第8章

Itstruckmetotheheartwhenhetoldmethis，forthough

itwasmostrationaltothinkIwouldnotdenyhim，yetIknew

inmyownconscienceImustdenyhim，andIsawmyruinin

mybeingobligedtodoso；butIknewitwasmybusinessto

talkotherwisethen，soIinterruptedhiminhisstorythus。

’Ay！，’saidI，’doeshethinkIcannotdenyhim？

Butheshall

findIcandenyhim，forallthat。’

’Well，mydear，’sayshe，’butletmegiveyouthewholestory

asitwentonbetweenus，andthensaywhatyouwill。’

Thenhewentonandtoldmethatherepliedthus:

’But，

brother，youknowshehasnothing，andyoumayhaveseveral

ladieswithgoodfortunes。’

’’Tisnomatterforthat，’saidRobin；’Ilovethegirl，andIwill

neverpleasemypocketinmarrying，andnotpleasemyfancy。’

’Andso，mydear，’addshe，’thereisnoopposinghim。’

’Yes，yes，’saysI，’youshallseeIcanopposehim；Ihave

learnttosayNo，nowthoughIhadnotlearntitbefore；ifthe

bestlordinthelandofferedmemarriagenow，Icouldvery

cheerfullysayNotohim。’

’Well，but，mydear，’sayshe，’whatcanyousaytohim？

You

know，asyousaidwhenwetalkedofitbefore，hewellask

youmanyquestionsaboutit，andallthehousewillwonder

whatthemeaningofitshouldbe。’

’Why，’saysI，smiling，’Icanstopalltheirmouthsatoneclap

bytellinghim，andthemtoo，thatIammarriedalreadytohis

elderbrother。’

Hesmiledalittletooattheword，butIcouldseeitstartled

him，andhecouldnothidethedisorderitputhiminto。

However，hereturned，’Why，thoughthatmaybetrueinsome

sense，yetIsupposeyouarebutinjestwhenyoutalkof

givingsuchananswerasthat；itmaynotbeconvenienton

manyaccounts。’

’No，no，’saysIpleasantly，’Iamnotsofondoflettingthe

secretcomeoutwithoutyourconsent。’

’Butwhat，then，canyousaytohim，ortothem，’sayshe，

’whentheyfindyoupositiveagainstamatchwhichwould

beapparentlysomuchtoyouradvantage？’

’Why，’saysI，’shouldIbeataloss？

Firstofall，Iamnot

obligedtogivemeanyreasonatall；ontheotherhand，Imay

tellthemIammarriedalready，andstopthere，andthatwill

beafullstoptootohim，forhecanhavenoreasontoaskone

questionafterit。’

’Ay，’sayshe；’butthewholehousewillteaseyouaboutthat，

eventofatherandmother，andifyoudenythempositively，

theywillbedisobligedatyou，andsuspiciousbesides。’

’Why，’saysI，’whatcanIdo？

Whatwouldhavemedo？

I

wasinstraightenoughbefore，andasItoldyou，Iwasin

perplexitybefore，andacquaintedyouwiththecircumstances，

thatImighthaveyouradvice。’

’Mydear，’sayshe，’Ihavebeenconsideringverymuchupon

it，youmaybesure，andthoughitisapieceofadvicethathas

agreatmanymortificationsinittome，andmayatfirstseem

strangetoyou，yet，allthingsconsidered，Iseenobetterway

foryouthantolethimgoon；andifyoufindhimheartyand

inearnest，marryhim。’

Igavehimalookfullofhorroratthosewords，and，turning

paleasdeath，wasattheverypointofsinkingdownoutofthe

chairIsatin；when，givingastart，’Mydear，’sayshealoud，

’what’sthematterwithyou？

Whereareyoua-going？’anda

greatmanysuchthings；andwithjoggingandcalledtome，

fetchedmealittletomyself，thoughitwasagoodwhilebefore

Ifullyrecoveredmysenses，andwasnotabletospeakfor

severalminutesmore。

WhenIwasfullyrecoveredhebeganagain。

’Mydear，’says

he，’whatmadeyousosurprisedatwhatIsaid？

Iwouldhave

youconsiderseriouslyofit？

Youmayseeplainlyhowthe

familystandinthiscase，andtheywouldbestarkmadifit

wasmycase，asitismybrother’s；andforaughtIsee，it

wouldbemyruinandyourstoo。’

’Ay！’saysI，stillspeakingangrily；’areallyourprotestations

andvowstobeshakenbythedislikeofthefamily？

DidInot

alwaysobjectthattoyou，andyoumadelightthingofit，as

whatyouwereabove，andwouldvalue；andisitcometo

thisnow？’saidI。

’Isthisyourfaithandhonour，yourlove，

andthesolidityofyourpromises？’

Hecontinuedperfectlycalm，notwithstandingallmyreproaches，

andIwasnotsparingofthematall；butherepliedatlast，

’Mydear，Ihavenotbrokenonepromisewithyouyet；Idid

tellyouIwouldmarryyouwhenIwascometomyestate；but

youseemyfatherisahale，healthyman，andmaylivethese

thirtyyearsstill，andnotbeolderthanseveralareroundusin

town；andyouneverproposedmymarryingyousooner，

becauseyouknewitmightbemyruin；andastoalltherest，I

havenotfailedyouinanything，youhavewantedfornothing。’

Icouldnotdenyawordofthis，andhadnothingtosaytoit

ingeneral。

’Butwhy，then，’saysI，’canyoupersuademeto

suchahorridstepasleavingyou，sinceyouhavenotleftme？

Willyouallownoaffection，noloveonmyside，wherethere

hasbeensomuchonyourside？

HaveImadeyounoreturns？

HaveIgivennotestimonyofmysincerityandofmypassion？

ArethesacrificesIhavemadeofhonourandmodestytoyou

noproofofmybeingtiedtoyouinbondstoostrongtobe

broken？’

’Buthere，mydear，’sayshe，’youmaycomeintoasafestation，

andappearwithhonourandwithsplendouratonce，andthe

remembranceofwhatwehavedonemaybewraptupinan

eternalsilence，asifithadneverhappened；youshallalways

havemyrespect，andmysincereaffection，onlythenitshall

behonest，andperfectlyjusttomybrother；youshallbemy

dearsister，asnowyouaremydear——’andtherehestopped。

’Yourdearwhore，’saysI，’youwouldhavesaidifyouhad

goneon，andyoumightaswellhavesaidit；butIunderstand

you。

However，Idesireyoutorememberthelongdiscourses

youhavehadwithme，andthemanyhours’painsyouhave

takentopersuademetobelievemyselfanhonestwoman；

thatIwasyourwifeintentionally，thoughnotintheeyesof

theworld，andthatitwasaseffectualamarriagethathad

passedbetweenusasiswehadbeenpubliclyweddedbythe

parsonoftheparish。

Youknowandcannotbutremember

thatthesehavebeenyourownwordstome。’

Ifoundthiswasalittletoocloseuponhim，butImadeitup

inwhatfollows。

Hestoodstock-stillforawhileandsaid

nothing，andIwentonthus:

’Youcannot，’saysI，’without

thehighestinjustice，believethatIyieldeduponallthese

persuasionswithoutalovenottobequestioned，nottobe

shakenagainbyanythingthatcouldhappenafterward。

Ifyou

havesuchdishonourablethoughtsofme，Imustaskyouwhat

foundationinanyofmybehaviourhaveIgivenforsucha

suggestion？

’If，then，Ihaveyieldedtotheimportunitiesofmyaffection，

andifIhavebeenpersuadedtobelievethatIamreally，and

intheessenceofthething，yourwife，shallInowgivethelie

toallthoseargumentsandcallmyselfyourwhore，ormistress，

whichisthesamething？

Andwillyoutransfermetoyour

brother？

Canyoutransfermyaffection？

Canyoubidme

ceaselovingyou，andbidmelovehim？

Itisinmypower，

thinkyou，tomakesuchachangeatdemand？

No，sir，’saidI，

’dependuponit’tisimpossible，andwhateverthechangeof

yoursidemaybe，Iwilleverbetrue；andIhadmuchrather，

sinceitiscomethatunhappylength，beyourwhorethanyour

brother’swife。’

Heappearedpleasedandtouchedwiththeimpressionofthis

lastdiscourse，andtoldmethathestoodwherehedidbefore；

thathehadnotbeenunfaithfultomeinanyonepromisehe

hadevermadeyet，butthatthereweresomanyterriblethings

presentedthemselvestohisviewintheaffairbeforeme，and

thatonmyaccountinparticular，thathehadthoughtofthe

otherasaremedysoeffectualasnothingcouldcomeuptoit。

Thathethoughtthiswouldnotbeentirepartingus，butwe

mightloveasfriendsallourdays，andperhapswithmore

satisfactionthanweshouldinthestationwewerenowin，

asthingsmighthappen；thathedurstsay，Icouldnotapprehend

anythingfromhimastobetrayingasecret，whichcouldnot

butbethedestructionofusboth，ifitcameout；thathehad

butonequestiontoaskofmethatcouldlieinthewayofit，

andifthatquestionwasansweredinthenegative，hecould

notbutthinkstillitwastheonlystepIcouldtake。

Iguessedathisquestionpresently，namely，whetherIwas

sureIwasnotwithchild？

Astothat，Itoldhimheneednot

beconcernedaboutit，forIwasnotwithchild。

’Why，then，

mydear，’sayshe，’wehavenotimetotalkfurthernow。

Considerofit，andthinkcloselyaboutit；Icannotbutbeof

theopinionstill，thatitwillbethebestcourseyoucantake。’

Andwiththishetookhisleave，andthemorehastilytoo，his

motherandsistersringingatthegate，justatthemomentthat

hehadrisenuptogo。

Heleftmeintheutmostconfusionof

thought；andheeasily

perceiveditthenextday，andalltherestoftheweek，forit

wasbutTuesdayeveningwhenwetalked；buthehadno

opportunitytocomeatmeallthatweek，tilltheSundayafter，

whenI，beingindisposed，didnotgotochurch，andhe，making

someexcuseforthelike，stayedathome。

Andnowhehadmeanhourandahalfagainbymyself，and

wefellintothesameargumentsalloveragain，oratleastso

nearthesame，asitwouldbetonopurposetorepeatthem。

AtlastIaskedhimwarmly，whatopinionhemusthaveofmy

modesty，thathecouldsupposeIshouldsomuchasentertain

athoughtoflyingwithtwobrothers，andassuredhimitcould

neverbe。