第7章

Part7

ThestepsbywhichAnnVeronicadeterminedtoengageherselftomarryManningwereneververycleartoher。Amedleyofmotiveswarredinher，anditwascertainlynotoneoftheleastofthesethatsheknewherselftobepassionatelyinlovewithCapes；atmomentsshehadagiddyintimationthathewasbeginningtofeelkeenlyinterestedinher。Sherealizedmoreandmorethequalityofthebrinkuponwhichshestood——thedreadfulreadinesswithwhichincertainmoodsshemightplunge，theunmitigatedwrongnessandrecklessnessofsuchaself-abandonment。"Hemustneverknow，"shewouldwhispertoherself，"hemustneverknow。

Orelse——ElseitwillbeimpossiblethatIcanbehisfriend。"

ThatsimplestatementofthecasewasbynomeansallthatwentoninAnnVeronica’smind。Butitwastheformofherrulingdetermination；itwastheonlyformthatsheeverallowedtoseedaylight。Whatelsewastherelurkedinshadowsanddeepplaces；

ifinsomemoodofreverieitcameoutintothelight，itwaspresentlyoverwhelmedandhustledbackagainintohiding。Shewouldneverlooksquarelyatthesedreamformsthatmockedthesocialorderinwhichshelived，neveradmitshelistenedtothesoftwhisperingsinherear。ButManningseemedmoreandmoreclearlyindicatedasarefuge，assecurity。Certainsimplepurposesemergedfromthedisingenuousmuddleofherfeelingsanddesires。SeeingCapesfromdaytodaymadeabrighteventfulnessthathamperedherinthecourseshehadresolvedtofollow。Shevanishedfromthelaboratoryforaweek，aweekofoddlyinterestingdays……

WhensherenewedherattendanceattheImperialCollegethethirdfingerofherlefthandwasadornedwithaveryfineoldringwithdarkbluesapphiresthathadoncebelongedtoagreat-auntofManning’s。

Thatringmanifestlyoccupiedherthoughtsagreatdeal。Shekeptpausinginherworkandregardingit，andwhenCapescameroundtoher，shefirstputherhandinherlapandthenratherawkwardlyinfrontofhim。Butmenareoftenblindtorings。Heseemedtobe。

Intheafternoonshehadconsideredcertaindoubtsverycarefully，anddecidedonamoreemphaticcourseofaction。"Aretheseordinarysapphires？"shesaid。Hebenttoherhand，andsheslippedofftheringandgaveittohimtoexamine。

"Verygood，"hesaid。"Ratherdarkerthanmostofthem。ButI’mgenerouslyignorantofgems。Isitanoldring？"heasked，returningit。

"Ibelieveitis。It’sanengagementring……"Sheslippeditonherfinger，andadded，inavoiceshetriedtomakematter-of-fact:"Itwasgiventomelastweek。"

"Oh！"hesaid，inacolorlesstone，andwithhiseyesonherface。

"Yes。Lastweek。"

Sheglancedathim，anditwassuddenlyapparentforoneinstantofilluminationthatthisringuponherfingerwasthecrowningblunderofherlife。Itwasapparent，andthenitfadedintothequalityofaninevitablenecessity。

"Odd！"heremarked，rathersurprisingly，afteralittleinterval。

Therewasabriefpause，acrowdedpause，betweenthem。

Shesatverystill，andhiseyesrestedonthatornamentforamoment，andthentravelledslowlytoherwristandthesoftlinesofherforearm。

"IsupposeIoughttocongratulateyou，"hesaid。Theireyesmet，andhisexpressedperplexityandcuriosity。"Thefactis——I

don’tknowwhy——thistakesmebysurprise。SomehowIhaven’tconnectedtheideawithyou。Youseemedcomplete——withoutthat。"

"DidI？"shesaid。

"Idon’tknowwhy。Butthisislike——likewalkingroundahousethatlookssquareandcompleteandfindinganunexpectedlongwingrunningoutbehind。"

Shelookedupathim，andfoundhewaswatchingherclosely。Forsomesecondsofvoluminousthinkingtheylookedattheringbetweenthem，andneitherspoke。ThenCapesshiftedhiseyestohermicroscopeandthelittletraysofunmountedsectionsbesideit。"Howisthatcarmineworking？"heasked，withaforcedinterest。

"Better，"saidAnnVeronica，withanunrealalacrity。"Butitstillmissesthenucleolus。"

CHAPTERTHETHIRTEENTH

THESAPPHIRERING

Part1

Foratimethatringsetwithsapphiresseemedtobe，afterall，thesatisfactorysolutionofAnnVeronica’sdifficulties。Itwaslikepouringastrongacidoverdulledmetal。AtarnishofconstraintthathadrecentlyspreadoverherintercoursewithCapesvanishedagain。Theyembarkeduponanopenanddeclaredfriendship。Theyeventalkedaboutfriendship。TheywenttotheZoologicalGardenstogetheroneSaturdaytoseeforthemselvesapointofmorphologicalinterestaboutthetoucan’sbill——thatfriendlyandentertainingbird——andtheyspenttherestoftheafternoonwalkingaboutandelaboratingingeneraltermsthisthemeandthesuperiorityofintellectualfellowshiptoallmerelypassionaterelationships。UponthistopicCapeswasheavyandconscientious，butthatseemedtohertobejustexactlywhatheoughttobe。Hewasalso，hadsheknownit，morethanalittleinsincere。"WeareonlyinthedawnoftheAgeofFriendship，"hesaid，"wheninterest，Isuppose，willtaketheplaceofpassions。Eitheryouhavehadtolovepeopleorhatethem——whichisasortoflove，too，initsway——togetanythingoutofthem。Now，moreandmore，we’regoingtobeinterestedinthem，tobecuriousaboutthemand——quitemildly-experimentalwiththem。"Heseemedtobeelaboratingideasashetalked。

Theywatchedthechimpanzeesinthenewapes’house，andadmiredthegentlehumanityoftheireyes——"somuchmorehumanthanhumanbeings"——andtheywatchedtheAgileGibboninthenextapartmentdoingwonderfulleapsandaerialsomersaults。

"Iwonderwhichofusenjoysthatmost，"saidCapes——"doeshe，ordowe？"

"Heseemstogetazest——"

"Hedoesitandforgetsit。Werememberit。Thesejoyfulboundsjustlaceintothestuffofmymemoriesandstaythereforever。

Living’sjustmaterial。"

"It’sverygoodtobealive。"

"It’sbettertoknowlifethanbelife。"

"Onemaydoboth，"saidAnnVeronica。

Shewasinaveryuncriticalstatethatafternoon。Whenhesaid，"Let’sgoandseethewart-hog，"shethoughtnooneeverhadhadsoquickaflowofgoodideasashe；andwhenheexplainedthatsugarandnotbunswasthetalismanofpopularityamongtheanimals，shemarvelledathispracticalomniscience。

Finally，attheexitintoRegent’sPark，theyranagainstMissKlegg。ItwastheexpressionofMissKlegg’sfacethatputtheideaintoAnnVeronica’sheadofshowingManningattheCollegeoneday，anideawhichshedidn’tforsomereasonorothercarryoutforafortnight。

Part2

Whenatlastshedidso，thesapphireringtookonanewqualityintheimaginationofCapes。Itceasedtobethesymboloflibertyandaremoteandquiteabstractedperson，andbecamesuddenlyandverydisagreeablythetokenofalargeandportentousbodyvisibleandtangible。

Manningappearedjustattheendoftheafternoon’swork，andthebiologistwasgoingthroughsomeperplexitiestheScotchmanhadcreatedbyametaphysicaltreatmentoftheskullsofHyraxandayoungAfricanelephant。HewasclearingupthesedifficultiesbytracingapartiallyobliteratedsuturetheScotchmanhadoverlookedwhenthedoorfromthepassageopened，andManningcameintohisuniverse。

Seendownthelengthofthelaboratory，Manninglookedaveryhandsomeandshapelygentlemanindeed，and，atthesightofhiseageradvancetohisfiancee，MissKleggreplacedonelong-cherishedromanceaboutAnnVeronicabyonemorenormalandsimple。Hecarriedacaneandasilkhatwithamourning-bandinonegray-glovedhand；hisfrock-coatandtrouserswereadmirable；

hishandsomeface，hisblackmustache，hisprominentbrowconveyedaneagersolicitude。

"Iwant，"hesaid，withawhitehandoutstretched，"totakeyououttotea。"

"I’vebeenclearingup，"saidAnnVeronica，brightly。

"Allyourdreadfulscientificthings？"hesaid，withasmilethatMissKleggthoughtextraordinarilykindly。

"Allmydreadfulscientificthings，"saidAnnVeronica。

Hestoodback，smilingwithanairofproprietorship，andlookingabouthimatthebusiness-likeequipmentoftheroom。Thelowceilingmadehimseemabnormallytall。AnnVeronicawipedascalpel，putacardoverawatch-glasscontainingthinshredsofembryonicguinea-pigswimminginmauvestain，anddismantledhermicroscope。

"IwishIunderstoodmoreofbiology，"saidManning。

"I’mready，"saidAnnVeronica，closinghermicroscope-boxwithaclick，andlookingforonebriefinstantupthelaboratory。"Wehavenoairsandgraceshere，andmyhathangsfromapeginthepassage。"

Sheledthewaytothedoor，andManningpassedbehindherandroundherandopenedthedoorforher。WhenCapesglancedupatthemforamoment，Manningseemedtobeholdinghisarmsallabouther，andtherewasnothingbutquietacquiescenceinherbearing。

AfterCapeshadfinishedtheScotchman’stroubleshewentbackintothepreparation-room。Hesatdownonthesilloftheopenwindow，foldedhisarms，andstaredstraightbeforehimforalongtimeoverthewildernessoftilesandchimney-potsintoaskythatwasblueandempty。Hewasnotaddictedtomonologue，andtheonlyaudiblecommenthepermittedhimselfatfirstuponauniversethatwasevidentlyanythingbutsatisfactorytohimthatafternoon，wasonecompactandentirelyunassigned"Damn！"

Thewordmusthavehadsomegratifyingquality，becauseherepeatedit。Thenhestoodupandrepeateditagain。"ThefoolIhavebeen！"hecried；andnowspeechwascomingtohim。Hetriedthissentencewithexpletives。"Ass！"hewenton，stillwarming。"Muck-headedmoralass！Ioughttohavedoneanything。

Ioughttohavedoneanything！

"What’samanfor？

"Friendship！"

Hedoubleduphisfist，andseemedtocontemplatethrustingitthroughthewindow。Heturnedhisbackonthattemptation。Thensuddenlyheseizedanewpreparationbottlethatstooduponhistableandcontainedthebetterpartofaweek’swork——adisplayeddissectionofasnail，beautifullydone——andhurleditacrosstheroom，tosmashresoundinglyuponthecementedfloorunderthebookcase；then，withouteitherhasteorpause，heswepthisarmalongashelfofre-agentsandsentthemtominglewiththedebrisonthefloor。Theyfellinadiapasonofsmashes。"H’m！"

hesaid，regardingthewreckagewithacalmervisage。"Silly！"heremarkedafterapause。"Onehardlyknows——allthetime。"

Heputhishandsinhispockets，hismouthpuckeredtoawhistle，andhewenttothedooroftheouterpreparation-roomandstoodthere，looking，saveforthefaintestintensificationofhisnaturalruddiness，theembodimentofblondserenity。

"Gellett，"hecalled，"justcomeandclearupamess，willyou？

I’vesmashedsomethings。"

Part3

TherewasoneseriousflawinAnnVeronica’sarrangementsforself-rehabilitation，andthatwasRamage。Hehungoverher——heandhisloantoherandhisconnectionwithherandthatterribleevening——avague，disconcertingpossibilityofannoyanceandexposure。Shecouldnotseeanyrelieffromthisanxietyexceptrepayment，andrepaymentseemedimpossible。Theraisingoftwenty-fivepoundswasataskaltogetherbeyondherpowers。Herbirthdaywasfourmonthsaway，andthat，atitsextremistpoint，mightgiveheranotherfivepounds。

Thethingrankledinhermindnightandday。Shewouldwakeinthenighttorepeatherbittercry:"Oh，whydidIburnthosenotes？"

ItaddedgreatlytotheannoyanceofthesituationthatshehadtwiceseenRamageintheAvenuesinceherreturntotheshelterofherfather’sroof。Hehadsalutedherwithelaboratecivility，hiseyesdistendedwithindecipherablemeanings。

ShefeltshewasboundinhonortotellthewholeaffairtoManningsoonerorlater。Indeed，itseemedinevitablethatshemustclearitupwithhisassistance，ornotatall。AndwhenManningwasnotaboutthethingseemedsimpleenough。Shewouldcomposeextremelylucidandhonorableexplanations。Butwhenitcametobroachingthem，itprovedtobemuchmoredifficultthanshehadsupposed。

Theywentdownthegreatstaircaseofthebuilding，and，whileshesoughtinhermindforabeginning，hebrokeintoappreciationofhersimpledressandself-congratulationsupontheirengagement。

"Itmakesmefeel，"hesaid，"thatnothingisimpossible——tohaveyouherebesideme。Isaid，thatdayatSurbiton，’There’smanygoodthingsinlife，butthere’sonlyonebest，andthat’sthewild-hairedgirlwho’spullingawayatthatoar。IwillmakehermyGrail，andsomeday，perhaps，ifGodwills，sheshallbecomemywife！’"

Helookedveryhardbeforehimashesaidthis，andhisvoicewasfullofdeepfeeling。

"Grail！"saidAnnVeronica，andthen:"Oh，yes——ofcourse！

Anythingbutaholyone，I’mafraid。"

"Altogetherholy，AnnVeronica。Ah！butyoucan’timaginewhatyouaretomeandwhatyoumeantome！Isupposethereissomethingmysticalandwonderfulaboutallwomen。"

"Thereissomethingmysticalandwonderfulaboutallhumanbeings。Idon’tseethatmenneedbankitwiththewomen。"

"Amandoes，"saidManning——"atrueman，anyhow。Andformethereisonlyonetreasure-house。ByJove！WhenIthinkofitIwanttoleapandshout！"

"Itwouldastonishthatmanwiththebarrow。"

"ItastonishesmethatIdon’t，"saidManning，inatoneofintenseself-enjoyment。

"Ithink，"beganAnnVeronica，"thatyoudon’trealize——"

Hedisregardedherentirely。Hewavedanarmandspokewithapeculiarresonance。"Ifeellikeagiant！IbelievenowIshalldogreatthings。Gods！whatitmustbetopouroutstrong，splendidverse——mightylines！mightylines！IfIdo，AnnVeronica，itwillbeyou。Itwillbealtogetheryou。Iwilldedicatemybookstoyou。Iwilllaythemallatyourfeet。"

Hebeameduponher。

"Idon’tthinkyourealize，"AnnVeronicabeganagain，"thatIamratheradefectivehumanbeing。"

"Idon’twantto，"saidManning。"Theysaytherearespotsonthesun。Notforme。Itwarmsme，andlightsme，andfillsmyworldwithflowers。WhyshouldIpeepatitthroughsmokedglasstoseethingsthatdon’taffectme？"Hesmiledhisdelightathiscompanion。

"I’vegotbadfaults。"

Heshookhisheadslowly，smilingmysteriously。

"ButperhapsIwanttoconfessthem。"

"Igrantyouabsolution。"

"Idon’twantabsolution。Iwanttomakemyselfvisibletoyou。"

"IwishIcouldmakeyouvisibletoyourself。Idon’tbelieveinthefaults。They’rejustajoyoussofteningoftheoutline——morebeautifulthanperfection。Liketheflawsofanoldmarble。Ifyoutalkofyourfaults，Ishalltalkofyoursplendors。"

"Idowanttotellyouthings，nevertheless。"

"We’llhave，thankGod！tenmyriaddaystotelleachotherthings。WhenIthinkofit——"

"ButthesearethingsIwanttotellyounow！"

"Imadealittlesongofit。Letmesayittoyou。I’venonameforityet。Epithalamymightdo。

"LikehimwhostoodonDarienIviewunchartedseaTenthousanddays，tenthousandnightsBeforemyQueenandme。

"Andthatonlybringsmeuptoaboutsixty-five！

"AglitteringwildernessoftimeThattothesunsetreachesNokeelasyetitswaveshasploughedOrgrittedonitsbeaches。

"Andwewillsailthatsplendorwide，Fromdaytodaytogether，FromisletoisleofhappinessThroughyear’sofGod’sownweather。"

"Yes，"saidhisprospectivefellow-sailor，"that’sverypretty。"

Shestoppedshort，fullofthingsun-said。Pretty！Tenthousanddays，tenthousandnights！

"Youshalltellmeyourfaults，"saidManning。"Iftheymattertoyou，theymatter。"

"Itisn’tpreciselyfaults，"saidAnnVeronica。"It’ssomethingthatbothersme。"Tenthousand！Putthatwayitseemedsodifferent。

"Thenassuredly！"saidManning。

Shefoundalittledifficultyinbeginning。Shewasgladwhenhewenton:"Iwanttobeyourcityofrefugefromeverysortofbother。Iwanttostandbetweenyouandalltheforceandvilenessoftheworld。Iwanttomakeyoufeelthathereisaplacewherethecrowddoesnotclamornorill-windsblow。"

"Thatisallverywell，"saidAnnVeronica，unheeded。

"Thatismydreamofyou，"saidManning，warming。"Iwantmylifetobebeatengoldjustinordertomakeitafittingsettingforyours。Thereyouwillbe，inaninnertemple。Iwanttoenrichitwithhangingsandgladdenitwithverses。Iwanttofillitwithfineandpreciousthings。Andbydegrees，perhaps，thatmaidendistrustofyoursthatmakesyoushrinkfrommykisses，willvanish……Forgivemeifacertainwarmthcreepsintomywords！TheParkisgreenandgrayto-day，butIamglowingpinkandgold……Itisdifficulttoexpressthesethings。"

Part4

TheysatwithteaandstrawberriesandcreambeforethematalittletableinfrontofthepavilioninRegent’sPark。Herconfessionwasstillunmade。Manningleanedforwardonthetable，talkingdiscursivelyontheprobablebrillianceoftheirmarriedlife。AnnVeronicasatbackinanattitudeofinattention，hereyesonadistantgameofcricket，hermindperplexedandbusy。ShewasrecallingthecircumstancesunderwhichshehadengagedherselftoManning，andtryingtounderstandacuriousdevelopmentofthequalityofthisrelationship。

Theparticularsofherengagementwereveryclearinhermemory。

Shehadtakencareheshouldhavethismomentoustalkwithheronagarden-seatcommandedbythewindowsofthehouse。Theyhadbeenplayingtennis，withhismanifestintentionloomingoverher。

"Letussitdownforamoment，"hehadsaid。Hemadehisspeechalittleelaborately。Shepluckedattheknotsofherracketandheardhimtotheend，thenspokeinarestrainedundertone。

"Youaskmetobeengagedtoyou，Mr。Manning，"shebegan。

"Iwanttolayallmylifeatyourfeet。"

"Mr。Manning，IdonotthinkIloveyou……Iwanttobeveryplainwithyou。Ihavenothing，nothingthatcanpossiblybepassionforyou。Iamsure。Nothingatall。"

Hewassilentforsomemoments。

"Perhapsthatisonlysleeping，"hesaid。"Howcanyouknow？"

"Ithink——perhapsIamratheracold-bloodedperson。"

Shestopped。Heremainedlisteningattentively。

"Youhavebeenverykindtome，"shesaid。

"Iwouldgivemylifeforyou。"

Herhearthadwarmedtowardhim。Ithadseemedtoherthatlifemightbeverygoodindeedwithhiskindlinessandsacrificeabouther。Shethoughtofhimasalwayscourteousandhelpful，asrealizing，indeed，hisidealofprotectionandservice，aschivalrouslyleavingherfreetoliveherownlife，rejoicingwithaninfinitegenerosityineverydetailofherirresponsivebeing。Shetwangedthecatgutunderherfingers。

"Itseemssounfair，"shesaid，"totakeallyouoffermeandgivesolittleinreturn。"

"Itisalltheworldtome。Andwearenottraderslookingatequivalents。"

"Youknow，Mr。Manning，Idonotreallywanttomarry。"

"No。"

"Itseemsso——sounworthy"——shepickedamongherphrases"ofthenobleloveyougive——"

Shestopped，throughthedifficultyshefoundinexpressingherself。

"ButIamjudgeofthat，"saidManning。

"Wouldyouwaitforme？"

Manningwassilentforaspace。"Asmyladywills。"

"Wouldyouletmegoonstudyingforatime？"

"Ifyouorderpatience。"

"Ithink，Mr。Manning……Idonotknow。Itissodifficult。

WhenIthinkoftheloveyougiveme——Oneoughttogiveyoubacklove。"

"Youlikeme？"

"Yes。AndIamgratefultoyou……"

Manningtappedwithhisracketontheturfthroughsomemomentsofsilence。"Youarethemostperfect，themostgloriousofcreatedthings——tender，frankintellectual，brave，beautiful。I

amyourservitor。Iamreadytowaitforyou，towaityourpleasure，togiveallmylifetowinningit。Letmeonlywearyourlivery。Givemebutleavetotry。Youwanttothinkforatime，tobefreeforatime。Thatissolikeyou，Diana——PallasAthene！(PallasAtheneisbetter。)Youarealltheslendergoddesses。Iunderstand。Letmeengagemyself。ThatisallI

ask。"

Shelookedathim；hisface，downcastandinprofile，washandsomeandstrong。Hergratitudeswelledwithinher。

"Youaretoogoodforme，"shesaidinalowvoice。

"Thenyou——youwill？"

Alongpause。

"Itisn’tfair……"

"Butwillyou？"

"YES。"

Forsomesecondshehadremainedquitestill。

"IfIsithere，"hesaid，standingupbeforeherabruptly，"I

shallhavetoshout。Letuswalkabout。Tum，tum，tirray，tum，tum，tum，te-tum——thatthingofMendelssohn’s！Ifmakingonehumanbeingabsolutelyhappyisanysatisfactiontoyou——"

Heheldouthishands，andshealsostoodup。

Hedrewhercloseuptohimwithastrong，steadypull。Thensuddenly，infrontofallthosewindows，hefoldedherinhisarmsandpressedhertohim，andkissedherunresistingface。

"Don’t！"criedAnnVeronica，strugglingfaintly，andhereleasedher。

"Forgiveme，"hesaid。"ButIamatsinging-pitch。"

Shehadamomentofsheerpanicatthethingshehaddone。"Mr。

Manning，"shesaid，"foratime——Willyoutellnoone？Willyoukeepthis——oursecret？I’mdoubtful——Willyoupleasenoteventellmyaunt？"

"Asyouwill，"hesaid。"Butifmymannertells！Icannothelpitifthatshows。Youonlymeanasecretforalittletime？"

"Justforalittletime，"shesaid；"yes……"

Butthering，andheraunt’striumphanteye，andanoteofapprovalinherfather’smanner，andanoveldispositioninhimtopraiseManninginajust，impartialvoicehadsoonplacedverydefinitequalificationsuponthatcovenantedsecrecy。

Part5

AtfirstthequalityofherrelationshiptoManningseemedmovingandbeautifultoAnnVeronica。Sheadmiredandratherpitiedhim，andshewasunfeignedlygratefultohim。Sheeventhoughtthatperhapsshemightcometolovehim，inspiteofthatfaintindefinableflavorofabsurditythatpervadedhiscourtlybearing。ShewouldneverlovehimasshelovedCapes，ofcourse，buttherearegradesandqualitiesoflove。ForManningitwouldbeamoretemperatelovealtogether。Muchmoretemperate；thediscreetandjoylessloveofavirtuous，reluctant，condescendingwife。Shehadbeenquiteconvincedthatanengagementwithhimandatlastamarriagehadexactlythatqualityofcompromisewhichdistinguishesthewaysofthewise。Itwouldbethewrapperedworldalmostatitsbest。Shesawherselfbuildingupalifeuponthat——aliferestrained，kindly，beautiful，alittlepatheticandaltogetherdignified；alifeofgreatdisciplinesandsuppressionsandextensivereserves……

ButtheRamageaffairneededclearingup，ofcourse；itwasaflawuponthatproject。Shehadtoexplainaboutandpayoffthatfortypounds……

Then，quiteinsensibly，herqueenlinesshaddeclined。Shewasneverabletotracethechangesherattitudehadundergone，fromthetimewhenshebelievedherselftobethepamperedQueenofFortune，thecrownofagoodman’slove(andsecretly，butnobly，worshippingsomeoneelse)，tothetimewhensherealizedshewasinfactjustamannequinforherlover’simagination，andthathecarednomorefortherealitiesofherbeing，forthethingsshefeltanddesired，forthepassionsanddreamsthatmightmoveher，thanachildcaresforthesawdustinitsdoll。Shewastheactresshiswhimhadchosentoplayapassivepart……

ItwasoneofthemosteducationaldisillusionmentsinAnnVeronica’scareer。

Butdidmanywomengetanythingbetter？

Thisafternoon，whenshewasurgenttoexplainherhamperingandtaintingcomplicationwithRamage，therealizationofthisalienqualityinherrelationshipwithManningbecameacute。Hithertoithadbeenqualifiedbyherconceptionofalllifeasacompromise，byhernewefforttobeunexactingoflife。ButsheperceivedthattotellManningofherRamageadventuresastheyhadhappenedwouldbeliketarringfiguresuponawater-color。

Theywereindifferentkey，theyhadadifferenttimbre。Howcouldshetellhimwhatindeedalreadybegantopuzzleherself，whyshehadborrowedthatmoneyatall？Theplainfactwasthatshehadgrabbedabait。Shehadgrabbed！Shebecamelessandlessattentivetohismeditative，self-complacentfragmentsoftalkasshetoldherselfthis。Hersecretthoughtsmadesomehasty，half-heartedexcursionsintothepossibilityoftellingthethinginromantictones——Ramagewasasablackvillain，sheasawhite，fantasticallywhite，maiden……ShedoubtedifManningwouldevenlistentothat。Hewouldrefusetolistenandabsolveherunshriven。

Thenitcametoherwithashock，asanextraordinaryoversight，thatshecouldnevertellManningaboutRamage——never。

Shedismissedtheideaofdoingso。Butthatstillleftthefortypounds！……

Hermindwentongeneralizing。SoitwouldalwaysbebetweenherselfandManning。Shesawherlifebeforeherrobbedofallgenerousillusions，thewrapperedlifeunwrapperedforever，vistasofdullresponses，crisesofmake-believe，yearsofexactingmutualdisregardinamistygardenoffinesentiments。

Butdidanywomangetanythingbetterfromaman？Perhapseverywomanconcealsherselffromamanperforce！……

ShethoughtofCapes。ShecouldnothelpthinkingofCapes。

SurelyCapeswasdifferent。Capeslookedatoneandnotoverone，spoketoone，treatedoneasavisibleconcretefact。Capessawher，feltforher，caredforhergreatly，evenifhedidnotloveher。Anyhow，hedidnotsentimentalizeher。AndshehadbeendoubtingsincethatwalkintheZoologicalGardenswhether，indeed，hedidsimplycareforher。Littlethings，almostimpalpable，hadhappenedtojustifythatdoubt；somethinginhismannerhadbeliedhiswords。Didhenotlookforherinthemorningwhensheentered——comeveryquicklytoher？Shethoughtofhimasshehadlastseenhimlookingdownthelengthofthelaboratorytoseehergo。Whyhadheglancedup——quiteinthatway？……

ThethoughtofCapesfloodedherbeinglikelong-veiledsunlightbreakingagainthroughclouds。Itcametoherlikeadearthingrediscovered，thatshelovedCapes。ItcametoherthattomarryanyonebutCapeswasimpossible。Ifshecouldnotmarryhim，shewouldnotmarryanyone。ShewouldendthisshamwithManning。Itoughtnevertohavebegun。Itwascheating，pitifulcheating。AndthenifsomedayCapeswantedher——sawfittoalterhisviewsuponfriendship……

Dimpossibilitiesthatshewouldnotseemtolookateventoherselfgesticulatedinthetwilightbackgroundofhermind。

Sheleapedsuddenlyatadesperateresolution，andinonemomenthadmadeitintoanewself。Sheflungasideeveryplanshehadinlife，everydiscretion。Ofcourse，whynot？Shewouldbehonest，anyhow！

SheturnedhereyestoManning。

Hewassittingbackfromthetablenow，withonearmoverthebackofhisgreenchairandtheotherrestingonthelittletable。Hewassmilingunderhisheavymustache，andhisheadwasalittleononesideashelookedather。

"Andwhatwasthatdreadfulconfessionyouhadtomake？"hewassaying。Hisquiet，kindlysmileimpliedhisserenedisbeliefinanyconfessiblething。AnnVeronicapushedasideatea-cupandthevestigesofherstrawberriesandcream，andputherelbowsbeforeheronthetable。"Mr。Manning，"shesaid，"IHAVEaconfessiontomake。"

"IwishyouwouldusemyChristianname，"hesaid。

Sheattendedtothat，andthendismisseditasunimportant。

Somethinginhervoiceandmannerconveyedaneffectofunwontedgravitytohim。Forthefirsttimeheseemedtowonderwhatitmightbethatshehadtoconfess。Hissmilefaded。

"Idon’tthinkourengagementcangoon，"sheplunged，andfeltexactlythatlossofbreaththatcomeswithadiveintoicywater。

"But，how，"hesaid，sittingupastonishedbeyondmeasure，"notgoon？"

"Ihavebeenthinkingwhileyouhavebeentalking。Yousee——I

didn’tunderstand。"

Shestaredhardatherfinger-nails。"Itishardtoexpressone’sself，butIdowanttobehonestwithyou。WhenIpromisedtomarryyouIthoughtIcould；Ithoughtitwasapossiblearrangement。Ididthinkitcouldbedone。Iadmiredyourchivalry。Iwasgrateful。"

Shepaused。

"Goon，"hesaid。

Shemovedherelbownearertohimandspokeinastilllowertone。"ItoldyouIdidnotloveyou。"

"Iknow，"saidManning，noddinggravely。"Itwasfineandbraveofyou。"

"Butthereissomethingmore。"

Shepausedagain。

"I——Iamsorry——Ididn’texplain。Thesethingsaredifficult。

Itwasn’tcleartomethatIhadtoexplain……Ilovesomeoneelse。"

Theyremainedlookingateachotherforthreeorfourseconds。

ThenManningfloppedbackinhischairanddroppedhischinlikeamanshot。Therewasalongsilencebetweenthem。

"MyGod！"hesaidatlast，withtremendousfeeling，andthenagain，"MyGod！"

Nowthatthisthingwassaidhermindwasclearandcalm。Sheheardthisstandardexpressionofastrongsoulwrungwithacriticalcoldnessthatastonishedherself。Sherealizeddimlythattherewasnopersonalthingbehindhiscry，thatcountlessmyriadsofManningshad"MyGod！"-edwithanequalgustoatsituationsasflatlyapprehended。Thismitigatedherremorseenormously。Herestedhisbrowonhishandandconveyedmagnificenttragedybyhispose。

"Butwhy，"hesaidinthegaspingvoiceofonesubduinganagony，andlookedatherfromunderapain-wrinkledbrow，"whydidyounottellmethisbefore？"

"Ididn’tknow——IthoughtImightbeabletocontrolmyself。"

"Andyoucan’t？"

"Idon’tthinkIoughttocontrolmyself。"

"AndIhavebeendreamingandthinking——"

"Iamfrightfullysorry……"

"But——Thisboltfromtheblue！MyGod！AnnVeronica，youdon’tunderstand。This——thisshattersaworld！"

Shetriedtofeelsorry，buthersenseofhisimmenseegotismwasstrongandclear。

Hewentonwithintenseurgency。

"Whydidyoueverletmeloveyou？WhydidyoueverletmepeepthroughthegatesofParadise？Oh！myGod！Idon’tbegintofeelandrealizethisyet。Itseemstomejusttalk；itseemstomelikethefancyofadream。TellmeIhaven’theard。Thisisajokeofyours。"Hemadehisvoiceverylowandfull，andlookedcloselyintoherface。

Shetwistedherfingerstightly。"Itisn’tajoke，"shesaid。

"Ifeelshabbyanddisgraced……Ioughtnevertohavethoughtofit。Ofyou，Imean……"

Hefellbackinhischairwithanexpressionoftremendousdesolation。"MyGod！"hesaidagain……

Theybecameawareofthewaitressstandingoverthemwithbookandpencilreadyfortheirbill。"Nevermindthebill，"saidManningtragically，standingupandthrustingafour-shillingpieceintoherhand，andturningabroadbackonherastonishment。"LetuswalkacrosstheParkatleast，"hesaidtoAnnVeronica。"Justatpresentmymindsimplywon’ttakeholdofthisatall……Itellyou——nevermindthebill。Keepit！

Keepit！"

Part6

Theywalkedalongwaythatafternoon。TheycrossedtheParktothewestward，andthenturnedbackandwalkedroundthecircleabouttheRoyalBotanicalGardensandthensouthwardlytowardWaterloo。Theytrudgedandtalked，andManningstruggled，ashesaid，to"getthehangofitall。"

Itwasalong，meanderingtalk，stupid，shameful，andunavoidable。AnnVeronicawasapologetictothebottomofhersoul。Atthesametimeshewaswildlyexultantattheresolutionshehadtaken，theendshehadmadetoherblunder。Shehadonlytogetthroughthis，tosolaceManningasmuchasshecould，toputsuchclumsyplasteringsonhiswoundsaswerepossible，andthen，anyhow，shewouldbefree——freetoputherfatetothetest。Shemadeafewprotests，afewexcusesforheractioninacceptinghim，afewlameexplanations，buthedidnotheedthemorcareforthem。ThensherealizedthatitwasherbusinesstoletManningtalkandimposehisowninterpretationsuponthesituationsofarashewasconcerned。Shedidherbesttodothis。Butabouthisunknownrivalhewasacutelycurious。

Hemadehertellhimthecoreofthedifficulty。

"Icannotsaywhoheis，"saidAnnVeronica，"butheisamarriedman……No！Idonotevenknowthathecaresforme。Itisnogoodgoingintothat。OnlyIjustwanthim。Ijustwanthim，andnooneelsewilldo。Itisnogoodarguingaboutathinglikethat。"

"Butyouthoughtyoucouldforgethim。"

"IsupposeImusthavethoughtso。Ididn’tunderstand。NowI

do。"

"ByGod！"saidManning，makingthemostoftheword，"Isupposeit’sfate。Fate！Youaresofranksosplendid！

"I’mtakingthiscalmlynow，"hesaid，almostasifheapologized，"becauseI’malittlestunned。"

Thenheasked，"Tellme！hasthisman，hasheDAREDtomakelovetoyou？"

AnnVeronicahadaviciousmoment。"Iwishhehad，"shesaid。

"But——"

Thelonginconsecutiveconversationbythattimewasgettingonhernerves。"Whenonewantsathingmorethananythingelseintheworld，"shesaidwithoutrageousfrankness，"onenaturallywishesonehadit。"

Sheshockedhimbythat。Sheshatteredtheedificehewasbuildingupofhimselfasadevotedlover，waitingonlyhischancetowinherfromahopelessandconsumingpassion。

"Mr。Manning，"shesaid，"Iwarnedyounottoidealizeme。Menoughtnottoidealizeanywoman。Wearen’tworthit。We’vedonenothingtodeserveit。Andithampersus。Youdon’tknowthethoughtswehave；thethingswecandoandsay。Youareasisterlessman；youhaveneverheardtheordinarytalkthatgoesonatagirls’boarding-school。"

"Oh！butyouAREsplendidandopenandfearless！AsifIcouldn’tallow！Whatarealltheselittlethings？Nothing！Nothing！Youcan’tsullyyourself。Youcan’t！Itellyoufranklyyoumaybreakoffyourengagementtome——Ishallholdmyselfstillengagedtoyou，yoursjustthesame。Asforthisinfatuation——it’slikesomeobsession，somemagicthinglaiduponyou。It’snotyou——notabit。It’sathingthat’shappenedtoyou。Itislikesomeaccident。Idon’tcare。InasenseI

don’tcare。Itmakesnodifference……Allthesame，IwishIhadthatfellowbythethroat！Justthevirile，unregeneratemaninmewishesthat……

"IsupposeIshouldletgoifIhad。

"Youknow，"hewenton，"thisdoesn’tseemtometoendanything。

I’mratherapersistentperson。I’mthesortofdog，ifyouturnitoutoftheroomitliesdownonthematatthedoor。I’mnotalovesickboy。I’maman，andIknowwhatImean。It’satremendousblow，ofcourse——butitdoesn’tkillme。Andthesituationitmakes！——thesituation！"

ThusManning，egotistical，inconsecutive，unreal。AndAnnVeronicawalkedbesidehim，tryinginvaintosoftenherhearttohimbythethoughtofhowshehadill-usedhim，andallthetime，asherfeetandmindgrewwearytogether，rejoicingmoreandmorethatatthecostofthisoneinterminablewalksheescapedtheprospectof——whatwasit？——"Tenthousanddays，tenthousandnights"inhiscompany。Whateverhappenedsheneedneverreturntothatpossibility。

"Forme，"Manningwenton，"thisisn’tfinal。Inasenseitaltersnothing。Ishallstillwearyourfavor——evenifitisastolenandforbiddenfavor——inmycasque……Ishallstillbelieveinyou。Trustyou。"

Herepeatedseveraltimesthathewouldtrusther，thoughitremainedobscurejustexactlywherethetrustcamein。

"Lookhere，"hecriedoutofasilence，withasuddenflashofunderstanding，"didyoumeantothrowmeoverwhenyoucameoutwithmethisafternoon？"

AnnVeronicahesitated，andwithastartledmindrealizedthetruth。"No，"sheanswered，reluctantly。

"Verywell，"saidManning。"ThenIdon’ttakethisasfinal。

That’sall。I’veboredyouorsomething……Youthinkyoulovethisotherman！Nodoubtyoudolovehim。Beforeyouhavelived——"

Hebecamedarklyprophetic。Hethrustoutarhetoricalhand。

"IwillMAKEyouloveme！Untilhehasfaded——fadedintoamemory……"

HesawherintothetrainatWaterloo，andstood，atall，gravefigure，withhatupraised，asthecarriagemovedforwardslowlyandhidhim。AnnVeronicasatbackwithasighofrelief。

Manningmightgoonnowidealizingherasmuchasheliked。Shewasnolongeraconfederateinthat。Hemightgoonasthedevotedloveruntilhetired。ShehaddoneforeverwiththeAgeofChivalry，andherownbaseadaptationsofitstraditionstothecompromisinglife。Shewashonestagain。

ButwhensheturnedherthoughtstoMorningsideParksheperceivedthetangledskeinoflifewasnowtobefurthercomplicatedbyhisromanticimportunity。

CHAPTERTHEFOURTEENTH

THECOLLAPSEOFTHEPENITENT

Part1

SpringhadheldbackthatyearuntilthedawnofMay，andthenspringandsummercamewitharushtogether。TwodaysafterthisconversationbetweenManningandAnnVeronica，Capescameintothelaboratoryatlunch-timeandfoundheralonetherestandingbytheopenwindow，andnotevenpretendingtobedoinganything。

Hecameinwithhishandsinhistrouserspocketsandageneralairofdepressioninhisbearing。HewasengagedindetestingManningandhimselfinalmostequalmeasure。Hisfacebrightenedatthesightofher，andhecametowardher。

"Whatareyoudoing？"heasked。

"Nothing，"saidAnnVeronica，andstaredoverhershoulderoutofthewindow。

"SoamI……Lassitude？"

"Isupposeso。"

"_I_can’twork。"

"NorI，"saidAnnVeronica。

Pause。

"It’sthespring，"hesaid。"It’sthewarmingupoftheyear，thecomingofthelightmornings，thewayinwhicheverythingbeginstorunaboutandbeginnewthings。Workbecomesdistasteful；onethinksofholidays。Thisyear——I’vegotitbadly。Iwanttogetaway。I’veneverwantedtogetawaysomuch。"

"Wheredoyougo？"

"Oh！——Alps。"

"Climbing？"

"Yes。"

"That’sratherafinesortofholiday！"

Hemadenoanswerforthreeorfourseconds。

"Yes，"hesaid，"Iwanttogetaway。IfeelatmomentsasthoughIcouldboltforit……Silly，isn’tit？Undisciplined。"

Hewenttothewindowandfidgetedwiththeblind，lookingouttowherethetree-topsofRegent’sParkshoweddistantlyoverthehouses。Heturnedroundtowardherandfoundherlookingathimandstandingverystill。

"It’sthestirofspring，"hesaid。

"Ibelieveitis。"

Sheglancedoutofthewindow，andthedistanttreeswereafrothofhardspringgreenandalmondblossom。Sheformedawildresolution，and，lestsheshouldwaverfromit，shesetaboutatoncetorealizeit。"I’vebrokenoffmyengagement，"shesaid，inamatter-of-facttone，andfoundherheartthumpinginherneck。Hemovedslightly，andshewenton，withaslightcatchingofherbreath:"It’sabotheranddisturbance，butyousee——"

Shehadtogothroughwithitnow，becauseshecouldthinkofnothingbutherpreconceivedwords。Hervoicewasweakandflat。

"I’vefalleninlove。"

Heneverhelpedherbyasound。

"I——Ididn’tlovethemanIwasengagedto，"shesaid。Shemethiseyesforamoment，andcouldnotinterprettheirexpression。

Theystruckherascoldandindifferent。

Herheartfailedherandherresolutionbecamewater。Sheremainedstandingstiffly，unableeventomove。Shecouldnotlookathimthroughanintervalthatseemedtoheravastgulfoftime。Butshefelthislaxfigurebecomerigid。

Atlasthisvoicecametoreleasehertension。

"Ithoughtyouweren’tkeepinguptothemark。You——It’sjollyofyoutoconfideinme。Still——"Then，withincredibleandobviouslydeliberatestupidity，andavoiceasflatasherown，heasked，"Whoistheman？"

Herspiritragedwithinheratthedumbness，theparalysisthathadfallenuponher。Grace，confidence，thepowerofmovementeven，seemedgonefromher。Afeverofshameranthroughherbeing。Horribledoubtsassailedher。Shesatdownawkwardlyandhelplesslyononeofthelittlestoolsbyhertableandcoveredherfacewithherhands。

"Can’tyouSEEhowthingsare？"shesaid。

Part2

BeforeCapescouldanswerherinanywaythedoorattheendofthelaboratoryopenednoisilyandMissKleggappeared。Shewenttoherowntableandsatdown。AtthesoundofthedoorAnnVeronicauncoveredatearlessface，andwithoneswiftmovementassumedaconversationalattitude。Thingshungforamomentinanawkwardsilence。

"Yousee，"saidAnnVeronica，staringbeforeheratthewindow-sash，"that’stheformmyquestiontakesatthepresenttime。"

Capeshadnotquitethesamepowerofrecovery。HestoodwithhishandsinhispocketslookingatMissKlegg’sback。Hisfacewaswhite。"It’s——it’sadifficultquestion。"Heappearedtobeparalyzedbyabstruseacousticcalculations。Then，veryawkwardly，hetookastoolandplaceditattheendofAnnVeronica’stable，andsatdown。HeglancedatMissKleggagain，andspokequicklyandfurtively，witheagereyesonAnnVeronica’sface。

"Ihadafaintideaoncethatthingswereasyousaytheyare，buttheaffairofthering——oftheunexpectedring——puzzledme。

WishSHE"——heindicatedMissKlegg’sbackwithanod——"wasatthebottomofthesea……Iwouldliketotalktoyouaboutthis——soon。Ifyoudon’tthinkitwouldbeasocialoutrage，perhapsImightwalkwithyoutoyourrailwaystation。"

"Iwillwait，"saidAnnVeronica，stillnotlookingathim，"andwewillgointoRegent’sPark。No——youshallcomewithmetoWaterloo。"

"Right！"hesaid，andhesitated，andthengotupandwentintothepreparation-room。

Part3

ForatimetheywalkedinsilencethroughthebackstreetsthatleadsouthwardfromtheCollege。Capesboreafaceofinfiniteperplexity。

"ThethingIfeelmostdisposedtosay，MissStanley，"hebeganatlast，"isthatthisisverysudden。"

"It’sbeencomingonsincefirstIcameintothelaboratory。"

"Whatdoyouwant？"heasked，bluntly。

"You！"saidAnnVeronica。

Thesenseofpublicity，ofpeoplecomingandgoingaboutthem，keptthembothunemotional。Andneitherhadanyofthattheatricalitywhichdemandsgesturesandfacialexpression。

"IsupposeyouknowIlikeyoutremendously？"hepursued。

"YoutoldmethatintheZoologicalGardens。"

Shefoundhermusclesa-tremble。Buttherewasnothinginherbearingthatapasser-bywouldhavenoted，totelloftheexcitementthatpossessedher。

"I"——heseemedtohaveadifficultywiththeword——"Iloveyou。

I’vetoldyouthatpracticallyalready。ButIcangiveititsnamenow。Youneedn’tbeinanydoubtaboutit。Itellyouthatbecauseitputsusonafooting……"

Theywentonforatimewithoutanotherword。

"Butdon’tyouknowaboutme？"hesaidatlast。

"Something。Notmuch。"

"I’mamarriedman。Andmywifewon’tlivewithmeforreasonsthatIthinkmostwomenwouldconsidersound……OrIshouldhavemadelovetoyoulongago。"

Therecameasilenceagain。

"Idon’tcare，"saidAnnVeronica。

"Butifyouknewanythingofthat——"

"Idid。Itdoesn’tmatter。"

"Whydidyoutellme？Ithought——Ithoughtweweregoingtobefriends。"

Hewassuddenlyresentful。Heseemedtochargeherwiththeruinoftheirsituation。"WhyonearthdidyouTELLme？"hecried。

"Icouldn’thelpit。Itwasanimpulse。IHADto。"

"Butitchangesthings。Ithoughtyouunderstood。"

"Ihadto，"sherepeated。"Iwassickofthemake-believe。I

don’tcare！I’mgladIdid。I’mgladIdid。"

"Lookhere！"saidCapes，"whatonearthdoyouwant？Whatdoyouthinkwecando？Don’tyouknowwhatmenare，andwhatlifeis？——tocometomeandtalktomelikethis！"

"Iknow——something，anyhow。ButIdon’tcare；Ihaven’tasparkofshame。Idon’tseeanygoodinlifeifithasn’tgotyouinit。Iwantedyoutoknow。Andnowyouknow。Andthefencesaredownforgood。Youcan’tlookmeintheeyesandsayyoudon’tcareforme。"

"I’vetoldyou，"hesaid。

"Verywell，"saidAnnVeronica，withanairofconcludingthediscussion。

Theywalkedsidebysideforatime。

"Inthatlaboratoryonegetstodisregardthesepassions，"beganCapes。"Menarecuriousanimals，withatrickoffallinginlovereadilywithgirlsaboutyourage。Onehastotrainone’sselfnotto。I’veaccustomedmyselftothinkofyou——asifyouwerelikeeveryothergirlwhoworksattheschools——assomethingquiteoutsidethesepossibilities。Ifonlyoutofloyaltytoco-

educationonehastodothat。Apartfromeverythingelse，thismeetingofoursisabreachofagoodrule。"

"Rulesareforeveryday，"saidAnnVeronica。"Thisisnoteveryday。Thisissomethingaboveallrules。"

"Foryou。"

"Notforyou？"

"No。No；I’mgoingtosticktotherules……It’sodd，butnothingbutclicheseemstomeetthiscase。You’veplacedmeinaveryexceptionalposition，MissStanley。"Thenoteofhisownvoiceexasperatedhim。"Oh，damn！"hesaid。

Shemadenoanswer，andforatimehedebatedsomeproblemswithhimself。

"No！"hesaidaloudatlast。

"Theplaincommon-senseofthecase，"hesaid，"isthatwecan’tpossiblybeloversintheordinarysense。That，Ithink，ismanifest。Youknow，I’vedonenoworkatallthisafternoon。

I’vebeensmokingcigarettesinthepreparation-roomandthinkingthisout。Wecan’tbeloversintheordinarysense，butwecanbegreatandintimatefriends。"

"Weare，"saidAnnVeronica。

"You’veinterestedmeenormously……"

Hepausedwithasenseofineptitude。"Iwanttobeyourfriend，"hesaid。"IsaidthatattheZoo，andImeanit。Letusbefriends——asnearandcloseasfriendscanbe。"

AnnVeronicagavehimapallidprofile。

"Whatisthegoodofpretending？"shesaid。

"Wedon’tpretend。"

"Wedo。Loveisonethingandfriendshipquiteanother。BecauseI’myoungerthanyou……I’vegotimagination……IknowwhatIamtalkingabout。Mr。Capes，doyouthink……doyouthinkIdon’tknowthemeaningoflove？"

Part4

Capesmadenoanswerforatime。

"Mymindisfullofconfusedstuff，"hesaidatlength。"I’vebeenthinking——alltheafternoon。Oh，andweeksandmonthsofthoughtandfeelingtherearebottleduptoo……Ifeelamixtureofbeastanduncle。Ifeellikeafraudulenttrustee。

Everyruleisagainstme——WhydidIletyoubeginthis？Imighthavetold——"

"Idon’tseethatyoucouldhelp——"

"Imighthavehelped——"

"Youcouldn’t。"

"Ioughttohave——allthesame。

"Iwonder，"hesaid，andwentoffatatangent。"Youknowaboutmyscandalouspast？"

"Verylittle。Itdoesn’tseemtomatter。Doesit？"

"Ithinkitdoes。Profoundly。"

"How？"

"Itpreventsourmarrying。Itforbids——allsortsofthings。"

"Itcan’tpreventourloving。"

"I’mafraiditcan’t。But，byJove！it’sgoingtomakeourlovingafiercelyabstractthing。"

"Youareseparatedfromyourwife？"

"Yes，butdoyouknowhow？"

"Notexactly。"

"Whyonearth——？Amanoughttobelabelled。Yousee，I’mseparatedfrommywife。Butshedoesn’tandwon’tdivorceme。

Youdon’tunderstandthefixIamin。Andyoudon’tknowwhatledtoourseparation。And，infact，allroundtheproblemyoudon’tknowandIdon’tseehowIcouldpossiblyhavetoldyoubefore。Iwantedto，thatdayintheZoo。ButItrustedtothatringofyours。"

"Pooroldring！"saidAnnVeronica。

"IoughtneverhavegonetotheZoo，Isuppose。Iaskedyoutogo。Butamanisamixedcreature……Iwantedthetimewithyou。Iwanteditbadly。"

"Tellmeaboutyourself，"saidAnnVeronica。

"Tobeginwith，Iwas——Iwasinthedivorcecourt。Iwas——Iwasaco-respondent。Youunderstandthatterm？"

AnnVeronicasmiledfaintly。"Amoderngirldoesunderstandtheseterms。Shereadsnovels——andhistory——andallsortsofthings。DidyoureallydoubtifIknew？"

"No。ButIdon’tsupposeyoucanunderstand。"

"Idon’tseewhyIshouldn’t。"

"Toknowthingsbynameisonething；toknowthembyseeingthemandfeelingthemandbeingthemquiteanother。Thatiswherelifetakesadvantageofyouth。Youdon’tunderstand。"

"PerhapsIdon’t。"

"Youdon’t。That’sthedifficulty。IfItoldyouthefacts，I

expect，sinceyouareinlovewithme，you’dexplainthewholebusinessasbeingveryfineandhonorableforme——theHigherMorality，orsomethingofthatsort……Itwasn’t。"

"Idon’tdealverymuch，"saidAnnVeronica，"intheHigherMorality，ortheHigherTruth，oranyofthosethings。"

"Perhapsyoudon’t。Butahumanbeingwhoisyoungandclean，asyouare，isapttoennoble——orexplainaway。"

"I’vehadabiologicaltraining。I’mahardyoungwoman。"

"Nicecleanhardness，anyhow。Ithinkyouarehard。There’ssomething——somethingADULTaboutyou。I’mtalkingtoyounowasthoughyouhadallthewisdomandcharityintheworld。I’mgoingtotellyouthingsplainly。Plainly。It’sbest。Andthenyoucangohomeandthinkthingsoverbeforewetalkagain。I

wantyoutobeclearwhatyou’rereallyandtrulyupto，anyhow。"

"Idon’tmindknowing，"saidAnnVeronica。

"It’spreciousunromantic。"

"Well，tellme。"

"Imarriedprettyyoung，"saidCapes。"I’vegot——Ihavetotellyouthistomakemyselfclear——astreakofardentanimalinmycomposition。Imarried——ImarriedawomanwhomIstillthinkoneofthemostbeautifulpersonsintheworld。SheisayearorsoolderthanIam，andsheis，well，ofaverysereneandproudanddignifiedtemperament。Ifyoumetheryouwould，Iamcertain，thinkherasfineasIdo。ShehasneverdoneareallyignoblethingthatIknowof——never。Imetherwhenwewerebothveryyoung，asyoungasyouare。Ilovedherandmadelovetoher，andIdon’tthinkshequitelovedmebackinthesameway。"

Hepausedforatime。AnnVeronicasaidnothing。

"Thesearethesortofthingsthataren’tsupposedtohappen。

Theyleavethemoutofnovels——theseincompatibilities。Youngpeopleignorethemuntiltheyfindthemselvesupagainstthem。

Mywifedoesn’tunderstand，doesn’tunderstandnow。Shedespisesme，Isuppose……Wemarried，andforatimewewerehappy。

Shewasfineandtender。Iworshippedherandsubduedmyself。"

Heleftoffabruptly。"DoyouunderstandwhatIamtalkingabout？It’snogoodifyoudon’t。"

"Ithinkso，"saidAnnVeronica，andcolored。"Infact，yes，I

do。"

"Doyouthinkofthesethings——thesematters——asbelongingtoourHigherNatureorourLower？"

"Idon’tdealinHigherThings，Itellyou，"saidAnnVeronica，"orLower，forthematterofthat。Idon’tclassify。"Shehesitated。"Fleshandflowersareallaliketome。"

"That’sthecomfortofyou。Well，afteratimetherecameafeverinmyblood。Don’tthinkitwasanythingbetterthanfever——orabitbeautiful。Itwasn’t。Quitesoon，afterweweremarried——itwasjustwithinayear——Iformedafriendshipwiththewifeofafriend，awomaneightyearsolderthanmyself……Itwasn’tanythingsplendid，youknow。Itwasjustashabby，stupid，furtivebusinessthatbeganbetweenus。Likestealing。

Wedresseditinalittlemusic……IwantyoutounderstandclearlythatIwasindebtedtothemaninmanysmallways。Iwasmeantohim……Itwasthegratificationofanimmensenecessity。Weweretwopeoplewithacraving。Wefeltlikethieves。WeWEREthieves……WeLIKEDeachotherwellenough。

Well，myfriendfoundusout，andwouldgivenoquarter。Hedivorcedher。Howdoyoulikethestory？"

"Goon，"saidAnnVeronica，alittlehoarsely，"tellmeallofit。"

"Mywifewasastounded——woundedbeyondmeasure。Shethoughtme——filthy。Allherprideragedatme。Oneparticularlyhumiliatingthingcameout——humiliatingforme。Therewasasecondco-respondent。Ihadn’theardofhimbeforethetrial。I

don’tknowwhythatshouldbesoacutelyhumiliating。There’snologicinthesethings。Itwas。"

"Pooryou！"saidAnnVeronica。

"Mywiferefusedabsolutelytohaveanythingmoretodowithme。

Shecouldhardlyspeaktome；sheinsistedrelentlesslyuponaseparation。Shehadmoneyofherown——muchmorethanIhave——andtherewasnoneedtosquabbleaboutthat。Shehasgivenherselfuptosocialwork。"

"Well——"

"That’sall。Practicallyall。Andyet——Waitalittle，you’dbetterhaveeverybitofit。Onedoesn’tgoaboutwiththesepassionsallayedsimplybecausetheyhavemadewreckageandascandal。Thereoneis！Thesamestuffstill！Onehasacravinginone’sblood，acravingroused，cutofffromitsredeemingandguidingemotionalside。Amanhasmorefreedomtodoevilthanawoman。Irregularly，inaquiteingloriousandunromanticway，youknow，Iamaviciousman。That’s——that’smyprivatelife。

Untilthelastfewmonths。Itisn’twhatIhavebeenbutwhatI

am。Ihaven’ttakenmuchaccountofituntilnow。MyhonorhasbeeninmyscientificworkandpublicdiscussionandthethingsI

write。Lotsofusarelikethat。But，yousee，I’msmirched。

Forthesortoflove-makingyouthinkabout。I’vemuddledallthisbusiness。I’vehadmytimeandlostmychances。I’mdamagedgoods。Andyou’reascleanasfire。Youcomewiththosecleareyesofyours，asvaliantasanangel……"

Hestoppedabruptly。

"Well？"shesaid。

"That’sall。"

"It’ssostrangetothinkofyou——troubledbysuchthings。I

didn’tthink——Idon’tknowwhatIthought。Suddenlyallthismakesyouhuman。Makesyoureal。"

"Butdon’tyouseehowImuststandtoyou？Don’tyouseehowitbarsusfrombeinglovers——Youcan’t——atfirst。Youmustthinkitover。It’salloutsidetheworldofyourexperience。"

"Idon’tthinkitmakesarapofdifference，exceptforonething。Iloveyoumore。I’vewantedyou——always。Ididn’tdream，noteveninmywildestdreaming，that——youmighthaveanyneedofme。"

Hemadealittlenoiseinhisthroatasifsomethinghadcriedoutwithinhim，andforatimetheywerebothtoofullforspeech。

TheyweregoinguptheslopeintoWaterlooStation。

"Yougohomeandthinkofallthis，"hesaid，"andtalkaboutitto-morrow。Don’t，don’tsayanythingnow，notanything。Asforlovingyou，Ido。Ido——withallmyheart。It’snogoodhidingitanymore。Icouldneverhavetalkedtoyoulikethis，forgettingeverythingthatpartsus，forgettingevenyourage，ifIdidnotloveyouutterly。IfIwereaclean，freeman——We’llhavetotalkofallthesethings。Thankgoodnessthere’splentyofopportunity！Andwetwocantalk。Anyhow，nowyou’vebegunit，there’snothingtokeepusinallthisfrombeingthebestfriendsintheworld。Andtalkingofeveryconceivablething。Isthere？"

"Nothing，"saidAnnVeronica，witharadiantface。

"Beforethistherewasasortofrestraint——amake-believe。It’sgone。"

"It’sgone。"

"Friendshipandlovebeingseparatethings。Andthatconfoundedengagement！"

"Gone！"