第9章
Iadded，ifhewastotellmethathewouldnever
seememore，thanwhichnothingbutdeathcouldbemore
terrible，yetIcouldneverentertainathoughtsodishonourable
tomyself，andsobasetohim；andtherefore，Ientreatedhim，
ifhehadonegrainofrespectoraffectionleftforme，thathe
wouldspeaknomoreofittome，orthathewouldpullhis
swordoutandkillme。
Heappearedsurprisedatmyobstinacy，
ashecalledit；toldmeIwasunkindtomyself，andunkindto
himinit；thatitwasacrisisunlookedforuponusboth，and
impossibleforeitherofustoforesee，butthathedidnotsee
anyotherwaytosaveusbothfromruin，andthereforehe
thoughtitthemoreunkind；butthatifhemustsaynomore
ofittome，headdedwithanunusualcoldness，thathedid
notknowanythingelsewehadtotalkof；andsoheroseupto
takehisleave。
Iroseuptoo，asifwiththesameindifference；
butwhenhecametogivemeasitwereapartingkiss，Iburst
outintosuchapassionofcrying，thatthoughIwouldhavespoke，
Icouldnot，andonlypressinghishand，seemedtogivehimthe
adieu，butcriedvehemently。
Hewassensiblymovedwiththis；sohesatdownagain，and
saidagreatmanykindthingstome，toabatetheexcessofmy
passion，butstillurgedthenecessityofwhathehadproposed；
allthewhileinsisting，thatifIdidrefuse，hewouldnotwith-
standingprovideforme；butlettingmeplainlyseethathe
woulddeclinemeinthemainpoint——nay，evenasamistress；
makingitapointofhonournottoliewiththewomanthat，
foraughtheknew，mightcometobehisbrother’swife。
Thebarelossofhimasagallantwasnotsomuchmyaffliction
asthelossofhisperson，whomindeedIlovedtodistraction；
andthelossofalltheexpectationsIhad，andwhichIalways
hadbuiltmyhopesupon，ofhavinghimonedayformy
husband。
Thesethingsoppressedmymindsomuch，that，in
short，Ifellveryill；theagoniesofmymind，inaword，threw
meintoahighfever，andlongitwas，thatnoneinthefamily
expectedmylife。
Iwasreducedverylowindeed，andwasoftendeliriousand
light-headed；butnothinglaysonearmeasthefearthat，when
Iwaslight-headed，Ishouldsaysomethingorothertohis
prejudice。
Iwasdistressedinmymindalsotoseehim，and
sohewastoseeme，forhereallylovedmemostpassionately；
butitcouldnotbe；therewasnottheleastroomtodesireit
ononesideorother，orsomuchastomakeitdecent。
ItwasnearfiveweeksthatIkeptmybedandthoughthe
violenceofmyfeverabatedinthreeweeks，yetitseveral
timesreturned；andthephysicianssaidtwoorthreetimes，
theycoulddonomoreforme，butthattheymustleavenature
andthedistempertofightitout，onlystrengtheningthefirst
withcordialstomaintainthestruggle。
Aftertheendoffive
weeksIgrewbetter，butwassoweak，soaltered，somelancholy，
andrecoveredsoslowly，thattheyphysiciansapprehendedI
shouldgointoaconsumption；andwhichvexedmemost，
theygaveitastheiropinionthatmymindwasoppressed，
thatsomethingtroubledme，and，inshort，thatIwasinlove。
Uponthis，thewholehousewassetuponmetoexamineme，
andtopressmetotellwhetherIwasinloveornot，andwith
whom；butasIwellmight，Ideniedmybeinginloveatall。
Theyhadonthisoccasionasquabbleonedayaboutmeat
table，thathadliketohaveputthewholefamilyinanuproar，
andforsometimedidso。
Theyhappenedtobeallattablebut
thefather；asforme，Iwasill，andinmychamber。
Atthe
beginningofthetalk，whichwasjustastheyhadfinished
theirdinner，theoldgentlewoman，whohadsentmesomewhat
toeat，calledhermaidtogoupandaskmeifIwouldhaveany
more；butthemaidbroughtdownwordIhadnoteatenhalf
whatshehadsentmealready。
’Alas，saystheoldlady，’thatpoorgirl！
Iamafraidshewill
neverbewell。’
’Well！’saystheelderbrother，’howshouldMrs。Bettybewell？
Theysaysheisinlove。’
’Ibelievenothingofit，’saystheoldgentlewoman。
’Idon’tknow，’saystheeldestsister，’whattosaytoit；
theyhavemadesucharoutaboutherbeingsohandsome，and
socharming，andIknownotwhat，andthatinherhearingtoo，
thathasturnedthecreature’shead，Ibelieve，andwhoknows
whatpossessionsmayfollowsuchdoings？
Formypart，I
don’tknowwhattomakeofit。’
’Why，sister，youmustacknowledgesheisveryhandsome，’
saystheelderbrother。’
’Ay，andagreatdealhandsomerthanyou，sister，’saysRobin，
’andthat’syourmortification。’
’Well，well，thatisnotthequestion，’sayshissister；’thatgirl
iswellenough，andsheknowsitwellenough；sheneednot
betoldofittomakehervain。’
’Wearenottalkingofherbeingvain，’saystheelderbrother，
’butofherbeinginlove；itmaybesheisinlovewithherself；
itseemsmysistersthinkso。’
’Iwouldshewasinlovewithme，’saysRobin；’I’dquickly
putheroutofherpain。’
’Whatd’yemeanbythat，son，’saystheoldlady；’howcan
youtalkso？’
’Why，madam，’saysRobin，again，veryhonestly，’doyou
thinkI’dletthepoorgirldieforlove，andofonethatisnear
athandtobehad，too？’
’Fie，brother！’，saysthesecondsister，’howcanyoutalkso？
Wouldyoutakeacreaturethathasnotagroatintheworld？’
’Prithee，child，’saysRobin，’beauty’saportion，andgood-
humourwithitisadoubleportion；Iwishthouhadsthalfher
stockofbothforthyportion。’
Sotherewashermouthstopped。
’Ifind，’saystheeldestsister，’ifBettyisnotinlove，my
brotheris。
IwonderhehasnotbrokehismindtoBetty；I
warrantshewon’tsayNo。’
’Theythatyieldwhenthey’reasked，’saysRobin，’areone
stepbeforethemthatwereneveraskedtoyield，sister，and
twostepsbeforethemthatyieldbeforetheyareasked；and
that’sananswertoyou，sister。’
Thisfiredthesister，andsheflewintoapassion，andsaid，
thingsweresometothatpassthatitwastimethewench，
meaningme，wasoutofthefamily；andbutthatshewasnot
fittobeturnedout，shehopedherfatherandmotherwould
considerofitassoonasshecouldberemoved。
Robinreplied，thatwasbusinessforthemasterandmistress
ofthefamily，whowherenottobetaughtbyonethathadso
littlejudgmentashiseldestsister。
Itranupagreatdealfarther；thesisterscolded，Robinrallied
andbantered，butpoorBettylostgroundbyitextremelyin
thefamily。
Iheardofit，andIcriedheartily，andtheoldlady
cameuptome，somebodyhavingtoldherthatIwassomuch
concernedaboutit。
Icomplainedtoher，thatitwasveryhard
thedoctorsshouldpasssuchacensureuponme，forwhich
theyhadnoground；andthatitwasstillharder，considering
thecircumstancesIwasunderinthefamily；thatIhopedI
haddonenothingtolessenheresteemforme，orgivenany
occasionforthebickeringbetweenhersonsanddaughters，
andIhadmoreneedtothinkofacoffinthanofbeinginlove，
andbeggedshewouldnotletmesufferinheropinionfor
anybody’smistakesbutmyown。
ShewassensibleofthejusticeofwhatIsaid，buttoldme，
sincetherehadbeensuchaclamouramongthem，andthather
youngersontalkedaftersucharattlingwayashedid，she
desiredIwouldbesofaithfultoherastoanswerherbutone
questionsincerely。
ItoldherIwould，withallmyheart，and
withtheutmostplainnessandsincerity。
Why，then，the
questionwas，whethertherewayanythingbetweenherson
Robertandme。
Itoldherwithalltheprotestationsofsincerity
thatIwasabletomake，andasImightwell，do，thattherewas
not，noreveryhadbeen；ItoldherthatMr。Roberthadrattled
andjested，assheknewitwashisway，andthatItookitalways，
asIsupposedhemeantit，tobeawildairywayofdiscourse
thathadnosignificationinit；andagainassuredher，thatthere
wasnottheleasttittleofwhatsheunderstoodbyitbetween
us；andthatthosewhohadsuggestedithaddonemeagreat
dealofwrong，andMr。Robertnoserviceatall。
Theoldladywasfullysatisfied，andkissedme，spoke
cheerfullytome，andbidmetakecareofmyhealthandwant
fornothing，andsotookherleave。
Butwhenshecamedown
shefoundthebrotherandallhissisterstogetherbytheears；
theywereangry，eventopassion，athisupbraidingthemwith
theirbeinghomely，andhavingneverhadanysweethearts，
neverhavingbeenaskedthequestion，andtheirbeingso
forwardasalmosttoaskfirst。
Heralliedthemuponthe
subjectofMrs。Betty；howpretty，howgood-humoured，how
shesungbetterthentheydid，anddancedbetter，andhow
muchhandsomershewas；andindoingthisheomittedno
ill-naturedthingthatcouldvexthem，andindeed，pushedtoo
harduponthem。
Theoldladycamedownintheheightofit，
andtoputastopitto，toldthemallthediscourseshehadhad
withme，andhowIanswered，thattherewasnothingbetween
Mr。RobertandI。
’She’swrongthere，’saysRobin，’foriftherewasnotagreat
dealbetweenus，weshouldbeclosertogetherthanweare。
ItoldherIloverherhugely，’sayshe，’butIcouldnevermake
thejadebelieveIwasinearnest。’
’Idonotknowhowyou
should，’sayshismother；’nobodyintheirsensescouldbelieve
youwereinearnest，totalksotoapoorgirl，whosecircumstances
youknowsowell。
’Butprithee，son，’addsshe，’sinceyoutellmethatyoucould
notmakeherbelieveyouwereinearnest，whatmustwe
believeaboutit？
Foryouramblesoinyourdiscourse，that
nobodyknowswhetheryouareinearnestorinjest；butasI
findthegirl，byyourownconfession，hasansweredtruly，I
wishyouwoulddosotoo，andtellmeseriously，sothatImay
dependuponit。
Isthereanythinginitorno？
Areyouin
earnestorno？