第5章
Suchpracticalloveitwas——loveforhernephew，forherniece，forhersister，forLubovSergievna，andevenformyself，becauseIlovedDimitri——thatshoneintheeyes，aswellasintheeverywordandmovement，ofSophiaIvanovna。
OnlylongafterwardsdidIlearntovalueherathertrueworth。
Yetevennowthequestionoccurredtome："WhathasmadeDimitri——
whothroughouthastriedtounderstandlovedifferentlytootheryoungfellows，andhasalwayshadbeforehiseyesthegentle，lovingSophiaIvanovna——suddenlyfallsodeeplyinlovewiththeincomprehensibleLubovSergievna，anddeclarethatinhisaunthecanonlyfindgoodQUALITIES？Verilyitisatruesayingthat’aprophethathnohonourinhisowncountry。’Oneoftwothings：
eithereverymanhasinhimmoreofbadthanofgood，oreverymanismorereceptivetobadthantogood。LubovSergievnahehasnotknownforlong，whereashisaunt’slovehehasknownsincethedayofhisbirth。"
XXV
IBECOMEBETTERACQUAINTEDWITHTHENECHLUDOFFS
WHENIreturnedtotheverandah，Ifoundthattheywerenottalkingofmeatall，asIhadanticipated。Onthecontrary，Varenikahadlaidasidethebook，andwasengagedinaheateddisputewithDimitri，who，forhispart，waswalkingupanddowntheverandah，andfrowninglyadjustinghisneckinhiscollarashedidso。ThesubjectofthequarrelseemedtobeIvanYakovlevitchandsuperstition，butitwastooanimatedadifferenceforitsunderlyingcausenottobesomethingwhichconcernedthefamilymuchmorenearly。AlthoughthePrincessandLubovSergievnaweresittingbyinsilence，theywerefollowingeveryword，andevidentlytemptedattimestotakepartinthedispute；yetalways，justwhentheywereabouttospeak，theycheckedthemselves，andleftthefieldclearforthetwoprinciples，DimitriandVarenika。Onmyentry，thelatterglancedatmewithsuchanindifferentairthatIcouldseeshewaswhollyabsorbedinthequarrelanddidnotcarewhethershespokeinmypresenceornot。ThePrincesstoolookedthesame，andwasclearlyonVarenika’sside，whileDimitribegan，ifanything，toraisehisvoicestillmorewhenIappeared，andLubovSergievna，forherpart，observedtonooneinparticular："Oldpeoplearequiterightwhentheysay，’Sijeunessesavait，sivieillessepouvait。’"
Neverthelessthisquotationdidnotcheckthedispute，thoughitsomehowgavemetheimpressionthatthesiderepresentedbythespeakerandherfriendwasinthewrong。Althoughitwasalittleawkwardformetobepresentatapettyfamilydifference，thefactthatthetruerelationsofthefamilyrevealedthemselvesduringitsprogress，andthatmypresencedidnothingtohinderthatrevelation，affordedmeconsiderablegratification。
Howoftenithappensthatforyearsoneseesafamilycoverthemselvesoverwithaconventionalcloakofdecorum，andpreservetherealrelationsofitsmembersasecretfromeveryeye！Howoften，too，haveIremarkedthat，themoreimpenetrable（andthereforethemoredecorous）isthecloak，theharsheraretherelationswhichitconceals！Yet，onceletsomeunexpectedquestion——oftenamosttrivialone（thecolourofawoman’shair，avisit，aman’shorses，andsoforth）——ariseinthatfamilycircle，andwithoutanyvisiblecausetherewillalsoariseanever-growingdifference，untilintimethecloakofdecorumbecomesunequaltoconfiningthequarrelwithinduebounds，and，tothedismayofthedisputantsandtheastonishmentoftheauditors，therealandill-adjustedrelationsofthefamilyarelaidbare，andthecloak，nowuselessforconcealment，isbandiedfromhandtohandamongthecontendingfactionsuntilitservesonlytoremindoneoftheyearsduringwhichitsuccessfullydeceivedone’sperceptions。Sometimestostrikeone’sheadviolentlyagainstaceilinghurtsonelessthanjusttograzesomespotwhichhasbeenhurtandbruisedbefore：andinalmosteveryfamilythereexistssomesuchrawandtenderspot。IntheNechludofffamilythatspotwasDimitri’sextraordinaryaffectionforLubovSergievna，whicharousedinthemotherandsister，ifnotajealousfeeling，atalleventsasenseofhurtfamilypride。Thiswasthegravesignificancewhichunderlay，forallthosepresent，theseemingdisputeaboutIvanYakovlevitchandsuperstition。
"Inanythingthatotherpeoplederideanddespiseyouinvariablyprofesstoseesomethingextraordinarilygood！"Varenikawassayinginherclearvoice，asshearticulatedeachsyllablewithcarefulprecision。
"Indeed？"retortedDimitriwithanimpatienttossofhishead。
"Now，inthefirstplace，onlyamostunthinkingpersoncouldeverspeakofDESPISINGsucharemarkablemanasIvanYakovlevitch，while，inthesecondplace，itisYOUwhoinvariablyprofesstoseenothinggoodinwhatconfrontsyou。"
MeanwhileSophiaIvanovnakeptlookinganxiouslyatusassheturnedfirsttohernephew，andthentoherniece，andthentomyself。Twicesheopenedhermouthasthoughtosaywhatwasinhermindanddrewadeepsigh。
"Varia，PLEASEgoonreading，"shesaidatlength，atthesametimehandingherniecethebook，andpattingherhandkindly。"I
wishtoknowwhetherheeverfoundHERagain"（asamatteroffact，thenovelinquestioncontainednotawordaboutanyonefindinganyoneelse）。"And，Mitiadear，"sheaddedtohernephew，despitetheglumlookswhichhewasthrowingatherforhavinginterruptedthelogicalthreadofhisdeductions，"youhadbetterletmepoulticeyourcheek，oryourteethwillbegintoacheagain。"
Afterthatthereadingwasresumed。Yetthequarrelhadinnowaydispelledthecalmatmosphereoffamilyandintellectualharmonywhichenvelopedthiscircleofladies。
ClearlyderivingitsinspirationandcharacterfromthePrincessMariaIvanovna，itwasacirclewhich，forme，hadawhollynovelandattractivecharacteroflogicalnessmingledwithsimplicityandrefinement。ThatcharacterIcoulddiscerninthedaintiness，goodtaste，andsolidityofeverythingaboutme，whetherthehandbell，thebindingofthebook，thesettee，orthetable。
Likewise，Idivineditintheupright，well-corsetedposeofthePrincess，inherpendantcurlsofgreyhair，inthemannerinwhichshehad，atourfirstintroduction，calledmeplain"Nicolas"and"he，"intheoccupationsoftheladies（thereadingandthesewingofgarments），andintheunusualwhitenessoftheirhands。Thosehands，enpassant，showedafamilyfeaturecommontoall——namely，thefeaturethatthefleshofthepalmontheoutersidewasrosyincolour，anddividedbyasharp，straightlinefromthepurewhitenessoftheupperportionofthehand。StillmorewasthecharacterofthisfemininecircleexpressedinthemannerinwhichthethreeladiesspokeRussianandFrench——spokethem，thatistosay，withperfectarticulationofsyllablesandpedanticaccuracyofsubstantivesandprepositions。Allthis，andmoreespeciallythefactthattheladiestreatedmeassimplyandasseriouslyasarealgrown-up——
tellingmetheiropinions，andlisteningtomyown（athingtowhichIwassolittleaccustomedthat，forallmyglitteringbuttonsandbluefacings，Iwasinconstantfearofbeingtold：
"SurelyyoudonotthinkthatwearetalkingSERIOUSLYtoyou？Goawayandlearnsomething"）——allthis，Isay，causedmetofeelanentireabsenceofrestraintinthissociety。Iventuredattimestorise，tomoveabout，andtotalkboldlytoeachoftheladiesexceptVarenika（whomIalwaysfeltitwasunbecoming，orevenforbidden，formetoaddressunlessshefirstspoketome）。
AsIlistenedtoherclear，pleasantvoicereadingaloud，Ikeptglancingfromhertothepathoftheflower-garden，wheretherain-spotsweremakingsmalldarkcirclesinthesand，andthencetothelime-trees，upontheleavesofwhichtherainwaspatteringdowninlargedetacheddropsshedfromthepale，shimmeringedgeofthelividbluecloudwhichhungsuspendedoverus。ThenIwouldglanceatheragain，andthenatthelastpurpleraysofthesettingsunwheretheywerethrowingthedenseclustersofold，rain-washedbirchesintobrilliantrelief。YetagainmyeyeswouldreturntoVarenika，and，eachtimethattheydidso，itstruckmeafreshthatshewasnotnearlysoplainasatfirstIhadthoughther。
"HowIwishthatIwasn’tinlovealready！"Ireflected，"orthatSonetchkawasVarenika！HowniceitwouldbeifsuddenlyIcouldbecomeamemberofthisfamily，andhavethethreeladiesformymother，aunt，andwiferespectively！"AllthetimethatthesethoughtskeptpassingthroughmyheadIkeptattentivelyregardingVarenikaassheread，untilsomehowIfeltasthoughI
weremagnetisingher，andthatpresentlyshemustlookatme。
Sureenough，atlengthsheraisedherhead，threwmeaglance，and，meetingmyeyes，turnedaway。
"Theraindoesnotseemtostop，"sheremarked。
Suddenlyanewfeelingcameoverme。Ibegantofeelasthougheverythingnowhappeningtomewasarepetitionofsomesimilaroccurrencebefore——asthoughonsomepreviousoccasionashowerofrainhadbeguntofall，andthesunhadsetbehindbirch-
trees，andIhadbeenlookingather，andshehadbeenreadingaloud，andIhadmagnetisedher，andshehadlookedupatme。
Yes，allthisIseemedtorecallasthoughithadhappenedoncebefore。
"Surelysheisnot——SHE？"wasmythought。"SurelyITisnotbeginning？"However，IsoondecidedthatVarenikawasnotthe"SHE"referredto，andthat"it"wasnot"beginning。""Inthefirstplace，"Isaidtomyself，"VarenikaisnotatallBEAUTIFUL。SheisjustanordinarygirlwhoseacquaintanceIhavemadeintheordinaryway，whereastheshewhomIshallmeetsomewhereandsomedayandinsomenotordinarywaywillbeanythingbutordinary。ThisfamilypleasesmesomuchonlybecausehithertoIhaveneverseenanybody。Suchthingswillalwaysbehappeninginthefuture，andIshallseemanymoresuchfamiliesduringmylife。"
XXVI
ISHOWOFF
ATteatimethereadingcametoanend，andtheladiesbegantotalkamongthemselvesofpersonsandthingsunknowntome。ThisI
conceivedthemtobedoingonpurposetomakemeconscious（foralltheirkinddemeanour）ofthedifferencewhichyearsandpositionintheworldhadsetbetweenthemandmyself。Ingeneraldiscussions，however，inwhichIcouldtakepartIsoughttoatoneformylatesilencebyexhibitingthatextraordinaryclevernessandoriginalitytowhichIfeltcompelledbymyUniversityuniform。Forinstance，whentheconversationturneduponcountryhouses，IsaidthatPrinceIvanIvanovitchhadavillanearMoscowwhichpeoplecametoseeevenfromLondonandParis，andthatitcontainedbalustradingwhichhadcost380，000
roubles。Likewise，IremarkedthatthePrincewasaverynearrelationofmine，andthat，whenlunchingwithhimthesameday，hehadinvitedmetogoandspendtheentiresummerwithhimatthatvilla，butthatIhaddeclined，sinceIknewthevillawell，andhadstayedinitmorethanonce，andthatallthosebalustradingsandbridgesdidnotinterestme，sinceIcouldnotbearornamentalwork，especiallyinthecountry，whereIlikedeverythingtobewhollycountrified。Afterdeliveringmyselfofthisextraordinaryandcomplicatedromance，Igrewconfused，andblushedsomuchthateveryonemusthaveseenthatIwaslying。
BothVarenika，whowashandingmeacupoftea，andSophiaIvanovna，whohadbeengazingatmethroughout，turnedtheirheadsaway，andbegantotalkofsomethingelsewithanexpressionwhichIafterwardslearntthatgood-naturedpeopleassumewhenaveryyoungmanhastoldthemamanifeststringoflies——anexpressionwhichsays，"Yes，weknowheislying，andwhyheisdoingit，thepooryoungfellow！"
WhatIhadsaidaboutPrinceIvanIvanovitchhavingacountryvilla，IhadrelatedsimplybecauseIcouldfindnootherpretextformentioningbothmyrelationshiptothePrinceandthefactthatIhadbeentoluncheonwithhimthatday；yetwhyIhadsaidallIhadaboutthebalustradingcosting380，000roubles，andaboutmyhavingseveraltimesvisitedthePrinceatthatvilla（I
hadneveroncebeenthere——moreespeciallysincethePrincepossessednoresidencessaveinMoscowandNaples，astheNechludoffsverywellknew），Icouldnotpossiblytellyou。
NeitherinchildhoodnorinadolescencenorinriperyearsdidI
everremarkinmyselftheviceoffalsehood——onthecontrary，I
was，ifanything，toooutspokenandtruthful。Yet，duringthisfirststageofmymanhood，Ioftenfoundmyselfseizedwithastrangeandunreasonabletendencytolieinthemostdesperatefashion。Isayadvisedly"inthemostdesperatefashion，"forthereasonthatIliedinmattersinwhichitwastheeasiestthingintheworldtodetectme。OnthewholeIthinkthatavain-
gloriousdesiretoappeardifferentfromwhatIwas，combinedwithanimpossiblehopethattheliewouldneverbefoundout，wasthechiefcauseofthisextraordinaryimpulse。
Aftertea，sincetherainhadstoppedandtheafter-glowofsunsetwascalmandclear，thePrincessproposedthatweshouldgoandstrollinthelowergarden，andadmireherfavouritespotsthere。Followingmyruletobealwaysoriginal，andconceivingthatcleverpeoplelikemyselfandthePrincessmustsurelybeabovethebanalitiesofpoliteness，IrepliedthatIcouldnotbearawalkwithnoobjectinview，andthat，ifIDIDwalk，I
likedtowalkalone。Ihadnoideathatthisspeechwassimplyrude；allIthoughtwasthat，evenasnothingcouldbemorefutilethanemptycompliments，sonothingcouldbemorepleasingandoriginalthanalittlefrankbrusquerie。However，thoughmuchpleasedwithmyanswer，Isetoutwiththerestofthecompany。
ThePrincess’sfavouritespotofallwasattheverybottomofthelowergarden，wherealittlebridgespannedanarrowpieceofswamp。Theviewtherewasveryrestricted，yetveryintimateandpleasing。Wearesoaccustomedtoconfoundartwithnaturethat，oftenenough，phenomenaofnaturewhicharenevertobemetwithinpicturesseemtousunreal，andgiveustheimpressionthatnatureisunnatural，orviceversa；whereasphenomenaofnaturewhichoccurwithtoomuchfrequencyinpicturesseemtoushackneyed，andviewswhicharetobemetwithinreallife，butwhichappeartoustoopenetratedwithasingleideaorasinglesentiment，seemtousarabesques。TheviewfromthePrincess’sfavouritespotwasasfollows。Onthefurthersideofasmalllake，over-grownwithweedsrounditsedges，roseasteepascentcoveredwithbushesandwithhugeoldtreesofmanyshadesofgreen，while，overhangingthelakeatthefootoftheascent，stoodanancientbirchtreewhich，thoughpartlysupportedbystoutrootsimplantedinthemarshybankofthelake，resteditscrownuponatall，straightpoplar，anddangleditscurvedbranchesoverthesmoothsurfaceofthepond——bothbranchesandthesurroundinggreenerybeingreflectedthereinasinamirror。
"Howlovely！"saidthePrincesswithanodofherhead，andaddressingnooneinparticular。
"Yes，marvellous！"Irepliedinmydesiretoshowthathadanopinionofmyownoneverysubject。"Yetsomehowitalllookstomesoterriblylikeaschemeofdecoration。"
ThePrincesswentongazingatthesceneasthoughshehadnotheardme，andturningtohersisterandLubovSergievnaatintervals，inordertopointouttothemitsdetails——especiallyacurved，pendentbough，withitsreflectioninthewater，whichparticularlypleasedher。SophiaIvanovnaobservedtomethatitwasallverybeautiful，andthatsheandhersisterwouldsometimesspendhourstogetheratthisspot；yetitwasclearthatherremarksweremeantmerelytopleasethePrincess。Ihavenoticedthatpeoplewhoaregiftedwiththefacultyoflovingareseldomreceptivetothebeautiesofnature。LubovSergievnaalsoseemedenraptured，andasked（amongotherthings），"Howdoesthatbirchtreemanagetosupportitself？Hasitstoodtherelong？"
YetthenextmomentshebecameabsorbedincontemplationofherlittledogSusetka，which，withitsstumpypawspatteringtoandfrouponthebridgeinamincingfashion，seemedtosaybytheexpressionofitsfacethatthiswasthefirsttimeithadeverfounditselfoutofdoors。AsforDimitri，hefelltodiscoursingverylogicallytohismotheronthesubjectofhownoviewcanbebeautifulofwhichthehorizonislimited。Varenikaalonesaidnothing。Glancingather，Isawthatshewasleaningovertheparapetofthebridge，herprofileturnedtowardsme，andgazingstraightinfrontofher。Somethingseemedtobeinterestingherdeeply，orevenaffectingher，sinceitwasclearthatshewasoblivioustohersurroundings，andthinkingneitherofherselfnorofthefactthatanyonemightberegardingher。Intheexpressionofherlargeeyestherewasnothingbutwraptattentionandquiet，concentratedthought，whileherwholeattitudeseemedsounconstrainedand，forallhershortness，sodignifiedthatoncemoresomerecollectionoranothertouchedmeandoncemoreIaskedmyself，"IsIT，then，beginning？"YetagainIassuredmyselfthatIwasalreadyinlovewithSonetchka，andthatVarenikawasonlyanordinarygirl，thesisterofmyfriend。
Thoughshepleasedmeatthatmoment，Isomehowfeltavaguedesiretoshowher，bywordordeed，somesmallunfriendliness。
"Itellyouwhat，Dimitri，"IsaidtomyfriendasImovednearertoVarenika，sothatshemightoverhearwhatIwasgoingtosay，"itseemstomethat，eveniftherehadbeennomosquitoshere，therewouldhavebeennothingtocommendthisspot；whereas"——
andhereIslappedmycheek，andinverytruthannihilatedoneofthoseinsects——"itissimplyawful。"
"Thenyoudonotcarefornature？"saidVarenikawithoutturningherhead。
"Ithinkitafoolish，futilepursuit，"Ireplied，wellsatisfiedthatIhadsaidsomethingtoannoyher，aswellassomethingoriginal。Varenikaonlyraisedhereyebrowsalittle，withanexpressionofpity，andwentongazinginfrontofherascalmlyasbefore。
Ifeltvexedwithher。Yet，forallthat，therusty，paint-
blisteredparapetonwhichshewasleaning，thewayinwhichthedarkwatersofthepondreflectedthedroopingbranchoftheoverhangingbirchtree（italmostseemedtomeasthoughbranchanditsreflectionmet），therisingodouroftheswamp，thefeelingofcrushedmosquitoonmycheek，andherabsorbedlookandstatuesquepose——manytimesafterwardsdidthesethingsrecurwithunexpectedvividnesstomyrecollection。
XXVII
DIMITRI
WHENwereturnedtothehousefromourstroll，Varenikadeclinedtosingassheusuallydidintheevenings，andIwasconceitedenoughtoattributethistomydoing，inthebeliefthatitsreasonlayinwhatIhadsaidonthebridge。TheNechludoffsneverhadsupper，andwenttobedearly，whileto-night，sinceDimitrihadthetoothache（asSophiaIvanovnahadforetold），hedepartedwithmetohisroomevenearlierthanusual。FeelingthatIhaddoneallthatwasrequiredofmebymybluecollarandgiltbuttons，andthateveryonewasverypleasedwithme，Iwasinagratified，complacentmood，whileDimitri，ontheotherhand，wasrenderedbyhisquarrelwithhissisterandthetoothachebothtaciturnandgloomy。Hesatdownatthetable，gotoutacoupleofnotebooks——adiaryandthecopy-bookinwhichitwashiscustomeveryeveningtoinscribethetasksperformedbyorawaitinghim——and，continuallyfrowningandtouchinghischeekwithhishand，continuedwritingforawhile。
"Oh，DOleavemealone！"hecriedtothemaidwhomSophiaIvanovnasenttoaskhimwhetherhisteethwerestillhurtinghim，andwhetherhewouldnotliketohaveapoulticemade。Then，sayingthatmybedwouldsoonbereadyformeandthathewouldbebackpresently，hedepartedtoLubovSergievna’sroom。
"WhatapitythatVarenikaisnotgood-lookingand，ingeneral，Sonetchka！"IreflectedwhenIfoundmyselfalone。"Howniceitwouldbeif，afterIhavelefttheUniversity，Icouldgotoherandofferhermyhand！Iwouldsaytoher，’Princess，thoughnolongeryoung，andthereforeunabletolovepassionately，Iwillcherishyouasadearsister。Andyou，’Iwouldcontinuetohermother，’Igreatlyrespect；andyou，SophiaIvanovna，Ivaluehighly。Thereforesaytome，Varenika（sinceIaskyoutobemywife），justthesimpleanddirectwordYES。’Andshewouldgivemeherhand，andIshouldpressit，andsay，’Mineisalovewhichdependsnotuponwords，butupondeeds。’Andsuppose，"nextcameintomyhead，"thatDimitrishouldsuddenlyfallinlovewithLubotshka（asLubotshkahasalreadydonewithhim），andshoulddesiretomarryher？Theneitheroneortheotherofuswouldhavetoresignallthoughtofmarriage。Well，itwouldbesplendid，forinthatcaseIshouldactthus。AssoonasIhadnoticedhowthingswere，Ishouldmakenoremark，butgotoDimitriandsay，’Itisnouse，myfriend，foryouandItoconcealourfeelingsfromoneanother。Youknowthatmyloveforyoursisterwillterminateonlywithmylife。YetIknowall；andthoughyouhavedeprivedmeofallhope，andhaverenderedmeanunhappyman，sothatNicolasIrtenieffwillhavetobewailhismiseryfortherestofhisexistence，yetdoyoutakemysister，’
andIshouldlayhishandinLubotshka’s。Thenhewouldsaytome，’No，notforalltheworld！’andIshouldreply，’PrinceNechludoff，itisinvainforyoutoattempttooutdomeinnobility。NotinthewholeworlddoesthereexistamoremagnanimousbeingthanNicolasIrtenieff。’ThenIshouldsalutehimanddepart。IntearsDimitriandLubotshkawouldpursueme，andentreatmetoaccepttheirsacrifice，andIshouldconsenttodoso，and，perhaps，behappyeverafterwards——ifonlyIwereinlovewithVarenika。"ThesefanciestickledmyimaginationsopleasantlythatIfeltasthoughIshouldliketocommunicatethemtomyfriend；yet，despiteourmutualvowoffrankness，I
alsofeltasthoughIhadnotthephysicalenergytodoso。
DimitrireturnedfromLubovSergievna’sroomwithsometoothachecapsuleswhichshehadgivenhim，yetinevengreaterpain，andthereforeinevengreaterdepression，thanbefore。Evidentlynobedroomhadyetbeenpreparedforme，forpresentlytheboywhoactedasDimitri’svaletarrivedtoaskhimwhereIwastosleep。
"Oh，gotothedevil！"criedDimitri，stampinghisfoot。"Vasika，Vasika，Vasika！"hewenton，theinstantthattheboyhadlefttheroom，withagradualraisingofhisvoiceateachrepetition。
"Vasika，laymeoutabedonthefloor。"
"No，letMEsleeponthefloor，"Iobjected。
"Well，itisallone。Lieanywhereyoulike，"continuedDimitriinthesameangrytone。"Vasika，whydon’tyougoanddowhatI
tellyou？"
EvidentlyVasikadidnotunderstandwhatwasdemandedofhim，forheremainedwherehewas。
"Whatisthematterwithyou？Goandlaythebed，Vasika，Itellyou！"shoutedDimitri，suddenlyburstingintoasortoffrenzy；
yetVasikastilldidnotunderstand，but，blushinghotly，stoodmotionless。
"Soyouaredeterminedtodrivememad，areyou？"——andleapingfromhischairandrushingupontheboy，Dimitristruckhimontheheadwiththewholeweightofhisfist，untiltheboyrushedheadlongfromtheroom。Haltinginthedoorway，Dimitriglancedatme，andtheexpressionoffuryandpainwhichhadsatforamomentonhiscountenancesuddenlygaveplacetosuchaboyish，kindly，affectionate，yetashamed，expressionthatIfeltsorryforhim，andreconsideredmyintentionofleavinghimtohimself。
Hesaidnothing，butforalongtimepacedtheroominsilence，occasionallyglancingatmewiththesamedeprecatoryexpressionasbefore。Thenhetookhisnotebookfromthetable，wrotesomethinginit，tookoffhisjacketandfoldeditcarefully，and，steppingintothecornerwheretheikonhung，kneltdownandbegantosayhisprayers，withhislargewhitehandsfoldeduponhisbreast。SolongdidhepraythatVasikahadtimetobringamattressandspreadit，undermywhispereddirections，onthefloor。Indeed，IhadundressedandlaidmyselfdownuponthemattressbeforeDimitrihadfinished。AsIcontemplatedhisslightlyroundedbackandthesolesofhisfeet（whichsomehowseemedtostickoutinmydirectioninasortofrepentantfashionwheneverhemadehisobeisances），IfeltthatIlikedhimmorethanever，anddebatedwithinmyselfwhetherornotIshouldtellhimallIhadbeenfancyingconcerningourrespectivesisters。Whenhehadfinishedhisprayers，helaydownuponthebednearme，and，proppinghimselfuponhiselbow，lookedatmeinsilence，withakindly，yetabashed，expression。Evidentlyhefounditdifficulttodothis，yetmeantthustopunishhimself。
ThenIsmiledandreturnedhisgaze，andhesmiledbackatme。
"Whydoyounottellmethatmyconducthasbeenabominable？"hesaid。"Youhavebeenthinkingso，haveyounot？"
"Yes，"Ireplied；andalthoughitwassomethingquitedifferentwhichhadbeeninmymind，itnowseemedtomethatthatwaswhatIhadbeenthinking。"Yes，itwasnotrightofyou，norshouldI
haveexpecteditofyou。"Itpleasedmeparticularlyatthatmomenttocallhimbythefamiliarsecondpersonsingular。"Buthowareyourteethnow？"Iadded。
"Oh，muchbetter。Nicolinka，myfriend，"hewenton，andsofeelinglythatitsoundedasthoughtearswerestandinginhiseyes，"IknowandfeelthatIambad，butGodseeshowItrytobebetter，andhowIentreatHimtomakemeso。YetwhatamItodowithsuchanunfortunate，horriblenatureasmine？WhatamI
todowithit？Itrytokeepmyselfinhandandtorulemyself，butsuddenlyitbecomesimpossibleformetodoso——atallevents，impossibleformetodosounaided。Ineedthehelpandsupportofsomeone。Now，thereisLubovSergievna；SHEunderstandsme，andcouldhelpmeinthis，andIknowbymynotebookthatIhavegreatlyimprovedinthisrespectduringthepastyear。Ah，mydearNicolinka"——hespokewiththemostunusualandunwontedtenderness，andinatonewhichhadgrowncalmernowthathehadmadehisconfession——"howmuchtheinfluenceofawomanlikeLubovcoulddoforme！ThinkhowgooditwouldbeformeifI
couldhaveafriendlikehertolivewithwhenIhavebecomeindependent！WithherIshouldbeanotherman。"
AnduponthatDimitribegantounfoldtomehisplansformarriage，foralifeinthecountry，andforcontinualself-
discipline。
"Yes，Iwillliveinthecountry，"hesaid，"andyoushallcometoseemewhenyouhavemarriedSonetchka。Ourchildrenshallplaytogether。Allthismayseemtoyoustupidandridiculous，yetitmayverywellcometopass。"
"Yes，itverywellmay"Irepliedwithasmile，yetthinkinghowmuchniceritwouldbeifImarriedhissister。
"Itellyouwhat，"hewentonpresently；"youonlyimagineyourselftobeinlovewithSonetchka，whereasIcanseethatitisallrubbish，andthatyoudonotreallyknowwhatlovemeans。"
Ididnotprotest，for，intruth，Ialmostagreedwithhim，andforawhilewelaywithoutspeaking。
"ProbablyyouhavenoticedthatIhavebeeninmyoldbadhumourtoday，andhavehadanastyquarrelwithVaria？"heresumed。"I
feltbadaboutitafterwards——moreparticularlysinceitoccurredinyourpresence。Althoughshethinkswronglyonsomesubjects，sheisasplendidgirlandverygood，asyouwillsoonrecognise。"
Hisquicktransitionfrommentionofmyloveaffairstopraiseofhissisterpleasedmeextremely，andmademeblush，butI
neverthelesssaidnothingmoreabouthissister，andwewentontalkingofotherthings。
Thuswechattereduntilthecockshadcrowedtwice。Infact，thepaledawnwasalreadylookinginatthewindowwhenatlastDimitrilaydownuponhisbedandputoutthecandle。
"Well，nowforsleep，"hesaid。
"Yes，"Ireplied，"but——"
"Butwhat？"
"Nowniceitistobealiveinthedaylight！"
"Yes，itISasplendidthing！"herepliedinavoicewhich，eveninthedarkness，enabledmetoseetheexpressionofhischeerful，kindlyeyesandboyishsmile。
XXVIII
INTHECOUNTRY
NextdayWolodaandmyselfdepartedinapost-chaiseforthecountry。TurningovervariousMoscowrecollectionsinmyheadaswedrovealong，IsuddenlyrecalledSonetchkaValakhin——thoughnotuntilevening，andwhenwehadalreadycoveredfivestagesoftheroad。"Itisastrangething，"Ithought，"thatIshouldbeinlove，andyethaveforgottenallaboutit。Imuststartandthinkabouther，"andstraightwayIproceededtodoso，butonlyinthewaythatonethinkswhentravelling——thatistosay，disconnectedly，thoughvividly。ThusIbroughtmyselftosuchaconditionthat，forthefirsttwodaysafterourarrivalhome，I
somehowconsidereditincumbentuponmealwaystoappearsadandmoodyinthepresenceofthehousehold，andespeciallybeforeKatenka，whomIlookeduponasagreatconnoisseurinmattersofthiskind，andtowhomIthrewoutahintoftheconditioninwhichmyheartwassituated。Yet，forallmyattemptsatdissimulationandassiduousadoptionofsuchsignsoflovesicknessasIhadoccasionallyobservedinotherpeople，Ionlysucceededfortwodays（andthatatintervals，andmostlytowardsevening）inremindingmyselfofthefactthatIwasinlove，andfinally，whenIhadsettleddownintothenewrutofcountrylifeandpursuits，IforgotaboutmyaffectionforSonetchkaaltogether。
WearrivedatPetrovskoeinthenighttime，andIwasthensosoundlyasleepthatIsawnothingofthehouseasweapproachedit，noryetoftheavenueofbirchtrees，noryetofthehousehold——allofwhomhadlongagobetakenthemselvestobedandtoslumber。OnlyoldhunchbackedFoka——bare-footed，cladinsomesortofawoman’swaddednightdress，andcarryingacandlestick——
openedthedoortous。Assoonashesawwhowewere，hetrembledalloverwithjoy，kissedusontheshoulders，hurriedlyputonhisfeltslippers，andstartedtodresshimselfproperly。I
passedinasemi-wakingconditionthroughtheporchandupthesteps，butinthehallthelockofthedoor，thebarsandbolts，thecrookedboardsoftheflooring，thechest，theancientcandelabrum（splashedalloverwithgreaseasofold），theshadowsthrownbythecrooked，chill，recently-lightedstumpofcandle，theperenniallydusty，unopenedwindowbehindwhichI
rememberedsorreltohavegrown——allwassofamiliar，sofullofmemories，sointimateofaspect，so，asitwere，knittogetherbyasingleidea，thatIsuddenlybecameconsciousofatendernessforthisquietoldhouse。InvoluntarilyIaskedmyself，"Howhavewe，thehouseandI，managedtoremainapartsolong？"and，hurryingfromspottospot，rantoseeifalltheotherroomswerestillthesame。Yes，everythingwasunchanged，exceptthateverythinghadbecomesmallerandlower，andImyselftaller，heavier，andmorefilledout。Yet，evenasIwas，theoldhousereceivedmebackintoitsarms，andarousedinmewitheveryboard，everywindow，everystepofthestairs，andeverysoundtheshadowsofforms，feelings，andeventsofthehappybutirrevocablepast。Whenweenteredouroldnightnursery，allmychildishfearslurkedoncemoreinthedarknessofthecornersanddoorway。Whenwepassedintothedrawing-room，Icouldfeeltheoldcalmmotherlylovediffusingitselffromeveryobjectintheapartment。Inthebreakfast-room，thenoisy，carelessmerrimentofchildhoodseemedmerelytobewaitingtowaketolifeagain。Inthedivannaia（whitherFokafirstconductedus，andwherehehadpreparedourbeds）everything——mirror，screen，oldwoodenikon，thelumpsonthewallscoveredwithwhitepaper——
seemedtospeakofsufferingandofdeathandofwhatwouldnevercomebacktousagain。
Wegotintobed，andFoka，biddingusgood-night，retired。
"ItwasinthisroomthatMammadied，wasitnot？"saidWoloda。
Imadenoreply，butpretendedtobeasleep。IfIhadsaidanythingIshouldhaveburstintotears。Onawakingnextmorning，IbeheldPapasittingonWoloda’sbedinhisdressinggownandslippersandsmokingacigar。Leapingupwithamerryhoistoftheshoulders，hecameovertome，slappedmeonthebackwithhisgreathand，andpresentedmehischeektopressmylipsto。
"Welldone，DIPLOMAT！"hesaidinhismostkindlyjestingtoneashelookedatmewithhissmallbrighteyes。"Wolodatellsmeyouhavepassedtheexaminationswellforayoungster，andthatisasplendidthing。Unlessyoustartandplaythefool，Ishallhaveanotherfinelittlefellowinyou。Thanks，mydearboy。Well，wewillhaveagrandtimeofitherenow，andinthewinter，perhaps，weshallmovetoSt。Petersburg。Ionlywishthehuntingwasnotoveryet，orIcouldhavegivenyousomeamusementinTHATway。Canyoushoot，Woldemar？However，whetherthereisanygameornot，Iwilltakeyououtsomeday。Nextwinter，ifGodpleases，wewillmovetoSt。Petersburg，andyoushallmeetpeople，andmakefriends，foryouarenowmytwoyounggrown-ups。
IhavebeentellingWoldemarthatyouarejuststartingonyourcareers，whereasmydayisended。Youareoldenoughnowtowalkbyyourselves，but，wheneveryouwishtoconfideinme，praydoso，forIamnolongeryournurse，butyourfriend。Atleast，I
willbeyourfriendandcomradeandadviserasmuchasIcanandmorethanthatIcannotdo。Howdoesthatfallinwithyourphilosophy，eh，Koko？Wellorill，eh？"
OfcourseIsaidthatitfellinwithitentirely，and，indeed，I
reallythoughtso。ThatmorningPapahadaparticularlywinning，bright，andhappyexpressiononhisface，andthesenewrelationsbetweenus，asofequalsandcomrades，mademelovehimallthemore。
"Now，tellme，"hewenton，"didyoucalluponallourkinsfolkandtheIwins？Didyouseetheoldman，andwhatdidhesaytoyou？AnddidyougotoPrinceIvan’s？"
Wecontinuedtalkingsolongthat，beforewewerefullydressed，thesunhadleftthewindowofthedivannaia，andJakoff（thesameoldmanwhoofyorehadtwirledhisfingersbehindhisbackandalwaysrepeatedhiswords）hadenteredtheroomandreportedtoPapathatthecarriagewasready。
"Whereareyougoingto？"IaskedPapa。
"Oh，Ihadforgottenallaboutit！"hereplied，withacoughandtheusualhoistingofhisshoulder。"IpromisedtogoandcalluponEpifanovato-day。YourememberEpifanova——’labelleFlamande’——don’tyou，whousedtocomeandseeyourMamma？Theyarenicepeople。"Andwithaself-consciousshrugofhisshoulders（soitappearedtome）Papalefttheroom。
Duringourconversation，Lubotshkahadmorethanoncecometothedoorandasked"CanIcomein？"butPapahadalwaysshoutedtoherthatshecouldnotdoso，sincewewerenotdressedyet。
"Whatrubbish！"shereplied。"Why，Ihaveseenyouinyourdressing-gown。"
"Nevermind；youcannotseeyourbrotherswithouttheirinexpressibles，"rejoinedPapa。"Iftheyeachofthemjustgotothedoor，letthatbeenoughforyou。Nowgo。EvenforthemtoSPEAKtoyouinsuchanegligecostumeisunbecoming。"
"Howunbearableyouare！"wasLubotshka’spartingretort。"Well，atleasthurryupandcomedowntothedrawing-room，forMimiwantstoseethem。"
AssoonasPapahadlefttheroom，Ihastenedtoarraymyselfinmystudent’suniform，andtorepairtothedrawing-room。
Woloda，ontheotherhand，wasinnohurry，butremainedsittingonhisbedandtalkingtoJakoffaboutthebestplacestofindploverandsnipe。AsIhavesaid，therewasnothingintheworldhesomuchfearedastobesuspectedofanyaffectionforhisfather，brother，andsister；sothat，toescapeanyexpressionofthatfeeling，heoftenfellintotheotherextreme，andaffectedacoldnesswhichshockedpeoplewhodidnotcomprehenditscause。
Inthehall，IcollidedwithPapa，whowashurryingtowardsthecarriagewithshort，rapidsteps。HehadanewandfashionableMoscowgreatcoaton，andsmeltofscent。Onseeingme，hegaveacheerfulnod，asmuchastosay，"Doyouremarkmysplendour？"
andonceagainIwasstruckwiththehappyexpressionoffacewhichIhadnotedearlierinthemorning。
Thedrawing-roomlookedthesamelofty，brightroomasofYore，withitsbrownEnglishpiano，anditslargeopenwindowslookingontothegreentreesandyellowish-redpathsofthegarden。
AfterkissingMimiandLubotshka，IwasapproachingKatenkaforthesamepurposewhenitsuddenlystruckmethatitmightbeimproperformetosaluteherinthatfashion。AccordinglyI
halted，silentandblushing。Katenka，forherpart，wasquiteathereaseassheheldoutawhitehandtomeandcongratulatedmeonmypassingintotheUniversity。ThesamethingtookplacewhenWolodaenteredthedrawing-roomandmetKatenka。Indeed，itwassomethingofaproblemhow，afterbeingbroughtuptogetherandseeingoneanotherdaily，weoughtnow，afterthisfirstseparation，tomeetagain。Katenkahadgrownbetter-lookingthananyofus，yetWolodaseemednotatallconfusedas，withaslightbowtoher，hecrossedovertoLubotshka，madeajestingremarktoher，andthendepartedsomewhereonsomesolitaryexpedition。
XXIX
RELATIONSBETWEENTHEGIRLSANDOURSELVES
OFthegirlsWolodatookthestrangeviewthat，althoughhewishedthattheyshouldhaveenoughtoeat，shouldsleepwell，bewelldressed，andavoidmakingsuchmistakesinFrenchaswouldshamehimbeforestrangers，hewouldneveradmitthattheycouldthinkorfeellikehumanbeings，stilllessthattheycouldconversewithhimsensiblyaboutanything。Whenevertheyaddressedtohimaseriousquestion（athing，bytheway，whichhealwaystriedtoavoid），suchasaskinghisopiniononanovelorinquiringabouthisdoingsattheUniversity，heinvariablypulledagrimace，andeitherturnedawaywithoutspeakingoransweredwithsomenonsensicalFrenchphrase——"Commec’esttresjolie！"orthelike。Oragain，feigningtolookseriousandstolidlywise，hewouldsaysomethingabsolutelymeaninglessandbearingnorelationwhatevertothequestionaskedhim，orelsesuddenlyexclaim，withalookofpretendedunconsciousness，thewordbulkuorpoyechaliorkapustu，[Respectively，"rollofbutter，""away，"and"cabbage。"]orsomethingofthekind；andwhen，afterwards，IhappenedtorepeatthesewordstohimashavingbeentoldmebyLubotshkaorKatenka，hewouldalwaysremark：
"Hm！Soyouactuallycareabouttalkingtothem？Icanseeyouareadufferstill"——andoneneededtoseeandnearhimtoappreciatetheprofound，immutablecontemptwhichechoedinthisremark。Hehadbeengrown-upnowtwoyears，andwasinlovewitheverygood-lookingwomanthathemet；yet，despitethefactthathecameindailycontactwithKatenka（whoduringthosetwoyearshadbeenwearinglongdresses，andwasgrowingprettiereveryday），thepossibilityofhisfallinginlovewithherneverseemedtoenterhishead。Whetherthisproceededfromthefactthattheprosaicrecollectionsofchildhoodwerestilltoofreshinhismemory，orwhetherfromtheaversionwhichveryyoungpeoplefeelforeverythingdomestic，orwhetherfromthecommonhumanweaknesswhich，atafirstencounterwithanythingfairandpretty，leadsamantosaytohimself，"Ah！Ishallmeetmuchmoreofthesamekindduringmylife，"butatalleventsWolodahadneveryetlookeduponKatenkawithaman’seyes。
AllthatsummerWolodaappearedtofindthingsverywearisome——afactwhicharoseoutofthatcontemptforusallwhich，asIhavesaid，hemadenoefforttoconceal。Hisexpressionoffaceseemedtobeconstantlysaying，"Phew！howitboresmetohavenoonetospeakto！"Thefirstthinginthemorninghewouldgooutshooting，orsitreadingabookinhisroom，andnotdressuntilluncheontime。Indeed，ifPapawasnotathome，hewouldtakehisbookintothatmeal，andgoonreadingitwithoutaddressingsomuchasasinglewordtoanyoneofus，whofelt，somehow，guiltyinhispresence。Intheevening，too，hewouldstretchhimselfonasetteeinthedrawing-room，andeithergotosleep，proppedonhiselbow，ortellusfarcicalstories——sometimesstoriessoimproperastomakeMimigrowangryandblush，andourselvesdiewithlaughter。AtothertimeshewouldnotcondescendtoaddressasingleseriouswordtoanymemberofthefamilyexceptPapaor（occasionally）myself。InvoluntarilyIoffendedagainsthisviewofgirls，seeingthatIwasnotsoafraidofseemingaffectionateashe，and，moreover，hadnotsuchaprofoundandconfirmedcontemptforyoungwomen。Yetseveraltimesthatsummer，whendrivenbylackofamusementtotryandengageLubotshkaandKatenkainconversation，Ialwaysencounteredinthemsuchanabsenceofanycapacityforlogicalthinking，andsuchanignoranceofthesimplest，mostordinarymatters（as，forinstance，thenatureofmoney，thesubjectsstudiedatuniversities，theeffectofwar，andsoforth），aswellassuchindifferencetomyexplanationsofsuchmatters，thattheseattemptsofmineonlyendedinconfirmingmyunfavourableopinionoffeminineability。
IrememberoneeveningwhenLubotshkakeptrepeatingsomeunbearablytediouspassageonthepianoaboutahundredtimesinsuccession，whileWoloda，whowasdozingonasetteeinthedrawing-room，keptaddressingnooneinparticularashemuttered，"Lord！howshemurdersit！WHATamusician！WHATaBeethoven！"（healwayspronouncedthecomposer’snamewithespecialirony）。"Wrongagain！Now——asecondtime！That’sit！"
andsoon。MeanwhileKatenkaandIweresittingbythetea-table，andsomehowshebegantotalkaboutherfavouritesubject——love。
Iwasintherightframeofmindtophilosophise，andbeganbyloftilydefiningloveasthewishtoacquireinanotherwhatonedoesnotpossessinoneself。TothisKatenkaretortedthat，onthecontrary，loveisnotloveatallifagirldesirestomarryamanforhismoneyalone，butthat，inheropinion，richeswereavainthing，andtrueloveonlytheaffectionwhichcanstandthetestofseparation（thisItooktobeahintconcerningherloveforDubkoff）。AtthispointWoloda，whomusthavebeenlisteningallthetime，raisedhimselfonhiselbow，andcriedoutsomerubbishoranother；andIfeltthathewasright。
Apartfromthegeneralfaculties（moreorlessdevelopedindifferentpersons）ofintellect，sensibility，andartisticfeeling，therealsoexists（moreorlessdevelopedindifferentcirclesofsociety，andespeciallyinfamilies）aprivateorindividualfacultywhichImaycallAPPREHENSION。Theessenceofthisfacultyliesinsympatheticappreciationofproportion，andinidenticalunderstandingofthings。Twoindividualswhopossessthisfacultyandbelongtothesamesocialcircleorthesamefamilyapprehendanexpressionoffeelingpreciselytothesamepoint，namely，thepointbeyondwhichsuchexpressionbecomesmerephrasing。Thustheyapprehendpreciselywherecommendationendsandironybegins，whereattractionendsandpretencebegins，inamannerwhichwouldbeimpossibleforpersonspossessedofadifferentorderofapprehension。Personspossessedofidenticalapprehensionviewobjectsinanidenticallyludicrous，beautiful，orrepellentlight；andinordertofacilitatesuchidenticalapprehensionbetweenmembersofthesamesocialcircleorfamily，theyusuallyestablishalanguage，turnsofspeech，ortermstodefinesuchshadesofapprehensionasexistforthemalone。InourparticularfamilysuchapprehensionwascommontoPapa，Woloda，andmyself，andwasdevelopedtothehighestpitch，Dubkoffalsoapproximatedtoourcoterieinapprehension，butDimitri，thoughinfinitelymoreintellectualthanDubkoff，wasgrosserinthisrespect。Withnoone，however，didIbringthisfacultytosuchapointaswithWoloda，whohadgrownupwithmeunderidenticalconditions。Papastoodalongwayfromus，andmuchthatwastousasclearas"twoandtwomakefour"wastohimincomprehensible。Forinstance，IandWolodamanagedtoestablishbetweenourselvesthefollowingterms，withmeaningstocorrespond。Izium[Raisins。]meantadesiretoboastofone’smoney；shishka[Bumporswelling。]（onpronouncingwhichonehadtojoinone’sfingerstogether，andtoputaparticularemphasisuponthetwosh’sintheword）meantanythingfresh，healthy，andcomely，butnotelegant；asubstantiveusedinthepluralmeantanunduepartialityfortheobjectwhichitdenoted；andsoforth，andsoforth。Atthesametime，themeaningdependedconsiderablyupontheexpressionofthefaceandthecontextoftheconversation；sothat，nomatterwhatnewexpressiononeofusmightinventtodefineashadeoffeelingtheothercouldimmediatelyunderstanditbyahintalone。Thegirlsdidnotsharethisfacultyofapprehension，andhereinlaythechiefcauseofourmoralestrangement，andofthecontemptwhichwefeltforthem。