第5章
Youhavetogoawayandbeginyourmeal，asifyouwerenotgoingtohaveanyteaatall。Youmustnotevenlookroundatit。Thenyouwillsoonhearitsputteringaway，madtobemadeintotea。
Itisagoodplan，too，ifyouareinagreathurry，totalkveryloudlytoeachotherabouthowyoudon"tneedanytea，andarenotgoingtohaveany。Yougetnearthekettle，sothatitcanoverhearyou，andthenyoushoutout，"Idon"twantanytea；doyou，George？"towhichGeorgeshoutsback，"Oh，no，Idon"tliketea；we"llhavelemonadeinstead-tea"ssoindigestible。"Uponwhichthekettleboilsover，andputsthestoveout。
Weadoptedthisharmlessbitoftrickery，andtheresultwasthat，bythetimeeverythingelsewasready，theteawaswaiting。Thenwelitthelantern，andsquatteddowntosupper。
Wewantedthatsupper。
Forfive-and-thirtyminutesnotasoundwasheardthroughoutthelengthandbreadthofthatboat，savetheclankofcutleryandcrockery，andthesteadygrindingoffoursetsofmolars。Attheendoffive-and-thirtyminutes，Harrissaid，"Ah！"andtookhisleftlegoutfromunderhimandputhisrightonethereinstead。
Fiveminutesafterwards，Georgesaid，"Ah！"too，andthrewhisplateoutonthebank；and，threeminuteslaterthanthat，Montmorencygavethefirstsignofcontentmenthehadexhibitedsincewehadstarted，androlledoveronhisside，andspreadhislegsout；andthenIsaid，"Ah！"
andbentmyheadback，andbumpeditagainstoneofthehoops，butIdidnotmindit。Ididnotevenswear。
Howgoodonefeelswhenoneisfull-howsatisfiedwithourselvesandwiththeworld！Peoplewhohavetriedit，tellmethataclearconsciencemakesyouveryhappyandcontented；butafullstomachdoesthebusinessquiteaswell，andischeaper，andmoreeasilyobtained。
Onefeelssoforgivingandgenerousafterasubstantialandwell-digestedmeal-sonoble-minded，sokindly-hearted。
Itisverystrange，thisdominationofourintellectbyourdigestiveorgans。Wecannotwork，wecannotthink，unlessourstomachwillsso。
Itdictatestousouremotions，ourpassions。Aftereggsandbacon，itsays，"Work！"Afterbeefsteakandporter，itsays，"Sleep！"Afteracupoftea（twospoonsfulforeachcup，anddon"tletitstandmorethanthreeminutes），itsaystothebrain，"Now，rise，andshowyourstrength。
Beeloquent，anddeep，andtender；see，withacleareye，intoNatureandintolife；spreadyourwhitewingsofquiveringthought，andsoar，agod-
likespirit，overthewhirlingworldbeneathyou，upthroughlonglanesofflamingstarstothegatesofeternity！"
Afterhotmuffins，itsays，"Bedullandsoulless，likeabeastofthefield-abrainlessanimal，withlistlesseye，unlitbyanyrayoffancy，orofhope，orfear，orlove，orlife。"Andafterbrandy，takeninsufficientquantity，itsays，"Now，come，fool，grinandtumble，thatyourfellow-menmaylaugh-drivelinfolly，andsplutterinsenselesssounds，andshowwhatahelplessninnyispoormanwhosewitandwillaredrowned，likekittens，sidebyside，inhalfaninchofalcohol。"
Wearebuttheveriest，sorriestslavesofourstomach。Reachnotaftermoralityandrighteousness，myfriends；watchvigilantlyyourstomach，anddietitwithcareandjudgment。Thenvirtueandcontentmentwillcomeandreignwithinyourheart，unsoughtbyanyeffortofyourown；andyouwillbeagoodcitizen，alovinghusband，andatenderfather-anoble，piousman。
Beforeoursupper，HarrisandGeorgeandIwerequarrelsomeandsnappyandill-tempered；afteroursupper，wesatandbeamedononeanother，andwebeameduponthedog，too。Welovedeachother，welovedeverybody。
Harris，inmovingabout，trodonGeorge"scorn。Hadthishappenedbeforesupper，GeorgewouldhaveexpressedwishesanddesiresconcerningHarris"sfateinthisworldandthenextthatwouldhavemadeathoughtfulmanshudder。
Asitwas，hesaid："Steady，oldman；`warewheat。"
AndHarris，insteadofmerelyobserving，inhismostunpleasanttones，thatafellowcouldhardlyhelptreadingonsomebitofGeorge"sfoot，ifhehadtomoveaboutatallwithintenyardsofwhereGeorgewassitting，suggestingthatGeorgeneveroughttocomeintoanordinarysizedboatwithfeetthatlength，andadvisinghimtohangthemovertheside，ashewouldhavedonebeforesupper，nowsaid："Oh，I"msosorry，oldchap；I
hopeIhaven"thurtyou。"
AndGeorgesaid："Notatall；"thatitwashisfault；andHarrissaidno，itwashis。
Itwasquiteprettytohearthem。
Welitourpipes，andsat，lookingoutonthequietnight，andtalked。
Georgesaidwhycouldnotwebealwayslikethis-awayfromtheworld，withitssinandtemptation，leadingsober，peacefullives，anddoinggood。IsaiditwasthesortofthingIhadoftenlongedformyself；andwediscussedthepossibilityofourgoingaway，wefour，tosomehandy，well-fitteddesertisland，andlivingthereinthewoods。
Harrissaidthatthedangeraboutdesertislands，asfarashehadheard，wasthattheyweresodamp：butGeorgesaidno，notifproperlydrained。
Andthenwegotontodrains，andthatputGeorgeinmindofaveryfunnythingthathappenedtohisfatheronce。HesaidhisfatherwastravellingwithanotherfellowthroughWales，and，onenight，theystoppedatalittleinn，wherethereweresomeotherfellows，andtheyjoinedtheotherfellows，andspenttheeveningwiththem。
Theyhadaveryjollyevening，andsatuplate，and，bythetimetheycametogotobed，they（thiswaswhenGeorge"sfatherwasaveryyoungman）wereslightlyjolly，too。They（George"sfatherandGeorge"sfather"sfriend）weretosleepinthesameroom，butindifferentbeds。
Theytookthecandle，andwentup。Thecandlelurchedupagainstthewallwhentheygotintotheroom，andwentout，andtheyhadtoundressandgropeintobedinthedark。Thistheydid；but，insteadofgettingintoseparatebeds，astheythoughttheyweredoing，theybothclimbedintothesameonewithoutknowingit-onegettinginwithhisheadatthetop，andtheothercrawlinginfromtheoppositesideofthecompass，andlyingwithhisfeetonthepillow。
Therewassilenceforamoment，andthenGeorge"sfathersaid：
"Joe！"
"What"sthematter，Tom？"repliedJoe"svoicefromtheotherendofthebed。
"Why，there"samaninmybed，"saidGeorge"sfather；"here"shisfeetonmypillow。"
"Well，it"sanextraordinarything，Tom，"answeredtheother；"butI"mblestifthereisn"tamaninmybed，too！"
"Whatareyougoingtodo？"askedGeorge"sfather。
"Well，I"mgoingtochuckhimout，"repliedJoe。
"SoamI，"saidGeorge"sfather，valiantly。
Therewasabriefstruggle，followedbytwoheavybumpsonthefloor，andthenaratherdolefulvoicesaid：
"Isay，Tom！"
"Yes！"
"Howhaveyougoton？"
"Well，totellyouthetruth，myman"schuckedmeout。"
"So"smine！Isay，Idon"tthinkmuchofthisinn，doyou？"
"Whatwasthenameofthatinn？"saidHarris。
"ThePigandWhistle，"saidGeorge。"Why？"
"Ah，no，thenitisn"tthesame，"repliedHarris。
"Whatdoyoumean？"queriedGeorge。
"Whyit"ssocurious，"murmuredHarris，"butpreciselythatverysamethinghappenedtoMYfatheronceatacountryinn。I"veoftenheardhimtellthetale。Ithoughtitmighthavebeenthesameinn。"
Weturnedinattenthatnight，andIthoughtIshouldsleepwell，beingtired；butIdidn"t。Asarule，Iundressandputmyheadonthepillow，andthensomebodybangsatthedoor，andsaysitishalf-pasteight：but，to-night，everythingseemedagainstme；thenoveltyofitall，thehardnessoftheboat，thecrampedposition（Iwaslyingwithmyfeetunderoneseat，andmyheadonanother），thesoundofthelappingwaterroundtheboat，andthewindamongthebranches，keptmerestlessanddisturbed。
Ididgettosleepforafewhours，andthensomepartoftheboatwhichseemedtohavegrownupinthenight-foritcertainlywasnottherewhenwestarted，andithaddisappearedbythemorning-keptdiggingintomyspine。Isleptthroughitforawhile，dreamingthatIhadswallowedasovereign，andthattheywerecuttingaholeinmybackwithagimlet，soastotryandgetitout。Ithoughtitveryunkindofthem，andItoldthemIwouldowethemthemoney，andtheyshouldhaveitattheendofthemonth。Buttheywouldnothearofthat，andsaiditwouldbemuchbetteriftheyhaditthen，becauseotherwisetheinterestwouldaccumulateso。Igotquitecrosswiththemafterabit，andtoldthemwhatIthoughtofthem，andthentheygavethegimletsuchanexcruciatingwrenchthatIwokeup。
Theboatseemedstuffy，andmyheadached；soIthoughtIwouldstepoutintothecoolnight-air。IslippedonwhatclothesIcouldfindabout-
someofmyown，andsomeofGeorge"sandHarris"s-andcreptunderthecanvasontothebank。
Itwasagloriousnight。Themoonhadsunk，andleftthequietearthalonewiththestars。Itseemedasif，inthesilenceandthehush，whileweherchildrenslept，theyweretalkingwithher，theirsister-
conversingofmightymysteriesinvoicestoovastanddeepforchildishhumanearstocatchthesound。
Theyaweus，thesestrangestars，socold，soclear。Weareaschildrenwhosesmallfeethavestrayedintosomedim-littempleofthegodtheyhavebeentaughttoworshipbutknownot；and，standingwheretheechoingdomespansthelongvistaoftheshadowylight，glanceup，halfhoping，halfafraidtoseesomeawfulvisionhoveringthere。
Andyetitseemssofullofcomfortandofstrength，thenight。Initsgreatpresence，oursmallsorrowscreepaway，ashamed。Thedayhasbeensofulloffretandcare，andourheartshavebeensofullofevilandofbitterthoughts，andtheworldhasseemedsohardandwrongtous。ThenNight，likesomegreatlovingmother，gentlylaysherhanduponourfeveredhead，andturnsourlittletear-stainedfacesuptohers，andsmiles；and，thoughshedoesnotspeak，weknowwhatshewouldsay，andlayourhotflushedcheekagainstherbosom，andthepainisgone。
Sometimes，ourpainisverydeepandreal，andwestandbeforeherverysilent，becausethereisnolanguageforourpain，onlyamoan。Night"sheartisfullofpityforus：shecannoteaseouraching；shetakesourhandinhers，andthelittleworldgrowsverysmallandveryfarawaybeneathus，and，borneonherdarkwings，wepassforamomentintoamightierPresencethanherown，andinthewondrouslightofthatgreatPresence，allhumanlifelieslikeabookbeforeus，andweknowthatPainandSorrowarebuttheangelsofGod。
Onlythosewhohavewornthecrownofsufferingcanlookuponthatwondrouslight；andthey，whentheyreturn，maynotspeakofit，ortellthemysterytheyknow。
Onceuponatime，throughastrangecountry，thererodesomegoodlyknights，andtheirpathlaybyadeepwood，wheretangledbriarsgrewverythickandstrong，andtorethefleshofthemthatlosttheirwaytherein。Andtheleavesofthetreesthatgrewinthewoodwereverydarkandthick，sothatnorayoflightcamethroughthebranchestolightenthegloomandsadness。
And，astheypassedbythatdarkwood，oneknightofthosethatrode，missinghiscomrades，wanderedfaraway，andreturnedtothemnomore；
andthey，sorelygrieving，rodeonwithouthim，mourninghimasonedead。
Now，whentheyreachedthefaircastletowardswhichtheyhadbeenjourneying，theystayedtheremanydays，andmademerry；andonenight，astheysatincheerfuleasearoundthelogsthatburnedinthegreathall，anddrankalovingmeasure，therecamethecomradetheyhadlost，andgreetedthem。Hisclotheswereragged，likeabeggar"s，andmanysadwoundswereonhissweetflesh，butuponhisfacethereshoneagreatradianceofdeepjoy。
Andtheyquestionedhim，askinghimwhathadbefallenhim：andhetoldthemhowinthedarkwoodhehadlosthisway，andhadwanderedmanydaysandnights，till，tornandbleeding，hehadlainhimdowntodie。
Then，whenhewasnighuntodeath，lo！throughthesavagegloomtherecametohimastatelymaiden，andtookhimbythehandandledhimonthroughdeviouspaths，unknowntoanyman，untiluponthedarknessofthewoodtheredawnedalightsuchasthelightofdaywasuntobutasalittlelampuntothesun；and，inthatwondrouslight，ourway-wornknightsawasinadreamavision，andsoglorious，sofairthevisionseemed，thatofhisbleedingwoundshethoughtnomore，butstoodasoneentranced，whosejoyisdeepasisthesea，whereofnomancantellthedepth。
Andthevisionfaded，andtheknight，kneelingupontheground，thankedthegoodsaintwhointothatsadwoodhadstrayedhissteps，sohehadseenthevisionthatlaytherehid。
AndthenameofthedarkforestwasSorrow；butofthevisionthatthegoodknightsawthereinwemaynotspeaknortell。
CHAPTERXI。
HOWGEORGE，ONCEUPONATIME，GOTUPEARLYINTHEMORNING-GEORGE，HARRIS，ANDMONTMORENCYDONOTLIKETHELOOKOFTHECOLDWATER-HEROISM
ANDDETERMINATIONONTHEPARTOFJ-GEORGEANDHISSHIRT：STORYWITHA
MORAL-HARRISASCOOK-HISTORICALRETROSPECT，SPECIALLYINSERTEDFOR
THEUSEOFSCHOOLS。
IWOKEatsixthenextmorning；andfoundGeorgeawaketoo。Webothturnedround，andtriedtogotosleepagain，butwecouldnot。Hadtherebeenanyparticularreasonwhyweshouldnothavegonetosleepagain，buthavegotupanddressedthenandthere，weshouldhavedroppedoffwhilewewerelookingatourwatches，andhaveslepttillten。Astherewasnoearthlynecessityforourgettingupunderanothertwohoursattheveryleast，andourgettingupatthattimewasanutterabsurdity，itwasonlyinkeepingwiththenaturalcussednessofthingsingeneralthatweshouldbothfeelthatlyingdownforfiveminutesmorewouldbedeathtous。
Georgesaidthatthesamekindofthing，onlyworse，hadhappenedtohimsomeeighteenmonthsago，whenhewaslodgingbyhimselfinthehouseofacertainMrs。Gippings。Hesaidhiswatchwentwrongoneevening，andstoppedataquarter-pasteight。Hedidnotknowthisatthetimebecause，forsomereasonorother，heforgottowinditupwhenhewenttobed（anunusualoccurrencewithhim），andhungitupoverhispillowwithouteverlookingatthething。
Itwasinthewinterwhenthishappened，veryneartheshortestday，andaweekoffogintothebargain，sothefactthatitwasstillverydarkwhenGeorgewokeinthemorningwasnoguidetohimastothetime。Hereachedup，andhauleddownhiswatch。Itwasaquarter-pasteight。
"Angelsandministersofgracedefendus！"exclaimedGeorge；"andherehaveIgottobeintheCitybynine。Whydidn"tsomebodycallme？Oh，thisisashame！"Andheflungthewatchdown，andsprangoutofbed，andhadacoldbath，andwashedhimself，anddressedhimself，andshavedhimselfincoldwaterbecausetherewasnottimetowaitforthehot，andthenrushedandhadanotherlookatthewatch。
Whethertheshakingithadreceivedinbeingthrowndownonthebedhadstartedit，orhowitwas，Georgecouldnotsay，butcertainitwasthatfromaquarter-pasteightithadbeguntogo，andnowpointedtotwentyminutestonine。
Georgesnatcheditup，andrusheddownstairs。Inthesitting-room，allwasdarkandsilent：therewasnofire，nobreakfast。GeorgesaiditwasawickedshameofMrs。G。，andhemadeuphismindtotellherwhathethoughtofherwhenhecamehomeintheevening。Thenhedashedonhisgreat-coatandhat，and，seizinghisumbrella，madeforthefrontdoor。
Thedoorwasnotevenunbolted。GeorgeanathematizedMrs。G。foralazyoldwoman，andthoughtitwasverystrangethatpeoplecouldnotgetupatadecent，respectabletime，unlockedandunboltedthedoor，andranout。
Heranhardforaquarterofamile，andattheendofthatdistanceitbegantobeborneinuponhimasastrangeandcuriousthingthatthereweresofewpeopleabout，andthattherewerenoshopsopen。Itwascertainlyaverydarkandfoggymorning，butstillitseemedanunusualcoursetostopallbusinessonthataccount。HEhadtogotobusiness：
whyshouldotherpeoplestopinbedmerelybecauseitwasdarkandfoggy！
AtlengthhereachedHolborn。Notashutterwasdown！notabuswasabout！Therewerethreemeninsight，oneofwhomwasapoliceman；amarket-cartfullofcabbages，andadilapidatedlookingcab。Georgepulledouthiswatchandlookedatit：itwasfiveminutestonine！Hestoodstillandcountedhispulse。Hestoopeddownandfelthislegs。
Then，withhiswatchstillinhishand，hewentuptothepoliceman，andaskedhimifheknewwhatthetimewas。
"What"sthetime？"saidtheman，eyeingGeorgeupanddownwithevidentsuspicion；"why，ifyoulistenyouwillhearitstrike。"
Georgelistened，andaneighbouringclockimmediatelyobliged。
"Butit"sonlygonethree！"saidGeorgeinaninjuredtone，whenithadfinished。
"Well，andhowmanydidyouwantittogo？"repliedtheconstable。
"Why，nine，"saidGeorge，showinghiswatch。
"Doyouknowwhereyoulive？"saidtheguardianofpublicorder，severely。
Georgethought，andgavetheaddress。
"Oh！that"swhereitis，isit？"repliedtheman；"well，youtakemyadviceandgotherequietly，andtakethatwatchofyourswithyou；anddon"tlet"shaveanymoreofit。"
AndGeorgewenthomeagain，musingashewalkedalong，andlethimselfin。
Atfirst，whenhegotin，hedeterminedtoundressandgotobedagain；
butwhenhethoughtoftheredressingandre-washing，andthehavingofanotherbath，hedeterminedhewouldnot，butwouldsitupandgotosleepintheeasy-chair。
Buthecouldnotgettosleep：heneverfeltmorewakefulinhislife；sohelitthelampandgotoutthechess-board，andplayedhimselfagameofchess。Buteventhatdidnotenlivenhim：itseemedslowsomehow；sohegavechessupandtriedtoread。Hedidnotseemabletotakeanysortofinterestinreadingeither，soheputonhiscoatagainandwentoutforawalk。
Itwashorriblylonesomeanddismal，andallthepolicemenhemetregardedhimwithundisguisedsuspicion，andturnedtheirlanternsonhimandfollowedhimabout，andthishadsuchaneffectuponhimatlastthathebegantofeelasifhereallyhaddonesomething，andhegottoslinkingdowntheby-streetsandhidingindarkdoorwayswhenheheardtheregulationflip-flopapproaching。
Ofcourse，thisconductmadetheforceonlymoredistrustfulofhimthanever，andtheywouldcomeandrouthimoutandaskhimwhathewasdoingthere；andwhenheanswered，"Nothing，"hehadmerelycomeoutforastroll（itwasthenfouro"clockinthemorning），theylookedasthoughtheydidnotbelievehim，andtwoplain-clothesconstablescamehomewithhimtoseeifhereallydidlivewherehehadsaidhedid。Theysawhimgoinwithhiskey，andthentheytookupapositionoppositeandwatchedthehouse。
Hethoughthewouldlightthefirewhenhegotinside，andmakehimselfsomebreakfast，justtopassawaythetime；buthedidnotseemabletohandleanythingfromascuttlefulofcoalstoateaspoonwithoutdroppingitorfallingoverit，andmakingsuchanoisethathewasinmortalfearthatitwouldwakeMrs。G。up，andthatshewouldthinkitwasburglarsandopenthewindowandcall"Police！"andthenthesetwodetectiveswouldrushinandhandcuffhim，andmarchhimofftothepolice-court。
Hewasinamorbidlynervousstatebythistime，andhepicturedthetrial，andhistryingtoexplainthecircumstancestothejury，andnobodybelievinghim，andhisbeingsentencedtotwentyyears"penalservitude，andhismotherdyingofabrokenheart。Sohegaveuptryingtogetbreakfast，andwrappedhimselfupinhisovercoatandsatintheeasy-chairtillMrs。Gcamedownathalf-pastseven。
Hesaidhehadnevergotuptooearlysincethatmorning：ithadbeensuchawarningtohim。
WehadbeensittinghuddledupinourrugswhileGeorgehadbeentellingmethistruestory，andonhisfinishingitIsettoworktowakeupHarriswithascull。Thethirdproddidit：andheturnedoverontheotherside，andsaidhewouldbedowninaminute，andthathewouldhavehislace-upboots。Wesoonlethimknowwherehewas，however，bytheaidofthehitcher，andhesatupsuddenly，sendingMontmorency，whohadbeensleepingthesleepofthejustrightonthemiddleofhischest，sprawlingacrosstheboat。
Thenwepulledupthecanvas，andallfourofuspokedourheadsoutovertheoff-side，andlookeddownatthewaterandshivered。Theidea，overnight，hadbeenthatweshouldgetupearlyinthemorning，flingoffourrugsandshawls，and，throwingbackthecanvas，springintotheriverwithajoyousshout，andrevelinalongdeliciousswim。Somehow，nowthemorninghadcome，thenotionseemedlesstempting。Thewaterlookeddampandchilly：thewindfeltcold。
"Well，who"sgoingtobefirstin？"saidHarrisatlast。
Therewasnorushforprecedence。Georgesettledthemattersofarashewasconcernedbyretiringintotheboatandpullingonhissocks。
Montmorencygaveventtoaninvoluntaryhowl，asifmerelythinkingofthethinghadgivenhimthehorrors；andHarrissaiditwouldbesodifficulttogetintotheboatagain，andwentbackandsortedouthistrousers。
Ididnotaltogetherliketogivein，thoughIdidnotrelishtheplunge。
Theremightbesnagsabout，orweeds，Ithought。Imeanttocompromisemattersbygoingdowntotheedgeandjustthrowingthewaterovermyself；soItookatowelandcreptoutonthebankandwormedmywayalongontothebranchofatreethatdippeddownintothewater。
Itwasbitterlycold。Thewindcutlikeaknife。IthoughtIwouldnotthrowthewaterovermyselfafterall。Iwouldgobackintotheboatanddress；andIturnedtodoso；and，asIturned，thesillybranchgaveway，andIandthetowelwentintogetherwithatremendoussplash，andI
wasoutmid-streamwithagallonofThameswaterinsidemebeforeIknewwhathadhappened。
"ByJove！oldJ。"sgonein，"IheardHarrissay，asIcameblowingtothesurface。"Ididn"tthinkhe"dhavetheplucktodoit。Didyou？"
"Isitallright？"sungoutGeorge。
"Lovely，"Isplutteredback。"Youareduffersnottocomein。I
wouldn"thavemissedthisforworlds。Whywon"tyoutryit？Itonlywantsalittledetermination。"
ButIcouldnotpersuadethem。
Ratheranamusingthinghappenedwhiledressingthatmorning。IwasverycoldwhenIgotbackintotheboat，and，inmyhurrytogetmyshirton，Iaccidentallyjerkeditintothewater。Itmademeawfullywild，especiallyasGeorgeburstoutlaughing。Icouldnotseeanythingtolaughat，andItoldGeorgeso，andheonlylaughedthemore。Ineversawamanlaughsomuch。Iquitelostmytemperwithhimatlast，andI
pointedouttohimwhatadrivellingmaniacofanimbecileidiothewas；
butheonlyroaredthelouder。Andthen，justasIwaslandingtheshirt，Inoticedthatitwasnotmyshirtatall，butGeorge"s，whichI
hadmistakenformine；whereuponthehumourofthethingstruckmeforthefirsttime，andIbegantolaugh。AndthemoreIlookedfromGeorge"swetshirttoGeorge，roaringwithlaughter，themoreIwasamused，andIlaughedsomuchthatIhadtolettheshirtfallbackintothewateragain。
"Ar"n"tyou-you-goingtogetitout？"saidGeorge，betweenhisshrieks。
Icouldnotanswerhimatallforawhile，Iwaslaughingso，but，atlast，betweenmypealsImanagedtojerkout：
"Itisn"tmyshirt-it"sYOURS！"
Ineversawaman"sfacechangefromlivelytoseveresosuddenlyinallmylifebefore。
"What！"heyelled，springingup。"Yousillycuckoo！Whycan"tyoubemorecarefulwhatyou"redoing？Whythedeucedon"tyougoanddressonthebank？You"renotfittobeinaboat，you"renot。Gimmethehitcher。"
Itriedtomakehimseethefunofthething，buthecouldnot。Georgeisverydenseatseeingajokesometimes。
Harrisproposedthatweshouldhavescrambledeggsforbreakfast。Hesaidhewouldcookthem。Itseemed，fromhisaccount，thathewasverygoodatdoingscrambledeggs。Heoftendidthematpicnicsandwhenoutonyachts。Hewasquitefamousforthem。Peoplewhohadoncetastedhisscrambledeggs，sowegatheredfromhisconversation，nevercaredforanyotherfoodafterwards，butpinedawayanddiedwhentheycouldnotgetthem。
Itmadeourmouthswatertohearhimtalkaboutthethings，andwehandedhimoutthestoveandthefrying-panandalltheeggsthathadnotsmashedandgoneovereverythinginthehamper，andbeggedhimtobegin。
Hehadsometroubleinbreakingtheeggs-orrathernotsomuchtroubleinbreakingthemexactlyasingettingthemintothefrying-panwhenbroken，andkeepingthemoffhistrousers，andpreventingthemfromrunninguphissleeve；buthefixedsomehalf-a-dozenintothepanatlast，andthensquatteddownbythesideofthestoveandchiviedthemaboutwithafork。
Itseemedharassingwork，sofarasGeorgeandIcouldjudge。Wheneverhewentnearthepanheburnedhimself，andthenhewoulddropeverythinganddanceroundthestove，flickinghisfingersaboutandcursingthethings。Indeed，everytimeGeorgeandIlookedroundathimhewassuretobeperformingthisfeat。Wethoughtatfirstthatitwasanecessarypartoftheculinaryarrangements。
Wedidnotknowwhatscrambledeggswere，andwefanciedthatitmustbesomeRedIndianorSandwichIslandssortofdishthatrequireddancesandincantationsforitspropercooking。Montmorencywentandputhisnoseoveritonce，andthefatsplutteredupandscaldedhim，andthenhebegandancingandcursing。AltogetheritwasoneofthemostinterestingandexcitingoperationsIhaveeverwitnessed。GeorgeandIwerebothquitesorrywhenitwasover。
TheresultwasnotaltogetherthesuccessthatHarrishadanticipated。
Thereseemedsolittletoshowforthebusiness。Sixeggshadgoneintothefrying-pan，andallthatcameoutwasateaspoonfulofburntandunappetizinglookingmess。
Harrissaiditwasthefaultofthefrying-pan，andthoughtitwouldhavegonebetterifwehadhadafish-kettleandagas-stove；andwedecidednottoattemptthedishagainuntilwehadthoseaidstohousekeepingbyus。
Thesunhadgotmorepowerfulbythetimewehadfinishedbreakfast，andthewindhaddropped，anditwasaslovelyamorningasonecoulddesire。
Littlewasinsighttoremindusofthenineteenthcentury；and，aswelookedoutupontheriverinthemorningsunlight，wecouldalmostfancythatthecenturiesbetweenusandthatever-to-be-famousJunemorningof1215hadbeendrawnaside，andthatwe，Englishyeomen"ssonsinhomespuncloth，withdirkatbelt，werewaitingtheretowitnessthewritingofthatstupendouspageofhistory，themeaningwhereofwastobetranslatedtothecommonpeoplesomefourhundredandoddyearslaterbyoneOliverCromwell，whohaddeeplystudiedit。
Itisafinesummermorning-sunny，soft，andstill。Butthroughtheairthererunsathrillofcomingstir。KingJohnhassleptatDuncroftHall，andallthedaybeforethelittletownofStaineshasechoedtotheclangofarmedmen，andtheclatterofgreathorsesoveritsroughstones，andtheshoutsofcaptains，andthegrimoathsandsurlyjestsofbeardedbowmen，billmen，pikemen，andstrange-speakingforeignspearmen。
Gay-cloakedcompaniesofknightsandsquireshaveriddenin，alltravel-
stainedanddusty。Andalltheeveninglongthetimidtownsmen"sdoorshavehadtobequickopenedtoletinroughgroupsofsoldiers，forwhomtheremustbefoundbothboardandlodging，andthebestofboth，orwoebetidethehouseandallwithin；fortheswordisjudgeandjury，plaintiffandexecutioner，inthesetempestuoustimes，andpaysforwhatittakesbysparingthosefromwhomittakesit，ifitpleasesittodoso。
Roundthecamp-fireinthemarket-placegatherstillmoreoftheBarons"
troops，andeatanddrinkdeep，andbellowforthroysteringdrinkingsongs，andgambleandquarrelastheeveninggrowsanddeepensintonight。Thefirelightshedsquaintshadowsontheirpiled-uparmsandontheiruncouthforms。Thechildrenofthetownstealroundtowatchthem，wondering；andbrawnycountrywenches，laughing，drawneartobandyale-
housejestandjibewiththeswaggeringtroopers，sounlikethevillageswains，who，nowdespised，standapartbehind，withvacantgrinsupontheirbroad，peeringfaces。Andoutfromthefieldsaround，glitterthefaintlightsofmoredistantcamps，asheresomegreatlord"sfollowersliemustered，andtherefalseJohn"sFrenchmercenarieshoverlikecrouchingwolveswithoutthetown。
Andso，withsentinelineachdarkstreet，andtwinklingwatch-firesoneachheightaround，thenighthaswornaway，andoverthisfairvalleyofoldThamehasbrokenthemorningofthegreatdaythatistoclosesobigwiththefateofagesyetunborn。
Eversincegreydawn，inthelowerofthetwoislands，justabovewherewearestanding，therehasbeengreatclamour，andthesoundofmanyworkmen。Thegreatpavilionbroughtthereyestereveisbeingraised，andcarpentersarebusynailingtiersofseats，while`prenticesfromLondontownaretherewithmany-colouredstuffsandsilksandclothofgoldandsilver。
Andnow，lo！downupontheroadthatwindsalongtheriver"sbankfromStainestherecometowardsus，laughingandtalkingtogetherindeepgutturalbass，ahalf-a-scoreofstalwarthalbert-men-Barons"men，these-andhaltatahundredyardsorsoaboveus，ontheotherbank，andleanupontheirarms，andwait。
Andso，fromhourtohour，marchupalongtheroadeverfreshgroupsandbandsofarmedmen，theircasquesandbreastplatesflashingbackthelonglowlinesofmorningsunlight，until，asfaraseyecanreach，thewayseemsthickwithglitteringsteelandprancingsteeds。Andshoutinghorsemenaregallopingfromgrouptogroup，andlittlebannersareflutteringlazilyinthewarmbreeze，andeverynowandthenthereisadeeperstirastheranksmakewayoneitherside，andsomegreatBarononhiswar-horse，withhisguardofsquiresaroundhim，passesalongtotakehisstationattheheadofhisserfsandvassals。
AnduptheslopeofCooper"sHill，justopposite，aregatheredthewonderingrusticsandcurioustownsfolk，whohaverunfromStaines，andnonearequitesurewhatthebustleisabout，buteachonehasadifferentversionofthegreateventthattheyhavecometosee；andsomesaythatmuchgoodtoallthepeoplewillcomefromthisday"swork；buttheoldmenshaketheirheads，fortheyhaveheardsuchtalesbefore。
AndalltheriverdowntoStainesisdottedwithsmallcraftandboatsandtinycoracles-whichlastaregrowingoutoffavournow，andareusedonlybythepoorerfolk。Overtherapids，whereinafteryearstrimBellWeirlockwillstand，theyhavebeenforcedordraggedbytheirsturdyrowers，andnowarecrowdingupasnearastheydarecometothegreatcoveredbarges，whichlieinreadinesstobearKingJohntowherethefatefulCharterwaitshissigning。
Itisnoon，andweandallthepeoplehavebeenwaitingpatientformanyanhour，andtherumourhasrunroundthatslipperyJohnhasagainescapedfromtheBarons"grasp，andhasstolenawayfromDuncroftHallwithhismercenariesathisheels，andwillsoonbedoingotherworkthansigningchartersforhispeople"sliberty。
Notso！Thistimethegripuponhimhasbeenoneofiron，andhehasslidandwriggledinvain。Fardowntheroadalittlecloudofdusthasrisen，anddrawsnearerandgrowslarger，andthepatteringofmanyhoofsgrowslouder，andinandoutbetweenthescatteredgroupsofdrawn-upmen，therepushesonitswayabrilliantcavalcadeofgay-dressedlordsandknights。Andfrontandrear，andeitherflank，thereridetheyeomenoftheBarons，andinthemidstKingJohn。
Heridestowherethebargeslieinreadiness，andthegreatBaronsstepforthfromtheirrankstomeethim。Hegreetsthemwithasmileandlaugh，andpleasanthoneyedwords，asthoughitweresomefeastinhishonourtowhichhehadbeeninvited。Butasherisestodismount，hecastsonehurriedglancefromhisownFrenchmercenariesdrawnupinthereartothegrimranksoftheBarons"menthathemhimin。
Isittoolate？Onefierceblowattheunsuspectinghorsemanathisside，onecrytohisFrenchtroops，onedesperatechargeupontheunreadylinesbeforehim，andtheserebelliousBaronsmightruethedaytheydaredtothwarthisplans！Abolderhandmighthaveturnedthegameevenatthatpoint。HaditbeenaRichardthere！thecupoflibertymighthavebeendashedfromEngland"slips，andthetasteoffreedomheldbackforahundredyears。
ButtheheartofKingJohnsinksbeforethesternfacesoftheEnglishfightingmen，andthearmofKingJohndropsbackontohisrein，andhedismountsandtakeshisseatintheforemostbarge。AndtheBaronsfollowin，witheachmailedhanduponthesword-hilt，andthewordisgiventoletgo。
Slowlytheheavy，bright-deckedbargesleavetheshoreofRunningmede。
Slowlyagainsttheswiftcurrenttheyworktheirponderousway，till，withalowgrumble，theygrateagainstthebankofthelittleislandthatfromthisdaywillbearthenameofMagnaChartaIsland。AndKingJohnhassteppedupontheshore，andwewaitinbreathlesssilencetillagreatshoutcleavestheair，andthegreatcornerstoneinEngland"stempleoflibertyhas，nowweknow，beenfirmlylaid。
CHAPTERXII。
HENRYVIII。ANDANNEBOLEYN-DISADVANTAGESOFLIVINGINSAMEHOUSEWITH
PAIROFLOVERS-ATRYINGTIMEFORTHEENGLISHNATION-ANIGHTSEARCH
FORTHEPICTURESQUE-HOMELESSANDHOUSELESS-HARRISPREPARESTODIE-
ANANGELCOMESALONG-EFFECTOFSUDDENJOYONHARRIS-ALITTLE
SUPPER-LUNCH-HIGHPRICEFORMUSTARD-AFEARFULBATTLE-
MAIDENHEAD-SAILING-THREEFISHERS-WEARECURSED。
IWASsittingonthebank，conjuringupthisscenetomyself，whenGeorgeremarkedthatwhenIwasquiterested，perhapsIwouldnotmindhelpingtowashup；and，thusrecalledfromthedaysofthegloriouspasttotheprosaicpresent，withallitsmiseryandsin，Isliddownintotheboatandcleanedoutthefrying-panwithastickofwoodandatuftofgrass，polishingitupfinallywithGeorge"swetshirt。
WewentovertoMagnaChartaIsland，andhadalookatthestonewhichstandsinthecottagethereandonwhichthegreatCharterissaidtohavebeensigned；though，astowhetheritreallywassignedthere，or，assomesay，ontheotherbankat"Runningmede，"Ideclinetocommitmyself。Asfarasmyownpersonalopiniongoes，however，Iaminclinedtogiveweighttothepopularislandtheory。Certainly，hadIbeenoneoftheBarons，atthetime，IshouldhavestronglyurgeduponmycomradestheadvisabilityofourgettingsuchaslipperycustomerasKingJohnontotheisland，wheretherewaslesschanceofsurprisesandtricks。
TherearetheruinsofanoldprioryinthegroundsofAnkerwykeHouse，whichisclosetoPicnicPoint，anditwasroundaboutthegroundsofthisoldpriorythatHenryVIII。issaidtohavewaitedforandmetAnneBoleyn。HealsousedtomeetheratHeverCastleinKent，andalsosomewherenearSt。Albans。ItmusthavebeendifficultforthepeopleofEnglandinthosedaystohavefoundaspotwherethesethoughtlessyoungfolkwereNOTspooning。
Haveyoueverbeeninahousewherethereareacouplecourting？Itismosttrying。Youthinkyouwillgoandsitinthedrawing-room，andyoumarchoffthere。Asyouopenthedoor，youhearanoiseasifsomebodyhadsuddenlyrecollectedsomething，and，whenyougetin，Emilyisoverbythewindow，fullofinterestintheoppositesideoftheroad，andyourfriend，JohnEdward，isattheotherendoftheroomwithhiswholesoulheldinthrallbyphotographsofotherpeople"srelatives。
"Oh！"yousay，pausingatthedoor，"Ididn"tknowanybodywashere。"
"Oh！didn"tyou？"saysEmily，coldly，inatonewhichimpliesthatshedoesnotbelieveyou。
Youhangaboutforabit，thenyousay：
"It"sverydark。Whydon"tyoulightthegas？"
JohnEdwardsays，"Oh！"hehadn"tnoticedit；andEmilysaysthatpapadoesnotlikethegaslitintheafternoon。
Youtellthemoneortwoitemsofnews，andgivethemyourviewsandopinionsontheIrishquestion；butthisdoesnotappeartointerestthem。Alltheyremarkonanysubjectis，"Oh！""Isit？""Didhe？"
"Yes，"and"Youdon"tsayso！"And，aftertenminutesofsuchstyleofconversation，youedgeuptothedoor，andslipout，andaresurprisedtofindthatthedoorimmediatelyclosesbehindyou，andshutsitself，withoutyourhavingtouchedit。
Halfanhourlater，youthinkyouwilltryapipeintheconservatory。
TheonlychairintheplaceisoccupiedbyEmily；andJohnEdward，ifthelanguageofclothescanbereliedupon，hasevidentlybeensittingonthefloor。Theydonotspeak，buttheygiveyoualookthatsaysallthatcanbesaidinacivilisedcommunity；andyoubackoutpromptlyandshutthedoorbehindyou。
Youareafraidtopokeyournoseintoanyroominthehousenow；so，afterwalkingupanddownthestairsforawhile，yougoandsitinyourownbedroom。Thisbecomesuninteresting，however，afteratime，andsoyouputonyourhatandstrolloutintothegarden。Youwalkdownthepath，andasyoupassthesummer-houseyouglancein，andtherearethosetwoyoungidiots，huddledupintoonecornerofit；andtheyseeyou，andareevidentlyundertheideathat，forsomewickedpurposeofyourown，youarefollowingthemabout。
"Whydon"ttheyhaveaspecialroomforthissortofthing，andmakepeoplekeeptoit？"youmutter；andyourushbacktothehallandgetyourumbrellaandgoout。
ItmusthavebeenmuchlikethiswhenthatfoolishboyHenryVIII。wascourtinghislittleAnne。PeopleinBuckinghamshirewouldhavecomeuponthemunexpectedlywhentheyweremooningroundWindsorandWraysbury，andhaveexclaimed，"Oh！youhere！"andHenrywouldhaveblushedandsaid，"Yes；he"djustcomeovertoseeaman；"andAnnewouldhavesaid，"Oh，I"msogladtoseeyou！Isn"titfunny？I"vejustmetMr。HenryVIII。
inthelane，andhe"sgoingthesamewayIam。"
Thenthosepeoplewouldhavegoneawayandsaidtothemselves："Oh！we"dbettergetoutofherewhilethisbillingandcooingison。We"llgodowntoKent。"
AndtheywouldgotoKent，andthefirstthingtheywouldseeinKent，whentheygotthere，wouldbeHenryandAnnefoolingroundHeverCastle。
"Oh，dratthis！"theywouldhavesaid。"Here，let"sgoaway。Ican"tstandanymoreofit。Let"sgotoSt。Albans-nicequietplace，St。
Albans。"
AndwhentheyreachedSt。Albans，therewouldbethatwretchedcouple，kissingundertheAbbeywalls。Thenthesefolkswouldgoandbepiratesuntilthemarriagewasover。
FromPicnicPointtoOldWindsorLockisadelightfulbitoftheriver。
Ashadyroad，dottedhereandtherewithdaintylittlecottages，runsbythebankuptothe"BellsofOuseley，"apicturesqueinn，asmostup-
riverinnsare，andaplacewhereaverygoodglassofalemaybedrunk-
soHarrissays；andonamatterofthiskindyoucantakeHarris"sword。
OldWindsorisafamousspotinitsway。EdwardtheConfessorhadapalacehere，andherethegreatEarlGodwinwasprovedguiltybythejusticeofthatageofhavingencompassedthedeathoftheKing"sbrother。EarlGodwinbrokeapieceofbreadandhelditinhishand。
"IfIamguilty，"saidtheEarl，"maythisbreadchokemewhenIeatit！"
Thenheputthebreadintohismouthandswallowedit，anditchokedhim，andhedied。
AfteryoupassOldWindsor，theriverissomewhatuninteresting，anddoesnotbecomeitselfagainuntilyouarenearingBoveney。GeorgeandI
toweduppasttheHomePark，whichstretchesalongtherightbankfromAlberttoVictoriaBridge；andaswewerepassingDatchet，GeorgeaskedmeifIrememberedourfirsttripuptheriver，andwhenwelandedatDatchetatteno"clockatnight，andwantedtogotobed。
IansweredthatIdidrememberit。ItwillbesometimebeforeIforgetit。
ItwastheSaturdaybeforetheAugustBankHoliday。Weweretiredandhungry，wesamethree，andwhenwegottoDatchetwetookoutthehamper，thetwobags，andtherugsandcoats，andsuchlikethings，andstartedofftolookfordiggings。Wepassedaveryprettylittlehotel，withclematisandcreeperovertheporch；buttherewasnohoneysuckleaboutit，and，forsomereasonorother，Ihadgotmymindfixedonhoneysuckle，andIsaid：
"Oh，don"tlet"sgointhere！Let"sgoonabitfurther，andseeifthereisn"tonewithhoneysuckleoverit。"
Sowewentontillwecametoanotherhotel。Thatwasaverynicehotel，too，andithadhoney-suckleonit，roundattheside；butHarrisdidnotlikethelookofamanwhowasleaningagainstthefrontdoor。Hesaidhedidn"tlookanicemanatall，andheworeuglyboots：sowewentonfurther。Wewentagoodishwaywithoutcomingacrossanymorehotels，andthenwemetaman，andaskedhimtodirectustoafew。
Hesaid：
"Why，youarecomingawayfromthem。Youmustturnrightroundandgoback，andthenyouwillcometotheStag。"
Wesaid：
"Oh，wehadbeenthere，anddidn"tlikeit-nohoneysuckleoverit。"
"Well，then，"hesaid，"there"stheManorHouse，justopposite。Haveyoutriedthat？"
Harrisrepliedthatwedidnotwanttogothere-didn"tlikethelooksofamanwhowasstoppingthere-Harrisdidnotlikethecolourofhishair，didn"tlikehisboots，either。
"Well，Idon"tknowwhatyou"lldo，I"msure，"saidourinformant；
"becausetheyaretheonlytwoinnsintheplace。"
"Nootherinns！"exclaimedHarris。
"None，"repliedtheman。
"Whatoneartharewetodo？"criedHarris。
ThenGeorgespokeup。HesaidHarrisandIcouldgetanhotelbuiltforus，ifweliked，andhavesomepeoplemadetoputin。Forhispart，hewasgoingbacktotheStag。
Thegreatestmindsneverrealisetheiridealsinanymatter；andHarrisandIsighedoverthehollownessofallearthlydesires，andfollowedGeorge。
WetookourtrapsintotheStag，andlaidthemdowninthehall。
Thelandlordcameupandsaid：
"Goodevening，gentlemen。"
"Oh，goodevening，"saidGeorge；"wewantthreebeds，please。"
"Verysorry，sir，"saidthelandlord；"butI"mafraidwecan"tmanageit。"
"Oh，well，nevermind，"saidGeorge，"twowilldo。Twoofuscansleepinonebed，can"twe？"hecontinued，turningtoHarrisandme。
Harrissaid，"Oh，yes；"hethoughtGeorgeandIcouldsleepinonebedveryeasily。
"Verysorry，sir，"againrepeatedthelandlord："butwereallyhaven"tgotabedvacantinthewholehouse。Infact，weareputtingtwo，andeventhreegentlemeninonebed，asitis。"
Thisstaggeredusforabit。
ButHarris，whoisanoldtraveller，rosetotheoccasion，and，laughingcheerily，said：
"Oh，well，wecan"thelpit。Wemustroughit。Youmustgiveusashake-downinthebilliard-room。"
"Verysorry，sir。Threegentlemensleepingonthebilliard-tablealready，andtwointhecoffee-room。Can"tpossiblytakeyouinto-
night。"
Wepickedupourthings，andwentovertotheManorHouse。Itwasaprettylittleplace。IsaidIthoughtIshouldlikeitbetterthantheotherhouse；andHarrissaid，"Oh，yes，"itwouldbeallright，andweneedn"tlookatthemanwiththeredhair；besides，thepoorfellowcouldn"thelphavingredhair。