第4章

HARRIS（STANDINGUPINFRONTOFPIANOANDADDRESSINGTHEEXPECTANTMOB）：

"I"mafraidit"saveryoldthing，youknow。Iexpectyouallknowit，youknow。Butit"stheonlythingIknow。It"stheJudge"ssongoutofPINAFORE-no，Idon"tmeanPINAFORE-Imean-youknowwhatImean-

theotherthing，youknow。Youmustalljoininthechorus，youknow。"

[Murmursofdelightandanxietytojoininthechorus。BrilliantperformanceofpreludetotheJudge"ssongin"TrialbyJury"bynervousPianist。MomentarrivesforHarristojoinin。Harristakesnonoticeofit。Nervouspianistcommencespreludeoveragain，andHarris，commencingsingingatthesametime，dashesoffthefirsttwolinesoftheFirstLord"ssongoutof"Pinafore。"Nervouspianisttriestopushonwithprelude，givesitup，andtriestofollowHarriswithaccompanimenttoJudge"ssongout"TrialbyJury，"findsthatdoesn"tanswer，andtriestorecollectwhatheisdoing，andwhereheis，feelshismindgivingway，andstopsshort。]

HARRIS（WITHKINDLYENCOURAGEMENT）："It"sallright。You"redoingitverywell，indeed-goon。"

NERVOUSPIANIST："I"mafraidthere"samistakesomewhere。Whatareyousinging？"

HARRIS（PROMPTLY）："WhytheJudge"ssongoutofTrialbyJury。Don"tyouknowit？"

SOMEFRIENDOFHARRIS"S（FROMTHEBACKOFTHEROOM）："No，you"renot，youchuckle-head，you"resingingtheAdmiral"ssongfromPINAFORE。"

[LongargumentbetweenHarrisandHarris"sfriendastowhatHarrisisreallysinging。Friendfinallysuggeststhatitdoesn"tmatterwhatHarrisissingingsolongasHarrisgetsonandsingsit，andHarris，withanevidentsenseofinjusticeranklinginsidehim，requestspianisttobeginagain。Pianist，thereupon，startspreludetotheAdmiral"ssong，andHarris，seizingwhatheconsiderstobeafavourableopeninginthemusic，begins。]

HARRIS：

"`WhenIwasyoungandcalledtotheBar。""

[GENERALROAROFLAUGHTER，TAKENBYHARRISASACOMPLIMENT。PIANIST，THINKINGOFHISWIFEANDFAMILY，GIVESUPTHEUNEQUALCONTESTAND

RETIRES；HISPLACEBEINGTAKENBYASTRONGER-NERVEDMAN。

THENEWPIANIST（CHEERILY）："Nowthen，oldman，youstartoff，andI"llfollow。Wewon"tbotheraboutanyprelude。"

HARRIS（UPONWHOMTHEEXPLANATIONOFMATTERSHASSLOWLYDAWNED-

LAUGHING）："ByJove！Ibegyourpardon。Ofcourse-I"vebeenmixingupthetwosongs。ItwasJenkinsconfusedme，youknow。Nowthen。

[SINGING；HISVOICEAPPEARINGTOCOMEFROMTHECELLAR，ANDSUGGESTINGTHE

FIRSTLOWWARNINGSOFANAPPROACHINGEARTHQUAKE。

"`WhenIwasyoungIservedatermAsoffice-boytoanattorney"sfirm。"

（Asidetopianist）："Itistoolow，oldman；we"llhavethatoveragain，ifyoudon"tmind。"

[SINGSFIRSTTWOLINESOVERAGAIN，INAHIGHFALSETTOTHISTIME。GREAT

SURPRISEONTHEPARTOFTHEAUDIENCE。NERVOUSOLDLADYNEARTHEFIRE

BEGINSTOCRY，ANDHASTOBELEDOUT。]

HARRIS（continuing）：

"IsweptthewindowsandIsweptthedoor，AndI-`

No-no，Icleanedthewindowsofthebigfrontdoor。AndIpolishedupthefloor-no，dashit-Ibegyourpardon-funnything，Ican"tthinkofthatline。AndI-andI-Oh，well，we"llgetontothechorus，andchanceit（SINGS）：

`AndIdiddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-de，TillnowIamtheruleroftheQueen"snavee。"

Nowthen，chorus-itisthelasttwolinesrepeated，youknow。

GENERALCHORUS：

"Andhediddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-dee"d，TillnowheistheruleroftheQueen"snavee。"

AndHarrisneverseeswhatanassheismakingofhimself，andhowheisannoyingalotofpeoplewhoneverdidhimanyharm。Hehonestlyimaginesthathehasgiventhematreat，andsayshewillsinganothercomicsongaftersupper。

Speakingofcomicsongsandparties，remindsmeofarathercuriousincidentatwhichIonceassisted；which，asitthrowsmuchlightupontheinnermentalworkingofhumannatureingeneral，ought，Ithink，toberecordedinthesepages。

Wewereafashionableandhighlyculturedparty。Wehadonourbestclothes，andwetalkedpretty，andwereveryhappy-allexcepttwoyoungfellows，students，justreturnedfromGermany，commonplaceyoungmen，whoseemedrestlessanduncomfortable，asiftheyfoundtheproceedingsslow。

Thetruthwas，weweretoocleverforthem。Ourbrilliantbutpolishedconversation，andourhigh-classtastes，werebeyondthem。Theywereoutofplace，amongus。Theyneveroughttohavebeenthereatall。

Everybodyagreeduponthat，lateron。

WeplayedMORCEAUXfromtheoldGermanmasters。Wediscussedphilosophyandethics。Weflirtedwithgracefuldignity。Wewereevenhumorous-

inahigh-classway。

SomebodyrecitedaFrenchpoemaftersupper，andwesaiditwasbeautiful；andthenaladysangasentimentalballadinSpanish，anditmadeoneortwoofusweep-itwassopathetic。

Andthenthosetwoyoungmengotup，andaskedusifwehadeverheardHerrSlossennBoschen（whohadjustarrived，andwasthendowninthesupper-room）singhisgreatGermancomicsong。

Noneofushadheardit，thatwecouldremember。

Theyoungmensaiditwasthefunniestsongthathadeverbeenwritten，andthat，ifweliked，theywouldgetHerrSlossennBoschen，whomtheyknewverywell，tosingit。Theysaiditwassofunnythat，whenHerrSlossennBoschenhadsungitoncebeforetheGermanEmperor，he（theGermanEmperor）hadhadtobecarriedofftobed。

TheysaidnobodycouldsingitlikeHerrSlossennBoschen；hewassointenselyseriousallthroughitthatyoumightfancyhewasrecitingatragedy，andthat，ofcourse，madeitallthefunnier。Theysaidheneveroncesuggestedbyhistoneormannerthathewassinginganythingfunny-thatwouldspoilit。Itwashisairofseriousness，almostofpathos，thatmadeitsoirresistiblyamusing。

Wesaidweyearnedtohearit，thatwewantedagoodlaugh；andtheywentdownstairs，andfetchedHerrSlossennBoschen。

Heappearedtobequitepleasedtosingit，forhecameupatonce，andsatdowntothepianowithoutanotherword。

"Oh，itwillamuseyou。Youwilllaugh，"whisperedthetwoyoungmen，astheypassedthroughtheroom，andtookupanunobtrusivepositionbehindtheProfessor"sback。

HerrSlossennBoschenaccompaniedhimself。Thepreludedidnotsuggestacomicsongexactly。Itwasaweird，soulfulair。Itquitemadeone"sfleshcreep；butwemurmuredtooneanotherthatitwastheGermanmethod，andpreparedtoenjoyit。

Idon"tunderstandGermanmyself。Ilearneditatschool，butforgoteverywordofittwoyearsafterIhadleft，andhavefeltmuchbettereversince。Still，Ididnotwantthepeopletheretoguessmyignorance；soIhituponwhatIthoughttoberatheragoodidea。Ikeptmyeyeonthetwoyoungstudents，andfollowedthem。Whentheytittered，Itittered；whentheyroared，Iroared；andIalsothrewinalittlesniggerallbymyselfnowandthen，asifIhadseenabitofhumourthathadescapedtheothers。Iconsideredthisparticularlyartfulonmypart。

Inoticed，asthesongprogressed，thatagoodmanyotherpeopleseemedtohavetheireyefixedonthetwoyoungmen，aswellasmyself。Theseotherpeoplealsotitteredwhentheyoungmentittered，androaredwhentheyoungmenroared；and，asthetwoyoungmentitteredandroaredandexplodedwithlaughterprettycontinuouslyallthroughthesong，itwentexceedinglywell。

AndyetthatGermanProfessordidnotseemhappy。Atfirst，whenwebegantolaugh，theexpressionofhisfacewasoneofintensesurprise，asiflaughterweretheverylastthinghehadexpectedtobegreetedwith。Wethoughtthisveryfunny：wesaidhisearnestmannerwashalfthehumour。Theslightesthintonhispartthatheknewhowfunnyhewaswouldhavecompletelyruineditall。Aswecontinuedtolaugh，hissurprisegavewaytoanairofannoyanceandindignation，andhescowledfiercelyrounduponusall（exceptuponthetwoyoungmenwho，beingbehindhim，hecouldnotsee）。Thatsentusintoconvulsions。Wetoldeachotherthatitwouldbethedeathofus，thisthing。Thewordsalone，wesaid，wereenoughtosendusintofits，butaddedtohismockseriousness-oh，itwastoomuch！

Inthelastverse，hesurpassedhimself。Hegloweredrounduponuswithalookofsuchconcentratedferocitythat，butforourbeingforewarnedastotheGermanmethodofcomicsinging，weshouldhavebeennervous；

andhethrewsuchawailingnoteofagonyintotheweirdmusicthat，ifwehadnotknownitwasafunnysong，wemighthavewept。

Hefinishedamidaperfectshriekoflaughter。Wesaiditwasthefunniestthingwehadeverheardinallourlives。Wesaidhowstrangeitwasthat，inthefaceofthingslikethese，thereshouldbeapopularnotionthattheGermanshadn"tanysenseofhumour。AndweaskedtheProfessorwhyhedidn"ttranslatethesongintoEnglish，sothatthecommonpeoplecouldunderstandit，andhearwhatarealcomicsongwaslike。

ThenHerrSlossennBoschengotup，andwentonawful。HesworeatusinGerman（whichIshouldjudgetobeasingularlyeffectivelanguageforthatpurpose），andhedanced，andshookhisfists，andcalledusalltheEnglishheknew。Hesaidhehadneverbeensoinsultedinallhislife。

Itappearedthatthesongwasnotacomicsongatall。ItwasaboutayounggirlwholivedintheHartzMountains，andwhohadgivenupherlifetosaveherlover"ssoul；andhedied，andmetherspiritintheair；andthen，inthelastverse，hejiltedherspirit，andwentonwithanotherspirit-I"mnotquitesureofthedetails，butitwassomethingverysad，Iknow。HerrBoschensaidhehadsungitoncebeforetheGermanEmperor，andhe（theGermanEmperor）hadsobbedlikealittlechild。He（HerrBoschen）saiditwasgenerallyacknowledgedtobeoneofthemosttragicandpatheticsongsintheGermanlanguage。

Itwasatryingsituationforus-verytrying。Thereseemedtobenoanswer。Welookedaroundforthetwoyoungmenwhohaddonethisthing，buttheyhadleftthehouseinanunostentatiousmannerimmediatelyaftertheendofthesong。

Thatwastheendofthatparty。Ineversawapartybreakupsoquietly，andwithsolittlefuss。Weneversaidgood-nighteventooneanother。

Wecamedownstairsoneatatime，walkingsoftly，andkeepingtheshadyside。Weaskedtheservantforourhatsandcoatsinwhispers，andopenedthedoorforourselves，andslippedout，andgotroundthecornerquickly，avoidingeachotherasmuchaspossible。

IhavenevertakenmuchinterestinGermansongssincethen。

WereachedSunburyLockathalf-pastthree。Theriverissweetlyprettyjusttherebeforeyoucometothegates，andthebackwaterischarming；

butdon"tattempttorowupit。

Itriedtodosoonce。Iwassculling，andaskedthefellowswhoweresteeringiftheythoughtitcouldbedone，andtheysaid，oh，yes，theythoughtso，ifIpulledhard。Wewerejustunderthelittlefoot-bridgethatcrossesitbetweenthetwoweirs，whentheysaidthis，andIbentdownoverthesculls，andsetmyselfup，andpulled。

Ipulledsplendidly。Igotwellintoasteadyrhythmicalswing。Iputmyarms，andmylegs，andmybackintoit。Isetmyselfagood，quick，dashingstroke，andworkedinreallygrandstyle。Mytwofriendssaiditwasapleasuretowatchme。Attheendoffiveminutes，Ithoughtweoughttobeprettyneartheweir，andIlookedup。Wewereunderthebridge，inexactlythesamespotthatwewerewhenIbegan，andtherewerethosetwoidiots，injuringthemselvesbyviolentlaughing。Ihadbeengrindingawaylikemadtokeepthatboatstuckstillunderthatbridge。Iletotherpeoplepullupbackwatersagainststrongstreamsnow。

WesculleduptoWalton，aratherlargeplaceforariversidetown。Aswithallriversideplaces，onlythetiniestcornerofitcomesdowntothewater，sothatfromtheboatyoumightfancyitwasavillageofsomehalf-dozenhouses，alltold。WindsorandAbingdonaretheonlytownsbetweenLondonandOxfordthatyoucanreallyseeanythingoffromthestream。Alltheothershideroundcorners，andmerelypeepattheriverdownonestreet：mythankstothemforbeingsoconsiderate，andleavingtheriver-bankstowoodsandfieldsandwater-works。

EvenReading，thoughitdoesitsbesttospoilandsullyandmakehideousasmuchoftheriverasitcanreach，isgood-naturedenoughtokeepitsuglyfaceagooddealoutofsight。

Caesar，ofcourse，hadalittleplaceatWalton-acamp，oranentrenchment，orsomethingofthatsort。Caesarwasaregularup-riverman。AlsoQueenElizabeth，shewasthere，too。Youcannevergetawayfromthatwoman，gowhereyouwill。CromwellandBradshaw（nottheguideman，buttheKingCharles"sheadman）likewisesojournedhere。Theymusthavebeenquiteapleasantlittleparty，altogether。

Thereisaniron"scold"sbridle"inWaltonChurch。Theyusedthesethingsinancientdaysforcurbingwomen"stongues。Theyhavegivenuptheattemptnow。Isupposeironwasgettingscarce，andnothingelsewouldbestrongenough。

Therearealsotombsofnoteinthechurch，andIwasafraidIshouldnevergetHarrispastthem；buthedidn"tseemtothinkofthem，andwewenton。Abovethebridgetheriverwindstremendously。Thismakesitlookpicturesque；butitirritatesyoufromatowingorscullingpointofview，andcausesargumentbetweenthemanwhoispullingandthemanwhoissteering。

YoupassOatlandsParkontherightbankhere。Itisafamousoldplace。

HenryVIII。stoleitfromsomeoneortheother，Iforgetwhomnow，andlivedinit。Thereisagrottointheparkwhichyoucanseeforafee，andwhichissupposedtobeverywonderful；butIcannotseemuchinitmyself。ThelateDuchessofYork，wholivedatOatlands，wasveryfondofdogs，andkeptanimmensenumber。Shehadaspecialgraveyardmade，inwhichtoburythemwhentheydied，andtheretheylie，aboutfiftyofthem，withatombstoneovereach，andanepitaphinscribedthereon。

Well，IdaresaytheydeserveitquiteasmuchastheaverageChristiandoes。

At"CorwayStakes"-thefirstbendaboveWaltonBridge-wasfoughtabattlebetweenCaesarandCassivelaunus。CassivelaunushadpreparedtheriverforCaesar，byplantingitfullofstakes（andhad，nodoubt，putupanotice-board）。ButCaesarcrossedinspiteofthis。Youcouldn"tchokeCaesaroffthatriver。Heisthesortofmanwewantroundthebackwatersnow。

HallifordandSheppertonarebothprettylittlespotswheretheytouchtheriver；butthereisnothingremarkableabouteitherofthem。ThereisatombinSheppertonchurchyard，however，withapoemonit，andIwasnervouslestHarrisshouldwanttogetoutandfoolroundit。Isawhimfixalongingeyeonthelanding-stageaswedrewnearit，soImanaged，byanadroitmovement，tojerkhiscapintothewater，andintheexcitementofrecoveringthat，andhisindignationatmyclumsiness，heforgotallabouthisbelovedgraves。

AtWeybridge，theWey（aprettylittlestream，navigableforsmallboatsuptoGuildford，andonewhichIhavealwaysbeenmakingupmymindtoexplore，andneverhave），theBourne，andtheBasingstokeCanalallentertheThamestogether。Thelockisjustoppositethetown，andthefirstthingthatwesaw，whenwecameinviewofit，wasGeorge"sblazerononeofthelockgates，closerinspectionshowingthatGeorgewasinsideit。

Montmorencysetupafuriousbarking，Ishrieked，Harrisroared；Georgewavedhishat，andyelledback。Thelock-keeperrushedoutwithadrag，undertheimpressionthatsomebodyhadfallenintothelock，andappearedannoyedatfindingthatnoonehad。

Georgehadratheracuriousoilskin-coveredparcelinhishand。Itwasroundandflatatoneend，withalongstraighthandlestickingoutofit。

"What"sthat？"saidHarris-"afrying-pan？"

"No，"saidGeorge，withastrange，wildlookglitteringinhiseyes；

"theyarealltheragethisseason；everybodyhasgotthemuptheriver。

It"sabanjo。"

"Ineverknewyouplayedthebanjo！"criedHarrisandI，inonebreath。

"Notexactly，"repliedGeorge："butit"sveryeasy，theytellme；andI"vegottheinstructionbook！"

CHAPTERIX。

GEORGEISINTRODUCEDTOWORK-HEATHENISHINSTINCTSOFTOW-LINES-

UNGRATEFULCONDUCTOFADOUBLE-SCULLINGSKIFF-TOWERSANDTOWED-A

USEDISCOVEREDFORLOVERS-STRANGEDISAPPEARANCEOFANELDERLYLADY-

MUCHHASTE，LESSSPEED-BEINGTOWEDBYGIRLS：EXCITINGSENSATION-THE

MISSINGLOCKORTHEHAUNTEDRIVER-MUSIC-SAVED！

WEmadeGeorgework，nowwehadgothim。Hedidnotwanttowork，ofcourse；thatgoeswithoutsaying。HehadhadahardtimeintheCity，soheexplained。Harris，whoiscallousinhisnature，andnotpronetopity，said：

"Ah！andnowyouaregoingtohaveahardtimeontheriverforachange；

changeisgoodforeveryone。Outyouget！"

Hecouldnotinconscience-notevenGeorge"sconscience-object，thoughhedidsuggestthat，perhaps，itwouldbebetterforhimtostopintheboat，andgetteaready，whileHarrisandItowed，becausegettingteawassuchaworryingwork，andHarrisandIlookedtired。Theonlyreplywemadetothis，however，wastopasshimoverthetow-line，andhetookit，andsteppedout。

Thereissomethingverystrangeandunaccountableaboutatow-line。Yourollitupwithasmuchpatienceandcareasyouwouldtaketofoldupanewpairoftrousers，andfiveminutesafterwards，whenyoupickitup，itisoneghastly，soul-revoltingtangle。

Idonotwishtobeinsulting，butIfirmlybelievethatifyoutookanaveragetow-line，andstretcheditoutstraightacrossthemiddleofafield，andthenturnedyourbackonitforthirtyseconds，that，whenyoulookedroundagain，youwouldfindthatithadgotitselfaltogetherinaheapinthemiddleofthefield，andhadtwisteditselfup，andtieditselfintoknots，andlostitstwoends，andbecomeallloops；anditwouldtakeyouagoodhalf-hour，sittingdownthereonthegrassandswearingallthewhile，todisentangleitagain。

Thatismyopinionoftow-linesingeneral。Ofcourse，theremaybehonourableexceptions；Idonotsaythattherearenot。Theremaybetow-linesthatareacredittotheirprofession-conscientious，respectabletow-lines-tow-linesthatdonotimaginetheyarecrochet-

work，andtrytoknitthemselvesupintoantimacassarstheinstanttheyarelefttothemselves。IsaythereMAYbesuchtow-lines；Isincerelyhopethereare。ButIhavenotmetwiththem。

Thistow-lineIhadtakeninmyselfjustbeforewehadgottothelock。

IwouldnotletHarristouchit，becauseheiscareless。Ihadloopeditroundslowlyandcautiously，andtieditupinthemiddle，andfoldeditintwo，andlaiditdowngentlyatthebottomoftheboat。Harrishadlifteditupscientifically，andhadputitintoGeorge"shand。Georgehadtakenitfirmly，andhelditawayfromhim，andhadbeguntounravelitasifheweretakingtheswaddlingclothesoffanew-borninfant；and，beforehehadunwoundadozenyards，thethingwasmorelikeabadly-madedoor-matthananythingelse。

Itisalwaysthesame，andthesamesortofthingalwaysgoesoninconnectionwithit。Themanonthebank，whoistryingtodisentangleit，thinksallthefaultlieswiththemanwhorolleditup；andwhenamanuptheriverthinksathing，hesaysit。

"Whathaveyoubeentryingtodowithit，makeafishing-netofit？

You"vemadeanicemessyouhave；whycouldn"tyouwinditupproperly，yousillydummy？"hegruntsfromtimetotimeashestruggleswildlywithit，andlaysitoutflatonthetow-path，andrunsroundandroundit，tryingtofindtheend。

Ontheotherhand，themanwhowounditupthinksthewholecauseofthemuddlerestswiththemanwhoistryingtounwindit。

"Itwasallrightwhenyoutookit！"heexclaimsindignantly。"Whydon"tyouthinkwhatyouaredoing？Yougoaboutthingsinsuchaslap-dashstyle。You"dgetascaffoldingpoleentangledyouwould！"

Andtheyfeelsoangrywithoneanotherthattheywouldliketohangeachotherwiththething。

Tenminutesgoby，andthefirstmangivesayellandgoesmad，anddancesontherope，andtriestopullitstraightbyseizingholdofthefirstpiecethatcomestohishandandhaulingatit。Ofcourse，thisonlygetsitintoatightertanglethanever。Thenthesecondmanclimbsoutoftheboatandcomestohelphim，andtheygetineachother"sway，andhinderoneanother。Theybothgetholdofthesamebitofline，andpullatitinoppositedirections，andwonderwhereitiscaught。Intheend，theydogetitclear，andthenturnroundandfindthattheboathasdriftedoff，andismakingstraightfortheweir。

Thisreallyhappenedoncetomyownknowledge。ItwasupbyBoveney，oneratherwindymorning。Wewerepullingdownstream，and，aswecameroundthebend，wenoticedacoupleofmenonthebank。TheywerelookingateachotherwithasbewilderedandhelplesslymiserableexpressionasI

haveeverwitnessedonanyhumancountenancebeforeorsince，andtheyheldalongtow-linebetweenthem。Itwasclearthatsomethinghadhappened，soweeasedupandaskedthemwhatwasthematter。

"Why，ourboat"sgoneoff！"theyrepliedinanindignanttone。"Wejustgotouttodisentanglethetow-line，andwhenwelookedround，itwasgone！"

Andtheyseemedhurtatwhattheyevidentlyregardedasameanandungratefulactonthepartoftheboat。

Wefoundthetruantforthemhalfamilefurtherdown，heldbysomerushes，andwebroughtitbacktothem。Ibettheydidnotgivethatboatanotherchanceforaweek。

Ishallneverforgetthepictureofthosetwomenwalkingupanddownthebankwithatow-line，lookingfortheirboat。

Oneseesagoodmanyfunnyincidentsuptheriverinconnectionwithtowing。Oneofthemostcommonisthesightofacoupleoftowers，walkingbrisklyalong，deepinananimateddiscussion，whilethemanintheboat，ahundredyardsbehindthem，isvainlyshriekingtothemtostop，andmakingfranticsignsofdistresswithascull。Somethinghasgonewrong；therudderhascomeoff，ortheboat-hookhasslippedoverboard，orhishathasdroppedintothewaterandisfloatingrapidlydownstream。

Hecallstothemtostop，quitegentlyandpolitelyatfirst。

"Hi！stopaminute，willyou？"heshoutscheerily。"I"vedroppedmyhatover-board。"

Then："Hi！Tom-Dick！can"tyouhear？"notquitesoaffablythistime。

Then："Hi！ConfoundYOU，youdunder-headedidiots！Hi！stop！Ohyou-！"

Afterthathespringsup，anddancesabout，androarshimselfredintheface，andcurseseverythingheknows。Andthesmallboysonthebankstopandjeerathim，andpitchstonesathimasheispulledalongpastthem，attherateoffourmilesanhour，andcan"tgetout。

Muchofthissortoftroublewouldbesavedifthosewhoaretowingwouldkeeprememberingthattheyaretowing，andgiveaprettyfrequentlookroundtoseehowtheirmanisgettingon。Itisbesttoletonepersontow。Whentwoaredoingit，theygetchattering，andforget，andtheboatitself，offering，asitdoes，butlittleresistance，isofnorealserviceinremindingthemofthefact。

Asanexampleofhowutterlyobliviousapairoftowerscanbetotheirwork，Georgetoldus，lateronintheevening，whenwewerediscussingthesubjectaftersupper，ofaverycuriousinstance。

Heandthreeothermen，sohesaid，werescullingaveryheavilyladenboatupfromMaidenheadoneevening，andalittleaboveCookhamlocktheynoticedafellowandagirl，walkingalongthetowpath，bothdeepinanapparentlyinterestingandabsorbingconversation。Theywerecarryingaboat-hookbetweenthem，and，attachedtotheboat-hookwasatow-line，whichtrailedbehindthem，itsendinthewater。Noboatwasnear，noboatwasinsight。Theremusthavebeenaboatattachedtothattow-lineatsometimeorother，thatwascertain；butwhathadbecomeofit，whatghastlyfatehadovertakenit，andthosewhohadbeenleftinit，wasburiedinmystery。Whatevertheaccidentmayhavebeen，however，ithadinnowaydisturbedtheyoungladyandgentleman，whoweretowing。Theyhadtheboat-hookandtheyhadtheline，andthatseemedtobeallthattheythoughtnecessarytotheirwork。

Georgewasabouttocalloutandwakethemup，but，atthatmoment，abrightideaflashedacrosshim，andhedidn"t。Hegotthehitcherinstead，andreachedover，anddrewintheendofthetow-line；andtheymadealoopinit，andputitovertheirmast，andthentheytidiedupthesculls，andwentandsatdowninthestern，andlittheirpipes。

AndthatyoungmanandyoungwomantowedthosefourhulkingchapsandaheavyboatuptoMarlow。

Georgesaidheneversawsomuchthoughtfulsadnessconcentratedintooneglancebefore，aswhen，atthelock，thatyoungcouplegraspedtheideathat，forthelasttwomiles，theyhadbeentowingthewrongboat。

Georgefanciedthat，ifithadnotbeenfortherestraininginfluenceofthesweetwomanathisside，theyoungmanmighthavegivenwaytoviolentlanguage。

Themaidenwasthefirsttorecoverfromhersurprise，and，whenshedid，sheclaspedherhands，andsaid，wildly：

"Oh，Henry，thenWHEREisauntie？"

"Didtheyeverrecovertheoldlady？"askedHarris。

Georgerepliedhedidnotknow。

AnotherexampleofthedangerouswantofsympathybetweentowerandtowedwaswitnessedbyGeorgeandmyselfonceupnearWalton。Itwaswherethetow-pathshelvesgentlydownintothewater，andwewerecampingontheoppositebank，noticingthingsingeneral。By-and-byasmallboatcameinsight，towedthroughthewateratatremendouspacebyapowerfulbargehorse，onwhichsataverysmallboy。Scatteredabouttheboat，indreamyandreposefulattitudes，layfivefellows，themanwhowassteeringhavingaparticularlyrestfulappearance。

"Ishouldliketoseehimpullthewrongline，"murmuredGeorge，astheypassed。Andatthatprecisemomentthemandidit，andtheboatrushedupthebankwithanoiseliketherippingupoffortythousandlinensheets。Twomen，ahamper，andthreeoarsimmediatelylefttheboatonthelarboardside，andreclinedonthebank，andoneandahalfmomentsafterwards，twoothermendisembarkedfromthestarboard，andsatdownamongboat-hooksandsailsandcarpet-bagsandbottles。Thelastmanwentontwentyyardsfurther，andthengotoutonhishead。

Thisseemedtosortoflightentheboat，anditwentonmucheasier，thesmallboyshoutingatthetopofhisvoice，andurginghissteedintoagallop。Thefellowssatupandstaredatoneanother。Itwassomesecondsbeforetheyrealisedwhathadhappenedtothem，but，whentheydid，theybegantoshoutlustilyfortheboytostop。He，however，wastoomuchoccupiedwiththehorsetohearthem，andwewatchedthem，flyingafterhim，untilthedistancehidthemfromview。

IcannotsayIwassorryattheirmishap。Indeed，Ionlywishthatalltheyoungfoolswhohavetheirboatstowedinthisfashion-andplentydo-couldmeetwithsimilarmisfortunes。Besidestherisktheyrunthemselves，theybecomeadangerandanannoyancetoeveryotherboattheypass。Goingatthepacetheydo，itisimpossibleforthemtogetoutofanybodyelse"sway，orforanybodyelsetogetoutoftheirs。

Theirlinegetshitchedacrossyourmast，andoverturnsyou，oritcatchessomebodyintheboat，andeitherthrowsthemintothewater，orcutstheirfaceopen。Thebestplanistostandyourground，andbepreparedtokeepthemoffwiththebutt-endofamast。

Ofallexperiencesinconnectionwithtowing，themostexcitingisbeingtowedbygirls。Itisasensationthatnobodyoughttomiss。Ittakesthreegirlstotowalways；twoholdtherope，andtheotheronerunsroundandround，andgiggles。Theygenerallybeginbygettingthemselvestiedup。Theygetthelineroundtheirlegs，andhavetositdownonthepathandundoeachother，andthentheytwistitroundtheirnecks，andarenearlystrangled。Theyfixitstraight，however，atlast，andstartoffatarun，pullingtheboatalongatquiteadangerouspace。Attheendofahundredyardstheyarenaturallybreathless，andsuddenlystop，andallsitdownonthegrassandlaugh，andyourboatdriftsouttomid-

streamandturnsround，beforeyouknowwhathashappened，orcangetholdofascull。Thentheystandup，andaresurprised。

"Oh，look！"theysay；"he"sgonerightoutintothemiddle。"

Theypullonprettysteadilyforabit，afterthis，andthenitallatonceoccurstooneofthemthatshewillpinupherfrock，andtheyeaseupforthepurpose，andtheboatrunsaground。

Youjumpup，andpushitoff，andyoushouttothemnottostop。

"Yes。What"sthematter？"theyshoutback。

"Don"tstop，"youroar。

"Don"twhat？"

"Don"tstop-goon-goon！"

"Goback，Emily，andseewhatitistheywant，"saysone；andEmilycomesback，andaskswhatitis。

"Whatdoyouwant？"shesays；"anythinghappened？"

"No，"youreply，"it"sallright；onlygoon，youknow-don"tstop。"

"Whynot？"

"Why，wecan"tsteer，ifyoukeepstopping。Youmustkeepsomewayontheboat。"

"Keepsomewhat？"

"Someway-youmustkeeptheboatmoving。"

"Oh，allright，I"lltell`em。Arewedoingitallright？"

"Oh，yes，verynicely，indeed，onlydon"tstop。"

"Itdoesn"tseemdifficultatall。Ithoughtitwassohard。"

"Oh，no，it"ssimpleenough。Youwanttokeeponsteadyatit，that"sall。"

"Isee。Givemeoutmyredshawl，it"sunderthecushion。"

Youfindtheshawl，andhanditout，andbythistimeanotheronehascomebackandthinksshewillhaveherstoo，andtheytakeMary"sonchance，andMarydoesnotwantit，sotheybringitbackandhaveapocket-combinstead。Itisabouttwentyminutesbeforetheygetoffagain，and，atthenextcorner，theyseeacow，andyouhavetoleavetheboattochivythecowoutoftheirway。

Thereisneveradullmomentintheboatwhilegirlsaretowingit。

Georgegotthelinerightafterawhile，andtowedussteadilyontoPentonHook。Therewediscussedtheimportantquestionofcamping。Wehaddecidedtosleeponboardthatnight，andwehadeithertolayupjustaboutthere，orgoonpastStaines。Itseemedearlytothinkaboutshuttingupthen，however，withthesunstillintheheavens，andwesettledtopushstraightonforRunnymead，threeandahalfmilesfurther，aquietwoodedpartoftheriver，andwherethereisgoodshelter。

Weallwished，however，afterwardthatwehadstoppedatPentonHook。

Threeorfourmilesupstreamisatrifle，earlyinthemorning，butitisawearypullattheendofalongday。Youtakenointerestinthesceneryduringtheselastfewmiles。Youdonotchatandlaugh。Everyhalf-mileyoucoverseemsliketwo。Youcanhardlybelieveyouareonlywhereyouare，andyouareconvincedthatthemapmustbewrong；and，whenyouhavetrudgedalongforwhatseemstoyouatleasttenmiles，andstillthelockisnotinsight，youbegintoseriouslyfearthatsomebodymusthavesneakedit，andrunoffwithit。

Irememberbeingterriblyupsetonceuptheriver（inafigurativesense，Imean）。Iwasoutwithayounglady-cousinonmymother"sside-andwewerepullingdowntoGoring。Itwasratherlate，andwewereanxioustogetin-atleastSHEwasanxioustogetin。Itwashalf-pastsixwhenwereachedBenson"slock，andduskwasdrawingon，andshebegantogetexcitedthen。Shesaidshemustbeintosupper。IsaiditwasathingIfeltIwantedtobeinat，too；andIdrewoutamapIhadwithmetoseeexactlyhowfaritwas。Isawitwasjustamileandahalftothenextlock-Wallingford-andfiveonfromtheretoCleeve。

"Oh，it"sallright！"Isaid。"We"llbethroughthenextlockbeforeseven，andthenthereisonlyonemore；"andIsettleddownandpulledsteadilyaway。

Wepassedthebridge，andsoonafterthatIaskedifshesawthelock。

Shesaidno，shedidnotseeanylock；andIsaid，"Oh！"andpulledon。

Anotherfiveminuteswentby，andthenIaskedhertolookagain。

"No，"shesaid；"Ican"tseeanysignsofalock。"

"You-youaresureyouknowalock，whenyoudoseeone？"Iaskedhesitatingly，notwishingtooffendher。

Thequestiondidoffendher，however，andshesuggestedthatIhadbetterlookformyself；soIlaiddownthesculls，andtookaview。Theriverstretchedoutstraightbeforeusinthetwilightforaboutamile；notaghostofalockwastobeseen。

"Youdon"tthinkwehavelostourway，doyou？"askedmycompanion。

Ididnotseehowthatwaspossible；though，asIsuggested，wemighthavesomehowgotintotheweirstream，andbemakingforthefalls。

Thisideadidnotcomfortherintheleast，andshebegantocry。Shesaidweshouldbothbedrowned，andthatitwasajudgmentonherforcomingoutwithme。

Itseemedanexcessivepunishment，Ithought；butmycousinthoughtnot，andhopeditwouldallsoonbeover。

Itriedtoreassureher，andtomakelightofthewholeaffair。IsaidthatthefactevidentlywasthatIwasnotrowingasfastasIfanciedI

was，butthatweshouldsoonreachthelocknow；andIpulledonforanothermile。

ThenIbegantogetnervousmyself。Ilookedagainatthemap。TherewasWallingfordlock，clearlymarked，amileandahalfbelowBenson"s。

Itwasagood，reliablemap；and，besides，Irecollectedthelockmyself。

Ihadbeenthroughittwice。Wherewerewe？Whathadhappenedtous？I

begantothinkitmustbealladream，andthatIwasreallyasleepinbed，andshouldwakeupinaminute，andbetolditwaspastten。

Iaskedmycousinifshethoughtitcouldbeadream，andsherepliedthatshewasjustabouttoaskmethesamequestion；andthenwebothwonderedifwewerebothasleep，andifso，whowastherealonethatwasdreaming，andwhowastheonethatwasonlyadream；itgotquiteinteresting。

Istillwentonpulling，however，andstillnolockcameinsight，andtherivergrewmoreandmoregloomyandmysteriousunderthegatheringshadowsofnight，andthingsseemedtobegettingweirdanduncanny。I

thoughtofhobgoblinsandbanshees，andwill-o"-the-wisps，andthosewickedgirlswhositupallnightonrocks，andlurepeopleintowhirl-

poolsandthings；andIwishedIhadbeenabetterman，andknewmorehymns；andinthemiddleofthesereflectionsIheardtheblessedstrainsof"He"sgot`emon，"played，badly，onaconcertina，andknewthatweweresaved。

Idonotadmirethetonesofaconcertina，asarule；but，oh！howbeautifulthemusicseemedtousboththen-far，farmorebeautifulthanthevoiceofOrpheusortheluteofApollo，oranythingofthatsortcouldhavesounded。Heavenlymelody，inourthenstateofmind，wouldonlyhavestillfurtherharrowedus。Asoul-movingharmony，correctlyperformed，weshouldhavetakenasaspirit-warning，andhavegivenupallhope。Butaboutthestrainsof"He"sgot`emon，"jerkedspasmodically，andwithinvoluntaryvariations，outofawheezyaccordion，therewassomethingsingularlyhumanandreassuring。

Thesweetsoundsdrewnearer，andsoontheboatfromwhichtheywereworkedlayalongsideus。

Itcontainedapartyofprovincial`Arrysand`Arriets，outforamoonlightsail。（Therewasnotanymoon，butthatwasnottheirfault。）

Ineversawmoreattractive，lovablepeopleinallmylife。Ihailedthem，andaskediftheycouldtellmethewaytoWallingfordlock；andI

explainedthatIhadbeenlookingforitforthelasttwohours。

"Wallingfordlock！"theyanswered。"Lor"loveyou，sir，that"sbeendoneawaywithforoverayear。Thereain"tnoWallingfordlocknow，sir。

You"reclosetoCleevenow。Blowmetightif`ereain"tagentlemanbeenlookingforWallingfordlock，Bill！"

Ihadneverthoughtofthat。Iwantedtofalluponalltheirnecksandblessthem；butthestreamwasrunningtoostrongjusttheretoallowofthis，soIhadtocontentmyselfwithmerecold-soundingwordsofgratitude。

Wethankedthemoverandoveragain，andwesaiditwasalovelynight，andwewishedthemapleasanttrip，and，Ithink，Iinvitedthemalltocomeandspendaweekwithme，andmycousinsaidhermotherwouldbesopleasedtoseethem。Andwesangthesoldiers"chorusoutofFAUST，andgothomeintimeforsupper，afterall。

CHAPTERX。

OURFIRSTNIGHT-UNDERCANVAS-ANAPPEALFORHELP-CONTRARINESSOF

TEA-KETTLES，HOWTOOVERCOME-SUPPER-HOWTOFEELVIRTUOUS-WANTED！

ACOMFORTABLY-APPOINTED，WELL-DRAINEDDESERTISLAND，NEIGHBOURHOODOF

SOUTHPACIFICOCEANPREFERRED-FUNNYTHINGTHATHAPPENEDTOGEORGE"S

FATHER-ARESTLESSNIGHT。

HARRISandIbegantothinkthatBellWeirlockmusthavebeendoneawaywithafterthesamemanner。GeorgehadtowedusuptoStaines，andwehadtakentheboatfromthere，anditseemedthatweweredraggingfiftytonsafterus，andwerewalkingfortymiles。Itwashalf-pastsevenwhenwewerethrough，andweallgotin，andsculledupclosetotheleftbank，lookingoutforaspottohaulupin。

WehadoriginallyintendedtogoontoMagnaChartaIsland，asweetlyprettypartoftheriver，whereitwindsthroughasoft，greenvalley，andtocampinoneofthemanypicturesqueinletstobefoundroundthattinyshore。But，somehow，wedidnotfeelthatweyearnedforthepicturesquenearlysomuchnowaswehadearlierintheday。Abitofwaterbetweenacoal-bargeandagas-workswouldhavequitesatisfiedusforthatnight。Wedidnotwantscenery。Wewantedtohaveoursupperandgotobed。However，wedidpulluptothepoint-"PicnicPoint，"itiscalled-anddroppedintoaverypleasantnookunderagreatelm-tree，tothespreadingrootsofwhichwefastenedtheboat。

Thenwethoughtweweregoingtohavesupper（wehaddispensedwithtea，soastosavetime），butGeorgesaidno；thatwehadbettergetthecanvasupfirst，beforeitgotquitedark，andwhilewecouldseewhatweweredoing。Then，hesaid，allourworkwouldbedone，andwecouldsitdowntoeatwithaneasymind。

ThatcanvaswantedmoreputtingupthanIthinkanyofushadbargainedfor。Itlookedsosimpleintheabstract。Youtookfiveironarches，likegiganticcroquethoops，andfittedthemupovertheboat，andthenstretchedthecanvasoverthem，andfasteneditdown：itwouldtakequitetenminutes，wethought。

Thatwasanunder-estimate。

Wetookupthehoops，andbegantodropthemintothesocketsplacedforthem。Youwouldnotimaginethistobedangerouswork；but，lookingbacknow，thewondertomeisthatanyofusarealivetotellthetale。Theywerenothoops，theyweredemons。Firsttheywouldnotfitintotheirsocketsatall，andwehadtojumponthem，andkickthem，andhammeratthemwiththeboat-hook；and，whentheywerein，itturnedoutthattheywerethewronghoopsforthoseparticularsockets，andtheyhadtocomeoutagain。

Buttheywouldnotcomeout，untiltwoofushadgoneandstruggledwiththemforfiveminutes，whentheywouldjumpupsuddenly，andtryandthrowusintothewateranddrownus。Theyhadhingesinthemiddle，and，whenwewerenotlooking，theynippeduswiththesehingesindelicatepartsofthebody；and，whilewewerewrestlingwithonesideofthehoop，andendeavouringtopersuadeittodoitsduty，theothersidewouldcomebehindusinacowardlymanner，andhitusoverthehead。

Wegotthemfixedatlast，andthenallthatwastobedonewastoarrangethecoveringoverthem。Georgeunrolledit，andfastenedoneendoverthenoseoftheboat。HarrisstoodinthemiddletotakeitfromGeorgeandrollitontome，andIkeptbythesterntoreceiveit。Itwasalongtimecomingdowntome。Georgedidhispartallright，butitwasnewworktoHarris，andhebungledit。

HowhemanageditIdonotknow，hecouldnotexplainhimself；butbysomemysteriousprocessorotherhesucceeded，aftertenminutesofsuperhumaneffort，ingettinghimselfcompletelyrolledupinit。Hewassofirmlywrappedroundandtuckedinandfoldedover，thathecouldnotgetout。He，ofcourse，madefranticstrugglesforfreedom-thebirthrightofeveryEnglishman，-and，indoingso（Ilearnedthisafterwards），knockedoverGeorge；andthenGeorge，swearingatHarris，begantostruggletoo，andgothimselfentangledandrolledup。

Iknewnothingaboutallthisatthetime。Ididnotunderstandthebusinessatallmyself。IhadbeentoldtostandwhereIwas，andwaittillthecanvascametome，andMontmorencyandIstoodthereandwaited，bothasgoodasgold。Wecouldseethecanvasbeingviolentlyjerkedandtossedabout，prettyconsiderably；butwesupposedthiswaspartofthemethod，anddidnotinterfere。

Wealsoheardmuchsmotheredlanguagecomingfromunderneathit，andweguessedthattheywerefindingthejobrathertroublesome，andconcludedthatwewouldwaituntilthingshadgotalittlesimplerbeforewejoinedin。

Wewaitedsometime，butmattersseemedtogetonlymoreandmoreinvolved，until，atlast，George"sheadcamewrigglingoutoverthesideoftheboat，andspokeup。

Itsaid：

"Giveusahandhere，can"tyou，youcuckoo；standingtherelikeastuffedmummy，whenyouseewearebothbeingsuffocated，youdummy！"

Inevercouldwithstandanappealforhelp，soIwentandundidthem；notbeforeitwastime，either，forHarriswasnearlyblackintheface。

Ittookushalfanhour"shardlabour，afterthat，beforeitwasproperlyup，andthenweclearedthedecks，andgotoutsupper。Weputthekettleontoboil，upinthenoseoftheboat，andwentdowntothesternandpretendedtotakenonoticeofit，butsettoworktogettheotherthingsout。

Thatistheonlywaytogetakettletoboiluptheriver。Ifitseesthatyouarewaitingforitandareanxious，itwillneverevensing。