第4章

Atlast，whenheconsideredthetimetoberipe，hebegansecretlytosowtheseedsofdiscontentamongthepeople。Itwashisdeliberatepurpose，fromthebeginning，tosubvertthegovernment，butofcoursehekeptthattohimselfforatime。Heuseddifferentartswithdifferentindividuals。HeawakeneddissatisfactioninonequarterbycallingattentiontotheshortnessoftheSundayservices；hearguedthatthereshouldbethreethree-hourservicesonSundayinsteadofonlytwo。Manyhadsecretlyheldthisopinionbefore；theynowprivatelybandedthemselvesintoapartytoworkforit。Heshowedcertainofthewomenthattheywerenotallowedsufficientvoiceintheprayer-meetings；thusanotherpartywasformed。Noweaponwasbeneathhisnotice；heevendescendedtothechildren，andawokediscontentintheirbreastsbecause——ashediscoveredforthem——theyhadnotenoughSunday-school。

Thiscreatedathirdparty。

Now，asthechiefoftheseparties，hefoundhimselfthestrongestpowerinthecommunity。Soheproceededtohisnextmove-anolessimportantonethantheimpeachmentofthechiefmagistrate，JamesRussellNickoy；

amanofcharacterandability，andpossessedofgreatwealth，hebeingtheownerofahousewithaparlortoit，threeacresandahalfofyam-

land，andtheonlyboatinPitcairn"s，awhaleboat；and，mostunfortunately，apretextforthisimpeachmentoffereditselfatjusttherighttime。

Oneoftheearliestandmostpreciouslawsoftheislandwasthelawagainsttrespass。Itwasheldingreatreverence，andwasregardedasthepalladiumofthepeople"sliberties。Aboutthirtyyearsagoanimportantcasecamebeforethecourtsunderthislaw，inthiswise:achickenbelongingtoElizabethYoung(aged，atthattime，fifty-eight，adaughterofJohnMills，oneofthemutineersoftheBounty)trespasseduponthegroundsofThursdayOctoberChristian(agedtwenty-nine，agrandsonofFletcherChristian，oneofthemutineers)。Christiankilledthechicken。Accordingtothelaw，Christiancouldkeepthechicken；or，ifhepreferred，hecouldrestoreitsremainstotheownerandreceivedamagesin"produce"toanamountequivalenttothewasteandinjurywroughtbythetrespasser。Thecourtrecordssetforththat"thesaidChristianaforesaiddiddelivertheaforesaidremainstothesaidElizabethYoung，anddiddemandonebushelofyamsinsatisfactionofthedamagedone。"ButElizabethYoungconsideredthedemandexorbitant；thepartiescouldnotagree；thereforeChristianbroughtsuitinthecourts。

Helosthiscaseinthejustice"scourt；atleast，hewasawardedonlyahalf-peckofyams，whichheconsideredinsufficient，andinthenatureofadefeat。Heappealed。Thecaselingeredseveralyearsinanascendinggradeofcourts，andalwaysresultedindecreessustainingtheoriginalverdict；andfinallythethinggotintothesupremecourt，andthereitstuckfortwentyyears。Butlastsummer，eventhesupremecourtmanagedtoarriveatadecisionatlast。Oncemoretheoriginalverdictwassustained。Christianthensaidhewassatisfied；butStavelywaspresent，andwhisperedtohimandtohislawyer，suggesting，"asamereform，"thattheoriginallawbeexhibited，inordertomakesurethatitstillexisted。Itseemedanoddidea，butaningeniousone。Sothedemandwasmade。Amessengerwassenttothemagistrate"shouse；hepresentlyreturnedwiththetidingsthatithaddisappearedfromamongthestatearchives。

Thecourtnowpronounceditslatedecisionvoid，sinceithadbeenmadeunderalawwhichhadnoactualexistence。

Greatexcitementensuedimmediately。Thenewssweptabroadoverthewholeislandthatthepalladiumofthepubliclibertieswaslost——maybetreasonablydestroyed。Withinthirtyminutesalmosttheentirenationwereinthecourt-room——thatistosay，thechurch。Theimpeachmentofthechiefmagistratefollowed，uponStavely"smotion。Theaccusedmethismisfortunewiththedignitywhichbecamehisgreatoffice。Hedidnotplead，orevenargue；heofferedthesimpledefensethathehadnotmeddledwiththemissinglaw；thathehadkeptthestatearchivesinthesamecandle-boxthathadbeenusedastheirdepositoryfromthebeginning；andthathewasinnocentoftheremovalordestructionofthelostdocument。

Butnothingcouldsavehim；hewasfoundguiltyofmisprisionoftreason，anddegradedfromhisoffice，andallhispropertywasconfiscated。

Thelamestpartofthewholeshamefulmatterwasthereasonsuggestedbyhisenemiesforhisdestructionofthelaw，towit:thathedidittofavorChristian，becauseChristianwashiscousin!WhereasStavelywastheonlyindividualintheentirenationwhowasnothiscousin。Thereadermustrememberthatallthesepeoplearethedescendantsofhalfadozenmen；thatthefirstchildrenintermarriedtogetherandboregrandchildrentothemutineers；thatthesegrandchildrenintermarried；

afterthem，greatandgreat-great-grandchildrenintermarried；sothatto-

dayeverybodyisbloodkintoeverybody。Moreover，therelationshipsarewonderfully，evenastoundingly，mixedupandcomplicated。Astranger，forinstance，saystoanislander:

"Youspeakofthatyoungwomanasyourcousin；awhileagoyoucalledheryouraunt。"

"Well，sheismyaunt，andmycousin，too。Andalsomystepsister，myniece，myfourthcousin，mythirty-thirdcousin，myforty-secondcousin，mygreat-aunt，mygrandmother，mywidowedsister-in-law——andnextweekshewillbemywife。"

Sothechargeofnepotismagainstthechiefmagistratewasweak。Butnomatter；weakorstrong，itsuitedStavely。Stavelywasimmediatelyelectedtothevacantmagistracy，and，oozingreformfromeverypore，hewentvigorouslytowork。Innolongtimereligiousservicesragedeverywhereandunceasingly。Bycommand，thesecondprayeroftheSundaymorningservice，whichhadcustomarilyenduredsomethirty-fiveorfortyminutes，andhadpleadedfortheworld，firstbycontinentandthenbynationalandtribaldetail，wasextendedtoanhourandahalf，andmadetoincludesupplicationsinbehalfofthepossiblepeoplesintheseveralplanets。Everybodywaspleasedwiththis；everybodysaid，"Nowthisissomethinglike。"Bycommand，theusualthree-hoursermonsweredoubledinlength。Thenationcameinabodytotestifytheirgratitudetothenewmagistrate。TheoldlawforbiddingcookingontheSabbathwasextendedtotheprohibitionofeating，also。Bycommand，Sunday-schoolwasprivilegedtospreadoverintotheweek。Thejoyofallclasseswascomplete。Inoneshortmonththenewmagistratehadbecomethepeople"sidol!

Thetimewasripeforthisman"snextmove。Hebegan，cautiouslyatfirst，topoisonthepublicmindagainstEngland。Hetookthechiefcitizensaside，onebyone，andconversedwiththemonthistopic。

Presentlyhegrewbolder，andspokeout。Hesaidthenationowedittoitself，toitshonor，toitsgreattraditions，toriseinitsmightandthrowoff"thisgallingEnglishyoke。"

Butthesimpleislandersanswered:

"Wehadnotnoticedthatitgalled。Howdoesitgall？Englandsendsashiponceinthreeorfouryearstogiveussoapandclothing，andthingswhichwesorelyneedandgratefullyreceive；butshenevertroublesus；

sheletsusgoourownway。"

"Sheletsyougoyourownway!Soslaveshavefeltandspokeninalltheages!Thisspeechshowshowfallenyouare，howbase，howbrutalizedyouhavebecome，underthisgrindingtyranny!What!hasallmanlyprideforsakenyou？Islibertynothing？Areyoucontenttobeamereappendagetoaforeignandhatefulsovereignty，whenyoumightriseupandtakeyourrightfulplaceintheaugustfamilyofnations，great，free，enlightened，independent，theminionofnoscepteredmaster，butthearbiterofyourowndestiny，andavoiceandapowerindecreeingthedestiniesofyoursister-sovereigntiesoftheworld？"

Speecheslikethisproducedaneffectbyandby。CitizensbegantofeeltheEnglishyoke；theydidnotknowexactlyhoworwhereaboutstheyfeltit，buttheywereperfectlycertaintheydidfeelit。Theygottogrumblingagooddeal，andchafingundertheirchains，andlongingforreliefandrelease。TheypresentlyfelltohatingtheEnglishflag，thatsignandsymboloftheirnation"sdegradation；theyceasedtoglanceupatitastheypassedthecapitol，butavertedtheireyesandgratedtheirteeth；andonemorning，whenitwasfoundtrampledintothemudatthefootofthestaff，theyleftitthere，andnomanputhishandtoittohoistitagain。Acertainthingwhichwassuretohappensoonerorlaterhappenednow。Someofthechiefcitizenswenttothemagistratebynight，andsaid:

"Wecanendurethishatedtyrannynolonger。Howcanwecastitoff？"

"Byacoupd"etat。"

"How？"

"Acoupd"etat。Itislikethis:everythingisgotready，andattheappointedmomentI，astheofficialheadofthenation，publiclyandsolemnlyproclaimitsindependence，andabsolveitfromallegiancetoanyandallotherpowerswhatsoever。"

"Thatsoundssimpleandeasy。Wecandothatrightaway。Thenwhatwillbethenextthingtodo？"

"Seizeallthedefensesandpublicpropertiesofallkinds，establishmartiallaw，putthearmyandnavyonawarfooting，andproclaimtheempire!"

Thisfineprogramdazzledtheseinnocents。Theysaid:

"Thisisgrand——thisissplendid；butwillnotEnglandresist？"

"Lether。ThisrockisaGibraltar。"

"True。Butabouttheempire？Doweneedanempireandanemperor？"

"Whatyouneed，myfriends，isunification。LookatGermany；lookatItaly。Theyareunified。Unificationisthething。Itmakeslivingdear。Thatconstitutesprogress。Wemusthaveastandingarmyandanavy。Taxesfollow，asamatterofcourse。Allthesethingssummedupmakegrandeur。Withunificationandgrandeur，whatmorecanyouwant？

Verywell——onlytheempirecanconfertheseboons。"

Soonthe8thdayofDecemberPitcairn"sIslandwasproclaimedafreeandindependentnation；andonthesamedaythesolemncoronationofButterworthI，EmperorofPitcairn"sIsland，tookplace，amidgreatrejoicingsandfestivities。Theentirenation，withtheexceptionoffourteenpersons，mainlylittlechildren，marchedpastthethroneinsinglefile，withbannersandmusic，theprocessionbeingupwardofninetyfeetlong；andsomesaiditwasasmuchasthree-quartersofaminutepassingagivenpoint。Nothinglikeithadeverbeenseeninthehistoryoftheislandbefore。Publicenthusiasmwasmeasureless。

Nowstraightwayimperialreformsbegan。Ordersofnobilitywereinstituted。Aministerofthenavywasappointed，andthewhale-boatputincommission。Aministerofwarwascreated，andorderedtoproceedatoncewiththeformationofastandingarmy。Afirstlordofthetreasurywasnamed，andcommandedtogetupataxationscheme，andalsoopennegotiationsfortreaties，offensive，defensive，andcommercial，withforeignpowers。Somegeneralsandadmiralswereappointed；alsosomechamberlains，someequerriesinwaiting，andsomelordsofthebedchamber。

Atthispointallthematerialwasusedup。TheGrandDukeofGalilee，ministerofwar，complainedthatallthesixteengrownmenintheempirehadbeengivengreatoffices，andconsequentlywouldnotconsenttoserveintheranks；whereforehisstandingarmywasatastandstill。TheMarquisofArarat，ministerofthenavy，madeasimilarcomplaint。Hesaidhewaswillingtosteerthewhale-boathimself，buthemusthavesomebodytomanher。

Theemperordidthebesthecouldinthecircumstances:hetookalltheboysabovetheageoftenyearsawayfromtheirmothers，andpressedthemintothearmy，thusconstructingacorpsofseventeenprivates，officeredbyonelieutenant-generalandtwomajor-generals。Thispleasedtheministerofwar，butprocuredtheenmityofallthemothersintheland；

fortheysaidtheirpreciousonesmustnowfindbloodygravesinthefieldsofwar，andhewouldbeanswerableforit。Someofthemoreheartbrokenandunappeasableamongthemlayconstantlywaitfortheemperorandthrewyamsathim，unmindfulofthebody-guard。

Onaccountoftheextremescarcityofmaterial，itwasfoundnecessarytorequiretheDukeofBethanypostmaster-general，topullstroke-oarinthenavyandthussitintherearofanobleoflowerdegreenamely，ViscountCanaan，lordjusticeofthecommonpleas。ThisturnedtheDukeofBethanyintotolerablyopenmalcontentandasecretconspirator——athingwhichtheemperorforesaw，butcouldnothelp。

Thingswentfrombadtoworse。TheemperorraisedNancyPeterstothepeerageononeday，andmarriedherthenext，notwithstanding，forreasonsofstate，thecabinethadstrenuouslyadvisedhimtomarryEmmeline，eldestdaughteroftheArchbishopofBethlehem。Thiscausedtroubleinapowerfulquarter——thechurch。Thenewempresssecuredthesupportandfriendshipoftwo-thirdsofthethirty-sixgrownwomeninthenationbyabsorbingthemintohercourtasmaidsofhonor；butthismadedeadlyenemiesoftheremainingtwelve。Thefamiliesofthemaidsofhonorsoonbegantorebel，becausetherewasnobodyathometokeephouse。Thetwelvesnubbedwomenrefusedtoentertheimperialkitchenasservants；sotheempresshadtorequiretheCountessofJerichoandothergreatcourtdamestofetchwater，sweepthepalace，andperformothermenialandequallydistastefulservices。Thismadebadbloodinthatdepartment。

Everybodyfelltocomplainingthatthetaxesleviedforthesupportofthearmy，thenavy，andtherestoftheimperialestablishmentwereintolerablyburdensome，andwerereducingthenationtobeggary。Theemperor"sreply——"Look——LookatGermany；lookatItaly。Areyoubetterthanthey？andhaven"tyouunification？"——didnotsatisfythem。Theysaid，"Peoplecan"teatunification，andwearestarving。Agriculturehasceased。Everybodyisinthearmy，everybodyisinthenavy，everybodyisinthepublicservice，standingaroundinauniform，withnothingwhatevertodo，nothingtoeat，andnobodytotillthefields——"

"LookatGermany；lookatItaly。Itisthesamethere。Suchisunification，andthere"snootherwaytogetit——nootherwaytokeepitafteryou"vegotit，"saidthepooremperoralways。

Butthegrumblersonlyreplied，"Wecan"tstandthetaxes——wecan"tstandthem。"

Nowrightontopofthisthecabinetreportedanationaldebtamountingtoupwardofforty-fivedollars——halfadollartoeveryindividualinthenation。Andtheyproposedtofundsomething。Theyhadheardthatthiswasalwaysdoneinsuchemergencies。Theyproposeddutiesonexports；

alsoonimports。Andtheywantedtoissuebonds；alsopapermoney，redeemableinyamsandcabbagesinfiftyyears。Theysaidthepayofthearmyandofthenavyandofthewholegovernmentalmachinewasfarinarrears，andunlesssomethingwasdone，anddoneimmediately，nationalbankruptcymustensue，andpossiblyinsurrectionandrevolution。Theemperoratonceresolveduponahigh-handedmeasure，andoneofanatureneverbeforeheardofinPitcairn"sIsland。HewentinstatetothechurchonSundaymorning，withthearmyathisback，andcommandedtheministerofthetreasurytotakeupacollection。

Thatwasthefeatherthatbrokethecamel"sback。Firstonecitizen，andthenanother，roseandrefusedtosubmittothisunheard-ofoutrage——andeachrefusalwasfollowedbytheimmediateconfiscationofthemalcontent"sproperty。Thisvigorsoonstoppedtherefusals，andthecollectionproceededamidasullenandominoussilence。Astheemperorwithdrewwiththetroops，hesaid，"Iwillteachyouwhoismasterhere。"

Severalpersonsshouted，"Downwithunification!"Theywereatoncearrestedandtornfromthearmsoftheirweepingfriendsbythesoldiery。

Butinthemeantime，asanyprophetmighthaveforeseen，aSocialDemocrathadbeendeveloped。Astheemperorsteppedintothegildedimperialwheelbarrowatthechurchdoor，thesocialdemocratstabbedathimfifteenorsixteentimeswithaharpoon，butfortunatelywithsuchapeculiarlysocialdemocraticunprecisionofaimastodonodamage。

Thatverynighttheconvulsioncame。Thenationroseasoneman——thoughforty-nineoftherevolutionistswereoftheothersex。Theinfantrythrewdowntheirpitchforks；theartillerycastasidetheircocoanuts；

thenavyrevolted；theemperorwasseized，andboundhandandfootinhispalace。Hewasverymuchdepressed。Hesaid:

"Ifreedyoufromagrindingtyranny；Iliftedyonupoutofyourdegradation，andmadeyouanationamongnations；Igaveyouastrong，compact，centralizedgovernment；and，morethanall，Igaveyoutheblessingofblessings——unification。Ihavedoneallthis，andmyrewardishatred，insult，andthesebonds。Takeme；dowithmeasyouwill。

Ihereresignmycrownandallmydignities，andgladlydoIreleasemyselffromtheirtooheavyburden。ForyoursakeItookthemup；foryoursakeIlaythemdown。Theimperialjewelisnomore；nowbruiseanddefileasyewilltheuselesssetting。"

Byaunanimousvoicethepeoplecondemnedtheex-emperorandthesocialdemocrattoperpetualbanishmentfromchurchservices，ortoperpetuallaborasgalley-slavesinthewhale-boat——whichevertheymightprefer。

Thenextdaythenationassembledagain，andrehoistedtheBritishflag，reinstatedtheBritishtyranny，reducedthenobilitytotheconditionofcommonersagain，andthenstraightwayturnedtheirdiligentattentiontotheweedingoftheruinedandneglectedyampatches，andtherehabilitaLionoftheoldusefulindustriesandtheoldhealingandsolacingpieties。Theex-emperorrestoredthelosttrespasslaw，andexplainedthathehadstolenitnottoinjureanyone，buttofurtherhispoliticalprojects。Thereforethenationgavethelatechiefmagistratehisofficeagain，andalsohisalienatedProperty。

Uponreflection，theex-emperorandthesocialdemocratchoseperpetualbanishmentfromreligiousservicesinpreferencetoperpetuallaborasgalleyslaves"withperpetualreligiousservices，"astheyphrasedit；

whereforethepeoplebelievedthatthepoorfellows"troubleshadunseatedtheirreason，andsotheyjudgeditbesttoconfinethemforthepresent。Whichtheydid。

SuchisthehistoryofPitcairn"s"doubtfulacquisition。"

THECANVASSER"STALE

Poor，sad-eyedstranger!Therewasthatabouthishumblemien，histiredlook，hisdecayed-gentilityclothes，thatalmostreachedthemustard，seedofcharitythatstillremained，remoteandlonely，intheemptyvastnessofmyheart，notwithstandingIobservedaportfoliounderhisarm，andsaidtomyself，Behold，Providencehathdeliveredhisservantintothehandsofanothercanvasser。

Well，thesepeoplealwaysgetoneinterested。BeforeIwellknewhowitcameabout，thisonewastellingmehishistory，andIwasallattentionandsympathy。Hetolditsomethinglikethis:

Myparentsdied，alas，whenIwasalittle，sinlesschild。MyuncleIthurieltookmetohisheartandrearedmeashisown。Hewasmyonlyrelativeinthewideworld；buthewasgoodandrichandgenerous。Herearedmeinthelapofluxury。Iknewnowantthatmoneycouldsatisfy。

InthefullnessoftimeIwasgraduated，andwentwithtwoofmyservants——mychamberlainandmyvalet——totravelinforeigncountries。

DuringfouryearsIflitteduponcarelesswingamidthebeauteousgardensofthedistantstrand，ifyouwillpermitthisformofspeechinonewhosetonguewaseverattunedtopoesy；andindeedIsospeakwithconfidence，asoneuntohiskind，forIperceivebyyoureyesthatyoutoo，sir，aregiftedwiththedivineinflation。InthosefarlandsI

reveledintheambrosialfoodthatfructifiesthesoul，themind，theheart。Butofallthings，thatwhichmostappealedtomyinbornesthetictastewastheprevailingcustomthere，amongtherich，ofmakingcollectionsofelegantandcostlyrarities，daintyobjetsdevertu，andinanevilhourItriedtoupliftmyuncleIthurieltoaplaneofsympathywiththisexquisiteemployment。

Iwroteandtoldhimofonegentleman"svastcollectionofshells；

another"snoblecollectionofmeerschaumpipes；another"selevatingandrefiningcollectionofundecipherableautographs；another"spricelesscollectionofoldchina；another"senchantingcollectionofpostage-

stamps——andsoforthandsoon。Soonmylettersyieldedfruit。Myunclebegantolookaboutforsomethingtomakeacollectionof。Youmayknow，perhaps，howfleetlyatastelikethisdilates。Hissoonbecamearagingfever，thoughIknewitnot。Hebegantoneglecthisgreatporkbusiness；presentlyhewhollyretiredandturnedanelegantleisureintoarabidsearchforcuriousthings。Hiswealthwasvast，andhespareditnot。Firsthetriedcow-bells。Hemadeacollectionwhichfilledfivelargesalons，andcomprehendedallthedifferentsortsofcow-bellsthateverhadbeencontrived，saveone。Thatone——anantique，andtheonlyspecimenextant——waspossessedbyanothercollector。Myuncleofferedenormoussumsforit，butthegentlemanwouldnotsell。Doubtlessyouknowwhatnecessarilyresulted。Atruecollectorattachesnovaluetoacollectionthatisnotcomplete。Hisgreatheartbreaks，hesellshishoard，heturnshismindtosomefieldthatseemsunoccupied。

Thusdidmyuncle。Henexttriedbrickbats。Afterpilingupavastandintenselyinterestingcollection，theformerdifficultysupervened；hisgreatheartbrokeagain；hesoldouthissoul"sidoltotheretiredbrewerwhopossessedthemissingbrick。ThenhetriedflinthatchetsandotherimplementsofPrimevalMan，butbyandbydiscoveredthatthefactorywheretheyweremadewassupplyingothercollectorsaswellashimself。HetriedAztecinscriptionsandstuffedwhales——anotherfailure，afterincrediblelaborandexpense。Whenhiscollectionseemedatlastperfect，astuffedwhalearrivedfromGreenlandandanAztecinscriptionfromtheCundurangoregionsofCentralAmericathatmadeallformerspecimensinsignificant。Myunclehastenedtosecurethesenoblegems。Hegotthestuffedwhale，butanothercollectorgottheinscription。ArealCundurango，aspossiblyyouknow，isapossessionofsuchsupremevaluethat，whenonceacollectorgetsit，hewillratherpartwithhisfamilythanwithit。Somyunclesoldout，andsawhisdarlingsgoforth，nevermoretoreturn；andhiscoal-blackhairturnedwhiteassnowinasinglenight。

Nowhewaited，andthought。Heknewanotherdisappointmentmightkillhim。Hewasresolvedthathewouldchoosethingsnexttimethatnoothermanwascollecting。Hecarefullymadeuphismind，andoncemoreenteredthefield-thistimetomakeacollectionofechoes。

"Ofwhat？"saidI。

Echoes，sir。HisfirstpurchasewasanechoinGeorgiathatrepeatedfourtimes；hisnextwasasix-repeaterinMaryland；hisnextwasathirteen-repeaterinMaine；hisnextwasanine-repeaterinKansas；hisnextwasatwelve-repeaterinTennessee，whichhegotcheap，sotospeak，becauseitwasoutofrepair，aportionofthecragwhichreflectedithavingtumbleddown。Hebelievedhecouldrepairitatacostofafewthousanddollars，and，byincreasingtheelevationwithmasonry，trebletherepeatingcapacity；butthearchitectwhoundertookthejobhadneverbuiltanechobefore，andsoheutterlyspoiledthisone。Beforehemeddledwithit，itusedtotalkbacklikeamother-in-law，butnowitwasonlyfitforthedeaf-and-dumbasylum。Well，nextheboughtalotofcheaplittledouble-barreledechoes，scatteredaroundovervariousstatesandterritories；hegotthemattwentypercent。offbytakingthelot。

NextheboughtaperfectGatling-gunofanechoinOregon，anditcostafortune，Icantellyou。Youmayknow，sir，thatintheechomarketthescaleofpricesiscumulative，likethecarat-scaleindiamonds；infact，thesamephraseologyisused。Asingle-caratechoisworthbuttendollarsoverandabovethevalueofthelanditison；atwo-caratordouble-barreledechoisworththirtydollars；afive-caratisworthninehundredandfifty；aten-caratisworththirteenthousand。Myuncle"sOregon-echo，whichhecalledtheGreatPittEcho，wasatwenty-twocaratgem，andcosttwohundredandsixteenthousanddollars——theythrewthelandin，foritwasfourhundredmilesfromasettlement。

Well，inthemeantimemypathwasapathofroses。IwastheacceptedsuitoroftheonlyandlovelydaughterofanEnglishearl，andwasbelovedtodistraction。InthatdearpresenceIswaminseasofbliss。

Thefamilywerecontent，foritwasknownthatIwassoleheirtoanuncleheldtobeworthfivemillionsofdollars。However，noneofusknewthatmyunclehadbecomeacollector，atleastinanythingmorethanasmallway，forestheticamusement。

Nowgatheredthecloudsabovemyunconscioushead。Thatdivineecho，sinceknownthroughouttheworldastheGreatKoh-i-noor，orMountainofRepetitions，wasdiscovered。Itwasasixty-fivecaratgem。Youcouldutterawordanditwouldtalkbackatyouforfifteenminutes，whenthedaywasotherwisequiet。Butbehold，anotherfactcametolightatthesametime:anotherecho-collectorwasinthefield。Thetworushedtomakethepeerlesspurchase。Thepropertyconsistedofacoupleofsmallhillswithashallowswalebetween，outyonderamongthebacksettlementsofNewYorkState。Bothmenarrivedonthegroundatthesametime，andneitherknewtheotherwasthere。Theechowasnotallownedbyoneman；

apersonbythenameofWilliamsonBolivarJarvisownedtheeasthill，andapersonbythenameofHarbisonJ。Bledsoownedthewesthill；theswalebetweenwasthedividing-line。SowhilemyunclewasbuyingJarvis"shillforthreemilliontwohundredandeighty-fivethousanddollars，theotherpartywasbuyingBledso"shillforashadeoverthreemillion。

Now，doyouperceivethenaturalresult？Why，thenoblestcollectionofechoesonearthwasforeverandeverincomplete，sinceitpossessedbuttheone-halfofthekingechooftheuniverse。Neithermanwascontentwiththisdividedownership，yetneitherwouldselltotheother。Therewerejawings，bickerings，heart-burnings。Andatlastthatothercollector，withamalignitywhichonlyacollectorcaneverfeeltowardamanandabrother，proceededtocutdownhishill!

Yousee，aslongashecouldnothavetheecho，hewasresolvedthatnobodyshouldhaveit。Hewouldremovehishill，andthentherewouldbenothingtoreflectmyuncle"secho。Myuncleremonstratedwithhim，butthemansaid，"Iownoneendofthisecho；Ichoosetokillmyend；youmusttakecareofyourownendyourself。"

Well，myunclegotaninjunctionputanhim。Theothermanappealedandfoughtitinahighercourt。Theycarrieditonup，cleartotheSupremeCourtoftheUnitedStates。Itmadenoendoftroublethere。Twoofthejudgesbelievedthatanechowaspersonalproperty，becauseitwasimpalpabletosightandtouch，andyetwaspurchasable，salable，andconsequentlytaxable；twoothersbelievedthatanechowasrealestate，becauseitwasmanifestlyattachedtotheland，andwasnotremovablefromplacetoplace；otherofthejudgescontendedthatanechowasnotpropertyatall。

Itwasfinallydecidedthattheechowasproperty；thatthehillswereproperty；thatthetwomenwereseparateandindependentownersofthetwohills，buttenantsincommonintheecho；thereforedefendantwasatfulllibertytocutdownhishill，sinceitbelongedsolelytohim，butmustgivebondsinthreemilliondollarsasindemnityfordamageswhichmightresulttomyuncle"shalfoftheecho。Thisdecisionalsodebarredmyunclefromusingdefendant"shilltoreflecthispartoftheecho，withoutdefendant"sconsent；hemustuseonlyhisownhill；ifhispartoftheechowouldnotgo，underthesecircumstances，itwassad，ofcourse，butthecourtcouldfindnoremedy。Thecourtalsodebarreddefendantfromusingmyuncle"shilltoreflecthisendoftheecho，withoutconsent。Youseethegrandresult!Neithermanwouldgiveconsent，andsothatastonishingandmostnobleechohadtoceasefromitsgreatpowers；andsincethatdaythatmagnificentpropertyistiedupandunsalable。

Aweekbeforemywedding-day，whileIwasstillswimminginblissandthenobilityweregatheringfromfarandneartohonorourespousals，camenewsofmyuncle"sdeath，andalsoacopyofhiswill，makingmehissoleheir。Hewasgone；alas，mydearbenefactorwasnomore。Thethoughtsurchargesmyheartevenatthisremoteday。Ihandedthewilltotheearl；Icouldnotreaditfortheblindingtears。Theearlreadit；thenhesternlysaid，"Sir，doyoucallthiswealth？——butdoubtlessyoudoinyourinflatedcountry。Sir，youareleftsoleheirtoavastcollectionofechoes——ifathingcanbecalledacollectionthatisscatteredfarandwideoverthehugelengthandbreadthoftheAmericancontinent；sir，thisisnotall；youareheadandearsindebt；thereisnotanechointhelotbuthasamortgageonit；sir，Iamnotahardman，butImustlooktomychild"sinterest；ifyouhadbutoneechowhichyoucouldhonestlycallyourown，ifyouhadbutoneechowhichwasfreefromincumbrance，sothatyoucouldretiretoitwithmychild，andbyhumble，painstakingindustrycultivateandimproveit，andthuswrestfromitamaintenance，Iwouldnotsayyounay；butIcannotmarrymychildtoabeggar。Leavehisside，mydarling；go，sir，takeyourmortgage-riddenechoesandquitmysightforever。"

MynobleCelestineclungtomeintears，withlovingarms，andsworeshewouldwillingly，naygladly，marryme，thoughIhadnotanechointheworld。Butitcouldnotbe。Weweretornasunder，shetopineanddiewithinthetwelvemonth，Itotoillife"slongjourneysadandalone，prayingdaily，hourly，forthatreleasewhichshalljoinustogetheragaininthatdearrealmwherethewickedceasefromtroublingandthewearyareatrest。Now，sir，ifyouwillbesokindastolookatthesemapsandplansinmyportfolio，IamsureIcansellyouanechoforlessmoneythananymaninthetrade。Nowthisone，whichcostmyuncletendollars，thirtyyearsago，andisoneofthesweetestthingsinTexas，I

willletyouhavefor——

"Letmeinterruptyou，"Isaid。"Myfriend，Ihavenothadamoment"srespitefromcanvassersthisday。Ihaveboughtasewing-machinewhichI

didnotwant；Ihaveboughtamapwhichismistakeninallitsdetails；

Ihaveboughtaclockwhichwillnotgo；Ihaveboughtamothpoisonwhichthemothsprefertoanyotherbeverage；Ihaveboughtnoendofuselessinventions，andnowIhavehadenoughofthisfoolishness。

Iwouldnothaveoneofyourechoesifyouwereeventogiveittome。

Iwouldnotletitstayontheplace。Ialwayshateamanthattriestosellmeechoes。Youseethisgun？Nowtakeyourcollectionandmoveon；

letusnothavebloodshed。"

Butheonlysmiledasad，sweetsmile，andgotoutsomemorediagrams。

Youknowtheresultperfectlywell，becauseyouknowthatwhenyouhaveonceopenedthedoortoacanvasser，thetroubleisdoneandyouhavegottosufferdefeat。

Icompromisedwiththismanattheendofanintolerablehour。Iboughttwodouble-barreledechoesingoodcondition，andhethrewinanother，whichhesaidwasnotsalablebecauseitonlyspokeGerman。Hesaid，"Shewasaperfectpolyglotonce，butsomehowherpalategotdown。"

ANENCOUNTERWITHANINTERVIEWER

Thenervous，dapper，"peart"youngmantookthechairIofferedhim，andsaidhewasconnectedwiththeDailyThunderstorm，andadded:

"Hopingit"snoharm，I"vecometointerviewyou。"

"Cometowhat？"

"Interviewyou。"

"Ah!Isee。Yes——yes。Um!Yes——yes。"

Iwasnotfeelingbrightthatmorning。Indeed，mypowersseemedabitunderacloud。However，Iwenttothebookcase，andwhenIhadbeenlookingsixorsevenminutesIfoundIwasobligedtorefertotheyoungman。Isaid:

"Howdoyouspellit？"

"Spellwhat？"

"Interview。"