第6章
Harrisspokequitekindlyandsensiblyaboutit。
ThepeopleattheManorHousedidnotwaittohearustalk。Thelandladymetusonthedoorstepwiththegreetingthatwewerethefourteenthpartyshehadturnedawaywithinthelasthourandahalf。Asforourmeeksuggestionsofstables，billiard-room，orcoal-cellars，shelaughedthemalltoscorn：allthesenookshadbeensnatcheduplongago。
Didsheknowofanyplaceinthewholevillagewherewecouldgetshelterforthenight？
"Well，ifwedidn"tmindroughingit-shedidnotrecommendit，mind-
buttherewasalittlebeershophalfamiledowntheEtonroad-"
Wewaitedtohearnomore；wecaughtupthehamperandthebags，andthecoatsandrugs，andparcels，andran。Thedistanceseemedmorelikeamilethanhalfamile，butwereachedtheplaceatlast，andrushed，panting，intothebar。
Thepeopleatthebeershopwererude。Theymerelylaughedatus。Therewereonlythreebedsinthewholehouse，andtheyhadsevensinglegentlemenandtwomarriedcouplessleepingtherealready。Akind-heartedbargeman，however，whohappenedtobeinthetap-room，thoughtwemighttrythegrocer"s，nextdoortotheStag，andwewentback。
Thegrocer"swasfull。Anoldwomanwemetintheshopthenkindlytookusalongwithherforaquarterofamile，toaladyfriendofhers，whooccasionallyletroomstogentlemen。
Thisoldwomanwalkedveryslowly，andweweretwentyminutesgettingtoherladyfriend"s。Sheenlivenedthejourneybydescribingtous，aswetrailedalong，thevariouspainsshehadinherback。
Herladyfriend"sroomswerelet。FromtherewewererecommendedtoNo。
27。No。27wasfull，andsentustoNo。32，and32wasfull。
Thenwewentbackintothehighroad，andHarrissatdownonthehamperandsaidhewouldgonofurther。Hesaiditseemedaquietspot，andhewouldliketodiethere。HerequestedGeorgeandmetokisshismotherforhim，andtotellallhisrelationsthatheforgavethemanddiedhappy。
Atthatmomentanangelcamebyinthedisguiseofasmallboy（andI
cannotthinkofanymoreeffectivedisguiseanangelcouldhaveassumed），withacanofbeerinonehand，andintheothersomethingattheendofastring，whichheletdownontoeveryflatstonehecameacross，andthenpulledupagain，thisproducingapeculiarlyunattractivesound，suggestiveofsuffering。
Weaskedthisheavenlymessenger（aswediscoveredhimafterwardstobe）
ifheknewofanylonelyhouse，whoseoccupantswerefewandfeeble（oldladiesorparalysedgentlemenpreferred），whocouldbeeasilyfrightenedintogivinguptheirbedsforthenighttothreedesperatemen；or，ifnotthis，couldherecommendustoanemptypigstye，oradisusedlimekiln，oranythingofthatsort。Hedidnotknowofanysuchplace-
atleast，notonehandy；buthesaidthat，ifwelikedtocomewithhim，hismotherhadaroomtospare，andcouldputusupforthenight。
Wefelluponhisneckthereinthemoonlightandblessedhim，anditwouldhavemadeaverybeautifulpictureiftheboyhimselfhadnotbeensoover-poweredbyouremotionastobeunabletosustainhimselfunderit，andsunktotheground，lettingusalldownontopofhim。Harriswassoovercomewithjoythathefainted，andhadtoseizetheboy"sbeer-canandhalfemptyitbeforehecouldrecoverconsciousness，andthenhestartedoffatarun，andleftGeorgeandmetobringontheluggage。
Itwasalittlefour-roomedcottagewheretheboylived，andhismother-
goodsoul！-gaveushotbaconforsupper，andweateitall-fivepounds-andajamtartafterwards，andtwopotsoftea，andthenwewenttobed。Thereweretwobedsintheroom；onewasa2ft。6in。trucklebed，andGeorgeandIsleptinthat，andkeptinbytyingourselvestogetherwithasheet；andtheotherwasthelittleboy"sbed，andHarrishadthatalltohimself，andwefoundhim，inthemorning，withtwofeetofbarelegstickingoutatthebottom，andGeorgeandIusedittohangthetowelsonwhilewebathed。
Wewerenotsouppishaboutwhatsortofhotelwewouldhave，nexttimewewenttoDatchet。
Toreturntoourpresenttrip：nothingexcitinghappened，andwetuggedsteadilyontoalittlebelowMonkeyIsland，wherewedrewupandlunched。Wetackledthecoldbeefforlunch，andthenwefoundthatwehadforgottentobringanymustard。Idon"tthinkIeverinmylife，beforeorsince，feltIwantedmustardasbadlyasIfeltIwanteditthen。Idon"tcareformustardasarule，anditisveryseldomthatI
takeitatall，butIwouldhavegivenworldsforitthen。
Idon"tknowhowmanyworldstheremaybeintheuniverse，butanyonewhohadbroughtmeaspoonfulofmustardatthatprecisemomentcouldhavehadthemall。IgrowrecklesslikethatwhenIwantathingandcan"tgetit。
Harrissaidhewouldhavegivenworldsformustardtoo。Itwouldhavebeenagoodthingforanybodywhohadcomeuptothatspotwithacanofmustard，then：hewouldhavebeensetupinworldsfortherestofhislife。
Butthere！IdaresaybothHarrisandIwouldhavetriedtobackoutofthebargainafterwehadgotthemustard。Onemakestheseextravagantoffersinmomentsofexcitement，but，ofcourse，whenonecomestothinkofit，oneseeshowabsurdlyoutofproportiontheyarewiththevalueoftherequiredarticle。Iheardaman，goingupamountaininSwitzerland，oncesayhewouldgiveworldsforaglassofbeer，and，whenhecametoalittleshantywheretheykeptit，hekickedupamostfearfulrowbecausetheychargedhimfivefrancsforabottleofBass。Hesaiditwasascandalousimposition，andhewrotetotheTIMESaboutit。
Itcastagloomovertheboat，therebeingnomustard。Weateourbeefinsilence。Existenceseemedhollowanduninteresting。Wethoughtofthehappydaysofchildhood，andsighed。Webrightenedupabit，however，overtheapple-tart，and，whenGeorgedrewoutatinofpine-
applefromthebottomofthehamper，androlleditintothemiddleoftheboat，wefeltthatlifewasworthlivingafterall。
Weareveryfondofpine-apple，allthreeofus。Welookedatthepictureonthetin；wethoughtofthejuice。Wesmiledatoneanother，andHarrisgotaspoonready。
Thenwelookedfortheknifetoopenthetinwith。Weturnedouteverythinginthehamper。Weturnedoutthebags。Wepulleduptheboardsatthebottomoftheboat。Wetookeverythingoutontothebankandshookit。Therewasnotin-openertobefound。
ThenHarristriedtoopenthetinwithapocket-knife，andbroketheknifeandcuthimselfbadly；andGeorgetriedapairofscissors，andthescissorsflewup，andnearlyputhiseyeout。Whiletheyweredressingtheirwounds，Itriedtomakeaholeinthethingwiththespikyendofthehitcher，andthehitcherslippedandjerkedmeoutbetweentheboatandthebankintotwofeetofmuddywater，andthetinrolledover，uninjured，andbrokeateacup。
Thenweallgotmad。Wetookthattinoutonthebank，andHarriswentupintoafieldandgotabigsharpstone，andIwentbackintotheboatandbroughtoutthemast，andGeorgeheldthetinandHarrisheldthesharpendofhisstoneagainstthetopofit，andItookthemastandpoisedithighupintheair，andgatheredupallmystrengthandbroughtitdown。
ItwasGeorge"sstrawhatthatsavedhislifethatday。Hekeepsthathatnow（whatisleftofit），and，ofawinter"sevening，whenthepipesarelitandtheboysaretellingstretchersaboutthedangerstheyhavepassedthrough，Georgebringsitdownandshowsitround，andthestirringtaleistoldanew，withfreshexaggerationseverytime。
Harrisgotoffwithmerelyafleshwound。
Afterthat，Itookthetinoffmyself，andhammeredatitwiththemasttillIwaswornoutandsickatheart，whereuponHarristookitinhand。
Webeatitoutflat；webeatitbacksquare；webattereditintoeveryformknowntogeometry-butwecouldnotmakeaholeinit。ThenGeorgewentatit，andknockeditintoashape，sostrange，soweird，sounearthlyinitswildhideousness，thathegotfrightenedandthrewawaythemast。Thenweallthreesatrounditonthegrassandlookedatit。
Therewasonegreatdentacrossthetopthathadtheappearanceofamockinggrin，anditdroveusfurious，sothatHarrisrushedatthething，andcaughtitup，andflungitfarintothemiddleoftheriver，andasitsankwehurledourcursesatit，andwegotintotheboatandrowedawayfromthespot，andneverpausedtillwereachedMaidenhead。
Maidenheaditselfistoosnobbytobepleasant。Itisthehauntoftheriverswellandhisoverdressedfemalecompanion。Itisthetownofshowyhotels，patronisedchieflybydudesandballetgirls。Itisthewitch"skitchenfromwhichgoforththosedemonsoftheriver-steam-
launches。TheLONDONJOURNALdukealwayshashis"littleplace"atMaidenhead；andtheheroineofthethree-volumenovelalwaysdinestherewhenshegoesoutonthespreewithsomebodyelse"shusband。
WewentthroughMaidenheadquickly，andtheneasedup，andtookleisurelythatgrandreachbeyondBoulter"sandCookhamlocks。ClievedenWoodsstillworetheirdaintydressofspring，androseup，fromthewater"sedge，inonelongharmonyofblendedshadesoffairygreen。Initsunbrokenlovelinessthisis，perhaps，thesweeteststretchofalltheriver，andlingeringlyweslowlydrewourlittleboatawayfromitsdeeppeace。
Wepulledupinthebackwater，justbelowCookham，andhadtea；and，whenwewerethroughthelock，itwasevening。Astiffishbreezehadsprungup-inourfavour，forawonder；for，asaruleontheriver，thewindisalwaysdeadagainstyouwhateverwayyougo。Itisagainstyouinthemorning，whenyoustartforaday"strip，andyoupullalongdistance，thinkinghoweasyitwillbetocomebackwiththesail。Then，aftertea，thewindveersround，andyouhavetopullhardinitsteethallthewayhome。
Whenyouforgettotakethesailatall，thenthewindisconsistentlyinyourfavourbothways。Butthere！thisworldisonlyaprobation，andmanwasborntotroubleasthesparksflyupward。
Thisevening，however，theyhadevidentlymadeamistake，andhadputthewindroundatourbackinsteadofinourface。Wekeptveryquietaboutit，andgotthesailupquicklybeforetheyfounditout，andthenwespreadourselvesabouttheboatinthoughtfulattitudes，andthesailbelliedout，andstrained，andgrumbledatthemast，andtheboatflew。
Isteered。
ThereisnomorethrillingsensationIknowofthansailing。Itcomesasneartoflyingasmanhasgottoyet-exceptindreams。Thewingsoftherushingwindseemtobebearingyouonward，youknownotwhere。Youarenolongertheslow，plodding，punythingofclay，creepingtortuouslyupontheground；youareapartofNature！Yourheartisthrobbingagainsthers！Hergloriousarmsareroundyou，raisingyouupagainstherheart！Yourspiritisatonewithhers；yourlimbsgrowlight！Thevoicesoftheairaresingingtoyou。Theearthseemsfarawayandlittle；andtheclouds，socloseaboveyourhead，arebrothers，andyoustretchyourarmstothem。
Wehadtherivertoourselves，exceptthat，farinthedistance，wecouldseeafishing-punt，mooredinmid-stream，onwhichthreefishermensat；
andweskimmedoverthewater，andpassedthewoodedbanks，andnoonespoke。
Iwassteering。
Aswedrewnearer，wecouldseethatthethreemenfishingseemedoldandsolemn-lookingmen。Theysatonthreechairsinthepunt，andwatchedintentlytheirlines。Andtheredsunsetthrewamysticlightuponthewaters，andtingedwithfirethetoweringwoods，andmadeagoldengloryofthepiled-upclouds。Itwasanhourofdeepenchantment，ofecstatichopeandlonging。Thelittlesailstoodoutagainstthepurplesky，thegloaminglayaroundus，wrappingtheworldinrainbowshadows；and，behindus，creptthenight。
Weseemedlikeknightsofsomeoldlegend，sailingacrosssomemysticlakeintotheunknownrealmoftwilight，untothegreatlandofthesunset。
Wedidnotgointotherealmoftwilight；wewentslapintothatpunt，wherethosethreeoldmenwerefishing。Wedidnotknowwhathadhappenedatfirst，becausethesailshutouttheview，butfromthenatureofthelanguagethatroseupupontheeveningair，wegatheredthatwehadcomeintotheneighbourhoodofhumanbeings，andthattheywerevexedanddiscontented。
Harrisletthesaildown，andthenwesawwhathadhappened。Wehadknockedthosethreeoldgentlemenofftheirchairsintoageneralheapatthebottomoftheboat，andtheywerenowslowlyandpainfullysortingthemselvesoutfromeachother，andpickingfishoffthemselves；andastheyworked，theycursedus-notwithacommoncursorycurse，butwithlong，carefully-thought-out，comprehensivecurses，thatembracedthewholeofourcareer，andwentawayintothedistantfuture，andincludedallourrelations，andcoveredeverythingconnectedwithus-good，substantialcurses。
Harristoldthemtheyoughttobegratefulforalittleexcitement，sittingtherefishingallday，andhealsosaidthathewasshockedandgrievedtohearmentheiragegivewaytotemperso。
Butitdidnotdoanygood。
Georgesaidhewouldsteer，afterthat。Hesaidamindlikemineoughtnottobeexpectedtogiveitselfawayinsteeringboats-betterletamerecommonplacehumanbeingseeafterthatboat，beforewejollywellallgotdrowned；andhetookthelines，andbroughtusuptoMarlow。
AndatMarlowwelefttheboatbythebridge，andwentandputupforthenightatthe"Crown。"
CHAPTERXIII。
MARLOW-BISHAMABBEY-THEMEDMENHAMMONKS-MONTMORENCYTHINKSHE
WILLMURDERANOLDTOMCAT-BUTEVENTUALLYDECIDESTHATHEWILLLETIT
LIVE-SHAMEFULCONDUCTOFAFOXTERRIERATTHECIVILSERVICESTORES-
OURDEPARTUREFROMMARLOW-ANIMPOSINGPROCESSION-THESTEAMLAUNCH，USEFULRECEIPTSFORANNOYINGANDHINDERINGIT-WEDECLINETODRINKTHE
RIVER-APEACEFULDOG-STRANGEDISAPPEARANCEOFHARRISANDAPIE。
MARLOWisoneofthepleasantestrivercentresIknowof。Itisabustling，livelylittletown；notverypicturesqueonthewhole，itistrue，buttherearemanyquaintnooksandcornerstobefoundinit，nevertheless-standingarchesintheshatteredbridgeofTime，overwhichourfancytravelsbacktothedayswhenMarlowManorownedSaxonAlgarforitslord，ereconqueringWilliamseizedittogivetoQueenMatilda，ereitpassedtotheEarlsofWarwickortoworldly-wiseLordPaget，thecouncilloroffoursuccessivesovereigns。
Thereislovelycountryroundaboutit，too，if，afterboating，youarefondofawalk，whiletheriveritselfisatitsbesthere。DowntoCookham，pasttheQuarryWoodsandthemeadows，isalovelyreach。DearoldQuarryWoods！withyournarrow，climbingpaths，andlittlewindingglades，howscentedtothishouryouseemwithmemoriesofsunnysummerdays！Howhauntedareyourshadowyvistaswiththeghostsoflaughingfaces！howfromyourwhisperingleavestheresoftlyfallthevoicesoflongago！
FromMarlowuptoSonningisevenfaireryet。GrandoldBishamAbbey，whosestonewallshaverungtotheshoutsoftheKnightsTemplars，andwhich，atonetime，wasthehomeofAnneofClevesandatanotherofQueenElizabeth，ispassedontherightbankjusthalfamileaboveMarlowBridge。BishamAbbeyisrichinmelodramaticproperties。Itcontainsatapestrybed-chamber，andasecretroomhidhighupinthethickwalls。TheghostoftheLadyHoly，whobeatherlittleboytodeath，stillwalksthereatnight，tryingtowashitsghostlyhandscleaninaghostlybasin。
Warwick，theking-maker，reststhere，carelessnowaboutsuchtrivialthingsasearthlykingsandearthlykingdoms；andSalisbury，whodidgoodserviceatPoitiers。Justbeforeyoucometotheabbey，andrightontheriver"sbank，isBishamChurch，and，perhaps，ifanytombsareworthinspecting，theyarethetombsandmonumentsinBishamChurch。ItwaswhilefloatinginhisboatundertheBishambeechesthatShelley，whowasthenlivingatMarlow（youcanseehishousenow，inWeststreet），composedTHEREVOLTOFISLAM。
ByHurleyWeir，alittlehigherup，IhaveoftenthoughtthatIcouldstayamonthwithouthavingsufficienttimetodrinkinallthebeautyofthescene。ThevillageofHurley，fiveminutes"walkfromthelock，isasoldalittlespotasthereisontheriver，dating，asitdoes，toquotethequaintphraseologyofthosedimdays，"fromthetimesofKingSebertandKingOffa。"Justpasttheweir（goingup）isDanes"Field，wheretheinvadingDanesonceencamped，duringtheirmarchtoGloucestershire；andalittlefurtherstill，nestlingbyasweetcornerofthestream，iswhatisleftofMedmenhamAbbey。
ThefamousMedmenhammonks，or"HellFireClub，"astheywerecommonlycalled，andofwhomthenotoriousWilkeswasamember，wereafraternitywhosemottowas"Doasyouplease，"andthatinvitationstillstandsovertheruineddoorwayoftheabbey。Manyyearsbeforethisbogusabbey，withitscongregationofirreverentjesters，wasfounded，therestooduponthissamespotamonasteryofasternerkind，whosemonkswereofasomewhatdifferenttypetotherevellersthatweretofollowthem，fivehundredyearsafterwards。
TheCistercianmonks，whoseabbeystoodthereinthethirteenthcentury，worenoclothesbutroughtunicsandcowls，andatenoflesh，norfish，noreggs。Theylayuponstraw，andtheyroseatmidnighttomass。Theyspentthedayinlabour，reading，andprayer；andoveralltheirlivestherefellasilenceasofdeath，fornoonespoke。
Agrimfraternity，passinggrimlivesinthatsweetspot，thatGodhadmadesobright！StrangethatNature"svoicesallaroundthem-thesoftsingingofthewaters，thewhisperingsoftherivergrass，themusicoftherushingwind-shouldnothavetaughtthematruermeaningoflifethanthis。Theylistenedthere，throughthelongdays，insilence，waitingforavoicefromheaven；andalldaylongandthroughthesolemnnightitspoketotheminmyriadtones，andtheyhearditnot。
FromMedmenhamtosweetHambledonLocktheriverisfullofpeacefulbeauty，but，afteritpassesGreenlands，theratheruninterestinglookingriverresidenceofmynewsagent-aquietunassumingoldgentleman，whomayoftenbemetwithabouttheseregions，duringthesummermonths，scullinghimselfalongineasyvigorousstyle，orchattinggeniallytosomeoldlock-keeper，ashepassesthrough-untilwelltheothersideofHenley，itissomewhatbareanddull。
WegotuptolerablyearlyontheMondaymorningatMarlow，andwentforabathebeforebreakfast；and，comingback，Montmorencymadeanawfulassofhimself。TheonlysubjectonwhichMontmorencyandIhaveanyseriousdifferenceofopinioniscats。Ilikecats；Montmorencydoesnot。
WhenImeetacat，Isay，"PoorPussy！"andstopdownandticklethesideofitshead；andthecatsticksupitstailinarigid，cast-ironmanner，archesitsback，andwipesitsnoseupagainstmytrousers；andallisgentlenessandpeace。WhenMontmorencymeetsacat，thewholestreetknowsaboutit；andthereisenoughbadlanguagewastedintensecondstolastanordinarilyrespectablemanallhislife，withcare。
Idonotblamethedog（contentingmyself，asarule，withmerelycloutinghisheadorthrowingstonesathim），becauseItakeitthatitishisnature。Fox-terriersarebornwithaboutfourtimesasmuchoriginalsininthemasotherdogsare，anditwilltakeyearsandyearsofpatienteffortonthepartofusChristianstobringaboutanyappreciablereformationintherowdinessofthefox-terriernature。
IrememberbeinginthelobbyoftheHaymarketStoresoneday，andallroundaboutmeweredogs，waitingforthereturnoftheirowners，whowereshoppinginside。Therewereamastiff，andoneortwocollies，andaSt。Bernard，afewretrieversandNewfoundlands，aboar-hound，aFrenchpoodle，withplentyofhairrounditshead，butmangyaboutthemiddle；abull-dog，afewLowtherArcadesortofanimals，aboutthesizeofrats，andacoupleofYorkshiretykes。
Theretheysat，patient，good，andthoughtful。Asolemnpeacefulnessseemedtoreigninthatlobby。Anairofcalmnessandresignation-ofgentlesadnesspervadedtheroom。
Thenasweetyoungladyentered，leadingameek-lookinglittlefox-
terrier，andlefthim，chainedupthere，betweenthebull-dogandthepoodle。Hesatandlookedabouthimforaminute。Thenhecastuphiseyestotheceiling，andseemed，judgingfromhisexpression，tobethinkingofhismother。Thenheyawned。Thenhelookedroundattheotherdogs，allsilent，grave，anddignified。
Helookedatthebull-dog，sleepingdreamlesslyonhisright。Helookedatthepoodle，erectandhaughty，onhisleft。Then，withoutawordofwarning，withouttheshadowofaprovocation，hebitthatpoodle"snearfore-leg，andayelpofagonyrangthroughthequietshadesofthatlobby。
Theresultofhisfirstexperimentseemedhighlysatisfactorytohim，andhedeterminedtogoonandmakethingslivelyallround。Hesprangoverthepoodleandvigorouslyattackedacollie，andthecolliewokeup，andimmediatelycommencedafierceandnoisycontestwiththepoodle。ThenFoxeycamebacktohisownplace，andcaughtthebull-dogbytheear，andtriedtothrowhimaway；andthebull-dog，acuriouslyimpartialanimal，wentforeverythinghecouldreach，includingthehall-porter，whichgavethatdearlittleterriertheopportunitytoenjoyanuninterruptedfightofhisownwithanequallywillingYorkshiretyke。
Anyonewhoknowscaninenatureneedhardly，betoldthat，bythistime，alltheotherdogsintheplacewerefightingasiftheirhearthsandhomesdependedonthefray。Thebigdogsfoughteachotherindiscriminately；andthelittledogsfoughtamongthemselves，andfilleduptheirsparetimebybitingthelegsofthebigdogs。
Thewholelobbywasaperfectpandemonium，andthedinwasterrific。A
crowdassembledoutsideintheHaymarket，andaskedifitwasavestrymeeting；or，ifnot，whowasbeingmurdered，andwhy？Mencamewithpolesandropes，andtriedtoseparatethedogs，andthepoliceweresentfor。
Andinthemidstoftheriotthatsweetyoungladyreturned，andsnatchedupthatsweetlittledogofhers（hehadlaidthetykeupforamonth，andhadontheexpression，now，ofanew-bornlamb）intoherarms，andkissedhim，andaskedhimifhewaskilled，andwhatthosegreatnastybrutesofdogshadbeendoingtohim；andhenestledupagainsther，andgazedupintoherfacewithalookthatseemedtosay："Oh，I"msogladyou"vecometotakemeawayfromthisdisgracefulscene！"
ShesaidthatthepeopleattheStoreshadnorighttoallowgreatsavagethingslikethoseotherdogstobeputwithrespectablepeople"sdogs，andthatshehadagreatmindtosummonsomebody。
Suchisthenatureoffox-terriers；and，therefore，IdonotblameMontmorencyforhistendencytorowwithcats；buthewishedhehadnotgivenwaytoitthatmorning。
Wewere，asIhavesaid，returningfromadip，andhalf-wayuptheHighStreetacatdartedoutfromoneofthehousesinfrontofus，andbegantotrotacrosstheroad。Montmorencygaveacryofjoy-thecryofasternwarriorwhoseeshisenemygivenovertohishands-thesortofcryCromwellmighthaveutteredwhentheScotscamedownthehill-andflewafterhisprey。
HisvictimwasalargeblackTom。Ineversawalargercat，noramoredisreputable-lookingcat。Ithadlosthalfitstail，oneofitsears，andafairlyappreciableproportionofitsnose。Itwasalong，sinewy-
lookinganimal。Ithadacalm，contentedairaboutit。
Montmorencywentforthatpoorcatattherateoftwentymilesanhour；
butthecatdidnothurryup-didnotseemtohavegraspedtheideathatitslifewasindanger。Ittrottedquietlyonuntilitswould-beassassinwaswithinayardofit，andthenitturnedroundandsatdowninthemiddleoftheroad，andlookedatMontmorencywithagentle，inquiringexpression，thatsaid：
"Yes！Youwantme？"
Montmorencydoesnotlackpluck；buttherewassomethingaboutthelookofthatcatthatmighthavechilledtheheartoftheboldestdog。Hestoppedabruptly，andlookedbackatTom。
Neitherspoke；buttheconversationthatonecouldimaginewasclearlyasfollows：-
THECAT："CanIdoanythingforyou？"
MONTMORENCY："No-no，thanks。"
THECAT："Don"tyoumindspeaking，ifyoureallywantanything，youknow。"
MONTMORENCY（BACKINGDOWNTHEHIGHSTREET）："Oh，no-notatall-
certainly-don"tyoutrouble。I-IamafraidI"vemadeamistake。I
thoughtIknewyou。SorryIdisturbedyou。"
THECAT："Notatall-quiteapleasure。Sureyoudon"twantanything，now？"
MONTMORENCY（STILLBACKING）："Notatall，thanks-notatall-verykindofyou。Goodmorning。"
THECAT："Good-morning。"
Thenthecatrose，andcontinuedhistrot；andMontmorency，fittingwhathecallshistailcarefullyintoitsgroove，camebacktous，andtookupanunimportantpositionintherear。
Tothisday，ifyousaytheword"Cats！"toMontmorency，hewillvisiblyshrinkandlookuppiteouslyatyou，asiftosay：
"Pleasedon"t。"
Wedidourmarketingafterbreakfast，andrevictualledtheboatforthreedays。Georgesaidweoughttotakevegetables-thatitwasunhealthynottoeatvegetables。Hesaidtheywereeasyenoughtocook，andthathewouldseetothat；sowegottenpoundsofpotatoes，abushelofpeas，andafewcabbages。Wegotabeefsteakpie，acoupleofgooseberrytarts，andalegofmuttonfromthehotel；andfruit，andcakes，andbreadandbutter，andjam，andbaconandeggs，andotherthingsweforagedroundaboutthetownfor。
OurdeparturefromMarlowIregardasoneofourgreatestsuccesses。Itwasdignifiedandimpressive，withoutbeingostentatious。Wehadinsistedatalltheshopswehadbeentothatthethingsshouldbesentwithusthenandthere。Noneofyour"Yes，sir，Iwillsendthemoffatonce：theboywillbedowntherebeforeyouare，sir！"andthenfoolingaboutonthelanding-stage，andgoingbacktotheshoptwicetohavearowaboutthem，forus。Wewaitedwhilethebasketwaspacked，andtooktheboywithus。
Wewenttoagoodmanyshops，adoptingthisprincipleateachone；andtheconsequencewasthat，bythetimewehadfinished，wehadasfineacollectionofboyswithbasketsfollowingusaroundasheartcoulddesire；andourfinalmarchdownthemiddleoftheHighStreet，totheriver，musthavebeenasimposingaspectacleasMarlowhadseenformanyalongday。
Theorderoftheprocessionwasasfollows：-
Montmorency，carryingastick。
Twodisreputable-lookingcurs，friendsofMontmorency"s。
George，carryingcoatsandrugs，andsmokingashortpipe。
Harris，tryingtowalkwitheasygrace，whilecarryingabulged-outGladstonebaginonehandandabottleoflime-juiceintheother。
Greengrocer"sboyandbaker"sboy，withbaskets。
Bootsfromthehotel，carryinghamper。
Confectioner"sboy，withbasket。
Grocer"sboy，withbasket。
Long-haireddog。
Cheesemonger"sboy，withbasket。
Oddmancarryingabag。
Bosomcompanionofoddman，withhishandsinhispockets，smokingashortclay。
Fruiterer"sboy，withbasket。
Myself，carryingthreehatsandapairofboots，andtryingtolookasifIdidn"tknowit。
Sixsmallboys，andfourstraydogs。
Whenwegotdowntothelanding-stage，theboatmansaid：
"Letmesee，sir；wasyoursasteam-launchorahouse-boat？"
Onourinforminghimitwasadouble-scullingskiff，heseemedsurprised。
Wehadagooddealoftroublewithsteamlaunchesthatmorning。ItwasjustbeforetheHenleyweek，andtheyweregoingupinlargenumbers；
somebythemselves，sometowinghouseboats。Idohatesteamlaunches：I
supposeeveryrowingmandoes。IneverseeasteamlaunchbutIfeelI
shouldliketolureittoalonelypartoftheriver，andthere，inthesilenceandthesolitude，strangleit。
Thereisablatantbumptiousnessaboutasteamlaunchthathastheknackofrousingeveryevilinstinctinmynature，andIyearnforthegoodolddays，whenyoucouldgoaboutandtellpeoplewhatyouthoughtofthemwithahatchetandabowandarrows。Theexpressiononthefaceofthemanwho，withhishandsinhispockets，standsbythestern，smokingacigar，issufficienttoexcuseabreachofthepeacebyitself；andthelordlywhistleforyoutogetoutofthewaywould，Iamconfident，ensureaverdictof"justifiablehomicide"fromanyjuryofrivermen。
TheyusedtoHAVEtowhistleforustogetoutoftheirway。IfImaydoso，withoutappearingboastful，IthinkIcanhonestlysaythatouronesmallboat，duringthatweek，causedmoreannoyanceanddelayandaggravationtothesteamlaunchesthatwecameacrossthanalltheothercraftontheriverputtogether。
"Steamlaunch，coming！"oneofuswouldcryout，onsightingtheenemyinthedistance；and，inaninstant，everythingwasgotreadytoreceiveher。Iwouldtakethelines，andHarrisandGeorgewouldsitdownbesideme，allofuswithourbackstothelaunch，andtheboatwoulddriftoutquietlyintomid-stream。
Onwouldcomethelaunch，whistling，andonwewouldgo，drifting。Ataboutahundredyardsoff，shewouldstartwhistlinglikemad，andthepeoplewouldcomeandleanovertheside，androaratus；butweneverheardthem！Harriswouldbetellingusananecdoteabouthismother，andGeorgeandIwouldnothavemissedawordofitforworlds。
Thenthatlaunchwouldgiveonefinalshriekofawhistlethatwouldnearlybursttheboiler，andshewouldreverseherengines，andblowoffsteam，andswingroundandgetaground；everyoneonboardofitwouldrushtothebowandyellatus，andthepeopleonthebankwouldstandandshouttous，andalltheotherpassingboatswouldstopandjoinin，tillthewholeriverformilesupanddownwasinastateoffranticcommotion。AndthenHarriswouldbreakoffinthemostinterestingpartofhisnarrative，andlookupwithmildsurprise，andsaytoGeorge：
"Why，George，blessme，ifhereisn"tasteamlaunch！"
AndGeorgewouldanswer：
"Well，doyouknow，ITHOUGHTIheardsomething！"
Uponwhichwewouldgetnervousandconfused，andnotknowhowtogettheboatoutoftheway，andthepeopleinthelaunchwouldcrowdroundandinstructus：
"Pullyourright-you，youidiot！backwithyourleft。No，notYOU-
theotherone-leavethelinesalone，can"tyou-now，bothtogether。
NOTTHATway。Oh，you-！"
Thentheywouldloweraboatandcometoourassistance；and，afterquarterofanhour"seffort，wouldgetuscleanoutoftheirway，sothattheycouldgoon；andwewouldthankthemsomuch，andaskthemtogiveusatow。Buttheyneverwould。
Anothergoodwaywediscoveredofirritatingthearistocratictypeofsteamlaunch，wastomistakethemforabeanfeast，andaskthemiftheywereMessrs。Cubit"slotortheBermondseyGoodTemplars，andcouldtheylendusasaucepan。
Oldladies，notaccustomedtotheriver，arealwaysintenselynervousofsteamlaunches。IremembergoinguponcefromStainestoWindsor-astretchofwaterpeculiarlyrichinthesemechanicalmonstrosities-withapartycontainingthreeladiesofthisdescription。Itwasveryexciting。Atthefirstglimpseofeverysteamlaunchthatcameinview，theyinsistedonlandingandsittingdownonthebankuntilitwasoutofsightagain。Theysaidtheywereverysorry，butthattheyowedittotheirfamiliesnottobefool-hardy。
WefoundourselvesshortofwateratHambledonLock；sowetookourjarandwentuptothelock-keeper"shousetobegforsome。
Georgewasourspokesman。Heputonawinningsmile，andsaid：
"Oh，pleasecouldyouspareusalittlewater？"
"Certainly，"repliedtheoldgentleman；"takeasmuchasyouwant，andleavetherest。"
"Thankyousomuch，"murmuredGeorge，lookingabouthim。"Where-wheredoyoukeepit？"
"It"salwaysinthesameplacemyboy，"wasthestolidreply："justbehindyou。"
"Idon"tseeit，"saidGeorge，turninground。
"Why，blessus，where"syoureyes？"wastheman"scomment，ashetwistedGeorgeroundandpointedupanddownthestream。"There"senoughofittosee，ain"tthere？"
"Oh！"exclaimedGeorge，graspingtheidea；"butwecan"tdrinktheriver，youknow！"
"No；butyoucandrinkSOMEofit，"repliedtheoldfellow。"It"swhatI"vedrunkforthelastfifteenyears。"
Georgetoldhimthathisappearance，afterthecourse，didnotseemasufficientlygoodadvertisementforthebrand；andthathewouldpreferitoutofapump。
Wegotsomefromacottagealittlehigherup。IdaresayTHATwasonlyriverwater，ifwehadknown。Butwedidnotknow，soitwasallright。
Whattheeyedoesnotsee，thestomachdoesnotgetupsetover。
Wetriedriverwateronce，lateronintheseason，butitwasnotasuccess。Wewerecomingdownstream，andhadpulleduptohaveteainabackwaternearWindsor。Ourjarwasempty，anditwasacaseofgoingwithoutourteaortakingwaterfromtheriver。Harriswasforchancingit。Hesaiditmustbeallrightifweboiledthewater。Hesaidthatthevariousgermsofpoisonpresentinthewaterwouldbekilledbytheboiling。SowefilledourkettlewithThamesbackwater，andboiledit；
andverycarefulweweretoseethatitdidboil。
Wehadmadethetea，andwerejustsettlingdowncomfortablytodrinkit，whenGeorge，withhiscuphalf-waytohislips，pausedandexclaimed：
"What"sthat？"
"What"swhat？"askedHarrisandI。
"Whythat！"saidGeorge，lookingwestward。
HarrisandIfollowedhisgaze，andsaw，comingdowntowardsusonthesluggishcurrent，adog。ItwasoneofthequietestandpeacefullestdogsIhaveeverseen。Inevermetadogwhoseemedmorecontented-
moreeasyinitsmind。Itwasfloatingdreamilyonitsback，withitsfourlegsstuckupstraightintotheair。ItwaswhatIshouldcallafull-bodieddog，withawell-developedchest。Onhecame，serene，dignified，andcalm，untilhewasabreastofourboat，andthere，amongtherushes，heeasedup，andsettleddowncosilyfortheevening。
Georgesaidhedidn"twantanytea，andemptiedhiscupintothewater。
Harrisdidnotfeelthirsty，either，andfollowedsuit。Ihaddrunkhalfmine，butIwishedIhadnot。
IaskedGeorgeifhethoughtIwaslikelytohavetyphoid。
Hesaid："Oh，no；"hethoughtIhadaverygoodchanceindeedofescapingit。Anyhow，Ishouldknowinaboutafortnight，whetherIhadorhadnot。
WewentupthebackwatertoWargrave。Itisashortcut，leadingoutoftheright-handbankabouthalfamileaboveMarshLock，andiswellworthtaking，beingapretty，shadylittlepieceofstream，besidessavingnearlyhalfamileofdistance。
Ofcourse，itsentranceisstuddedwithpostsandchains，andsurroundedwithnoticeboards，menacingallkindsoftorture，imprisonment，anddeathtoeveryonewhodaressetsculluponitswaters-Iwondersomeoftheseriparianboorsdon"tclaimtheairoftheriverandthreateneveryonewithfortyshillingsfinewhobreathesit-butthepostsandchainsalittleskillwilleasilyavoid；andasfortheboards，youmight，ifyouhavefiveminutestospare，andthereisnobodyabout，takeoneortwoofthemdownandthrowthemintotheriver。
Half-wayupthebackwater，wegotoutandlunched；anditwasduringthislunchthatGeorgeandIreceivedratheratryingshock。
Harrisreceivedashock，too；butIdonotthinkHarris"sshockcouldhavebeenanythinglikesobadastheshockthatGeorgeandIhadoverthebusiness。
Yousee，itwasinthisway：weweresittinginameadow，abouttenyardsfromthewater"sedge，andwehadjustsettleddowncomfortablytofeed。
Harrishadthebeefsteakpiebetweenhisknees，andwascarvingit，andGeorgeandIwerewaitingwithourplatesready。
"Haveyougotaspoonthere？"saysHarris；"Iwantaspoontohelpthegravywith。"
Thehamperwasclosebehindus，andGeorgeandIbothturnedroundtoreachoneout。Wewerenotfivesecondsgettingit。Whenwelookedroundagain，Harrisandthepieweregone！
Itwasawide，openfield。Therewasnotatreeorabitofhedgeforhundredsofyards。Hecouldnothavetumbledintotheriver，becausewewereonthewatersideofhim，andhewouldhavehadtoclimboverustodoit。
GeorgeandIgazedallabout。Thenwegazedateachother。
"Hashebeensnatcheduptoheaven？"Iqueried。
"They"dhardlyhavetakenthepietoo，"saidGeorge。
Thereseemedweightinthisobjection，andwediscardedtheheavenlytheory。
"Isupposethetruthofthematteris，"suggestedGeorge，descendingtothecommonplaceandpracticable，"thattherehasbeenanearthquake。"
Andthenheadded，withatouchofsadnessinhisvoice："Iwishhehadn"tbeencarvingthatpie。"
Withasigh，weturnedoureyesoncemoretowardsthespotwhereHarrisandthepiehadlastbeenseenonearth；andthere，asourbloodfrozeinourveinsandourhairstooduponend，wesawHarris"shead-andnothingbuthishead-stickingboltuprightamongthetallgrass，thefaceveryred，andbearinguponitanexpressionofgreatindignation！
Georgewasthefirsttorecover。
"Speak！"hecried，"andtelluswhetheryouarealiveordead-andwhereistherestofyou？"
"Oh，don"tbeastupidass！"saidHarris"shead。"Ibelieveyoudiditonpurpose。"
"Didwhat？"exclaimedGeorgeandI。
"Why，putmetosithere-darnsillytrick！Here，catchholdofthepie。"
Andoutofthemiddleoftheearth，asitseemedtous，rosethepie-
verymuchmixedupanddamaged；and，afterit，scrambledHarris-
tumbled，grubby，andwet。
Hehadbeensitting，withoutknowingit，ontheveryvergeofasmallgully，thelonggrasshidingitfromview；andinleaningalittlebackhehadshotover，pieandall。
Hesaidhehadneverfeltsosurprisedinallhislife，aswhenhefirstfelthimselfgoing，withoutbeingabletoconjectureintheslightestwhathadhappened。Hethoughtatfirstthattheendoftheworldhadcome。
HarrisbelievestothisdaythatGeorgeandIplanneditallbeforehand。
Thusdoesunjustsuspicionfolloweventhemostblamelessfor，asthepoetsays，"Whoshallescapecalumny？"
Who，indeed！
CHAPTERXIV。
WARGRAVE-WAXWORKS-SONNING-OURSTEW-MONTMORENCYISSARCASTIC-
FIGHTBETWEENMONTMORENCYANDTHETEA-KETTLE-GEORGE"SBANJOSTUDIES-
MEETWITHDISCOURAGEMENT-DIFFICULTIESINTHEWAYOFTHEMUSICAL
AMATEUR-LEARNINGTOPLAYTHEBAGPIPES-HARRISFEELSSADAFTER
SUPPER-GEORGEANDIGOFORAWALK-RETURNHUNGRYANDWET-THEREIS
ASTRANGENESSABOUTHARRIS-HARRISANDTHESWANS，AREMARKABLESTORY-
HARRISHASATROUBLEDNIGHT。
WEcaughtabreeze，afterlunch，whichtookusgentlyuppastWargraveandShiplake。Mellowedinthedrowsysunlightofasummer"safternoon，Wargrave，nestlingwheretheriverbends，makesasweetoldpictureasyoupassit，andonethatlingerslongupontheretinaofmemory。
The"GeorgeandDragon"atWargraveboastsasign，paintedontheonesidebyLeslie，R。A。，andontheotherbyHodgsonofthatilk。Lesliehasdepictedthefight；Hodgsonhasimaginedthescene，"AftertheFight"-
George，theworkdone，enjoyinghispintofbeer。
Day，theauthorofSANDFORDANDMERTON，livedand-morecredittotheplacestill-waskilledatWargrave。InthechurchisamemorialtoMrs。SarahHill，whobequeathed1poundannually，tobedividedatEaster，betweentwoboysandtwogirlswho"haveneverbeenundutifultotheirparents；whohaveneverbeenknowntoswearortotelluntruths，tosteal，ortobreakwindows。"Fancygivingupallthatforfiveshillingsayear！Itisnotworthit。
Itisrumouredinthetownthatonce，manyyearsago，aboyappearedwhoreallyneverhaddonethesethings-oratallevents，whichwasallthatwasrequiredorcouldbeexpected，hadneverbeenknowntodothem-andthuswonthecrownofglory。HewasexhibitedforthreeweeksafterwardsintheTownHall，underaglasscase。
Whathasbecomeofthemoneysincenooneknows。Theysayitisalwayshandedovertothenearestwax-worksshow。
Shiplakeisaprettyvillage，butitcannotbeseenfromtheriver，beinguponthehill。TennysonwasmarriedinShiplakeChurch。
TheriveruptoSonningwindsinandoutthroughmanyislands，andisveryplacid，hushed，andlonely。Fewfolk，exceptattwilight，apairortwoofrusticlovers，walkalongitsbanks。`ArryandLordFitznoodlehavebeenleftbehindatHenley，anddismal，dirtyReadingisnotyetreached。Itisapartoftheriverinwhichtodreamofbygonedays，andvanishedformsandfaces，andthingsthatmighthavebeen，butarenot，confoundthem。
WegotoutatSonning，andwentforawalkroundthevillage。Itisthemostfairy-likelittlenookonthewholeriver。Itismorelikeastagevillagethanonebuiltofbricksandmortar。Everyhouseissmotheredinroses，andnow，inearlyJune，theywereburstingforthincloudsofdaintysplendour。IfyoustopatSonning，putupatthe"Bull，"behindthechurch。Itisaveritablepictureofanoldcountryinn，withgreen，squarecourtyardinfront，where，onseatsbeneaththetrees，theoldmengroupofaneveningtodrinktheiraleandgossipovervillagepolitics；
withlow，quaintroomsandlatticedwindows，andawkwardstairsandwindingpassages。
WeroamedaboutsweetSonningforanhourorso，andthen，itbeingtoolatetopushonpastReading，wedecidedtogobacktooneoftheShiplakeislands，andputupthereforthenight。Itwasstillearlywhenwegotsettled，andGeorgesaidthat，aswehadplentyoftime，itwouldbeasplendidopportunitytotryagood，slap-upsupper。Hesaidhewouldshowuswhatcouldbedoneuptheriverinthewayofcooking，andsuggestedthat，withthevegetablesandtheremainsofthecoldbeefandgeneraloddsandends，weshouldmakeanIrishstew。
Itseemedafascinatingidea。Georgegatheredwoodandmadeafire，andHarrisandIstartedtopeelthepotatoes。Ishouldneverhavethoughtthatpeelingpotatoeswassuchanundertaking。ThejobturnedouttobethebiggestthingofitskindthatIhadeverbeenin。Webegancheerfully，onemightalmostsayskittishly，butourlight-heartednesswasgonebythetimethefirstpotatowasfinished。Themorewepeeled，themorepeelthereseemedtobelefton；bythetimewehadgotallthepeeloffandalltheeyesout，therewasnopotatoleft-atleastnoneworthspeakingof。Georgecameandhadalookatit-itwasaboutthesizeofapea-nut。Hesaid：
"Oh，thatwon"tdo！You"rewastingthem。Youmustscrapethem。"
Sowescrapedthem，andthatwasharderworkthanpeeling。Theyaresuchanextraordinaryshape，potatoes-allbumpsandwartsandhollows。Weworkedsteadilyforfive-and-twentyminutes，anddidfourpotatoes。Thenwestruck。Wesaidweshouldrequiretherestoftheeveningforscrapingourselves。
Ineversawsuchathingaspotato-scrapingformakingafellowinamess。Itseemeddifficulttobelievethatthepotato-scrapingsinwhichHarrisandIstood，halfsmothered，couldhavecomeofffourpotatoes。