第5章

Part7

Thenonedayalittlethinghappenedthatclotheditselfinsignificance。

Shehadbeenworkinguponaribbonofmicrotomesectionsofthedevelopingsalamander，andhecametoseewhatshehadmadeofthem。Shestoodupandhesatdownatthemicroscope，andforatimehewasbusyscrutinizingonesectionafteranother。Shelookeddownathimandsawthatthesunlightwasgleamingfromhischeeks，andthatalloverhischeekswasafinegoldendownofdelicatehairs。Andatthesightsomethingleapedwithinher。

Somethingchangedforher。

Shebecameawareofhispresenceasshehadneverbeenawareofanyhumanbeinginherlifebefore。Shebecameawareofthemodellingofhisear，ofthemusclesofhisneckandthetexturesofthehairthatcameoffhisbrow，thesoftminutecurveofeyelidthatshecouldjustseebeyondhisbrow；sheperceivedallthesefamiliarobjectsasthoughtheywereacutelybeautifulthings。TheyWERE，sherealized，acutelybeautifulthings。Hersensefollowedtheshouldersunderhiscoat，downtowherehisflexible，sensitive-lookinghandrestedlightlyuponthetable。

Shefelthimassomethingsolidandstrongandtrustworthybeyondmeasure。Theperceptionofhimfloodedherbeing。

Hegotup。"Here’ssomethingrathergood，"hesaid，andwithastartandaneffortshetookhisplaceatthemicroscope，whilehestoodbesideherandalmostleaningoverher。

Shefoundshewastremblingathisnearnessandfullofathrillingdreadthathemighttouchher。Shepulledherselftogetherandputhereyetotheeye-piece。

"Youseethepointer？"heasked。

"Iseethepointer，"shesaid。

"It’slikethis，"hesaid，anddraggedastoolbesideherandsatdownwithhiselbowfourinchesfromhersandmadeasketch。

Thenhegotupandlefther。

Shehadafeelingathisdepartureasofanimmensecavity，ofsomethingenormouslygone；shecouldnottellwhetheritwasinfiniteregretorinfiniterelief……

ButnowAnnVeronicaknewwhatwasthematterwithher。

Part8

Andasshesatonherbedthatnight，musingandhalf-undressed，shebegantorunonehanddownherarmandscrutinizethesoftflowofmuscleunderherskin。Shethoughtofthemarvellousbeautyofskin，andallthedelightfulnessoflivingtexture。Ohthebackofherarmshefoundthefaintestdownofhairintheworld。"Etherializedmonkey，"shesaid。Sheheldoutherarmstraightbeforeher，andturnedherhandthiswayandthat。

"Whyshouldonepretend？"shewhispered。"Whyshouldonepretend？

"Thinkofallthebeautyintheworldthatiscoveredupandoverlaid。"

Sheglancedshylyatthemirroraboveherdressing-table，andthenaboutheratthefurniture，asthoughitmightpenetratetothethoughtsthatpeepedinhermind。

"Iwonder，"saidAnnVeronicaatlast，"ifIambeautiful？I

wonderifIshallevershinelikealight，likeatranslucentgoddess？——

"Iwonder——

"Isupposegirlsandwomenhaveprayedforthis，havecometothis——InBabylon，inNineveh。

"Whyshouldn’tonefacethefactsofone’sself？"

Shestoodup。Sheposedherselfbeforehermirrorandsurveyedherselfwithgravelythoughtful，gravelycritical，andyetadmiringeyes。"And，afterall，Iamjustonecommonperson！"

Shewatchedthethrobofthearteriesinthestemofherneck，andputherhandatlastgentlyandalmosttimidlytowhereherheartbeatbeneathherbreast。

Part9

TherealizationthatshewasinlovefloodedAnnVeronica’smind，andalteredthequalityofallitstopics。

ShebegantothinkpersistentlyofCapes，anditseemedtohernowthatforsomeweeksatleastshemusthavebeenthinkingpersistentlyofhimunawares。Shewassurprisedtofindhowstoredhermindwaswithimpressionsandmemoriesofhim，howvividlysherememberedhisgesturesandlittlethingsthathehadsaid。Itoccurredtoherthatitwasabsurdandwrongtobesocontinuouslythinkingofoneengrossingtopic，andshemadeastrenuousefforttoforcehermindtootherquestions。

ButitwasextraordinarywhatseeminglyirrelevantthingscouldrestorehertothethoughtofCapesagain。Andwhenshewenttosleep，thenalwaysCapesbecamethenovelandwonderfulguestofherdreams。

Foratimeitreallyseemedall-sufficienttoherthatsheshouldlove。ThatCapesshouldloveherseemedbeyondthecompassofherimagination。Indeed，shedidnotwanttothinkofhimaslovingher。Shewantedtothinkofhimasherbelovedperson，tobenearhimandwatchhim，tohavehimgoingabout，doingthisandthat，sayingthisandthat，unconsciousofher，whileshetooremainedunconsciousofherself。Tothinkofhimaslovingherwouldmakeallthatdifferent。Thenhewouldturnhisfacetoher，andshewouldhavetothinkofherselfinhiseyes。Shewouldbecomedefensive——whatshedidwouldbethethingthatmattered。Hewouldrequirethingsofher，andshewouldbepassionatelyconcernedtomeethisrequirements。Lovingwasbetterthanthat。Lovingwasself-forgetfulness，puredelightinginanotherhumanbeing。ShefeltthatwithCapesneartohershewouldbecontentalwaystogoonloving。

Shewentnextdaytotheschools，andherworldseemedallmadeofhappinessjustworkeduproughlyintoshapesandoccasionsandduties。Shefoundshecoulddohermicroscopeworkallthebetterforbeinginlove。Shewincedwhenfirstsheheardthepreparation-roomdooropenandCapescamedownthelaboratory；

butwhenatlasthereachedhershewasself-possessed。Sheputastoolforhimatalittledistancefromherown，andafterhehadseentheday’sworkhehesitated，andthenplungedintoaresumptionoftheirdiscussionaboutbeauty。

"Ithink，"hesaid，"Iwasalittletoomysticalaboutbeautytheotherday。"

"Ilikethemysticalway，"shesaid。

"Ourbusinesshereistherightway。I’vebeenthinking，youknow——I’mnotsurethatprimarilytheperceptionofbeautyisn’tjustintensityoffeelingfreefrompain；intensityofperceptionwithoutanytissuedestruction。"

"Ilikethemysticalwaybetter，"saidAnnVeronica，andthought。

"Anumberofbeautifulthingsarenotintense。"

"Butdelicacy，forexample，maybeintenselyperceived。"

"Butwhyisonefacebeautifulandanothernot？"objectedAnnVeronica；"onyourtheoryanytwofacessidebysideinthesunlightoughttobeequallybeautiful。Onemustgetthemwithexactlythesameintensity。"

Hedidnotagreewiththat。"Idon’tmeansimplyintensityofsensation。Isaidintensityofperception。Youmayperceiveharmony，proportion，rhythm，intensely。Theyarethingsfaintandslightinthemselves，asphysicalfacts，buttheyarelikethedetonatorofabomb:theyletloosetheexplosive。There’stheinternalfactoraswellastheexternal……Idon’tknowifIexpressmyselfclearly。Imeanthatthepointisthatvividnessofperceptionistheessentialfactorofbeauty；but，ofcourse，vividnessmaybecreatedbyawhisper。"

"Thatbringsusback，"saidAnnVeronica，"tothemystery。Whyshouldsomethingsandnotothersopenthedeeps？"

"Well，thatmight，afterall，beanoutcomeofselection——likethepreferenceforblueflowers，whicharenotnearlysobrightasyellow，ofsomeinsects。"

"Thatdoesn’texplainsunsets。"

"Notquitesoeasilyasitexplainsaninsectalightingoncoloredpaper。Butperhapsifpeopledidn’tlikeclear，bright，healthyeyes——whichisbiologicallyunderstandable——theycouldn’tlikepreciousstones。Onethingmaybeanecessarycollateraloftheothers。And，afterall，afineclearskyofbrightcolorsisthesignaltocomeoutofhidingandrejoiceandgoonwithlife。"

"H’m！"saidAnnVeronica，andshookherhead。

Capessmiledcheerfullywithhiseyesmeetinghers。"Ithrowitoutinpassing，"hesaid。"WhatIamafteristhatbeautyisn’taspecialinsertedsortofthing；that’smyidea。It’sjustlife，purelife，lifenascent，runningclearandstrong。"

Hestooduptogoontothenextstudent。

"There’smorbidbeauty，"saidAnnVeronica。

"Iwonderifthereis！"saidCapes，andpaused，andthenbentdownovertheboywhoworehishairlikeRussell。

AnnVeronicasurveyedhisslopingbackforamoment，andthendrewhermicroscopetowardher。Thenforatimeshesatverystill。Shefeltthatshehadpassedadifficultcorner，andthatnowshecouldgoontalkingwithhimagain，justasshehadbeenusedtodobeforesheunderstoodwhatwasthematterwithher……

Shehadoneidea，shefound，veryclearinhermind——thatshewouldgetaResearchScholarship，andsocontriveanotheryearinthelaboratory。

"NowIseewhateverythingmeans，"saidAnnVeronicatoherself；

anditreallyfeltforsomedaysasthoughthesecretoftheuniverse，thathadbeenwrappedandhiddenfromhersoobstinately，wasatlastaltogetherdisplayed。

CHAPTERTHENINTH

DISCORDS

Part1

Oneafternoon，soonafterAnnVeronica’sgreatdiscovery，atelegramcameintothelaboratoryforher。Itran:——

|Bored|and|nothing|to|do|

|——|——|——|——|——|

|will|you|dine|with|me|

|——|——|——|——|——|

|to-night|somewhere|and|talk|I|

|——|——|——|——|——|

|shall|be|grateful|Ramage||——

AnnVeronicawasratherpleasedbythis。ShehadnotseenRamagefortenorelevendays，andshewasquitereadyforagossipwithhim。Andnowhermindwassofullofthethoughtthatshewasinlove——inlove！——thatmarvellousstate！thatIreallybelieveshehadsomedimideaoftalkingtohimaboutit。Atanyrate，itwouldbegoodtohearhimsayingthesortofthingshedid——perhapsnowshewouldgraspthembetter——withthisworld——shakingsecretbrandishingitselfaboutinsideherheadwithinayardofhim。

ShewassorrytofindRamagealittledisposedtobemelancholy。

"Ihavemadeoversevenhundredpoundsinthelastweek，"hesaid。

"That’sexhilarating，"saidAnnVeronica。

"Notabitofit，"hesaid；"it’sonlyascoreinagame。"

"It’sascoreyoucanbuyallsortsofthingswith。"

"Nothingthatonewants。"

Heturnedtothewaiter，whoheldawine-card。"Nothingcancheerme，"hesaid，"exceptchampagne。"Hemeditated。"This，"hesaid，andthen:"No！Isthissweeter？Verywell。"

"Everythinggoeswellwithme，"hesaid，foldinghisarmsunderhimandregardingAnnVeronicawiththeslightlyprojectingeyeswideopen。"AndI’mnothappy。IbelieveI’minlove。"

Heleanedbackforhissoup。

Presentlyheresumed:"IbelieveImustbeinlove。"

"Youcan’tbethat，"saidAnnVeronica，wisely。

"Howdoyouknow？"

"Well，itisn’texactlyadepressingstate，isit？"

"YOUdon’tknow。"

"Onehastheories，"saidAnnVeronica，radiantly。

"Oh，theories！Beinginloveisafact。"

"Itoughttomakeonehappy。"

"It’sanunrest——alonging——What’sthat？"Thewaiterhadintervened。"Parmesan——takeitaway！"

HeglancedatAnnVeronica’sface，anditseemedtohimthatshereallywasexceptionallyradiant。Hewonderedwhyshethoughtlovemadepeoplehappy，andbegantotalkofthesmilaxandpinksthatadornedthetable。Hefilledherglasswithchampagne。

"YouMUST，"hesaid，"becauseofmydepression。"

Theywereeatingquailswhentheyreturnedtothetopicoflove。

"Whatmadeyouthink"hesaid，abruptly，withthegleamofavidityinhisface，"thatlovemakespeoplehappy？"

"Iknowitmust。"

"Buthow？"

Hewas，shethought，alittletooinsistent。"Womenknowthesethingsbyinstinct，"sheanswered。

"Iwonder，"hesaid，"ifwomendoknowthingsbyinstinct？I

havemydoubtsaboutfeminineinstinct。It’soneofourconventionalsuperstitions。Awomanissupposedtoknowwhenamanisinlovewithher。Doyouthinkshedoes？"

AnnVeronicapickedamonghersaladwithajudicialexpressionofface。"Ithinkshewould，"shedecided。

"Ah！"saidRamage，impressively。

AnnVeronicalookedupathimandfoundhimregardingherwitheyesthatwerealmostwoebegone，andintowhich，indeed，hewastryingtothrowmuchmoreexpressionthantheycouldcarry。

Therewasalittlepausebetweenthem，fullforAnnVeronicaofrapidelusivesuspicionsandintimations。

"Perhapsonetalksnonsenseaboutawoman’sinstinct，"shesaid。

"It’sawayofavoidingexplanations。Andgirlsandwomen，perhaps，aredifferent。Idon’tknow。Idon’tsupposeagirlcantellifamanisinlovewithherornotinlovewithher。"

HermindwentofftoCapes。Herthoughtstookwordsforthemselves。"Shecan’t。Isupposeitdependsonherownstateofmind。Ifonewantsathingverymuch，perhapsoneisinclinedtothinkonecan’thaveit。Isupposeifoneweretolovesomeone，onewouldfeeldoubtful。Andifoneweretolovesomeoneverymuch，it’sjustsothatonewouldbeblindest，justwhenonewantedmosttosee。"

Shestoppedabruptly，afraidthatRamagemightbeabletoinferCapesfromthethingsshehadsaid，andindeedhisfacewasveryeager。

"Yes？"hesaid。

AnnVeronicablushed。"That’sall，"shesaid"I’mafraidI’malittleconfusedaboutthesethings。"

Ramagelookedather，andthenfellintodeepreflectionasthewaitercametoparagraphtheirtalkagain。

"Haveyoueverbeentotheopera，AnnVeronica？"saidRamage。

"Onceortwice。"

"Shallwegonow？"

"IthinkIwouldliketolistentomusic。Whatisthere？"

"Tristan。"

"I’veneverheardTristanandIsolde。"

"Thatsettlesit。We’llgo。There’ssuretobeaplacesomewhere。"

"It’sratherjollyofyou，"saidAnnVeronica。

"It’sjollyofyoutocome，"saidRamage。

Sopresentlytheygotintoahansomtogether，andAnnVeronicasatbackfeelingveryluxuriousandpleasant，andlookedatthelightandstirandmistyglitterofthestreettrafficfromunderslightlydroopingeyelids，whileRamagesatclosertoherthanheneedhavedone，andglancedeverandagainatherface，andmadetospeakandsaidnothing。AndwhentheygottoCoventGardenRamagesecuredoneofthelittleupperboxes，andtheycameintoitastheoverturebegan。

AnnVeronicatookoffherjacketandsatdowninthecornerchair，andleanedforwardtolookintothegreathazywarmbrowncavityofthehouse，andRamageplacedhischairtositbesideherandnearher，facingthestage。Themusictookholdofherslowlyashereyeswanderedfromtheindistinctstillranksoftheaudiencetothelittlebusyorchestrawithitsquiveringviolins，itsmethodicalmovementsofbrownandsilverinstruments，itsbrightlylitscoresandshadedlights。Shehadneverbeentotheoperabeforeexceptasoneofacongestedmassofpeopleinthecheaperseats，andwithbacksandheadsandwomen’shatsfortheframeofthespectacle；therewasbycontrastafinelargesenseofspaceandeaseinherpresentposition。ThecurtainroseoutoftheconcludingbarsoftheovertureandrevealedIsoldeontheprowofthebarbaricship。

Thevoiceoftheyoungseamancamefloatingdownfromthemasthead，andthestoryoftheimmortallovershadbegun。Sheknewthestoryonlyimperfectly，andfolloweditnowwithapassionateanddeepeninginterest。Thesplendidvoicessangonfromphasetophaseoflove’sunfolding，theshipdroveacrosstheseatothebeatingrhythmoftherowers。Theloversbrokeintopassionateknowledgeofthemselvesandeachother，andthen，ajarringintervention，cameKingMarkamidsttheshoutsofthesailormen，andstoodbesidethem。

Thecurtaincamefestooningslowlydown，themusicceased，thelightsintheauditoriumglowedout，andAnnVeronicawokeoutofherconfuseddreamofinvoluntaryandcommandingloveinagloryofsoundandcolorstodiscoverthatRamagewassittingclosebesideherwithonehandrestinglightlyonherwaist。Shemadeaquickmovement，andthehandfellaway。

"ByGod！AnnVeronica，"hesaid，sighingdeeply。"Thisstirsone。"

Shesatquitestilllookingathim。

"IwishyouandIhaddrunkthatlovepotion，"hesaid。

Shefoundnoreadyreplytothat，andhewenton:"Thismusicisthefoodoflove。Itmakesmedesirelifebeyondmeasure。Life！

Lifeandlove！Itmakesmewanttobealwaysyoung，alwaysstrong，alwaysdevotingmylife——anddyingsplendidly。"

"Itisverybeautiful，"saidAnnVeronicainalowtone。

Theysaidnomoreforamoment，andeachwasnowacutelyawareoftheother。AnnVeronicawasexcitedandpuzzled，withasenseofastrangeanddisconcertingnewlightbreakingoverherrelationswithRamage。Shehadneverthoughtofhimatallinthatwaybefore。Itdidnotshockher；itamazedher，interestedherbeyondmeasure。Butalsothismustnotgoon。Shefelthewasgoingtosaysomethingmore——somethingstillmorepersonalandintimate。Shewascurious，andatthesametimeclearlyresolvedshemustnothearit。Shefeltshemustgethimtalkinguponsomeimpersonalthemeatanycost。Shesnatchedaboutinhermind。

"Whatistheexactforceofamotif？"sheaskedatrandom。

"BeforeIheardmuchWagnerianmusicIheardenthusiasticdescriptionsofitfromamistressIdidn’tlikeatschool。Shegavemeanimpressionofasortofpatchedquilt；littlebitsofpatternedstuffcomingupagainandagain。"

Shestoppedwithanairofinterrogation。

Ramagelookedatherforalonganddiscriminatingintervalwithoutspeaking。Heseemedtobehesitatingbetweentwocoursesofaction。"Idon’tknowmuchaboutthetechniqueofmusic，"hesaidatlast，withhiseyesuponher。"It’samatteroffeelingwithme。"

Hecontradictedhimselfbyplungingintoanexpositionofmotifs。

Byatacitagreementtheyignoredthesignificantthingbetweenthem，ignoredtheslippingawayofthegroundonwhichtheyhadstoodtogetherhitherto……

Allthroughthelovemusicofthesecondact，untilthehuntinghornsofMarkbreakinuponthedream，AnnVeronica’sconsciousnesswasfloodedwiththeperceptionofamanclosebesideher，preparingsomenewthingtosaytoher，preparing，perhaps，totouchher，stretchinghungryinvisibletentaclesabouther。Shetriedtothinkwhatsheshoulddointhiseventualityorthat。HermindhadbeenandwasfullofthethoughtofCapes，ahugegeneralizedCapes-lover。Andinsomeincomprehensibleway，RamagewasconfusedwithCapes；shehadagrotesquedispositiontopersuadeherselfthatthiswasreallyCapeswhosurroundedher，asitwere，withwingsofdesire。Thefactthatitwashertrustedfriendmakingillicitlovetoherremained，inspiteofallhereffort，aninsignificantthinginhermind。Themusicconfusedanddistractedher，andmadeherstruggleagainstafeelingofintoxication。Herheadswam。Thatwastheinconvenienceofit；herheadwasswimming。Themusicthrobbedintothewarningsthatprecededtheking’sirruption。

Abruptlyhegrippedherwrist。"Iloveyou，AnnVeronica。I

loveyou——withallmyheartandsoul。"

Sheputherfaceclosertohis。Shefeltthewarmnearnessofhis。"DON’T！"shesaid，andwrenchedherwristfromhisretaininghand。

"MyGod！AnnVeronica，"hesaid，strugglingtokeephisholduponher；"myGod！Tellme——tellmenow——tellmeyouloveme！"

Hisexpressionwasasitwererapaciouslyfurtive。Sheansweredinwhispers，fortherewasthewhitearmofawomaninthenextboxpeepingbeyondthepartitionwithinayardofhim。

"Myhand！Thisisn’ttheplace。"

Hereleasedherhandandtalkedineagerundertonesagainstanauditorybackgroundofurgencyanddistress。

"AnnVeronica，"hesaid，"Itellyouthisislove。Ilovethesolesofyourfeet。Iloveyourverybreath。Ihavetriednottotellyou——triedtobesimplyyourfriend。Itisnogood。Iwantyou。Iworshipyou。Iwoulddoanything——Iwouldgiveanythingtomakeyoumine……Doyouhearme？DoyouhearwhatIamsaying？……Love！"

Heheldherarmandabandoneditagainatherquickdefensivemovement。Foralongtimeneitherspokeagain。

Shesatdrawntogetherinherchairinthecornerofthebox，atalosswhattosayordo——afraid，curious，perplexed。Itseemedtoherthatitwasherdutytogetupandclamortogohometoherroom，toprotestagainsthisadvancesasaninsult。Butshedidnotintheleastwanttodothat。Thesesweepingdignitieswerenotwithinthecompassofherwill；sherememberedshelikedRamage，andowedthingstohim，andshewasinterested——shewasprofoundlyinterested。Hewasinlovewithher！Shetriedtograspallthewelterofvaluesinthesituationsimultaneously，anddrawsomeconclusionfromtheirdisorder。

Hebegantotalkagaininquickundertonesthatshecouldnotclearlyhear。

"Ihavelovedyou，"hewassaying，"eversinceyousatonthatgateandtalked。Ihavealwayslovedyou。Idon’tcarewhatdividesus。Idon’tcarewhatelsethereisintheworld。I

wantyoubeyondmeasureorreckoning……"

HisvoiceroseandfellamidstthemusicandthesingingofTristanandKingMark，likeavoiceheardinabadlyconnectedtelephone。Shestaredathispleadingface。

Sheturnedtothestage，andTristanwaswoundedinKurvenal’sarms，withIsoldeathisfeet，andKingMark，theincarnationofmasculineforceandobligation，themasculinecreditorofloveandbeauty，stoodoverhim，andthesecondclimaxwasendinginwreathsandreekofmelodies；andthenthecurtainwascomingdowninaseriesofshortrushes，themusichadended，andthepeoplewerestirringandbreakingoutintoapplause，andthelightsoftheauditoriumwereresuming。Thelighting-uppiercedtheobscurityofthebox，andRamagestoppedhisurgentflowofwordsabruptlyandsatback。ThishelpedtorestoreAnnVeronica’sself-command。

Sheturnedhereyestohimagain，andsawherlatefriendandpleasantandtrustedcompanion，whohadseenfitsuddenlytochangeintoalover，babblinginterestinginacceptablethings。

Helookedeagerandflushedandtroubled。Hiseyescaughtatherswithpassionateinquiries。"Tellme，"hesaid；"speaktome。"Sherealizeditwaspossibletobesorryforhim——acutelysorryforthesituation。Ofcoursethisthingwasabsolutelyimpossible。Butshewasdisturbed，mysteriouslydisturbed。Sherememberedabruptlythatshewasreallylivinguponhismoney。

Sheleanedforwardandaddressedhim。

"Mr。Ramage，"shesaid，"pleasedon’ttalklikethis。"

Hemadetospeakanddidnot。

"Idon’twantyoutodoit，togoontalkingtome。Idon’twanttohearyou。IfIhadknownthatyouhadmeanttotalklikethisIwouldn’thavecomehere。"

"ButhowcanIhelpit？HowcanIkeepsilence？"

"Please！"sheinsisted。"Pleasenotnow。"

"IMUSTtalkwithyou。ImustsaywhatIhavetosay！"

"Butnotnow——nothere。"

"Itcame，"hesaid。"Ineverplannedit——AndnowIhavebegun——"

Shefeltacutelythathewasentitledtoexplanations，andasacutelythatexplanationswereimpossiblethatnight。Shewantedtothink。

"Mr。Ramage，"shesaid，"Ican’t——Notnow。Willyouplease——

Notnow，orImustgo。"

Hestaredather，tryingtoguessatthemysteryofherthoughts。

"Youdon’twanttogo？"

"No。ButImust——Iought——"

"IMUSTtalkaboutthis。IndeedImust。"

"Notnow。"

"ButIloveyou。Iloveyou——unendurably。"

"Thendon’ttalktomenow。Idon’twantyoutotalktomenow。

Thereisaplace——Thisisn’ttheplace。Youhavemisunderstood。

Ican’texplain——"

Theyregardedoneanother，eachblindedtotheother。"Forgiveme，"hedecidedtosayatlast，andhisvoicehadalittlequiverofemotion，andhelaidhishandonhersuponherknee。"Iamthemostfoolishofmen。Iwasstupid——stupidandimpulsivebeyondmeasuretoburstuponyouinthisway。I——Iamalove-

sickidiot，andnotaccountableformyactions。Willyouforgiveme——ifIsaynomore？"

Shelookedathimwithperplexed，earnesteyes。

"Pretend，"hesaid，"thatallIhavesaidhasn’tbeensaid。Andletusgoonwithourevening。Whynot？ImagineI’vehadafitofhysteria——andthatI’vecomeround。"

"Yes，"shesaid，andabruptlyshelikedhimenormously。Shefeltthiswasthesensiblewayoutofthisoddlysinistersituation。

Hestillwatchedherandquestionedher。

"Andletushaveatalkaboutthis——someothertime。Somewhere，wherewecantalkwithoutinterruption。Willyou？"

Shethought，anditseemedtohimshehadneverlookedsoself-disciplinedanddeliberateandbeautiful。"Yes，"shesaid，"thatiswhatweoughttodo。"Butnowshedoubtedagainofthequalityofthearmisticetheyhadjustmade。

Hehadawildimpulsetoshout。"Agreed，"hesaidwithqueerexaltation，andhisgriptightenedonherhand。"Andto-nightwearefriends？"

"Wearefriends，"saidAnnVeronica，anddrewherhandquicklyawayfromhim。

"To-nightweareaswehavealwaysbeen。Exceptthatthismusicwehavebeenswimminginisdivine。WhileIhavebeenpesteringyou，haveyouheardit？Atleast，youheardthefirstact。Andallthethirdactislove-sickmusic。TristandyingandIsoldecomingtocrownhisdeath。Wagnerhadjustbeeninlovewhenhewroteitall。Itbeginswiththatqueerpiccolosolo。NowI

shallneverhearitbutwhatthiseveningwillcomepouringbackoverme。"

Thelightssank，thepreludetothethirdactwasbeginning，themusicroseandfellincrowdedintimationsofloversseparated——loversseparatedwithscarsandmemoriesbetweenthem，andthecurtainwentreefinguptodisplayTristanlyingwoundedonhiscouchandtheshepherdcrouchingwithhispipe。

Part2

Theyhadtheirexplanationsthenextevening，buttheywereexplanationsinquiteothertermsthanAnnVeronicahadanticipated，quiteotherandmuchmorestartlingandilluminatingterms。Ramagecameforheratherlodgings，andshemethimgraciouslyandkindlyasaqueenwhoknowsshemustneedsgivesorrowtoafaithfulliege。Shewasunusuallysoftandgentleinhermannertohim。Hewaswearinganewsilkhat，withaslightlymoregenerousbrimthanitspredecessor，anditsuitedhistypeofface，robbedhisdarkeyesalittleoftheiraggressivenessandgavehimasolidanddignifiedandbenevolentair。Afaintanticipationoftriumphshowedinhismannerandasubduedexcitement。

"We’llgotoaplacewherewecanhaveaprivateroom，"hesaid。

"Then——thenwecantalkthingsout。"

SotheywentthistimetotheRococo，inGermainStreet，andup-stairstoalandinguponwhichstoodabald-headedwaiterwithwhiskerslikeaFrenchadmiralanddiscretionbeyondalllimitsinhismanner。Heseemedtohaveexpectedthem。Heusheredthemwithanamiableflathandintoaminuteapartmentwithalittlegas-stove，asilkcrimson-coveredsofa，andabrightlittletable，gaywithnaperyandhot-houseflowers。

"Oddlittleroom，"saidAnnVeronica，dimlyapprehendingthatobtrusivesofa。

"Onecantalkwithoutundertones，sotospeak，"saidRamage。

"It’s——private。"Hestoodlookingatthepreparationsbeforethemwithanunusualpreoccupationofmanner，thenrousedhimselftotakeherjacket，alittleawkwardly，andhandittothewaiterwhohungitinthecorneroftheroom。Itappearedhehadalreadyordereddinnerandwine，andthewhiskeredwaiterwavedinhissubordinatewiththesoupforthwith。

"I’mgoingtotalkofindifferentthemes，"saidRamage，alittlefussily，"untiltheseinterruptionsoftheserviceareover。

Then——thenweshallbetogether……HowdidyoulikeTristan？"

AnnVeronicapausedthefractionofasecondbeforeherreplycame。

"Ithoughtmuchofitamazinglybeautiful。"

"Isn’tit。Andtothinkthatmangotitalloutofthepoorestlittlelove-storyforarespectabletitledlady！Haveyoureadofit？"

"Never。"

"Itgivesinanutshellthemiracleofartandtheimagination。

Yougetthisqueerirasciblemusicianquiteimpossiblyandunfortunatelyinlovewithawealthypatroness，andthenoutofhisbraincomesTHIS，atapestryofgloriousmusic，settingoutlovetolovers，loverswholoveinspiteofallthatiswiseandrespectableandright。"

AnnVeronicathought。Shedidnotwanttoseemtoshrinkfromconversation，butallsortsofoddquestionswererunningthroughhermind。"Iwonderwhypeopleinlovearesodefiant，socarelessofotherconsiderations？"

"Theveryharesgrowbrave。IsupposebecauseitISthechiefthinginlife。"Hestoppedandsaidearnestly:"Itisthechiefthinginlife，andeverythingelsegoesdownbeforeit。

Everything，mydear，everything！……ButwehavegottotalkuponindifferentthemesuntilwehavedonewiththisblondyounggentlemanfromBavaria……"

Thedinnercametoanendatlast，andthewhiskeredwaiterpresentedhisbillandevacuatedtheapartmentandclosedthedoorbehindhimwithanalmostostentatiousdiscretion。Ramagestoodup，andsuddenlyturnedthekeyinthedoorinanoff-handmanner。"Now，"hesaid，"noonecanblunderinuponus。Wearealoneandwecansayanddowhatweplease。Wetwo。"Hestoodstill，lookingather。

AnnVeronicatriedtoseemabsolutelyunconcerned。Theturningofthekeystartledher，butshedidnotseehowshecouldmakeanobjection。Shefeltshehadsteppedintoaworldofunknownusages。

"Ihavewaitedforthis，"hesaid，andstoodquitestill，lookingatheruntilthesilencebecameoppressive。

"Won’tyousitdown，"shesaid，"andtellmewhatyouwanttosay？"Hervoicewasflatandfaint。Suddenlyshehadbecomeafraid。Shestrugglednottobeafraid。Afterall，whatcouldhappen？

Hewaslookingatherveryhardandearnestly。"AnnVeronica，"hesaid。

Thenbeforeshecouldsayawordtoarresthimhewasatherside。"Don’t！"shesaid，weakly，ashehadbentdownandputonearmaboutherandseizedherhandswithhisdisengagedhandandkissedher——kissedheralmostuponherlips。Heseemedtodotenthingsbeforeshecouldthinktodoone，toleapuponherandtakepossession。

AnnVeronica’suniverse，whichhadneverbeenaltogethersorespectfultoherasshecouldhavewished，gaveashoutandwhirledheadoverheels。Everythingintheworldhadchangedforher。Ifhatecouldkill，Ramagewouldhavebeenkilledbyaflashofhate。"Mr。Ramage！"shecried，andstruggledtoherfeet。

"Mydarling！"hesaid，claspingherresolutelyinhisarms，"mydearest！"

"Mr。Ramage！"shebegan，andhismouthsealedhersandhisbreathwasmixedwithherbreath。Hereyemethisfourinchesaway，andhiswasglaring，immense，andfullofresolution，astupendousmonsterofaneye。

Sheshutherlipshard，herjawhardened，andshesetherselftostrugglewithhim。Shewrenchedherheadawayfromhisgripandgotherarmbetweenhischestandhers。Theybegantowrestlefiercely。Eachbecamefrightfullyawareoftheotherasaplasticenergeticbody，ofthestrongmusclesofneckagainstcheek，ofhandsgrippingshoulder-bladeandwaist。"Howdareyou！"shepanted，withherworldscreamingandgrimacinginsultather。"Howdareyou！"

Theywerebothastonishedattheother’sstrength。PerhapsRamagewasthemoreastonished。AnnVeronicahadbeenanardenthockeyplayerandhadhadacourseofjiu-jitsuintheHighSchool。Herdefenceceasedrapidlytobeinanysenseladylike，andbecamevigorousandeffective；astrandofblackhairthathadescapeditshairpinscameathwartRamage’seyes，andthentheknucklesofasmallbutveryhardlyclinchedfisthadthrustitselfwithextremeeffectivenessandpainfulnessunderhisjawboneandear。

"Letgo！"saidAnnVeronica，throughherteeth，strenuouslyinflictingagony，andhecriedoutsharplyandletgoandrecededapace。

"NOW！"saidAnnVeronica。"Whydidyoudaretodothat？"

Part3

Eachofthemstaredattheother，setinauniversethathadchangeditssystemofvalueswithkaleidoscopiccompleteness。

Shewasflushed，andhereyeswerebrightandangry；herbreathcamesobbing，andherhairwasallabroadinwanderingstrandsofblack。Hetoowasflushedandruffled；onesideofhiscollarhadslippedfromitsstudandheheldahandtothecornerofhisjaw。

"Youvixen！"saidMr。Ramage，speakingthesimplestfirstthoughtofhisheart。

"Youhadnoright——"pantedAnnVeronica。

"Whyonearth，"heasked，"didyouhurtmelikethat？"

AnnVeronicadidherbesttothinkshehadnotdeliberatelyattemptedtocausehimpain。Sheignoredhisquestion。

"Ineverdreamt！"shesaid。

"Whatonearthdidyouexpectmetodo，then？"heasked。

Part4

Interpretationcamepouringdownuponheralmostblindingly；sheunderstoodnowtheroom，thewaiter，thewholesituation。Sheunderstood。Sheleapedtoaworldofshabbyknowledge，offurtivebaserealizations。Shewantedtocryoutuponherselffortheuttermostfoolinexistence。

"Ithoughtyouwantedtohaveatalktome，"shesaid。

"Iwantedtomakelovetoyou。

"Youknewit，"headded，inhermomentarysilence。

"Yousaidyouwereinlovewithme，"saidAnnVeronica；"Iwantedtoexplain——"

"IsaidIlovedandwantedyou。"Thebrutalityofhisfirstastonishmentwasevaporating。"Iaminlovewithyou。YouknowIaminlovewithyou。Andthenyougo——andhalfthrottleme……Ibelieveyou’vecrushedaglandorsomething。Itfeelslikeit。"

"Iamsorry，"saidAnnVeronica。"WhatelsewasItodo？"

Forsomesecondsshestoodwatchinghim。andbothwerethinkingveryquickly。Herstateofmindwouldhaveseemedaltogetherdiscreditabletohergrandmother。Sheoughttohavebeendisposedtofaintandscreamatallthesehappenings；sheoughttohavemaintainedafrontofoutrageddignitytoveilthesinkingofherheart。Iwouldliketohavetotellitso。Butindeedthatisnotatallagooddescriptionofherattitude。Shewasanindignantqueen，nodoubtshewasalarmedanddisgustedwithinlimits；butshewashighlyexcited，andtherewassomething，somelowadventurousstraininherbeing，someelement，subtleatleastifbase，goingabouttheriotingwaysandcrowdedinsurgentmeeting-placesofherminddeclaringthatthewholeaffairwasafterall——theyaretheonlywordsthatexpressit——averygreatlarkindeed。AtthebottomofherheartshewasnotabitafraidofRamage。Shehadunaccountablegleamsofsympathywithandlikingforhim。Andthegrotesquestfactwasthatshedidnotsomuchloathe，asexperiencewithaquitecriticalcondemnationthisstrangesensationofbeingkissed。Neverbeforehadanyhumanbeingkissedherlips……

Itwasonlysomehoursafterthattheseambiguouselementsevaporatedandvanishedandloathingcame，andshereallybegantobethoroughlysickandashamedofthewholedisgracefulquarrelandscuffle。

He，forhispart，wastryingtograsptheseriesofunexpectedreactionsthathadsowreckedtheirtete-a-tete。Hehadmeanttobemasterofhisfatethateveningandithadescapedhimaltogether。Ithad，asitwere，blownupattheconcussionofhisfirststep。ItdawneduponhimthathehadbeenabominablyusedbyAnnVeronica。

"Lookhere，"hesaid，"Ibroughtyouheretomakelovetoyou。"

"Ididn’tunderstand——yourideaofmakinglove。Youhadbetterletmegoagain。"

"Notyet，"hesaid。"Idoloveyou。Iloveyouallthemoreforthestreakofsheerdevilinyou……Youarethemostbeautiful，themostdesirablethingIhaveevermetinthisworld。Itwasgoodtokissyou，evenattheprice。But，byJove！youarefierce！YouarelikethoseRomanwomenwhocarrystilettosintheirhair。"

"Icameheretotalkreasonably，Mr。Ramage。Itisabominable——"

"Whatistheuseofkeepingupthisnoteofindignation，AnnVeronica？HereIam！Iamyourlover，burningforyou。Imeantohaveyou！Don’tfrownmeoffnow。Don’tgobackintoVictorianrespectabilityandpretendyoudon’tknowandyoucan’tthinkandalltherestofit。Onecomesatlasttothestepfromdreamstoreality。Thisisyourmoment。NoonewilleverloveyouasIloveyounow。Ihavebeendreamingofyourbodyandyounightafternight。Ihavebeenimaging——"

"Mr。Ramage，Icamehere——Ididn’tsupposeforonemomentyouwoulddare——"

"Nonsense！Thatisyourmistake！Youaretoointellectual。Youwanttodoeverythingwithyourmind。Youareafraidofkisses。

Youareafraidofthewarmthinyourblood。It’sjustbecauseallthatsideofyourlifehasn’tfairlybegun。"

Hemadeasteptowardher。

"Mr。Ramage，"shesaid，sharply，"Ihavetomakeitplaintoyou。

Idon’tthinkyouunderstand。Idon’tloveyou。Idon’t。I

can’tloveyou。Ilovesomeoneelse。Itisrepulsive。Itdisgustsmethatyoushouldtouchme。"

Hestaredinamazementatthisnewaspectofthesituation。"Youlovesomeoneelse？"herepeated。

"Ilovesomeoneelse。Icouldnotdreamoflovingyou。"

Andthenheflashedhiswholeconceptionoftherelationsofmenandwomenuponherinoneastonishingquestion。Hishandwentwithanalmostinstinctiveinquirytohisjawboneagain。"Thenwhythedevil，"hedemanded，"doyouletmestandyoudinnersandtheopera——andwhydoyoucometoacabinetparticulierwithme？"

Hebecameradiantwithanger。"Youmeantotellme"hesaid，"thatyouhavealover？WhileIhavebeenkeepingyou！

Yes——keepingyou！"

Thisviewoflifehehurledatherasifitwereanoffensivemissile。Itstunnedher。Shefeltshemustflybeforeitandcouldnolongerdoso。Shedidnotthinkforonemomentwhatinterpretationhemightputupontheword"lover。"

"Mr。Ramage，"shesaid，clingingtoheronepoint，"Iwanttogetoutofthishorriblelittleroom。Ithasallbeenamistake。I

havebeenstupidandfoolish。Willyouunlockthatdoor？"

"Never！"hesaid。"Confoundyourlover！Lookhere！DoyoureallythinkIamgoingtorunyouwhilehemakeslovetoyou？

Nofear！Ineverheardofanythingsocool。Ifhewantsyou，lethimgetyou。You’remine。I’vepaidforyouandhelpedyou，andI’mgoingtoconqueryousomehow——ifIhavetobreakyoutodoit。Hithertoyou’veseenonlymyeasy，kindlyside。Butnowconfoundit！howcanyoupreventit？Iwillkissyou。"

"Youwon’t！"saidAnnVeronica；withtheclearestnoteofdetermination。

Heseemedtobeabouttomovetowardher。Shesteppedbackquickly，andherhandknockedawine-glassfromthetabletosmashnoisilyonthefloor。Shecaughtattheidea。"Ifyoucomeastepnearertome，"shesaid，"Iwillsmasheveryglassonthistable。"

"Then，byGod！"hesaid，"you’llbelockedup！"

AnnVeronicawasdisconcertedforamoment。Shehadavisionofpolicemen，reprovingmagistrates，acrowdedcourt，publicdisgrace。Shesawherauntintears，herfatherwhite-facedandhardhit。"Don’tcomenearer！"shesaid。

Therewasadiscreetknockingatthedoor，andRamage’sfacechanged。

"No，"shesaid，underherbreath，"youcan’tfaceit。"Andsheknewthatshewassafe。

Hewenttothedoor。"It’sallright，"hesaid，reassuringlytotheinquirerwithout。

AnnVeronicaglancedatthemirrortodiscoveraflushedanddishevelleddisorder。Shebeganatonceahastyreadjustmentofherhair，whileRamageparleyedwithinaudibleinterrogations。

"Aglassslippedfromthetable，"heexplained……"Non。Fasdutout。Non……Niente……Bitte！……Oui，danslanote……Presently。Presently。"Thatconversationendedandheturnedtoheragain。

"Iamgoing，"shesaidgrimly，withthreehairpinsinhermouth。

Shetookherhatfromthepeginthecornerandbegantoputiton。Heregardedthatperennialmiracleofpinningwithwrathfuleyes。

"Lookhere，AnnVeronica，"hebegan。"Iwantaplainwordwithyouaboutallthis。Doyoumeantotellmeyoudidn’tunderstandwhyIwantedyoutocomehere？"

"Notabitofit，"saidAnnVeronicastoutly。

"Youdidn’texpectthatIshouldkissyou？"

"HowwasItoknowthatamanwould——wouldthinkitwaspossible——whentherewasnothing——nolove？"

"HowdidIknowtherewasn’tlove？"

Thatsilencedherforamoment。"Andwhatonearth，"hesaid，"doyouthinktheworldismadeof？WhydoyouthinkIhavebeendoingthingsforyou？Theabstractpleasureofgoodness？Areyouoneofthemembersofthatgreatwhitesisterhoodthattakesanddoesnotgive？Thegoodacceptingwoman！Doyoureallysupposeagirlisentitledtoliveatfreequartersonanymanshemeetswithoutgivinganyreturn？"

"Ithought，"saidAnnVeronica，"youweremyfriend。"

"Friend！Whathaveamanandagirlincommontomakethemfriends？Askthatloverofyours！Andevenwithfriends，wouldyouhaveitallGiveononesideandallTakeontheother？……

DoesHEknowIkeepyou？……Youwon’thaveaman’slipsnearyou，butyou’lleatoutofhishandfastenough。"

AnnVeronicawasstungtohelplessanger。

"Mr。Ramage，"shecried，"youareoutrageous！Youunderstandnothing。Youare——horrible。Willyouletmegooutofthisroom？"

"No，"criedRamage；"hearmeout！I’llhavethatsatisfaction，anyhow。Youwomen，withyourtricksofevasion，you’reasexofswindlers。Youhavealltheinstinctivedexterityofparasites。

Youmakeyourselfcharmingforhelp。Youclimbbydisappointingmen。Thisloverofyours——"

"Hedoesn’tknow！"criedAnnVeronica。

"Well，youknow。"

AnnVeronicacouldhaveweptwithvexation。Indeed，anoteofweepingbrokehervoiceforamomentassheburstout，"YouknowaswellasIdothatmoneywasaloan！"

"Loan！"

"Youyourselfcalleditaloan！"

"Euphuism。Webothunderstoodthat。"

"Youshallhaveeverypennyofitback。"

"I’llframeit——whenIgetit。"

"I’llpayyouifIhavetoworkatshirt-makingatthreepenceanhour。"

"You’llneverpayme。Youthinkyouwill。It’syourwayofglossingovertheethicalposition。It’sthesortofwayawomanalwaysdoesglossoverherethicalpositions。You’realldependents——allofyou。Byinstinct。Onlyyougoodones——shirk。

Youshirkastraightforwardanddecentreturnforwhatyougetfromus——takingrefugeinpurityanddelicacyandsuch-likewhenitcomestopayment。"

"Mr。Ramage，"saidAnnVeronica，"Iwanttogo——NOW！"

Part5

Butshedidnotgetawayjustthen。

Ramage’sbitternesspassedasabruptlyashisaggression。"Oh，AnnVeronica！"hecried，"Icannotletyougolikethis！Youdon’tunderstand。Youcan’tpossiblyunderstand！"

Hebeganaconfusedexplanation，aperplexingcontradictoryapologyforhisurgencyandwrath。HelovedAnnVeronica，hesaid；hewassomadtohaveherthathedefeatedhimself，anddidcrudeandalarmingandsenselessthings。Hisviciousabusivenessvanished。Hesuddenlybecameeloquentandplausible。Hedidmakeherperceivesomethingoftheacute，tormentingdesireforherthathadariseninhimandpossessedhim。Shestood，asitwere，directeddoorward，withhereyeswatchingeverymovement，listeningtohim，repelledbyhimandyetdimlyunderstanding。

Atanyratehemadeitveryclearthatnightthattherewasanineradicablediscordinlife，ajarringsomethingthatmustshatterallherdreamsofawayoflivingforwomenthatwouldenablethemtobefreeandspaciousandfriendlywithmen，andthatwasthepassionatepredispositionofmentobelievethattheloveofwomencanbeearnedandwonandcontrolledandcompelled。

Heflungasideallhistalkofhelpanddisinterestedfriendshipasthoughithadneverbeenevenadisguisebetweenthem，asthoughfromthefirstitwasnomorethanafancydresstheyhadputquiteunderstandinglyupontheirrelationship。Hehadsetouttowinher，andshehadlethimstart。Andatthethoughtofthatotherlover——hewasconvincedthatthatbelovedpersonwasalover，andshefoundherselfunabletosayawordtoexplaintohimthatthisotherperson，thepersonsheloved，didnotevenknowofherlove——Ramagegrewangryandsavageoncemore，andreturnedsuddenlytogibeandinsult。Mendoservicesfortheloveofwomen，andthewomanwhotakesmustpay。Suchwasthesimplecodethatdisplayeditselfinallhisthoughts。Heleftthataridruleclearoftheleastmistofrefinementordelicacy。

Thatheshouldpayfortypoundstohelpthisgirlwhopreferredanothermanwasnolessinhiseyesthanafraudandmockerythatmadeherdenialamaddeningandoutrageousdisgracetohim。Andthisthoughhewasevidentlypassionatelyinlovewithher。

Forawhilehethreatenedher。"Youhaveputallyourlifeinmyhands，"hedeclared。"Thinkofthatcheckyouendorsed。Thereitis——againstyou。Idefyyoutoexplainitaway。Whatdoyouthinkpeoplewillmakeofthat？Whatwillthisloverofyoursmakeofthat？"

AtintervalsAnnVeronicademandedtogo，declaringherundyingresolvetorepayhimatanycost，andmadeshortmovementsdoorward。

Butatlastthisordealwasover，andRamageopenedthedoor。

Sheemergedwithawhitefaceandwide-openeyesuponalittle，red-litlanding。Shewentpastthreekeenlyobservantandostentatiouslypreoccupiedwaitersdownthethick-carpetedstaircaseandoutoftheHotelRococo，thatremarkablelaboratoryofrelationships，pastatallporterinblueandcrimson，intoacool，clearnight。

Part6

WhenAnnVeronicareachedherlittlebed-sitting-roomagain，everynerveinherbodywasquiveringwithshameandself-disgust。

Shethrewhatandcoatonthebedandsatdownbeforethefire。

"Andnow，"shesaid，splinteringthesurvivingpieceofcoalintoindignantflame-spurtingfragmentswithonedexterousblow，"whatamItodo？

"I’minahole！——messisabetterword，expressesitbetter。

I’minamess——anastymess！afilthymess！Oh，noendofamess！

Doyouhear，AnnVeronica？——you’reinanasty，filthy，unforgivablemess！

"Haven’tIjustmadeasillymessofthings？

"Fortypounds！Ihaven’tgottwenty！"

Shegotup，stampedwithherfoot，andthen，suddenlyrememberingthelodgerbelow，satdownandwrenchedoffherboots。

"Thisiswhatcomesofbeingayoungwomanuptodate。ByJove！

I’mbeginningtohavemydoubtsaboutfreedom！

"Yousillyyoungwoman，AnnVeronica！Yousillyyoungwoman！

Thesmearinessofthething！

"Thesmearinessofthissortofthing！……Mauledabout！"

Shefelltorubbingherinsultedlipssavagelywiththebackofherhand。"Ugh！"shesaid。

"TheyoungwomenofJaneAusten’stimedidn’tgetintothissortofscrape！Atleast——onethinksso……Iwonderifsomeofthemdid——anditdidn’tgetreported。AuntJanehadherquietmoments。Mostofthemdidn’t，anyhow。Theywereproperlybroughtup，andsatstillandstraight，andtooktheluckfatebroughtthemasgentlewomenshould。Andtheyhadanideaofwhatmenwerelikebehindalltheirnicety。TheyknewtheywereallBogeyindisguise。Ididn’t！Ididn’t！Afterall——"

Foratimehermindranondaintinessanditsdefensiverestraintsasthoughitwastheonedesirablething。Thatworldoffineprintedcambricsandescortedmaidens，ofdelicatesecondarymeaningsandrefinedallusiveness，presenteditselftoherimaginationwiththebrightnessofalostparadise，asindeedformanywomenitisalostparadise。

"Iwonderifthereisanythingwrongwithmymanners，"shesaid。

"IwonderifI’vebeenproperlybroughtup。IfIhadbeenquitequietandwhiteanddignified，wouldn’tithavebeendifferent？

Wouldhehavedared？……"

ForsomecreditablemomentsinherlifeAnnVeronicawasutterlydisgustedwithherself；shewaswrungwithapassionateandbelateddesiretomovegently，tospeaksoftlyandambiguously——tobe，ineffect，prim。

Horribledetailsrecurredtoher。

"Why，amongotherthings，didIputmyknucklesinhisneck——deliberatelytohurthim？"

Shetriedtosoundthehumorousnote。

"Areyouaware，AnnVeronica，younearlythrottledthatgentleman？"

Thenshereviledherownfoolishwayofputtingit。

"Youassandimbecile，AnnVeronica！Youfemalecad！Cad！Cad！……Whyaren’tyoufoldedupcleaninlavender——aseveryyoungwomanoughttobe？Whathaveyoubeendoingwithyourself？……"

Sherakedintothefirewiththepoker。

"Allofwhichdoesn’thelpmeintheslightestdegreetopaybackthatmoney。"

ThatnightwasthemostintolerableonethatAnnVeronicahadeverspent。Shewashedherfacewithunwontedelaborationbeforeshewenttobed。Thistime，therewasnodoubt，shedidnotsleep。Themoreshedisentangledthelinesofhersituationthedeepergrewherself-disgust。Occasionallythemerefactoflyinginbedbecameunendurable，andsherolledoutandmarchedaboutherroomandwhisperedabuseofherself——usuallyuntilshehitagainstsomearticleoffurniture。

Thenshewouldhavequiettimes，inwhichshewouldsaytoherself，"Nowlookhere！Letmethinkitallout！"

Forthefirsttime，itseemedtoher，shefacedthefactsofawoman’spositionintheworld——themeagrerealitiesofsuchfreedomasitpermittedher，thealmostunavoidableobligationtosomeindividualmanunderwhichshemustlaborforevenafootholdintheworld。Shehadflungawayfromherfather’ssupportwiththefinestassumptionofpersonalindependence。Andhereshewas——inamessbecauseithadbeenimpossibleforhertoavoidleaninguponanotherman。Shehadthought——Whathadshethought？Thatthisdependenceofwomenwasbutanillusionwhichneededonlytobedeniedtovanish。Shehaddenieditwithvigor，andhereshewas！

Shedidnotsomuchexhaustthisgeneralquestionaspassfromittoherinsolubleindividualproblemagain:"WhatamItodo？"

ShewantedfirstofalltoflingthefortypoundsbackintoRamage’sface。Butshehadspentnearlyhalfofit，andhadnoconceptionofhowsuchasumcouldbemadegoodagain。Shethoughtofallsortsofoddanddesperateexpedients，andwithpassionatepetulancerejectedthemall。

Shetookrefugeinbeatingherpillowandinventinginsultingepithetsforherself。Shegotup，drewupherblind，andstaredoutofwindowatadawn-coldvisionofchimneysforatime，andthenwentandsatontheedgeofherbed。Whatwasthealternativetogoinghome？Noalternativeappearedinthatdarkness。

Itseemedintolerablethatsheshouldgohomeandadmitherselfbeaten。ShedidmosturgentlydesiretosaveherfaceinMorningsidePark，andforlonghoursshecouldthinkofnowayofputtingitthatwouldnotbeinthenatureofunconditionaladmissionofdefeat。

"I’drathergoasachorus-girl，"shesaid。

Shewasnotveryclearaboutthepositionanddutiesofachorus-girl，butitcertainlyhadtheairofbeingalastdesperateresort。Theresprangfromthatavaguehopethatperhapsshemightextortacapitulationfromherfatherbyathreattoseekthatposition，andthenwithoverwhelmingclearnessitcametoherthatwhateverhappenedshewouldneverbeabletotellherfatheraboutherdebt。Thecompletestcapitulationwouldnotwipeoutthattrouble。Andshefeltthatifshewenthomeitwasimperativetopay。ShewouldalwaysbegoingtoandfrouptheAvenue，gettingglimpsesofRamage，seeinghimintrains……

Foratimeshepromenadedtheroom。

"WhydidIevertakethatloan？Anidiotgirlinanasylumwouldhaveknownbetterthanthat！

"Vulgarityofsoulandinnocenceofmind——theworstofallconceivablecombinations。IwishsomeonewouldkillRamagebyaccident！……

"Butthentheywouldfindthatcheckendorsedinhisbureau……

"Iwonderwhathewilldo？"ShetriedtoimaginesituationsthatmightariseoutofRamage’santagonism，forhehadbeensobitterandsavagethatshecouldnotbelievethathewouldleavethingsastheywere。

Thenextmorningshewentoutwithherpost-officesavingsbank-book，andtelegraphedforawarranttodrawoutallthemoneyshehadintheworld。Itamountedtotwo-and-twentypounds。SheaddressedanenvelopetoRamage，andscrawledonahalf-sheetofpaper，"Therestshallfollow。"Themoneywouldbeavailableintheafternoon，andshewouldsendhimfourfive-

poundnotes。Therestshemeanttokeepforherimmediatenecessities。Alittlerelievedbythissteptowardreinstatement，shewentontotheImperialCollegetoforgethermuddleofproblemsforatime，ifshecould，inthepresenceofCapes。

Part7

Foratimethebiologicallaboratorywasfullofhealingvirtue。

Hersleeplessnighthadleftherlanguidbutnotstupefied，andforanhourorsotheworkdistractedheraltogetherfromhertroubles。

Then，afterCapeshadbeenthroughherworkandhadgoneon，itcametoherthatthefabricofthislifeofherswasdoomedtoalmostimmediatecollapse；thatinalittlewhilethesestudieswouldcease，andperhapsshewouldneverseteyesonhimagain。

Afterthatconsolationsfled。

Theovernightnervousstrainbegantotell；shebecameinattentivetotheworkbeforeher，anditdidnotgeton。Shefeltsleepyandunusuallyirritable。ShelunchedatacreameryinGreatPortlandStreet，andasthedaywasfullofwintrysunshine，spenttherestofthelunch-hourinadrowsygloom，whichsheimaginedtobethoughtupontheproblemsofherposition，onaseatinRegent’sPark。Agirloffifteenorsixteengaveherahandbillthatsheregardedasatractuntilshesaw"VotesforWomen"atthetop。Thatturnedhermindtothemoregeneralizedaspectsofherperplexitiesagain。Shehadneverbeensodisposedtoagreethatthepositionofwomeninthemodernworldisintolerable。

Capesjoinedthestudentsattea，anddisplayedhimselfinanimpishmoodthatsometimespossessedhim。HedidnotnoticethatAnnVeronicawaspreoccupiedandheavy-eyed。MissKleggraisedthequestionofwomen’ssuffrage，andhesethimselftoprovokeaduelbetweenherandMissGarvice。TheyouthwiththehairbrushedbackandthespectacledScotchmanjoinedinthefrayforandagainstthewomen’svote。

EverandagainCapesappealedtoAnnVeronica。Helikedtodrawherin，andshedidherbesttotalk。Butshedidnottalkreadily，andinordertosaysomethingsheplungedalittle，andfeltsheplunged。Capesscoredbackwithanuncompromisingvigorthatwashiswayofcomplimentingherintelligence。Butthisafternoonitdiscoveredanunusualveinofirritabilityinher。

HehadbeenreadingBelfortBax，anddeclaredhimselfaconvert。

Hecontrastedthelotofwomeningeneralwiththelotofmen，presentedmenaspatient，self-immolatingmartyrs，andwomenasthepamperedfavoritesofNature。Aveinofconvictionmingledwithhisburlesque。

ForatimeheandMissKleggcontradictedoneanother。

Thequestionceasedtobeatea-tabletalk，andbecamesuddenlytragicallyrealforAnnVeronica。Therehesat，cheerfullyfriendlyinhissex’sfreedom——themansheloved，theonemanshecaredshouldunlockthewaytothewideworldforherimprisonedfemininepossibilities，andheseemedregardlessthatshestifledunderhiseyes；hemadeajestofallthispassionateinsurgenceofthesoulsofwomenagainstthefateoftheirconditions。

MissGarvicerepeatedagain，andalmostinthesamewordssheusedateverydiscussion，hercontributiontothegreatquestion。

Shethoughtthatwomenwerenotmadeforthestruggleandturmoiloflife——theirplacewasthelittleworld，thehome；thattheirpowerlaynotinvotesbutininfluenceovermenandinmakingthemindsoftheirchildrenfineandsplendid。

"Womenshouldunderstandmen’saffairs，perhaps，"saidMissGarvice，"buttomingleinthemisjusttosacrificethatpowerofinfluencingtheycanexercisenow。"

"ThereISsomethingsoundinthatposition，"saidCapes，interveningasiftodefendMissGarviceagainstapossibleattackfromAnnVeronica。"Itmaynotbejustandsoforth，but，afterall，itishowthingsare。Womenarenotintheworldinthesamesensethatmenare——fightingindividualsinascramble。

Idon’tseehowtheycanbe。Everyhomeisalittlerecess，aniche，outoftheworldofbusinessandcompetition，inwhichwomenandthefutureshelter。"

"Alittlepit！"saidAnnVeronica；"alittleprison！"

"It’sjustasoftenalittlerefuge。Anyhow，thatishowthingsare。"

"Andthemanstandsasthemasteratthemouthoftheden。"

"Assentinel。Youforgetallthemassoftrainingandtraditionandinstinctthatgotomakehimatolerablemaster。Natureisamother；hersympathieshavealwaysbeenfeminist，andshehastemperedthemantotheshornwoman。"

"Iwish，"saidAnnVeronica，withsuddenanger，"thatyoucouldknowwhatitistoliveinapit！"

Shestoodupasshespoke，andputdownhercupbesideMissGarvice’s。SheaddressedCapesasthoughshespoketohimalone。

"Ican’tendureit，"shesaid。

Everyoneturnedtoherinastonishment。

Shefeltshehadtogoon。"Nomancanrealize，"shesaid，"whatthatpitcanbe。Theway——thewayweareledon！Wearetaughttobelievewearefreeintheworld，tothinkwearequeens……Thenwefindout。Wefindoutnomanwilltreatawomanfairlyasmantoman——noman。Hewantsyou——orhedoesn’t；andthenhehelpssomeotherwomanagainstyou……Whatyousayisprobablyalltrueandnecessary……Butthinkofthedisillusionment！Exceptforoursexwehavemindslikemen，desireslikemen。Wecomeoutintotheworld，someofus——"

Shepaused。Herwords，asshesaidthem，seemedtohertomeannothing，andtherewassomuchthatstruggledforexpression。

"Womenaremocked，"shesaid。"Whenevertheytrytotakeholdoflifeamanintervenes。"

Shefelt，withasuddenhorror，thatshemightweep。Shewishedshehadnotstoodup。Shewonderedwildlywhyshehadstoodup。

Noonespoke，andshewasimpelledtoflounderon。"Thinkofthemockery！"shesaid。"Thinkhowdumbwefindourselvesandstifled！Iknowweseemtohaveasortoffreedom……Haveyouevertriedtorunandjumpinpetticoats，Mr。Capes？Well，thinkwhatitmustbetoliveinthem——soulandmindandbody！

It’sfunforamantojestatourposition。"

"Iwasn’tjesting，"saidCapes，abruptly。

Shestoodfacetofacewithhim，andhisvoicecutacrossherspeechandmadeherstopabruptly。Shewassoreandoverstrung，anditwasintolerabletoherthatheshouldstandwithinthreeyardsofherunsuspectingly，withanincalculablyvastpoweroverherhappiness。Shewassorewiththeperplexitiesofherpreposterousposition。Shewassickofherself，ofherlife，ofeverythingbuthim；andforhimallhermaskedandhiddenbeingwascryingout。

Shestoppedabruptlyatthesoundofhisvoice，andlostthethreadofwhatshewassaying。Inthepausesherealizedtheattentionoftheothersconvergeduponher，andthatthetearswerebrimmingoverhereyes。Shefeltastormofemotionsurgingupwithinher。ShebecameawareoftheScotchstudentregardingherwithstupendousamazement，atea-cuppoisedinonehairyhandandhisfacetedglassesshowingavariousenlargementofsegmentsofhiseye。

Thedoorintothepassageoffereditselfwithanirresistibleinvitation——theonealternativetoapublic，inexplicablepassionofweeping。

Capesflashedtoanunderstandingofherintention，sprangtohisfeet，andopenedthedoorforherretreat。

Part8

"WhyshouldIevercomeback？"shesaidtoherself，asshewentdownthestaircase。

Shewenttothepost-officeanddrewoutandsentoffhermoneytoRamage。Andthenshecameoutintothestreet，sureonlyofonething——thatshecouldnotreturndirectlytoherlodgings。

Shewantedair——andthedistractionofhavingmovingandchangingthingsabouther。Theeveningswerebeginningtodrawout，anditwouldnotbedarkforanhour。SheresolvedtowalkacrosstheParktotheZoologicalgardens，andsoonbywayofPrimroseHilltoHampsteadHeath。Thereshewouldwanderaboutinthekindlydarkness。Andthinkthingsout……

Presentlyshebecameawareoffootstepshurryingafterher，andglancedbacktofindMissKlegg，alittleoutofbreath，inpursuit。

AnnVeronicahaltedapace，andMissKleggcamealongside。

"DoYOUgoacrossthePark？"

"Notusually。ButI’mgoingto-day。Iwantawalk。"

"I’mnotsurprisedatit。IthoughtMr。Capesmosttrying。"

"Oh，itwasn’tthat。I’vehadaheadacheallday。"

"IthoughtMr。Capesmostunfair，"MissKleggwentoninasmall，evenvoice；"MOSTunfair！I’mgladyouspokeoutasyoudid。"

"Ididn’tmindthatlittleargument。"

"Yougaveithimwell。Whatyousaidwantedsaying。Afteryouwenthegotupandtookrefugeinthepreparation-room。Orelse_I_wouldhavefinishedhim。"

AnnVeronicasaidnothing，andMissKleggwenton:"HeveryoftenIS——mostunfair。Hehasawayofsittingonpeople。Hewouldn’tlikeitifpeopledidittohim。Hejumpsthewordsoutofyourmouth；hetakesholdofwhatyouhavetosaybeforeyouhavehadtimetoexpressitproperly。"

Pause。

"Isupposehe’sfrightfullyclever，"saidMissKlegg。

"He’saFellowoftheRoyalSociety，andhecan’tbemuchoverthirty，"saidMissKlegg。

"Hewritesverywell，"saidAnnVeronica。

"Hecan’tbemorethanthirty。Hemusthavemarriedwhenhewasquiteayoungman。"

"Married？"saidAnnVeronica。

"Didn’tyouknowhewasmarried？"askedMissKlegg，andwasstruckbyathoughtthatmadeherglancequicklyathercompanion。

AnnVeronicahadnoanswerforamoment。Sheturnedherheadawaysharply。Someautomatonwithinherproducedinaquiteunfamiliarvoicetheremark，"They’replayingfootball。"

"It’stoofarfortheballtoreachus，"saidMissKlegg。

"Ididn’tknowMr。Capeswasmarried，"saidAnnVeronica，resumingtheconversationwithanentiredisappearanceofherformerlassitude。

"Ohyes，"saidMissKlegg；"Ithoughteveryoneknew。"

"No，"saidAnnVeronica，offhandedly。"Neverheardanythingofit。"

"Ithoughteveryoneknew。Ithoughteveryonehadheardaboutit。"

"Butwhy？"

"He’smarried——and，Ibelieve，livingseparatedfromhiswife。

Therewasacase，orsomething，someyearsago。"

"Whatcase？"

"Adivorce——orsomething——Idon’tknow。ButIhaveheardthathealmosthadtoleavetheschools。Ifithadn’tbeenforProfessorRussellstandingupforhim，theysayhewouldhavehadtoleave。"

"Washedivorced，doyoumean？"

"No，buthegothimselfmixedupinadivorcecase。Iforgettheparticulars，butIknowitwassomethingverydisagreeable。Itwasamongartisticpeople。"

AnnVeronicawassilentforawhile。

"Ithoughteveryonehadheard，"saidMissKlegg。"OrIwouldn’thavesaidanythingaboutit。"

"Isupposeallmen，"saidAnnVeronica，inatoneofdetachedcriticism，"getsomesuchentanglement。And，anyhow，itdoesn’tmattertous。"Sheturnedabruptlyatrightanglestothepaththeyfollowed。"ThisismywaybacktomysideofthePark，"shesaid。

"IthoughtyouwerecomingrightacrossthePark。"

"Ohno，"saidAnnVeronica；"Ihavesomeworktodo。Ijustwantedabreathofair。Andthey’llshutthegatespresently。

It’snotfarfromtwilight。"