第8章

amusedherwiththedetailsofthefestiveday，thesplendoursofthebridalpartyandofthebrideherself，sheoftensighedandshookherhead，andwishedgoodmightcomeofit；sheseemed，likeme，toregarditratherasathemeforsorrowthanrejoicing。

I

satalongtimetalkingtoheraboutthatandotherthings-butnoonecame。

ShallIconfessthatIsometimeslookedtowardsthedoorwithahalf-expectantwishtoseeitopenandgiveentrancetoMr。Weston，ashadhappenedoncebefore？andthat，returningthroughthelanesandfields，Ioftenpausedtolookroundme，andwalkedmoreslowlythanwasatallnecessary-for，thoughafineevening，itwasnotahotone-and，finally，feltasenseofemptinessanddisappointmentathavingreachedthehousewithoutmeetingorevencatchingadistantglimpseofanyone，exceptafewlabourersreturningfromtheirwork？

Sunday，however，wasapproaching:Ishouldseehimthen:

fornowthatMissMurraywasgone，Icouldhavemyoldcorneragain。I

shouldseehim，andbylook，speech，andmanner，Imightjudgewhetherthecircumstanceofhermarriagehadverymuchafflictedhim。HappilyIcouldperceivenoshadowofadifference:

heworethesameaspectashehadworntwomonthsago-voice，look，manner，allalikeunchanged:therewasthesamekeen-sighted，uncloudedtruthfulnessinhisdiscourse，thesameforcibleclearnessinhisstyle，thesameearnestsimplicityinallhesaidanddid，thatmadeitself，notmarkedbytheeyeandear，butfeltupontheheartsofhisaudience。

IwalkedhomewithMissMatilda；butHEDIDNOTJOINUS。Matildawasnowsadlyatalossforamusement，andwofullyinwantofacompanion:herbrothersatschool，hersistermarriedandgone，shetooyoungtobeadmittedintosociety；forwhich，fromRosalie"sexample，shewasinsomedegreebeginningtoacquireataste-atasteatleastforthecompanyofcertainclassesofgentlemen；atthisdulltimeofyear-nohuntinggoingon，noshootingeven-for，thoughshemightnotjoininthat，itwasSOMETHINGtoseeherfatherorthegamekeepergooutwiththedogs，andtotalkwiththemontheirreturn，aboutthedifferentbirdstheyhadbagged。Now，also，shewasdeniedthesolacewhichthecompanionshipofthecoachman，grooms，horses，greyhounds，andpointersmighthaveafforded；forhermotherhaving，notwithstandingthedisadvantagesofacountrylife，sosatisfactorilydisposedofherelderdaughter，theprideofherhearthadbegunseriouslytoturnherattentiontotheyounger；

and，beingtrulyalarmedattheroughnessofhermanners，andthinkingithightimetoworkareform，hadbeenrousedatlengthtoexertherauthority，andprohibitedentirelytheyards，stables，kennels，andcoachhouse。Ofcourse，shewasnotimplicitlyobeyed；

but，indulgentasshehadhithertobeen，whenonceherspiritwasroused，hertemperwasnotsogentleassherequiredthatofhergovernessestobe，andherwillwasnottobethwartedwithimpunity。Aftermanyasceneofcontentionbetweenmotheranddaughter，manyaviolentoutbreakwhichIwasashamedtowitness，inwhichthefather"sauthoritywasoftencalledintoconfirmwithoathsandthreatsthemother"sslightedprohibitions-forevenHE

couldseethat"Tilly，thoughshewouldhavemadeafinelad，wasnotquitewhatayoungladyoughttobe"-Matildaatlengthfoundthathereasiestplanwastokeepclearoftheforbiddenregions；

unlessshecouldnowandthenstealavisitwithoutherwatchfulmother"sknowledge。

Amidallthis，letitnotbeimaginedthatIescapedwithoutmanyareprimand，andmanyanimpliedreproach，thatlostnoneofitsstingfromnotbeingopenlyworded；butratherwoundedthemoredeeply，because，fromthatveryreason，itseemedtoprecludeself-

defence。Frequently，IwastoldtoamuseMissMatildawithotherthings，andtoremindherofhermother"spreceptsandprohibitions。Ididsotothebestofmypower:butshewouldnotbeamusedagainstherwill，andcouldnotagainsthertaste；andthoughIwentbeyondmerereminding，suchgentleremonstrancesasI

couldusewereutterlyineffectual。

"DEARMissGrey!itistheSTRANGESTthing。Isupposeyoucan"thelpit，ifit"snotinyournature-butIWONDERyoucan"twintheconfidenceofthatgirl，andmakeyoursocietyatLEASTasagreeabletoherasthatofRobertorJoseph!"

"Theycantalkthebestaboutthethingsinwhichsheismostinterested，"Ireplied。

"Well!thatisastrangeconfession，HOWEVER，tocomefromherGOVERNESS!Whoistoformayounglady"stastes，Iwonder，ifthegovernessdoesn"tdoit？Ihaveknowngovernesseswhohavesocompletelyidentifiedthemselveswiththereputationoftheiryoungladiesforeleganceandproprietyinmindandmanners，thattheywouldblushtospeakawordagainstthem；andtoheartheslightestblameimputedtotheirpupilswasworsethantobecensuredintheirownpersons-andIreallythinkitverynatural，formypart。"

"Doyou，ma"am？"

"Yes，ofcourse:theyounglady"sproficiencyandeleganceisofmoreconsequencetothegovernessthanherown，aswellastotheworld。Ifshewishestoprosperinhervocationshemustdevoteallherenergiestoherbusiness:allherideasandallherambitionwilltendtotheaccomplishmentofthatoneobject。Whenwewishtodecideuponthemeritsofagoverness，wenaturallylookattheyoungladiessheprofessestohaveeducated，andjudgeaccordingly。TheJUDICIOUSgovernessknowsthis:sheknowsthat，whileshelivesinobscurityherself，herpupils"virtuesanddefectswillbeopentoeveryeye；andthat，unlessshelosessightofherselfintheircultivation，sheneednothopeforsuccess。

Yousee，MissGrey，itisjustthesameasanyothertradeorprofession:theythatwishtoprospermustdevotethemselvesbodyandsoultotheircalling；andiftheybegintoyieldtoindolenceorself-indulgencetheyarespeedilydistancedbywisercompetitors:thereislittletochoosebetweenapersonthatruinsherpupilsbyneglect，andonethatcorruptsthembyherexample。

Youwillexcusemydroppingtheselittlehints:youknowitisallforyourowngood。Manyladieswouldspeaktoyoumuchmorestrongly；andmanywouldnottroublethemselvestospeakatall，butquietlylookoutforasubstitute。That，ofcourse，wouldbetheEASIESTplan:butIknowtheadvantagesofaplacelikethistoapersoninyoursituation；andIhavenodesiretopartwithyou，asIamsureyouwoulddoverywellifyouwillonlythinkofthesethingsandtrytoexertyourselfaLITTLEmore:then，I

amconvinced，youwouldSOONacquirethatdelicatetactwhichaloneiswantingtogiveyouaproperinfluenceoverthemindofyourpupil。"

Iwasabouttogivetheladysomeideaofthefallacyofherexpectations；butshesailedawayassoonasshehadconcludedherspeech。Havingsaidwhatshewished，itwasnopartofherplantoawaitmyanswer:itwasmybusinesstohear，andnottospeak。

However，asIhavesaid，Matildaatlengthyieldedinsomedegreetohermother"sauthority(pityithadnotbeenexertedbefore)；

andbeingthusdeprivedofalmosteverysourceofamusement，therewasnothingforitbuttotakelongrideswiththegroomandlongwalkswiththegoverness，andtovisitthecottagesandfarmhousesonherfather"sestate，tokilltimeinchattingwiththeoldmenandwomenthatinhabitedthem。Inoneofthesewalks，itwasourchancetomeetMr。Weston。ThiswaswhatIhadlongdesired；butnow，foramoment，IwishedeitherheorIwereaway:IfeltmyheartthrobsoviolentlythatIdreadedlestsomeoutwardsignsofemotionshouldappear；butIthinkhehardlyglancedatme，andI

wassooncalmenough。Afterabriefsalutationtoboth，heaskedMatildaifshehadlatelyheardfromhersister。

"Yes，"repliedshe。"ShewasatPariswhenshewrote，andverywell，andveryhappy。"

Shespokethelastwordemphatically，andwithaglanceimpertinentlysly。Hedidnotseemtonoticeit，butreplied，withequalemphasis，andveryseriously-

"Ihopeshewillcontinuetobeso。"

"Doyouthinkitlikely？"Iventuredtoinquire:forMatildahadstartedoffinpursuitofherdog，thatwaschasingaleveret。

"Icannottell，"repliedhe。"SirThomasmaybeabettermanthanIsuppose；but，fromallIhaveheardandseen，itseemsapitythatonesoyoungandgay，and-andinteresting，toexpressmanythingsbyoneword-whosegreatest，ifnotheronlyfault，appearstobethoughtlessness-notriflingfaulttobesure，sinceitrendersthepossessorliabletoalmosteveryother，andexposeshimtosomanytemptations-butitseemsapitythatsheshouldbethrownawayonsuchaman。Itwashermother"swish，Isuppose？"

"Yes；andherowntoo，Ithink，forshealwayslaughedatmyattemptstodissuadeherfromthestep。"

"Youdidattemptit？Then，atleast，youwillhavethesatisfactionofknowingthatitisnofaultofyours，ifanyharmshouldcomeofit。AsforMrs。Murray，Idon"tknowhowshecanjustifyherconduct:ifIhadsufficientacquaintancewithher，I"daskher。"

"Itseemsunnatural:butsomepeoplethinkrankandwealththechiefgood；and，iftheycansecurethatfortheirchildren，theythinktheyhavedonetheirduty。"

"True:butisitnotstrangethatpersonsofexperience，whohavebeenmarriedthemselves，shouldjudgesofalsely？"Matildanowcamepantingback，withthelaceratedbodyoftheyounghareinherhand。

"Wasityourintentiontokillthathare，ortosaveit，MissMurray？"askedMr。Weston，apparentlypuzzledathergleefulcountenance。

"Ipretendedtowanttosaveit，"sheanswered，honestlyenough，"asitwassoglaringlyoutofseason；butIwasbetterpleasedtoseeitlolled。However，youcanbothwitnessthatIcouldn"thelpit:Princewasdeterminedtohaveher；andheclutchedherbytheback，andkilledherinaminute!Wasn"titanoblechase？"

"Very!forayoungladyafteraleveret。"

Therewasaquietsarcasminthetoneofhisreplywhichwasnotlostuponher；sheshruggedhershoulders，and，turningawaywithasignificant"Humph!"askedmehowIhadenjoyedthefun。IrepliedthatIsawnofuninthematter；butadmittedthatIhadnotobservedthetransactionverynarrowly。

"Didn"tyouseehowitdoubled-justlikeanoldhare？anddidn"tyouhearitscream？"

"I"mhappytosayIdidnot。"

"Itcriedoutjustlikeachild。"

"Poorlittlething!Whatwillyoudowithit？"

"Comealong-Ishallleaveitinthefirsthousewecometo。

I

don"twanttotakeithome，forfearpapashouldscoldmeforlettingthedogkillit。"

Mr。Westonwasnowgone，andwetoowentonourway；butaswereturned，afterhavingdepositedthehareinafarm-house，anddemolishedsomespice-cakeandcurrant-wineinexchange，wemethimreturningalsofromtheexecutionofhismission，whateveritmightbe。Hecarriedinhishandaclusterofbeautifulbluebells，whichheofferedtome；observing，withasmile，thatthoughhehadseensolittleofmeforthelasttwomonths，hehadnotforgottenthatblue-bellswerenumberedamongmyfavouriteflowers。Itwasdoneasasimpleactofgoodwill，withoutcomplimentorremarkablecourtesy，oranylookthatcouldbeconstruedinto"reverential，tenderadoration"(VIDERosalieMurray)；butstill，itwassomethingtofindmyunimportantsayingsowellremembered:itwassomethingthathehadnoticedsoaccuratelythetimeIhadceasedtobevisible。

"Iwastold，"saidhe，"thatyouwereaperfectbookworm，MissGrey:socompletelyabsorbedinyourstudiesthatyouwerelosttoeveryotherpleasure。"

"Yes，andit"squitetrue!"criedMatilda。

"No，Mr。Weston:don"tbelieveit:it"sascandalouslibel。

Theseyoungladiesaretoofondofmakingrandomassertionsattheexpenseoftheirfriends；andyououghttobecarefulhowyoulistentothem。"

"IhopeTHISassertionisgroundless，atanyrate。"

"Why？Doyouparticularlyobjecttoladiesstudying？"

"No；butIobjecttoanyonesodevotinghimselforherselftostudy，astolosesightofeverythingelse。Exceptunderpeculiarcircumstances，Iconsiderverycloseandconstantstudyasawasteoftime，andaninjurytothemindaswellasthebody。"

"Well，Ihaveneitherthetimenortheinclinationforsuchtransgressions。"

Wepartedagain。

Well!whatisthereremarkableinallthis？WhyhaveIrecordedit？Because，reader，itwasimportantenoughtogivemeacheerfulevening，anightofpleasingdreams，andamorningoffelicitoushopes。Shallow-brainedcheerfulness，foolishdreams，unfoundedhopes，youwouldsay；andIwillnotventuretodenyit:

suspicionstothateffectarosetoofrequentlyinmyownmind。

Butourwishesareliketinder:theflintandsteelofcircumstancesarecontinuallystrikingoutsparks，whichvanishimmediately，unlesstheychancetofalluponthetinderofourwishes；then，theyinstantlyignite，andtheflameofhopeiskindledinamoment。

Butalas!thatverymorning，myflickeringflameofhopewasdismallyquenchedbyaletterfrommymother，whichspokesoseriouslyofmyfather"sincreasingillness，thatIfearedtherewaslittleornochanceofhisrecovery；and，closeathandastheholidayswere，Ialmosttrembledlesttheyshouldcometoolateformetomeethiminthisworld。Twodaysafter，aletterfromMarytoldmehislifewasdespairedof，andhisendseemedfastapproaching。Then，immediately，Isoughtpermissiontoanticipatethevacation，andgowithoutdelay。Mrs。Murraystared，andwonderedattheunwontedenergyandboldnesswithwhichIurgedtherequest，andthoughttherewasnooccasiontohurry；butfinallygavemeleave:stating，however，thattherewas"noneedtobeinsuchagitationaboutthematter-itmightproveafalsealarmafterall；andifnot-why，itwasonlyinthecommoncourseofnature:wemustalldiesometime；andIwasnottosupposemyselftheonlyafflictedpersonintheworld；"andconcludingwithsayingImighthavethephaetontotakemetoO。"AndinsteadofREPINING，MissGrey，bethankfulforthePRIVILEGESyouenjoy。

There"smanyapoorclergymanwhosefamilywouldbeplungedintoruinbytheeventofhisdeath；butyou，yousee，haveinfluentialfriendsreadytocontinuetheirpatronage，andtoshowyoueveryconsideration。"

Ithankedherforher"consideration，"andflewtomyroomtomakesomehurriedpreparationsformydeparture。Mybonnetandshawlbeingon，andafewthingshastilycrammedintomylargesttrunk，I

descended。ButImighthavedonetheworkmoreleisurely，fornooneelsewasinahurry；andIhadstillaconsiderabletimetowaitforthephaeton。Atlengthitcametothedoor，andIwasoff:but，oh，whatadrearyjourneywasthat!howutterlydifferentfrommyformerpassageshomewards!Beingtoolateforthelastcoachto-，Ihadtohireacabfortenmiles，andthenacartotakemeovertheruggedhills。

Itwashalf-pasttenbeforeIreachedhome。Theywerenotinbed。

Mymotherandsisterbothmetmeinthepassage-sad-silent-

pale!Iwassomuchshockedandterror-strickenthatIcouldnotspeak，toasktheinformationIsomuchlongedyetdreadedtoobtain。

"Agnes!"saidmymother，strugglingtorepresssomestrongemotion。

"Oh，Agnes!"criedMary，andburstintotears。

"Howishe？"Iasked，gaspingfortheanswer。

"Dead!"

ItwasthereplyIhadanticipated:buttheshockseemednonethelesstremendous。

chapter19

CHAPTERXIX-THELETTER

MYfather"smortalremainshadbeenconsignedtothetomb；andwe，withsadfacesandsombregarments，satlingeringoverthefrugalbreakfast-table，revolvingplansforourfuturelife。Mymother"sstrongmindhadnotgivenwaybeneatheventhisaffliction:herspirit，thoughcrushed，wasnotbroken。Mary"swishwasthatI

shouldgobacktoHortonLodge，andthatourmothershouldcomeandlivewithherandMr。Richardsonatthevicarage:sheaffirmedthathewisheditnolessthanherself，andthatsuchanarrangementcouldnotfailtobenefitallparties；formymother"ssocietyandexperiencewouldbeofinestimablevaluetothem，andtheywoulddoalltheycouldtomakeherhappy。Butnoargumentsorentreatiescouldprevail:mymotherwasdeterminednottogo。

Notthatshequestioned，foramoment，thekindwishesandintentionsofherdaughter；butsheaffirmedthatsolongasGodsparedherhealthandstrength，shewouldmakeuseofthemtoearnherownlivelihood，andbechargeabletonoone；whetherherdependencewouldbefeltasaburdenornot。Ifshecouldaffordtoresideasalodgerin-vicarage，shewouldchoosethathousebeforeallothersastheplaceofherabode；butnotbeingsocircumstanced，shewouldnevercomeunderitsroof，exceptasanoccasionalvisitor:unlesssicknessorcalamityshouldrenderherassistancereallyneedful，oruntilageorinfirmitymadeherincapableofmaintainingherself。

"No，Mary，"saidshe，"ifRichardsonandyouhaveanythingtospare，youmustlayitasideforyourfamily；andAgnesandImustgatherhoneyforourselves。Thankstomyhavinghaddaughterstoeducate，Ihavenotforgottenmyaccomplishments。Godwilling，I

willcheckthisvainrepining，"shesaid，whilethetearscoursedoneanotherdownhercheeksinspiteofherefforts；butshewipedthemaway，andresolutelyshakingbackherhead，continued，"Iwillexertmyself，andlookoutforasmallhouse，commodiouslysituatedinsomepopulousbuthealthydistrict，wherewewilltakeafewyoungladiestoboardandeducate-ifwecangetthem-andasmanydaypupilsaswillcome，oraswecanmanagetoinstruct。

Yourfather"srelationsandoldfriendswillbeabletosendussomepupils，ortoassistuswiththeirrecommendations，nodoubt:

Ishallnotapplytomyown。Whatsayyoutoit，Agnes？willyoubewillingtoleaveyourpresentsituationandtry？"

"Quitewilling，mamma；andthemoneyIhavesavedwilldotofurnishthehouse。Itshallbetakenfromthebankdirectly。"

"Whenitiswanted:wemustgetthehouse，andsettleonpreliminariesfirst。"

Maryofferedtolendthelittleshepossessed；butmymotherdeclinedit，sayingthatwemustbeginonaneconomicalplan；andshehopedthatthewholeorpartofmine，addedtowhatwecouldgetbythesaleofthefurniture，andwhatlittleourdearpapahadcontrivedtolayasideforhersincethedebtswerepaid，wouldbesufficienttolastustillChristmas；when，itwashoped，somethingwouldaccruefromourunitedlabours。Itwasfinallysettledthatthisshouldbeourplan；andthatinquiriesandpreparationsshouldimmediatelybesetonfoot；andwhilemymotherbusiedherselfwiththese，IshouldreturntoHortonLodgeatthecloseofmyfourweeks"vacation，andgivenoticeformyfinaldeparturewhenthingswereintrainforthespeedycommencementofourschool。

WewerediscussingtheseaffairsonthemorningIhavementioned，aboutafortnightaftermyfather"sdeath，whenaletterwasbroughtinformymother，onbeholdingwhichthecolourmountedtoherface-latelypaleenoughwithanxiouswatchingsandexcessivesorrow。"Frommyfather!"murmuredshe，asshehastilytoreoffthecover。Itwasmanyyearssinceshehadheardfromanyofherownrelationsbefore。Naturallywonderingwhatthelettermightcontain，Iwatchedhercountenancewhileshereadit，andwassomewhatsurprisedtoseeherbiteherlipandknitherbrowsasifinanger。Whenshehaddone，shesomewhatirreverentlycastitonthetable，sayingwithascornfulsmile，-"Yourgrandpapahasbeensokindastowritetome。HesayshehasnodoubtIhavelongrepentedofmy"unfortunatemarriage，"andifIwillonlyacknowledgethis，andconfessIwaswronginneglectinghisadvice，andthatIhavejustlysufferedforit，hewillmakealadyofmeonceagain-ifthatbepossibleaftermylongdegradation-andremembermygirlsinhiswill。Getmydesk，Agnes，andsendthesethingsaway:Iwillanswertheletterdirectly。Butfirst，asI

maybedeprivingyoubothofalegacy，itisjustthatIshouldtellyouwhatImeantosay。IshallsaythatheismistakeninsupposingthatIcanregretthebirthofmydaughters(whohavebeentheprideofmylife，andarelikelytobethecomfortofmyoldage)，orthethirtyyearsIhavepassedinthecompanyofmybestanddearestfriend；-that，hadourmisfortunesbeenthreetimesasgreatastheywere(unlesstheyhadbeenofmybringingon)，Ishouldstillthemorerejoicetohavesharedthemwithyourfather，andadministeredwhatconsolationIwasable；and，hadhissufferingsinillnessbeententimeswhattheywore，Icouldnotregrethavingwatchedoverandlabouredtorelievethem；-that，ifhehadmarriedaricherwife，misfortunesandtrialswouldnodoubthavecomeuponhimstill；whileIamegotistenoughtoimaginethatnootherwomancouldhavecheeredhimthroughthemsowell:notthatIamsuperiortotherest，butIwasmadeforhim，andheforme；andIcannomorerepentthehours，days，yearsofhappinesswehavespenttogether，andwhichneithercouldhavehadwithouttheother，thanIcantheprivilegeofhavingbeenhisnurseinsickness，andhiscomfortinaffliction。

"Willthisdo，children？-orshallIsayweareallverysorryforwhathashappenedduringthelastthirtyyears，andmydaughterswishtheyhadneverbeenborn；butsincetheyhavehadthatmisfortune，theywillbethankfulforanytrifletheirgrandpapawillbekindenoughtobestow？"

Ofcourse，webothapplaudedourmother"sresolution；Maryclearedawaythebreakfastthings；Ibroughtthedesk；theletterwasquicklywrittenanddespatched；and，fromthatday，weheardnomoreofourgrandfather，tillwesawhisdeathannouncedinthenewspaperaconsiderabletimeafter-allhisworldlypossessions，ofcourse，beinglefttoourwealthyunknowncousins。

chapter20

CHAPTERXX-THEFAREWELL

AHOUSEinA-，thefashionablewatering-place，washiredforourseminary；andapromiseoftwoorthreepupilswasobtainedtocommencewith。IreturnedtoHortonLodgeaboutthemiddleofJuly，leavingmymothertoconcludethebargainforthehouse，toobtainmorepupils，toselloffthefurnitureofouroldabode，andtofitoutthenewone。

Weoftenpitythepoor，becausetheyhavenoleisuretomourntheirdepartedrelatives，andnecessityobligesthemtolabourthroughtheirseverestafflictions:butisnotactiveemploymentthebestremedyforoverwhelmingsorrow-thesurestantidotefordespair？

Itmaybearoughcomforter:itmayseemhardtobeharassedwiththecaresoflifewhenwehavenorelishforitsenjoyments；tobegoadedtolabourwhentheheartisreadytobreak，andthevexedspiritimploresforrestonlytoweepinsilence:butisnotlabourbetterthantherestwecovet？andarenotthosepetty，tormentingcareslesshurtfulthanacontinualbroodingoverthegreatafflictionthatoppressesus？Besides，wecannothavecares，andanxieties，andtoil，withouthope-ifitbebutthehopeoffulfillingourjoylesstask，accomplishingsomeneedfulproject，orescapingsomefurtherannoyance。Atanyrate，Iwasgladmymotherhadsomuchemploymentforeveryfacultyofheraction-lovingframe。Ourkindneighbourslamentedthatshe，oncesoexaltedinwealthandstation，shouldbereducedtosuchextremityinhertimeofsorrow；butIampersuadedthatshewouldhavesufferedthriceasmuchhadshebeenleftinaffluence，withlibertytoremaininthathouse，thesceneofherearlyhappinessandlateaffliction，andnosternnecessitytopreventherfromincessantlybroodingoverandlamentingherbereavement。

IwillnotdilateuponthefeelingswithwhichIlefttheoldhouse，thewell-knowngarden，thelittlevillagechurch-thendoublydeartome，becausemyfather，who，forthirtyyears，hadtaughtandprayedwithinitswalls，layslumberingnowbeneathitsflags-andtheoldbarehills，delightfulintheirverydesolation，withthenarrowvalesbetween，smilingingreenwoodandsparklingwater-thehousewhereIwasborn，thesceneofallmyearlyassociations，theplacewherethroughoutlifemyearthlyaffectionshadbeencentred；-andleftthemtoreturnnomore!

True，IwasgoingbacktoHortonLodge，where，amidmanyevils，onesourceofpleasureyetremained:butitwaspleasuremingledwithexcessivepain；andmystay，alas!waslimitedtosixweeks。Andevenofthatprecioustime，dayafterdayslippedbyandIdidnotseehim:exceptatchurch，Ineversawhimforafortnightaftermyreturn。Itseemedalongtimetome:and，asIwasoftenoutwithmyramblingpupil，ofcoursehopeswouldkeeprising，anddisappointmentswouldensue；andthen，Iwouldsaytomyownheart，"Hereisaconvincingproof-ifyouwouldbuthavethesensetoseeit，orthecandourtoacknowledgeit-thathedoesnotcareforyou。IfheonlythoughtHALFasmuchaboutyouasyoudoabouthim，hewouldhavecontrivedtomeetyoumanytimeserethis:

youmustknowthat，byconsultingyourownfeelings。Therefore，havedonewiththisnonsense:youhavenogroundforhope:dismiss，atonce，thesehurtfulthoughtsandfoolishwishesfromyourmind，andturntoyourownduty，andthedullblanklifethatliesbeforeyou。Youmighthaveknownsuchhappinesswasnotforyou。"

ButIsawhimatlast。HecamesuddenlyuponmeasIwascrossingafieldinreturningfromavisittoNancyBrown，whichIhadtakentheopportunityofpayingwhileMatildaMurraywasridinghermatchlessmare。HemusthaveheardoftheheavylossIhadsustained:heexpressednosympathy，offerednocondolence:

butalmostthefirstwordsheutteredwere，-"Howisyourmother？"

Andthiswasnomatter-of-coursequestion，forInevertoldhimthatIhadamother:hemusthavelearnedthefactfromothers，ifheknewitatall；and，besides，therewassinceregoodwill，andevendeep，touching，unobtrusivesympathyinthetoneandmanneroftheinquiry。Ithankedhimwithduecivility，andtoldhimshewasaswellascouldbeexpected。"Whatwillshedo？"wasthenextquestion。Manywouldhavedeemeditanimpertinentone，andgivenanevasivereply；butsuchanideaneverenteredmyhead，andI

gaveabriefbutplainstatementofmymother"splansandprospects。

"Thenyouwillleavethisplaceshortly？"saidhe。

"Yes，inamonth。"

Hepausedaminute，asifinthought。Whenhespokeagain，Ihopeditwouldbetoexpresshisconcernatmydeparture；butitwasonlytosay，-"Ishouldthinkyouwillbewillingenoughtogo？"

"Yes-forsomethings，"Ireplied。