第12章

Icannotriditofhisexplosiveinterlardings，theybreakineverywherewiththeirirrelevant，"WhatinhellareyouuptoNOW！pullherdown！more！MORE！therenow，steadyasyougo，"

andtheotherdisorganizinginterruptionsthatwerealwaysleapingfromhismouth。WhenIreadShakespearenowIcanhearthemasplainlyasIdidinthatlongdepartedtimefiftyoneyearsago。IneverregardedEaler’sreadingsaseducational。

Indeed，theywereadetrimenttome。

Hiscontributionstothetextseldomimprovedit，butbarringthatdetailhewasagoodreader;Icansaythatmuchforhim。Hedidnotusethebook，anddidnotneedto;heknewhisShakespeareaswellasEuclideverknewhismultiplicationtable。

DidhehavesomethingtosaythisShakespeareadoringMississippipilotanentDeliaBacon’sbook？

Yes。Andhesaidit;saiditallthetime，formonthsinthemorningwatch，themiddlewatch，anddogwatch;andprobablykeptitgoinginhissleep。Heboughttheliteratureofthedisputeasfastasitappeared，andwediscusseditallthroughthirteenhundredmilesofriverfourtimestraversedineverythirtyfivedaysthetimerequiredbythatswiftboattoachievetworoundtrips。Wediscussed，anddiscussed，anddiscussed，anddisputedanddisputedanddisputed;atanyrate，HEdid，andI

gotinawordnowandthenwhenheslippedacogandtherewasavacancy。Hedidhisarguingwithheat，withenergy，withviolence;andIdidminewiththereverseandmoderationofasubordinatewhodoesnotliketobeflungoutofapilothouseandisperchedfortyfeetabovethewater。HewasfiercelyloyaltoShakespeareandcordiallyscornfulofBaconandofallthepretensionsoftheBaconians。SowasIatfirst。Andatfirsthewasgladthatthatwasmyattitude。Therewereevenindicationsthatheadmiredit;indicationsdimmed，itistrue，bythedistancethatlaybetweentheloftybosspiloticalaltitudeandmylowlyone，yetperceptibletome;perceptible，andtranslatableintoacomplimentcomplimentcomingdownfromaboutthesnowlineandnotwellthawedinthetransit，andnotlikelytosetanythingafire，notevenacubpilot’sself

conceit;stilladetectablecomplement，andprecious。

NaturallyitflatteredmeintobeingmoreloyaltoShakespeare

ifpossiblethanIwasbefore，andmoreprejudicedagainstBaconifpossiblethatIwasbefore。Andsowediscussedanddiscussed，bothonthesameside，andwerehappy。

Forawhile。Onlyforawhile。Onlyforaverylittlewhile，avery，very，verylittlewhile。Thentheatmospherebegantochange;begantocooloff。

Abrighterpersonwouldhaveseenwhatthetroublewas，earlierthanIdid，perhaps，butIsawitearlyenoughforallpracticalpurposes。Yousee，hewasofanargumentativedisposition。Thereforeittookhimbutalittletimetogettiredofarguingwithapersonwhoagreedwitheverythinghesaidandconsequentlyneverfurnishedhimaprovocativetoflareupandshowwhathecoulddowhenitcametoclear，cold，hard，rosecut，hundredfaceted，diamondflashingREASONING。Thatwashisnameforit。Ithasbeenappliedsince，withcomplacency，asmanyasseveraltimes，intheBaconShakespearescuffle。OntheShakespeareside。

Thenthethinghappenedwhichhashappenedtomorepersonsthantomewhenprincipleandpersonalinterestfoundthemselvesinoppositiontoeachotherandachoicehadtobemade:Iletprinciplego，andwentovertotheotherside。Nottheentireway，butfarenoughtoanswertherequirementsofthecase。Thatistosay，Itookthisattitudetowit，IonlyBELIEVEDBaconwroteShakespeare，whereasIKNEWShakespearedidn’t。Ealerwassatisfiedwiththat，andthewarbrokeloose。Study，practice，experienceinhandlingmyendofthematterpresentlyenabledmetotakemynewpositionalmostseriously;alittlebitlater，utterlyseriously;alittlelaterstill，lovingly，gratefully，devotedly;finally:fiercely，rabidly，uncompromisingly。AfterthatIwasweldedtomyfaith，Iwastheoreticallyreadytodieforit，andIlookeddownwithcompassionnotunmixedwithscornuponeverybodyelse’sfaiththatdidn’ttallywithmine。Thatfaith，imposeduponmebyselfinterestinthatancientday，remainsmyfaithtoday，andinitIfindcomfort，solace，peace，andneverfailingjoy。Youseehowcuriouslytheologicalitis。

The"riceChristian"oftheOrientgoesthroughtheverysamesteps，whenheisafterriceandthemissionaryisafterHIM;hegoesforrice，andremainstoworship。

Ealerdidalotofour"reasoning"nottosaysubstantiallyallofit。Theslavesofhisculthaveapassionforcallingitbythatlargename。Weothersdonotcallourinductionsanddeductionsandreductionsbyanynameatall。Theyshowforthemselveswhattheyare，andwecanwithtranquilconfidenceleavetheworldtoennoblethemwithatitleofitsownchoosing。

NowandthenwhenEalerhadtostoptocough，Ipulledmyinductiontalentstogetherandhovethecontroversialleadmyself:alwaysgettingeightfeet，eightandahalf，oftennine，sometimesevenquarterlesstwainas_I_believed;butalways"nobottom，"asHEsaid。

Igotthebestofhimonlyonce。Ipreparedmyself。I

wroteoutapassagefromShakespeareitmayhavebeentheveryoneIquotedawhileago，Idon’trememberandriddleditwithhiswildsteamboatfulinterlardings。Whenanunriskyopportunityoffered，onelovelysummerday，whenwehadsoundedandbuoyedatangledpatchofcrossingsknownasHell’sHalfAcre，andwereaboardagainandhehadsneakedthePENNSYLVANIAtriumphantlythroughitwithoutoncescrapingsand，andtheA。T。LACEYhadfollowedinourwakeandgotstuck，andhewasfeelinggood，I

showedittohim。Itamusedhim。Iaskedhimtofireitoff

READit;readit，Idiplomaticallyadded，asonlyHEcouldreaddramaticpoetry。Thecomplimenttouchedhimwherehelived。Hedidreadit;readitwithsurpassingfireandspirit;readitasitwillneverbereadagain;forHEknowhowtoputtherightmusicintothosethunderousinterlardingsandmakethemseemapartofthetext，makethemsoundasiftheywereburstingfromShakespeare’sownsoul，eachoneofthemagoldeninspirationandnottobeleftoutwithoutdamagetothemassedandmagnificentwhole。

Iwaitedaweek，tolettheincidentfade;waitedlonger;

waiteduntilhebroughtupforreasoningsandvituperationmypetposition，mypetargument，theonewhichIwasfondestof，theonewhichIprizedfaraboveallothersinmyammunitionwagon

towit，thatShakespearecouldn’thavewrittenShakespeare’swords，forthereasonthatthemanwhowrotethemwaslimitlesslyfamiliarwiththelaws，andthelawcourts，andlawproceedings，andlawyertalk，andlawyerwaysandifShakespearewaspossessedoftheinfinitelydividedstardustthatconstitutedthisvastwealth，HOWdidhegetit，andWHEREandWHEN？

"Frombooks。"

Frombooks！Thatwasalwaystheidea。Iansweredasmyreadingsofthechampionsofmysideofthegreatcontroversyhadtaughtmetoanswer:thatamancan’thandlegliblyandeasilyandcomfortablyandsuccessfullytheargotofatradeatwhichhehasnotpersonallyserved。Hewillmakemistakes;hewillnot，andcannot，getthetradephrasingspreciselyandexactlyright;

andthemomenthedeparts，byevenashade，fromacommontrade

form，thereaderwhohasservedthattradewillknowthewriterHASN’T。Ealerwouldnotbeconvinced;hesaidamancouldlearnhowtocorrectlyhandlethesubtletiesandmysteriesandfree

masonriesofANYtradebycarefulreadingandstudying。ButwhenIgothimtoreadagainthepassagefromShakespearewiththeinterlardings，heperceived，himself，thatbookscouldn’tteachastudentabewilderingmultitudeofpilotphrasessothoroughlyandperfectlythathecouldtalkthemoffinbookandplayorconversationandmakenomistakethatapilotwouldnotimmediatelydiscover。Itwasatriumphforme。Hewassilentawhile，andIknewwhatwashappeninghewaslosinghistemper。

AndIknewhewouldpresentlyclosethesessionwiththesameoldargumentthatwasalwayshisstayandhissupportintimeofneed;thesameoldargument，theoneIcouldn’tanswer，becauseI

dasn’ttheargumentthatIwasanass，andbettershutup。Hedeliveredit，andIobeyed。

Odear，howlongagoitwashowpatheticallylongago！AndhereamI，old，forsaken，forlorn，andalone，arrangingtogetthatargumentoutofsomebodyagain。

WhenamanhasapassionforShakespeare，itgoeswithoutsayingthathekeepscompanywithotherstandardauthors。Ealeralwayshadseveralhighclassbooksinthepilothouse，andhereadthesameonesoverandoveragain，anddidnotcaretochangetonewerandfresherones。Heplayedwellontheflute，andgreatlyenjoyedhearinghimselfplay。SodidI。Hehadanotionthataflutewouldkeepitshealthbetterifyoutookitapartwhenitwasnotstandingawatch;andso，whenitwasnotondutyittookitsrest，disjointed，onthecompassshelfunderthebreastboard。WhenthePENNSYLVANIAblewupandbecameadriftingrackheapfreightedwithwoundedanddyingpoorsouls（myyoungbrotherHenryamongthem），pilotBrownhadthewatchbelow，andwasprobablyasleepandneverknewwhatkilledhim;

butEalerescapedunhurt。Heandhispilothousewereshotupintotheair;thentheyfell，andEalersankthroughtheraggedcavernwherethehurricanedeckandtheboilerdeckhadbeen，andlandedinanestofruinsonthemaindeck，ontopofoneoftheunexplodedboilers，wherehelayproneinafogofscaldanddeadlysteam。Butnotforlong。Hedidnotlosehisheadlongfamiliaritywithdangerhadtaughthimtokeepit，inanyandallemergencies。Heheldhiscoatlapelstohisnosewithonehand，tokeepoutthesteam，andscrabbledaroundwiththeothertillhefoundthejointsofhisflute，thenhetookmeasurestosavehimselfalive，andwassuccessful。Iwasnotonboard。IhadbeenputashoreinNewOrleansbyCaptainKlinenfelter。Thereasonhowever，IhavetoldallaboutitinthebookcalledOLD

TIMESONTHEMISSISSIPPI，anditisn’timportant，anyway，itissolongago。

II

WhenIwasaSundayschoolscholar，somethingmorethansixtyyearsago，IbecameinterestedinSatan，andwantedtofindoutallIcouldabouthim。Ibegantoaskquestions，butmyclassteacher，Mr。Barclay，thestonemason，wasreluctantaboutansweringthem，itseemedtome。Iwasanxioustobepraisedforturningmythoughtstoserioussubjectswhentherewasn’tanotherboyinthevillagewhocouldbehiredtodosuchathing。IwasgreatlyinterestedintheincidentofEveandtheserpent，andthoughtEve’scalmnesswasperfectlynoble。IaskedMr。Barclayifhehadeverheardofanotherwomanwho，beingapproachedbyaserpeant，wouldnotexcuseherselfandbreakforthenearesttimber。Hedidnotanswermyquestion，butrebukedmeforinquiringintomattersabovemyageandcomprehension。IwillsayforMr。BarclaythathewaswillingtotellmethefactsofSatan’shistory，buthestoppedthere:hewouldn’tallowanydiscussionofthem。

Inthecourseoftimeweexhaustedthefacts。Therewereonlyfiveorsixofthem;youcouldsetthemalldownonavisitingcard。Iwasdisappointed。Ihadbeenmeditatingabiography，andwasgrievedtofindthattherewerenomaterials。

Isaidasmuch，withthetearsrunningdown。Mr。Barclay’ssympathyandcompassionwerearoused，forhewasamostkindandgentlespiritedman，andhepattedmeontheheadandcheeredmeupbysayingtherewasawholevastoceanofmaterials！Icanstillfeelthehappythrillwhichtheseblessedwordsshotthroughme。

Thenhebegantobailoutthatocean’srichesformyencouragementandjoy。Likethis:itwas"conjectured"thoughnotestablishedthatSatanwasoriginallyanangelinHeaven;

thathefell;thatherebelled，andbroughtonawar;thathewasdefeated，andbanishedtoperdition。Also，"wehavereasontobelieve"thatlaterhedidsoandso;that"wearewarrantedinsupposing"thatatasubsequenttimehetraveledextensively，seekingwhomhemightdevour;thatacoupleofcenturiesafterward，"astraditioninstructsus，"hetookupthecrueltradeoftemptingpeopletotheirruin，withvastandfearfulresults;thatbyandby，"astheprobabilitiesseemtoindicate，"

hemayhavedonecertainthings，hemighthavedonecertainotherthings，hemusthavedonestillotherthings。

Andsoonandsoon。Wesetdownthefiveknownfactsbythemselvesonapieceofpaper，andnumberedit"page1";thenonfifteenhundredotherpiecesofpaperwesetdownthe"conjectures，"and"suppositions，"and"maybes，"and"perhapses，"

and"doubtlesses，"and"rumors，"andguesses，"and"probabilities，"and"likelihoods，"and"wearepermittedtothinks，"and"wearewarrantedinbelievings，"and"mighthavebeens，"and"couldhavebeens，"and"musthavebeens，"and"unquestionablys，"and"withoutashadowofdoubt"andbehold！

MATERIALS？Why，wehadenoughtobuildabiographyofShakespeare！

Yethemademeputawaymypen;hewouldnotletmewritethehistoryofSatan。Why？Because，ashesaid，hehadsuspicionssuspicionsthatmyattitudeinthematterwasnotreverent，andthatapersonmustbereverentwhenwritingaboutthesacredcharacters。HesaidanyonewhospokeflippantlyofSatanwouldbefrowneduponbythereligiousworldandalsobebroughttoaccount。

Iassuredhim，inearnestandsincerewords，thathehadwhollymisconceivedmyattitude;thatIhadthehighestrespectforSatan，andthatmyreverenceforhimequaled，andpossiblyevenexceeded，thatofanymemberofthechurch。IsaiditwoundedmedeeplytoperceivebyhiswordsthathethoughtI

wouldmakefunofSatan，andderidehim，laughathim，scoffathim;whereasintruthIhadneverthoughtofsuchathing，buthadonlyawarmdesiretomakefunofthoseothersandlaughatTHEM。"Whatothers？"Why，theSupposers，thePerhapsers，theMightHaveBeeners，theCouldHaveBeeners，theMustHaveBeeners，theWithoutaShadowofDoubters，theWeAreWarrantedinBelievingers，andallthatfunnycropofsolemnarchitectswhohavetakenagoodsolidfoundationoffiveindisputableandunimportantfactsandbuiltuponitaConjecturalSatanthirtymileshigh。"

WhatdidMr。Barclaydothen？Washedisarmed？Washesilenced？No。Hewasshocked。Hewassoshockedthathevisiblyshuddered。HesaidtheSatanicTraditionersandPerhapsersandConjecturerswereTHEMSELVESsacred！Assacredastheirwork。Sosacredthatwhosoventuredtomockthemormakefunoftheirwork，couldnotafterwardenteranyrespectablehouse，evenbythebackdoor。

Howtruewerehiswords，andhowwise！HowfortunateitwouldhavebeenformeifIhadheededthem。ButIwasyoung，I

wasbutsevenyearsofage，andvain，foolish，andanxioustoattractattention。Iwrotethebiography，andhaveneverbeeninarespectablehousesince。

III

HowcuriousandinterestingistheparallelasfaraspovertyofbiographicaldetailsisconcernedbetweenSatanandShakespeare。Itiswonderful，itisunique，itstandsquitealone，thereisnothingresemblingitinhistory，nothingresemblingitinromance，nothingapproachingitevenintradition。Howsublimeistheirposition，andhowovertopping，howskyreaching，howsupremethetwoGreatUnknowns，thetwoIllustriousConjecturabilities！Theyarethebestknownunknownpersonsthathaveeverdrawnbreathupontheplanet。

FortheinstructionoftheignorantIwillmakealist，now，ofthosedetailsofShakespeare’shistorywhichareFACTS

verifiedfacts，establishedfacts，undisputedfacts。

FactsHewasbornonthe23dofApril，1564。

Ofgoodfarmerclassparentswhocouldnotread，couldnotwrite，couldnotsigntheirnames。

AtStratford，asmallbacksettlementwhichinthatdaywasshabbyandunclean，anddenselyilliterate。Ofthenineteenimportantmenchargedwiththegovernmentofthetown，thirteenhadto"maketheirmark"inattestingimportantdocuments，becausetheycouldnotwritetheirnames。

OfthefirsteighteenyearsofhislifeNOTHINGisknown。

Theyareablank。

Onthe27thofNovember（1582）WilliamShakespearetookoutalicensetomarryAnneWhateley。

NextdayWilliamShakespearetookoutalicensetomarryAnneHathaway。Shewaseightyearshissenior。

WilliamShakespearemarriedAnneHathaway。Inahurry。Bygraceofareluctantlygranteddispensationtherewasbutonepublicationofthebanns。

Withinsixmonthsthefirstchildwasborn。

Abouttwo（blank）yearsfollowed，duringwhichperiodNOTHINGATALLHAPPENEDTOSHAKESPEARE，sofarasanybodyknows。

Thencametwins1585。February。

Twoblankyearsfollow。

Then1587hemakesatenyearvisittoLondon，leavingthefamilybehind。

Fiveblankyearsfollow。DuringthisperiodNOTHING

HAPPENEDTOHIM，asfarasanybodyactuallyknows。

Then1592thereismentionofhimasanactor。

Nextyear1593hisnameappearsintheofficiallistofplayers。

Nextyear1594heplayedbeforethequeen。Adetailofnoconsequence:otherobscuritiesdiditeveryyearoftheforty

fiveofherreign。Andremainedobscure。

Threeprettyfullyearsfollow。Fullofplayacting。Then*

In1597heboughtNewPlace，Stratford。

Thirteenorfourteenbusyyearsfollow;yearsinwhichheaccumulatedmoney，andalsoreputationasactorandmanager。

Meantimehisname，liberallyandvariouslyspelt，hadbecomeassociatedwithanumberofgreatplaysandpoems，as（ostensibly）authorofthesame。

Someofthese，intheseyearsandlater，werepirated，buthemadenoprotest。

Then161011hereturnedtoStratfordandsettleddownforgoodandall，andbusiedhimselfinlendingmoney，tradingintithes，tradinginlandandhouses;shirkingadebtoffortyoneshillings，borrowedbyhiswifeduringhislongdesertionofhisfamily;suingdebtorsforshillingsandcoppers;beingsuedhimselfforshillingsandcoppers;andactingasconfederatetoaneighborwhotriedtorobthetownofitsrightsinacertaincommon，anddidnotsucceed。

Helivedfiveorsixyearstill1616inthejoyoftheseelevatedpursuits。Thenhemadeawill，andsignedeachofitsthreepageswithhisname。

Athoroughgoingbusinessman’swill。Itnamedinminutedetaileveryitemofpropertyheownedintheworldhouses，lands，sword，silvergiltbowl，andsoonallthewaydowntohis"secondbestbed"anditsfurniture。

Itcarefullyandcalculatinglydistributedhisrichesamongthemembersofhisfamily，overlookingnoindividualofit。Notevenhiswife:thewifehehadbeenenabledtomarryinahurrybyurgentgraceofaspecialdispensationbeforehewasnineteen;

thewifewhomhehadlefthusbandlesssomanyyears;thewifewhohadhadtoborrowfortyoneshillingsinherneed，andwhichthelenderwasneverabletocollectoftheprosperoushusband，butdiedatlastwiththemoneystilllacking。No，eventhiswifewasrememberedinShakespeare’swill。

Heleftherthat"secondbestbed。"

AndNOTANOTHERTHING;notevenapennytoblessherluckywidowhoodwith。

Itwaseminentlyandconspicuouslyabusinessman’swill，notapoet’s。

ItmentionedNOTASINGLEBOOK。

Booksweremuchmorepreciousthanswordsandsilvergiltbowlsandsecondbestbedsinthosedays，andwhenadepartingpersonownedonehegaveitahighplaceinhiswill。

ThewillmentionedNOTAPLAY，NOTAPOEM，NOTANUNFINISHED

LITERARYWORK，NOTASCRAPOFMANUSCRIPTOFANYKIND。

Manypoetshavediedpoor，butthisistheonlyoneinhistorythathasdiedTHISpoor;theothersallleftliteraryremainsbehind。Alsoabook。Maybetwo。

IfShakespearehadownedadogbutwenotgointothat:weknowhewouldhavementioneditinhiswill。Ifagooddog，Susannawouldhavegotit;ifaninferioronehiswifewouldhavegotadownerinterestinit。Iwishhehadhadadog，justsowecouldseehowpainstakinglyhewouldhavedividedthatdogamongthefamily，inhiscarefulbusinessway。

Hesignedthewillinthreeplaces。

Inearlieryearshesignedtwootherofficialdocuments。

Thesefivesignaturesstillexist。

ThereareNOOTHERSPECIMENSOFHISPENMANSHIPINEXISTENCE。

Notaline。

Washeprejudicedagainsttheart？Hisgranddaughter，whomheloved，waseightyearsoldwhenhedied，yetshehadhadnoteaching，heleftnoprovisionforhereducation，althoughhewasrich，andinhermaturewomanhoodshecouldn’twriteandcouldn’ttellherhusband’smanuscriptfromanybodyelse’sshethoughtitwasShakespeare’s。

WhenShakespearediedinStratford，ITWASNOTANEVENT。ItmadenomorestirinEnglandthanthedeathofanyotherforgottentheateractorwouldhavemade。NobodycamedownfromLondon;therewerenolamentingpoems，noeulogies，nonationaltearstherewasmerelysilence，andnothingmore。AstrikingcontrastwithwhathappenedwhenBenJonson，andFrancisBacon，andSpenser，andRaleigh，andtheotherdistinguishedliteraryfolkofShakespeare’stimepassedfromlife！NopraisefulvoicewasliftedforthelostBardofAvon;evenBenJonsonwaitedsevenyearsbeforeheliftedhis。

SOFARASANYBODYACTUALLYKNOWSANDCANPROVE，ShakespeareofStratfordonAvonneverwroteaplayinhislife。

SOFARASANYONEKNOWS，HERECEIVEDONLYONELETTER

DURINGHISLIFE。

SofarasanyoneKNOWSANDCANPROVE，ShakespeareofStratfordwroteonlyonepoemduringhislife。Thisoneisauthentic。Hedidwritethatoneafactwhichstandsundisputed;hewrotethewholeofit;hewrotethewholeofitoutofhisownhead。Hecommandedthatthisworkofartbeengraveduponhistomb，andhewasobeyed。Thereitabidestothisday。Thisisit:

GoodfriendforIesussakeforbeareTodiggthedustencloasedheare:

BlestbeyemanytsparesthesstonesAndcurstbeheytmovesmybones。

InthelistasabovesetdownwillbefoundEVERYPOSITIVELY

KNOWNfactofShakespeare’slife，leanandmeagerastheinvoiceis。BeyondthesedetailsweknowNOTATHINGabouthim。Alltherestofhisvasthistory，asfurnishedbythebiographers，isbuiltup，courseuponcourse，ofguesses，inferences，theories，conjecturesanEiffelTowerofartificialitiesrisingskyhighfromaveryflatandverythinfoundationofinconsequentialfacts。

IV

ConjecturesThehistorians"suppose"thatShakespeareattendedtheFreeSchoolinStratfordfromthetimehewassevenyearsoldtillhewasthirteen。ThereisnoEVIDENCEinexistencethatheeverwenttoschoolatall。

Thehistorians"infer"thathegothisLatininthatschooltheschoolwhichthey"suppose"heattended。

They"suppose"hisfather’sdecliningfortunesmadeitnecessaryforhimtoleavetheschooltheysupposedheattended，andgettoworkandhelpsupporthisparentsandtheirtenchildren。Butthereisnoevidencethatheeverenteredorreturnedfromtheschooltheysupposeheattended。

They"suppose"heassistedhisfatherinthebutcheringbusiness;andthat，beingonlyaboy，hedidn’thavetodofull

grownbutchering，butonlyslaughteringcalves。Also，thatwheneverhekilledacalfhemadeahighflownspeechoverit。

Thissuppositionrestsuponthetestimonyofamanwhowasn’tthereatthetime;amanwhogotitfromamanwhocouldhavebeenthere，butdidnotsaywhetherhewasnornot;andneitherofthemthoughttomentionitfordecades，anddecades，anddecades，andtwomoredecadesafterShakespeare’sdeath（untiloldageandmentaldecayhadrefreshedandvivifiedtheirmemories）。Theyhadn’ttwofactsinstockaboutthelongdeaddistinguishedcitizen，butonlyjusttheone:heslaughteredcalvesandbrokeintooratorywhilehewasatit。Curious。Theyhadonlyonefact，yetthedistinguishedcitizenhadspenttwentysixyearsinthatlittletownjusthalfhislifetime。

However，rightlyviewed，itwasthemostimportantfact，indeedalmosttheonlyimportantfact，ofShakespeare’slifeinStratford。Rightlyviewed。Forexperienceisanauthor’smostvaluableasset;experienceisthethingthatputsthemuscleandthebreathandthewarmbloodintothebookhewrites。Rightlyviewed，calfbutcheringaccountsfor"TitusAndronicus，"theonlyplayain’tit？thattheStratfordShakespeareeverwrote;andyetitistheonlyoneeverybodytriedtochousehimoutof，theBaconiansincluded。

Thehistoriansfindthemselves"justifiedinbelieving"thattheyoungShakespearepoacheduponSirThomasLucy’sdeerpreservesandgothaledbeforethatmagistrateforit。Butthereisnoshredofrespectworthyevidencethatanythingofthekindhappened。

Thehistorians，havingarguedthethingthatMIGHThavehappenedintothethingthatDIDhappen，foundnotroubleinturningSirThomasLucyintoMr。JusticeShallow。TheyhavelongagoconvincedtheworldonsurmiseandwithouttrustworthyevidencethatShallowISSirThomas。

ThenextadditiontotheyoungShakespeare’sStratfordhistorycomeseasy。Thehistorianbuildsitoutofthesurmiseddeersteeling，andthesurmisedtrialbeforethemagistrate，andthesurmisedvengeancepromptedsatireuponthemagistrateintheplay:result，theyoungShakespearewasawild，wild，wild，oh，SUCHawildyoungscamp，andthatgratuitousslanderisestablishedforalltime！ItistheverywayProfessorOsbornandIbuiltthecolossalskeletonbrontosaurthatstandsfifty

sevenfeetlongandsixteenfeethighintheNaturalHistoryMuseum，theaweandadmirationofalltheworld，thestateliestskeletonthatexistsontheplanet。Wehadninebones，andwebuilttherestofhimoutofplasterofParis。WeranshortofplasterofParis，orwe’dhavebuiltabrontosaurthatcouldsitdownbesidetheStratfordShakespeareandnonebutanexpertcouldtellwhichwasbiggestorcontainedthemostplaster。

Shakespearepronounced"VenusandAdonis""thefirstheirofhisinvention，"apparentlyimplyingthatitwashisfirsteffortatliterarycomposition。Heshouldnothavesaidit。Ithasbeenanembarrassmenttohishistoriansthesemany，manyyears。

TheyhavetomakehimwritethatgracefulandpolishedandflawlessandbeautifulpoembeforeheescapedfromStratfordandhisfamily1586or’87age，twentytwo，oralongthere;becausewithinthenextfiveyearshewrotefivegreatplays，andcouldnothavefoundtimetowriteanotherline。

Itissorelyembarrassing。Ifhebegantoslaughtercalves，andpoachdeer，androllickaround，andlearnEnglish，attheearliestlikelymomentsayatthirteen，whenhewassupposablywretchedfromthatschoolwherehewassupposablystoringupLatinforfutureliteraryusehehadhisyouthfulhandsfull，andmuchmorethanfull。HemusthavehadtoputasidehisWarwickshiredialect，whichwouldn’tbeunderstoodinLondon，andstudyEnglishveryhard。Veryhardindeed;incrediblyhard，almost，iftheresultofthatlaborwastobethesmoothandroundedandflexibleandletterperfectEnglishofthe"VenusandAdonis"inthespaceoftenyears;andatthesametimelearngreatandfineandunsurpassableliteraryFORM。

However，itis"conjectured"thatheaccomplishedallthisandmore，muchmore:learnedlawanditsintricacies;andthecomplexprocedureofthelawcourts;andallaboutsoldiering，andsailoring，andthemannersandcustomsandwaysofroyalcourtsandaristocraticsociety;andlikewiseaccumulatedinhisoneheadeverykindofknowledgethelearnedthenpossessed，andeverykindofhumbleknowledgepossessedbythelowlyandtheignorant;andaddedtheretoawiderandmoreintimateknowledgeoftheworld’sgreatliteratures，ancientandmodern，thanwaspossessedbyanyothermanofhistimeforhewasgoingtomakebrilliantandeasyandadmirationcompellinguseofthesesplendidtreasuresthemomenthegottoLondon。Andaccordingtothesurmisers，thatiswhathedid。Yes，althoughtherewasnooneinStratfordabletoteachhimthesethings，andnolibraryinthelittlevillagetodigthemoutof。Hisfathercouldnotread，andeventhesurmiserssurmisethathedidnotkeepalibrary。

ItissurmisedbythebiographersthattheyoungShakespearegothisvastknowledgeofthelawandhisfamiliarandaccurateacquaintancewiththemannersandcustomsandshoptalkoflawyersthroughbeingforatimetheCLERKOFASTRATFORDCOURT;