第7章

Becomingconsciousofalongsilence，heclearedhisthroatwarningly，andsaidinasteadyvoice——

"Iamgladyoufeelthis……uncommonlyglad……youfeltthisintime。For，don’tyousee……"Unexpectedlyhehesitated。

"Yes……Isee，"shemurmured。

"Ofcourseyouwould，"hesaid，lookingatthecarpetandspeakinglikeonewhothinksofsomethingelse。Heliftedhishead。"Icannotbelieve——evenafterthis——evenafterthis——thatyouarealtogether——altogether……otherthanwhatIthoughtyou。Itseemsimpossible——tome。"

"Andtome，"shebreathedout。

"Now——yes，"hesaid，"butthismorning？Andto-morrow？……Thisiswhat……"

Hestartedatthedriftofhiswordsandbrokeoffabruptly。Everytrainofthoughtseemedtoleadintothehopelessrealmofungovernablefolly，torecalltheknowledgeandtheterrorofforcesthatmustbeignored。Hesaidrapidly——

"Mypositionisverypainful——difficult……Ifeel……"

Helookedatherfixedlywithapainedair，asthoughfrightfullyoppressedbyasuddeninabilitytoexpresshispent-upideas。

"Iamreadytogo，"shesaidverylow。"Ihaveforfeitedeverything……tolearn……tolearn……"

Herchinfellonherbreast；hervoicediedoutinasigh。Hemadeaslightgestureofimpatientassent。

"Yes！Yes！It’sallverywell……ofcourse。Forfeited——ah！

Morallyforfeited——onlymorallyforfeited……ifIamtobelieveyou……"

Shestartledhimbyjumpingup。

"Oh！Ibelieve，Ibelieve，"hesaid，hastily，andshesatdownassuddenlyasshehadgotup。Hewentongloomily——

"I’vesuffered——Isuffernow。Youcan’tunderstandhowmuch。SomuchthatwhenyouproposeapartingIalmostthink……Butno。Thereisduty。You’veforgottenit；Ineverdid。Beforeheaven，Ineverdid。

Butinahorridexposurelikethisthejudgmentofmankindgoesastray——atleastforatime。Yousee，youandI——atleastIfeelthat——youandIareonebeforetheworld。Itisasitshouldbe。Theworldisright——inthemain——orelseitcouldn’tbe——couldn’tbe——whatitis。Andwearepartofit。Wehaveourdutyto——toourfellowbeingswhodon’twantto……to……er。"

Hestammered。Shelookedupathimwithwideeyes，andherlipswereslightlyparted。Hewentonmumbling——

"……Pain……Indignation……Suretomisunderstand。I’vesufferedenough。Andiftherehasbeennothingirreparable——asyouassureme……then……"

"Alvan！"shecried。

"What？"hesaid，morosely。Hegazeddownatherforamomentwithasombrestare，asonelooksatruins，atthedevastationofsomenaturaldisaster。

"Then，"hecontinuedafterashortpause，"thebestthingis……thebestforus……foreveryone……Yes……leastpain——mostunselfish……"Hisvoicefaltered，andsheheardonlydetachedwords。"……Duty……Burden……Ourselves……Silence。"

Amomentofperfectstillnessensued。

"ThisisanappealIammakingtoyourconscience，"hesaid，suddenly，inanexplanatorytone，"nottoaddtothewretchednessofallthis：

totryloyallyandhelpmetoliveitdownsomehow。Withoutanyreservations——youknow。Loyally！Youcan’tdenyI’vebeencruellywrongedand——afterall——myaffectiondeserves……"Hepausedwithevidentanxietytohearherspeak。

"Imakenoreservations，"shesaid，mournfully。"HowcouldI？Ifoundmyselfoutandcamebackto……"hereyesflashedscornfullyforaninstant"……towhat——towhatyoupropose。Yousee……I……I

canbetrusted……now。"

Helistenedtoeverywordwithprofoundattention，andwhensheceasedseemedtowaitformore。

"Isthatallyou’vegottosay？"heasked。

Shewasstartledbyhistone，andsaidfaintly——

"Ispokethetruth。WhatmorecanIsay？"

"Confoundit！Youmightsaysomethinghuman，"heburstout。"Itisn’tbeingtruthful；it’sbeingbrazen——ifyouwanttoknow。Notawordtoshowyoufeelyourposition，and——andmine。Notasinglewordofacknowledgment，orregret——orremorse……or……something。"

"Words！"shewhisperedinatonethatirritatedhim。Hestampedhisfoot。

"Thisisawful！"heexclaimed。"Words？Yes，words。Wordsmeansomething——yes——theydo——forallthisinfernalaffectation。Theymeansomethingtome——toeverybody——toyou。Whatthedevildidyouusetoexpressthosesentiments——sentiments——pah！——whichmadeyouforgetme，duty，shame！"……Hefoamedatthemouthwhileshestaredathim，appalledbythissuddenfury。"Didyoutwotalkonlywithyoureyes？"

hesplutteredsavagely。Sherose。

"Ican’tbearthis，"shesaid，tremblingfromheadtofoot。"Iamgoing。"

Theystoodfacingoneanotherforamoment。

"Notyou，"hesaid，withconsciousroughness，andbegantowalkupanddowntheroom。Sheremainedverystillwithanairoflisteninganxiouslytoherownheart-beats，thensankdownonthechairslowly，andsighed，asifgivingupataskbeyondherstrength。

"YoumisunderstandeverythingIsay，"hebeganquietly，"butIprefertothinkthat——justnow——youarenotaccountableforyouractions。"Hestoppedagainbeforeher。"Yourmindisunhinged，"hesaid，withunction。"Togonowwouldbeaddingcrime——yes，crime——tofolly。I’llhavenoscandalinmylife，nomatterwhat’sthecost。Andwhy？Youaresuretomisunderstandme——butI’lltellyou。Asamatterofduty。

Yes。Butyou’resuretomisunderstandme——recklessly。Womenalwaysdo——theyaretoo——toonarrow-minded。"

Hewaitedforawhile，butshemadenosound，didn’tevenlookathim；

hefeltuneasy，painfullyuneasy，likeamanwhosuspectsheisunreasonablymistrusted。Tocombatthatexasperatingsensationherecommencedtalkingveryfast。Thesoundofhiswordsexcitedhisthoughts，andintheplayofdartingthoughtshehadglimpsesnowandthenoftheinexpugnablerockofhisconvictions，toweringinsolitarygrandeurabovetheunprofitablewasteoferrorsandpassions。

"Foritisself-evident，"hewentonwithanxiousvivacity，"itisself-evidentthat，onthehighestgroundwehaven’ttheright——no，wehaven’ttherighttointrudeourmiseriesuponthosewho——whonaturallyexpectbetterthingsfromus。Everyonewisheshisownlifeandthelifearoundhimtobebeautifulandpure。Now，ascandalamongstpeopleofourpositionisdisastrousforthemorality——afatalinfluence——don’tyousee——uponthegeneraltoneoftheclass——veryimportant——themostimportant，Iverilybelieve，in——inthecommunity。Ifeelthis——profoundly。Thisisthebroadview。Intimeyou’llgiveme……whenyoubecomeagainthewomanIloved——andtrusted……"

Hestoppedshort，asthoughunexpectedlysuffocated，theninacompletelychangedvoicesaid，"ForIdidloveandtrustyou"——andagainwassilentforamoment。Sheputherhandkerchieftohereyes。

"You’llgivemecreditfor——for——mymotives。It’smainlyloyaltyto——tothelargerconditionsofourlife——whereyou——you！ofallwomen——failed。Onedoesn’tusuallytalklikethis——ofcourse——butinthiscaseyou’lladmit……Andconsider——theinnocentsufferwiththeguilty。Theworldispitilessinitsjudgments。Unfortunatelytherearealwaysthoseinitwhoareonlytooeagertomisunderstand。

BeforeyouandbeforemyconscienceIamguiltless，butany——anydisclosurewouldimpairmyusefulnessinthesphere——inthelargersphereinwhichIhopesoonto……Ibelieveyoufullysharedmyviewsinthatmatter——Idon’twanttosayanymore……on——onthatpoint——but，believeme，trueunselfishnessistobearone’sburdensin——insilence。Theidealmust——mustbepreserved——forothers，atleast。It’sclearasdaylight。IfI’vea——aloathsomesore，togratuitouslydisplayitwouldbeabominable——abominable！Andofteninlife——inthehighestconceptionoflife——outspokennessincertaincircumstancesisnothinglessthancriminal。Temptation，youknow，excusesnoone。Thereisnosuchthingreallyifonelookssteadilytoone’swelfare——whichisgroundedinduty。Buttherearetheweak。"……Histonebecameferociousforaninstant……"Andtherearethefoolsandtheenvious——especiallyforpeopleinourposition。Iamguiltlessofthisterrible——terrible……estrangement；butiftherehasbeennothingirreparable。"……Somethinggloomy，likeadeepshadowpassedoverhisface……"Nothingirreparable——youseeevennowIamreadytotrustyouimplicitly——thenourdutyisclear。"

Helookeddown。Achangecameoverhisexpressionandstraightwayfromtheoutwardimpetusofhisloquacityhepassedintothedullcontemplationofalltheappeasingtruthsthat，notwithoutsomewonder，hehadsorecentlybeenabletodiscoverwithinhimself。

Duringthisprofoundandsoothingcommunionwithhisinnermostbeliefsheremainedstaringatthecarpet，withaportentouslysolemnfaceandwithadullvacuityofeyesthatseemedtogazeintotheblanknessofanemptyhole。Then，withoutstirringintheleast，hecontinued：

"Yes。Perfectlyclear。I’vebeentriedtotheutmost，andIcan’tpretendthat，foratime，theoldfeelings——theoldfeelingsarenot……"Hesighed……"ButIforgiveyou……"

Shemadeaslightmovementwithoutuncoveringhereyes。Inhisprofoundscrutinyofthecarpethenoticednothing。Andtherewassilence，silencewithinandsilencewithout，asthoughhiswordshadstilledthebeatandtremorofallthesurroundinglife，andthehousehadstoodalone——theonlydwellinguponadesertedearth。

Heliftedhisheadandrepeatedsolemnly：

"Iforgiveyou……fromasenseofduty——andinthehope……"

Heheardalaugh，anditnotonlyinterruptedhiswordsbutalsodestroyedthepeaceofhisself-absorptionwiththevilepainofarealityintrudinguponthebeautyofadream。Hecouldn’tunderstandwhencethesoundcame。Hecouldsee，foreshortened，thetear-stained，dolorousfaceofthewomanstretchedout，andwithherheadthrownoverthebackoftheseat。Hethoughtthepiercingnoisewasadelusion。Butanothershrillpealfollowedbyadeepsobandsucceededbyanothershriekofmirthpositivelyseemedtotearhimoutfromwherehestood。Heboundedtothedoor。Itwasclosed。Heturnedthekeyandthought：that’snogood……"Stopthis！"hecried，andperceivedwithalarmthathecouldhardlyhearhisownvoiceinthemidstofherscreaming。Hedartedbackwiththeideaofstiflingthatunbearablenoisewithhishands，butstoodstilldistracted，findinghimselfasunabletotouchherasthoughshehadbeenonfire。Heshouted，"Enoughofthis！"likemenshoutinthetumultofariot，witharedfaceandstartingeyes；then，asifsweptawaybeforeanotherburstoflaughter，hedisappearedinaflashoutofthreelooking-glasses，vanishedsuddenlyfrombeforeher。Foratimethewomangaspedandlaughedatnooneintheluminousstillnessoftheemptyroom。

Hereappeared，stridingather，andwithatumblerofwaterinhishand。Hestammered："Hysterics——Stop——Theywillhear——Drinkthis。"

Shelaughedattheceiling。"Stopthis！"hecried。"Ah！"

Heflungthewaterinherface，puttingintotheactionallthesecretbrutalityofhisspite，yetstillfeltthatitwouldhavebeenperfectlyexcusable——inanyone——tosendthetumblerafterthewater。

Herestrainedhimself，butatthesametimewassoconvincednothingcouldstopthehorrorofthosemadshrieksthat，whenthefirstsensationofreliefcame，itdidnotevenoccurtohimtodoubttheimpressionofhavingbecomesuddenlydeaf。When，nextmoment，hebecamesurethatshewassittingup，andreallyveryquiet，itwasasthougheverything——men，things，sensations，hadcometoarest。Hewaspreparedtobegrateful。Hecouldnottakehiseyesoffher，fearing，yetunwillingtoadmit，thepossibilityofherbeginningagain；for，theexperience，howevercontemptuouslyhetriedtothinkofit，hadleftthebewildermentofamysteriousterror。Herfacewasstreamingwithwaterandtears；therewasawispofhaironherforehead，anotherstucktohercheek；herhatwasononeside，undecorouslytilted；hersoakedveilresembledasordidragfestooningherforehead。Therewasanutterunreserveinheraspect，anabandonmentofsafeguards，thatuglinessoftruthwhichcanonlybekeptoutofdailylifebyunremittingcareforappearances。Hedidnotknowwhy，lookingather，hethoughtsuddenlyofto-morrow，andwhythethoughtcalledoutadeepfeelingofunutterable，discouragedweariness——afearoffacingthesuccessionofdays。To-morrow！Itwasasfarasyesterday。Ageselapsedbetweensunrises——sometimes。Hescannedherfeatureslikeonelooksataforgottencountry。Theywerenotdistorted——herecognizedlandmarks，sotospeak；butitwasonlyaresemblancethathecouldsee，notthewomanofyesterday——orwasit，perhaps，morethanthewomanofyesterday？Whocouldtell？Wasitsomethingnew？Anewexpression——oranewshadeofexpression？orsomethingdeep——anoldtruthunveiled，afundamentalandhiddentruth——someunnecessary，accursedcertitude？Hebecameawarethathewastremblingverymuch，thathehadanemptytumblerinhishand——thattimewaspassing。Stilllookingatherwithlingeringmistrusthereachedtowardsthetabletoputtheglassdownandwasstartledtofeelitapparentlygothroughthewood。Hehadmissedtheedge。Thesurprise，theslightjinglingnoiseoftheaccidentannoyedhimbeyondexpression。Heturnedtoherirritated。

"What’sthemeaningofthis？"heasked，grimly。

Shepassedherhandoverherfaceandmadeanattempttogetup。

"You’renotgoingtobeabsurdagain，"hesaid。"’Ponmysoul，Ididnotknowyoucouldforgetyourselftothatextent。"Hedidn’ttrytoconcealhisphysicaldisgust，becausehebelievedittobeapurelymoralreprobationofeveryunreserve，ofanythinginthenatureofascene。"Iassureyou——itwasrevolting，"hewenton。Hestaredforamomentather。"Positivelydegrading，"headdedwithinsistence。

Shestoodupquicklyasifmovedbyaspringandtottered。Hestartedforwardinstinctively。Shecaughtholdofthebackofthechairandsteadiedherself。Thisarrestedhim，andtheyfacedeachotherwide-eyed，uncertain，andyetcomingbackslowlytotherealityofthingswithreliefandwonder，asthoughjustawakenedaftertossingthroughalongnightoffevereddreams。

"Pray，don’tbeginagain，"hesaid，hurriedly，seeingheropenherlips。"Ideservesomelittleconsideration——andsuchunaccountablebehaviourispainfultome。Iexpectbetterthings……Ihavetheright……"

Shepressedbothherhandstohertemples。

"Oh，nonsense！"hesaid，sharply。"Youareperfectlycapableofcomingdowntodinner。Nooneshouldevensuspect；noteventheservants。Noone！Noone！……Iamsureyoucan。"

Shedroppedherarms；herfacetwitched。Shelookedstraightintohiseyesandseemedincapableofpronouncingaword。Hefrownedather。

"I——wish——it，"hesaid，tyrannically。"Foryourownsakealso……"

Hemeanttocarrythatpointwithoutanypity。Whydidn’tshespeak？

Hefearedpassiveresistance。Shemust……Makehercome。Hisfrowndeepened，andhebegantothinkofsomeeffectualviolence，whenmostunexpectedlyshesaidinafirmvoice，"Yes，Ican，"andclutchedthechair-backagain。Hewasrelieved，andallatonceherattitudeceasedtointeresthim。Theimportantthingwasthattheirlifewouldbeginagainwithanevery-dayact——withsomethingthatcouldnotbemisunderstood，that，thankGod，hadnomoralmeaning，noperplexity——

andyetwassymbolicoftheiruninterruptedcommunioninthepast——inallthefuture。Thatmorning，atthattable，theyhadbreakfasttogether；andnowtheywoulddine。Itwasallover！Whathadhappenedbetweencouldbeforgotten——mustbeforgotten，likethingsthatcanonlyhappenonce——deathforinstance。

"Iwillwaitforyou，"hesaid，goingtothedoor。Hehadsomedifficultywithit，forhedidnotrememberhehadturnedthekey。Hehatedthatdelay，andhischeckedimpatiencetobegoneoutoftheroommadehimfeelquiteillas，withtheconsciousnessofherpresencebehindhisback，hefumbledatthelock。Hemanageditatlast；theninthedoorwayheglancedoverhisshouldertosay，"It’sratherlate——youknow——"andsawherstandingwherehehadlefther，withafacewhiteasalabasterandperfectlystill，likeawomaninatrance。

Hewasafraidshewouldkeephimwaiting，butwithoutanybreathingtime，hehardlyknewhow，hefoundhimselfsittingattablewithher。

Hehadmadeuphismindtoeat，totalk，tobenatural。Itseemedtohimnecessarythatdeceptionshouldbeginathome。Theservantsmustnotknow——mustnotsuspect。Thisintensedesireofsecrecy；ofsecrecydark，destroying，profound，discreetlikeagrave，possessedhimwiththestrengthofahallucination——seemedtospreaditselftoinanimateobjectsthathadbeenthedailycompanionsofhislife，affectedwithataintofenmityeverysinglethingwithinthefaithfulwallsthatwouldstandforeverbetweentheshamelessnessoffactsandtheindignationofmankind。Evenwhen——asithappenedonceortwice——boththeservantslefttheroomtogetherheremainedcarefullynatural，industriouslyhungry，laboriouslyathisease，asthoughhehadwantedtocheattheblackoaksideboard，theheavycurtains，thestiff-backedchairs，intothebeliefofanunstainedhappiness。Hewasmistrustfulofhiswife’sself-control，unwillingtolookatherandreluctanttospeak，foritseemedtohiminconceivablethatsheshouldnotbetrayherselfbytheslightestmovement，bytheveryfirstwordspoken。Thenhethoughtthesilenceintheroomwasbecomingdangerous，andsoexcessiveastoproducetheeffectofanintolerableuproar。Hewantedtoendit，asoneisanxioustointerruptanindiscreetconfession；

butwiththememoryofthatlaughupstairshedarednotgiveheranoccasiontoopenherlips。Presentlyheheardhervoicepronouncinginacalmtonesomeunimportantremark。Hedetachedhiseyesfromthecentreofhisplateandfeltexcitedasifonthepointoflookingatawonder。Andnothingcouldbemorewonderfulthanhercomposure。Hewaslookingatthecandideyes，atthepurebrow，atwhathehadseeneveryeveningforyearsinthatplace；helistenedtothevoicethatforfiveyearshehadheardeveryday。Perhapsshewasalittlepale——butahealthypallorhadalwaysbeenforhimoneofherchiefattractions。Perhapsherfacewasrigidlyset——butthatmarmorealimpassiveness，thatmagnificentstolidity，asofawonderfulstatuebysomegreatsculptorworkingunderthecurseofthegods；thatimposing，unthinkingstillnessofherfeatures，hadtillthenmirroredforhimthetranquildignityofasoulofwhichhehadthoughthimself——asamatterofcourse——theinexpugnablepossessor。

Thoseweretheoutwardsignsofherdifferencefromtheignobleherdthatfeels，suffers，fails，errs——buthasnodistinctvalueintheworldexceptasamoralcontrasttotheprosperityoftheelect。Hehadbeenproudofherappearance。Ithadtheperfectlyproperfranknessofperfection——andnowhewasshockedtoseeitunchanged。

Shelookedlikethis，spokelikethis，exactlylikethis，ayearago，amonthago——onlyyesterdaywhenshe……Whatwentonwithinmadenodifference。Whatdidshethink？Whatmeantthepallor，theplacidface，thecandidbrow，thepureeyes？Whatdidshethinkduringalltheseyears？Whatdidshethinkyesterday——to-day；whatwouldshethinkto-morrow？Hemustfindout……Andyethowcouldhegettoknow？Shehadbeenfalsetohim，tothatman，toherself；shewasreadytobefalse——forhim。Alwaysfalse。Shelookedlies，breathedlies，livedlies——wouldtelllies——always——totheendoflife！Andhewouldneverknowwhatshemeant。Never！Never！Noonecould。

Impossibletoknow。

Hedroppedhisknifeandfork，brusquely，asthoughbythevirtueofasuddenilluminationhehadbeenmadeawareofpoisoninhisplate，andbecamepositiveinhismindthathecouldneverswallowanothermorseloffoodaslongashelived。Thedinnerwentoninaroomthathadbeensteadilygrowing，fromsomecause，hotterthanafurnace。Hehadtodrink。Hedranktimeaftertime，and，atlast，recollectinghimself，wasfrightenedatthequantity，tillheperceivedthatwhathehadbeendrinkingwaswater——outoftwodifferentwineglasses；andthediscoveredunconsciousnessofhisactionsaffectedhimpainfully。

Hewasdisturbedtofindhimselfinsuchanunhealthystateofmind。

Excessoffeeling——excessoffeeling；anditwaspartofhiscreedthatanyexcessoffeelingwasunhealthy——morallyunprofitable；ataintonpracticalmanhood。Herfault。Entirelyherfault。Hersinfulself-forgetfulnesswascontagious。Itmadehimthinkthoughtshehadneverhadbefore；thoughtsdisintegrating，tormenting，sappingtotheverycoreoflife——likemortaldisease；thoughtsthatbredthefearofair，ofsunshine，ofmen——likethewhisperednewsofapestilence。

Themaidsservedwithoutnoise；andtoavoidlookingathiswifeandlookingwithinhimself，hefollowedwithhiseyesfirstoneandthentheotherwithoutbeingabletodistinguishbetweenthem。Theymovedsilentlyabout，withoutonebeingabletoseebywhatmeans，fortheirskirtstouchedthecarpetallround；theyglidedhereandthere，receded，approached，rigidinblackandwhite，withprecisegestures，andnolifeintheirfaces，likeapairofmarionettesinmourning；

andtheirairofwoodenunconcernstruckhimasunnatural，suspicious，irremediablyhostile。Thatsuchpeople’sfeelingsorjudgmentcouldaffectoneinanyway，hadneveroccurredtohimbefore。Heunderstoodtheyhadnoprospects，noprinciples——norefinementandnopower。Butnowhehadbecomesodebasedthathecouldnotevenattempttodisguisefromhimselfhisyearningtoknowthesecretthoughtsofhisservants。Severaltimeshelookedupcovertlyatthefacesofthosegirls。Impossibletoknow。Theychangedhisplatesandutterlyignoredhisexistence。Whatimpenetrableduplicity。Women——nothingbutwomenroundhim。Impossibletoknow。Heexperiencedthatheart-probing，fierysenseofdangerousloneliness，whichsometimesassailsthecourageofasolitaryadventurerinanunexploredcountry。Thesightofaman’sface——hefelt——ofanyman’sface，wouldhavebeenaprofoundrelief。Onewouldknowthen——something——couldunderstand……Hewouldengageabutlerassoonaspossible。Andthentheendofthatdinner——whichhadseemedtohavebeengoingonforhours——theendcame，takinghimviolentlybysurprise，asthoughhehadexpectedinthenaturalcourseofeventstositatthattableforeverandever。

Butupstairsinthedrawing-roomhebecamethevictimofarestlessfate，thatwould，onnoaccount，permithimtositdown。Shehadsunkonaloweasy-chair，andtakingupfromasmalltableatherelbowafanwithivoryleaves，shadedherfacefromthefire。Thecoalsglowedwithoutaflame；andupontheredglowtheverticalbarsofthegratestoodoutatherfeet，blackandcurved，likethecharredribsofaconsumedsacrifice。Faroff，alampperchedonaslimbrassrod，burnedunderawideshadeofcrimsonsilk：thecentre，withintheshadowsofthelargeroom，ofafierytwilightthathadinthewarmqualityofitstintsomethingdelicate，refinedandinfernal。Hissoftfootfallsandthesubduedbeatoftheclockonthehighmantel-pieceansweredeachotherregularly——asiftimeandhimself，engagedinameasuredcontest，hadbeenpacingtogetherthroughtheinfernaldelicacyoftwilighttowardsamysteriousgoal。

Hewalkedfromoneendoftheroomtotheotherwithoutapause，likeatravellerwho，atnight，hastensdoggedlyuponaninterminablejourney。Nowandthenheglancedather。Impossibletoknow。Thegrossprecisionofthatthoughtexpressedtohispracticalmindsomethingillimitableandinfinitelyprofound，theall-embracingsubtletyofafeeling，theeternaloriginofhispain。Thiswomanhadacceptedhim，hadabandonedhim——hadreturnedtohim。Andofallthishewouldneverknowthetruth。Never。Nottilldeath——notafter——notonjudgmentdaywhenallshallbedisclosed，thoughtsanddeeds，rewardsandpunishments，butthesecretofheartsaloneshallreturn，foreverunknown，totheInscrutableCreatorofgoodandevil，totheMasterofdoubtsandimpulses。

Hestoodstilltolookather。Thrownbackandwithherfaceturnedawayfromhim，shedidnotstir——asifasleep。Whatdidshethink？

Whatdidshefeel？Andinthepresenceofherperfectstillness，inthebreathlesssilence，hefelthimselfinsignificantandpowerlessbeforeher，likeaprisonerinchains。Thefuryofhisimpotencecalledoutsinisterimages，thatfacultyoftormentingvision，whichinamomentofanguishingsenseofwronginducesamantomutterthreatsormakeamenacinggestureinthesolitudeofanemptyroom。

Butthegustofpassionpassedatonce，lefthimtremblingalittle，withthewondering，reflectivefearofamanwhohaspausedontheveryvergeofsuicide。Theserenityoftruthandthepeaceofdeathcanbeonlysecuredthroughalargenessofcontemptembracingalltheprofitableservitudesoflife。Hefoundhedidnotwanttoknow。

Betternot。Itwasallover。Itwasasifithadn’tbeen。Anditwasverynecessaryforbothofthem，itwasmorallyright，thatnobodyshouldknow。

Hespokesuddenly，asifconcludingadiscussion。

"Thebestthingforusistoforgetallthis。"

Shestartedalittleandshutthefanwithaclick。

"Yes，forgive——andforget，"herepeated，asiftohimself。

"I’llneverforget，"shesaidinavibratingvoice。"AndI’llneverforgivemyself……"

"ButI，whohavenothingtoreproachmyself……"Hebegan，makingasteptowardsher。Shejumpedup。

"Ididnotcomebackforyourforgiveness，"sheexclaimed，passionately，asifclamouringagainstanunjustaspersion。

Heonlysaid"oh！"andbecamesilent。Hecouldnotunderstandthisunprovokedaggressivenessofherattitude，andcertainlywasveryfarfromthinkingthatanunpremeditatedhintofsomethingresemblingemotioninthetoneofhislastwordshadcausedthatuncontrollableburstofsincerity。Itcompletedhisbewilderment，buthewasnotatallangrynow。Hewasasifbenumbedbythefascinationoftheincomprehensible。Shestoodbeforehim，tallandindistinct，likeablackphantomintheredtwilight。Atlastpoignantlyuncertainastowhatwouldhappenifheopenedhislips，hemuttered：

"Butifmyloveisstrongenough……"andhesitated。

Heheardsomethingsnaploudlyinthefierystillness。Shehadbrokenherfan。Twothinpiecesofivoryfell，oneafteranother，withoutasound，onthethickcarpet，andinstinctivelyhestoopedtopickthemup。Whilehegropedatherfeetitoccurredtohimthatthewomantherehadinherhandsanindispensablegiftwhichnothingelseonearthcouldgive；andwhenhestooduphewaspenetratedbyanirresistiblebeliefinanenigma，bytheconvictionthatwithinhisreachandpassingawayfromhimwastheverysecretofexistence——itscertitude，immaterialandprecious！Shemovedtothedoor，andhefollowedatherelbow，castingaboutforamagicwordthatwouldmaketheenigmaclear，thatwouldcompelthesurrenderofthegift。Andthereisnosuchword！Theenigmaisonlymadeclearbysacrifice，andthegiftofheavenisinthehandsofeveryman。Buttheyhadlivedinaworldthatabhorsenigmas，andcaresfornogiftsbutsuchascanbeobtainedinthestreet。Shewasnearingthedoor。Hesaidhurriedly：

"’Ponmyword，Ilovedyou——Iloveyounow。"

Shestoppedforanalmostimperceptiblemomenttogivehimanindignantglance，andthenmovedon。Thatfemininepenetration——socleverandsotaintedbytheeternalinstinctofself-defence，soreadytoseeanobviousevilineverythingitcannotunderstand——filledherwithbitterresentmentagainstboththemenwhocouldoffertothespiritualandtragicstrifeofherfeelingsnothingbutthecoarsenessoftheirabominablematerialism。Inherangeragainstherownineffectualself-deceptionshefoundhateenoughforthemboth。Whatdidtheywant？Whatmoredidthisonewant？Andasherhusbandfacedheragain，withhishandonthedoor-handle，sheaskedherselfwhetherhewasunpardonablystupid，orsimplyignoble。

Shesaidnervously，andveryfast：

"Youaredeceivingyourself。Youneverlovedme。Youwantedawife——somewoman——anywomanthatwouldthink，speak，andbehaveinacertainway——inawayyouapproved。Youlovedyourself。"

"Youwon’tbelieveme？"heasked，slowly。

"IfIhadbelievedyoulovedme，"shebegan，passionately，thendrewinalongbreath；andduringthatpauseheheardthesteadybeatofbloodinhisears。"IfIhadbelievedit……Iwouldneverhavecomeback，"shefinished，recklessly。

Hestoodlookingdownasthoughhehadnotheard。Shewaited。Afteramomentheopenedthedoor，and，onthelanding，thesightlesswomanofmarbleappeared，drapedtothechin，thrustingblindlyatthemaclusteroflights。

Heseemedtohaveforgottenhimselfinameditationsodeepthatonthepointofgoingoutshestoppedtolookathiminsurprise。Whileshehadbeenspeakinghehadwanderedonthetrackoftheenigma，outoftheworldofsensesintotheregionoffeeling。Whatdiditmatterwhatshehaddone，whatshehadsaid，ifthroughthepainofheractsandwordshehadobtainedthewordoftheenigma！Therecanbenolifewithoutfaithandlove——faithinahumanheart，loveofahumanbeing！

Thattouchofgrace，whosehelponceinlifeistheprivilegeofthemostundeserving，flungopenforhimtheportalsofbeyond，andincontemplatingtherethecertitudeimmaterialandpreciousheforgotallthemeaninglessaccidentsofexistence：theblissofgetting，thedelightofenjoying；alltheproteanandenticingformsofthecupiditythatrulesamaterialworldoffoolishjoys，ofcontemptiblesorrows。Faith！——Love！——theundoubting，clearfaithinthetruthofasoul——thegreattenderness，deepastheocean，sereneandeternal，liketheinfinitepeaceofspaceabovetheshorttempestsoftheearth。Itwaswhathehadwantedallhislife——butheunderstooditonlythenforthefirsttime。Itwasthroughthepainoflosingherthattheknowledgehadcome。Shehadthegift！Shehadthegift！Andinalltheworldshewastheonlyhumanbeingthatcouldsurrenderittohisimmensedesire。Hemadeastepforward，puttinghisarmsout，asiftotakehertohisbreast，and，liftinghishead，wasmetbysuchalookofblankconsternationthathisarmsfellasthoughtheyhadbeenstruckdownbyablow。Shestartedawayfromhim，stumbledoverthethreshold，andonceonthelandingturned，swiftandcrouching。Thetrainofhergownswishedasitflewroundherfeet。Itwasanundisguisedpanic。Shepanted，showingherteeth，andthehateofstrength，thedisdainofweakness，theeternalpreoccupationofsexcameoutlikeatoydemonoutofabox。

"Thisisodious，"shescreamed。

Hedidnotstir；butherlook，heragitatedmovements，thesoundofhervoicewerelikeamistoffactsthickeningbetweenhimandthevisionofloveandfaith。Itvanished；andlookingatthatfacetriumphantandscornful，atthatwhiteface，stealthyandunexpected，asifdiscoveredstaringfromanambush，hewascomingbackslowlytotheworldofsenses。Hisfirstclearthoughtwas：Iammarriedtothatwoman；andthenext：shewillgivenothingbutwhatIsee。Hefelttheneednottosee。Butthememoryofthevision，thememorythatabidesforeverwithintheseermadehimsaytoherwiththenaiveausterityofaconvertawedbythetouchofanewcreed，"Youhaven’tthegift。"

Heturnedhisbackonher，leavinghercompletelymystified。Andshewentupstairsslowly，strugglingwithadistastefulsuspicionofhavingbeenconfrontedbysomethingmoresubtlethanherself——moreprofoundthanthemisunderstoodandtragiccontestofherfeelings。

Heshutthedoorofthedrawing-roomandmovedathazard，aloneamongsttheheavyshadowsandinthefierytwilightasofanelegantplaceofperdition。Shehadn’tthegift——noonehad……Hesteppedonabookthathadfallenoffoneofthecrowdedlittletables。Hepickeduptheslendervolume，andholdingit，approachedthecrimson-shadedlamp。Thefierytintdeepenedonthecover，andcontortedgoldletterssprawlingalloveritinanintricatemaze，cameout，gleamingredly。"ThornsandArabesques。"Hereadittwice，"ThornsandAr……"Theother’sbookofverses。Hedroppeditathisfeet，butdidnotfeeltheslightestpangofjealousyorindignation。Whatdidheknow？……What？……Themassofhotcoalstumbleddowninthegrate，andheturnedtolookatthem……

Ah！Thatonewasreadytogiveupeverythinghehadforthatwoman——whodidnotcome——whohadnotthefaith，thelove，thecouragetocome。Whatdidthatmanexpect，whatdidhehope，whatdidhewant？

Thewoman——orthecertitudeimmaterialandprecious！Thefirstunselfishthoughthehadevergiventoanyhumanbeingwasforthatmanwhohadtriedtodohimaterriblewrong。Hewasnotangry。Hewassaddenedbyanimpersonalsorrow，byavastmelancholyasofallmankindlongingforwhatcannotbeattained。Hefelthisfellowshipwitheveryman——evenwiththatman——especiallywiththatman。Whatdidhethinknow？Hadheceasedtowait——andhope？Wouldheeverceasetowaitandhope？Wouldheunderstandthatthewoman，whohadnocourage，hadnotthegift——hadnotthegift！

Theclockbegantostrike，andthedeep-tonedvibrationfilledtheroomasthoughwiththesoundofanenormousbelltollingfaraway。Hecountedthestrokes。Twelve。Anotherdayhadbegun。To-morrowhadcome；themysteriousandlyingto-morrowthatluresmen，disdainfulofloveandfaith，onandonthroughthepoignantfutilitiesoflifetothefittingrewardofagrave。Hecountedthestrokes，andgazingatthegrateseemedtowaitformore。Then，asifcalledout，lefttheroom，walkingfirmly。

Whenoutsideheheardfootstepsinthehallandstoodstill。Aboltwasshot——thenanother。Theywerelockingup——shuttingouthisdesireandhisdeceptionfromtheindignantcriticismofaworldfullofnoblegiftsforthosewhoproclaimthemselveswithoutstainandwithoutreproach。Hewassafe；andonallsidesofhisdwellingservilefearsandservilehopesslept，dreamingofsuccess，behindtheseverediscretionofdoorsasimpenetrabletothetruthwithinasthegraniteoftombstones。Alocksnapped——ashortchainrattled。Nobodyshallknow！

Whywasthisassuranceofsafetyheavierthanaburdenoffear，andwhythedaythatbeganpresenteditselfobstinatelylikethelastdayofall——likeato-daywithoutato-morrow？Yetnothingwaschanged，fornobodywouldknow；andallwouldgoonasbefore——thegetting，theenjoying，theblessingofhungerthatisappeasedeveryday；thenobleincentivesofunappeasableambitions。All——alltheblessingsoflife。All——butthecertitudeimmaterialandprecious——thecertitudeofloveandfaith。Hebelievedtheshadowofithadbeenwithhimaslongashecouldremember；thatinvisiblepresencehadruledhislife。

Andnowtheshadowhadappearedandfadedhecouldnotextinguishhislongingforthetruthofitssubstance。Hisdesireofitwasnaive；itwasmasterfullikethematerialaspirationsthatarethegroundworkofexistence，but，unlikethese，itwasunconquerable。Itwasthesubtledespotismofanideathatsuffersnorivals，thatislonely，inconsolable，anddangerous。Hewentslowlyupthestairs。

Nobodyshallknow。Thedayswouldgoonandhewouldgofar——veryfar。

Iftheideacouldnotbemastered，fortunecouldbe，mancouldbe——thewholeworld。Hewasdazzledbythegreatnessoftheprospect；thebrutalityofapracticalinstinctshoutedtohimthatonlythatwhichcouldbehadwasworthhaving。Helingeredonthesteps。Thelightswereoutinthehall，andasmallyellowflameflittedaboutdownthere。Hefeltasuddencontemptforhimselfwhichbracedhimup。Hewenton，butatthedooroftheirroomandwithhisarmadvancedtoopenit，hefaltered。Ontheflightofstairsbelowtheheadofthegirlwhohadbeenlockingupappeared。Hisarmfell。Hethought，"I’llwaittillsheisgone"——andsteppedbackwithintheperpendicularfoldsofaportiere。

Hesawhercomeupgradually，asifascendingfromawell。Ateverystepthefeebleflameofthecandleswayedbeforehertired，youngface，andthedarknessofthehallseemedtoclingtoherblackskirt，followedher，risinglikeasilentflood，asthoughthegreatnightoftheworldhadbrokenthroughthediscreetreserveofwalls，ofcloseddoors，ofcurtainedwindows。Itroseoverthesteps，itleapedupthewallslikeanangrywave，itflowedovertheblueskies，overtheyellowsands，overthesunshineoflandscapes，andovertheprettypathosofraggedinnocenceandofmeekstarvation。Itswallowedupthedeliciousidyllinaboatandthemutilatedimmortalityoffamousbas-reliefs。Itflowedfromoutside——itrosehigher，inadestructivesilence。And，aboveit，thewomanofmarble，composedandblindonthehighpedestal，seemedtowardoffthedevouringnightwithaclusteroflights。

Hewatchedtherisingtideofimpenetrablegloomwithimpatience，asifanxiousforthecomingofadarknessblackenoughtoconcealashamefulsurrender。Itcamenearer。Theclusteroflightswentout。

Thegirlascendedfacinghim。Behindhertheshadowofacolossalwomandancedlightlyonthewall。Heheldhisbreathwhileshepassedby，noiselessandwithheavyeyelids。Andonhertracktheflowingtideofatenebrousseafilledthehouse，seemedtoswirlabouthisfeet，andrisingunchecked，closedsilentlyabovehishead。

Thetimehadcomebuthedidnotopenthedoor。Allwasstill；andinsteadofsurrenderingtothereasonableexigenciesoflifehesteppedout，witharebellingheart，intothedarknessofthehouse。

Itwastheabodeofanimpenetrablenight；asthoughindeedthelastdayhadcomeandgone，leavinghimaloneinadarknessthathasnoto-morrow。Andloomingvaguelybelowthewomanofmarble，lividandstilllikeapatientphantom，heldoutinthenightaclusterofextinguishedlights。

Hisobedientthoughttracedforhimtheimageofanuninterruptedlife，thedignityandtheadvantagesofanuninterruptedsuccess；

whilehisrebelliousheartbeatviolentlywithinhisbreast，asifmaddenedbythedesireofacertitudeimmaterialandprecious——thecertitudeofloveandfaith。Whatofthenightwithinhisdwellingifoutsidehecouldfindthesunshineinwhichmensow，inwhichmenreap！Nobodywouldknow。Thedays，theyearswouldpass，and……Herememberedthathehadlovedher。Theyearswouldpass……Andthenhethoughtofheraswethinkofthedead——inatenderimmensityofregret，inapassionatelongingforthereturnofidealizedperfections。Hehadlovedher——hehadlovedher——andheneverknewthetruth……Theyearswouldpassintheanguishofdoubt……Herememberedhersmile，hereyes，hervoice，hersilence，asthoughhehadlostherforever。Theyearswouldpassandhewouldalwaysmistrusthersmile，suspecthereyes；hewouldalwaysmisbelievehervoice，hewouldneverhavefaithinhersilence。Shehadnogift——shehadnogift！Whatwasshe？Whowasshe？……Theyearswouldpass；

thememoryofthishourwouldgrowfaint——andshewouldsharethematerialserenityofanunblemishedlife。Shehadnoloveandnofaithforanyone。Togiveheryourthought，yourbelief，waslikewhisperingyourconfessionovertheedgeoftheworld。Nothingcameback——notevenanecho。

Inthepainofthatthoughtwasbornhisconscience；notthatfearofremorsewhichgrowsslowly，andslowlydecaysamongstthecomplicatedfactsoflife，butaDivinewisdomspringingfull-grown，armedandsevereoutofatriedheart，tocombatthesecretbasenessofmotives。

Itcametohiminaflashthatmoralityisnotamethodofhappiness。

Therevelationwasterrible。Hesawatoncethatnothingofwhatheknewmatteredintheleast。Theactsofmenandwomen，success，humiliation，dignity，failure——nothingmattered。Itwasnotaquestionofmoreorlesspain，ofthisjoy，ofthatsorrow。Itwasaquestionoftruthorfalsehood——itwasaquestionoflifeordeath。

Hestoodintherevealingnight——inthedarknessthattriesthehearts，inthenightuselessfortheworkofmen，butinwhichtheirgaze，undazzledbythesunshineofcovetousdays，wanderssometimesasfarasthestars。Theperfectstillnessaroundhimhadsomethingsolemninit，buthefeltitwasthelyingsolemnityofatempledevotedtotheritesofadebasingpersuasion。Thesilencewithinthediscreetwallswaseloquentofsafetybutitappearedtohimexcitingandsinister，likethediscretionofaprofitableinfamy；itwastheprudentpeaceofadenofcoiners——ofahouseofill-fame！Theyearswouldpass——andnobodywouldknow。Never！Nottilldeath——notafter……

"Never！"hesaidaloudtotherevealingnight。

Andhehesitated。Thesecretofhearts，tooterribleforthetimideyesofmen，shallreturn，veiledforever，totheInscrutableCreatorofgoodandevil，totheMasterofdoubtsandimpulses。Hisconsciencewasborn——hehearditsvoice，andhehesitated，ignoringthestrengthwithin，thefatefulpower，thesecretofhisheart！Itwasanawfulsacrificetocastallone’slifeintotheflameofanewbelief。Hewantedhelpagainsthimself，againstthecrueldecreeofsalvation。

Theneedoftacitcomplicity，whereithadneverfailedhim，thehabitofyearsaffirmeditself。Perhapsshewouldhelp……Heflungthedooropenandrushedinlikeafugitive。

Hewasinthemiddleoftheroombeforehecouldseeanythingbutthedazzlingbrillianceofthelight；andthen，asifdetachedandfloatinginitonthelevelofhiseyes，appearedtheheadofawoman。

Shehadjumpedupwhenheburstintotheroom。

Foramomenttheycontemplatedeachotherasifstruckdumbwithamazement。Herhairstreamingonhershouldersglintedlikeburnishedgold。Helookedintotheunfathomablecandourofhereyes。Nothingwithin——nothing——nothing。