第6章

Part9

Shewassittingbroodingoverherfireaboutteno’clockthatnightwhenasealedandregisteredenvelopewasbroughtuptoher。

Sheopeneditanddrewoutaletter，andfoldedwithinitwerethenotesshehadsentofftoRamagethatday。Theletterbegan:

"MYDEARESTGIRL，——Icannotletyoudothisfoolishthing——"

Shecrumplednotesandlettertogetherinherhand，andthenwithapassionategestureflungthemintothefire。Instantlysheseizedthepokerandmadeadesperateefforttogetthemoutagain。Butshewasonlyabletosaveacorneroftheletter。

Thetwentypoundsburnedwithavidity。

Sheremainedforsomesecondscrouchingatthefender，pokerinhand。

"ByJove！"shesaid，standingupatlast，"thataboutfinishesit，AnnVeronica！"

CHAPTERTHETENTH

THESUFFRAGETTES

Part1

"Thereisonlyonewayoutofallthis，"saidAnnVeronica，sittingupinherlittlebedinthedarknessandbitingathernails。

"IthoughtIwasjustupagainstMorningsideParkandfather，butit’sthewholeorderofthings——thewholeblessedorderofthings……"

Sheshivered。Shefrownedandgrippedherhandsaboutherkneesverytightly。Herminddevelopedintosavagewrathatthepresentconditionsofawoman’slife。

"Isupposealllifeisanaffairofchances。Butawoman’slifeisallchance。It’sartificiallychance。Findyourman，that’stherule。Alltherestishumbuganddelicacy。He’sthehandleoflifeforyou。Hewillletyouliveifitpleaseshim……

"Can’titbealtered？

"Isupposeanactressisfree？……"

Shetriedtothinkofsomealteredstateofaffairsinwhichthesemonstrouslimitationswouldbealleviated，inwhichwomenwouldstandontheirownfeetinequalcitizenshipwithmen。ForatimeshebroodedontheidealsandsuggestionsoftheSocialists，onthevagueintimationsofanEndowmentofMotherhood，ofacompleterelaxationofthatintenseindividualdependenceforwomenwhichiswovenintotheexistingsocialorder。Atthebackofhermindthereseemedalwaysoneirrelevantqualifyingspectatorwhosepresenceshesoughttodisregard。Shewouldnotlookathim，wouldnotthinkofhim；

whenhermindwavered，thenshemutteredtoherselfinthedarknesssoastokeepholdofhergeneralizations。

"Itistrue。Itisnogoodwaivingthething；itistrue。

Unlesswomenarenevertobefree，nevertobeevenrespected，theremustbeagenerationofmartyrs……Whyshouldn’twebemartyrs？There’snothingelseformostofus，anyhow。It’sasortofblackleggingtowanttohavealifeofone’sown……"

Sherepeated，asifsheansweredanobjector:"Asortofblacklegging。

"Asexofblackleggingclients。"

Herminddivergedtootheraspects，andanothertypeofwomanhood。

"PoorlittleMiniver！Whatcanshebebutwhatsheis？……

Becauseshestateshercaseinatangle，dragsitthroughswampsofnonsense，itdoesn’talterthefactthatsheisright。"

ThatphraseaboutdraggingthetruththroughswampsofnonsensesherememberedfromCapes。Attherecollectionthatitwashis，sheseemedtofallthroughathinsurface，asonemightfallthroughthecrustofalavaintoglowingdepths。ShewallowedforatimeinthethoughtofCapes，unabletoescapefromhisimageandtheideaofhispresenceinherlife。

ShelethermindrunintodreamsofthatcloudparadiseofanalteredworldinwhichtheGoopesandMinivers，theFabiansandreformingpeoplebelieved。Acrossthatworldwaswritteninlettersoflight，"EndowmentofMotherhood。"Supposeinsomecomplexyetconceivablewaywomenwereendowed，werenolongereconomicallyandsociallydependentonmen。"Ifonewasfree，"

shesaid，"onecouldgotohim……Thisvilehoveringtocatchaman’seye！……Onecouldgotohimandtellhimonelovedhim。Iwanttolovehim。Alittlelovefromhimwouldbeenough。Itwouldhurtnoone。Itwouldnotburdenhimwithanyobligation。"

Shegroanedaloudandbowedherforeheadtoherknees。Shefloundereddeep。Shewantedtokisshisfeet。Hisfeetwouldhavethefirmtextureofhishands。

Thensuddenlyherspiritroseinrevolt。"Iwillnothavethisslavery，"shesaid。"Iwillnothavethisslavery。"

Sheshookherfistceilingward。"Doyouhear！"shesaid"whateveryouare，whereveryouare！Iwillnotbeslavetothethoughtofanyman，slavetothecustomsofanytime。Confoundthisslaveryofsex！Iamaman！IwillgetthisunderifIamkilledindoingit！"

Shescowledintothecoldblacknessesabouther。

"Manning，"shesaid，andcontemplatedafigureofinaggressivepersistence。"No！"Herthoughtshadturnedinanewdirection。

"Itdoesn’tmatter，"shesaid，afteralonginterval，"iftheyareabsurd。Theymeansomething。Theymeaneverythingthatwomencanmean——exceptsubmission。Thevoteisonlythebeginning，thenecessarybeginning。Ifwedonotbegin——"

Shehadcometoaresolution。Abruptlyshegotoutofbed，smoothedhersheetandstraightenedherpillowandlaydown，andfellalmostinstantlyasleep。

Part2

Thenextmorningwasasdarkandfoggyasifitwasmid-NovemberinsteadofearlyMarch。AnnVeronicawokeratherlaterthanusual，andlayawakeforsomeminutesbeforesherememberedacertainresolutionshehadtakeninthesmallhours。Theninstantlyshegotoutofbedandproceededtodress。

ShedidnotstartfortheImperialCollege。ShespentthemorninguptoteninwritingaseriesofunsuccessfulletterstoRamage，whichshetoreupunfinished；andfinallyshedesistedandputonherjacketandwentoutintothelamp-litobscurityandslimystreets。Sheturnedaresolutefacesouthward。

ShefollowedOxfordStreetintoHolborn，andthensheinquiredforChanceryLane。Thereshesoughtandatlastfound107A，oneofthoseheterogeneouspilesofofficeswhichoccupytheeasternsideofthelane。Shestudiedthepaintednamesoffirmsandpersonsandenterprisesonthewall，anddiscoveredthattheWomen’sBondofFreedomoccupiedseveralcontiguoussuitesonthefirstfloor。Shewentup-stairsandhesitatedbetweenfourdoorswithground-glasspanes，eachofwhichprofessed"TheWomen’sBondofFreedom"inneatblackletters。Sheopenedoneandfoundherselfinalargeuntidyroomsetwithchairsthatwerealittledisarrangedasifbyanovernightmeeting。Onthewallswerenotice-boardsbearingclustersofnewspaperslips，threeorfourbigpostersofmonstermeetings，oneofwhichAnnVeronicahadattendedwithMissMiniver，andaseriesofannouncementsinpurplecopying-ink，andinonecornerwasapileofbanners。

Therewasnooneatallinthisroom，butthroughthehalf-opendoorofoneofthesmallapartmentsthatgaveuponitshehadaglimpseoftwoveryyounggirlssittingatalitteredtableandwritingbriskly。

Shewalkedacrosstothisapartmentand，openingthedooralittlewider，discoveredapresssectionofthemovementatwork。

"Iwanttoinquire，"saidAnnVeronica。

"Nextdoor，"saidaspectacledyoungpersonofseventeenoreighteen，withanimpatientindicationofthedirection。

IntheadjacentapartmentAnnVeronicafoundamiddle-agedwomanwithatiredfaceunderthetiredhatshewore，sittingatadeskopeningletterswhileadusky，untidygirlofeight-ornine-and-twentyhammeredindustriouslyatatypewriter。ThetiredwomanlookedupininquiringsilenceatAnnVeronica’sdiffidententry。

"Iwanttoknowmoreaboutthismovement，"saidAnnVeronica。

"Areyouwithus？"saidthetiredwoman。

"Idon’tknow，"saidAnnVeronica；"IthinkIam。Iwantverymuchtodosomethingforwomen。ButIwanttoknowwhatyouaredoing。"

Thetiredwomansatstillforamoment。"Youhaven’tcomeheretomakealotofdifficulties？"sheasked。

"No，"saidAnnVeronica，"butIwanttoknow。"

Thetiredwomanshuthereyestightlyforamoment，andthenlookedwiththematAnnVeronica。"Whatcanyoudo？"sheasked。

"Do？"

"Areyoupreparedtodothingsforus？Distributebills？Writeletters？Interruptmeetings？Canvassatelections？Facedangers？"

"IfIamsatisfied——"

"Ifwesatisfyyou？"

"Then，ifpossible，Iwouldliketogotoprison。"

"Itisn’tnicegoingtoprison。"

"Itwouldsuitme。"

"Itisn’tnicegettingthere。"

"That’saquestionofdetail，"saidAnnVeronica。

Thetiredwomanlookedquietlyather。"Whatareyourobjections？"shesaid。

"Itisn’tobjectionsexactly。Iwanttoknowwhatyouaredoing；

howyouthinkthisworkofyoursreallydoesservewomen。"

"Weareworkingfortheequalcitizenshipofmenandwomen，"saidthetiredwoman。"Womenhavebeenandaretreatedastheinferiorsofmen，wewanttomakethemtheirequals。"

"Yes，"saidAnnVeronica，"Iagreetothat。But——"

Thetiredwomanraisedhereyebrowsinmildprotest。

"Isn’tthequestionmorecomplicatedthanthat？"saidAnnVeronica。

"YoucouldhaveatalktoMissKittyBrettthisafternoon，ifyouliked。ShallImakeanappointmentforyou？"

MissKittyBrettwasoneofthemostconspicuousleadersofthemovement。AnnVeronicasnatchedattheopportunity，andspentmostoftheinterveningtimeintheAssyrianCourtoftheBritishMuseum，readingandthinkingoveralittlebookuponthefeministmovementthetiredwomanhadmadeherbuy。Shegotabunandsomecocoainthelittlerefreshment-room，andthenwanderedthroughthegalleriesup-stairs，crowdedwithPolynesianidolsandPolynesiandancing-garments，andallthesimpleimmodestaccessoriestolifeinPolynesia，toaseatamongthemummies。

Shewastryingtobringherproblemstoahead，andhermindinsisteduponbeingevenmorediscursiveandatmosphericthanusual。Itgeneralizedeverythingsheputtoit。

"Whyshouldwomenbedependentonmen？"sheasked；andthequestionwasatonceconvertedintoasystemofvariationsuponthethemeof"Whyarethingsastheyare？"——"Whyarehumanbeingsviviparous？"——"Whyarepeoplehungrythriceaday？"——"Whydoesonefaintatdanger？"

Shestoodforatimelookingatthedrylimbsandstillhumanfaceofthatdesiccatedunwrappedmummyfromtheverybeginningsofsociallife。Itlookedverypatient，shethought，andalittleself-satisfied。Itlookedasifithadtakenitsworldforgrantedandprosperedonthatassumption——aworldinwhichchildrenweretrainedtoobeytheireldersandthewillsofwomenover-ruledasamatterofcourse。Itwaswonderfultothinkthisthinghadlived，hadfeltandsuffered。Perhapsonceithaddesiredsomeotherhumanbeingintolerably。Perhapssomeonehadkissedthebrowthatwasnowsocadaverous，rubbedthatsunkencheekwithlovingfingers，heldthatstringyneckwithpassionatelylivinghands。Butallofthatwasforgotten。"Intheend，"itseemedtobethinking，"theyembalmedmewiththeutmostrespect——soundspiceschosentoendure——thebest！ItookmyworldasIfoundit。THINGSARESO！"

Part3

AnnVeronica’sfirstimpressionofKittyBrettwasthatshewasaggressiveanddisagreeable；hernextthatshewasapersonofamazingpersuasivepower。Shewasperhapsthree-and-twenty，andverypinkandhealthy-looking，showingagreatdealofwhiteandroundedneckaboveherbusiness-likebutaltogetherfeminineblouse，andagooddealofplump，gesticulatingforearmoutofhershortsleeve。Shehadanimateddarkblue-grayeyesunderherfineeyebrows，anddarkbrownhairthatrolledbacksimplyandeffectivelyfromherbroadlowforehead。Andshewasaboutascapableofintelligentargumentasarunawaysteam-roller。Shewasatrainedbeing——trainedbyanimplacablemothertooneend。

Shespokewithfluententhusiasm。ShedidnotsomuchdealwithAnnVeronica’sinterpolationsasdisposeofthemwithquickanduse-hardenedrepartee，andthenshewentonwithafinedirectnesstosketchthecaseforheragitation，forthatremarkablerebellionofthewomenthatwasthenagitatingthewholeworldofpoliticsanddiscussion。SheassumedwithakindofmesmericforceallthepropositionsthatAnnVeronicawantedhertodefine。

"Whatdowewant？Whatisthegoal？"askedAnnVeronica。

"Freedom！Citizenship！Andthewaytothat——thewaytoeverything——istheVote。"

AnnVeronicasaidsomethingaboutageneralchangeofideas。

"Howcanyouchangepeople’sideasifyouhavenopower？"saidKittyBrett。

AnnVeronicawasnotreadyenoughtodealwiththatcounter-stroke。

"Onedoesn’twanttoturnthewholethingintoameresexantagonism。"

"Whenwomengetjustice，"saidKittyBrett，"therewillbenosexantagonism。Noneatall。Untilthenwemeantokeeponhammeringaway。"

"Itseemstomethatmuchofawoman’sdifficultiesareeconomic。"

"Thatwillfollow，"saidKittyBrett——"thatwillfollow。"

SheinterruptedasAnnVeronicawasabouttospeakagain，withabrightcontagioushopefulness。"Everythingwillfollow，"shesaid。

"Yes，"saidAnnVeronica，tryingtothinkwheretheywere，tryingtogetthingsplainagainthathadseemedplainenoughinthequietofthenight。

"Nothingwaseverdone，"MissBrettasserted，"withoutacertainelementofFaith。AfterwehavegottheVoteandarerecognizedascitizens，thenwecancometoalltheseotherthings。"

EvenintheglamourofMissBrett’sassuranceitseemedtoAnnVeronicathatthiswas，afterall，nomorethanthegospelofMissMiniverwithanewsetofresonances。Andlikethatgospelitmeantsomething，somethingdifferentfromitsphrases，somethingelusive，andyetsomethingthatinspiteofthesuperficialincoherenceofitsphrasing，waslargelyessentiallytrue。Therewassomethingholdingwomendown，holdingwomenback，andifitwasn’texactlyman-madelaw，man-madelawwasanaspectofit。Therewassomethingindeedholdingthewholespeciesbackfromtheimaginablelargenessoflife……

"TheVoteisthesymbolofeverything，"saidMissBrett。

Shemadeanabruptpersonalappeal。

"Oh！pleasedon’tloseyourselfinawildernessofsecondaryconsiderations，"shesaid。"Don’taskmetotellyouallthatwomencando，allthatwomencanbe。Thereisanewlife，differentfromtheoldlifeofdependence，possible。Ifonlywearenotdivided。Ifonlyweworktogether。Thisistheonemovementthatbringswomenofdifferentclassestogetherforacommonpurpose。Ifyoucouldseehowitgivesthemsouls，womenwhohavetakenthingsforgranted，whohavegiventhemselvesupaltogethertopettinessandvanity……"

"Givemesomethingtodo，"saidAnnVeronica，interruptingherpersuasionsatlast。"Ithasbeenverykindofyoutoseeme，butIdon’twanttositandtalkanduseyourtimeanylonger。I

wanttodosomething。Iwanttohammermyselfagainstallthisthatpenswomenin。IfeelthatIshallstifleunlessIcandosomething——anddosomethingsoon。"

Part4

ItwasnotAnnVeronica’sfaultthatthenight’sworkshouldhavetakenuponitselftheformsofwildburlesque。Shewasindeadlyearnestineverythingshedid。Itseemedtoherthelastdesperateattackupontheuniversethatwouldnotletherliveasshedesiredtolive，thatpennedherinandcontrolledheranddirectedheranddisapprovedofher，thesameinvinciblewrappering，thesameleadentyrannyofauniversethatshehadvowedtoovercomeafterthatmemorableconflictwithherfatheratMorningsidePark。

Shewaslistedfortheraid——shewasinformeditwastobearaidupontheHouseofCommons，thoughnoparticularsweregivenher——andtoldtogoaloneto14，DexterStreet，Westminster，andnottoaskanypolicemantodirecther。14，DexterStreet，Westminster，shefoundwasnotahousebutayardinanobscurestreet，withbiggatesandthenameofPodgers&Carlo，CarriersandFurnitureRemovers，thereon。Shewasperplexedbythis，andstoodforsomesecondsintheemptystreethesitating，untiltheappearanceofanothercircumspectwomanunderthestreetlampatthecornerreassuredher。Inoneofthebiggateswasalittledoor，andsherappedatthis。Itwasimmediatelyopenedbyamanwithlighteyelashesandamannersuggestiveofrestrainedpassion。"Comerightin，"hehissedunderhisbreath，withthetrueconspirator’snote，closedthedoorverysoftlyandpointed，"Throughthere！"

Bythemeagrelightofagaslampsheperceivedacobbledyardwithfourlargefurniturevansstandingwithhorsesandlampsalight。Aslenderyoungman，wearingglasses，appearedfromtheshadowofthenearestvan。"AreyouA，B，C，orD？"heasked。

"TheytoldmeD，"saidAnnVeronica。

"Throughthere，"hesaid，andpointedwiththepamphlethewascarrying。

AnnVeronicafoundherselfinalittlestirringcrowdofexcitedwomen，whisperingandtitteringandspeakinginundertones。

Thelightwaspoor，sothatshesawtheirgleamingfacesdimlyandindistinctly。Noonespoketoher。Shestoodamongthem，watchingthemandfeelingcuriouslyalientothem。Theobliqueruddylightingdistortedthemoddly，madequeerbarsandpatchesofshadowupontheirclothes。"It’sKitty’sidea，"saidone，"wearetogointhevans。"

"Kittyiswonderful，"saidanother。

"Wonderful！"

"Ihavealwayslongedforprisonservice，"saidavoice，"always。

Fromthebeginning。Butit’sonlynowI’mabletodoit。"

Alittleblondcreaturecloseathandsuddenlygavewaytoafitofhystericallaughter，andcaughtuptheendofitwithasob。

"BeforeItookuptheSuffrage，"afirm，flatvoiceremarked，"I

couldscarcelywalkup-stairswithoutpalpitations。"

SomeonehiddenfromAnnVeronicaappearedtobemarshallingtheassembly。"Wehavetogetin，Ithink，"saidanicelittleoldladyinabonnettoAnnVeronica，speakingwithavoicethatquaveredalittle。"Mydear，canyouseeinthislight？IthinkIwouldliketogetin。WhichisC？"

AnnVeronica，withacurioussinkingoftheheart，regardedtheblackcavitiesofthevans。Theirdoorsstoodopen，andplacardswithbiglettersindicatedthesectionassignedtoeach。ShedirectedthelittleoldwomanandthenmadeherwaytovanD。A

youngwomanwithawhitebadgeonherarmstoodandcountedthesectionsastheyenteredtheirvans。

"Whentheytaptheroof，"shesaid，inavoiceofauthority，"youaretocomeout。YouwillbeoppositethebigentranceinOldPalaceYard。It’sthepublicentrance。Youaretomakeforthatandgetintothelobbyifyoucan，andsotryandreachtheflooroftheHouse，crying’VotesforWomen！’asyougo。"

Shespokelikeamistressaddressingschool-children。

"Don’tbunchtoomuchasyoucomeout，"sheadded。

"Allright？"askedthemanwiththelighteyelashes，suddenlyappearinginthedoorway。Hewaitedforaninstant，wastinganencouragingsmileintheimperfectlight，andthenshutthedoorsofthevan，leavingthewomenindarkness……

Thevanstartedwithajerkandrumbledonitsway。

"It’slikeTroy！"saidavoiceofrapture。"It’sexactlylikeTroy！"

Part5

SoAnnVeronica，enterprisingandalittledubiousasever，mingledwiththestreamofhistoryandwroteherChristiannameuponthepolice-courtrecordsoftheland。

Butoutofabelatedregardforherfathershewrotethesurnameofsomeoneelse。

Someday，whentherewardsofliteraturepermitthearduousresearchrequired，theCampaignoftheWomenwillfinditsCarlyle，andtheparticularsofthatmarvellousseriesofexploitsbywhichMissBrettandhercolleaguesnaggedthewholeWesternworldintothediscussionofwomen’spositionbecomethematerialforthemostdelightfulandamazingdescriptions。Atpresenttheworldwaitsforthatwriter，andtheconfusedrecordofthenewspapersremainstheonlyresourceofthecurious。Whenhecomeshewilldothatraidofthepantechniconsthejusticeitdeserves；hewillpicturetheorderlyeveningsceneabouttheImperialLegislatureinconvincingdetail，thecomingandgoingofcabsandmotor-cabsandbroughamsthroughthechill，dampeveningintoNewPalaceYard，thereinforcedbutuntroubledandunsuspectingpoliceabouttheentriesofthosegreatbuildingswhosesquareandpanelledVictorianGothicstreamsupfromtheglareofthelampsintothemurkinessofthenight；BigBenshiningoverhead，anunassailablebeacon，andtheincidentaltrafficofWestminster，cabs，carts，andglowingomnibusesgoingtoandfromthebridge。AbouttheAbbeyandAbingdonStreetstoodtheouterpicketsanddetachmentsofthepolice，theirattentionalldirectedwestwardtowherethewomeninCaxtonHall，Westminster，hummedlikeanangryhive。Squadsreachedtotheveryportalofthatcentreofdisturbance。AndthroughallthesedefencesandintoOldPalaceYard，intotheveryvitalsofthedefenders’position，lumberedtheunsuspectedvans。

TheytravelledpastthefewidlesightseerswhohadbravedtheuninvitingeveningtoseewhattheSuffragettesmightbedoing；

theypulledupunchallengedwithinthirtyyardsofthosecovetedportals。

Andthentheydisgorged。

WereIapainterofsubjectpictures，Iwouldexhaustallmyskillinproportionandperspectiveandatmosphereupontheaugustseatofempire，Iwouldpresentitgrayanddignifiedandimmenseandrespectablebeyondanymereverbaldescription，andthen，invividblackandverysmall，Iwouldputinthosevaliantlyimpertinentvans，squattingatthebaseofitsaltitudesandpouringoutaswift，stragglingrushofominouslittleblackobjects，minutefiguresofdeterminedwomenatwarwiththeuniverse。

AnnVeronicawasintheirveryforefront。

InaninstanttheexpectantcalmofWestminsterwasended，andtheverySpeakerinthechairblenchedatthesoundofthepolicemen’swhistles。TheboldermembersintheHouselefttheirplacestogolobbyward，grinning。Otherspulledhatsovertheirnoses，coweredintheirseats，andfeignedthatallwasrightwiththeworld。InOldPalaceYardeverybodyran。Theyeitherrantoseeorranforshelter。EventwoCabinetMinisterstooktotheirheels，grinninginsincerely。AttheopeningofthevandoorsandtheemergenceintothefreshairAnnVeronica’sdoubtanddepressiongaveplacetothewildestexhilaration。Thatsameadventurousnessthathadalreadybuoyedherthroughcrisesthatwouldhaveoverwhelmedanynormallyfemininegirlwithshameandhorrornowbecameuppermostagain。BeforeherwasagreatGothicportal。Throughthatshehadtogo。

Pasthershotthelittleoldladyinthebonnet，runningincrediblyfast，butotherwisestillalertlyrespectable，andshewasmakingastrangethreateningsoundassheran，suchasonewoulduseindrivingducksoutofagarden——"B-r-r-r-r-r——！"andpawingwithblack-glovedhands。Thepolicemenwereclosinginfromthesidestointervene。Thelittleoldladystrucklikeaprojectileupontheresoundingchestoftheforemostofthese，andthenAnnVeronicahadgotpastandwasascendingthesteps。

Thenmosthorriblyshewasclaspedaboutthewaistfrombehindandliftedfromtheground。

Atthatanewelementpouredintoherexcitement，anelementofwilddisgustandterror。Shehadneverexperiencedanythingsodisagreeableinherlifeasthesenseofbeingheldhelplesslyoffherfeet。Shescreamedinvoluntarily——shehadneverinherlifescreamedbefore——andthenshebegantowriggleandfightlikeafrightenedanimalagainstthemenwhowereholdingher。

Theaffairpassedatoneleapfromaspreetoanightmareofviolenceanddisgust。Herhairgotloose，herhatcameoveroneeye，andshehadnoarmfreetoreplaceit。Shefeltshemustsuffocateifthesemendidnotputherdown，andforatimetheywouldnotputherdown。Thenwithanindescribablereliefherfeetwereonthepavement，andshewasbeingurgedalongbytwopolicemen，whoweregrippingherwristsinanirresistibleexpertmanner。Shewaswrithingtogetherhandslooseandfoundherselfgaspingwithpassionateviolence，"It’sdamnable！——damnable！"tothemanifestdisgustofthefatherlypolicemanonherright。

Thentheyhadreleasedherarmsandweretryingtopushheraway。

"Youbeoff，missie，"saidthefatherlypoliceman。"Thisain’tnoplaceforyou。"

Hepushedheradozenyardsalongthegreasypavementwithflat，well-trainedhandsthatthereseemedtobenoopposing。Beforeherstretchedblankspaces，dottedwithrunningpeoplecomingtowardher，andbelowthemrailingsandastatue。Shealmostsubmittedtothisendingofheradventure。Butattheword"home"sheturnedagain。

"Iwon’tgohome，"shesaid；"Iwon’t！"andsheevadedtheclutchofthefatherlypolicemanandtriedtothrustherselfpasthiminthedirectionofthatbigportal。"Steadyon！"hecried。

Adiversionwascreatedbytheviolentstrugglesofthelittleoldlady。Sheseemedtobeendowedwithsuperhumanstrength。A

knotofthreepolicemeninconflictwithherstaggeredtowardAnnVeronica’sattendantsanddistractedtheirattention。"IWILLbearrested！IWON’Tgohome！"thelittleoldladywasscreamingoverandoveragain。Theyputherdown，andsheleapedatthem；

shesmoteahelmettotheground。

"You’llhavetotakeher！"shoutedaninspectoronhorseback，andsheechoedhiscry:"You’llhavetotakeme！"Theyseizeduponherandliftedher，andshescreamed。AnnVeronicabecameviolentlyexcitedatthesight。"Youcowards！"saidAnnVeronica，"putherdown！"andtoreherselffromadetaininghandandbatteredwithherfistsuponthebigredearandblueshoulderofthepolicemanwhoheldthelittleoldlady。

SoAnnVeronicaalsowasarrested。

Andthencamethevileexperienceofbeingforcedandbornealongthestreettothepolice-station。WhateveranticipationAnnVeronicahadformedofthisvanishedinthereality。Presentlyshewasgoingthroughaswaying，noisycrowd，whosefacesgrinnedandstaredpitilesslyinthelightoftheelectricstandards。

"Goit，miss！"criedone。"Kickahtat’em！"though，indeed，shewentnowwithChristianmeekness，resentingonlythethrustingpolicemen’shands。Severalpeopleinthecrowdseemedtobefighting。Insultingcriesbecamefrequentandvarious，butforthemostpartshecouldnotunderstandwhatwassaid。"Who’llmindthebabynar？"wasoneofthenight’sinspirations，andveryfrequent。Aleanyoungmaninspectaclespursuedherforsometime，crying"Courage！Courage！"Somebodythrewadabofmudather，andsomeofitgotdownherneck。Immeasurabledisgustpossessedher。Shefeltdraggledandinsultedbeyondredemption。

Shecouldnothideherface。Sheattemptedbyasheeractofwilltoendthescene，towillherselfoutofitanywhere。Shehadahorribleglimpseoftheoncenicelittleoldladybeingalsobornestationward，stillfaintlybattlingandverymuddy——onelockofgrayishhairstragglingoverherneck，herfacescared，white，buttriumphant。Herbonnetdroppedoffandwastrampledintothegutter。AlittleCockneyrecoveredit，andmaderidiculousattemptstogettoherandreplaceit。

"Youmustarrestme！"shegasped，breathlessly，insistinginsanelyonapointalreadycarried；"youshall！"

Thepolice-stationattheendseemedtoAnnVeronicalikearefugefromunnamabledisgraces。Shehesitatedabouthername，and，beingprompted，gaveitatlastasAnnVeronicaSmith，107A，ChanceryLane……

Indignationcarriedherthroughthatnight，thatmenandtheworldcouldsoentreather。ThearrestedwomenwereherdedinapassageofthePantonStreetPolice-stationthatopeneduponacelltoouncleanforoccupation，andmostofthemspentthenightstanding。Hotcoffeeandcakesweresentintotheminthemorningbysomeintelligentsympathizer，orshewouldhavestarvedallday。Submissiontotheinevitablecarriedherthroughthecircumstancesofherappearancebeforethemagistrate。

Hewasnodoubtdoinghisbesttoexpresstheattitudeofsocietytowardthesewearilyheroicdefendants，butheseemedtobemerelyrudeandunfairtoAnnVeronica。Hewasnot，itseemed，theproperstipendiaryatall，andtherehadbeensomedemurtohisjurisdictionthathadruffledhim。Heresentedbeingregardedasirregular。Hefelthewashumanwisdomprudentiallyinterpolated……"Yousillywimmin，"hesaidoverandoveragainthroughoutthehearing，pluckingathisblotting-padwithbusyhands。"Yousillycreatures！Ugh！Fieuponyou！"Thecourtwascrowdedwithpeople，forthemostpartsupportersandadmirersofthedefendants，andthemanwiththelighteyelasheswasconspicuouslyactiveandomnipresent。

AnnVeronica’sappearancewasbriefandundistinguished。Shehadnothingtosayforherself。Shewasguidedintothedockandpromptedbyahelpfulpoliceinspector。Shewasawareofthebodyofthecourt，ofclerksseatedatablacktablelitteredwithpapers，ofpolicemenstandingaboutstifflywithexpressionsofconsciousintegrity，andamurmuringbackgroundoftheheadsandshouldersofspectatorsclosebehindher。Onahighchairbehindaraisedcounterthestipendiary’ssubstituteregardedhermalevolentlyoverhisglasses。Adisagreeableyoungman，withredhairandaloosemouth，seatedatthereporter’stable，wasonlytoomanifestlysketchingher。

Shewasinterestedbytheswearingofthewitnesses。Thekissingofthebookstruckherasparticularlyodd，andthenthepolicemengavetheirevidenceinstaccatojerksandstereotypedphrases。

"Haveyouanythingtoaskthewitness？"askedthehelpfulinspector。

TheribalddemonsthatinfestedthebackofAnnVeronica’smindurgedvariousfacetiousinterrogationsuponher，as，forexample，wherethewitnesshadacquiredhisprosestyle。Shecontrolledherself，andansweredmeekly，"No。"

"Well，AnnVeronicaSmith，"themagistrateremarkedwhenthecasewasallbeforehim，"you’reagood-looking，strong，respectablegell，andit’sapityyousillyyoungwimmincan’tfindsomethingbettertodowithyourexuberance。Two-and-twenty！Ican’timaginewhatyourparentscanbethinkingabouttoletyougetintothesescrapes。"

AnnVeronica’smindwasfilledwithconfusedunutterablereplies。

"Youarepersuadedtocomeandtakepartintheseoutrageousproceedings——manyofyou，Iamconvinced，havenoideawhateveroftheirnature。Idon’tsupposeyoucouldtellmeeventhederivationofsuffrageifIaskedyou。No！noteventhederivation！Butthefashion’sbeensetandinityoumustbe。"

Themenatthereporter’stableliftedtheireyebrows，smiledfaintly，andleanedbacktowatchhowshetookherscolding。Onewiththeappearanceofabaldlittlegnomeyawnedagonizingly。

Theyhadgotallthisdownalready——theyheardthesubstanceofitnowforthefourteenthtime。Thestipendiarywouldhavedoneitallverydifferently。

Shefoundpresentlyshewasoutofthedockandconfrontedwiththealternativeofbeingboundoverinonesuretyforthesumoffortypounds——whateverthatmightmeanoramonth’simprisonment。

"Secondclass，"saidsomeone，butfirstandsecondwereallaliketoher。Sheelectedtogotoprison。

Atlast，afteralongrumblingjourneyinastuffywindowlessvan，shereachedCanongatePrison——forHollowayhaditsquotaalready。ItwasbadlucktogotoCanongate。

Prisonwasbeastly。Prisonwasbleakwithoutspaciousness，andpervadedbyafaint，oppressivesmell；andshehadtowaittwohoursinthesullenlydefiantcompanyoftwouncleanwomenthievesbeforeacellcouldbeassignedtoher。Itsdreariness，likethefilthinessofthepolicecell，wasadiscoveryforher。

Shehadimaginedthatprisonswerewhite-tiledplaces，reekingoflime-washandimmaculatelysanitary。Instead，theyappearedtobeatthehygienicleveloftramps’lodging-houses。Shewasbathedinturbidwaterthathadalreadybeenused。Shewasnotallowedtobatheherself:anotherprisoner，withaprivilegedmanner，washedher。Conscientiousobjectorstothatprocessarenotpermitted，shefound，inCanongate。Herhairwaswashedforheralso。Thentheydressedherinadirtydressofcoarsesergeandacap，andtookawayherownclothes。Thedresscametoheronlytoomanifestlyunwashedfromitsformerwearer；eventheunder-linentheygaveherseemedunclean。Horriblememoriesofthingsseenbeneaththemicroscopeofthebaserformsoflifecrawledacrosshermindandsethershudderingwithimaginedirritations。Shesatontheedgeofthebed——thewardresswastoobusywiththefloodofarrivalsthatdaytodiscoverthatshehaditdown——andherskinwasshiveringfromthecontactofthesegarments。Shesurveyedaccommodationthatseemedatfirstmerelyaustere，andbecamemoreandmoremanifestlyinadequateasthemomentsfledby。Shemeditatedprofoundlythroughseveralenormouscoldhoursonallthathadhappenedandallthatshehaddonesincetheswirlofthesuffragemovementhadsubmergedherpersonalaffairs……

Veryslowlyemergingoutofaphaseofstupefaction，thesepersonalaffairsandherpersonalproblemresumedpossessionofhermind。Shehadimaginedshehaddrownedthemaltogether。

CHAPTERTHEELEVENTH

THOUGHTSINPRISON

Part1

Thefirstnightinprisonshefounditimpossibletosleep。Thebedwashardbeyondanyexperienceofhers，thebed-clothescoarseandinsufficient，thecellatoncecoldandstuffy。Thelittlegratinginthedoor，thesenseofconstantinspection，worriedher。Shekeptopeninghereyesandlookingatit。Shewasfatiguedphysicallyandmentally，andneithermindnorbodycouldrest。Shebecameawarethatatregularintervalsalightflasheduponherfaceandabodilesseyeregardedher，andthis，asthenightworeon，becameatorment……

Capescamebackintohermind。Hehauntedastatebetweenhecticdreamingandmilddelirium，andshefoundherselftalkingaloudtohim。AllthroughthenightanentirelyimpossibleandmonumentalCapesconfrontedher，andshearguedwithhimaboutmenandwomen。Shevisualizedhimasinapoliceman’suniformandquiteimpassive。Onsomeinsanescoreshefanciedshehadtostatehercaseinverse。"Wearethemusicandyouaretheinstrument，"shesaid；"weareverseandyouareprose。

"Formenhavereason，womenrhymeAmanscoresalways，allthetime。"

Thiscoupletsprangintohermindfromnowhere，andimmediatelybegotanendlessseriesofsimilarcoupletsthatshebegantocomposeandaddresstoCapes。Theycameteemingdistressfullythroughherachingbrain:

"Amancankick，hisskirtsdon’ttear；

Amanscoresalways，everywhere。

"Hisdressfornomanlaysasnare；

Amanscoresalways，everywhere。

Forhatsthatfailandhatsthatflare；

Topperstheiruniversalwear；

Amanscoresalways，everywhere。

"Men’swaistsareneitherherenorthere；

Amanscoresalways，everywhere。

"Amancanmanagewithouthair；

Amanscoresalways，everywhere。

"Therearenomalesatmentostare；

Amanscoresalways，everywhere。

"Andchildrenmustwewomenbear——

"Oh，damn！"shecried，asthehundred-and-firstcoupletorsopresenteditselfinherunwillingbrain。

Foratimesheworriedaboutthatcompulsorybathandcutaneousdiseases。

Thenshefellintoafeverofremorseforthehabitofbadlanguageshehadacquired。

"Amancansmoke，amancanswear；

Amanscoresalways，everywhere。"

Sherolledoveronherface，andstuffedherfingersinherearstoshutouttherhythmfromhermind。Shelaystillforalongtime，andhermindresumedatamoretolerablepace。ShefoundherselftalkingtoCapesinanundertoneofrationaladmission。

"Thereissomethingtobesaidforthelady-liketheoryafterall，"sheadmitted。"Womenoughttobegentleandsubmissivepersons，strongonlyinvirtueandinresistancetoevilcompulsion。Mydear——Icancallyouthathere，anyhow——Iknowthat。TheVictoriansover-diditalittle，Iadmit。Theirideaofmaidenlyinnocencewasjustablankwhite——thesortofflatwhitethatdoesn’tshine。Butthatdoesn’talterthefactthatthereISinnocence。AndI’veread，andthought，andguessed，andlooked——untilMYinnocence——it’ssmirched。

"Smirched！……

"Yousee，dear，oneISpassionatelyanxiousforsomething——whatisit？OnewantstobeCLEAN。Youwantmetobeclean。Youwouldwantmetobeclean，ifyougavemeathought，thatis……

"Iwonderifyougivemeathought……

"I’mnotagoodwoman。Idon’tmeanI’mnotagoodwoman——ImeanthatI’mnotaGOODwoman。Mypoorbrainissomixed，dear，I

hardlyknowwhatIamsaying。ImeanI’mnotagoodspecimenofawoman。I’vegotastreakofmale。Thingshappentowomen——

properwomen——andalltheyhavetodoistotakethemwell。

They’vejustgottokeepwhite。ButI’malwaystryingtomakethingshappen。AndIgetmyselfdirty……

"It’salldirtthatwashesoff，dear，butit’sdirt。

"Thewhiteunaggressivewomanwhocorrectsandnursesandserves，andisworshippedandbetrayed——themartyr-queenofmen，thewhitemother……Youcan’tdothatsortofthingunlessyoudoitoverreligion，andthere’snoreligioninme——ofthatsort——wortharap。

"I’mnotgentle。Certainlynotagentlewoman。

"I’mnotcoarse——no！ButI’vegotnopurityofmind——norealpurityofmind。Agoodwoman’smindhasangelswithflamingswordsattheportalstokeepoutfallenthoughts……

"Iwonderifthereareanygoodwomenreally。

"IwishIdidn’tswear。Idoswear。Itbeganasajoke……

Itdevelopedintoasortofsecretandprivatebadmanners。It’sgottobeatlastliketobacco-ashoverallmysayingsanddoings……

"’Goit，missie，’theysaid；"kickaht！’

"Isworeatthatpoliceman——anddisgustedhim。Disgustedhim！

"Formenpolicemenneverblush；

Amaninallthingsscoressomuch……

"Damn！Thingsaregettingplainer。Itmustbethedawncreepingin。

"Nowherehathbeendawninganotherblueday；

I’mjustapoorwoman，pleasetakeitaway。

"Oh，sleep！Sleep！Sleep！Sleep！"

Part2

"Now，"saidAnnVeronica，afterthehalf-hourofexercise，andsittingontheuncomfortablewoodenseatwithoutabackthatwasherperchbyday，"it’snogoodstayinghereinasortofmaze。

I’vegotnothingtodoforamonthbutthink。Imayaswellthink。Ioughttobeabletothinkthingsout。

"HowshallIputthequestion？WhatamI？WhathaveIgottodowithmyself？……

"IwonderifmanypeopleHAVEthoughtthingsout？

"Arewealljustseizingholdofphrasesandobeyingmoods？

"Itwasn’tsowithold-fashionedpeople，theyknewrightfromwrong；theyhadaclear-cut，religiousfaiththatseemedtoexplaineverythingandgivearuleforeverything。Wehaven’t。

Ihaven’t，anyhow。Andit’snogoodpretendingthereisonewhenthereisn’t……IsupposeIbelieveinGod……NeverreallythoughtaboutHim——peopledon’t……Isupposemycreedis，’IbelieveratherindistinctlyinGodtheFatherAlmighty，substratumoftheevolutionaryprocess，and，inaveinofvaguesentimentalitythatdoesn’tgiveadatumforanythingatall，inJesusChrist，HisSon。’……

"It’snosortofgood，AnnVeronica，pretendingonedoesbelievewhenonedoesn’t……

"Andasforprayingforfaith——thissortofmonologueisaboutasnearasanyoneofmysortevergetstoprayer。Aren’tI

asking——askingplainlynow？……

"We’veallbeenmixingourideas，andwe’vegotintellectualhotcoppers——everyblessedoneofus……

"Aconfusionofmotives——that’swhatIam！……

"ThereisthisabsurdcravingforMr。Capes——the’Capescrave，’

theywouldcallitinAmerica。WhydoIwanthimsobadly？WhydoIwanthim，andthinkabouthim，andfailtogetawayfromhim？

"Itisn’tallofme。

"Thefirstpersonyoulove，AnnVeronica，isyourself——getholdofthat！ThesoulyouhavetosaveisAnnVeronica’ssoul……"

Shekneltuponthefloorofhercellandclaspedherhands，andremainedforalongtimeinsilence。

"Oh，God！"shesaidatlast，"howIwishIhadbeentaughttopray！"

Part3

Shehadsomeideaofputtingthesesubtleanddifficultissuestothechaplainwhenshewaswarnedofhisadvent。ButshehadnotreckonedwiththeetiquetteofCanongate。Shegotup，asshehadbeentoldtodo，athisappearance，andheamazedherbysittingdown，accordingtocustom，onherstool。Hestillworehishat，toshowthatthedaysofmiraclesandChristbeingciviltosinnersareoverforever。Sheperceivedthathiscountenancewasonlycomposedbyagreateffort，hisfeaturesseverelycompressed。Hewasruffled，andhisearswerered，nodoubtfromsomeadjacentcontroversy。Heclassifiedherasheseatedhimself。

"Anotheryoungwoman，Isuppose，"hesaid，"whoknowsbetterthanherMakeraboutherplaceintheworld。Haveyouanythingtoaskme？"

AnnVeronicareadjustedhermindhastily。Herbackstiffened。

Sheproducedfromthedepthsofherpridetheuglyinvestigatorynoteofthemoderndistrictvisitor。"Areyouaspecialsortofclergyman，"shesaid，afterapause，andlookingdownhernoseathim，"ordoyougototheUniversities？"

"Oh！"hesaid，profoundly。

Hepantedforamomentwithunutteredreplies，andthen，withascornfulgesture，gotupandleftthecell。

SothatAnnVeronicawasnotabletogettheexpertadviceshecertainlyneededuponherspiritualstate。

Part4

Afteradayorsoshethoughtmoresteadily。Shefoundherselfinaphaseofviolentreactionagainstthesuffragemovement，aphasegreatlypromotedbyoneofthoseunreasonableobjectionspeopleofAnnVeronica’stemperamenttakeattimes——tothegirlinthenextcelltoherown。Shewasalarge，resilientgirl，withafoolishsmile，astillmorefoolishexpressionofearnestness，andathroatycontraltovoice。Shewasnoisyandhilariousandenthusiastic，andherhairwasalwaysabominablydone。Inthechapelshesangwithanopen-lungedgustothatsilencedAnnVeronicaaltogether，andintheexercising-yardslouchedroundwithcarelesslydispersedfeet。AnnVeronicadecidedthat"hoydenishragger"wastheonlyphrasetoexpressher。Shewasalwaysbreakingrules，whisperingasides，intimatingsignals。ShebecameattimesanembodimentforAnnVeronicaofallthatmadethesuffragemovementdefectiveandunsatisfying。

Shewasalwaysinitiatingpettybreachesofdiscipline。Hergreatestexploitwasthehowlingbeforethemid-daymeal。ThiswasanimitationofthenoisesmadebythecarnivoraattheZoologicalGardensatfeeding-time；theideawastakenupbyprisonerafterprisoneruntilthewholeplacewasalivewithbarkings，yappings，roarings，pelicanchatterings，andfelineyowlings，interspersedwithshrieksofhystericallaughter。Tomanyinthatcrowdedsolitudeitcameasanextraordinaryrelief。

Itwasbettereventhanthehymn-singing。ButitannoyedAnnVeronica。

"Idiots！"shesaid，whensheheardthispandemonium，andwithparticularreferencetothisyoungladywiththethroatycontraltonextdoor。"Intolerableidiots！……"

Ittooksomedaysforthisphasetopass，anditleftsomescarsandsomethinglikeadecision。"Violencewon’tdoit，"saidAnnVeronica。"Beginviolence，andthewomangoesunder……

"Butalltherestofourcaseisright……Yes。"

Asthelong，solitarydaysworeon，AnnVeronicafoundanumberofdefiniteattitudesandconclusionsinhermind。

Oneofthesewasaclassificationofwomenintowomenwhoareandwomenwhoarenothostiletomen。"TherealreasonwhyIamoutofplacehere，"shesaid，"isbecauseIlikemen。Icantalkwiththem。I’veneverfoundthemhostile。I’vegotnofeminineclassfeeling。Idon’twantanylawsorfreedomstoprotectmefromamanlikeMr。Capes。IknowthatinmyheartIwouldtakewhateverhegave……

"Awomanwantsaproperalliancewithaman，amanwhoisbetterstuffthanherself。Shewantsthatandneedsitmorethananythingelseintheworld。Itmaynotbejust，itmaynotbefair，butthingsareso。Itisn’tlaw，norcustom，normasculineviolencesettledthat。Itisjusthowthingshappentobe。Shewantstobefree——shewantstobelegallyandeconomicallyfree，soasnottobesubjecttothewrongman；butonlyGod，whomadetheworld，canalterthingstopreventherbeingslavetotherightone。

"Andifshecan’thavetherightone？

"We’vedevelopedsuchaqualityofpreference！"

Sherubbedherknucklesintoherforehead。"Oh，butlifeisdifficult！"shegroaned。"Whenyouloosenthetangleinoneplaceyoutieaknotinanother……Beforethereisanychange，anyrealchange，Ishallbedead——dead——deadandfinished——twohundredyears！……"

Part5

Oneafternoon，whileeverythingwasstill，thewardressheardhercryoutsuddenlyandalarmingly，andwithgreatandunmistakablepassion，"WhyinthenameofgoodnessdidIburnthattwentypounds？"

Part6

Shesatregardingherdinner。Themeatwascoarseanddisagreeablyserved。

"Isupposesomeonemakesabitonthefood，"shesaid……

"Onehassuchridiculousideasofthewickedcommonpeopleandthebeautifulmachineryoforderthatropesthemin。Andherearetheseplaces，fullofcontagion！

"Ofcourse，thisistherealtextureoflife，thisiswhatwerefinedsecurepeopleforget。Wethinkthewholethingisstraightandnobleatbottom，anditisn’t。Wethinkifwejustdefythefriendswehaveandgooutintotheworldeverythingwillbecomeeasyandsplendid。Onedoesn’trealizethateventhesortofcivilizationonehasatMorningsideParkisheldtogetherwithdifficulty。Bypolicemenonemustn’tshock。

"Thisisn’taworldforaninnocentgirltowalkaboutin。It’saworldofdirtandskindiseasesandparasites。It’saworldinwhichthelawcanbeastupidpigandthepolice-stationsdirtydens。Onewantshelpersandprotectors——andcleanwater。

"AmIbecomingreasonableoramIbeingtamed？

"I’msimplydiscoveringthatlifeismany-sidedandcomplexandpuzzling。Ithoughtonehadonlytotakeitbythethroat。

"Ithasn’tGOTathroat！"

Part7

Onedaytheideaofself-sacrificecameintoherhead，andshemade，shethought，someimportantmoraldiscoveries。

Itcamewithanextremeeffectofre-discovery，aremarkablenovelty。"WhathaveIbeenallthistime？"sheaskedherself，andanswered，"Juststarkegotism，crudeassertionofAnnVeronica，withoutamodestragofreligionordisciplineorrespectforauthoritytocoverme！"

Itseemedtoherasthoughshehadatlastfoundthetouchstoneofconduct。Sheperceivedshehadneverreallythoughtofanyonebutherselfinallheractsandplans。EvenCapeshadbeenforhermerelyanexcitanttopassionatelove——amereidolatwhosefeetonecouldenjoyimaginativewallowings。Shehadsetouttogetabeautifullife，afree，untrammelledlife，self-development，withoutcountingthecosteitherforherselforothers。

"Ihavehurtmyfather，"shesaid；"Ihavehurtmyaunt。IhavehurtandsnubbedpoorTeddy。I’vemadenoonehappy。IdeserveprettymuchwhatI’vegot……

"Ifonlybecauseofthewayonehurtsothersifonekickslooseandfree，onehastosubmit……

"Broken-inpeople！Isupposetheworldisjustallegotisticalchildrenandbroken-inpeople。

"Yourlittleflagofpridemustflutterdownwiththerestofthem，AnnVeronica……

"Compromise——andkindness。

"Compromiseandkindness。

"WhoareYOUthattheworldshouldliedownatyourfeet？

"You’vegottobeadecentcitizen，AnnVeronica。Takeyourhalfloafwiththeothers。Youmustn’tgoclawingafteramanthatdoesn’tbelongtoyou——thatisn’teveninterestedinyou。That’sonethingclear。

"You’vegottotakethedecentreasonableway。You’vegottoadjustyourselftothepeopleGodhassetaboutyou。Everyoneelsedoes。"

Shethoughtmoreandmorealongthatline。Therewasnoreasonwhysheshouldn’tbeCapes’friend。Hedidlikeher，anyhow；hewasalwayspleasedtobewithher。Therewasnoreasonwhysheshouldn’tbehisrestrainedanddignifiedfriend。Afterall，thatwaslife。Nothingwasgivenaway，andnoonecamesorichtothestallastocommandallthatithadtooffer。Everyonehastomakeadealwiththeworld。

ItwouldbeverygoodtobeCapes’friend。

Shemightbeabletogoonwithbiology，possiblyevenworkuponthesamequestionsthathedealtwith……

Perhapshergranddaughtermightmarryhisgrandson……

Itgrewcleartoherthatthroughoutallherwildraidforindependenceshehaddonenothingforanybody，andmanypeoplehaddonethingsforher。Shethoughtofherauntandthatpursethatwasdroppedonthetable，andofmanytroublesomeandill-requitedkindnesses；shethoughtofthehelpoftheWidgetts，ofTeddy’sadmiration；shethought，withanew-borncharity，ofherfather，ofManning’sconscientiousunselfishness，ofMissMiniver’sdevotion。

"AndformeithasbeenPrideandPrideandPride！

"Iamtheprodigaldaughter。Iwillariseandgotomyfather，andwillsayuntohim——

"Isupposeprideandself-assertionaresin？Sinnedagainstheaven——Yes，Ihavesinnedagainstheavenandbeforethee……

"Poorolddaddy！Iwonderifhe’llspendmuchonthefattedcalf？……

"Thewrapperedlife-discipline！Onecomestothatatlast。I

begintounderstandJaneAustenandchintzcoversanddecencyandrefinementandalltherestofit。Oneputsglovesonone’sgreedyfingers。Onelearnstositup……

"Andsomehoworother，"sheadded，afteralonginterval，"ImustpayMr。Ramagebackhisfortypounds。"

CHAPTERTHETWELFTH

ANNVERONICAPUTSTHINGSINORDER

Part1

AnnVeronicamadeastrenuousattempttocarryouthergoodresolutions。Shemeditatedlongandcarefullyuponherlettertoherfatherbeforeshewroteit，andgravelyanddeliberatelyagainbeforeshedespatchedit。

"MYDEARFATHER，"shewrote，——"IhavebeenthinkinghardabouteverythingsinceIwassenttothisprison。Alltheseexperienceshavetaughtmeagreatdealaboutlifeandrealities。IseethatcompromiseismorenecessarytolifethanIignorantlysupposedittobe，andIhavebeentryingtogetLordMorley’sbookonthatsubject，butitdoesnotappeartobeavailableintheprisonlibrary，andthechaplainseemstoregardhimasanundesirablewriter。"

Atthispointshehadperceivedthatshewasdriftingfromhersubject。

"ImustreadhimwhenIcomeout。ButIseeveryclearlythatasthingsareadaughterisnecessarilydependentonherfatherandboundwhilesheisinthatpositiontoliveharmoniouslywithhisideals。"

"Bitstarchy，"saidAnnVeronica，andalteredthekeyabruptly。

Herconcludingparagraphwas，onthewhole，perhaps，hardlystarchyenough。

"Really，daddy，IamsorryforallIhavedonetoputyouout。

MayIcomehomeandtrytobeabetterdaughtertoyou？

"ANNVERONICA。"

Part2

HerauntcametomeetheroutsideCanongate，and，beingalittleconfusedbetweenwhatwasofficialandwhatwasmerelyarebelliousslightuponournationaljustice，foundherselfinvolvedinatriumphalprocessiontotheVindicatorVegetarianRestaurant，andwasspecificallyandpersonallycheeredbyasmall，shabbycrowdoutsidethatrendezvous。Theydecidedquiteaudibly，"She’sanOldDear，anyhow。Votingwouldn’tdono’armto’er。"Shewasontheveryvergeofavegetarianmealbeforesherecoveredherheadagain。Obeyingsomefineinstinct，shehadcometotheprisoninadarkveil，butshehadpushedthisuptokissAnnVeronicaandneverdrawnitdownagain。Eggswereprocuredforher，andshesatoutthesubsequentemotionsandeloquencewiththedignitybecominganinjuredladyofgoodfamily。Thequietencounterandhome-comingAnnVeronicaandshehadcontemplatedwasentirelydisorganizedbythismisadventure；

therewerenoadequateexplanations，andaftertheyhadsettledthingsatAnnVeronica’slodgings，theyreachedhomeintheearlyafternoonestrangedanddepressed，withheadachesandthetrumpetvoiceoftheindomitableKittyBrettstillringingintheirears。

"Dreadfulwomen，mydear！"saidMissStanley。"Andsomeofthemquiteprettyandwelldressed。Noneedtodosuchthings。Wemustneverletyourfatherknowwewent。Whyeverdidyouletmegetintothatwagonette？"

"Ithoughtwehadto，"saidAnnVeronica，whohadalsobeenalittleunderthecompulsionofthemarshalsoftheoccasion。"Itwasverytiring。"

"Wewillhavesometeainthedrawing-roomassoonaseverwecan——andIwilltakemythingsoff。Idon’tthinkIshallevercareforthisbonnetagain。We’llhavesomebutteredtoast。

Yourpoorcheeksarequitesunkenandhollow……"

Part3

WhenAnnVeronicafoundherselfinherfather’sstudythateveningitseemedtoherforamomentasthoughalltheeventsofthepastsixmonthshadbeenadream。ThebiggrayspacesofLondon，theshop-lit，greasy，shiningstreets，hadbecomeveryremote；thebiologicallaboratorywithitsworkandemotions，themeetingsanddiscussions，theridesinhansomswithRamage，werelikethingsinabookreadandclosed。Thestudyseemedabsolutelyunaltered，therewasstillthesamelampwithalittlechipoutoftheshade，stillthesamegasfire，stillthesamebundleofblueandwhitepapers，itseemed，withthesamepinktapeaboutthem，attheelbowofthearm-chair，stillthesamefather。Hesatinmuchthesameattitude，andshestoodjustasshehadstoodwhenhetoldhershecouldnotgototheFaddenDance。Bothhaddroppedtheratherelaboratepolitenessofthedining-room，andintheirfacesanimpartialobserverwouldhavediscoveredlittlelinesofobstinatewilfulnessincommon；acertainhardness——sharp，indeed，inthefatherandsoftlyroundedinthedaughter——buthardnessnevertheless，thatmadeeverycompromiseabargainandeverycharityadiscount。

"Andsoyouhavebeenthinking？"herfatherbegan，quotingherletterandlookingoverhisslantingglassesather。"Well，mygirl，Iwishyouhadthoughtaboutallthesethingsbeforethesebothersbegan。"

AnnVeronicaperceivedthatshemustnotforgettoremaineminentlyreasonable。

"Onehastoliveandlearn，"sheremarked，withapassableimitationofherfather’smanner。

"Solongasyoulearn，"saidMr。Stanley。

Theirconversationhung。

"Isuppose，daddy，you’venoobjectiontomygoingonwithmyworkattheImperialCollege？"sheasked。

"Ifitwillkeepyoubusy，"hesaid，withafaintlyironicalsmile。

"Thefeesarepaidtotheendofthesession。"

Henoddedtwice，withhiseyesonthefire，asthoughthatwasaformalstatement。

"Youmaygoonwiththatwork，"hesaid，"solongasyoukeepinharmonywiththingsathome。I’mconvincedthatmuchofRussell’sinvestigationsareonwronglines，unsoundlines。

Still——youmustlearnforyourself。You’reofage——you’reofage。"

"Thework’salmostessentialfortheB。Sc。exam。"

"It’sscandalous，butIsupposeitis。"

Theiragreementsofarseemedremarkable，andyetasahome-comingthethingwasalittlelackinginwarmth。ButAnnVeronicahadstilltogettoherchieftopic。Theyweresilentforatime。"It’saperiodofcrudeviewsandcrudework，"saidMr。Stanley。"Still，theseMendelianfellowsseemlikelytogiveMr。Russelltrouble，agoodlotoftrouble。Someoftheirspecimens——wonderfullyselected，wonderfullygotup。"

"Daddy，"saidAnnVeronica，"theseaffairs——beingawayfromhomehas——costmoney。"

"Ithoughtyouwouldfindthatout。"

"Asamatteroffact，Ihappentohavegotalittleintodebt。"

"NEVER！"

Herheartsankatthechangeinhisexpression。

"Well，lodgingsandthings！AndIpaidmyfeesattheCollege。"

"Yes。Buthowcouldyouget——Whogaveyoucredit？

"Yousee，"saidAnnVeronica，"mylandladykeptonmyroomwhileIwasinHolloway，andthefeesfortheCollegemountedupprettyconsiderably。"Shespokeratherquickly，becauseshefoundherfather’squestionthemostawkwardshehadeverhadtoanswerinherlife。

"Mollyandyousettledabouttherooms。ShesaidyouHADsomemoney。"

"Iborrowedit，"saidAnnVeronicainacasualtone，withwhitedespairinherheart。

"Butwhocouldhavelentyoumoney？"

"Ipawnedmypearlnecklace。Igotthreepounds，andthere’sthreeonmywatch。"

"Sixpounds。H’m。Gotthetickets？Yes，butthen——yousaidyouborrowed？"

"Idid，too，"saidAnnVeronica。

"Whofrom？"

Shemethiseyeforasecondandherheartfailedher。Thetruthwasimpossible，indecent。IfshementionedRamagehemighthaveafit——anythingmighthappen。Shelied。"TheWidgetts，"shesaid。

"Tut，tut！"hesaid。"Really，Vee，youseemtohaveadvertisedourrelationsprettygenerally！"

"They——theyknew，ofcourse。BecauseoftheDance。"

"Howmuchdoyouowethem？"

Sheknewfortypoundswasaquiteimpossiblesumfortheirneighbors。Sheknew，too，shemustnothesitate。"Eightpounds，"sheplunged，andaddedfoolishly，"fifteenpoundswillseemeclearofeverything。"Shemutteredsomeunlady-likecommentuponherselfunderherbreathandengagedinsecretadditions。

Mr。Stanleydeterminedtoimprovetheoccasion。Heseemedtodeliberate。"Well，"hesaidatlastslowly，"I’llpayit。I’llpayit。ButIdohope，Vee，Idohope——thisistheendoftheseadventures。Ihopeyouhavelearnedyourlessonnowandcometosee——cometorealize——howthingsare。People，nobody，candoastheylikeinthisworld。Everywheretherearelimitations。"

"Iknow，"saidAnnVeronica(fifteenpounds！)。"Ihavelearnedthat。Imean——ImeantodowhatIcan。"(Fifteenpounds。

Fifteenfromfortyistwenty-five。)

Hehesitated。Shecouldthinkofnothingmoretosay。

"Well，"sheachievedatlast。"Heregoesforthenewlife！"

"Heregoesforthenewlife，"heechoedandstoodup。Fatheranddaughterregardedeachotherwarily，eachmorethanalittleinsecurewiththeother。Hemadeamovementtowardher，andthenrecalledthecircumstancesoftheirlastconversationinthatstudy。Shesawhispurposeandhisdoubthesitatedalso，andthenwenttohim，tookhiscoatlapels，andkissedhimonthecheek。

"Ah，Vee，"hesaid，"that’sbetter！andkissedherbackratherclumsily。"We’regoingtobesensible。"

Shedisengagedherselffromhimandwentoutoftheroomwithagrave，preoccupiedexpression。(Fifteenpounds！Andshewantedforty！)

Part4

Itwas，perhaps，thenaturalconsequenceofalongandtiringandexcitingdaythatAnnVeronicashouldpassabrokenanddistressfulnight，anightinwhichthenobleandself-subduingresolutionsofCanongatedisplayedthemselvesforthefirsttimeinanatmosphereofalmostluriddismay。Herfather’speculiarstiffnessofsoulpresenteditselfnowassomethingaltogetherleftoutofthecalculationsuponwhichherplanswerebased，and，inparticular，shehadnotanticipatedthedifficultyshewouldfindinborrowingthefortypoundssheneededforRamage。

Thathadtakenherbysurprise，andhertiredwitshadfailedher。Shewastohavefifteenpounds，andnomore。Sheknewthattoexpectmorenowwaslikeanticipatingagold-mineinthegarden。Thechancehadgone。ItbecamesuddenlyglaringlyapparenttoherthatitwasimpossibletoreturnfifteenpoundsoranysumlessthantwentypoundstoRamage——absolutelyimpossible。Sherealizedthatwithapangofdisgustandhorror。

Alreadyshehadsenthimtwentypounds，andneverwrittentoexplaintohimwhyitwasshehadnotsentitbacksharplydirectlyhereturnedit。Sheoughttohavewrittenatonceandtoldhimexactlywhathadhappened。Nowifshesentfifteenpoundsthesuggestionthatshehadspentafive-poundnoteinthemeanwhilewouldbeirresistible。No！Thatwasimpossible。Shewouldhavejusttokeepthefifteenpoundsuntilshecouldmakeittwenty。Thatmighthappenonherbirthday——inAugust。

Sheturnedabout，andwaspersecutedbyvisions，halfmemories，halfdreams，ofRamage。Hebecameuglyandmonstrous，dunningher，threateningher，assailingher。

"Confoundsexfromfirsttolast！"saidAnnVeronica。"Whycan’twepropagatebysexlessspores，asthefernsdo？Werestricteachother，webadgereachother，friendshipispoisonedandburiedunderit！……IMUSTpayoffthatfortypounds。I

MUST。"

ForatimethereseemednocomfortforhereveninCapes。ShewastoseeCapesto-morrow，butnow，inthisstateofmiseryshehadachieved，shefeltassuredhewouldturnhisbackuponher，takenonoticeofheratall。Andifhedidn’t，whatwasthegoodofseeinghim？

"Iwishhewasawoman，"shesaid，"thenIcouldmakehimmyfriend。Iwanthimasmyfriend。Iwanttotalktohimandgoaboutwithhim。Justgoaboutwithhim。"

Shewassilentforatime，withhernoseonthepillow，andthatbroughtherto:"What’sthegoodofpretending？

"Ilovehim，"shesaidaloudtothedimformsofherroom，andrepeatedit，andwentontoimagineherselfdoingactsoftragicallydog-likedevotiontothebiologist，who，forthepurposesofthedrama，remainedentirelyunconsciousofandindifferenttoherproceedings。

Atlastsomeanodyneformeditselffromtheseexercises，and，witheyelasheswetwithsuchfeebletearsasonlythree-o’clock-in-the-morningpathoscandistil，shefellasleep。

Part5

PursuanttosomealtogetherprivatecalculationsshedidnotgouptotheImperialCollegeuntilaftermid-day，andshefoundthelaboratorydeserted，evenasshedesired。Shewenttothetableundertheendwindowatwhichshehadbeenaccustomedtowork，andfounditsweptandgarnishedwithfullbottlesofre-agents。

Everythingwasveryneat；ithadevidentlybeenstraightenedupandkeptforher。Sheputdownthesketch-booksandapparatusshehadbroughtwithher，pulledoutherstool，andsatdown。Asshedidsothepreparation-roomdooropenedbehindher。Shehearditopen，butasshefeltunabletolookroundinacarelessmannershepretendednottohearit。ThenCapes’footstepsapproached。Sheturnedwithaneffort。

"Iexpectedyouthismorning，"hesaid。"Isaw——theyknockedoffyourfettersyesterday。"

"Ithinkitisverygoodofmetocomethisafternoon。"

"Ibegantobeafraidyoumightnotcomeatall。"

"Afraid！"

"Yes。I’mgladyou’rebackforallsortsofreasons。"Hespokealittlenervously。"Amongotherthings，youknow，Ididn’tunderstandquite——Ididn’tunderstandthatyouweresokeenlyinterestedinthissuffragequestion。IhaveitonmyconsciencethatIoffendedyou——"

"Offendedmewhen？"

"I’vebeenhauntedbythememoryofyou。Iwasrudeandstupid。

Weweretalkingaboutthesuffrage——andIratherscoffed。"

"Youweren’trude，"shesaid。

"Ididn’tknowyouweresokeenonthissuffragebusiness。"

"NorI。Youhaven’thaditonyourmindallthistime？"

"Ihaverather。IfeltsomehowI’dhurtyou。"

"Youdidn’t。I——Ihurtmyself。"

"Imean——"

"Ibehavedlikeanidiot，that’sall。Mynerveswereinrags。I

wasworried。We’rethehystericalanimal，Mr。Capes。Igotmyselflockeduptocooloff。Byasortofinstinct。Asadogeatsgrass。I’mrightagainnow。"

"Becauseyournerveswereexposed，thatwasnoexcuseformytouchingthem。Ioughttohaveseen——"

"Itdoesn’tmatterarap——ifyou’renotdisposedtoresentthe——thewayIbehaved。"

"_I_resent！"

"IwasonlysorryI’dbeensostupid。"

"Well，Itakeitwe’restraightagain，"saidCapeswithanoteofrelief，andassumedaneasierpositionontheedgeofhertable。

"Butifyouweren’tkeenonthesuffragebusiness，whyonearthdidyougotoprison？"

AnnVeronicareflected。"Itwasaphase，"shesaid。

Hesmiled。"It’sanewphaseinthelifehistory，"heremarked。

"Everybodyseemstohaveitnow。Everybodywho’sgoingtodevelopintoawoman。"

"There’sMissGarvice。"

"She’scomingon，"saidCapes。"And，youknow，you’realteringusall。I’Mshaken。Thecampaign’sasuccess。"Hemetherquestioningeye，andrepeated，"Oh！itISasuccess。Amanissoaptto——totakewomenalittletoolightly。Unlesstheyremindhimnowandthennotto……YOUdid。"

"ThenIdidn’twastemytimeinprisonaltogether？"

"Itwasn’ttheprisonimpressedme。ButIlikedthethingsyousaidhere。IfeltsuddenlyIunderstoodyou——asanintelligentperson。Ifyou’llforgivemysayingthat，andimplyingwhatgoeswithit。There’ssomething——puppyishinaman’susualattitudetowomen。ThatiswhatI’vehadonmyconscience……Idon’tthinkwe’realtogethertoblameifwedon’ttakesomeofyourlotseriously。Someofyoursex，Imean。Butwesmirkalittle，I’mafraid，habituallywhenwetalktoyou。Wesmirk，andwe’reabit——furtive。"

Hepaused，withhiseyesstudyinghergravely。"You，anyhow，don’tdeserveit，"hesaid。

TheircolloquywasendedabruptlybytheapparitionofMissKleggatthefurtherdoor。WhenshesawAnnVeronicashestoodforamomentasifentranced，andthenadvancedwithoutstretchedhands。"Veronique！"shecriedwitharisingintonation，thoughneverbeforehadshecalledAnnVeronicaanythingbutMissStanley，andseizedherandsqueezedherandkissedherwithprofoundemotion。"Tothinkthatyouweregoingtodoit——andneversaidaword！Youarealittlethin，butexceptforthatyoulook——youlookbetterthanever。WasitVERYhorrible？I

triedtogetintothepolice-court，butthecrowdwaseversomuchtoobig，pushasIwould……

"Imeantogotoprisondirectlythesessionisover，"saidMissKlegg。"Wildhorses——notiftheyhaveallthemountedpoliceinLondon——shan’tkeepmeout。"

Part6

CapeslitthingswonderfullyforAnnVeronicaallthatafternoon，hewassofriendly，sopalpablyinterestedinher，andgladtohaveherbackwithhim。Teainthelaboratorywasasortofsuffragettereception。MissGarviceassumedaqualityofneutrality，professedherselfalmostwonoverbyAnnVeronica’sexample，andtheScotchmandecidedthatifwomenhadadistinctivesphereitwas，atanyrate，anenlargingsphere，andnoonewhobelievedinthedoctrineofevolutioncouldlogicallydenythevotetowomen"ultimately，"howevermuchtheymightbedisposedtodoubttheadvisabilityofitsimmediateconcession。

Itwasarefusalofexpediency，hesaid，andnotanabsoluterefusal。TheyouthwithhishairlikeRussellclearedhisthroatandsaidratherirrelevantlythatheknewamanwhoknewThomasBayardSimmons，whohadriotedintheStrangers’Gallery，andthenCapes，findingthemalldistinctlypro-AnnVeronica，ifnotpro-feminist，venturedtobeperverse，andstartedaveinofspeculationupontheScotchman’sidea——thattherewerestillhopesofwomenevolvingintosomethinghigher。

Hewasunusuallyabsurdandready，andallthetimeitseemedtoAnnVeronicaasadelightfulpossibility，asathingnotindeedtobeentertainedseriously，buttobehalffurtivelyfelt，thathewasbeingsoagreeablebecauseshehadcomebackagain。Shereturnedhomethroughaworldthatwasasroseateasithadbeengrayovernight。

ButasshegotoutofthetrainatMorningsideParkStationshehadashock。Shesaw，twentyyardsdowntheplatform，theshinyhatandbroadbackandinimitableswaggerofRamage。Shedivedatoncebehindthecoverofthelamp-roomandaffectedserioustroublewithhershoe-laceuntilhewasoutofthestation，andthenshefollowedslowlyandwithextremediscretionuntilthebifurcationoftheAvenuefromthefieldwayinsuredherescape。

RamagewentuptheAvenue，andshehurriedalongthepathwithabeatingheartandadisagreeablesenseofunsolvedproblemsinhermind。

"Thatthing’sgoingon，"shetoldherself。"Everythinggoeson，confoundit！Onedoesn’tchangeanythingonehassetgoingbymakinggoodresolutions。"

AndthenaheadofhershesawtheradiantandwelcomingfigureofManning。Hecameasanagreeablediversionfromaninsolubleperplexity。Shesmiledatthesightofhim，andthereathisradiationincreased。

"Imissedthehourofyourrelease，"hesaid，"butIwasattheVindicatorRestaurant。Youdidnotseeme，Iknow。Iwasamongthecommonherdintheplacebelow，butItookgoodcaretoseeyou。"

"Ofcourseyou’reconverted？"shesaid。

"TotheviewthatallthoseSplendidWomeninthemovementoughttohavevotes。Rather！Whocouldhelpit？"

Hetoweredupoverherandsmileddownatherinhisfatherlyway。

"Totheviewthatallwomenoughttohavevoteswhethertheylikeitornot。"

Heshookhishead，andhiseyesandthemouthundertheblackmustachewrinkledwithhissmile。AndashewalkedbyhersidetheybeganawranglethatwasnonethelesspleasanttoAnnVeronicabecauseitservedtobanishadisagreeablepreoccupation。ItseemedtoherinherrestoredgenialitythatshelikedManningextremely。ThebrightnessCapeshaddiffusedovertheworldglorifiedevenhisrival。