第18章

’WouldyoulikeBuncetocomein，papa？’saidEleanor，thinkingthatthecompanyoftheoldmanmightlightenhissorrow。

’No，mydear，thankyou，nottoday；butarenotyougoingout，Eleanor，thislovelyafternoon？don’tstayinforme，mydear。’

’Ithoughtyouseemedsosad，papa。’

’Sad，’saidhe，irritated；’well，peoplemustallhavetheirshareofsadnesshere；Iamnotmoreexemptthananother:

butkissme，dearest，andgonow；Iwill，ifpossible，bemoresociablewhenyoureturn。’

AndEleanorwasagainbanishedfromherfather’ssorrow。

Ah！herdesirenowwasnottofindhimhappy，buttobeallowedtosharehissorrows；nottoforcehimtobesociable，buttopersuadehimtobetrustful。

Sheputonherbonnetasdesired，andwentuptoMaryBold；thiswasnowherdailyhaunt，forJohnBoldwasupinLondonamonglawyersandchurchreformers，divingdeepintootherquestionsthanthatofthewardenshipofBarchester；

supplyinginformationtoonememberofParliament，anddiningwithanother；subscribingtofundsfortheabolitionofclericalincomes，andsecondingatthatgreatnationalmeetingattheCrownandAnchoraresolutiontotheeffect，thatnoclergymanoftheChurchofEngland，behewhohemight，shouldhavemorethanathousandayear，andnonelessthantwohundredandfifty。Hisspeechonthisoccasionwasshort，forfifteenhadtospeak，andtheroomwashiredfortwohoursonly，attheexpirationofwhichtheQuakersandMrCobdenweretomakeuseofitforanappealtothepublicinaidoftheEmperorofRussia；butitwassharpandeffective；atleasthewastoldsobyacompanionwithwhomhenowlivedmuch，andonwhomhegreatlydepended——oneTomTowers，averyleadinggenius，andsupposedtohavehighemploymentonthestaffofTheJupiter。

SoEleanor，aswasnowherwont，wentuptoMaryBold，andMarylistenedkindly，whilethedaughterspokemuchofherfather，and，perhapskinderstill，foundalistenerinEleanor，whileshespokeaboutherbrother。Inthemeantimethewardensatalone，leaningonthearmofhischair；hehadpouredoutaglassofwine，buthaddonesomerelyfromhabit，forheleftituntouched；therehesatgazingattheopenwindow，andthinking，ifhecanbesaidtohavethought，ofthehappinessofhispastlife。Allmannerofpastdelightscamebeforehismind，whichatthetimehehadenjoyedwithoutconsideringthem；hiseasydays，hisabsenceofallkindofhardwork，hispleasantshadyhome，thosetwelveoldneighbourswhosewelfaretillnowhadbeenthesourceofsomuchpleasantcare，theexcellenceofhischildren，thefriendshipofthedearoldbishop，thesolemngrandeurofthosevaultedaisles，throughwhichhelovedtohearhisownvoicepealing；

andthenthatfriendoffriends，thatchoiceallythathadneverdesertedhim，thateloquentcompanionthatwouldalways，whenasked，discoursesuchpleasantmusic，thatvioloncelloofhis——ah，howhappyhehadbeen！butitwasovernow；hiseasydaysandabsenceofworkhadbeenthecrimewhichbroughtonhimhistribulation；hisshadyhomewaspleasantnolonger；maybeitwasnolongerhis；theoldneighbours，whosewelfarehadbeensodesiredbyhim，werehisenemies；

hisdaughterwasaswretchedashimself；andeventhebishopwasmademiserablebyhisposition。Hecouldneveragainliftuphisvoiceboldlyashehadhithertodoneamonghisbrethren，forhefeltthathewasdisgraced；andhefearedeventotouchhisbow，forheknewhowgrievousasoundofwailing，howpiteousalamentation，itwouldproduce。

Hewasstillsittinginthesamechairandthesameposture，havinghardlymovedalimbfortwohours，whenEleanorcamebacktotea，andsucceededinbringinghimwithherintothedrawing-room。

Theteaseemedascomfortlessasthedinner，thoughthewarden，whohadhithertoeatennothingallday，devouredtheplatefulofbreadandbutter，unconsciousofwhathewasdoing。

Eleanorhadmadeuphermindtoforcehimtotalktoher，butshehardlyknewhowtocommence:shemustwaittilltheurnwasgone，tilltheservantwouldnolongerbecominginandout。

Atlasteverythingwasgone，andthedrawing-roomdoorwaspermanentlyclosed；thenEleanor，gettingupandgoingroundtoherfather，putherarmroundhisneck，andsaid，’Papa，won’tyoutellmewhatitis？’

’Whatwhatis，mydear？’

’Thisnewsorrowthattormentsyou；Iknowyouareunhappy，papa。’

’Newsorrow！it’snonewsorrow，mydear；wehaveallourcaressometimes’；andhetriedtosmile，butitwasaghastlyfailure；’butIshouldn’tbesodullacompanion；

come，we’llhavesomemusic。’

’No，papa，nottonight——itwouldonlytroubleyoutonight’；

andshesatuponhisknee，asshesometimeswouldintheirgayestmoods，andwithherarmroundhisneck，shesaid:

’Papa，Iwillnotleaveyoutillyoutalktome；oh，ifyouonlyknewhowmuchgooditwoulddotoyou，totellmeofitall。’

Thefatherkissedhisdaughter，andpressedhertohisheart；

butstillhesaidnothing:itwassohardtohimtospeakofhisownsorrows；hewassoshyamanevenwithhisownchild！

’Oh，papa，dotellmewhatitis；Iknowitisaboutthehospital，andwhattheyaredoingupinLondon，andwhatthatcruelnewspaperhassaid；butiftherebesuchcauseforsorrow，letusbesorrowfultogether；weareallinalltoeachothernow:dear，dearpapa，dospeaktome。’

MrHardingcouldnotwellspeaknow，forthewarmtearswererunningdownhischeekslikeraininMay，butheheldhischildclosetohisheart，andsqueezedherhandasalovermight，andshekissedhisforeheadandhiswetcheeks，andlayuponhisbosom，andcomfortedhimasawomanonlycando。

，Myownchild，’hesaid，assoonashistearswouldlethimspeak，’myown，ownchild，whyshouldyoutoobeunhappybeforeitisnecessary？Itmaycometothat，thatwemustleavethisplace，buttillthattimecomes，whyshouldyouryoungdaysbeclouded？’

’Andisthatall，papa？Ifthatbeall，letusleaveit，andhavelightheartselsewhere:ifthatbeall，letusgo。Oh，papa，youandIcouldbehappyifwehadonlybreadtoeat，solongasourheartswerelight。’

AndEleanor’sfacewaslightedupwithenthusiasmasshetoldherfatherhowhemightbanishallhiscare；andagleamofjoyshotacrosshisbrowasthisideaofescapeagainpresenteditself，andheagainfanciedforamomentthathecouldspurnawayfromhimtheincomewhichtheworldenviedhim；thathecouldgivethelietothatwielderofthetomahawkwhohaddaredtowritesuchthingsofhiminTheJupiter；

thathecouldleaveSirAbraham，andthearchdeacon，andBold，andtherestofthemwiththeirlawsuitamongthem，andwipehishandsaltogetherofsosorrow-stirringaconcern。Ah，whathappinessmighttherebeinthedistance，withEleanorandhiminsomesmallcottage，andnothingleftoftheirformergrandeurbuttheirmusic！Yes，theywouldwalkforthwiththeirmusicbooks，andtheirinstruments，andshakingthedustfromofftheirfeetastheywent，leavetheungratefulplace。

Neverdidapoorclergymansighforawarmbeneficemoreanxiouslythanourwardendidnowtoberidofhis。

’Giveitup，papa，’shesaidagain，jumpingfromhiskneesandstandingonherfeetbeforehim，lookingboldlyintohisface；’giveitup，papa。’

Oh，itwassadtoseehowthatmomentarygleamofjoypassedaway；howthelookofhopewasdispersedfromthatsorrowfulface，astheremembranceofthearchdeaconcamebackuponourpoorwarden，andhereflectedthathecouldnotstirfromhisnowhatedpost。Hewasasamanboundwithiron，fetteredwithadamant:hewasinnorespectafreeagent；hehadnochoice。’Giveitup！’Ohifheonlycould:

whataneasywaythatwereoutofallhistroubles！

’Papa，don’tdoubtaboutit，’shecontinued，thinkingthathishesitationarosefromhisunwillingnesstoabandonsocomfortableahome；’isitonmyaccountthatyouwouldstayhere？DoyouthinkthatIcannotbehappywithoutapony-

carriageandafinedrawing-room？Papa，Inevercanbehappyhere，aslongasthereisaquestionastoyourhonourinstayinghere；butIcouldbegayasthedayislonginthesmallesttinylittlecottage，ifIcouldseeyoucomeinandgooutwithalightheart。Oh！papa，yourfacetellssomuch；

thoughyouwon’tspeaktomewithyourvoice，IknowhowitiswithyoueverytimeIlookatyou。’

Howhepressedhertohisheartagainwithalmostaspasmodicpressure！Howhekissedherasthetearsfelllikerainfromhisoldeyes！Howheblessedher，andcalledherbyahundredsoftsweetnameswhichnowcamenewtohislips！Howhechidhimselfforeverhavingbeenunhappywithsuchatreasureinhishouse，suchajewelonhisbosom，withsosweetaflowerinthechoicegardenofhisheart！Andthenthefloodgatesofhistonguewereloosed，and，atlength，withunsparingdetailofcircumstances，hetoldherallthathewished，andallthathecouldnotdo。Herepeatedthoseargumentsofthearchdeacon，notagreeingintheirtruth，butexplaininghisinabilitytoescapefromthem——howithadbeendeclaredtohimthathewasboundtoremainwherehewasbytheinterestsofhisorder，bygratitudetothebishop，bythewishesofhisfriends，byasenseofduty，which，thoughhecouldnotunderstandit，hewasfaintoacknowledge。Hetoldherhowhehadbeenaccusedofcowardice，andthoughhewasnotamantomakemuchofsuchachargebeforetheworld，nowinthefullcandourofhisheartheexplainedtoherthatsuchanaccusationwasgrievoustohim；thathedidthinkitwouldbeunmanlytodeserthispost，merelytoescapehispresentsufferings，andthat，therefore，hemustbearasbesthemightthemiserywhichwaspreparedforhim。

Anddidshefindthesedetailstedious？Oh，no；sheencouragedhimtodilateoneveryfeelingheexpressed，tillhelaidbaretheinmostcornersofhishearttoher。Theyspoketogetherofthearchdeacon，astwochildrenmightofastern，unpopular，butstillrespectedschoolmaster，andofthebishopasaparentkindaskindcouldbe，butpowerlessagainstanomnipotentpedagogue。