第6章
Againstourfellow—menwecanprotectourselves，butiftheladiesaregoingtoattackus——reallyitisn’tfair。"
MissMontgomerypleaded。
"I’llthinkitover，"wasallthatMr。Jowettcouldbemadetopromise。"Lookmeupagain。"
"When？"askedMissMontgomery。
"What’sto—day？——Thursday。SayMonday。"Mr。Jowettrangthebell。
"Takemyadvice，"saidtheoldgentleman，layingafatherlyhandonJohnny’sshoulder，"leavebusinesstousmen。Youareahandsomegirl。Youcandobetterforyourselfthanthis。"
Aclerkentered，Johnnyrose。
"OnMondaynext，then，"Johnnyremindedhim。
"Atfouro’clock，"agreedMr。Jowett。"Goodafternoon。"
Johnnywentoutfeelingdisappointed，andyet，ashetoldhimself，hehadn’tdonesobadly。Anyhow，therewasnothingforitbuttowaittillMonday。Nowhewouldgohome，changehisclothes，andgetsomedinner。Hehailedahansom。
"Numbertwenty—eight——no。StopattheQueen’sStreetcornerofLincoln’sInnFields，"Johnnydirectedtheman。
"Quiteright，miss，"commentedthecabmanpleasantly。"Corner’sbest——savesalltalk。"
"Whatdoyoumean？"demandedJohnny。
"Nooffence，miss，"answeredtheman。"Wewasallyoungonce。"
Johnnyclimbedin。AtthecornerofQueenStreetandLincoln’sInnFields，Johnnygotout。Johnny，whohadbeenponderingothermatters，puthishandinstinctivelytowhere，speakinggenerally，hispocketshouldhavebeen;thenrecollectedhimself。
"Letmesee，didIthinktobringanymoneyoutwithme，ordidI
not？"musedJohnny，ashestooduponthekerb。
"Lookintheridicule，miss，"suggestedthecabman。
Johnnylooked。Itwasempty。
"PerhapsIputitinmypocket，"thoughtJohnny。
Thecabmanhitchedhisreinstothewhip—socketandleantback。
"It’ssomewhereabouthere，Iknow，Isawit，"Johnnytoldhimself。
"Sorrytokeepyouwaiting，"Johnnyaddedaloudtothecabman。
"Don’tyouworryaboutthat，miss，"repliedthecabmancivilly;"weareusedtoit。Ashillingaquarterofanhouriswhatwecharge。"
"Ofallthedamnedsillytricks！"mutteredJohnnytohimself。
Twosmallboysandagirlcarryingababypaused，interested。
"Goaway，"toldthemthecabman。"You’llhavetroublesofyourownoneday。"
Theurchinsmovedafewstepsfurther，thenhaltedagainandwerejoinedbyaslatternlywomanandanotherboy。
"Gotit！"criedJohnny，unabletosuppresshisdelightashishandslippedthroughafold。Theladywiththebaby，withoutpreciselyknowingwhy，setupashrillcheer。Johnny’sdelightdiedaway;itwasn’tthepocket—hole。Shortoftakingtheskirtoffandturningitinsideout，itdidn’tseemtoJohnnythatheeverwouldfindthatpocket。
Theninthatmomentofdespairhecameacrossitaccidentally。Itwasasemptyasthereticule！
"Iamsorry，"saidJohnnytothecabman，"butIappeartohavecomeoutwithoutmypurse。"
Thecabmansaidhehadheardthattalebefore，andwasmakingpreparationstodescend。Thecrowd，nownumberingeleven，lookedhopeful。ItoccurredtoJohnnylaterthathemighthaveofferedhisumbrellatothecabman;atleastitwouldhavefetchedtheeighteenpence。Onethinksofthesethingsafterwards。Theonlyideathatoccurredtohimatthemomentwasthatofgettinghome。
"’Ere，’oldmy’orseaminute，oneofyer，"shoutedthecabman。
Halfadozenwillinghandsseizedthedozingsteedandrouseditintomadness。
"Hi！stop’er！"roaredthecabman。
"She’sdown！"shoutedtheexcitedcrowd。
"Trippedover’erskirt，"explainedtheslatternlywoman。"Theydo’amperyou。"
"No，she’snot。She’supagain！"vociferatedadelightedplumber，withasoundingslaponhisownleg。"Gorblimy，ifsheain’tagood’un！"
FortunatelytheSquarewastolerablyclearandJohnnyagoodrunner。Holdingnowhisskirtandpetticoathighinhislefthand，JohnnymovedacrosstheSquareattherateoffifteenmilesanhour。Abutcher’sboyspranginfrontofhimwitharmsheldouttostophim。Thethingthatforthenextthreemonthsannoyedthatbutcherboymostwashearingshoutedoutafterhim"Yah！whowasknockeddownandrunoverbyalidy？"BythetimeJohnnyreachedtheStrand，viaClement’sInn，thehueandcrywasfarbehind。
Johnnydroppedhisskirtsandassumedamoregirlishpace。ThroughBowStreetandLongAcrehereachedGreatQueenStreetinsafety。
Uponhisowndoorstephebegantolaugh。Hisafternoon’sexperiencehadbeenamusing;still，onthewhole，hewasn’tsorryitwasover。Onecanhavetoomuchevenofthebestofjokes。
Johnnyrangthebell。
Thedooropened。Johnnywouldhavewalkedinhadnotabig，raw—
bonedwomanbarredhisprogress。
"Whatdoyouwant？"demandedtheraw—bonedwoman。
"Wanttocomein，"explainedJohnny。
"Whatdoyouwanttocomeinfor？"
ThisappearedtoJohnnyafoolishquestion。Onreflectionhesawthesenseofit。Thisraw—bonedwomanwasnotMrs。Pegg，hislandlady。Somefriendofhers，hesupposed。
"It’sallright，"saidJohnny，"Ilivehere。Leftmylatchkeyathome，that’sall。"
"There’snofemaleslodginghere，"declaredtheraw—bonedlady。
"Andwhat’smore，there’sgoingtobenone。"
Allthiswasveryvexing。Johnny，inhisjoyatreachinghisowndoorstep，hadnotforeseenthesecomplications。Nowitwouldbenecessarytoexplainthings。Heonlyhopedthestorywouldnotgetroundtothefellowsattheclub。
"AskMrs。Peggtostepupforaminute，"requestedJohnny。
"Notat’ome，"explainedtheraw—bonedlady。
"Not——notathome？"
"GonetoRomford，ifyouwishtoknow，toseehermother。"
"GonetoRomford？"
"IsaidRomford，didn’tI？"retortedtheraw—bonedlady，tartly。
"What——whattimedoyouexpectherin？"
"Sundayevening，sixo’clock，"repliedtheraw—bonedlady。
Johnnylookedattheraw—bonedlady，imaginedhimselftellingtheraw—bonedladythesimple，unvarnishedtruth，andtheraw—bonedlady’sutterdisbeliefofeverywordofit。Aninspirationcametohisaid。
"IamMr。Bulstrode’ssister，"saidJohnnymeekly;"he’sexpectingme。"
"Thoughtyousaidyoulivedhere？"remindedhimtheraw—bonedlady。
"Imeantthathelivedhere，"repliedpoorJohnnystillmoremeekly。"Hehasthesecondfloor，youknow。"
"Iknow，"repliedtheraw—bonedlady。"Notinjustatpresent。"
"Notin？"
"Wentoutatthreeo’clock。"
"I’llgouptohisroomandwaitforhim，"saidJohnny。
"No，youwon’t，"saidtheraw—bonedlady。
ForaninstantitoccurredtoJohnnytomakeadashforit，buttheraw—bonedladylookedbothformidableanddetermined。Therewouldbeabigdisturbance——perhapsthepolicecalledin。Johnnyhadoftenwantedtoseehisnameinprint：inconnectionwiththisaffairhesomehowfelthedidn’t。
"Doletmein，"Johnnypleaded;"Ihavenowhereelsetogo。"
"Youhaveawalkandcoolyourself，"suggestedtheraw—bonedlady。
"Don’texpecthewillbelong。"
"But，yousee——"
Theraw—bonedladyslammedthedoor。
OutsidearestaurantinWellingtonStreet，fromwhichproceededsavouryodours，Johnnypausedandtriedtothink。
"WhatthedevildidIdowiththatumbrella？Ihadit——no，I
didn’t。Musthavedroppedit，Isuppose，whenthatsillyasstriedtostopme。ByJove！Iamhavingluck！"
OutsideanotherrestaurantintheStrandJohnnypausedagain。"HowamItolivetillSundaynight？WhereamItosleep？IfI
telegraphhome——damnit！howcanItelegraph？Ihaven’tgotapenny。Thisisfunny，"saidJohnny，unconsciouslyspeakingaloud;
"uponmyword，thisisfunny！Oh！yougoto——。"
Johnnyhurledthislastattheheadofanovergrownerrand—boywhoseintentionhadbeentooffersympathy。
"Well，Inever！"commentedapassingflower—girl。"Calls’erselfalidy，Isuppose。"
"Nowadays，"observedthestudandbuttonmerchantatthecornerofExeterStreet，"theymake’emoutofanything。"
Drawnbyanotionthatwasforminginhismind，JohnnyturnedhisstepsupBedfordStreet。"Whynot？"musedJohnny。"Nobodyelseseemstohaveasuspicion。Whyshouldthey？I’llneverhearthelastofitiftheyfindmeout。Butwhyshouldtheyfindmeout？
Well，something’sgottobedone。"
Johnnywalkedonquickly。AtthedooroftheAutolycusClubhewasundecidedforamoment，thentookhiscourageinbothhandsandplungedthroughtheswingdoors。
"IsMr。Herring——Mr。JackHerring——here？"
"Findhiminthesmoking—room，Mr。Bulstrode，"answeredoldGoslin，whowasreadingtheeveningpaper。
"Oh，wouldyoumindaskinghimtostepoutamoment？"
OldGoslinlookedup，tookoffhisspectacles，rubbedthem，putthemonagain。
"PleasesayMissBulstrode——Mr。Bulstrode’ssister。"
OldGoslinfoundJackHerringthecentreofanearnestargumentonHamlet——washereallymad？
"Aladytoseeyou，Mr。Herring，"announcedoldGoslin。
"Awhat？"
"MissBulstrode——Mr。Bulstrode’ssister。She’swaitinginthehall。"
"Neverknewhehadasister，"saidJackHerring，rising。
"Waitaminute，"saidHarryBennett。"Shutthatdoor。Don’tgo。"
ThistooldGoslin，whoclosedthedoorandreturned。"Ladyinaheliotropedresswithalacecollar，threeflouncesontheskirt？"
"That’sright，Mr。Bennett，"agreedoldGoslin。
"It’stheBabehimself！"assertedHarryBennett。
ThequestionofHamlet’smadnesswasforgotten。
"WasinatStinchcombe’sthismorning，"explainedHarryBennett;
"sawtheclothesonthecounteraddressedtohim。That’stheidenticalfrock。Thisisjusta’tryon’——thinkshe’sgoingtohavealarkwithus。"
TheAutolycusClublookedroundatitself。
"Icanseeverrapromisingpossibilitiesinthis，providedthethingisproperlymanaged，"saidtheWeeLaddie，afterapause。
"SocanI，"agreedJackHerring。"Keepwhereyouare，allofyou。
’Twouldbeapitytofoolit，"
TheAutolycusClubwaited。JackHerringre—enteredtheroom。
"OneofthesaddeststoriesIhaveeverheardinallmylife，"
explainedJackHerringinawhisper。"PoorgirlleftDerbyshirethismorningtocomeandseeherbrother;foundhimout——hasn’tbeenseenathislodgingssincethreeo’clock;fearssomethingmayhavehappenedtohim。LandladygonetoRomfordtoseehermother;
strangewomanincharge，won’tletherintowaitforhim。"
"Howsaditiswhentroubleovertakestheinnocentandhelpless！"
murmuredSomervilletheBriefless。
"That’snottheworstofit，"continuedJack。"Thedeargirlhasbeenrobbedofeverythingshepossesses，evenofherumbrella，andhasn’tgotasou;hasn’thadanydinner，anddoesn’tknowwheretosleep。"
"Soundsabitelaborate，"thoughtPorson。
"IthinkIcanunderstandit，"saidtheBrieflessone。"Whathashappenedisthis。He’sdressedupthinkingtohaveabitoffunwithus，andhascomeout，forgettingtoputanymoneyorhislatchkeyinhispocket。HislandladymayhavegonetoRomfordormaynot。Inanycase，hewouldhavetoknockatthedoorandenterintoexplanations。Whatdoeshesuggest——theloanofasovereign？"
"Theloanoftwo，"repliedJackHerring。
"Tobuyhimselfasuitofclothes。Don’tyoudoit，Jack。
Providencehasimposedthisuponus。Ourdutyistoshowhimthefollyofindulginginsenselessescapades。"
"Ithinkwemightgivehimadinner，"thoughtthestoutandsympatheticPorson。
"WhatIproposetodo，"grinnedJack，"istotakehimroundtoMrs。
Postwhistle’s。She’sunderasortofobligationtome。ItwasI
whogotherthepostoffice。We’llleavehimthereforanight，withinstructionstoMrs。P。tokeepamotherlyeyeonhim。To—
morrowheshallhavehis’bitoffun，’andIguesshe’llbethefirsttogettiredofthejoke。"
Itlookedapromisingplot。SevenmembersoftheAutolycusClubgallantlyundertooktoaccompany"MissBulstrode"toherlodgings。
JackHerringexcitedjealousybysecuringtheprivilegeofcarryingherreticule。"MissBulstrode"wasgiventounderstandthatanythinganyofthesevencoulddoforher，eachandeverywouldbedelightedtodo，ifonlyforthesakeofherbrother，oneofthedearestboysthateverbreathed——abitofanass，thoughthat，ofcourse，hecouldnothelp。"MissBulstrode"wasnotasgratefulasperhapssheshouldhavebeen。Herideastillwasthatifoneofthemwouldlendheracoupleofsovereigns，therestneednotworrythemselvesfurther。This，purelyinherowninterests，theydeclinedtodo。Shehadsufferedoneextensiverobberythatdayalready，asJackremindedher。Londonwasacityofdangertotheyoungandinexperienced。Farbetterthattheyshouldwatchoverherandprovideforhersimplewants。Painfulasitwastorefusealady，abelovedcompanion’ssister’swelfarewasyetdearertothem。"MissBulstrode’s"onlydesirewasnottowastetheirtime。
JackHerring’sopinionwasthatthereexistednotrueEnglishmanwhowouldgrudgetimespentuponsuccouringabeautifulmaidenindistress。
Arrivedatthelittlegrocer’sshopinRollsCourt，JackHerringdrewMrs。Postwhistleaside。
"She’sthesisterofaverydearfriendofours，"explainedJackHerring。
"Afine—lookinggirl，"commentedMrs。Postwhistle。
"Ishallberoundagaininthemorning。Don’tletheroutofyoursight，and，aboveall，don’tlendheranymoney，"directedJackHerring。
"Iunderstand，"repliedMrs。Postwhistle。
"MissBulstrode"havingdespatchedanexcellentsupperofcoldmuttonandbottledbeer，leantbackinherchairandcrossedherlegs。
"Ihaveoftenwondered，"remarkedMissBulstrode，hereyesfixedupontheceiling，"whatacigarettewouldtastelike。"
"Tastenasty，Ishouldsay，thefirsttime，"thoughtMrs。
Postwhistle，whowasknitting。
"Somegirls，soIhaveheard，"remarkedMissBulstrode，"smokecigarettes。"
"Notnicegirls，"thoughtMrs。Postwhistle。
"OneofthenicestgirlsIeverknew，"remarkedMissBulstrode，"alwayssmokedacigaretteaftersupper。Saiditsoothedhernerves。"
"Wouldn’t’avethoughtsoifI’d’adchargeof’er，"saidMrs。
Postwhistle。
"Ithink，"saidMissBulstrode，whoseemedrestless，"IthinkI
shallgoforalittlewalkbeforeturningin。"
"Perhapsitwoulddousgood，"agreedMrs。Postwhistle，layingdownherknitting。
"Don’tyoutroubletocome，"urgedthethoughtfulMissBulstrode。
"Youlooktired。"
"Notatall，"repliedMrs。Postwhistle。"FeelIshouldlikeit。"
InsomerespectsMrs。Postwhistleprovedanadmirablecompanion。
Sheaskednoquestions，andonlyspokewhenspokento，which，duringthatwalk，wasnotoften。Attheendofhalfanhour，MissBulstrodepleadedaheadacheandthoughtshewouldreturnhomeandgotobed。Mrs。Postwhistlethoughtitareasonableidea。
"Well，it’sbetterthantrampingthestreets，"mutteredJohnny，asthebedroomdoorwasclosedbehindhim，"andthat’sallonecansayforit。Mustgetholdofasmoketo—morrow，ifIhavetorobthetill。What’sthat？"Johnnystoleacrosson，tiptoe。"Confoundit！"saidJohnny，"ifshehasn’tlockedthedoor！"
Johnnysatdownuponthebedandtookstockofhisposition。"Itdoesn’tseemtome，"thoughtJohnny，"thatI’mevergoingtogetoutofthismess。"Johnny，stillmuttering，unfastenedhisstays。
"ThankGod，that’soff！"ejaculatedJohnnypiously，ashewatchedhisformslowlyexpanding。"SupposeI’llbeusedtothembeforeI’vefinishedwiththem。"
Johnnyhadanightofdreams。
Forthewholeofnextday，whichwasFriday，Johnnyremained"MissBulstrode，"hopingagainsthopetofindanopportunitytoescapefromhispredicamentwithoutconfession。TheentireAutolycusClubappearedtohavefalleninlovewithhim。
"ThoughtIwasabitofafoolmyself，"musedJohnny，"whereapetticoatwasconcerned。Don’tbelievetheseblitheringidiotshaveeverseenagirlbefore。"
Theycameinones，theycameinlittleparties，andtenderedhimdevotion。EvenMrs。Postwhistle，accustomedtoregardhumanphenomenawithoutcomment，remarkeduponit。
"Whenyouarealltiredofit，"saidMrs。PostwhistletoJackHerring，"letmeknow。"
"Themomentwefindherbrother，"explainedJackHerring，"ofcourseweshalltakehertohim。"
"Nothinglikelookingintherightplaceforathingwhenyou’vefinishedlookingintheothers，"observedMrs。Postwhistle。
"Whatdoyoumean？"demandedJack。
"JustwhatIsay，"answeredMrs。Postwhistle。
JackHerringlookedatMrs。Postwhistle。ButMrs。Postwhistle’sfacewasnotoftheexpressiveorder。
"Postofficestillgoingstrong？"askedJackHerring。
"Thepostoffice’asbeenagreat’elptome，"admittedMrs。
Postwhistle;"andI’mnotforgettingthatIoweittoyou。"
"Don’tmentionit，"murmuredJackHerring。
Theybroughtherpresents——nothingveryexpensive，moreastokensofregard：daintypacketsofsweets，nosegaysofsimpleflowers，bottlesofscent。ToSomerville"MissBulstrode"hintedthatifhereallydiddesiretopleaseher，andwasn’tmerelytalkingthroughhishat——MissBulstrodeapologisedfortheslang，which，shefeared，shemusthavepickedupfromherbrother——hemightgiveheraboxofMessani’scigarettes，sizeNo。2。Thesuggestionpainedhim。SomervilletheBrieflesswasperhapsold—fashioned。MissBulstrodecuthimshortbyagreeingthathewas，andseemeddisinclinedforfurtherconversation。
TheytookhertoMadameTussaud’s。TheytookheruptheMonument。
TheytookhertotheTowerofLondon。IntheeveningtheytookhertothePolytechnictoseePepper’sGhost。Theymadeamerrypartywherevertheywent。
"Seemtobeenjoyingthemselves！"remarkedothersightseers，surprisedandenvious。
"Girlseemstobeabitoutofit，"remarkedothers，moreobservant。
"Sulky—lookingbito’goods，Icallher，"remarkedsomeoftheladies。
ThefortitudewithwhichMissBulstrodeborethemysteriousdisappearanceofherbrotherexcitedadmiration。
"Hadn’twebettertelegraphtoyourpeopleinDerbyshire？"
suggestedJackHerring。
"Don’tdoit，"vehementlyprotestedthethoughtfulMissBulstrode;
"itmightalarmthem。Thebestplanisforyoutolendmeacoupleofsovereignsandletmereturnhomequietly。"
"Youmightberobbedagain，"fearedJackHerring。"I’llgodownwithyou。"
"Perhapshe’llturnupto—morrow，"thoughtMissBulstrode。"Expecthe’sgoneonavisit。"
"Heoughtnottohavedoneit，"thoughtJackHerring，"knowingyouwerecoming。"
"Oh！he’slikethat，"explainedMissBulstrode。
"IfIhadayoungandbeautifulsister——"saidJackHerring。
"Oh！let’stalkofsomethingelse，"suggestedMissBulstrode。"Youmakemetired。"
WithJackHerring，inparticular，Johnnywasbeginningtolosepatience。That"MissBulstrode’s"charmshadevidentlystruckJackHerringallofaheap，asthesayingis，hadinthebeginningamusedMasterJohnny。Indeed——asintheseclusionofhisbedchamberoverthelittlegrocer’sshophetoldhimselfwithbitterself—reproach——hehadundoubtedlyencouragedtheman。FromadmirationJackhadrapidlypassedtoinfatuation，frominfatuationtoapparentimbecility。HadJohnny’smindbeenlessintentuponhisowntroubles，hemighthavebeensuspicious。Asitwas，andafterallthathadhappened，nothingnowcouldastonishJohnny。
"ThankHeaven，"murmuredJohnny，asheblewoutthelight，"thisMrs。Postwhistleappearstobeareliablewoman。"
Now，aboutthesametimethatJohnny’sheadwasfallingthusuponhispillow，theAutolycusClubsatdiscussingplansfortheirnextday’sentertainment。
"Ithink，"saidJackHerring，"theCrystalPalaceinthemorningwhenit’sniceandquiet。"
"TobefollowedbyGreenwichHospitalintheafternoon，"suggestedSomerville。
"WindingupwiththeMooreandBurgessMinstrelsintheevening，"
thoughtPorson。
"Hardlytheplacefortheyoungperson，"fearedJackHerring。
"Someofthejokes——"
"Mr。BrandramgivesareadingofJuliusCaesaratSt。George’sHall，"theWeeLaddieinformedthemfortheirguidance。
"Hallo！"saidAlexanderthePoet，enteringatthemoment。"Whatareyoualltalkingabout？"
"WewerediscussingwheretotakeMissBulstrodeto—morrowevening，"informedhimJackHerring。
"MissBulstrode，"repeatedthePoetinatoneofsomesurprise。
"DoyoumeanJohnnyBulstrode’ssister？"
"That’sthelady，"answeredJack。"Buthowdoyoucometoknowabouther？ThoughtyouwereinYorkshire。"
"Cameupyesterday，"explainedthePoet。"Travelledupwithher。"
"Travelledupwithher？"
"FromMatlockBath。What’sthematterwithyouall？"demandedthePoet。"Youallofyoulook——"
"Sitdown，"saidtheBrieflessonetothePoet。"Let’stalkthismatteroverquietly。"
AlexanderthePoet，mystified，satdown。
"YousayyoutravelleduptoLondonyesterdaywithMissBulstrode。
YouaresureitwasMissBulstrode？"
"Sure！"retortedthePoet。"Why，I’veknownhereversinceshewasababy。"
"AboutwhattimedidyoureachLondon？"
"Three—thirty。"
"Andwhatbecameofher？Wheredidshesayshewasgoing？"
"Ineveraskedher。ThelastIsawofhershewasgettingintoacab。Ihadanappointmentmyself，andwas——Isay，what’sthematterwithHerring？"
Herringhadrisenandwaswalkingaboutwithhisheadbetweenhishands。
"Nevermindhim。MissBulstrodeisaladyofabout——howold？"
"Eighteen——no，nineteenlastbirthday。"
"Atall，handsomesortofgirl？"
"Yes。Isay，hasanythinghappenedtoher？"
"Nothinghashappenedtoher，"assuredhimSomerville。"SHE’Sallright。Beenhavingratheragoodtime，onthewhole。"
ThePoetwasrelievedtohearit。
"Iaskedheranhourago，"saidJackHerring，whowasstillholdinghisheadbetweenhishandsasiftomakesureitwasthere，"ifshethoughtshecouldeverlearntoloveme。Wouldyousaythatcouldbeconstruedintoanofferofmarriage？"
TheremainderoftheClubwasunanimouslyofopinionthat，practicallyspeaking，itwasaproposal。
"Idon’tseeit，"arguedJackHerring。"Itwasmerelyinthenatureofaremark。"
TheClubwasofopinionthatsuchquibblingwasunworthyofagentleman。
Itappearedtobeacaseforpromptaction。JackHerringsatdownandthenandtherebeganalettertoMissBulstrode，careofMrs。
Postwhistle。
"ButwhatIdon’tunderstand——"saidAlexanderthePoet。
"Oh！takehimawaysomewhereandtellhim，someone，"moanedJackHerring。"HowcanIthinkwithallthischattergoingon？"
"ButwhydidBennett——"whisperedPorson。
"WhereisBennett？"demandedhalfadozenfiercevoices。
HarryBennetthadnotbeenseenallday。
Jack’sletterwasdeliveredto"MissBulstrode"thenextmorningatbreakfast—time。Havingperusedit，MissBulstroderoseandrequestedofMrs。Postwhistletheloanofhalfacrown。
"Mr。Herring’sparticularinstructionswere，"explainedMrs。
Postwhistle，"that，aboveallthings，Iwasnottolendyouanymoney。"
"Whenyouhavereadthat，"repliedMissBulstrode，handinghertheletter，"perhapsyouwillagreewithmethatHerringis——anass。"
Mrs。Postwhistlereadtheletterandproducedthehalf—crown。
"Bettergetashavewithpartofit，"suggestedMrs。Postwhistle。
"Thatis，ifyouaregoingtoplaythefoolmuchlonger。"
"MissBulstrode"openedhiseyes。Mrs。Postwhistlewentonwithherbreakfast。
"Don’ttellthem，"saidJohnny;"notjustforalittlewhile，atallevents。"
"Nothingtodowithme，"repliedMrs。Postwhistle。
Twentyminuteslater，therealMissBulstrode，onavisittoherauntinKensington，wassurprisedatreceiving，enclosedinanenvelope，thefollowinghastilyscrawlednote：—
"Wanttospeaktoyouatonce——ALONE。Don’tyellwhenyouseeme。
It’sallright。Canexplainintwoticks。——Yourlovingbrother，JOHNNY。"
Ittooklongerthantwoticks;butatlasttheBabecametoanendofit。
"Whenyouhavedonelaughing，"saidtheBabe。
"Butyoulooksoridiculous，"saidhissister。
"THEYdidn’tthinkso，"retortedtheBabe。"Itooktheminallright。Guessyou’veneverhadasmuchattention，allinoneday。"
"Areyousureyoutookthemin？"queriedhissister。
"IfyouwillcometotheClubateighto’clockthisevening，"saidtheBabe，"I’llproveittoyou。PerhapsI’lltakeyouontoatheatreafterwards——ifyou’regood。"
TheBabehimselfwalkedintotheAutolycusClubafewminutesbeforeeightandencounteredanatmosphereofrestraint。
"Thoughtyouwerelost，"remarkedSomervillecoldly。
"Calledawaysuddenly——veryimportantbusiness，"explainedtheBabe。"Awfullymuchobligedtoallyoufellowsforallyouhavebeendoingformysister。She’sjustbeentellingme。"
"Don’tmentionit，"saidtwoorthree。
"Awfullygoodofyou，I’msure，"persistedtheBabe。"Don’tknowwhatshewouldhavedonewithoutyou。"
Amerenothing，theClubassuredhim。TheblushingmodestyoftheAutolycusClubathearingoftheirowngooddeedswastouching。
Lefttothemselves，theywouldhavetalkedofquiteotherthings。
Asamatteroffact，theytriedto。
"Neverheardherspeaksoenthusiasticallyofanyoneasshedoesofyou，Jack，"saidtheBabe，turningtoJackHerring。
"Ofcourse，youknow，dearboy，"explainedJackHerring，"anythingIcoulddoforasisterofyours——"
"Iknow，dearboy，"repliedtheBabe;"Ialwaysfeltit。"
"Saynomoreaboutit，"urgedJackHerring。
"Shecouldn’tquitemakeoutthatletterofyoursthismorning，"
continuedtheBabe，ignoringJack’srequest。"She’safraidyouthinkherungrateful。"
"Itseemedtome，onreflection，"explainedJackHerring，"thatononeortwolittlemattersshemayhavemisunderstoodme。AsI
wroteher，therearedayswhenIdon’tseemaltogethertoquiteknowwhatI’mdoing。"
"Ratherawkward，"thoughttheBabe。
"Itis，"agreedJackHerring。"Yesterdaywasoneofthem。"
"Shetellsmeyouweremostkindtoher，"theBabereassuredhim。
"Shethoughtatfirstitwasalittleuncivil，yourrefusingtolendheranymoney。ButasIputittoher——"
"Itwassillyofme，"interruptedJack。"Iseethatnow。Iwentroundthismorningmeaningtomakeitallright。Butshewasgone，andMrs。PostwhistleseemedtothinkIhadbetterleavethingsastheywere。Iblamemyselfexceedingly。"
"Mydearboy，don’tblameyourselfforanything。Youactednobly，"
theBabetoldhim。"She’scomingheretocallformethiseveningonpurposetothankyou。"
"I’drathernot，"saidJackHerring。
"Nonsense，"saidtheBabe。
"Youmustexcuseme，"insistedJackHerring。"Idon’tmeanitrudely，butreallyI’drathernotseeher。"
"Butheresheis，"saidtheBabe，takingatthatmomentthecardfromoldGoslin’shand。"Shewillthinkitsostrange。"
"I’dreallyrathernot，"repeatedpoorJack。
"Itseemsdiscourteous，"suggestedSomerville。
"Yougo，"suggestedJack。
"Shedoesn’twanttoseeme，"explainedSomerville。
"Yesshedoes，"correctedhimtheBabe。
"I’dforgotten，shewantstoseeyouboth。"
"IfIgo，"saidJack，"Ishalltellhertheplaintruth。"
"Doyouknow，"saidSomerville，"I’mthinkingthatwillbetheshortestway。"
MissBulstrodewasseatedinthehall。JackHerringandSomervilleboththoughtherpresentquieterstyleofdresssuitedhermuchbetter。
"Hereheis，"announcedtheBabe，intriumph。"Here’sJackHerringandhere’sSomerville。Doyouknow，Icouldhardlypersuadethemtocomeoutandseeyou。DearoldJack，healwayswassoshy。"
MissBulstroderose。Shesaidshecouldneverthankthemsufficientlyforalltheirgoodnesstoher。MissBulstrodeseemedquiteovercome。Hervoicetrembledwithemotion。
"Beforewegofurther，MissBulstrode，"saidJackHerring，"itwillbebesttotellyouthatallalongwethoughtyouwereyourbrother，dressedupasagirl。"
"Oh！"saidtheBabe，"sothat’stheexplanation，isit？IfIhadonlyknown——"ThentheBabestopped，andwishedhehadn’tspoken。
Somervilleseizedhimbytheshouldersand，withasuddenjerk，stoodhimbesidehissisterunderthegas—jet。
"Youlittlebrute！"saidSomerville。"Itwasyouallalong。"AndtheBabe，seeingthegamewasup，andgladthatthejokehadnotbeenentirelyononeside，confessed。
JackHerringandSomervilletheBrieflesswentthatnightwithJohnnyandhissistertothetheatre——andonothernights。MissBulstrodethoughtJackHerringverynice，andtoldherbrotherso。
ButshethoughtSomervilletheBrieflessevennicer，andlater，undercross—examination，whenSomervillewasnolongerbriefless，toldSomervillesohimself。
Butthathasnothingtodowiththisparticularstory，theendofwhichisthatMissBulstrodekepttheappointmentmadeforMondayafternoonbetween"MissMontgomery"andMr。Jowett，andsecuredtherebytheMarbleSoapadvertisementforthebackpageofGoodHumourforsixmonths，attwenty—fivepoundsaweek。
STORYTHESEVENTH：DickDanverspresentshisPetitionWilliamClodd，moppinghisbrow，laiddownthescrewdriver，andsteppingback，regardedtheresultofhislabourswithevidentsatisfaction。
"Itlookslikeabookcase，"saidWilliamClodd。"Youmightsitintheroomforhalfanhourandneverknowitwasn’tabookcase。"
WhatWilliamCloddhadaccomplishedwasthis：hehadhadprepared，afterhisowndesign，whatappearedtobefourshelvesladenwithworkssuggestiveofthoughtanderudition。Asamatteroffact，itwasnotabookcase，butmerelyaflatboard，thebooksmerelythebacksofvolumesthathadlongsincefoundtheirwayintothepaper—mill。ThisartfuldeceptionWilliamCloddhadscreweduponacottagepianostandinginthecorneroftheeditorialofficeofGoodHumour。Halfadozenrealvolumespileduponthetopofthepianocompletedtheillusion。AsWilliamCloddhadproudlyremarked，acasualvisitormighteasilyhavebeendeceived。
"Ifyouhadtositintheroomwhileshewaspractisingmixedscales，you’dbequicklyundeceived，"saidtheeditorofGoodHumour，onePeterHope。Hespokebitterly。
"Youarenotalwaysin，"explainedClodd。"Theremustbehourswhensheisherealone，withnothingelsetodo。Besides，youwillgetusedtoitafterawhile。"
"You，Inotice，don’ttrytogetusedtoit，"snarledPeterHope。
"Youalwaysgooutthemomentshecommences。"
"Afriendofmine，"continuedWilliamClodd，"workedinanofficeoverapiano—shopforsevenyears，andwhentheshopclosed，itnearlyruinedhisbusiness;couldn’tsettledowntoworkforwantofit。"
"Whydoesn’thecomehere？"askedPeterHope。"Theflooraboveisvacant。"
"Can’t，"explainedWilliamClodd。"He’sdead。"
"Icanquitebelieveit，"commentedPeterHope。
"Itwasashopwherepeoplecameandpractised，payingsixpenceanhour，andhehadgottolikeit——saiditmadeacheerfulbackgroundtohisthoughts。Wonderfulwhatyoucangetaccustomedto。"
"What’sthegoodofit？"demandedPeterHope。
"What’sthegoodofit！"retortedWilliamCloddindignantly。
"Everygirloughttoknowhowtoplaythepiano。Anicethingifwhenherloveraskshertoplaysomethingtohim——"
"Iwonderyoudon’tstartamatrimonialagency，"sneeredPeterHope。"Loveandmarriage——youthinkofnothingelse。"
"Whenyouarebringingupayounggirl——"arguedClodd。
"Butyou’renot，"interruptedPeter;"that’sjustwhatI’mtryingtogetoutofyourhead。ItisIwhoambringingherup。Andbetweenourselves，Iwishyouwouldn’tinterferesomuch。"
"Youarenotfittobringupagirl。"
"I’vebroughtherupforsevenyearswithoutyourhelp。She’smyadopteddaughter，notyours。Idowishpeoplewouldlearntomindtheirownbusiness。"
"You’vedoneverywell——"
"Thankyou，"saidPeterHopesarcastically。"It’sverykindofyou。Perhapswhenyou’vetime，you’llwritemeoutatestimonial。"
"——uptillnow，"concludedtheimperturbableClodd。"Agirlofeighteenwantstoknowsomethingelsebesidesmathematicsandtheclassics。Youdon’tunderstandthem。"
"Idounderstandthem，"assertedPeterHope。"Whatdoyouknowaboutthem？You’renotafather。"
"You’vedoneyourbest，"admittedWilliamCloddinatoneofpatronagethatirritatedPetergreatly;"butyou’readreamer;youdon’tknowtheworld。Thetimeiscomingwhenthegirlwillhavetothinkofahusband。"
"There’snoneedforhertothinkofahusband，notforyears，"
retortedPeterHope。"Andevenwhenshedoes，isstrummingonthepianogoingtohelpher？"
"Itink——Itink，"saidDr。Smith，whohadhithertoremainedasilentlistener，"ouryoungfrentCloddisright。Youhafneverquitegotoveryourideadatshewasgoingtobeaboy。Youhaftaughtherdetingsaboyshouldknow。"
"Youcutherhair，"addedClodd。
"Idon’t，"snappedPeter。
"Youletherhaveitcut——it’sthesamething。AteighteensheknowsmoreabouttheancientGreeksandRomansthanshedoesaboutherownfrocks。"
"Deyounggirl，"arguedthedoctor，"whatisshe？Deflowerdatmakesbrightforusdegardenoflife，degurglingbrookdatmurmursbydedustyhighway，decheerfulfire——"
"Shecan’tbeallofthem，"snappedPeter，whowasasticklerforstyle。"Dokeeptoonesimileatatime。"
"Nowyoulistentoplainsense，"saidWilliamClodd。"Youwant——weallwant——thegirltobeasuccessallround。"
"Iwanther——"PeterHopewasrummagingamongthelitteronthedesk。Itcertainlywasnotthere。Peterpulledoutadrawer—twodrawers。"Iwish，"saidPeterHope，"Iwishsometimesshewasn’tquitesoclever。"
Theolddoctorrummagedamongdustyfilesofpapersinacorner。
Cloddfounditonthemantelpiececoncealedbeneaththehollowfootofabigbrasscandlestick，andhandedittoPeter。
Peterhadonevice——thetakinginincreasingquantitiesofsnuff，whichwasharmfulforhim，ashehimselfadmitted。Tommy，sympathetictomostmasculinefrailties，wassevere，however，uponthisone。
"Youspillituponyourshirtandonyourcoat，"hadarguedTommy。
"Iliketoseeyoualwaysneat。Besides，itisn’tanicehabit。I
dowish，dad，you’dgiveitup。"
"Imust，"Peterhadagreed。"I’llbreakmyselfofit。Butnotallatonce——itwouldbeawrench;bydegrees，Tommy，bydegrees。"
Soacompromisehadbeencompounded。Tommywastohidethesnuff—
box。Itwastobesomewhereintheroomandtobeaccessible，butthatwasall。Peter，whenself—controlhadreachedthebreaking—
point，mighttryandfindit。Occasionally，luckhelpingPeter，hewouldfinditearlyintheday，whenhewouldearnhisownbitterself—reproachesbyindulginginquiteanorgie。ButmoreoftenTommy’sartfulnesswassuchthathewouldbecompelled，bywantoftime，toabandonthesearch。Tommyalwaysknewwhenhehadfailedbytheairofindignantresignationwithwhichhewouldgreetheronherreturn。Thenperhapstowardsevening，Peter，lookingup，wouldseetheboxopenbeforehisnose，aboveit，apairofreprovingblackeyes，theirseveritycounterbalancedbyapairoffullredlipstryingnottosmile。AndPeter，knowingthatonlyonepinchwouldbepermitted，woulddipdeeply。
"Iwanther，"saidPeterHope，feelingwithhissnuff—boxinhishandmoreconfidenceinhisownjudgment，"tobeasensible，cleverwoman，capableofearningherownlivingandofbeingindependent;
notamerehelplessdoll，cryingforsomemantocomeandtakecareofher。"
"Awoman’sbusiness，"assertedClodd，"istobetakencareof。"
"Somewomen，perhaps，"admittedPeter;"butTommy，youknowverywell，isnotgoingtobetheordinarytypeofwoman。Shehasbrains;shewillmakeherwayintheworld。"
"Itdoesn’tdependuponbrains，"saidClodd。"Shehasn’tgottheelbows。"
"Theelbows？"
"Theyarenotsharpenough。Thelast’bushomeonawetnighttellsyouwhetherawomaniscapableofpushingherownwayintheworld。Tommy’sthesorttogetleftonthekerb。"
"She’sthesort，"retortedPeter，"tomakeanameforherselfandtobeabletoaffordacab。Don’tyoubullyme！"Petersniffedself—assertivenessfrombetweenhisthumbandfinger。
"Yes，Ishall，"Cloddtoldhim，"onthisparticularpoint。Thepoorgirl’sgotnomother。"
Fortunatelyforthegeneralharmonythedooropenedatthemomenttoadmitthesubjectofdiscussion。
"GotthatDaisyBlossomadvertisementoutofoldBlatchley，"
announcedTommy，wavingtriumphantlyapieceofpaperoverherhead。
"No！"exclaimedPeter。"Howdidyoumanageit？"
"Askedhimforit，"wasTommy’sexplanation。
"Veryodd，"musedPeter;"askedtheoldidiotforitmyselfonlylastweek。Herefuseditpoint—blank。"
Cloddsnortedreproof。"YouknowIdon’tlikeyourdoingthatsortofthing。Itisn’tproperforayounggirl——"
"It’sallright，"assuredhimTommy;"he’sbald！"
"Thatmakesnodifference，"wasClodd’sopinion。
"Yesitdoes，"wasTommy’s。"Ilikethembald。"
TommytookPeter’sheadbetweenherhandsandkissedit，andindoingsonoticedthetell—talespecksofsnuff。
"Justapinch，mydear，"explainedPeter，"themerestpinch。"
Tommytookupthesnuff—boxfromthedesk。"I’llshowyouwhereI’mgoingtoputitthistime。"Sheputitinherpocket。Peter’sfacefell。
"Whatdoyouthinkofit？"saidClodd。Heledhertothecorner。
"Goodidea，ain’tit？"
"Why，where’sthepiano？"demandedTommy。
Cloddturnedindelightedtriumphtotheothers。
"Humbug！"growledPeter。
"Itisn’thumbug，"criedCloddindignantly。"Shethoughtitwasabookcase——anybodywould。You’llbeabletositthereandpractisebythehour，"explainedCloddtoTommy。"Whenyouhearanybodycomingupthestairs，youcanleaveoff。"
"Howcanshehearanythingwhenshe——"AbrightideaoccurredtoPeter。"Don’tyouthink，Clodd，asapracticalman，"suggestedPeterinsinuatingly，adoptingtheSocraticmethod，"thatifwegotheroneofthosedummypianos——youknowwhatImean;it’sjustlikeanordinarypiano，onlyyoudon’thearit？"
Cloddshookhishead。"Nogoodatall。Can’ttelltheeffectsheisproducing。"
"Quiteso。Then，ontheotherhand，Clodd，don’tyouthinkthathearingtheeffecttheyareproducingmaysometimesdiscouragethebeginner？"
Clodd’sopinionwasthatsuchdiscouragementwasathingtobebattledwith。
Tommy，whohadseatedherself，commencedascaleincontrarymotion。
"Well，I’mgoingacrosstotheprinter’snow，"explainedClodd，takinguphishat。"GotanappointmentwithyoungGrindleyatthree。Yousticktoit。Asparehalf—hournowandthenthatyounevermissdoeswonders。You’vegotitinyou。"WiththeseencouragingremarkstoTommy，Clodddisappeared。