第19章
forayounggirlisoftendupedbyoneorotherofthesehallucinations。ThereforeIdonotblameyou。Thesensationsyoufeel，therushofsensibilitywhichhascomefromitshiddensourceuponyourheartanduponyourmind，thehappinesswithwhichyouthinkofSavinien，areallnatural。But，mydarlingchild，societydemands，asourgoodabbehastoldus，thesacrificeofmanynaturalinclinations。
Thedestiniesofmenandwomendiffer。IwasabletochooseUrsulaMirouetformywife；IcouldgotoherandsaythatIlovedher；butayounggirlisfalsetoherselfifsheaskstheloveofthemansheloves。Awomanhasnottherightwhichmenhavetoseektheaccomplishmentofherhopesinopenday。Modestyistoher——abovealltoyou，myUrsula，——theinsurmountablebarrierwhichprotectsthesecretsofherheart。YourhesitationinconfidingtomethesefirstemotionsshowsmeyouwouldsuffercrueltortureratherthanadmittoSavinien——“
“Oh，yes！“shesaid。
“But，mychild，youmustdomore。Youmustrepressthesefeelings；youmustforgetthem。“
“Why？“
“Because，mydarling，youmustloveonlythemanyoumarry；and，evenifMonsieurSaviniendePortenduerelovedyou——“
“Ineverthoughtofit。“
“Butlisten:evenifhelovedyou，evenifhismotheraskedmetogivehimyourhand，IshouldnotconsenttothemarriageuntilIhadsubjectedhimtoalongandthoroughprobation。Hisconducthasbeensuchastomakefamiliesdistrusthimandtoputobstaclesbetweenhimselfandheiresseswhichcannotbeeasilyovercome。“
AsoftsmilecameinplaceoftearsonUrsula’ssweetfaceasshesaid，“Thenpovertyisgoodsometimes。“
Thedoctorcouldfindnoanswertosuchinnocence。
“Whathashedone，godfather？“sheasked。
“Intwoyears，mytreasure，hehasincurredonehundredandtwentythousandfrancsofdebt。HehashadthefollytogethimselflockedupinSaint-Pelagie，thedebtor’sprison；animproprietywhichwillalwaysbe，inthesedays，adiscredittohim。Aspendthriftwhoiswillingtoplungehispoormotherintopovertyanddistressmightcausehiswife，asyourpoorfatherdid，todieofdespair。“
“Don’tyouthinkhewilldobetter？“sheasked。
“Ifhismotherpayshisdebtshewillbepenniless，andIdon’tknowaworsepunishmentthantobeanoblemanwithoutmeans。“
ThisanswermadeUrsulathoughtful；shedriedhertears，andsaid:——
“Ifyoucansavehim，savehim，godfather；thatservicewillgiveyouarighttoadvisehim；youcanremonstrate——“
“Yes，“saidthedoctor，imitatingher，“andthenhecancomehere，andtheoldladywillcomehere，andweshallseethem，and——“
“Iwasthinkingonlyofhim，“saidUrsula，blushing。
“Don’tthinkofhim，mychild；itwouldbefolly，“saidthedoctorgravely。“MadamedePortenduere，whowasaKergarouet，wouldneverconsent，evenifshehadtoliveonthreehundredfrancsayear，tothemarriageofherson，theVicomteSaviniendePortenduere，withwhom？——withUrsulaMirouet，daughterofabandsmaninaregiment，withoutmoney，andwhosefather——alas！Imustnowtellyouall——wasthebastardsonofanorganist，myfather-in-law。“
“Ogodfather！youareright；weareequalonlyinthesightofGod。I
willnotthinkofhimagain——exceptinmyprayers，“shesaid，amidthesobswhichthispainfulrevelationexcited。“Givehimwhatyoumeanttogiveme——whatcanapoorgirllikemewant？——ah，inprison，he！——“
“OffertoGodyourdisappointments，andperhapshewillhelpus。“
Therewassilenceforsomeminutes。WhenUrsula，whoatfirstdidnotdaretolookathergodfather，raisedhereyes，herheartwasdeeplymovedtoseethetearswhichwererollingdownhiswitheredcheeks。
Thetearsofoldmenareasterribleasthoseofchildrenarenatural。
“Ohwhatisit？“criedUrsula，flingingherselfathisfeetandkissinghishands。“Areyounotsureofme？“
“I，wholongedtogratifyallyourwishes，itisIwhoamobligedtocausethefirstgreatsorrowofyourlife！“hesaid。“Isufferasmuchasyou。Ineverweptbefore，exceptwhenIlostmychildren——and，Ursula——Yes，“hecriedsuddenly，“Iwilldoallyoudesire！“
Ursulagavehim，throughhertearsalookthatwasvividaslightning。
Shesmiled。
“Letusgointothesalon，darling，“saidthedoctor。“Trytokeepthesecretofallthistoyourself，“headded，leavingheraloneforamomentinhisstudy。
Hefelthimselfsoweakbeforethatheavenlysmilethathefearedhemightsayawordofhopeandthusmisleadher。
MadamedePortenduerewasatthismomentalonewiththeabbeinherfrigidlittlesalononthegroundfloor，havingfinishedtherecitalofhertroublestothegoodpriest，heronlyfriend。Sheheldinherhandsomeletterswhichhehadjustreturnedtoherafterreadingthem；theselettershadbroughthertroublestoaclimax。Seatedonhersofabesideasquaretablecoveredwiththeremainsofadessert，theoldladywaslookingattheabbe，whosatontheothersideofthetable，doubledupinhisarmchairandstrokinghischinwiththegesturecommontovaletsonthestage，mathematicians，andpriests，——asignofprofoundmeditationonaproblemthatwasdifficulttosolve。
Thislittlesalon，lightedbytwowindowsonthestreetandfinishedwithawainscotpaintedgray，wassodampthatthelowerpanelsshowedthegeometricalcracksofrottenwoodwhenthepaintnolongerbindsit。Thered-tiledfloor，polishedbytheoldlady’soneservant，required，forcomfort’ssake，beforeeachseatsmallroundmatsofbrownstraw，ononeofwhichtheabbewasnowrestinghisfeet。Theolddamaskcurtainsoflightgreenwithgreenflowersweredrawn，andtheoutsideblindshadbeenclosed。Twowaxcandleslightedthetable，leavingtherestoftheroominsemi-obscurity。IsitnecessarytosaythatbetweenthetwowindowswasafinepastelbyLatourrepresentingthefamousAdmiraldePortenduere，therivaloftheSuffren，Guichen，KergarouetandSimeusenavalheroes？OnthepaneledwalloppositetothefireplacewereportraitsoftheVicomtedePortenduereandofthemotheroftheoldlady，aKergarouet-Ploegat。Savinien’sgreat-unclewasthereforetheVice-admiraldeKergarouet，andhiscousinwastheComtedePortenduere，grandsonoftheadmiral，——bothofthemveryrich。
TheVice-admiraldeKergarouetlivedinParisandtheComtedePortenduereatthechateauofthatnameinDauphine。Thecountrepresentedtheelderbranch，andSavinienwastheonlyscionoftheyounger。Thecount，whowasoverfortyyearsofageandmarriedtoarichwife，hadthreechildren。Hisfortune，increasedbyvariouslegacies，amounted，itwassaid，tosixtythousandfrancsayear。AsdeputyfromIserehepassedhiswintersinParis，wherehehadboughtthehoteldePortenduerewiththeindemnitiesheobtainedundertheVillelelaw。Thevice-admiralhadrecentlymarriedhisniecebymarriage，forthesolepurposeofsecuringhismoneytoher。
Thefaultsoftheyoungviscountwerethereforelikelytocosthimthefavoroftwopowerfulprotectors。IfSavinienhadenteredthenavy，youngandhandsomeashewas，withafamousname，andbackedbytheinfluenceofanadmiralandadeputy，hemight，attwenty-threeyearsofage，beenalieutenant；buthismother，unwillingthatheronlysonshouldgointoeithernavalormilitaryservice，hadkepthimatNemoursunderthetutelageofoneoftheAbbeChaperon’sassistants，hopingthatshecouldkeephimnearheruntilherdeath。Shemeanttomarryhimtoademoiselled’Aiglemontwithafortuneoftwelvethousandfrancsayear；towhosehandthenameofPortenduereandthefarmatBordieresenabledhimtopretend。Thisnarrowbutjudiciousplan，whichwouldhavecarriedthefamilytoasecondgeneration，wasalreadybalkedbyevents。Thed’Aiglemontswereruined，andoneofthedaughters，Helene，haddisappeared，andthemysteryofherdisappearancewasneversolved。
Thewearinessofalifewithoutatmosphere，withoutprospects，withoutaction，withoutothernourishmentthantheloveofasonforhismother，soworkeduponSavinienthathebursthischains，gentleastheywere，andsworethathewouldneverliveintheprovinces——
comprehending，ratherlate，thathisfuturefatewasnottobeintheRuedesBourgeois。Attwenty-oneyearsofagehelefthismother’shousetomakeacquaintancewithhisrelations，andtryhisluckinParis。ThecontrastbetweenlifeinParisandlifeinNemourswaslikelytobefataltoayoungmanoftwenty-one，free，withnoonetosayhimnay，naturallyeagerforpleasure，andforwhomhisnameandhisconnectionsopenedthedoorsofallthesalons。Quiteconvincedthathismotherhadthesavingsofmanyyearsinherstrong-box，SaviniensoonspentthesixthousandfrancswhichshehadgivenhimtoseeParis。Thatsumdidnotdefrayhisexpensesforsixmonths，andhesoonoweddoublethatsumtohishotel，histailor，hisbootmaker，tothemanfromwhomhehiredhiscarriagesandhorses，toajeweler，——
inshort，toallthosetradersandshopkeeperswhocontributetotheluxuryofyoungmen。
Hehadonlyjustsucceededinmakinghimselfknown，andhadscarcelylearnedhowtoconverse，howtopresenthimselfinasalon，howtowearhiswaistcoatsandchoosethemandtoorderhiscoatsandtiehiscravat，beforehefoundhimselfindebtforoverthirtythousandfrancs，whilestillseekingtherightphrasesinwhichtodeclarehisloveforthesisteroftheMarquisdeRonquerolles，theelegantMadamedeSerizy，whoseyouthhadbeenatitsclimaxduringtheEmpire。
“Howisthatyouallmanage？“askedSavinienoneday，attheendofagaybreakfastwithaknotofyoungdandies，withwhomhewasintimateastheyoungmenofthepresentdayareintimatewitheachother，allaimingforthesamethingandallclaiminganimpossibleequality。
“YouwerenoricherthanIandyetyougetalongwithoutanxiety；youcontrivetomaintainyourselves，whileasformeImakenothingbutdebts。“
“Weallbeganthatway，“answeredRastignac，laughing，andthelaughwasechoedbyLuciendeRubempre，MaximedeTrailles，EmileBlondet，andothersofthefashionableyoungmenoftheday。