第12章

wasamaninahurryofpublicaffairsandgettingmoney，

seldomathome，thoughtfulofthemainchance，butleftall

thosethingstohiswife。

Youmayeasilybelieve，thatwhentheplotwasthus，asthey

thought，brokeout，andthateveryonethoughttheyknewhow

thingswerecarried，itwasnotsodifficultorsodangerousfor

theelderbrother，whomnobodysuspectedofanything，tohave

afreeraccesstomethanbefore；nay，themother，whichwas

justashewished，proposedittohimtotalkwithMrs。Betty。

’Foritmaybe，son，’saidshe，’youmayseefartherintothe

thingthanI，andseeifyouthinkshehasbeensopositiveas

Robinsaysshehasbeen，orno。’

Thiswasaswellashecould

wish，andhe，asitwere，yieldingtotalkwithmeathismother’s

request，shebroughtmetohimintoherownchamber，toldme

hersonhadsomebusinesswithmeatherrequest，anddesired

metobeverysincerewithhim，andthensheleftustogether，

andhewentandshutthedoorafterher。

Hecamebacktomeandtookmeinhisarms，andkissedme

verytenderly；buttoldmehehadalongdiscoursetohold

withme，anditwasnotcometothatcrisis，thatIshouldmake

myselfhappyormiserableaslongasIlived；thatthething

wasnowgonesofar，thatifIcouldnotcomplywithhisdesire，

wewouldbothberuined。

Thenhetoldthewholestory

betweenRobin，ashecalledhim，andhismotherandsisters

andhimself，asitisabove。

’Andnow，dearchild，’sayshe，

’considerwhatitwillbetomarryagentlemanofagoodfamily，

ingoodcircumstances，andwiththeconsentofthewholehouse，

andtoenjoyallthatheworldcangiveyou；andwhat，onthe

otherhand，tobesunkintothedarkcircumstancesofawoman

thathaslostherreputation；andthatthoughIshallbeaprivate

friendtoyouwhileIlive，yetasIshallbesuspectedalways，

soyouwillbeafraidtoseeme，andIshallbeafraidtoownyou。’

Hegavemenotimetoreply，butwentonwithmethus:

’What

hashappenedbetweenus，child，solongaswebothagreetodo

so，maybeburiedandforgotten。

Ishallalwaysbeyoursincere

friend，withoutanyinclinationtonearerintimacy，whenyou

becomemysister；andweshallhaveallthehonestpartof

conversationwithoutanyreproachesbetweenusofhaving

doneamiss。

Ibegofyoutoconsiderit，andtonotstandinthe

wayofyourownsafetyandprosperity；andtosatisfyyouthat

Iamsincere，’addedhe，’Ihereofferyou#500inmoney，to

makeyousomeamendsforthefreedomsIhavetakenwith

you，whichweshalllookuponassomeofthefolliesofour

lives，

which’tishopedwemayrepentof。’

Hespokethisinsomuchmoremovingtermsthanitispossible

formetoexpress，andwithsomuchgreaterforceofargument

thanIcanrepeat，thatIonlyrecommendittothosewhoread

thestory，tosuppose，thatasheheldmeaboveanhouranda

halfinthatdiscourse，soheansweredallmyobjections，and

fortifiedhisdiscoursewithalltheargumentsthathumanwit

andartcoulddevise。

Icannotsay，however，thatanythinghesaidmadeimpression

enoughuponmesoastogivemeanythoughtofthematter，

tillhetoldmeatlastveryplainly，thatifIrefused，hewas

sorrytoaddthathecouldnevergoonwithmeinthatstation

aswestoodbefore；thatthoughhelovedmeaswellasever，

andthatIwasasagreeabletohimasever，yetsenseofvirtue

hadnotsofarforsakenhimastosufferhimtoliewitha

womanthathisbrothercourtedtomakehiswife；andifhe

tookhisleaveofme，withadenialinthisaffair，whateverhe

mightdoformeinthepointofsupport，groundedonhisfirst

engagementofmaintainingme，yethewouldnothavemebe

surprisedthathewasobligedtotellmehecouldnotallow

himselftoseemeanymore；andthat，indeed，Icouldnot

expectitofhim。

Ireceivedthislastpartwithsometokenofsurpriseand

disorder，andhadmuchadotoavoidsinkingdown，forindeed

Ilovedhimtoanextravagancenoteasytoimagine；buthe

perceivedmydisorder。

Heentreatedmetoconsiderseriously

ofit；assuredmethatitwastheonlywaytopreserveour

mutualaffection；thatinthisstationwemightloveasfriends，

withtheutmostpassion，andwithaloveofrelationuntainted，

freefromourjustreproaches，andfreefromotherpeople’s

suspicions；thatheshouldeveracknowledgehishappiness

owingtome；thathewouldbedebtortomeaslongashe

lived，andwouldbepayingthatdebtaslongashehadbreath。

Thushewroughtmeup，inshort，toakindofhesitationinthe

matter；havingthedangersononesiderepresentedinlively

figures，andindeed，heightenedbymyimaginationofbeing

turnedouttothewideworldamerecast-offwhore，foritwas

noless，andperhapsexposedassuch，withlittletoprovidefor

myself，withnofriend，noacquaintanceinthewholeworld，

outofthattown，andthereIcouldnotpretendtostay。

All

thisterrifiedmetothelastdegree，andhetookcareuponall

occasionstolayithometomeintheworstcoloursthatitcould

bepossibletobedrawnin。

Ontheotherhand，hefailednotto

setforththeeasy，prosperouslifewhichIwasgoingtolive。

HeansweredallthatIcouldobjectfromaffection，andfrom

formerengagements，withtellingmethenecessitythatwas

beforeusoftakingothermeasuresnow；andastohispromises

ofmarriage，thenatureofthings，hesaid，hadputanendto

that，bytheprobabilityofmybeinghisbrother’swife，before

thetimetowhichhispromisesallreferred。

Thus，inaword，Imaysay，hereasonedmeoutofmyreason；

heconqueredallmyarguments，andIbegantoseeadanger

thatIwasin，whichIhadnotconsideredofbefore，andthat

was，ofbeingdroppedbybothofthemandleftaloneinthe

worldtoshiftformyself。

This，andhispersuasion，atlengthprevailedwithmeto

consent，thoughwithsomuchreluctance，thatitwaseasyto

seeIshouldgotochurchlikeabeartothestake。

Ihadsome

littleapprehensionsaboutme，too，lestmynewspouse，who，

bytheway，Ihadnottheleastaffectionfor，shouldbeskillful

enoughtochallengemeonanotheraccount，uponourfirst

comingtobedtogether。

Butwhetherhediditwithdesignor

not，Iknownot，buthiselderbrothertookcaretomakehim

verymuchfuddledbeforehewenttobed，sothatIhadthe

satisfactionofadrunkenbedfellowthefirstnight。

Howhe

diditIknownot，butIconcludedthathecertainlycontrived

it，thathisbrothermightbeabletomakenojudgmentofthe

differencebetweenamaidandamarriedwoman；nordidhe

everentertainanynotionsofit，ordisturbhisthoughtsaboutit。

IshouldgobackalittleheretowhereIleftoff。

Theelder

brotherhavingthusmanagedme，hisnextbusinesswasto

managehismother，andheneverlefttillhehadbroughther

toacquiesceandbepassiveinthething，evenwithout

acquaintingthefather，otherthanbypostletters；sothatshe

consentedtoourmarryingprivately，andleavinghertomange

thefatherafterwards。

Thenhecajoledwithhisbrother，andpersuadedhimwhat

servicehehaddonehim，andhowhehadbroughthismother

toconsent，which，thoughtrue，wasnotindeeddonetoserve

him，buttoservehimself；butthusdiligentlydidhecheathim，

andhadthethanksofafaithfulfriendforshiftingoffhiswhore

intohisbrother’sarmsforawife。

Socertainlydoesinterest

banishallmannerofaffection，andsonaturallydomengive

uphonourandjustice，humanity，andevenChristianity，to

securethemselves。

ImustnowcomebacktobrotherRobin，aswealwayscalled

him，whohavinggothismother’sconsent，asabove，came

bigwiththenewstome，andtoldmethewholestoryofit，

withasinceritysovisible，thatImustconfessitgrievedme

thatImustbetheinstrumenttoabusesohonestagentleman。

Buttherewasnoremedy；hewouldhaveme，andIwasnot

obligedtotellhimthatIwashisbrother’swhore，thoughIhad

nootherwaytoputhimoff；soIcamegraduallyintoit，tohis

satisfaction，andbeholdweweremarried。

Modestyforbidsmetorevealthesecretsofthemarriage-bed，

butnothingcouldhavehappenedmoresuitabletomy

circumstancesthanthat，asabove，myhusbandwassofuddled

whenhecametobed，thathecouldnotrememberinthe

morningwhetherhehadhadanyconversationwithmeorno，

andIwasobligedtotellhimhehad，thoughinrealityhehad

not，thatImightbesurehecouldmaketoinquiryabout

anythingelse。

Itconcernsthestoryinhandverylittletoenterintothefurther

particularsofthefamily，orofmyself，forthefiveyearsthatI

livedwiththishusband，onlytoobservethatIhadtwochildren

byhim，andthatattheendoffiveyearshedied。

Hehadbeen

reallyaverygoodhusbandtome，andwelivedveryagreeably

together；butashehadnotreceivedmuchfromthem，andhad

inthelittletimehelivedacquirednogreatmatters，somy

circumstanceswerenotgreat，norwasImuchmendedbythe

match。

Indeed，Ihadpreservedtheelderbrother’sbondsto

me，topay#500，whichheofferedmeformyconsenttomarry

hisbrother；andthis，withwhatIhadsavedofthemoneyhe

formerlygaveme，aboutasmuchmorebymyhusband，leftme

awidowwithabout#1200inmypocket。

Mytwochildrenwere，indeed，takenhappilyoffmyhandsby

myhusband’sfatherandmother，andthat，bytheway，wasall

theygotbyMrs。Betty。

IconfessIwasnotsuitablyaffectedwiththelossofmyhusband，

norindeedcanIsaythatIeverlovedhimasIoughttohave

done，oraswasproportionabletothegoodusageIhadfrom

him，forhewasatender，kind，good-humouredmanasany

womancoulddesire；buthisbrotherbeingsoalwaysinmy

sight，atleastwhilewewereinthecountry，wasacontinual

snaretome，andIneverwasinbedwithmyhusbandbutI

wishedmyselfinthearmsofhisbrother；andthoughhisbrother

neverofferedmetheleastkindnessthatwayafterourmarriage，

butcarrieditjustasabrotherouttodo，yetitwasimpossible

formetodosotohim；inshort，Icommittedadulteryandincest

withhimeverydayinmydesires，which，withoutdoubt，wasas

effectuallycriminalinthenatureoftheguiltasifIhadactually

doneit。