第6章

Hecametohimselfwithaslightstart，andbecameawareofanoppressive，crushingdesolation。Itwasonlyafeeling，itistrue，butitproducedonhimaphysicaleffect，asthoughhischesthadbeensqueezedinavice。Heperceivedhimselfsoextremelyforlornandlamentable，andwasmovedsodeeplybytheoppressivesorrow，thatanotherturnofthescrew，hefelt，wouldbringtearsoutofhiseyes。

Hewasdeteriorating。Fiveyearsoflifeincommonhadappeasedhislonging。Yes，long-timeago。Thefirstfivemonthsdidthat——but……

Therewasthehabit——thehabitofherperson，ofhersmile，ofhergestures，ofhervoice，ofhersilence。Shehadapurebrowandgoodhair。Howutterlywretchedallthiswas。Goodhairandfineeyes——remarkablyfine。Hewassurprisedbythenumberofdetailsthatintrudeduponhisunwillingmemory。Hecouldnothelprememberingherfootsteps，therustleofherdress，herwayofholdingherhead，herdecisivemannerofsaying"Alvan，"thequiverofhernostrilswhenshewasannoyed。Allthathadbeensomuchhisproperty，sointimatelyandspeciallyhis！Heragedinamournful，silentway，ashetookstockofhislosses。Hewaslikeamancountingthecostofanunluckyspeculation——irritated，depressed——exasperatedwithhimselfandwithothers，withthefortunate，withtheindifferent，withthecallous；

yetthewrongdonehimappearedsocruelthathewouldperhapshavedroppedatearoverthatspoliationifithadnotbeenforhisconvictionthatmendonotweep。Foreignersdo；theyalsokillsometimesinsuchcircumstances。Andtohishorrorhefelthimselfdriventoregretalmostthattheusagesofasocietyreadytoforgivetheshootingofaburglarforbadehim，underthecircumstances，evenasmuchasathoughtofmurder。Nevertheless，heclenchedhisfistsandsethisteethhard。Andhewasafraidatthesametime。Hewasafraidwiththatpenetratingfalteringfearthatseems，intheverymiddleofabeat，toturnone’sheartintoahandfulofdust。Thecontaminationofhercrimespreadout，taintedtheuniverse，taintedhimself；wokeupallthedormantinfamiesoftheworld；causedaghastlykindofclairvoyanceinwhichhecouldseethetownsandfieldsoftheearth，itssacredplaces，itstemplesanditshouses，peopledbymonsters——bymonstersofduplicity，lust，andmurder。Shewasamonster——hehimselfwasthinkingmonstrousthoughts……andyethewaslikeotherpeople。Howmanymenandwomenatthisverymomentwereplungedinabominations——meditatedcrimes。Itwasfrightfultothinkof。Herememberedallthestreets——thewell-to-dostreetshehadpassedonhiswayhome；alltheinnumerablehouseswithcloseddoorsandcurtainedwindows。Eachseemednowanabodeofanguishandfolly。Andhisthought，asifappalled，stoodstill，recallingwithdismaythedecorousandfrightfulsilencethatwaslikeaconspiracy；thegrim，impenetrablesilenceofmilesofwallsconcealingpassions，misery，thoughtsofcrime。Surelyhewasnottheonlyman；hiswasnottheonlyhouse……andyetnooneknew——nooneguessed。Butheknew。Heknewwithunerringcertitudethatcouldnotbedeceivedbythecorrectsilenceofwalls，ofcloseddoors，ofcurtainedwindows。Hewasbesidehimselfwithadespairingagitation，likeamaninformedofadeadlysecret——thesecretofacalamitythreateningthesafetyofmankind——thesacredness，thepeaceoflife。

Hecaughtsightofhimselfinoneofthelooking-glasses。Itwasarelief。Theanguishofhisfeelinghadbeensopowerfulthathemorethanhalfexpectedtoseesomedistortedwildfacethere，andhewaspleasantlysurprisedtoseenothingofthekind。Hisaspect，atanyrate，wouldletnooneintothesecretofhispain。Heexaminedhimselfwithattention。Histrouserswereturnedup，andhisbootsalittlemuddy，buthelookedverymuchasusual。Onlyhishairwasslightlyruffled，andthatdisorder，somehow，wassosuggestiveoftroublethathewentquicklytothetable，andbegantousethebrushes，inananxiousdesiretoobliteratethecompromisingtrace，thatonlyvestigeofhisemotion。Hebrushedwithcare，watchingtheeffectofhissmoothing；andanotherface，slightlypaleandmoretensethanwasperhapsdesirable，peeredbackathimfromthetoiletglass。Helaidthebrushesdown，andwasnotsatisfied。Hetookthemupagainandbrushed，brushedmechanically——forgothimselfinthatoccupation。Thetumultofhisthoughtsendedinasluggishflowofreflection，suchas，aftertheoutburstofavolcano，thealmostimperceptibleprogressofastreamoflava，creepinglanguidlyoveraconvulsedlandandpitilesslyobliteratinganylandmarkleftbytheshockoftheearthquake。Itisadestructivebut，bycomparison，itisapeacefulphenomenon。AlvanHerveywasalmostsoothedbythedeliberatepaceofhisthoughts。Hismorallandmarksweregoingonebyone，consumedinthefireofhisexperience，buriedinhotmud，inashes。Hewascooling——onthesurface；buttherewasenoughheatleftsomewheretomakehimslapthebrushesonthetable，andturningaway，sayinafiercewhisper："Iwishhimjoy……Damnthewoman。"

Hefelthimselfutterlycorruptedbyherwickedness，andthemostsignificantsymptomofhismoraldownfallwasthebitter，acridsatisfactionwithwhichherecognizedit。He，deliberately，sworeinhisthoughts；hemeditatedsneers；heshapedinprofoundsilencewordsofcynicalunbelief，andhismostcherishedconvictionsstoodrevealedfinallyasthenarrowprejudicesoffools。Acrowdofshapeless，uncleanthoughtscrossedhismindinastealthyrush，likeabandofveiledmalefactorshasteningtoacrime。Heputhishandsdeepintohispockets。Heheardafaintringingsomewhere，andmutteredtohimself："Iamnottheonlyone……nottheonlyone。"Therewasanotherring。Frontdoor！

Hisheartleapedupintohisthroat，andforthwithdescendedaslowashisboots。Acall！Who？Why？Hewantedtorushoutonthelandingandshouttotheservant："Notathome！Goneawayabroad！"……Anyexcuse。Hecouldnotfaceavisitor。Notthisevening。No。To-morrow……Beforehecouldbreakoutofthenumbnessthatenvelopedhimlikeasheetoflead，heheardfarbelow，asifintheentrailsoftheearth，adoorcloseheavily。Thehousevibratedtoitmorethantoaclapofthunder。Hestoodstill，wishinghimselfinvisible。Theroomwasverychilly。Hedidnotthinkhewouldeverfeellikethat。Butpeoplemustbemet——theymustbefaced——talkedto——smiledat。Heheardanotherdoor，muchnearer——thedoorofthedrawing-room——beingopenedandflungtoagain。Heimaginedforamomenthewouldfaint。

Howabsurd！Thatkindofthinghadtobegonethrough。Avoicespoke。

Hecouldnotcatchthewords。Thenthevoicespokeagain，andfootstepswereheardonthefirstfloorlanding。Hangitall！Washetohearthatvoiceandthosefootstepswheneveranyonespokeormoved？Hethought："Thisislikebeinghaunted——Isupposeitwilllastforaweekorso，atleast。TillIforget。Forget！Forget！"Someonewascomingupthesecondflightofstairs。Servant？Helistened，then，suddenly，asthoughanincredible，frightfulrevelationhadbeenshoutedtohimfromadistance，hebellowedoutintheemptyroom："What！What！"insuchafiendishtoneastoastonishhimself。

Thefootstepsstoppedoutsidethedoor。Hestoodopenmouthed，maddenedandstill，asifinthemidstofacatastrophe。Thedoor-handlerattledlightly。Itseemedtohimthatthewallswerecomingapart，thatthefurnitureswayedathim；theceilingslantedqueerlyforamoment，atallwardrobetriedtotoppleover。Hecaughtholdofsomethinganditwasthebackofachair。Sohehadreeledagainstachair！Oh！Confoundit！Hegrippedhard。

Theflamingbutterflypoisedbetweenthejawsofthebronzedragonradiatedaglare，aglarethatseemedtoleapupallatonceintoacrude，blindingfierceness，andmadeitdifficultforhimtodistinguishplainlythefigureofhiswifestandinguprightwithherbacktothecloseddoor。Helookedatherandcouldnotdetectherbreathing。Theharshandviolentlightwasbeatingonher，andhewasamazedtoseeherpreservesowellthecomposureofheruprightattitudeinthatscorchingbrilliancewhich，tohiseyes，envelopedherlikeahotandconsumingmist。Hewouldnothavebeensurprisedifshehadvanishedinitassuddenlyasshehadappeared。Hestaredandlistened；listenedforsomesound，butthesilenceroundhimwasabsolute——asthoughhehadinamomentgrowncompletelydeafaswellasdim-eyed。Thenhishearingreturned，preternaturallysharp。Heheardthepatterofarain-showeronthewindowpanesbehindtheloweredblinds，andbelow，farbelow，intheartificialabyssofthesquare，thedeadenedrollofwheelsandthesplashytrottingofahorse。Heheardagroanalso——verydistinct——intheroom——closetohisear。

Hethoughtwithalarm："Imusthavemadethatnoisemyself；"andatthesameinstantthewomanleftthedoor，steppedfirmlyacrossthefloorbeforehim，andsatdowninachair。Heknewthatstep。Therewasnodoubtaboutit。Shehadcomeback！Andheverynearlysaidaloud"Ofcourse！"——suchwashissuddenandmasterfulperceptionoftheindestructiblecharacterofherbeing。Nothingcoulddestroyher——

andnothingbuthisowndestructioncouldkeepheraway。Shewastheincarnationofalltheshortmomentswhicheverymansparesoutofhislifefordreams，forpreciousdreamsthatconcretethemostcherished，themostprofitableofhisillusions。Hepeeredatherwithinwardtrepidation。Shewasmysterious，significant，fullofobscuremeaning——likeasymbol。Hepeered，bendingforward，asthoughhehadbeendiscoveringaboutherthingshehadneverseenbefore。Unconsciouslyhemadeasteptowardsher——thenanother。Hesawherarmmakeanample，decidedmovementandhestopped。Shehadliftedherveil。Itwasliketheliftingofavizor。

Thespellwasbroken。Heexperiencedashockasthoughhehadbeencalledoutofatrancebythesuddennoiseofanexplosion。Itwasevenmorestartlingandmoredistinct；itwasaninfinitelymoreintimatechange，forhehadthesensationofhavingcomeintothisroomonlythatverymoment；ofhavingreturnedfromveryfar；hewasmadeawarethatsomeessentialpartofhimselfhadinaflashreturnedintohisbody，returnedfinallyfromafierceandlamentableregion，fromthedwelling-placeofunveiledhearts。Hewokeuptoanamazinginfinityofcontempt，toadrollbitternessofwonder，toadisenchantedconvictionofsafety。Hehadaglimpseoftheirresistibleforce，andhesawalsothebarrennessofhisconvictions——ofherconvictions。Itseemedtohimthathecouldnevermakeamistakeaslongashelived。Itwasmorallyimpossibletogowrong。Hewasnotelatedbythatcertitude；hewasdimlyuneasyaboutitsprice；therewasachillasofdeathinthistriumphofsoundprinciples，inthisvictorysnatchedundertheveryshadowofdisaster。

Thelasttraceofhispreviousstateofmindvanished，astheinstantaneousandelusivetrailofaburstingmeteorvanishesontheprofoundblacknessofthesky；itwasthefaintflickerofapainfulthought，goneassoonasperceived，thatnothingbutherpresence——afterall——hadthepowertorecallhimtohimself。Hestaredather。Shesatwithherhandsonherlap，lookingdown；andhenoticedthatherbootsweredirty，herskirtswetandsplashed，asthoughshehadbeendrivenbacktherebyablindfearthroughawasteofmud。Hewasindignant，amazedandshocked，butinanatural，healthywaynow；sothathecouldcontrolthoseunprofitablesentimentsbythedictatesofcautiousself-restraint。Thelightintheroomhadnounusualbrilliancenow；itwasagoodlightinwhichhecouldeasilyobservetheexpressionofherface。Itwasthatofdullfatigue。Andthesilencethatsurroundedthemwasthenormalsilenceofanyquiethouse，hardlydisturbedbythefaintnoisesofarespectablequarterofthetown。Hewasverycool——anditwasquitecoollythathethoughthowmuchbetteritwouldbeifneitherofthemeverspokeagain。Shesatwithclosedlips，withanairoflassitudeinthestonyforgetfulnessofherpose，butafteramomentsheliftedherdroopingeyelidsandmethistenseandinquisitivestarebyalookthathadalltheformlesseloquenceofacry。Itpenetrated，itstirredwithoutinforming；itwastheveryessenceofanguishstrippedofwordsthatcanbesmiledat，arguedaway，shouteddown，disdained。

Itwasanguishnakedandunashamed，thebarepainofexistenceletlooseupontheworldinthefleetingunreserveofalookthathadinitanimmensityoffatigue，thescornfulsincerity，theblackimpudenceofanextortedconfession。AlvanHerveywasseizedwithwonder，asthoughhehadseensomethinginconceivable；andsomeobscurepartofhisbeingwasreadytoexclaimwithhim："Iwouldneverhavebelievedit！"butaninstantaneousrevulsionofwoundedsusceptibilitiescheckedtheunfinishedthought。

Hefeltfullofrancorousindignationagainstthewomanwhocouldlooklikethisatone。Thislookprobedhim；ittamperedwithhim。Itwasdangeroustooneaswouldbeahintofunbeliefwhisperedbyapriestintheaugustdecorumofatemple；andatthesametimeitwasimpure，itwasdisturbing，likeacynicalconsolationmutteredinthedark，taintingthesorrow，corrodingthethought，poisoningtheheart。Hewantedtoaskherfuriously："Whodoyoutakemefor？Howdareyoulookatmelikethis？"Hefelthimselfhelplessbeforethehiddenmeaningofthatlook；heresenteditwithpainedandfutileviolenceasaninjurysosecretthatitcouldnever，neverberedressed。Hiswishwastocrushherbyasinglesentence。Hewasstainless。Opinionwasonhisside；morality，menandgodswereonhisside；law，conscience——alltheworld！Shehadnothingbutthatlook。Andhecouldonlysay：

"Howlongdoyouintendtostayhere？"

Hereyesdidnotwaver，herlipsremainedclosed；andforanyeffectofhiswordshemighthavespokentoadeadwoman，onlythatthisonebreathedquickly。Hewasprofoundlydisappointedbywhathehadsaid。

Itwasagreatdeception，somethinginthenatureoftreason。Hehaddeceivedhimself。Itshouldhavebeenaltogetherdifferent——otherwords——anothersensation。Andbeforehiseyes，sofixedthatattimestheysawnothing，shesatapparentlyasunconsciousasthoughshehadbeenalone，sendingthatlookofbrazenconfessionstraightathim——withanairofstaringintoemptyspace。Hesaidsignificantly：

"MustIgothen？"Andheknewhemeantnothingofwhatheimplied。

Oneofherhandsonherlapmovedslightlyasthoughhiswordshadfallenthereandshehadthrownthemoffonthefloor。Buthersilenceencouragedhim。Possiblyitmeantremorse——perhapsfear。Wasshethunderstruckbyhisattitude？……Hereyelidsdropped。Heseemedtounderstandeversomuch——everything！Verywell——butshemustbemadetosuffer。Itwasduetohim。Heunderstoodeverything，yethejudgeditindispensabletosaywithanobviousaffectationofcivility：

"Idon’tunderstand——besogoodasto……"

Shestoodup。Forasecondhebelievedsheintendedtogoaway，anditwasasthoughsomeonehadjerkedastringattachedtohisheart。Ithurt。Heremainedopen-mouthedandsilent。Butshemadeanirresolutesteptowardshim，andinstinctivelyhemovedaside。Theystoodbeforeoneanother，andthefragmentsofthetornletterlaybetweenthem——attheirfeet——likeaninsurmountableobstacle，likeasignofeternalseparation！Aroundthemthreeothercouplesstoodstillandfacetoface，asifwaitingforasignaltobeginsomeaction——astruggle，adispute，oradance。

Shesaid："Don’t——Alvan！"andtherewassomethingthatresembledawarninginthepainofhertone。Henarrowedhiseyesasiftryingtopierceherwithhisgaze。Hervoicetouchedhim。Hehadaspirationsaftermagnanimity，generosity，superiority——interrupted，however，byflashesofindignationandanxiety——frightfulanxietytoknowhowfarshehadgone。Shelookeddownatthetornpaper。Thenshelookedup，andtheireyesmetagain，remainedfastenedtogether，likeanunbreakablebond，likeaclaspofeternalcomplicity；andthedecoroussilence，thepervadingquietudeofthehousewhichenvelopedthismeetingoftheirglancesbecameforamomentinexpressiblyvile，forhewasafraidshewouldsaytoomuchandmakemagnanimityimpossible，whilebehindtheprofoundmournfulnessofherfacetherewasaregret——aregretofthingsdone——theregretofdelay——thethoughtthatifshehadonlyturnedbackaweeksooner——adaysooner——onlyanhoursooner……Theywereafraidtohearagainthesoundoftheirvoices；theydidnotknowwhattheymightsay——perhapssomethingthatcouldnotberecalled；andwordsaremoreterriblethanfacts。ButthetrickyfatalitythatlurksinobscureimpulsesspokethroughAlvanHervey’slipssuddenly；andheheardhisownvoicewiththeexcitedandscepticalcuriositywithwhichonelistenstoactors’

voicesspeakingonthestageinthestrainofapoignantsituation。

"Ifyouhaveforgottenanything……ofcourse……I……"

Hereyesblazedathimforaninstant；herlipstrembled——andthenshealsobecamethemouth-pieceofthemysteriousforceforeverhoveringnearus；ofthatperverseinspiration，wanderingcapriciousanduncontrollable，likeagustofwind。

"Whatisthegoodofthis，Alvan？……YouknowwhyIcameback……YouknowthatIcouldnot……"

Heinterruptedherwithirritation。

"Then！what’sthis？"heasked，pointingdownwardsatthetornletter。

"That’samistake，"shesaidhurriedly，inamuffledvoice。

Thisansweramazedhim。Heremainedspeechless，staringather。Hehadhalfamindtoburstintoalaugh。Itendedinasmileasinvoluntaryasagrimaceofpain。

"Amistake……"hebegan，slowly，andthenfoundhimselfunabletosayanotherword。

"Yes……itwashonest，"shesaidverylow，asifspeakingtothememoryofafeelinginaremotepast。

Heexploded。

"Curseyourhonesty！……Isthereanyhonestyinallthis！……

Whendidyoubegintobehonest？Whyareyouhere？Whatareyounow？……Stillhonest？……"

Hewalkedather，raging，asifblind；duringthesethreequickstrideshelosttouchofthematerialworldandwaswhirledinterminablythroughakindofemptyuniversemadeupofnothingbutfuryandanguish，tillhecamesuddenlyuponherface——veryclosetohis。Hestoppedshort，andallatonceseemedtoremembersomethingheardagesago。

"Youdon’tknowthemeaningoftheword，"heshouted。

Shedidnotflinch。Heperceivedwithfearthateverythingaroundhimwasstill。Shedidnotmoveahair’sbreadth；hisownbodydidnotstir。Animperturbablecalmenvelopedtheirtwomotionlessfigures，thehouse，thetown，alltheworld——andthetriflingtempestofhisfeelings。Theviolenceoftheshorttumultwithinhimhadbeensuchascouldwellhaveshatteredallcreation；andyetnothingwaschanged。

Hefacedhiswifeinthefamiliarroominhisownhouse。Ithadnotfallen。Andrightandleftalltheinnumerabledwellings，standingshouldertoshoulder，hadresistedtheshockofhispassion，hadpresented，unmoved，tothelonelinessofhistrouble，thegrimsilenceofwalls，theimpenetrableandpolisheddiscretionofcloseddoorsandcurtainedwindows。Immobilityandsilencepressedonhim，assailedhim，liketwoaccomplicesoftheimmovableandmutewomanbeforehiseyes。Hewassuddenlyvanquished。Hewasshownhisimpotence。Hewassoothedbythebreathofacorruptresignationcomingtohimthroughthesubtleironyofthesurroundingpeace。

Hesaidwithvillainouscomposure：

"Atanyrateitisn’tenoughforme。Iwanttoknowmore——ifyou’regoingtostay。"

"Thereisnothingmoretotell，"sheanswered，sadly。

Itstruckhimassoverytruethathedidnotsayanything。Shewenton：

"Youwouldn’tunderstand……"

"No？"hesaid，quietly。Heheldhimselftightnottoburstintohowlsandimprecations。

"Itriedtobefaithful……"shebeganagain。

"Andthis？"heexclaimed，pointingatthefragmentsofherletter。

"This——thisisafailure，"shesaid。

"Ishouldthinkso，"hemuttered，bitterly。

"Itriedtobefaithfultomyself——Alvan——and……andhonesttoyou……"

"Ifyouhadtriedtobefaithfultomeitwouldhavebeenmoretothepurpose，"heinterrupted，angrily。"I’vebeenfaithfultoyouandyouhavespoiledmylife——bothourlives……"Thenafterapausetheunconquerablepreoccupationofselfcameout，andheraisedhisvoicetoaskresentfully，"And，pray，forhowlonghaveyoubeenmakingafoolofme？"

Sheseemedhorriblyshockedbythatquestion。Hedidnotwaitforananswer，butwentonmovingaboutallthetime；nowandthencominguptoher，thenwanderingoffrestlesslytotheotherendoftheroom。

"Iwanttoknow。Everybodyknows，Isuppose，butmyself——andthat’syourhonesty！"

"Ihavetoldyouthereisnothingtoknow，"shesaid，speakingunsteadilyasifinpain。"Nothingofwhatyousuppose。Youdon’tunderstandme。Thisletteristhebeginning——andtheend。"

"Theend——thisthinghasnoend，"heclamoured，unexpectedly。"Can’tyouunderstandthat？Ican……Thebeginning……"

Hestoppedandlookedintohereyeswithconcentratedintensity，withadesiretosee，topenetrate，tounderstand，thatmadehimpositivelyholdhisbreathtillhegasped。

"ByHeavens！"hesaid，standingperfectlystillinapeeringattitudeandwithinlessthanafootfromher。

"ByHeavens！"herepeated，slowly，andinatonewhoseinvoluntarystrangenesswasacompletemysterytohimself。"ByHeavens——Icouldbelieveyou——Icouldbelieveanything——now！"

Heturnedshortonhisheelandbegantowalkupanddowntheroomwithanairofhavingdisburdenedhimselfofthefinalpronouncementofhislife——ofhavingsaidsomethingonwhichhewouldnotgoback，evenifhecould。Sheremainedasifrootedtothecarpet。Hereyesfollowedtherestlessmovementsoftheman，whoavoidedlookingather。Herwidestareclungtohim，inquiring，wonderinganddoubtful。

"Butthefellowwasforeverstickinginhere，"heburstout，distractedly。"Hemadelovetoyou，Isuppose——and，and……"Heloweredhisvoice。"And——youlethim。"

"AndIlethim，"shemurmured，catchinghisintonation，sothathervoicesoundedunconscious，soundedfaroffandslavish，likeanecho。

Hesaidtwice，"You！You！"violently，thencalmeddown。"Whatcouldyouseeinthefellow？"heasked，withunaffectedwonder。"Aneffeminate，fatass。Whatcouldyou……Weren’tyouhappy？Didn’tyouhaveallyouwanted？Now——frankly；didIdeceiveyourexpectationsinanyway？Wereyoudisappointedwithourposition——orwithourprospects——perhaps？Youknowyoucouldn’tbe——theyaremuchbetterthanyoucouldhopeforwhenyoumarriedme……"

Heforgothimselfsofarastogesticulatealittlewhilehewentonwithanimation：

"Whatcouldyouexpectfromsuchafellow？He’sanoutsider——arankoutsider……Ifithadn’tbeenformymoney……doyouhear？……formymoney，hewouldn’tknowwheretoturn。Hispeoplewon’thaveanythingtodowithhim。Thefellow’snoclass——noclassatall。

He’suseful，certainly，that’swhyI……Ithoughtyouhadenoughintelligencetoseeit……Andyou……No！It’sincredible！Whatdidhetellyou？Doyoucarefornoone’sopinion——istherenorestraininginfluenceintheworldforyou——women？Didyouevergivemeathought？Itriedtobeagoodhusband。DidIfail？Tellme——whathaveIdone？"

Carriedawaybyhisfeelingshetookhisheadinbothhishandsandrepeatedwildly：

"WhathaveIdone？……Tellme！What？……"

"Nothing，"shesaid。

"Ah！Yousee……youcan’t……"hebegan，triumphantly，walkingaway；thensuddenly，asthoughhehadbeenflungbackatherbysomethinginvisiblehehadmet，hespunroundandshoutedwithexasperation：

"Whatonearthdidyouexpectmetodo？"

Withoutawordshemovedslowlytowardsthetable，and，sittingdown，leanedonherelbow，shadinghereyeswithherhand。Allthattimeheglaredatherwatchfullyasifexpectingeverymomenttofindinherdeliberatemovementsananswertohisquestion。Buthecouldnotreadanything，hecouldgathernohintofherthought。Hetriedtosuppresshisdesiretoshout，andafterwaitingawhile，saidwithincisivescorn：

"Didyouwantmetowriteabsurdverses；tositandlookatyouforhours——totalktoyouaboutyoursoul？YououghttohaveknownI

wasn’tthatsort……Ihadsomethingbettertodo。ButifyouthinkIwastotallyblind……"

Heperceivedinaflashthathecouldrememberaninfinityofenlighteningoccurrences。Hecouldrecalleversomanydistinctoccasionswhenhecameuponthem；herememberedtheabsurdlyinterruptedgestureofhisfat，whitehand，theraptexpressionofherface，theglitterofunbelievingeyes；snatchesofincomprehensibleconversationsnotworthlisteningto，silencesthathadmeantnothingatthetimeandseemednowilluminatinglikeaburstofsunshine。Herememberedallthat。Hehadnotbeenblind。Oh！No！Andtoknowthiswasanexquisiterelief：itbroughtbackallhiscomposure。

"Ithoughtitbeneathmetosuspectyou，"hesaid，loftily。

Thesoundofthatsentenceevidentlypossessedsomemagicalpower，because，assoonashehadspoken，hefeltwonderfullyatease；anddirectlyafterwardsheexperiencedaflashofjoyfulamazementatthediscoverythathecouldbeinspiredtosuchnobleandtruthfulutterance。Hewatchedtheeffectofhiswords。Theycausedhertoglancetohimquicklyoverhershoulder。Hecaughtaglimpseofweteyelashes，ofaredcheekwithatearrunningdownswiftly；andthensheturnedawayagainandsatasbefore，coveringherfacewithherhands。

"Yououghttobeperfectlyfrankwithme，"hesaid，slowly。

"Youknoweverything，"sheanswered，indistinctly，throughherfingers。

"Thisletter……Yes……but……"

"AndIcameback，"sheexclaimedinastifledvoice；"youknoweverything。"

"Iamgladofit——foryoursake，"hesaidwithimpressivegravity。Helistenedtohimselfwithsolemnemotion。Itseemedtohimthatsomethinginexpressiblymomentouswasinprogresswithintheroom，thateverywordandeverygesturehadtheimportanceofeventspreordainedfromthebeginningofallthings，andsummingupintheirfinalitythewholepurposeofcreation。

"Foryoursake，"herepeated。

Hershouldersshookasthoughshehadbeensobbing，andheforgothimselfinthecontemplationofherhair。Suddenlyhegaveastart，asifwakingup，andaskedverygentlyandnotmuchaboveawhisper——

"Haveyoubeenmeetinghimoften？"

"Never！"shecriedintothepalmsofherhands。

Thisanswerseemedforamomenttotakefromhimthepowerofspeech。

Hislipsmovedforsometimebeforeanysoundcame。

"Youpreferredtomakelovehere——undermyverynose，"hesaid，furiously。Hecalmeddowninstantly，andfeltregretfullyuneasy，asthoughhehadlethimselfdowninherestimationbythatoutburst。

Sherose，andwithherhandonthebackofthechairconfrontedhimwitheyesthatwereperfectlydrynow。Therewasaredspotoneachofhercheeks。

"WhenImadeupmymindtogotohim——Iwrote，"shesaid。

"Butyoudidn’tgotohim，"hetookupinthesametone。"Howfardidyougo？Whatmadeyoucomeback？"

"Ididn’tknowmyself，"shemurmured。Nothingofhermovedbutherlips。Hefixedhersternly。

"Didheexpectthis？Washewaitingforyou？"heasked。

Sheansweredhimbyanalmostimperceptiblenod，andhecontinuedtolookatherforagoodwhilewithoutmakingasound。Then，atlast——

"AndIsupposeheiswaitingyet？"heasked，quickly。

Againsheseemedtonodathim。Forsomereasonhefelthemustknowthetime。Heconsultedhiswatchgloomily。Half-pastseven。

"Ishe？"hemuttered，puttingthewatchinhispocket。Helookedupather，and，asifsuddenlyovercomebyasenseofsinisterfun，gaveashort，harshlaugh，directlyrepressed。

"No！It’sthemostunheard！……"hemumbledwhileshestoodbeforehimbitingherlowerlip，asifplungedindeepthought。Helaughedagaininonelowburstthatwasasspitefulasanimprecation。Hedidnotknowwhyhefeltsuchanoverpoweringandsuddendistasteforthefactsofexistence——forfactsingeneral——suchanimmensedisgustatthethoughtofallthemanydaysalreadylivedthrough。Hewaswearied。Thinkingseemedalabourbeyondhisstrength。Hesaid——

"Youdeceivedme——nowyoumakeafoolofhim……It’sawful！Why？"

"Ideceivedmyself！"sheexclaimed。

"Oh！Nonsense！"hesaid，impatiently。

"Iamreadytogoifyouwishit，"shewenton，quickly。"Itwasduetoyou——tobetold——toknow。No！Icouldnot！"shecried，andstoodstillwringingherhandsstealthily。

"Iamgladyourepentedbeforeitwastoolate，"hesaidinadulltoneandlookingathisboots。"Iamglad……somesparkofbetterfeeling，"hemuttered，asiftohimself。Helifteduphisheadafteramomentofbroodingsilence。"Iamgladtoseethatthereissomesenseofdecencyleftinyou，"headdedalittlelouder。Lookingatherheappearedtohesitate，asifestimatingthepossibleconsequencesofwhathewishedtosay，andatlastblurtedout——

"Afterall，Ilovedyou……"

"Ididnotknow，"shewhispered。

"GoodGod！"hecried。"WhydoyouimagineImarriedyou？"

Theindelicacyofhisobtusenessangeredher。

"Ah——why？"shesaidthroughherteeth。

Heappearedovercomewithhorror，andwatchedherlipsintentlyasthoughinfear。

"Iimaginedmanythings，"shesaid，slowly，andpaused。Hewatched，holdinghisbreath。Atlastshewentonmusingly，asifthinkingaloud，"Itriedtounderstand。Itriedhonestly……Why？……Todotheusualthing——Isuppose……Topleaseyourself。"

Hewalkedawaysmartly，andwhenhecameback，closetoher，hehadaflushedface。

"Youseemedprettywellpleased，too——atthetime，"hehissed，withscathingfury。"Ineedn’taskwhetheryoulovedme。"

"IknownowIwasperfectlyincapableofsuchathing，"shesaid，calmly，"IfIhad，perhapsyouwouldnothavemarriedme。"

"It’sveryclearIwouldnothavedoneitifIhadknownyou——asI

knowyounow。"

Heseemedtoseehimselfproposingtoher——agesago。Theywerestrollinguptheslopeofalawn。Groupsofpeoplewerescatteredinsunshine。Theshadowsofleafyboughslaystillontheshortgrass。

Thecolouredsunshadesfaroff，passingbetweentrees，resembleddeliberateandbrilliantbutterfliesmovingwithoutaflutter。Mensmilingamiably，orelseverygrave，withintheimpeccableshelteroftheirblackcoats，stoodbythesideofwomenwho，clusteredinclearsummertoilettes，recalledallthefabuloustalesofenchantedgardenswhereanimatedflowerssmileatbewitchedknights。Therewasasumptuousserenityinitall，athin，vibratingexcitement，theperfectsecurity，asofaninvincibleignorance，thatevokedwithinhimatranscendentbeliefinfelicityasthelotofallmankind，arecklesslypicturesquedesiretogetpromptlysomethingforhimselfonly，outofthatsplendourunmarredbyanyshadowofathought。Thegirlwalkedbyhissideacrossanopenspace；noonewasnear，andsuddenlyhestoodstill，asifinspired，andspoke。Herememberedlookingatherpureeyes，athercandidbrow；herememberedglancingaboutquicklytoseeiftheywerebeingobserved，andthinkingthatnothingcouldgowronginaworldofsomuchcharm，purity，anddistinction。Hewasproudofit。Hewasoneofitsmakers，ofitspossessors，ofitsguardians，ofitsextollers。Hewantedtograspitsolidly，togetasmuchgratificationashecouldoutofit；andinviewofitsincomparablequality，ofitsunstainedatmosphere，ofitsnearnesstotheheavenofitschoice，thisgustofbrutaldesireseemedthemostnobleofaspirations。Inasecondhelivedagainthroughallthesemoments，andthenallthepathosofhisfailurepresenteditselftohimwithsuchvividnessthattherewasasuspicionoftearsinhistonewhenhesaidalmostunthinkingly，"MyGod！Ididloveyou！"

Sheseemedtouchedbytheemotionofhisvoice。Herlipsquiveredalittle，andshemadeonefalteringsteptowardshim，puttingoutherhandsinabeseechinggesture，whensheperceived，justintime，thatbeingabsorbedbythetragedyofhislifehehadabsolutelyforgottenherveryexistence。Shestopped，andheroutstretchedarmsfellslowly。He，withhisfeaturesdistortedbythebitternessofhisthought，sawneitherhermovementnorhergesture。Hestampedhisfootinvexation，rubbedhishead——thenexploded。

"WhatthedevilamItodonow？"

Hewasstillagain。Sheseemedtounderstand，andmovedtothedoorfirmly。

"It’sverysimple——I’mgoing，"shesaidaloud。

Atthesoundofhervoicehegaveastartofsurprise，lookedatherwildly，andaskedinapiercingtone——

"You……Where？Tohim？"

"No——alone——good-bye。"

Thedoor-handlerattledunderhergropinghandasthoughshehadbeentryingtogetoutofsomedarkplace。

"No——stay！"hecried。

Sheheardhimfaintly。Hesawhershouldertouchthelintelofthedoor。Sheswayedasifdazed。Therewaslessthanasecondofsuspensewhiletheybothfeltasifpoisedontheveryedgeofmoralannihilation，readytofallintosomedevouringnowhere。Then，almostsimultaneously，heshouted，"Comeback！"andsheletgothehandleofthedoor。Sheturnedroundinpeacefuldesperationlikeonewhodeliberatelyhasthrownawaythelastchanceoflife；and，foramoment，theroomshefacedappearedterrible，anddark，andsafe——likeagrave。

Hesaid，veryhoarseandabrupt："Itcan’tendlikethis……Sitdown；"andwhileshecrossedtheroomagaintothelow-backedchairbeforethedressing-table，heopenedthedoorandputhisheadouttolookandlisten。Thehousewasquiet。Hecamebackpacified，andasked——

"Doyouspeakthetruth？"

Shenodded。

"Youhavelivedalie，though，"hesaid，suspiciously。

"Ah！Youmadeitsoeasy，"sheanswered。

"Youreproachme——me！"

"HowcouldI？"shesaid；"Iwouldhaveyounoother——now。"

"Whatdoyoumeanby……"hebegan，thencheckedhimself，andwithoutwaitingforananswerwenton，"Iwon’taskanyquestions。Isthislettertheworstofit？"

Shehadanervousmovementofherhands。

"Imusthaveaplainanswer，"hesaid，hotly。

"Then，no！Theworstismycomingback。"

Therefollowedaperiodofdeadsilence，duringwhichtheyexchangedsearchingglances。

Hesaidauthoritatively——

"Youdon’tknowwhatyouaresaying。Yourmindisunhinged。Youarebesideyourself，oryouwouldnotsaysuchthings。Youcan’tcontrolyourself。Eveninyourremorse……"Hepausedamoment，thensaidwithadoctoralair："Self-restraintiseverythinginlife，youknow。It’shappiness，it’sdignity……it’severything。"

Shewaspullingnervouslyatherhandkerchiefwhilehewentonwatchinganxiouslytoseetheeffectofhiswords。Nothingsatisfactoryhappened。Only，ashebegantospeakagain，shecoveredherfacewithbothherhands。

"Youseewherethewantofself-restraintleadsto。

Pain——humiliation——lossofrespect——offriends，ofeverythingthatennobleslife，that……Allkindsofhorrors，"heconcluded，abruptly。

Shemadenostir。Helookedatherpensivelyforsometimeasthoughhehadbeenconcentratingthemelancholythoughtsevokedbythesightofthatabasedwoman。Hiseyesbecamefixedanddull。Hewasprofoundlypenetratedbythesolemnityofthemoment；hefeltdeeplythegreatnessoftheoccasion。Andmorethaneverthewallsofhishouseseemedtoenclosethesacrednessofidealstowhichhewasabouttoofferamagnificentsacrifice。Hewasthehighpriestofthattemple，thesevereguardianofformulas，ofrites，ofthepureceremonialconcealingtheblackdoubtsoflife。Andhewasnotalone。

Othermen，too——thebestofthem——keptwatchandwardbythehearthstonesthatwerethealtarsofthatprofitablepersuasion。Heunderstoodconfusedlythathewaspartofanimmenseandbeneficentpower，whichhadarewardreadyforeverydiscretion。Hedweltwithintheinvinciblewisdomofsilence；hewasprotectedbyanindestructiblefaiththatwouldlastforever，thatwouldwithstandunshakenalltheassaults——theloudexecrationsofapostates，andthesecretwearinessofitsconfessors！Hewasinleaguewithauniverseofuntoldadvantages。Herepresentedthemoralstrengthofabeautifulreticencethatcouldvanquishallthedeplorablecruditiesoflife——fear，disaster，sin——evendeathitself。Itseemedtohimhewasonthepointofsweepingtriumphantlyawayalltheillusorymysteriesofexistence。Itwassimplicityitself。

"Ihopeyouseenowthefolly——theutterfollyofwickedness，"hebeganinadull，solemnmanner。"Youmustrespecttheconditionsofyourlifeorloseallitcangiveyou。All！Everything！"

Hewavedhisarmonce，andthreeexactreplicasofhisface，ofhisclothes，ofhisdullseverity，ofhissolemngrief，repeatedthewidegesturethatinitscomprehensivesweepindicatedaninfinityofmoralsweetness，embracedthewalls，thehangings，thewholehouse，allthecrowdofhousesoutside，alltheflimsyandinscrutablegravesoftheliving，withtheirdoorsnumberedlikethedoorsofprison-cells，andasimpenetrableasthegraniteoftombstones。

"Yes！Restraint，duty，fidelity——unswervingfidelitytowhatisexpectedofyou。This——onlythis——securesthereward，thepeace。

Everythingelseweshouldlabourtosubdue——todestroy。It’smisfortune；it’sdisease。Itisterrible——terrible。Wemustnotknowanythingaboutit——weneedn’t。Itisourdutytoourselves——toothers。

Youdonotliveallaloneintheworld——andifyouhavenorespectforthedignityoflife，othershave。Lifeisaseriousmatter。Ifyoudon’tconformtothehigheststandardsyouarenoone——it’sakindofdeath。Didn’tthisoccurtoyou？You’veonlytolookroundyoutoseethetruthofwhatIamsaying。Didyoulivewithoutnoticinganything，withoutunderstandinganything？Fromachildyouhadexamplesbeforeyoureyes——youcouldseedailythebeauty，theblessingsofmorality，ofprinciples……"

Hisvoiceroseandfellpompouslyinastrangechant。Hiseyeswerestill，hisstareexaltedandsullen；hisfacewasset，washard，waswoodenlyexultingoverthegriminspirationthatsecretlypossessedhim，seethedwithinhim，liftedhimupintoastealthyfrenzyofbelief。Nowandthenhewouldstretchouthisrightarmoverherhead，asitwere，andhespokedownatthatsinnerfromaheight，andwithasenseofavengingvirtue，withaprofoundandpurejoyasthoughhecouldfromhissteeppinnacleseeeveryweightywordstrikeandhurtlikeapunishingstone。

"Rigidprinciples——adherencetowhatisright，"hefinishedafterapause。

"Whatisright？"shesaid，distinctly，withoutuncoveringherface。

"Yourmindisdiseased！"hecried，uprightandaustere。"Suchaquestionisrot——utterrot。Lookroundyou——there’syouranswer，ifyouonlycaretosee。Nothingthatoutragesthereceivedbeliefscanberight。Yourconsciencetellsyouthat。Theyarethereceivedbeliefsbecausetheyarethebest，thenoblest，theonlypossible。

Theysurvive……"

Hecouldnothelpnoticingwithpleasurethephilosophicbreadthofhisview，buthecouldnotpausetoenjoyit，forhisinspiration，thecallofaugusttruth，carriedhimon。

"Youmustrespectthemoralfoundationsofasocietythathasmadeyouwhatyouare。Betruetoit。That’sduty——that’shonour——that’shonesty。"

Hefeltagreatglowwithinhim，asthoughhehadswallowedsomethinghot。Hemadeastepnearer。Shesatupandlookedathimwithanardourofexpectationthatstimulatedhissenseofthesupremeimportanceofthatmoment。Andasifforgettinghimselfheraisedhisvoiceverymuch。

"’What’sright？’youaskme。Thinkonly。Whatwouldyouhavebeenifyouhadgoneoffwiththatinfernalvagabond？……Whatwouldyouhavebeen？……You！Mywife！……"

Hecaughtsightofhimselfinthepierglass，drawnuptohisfullheight，andwithafacesowhitethathiseyes，atthedistance，resembledtheblackcavitiesinaskull。Hesawhimselfasifabouttolaunchimprecations，witharmsupliftedaboveherbowedhead。Hewasashamedofthatunseemlyposture，andputhishandsinhispocketshurriedly。Shemurmuredfaintly，asiftoherself——

"Ah！WhatamInow？"

"AsithappensyouarestillMrs。AlvanHervey——uncommonlyluckyforyou，letmetellyou，"hesaidinaconversationaltone。Hewalkeduptothefurthestcorneroftheroom，and，turningback，sawhersittingveryupright，herhandsclaspedonherlap，andwithalost，unswervinggazeofhereyeswhichstaredunwinkingliketheeyesoftheblind，atthecrudegasflame，blazingandstill，betweenthejawsofthebronzedragon。

Hecameupquiteclosetoher，andstraddlinghislegsalittle，stoodlookingdownatherfaceforsometimewithouttakinghishandsoutofhispockets。Heseemedtobeturningoverinhismindaheapofwords，piecinghisnextspeechoutofanoverpoweringabundanceofthoughts。

"You’vetriedmetotheutmost，"hesaidatlast；andassoonashesaidthesewordshelosthismoralfooting，andfelthimselfsweptawayfromhispinnaclebyafloodofpassionateresentmentagainstthebunglingcreaturethathadcomesoneartospoilinghislife。"Yes；

I’vebeentriedmorethananymanoughttobe，"hewentonwithrighteousbitterness。"Itwasunfair。Whatpossessedyouto？……

Whatpossessedyou？……Writesucha……Afterfiveyearsofperfecthappiness！’Ponmyword，noonewouldbelieve……Didn’tyoufeelyoucouldn’t？Becauseyoucouldn’t……itwasimpossible——youknow。Wasn’tit？Think。Wasn’tit？"

"Itwasimpossible，"shewhispered，obediently。

Thissubmissiveassentgivenwithsuchreadinessdidnotsoothehim，didnotelatehim；itgavehim，inexplicably，thatsenseofterrorweexperiencewheninthemidstofconditionswehadlearnedtothinkabsolutelysafewediscoverallatoncethepresenceofanearandunsuspecteddanger。Itwasimpossible，ofcourse！Heknewit。Sheknewit。Sheconfessedit。Itwasimpossible！Thatmanknewit，too——aswellasanyone；couldn’thelpknowingit。Andyetthosetwohadbeenengagedinaconspiracyagainsthispeace——inacriminalenterpriseforwhichtherecouldbenosanctionofbeliefwithinthemselves。

Therecouldnotbe！Therecouldnotbe！Andyethownearto……Withashortthrillhesawhimselfanexiledforlornfigureinarealmofungovernable，ofunrestrainedfolly。Nothingcouldbeforeseen，foretold——guardedagainst。Andthesensationwasintolerable，hadsomethingofthewitheringhorrorthatmaybeconceivedasfollowingupontheutterextinctionofallhope。Intheflashofthoughtthedishonouringepisodeseemedtodisengageitselffromeverythingactual，fromearthlyconditions，andevenfromearthlysuffering；itbecamepurelyaterrifyingknowledge，anannihilatingknowledgeofablindandinfernalforce。Somethingdesperateandvague，aflickerofaninsanedesiretoabasehimselfbeforethemysteriousimpulsesofevil，toaskformercyinsomeway，passedthroughhismind；andthencametheidea，thepersuasion，thecertitude，thattheevilmustbeforgotten——mustberesolutelyignoredtomakelifepossible；thattheknowledgemustbekeptoutofmind，outofsight，liketheknowledgeofcertaindeathiskeptoutofthedailyexistenceofmen。Hestiffenedhimselfinwardlyfortheeffort，andnextmomentitappearedveryeasy，amazinglyfeasible，ifoneonlykeptstrictlytofacts，gaveone’smindtotheirperplexitiesandnottotheirmeaning。