第17章
Gregoryfelthemustsustaintheconversation。Theonlythinghecouldthinkofwastoreciteapieceofpoetry。Heknewhehadlearntmanyaboutlove；buttheonlythingthatwouldcomeintohismindnowwasthe"BattleofHohenlinden，"and"Notadrumwasheard，"neitherofwhichseemedtobeardirectlyonthesubjectonhand。
ButunexpectedreliefcametohimfromDoss，who，toodeeplylostincontemplationofhiscrevice，wassurprisedbythesuddendescentofthestoneLyndall’sfoothadloosened，which，rollingagainsthislittlefrontpaw，carriedawayapieceofwhite—skin。Dossstoodonthreelegs，holdingupthepawwithanexpressionofextremeself—commiseration；hethenproceededtohopslowlyupwardinsearchofsympathy。
"Youhavehurtthatdog，"saidGregory。
"HaveI？"sherepliedindifferently，andre—openedthebook，asthoughtoresumeherstudyoftheplay。
"He’sanasty，snappishlittlecur！"saidGregory，calculatingfromhermannerthattheremarkwouldbeendorsed。"Hesnappedatmyhorse’stailyesterday，andnearlymadeitthrowme。Iwonderhismasterdidn’ttakehim，insteadofleavinghimheretobeanuisancetoallofus！"
Lyndallseemedabsorbedinherplay；butheventuredanotherremark。
"Doyouthinknow，MissLyndall，thathe’lleverhaveanythingintheworld——thatGerman。Imean——moneyenoughtosupportawifeon，andallthatsortofthing？Idon’t。He’swhatIcallsoft。"
Shewasspreadingherskirtoutsoftlywithherlefthandforthedogtoliedownonit。
"IthinkIshouldberatherastonishedifheeverbecamearespectablememberofsociety，"shesaid。Idon’texpecttoseehimthepossessorofbank—shares，thechairmanofadivisionalcouncil，andthefatherofalargefamily；wearingablackhat，andgoingtochurchtwiceonaSunday。
Hewouldratherastonishmeifhecametosuchanend。"
"Yes；Idon’texpectanythingofhimeither，"saidGregory，zealously。
"Well，Idon’tknow，"saidLyndall；"therearesomesmallthingsIratherlooktohimfor。Ifheweretoinventwings，orcarveastatuethatonemightlookatforhalfanhourwithoutwantingtolookatsomethingelse，I
shouldnotbesurprised。Hemaydosomelittlethingofthatkindperhaps，whenhehasdonefermentingandthesedimenthasallgonetothebottom。"
Gregoryfeltthatwhatshesaidwasnotwhollyintendedasblame。
"Well，Idon’tknow，"hesaidsulkily；"tomehelookslikeafool。Towalkaboutalwaysinthatdead—and—alivesortofway，mutteringtohimselflikeanoldKafferwitchdoctor！Heworkshardenough，butit’salwaysasthoughhedidn’tknowwhathewasdoing。Youdon’tknowhowhelookstoapersonwhoseeshimforthefirsttime。"
Lyndallwassoftlytouchingthelittlesorefootassheread，andDoss，toshowhelikedit，lickedherhand。
"But，MissLyndall，"persistedGregory，"whatdoyoureallythinkofhim？"
"Ithink，"saidLyndall，"thatheislikeathorn—tree，whichgrowsupveryquietly，withoutanyone’scaringforit，andonedaysuddenlybreaksoutintoyellowblossoms。"
"AndwhatdoyouthinkIamlike？"askedGregory，hopefully。
Lyndalllookedupfromherbook。
"Likealittletinduckfloatingonadishofwater，thatcomesafterapieceofbreadstuckonaneedle，andthemoretheneedlepricksitthemoreitcomeson。"
"Oh，youaremakingfunofmenow，youreallyare！"saidGregoryfeelingwretched。"Youaremakingfun，aren’tyou，now？"
"Partly。Itisalwaysdivertingtomakecomparisons。"
"Yes；butyoudon’tcomparemetoanythingnice，andyoudootherpeople。
WhatisEmlike，now？"
"Theaccompanimentofasong。Shefillsupthegapsinotherpeople’slives，andisalwaysnumbertwo；butIthinksheislikemanyaccompaniments——agreatdealbetterthanthesongsheistoaccompany。"
"Sheisnothalfsogoodasyouare！"saidGregory，withaburstofuncontrollableardour。
"SheissomuchbetterthanI，thatherlittlefingerhasmoregoodnessinitthanmywholebody。Ihopeyoumaynotlivetofindoutthetruthofthatfact。"
"Youarelikeanangel，"hesaid，thebloodrushingtohisheadandface。
"Yes，probably；angelsareofmanyorders。"
"YouaretheonebeingthatIlove！"saidGregoryquivering。"IthoughtI
lovedbefore，butIknownow！Donotbeangrywithme。Iknowyoucouldneverlikeme；but，ifImightbutalwaysbenearyoutoserveyou，Iwouldbeutterly，utterlyhappy。Iwouldasknothinginreturn！IfyoucouldonlytakeeverythingIhaveanduseit；Iwantnothingbuttobeofusetoyou。"
Shelookedathimforafewmoments。
"Howdoyouknow，"shesaidslowly，"thatyoucouldnotdosomethingtoserveme？Youcouldservemebygivingmeyourname。"
Hestarted，andturnedhisburningfacetoher。
"Youareverycruel；youareridiculingme，"hesaid。
"No，Iamnot，Gregory。WhatIamsayingisplain，matter—of—factbusiness。Ifyouarewillingtogivemeyournamewithinthreeweeks’
time，Iamwillingtomarryyou，ifnot，well。Iwantnothingmorethanyourname。Thatisaclearproposal，isitnot？"
Helookedup。Wasitcontempt，loathing，pity，thatmovedintheeyesabove！Hecouldnottell；buthestoopedoverthelittlefootandkissedit。
Shesmiled。
"Doyoureallymeanit？"hewhispered。
"Yes。Youwishtoserveme，andtohavenothinginreturn！——youshallhavewhatyouwish。"SheheldoutherfingersforDosstolick。"Doyouseethisdog？HelicksmyhandbecauseIlovehim；andIallowhimto。WhereIdonotloveIdonotallowit。Ibelieveyouloveme；Itoocouldloveso，thattolieunderthefootofthethingIlovedwouldbemoreheaventhantolieinthebreastofanother。Come！letusgo。Carrythedog，"
sheadded；"hewillnotbiteyouifIputhiminyourarms。So——donotlethisfoothangdown。"
Theydescendedthekopje。Atthebottom，hewhispered：
"Wouldyounottakemyarm？thepathisveryrough。"
Sherestedherfingerslightlyonit。
"Imayyetchangemymindaboutmarryingyoubeforethetimecomes。Itisverylikely。Markyou！"shesaid，turningroundonhim；"Irememberyourwords：Youwillgiveeverything，andexpectnothing。Theknowledgethatyouareservingmeistobeyourreward；andyouwillhavethat。Youwillserveme，andgreatly。ThereasonsIhaveformarryingyouIneednotinformyouofnow；youwillprobablydiscoversomeofthembeforelong。"
"Ionlywanttobeofsomeusetoyou，"hesaid。
ItseemedtoGregorythattherewerepulsesinthesolesofhisfeet，andthegroundshimmeredasonasummer’sday。TheywalkedroundthefootofthekopjeandpasttheKafferhuts。AnoldKaffermaidkneltatthedoorofonegrindingmealies。Thatsheshouldseehimwalkingsomadehisheartbeatsofast，thatthehandonhisarmfeltitspulsation。Itseemedthatshemustenvyhim。
JustthenEmlookedoutagainatthebackwindowandsawthemcoming。Shecriedbitterlyallthewhileshesortedtheskins。
ButthatnightwhenLyndallhadblownhercandleout，andhalfturnedroundtosleep，thedoorofEm’sbedroomopened。
"Iwanttosaygoodnighttoyou，Lyndall，"shesaid，comingtothebedsideandkneelingdown。
"Ithoughtyouwereasleep，"Lyndallreplied。
"Yes，Ihavebeenasleep；butIhadsuchavividdream，"shesaid，holdingtheother’shands，"andthatwokeme。Ineverhadsovividadreambefore。
"ItseemedIwasalittlegirlagain，andIcamesomewhereintoalargeroom。Onabedinthecornertherewassomethinglyingdressedinwhite，anditslittleeyeswereshut，anditslittlefacewaslikewax。Ithoughtitwasadoll，andIranforwardtotakeit；butsomeoneheldupherfingerandsaid：’Hush！itisalittledeadbaby。’AndIsaid：’Oh，I
mustgoandcallLyndall，thatshemaylookatitalso。’
"Andtheyputtheirfacesclosedowntomyearandwhispered：’ItisLyndall’sbaby。’
"AndIsaid：’Shecannotbegrownupyet；sheisonlyalittlegirl！
Whereisshe？’AndIwenttolookforyou，butIcouldnotfindyou。
"AndwhenIcametosomepeoplewhoweredressedinblack，Iaskedthemwhereyouwere，andtheylookeddownattheirblackclothes，andshooktheirheads，andsaidnothing；andIcouldnotfindyouanywhere。AndthenIawoke。
"Lyndall，"shesaid，puttingherfacedownuponthehandssheheld，"itmademethinkaboutthattimewhenwewerelittlegirlsandusedtoplaytogether，whenIlovedyoubetterthananythingelseintheworld。Itisn’tanyone’sfaultthattheyloveyou；theycan’thelpit。Anditisn’tyourfault；youdon’tmakethemloveyou。Iknowit。"
"Thankyou，dear，"Lyndallsaid。"Itisnicetobeloved，butitwouldbebettertobegood。"
Thentheywishedgoodnight，andEmwentbacktoherroom。LongafterLyndalllayinthedarkthinking，thinking，thinking；andassheturnedroundwearilytosleepshemuttered：
"Therearesomewiserintheirsleepingthanintheirwaking。"
Chapter2。IX。Lyndall’sStranger。
Afireisburningintheunusedhearthofthecabin。Thefuelblazesup，andlightstheblackrafters，andwarmsthefadedredlionsonthequilt，andfillsthelittleroomwithaglowofwarmthandlightmadebrighterbycontrast，foroutsidethenightischillandmisty。
Beforetheopenfireplacesitsastranger，histall，slightfigurereposinginthebrokenarmchair，hiskeenblueeyesstudyingthefirefrombeneathdelicatelypencilled，droopingeyelids。Onewhitehandplaysthoughtfullywithaheavyflaxenmoustache；yet，oncehestarts，andforaninstantthelanguidlidsraisethemselves；thereisakeen，intentlookuponthefaceashelistensforsomething。Thenheleansbackinhischair，fillshisglassfromthesilverflaskinhisbag，andresumeshisoldposture。
Presentlythedooropensnoiselessly。ItisLyndall，followedbyDoss。
Quietlyassheenters，hehearsher，andturns。
"Ithoughtyouwerenotcoming。"
"Iwaitedtillallhadgonetobed。Icouldnotcomebefore。"
Sheremovedtheshawlthatenvelopedher，andthestrangerrosetoofferherhischair；butshetookherseatonalowpileofsacksbeforethewindow。
"IhardlyseewhyIshouldbeoutlawedafterthisfashion，"hesaid，reseatinghimselfanddrawinghischairalittlenearertoher；"thesearehardlythequartersoneexpectstofindaftertravellingahundredmilesinanswertoaninvitation。"
"Isaid，’Comeifyouwish。’"
"AndIdidwish。Yougivemeacoldreception。"
"Icouldnottakeyoutothehouse。QuestionswouldbeaskedwhichIcouldnotanswerwithoutprevarication。"
"Yourconscienceisgrowingtohaveacertainvirgintenderness，"hesaid，inalow，melodiousvoice。
"Ihavenoconscience。Ispokeonedeliberateliethisevening。Isaidthemanwhohadcomelookedrough，wehadbestnothavehiminthehouse；
thereforeIbroughthimhere。Itwasadeliberatelie，andIhatelies。I
tellthemifImust，buttheyhurtme。"
"Well，youdonottellliestoyourself，atallevents。Youarecandid，sofar。"
Sheinterruptedhim。
"Yougotmyshortletter？"
"Yes；thatiswhyIcome。Yousentaveryfoolishreply；youmusttakeitback。Whoisthisfellowyoutalkofmarrying？"
"Ayoungfarmer。"
"Liveshere？"
"Yes；hehasgonetotowntogetthingsforourwedding。"
"Whatkindofafellowishe？"
"Afool。"
"Andyouwouldrathermarryhimthanme？"
"Yes；becauseyouarenotone。"
"Thatisanovelreasonforrefusingtomarryaman，"hesaid，leaninghiselbowonthetableandwatchingherkeenly。
"Itisawiseone，"shesaidshortly。"IfImarryhimIshallshakehimoffmyhandwhenitsuitsme。IfIremainedwithhimfortwelvemonthshewouldneverhavedaredtokissmyhand。AsfarasIwishheshouldcome，hecomes，andnofurther。Wouldyouaskmewhatyoumightandwhatyoumightnotdo？"
Hercompanionraisedthemoustachewithacaressingmovementfromhislipandsmiled。Itwasnotaquestionthatstoodinneedofanyanswer。
"Whydoyouwishtoenteronthissemblanceofmarriage？"
"BecausethereisonlyonepointonwhichIhaveaconscience。Ihavetoldyouso。"
"Thenwhynotmarryme？"
"Becauseifonceyouhavemeyouwouldholdmefast。Ishallneverbefreeagain。"Shedrewalong，lowbreath。
"WhathaveyoudonewiththeringIgaveyou？"hesaid。
"SometimesIwearit；thenItakeitoffandwishtothrowitintothefire；thenextdayIputitonagain，andsometimesIkissit。"
"Soyoudolovemealittle？"
"Ifyouwerenotsomethingmoretomethananyothermanintheworld，doyouthink——"Shepaused。"IloveyouwhenIseeyou；butwhenyouareawayfrommeIhateyou。"
"ThenIfearImustbesingularlyinvisibleatthepresentmoment，"hesaid。Possiblyifyouweretolooklessfixedlyintothefireyoumightperceiveme。"
Hemovedhischairslightly，soastocomebetweenherandthefirelight。
Sheraisedhereyestohisface。
"Ifyoudoloveme，"heaskedher，"whywillyounotmarryme？"
"Because，ifIhadbeenmarriedtoyouforayearIshouldhavecometomysensesandseenthatyourhandsandyourvoicearelikethehandsandthevoiceofanyotherman。Icannotquiteseethatnow。Butitisallmadness。Youcallintoactivityonepartofmynature；thereisahigherpartthatyouknownothingof，thatyounevertouch。IfImarriedyou，afterwarditwouldariseandassertitself，andIshouldhateyoualways，asIdonowsometimes。"
"Ilikeyouwhenyougrowmetaphysicalandanalytical，"hesaid，leaninghisfaceuponhishand。"Goalittlefurtherinyouranalysis；say，’I
loveyouwiththerightventricleofmyheart，butnottheleft，andwiththeleftauricleofmyheart，butnottheright；and，thisbeingthecase，myaffectionforyouisnotofadulyelevated，intellectualandspiritualnature。’Ilikeyouwhenyougetphilosophical。"
Shelookedquietlyathim；hewastryingtoturnherownweaponsagainsther。
"Youareactingfoolishly，Lyndall，"hesaid，suddenlychanginghismanner，andspeakingearnestly，"mostfoolishly。Youareactinglikealittlechild；Iamsurprisedatyou。Itisallverywelltohaveidealsandtheories；butyouknowaswellasanyonecanthattheymustnotbecarriedintothepracticalworld。Iloveyou。Idonotpretendthatitisinanyhigh，superhumansense；IdonotsaythatIshouldlikeyouaswellifyouwereuglyanddeformed，orthatIshouldcontinuetoprizeyouwhateveryourtreatmentofmemightbe，ortoloveyouthoughyouwereaspiritwithoutanybodyatall。Thatissentimentalityforbeardlessboys。Everyonenotamerechild（andyouarenotachild，exceptinyears）knowswhatlovebetweenamanandawomanmeans。Iloveyouwiththatlove。IshouldnothavebelieveditpossiblethatIcouldhavebroughtmyselftwicetoaskofanywomantobemywife，moreespeciallyonewithoutwealth，withoutposition，andwho——"
"Yes——goon。Donotgrowsorryforme。Saywhatyouweregoingto——’whohasputherselfintomypower，andwhohaslosttherightofmeetingmeonequalterms。’Saywhatyouthink。Atleastwetwomayspeakthetruthtooneanother。"
Thensheaddedafterapause：
"Ibelieveyoudoloveme，asmuchasyoupossiblycouldloveanything；andIbelievethatwhenyouaskmetomarryyouyouareperformingthemostgenerousactyoueverhaveperformedinthecourseofyourlife，oreverwill；but，atthesametime，ifIhadrequiredyourgenerosity，itwouldnothavebeenshownme。If，whenIgotyourletteramonthago，hintingatyourwillingnesstomarryme，Ihadatoncewritten，imploringyoutocome，youwouldhavereadtheletter。’Poorlittledevil！’youwouldhavesaid，andtoreitup。ThenextweekyouwouldhavesailedforEurope，andhavesentmeacheckforahundredandfiftypounds（whichIwouldhavethrowninthefire），andIwouldhaveheardnomoreofyou。"
Thestrangersmiled。
"ButbecauseIdeclinedyourproposal，andwrotethatinthreeweeksI
shouldbemarriedtoanother，thenwhatyoucalllovewokeup。Yourman’sloveisachild’sloveforbutterflies。Youfollowtillyouhavethething，andbreakit。Ifyouhavebrokenonewing，andthethingfliesstill，thenyouloveitmorethanever，andfollowtillyoubreakboth；
thenyouaresatisfiedwhenitliesstillontheground。"
"Youareprofoundlywiseinthewaysoftheworld；youhaveseenfarintolife，"hesaid。
Hemightaswellhavesneeredatthefirelight。
"Ihaveseenenoughtotellmethatyoulovemebecauseyoucannotbeartoberesisted，andwanttomasterme。YoulikedmeatfirstbecauseI
treatedyouandallmenwithindifference。YouresolvedtohavemebecauseIseemedunattainable。Thisisallyourlovemeans。"
Hefeltastronginclinationtostoopdownandkissthelittlelipsthatdefiedhim；butherestrainedhimself。Hesaid，quietly："Andyoulovedme——"
"Becauseyouarestrong。YouarethefirstmanIeverwasafraidof。
And"——adreamylookcameintoherface——"becauseIliketoexperience，I
liketotry。Youdon’tunderstandthat。"
Hesmiled。
"Well，sinceyouwillnotmarryme，mayIinquirewhatyourintentionsare，theplanyouwroteof。Youaskedmetocomeandhearit，andIhavecome。"
"Isaid，’Comeifyouwish。’Ifyouagreetoit，well；ifnot，ImarryonMonday。"
"Well？"
Shewasstilllookingbeyondhimatthefire。
"Icannotmarryyou，"shesaidslowly，"becauseIcannotbetied；butifyouwish，youmaytakemeawaywithyou，andtakecareofme；thenwhenwedonotloveanymorewecansaygood—bye。Iwillnotgodowncountry，"sheadded；"IwillnotgotoEurope。YoumusttakemetotheTransvaal。Thatisoutoftheworld。Peoplewemeetthereweneednotseeagaininourfuturelives。"
"Oh，mydarling，"hesaid，bendingtenderly，andholdinghishandouttoher，"whywillyounotgiveyourselfentirelytome？Onedayyouwilldesertmeandgotoanother。"
Sheshookherheadwithoutlookingathim。
"No，lifeistoolong。ButIwillgowithyou。"
"When？"
"Tomorrow。IhavetoldthemthatbeforedaylightIgotothenextfarm。I
willwritefromthetownandtellthemthefacts。Idonotwantthemtotroubleme；Iwanttoshakemyselffreeoftheseoldsurroundings；Iwantthemtolosesightofme。Youcanunderstandthatisnecessaryforme。"
Heseemedlostinconsideration；thenhesaid：
"Itisbettertohaveyouonthoseconditionsthannotatall。Ifyouwillhaveit，letitbeso。"
Hesatlookingather。Onherfacewasthewearylookthatrestedtheresooftennowwhenshesatalone。Twomonthshadnotpassedsincetheyparted；
butthetimehadsetitsmarkonher。Helookedathercarefully，fromthebrown，smoothheadtothelittlecrossedfeetonthefloor。Awornlookhadgrownoverthelittleface，anditmadeitscharmforhimstronger。
Forpainandtime，whichtracedeeplinesandwriteastoryonahumanface，haveastrangelydifferenteffectononefaceandanother。Thefacethatisonlyfair，evenveryfair，theymarandflaw；buttothefacewhosebeautyistheharmonybetweenthatwhichspeaksfromwithinandtheformthroughwhichitspeaks，powerisaddedbyallthatcausestheoutermantobearmoredeeplytheimpressoftheinner。Theprettywomanfadeswiththerosesonhercheeks，andthegirlhoodthatlastsanhour；thebeautifulwomanfindsherfullnessofbloomonlywhenapasthaswrittenitselfonher，andherpoweristhenmostirresistiblewhenitseemsgoing。
Fromundertheirhalf—closedlidsthekeeneyeslookeddownather。Hershoulderswerebent；foramomentthelittlefigurehadforgottenitsqueenlybearing，anddroopedwearily；thewide，darkeyeswatchedthefireverysoftly。
Itcertainlywasnotinherpowertoresisthim，noranystrengthinherthatmadehisownatthatmomentgrowsoftashelookedather。
Hetouchedonelittlehandthatrestedonherknee。
"Poorlittlething！"hesaid；"youareonlyachild。"
Shedidnotdrawherhandawayfromhis，andlookedupathim。
"Youareverytired？"
"Yes。"
Shelookedintohiseyesasalittlechildmightwhomalongday’splayhadsaddened。
Heliftedhergentlyup，andsatheronhisknee。
"Poorlittlething！"hesaid。
Sheturnedherfacetohisshoulder，andburieditagainsthisneck；hewoundhisstrongarmabouther，andheldherclosetohim。Whenshehadsatforalongwhile，hedrewwithhishandthefacedown，andhelditagainsthisarm。Hekissedit，andthenputitbackinitsoldresting—
place。
"Don’tyouwanttotalktome？"
"No。"
"Haveyouforgottenthenightintheavenue？"
Hecouldfeelthatsheshookherhead。
"Doyouwanttobequietnow？"
"Yes。"
Theysatquitestill，exceptingthatonlysometimesheraisedherfingerssoftlytohismouth。
Doss，whohadbeenasleepinthecorner，wakingsuddenly，plantedhimselfbeforethem，hiswirylegsmovingnervously，hisyelloweyesfilledwithanxiety。Hewasnotatallsurethatshewasnotbeingretainedinherpresentpositionagainstherwill，andwasnotalittlerelievedwhenshesatupandheldoutherhandfortheshawl。
"Imustgo，"shesaid。
Thestrangerwrappedtheshawlverycarefullyabouther。
"Keepitclosearoundyourface，Lyndall；itisverydampoutside。ShallI
walkwithyoutothehouse？"
"No。Liedownandrest；Iwillcomeandwakeyouatthreeo’clock。"
Sheliftedherfacethathemightkissit，and，whenhehadkisseditonce，shestillhelditthathemightkissitagain。Thenheletherout。Hehadseatedhimselfatthefireplace，whenshereopenedthedoor。
"Haveyouforgottenanything？"
"No。"
Shegaveonelong，lingeringlookattheoldroom。Whenshewasgone，andthedoorshut，thestrangerfilledhisglass，andsatatthetablesippingitthoughtfully。
Thenightoutsidewasmistyanddamp；thefaintmoonlight，tryingtoforceitswaythroughthethickair，madedarklyvisibletheoutlinesofthebuildings。Thestonesandwallsweremoist，andnowandthenadrop，slowlycollecting，fellfromtheeavestotheground。Doss，notlikingthechangefromthecabin’swarmth，ranquicklytothekitchendoorstep；buthismistresswalkedslowlypasthim，andtookherwayupthewindingfootpaththatranbesidethestonewallofthecamps。Whenshecametotheendofthelastcamp，shethreadedherwayamongthestonesandbushestillshereachedtheGerman’sgrave。Whyshehadcomethereshehardlyknew；
shestoodlookingdown。Suddenlyshebentandputonehandonthefaceofawetstone。
"Ishallnevercometoyouagain，"shesaid。
Thenshekneltontheground，andleanedherfaceuponthestones。
"Dearoldman，goodoldman，Iamsotired！"shesaid（forwewillcometothedeadtotellsecretswewouldneverhavetoldtotheliving）。Iamsotired。Thereislight，thereiswarmth，"shewailed；"whyamIalone，sohard，socold？Iamsowearyofmyself！Itiseatingmysoultoitscore—
—self，self，self！Icannotbearthislife！Icannotbreathe，Icannotlive！Willnothingfreemefrommyself？"Shepressedhercheekagainstthewoodenpost。"Iwanttolove！Iwantsomethinggreatandpuretoliftmetoitself！Dearoldman，Icannotbearitanymore！Iamsocold，sohard，sohard；willnoonehelpme？"