第14章

However，withallthis，andallthatIhadsecuredbefore，I

found，uponcastingthingsup，mycasewasverymuchaltered，

anymyfortunemuchlessened；for，includingthehollandsand

aparceloffinemuslins，whichIcarriedoffbefore，andsome

plate，andotherthings，IfoundIcouldhardlymusterup#500；

andmyconditionwasveryodd，forthoughIhadnochild(I

hadhadonebymygentlemandraper，butitwasburied)，yetI

wasawidowbewitched；Ihadahusbandandnohusband，and

Icouldnotpretendtomarryagain，thoughIknewwellenough

myhusbandwouldneverseeEnglandanymore，ifhelivedfifty

years。

Thus，Isay，Iwaslimitedfrommarriage，whatoffer

mightsoeverbemademe；andIhadnotonefriendtoadvise

withintheconditionIwasin，leasenotoneIdursttrustthe

secretofmycircumstancesto，forifthecommissionerswere

tohavebeeninformedwhereIwas，Ishouldhavebeenfetched

upandexamineduponoath，andallIhavesavedbetakenaware

fromme。

Upontheseapprehensions，thefirstthingIdidwastogoquite

outofmyknowledge，andgobyanothername。

ThisIdid

effectually，forIwentintotheMinttoo，tooklodgingsina

veryprivateplace，dressedupinthehabitofawidow，and

calledmyselfMrs。Flanders。

Here，however，Iconcealedmyself，andthoughmynew

acquaintancesknewnothingofme，yetIsoongotagreat

dealofcompanyaboutme；andwhetheritbethatwomenare

scarceamongthesortsofpeoplethatgenerallyaretobefound

there，orthatsomeconsolationsinthemiseriesoftheplace

aremorerequisitethanonotheroccasions，Isoonfoundan

agreeablewomanwasexceedinglyvaluableamongthesons

ofafflictionthere，andthatthosethatwantedmoneytopay

halfacrownonthepoundtotheircreditors，andthatrunindebt

atthesignoftheBullfortheirdinners，wouldyetfindmoney

forasupper，iftheylikedthewoman。

However，Ikeptmyselfsafeyet，thoughIbegan，likemyLord

Rochester’smistress，thatlovedhiscompany，butwouldnot

admithimfarther，tohavethescandalofawhore，withoutthe

joy；anduponthisscore，tiredwiththeplace，andindeed

withthecompanytoo，Ibegantothinkofremoving。

Itwasindeedasubjectofstrangereflectiontometoseemen

whowereoverwhelmedinperplexedcircumstances，who

werereducedsomedegreesbelowbeingruined，whosefamilies

wereobjectsoftheirownterrorandotherpeople’scharity，

yetwhileapennylasted，nay，evenbeyondit，endeavouringto

drownthemselves，labouringtoforgetformerthings，which

notitwasthepropertimetoremember，makingmoreworkfor

repentance，andsinningon，asaremedyforsinpast。

Butitisnoneofmytalenttopreach；thesemenweretoo

wicked，evenforme。

Therewassomethinghorridandabsurd

intheirwayofsinning，foritwasallaforceevenupon

themselves；theydidnotonlyactagainstconscience，but

againstnature；theyputarapeupontheirtempertodrownthe

reflections，whichtheircircumstancescontinuallygavethem；

andnothingwasmoreeasythantoseehowsighswould

interrupttheirsongs，andpalenessandanguishsitupontheir

brows，inspiteoftheforcedsmilestheyputon；nay，sometimes

itwouldbreakoutattheirverymouthswhentheyhadparted

withtheirmoneyforalewdtreatorawickedembrace。

Ihave

heardthem，turningabout，fetchadeepsigh，andcry，’Whata

dogamI！

Well，Betty，mydear，I’lldrinkthyhealth，though’；

meaningthehonestwife，thatperhapshadnotahalf-crown

forherselfandthreeorfourchildren。

Thenextmorningthey

areattheirpenitentialsagain；andperhapsthepoorweeping

wifecomesovertohim，eitherbringshimsomeaccountof

whathiscreditorsaredoing，andhowsheandthechildrenare

turnedoutofdoors，orsomeotherdreadfulnews；andthis

addstohisself-reproaches；butwhenhehasthoughtandpored

onittillheisalmostmad，havingnoprinciplestosupporthim，

nothingwithinhimorabovehimtocomforthim，butfinding

italldarknessoneveryside，hefliestothesamereliefagain，

viz。todrinkitaway，debauchitaway，andfallinginto

companyofmeninjustthesameconditionwithhimself，he

repeatsthecrime，andthushegoeseverydayonestep

onwardofhiswaytodestruction。

Iwasnotwickedenoughforsuchfellowsastheseyet。

On

thecontrary，IbegantoconsiderhereveryseriouslywhatI

hadtodo；howthingsstoodwithme，andwhatcourseIought

totake。

IknewIhadnofriends，no，notonefriendorrelation

intheworld；andthatlittleIhadleftapparentlywasted，which

whenitwasgone，Isawnothingbutmiseryandstarvingwas

beforeme。

Upontheseconsiderations，Isay，andfilledwith

horrorattheplaceIwasin，andthedreadfulobjectswhichI

hadalwaysbeforeme，Iresolvedtobegone。

Ihadmadeanacquaintancewithaverysober，goodsortofa

woman，whowasawidowtoo，likeme，butinbettercircumstances。

Herhusbandhadbeenacaptainofamerchantship，andhaving

hadthemisfortunetobecastawaycominghomeonavoyage

fromtheWestIndies，whichwouldhavebeenveryprofitable

ifhehadcomesafe，wassoreducedbytheloss，thatthough

hehadsavedhislifethen，itbrokehisheart，andkilledhim

afterwards；andhiswidow，beingpursuedbythecreditors，was

forcedtotakeshelterintheMint。

Shesoonmadethingsup

withthehelpoffriends，andwasatlibertyagain；andfinding

thatIratherwastheretobeconcealed，thanbyanyparticular

prosecutionsandfindingalsothatIagreedwithher，orrather

shewithme，inajustabhorrenceoftheplaceandofthe

company，sheinvitedtogohomewithhertillIcouldput

myselfinsomepostureofsettlingintheworldtomymind；

withaltellingme，thatitwastentoonebutsomegoodcaptain

ofashipmighttakeafancytome，andcourtme，inthatpart

ofthetownwhereshelived。

Iacceptedheroffer，andwaswithherhalfayear，andshould

havebeenlonger，butinthatintervalwhatsheproposedtome

happenedtoherself，andshemarriedverymuchtoheradvantage。

Butwhosefortunesoeverwasupontheincrease，mineseemed

tobeuponthewane，andIfoundnothingpresent，excepttwo

orthreeboatswains，orsuchfellows，butasforthecommanders，

theyweregenerallyoftwosorts:

1。Suchas，havinggood

business，thatistosay，agoodship，resolvednottomarry

butwithadvantage，thatis，withagoodfortune；2。Suchas，

beingoutofemploy，wantedawifetohelpthemtoaship；I

mean(1)awifewho，havingsomemoney，couldenablethem

tohold，astheycallit，agoodpartofashipthemselves，soto

encourageownerstocomein；or(2)awifewho，ifshehadnot

money，hadfriendswhowereconcernedinshipping，andso

couldhelptoputtheyoungmanintoagoodship，whichto

themisasgoodasaportion；andneitherofthesewasmycase，

soIlookedlikeonethatwastolieonhand。

ThisknowledgeIsoonlearnedbyexperience，viz。thatthe

stateofthingswasalteredasto

matrimony，andthatIwasnot

toexpectatLondonwhatIhadfoundinthecountry:

that

marriageswereheretheconsequencesofpoliticschemesfor

forminginterests，andcarryingonbusiness，andthatLovehad

noshare，orbutverylittle，inthematter。

Thatasmysister-in-lawatColchesterhadsaid，beauty，wit，

manners，sense，goodhumour，goodbehaviour，education，

virtue，piety，oranyotherqualification，whetherofbodyor

mind，hadnopowertorecommend；thatmoneyonlymadea

womanagreeable；thatmenchosemistressesindeedbythe

gustoftheiraffection，anditwasrequisitetoawhoretobe

handsome，well-shaped，haveagoodmienandagraceful

behaviour；butthatforawife，nodeformitywouldshockthe

fancy，noillqualitiesthejudgment；themoneywasthething；

theportionwasneithercrookednormonstrous，butthemoney

wasalwaysagreeable，whateverthewifewas。

Ontheotherhand，asthemarketranveryunhappilyonthe

men’sside，Ifoundthewomenhadlosttheprivilegeofsaying

No；thatitwasafavournowforawomantohavetheQuestion

asked，andifanyyoungladyhadsomucharroganceasto

counterfeitanegative，sheneverhadtheopportunitygiven

herofdenyingtwice，muchlessofrecoveringthatfalsestep，

andacceptingwhatshehadbutseemedtodecline。

Themen

hadsuchchoiceeverywhere，thatthecaseofthewomenwas

veryunhappy；fortheyseemedtoplyateverydoor，andifthe

manwasbygreatchancerefusedatonehouse，hewassureto

bereceivedatthenext。

Besidesthis，Iobservedthatthemenmadenoscrupletoset

themselvesout，andtogoa-fortunehunting，astheycallit，

whentheyhadreallynofortunethemselvestodemandit，or

merittodeserveit；andthattheycarrieditsohigh，thatawoman

wasscarceallowedtoinquireafterthecharacterorestateof

thepersonthatpretendedtoher。

ThisIhadanexampleof，in

ayoungladyinthenexthousetome，andwithwhomIhad

contractedanintimacy；shewascourtedbyayoungcaptain，

andthoughshehadnear#2000toherfortune，shedidbut

inquireofsomeofhisneighboursabouthischaracter，his

morals，orsubstance，andhetookoccasionatthenextvisitto

letherknow，truly，thathetookitveryill，andthatheshould

notgiveherthetroubleofhisvisitsanymore。

Iheardofit，

andIhadbegunmyacquaintancewithher，Iwenttoseeher

uponit。

Sheenteredintoacloseconversationwithmeabout

it，andunbosomedherselfveryfreely。

Iperceivedpresently

thatthoughshethoughtherselfveryillused，yetshehadno

powertoresentit，andwasexceedinglypiquedthatshehad

losthim，andparticularlythatanotherof

lessfortunehad

gainedhim。