；waysforchildrenandfor"aloneladies。"Thatnoparticularroutehasyetbeensetasideforbald—headedmenor"newwomen"hasalwaysstruckmeasanomission。

IntheGrosseGarteninDresdenIoncecameacrossanoldlady，standing，helplessandbewildered，inthecentreofseventracks。

Eachwasguardedbyathreateningnotice，warningeverybodyoffitbutthepersonforwhomitwasintended。

"Iamsorrytotroubleyou，"saidtheoldlady，onlearningIcouldspeakEnglishandreadGerman，"butwouldyoumindtellingmewhatIamandwhereIhavetogo？"

Iinspectedhercarefully。Icametotheconclusionthatshewasa"grown—up"anda"foot—goer，"andpointedoutherpath。Shelookedatit，andseemeddisappointed。

"ButIdon’twanttogodownthere，"shesaid；"mayn’tIgothisway？"

"Greatheavens，no，madam！"Ireplied。"Thatpathisreservedforchildren。"

"ButIwouldn’tdothemanyharm，"saidtheoldlady，withasmile。

Shedidnotlookthesortofoldladywhowouldhavedonethemanyharm。

"Madam，"Ireplied，"ifitrestedwithme，Iwouldtrustyoudownthatpath，thoughmyownfirst—bornwereattheotherend；butI

canonlyinformyouofthelawsofthiscountry。Foryou，afull—

grownwoman，toventuredownthatpathistogotocertainfine，ifnotimprisonment。Thereisyourpath，markedplainly——NurfurFussganger，andifyouwillfollowmyadvice，youwillhastendownit；youarenotallowedtostandhereandhesitate。"

"Itdoesn’tleadabitinthedirectionIwanttogo，"saidtheoldlady。

"ItleadsinthedirectionyouOUGHTtowanttogo，"Ireplied，andweparted。

IntheGermanparkstherearespecialseatslabelled，"Onlyforgrown—ups"（NurfurErwachsene），andtheGermansmallboy，anxioustositdown，andreadingthatnotice，passesby，andhuntsforaseatonwhichchildrenarepermittedtorest；andthereheseatshimself，carefulnottotouchthewoodworkwithhismuddyboots。

ImagineaseatinRegent’sorSt。James’sParklabelled"Onlyforgrown—ups！"Everychildforfivemilesroundwouldbetryingtogetonthatseat，andhaulingotherchildrenoffwhowereon。Asforany"grown—up，"hewouldneverbeabletogetwithinhalfamileofthatseatforthecrowd。TheGermansmallboy，whohasaccidentallysatdownonsuchwithoutnoticing，riseswithastartwhenhiserrorispointedouttohim，andgoesawaywithdown—casthead，brushingtotherootsofhishairwithshameandregret。

NotthattheGermanchildisneglectedbyapaternalGovernment。

InGermanparksandpublicgardensspecialplaces（Spielplatze）areprovidedforhim，eachonesuppliedwithaheapofsand。Therehecanplaytohisheart’scontentatmakingmudpiesandbuildingsandcastles。TotheGermanchildapiemadeofanyothermudthanthiswouldappearanimmoralpie。Itwouldgivetohimnosatisfaction：hissoulwouldrevoltagainstit。

"Thatpie，"hewouldsaytohimself，"wasnot，asitshouldhavebeen，madeofGovernmentmudspeciallysetapartforthepurpose；

itwasnormanufacturedintheplaceplannedandmaintainedbytheGovernmentforthemakingofmudpies。Itcanbringnorealblessingwithit；itisalawlesspie。"Anduntilhisfatherhadpaidtheproperfine，andhehadreceivedhisproperlicking，hisconsciencewouldcontinuetotroublehim。

AnotherexcellentpieceofmaterialforobtainingexcitementinGermanyisthesimpledomesticperambulator。Whatyoumaydowitha"kinder—wagen，"asitiscalled，andwhatyoumaynot，coverspagesofGermanlaw；afterthereadingofwhich，youconcludethatthemanwhocanpushaperambulatorthroughaGermantownwithoutbreakingthelawwasmeantforadiplomatist。Youmustnotloiterwithaperambulator，andyoumustnotgotoofast。Youmustnotgetinanybody’swaywithaperambulator，andifanybodygetsinyourwayyoumustgetoutoftheirway。Ifyouwanttostopwithaperambulator，youmustgotoaplacespeciallyappointedwhereperambulatorsmaystop；andwhenyougetthereyouMUSTstop。Youmustnotcrosstheroadwithaperambulator；ifyouandthebabyhappentoliveontheotherside，thatisyourfault。Youmustnotleaveyourperambulatoranywhere，andonlyincertainplacescanyoutakeitwithyou。IshouldsaythatinGermanyyoucouldgooutwithaperambulatorandgetintoenoughtroubleinhalfanhourtolastyouforamonth。AnyyoungEnglishmananxiousforarowwiththepolicecouldnotdobetterthancomeovertoGermanyandbringhisperambulatorwithhim。

InGermanyyoumustnotleaveyourfrontdoorunlockedafterteno’clockatnight，andyoumustnotplaythepianoinyourownhouseaftereleven。InEnglandIhaveneverfeltIwantedtoplaythepianomyself，ortohearanyoneelseplayit，aftereleveno’clockatnight；butthatisaverydifferentthingtobeingtoldthatyoumustnotplayit。Here，inGermany，IneverfeelthatIreallycareforthepianountileleveno’clock，thenIcouldsitandlistentothe"Maiden’sPrayer，"ortheOvertureto"Zampa，"withpleasure。Tothelaw—lovingGerman，ontheotherhand，musicaftereleveno’clockatnightceasestobemusic；itbecomessin，andassuchgiveshimnosatisfaction。

TheonlyindividualthroughoutGermanywhoeverdreamsoftakinglibertieswiththelawistheGermanstudent，andheonlytoacertainwell—definedpoint。Bycustom，certainprivilegesarepermittedtohim，buteventhesearestrictlylimitedandclearlyunderstood。Forinstance，theGermanstudentmaygetdrunkandfallasleepinthegutterwithnootherpenaltythanthatofhavingthenextmorningtotipthepolicemanwhohasfoundhimandbroughthimhome。Butforthispurposehemustchoosetheguttersofside—

streets。TheGermanstudent，consciousoftherapidapproachofoblivion，usesallhisremainingenergytogetroundthecorner，wherehemaycollapsewithoutanxiety。Incertaindistrictshemayringbells。Therentofflatsintheselocalitiesislowerthaninotherquartersofthetown；whilethedifficultyisfurthermetbyeachfamilypreparingforitselfasecretcodeofbell—ringingbymeansofwhichitisknownwhetherthesummonsisgenuineornot。

Whenvisitingsuchahouseholdlateatnightitiswelltobeacquaintedwiththiscode，oryoumay，ifpersistent，getabucketofwaterthrownoveryou。

AlsotheGermanstudentisallowedtoputoutlightsatnight，butthereisaprejudiceagainsthisputtingouttoomany。ThelarkyGermanstudentgenerallykeepscount，contentinghimselfwithhalfadozenlightspernight。Likewise，hemayshoutandsingashewalkshome，uptillhalf—pasttwo；andatcertainrestaurantsitispermittedtohimtoputhisarmroundtheFraulein’swaist。Topreventanysuggestionofunseemliness，thewaitressesatrestaurantsfrequentedbystudentsarealwayscarefullyselectedfromamongastaidandelderlyclassyofwomen，byreasonofwhichtheGermanstudentcanenjoythedelightsofflirtationwithoutfearandwithoutreproachtoanyone。

Theyarealaw—abidingpeople，theGermans。

CHAPTERX

Badenfromthevisitor’spointofview——Beautyoftheearlymorning，asviewedfromtheprecedingafternoon——Distance，asmeasuredbythecompass——Ditto，asmeasuredbytheleg——Georgeinaccountwithhisconscience——Alazymachine——Bicycling，accordingtotheposter：itsrestfulness——Thepostercyclist：itscostume；

itsmethod——Thegriffinasahouseholdpet——Adogwithproperself—

respect——Thehorsethatwasabused。

FromBaden，aboutwhichitneedonlybesaidthatitisapleasureresortsingularlylikeotherpleasureresortsofthesamedescription，westartedbicyclinginearnest。Weplannedatendays’tour，which，whilecompletingtheBlackForest，shouldincludeaspindowntheDonau—Thal，whichforthetwentymilesfromTuttlingentoSigmaringenis，perhaps，thefinestvalleyinGermany；theDanubestreamherewindingitsnarrowwaypastold—

worldunspoiltvillages；pastancientmonasteries，nestlingingreenpastures，wherestillthebare—footedandbare—headedfriar，hisropegirdletightabouthisloins，shepherds，withcrookinhand，hissheepuponthehillsides；throughrockywoods；betweensheerwallsofcliff，whoseeverytoweringcragstandscrownedwithruinedfortress，church，orcastle；togetherwithablickattheVosgesmountains，wherehalfthepopulationisbitterlypainedifyouspeaktotheminFrench，theotherhalfbeinginsultedwhenyouaddresstheminGerman，andthewholeindignantlycontemptuousatthefirstsoundofEnglish；astateofthingsthatrendersconversationwiththestrangersomewhatnervouswork。

Wedidnotsucceedincarryingoutourprogrammeinitsentirety，forthereasonthathumanperformancelagseverbehindhumanintention。Itiseasytosayandbelieveatthreeo’clockintheafternoonthat："Wewillriseatfive，breakfastlightlyathalf—

past，andstartawayatsix。"

"Thenweshallbewellonourwaybeforetheheatofthedaysetsin，"remarksone。

"Thistimeoftheyear，theearlymorningisreallythebestpartoftheday。Don’tyouthinkso？"addsanother。

"Oh，undoubtedly。"

"Socoolandfresh。"

"Andthehalf—lightsaresoexquisite。"

Thefirstmorningonemaintainsone’svows。Thepartyassemblesathalf—pastfive。Itisverysilent；individually，somewhatsnappy；

inclinedtogrumblewithitsfood，alsowithmostotherthings；theatmospherechargedwithcompressedirritabilityseekingitsvent。

IntheeveningtheTempter’svoiceisheard：

"Ithinkifwegotoffbyhalf—pastsix，sharp，thatwouldbetimeenough？"

ThevoiceofVirtueprotests，faintly："Itwillbebreakingourresolution。"

TheTempterreplies："Resolutionsweremadeforman，notmanforresolutions。"ThedevilcanparaphraseScriptureforhisownpurpose。"Besides，itisdisturbingthewholehotel；thinkofthepoorservants。"

ThevoiceofVirtuecontinues，butevenfeebler："Buteverybodygetsupearlyintheseparts。"

"Theywouldnotiftheywerenotobligedto，poorthings！Saybreakfastathalf—pastsix，punctual；thatwillbedisturbingnobody。"

ThusSinmasqueradesundertheguiseofGood，andonesleepstillsix，explainingtoone’sconscience，who，however，doesn’tbelieveit，thatonedoesthisbecauseofunselfishconsiderationforothers。Ihaveknownsuchconsiderationextenduntilsevenoftheclock。

Likewise，distancemeasuredwithapairofcompassesisnotpreciselythesameaswhenmeasuredbytheleg。

"Tenmilesanhourforsevenhours，seventymiles。Aniceeasyday’swork。"

"Therearesomestiffhillstoclimb？"

"Theothersidetocomedown。Say，eightmilesanhour，andcallitsixtymiles。GottinHimmel！ifwecan’taverageeightmilesanhour，wehadbettergoinbath—chairs。"Itdoesseemsomewhatimpossibletodoless，onpaper。

Butatfouro’clockintheafternoonthevoiceofDutyringslesstrumpet—toned：

"Well，Isupposeweoughttobegettingon。"

"Oh，there’snohurry！don’tfuss。Lovelyviewfromhere，isn’tit？"

"Very。Don’tforgetwearetwenty—fivemilesfromSt。Blasien。"

"Howfar？"

"Twenty—fivemiles，alittleoverifanything。"

"Doyoumeantosaywehaveonlycomethirty—fivemiles？"

"That’sall。"

"Nonsense。Idon’tbelievethatmapofyours。"

"Itisimpossible，youknow。Wehavebeenridingsteadilyeversincethefirstthingthismorning。"

"No，wehaven’t。Wedidn’tgetawaytilleight，tobeginwith。"

"Quartertoeight。"

"Well，quartertoeight；andeveryhalf—dozenmileswehavestopped。"

"Wehaveonlystoppedtolookattheview。It’snogoodcomingtoseeacountry，andthennotseeingit。"

"Andwehavehadtopullupsomestiffhills。"

"Besides，ithasbeenanexceptionallyhotdayto—day。"

"Well，don’tforgetSt。Blasienistwenty—fivemilesoff，that’sall。"

"Anymorehills？"

"Yes，two；upanddown。"

"IthoughtyousaiditwasdownhillintoSt。Blasien？"

"Soitisforthelasttenmiles。Wearetwenty—fivemilesfromSt。Blasienhere。"

"Isn’tthereanywherebetweenhereandSt。Blasien？What’sthatlittleplacethereonthelake？"

"Itisn’tSt。Blasien，oranywherenearit。There’sadangerinbeginningthatsortofthing。"

"There’sadangerinoverworkingoneself。Oneshouldstudymoderationinallthings。Prettylittleplace，thatTitisee，accordingtothemap；looksasiftherewouldbegoodairthere。"

"Allright，I’magreeable。ItwasyoufellowswhosuggestedourmakingforSt。Blasien。"

"Oh，I’mnotsokeenonSt。Blasien！pokylittleplace，downinavalley。ThisTitisee，Ishouldsay，waseversomuchnicer。"

"Quitenear，isn’tit？"

"Fivemiles。"

Generalchorus："We’llstopatTitisee。"

Georgemadediscoveryofthisdifferencebetweentheoryandpracticeontheveryfirstdayofourride。

"Ithought，"saidGeorge——hewasridingthesingle，HarrisandI

beingalittleaheadonthetandem——"thattheideawastotrainupthehillsandridedownthem。"

"Soitis，"answeredHarris，"asageneralrule。Butthetrainsdon’tgoupEVERYhillintheBlackForest。"

"Somehow，Ifeltasuspicionthattheywouldn’t，"growledGeorge；

andforawhilesilencereigned。

"Besides，"remarkedHarris，whohadevidentlybeenruminatingthesubject，"youwouldnotwishtohavenothingbutdownhill，surely。

Itwouldnotbeplayingthegame。Onemusttakealittleroughwithone’ssmooth。"

Againtherereturnedsilence，brokenafterawhilebyGeorge，thistime。

"Don’tyoutwofellowsover—exertyourselvesmerelyonmyaccount，"

saidGeorge。

"Howdoyoumean？"askedHarris。

"Imean，"answeredGeorge，"thatwhereatraindoeshappentobegoingupthesehills，don’tyouputasidetheideaoftakingitforfearofoutragingmyfinerfeelings。Personally，Iampreparedtogoupallthesehillsinarailwaytrain，evenifit’snotplayingthegame。I’llsquarethethingwithmyconscience；I’vebeenupatseveneverydayforaweeknow，andIcalculateitowesmeabit。Don’tyouconsidermeinthematteratall。"

Wepromisedtobearthisinmind，andagaintheridecontinuedindoggeddumbness，untilitwasagainbrokenbyGeorge。

"Whatbicycledidyousaythiswasofyours？"askedGeorge。

Harristoldhim。Iforgetofwhatparticularmanufactureithappenedtobe；itisimmaterial。

"Areyousure？"persistedGeorge。

"OfcourseIamsure，"answeredHarris。"Why，what’sthematterwithit？"

"Well，itdoesn’tcomeuptotheposter，"saidGeorge，"that’sall。"

"Whatposter？"askedHarris。

"Theposteradvertisingthisparticularbrandofcycle，"explainedGeorge。"IwaslookingatoneonahoardinginSloaneStreetonlyadayortwobeforewestarted。Amanwasridingthismakeofmachine，amanwithabannerinhishand：hewasn’tdoinganywork，thatwasclearasdaylight；hewasjustsittingonthethinganddrinkingintheair。Thecyclewasgoingofitsownaccord，andgoingwell。Thisthingofyoursleavesalltheworktome。Itisalazybruteofamachine；ifyoudon’tshove，itsimplydoesnothing：Ishouldcomplainaboutit，ifIwereyou。"

Whenonecomestothinkofit，fewbicyclesdorealisetheposter。

OnonlyoneposterthatIcanrecollecthaveIseentheriderrepresentedasdoinganywork。Butthenthismanwasbeingpursuedbyabull。Inordinarycasestheobjectoftheartististoconvincethehesitatingneophytethatthesportofbicyclingconsistsinsittingonaluxurioussaddle，andbeingmovedrapidlyinthedirectionyouwishtogobyunseenheavenlypowers。

Generallyspeaking，theriderisalady，andthenonefeelsthat，forperfectbodilyrestcombinedwithentirefreedomfrommentalanxiety，slumberuponawater—bedcannotcomparewithbicycle—

ridinguponahillyroad。Nofairytravellingonasummercloudcouldtakethingsmoreeasilythandoesthebicyclegirl，accordingtotheposter。Hercostumeforcyclinginhotweatherisideal。

Old—fashionedlandladiesmightrefuseherlunch，itistrue；andanarrowmindedpoliceforcemightdesiretosecureher，andwrapherinarugpreliminarytosummonsingher。Butsuchsheheedsnot。

Uphillanddownhill，throughtrafficthatmighttaxtheingenuityofacat，overroadsurfacescalculatedtobreaktheaveragesteamrollershepasses，avisionofidleloveliness；herfairhairstreamingtothewind，hersylph—likeformpoisedairily，onefootuponthesaddle，theotherrestinglightlyuponthelamp。

Sometimesshecondescendstositdownonthesaddle；thensheputsherfeetontherests，lightsacigarette，andwavesaboveherheadaChineselantern。

Lessoften，itisameremalethingthatridesthemachine。Heisnotsoaccomplishedanacrobatasisthelady；butsimpletricks，suchasstandingonthesaddleandwavingflags，drinkingbeerorbeef—teawhileriding，hecananddoesperform。Something，onesupposes，hemustdotooccupyhismind：sittingstillhourafterhouronthismachine，havingnoworktodo，nothingtothinkabout，mustpalluponanymanofactivetemperament。Thusitisthatweseehimrisingonhispedalsashenearsthetopofsomehighhilltoapostrophisethesun，oraddresspoetrytothesurroundingscenery。

Occasionallytheposterpicturesapairofcyclists；andthenonegraspsthefacthowmuchsuperiorforpurposesofflirtationisthemodernbicycletotheold—fashionedparlourortheplayed—outgardengate。Heandshemounttheirbicycles，beingcareful，ofcourse，thatsuchareoftherightmake。Afterthattheyhavenothingtothinkaboutbuttheoldsweettale。Downshadylanes，throughbusytownsonmarketdays，merrilyrollthewheelsofthe"BermondseyCompany’sBottomBracketBritain’sBest，"orofthe"CamberwellCompany’sJointlessEureka。"Theyneednopedalling；

theyrequirenoguiding。Givethemtheirheads，andtellthemwhattimeyouwanttogethome，andthatisalltheyask。WhileEdwinleansfromhissaddletowhisperthedearoldnothingsinAngelina’sear，whileAngelina’sface，tohideitsblushes，isturnedtowardsthehorizonattheback，themagicbicyclespursuetheirevencourse。

Andthesunisalwaysshiningandtheroadsarealwaysdry。Nosternparentridesbehind，nointerferingauntbeside，nodemonsmallboybrotherispeepingroundthecorner，therenevercomesaskid。Ahme！Whywerethereno"Britain’sBest"nor"CamberwellEurekas"tobehiredwhenWEwereyoung？

Ormaybethe"Britain’sBest"orthe"CamberwellEureka"standsleaningagainstagate；maybeitistired。Ithasworkedhardalltheafternoon，carryingtheseyoungpeople。Mercifullyminded，theyhavedismounted，togivethemachinearest。Theysituponthegrassbeneaththeshadeofgracefulboughs；itislonganddrygrass。Astreamflowsbytheirfeet。Allisrestandpeace。

Thatisevertheideathecycleposterartistsetshimselftoconvey——restandpeace。

ButIamwronginsayingthatnocyclist，accordingtotheposter，everworks。NowIcometoreflect，Ihaveseenpostersrepresentinggentlemenoncyclesworkingveryhard——over—workingthemselves，onemightalmostsay。Theyarethinandhaggardwiththetoil，theperspirationstandsupontheirbrowinbeads；youfeelthatifthereisanotherhillbeyondthepostertheymusteithergetoffordie。Butthisistheresultoftheirownfolly。

Thishappensbecausetheywillpersistinridingamachineofaninferiormake。Weretheyridinga"PutneyPopular"or"BatterseaBounder，"suchasthesensibleyoungmaninthecentreoftheposterrides，thenallthisunnecessarylabourwouldbesavedtothem。Thenallrequiredofthemwouldbe，asingratitudebound，tolookhappy；perhaps，occasionallytoback—pedalalittlewhenthemachineinitsyouthfulbuoyancylosesitsheadforamomentanddashesontooswiftly。

Youtiredyoungmen，sittingdejectedlyonmilestones，toospenttoheedthesteadyrainthatsoaksyouthrough；youwearymaidens，withthestraight，damphair，anxiousaboutthetime，longingtoswear，notknowinghow；youstoutbaldmen，vanishingvisiblyasyoupantandgruntalongtheendlessroad；youpurple，dejectedmatrons，plyingwithpaintheslowunwillingwheel；whydidyounotseetoitthatyouboughta"Britain’sBest"ora"CamberwellEureka"？WhyarethesebicyclesofinferiormakesoprevalentthroughoutthelandOrisitwithbicyclingaswithallotherthings：doesLifeatnopointrealisethePoster？

TheonethinginGermanythatneverfailstocharmandfascinatemeistheGermandog。InEnglandonegrowstiredoftheoldbreeds，oneknowsthemallsowell：themastiff，theplum—puddingdog，theterrier（black，whiteorrough—haired，asthecasemaybe，butalwaysquarrelsome），thecollie，thebulldog；neveranythingnew。

NowinGermanyyougetvariety。Youcomeacrossdogsthelikeofwhichyouhaveneverseenbefore：thatuntilyouhearthembarkyoudonotknowaredogs。Itisallsofresh，sointeresting。

GeorgestoppedadoginSigmaringenanddrewourattentiontoit。

Itsuggestedacrossbetweenacodfishandapoodle。IwouldnotliketobepositiveitwasNOTacrossbetweenacodfishandapoodle。Harristriedtophotographit，butitranupafenceanddisappearedthroughsomebushes。

IdonotknowwhattheGermanbreeder’sideais；atpresentheretainshissecret。Georgesuggestsheisaimingatagriffin。

Thereismuchtobearoutthistheory，andindeedinoneortwocasesIhavecomeacrosssuccessontheselineswouldseemtohavebeenalmostachieved。YetIcannotbringmyselftobelievethatsuchareanythingmorethanmereaccidents。TheGermanispractical，andIfailtoseetheobjectofagriffin。Ifmerequaintnessofdesignbedesired，istherenotalreadytheDachshund！Whatmoreisneeded？Besides，aboutahouse，agriffinwouldbesoinconvenient：peoplewouldbecontinuallytreadingonitstail。MyownideaisthatwhattheGermansaretryingforisamermaid，whichtheywillthentraintocatchfish。

ForyourGermandoesnotencouragelazinessinanylivingthing。

Helikestoseehisdogswork，andtheGermandogloveswork；ofthattherecanbenodoubt。ThelifeoftheEnglishdogmustbeamiserytohim。Imagineastrong，active，andintelligentbeing，ofexceptionallyenergetictemperament，condemnedtospendtwenty—fourhoursadayinabsoluteidleness！Howwouldyoulikeityourself？

Nowonderhefeelsmisunderstood，yearnsfortheunattainable，andgetshimselfintotroublegenerally。

NowtheGermandog，ontheotherhand，hasplentytooccupyhismind。Heisbusyandimportant。Watchhimashewalksalongharnessedtohismilkcart。Nochurchwardenatcollectiontimecouldfeelorlookmorepleasedwithhimself。Hedoesnotdoanyrealwork；thehumanbeingdoesthepushing，hedoesthebarking；

thatishisideaofdivisionoflabour。Whathesaystohimselfis：

"Theoldmancan’tbark，buthecanshove。Verywell。"

Theinterestandthepridehetakesinthebusinessisquitebeautifultosee。Anotherdogpassingbymakes，maybe，somejeeringremark，castingdiscredituponthecreaminessofthemilk。

Hestopssuddenly，quiteregardlessofthetraffic。

"Ibegyourpardon，whatwasthatyousaidaboutourmilk？"

"Isaidnothingaboutyourmilk，"retortstheotherdog，inatoneofgentleinnocence。"Imerelysaiditwasafineday，andaskedthepriceofchalk。"

"Oh，youaskedthepriceofchalk，didyou？Wouldyouliketoknow？"

"Yes，thanks；somehowIthoughtyouwouldbeabletotellme。"

"Youarequiteright，Ican。It’sworth——"

"Oh，docomealong！"saystheoldlady，whoistiredandhot，andanxioustofinishherround。

"Yes，buthangitall；didyouhearwhathehintedaboutourmilk？"

"Oh，nevermindhim！There’satramcomingroundthecorner：weshallallgetrunover。"

"Yes，butIdomindhim；onehasone’sproperpride。Heaskedthepriceofchalk，andhe’sgoingtoknowit！It’sworthjusttwentytimesasmuch——"

"You’llhavethewholethingover，Iknowyouwill，"criestheoldlady，pathetically，strugglingwithallherfeeblestrengthtohaulhimback。"Ohdear，ohdear！IdowishIhadleftyouathome。"

Thetramisbearingdownuponthem；acab—driverisshoutingatthem；anotherhugebrute，hopingtobeintimetotakeahand，isdraggingabreadcart，followedbyascreamingchild，acrosstheroadfromtheoppositeside；asmallcrowdiscollecting；andapolicemanishasteningtothescene。

"It’sworth，"saysthemilkdog，"justtwenty—timesasmuchasyou’llbeworthbeforeI’vedonewithyou。"

"Oh，youthinkso，doyou？"

"Yes，Ido，yougrandsonofaFrenchpoodle，youcabbage—eating——"

"There！Iknewyou’dhaveitover，"saysthepoormilk—woman。"I

toldhimhe’dhaveitover。"

Butheisbusy，andheedshernot。Fiveminuteslater，whenthetrafficisrenewed，whenthebreadgirlhascollectedhermuddyrolls，andthepolicemanhasgoneoffwiththenameandaddressofeverybodyinthestreet，heconsentstolookbehindhim。

"ItISabitofanupset，"headmits。Thenshakinghimselffreeofcare，headds，cheerfully，"ButIguessItaughthimthepriceofchalk。Hewon’tinterferewithusagain，I’mthinking。"

"I’msureIhopenot，"saystheoldlady，regardingdejectedlythemilkyroad。

Buthisfavouritesportistowaitatthetopofthehillforanotherdog，andthenracedown。Ontheseoccasionsthechiefoccupationoftheotherfellowistorunaboutbehind，pickingupthescatteredarticles，loaves，cabbages，orshirts，astheyarejerkedout。Atthebottomofthehill，hestopsandwaitsforhisfriend。

"Goodrace，wasn’tit？"heremarks，panting，astheHumancomesup，ladentothechin。"IbelieveI’dhavewonit，too，ifithadn’tbeenforthatfoolofasmallboy。HewasrightinmywayjustasIturnedthecorner。YOUNOTICEDHIM？WishIhad，beastlybrat！

What’sheyellinglikethatfor？BECAUSEIKNOCKEDHIMDOWNAND

RANOVERHIM？Well，whydidn’thegetoutoftheway？It’sdisgraceful，thewaypeopleleavetheirchildrenaboutforotherpeopletotumbleover。Halloa！didallthosethingscomeout？Youcouldn’thavepackedthemverycarefully；youshouldseetoathinglikethat。YOUDIDNOTDREAMOFMYTEARINGDOWNTHEHILLTWENTY

MILESANHOUR？Surely，youknewmebetterthantoexpectI’dletthatoldSchneider’sdogpassmewithoutaneffort。Butthere，youneverthink。You’resureyou’vegotthemall？YOUBELIEVESO？I

shouldn’t’believe’ifIwereyou；Ishouldrunbackupthehillagainandmakesure。YOUFEELTOOTIRED？Oh，allright！don’tblamemeifanythingismissing，that’sall。"

Heissoself—willed。Heiscock—surethatthecorrectturningisthesecondontheright，andnothingwillpersuadehimthatitisthethird。Heispositivehecangetacrosstheroadintime，andwillnotbeconvinceduntilheseesthecartsmashedup。Thenheisveryapologetic，itistrue。Butofwhatuseisthat？Asheisusuallyofthesizeandstrengthofayoungbull，andhishumancompanionisgenerallyaweak—kneedoldmanorwoman，orasmallchild，hehashisway。Thegreatestpunishmenthisproprietorcaninflictuponhimistoleavehimathome，andtakethecartoutalone。ButyourGermanistookind—heartedtodothisoften。

Thatheisharnessedtothecartforanybody’spleasurebuthisownitisimpossibletobelieve；andIamconfidentthattheGermanpeasantplansthetinyharnessandfashionsthelittlecartpurelywiththehopeofgratifyinghisdog。Inothercountries——inBelgium，HollandandFrance——Ihaveseenthesedraughtdogsill—

treatedandover—worked；butinGermany，never。Germansabuseanimalsshockingly。IhaveseenaGermanstandinfrontofhishorseandcalliteverynamehecouldlayhistongueto。Butthehorsedidnotmindit。IhaveseenaGerman，wearywithabusinghishorse，calltohiswifetocomeoutandassisthim。Whenshecame，hetoldherwhatthehorsehaddone。Therecitalrousedthewoman’stempertoalmostequalheatwithhisown；andstandingoneeachsideofthepoorbeast，theybothabusedit。Theyabuseditsdeadmother，theyinsulteditsfather；theymadecuttingremarksaboutitspersonalappearance，itsintelligence，itsmoralsense，itsgeneralabilityasahorse。Theanimalborethetorrentwithexemplarypatienceforawhile；thenitdidthebestthingpossibletodounderthecircumstances。Withoutlosingitsowntemper，itmovedquietlyaway。Theladyreturnedtoherwashing，andthemanfolloweditupthestreet，stillabusingit。

Akinder—heartedpeoplethantheGermansthereisnoneedfor。

Crueltytoanimalorchildisathingalmostunknownintheland。

Thewhipwiththemisamusicalinstrument；itscrackisheardfrommorningtonight，butanItaliancoachmanthatinthestreetsofDresdenIoncesawuseitwasverynearlylynchedbytheindignantcrowd。GermanyistheonlycountryinEuropewherethetravellercansettlehimselfcomfortablyinhishiredcarriage，confidentthathisgentle，willingfriendbetweentheshaftswillbeneitherover—workednorcruellytreated。

CHAPTERXI

BlackForestHouse：andthesociabilitytherein——Itsperfume——

Georgepositivelydeclinestoremaininbedafterfouro’clockinthemorning——Theroadonecannotmiss——Mypeculiarextrainstinct——

Anungratefulparty——Harrisasascientist——Hischeeryconfidence——

Thevillage：whereitwas，andwhereitoughttohavebeen——

George：hisplan——WepromenadealaFrancais——TheGermancoachmanasleepandawake——ThemanwhospreadstheEnglishlanguageabroad。

Therewasonenightwhen，tiredoutandfarfromtownorvillage，wesleptinaBlackForestfarmhouse。ThegreatcharmabouttheBlackForesthouseisitssociability。Thecowsareinthenextroom，thehorsesareupstairs，thegeeseandducksareinthekitchen，whilethepigs，thechildren，andthechickensliveallovertheplace。

Youaredressing，whenyouhearagruntbehindyou。

"Good—morning！Don’thappentohaveanypotatopeelingsinhere？

No，Iseeyouhaven’t；good—bye。"

Nextthereisacackle，andyouseetheneckofanoldhenstretchedroundthecorner。

"Finemorning，isn’tit？Youdon’tmindmybringingthiswormofmineinhere，doyou？Itissodifficultinthishousetofindaroomwhereonecanenjoyone’sfoodwithanyquietness。FromachickenIhavealwaysbeenasloweater，andwhenadozen——there，I

thoughttheywouldn’tleavemealone。Nowthey’llallwantabit。

Youdon’tmindmygettingonthebed，doyou？Perhapsheretheywon’tnoticeme。"

Whileyouaredressingvariousshockheadspeerinatthedoor；

theyevidentlyregardtheroomasatemporarymenagerie。Youcannottellwhethertheheadsbelongtoboysorgirls；youcanonlyhopetheyareallmale。Itisofnouseshuttingthedoor，becausethereisnothingtofastenitby，andthemomentyouaregonetheypushitopenagain。YoubreakfastastheProdigalSonisgenerallyrepresentedfeeding：apigortwodropintokeepyoucompany；apartyofelderlygeesecriticiseyoufromthedoor；yougatherfromtheirwhispers，addedtotheirshockedexpression，thattheyaretalkingscandalaboutyou。Maybeacowwillcondescendtogiveaglancein。

ThisNoah’sArkarrangementitis，Isuppose，thatgivestotheBlackForesthomeitsdistinctivescent。Itisnotascentyoucanlikentoanyonething。ItisasifyoutookrosesandLimburgercheeseandhairoil，someheatherandonions，peachesandsoapsuds，togetherwithadashofseaairandacorpse，andmixedthemuptogether。Youcannotdefineanyparticularodour，butyoufeeltheyareallthere——alltheodoursthattheworldhasyetdiscovered。Peoplewholiveinthesehousesarefondofthismixture。Theydonotopenthewindowandloseanyofit；theykeepitcarefullybottledup。Ifyouwantanyotherscent，youcangooutsideandsmellthewoodvioletsandthepines；insidethereisthehouse；andafterawhile，Iamtold，yougetusedtoit，sothatyoumissit，andareunabletogotosleepinanyotheratmosphere。

Wehadalongwalkbeforeusthenextday，anditwasourdesire，therefore，togetupearly，evensoearlyassixo’clock，ifthatcouldbemanagedwithoutdisturbingthewholehousehold。Weputittoourhostesswhethershethoughtthiscouldbedone。Shesaidshethoughtitcould。Shemightnotbeaboutherselfatthattime；

itwashermorningforgoingintothetown，someeightmilesoff，andsherarelygotbackmuchbeforeseven；but，possibly，herhusbandoroneoftheboyswouldbereturninghometolunchaboutthathour。Anyhow，somebodyshouldbesentbacktowakeusandgetourbreakfast。

Asitturnedout，wedidnotneedanywaking。Wegotupatfour，allbyourselves。Wegotupatfourinordertogetawayfromthenoiseandthedinthatwasmakingourheadsache。WhattimetheBlackForestpeasantrisesinthesummertimeIamunabletosay；

toustheyappearedtobegettingupallnight。AndthefirstthingtheBlackForesterdoeswhenhegetsupistoputonapairofstoutbootswithwoodensoles，andtakeaconstitutionalroundthehouse。Untilhehasbeenthreetimesupanddownthestairs，hedoesnotfeelheisup。Oncefullyawakehimself，thenextthinghedoesistogoupstairstothestables，andwakeupahorse。（TheBlackForesthousebeingbuiltgenerallyonthesideofasteephill，thegroundfloorisatthetop，andthehay—loftatthebottom。）Thenthehorse，itwouldseem，mustalsohaveitsconstitutionalroundthehouse；andthisseento，themangoesdownstairsintothekitchenandbeginstochopwood，andwhenhehaschoppedsufficientwoodhefeelspleasedwithhimselfandbeginstosing。Allthingsconsidered，wecametotheconclusionwecouldnotdobetterthanfollowtheexcellentexamplesetus。

EvenGeorgewasquiteeagertogetupthatmorning。

Wehadafrugalbreakfastathalf—pastfour，andstartedawayatfive。Ourroadlayoveramountain，andfromenquiriesmadeinthevillageitappearedtobeoneofthoseroadsyoucannotpossiblymiss。Isupposeeverybodyknowsthissortofroad。Generally，itleadsyoubacktowhereyoustartedfrom；andwhenitdoesn’t，youwishitdid，sothatatalleventsyoumightknowwhereyouwere。

Iforesawevilfromtheveryfirst，andbeforewehadaccomplishedacoupleofmileswecameupwithit。Theroaddividedintothree。

Aworm—eatensign—postindicatedthatthepathtotheleftledtoaplacethatwehadneverheardof——thatwasonnomap。Itsotherarm，pointingoutthedirectionofthemiddleroad，haddisappeared。Theroadtotheright，soweallagreed，clearlyledbackagaintothevillage。

"Theoldmansaiddistinctly，"soHarrisremindedus，"keepstraightonroundthehill。"

"Whichhill？"Georgeasked，pertinently。

Wewereconfrontedbyhalfadozen，someofthembig，someofthemlittle。

"Hetoldus，"continuedHarris，"thatweshouldcometoawood。"

"Iseenoreasontodoubthim，"commentedGeorge，"whicheverroadwetake。"

Asamatteroffact，adensewoodcoveredeveryhill。

"Andhesaid，"murmuredHarris，"thatweshouldreachthetopinaboutanhourandahalf。"

"Thereitis，"saidGeorge，"thatIbegintodisbelievehim。"

"Well，whatshallwedo？"saidHarris。

NowIhappentopossessthebumpoflocality。Itisnotavirtue；

Imakenoboastofit。ItismerelyananimalinstinctthatI

cannothelp。Thatthingsoccasionallygetinmyway——mountains，precipices，rivers，andsuchlikeobstructions——isnofaultofmine。Myinstinctiscorrectenough；itistheearththatiswrong。Iledthembythemiddleroad。Thatthemiddleroadhadnotcharacterenoughtocontinueforanyquarterofamileinthesamedirection；thatafterthreemilesupanddownhillitendedabruptlyinawasps’nest，wasnotathingthatshouldhavebeenlaidtomydoor。Ifthemiddleroadhadgoneinthedirectionitoughttohavedone，itwouldhavetakenustowherewewantedtogo，ofthatIamconvinced。

Evenasitwas，Iwouldhavecontinuedtousethisgiftofminetodiscoverafreshwayhadaproperspiritbeendisplayedtowardsme。

ButIamnotanangel——Iadmitthisfrankly，——andIdeclinetoexertmyselffortheungratefulandtheribald。Besides，IdoubtifGeorgeandHarriswouldhavefollowedmefurtherinanyevent。

ThereforeitwasthatIwashedmyhandsofthewholeaffair，andthatHarrisentereduponthevacancy。

"Well，"saidHarris。"Isupposeyouaresatisfiedwithwhatyouhavedone？"

"Iamquitesatisfied，"IrepliedfromtheheapofstoneswhereI

wassitting。"Sofar，Ihavebroughtyouwithsafety。Iwouldcontinuetoleadyoufurther，butnoartistcanworkwithoutencouragement。Youappeardissatisfiedwithmebecauseyoudonotknowwhereyouare。Forallyouknow，youmaybejustwhereyouwanttobe。ButIsaynothingastothat；Iexpectnothanks。Goyourownway；Ihavedonewithyouboth。"

Ispoke，perhaps，withbitterness，butIcouldnothelpit。NotawordofkindnesshadIhadallthewearyway。

"Donotmisunderstandus，"saidHarris；"bothGeorgeandmyselffeelthatwithoutyourassistanceweshouldneverbewherewenoware。Forthatwegiveyoueverycredit。Butinstinctisliabletoerror。WhatIproposetodoistosubstituteforitScience，whichisexact。Now，where’sthesun？"

"Don’tyouthink，"saidGeorge，"thatifwemadeourwaybacktothevillage，andhiredaboyforamarktoguideus，itwouldsavetimeintheend？"

"Itwouldbewastinghours，"saidHarris，withdecision。"Youleavethistome。Ihavebeenreadingaboutthisthing，andithasinterestedme。"Hetookouthiswatch，andbeganturninghimselfroundandround。

"It’sassimpleasABC，"hecontinued。"Youpointtheshorthandatthesun，thenyoubisectthesegmentbetweentheshorthandandthetwelve，andthusyougetthenorth。"

Heworriedupanddownforawhile，thenhefixedit。

"NowI’vegotit，"hesaid；"that’sthenorth，wherethatwasps’

nestis。Nowgivemethemap。"

Wehandedittohim，andseatinghimselffacingthewasps，heexaminedit。

"Todtmoosfromhere，"hesaid，"issouthbysouth—west。"

"Howdoyoumean，fromhere？"askedGeorge。

"Why，fromhere，whereweare，"returnedHarris。

"Butwherearewe？"saidGeorge。

ThisworriedHarrisforatime，butatlengthhecheeredup。

"Itdoesn’tmatterwhereweare，"hesaid。"Whereverweare，Todtmoosissouthbysouth—west。Comeon，weareonlywastingtime。"

"Idon’tquiteseehowyoumakeitout，"saidGeorge，asheroseandshoulderedhisknapsack；"butIsupposeitdoesn’tmatter。Weareoutforourhealth，andit’sallpretty！"

"Weshallbeallright，"saidHarris，withcheeryconfidence。"WeshallbeinatTodtmoosbeforeten，don’tyouworry。AndatTodtmooswewillhavesomethingtoeat。"

Hesaidthathe，himself，fanciedabeefsteak，followedbyanomelette。Georgesaidthat，personally，heintendedtokeephismindoffthesubjectuntilhesawTodtmoos。

Wewalkedforhalfanhour，thenemerginguponanopening，wesawbelowus，abouttwomilesaway，thevillagethroughwhichwehadpassedthatmorning。Ithadaquaintchurchwithanoutsidestaircase，asomewhatunusualarrangement。

Thesightofitmademesad。Wehadbeenwalkinghardforthreehoursandahalf，andhadaccomplished，apparently，aboutfourmiles。ButHarriswasdelighted。

"Now，atlast，"saidHarris，"weknowwhereweare。"

"Ithoughtyousaiditdidn’tmatter，"Georgeremindedhim。

"Nomoreitdoes，practically，"repliedHarris，"butitisjustaswelltobecertain。NowIfeelmoreconfidenceinmyself。"

"I’mnotsosureaboutthatbeinganadvantage，"mutteredGeorge。

ButIdonotthinkHarrisheardhim。

"Wearenow，"continuedHarris，"eastofthesun，andTodtmoosissouth—westofwhereweare。Sothatif——"

Hebrokeoff。"By—the—by，"hesaid，"doyourememberwhetherI

saidthebisectinglineofthatsegmentpointedtothenorthortothesouth？"

"Yousaiditpointedtothenorth，"repliedGeorge。

"Areyoupositive？"persistedHarris。

"Positive，"answeredGeorge"butdon’tletthatinfluenceyourcalculations。Inallprobabilityyouwerewrong。"

Harristhoughtforawhile；thenhisbrowcleared。

"That’sallright，"hesaid；"ofcourse，it’sthenorth。Itmustbethenorth。Howcoulditbethesouth？Nowwemustmakeforthewest。Comeon。"

"Iamquitewillingtomakeforthewest，"saidGeorge；"anypointofthecompassisthesametome。Ionlywishtoremarkthat，atthepresentmoment，wearegoingdeadeast。"

"Nowearenot，"returnedHarris；"wearegoingwest。"

"Wearegoingeast，Itellyou，"saidGeorge。

"Iwishyouwouldn’tkeepsayingthat，"saidHarris，"youconfuseme。"

"Idon’tmindifIdo，"returnedGeorge；"Iwouldratherdothatthangowrong。Itellyouwearegoingdeadeast。"

"Whatnonsense！"retortedHarris；"there’sthesun。"

"Icanseethesun，"answeredGeorge，"quitedistinctly。Itmaybewhereitoughttobe，accordingtoyouandScience，oritmaynot。

AllIknowis，thatwhenweweredowninthevillage，thatparticularhillwiththatparticularlumpofrockuponitwasduenorthofus。Atthepresentmomentwearefacingdueeast。"

"Youarequiteright，"saidHarris；"Iforgotforthemomentthatwehadturnedround。"

"Ishouldgetintothehabitofmakinganoteofit，ifIwereyou，"grumbledGeorge；"it’samanoeuvrethatwillprobablyoccuragainmorethanonce。"

Wefacedabout，andwalkedintheotherdirection。Attheendoffortyminutes’climbingweagainemergeduponanopening，andagainthevillagelayjustunderourfeet。Onthisoccasionitwassouthofus。

"Thisisveryextraordinary，"saidHarris。

"Iseenothingremarkableaboutit，"saidGeorge。"Ifyouwalksteadilyroundavillageitisonlynaturalthatnowandthenyougetaglimpseofit。Myself，Iamgladtoseeit。Itprovestomethatwearenotutterlylost。"

"Itoughttobetheothersideofus，"saidHarris。

"Itwillbeinanotherhourorso，"saidGeorge，"ifwekeepon。"

Isaidlittlemyself；Iwasvexedwithbothofthem；butIwasgladtonoticeGeorgeevidentlygrowingcrosswithHarris。ItwasabsurdofHarristofancyhecouldfindthewaybythesun。

"IwishIknew，"saidHarris，thoughtfully，"forcertainwhetherthatbisectinglinepointstothenorthortothesouth。"

"Ishouldmakeupmymindaboutit，"saidGeorge；"it’sanimportantpoint。"

"It’simpossibleitcanbethenorth，"saidHarris，"andI’lltellyouwhy。"

"Youneedn’ttrouble，"saidGeorge；"Iamquitepreparedtobelieveitisn’t。"

"Yousaidjustnowitwas，"saidHarris，reproachfully。

"Isaidnothingofthesort，"retortedGeorge。"Isaidyousaiditwas——averydifferentthing。Ifyouthinkitisn’t，let’sgotheotherway。It’llbeachange，atallevents。"

SoHarrisworkedthingsoutaccordingtothecontrarycalculation，andagainweplungedintothewood；andagainafterhalfanhour’sstiffclimbingwecameinviewofthatsamevillage。True，wewerealittlehigher，andthistimeitlaybetweenusandthesun。