第18章

Thewatergatheredslowlyonhershawl，andfellontothewetstones；butshelaytherecryingbitterly。Forsothelivingsoulwillcrytothedead，andthecreaturetoitsGod；andofallthiscryingtherecomesnothing。Theliftingupofthehandsbringsnosalvation；redemptionisfromwithin，andneitherfromGodnorman；itiswroughtoutbythesoulitself，withsufferingandthroughtime。

Doss，onthekitchendoorstep，shivered，andwonderedwherehismistressstayedsolong；andonce，sittingsadlythereinthedamp，hehaddroppedasleep，anddreamedthatoldOttogavehimapieceofbread，andpattedhimonthehead，andwhenhewokehisteethchattered，andhemovedtoanotherstonetoseeifitwasdrier。Atlastheheardhismistress’step，andtheywentintothehousetogether。Shelitacandle，andwalkedtotheBoer—woman’sbedroom。Onanailundertheladyinpinkhungthekeyofthewardrobe。Shetookitdownandopenedthegreatpress。Fromalittledrawershetookfiftypounds（allshehadintheworld），relockedthedoor，andturnedtohangupthekey。Themarksoftearswerestillonherface，butshesmiled。Thenshepaused，hesitated。

"Fiftypoundsforalover！Anoblereward！"shesaid，andopenedthewardrobeandreturnedthenotestothedrawer，whereEmmightfindthem。

Onceinherownroom，shearrangedthefewarticlessheintendedtotaketomorrow，burntheroldletters，andthenwentbacktothefrontroomtolookatthetime。Thereweretwohoursyetbeforeshemustcallhim。Shesatdownatthedressing—tabletowait，andleanedherelbowsonit，andburiedherfaceinherhands。Theglassreflectedthelittlebrownheadwithitsevenparting，andthetinyhandsonwhichitrested。"OnedayI

willlovesomethingutterly，andthenIwillbebetter，"shesaidonce。

Presentlyshelookedup。Thelarge，darkeyesfromtheglasslookedbackather。Shelookeddeepintothem。

"Weareallalone，youandI，"shewhispered；"noonehelpsus，nooneunderstandsus；butwewillhelpourselves。"Theeyeslookedbackather。

Therewasaworldofassuranceintheirstilldepths。Sotheyhadlookedathereversinceshecouldremember，whenitwasbutasmallchild’sfaceaboveabluepinafore。"Weshallneverbequitealone，youandI，"shesaid；"weshallalwaysbetogether，aswewerewhenwewerelittle。"

Thebeautifuleyeslookedintothedepthsofhersoul。

"Wearenotafraid；wewillhelpourselves！"shesaid。Shestretchedoutherhandandpresseditoverthemontheglass。"Deareyes！wewillneverbequitealonetilltheypartus——tillthen！"

Chapter2。X。GregoryRoseHasAnIdea。

GregoryRosewasintheloftputtingitneat。Outsidetherainpoured；asixmonths’droughthadbroken，andthethirstyplainwasdrenchedwithwater。Whatitcouldnotswallowranoffinmadrivuletstothegreatsloot，thatnowfoamedlikeanangryriveracrosstheflat。Eventhelittlefurrowbetweenthefarmhouseandthekraalswasnowastream，knee—

deep，whichalmostboreawaytheKafferwomenwhocrossedit。Ithadrainedfortwenty—fourhours，andstilltherainpouredon。Thefowlshadcollected——amelancholycrowd——inandaboutthewagon—house，andthesolitarygander，whoalonehadsurvivedthesixmonths’wantofwater，walkedhitherandthither，printinghiswebbedfootmarksonthemud，tohavethemwashedoutthenextinstantbythepeltingrain，whichateleveno’clockstillbeatonthewallsandroofswithunabatedardour。

Gregory，asheworkedintheloft，tooknonoticeofitbeyondstuffingasackintothebrokenpanetokeepitout；and，inspiteofthepeltandpatter，Em’sclearvoicemightbeheardthroughtheopentrap—doorfromthediningroom，whereshesatatwork，singingthe"BlueWater："

"Andtakemeaway，Andtakemeaway，Andtakemeaway，TotheBlueWater"——

thatquaint，childishsongofthepeople，thathasaworldofsweetness，andsad，vagueyearningwhensungoverandoverdreamilybyawoman’svoiceasshesitsaloneatherwork。

ButGregoryheardneitherthatnoryettheloudlaughteroftheKaffermaids，thateverynowandagainbrokethroughfromthekitchen，wheretheyjokedandworked。OflateGregoryhadgrownstrangelyimpervioustothesoundsandsightsabouthim。Hisleasehadrunout，butEmhadsaid，"Donotrenewit；Ineedonetohelpme；juststayon。"And，shehadadded，"Youmustnotremaininyourownlittlehouse；livewithme；youcanlookaftermyostrichesbetterso。"

AndGregorydidnotthankher。Whatdifferencediditmaketohim，payingrentornot，livingthereornot；itwasallone。Butyethecame。Emwishedthathewouldstillsometimestalkofthestrengthofthemaster—

rightofman；butGregorywasasonesmittenonthecheek—bone。

Shemightdowhatshepleased，hewouldfindnofault，hadnowordtosay。

Hehadforgottenthatitisman’srighttorule。Onthatrainymorninghehadlightedhispipeatthekitchenfire，andwhenbreakfastwasoverstoodinthefrontdoorwatchingthewaterrushdowntheroadtillthepipediedoutinhismouth。Emsawshemustdosomethingforhim，andfoundhimalargecalicoduster。Hehadsometimestalkedofputtingtheloftneat，andtodayshecouldfindnothingelseforhimtodo。Soshehadtheladderputtothetrap—doorthatheneednotgooutinthewet，andGregorywiththebroomanddustermountedtotheloft。Onceatworkheworkedhard。Hedusteddowntheveryrafters，andcleanedthebrokencandle—mouldsandbentforksthathadstuckinthethatchfortwentyyears。Heplacedtheblackbottlesneatlyinrowsonanoldboxinthecorner，andpiledtheskinsononeanother，andsortedtherubbishinalltheboxes；andateleveno’clockhisworkwasalmostdone。Heseatedhimselfonthepacking—casewhichhadonceheldWaldo’sbooks，andproceededtoexaminethecontentsofanotherwhichhehadnotyetlookedat。Itwascarelesslynaileddown。Heloosenedoneplank，andbegantoliftoutvariousarticlesoffemaleattire——old—fashionedcaps，aprons，dresseswithlongpointedbodiessuchasherememberedtohaveseenhismotherwearwhenhewasalittlechild。

Heshookthemoutcarefullytoseetherewerenomoths，andthensatdowntofoldthemupagainonebyone。TheyhadbelongedtoEm’smother，andthebox，aspackedatherdeath，hadstooduntouchedandforgottentheselongyears。Shemusthavebeenatallwoman，thatmotherofEm’s，forwhenhestooduptoshakeoutadresstheneckwasonalevelwithhis，andtheskirttouchedtheground。Gregorylaidanightcapoutonhisknee，andbeganrollingupthestrings；butpresentlyhisfingersmovedslowerandslower，thenhischinrestedonhisbreast，andfinallytheimploringblueeyeswerefixedonthefrillabstractedly。WhenEm’svoicecalledtohimfromthefootoftheladderhestarted，andthrewthenightcapbehindhim。

Shewasonlycometotellhimthathiscupofsoupwasready；and，whenhecouldhearthatshewasgone，hepickedupthenightcapagain，andagreatbrownsun—kapje——justsuchakapjeandsuchadressasoneofthoseherememberedtohaveseenasisterofmercywear。Gregory’smindwasveryfullofthought。Hetookdownafragmentofanoldlooking—glassfrombehindabeam，andputthekapjeon。Hisbeardlookedsomewhatgrotesqueunderit；heputuphishandtohideit——thatwasbetter。Theblueeyeslookedoutwiththemildgentlenessthatbecameeyeslookingoutfromunderakapje。Nexthetookthebrowndress，and，lookingroundfurtively，slippeditoverhishead。Hehadjustgothisarmsinthesleeves，andwastryingtohookuptheback，whenanincreaseinthepatteroftherainatthewindowmadehimdragitoffhastily。Whenheperceivedtherewasnoonecominghetumbledthethingsbackintothebox，and，coveringitcarefully，wentdowntheladder。

Emwasstillatherwork，tryingtoadjustanewneedleinthemachine。

Gregorydrankhissoup，andthensatbeforeher，anawfulandmysteriouslookinhiseyes。

"Iamgoingtotowntomorrow，"hesaid。

"I’malmostafraidyouwon’tbeabletogo，"saidEm，whowasintentonherneedle；"Idon’tthinkitisgoingtoleaveofftoday。"

"Iamgoing，"saidGregory。

Emlookedup。

"Buttheslootsareasfullasrivers；youcannotgo。Wecanwaitforthepost，"shesaid。

"Iamnotgoingforthepost，"saidGregory，impressively。

Emlookedforexplanation；nonecame。

"Whenwillyoubeback？"

"Iamnotcomingback。"

"Areyougoingtoyourfriends？"

Gregorywaited，thencaughtherbythewrist。

"Lookhere，Em，"hesaidbetweenhisteeth，"Ican’tstanditanymore。I

amgoingtoher。"

Sincethatday，whenhehadcomehomeandfoundLyndallgone，hehadnevertalkedofher；butEmknewwhoitwaswhoneededtobespokenofbynoname。

Shesaid，whenhehadreleasedherhand：

"Butyoudonotknowwheresheis？"

"Yes，Ido。ShewasinBloemfonteinwhenIheardlast。Iwillgothere，andIwillfindoutwhereshewentthen，andthen，andthen！Iwillhaveher。"

Emturnedthewheelquickly，andtheill—adjustedneedlesprungintotwentyfragments。

"Gregory，"shesaid，"shedoesnotwantus；shetoldussoclearlyinthelettershewrote。"Aflushroseonherfaceasshespoke。"Itwillonlybepaintoyou，Gregory：Willsheliketohaveyounearher？"

Therewasananswerhemighthavemade，butitwashissecret，andhedidnotchoosetoshareit。Hesaidonly：

"Iamgoing。"

"Willyoubegonelong，Gregory？"

"Idonotknow；perhapsIshallnevercomeback。Dowhatyoupleasewithmythings。Icannotstayhere！"

Herosefromhisseat。

"Peoplesay，forget，forget！"hecried，pacingtheroom。Theyaremad！

theyarefools！Dotheysaysotomenwhoaredyingofthirst——forget，forget？Whyisitonlytoustheysayso！Itisalietosaythattimemakesiteasy；itisafterward，afterwardthatiteatsinatyourheart！

"Allthesemonths，"hecriedbitterly，"Ihavelivedherequietly，dayafterday，asifIcaredforwhatIate，andwhatIdrank，andwhatIdid！

Icarefornothing！Icannotbearit！Iwillnot！Forget！forget！"

ejaculatedGregory。"Youcanforgetalltheworld，butyoucannotforgetyourself。Whenonethingismoretoyouthanyourself，howareyoutoforgetit？

"Iread，"hesaid——"yes；andthenIcometoawordsheused，anditisallbackwithmeagain！Igotocountmysheep，andIseeherfacebeforeme，andIstandandletthesheeprunby。Ilookatyou，andinyoursmile，asomethingatthecornerofyourlips，Iseeher。HowcanIforgetherwhen，wheneverIturn，sheisthere，andnotthere？Icannot，Iwillnot，livewhereIdonotseeher。

"Iknowwhatyouthink，"hesaid，turninguponher。"YouthinkIammad；

youthinkIamgoingtoseewhethershewillnotlikeme！Iamnotsofoolish。Ishouldhaveknownatfirstshenevercouldsufferme。WhoamI，whatamI，thatsheshouldlookatme？Itwasrightthatsheleftme；

rightthatsheshouldnotlookatme。Ifanyonesaysitisnot，itisalie！Iamnotgoingtospeaktoher，"headded——"onlytoseeher；onlytostandsometimesinaplacewhereshehasstoodbefore。"

Chapter2。XI。AnUnfinishedLetter。

GregoryRosehadbeengonesevenmonths。Emsataloneonawhitesheepskinbeforethefire。

TheAugustnight—wind，weirdandshrill，howledroundthechimneysandthroughthecrannies，andinwallsanddoors，andutteredalonglowcryasitforceditswayamongthecleftsofthestonesonthekopje。Itwasawildnight。Theprickly—peartree，stiffanduprightasithelditsarms，feltthewind’smight，andknockeditsflatleavesheavilytogether，tillgreatbranchesbrokeoff。TheKaffers，astheysleptintheirstrawhuts，whisperedonetoanotherthatbeforemorningtherewouldnotbeanarmfulofthatchleftontheroofs；andthebeamsofthewagon—housecreakedandgroanedasifitwereheavyworktoresisttheimportunityofthewind。

Emhadnotgonetobed。Whocouldsleeponanightlikethis？Sointhediningroomshehadlightedafire，andsatonthegroundbeforeit，turningtheroaster—cakesthatlayonthecoalstobake。Itwouldsaveworkinthemorning；andsheblewoutthelightbecausethewindthroughthewindow—chinksmadeitflickerandrun；andshesatsingingtoherselfasshewatchedthecakes。Theylayatoneendofthewidehearthonabedofcoals，andattheotherendafireburntupsteadily，castingitsamberglowoverEm’slighthairandblackdress，withtheruffleofcrepeabouttheneck，andoverthewhitecurlsofthesheepskinonwhichshesat。

Louderandmorefiercelyyethowledthestorm；butEmsangon，andheardnothingbutthewordsofhersong，andheardthemonlyfaintly，assomethingrestful。Itwasanold，childishsongshehadoftenheardhermothersinglongago：

Wherethereedsdancebytheriver，Wherethewillow’ssongissaid，Onthefaceofthemorningwater，Isreflectedawhiteflower’shead。

Shefoldedherhandsandsangthenextversedreamily：

Wherethereedsshakebytheriver，Wherethemoonlight’ssheenisshed，Onthefaceofthesleepingwater，Twoleavesofawhiteflowerfloatdead。

Dead，Dead，Dead！

Sheechoedtherefrainsoftlytillitdiedaway，andthenrepeatedit。Itwasasif，unknowntoherself，itharmonizedwiththepicturesandthoughtsthatsatwithhertherealoneinthefirelight。Sheturnedthecakesover，whilethewindhurleddownarowofbricksfromthegable，andmadethewallstremble。

Presentlyshepausedandlistened；therewasasoundasofsomethingknockingattheback—doorway。Butthewindhadraiseditslevelhigher，andshewentonwithherwork。Atlastthesoundwasrepeated。Thensherose，litthecandleandthefire，andwenttosee。Onlytosatisfyherself，shesaid，thatnothingcouldbeoutonsuchanight。

Sheopenedthedooralittleway，andheldthelightbehindhertodefenditfromthewind。Thefigureofatallmanstoodthere，andbeforeshecouldspeakhehadpushedhiswayin，andwasforcingthedoortoclosebehindhim。

"Waldo！"shecriedinastonishment。

Hehadbeengonemorethanayearandahalf。

"Youdidnotexpecttoseeme，"heanswered，asheturnedtowardher；"I

shouldhavesleptintheouthouse，andnottroubledyoutonight；butthroughtheshutterIsawglimmeringsofalight。"

"Comeintothefire，"shesaid；"itisaterrificnightforanycreaturetobeout。Shallwenotgoandfetchyourthingsinfirst？"sheadded。

"Ihavenothingbutthis，"hesaid，motioningtothelittlebundleinhishand。

"Yourhorse？"

"Isdead。"

Hesatdownonthebenchbeforethefire。

"Thecakesarealmostready，"shesaid；"Iwillgetyousomethingtoeat。

Wherehaveyoubeenwanderingallthiswhile？"

"Upanddown，upanddown，"heansweredwearily；"andnowthewhimhasseizedmetocomebackhere。Em，"hesaid，puttinghishandonherarmasshepassedhim，"haveyouheardfromLyndalllately？"

"Yes，"saidEm，turningquicklyfromhim。

"Whereisshe？Ihadoneletterfromher，butthatisalmostayearagonow——justwhensheleft。Whereisshe？"

"IntheTransvaal。Iwillgoandgetyousomesupper；wecantalkafterward。"

"Canyougivemeherexactaddress？Iwanttowritetoher。"

ButEmhadgoneintothenextroom。

Whenfoodwasonthetableshekneltdownbeforethefire，turningthecakes，babblingrestlessly，eagerly，nowofthis，nowofthat。Shewasgladtoseehim——TantSanniewascomingsoontoshowherhernewbaby——hemuststayonthefarmnow，andhelpher。AndWaldohimselfwaswellcontenttoeathismealinsilence，askingnomorequestions。

"Gregoryiscomingbacknextweek，"shesaid；"hewillhavebeengonejustahundredandthreedaystomorrow。Ihadaletterfromhimyesterday。"

"Wherehashebeen？"

Buthiscompanionstoopedtoliftacakefromthefire。

"Howthewindblows！Onecanhardlyhearone’sownvoice，"shesaid。

"Takethiswarmcake；noone’scakesarelikemine。Why，youhaveeatennothing！"

"Iamalittleweary，"hesaid；"thewindwasmadtonight。"

Hefoldedhisarms，andrestedhisheadagainstthefireplace，whilstsheremovedthedishesfromthetable。Onthemantelpiecestoodaninkpotandsomesheetsofpaper。Presentlyhetookthemdownandturnedupthecornerofthetablecloth。

"Iwillwriteafewlines，"hesaid；"tillyouarereadytositdownandtalk。"

Em，assheshookoutthetablecloth，watchedhimbendingintentlyoverhispaper。Hehadchangedmuch。Hisfacehadgrownthinner；hischeekswerealmosthollow，thoughtheywerecoveredbyadarkgrowthofbeard。

Shesatdownontheskinbesidehim，andfeltthelittlebundleonthebench；itwaspainfullysmallandsoft。Perhapsitheldashirtandabook，butnothingmore。Theoldblackhathadapieceofunhemmedmuslintwistedroundit，andonhiselbowwasalargepatchsofixedonwithyellowthreadthatherheartached。Onlyhishairwasnotchanged，andhunginsilkybeautifulwavesalmosttohisshoulders。

Tomorrowshewouldtaketheraggededgeoffhiscollar，andputanewbandroundhishat。Shedidnotinterrupthim，butshewonderedhowitwasthathesattowritesointentlyafterhislongwearywalk。Hewasnottirednow；hispenhurriedquicklyandrestlesslyoverthepaper，andhiseyewasbright。PresentlyEmraisedherhandtoherbreast，wherelaytheletteryesterdayhadbroughther。Soonshehadforgottenhim，asentirelyashehadforgottenher；eachwasinhisownworldwithhisown。HewaswritingtoLyndall。Hewouldtellherallhehadseen，allhehaddone，thoughitwerenothingworthrelating。Heseemedtohavecomebacktoher，andtobetalkingtohernowhesatthereintheoldhouse。

"——andthenIgottothenexttown，andmyhorsewastired，soIcouldgonofurther，andlookedforwork。Ashopkeeperagreedtohiremeassalesman。Hemademesignapromisetoremainsixmonths，andhegavemealittleemptyroomatthebackofthestoretosleepin。Ihadstillthreepoundsofmyown，andwhenyoujustcomefromthecountrythreepoundsseemsagreatdeal。

"WhenIhadbeenintheshopthreedaysIwantedtogoawayagain。Aclerkinashophasthelowestworktodoofallthepeople。Itismuchbettertobreakstones；youhavetheblueskyaboveyou，andonlythestonestobendto。Iaskedmymastertoletmego，andIofferedtogivehimmytwopounds，andthebagofmealiesIhadboughtwiththeotherpound；buthewouldnot。

"Ifoundoutafterwardhewasonlygivingmehalfasmuchashegavetotheothers——thatwaswhy。IhadfearwhenIlookedattheotherclerksthatI

wouldatlastbecomelikethem。Alldaytheywerebowingandsmirkingtothewomenwhocamein；smiling，whenalltheywantedwastogettheirmoneyfromthem。Theyusedtorunandfetchthedressesandribbonstoshowthem，andtheyseemedtomelikewormswithoilon。Therewasonerespectablethinginthatstore——itwastheKafferstoreman。Hisworkwastoloadandunload，andheneverneededtosmileexceptwhenheliked，andhenevertoldlies。

"TheotherclerksgavemethenameofOldSalvation；buttherewasonepersonIlikedverymuch。Hewasclerkinanotherstore。Heoftenwentpastthedoor。Heseemedtomenotlikeothers——hisfacewasbrightandfreshlikealittlechild’s。WhenhecametotheshopIfeltIlikedhim。

OnedayIsawabookinhispocket，andthatmademefeelnearhim。I

askedhimifhewasfondofreading，andhesaid，yes，whentherewasnothingelsetodo。Thenextdayhecametome，andaskedmeifIdidnotfeellonely；heneversawmegoingoutwiththeotherfellows；hewouldcomeandseemethatevening，hesaid。

"Iwasglad，andboughtsomemeatandflour，becausethegreymareandI

alwaysatemealies；itisthecheapestthing；whenyouboilithardyoucan’teatmuchofit。Imadesomecakes，andIfoldedmygreatcoatontheboxtomakeitsofterforhim；andatlasthecame。

"’You’vegotarummyplacehere，’hesaid。

"Youseetherewasnothinginitbutpacking—casesforfurniture，anditwasratherempty。WhileIwasputtingthefoodontheboxhelookedatmybooks；hereadtheirnamesoutaloud。’ElementaryPhysiology，’’FirstPrinciples。’

"’Golly！’hesaid；’I’vegotalotofdrystufflikethatathomeIgotforSunday—schoolprizes；butIonlykeepthemtolightmypipewithnow；theycomeinhandyforthat。’ThenheaskedmeifIhadeverreadabookcalledthe’Black—eyedCreole。’’Thatisthestyleforme，’hesaid；’therewherethefellowtakesthenigger—girlbythearm，andtheotherfellowcutsitoff！That’swhatIlike。’

"ButwhathesaidafterthatIdon’tremember，onlyitmademefeelasifI

werehavingabaddream，andIwantedtobefaraway。

"Whenhehadfinishedeatinghedidnotstaylong；hehadtogoandseesomegirlshomefromaprayer—meeting；andheaskedhowitwasheneversawmewalkingoutwithanyonSundayafternoons。Hesaidhehadlotsofsweethearts，andhewasgoingtoseeonethenextWednesdayonafarm，andheaskedmetolendmymare。Itoldhimshewasveryold。Buthesaiditdidn’tmatter；hewouldcomethenextdaytofetchher。

"Afterhewasgonemylittleroomgotbacktoitsoldlook。Iloveditso；

Iwassogladtogetintoitatnight，anditseemedtobereproachingmeforbringinghimthere。Thenextdayhetookthegreymare。OnThursdayhedidnotbringherback，andonFridayIfoundthesaddleandbridlestandingatmydoor。

"Intheafternoonhelookedintotheshop，andcalledout：’Hopeyougotyoursaddle，Farber？Yourbag—of—boneskickedoutsixmilesfromhere。

I’llsendyouacoupleofshillingstomorrow，thoughtheoldhidewasn’tworthit。Goodmorning。’

"ButIsprungoverthecounter，andgothimbyhisthroat。Myfatherwassogentlewithher；heneverwouldrideheruphill，andnowthisfellowhadmurderedher！Iaskedhimwherehehadkilledher，andIshookhimtillheslippedoutofmyhand。Hestoodinthedoorgrinning。

"’Itdidn’ttakemuchtokillthatbag—of—bones，whosemastersleepsinapacking—case，andwaitstillhiscompany’sfinishedtoeatontheplate。

Shouldn’twonderifyoufedheronsugar—bags，’hesaid；’andifyouthinkI’vejumpedher，you’dbettergoandlookyourself。You’llfindheralongtheroadbytheaasvogelsthatareeatingher。’

"Icaughthimbyhiscollar，andIliftedhimfromtheground，andIthrewhimoutintothestreet，half—wayacrossit。Iheardthebookkeepersaytotheclerkthattherewasalwaysthedevilinthosemumfellows；buttheynevercalledmeSalvationafterthat。

"Iamwritingtoyouofverysmallthings，butthereisnothingelsetotell；ithasbeenallsmallandyouwilllikeit。WheneveranythinghashappenedIhavealwaysthoughtIwouldtellittoyou。Thebackthoughtinmymindisalwaysyou。Afterthatonlyoneoldmancametovisitme。I

hadseenhiminthestreetsoften；healwaysworeverydirtyblackclothes，andahatwithcreperoundit，andhehadoneeye，soInoticedhim。Onedayhecametomyroomwithasubscription—listforaminister’ssalary。

WhenIsaidIhadnothingtogivehelookedatmewithhisoneeye。

"’Youngman，’hesaid，’howisitIneverseeyouinthehouseoftheLord？’Ithoughthewastryingtodogood，soIfeltsorryforhim，andI

toldhimIneverwenttochapel。’Youngman，’hesaid，’itgrievesmetohearsuchgodlesswordsfromthelipsofonesoyoung——sofargoneinthepathsofdestruction。Youngman，ifyouforgetGod，Godwillforgetyou。

Thereisaseatontheright—handsideasyougoatthebottomdoorthatyoumayget。Ifyouaregivenovertotheenjoymentandfrivolitiesofthisworld，whatwillbecomeofyourneverdyingsoul？’

"HewouldnotgotillIgavehimhalfacrownfortheminister’ssalary。

AfterwardIheardhewasthemanwhocollectedthepewrentsandgotapercentage。Ididn’tgettoknowanyoneelse。

"WhenmytimeinthatshopwasdoneIhiredmyselftodriveoneofatransport—rider’swagons。

"Thatfirstmorning，whenIsatinthefrontandcalledtomyoxen，andsawnothingaboutmebutthehills，withthebluecomingdowntothem，andthekaroobushes，Iwasdrunk；Ilaughed；myheartwasbeatingtillithurtme。

Ishutmyeyestight，thatwhenIopenedthemImightseetherewerenoshelvesaboutme。Theremustbeabeautyinbuyingandselling，ifthereisbeautyineverything：butitisveryuglytome。Mylifeastransport—

riderwouldhavebeenthebestlifeintheworldifIhadhadonlyonewagontodrive。Mymastertoldmehewoulddriveone，Itheother，andhewouldhireanotherpersontodrivethethird。ButthefirstdayIdrovetwotohelphim，andafterthatheletmedriveallthree。Wheneverwecametoanhotelhestoppedbehindtogetadrink，andwhenherodeuptothewagonshecouldneverstand；theHottentotandIusedtolifthimup。

Wealwaystravelledallnight，andusedtooutspanforfiveorsixhoursintheheatofthedaytorest。IplannedthatIwouldlieunderawagonandreadforanhourortwoeverydaybeforeIwenttosleep，andIdidforthefirsttwoorthree；butafterthatIonlywantedtosleep，liketherest，andIpackedmybooksaway。