第4章

CHAPTER15-AFalseStartHAVINGhad，duringawanderingexistence，manyopportunitiesofobservingmycompatriotsawayfromhomeandfamiliarsurroundingsinvariouscirclesofcosmopolitansociety，atforeigncourts，indiplomaticlife，orunofficialcapacities，Iamforcedtoacknowledgethatwhereasmycountrywomaninvariablyassumedhernewpositionwithgraceanddignity，mycountryman，inthemajorityofcases，appearedatadisadvantage。

Itakeparticularpleasureinmakingthistributetomy"sisters"

tactandwit，asIhavebeenaccusedofbeing"hard"onAmericanwomen，andsomehalf-humorouscriticismshavebeentakenseriouslybyover-susceptiblewomen-doubtlesstroubledwithguiltyconsciencesfornothingismoreexactthantheoldFrenchproverb，"Itisonlythetruththatwounds。"

Thefactremainsclear，however，thatAmericanmen，asregardspolish，facilityinexpressingthemselvesinforeignlanguages，theartsofpleasingandentertaining，inshort，thethousandandonenothingscomposingthatagreeablewhole，acultivatedmemberofsociety，areinferiortotheirwomankind。IfeelsurethatallAmericanswhohavetravelledandhaveseentheircompatriotinhissocialrelationswithforeigners，willagreewiththis，reluctantasIamtoacknowledgeit。

Thatasisterandbrotherbroughtuptogether，underthesameinfluences，shouldlaterdiffertothisextentseemsincredible。

Itisjustthisthatconvincesmewehavemadeafalsestartasregardstheeducationandambitionsofouryoungmen。

Tofindthereasonsonehasonlytoglancebackatourpast。Afterthestrugglethatinsuredourexistenceasaunitednation，cameaperiodofgreatprosperity。Whenbothseemedsecure，wedidnotpauseandtakebreath，asitwere，beforeenteringanewepochofdevelopment，butdashedaheadontheoldlines。Itisherethatwegotonthewrongroad。Naturallyenoughtoo，forourpeculiarpositiononthiscontinent，farawayfromthecentresofcultivationandart，surroundedonlybylesssuccessfulstateswithwhichtocompareourselves，hasledusintoformingerroneousideasastotheproportionsofthings，causingustoexaggeratethevalueofmaterialprosperityandundervaluemattersofinfinitelygreaterimportance，whichhavebeenneglectedinconsequence。

Amanwho，afterfightingthroughourlatewar，hadsucceededinamassingafortune，naturallywishedhissontofollowhimontheonlyroadinwhichithadeveroccurredtohimthatsuccesswasofanyimportance。Sobeyondgivingtheboyacollegeeducation，whichhehadnotenjoyed，hisambitionrarelywent；hisideabeingtomakeapracticalbusinessmanofhim，oralawyer，thathecouldkeeptheestatetogethermoreintelligently。Inthousandsofcases，ofcourse，individualtasteandbentover-ruledthisinfluence，andacareerofscienceorartwaschosen；butinthemassoftheAmericanpeople，itwasfirmlyimplantedthatthepursuitofwealthwastheonlyoccupationtowhichareasonablehumanbeingcoulddevotehimself。Ayoungmanwhowasnotinsomewayengagedinincreasinghisincomewaslookeduponasaveryundesirablememberofsociety，andsure，soonerorlater，tocometoharm。

Millionairesdeclinedtosendtheirsonstocollege，sayingtheywouldgetideastherethatwouldunfitthemforbusiness，toPaterfamiliastheoneobjectoflife。Undersuchfosteringinfluences，theambitionsinourcountryhavegraduallygivenwaytomoneystandardsandthefalsestarthasbeenmade!Leavingasideatoncethequestionofmoneyinitsrelationtoourpolitics(althoughitwouldbeafruitfulsubjectformoralizing)，andconfiningourselvesstrictlytothesocialsideoflife，wesoonseetheresultsofthismammonworship。

InEngland(althoughEnglishmenhavebeencontemptuouslycalledtheshop-keepersoftheworld)theextensionandmaintenanceoftheirvastempireisthemainspringwhichkeepsthegreatmachineinmovement。Andoneseestensofthousandsofwell-bornanddelicately-bredmencheerfullyenteringthemanybranchesofpublicservicewherethehopeofwealthcannevercome，andretiringonpensionsorhalf-payinthestrengthoftheirmiddleage，apparentlywithoutaregretorathoughtbeyondtheircountry"swell-being。

InFrance，wherethepassionateloveoftheirownlandhasmadecolonialextensionimpossible，themodernFrenchmanofeducationismoreinterestedintheyearlyexhibitionattheSALONorinasuccessfulplayattheFRANCAIS，thaninthestockmarketsoftheworld。

Wouldthatouryoungmenhadeitherofthesebents!TheyhavecopiedfromEnglandacertainloveofsport，withouttheEnglishclimateorthecalmofcountryandgarrisonlife，tomakethesesportslogicalandnecessary。AstheyoungAmericanmillionairethinkshemustgoonincreasinghisfortune，weseetheanomalyofamanworkingthroughasummer"sdayinWallStreet，thendashinginatraintosomesuburbanclub，andappearingahalf-hourlateronthepolofield。Nexttowealth，sporthasbecometheambitionofthewealthyclasses，andhasgrownsointoourcollegelifethatthenumberofstudentsinthefreshmanclassofourgreatuniversitiesisseriouslyinfluencedbythatinstitution"slossesorgainsatfootball。

Whatistheresultofallthis？Ayoungmanstartsinlifewiththefirmintentionofmakingagreatdealofmoney。Ifhehasanytimeleftfromthatoccupationhewilldevoteittosport。Laterinlife，whenhehasleisureandtravels，orisotherwisethrownwithcultivatedstrangers，hemustnaturallybeatadisadvantage。

"Shop，"hecannottalk；heknowsthatisvulgar。Music，art，thedrama，andliteratureareclosedbookstohim，inspiteofthefactthathemayhaveaboxonthegrandtierattheoperaandacoupleofdozenhigh-priced"masterpieces"hangingaroundhisdrawing-

rooms。Ifheisofafinerclaythanthegeneralrunofhisclass，hewillrealizedimlythatsomehowthegoalhasbeenmissedinhisliferace。Hischaseafterthematerialhaslefthimsolittletimetocultivatetheideal，thathehaspreparedhimselfasadandaimlessoldage；unlesshecanfindpleasureindoingasdidamanIhavebeentoldabout，who，receivinghalfadozenmillionsfromhisfather"sestate，conceivedthenobleideaofincreasingthemsothathemightleavetoeachofhisfourchildrenasmuchashehadhimselfreceived。Withthestrictesteconomy，andbysuppressingoutofhislifeandthatofhischildrenallamusementsandsuperfluousoutlay，hehassucceedednowformanyyearsinlivingontheincomeofhisincome。TimewillneverhangheavyonthisHarpagon"shands。Heisaperfectlyhappyindividual，buthisconversationishardlyofakindtoattract，anditmaybedoubtediftherestofthefamilyareasmuchtobeenvied。

AnartistwhohadlivedmanyyearsofhislifeinParisandLondonwasspeakingtheotherdayofacuriousphasehehadremarkedinourAmericanlife。Hehadbeenaccustomedovertheretohavehisstudiothemeeting-placeoffriends，whowoulddropintosmokeandloungeawayanhour，chattingasheworked。Tohisastonishment，hetellsmethatsincehehasbeeninNewYorknotoneofthemanymenheknowshaseverpassedanhourinhisrooms。Isnotthatasignificantfact？Anotherremarkwhichpointsitsownmoralwasrepeatedtomerecently。Aforeignervisitinghere，towhomAmericanfriendswereshowingthesightsofourcity，exclaimedatlast:"Youhavenotpointedouttomeanycelebritiesexceptmillionaires。"Doyouseethatman？heisworthtenmillions。

Lookatthathouse!itcostonemilliondollars，andtherearepicturesinitworthoverthreemilliondollars。Thattrottercostonehundredthousanddollars，"etc。"Washenotright？Anddoesitnotgivemyreaderashuddertoseeinblackandwhitethephrasesthatare，nevertheless，sooftenonourlips？

Thislevellingofeverythingtoitscashvalueissoingrainedinusthatweareunconsciousofit，asweareofusingslangorlocalexpressionsuntilourattentioniscalledtothem。IwaspresentonceatafarceplayedinaLondontheatre，wheretheaudiencewentintoroarsoflaughtereverytimethestageAmericansaid，"Why，certainly。"Iwasindignant，andbeganexplainingtomyEnglishfriendthatweneverusedsuchanabsurdphrase。"Areyousure？"

heasked。"Why，certainly，"Isaid，andstopped，catchingthetwinkleinhiseye。

Itisverymuchthesamethingwithmoney。Wedonotnoticehowoftenitslipsintotheconversation。"Outofthefullnessoftheheartthemouthspeaketh。"TalktoanAmericanofapainterandthecharmofhiswork。Hewillbesuretoask，"Dohispicturessellwell？"andwillloseallinterestifyousayhecan"tsellthematall。Asifthathadanythingtodowithit!

Rememberingthewell-knownanecdoteofSchopenhauerandthegoldpiecewhichheusedtoputbesidehisplateattheTABLED"HOTE，whereheate，surroundedbytheyoungofficersoftheGermanarmy，andwhichwastobegiventothepoorthefirsttimeheheardanyconversationthatwasnotaboutpromotionorwomen，Ihavebeentemptedtotrytheexperimentinourclubs，changingthesubjectstostocksandsport，andfeelconfidentthatmycontributionstocharitywouldnotruinme。

Allthishashadtheresultofmakingourmendullcompanions；

afterdinner，oratacountryhouse，ifthesubjecttheyloveistabooed，theytalkofnothing!Itissadforarichman(unlesshismindhasremainedentirelybetweentheleavesofhisledger)torealizethatmoneyreallybuysverylittle，andaboveacertainamountcangivenosatisfactioninproportiontoitsbulk，beyondthatdelightwhichcomesfromasenseofpossession。Croesusoftendiscoversashegrowsoldthathehasneglectedtoprovidehimselfwiththeonlythingthat"isajoyforever"-acultivatedintellect-inordertoamassafortunethatturnstoashes，whenhehastimetoaskofitanyofthepleasuresandresourceshefondlyimagineditwouldaffordhim。LikeTalleyrand"syoungmanwhowouldnotlearnwhist，hefindsthathehaspreparedforhimselfadreadfuloldage!

CHAPTER16-AHolyLandNOTlongagoanarticlecameundermynoticedescriptiveoftheneighborhoodaroundGrant"stombandthecalmthatmidsummerbringstothatvicinity，laughinglyreferredtoasthe"HolyLand。"

Ascarelessfingerswanderingoverthestringsofaviolinmayunintentionallystrikeachord，sothewriterofthoselines，allunconsciously，withajest，setvibratingaworldoftendermemoriesandassociations；fortheregionspokenofistrulyaholylandtome，theplaygroundofmyyouth，andconnectedwiththesweetesttiesthatcanbindone"sthoughtstothepast。

ErnestRenaninhisSOUVENIRSD"ENFANCE，tellsofaBrittanylegend，firmlybelievedinthatwildland，ofthevanishedcityof"Is，"whichagesagodisappearedbeneaththewaves。Thepeasantsstillpointoutatacertainplaceonthecoastthesiteofthefabledcity，andthefishermentellhowduringgreatstormstheyhavecaughtglimpsesofitsbelfriesandrampartsfardownbetweenthewaves；andassertthatoncalmsummernightstheycanhearthebellschimingupfromthosedepths。Ialsohaveavanished"Is"inmyheart，andasIgrowolder，Ilovetolistentothemurmursthatfloatupfromthepast。Theyseemtocomefromaninfinitedistance，almostlikeechoesfromanotherlife。

Atthatenchantedtimewelivedduringthesummersinanoldwoodenhousemyfatherhadre-arrangedintoafairlycomfortabledwelling。

Atradition，whichnoonehadevertakenthetroubletoverify，averredthatWashingtonhadoncelivedthere，whichmadethatheroveryrealtous。Thepicturesqueoldhousestoodhighonaslopewherethelandrisesboldly；withanadmirableviewofdistantmountain，riverandopposingPalisades。

ThenewRiversidedrive(which，bythebye，shouldmakeusverylenienttowardthemenwhorobbedourcityascoreofyearsago，fortheyleftusthatvastworkinatonement)，hassochangedtheneighborhooditisimpossiblenowforpiousfeettomakeapilgrimagetothosechildishshrines。Onehouse，however，stillstandsaswhenitwasournearestneighbor。IthadshelteredGeneralGage，landformanyacresaroundhadbelongedtohim。Hewasanenthusiasticgardener，andimported，amongahundredotherfruitsandplants，the"QueenClaude"plumfromFrance，whichwassuccessfullyacclimatedonhisfarm。InNewYorkaplumofthatkindisstillcalleda"greengage。"ThehousehaschangedhandsmanytimessinceweusedtoplayaroundtheGrecianpillarsofitsportico。Arecentowner，dissatisfieddoubtlesswithitsclassicsimplicity，haspainteditacheerfulmustardcolorandcrowneditwithafinenewMANSARDroof。Thusdisfigured，andshornofitssurroundingtrees，thepooroldhousestandsblanklybytheroadside，remindingoneoftheGreekstatueinAnstey"s"PaintedVenus"aftertheLondonbarberhaddecoratedhertohistaste。

Whendrivingbytherenow，Iclosemyeyes。

Anotherhouse，whereweusedtobetakentoplay，wasthatofAudubon，intheparkofthatname。ManyarainyafternoonIhavepassedwithhischildrenchoosingourfavoritebirdsintheglasscasesthatfilledeverynookandcornerofthetumble-downoldplace，orturningovertheleavesoftheenormousvolumeshewouldsograciouslytakedownfromtheirplacesforouramusement。I

oftenwonderwhathasbecomeofthosevastIN-FOLIOS，andifanyoneeveropensthemnowandadmiresaswedidtheglowingcoloredplatesinwhichtheoldornithologisttooksuchpride。Thereissomethinginfinitelysadintheideaofacollectionofbooksslowlygatheredtogetheratthepriceofprivationsandsacrifices，cherished，fondled，lovinglyread，andthenattheowner"sdeath，coldlysentawaytostandforeverunopenedontheshelvesofsomepubliclibrary。Itislikeneglectingpoordumbchildren!

Aneventthatmadeaprofoundimpressiononmychildishimaginationoccurredwhilemyfather，whowasnevertiredofimprovingourlittledomain，wascuttingapathwaydownthesteepsideoftheslopetotheriver。Agreatslab，dislodgedbyaworkman"spick，felldisclosingthegraveofanIndianchief。Inalowarchwayorshallowcavesattheskeletonofthechieftain，hisbowsandarrowsarrangedaroundhimontheground，mingledwithfragmentsofanelaboratecostume，ofwhichlittleremainedbutthebead-work。

Thatitwasthetombofamangreatamonghispeoplewasevidentfromthecarewithwhichthegravehadbeenpreparedandthenhidden，provinghow，hundredsofyearsbeforeourcivilization，anotherracehadchosenthisnoblecliffandstatelyriverlandscapeasthefittingframeworkforagreatwarrior"stomb。

Thisdiscoverymadenolittlestirinthescientificworldofthatday。Hundredscametoseeit，andasphotographyhadnotthencomeintotheworld，manydrawingsweremadeandcaststaken，andfinallythewholethingwasremovedtotheroomsoftheHistoricalSociety。Fromthatdaythelonelylittlepathheldanawfulcharmforus。OurchildishreadingsofCooperhaddevelopedinusthatloveoftheIndianandhiswildlife，socharacteristicofboyhoodthirtyyearsago。Onstillsummerafternoons，theplacehadaprimevalcalmthatfrozetheyoungbloodinourveins。Althoughwepridedourselvesonourqualityas"braves，"andsecretlypinedtobeledonthewar-path，wewereshyofwalkinginthatvicinityindaylight，andnopoweronearth，noteventheofferofthetomahawkorsnow-shoesforwhichoursoulslonged，wouldhavetakenusthereatnight。

AplaceconnectedinmymemorywithatragicassociationwasacrosstheriveronthelastsouthernslopeofthePalisades。HerewestoodbreathlesswhilemyfathertoldthebriefstoryoftheduelbetweenBurrandHamilton，andshowedustherockstainedbytheyoungerman"slife-blood。InthosedaystherewasasimpleironrailingaroundthespotwhereHamiltonhadexpired，butoflateryearsIhavebeenunabletofindanytraceoftheplace。Thetideofimmigrationhasbroughtsodeepadepositof"saloons"andsuburban"balls"thattheveryfaceofthelandischanged，oldloversofthatshoreknowitnomore。Neverweretheenvironsofacitysowantonlyandrecklesslydegraded。Municipalitieshaveviedwithmillionairesinsoilinganddebasingtheexquisiteshoresofourriver，that，thirtyyearsago，wereunrivalledtheworldover。

Theglamourofthepaststillliesformeuponthislandscapeinspiteofitsmanydefacements。Theriverwhispersofboyishboatingparties，andthewoodsrecallathousandchildishhopesandfears，resolutedeparturestojointhepirates，ortheredmenintheirstrongholds-journeysboldlycarriedoutuntiltwilightcooledourcourageandthesupper-hourprovedastrongertemptationthanwarandcarnage。

WhenIsatdownthissummereveningtowriteafewlinesabouthappydaysonthebanksoftheHudson，Ihardlyrealizedhowsweetthosememoriesweretome。Therewritingoftheoldnameshasevokedfromtheirlongsleepsomanylovedfaces。Armsseemreachingouttomefromthepast。Thehouseisverystilltonight。

Iseemtobenearermyloveddeadthantotheliving。Thebellsofmylost"Is"areringingclearinthesilence。

CHAPTER17-RoyaltyAtPlayFEWmoreamusingsightsaretobeseeninthesedays，thanthatofcrownedheadsrunningawayfromtheirdulloldcourtsandfunctions，roughingitinhotelsandvillas，gambling，yachtingandplayingatbeingrichnobodies。WithmuchintelligencetheyhaveallchosenthesameRepublicanplayground，wherevisitscannotpossiblybetwistedintomeaninganynew"combination"orpoliticalmove，thusassuringthemselvesthefreedomfromcareorresponsibility，thatseemstobetheaimoftheirexistence。

Alongsideofwell-to-doRoyaltiesingoodpayingsituations，arethoseoutofajob，whoarelookingaboutfora"place。"Onecannottakeanafternoon"srambleanywherebetweenCannesandMentonewithoutmeetingahalf-dozenofthesemagnates。

Theotherday，inoneshortwalk，IranacrossthreeEmpresses，twoQueens，andanHeir-apparent，andthenfledtomyhotel，fearingtobeunfittedforAmerica，ifIwenton"keepingsuchcompany。"Theyareknowingenough，thesewanderinggreatones，andaftertryingmanyplaceshavehitonthischarmingcoastasofferingmorethananyotherfortheircomfortandenjoyment。ThevogueofthesesunnyshoresdatesfromtheirannexationtoFrance，-apriceVictorEmmanuelreluctantlypaidforFrenchhelpinhiswarwithAustria。NapoleonIII。"sdemandforSavoyandthislittoral，wasfirstmadeknowntoVictorEmmanuelatastateballatGenoa。

Savoywashisbirthplaceandhishome!TheKingbrokeintoawildtemper，cursingtheFrenchEmperorandmakinginsultingallusionstohisparentage，sayinghehadnotonedropofBonapartebloodinhisveins。TheKing"sfrightenedcourtierstriedtostopthisoutburst，showinghimtheFrenchAmbassadorathiselbow。WithasuperhumaneffortVictorEmmanuelcontrolledhimself，andturningtotheAmbassador，said:

"Ifearmytongueranawaywithme!"WithasmileandabowthegreatFrenchdiplomatistremarked:

"SIRE，IamsodeafIhavenotheardawordyourMajestyhasbeensaying!"

ThefashionofcomingtotheRivieraforhealthorforamusement，datesfromthesixties，whentheEmpressofRussiapassedawinteratNice，asalastattempttoprolongtheexistenceofthedyingTsarewitsch，herson。TherealsothenextseasontheDukeofEdinburghwooedandwonherdaughter(thenthegreatestheiressinEurope)forhisbride。Theworldmovesfastandajourneyitrequiredamatteroflifeanddeathtodecideon，then，isgaylyundertakennow，thataprincemayraceayacht，oraprincesstryherluckatthegamblingtables。Whenonereflectsthatthe"royalcaste，"inEuropealone，numberssomeeighthundredpeople，andthattheEastisbeginningtosendoutitsmoreenterprisingcrownedheadstogetatasteofthefun，thatbeyonddrawingtheirsalaries，thesegoodpeoplehaveabsolutelynothingtodo，excepttoamusethemselves，itisnowonderthatthishappylandiscrowdedwithroyalpleasure-seekers。

AfteratryatFlorenceandAix，"theQueen"hasbeenfaithfultoCimiez，acharmingsitebackofNice。ThatgaycityisalwaysEN

FETEthedayshearrives，ashercarriagespasssurroundedbyFrenchcavalry，onecancatchaglimpseofherbigface，anddowdylittlefigure，whichneverthelessshecanmakesodignifiedwhenoccasionrequires。Thestayhereis，indeed，aholidayforthisrecord-breakingsovereign，whopottersaboutherprivategroundsofamorninginadonkey-chair，sunningherselfandwatchingherBattenberggrandchildrenatplay。Intheafternoon，shedrivesacoupleofhours-inanopencarriage-oneoutriderinblackliveryalonedistinguishingherturnoutfromtheothers。

ThePrinceofWalesmakeshisheadquartersatCanneswherehehaspoorluckinsailingtheBrittania，forwhichheconsoleshimselfwithjollydinnersatMonteCarlo。YoucanseehimalmostanyeveningintheRESTAURANTDEPARIS，surroundedbyhisownparticularset，-theDuchessofDevonshire(whostartedapennilessGermanofficer"sdaughter，andbecametwiceaduchess)；

LadydeGreyandLadyWolverton，bothshowingnearsixfeetofslenderEnglishbeauty；attheirside，andlovelierthaneither，theCountessofEssex。Thehusbandsofthese"MerryWives"areabsent，butdonotseemtobemissed，astheladiessitsmokingandlaughingovertheircoffee，thepartyonlybreakinguptowardseleveno"clocktotryitsluckatTRENTEETQUARANTE，untila"special"takesthembacktoCannes。

Heisgettingsadlyoldandfat，isEngland"sheir，thelikenesstohismammabecomingmoremarkedeachyear。Hisvoice，too，isoddlylikehers，deepandguttural，moreadaptedtothepaternalGerman(whichallthisfamilyspeakwhenalone)thantohisnativeEnglish。Hair，hehasnone，exceptalittlefringeacrossthebackofhishead，justaboveafinelargerolloffatthatblushesabovehisshirt-collar。Toobadthatthisdiscoveryofthemicrobeofbaldnesscomesratherlateforhim!Hehasapleasanttwinkleinhissmalleyes，andanentireabsenceofPOSE，thataccountslargelyforhisimmenseandenduringpopularity。

ButtheHotelCapMartinsheltersquietercrownedheads。TheEmperorandEmpressofAustria，whotrampaboutthehillyroads，theKingandQueenofSaxonyandthefatArch-duchessStephanie。

Austria"sEmpresslookssadlychangedandill，asdoesanotherladyofwhomonecanoccasionallycatchaglimpse，walkingpainfullywithacrutch-stickintheshadowofthetreesnearhervilla。Itishardtobelievethatthiswhite-haired，bentoldwomanwasoncetheimperialbeautywhofromthesalonsoftheTuileriesdictatedthefashionsoftheworld!Fewhavepaidsodearlyfortheirbriefhourofsplendor!

CanneswithitsexcellentharboristhecentreofinterestduringtheracingseasonwhentheTsarewitschcomesonhisyachtCzaritza。

AttheBattleofFlowers，oneisprettysuretoseetheDukeofCambridge，hisImperialHighness，theGrandDukeMichael，PrinceChristianofDenmark，H。R。H。theDukeofNassau，H。R。H。theArchdukeFerdinandd"Este，theirSereneHighnessesofMecklenburg-

SchwerinandtheSaxe-Coburg-Gothas，alsoH。R。H。MarieValerieandtheSchleswig-Holsteins，peltingeachotherandthepublicwithCONFETTIandflowers。Indeed，halftheA1MANACHDEGOTHA，thatcontinental"societylist，"seemstobesunningitselfhereandforgettingitscares，onbicyclesoronboardyachts。ItissaidthattheCrownPrincessofHonolulu(whoevershemaybe)honorsMentonewithherpresence，andthenewlydeposedQueen"Ranavalo"

ofMadagascarisENROUTEtojoininthefun。

Thiscrowdofroyaltyremindsmeofastorytheoldsea-dogswhogatheraboutthe"Admirals"corner"oftheMetropolitanClubinWashington，lovetotellyou。AnAmericancockswain，dazzledbyadoublyroyalvisit，withattendingsuites，onboardtheold"Constitution，"cameuptohiscommandingofficerandtouchinghiscap，said:

"Begpardon，Admiral，butoneofthemkingshastumbleddownthegangwayandbrokehisleg。"

Ithasbecomeamuchmoreamusingthingtowearacrownthanitwas。TimeshavechangedindeedsinceMarieLaczinskalivedthefiftylonelyyearsofherweddedlifeandborehermanychildren，inonebed-roomatVersailles-amonotonyonlybrokenbyvisitstoFontainebleauorMarly。Shakespeare"slinenolongerfitsthecase。

Beyondsecuringrichmatchesfortheirchildren，andkeepingasharplookoutthattheRadicalsathomedonotundulycutdowntheircivillists，thesegreatoneshavelittlebuttheiramusementstooccupythem。Dotheyeverreflect，astheyrushaboutvisitingeachotherandsquabblingoverprecedencewhentheymeet，thatsomefinemorningthetax-payersmaywakeup，andaskeachotherwhytheyarebeingcrushedundersuchheavyloads，thateighthundredormorequiteuselesspeoplemaypasstheirlivesinforeignwatering-places，awayfromtheirhomesandtheirduties？

Itwillbeabaddayforthemwhenthelong-sufferingsubjectssaytothem，"Sincewegetonsoexceedinglywellduringyourmanyvisitsabroad，wethinkwewilltryhowitwillworkwithoutyouatall!"

ThePrinceoflittleMonacoseemstobeabouttheonlyoneuptothesituation，forheatleaststaysathome，andinconnectionwithtwoothergentlemenrunsanexceedinglygoodhotelandseveralrestaurantsonhisestates，doingallhecantoattractmoneyintotheplace，whilemakingthestrictestlawstopreventhissubjectsgamblingatthefamoustables。Nowifotherroyaltiesinsteadofamusingthemselvesalltheyearroundwouldgoinforsomethingpracticallikethis，theymightbecomeusefulmembersofthecommunity。ThisideaofMonaco"sPrincestrikesoneasmosttimely，andasopeningacareerforotherindigentcrownedheads。

Hotelsaregettingsogoodandsonumerous，thatwithoutsomeespecial"attraction"anewonecanhardlysucceed；buta"HohenzollernHouse"wellsituatedinBerlin，withWilliamII。toreceivethetouristsatthedoor，andhisfatwifeatthedesk，wouldbesuretoprosper。Itcertainlywouldbepleasanterforhimtospendmoneysohonestlyearnedthanthemillionswrestedfromhalf-starvingpeasantswhichformhispresentincome。Besidesthereisalmostasmuchgoldlaceonahotelemployee"sliveryasonacourtcostume!

Thenumerouscrownedheadsonemeetswanderingabout，canhardlylullthemselvesovertheir"games"withtheflatteringunctionthattheyareofuse，for，havetheynotFrancebeforethem(whichtheyfindsomuchtotheirtaste)stronger，richer，morerespectedthaneversincesheshookherselffreeofsuchincumbrances？Nottomentionourowndemocraticcountry，whichhasmanagedtoholditsown，inspiteoftheirmanygleefulpredictionstothecontrary。

CHAPTER18-ARockAheadHAVINGhadoccasionseveraltimesduringthispastseason，topassbythelargerstoresinthevicinityofTwenty-thirdStreet，Ihavebeenstruckmorethanever，bytheendlessflowofwomankindthatbeatsagainstthedoorsofthoseestablishments。Iftheyweretempleswhereabeneficentdeitywasdistributinghealth，learning，andallthegoodthingsofexistence，therushcouldhardlyhavebeengreater。ItsaddenedmetorealizethateachoftheeagerwomenIsawwas，onthecontrary，dispensingsomethingofherstrengthandbrain，aswellasthewearilyearnedstipendofthemenofherfamily(ifnotherown)，forwhatcouldbeoflittleprofittoher。

Itoccurredtomethat，ifthepeoplewhoaresoquicktotalkabouttheelevatingandrefininginfluencesofwomen，couldtakeanhourortwoandinspectthecentresinquestion，theymightnotbesofirmintheirbeliefs。For，reluctantasIamtoacknowledgeit，theonegreatmisfortuneinthiscountry，istheunnaturalpositionwhichhasbeen(fromsomemistakenideaofchivalry)

accordedtowomenhere。Theresultofplacingthemonthispedestal，andtreatingthemasthingsapart，hasbeentomakewomeninAmericapoorerhelpmeetstotheirhusbandsthaninanyothercountryonthefaceoftheglobe，civilizedoruncivilized。

Strangeasitmayappear，thisisnotconfinedtotherich，butpermeatesallclasses，becomingmoreharmfulindescendingthesocialscale，anditwillbringaboutadisintegrationofoursociety，soonerthancouldbebelieved。Thesayingonwhichwehaveallbeenbroughtup，viz。，thatyoucangaugethepointofcivilizationattainedinanationbythepositionitaccordstowoman，wasquitetrueaslongaswomanwasconsideredman"sinferior。Tomakeherhisequalwasperfectlyjust；allthetroublebeginswhenyouattempttomakeherman"ssuperior，asomethingapartfromhisworkinglife，andnotthecompanionofhistroublesandcares，asshewasintendedtobe。

WhenasmallshopkeeperinEuropemarries，thenextdayyouwillseehisyoungwifetakingherplaceatthedeskinhisshop。Whileheserveshiscustomers，hissmilingspousekeepsthebooks，makeschange，andhasaneyeontheemployees。Atnoontheydinetogether；intheevening，aftertheshopisclosed，arepleasedorsaddenedtogetherovertheresultsoftheday。Thewife"sDOT

almostalwaysgoesintothebusiness，sothatthereisacommunityofinteresttounitethem，andtheirlivesarepassedtogether。Inthiscountry，whathappens？Thehusbandplaceshisnewwifeinasmallhouse，orintwoorthreefurnishedrooms，generallysofarawaythatallideaofdiningwithherisimpossible。Inconsequence，hehasa"quicklunch"downtown，anddoesnotseehiswifebetweeneighto"clockinthemorningandsevenintheevening。

Hisbusinessisaclosedbooktoher，inwhichshecanhavenointerest，forherwearyhusbandnaturallyrevoltsfromtalking"shop，"evenifsheisinapositiontounderstandhim。

Hisfalsesenseofshieldingherfromtherudeworldmakeshimkeephistroublestohimself，sosherarelyknowshisfinancialpositionandsulksoverhis"meanness"toher，inregardtopin-money；andbeingaperfectlyidleperson，herdaysareapttobepassedinawayespeciallydevisedbySatanforunoccupiedhands。Shehaslearnednocookingfromhermother；"goingtomarket"hasbecomeathingofthepast。Soshefallsavictimtotheallurementsofthebargain-counter；returninghomeafterhoursofaimlesswandering，irritableandaggrievedbecauseshecannotownthebeautifulthingsshehasseen。Shepassestheeveningintryingtowinherhusband"sconsenttosomepurchaseheknowshecannotafford，whileitbreakshishearttorefuseher-someobject，which，wereshereallyhiscompanion，shewouldnothavehadthetimetoseeorthefollytoaskfor。

Thejanitorinourbuildingistrulyatoiler。Herarelyleaveshisdismalquartersunderthesidewalk，but"Madam"walksthestreetscladinsealskinandsilk，a"Gainsborough"crowningherfalse"bang。"IalwaysthinkofMaxO"Rell"scleversaying，whenI

seeher:"ThesweatoftheAmericanhusbandcrystallizesintodiamondear-ringsfortheAmericanwoman。"Myjanitresssportsadiminutivepairofthosejewelsandhashopesoflargerones!

Insteadof"doing"thebachelor"sroomsinthebuildingasherhusband"shelpmeet，she"does"herspouse，andachar-womanworksforher。SheisoneofthedropsinthetidethatebbsandflowsonTwenty-thirdStreet-adiscontentedwomanplacedinafalsepositionbyourabsurdcustoms。

Goalittlefurtherupinthesocialscaleandyouwillfindthesame"detached"feeling。InahouseholdIknowofonlyonehorseandaCOUPEcanbeafforded。Doyousupposeitisfortheuseofthewearybreadwinner？Notatall。Hewalksfromhishometothe"elevated。"Thecarriageistotakehiswifetoteasorthepark。

Inayearortwoshewillgoabroad，leavinghimalonetoturnthecrankthatproducestheincome。Asitis，shealwaysleaveshimforsixmonthseachyearinahalf-closedhouse，tothetendermerciesofacaretaker。Twoadditionalwordscouldbeadvantageouslyaddedtotheweddingservice。After"forricherforpoorer，"Ishouldliketohearabridepromisetoclingtoherhusband"forwinterforsummer!"

MakeanotherstepupandstandintheentranceofahouseattwoA。M。，justasthecotillioniscommencing，andwatchthecouplesleaving。Thehusband，whohasbeeninWallStreetallday，knowsthathemustbethereagainatninenextmorning。Heisfuriousatthelatenessofthehour，anddroppingwithfatigue。Hiswife，whohasdonenothingtowearyher，isequallyenragedtobetakenawayjustastheballwasbecomingamusing。Whatahappy，unitedpairtheyareasthefootmanclosesthedoorandthecarriagerollsoffhome!Whoistoblame？Thehusbandisvainlytryingtoleadthemostexactingofdoublelives，thatofabusinessmanalldayandasocietymanallnight。Youcanpickhimoutataglanceinaballroom。Hiseyeshowsyouthatthereisnorestforhim，forhehasplacedhiswifeattheheadofanestablishmentwhoseworkingcrusheshimintothemudofcareandanxiety。Hasheanyonetoblamebuthimself？

InEngland，Iamtold，themanofafamilygoesuptoLondoninthespringandgetshiscompleteoutfit，downtothesmallestdetailsofhat-boxandumbrella。Iftherehappenstobemoneyleft，thewifegetsanewgownortwo:ifnot，she"turns"theoldonesandrejoicesvicariouslyinthesplendorofher"lord。"Iknowonecharminglittlehomeoverthere，wheretheladiescannotaffordapony-carriage，becausethethreeindispensablehunterseatupthewhere-withal。

Thackeraywasdelightedtofindonehousehold(MajorPonto"s)wherethegovernessruledsupreme，andIfeelafiendishpleasureintheseaccountsofacountrywheremenhavebeenabletomaintainsomerights，andammovedtopreachacrusadefortheliberationoftheAmericanhusband，thatthepoor，down-troddencreaturemayrevoltfromtheslaverywhereheisheldandoncemoreclaimhisbirthright。Ifhebeprompttoact(andissuccessful)hemayworksuchareformthatourgirls，onmarrying，mayfeelthatsomedutiesandresponsibilitiesgowiththeirnewpositions；andastateofthingsbechanged，whereitispossibleforawomantobepitiedbyherfriendsasamodelofabnegation，becauseshehasdecidedtoremainintownduringthesummertokeepherhusbandcompanyandmakehiswearyhome-comingbrighter。Orwhere(asinastoryrecentlyheard)aforeigneronbeingpresentedtoanAmericanbrideabroadandaskingforherhusband，couldhearinanswer:"Oh，hecouldnotcome；hewastoobusy。Iammakingmywedding-tripwithouthim。"

CHAPTER19-TheGrandPrixINmostcities，itisimpossibletosaywhenthe"season"ends。InLondonandwithusinNewYorkitdwindlesoffwithoutanyspecialfinish，butinParisitcloseslikeatrap-door，orthecurtainonthelastsceneofapantomime，whilethelightsareblazingandtheorchestraisbangingitsloudest。TheGRANDPRIX，whichtakesplaceonthesecondSundayinJune，istheclimaxofthespringgayeties。Uptothatdate，thesocialpacehasbeengettingfasterandfaster，likethefinishofthebigraceitself，andfortunatelyforthelivesofthewomenaswellasthehorses，endsassuddenly。

In1897，thelaststeeplechaseatAuteuil，whichprecedestheGRAND-PRIXbyoneweek，waswonbyahorsebelongingtoanactressoftheTHEATREFRANCAIS，aladywhohasbeenagreatdealbeforethepublicalreadyinconnectionwiththelifeanddeathofyoungLebaudy。Thisyouthhavinghadthemisfortunetoinheritanenormousfortune，whilestillamereboy，plungedintothewildestdissipation，andbecamethepreyofabandofsharpersandblacklegs。Mlle。MarieLouiseMarsyappearstohavebeentheonepersonwhohadasincereaffectionfortheunfortunateyouth。Whenhishealthgavewayduringhismilitaryservice，shethrewoverherengagementwiththeFRANCAIS，andnursedherloveruntilhisdeath-adevotionrewardedbythegiftofamillion。

Atthepresentmoment，fourorfiveofthebandofself-stylednoblemenwhotradedontheboy"sinexperienceandgenerosity，areservingouttermsinthestateprisonsforblackmailing，andtheTHEATREFRANCAISpossessestheanomalyofayoungandbeautifulactress，whorunsaracingstableinherownname。

THEGRANDPRIXdatesfromthereignofNapoleonIII。，who，atthesuggestionofthegreatrailwaycompanies，inauguratedthisracein1862，inimitationoftheEnglishDerby，asameansofattractingpeopletoParis。Thecityandtherailwayseachgivehalfoftheforty-thousand-dollarprize。Itisthegreatofficialraceoftheyear。ThePresidentoccupiesthecentralpavilion，surroundedbythemembersofthecabinetandthediplomaticcorps。OnthetribunesandlawncanbeseentheTOUTPARIS-allthecelebritiesofthegreatandhalf-worldwhoplaysuchanimportantpartinthelifeofFrance"scapital。ThewholecolonyoftheRASTAQUOUERES，issuretobethere，"RASTAS，"astheyarefamiliarlycalledbytheParisians，whomakelittleifanydistinctionintheirmindsbetweenaSouthAmerican(blazingindiamondsandvulgarclothes)

andourownselect(？)colony。AproposofthisinabilityoftheEuropeanstoappreciateourfinesocialdistinctions，Ihavebeentoldofawell-bornNewYorkerwhotookaFrenchnoblewomanrathertotaskforreceivinganAmericanshethoughtunworthyofnotice，andsaid:

"Howcanyoureceiveher？Herhusbandkeepsahotel!"

"Isthatanyreason？"askedtheFrench-woman；"IthoughtallAmericanskepthotels。"

FortheGRANDPRIX，everywomannotabsolutelybankrupthasanewcostume，heroneideabeingaCREATIONthatwillattractattentionandeclipseherrivals。Thedressmakershavehadabusytimeofitforweeksbefore。

Everyhorsethatcanstandupispressedintoservicefortheday。

Fortwenty-fourhoursbefore，thewholecityisENFETE，andParisENFETEisalwaysasightworthseeing。ThenaturalgayetyoftheParisians，acharacteristicnoticed(ifwearetobelievethehistorians)asfarbackastheconquestofGaulbyJuliusCaesar，breaksoutinallitsamusingspontaneity。Ifthedayisfine，theentirepopulationgivesitselfuptoamusement。FromearlymorningthecurrentsetstowardsthecharmingcorneroftheBoiswheretheLongchampsrace-courselies，picturesquelyencircledbytheSeine(alivewithathousandboats)，andbackedbythewoodyslopesofSuresnesandSt。Cloud。Bynooneverycornerandvantagepointofthelandscapeisseizedupon，when，withablareoftrumpetsandtherattleofcavalry，thePresidentarrivesinhisturnoutALA

DAUMONT，twopostilionsinblueandgold，andaPIQUEUR，precededbyadetachmentoftheshowyGARDESREPUBLICAINSonhorseback，andtakeshisplaceinthelittlepavilionwhereforsomanyyearsEugenieusedtositinstate，andwhichhasshelteredsomanycrownedheadsunderitssimpleroof。Faure"sarrivalisthesignalfortheracingtobegin，fromthatmomenttheinterestgoesonincreasinguntilthegreat"event。"TheninaninstantthevastthrongofhumanbeingsbreaksupandflowshomewardacrosstheBois，fillingthebigPlacearoundtheArcdeTriomphe，rollingdowntheChampsElysees，intwentyparallellinesofcarriages。

Thesidewalksarefilledwithalaughing，singing，uproariouscrowdthatquicklyinvadeseveryrestaurant，CAFE，orchop-houseuntiltheirlittletablesoverflowontothegrassandside-walks，andevenintothemiddleofthestreets。Laterintheeveningtheopen-airconcertsandtheatresarepacked，andeverylittlesquareorganizesitsimpromptuball，themusiciansmountedontables，andthecrowddancinggaylyonthewoodenpavementuntildaybreak。

Thenextday，Parisbecomesfromafashionablepointofview，"impossible。"Ifyouwalkthroughthericherquarters，youwillseeonlylonglinesofclosedwindows。Theapproachestotherailwaystationsareblockedwithcabspiledwithtrunksandbicycles。The"greatworld"isfleeingtotheseashoreoritsCHATEAUX，andPariswillknowitnomoreuntilJanuary，fortheFrenchareacountry-lovingrace，andsincetherehasbeennocourt，thearistocracypasslongerandlongerperiodsontheirownestateseachyear，partlyfromchoiceandlargelytoshowtheirdisdainfortherepublicanditsentertainments。

Theshadydrivesinthepark，whichonlyadayortwoagoweresobrilliantwithsmarttrapsandspringtoilets，arebecomeacoolwilderness，wherewillmeet，perhaps，afewmaidenladiesexercisingfatdogs，uninterruptedexceptbythewatering-cartorbyafewstraytouristsincabs。NowcomesadelightfultimefortherealamateurofParisandthecountryaround，whichisfullofcharmingcornerswhereonecandineatquietlittlerestaurants，overhangingthewaterorburiedamongtrees。Youaresureofgettingthebestofattentionfromthewaiters，andthedishesyouorderreceiveallthecook"sattention。OfaneveningtheBoisisalivewithamyriadofbicycles，theirlightstwinklingamongthetreeslikemany-coloredfire-flies。Toanyonewhoknowshowtolivethere，ParisisatitsbestinthelasthalfofJuneandJuly。

Nevertheless，inacoupleofdaystherewillnotbeanAmericaninParis，Londonbeingtheobjectivepoint；forwelovetobe"inatthedeath，"andacoronation，amusicalfestival，orabigraceissuretoattractallourfloatingpopulation。

TheAmericanswhohavethehardesttimeinParisarethosewhotryto"runwiththedeerandhuntwiththehounds，"astheFrenchproverbhasit，whowouldfainserveGodandMammon。AsanythingespeciallyamusingissuretotakeplaceonSundayinthiswickedcapital，ourfriendsgothroughagoniesofindecision，theirconsciencespullingoneway，theirdesiretoamusethemselvestheother。Somefindamiddlecourse，itseems，foryesterdaythisconversationwasoverheardonthestepsoftheAmericanChurch:

FIRSTAMERICANLADY:"Areyougoingtostopforthesermon？"

SECONDAMERICANLADY:"IamsosorryIcan"t，buttheracesbeginatone!"

CHAPTER20-"TheTreadmill。"

AHALF-HUMOROUS，half-patheticepistlehasbeensenttomebyawoman，whoexplainsinitherparticularperplexity。Suchlettersarethewindfallsofourprofession!Forwhatismoreattractivethantohaveawomantakeyouforherlayconfessor，towhomshecomesforadviceintrouble？openingherinnocentheartforyourinspection!

Mycorrespondentcomplainsthatherdaysarenotsufficientlylong，norisherstrengthgreatenough，forthethousandandonedutiesandobligationsimposeduponher。"If，"shesays，"awomanhasfriendsandasmallplaceintheworld-andwhohasnotinthesedays？-shemustgolfor"bike"orskateabit，ofamorning；thensheisapttolunchout，orhaveafriendortwoin，tothatmeal。

Afterluncheonthereissuretobea"class"ofsomekindthatshehasfoolishlyjoined，oracharitymeeting，matinee，orreception；

butaboveall，thereareher"duty"calls。Shemustbehomeatfivetomaketea，thatshehaspromisedhermenfriends，andtheywillnotleaveuntilitistimeforhertodressfordinner，"out"

orathome，withoftentheopera，asupper，oraballtofollow。

Itisquiteimpossible，"sheadds，"underthesecircumstancestoapplyone"sselftoanythingserious，toreadabookorevenopenaperiodical。Themostonecanaccomplishisaglanceatapaper。"

Indeed，itwouldrequireanexceptionalconstitutiontocarryouttheaboveprogramme，nottomentiontheattentionthatawomanmust(howeverreluctantly)givetoherhouseandherfamily。Wherearethequiethourstobefoundforself-culture，theperusalofafavoriteauthor，or，perhaps，alittletimid"writing"onherownaccount？Nordoesthistreadmillroundfillafewmonthsonlyofherlife。Withslightvariationsofsceneandcostume，itcontinuesthroughtheyear。

Apainter，Iknow，wasfortunateenoughtoreceive，ayearortwoago，thecommissiontopaintawell-knownbeauty。Hewasdelightedwiththeideaandconvincedthathecouldmakeherportraitthebestworkofhislife，onethatwouldbethestepping-stonetofameandfortune。Thiswasinthespring。Hewasnaturallyburningtobeginatonce，butfoundtohisdismaythattheladywasjustaboutstartingforEurope。Sohewaited，andathersuggestioninstalledhimselfacoupleofmonths

laterattheseasidecitywhereshehadacottage。Noonecouldbemorecharmingthan