第18章

JustasBillywasabouttoleavethehousethetelephonebelljangledagain。

ItwasAliceGreggory。

Billy，dear，’shecalled，can’tyoucomeout？Mr。ArkwrightandMr。Calderwellarehere，andthey’vebroughtsomenewmusic。Wewantyou。Willyoucome？’

Ican’t，dear。Bertramwantsme。He’ssentforme。I’vegotsome_housewifely_dutiestoperformto-day，’returnedBilly，inavoicesocuriouslytriumphantthatAlice，atherendofthewires，frownedinpuzzledwonderassheturnedawayfromthetelephone。

Bertramtoldafriendafterwardsthatheneverknewthemeaningofthewordchaos’untilhehadseentheStrataduringtheweeksimmediatelyfollowingthelayingawayofhisoldservant。

Everystratumwasaquiverwithapprehension，’

hedeclared；andtherewasneveranytellingwhenthenextgrandupheavalwouldrockthewholestructuretoitsfoundations。’

NorwasBertramsofarfrombeingright。Itwas，indeed，achaos，asnoneknewbetterthandidBertram’swife。

PoorBilly!SorryindeedwerethesedaysforBilly；and，asiftomakehercupofwoefulltooverflowing，therewereSisterKate’sepistolaryItoldyouso，’andAuntHannah’severrecurringlament：Ifonly，Billy，youwereapracticalhousekeeperyourself，theywouldn’timposeonyouso!’

AuntHannah，tobesure，offeredRosa，andKate，byletter，offeredadvice——plentyofit。

ButBilly，stungbeyondallendurance，andfairlyradiatinghurtprideanddoggeddetermination，disdainedallassistance，and，withheadheldhigh，declaredshewasgettingalongverywell，verywellindeed!

Andthiswasthewayshegotalong。’

FirstcameNora。Norawasablue-eyed，black-

hairedIrishgirl，thesixththatthedespairingBillyhadinterviewedonthatfatefulmorningwhenBertramhadsummonedhertohisaid。

Norastayedtwodays。DuringherreigntheentireStrataechoedtobangeddoors，droppedchina，andslammedfurniture。AtherdeparturetheHenshaws’possessionswerelessbyfourcups，twosaucers，oneplate，onesaladbowl，twocutglasstumblers，andateapot——thelatterWilliam’schoicestbitofLowestoft。

Olgacamenext。OlgawasaTreasure。Shewaslow-voiced，gentle-eyed，andagoodcook。

Shestayedaweek。BythattimethegrowingfrequencyofthedisappearanceofsundrysmallarticlesofvalueandconvenienceledtoBilly’smakingareluctantsearchofOlga’sroom——andtoOlga’sdeparture；fortheroomwas，indeed，atreasurehouse，theTreasurehavinggathereduntoitselfothertreasures。

FollowingOlgacameaperiodofwhatBertramcalledonenightstands，’sofrequentlywerethedramatispersonbelowstairschanged。Gretchendrank。ChristineknewonlyfourwordsofEnglish：

salt，good-by，no，andyes；andBillyfoundneedoccasionallyofusingotherwords。Marywasimpertinentandlazy。Jenniecouldnotevenboilapotatoproperly，muchlesscookadinner。

Sarah(colored)waswillingandpleasant，butinsufferablyuntidy。Bridgetwasneatnessitself，butshehadnoconceptionofthevalueoftime。

Hermealswerealwaysfromthirtytosixtyminuteslate，andhalf-cookedatthat。Verasang——whenshewasn’twhistling——andasshewasgenerallyoffthekey，andalwaysoffthetune，heralmostfranticmistressdismissedherbeforetwenty-fourhourshadpassed。ThencameMaryEllen。

MaryEllenbeganwell。Shewasneat，capable，andobliging；butitdidnottakeherlongtodiscoverjusthowmuch——andhowlittle——hermistressreallyknewofpracticalhousekeeping。

Mattersandthingswereverydifferentthen。

MaryEllenbecameargumentative，impertinent，anddomineering。Sheopenlyshirkedherwork，whenitpleasedhersotodo，anddemandedperquisitesandprivilegessoinsolentlythatevenWilliamaskedBillyonedaywhetherMaryEllenorBillyherselfwerethemistressoftheStrata：

andBertram，withmockhumility，inquiredhow_soon_MaryEllenwouldbewantingthehouse。

Billy，inwearydespair，submittedtothisbullyingforalmostaweek；then，inasuddenaccessionofoutrageddignitythatleftMaryEllengaspingwithsurprise，shetoldthegirltogo。

Andthusthedayspassed。Themaidscameandthemaidswent，and，toBilly，eachoneseemedalittleworsethantheonebefore。Nowherewastherecomfort，rest，orpeacefulness。Thenightswereatortureofapprehension，andthedaysanevengreatertortureoffulfilment。Noise，confusion，mealspoorlycookedandworseserved，dust，disorder，anduncertainty。Andthiswas_home_，Billytoldherselfbitterly。NowonderthatBertramtelephonedmoreandmorefrequentlythathehadmetafriend，andwasdiningintown。NowonderthatWilliampushedbackhisplatealmosteverymealwithhisfoodscarcelytouched，andthenwanderedaboutthehousewiththathungry，homesick，homelesslookthatnearlybrokeherheart。Nowonder，indeed!

Andsoithadcome。Itwastrue。AuntHannahandKateandtheTalktoYoungWives’

wereright。ShehadnotbeenfittomarryBertram。

Shehadnotbeenfittomarryanybody。

Herhoneymoonwasnotonlywaning，butgoingintoatotaleclipse。HadnotBertramalreadydeclaredthatifshewouldtendtoherhusbandandherhomealittlemore——

Billyclenchedhersmallhandsandsetherroundchinsquarely。

Verywell，shewouldshowthem。Shewouldtendtoherhusbandandherhome。Shefanciedshecould_learn_torunthathouse，andrunitwell!

Andforthwithshedescendedtothekitchenandtoldthethenreigningtormentorthatherwageswouldbepaiduntiltheendoftheweek，butthatherserviceswouldbeimmediatelydispensedwith。

Billywaswellawarenowthathousekeepingwasamatterofmorethanmuffinsanddatepuffs。

Shecouldgauge，inameasure，themagnitudeofthetasktowhichshehadsetherself。Butshedidnotfalter；andverysystematicallyshesetaboutmakingherplans。

Withagoodstoutwomantocomeintwiceaweekfortheheavierwork，shebelievedshecouldmanagebyherselfverywelluntilElizacouldcomeback。Atleastshecouldservemorepalatablemealsthanthemostofthosethathadappearedlately；andatleastshecouldtrytomakeahomethatwouldnotdriveBertramtoclubdinners，andUncleWilliamtohungrywanderingsfromroomtoroom。Meanwhile，allthetime，shecouldbelearning，andinduecourseshewouldreachthatshininggoalofHousekeepingEfficiency，shortofwhich——accordingtoAuntHannahandtheTalktoYoungWives’——nowomanneedhopeforawanelesshoneymoon。

Sochaoticanderratichadbeenthehouseholdservice，andsoquietlydidBillyslipintohernewrole，thatitwasnotuntilthesecondmealafterthemaid’sdeparturethatthemasterofthehousediscoveredwhathadhappened。Then，ashiswiferosetogetsomeforgottenarticle，hequestioned，withupliftedeyebrows：

Toogoodtowaituponus，ismyladynow，eh？’

Myladyiswaitingonyou，’smiledBilly。

Yes，Isee_this_ladyis，’retortedBertram，grimly；butImeanourrealladyinthekitchen。

GreatScott，Billy，howlongareyougoingtostandthis？’

Billytossedherheadairily，thoughsheshookinhershoes。Billyhadbeendreadingthismoment。

I’mnotstandingit。She’sgone，’respondedBilly，cheerfully，resumingherseat。UncleWilliam，sha’n’tIgiveyousomemorepudding？’

Gone，sosoon？’groanedBertram，asWilliampassedhisplate，withasmilingnod。Oh，well，’wentonBertram，resignedly，shestayedlongerthanthelastone。Whenisthenextonecoming？’

She’salreadyhere。’

Bertramfrowned。

Here？But——youservedthedessert，and——’

AtsomethinginBilly’sface，aquicksuspicioncameintohisown。Billy，youdon’tmeanthatyou——_you_——’

Yes，’shenoddedbrightly，that’sjustwhatImean。I’mthenextone。’

Nonsense!’explodedBertram，wrathfully。

Oh，come，Billy，we’vebeenalloverthisbefore。YouknowIcan’thaveit。’

Yes，youcan。You’vegottohaveit，’

retortedBilly，stillwiththatdisarming，airycheerfulness。Besides，’twon’tbehalfsobadasyouthink。Wasn’tthatagoodpuddingto-night？

Didn’tyoubothcomebackformore？Well，I

madeit。’

Puddings!’ejaculatedBertram，withanimpatientgesture。Billy，asI’vesaidbefore，ittakessomethingbesidespuddingstorunthishouse。’

Yes，Iknowitdoes，’dimpledBilly，andI’vegotMrs。Durginforthatpart。She’scomingtwiceaweek，andmore，ifIneedher。Why，dearie，youdon’tknowanythingabouthowcomfortableyou’regoingtobe!I’llleaveittoUncleWilliamif——’

ButUncleWilliamhadgone。Silentlyhehadslippedfromhischairanddisappeared。UncleWilliam，itmightbementionedinpassing，hadneverquiteforgottenAuntHannah’sfatefulcallwithitsdirerevelationsconcerningacertainunwanted，superfluous，third-partyhusband’sbrother。Rememberingthis，thereweretimeswhenhethoughtabsencewasbothsafestandbest。Thiswasoneofthetimes。

But，Billy，dear，’stillarguedBertram，irritably，howcanyou？Youdon’tknowhow。

You’vehadnoexperience。’

Billythrewbackhershoulders。Anominouslightcametohereyes。Shewasnolongerairilyplayful。

That’sexactlyit，Bertram。Idon’tknowhow——butI’mgoingtolearn。Ihaven’thadexperience——butI’mgoingtogetit。I_can’t_

makeaworsemessofitthanwe’vehadeversinceElizawent，anyway!’

Butifyou’dgetamaid——agoodmaid，’

persistedBertram，feebly。

Ihad_one_——MaryEllen。Shewasagoodmaid——untilshefoundouthowlittlehermistressknew；then——well，youknowwhatitwasthen。DoyouthinkI’dletthatthinghappentomeagain？No，sir!I’mgoingintotrainingfor——mynextMaryEllen!’AndwithaverymajesticairBillyrosefromthetableandbegantoclearawaythedishes。