第7章
WillEnglandincurthistremendouslossforamereabstraction?“
Whether“amereabstraction“heremeanstheabstractionofthetwoSouthernCommissionersfromunderourflagortheabstractideaofinjuredhonor，whichseemsridiculoustotheHerald，isitneedlesstoask。IhavespokenwithmanymenwhohavemoneyinvestedintheStates，butIdeclareIhavenotmetoneEnglishgentlemanwhomthepublicationofthisthreathasinfluencedforamoment。OurpeoplehaveninehundredmillionsofdollarsinvestedintheUnitedStates，havethey?AndtheHerald“callsupontheCompanies“nottotakeanyofthisdebtoffourhands。Letus，onourside，entreattheEnglishpresstogivethisannouncementeverypublicity。Letusdoeverythinginourpowertomakethis“callupontheAmericans“wellknowninEngland。IhopeEnglishnewspapereditorswillprintit，andprintitagainandagain。ItisnotwewhosaythisofAmericancitizens，butAmericancitizenswhosaythisofthemselves。“Bullisodious。Wecan"tbearBull。Heishaughty，arrogant，abraggart，andablusterer；andwecan"tbearbragandblusterinourmodestanddecorouscountry。WehateBull，andifhequarrelswithusonapointinwhichweareinthewrong，wehavegoodsofhisinourcustody，andwewillrobhim！“SupposeyourLondonbankersayingtoyou，“Sir，Ihavealwaysthoughtyourmannersdisgusting，andyourarroganceinsupportable。YoudaretocomplainofmyconductbecauseIhavewrongfullyimprisonedJones。Myanswertoyourvulgarinterferenceis，thatIconfiscateyourbalance！“
WhatwouldbeanEnglishmerchant"scharacterafterafewsuchtransactions?ItisnotimprobablethatthemoralistsoftheHeraldwouldcallhimarascal。WhyhavetheUnitedStatesbeenpayingseven，eight，tenpercentformoneyforyearspast，whenthesamecommoditycanbegotelsewhereathalfthatrateofinterest?Why，becausethoughamongtherichestproprietorsintheworld，creditorswerenotsureofthem。SotheStateshavehadtopayeightymillionsyearlyfortheuseofmoneywhichwouldcostotherborrowersbutthirty。Addupthisitemofextrainterestaloneforadozenyears，andseewhataprodigiouspenaltytheStateshavebeenpayingforrepudiationhereandthere，forsharppractice，fordoubtfulcredit。Supposethepeaceiskeptbetweenus，theremembranceofthislastthreatalonewillcosttheStatesmillionsandmillionsmore。Iftheymusthavemoney，wemusthaveagreaterinteresttoinsureourjeopardizedcapital。DoAmericanCompanieswanttoborrowmoney——aswanttoborrowtheywill?Mr。Brown，showthegentlemanthatextractfromtheNewYorkHeraldwhichdeclaresthattheUnitedStateswillconfiscateprivatepropertyintheeventofawar。Asthecountrynewspaperssay，“Please，countrypapers，copythisparagraph。”And，gentlemeninAmerica，whenthehonorofYOURnationiscalledinquestion，pleasetorememberthatitistheAmericanpresswhichgloriesinannouncingthatyouarepreparedtoberogues。
AndwhenthiswarhasdraineduncountedhundredsofmillionsmoreoutoftheUnitedStatesexchequer，willtheybericherormoreinclinedtopaydebts，orlesswillingtoevadethem，ormorepopularwiththeircreditors，ormorelikelytogetmoneyfrommenwhomtheydeliberatelyannouncethattheywillcheat?IhavenotfollowedtheHeraldonthe“stone-ship“question——thatgreatnavalvictoryappearstomenotlesshorribleandwickedthansuicidal。
Blocktheharborsforever；destroytheinletsofthecommerceoftheworld；perishcities，——sothatwemaywreakaninjuryonthem。
Itisthetalkofmadmen，butnotthelesswicked。TheactinjuresthewholeRepublic:butitisperpetrated。Itistodealharmtoageshence；butitisdone。TheIndiansofoldusedtoburnwomenandtheirunbornchildren。Thisstone-shipbusinessisIndianwarfare。Anditisperformedbymenwhotelluseveryweekthattheyareattheheadofcivilization，andthattheOldWorldisdecrepit，andcruel，andbarbarousascomparedtotheirs。
Thesamepoliticianswhothrottlecommerceatitsneck，andthreatentoconfiscatetrust-money，saythatwhenthewarisover，andtheSouthissubdued，thentheturnoftheoldcountrywillcome，andadirefulretributionshallbetakenforourconduct。Thishasbeenthecryallthroughthewar。“WeshouldhaveconqueredtheSouth，“
saysanAmericanpaperwhichIreadthisveryday，“butforEngland。”Wasthereeversuchpulingheardfrommenwhohaveanarmyofamillion，andwhoturnandrevileapeoplewhohavestoodasalooffromtheircontestaswehavefromthewarofTroy?Orisitanoutcrymadewithmaliceprepense?AndisthesongoftheNewYorkTimesavariationoftheHeraldtune?——“TheconductoftheBritishinfoldingtheirarmsandtakingnopartinthefight，hasbeensobasethatithascausedtheprolongationofthewar，andoccasionedaprodigiousexpenseonourpart。Therefore，aswehaveBritishpropertyinourhands，we&c。&c。”Thelambtroubledthewaterdreadfully，andthewolf，inarighteousindignation，“confiscated“him。OfcoursewehaveheardthatatanundisturbedtimeGreatBritainwouldneverhavedaredtopressitsclaimforredress。DidtheUnitedStateswaituntilwewereatpeacewithFrancebeforetheywenttowarwithuslast?DidMr。Sewardyieldtheclaimwhichheconfessestobejust，untilhehimselfwasmenacedwithwar?HowlongweretheSoutherngentlemenkeptinprison?Whatcausedthemtobesetfree?anddidtheCabinetofWashingtonseeitserrorbeforeorafterthedemandforredress?*
ThecaptorwasfeastedatBoston，andthecaptivesinprisonhardby。Ifthewrong-doerwastobepunished，itwasCaptainWilkeswhooughttohavegoneintolimbo。Atanyrate，as“theCabinetofWashingtoncouldnotgiveitsapprobationtothecommanderofthe"SanJacinto，"“whywerethemennotsoonersetfree?TositattheTremontHouse，andhearthecaptainafterdinnergivehisopiniononinternationallaw，wouldhavebeenbettersportfortheprisonersthanthegrimsalle-a-mangeratFortWarren。
*“AtthebeginningofDecembertheBritishfleetontheWestIndianstationmounted850guns，andcomprisedfiveliners，tenfirst-classfrigates，andseventeenpowerfulcorvettes……InlittlemorethanamonththefleetavailableforoperationsontheAmericanshorehadbeenmorethandoubled。Thereinforcementspreparedatthevariousdockyardsincludedtwoline-of-battleships，twenty-ninemagnificentfrigates——suchasthe"Shannon，"the"Sutlej，"the"Euryalus，"the"Orlando，"the"Galatea；"eightcorvettesarmedlikethefrigatesinpart，with100-and40-pounderArmstrongguns；andthetwotremendousiron-casedships，the"Warrior"andthe"BlackPrince；"andtheirsmallersistersthe"Resistance"andthe"Defence。"Therewasworktobedonewhichmighthavedelayedthecommissionofafewoftheseshipsforsomeweekslonger；butiftheUnitedStateshadchosenwarinsteadofpeace，theblockadeoftheircoastswouldhavebeensupportedbyasteamfleetofmorethansixtysplendidships，armedwith1，800guns，manyofthemoftheheaviestandmosteffectivekind。”——SaturdayReview:Jan。11。
Ireadinthecommercialnewsbroughtbythe“Teutonia，“andpublishedinLondononthepresent13thJanuary，thattheporkmarketwasgenerallyquietonthe29thDecemberlast；thatlard，thoughwithmoreactivity，washeavyanddecidedlylower；andatPhiladelphia，whiskeyissteadyandstocksfirm。Stocksarefirm:
thatisacomfortfortheEnglishholders，andtheconfiscatingprocessrecommendedbytheHeraldisatleastdeferred。Butpresentlycomesanannouncementwhichisnotquitesocheering:——
“TheSaginawCentralRailwayCompany(letuscallit)haspostponeditsJanuarydividendonaccountofthedisturbedconditionofpublicaffairs。”
Alabonneheure。Thebond-andshare-holdersoftheSaginawmustlookforlossanddepressionintimesofwar。Thisisoneofwar"sdreadfultaxesandnecessities；andallsortsofinnocentpeoplemustsufferbythemisfortune。ThecornwashighatWaterloowhenahundredandfiftythousandmencameandtrampleditdownonaSabbathmorning。Therewasnohelpforthatcalamity，andtheBelgianfarmerslosttheircropsfortheyear。PerhapsIamafarmermyself——aninnocentcolonus；andinsteadofbeingabletogettochurchwithmyfamily，havetoseesquadronsofFrenchdragoonsthunderinguponmybarley，andsquaresofEnglishinfantryformingandtramplingallovermyoats。(Bytheway，inwritingof“Panics，“aningeniouswriterintheAtlanticMagazinesaysthattheBritishpanicsatWaterloowerefrequentandnotorious。)Well，IamaBelgianpeasant，andIseetheBritishrunningawayandtheFrenchcuttingthefugitivesdown。WhathaveIdonethatthesemenshouldbekickingdownmypeacefulharvestforme，onwhichIcountedtopaymyrent，tofeedmyhorses，myhousehold，mychildren?Itishard。Butitisthefortuneofwar。Butsupposethebattleover；
theFrenchmansays，“Youscoundrel！whydidyounottakeapartwithme?andwhydidyoustandlikeadouble-facedtraitorlookingon?I
shouldhavewonthebattlebutforyou。AndIherebyconfiscatethefarmyoustandon，andyouandyourfamilymaygototheworkhouse。”
TheNewYorkpressholdsthisargumentoverEnglishpeopleinterrorem。“WeAmericansmaybeeversowronginthematterindispute，butifyoupushustoawar，wewillconfiscateyourEnglishproperty。”Verygood。Itispeacenow。Confidenceofcourseisrestoredbetweenus。Oureighteenhundredpeacecommissionershavenooccasiontoopentheirmouths；andthelittlequestionofconfiscationispostponed。Messrs。Battery，BroadwayandCo。，ofNewYork，havethekindnesstosellmySaginawsforwhattheywillfetch。Ishalllosehalfmyloafverylikely；butforthesakeofaquietlife，letusgiveupacertainquantityoffarinaceousfood；andhalfaloaf，youknow，isbetterthannobreadatall。
THENOTCHONTHEAXE——ASTORYALAMODE。
PARTI。
“EveryoneremembersintheFourthBookoftheimmortalpoemofyourBlindBard，(towhosesightlessorbsnodoubtGloriousShapeswereapparent，andVisionsCelestial，)howAdamdiscoursestoEveoftheBrightVisitorswhohoveredroundtheirEden——
"Millionsofspiritualcreatureswalktheearth，Unseen，bothwhenwewakeandwhenwesleep。"
“"Howoften，"saysFatherAdam，"fromthesteepofechoinghillorthicket，haveweheardcelestialvoicestothemidnightair，sole，orresponsivetoeachother"snotes，singing！"AftertheActofDisobedience，whentheerringpairfromEdentooktheirsolitaryway，andwentforthtotoilandtroubleoncommonearth——thoughtheGloriousOnesnolongerwerevisible，youcannotsaytheyweregone。
ItwasnotthattheBrightOneswereabsent，butthatthedimeyesofrebelmannolongercouldseethem。Inyourchamberhangsapictureofonewhomyouneverknew，butwhomyouhavelongheldintenderestregard，andwhowaspaintedforyoubyafriendofmine，theKnightofPlympton。Shecommuneswithyou。Shesmilesonyou。
Whenyourspiritsarelow，herbrighteyesshineonyouandcheeryou。Herinnocentsweetsmileisacaresstoyou。Sheneverfailstosootheyouwithherspeechlessprattle。Youloveher。Sheisalivewithyou。Asyouextinguishyourcandleandturntosleep，thoughyoureyesseehernot，isshenottherestillsmiling?Asyoulieinthenightawake，andthinkingofyourduties，andthemorrow"sinevitabletoiloppressingthebusy，weary，wakefulbrainaswitharemorse，thecracklingfireflashesupforamomentinthegrate，andsheisthere，yourlittleBeauteousMaiden，smilingwithhersweeteyes！Whenmoonisdown，whenfireisout，whencurtainsaredrawn，whenlidsareclosed，isshenotthere，thelittleBeautifulOne，thoughinvisible，presentandsmilingstill?Friend，theUnseenOnesareroundaboutus。Doesitnotseemasifthetimeweredrawingnearwhenitshallbegiventomentobeholdthem?“
Theprintofwhichmyfriendspoke，andwhich，indeed，hangsinmyroom，thoughhehasneverbeenthere，isthatcharminglittlewinterpieceofSirJoshua，representingthelittleLadyCarolineMontague，afterwardsDuchessofBuccleuch。Sheisrepresentedasstandinginthemidstofawinterlandscape，wrappedinmuffandcloak；andshelooksoutofherpicturewithasmilesoexquisitethataHerodcouldnotseeherwithoutbeingcharmed。
“Ibegyourpardon，MR。PINTO，“IsaidtothepersonwithwhomIwasconversing。(Iwonder，bytheway，thatIwasnotsurprisedathisknowinghowfondIamofthisprint。)“YouspokeoftheKnightofPlympton。SirJoshuadied，1792:andyousayhewasyourdearfriend?“
AsIspokeIchancedtolookatMr。Pinto；andthenitsuddenlystruckme:Graciouspowers?PerhapsyouAREahundredyearsold，nowIthinkofit。Youlookmorethanahundred。Yes，youmaybeathousandyearsoldforwhatIknow。Yourteetharefalse。Oneeyeisevidentlyfalse。CanIsaythattheotherisnot?Ifaman"sagemaybecalculatedbytheringsroundhiseyes，thismanmaybeasoldasMethuselah。Hehasnobeard。Hewearsalargecurlyglossybrownwig，andhiseyebrowsarepaintedadeepolive-green。
Itwasoddtohearthisman，thiswalkingmummy，talkingsentiment，inthesequeeroldchambersinShepherd"sInn。
Pintopassedayellowbandannahandkerchiefoverhisawfulwhiteteeth，andkepthisglasseyesteadilyfixedonme。“SirJoshua"sfriend?“saidhe(youperceive，eludingmydirectquestion)。“IsnoteveryonethatknowshispicturesReynolds"sfriend?SupposeI
tellyouthatIhavebeeninhispaintingroomscoresoftimes，andthathissisterThehasmademetea，andhissisterToffyhasmadecoffeeforme?YouwillonlysayIamanoldombog。”(Mr。Pinto，I
remarked，spokealllanguageswithanaccentequallyforeign。)
“SupposeItellyouthatIknewMr。SamJohnson，anddidnotlikehim?thatIwasatthatveryballatMadameCornelis"，whichyouhavementionedinoneofyourlittle——whatdoyoucallthem?——bah！
mymemorybeginstofailme——inoneofyourlittleWhirligigPapers?
SupposeItellyouthatSirJoshuahasbeenhere，inthisveryroom?“
“Haveyou，then，hadtheseapartmentsfor——more——than——seventyyears?“Iasked。
“Theylookasiftheyhadnotbeensweptforthattime——don"tthey?
Hey?IdidnotsaythatIhadthemforseventyyears，butthatSirJoshuahasvisitedmehere。”
“When?“Iasked，eyingthemansternly，forIbegantothinkhewasanimpostor。
Heansweredmewithaglancestillmorestern:“SirJoshuaReynoldswasherethisverymorning，withAngelicaKaufmannandMr。OliverGoldschmidt。HeisstillverymuchattachedtoAngelica，whostilldoesnotcareforhim。Becauseheisdead(andIwasinthefourthmourningcoachathisfuneral)isthatanyreasonwhyheshouldnotcomebacktoearthagain?Mygoodsir，youarelaughingatme。Hehassatmanyatimeonthatverychairwhichyouareoccupying。
Thereareseveralspiritsintheroomnow，whomyoucannotsee。
Excuseme。”Hereheturnedroundasifhewasaddressingsomebody，andbeganrapidlyspeakingalanguageunknowntome。“ItisArabic，“hesaid；“abadpatoisIown。IlearneditinBarbary，whenIwasaprisoneramongsttheMoors。Inanno1609，binickaldusghekledtgheghaen。Ha！youdoubtme:lookatmewell。AtleastIamlike——“
Perhapssomeofmyreadersrememberapaperofwhichthefigureofamancarryingabarrelformedtheinitialletter，*andwhichIcopiedfromanoldspoonnowinmypossession。AsIlookedatMr。PintoI
dodeclarehelookedsolikethefigureonthatoldpieceofplatethatIstartedandfeltveryuneasy。“Ha！“saidhe，laughingthroughhisfalseteeth(Ideclaretheywerefalse——Icouldseeutterlytoothlessgumsworkingupanddownbehindthepinkcoral)，“youseeIworeabeardden；Iamshafednow；perhapsyoutinkIamASPOON。Ha，ha！“AndashelaughedhegaveacoughwhichI
thoughtwouldhavecoughedhisteethout，hisglasseyeout，hiswigoff，hisveryheadoff；buthestoppedthisconvulsionbystumpingacrosstheroomandseizingalittlebottleofbrightpinkmedicine，which，beingopened，spreadasingularacridaromaticodorthroughtheapartment；andIthoughtIsaw——butofthisIcannottakeanaffirmation——alightgreenandvioletflameflickeringroundtheneckofthephialasheopenedit。Bytheway，fromthepeculiarstumpingnoisewhichhemadeincrossingthebare-boardedapartment，Iknewatoncethatmystrangeentertainerhadawoodenleg。Overthedustwhichlayquitethickontheboards，youcouldseethemarkofonefootveryneatandpretty，andthenaroundO，whichwasnaturallytheimpressionmadebythewoodenstump。IownIhadaqueerthrillasIsawthatmark，andfeltasecretcomfortthatitwasnotCLOVEN。
*Thisreferstoanillustratededitionofthework。】】
InthisdesolateapartmentinwhichMr。Pintohadinvitedmetoseehim，therewerethreechairs，onebottomless，alittletableonwhichyoumightputabreakfast-tray，andnotasingleotherarticleoffurniture。Inthenextroom，thedoorofwhichwasopen，Icouldseeamagnificentgiltdressing-case，withsomesplendiddiamondandrubyshirt-studslyingbyit，andachestofdrawers，andacupboardapparentlyfullofclothes。
RememberinghiminBaden-Badeningreatmagnificence，Iwonderedathispresentdenudedstate。“Youhaveahouseelsewhere，Mr。Pinto?“
Isaid。
“Many，“sayshe。“Ihaveapartmentsinmanycities。Ilockdemup，anddonotcarrymoshlogish。”
IthenrememberedthathisapartmentatBaden，whereIfirstmethim，wasbare，andhadnobedinit。
“Thereis，then，asleeping-roombeyond?“
“Thisisthesleeping-room。”(HepronouncesitDIS。Canthis，bytheway，giveanycluetothenationalityofthissingularman?)
“Ifyousleeponthesetwooldchairsyouhavearicketycouch；ifonthefloor，adustyone。”
“SupposeIsleepupdere?“saidthisstrangeman，andheactuallypointeduptotheceiling。Ithoughthimmad，orwhathehimselfcalled“anombog。”“Iknow。Youdonotbelieveme；forwhyshouldIdeceiveyou?Icamebuttoproposeamatterofbusinesstoyou。
ItoldyouIcouldgiveyouthecluetothemysteryoftheTwoChildreninBlack，whomyoumetatBaden，andyoucametoseeme。
IfItoldyouyouwouldnotbelieve，me。Whatfortryandconvinzyou?Hahey?“Andheshookhishandonce，twice，thrice，atme，andglaredatmeoutofhiseyeinapeculiarway。
OfwhathappenednowIprotestIcannotgiveanaccurateaccount。
Itseemedtomethatthereshotaflamefromhiseyeintomybrain，whilstbehindhisGLASSeyetherewasagreenilluminationasifacandlehadbeenlitinit。Itseemedtomethatfromhislongfingerstwoquiveringflamesissued，sputtering，asitwere，whichpenetratedme，andforcedmebackintooneofthechairs——thebrokenone——outofwhichIhadmuchdifficultyinscrambling，whenthestrangeglamourwasended。Itseemed，tomethat，whenIwassofixed，sotransfixedinthebrokenchair，themanfloateduptotheceiling，crossedhislegs，foldedhisarmsasifhewaslyingonasofa，andgrinneddownatme。WhenIcametomyselfhewasdownfromtheceiling，and，takingmeoutofthebrokencane-bottomedchair，kindlyenough——“Bah！“saidhe，“itisthesmellofmymedicine。Itoftengivesthevertigo。Ithoughtyouwouldhavehadalittlefit。Comeintotheopenair。”Andwewentdownthesteps，andintoShepherd"sInn，wherethesettingsunwasjustshiningonthestatueofShepherd；thelaundressesweretraipsingabout；theporterswereleaningagainsttherailings；andtheclerkswereplayingatmarbles，tomyinexpressibleconsolation。
“Yousaidyouweregoingtodineatthe"Gray"s-innCoffee-house，"“
hesaid。Iwas。Ioftendinethere。Thereisexcellentwineatthe“Gray"s-innCoffee-house；“butIdeclareINEVERSAIDSO。Iwasnotastonishedathisremark；nomoreastonishedthanifIwasinadream。PerhapsIWASinadream。Islifeadream?Aredreamsfacts?Issleepingbeingreallyawake?Idon"tknow。ItellyouI
ampuzzled。Ihaveread“TheWomaninWhite，““TheStrangeStory“——
nottomentionthatstory“StrangerthanFiction“intheCornhillMagazine——thatstoryforwhichTHREEcrediblewitnessesarereadytovouch。Ihavehadmessagesfromthedead；andnotonlyfromthedead，butfrompeoplewhoneverexistedatall。IownIaminastateofmuchbewilderment:but，ifyouplease，willproceedwithmysimple，myartlessstory。
Well，then。WepassedfromShepherd"sInnintoHolborn，andlookedforawhileatWoodgate"sbric-a-bracshop，whichInevercanpasswithoutdelayingatthewindows——indeed，ifIweregoingtobehung，Iwouldbegthecarttostop，andletmehaveonelookmoreatthatdelightfulomniumgatherum。AndpassingWoodgate"s，wecometoGale"slittleshop，“No。47，“whichisalsoafavoritehauntofmine。
Mr。Galehappenedtobeathisdoor，andasweexchangedsalutations，“Mr。Pinto，“Isaid，“willyouliketoseearealcuriosityinthiscuriosityshop?StepintoMr。Gale"slittlebackroom。”
InthatlittlebackparlorthereareChinesegongs；thereareoldSaxeandSevresplates；thereisFurstenberg，CarlTheodor，Worcester，Amstel，Nankinandotherjimcrockery。Andinthecornerwhatdoyouthinkthereis?ThereisanactualGUILLOTINE。Ifyoudoubtme，goandsee——Gale，HighHolborn，No。47。Itisasliminstrument，muchslighterthanthosewhichtheymakenow；——someninefeethigh，narrow，aprettypieceofupholsteryenough。Thereisthehookoverwhichtheropeusedtoplaywhichunloosenedthedreadfulaxeabove；andlook！droppedintotheorificewheretheheadusedtogo——thereisTHEAXEitself，allrusty，withAGREAT
NOTCHINTHEBLADE。
AsPintolookedatit——Mr。Galewasnotintheroom，Irecollect；
happeningtohavebeenjustcalledoutbyacustomerwhoofferedhimthreepoundfourteenandsixpenceforablueShepherdinpatetendre，——Mr。Pintogavealittlestart，andseemedcrispeforamoment。Thenhelookedsteadilytowardsoneofthosegreatporcelainstoolswhichyouseeingardens——and——itseemedtome——I
tellyouIwon"ttakemyaffidavit——ImayhavebeenmaddenedbythesixglassesItookofthatpinkelixir——Imayhavebeensleep-
walking:perhapsamasIwritenow——ImayhavebeenundertheinfluenceofthatastoundingMEDIUMintowhosehandsIhadfallen——
butIvowIheardPintosay，withratheraghastlygrinattheporcelainstool，“Nay，nefershagueyourgorylocksatme，DoucanstnotsayIdidit。”
(Hepronouncedit，bytheway，IDITit，bywhichIKNOWthatPintowasaGerman。)
IheardPintosaythoseverywords，andsittingontheporcelainstoolIsaw，dimlyatfirst，thenwithanawfuldistinctness——aghost——aneidolon——aform——AHEADLESSMANseated，withhisheadinhislap，whichworeanexpressionofpiteoussurprise。
Atthisminute，Mr。Galeenteredfromthefrontshoptoshowacustomersomedelfplates；andhedidnotsee——butWEDID——thefigureriseupfromtheporcelainstool，shakeitshead，whichitheldinitshand，andwhichkeptitseyesfixedsadlyonus，anddisappearbehindtheguillotine。
“Cometothe"Gray"s-innCoffee-house，"“Pintosaid，“andIwilltellyouhowTHENOTCHCAMETOTHEAXE。”AndwewalkeddownHolbornataboutthirty-sevenminutespastsixo"clock。
Ifthereisanythingintheabovestatementwhichastonishesthereader，Ipromisehimthatinthenextchapterofthislittlestoryhewillbeastonishedstillmore。
PARTII。
“Youwillexcuseme，“Isaid，tomycompanion，“forremarking，thatwhenyouaddressedtheindividualsittingontheporcelainstool，withhisheadinhislap，yourordinarilybenevolentfeatures“——
(thisIconfesswasabouncer，forbetweenourselvesamoresinisterandill-lookingrascalthanMons。P。Ihaveseldomseteyeson)——
“yourordinarilyhandsomefaceworeanexpressionthatwasbynomeanspleasing。Yougrinnedattheindividualjustasyoudidatmewhenyouwentuptothecei——，pardonme，asITHOUGHTyoudid，whenIfelldowninafitinyourchambers；“andIqualifiedmywordsinagreatflutterandtremble；Ididnotcaretooffendtheman——IdidnotDAREtooffendtheman。Ithoughtonceortwiceofjumpingintoacab，andflying；oftakingrefugeinDayandMartin"sBlackingWarehouse；ofspeakingtoapoliceman，butnotonewouldcome。I
wasthisman"sslave。Ifollowedhimlikehisdog。ICOULDnotgetawayfromhim。So，yousee，Iwentonmeanlyconversingwithhim，andaffectingasimperingconfidence。Iremember，whenIwasalittleboyatschool，goingupfawningandsmilinginthiswaytosomegreathulkingbullyofasixth-formboy。SoIsaidinaword，“Yourordinarilyhandsomefaceworeadisagreeableexpression，“&c。
“ItisordinarilyVERYhandsome，“saidhe，withsuchaleeratacoupleofpassers-by，thatoneofthemcried，“Oh，crikey，here"sapreciousguy！“andachild，initsnurse"sarms，screameditselfintoconvulsions。“Oh，oui，chesuistres-choligarcon，bienpeau，cerdainement，“continuedMr。Pinto；“butyouwereright。That——thatpersonwasnotverywellpleasedwhenhesawme。Therewasnolovelostbetweenus，asyousay；andtheworldneverknewamoreworthlessmiscreant。Ihatehim，voyez-vous?Ihatedhimalife；I
hatehimdead。Ihatehimman；Ihatehimghost:andheknowit，andtremblebeforeme。IfIseehimtwentytausendyearshence——andwhynot?——Ishallhatehimstill。Youremarkedhowhewasdressed?“
“Inblacksatinbreechesandstripedstockings；awhitepiquewaistcoat，agraycoat，withlargemetalbuttons，andhishairinpowder。Hemusthavewornapigtail——only——“
“OnlyitwasCUTOFF！Ha，ha，ha！“Mr。Pintocried，yellingalaugh，whichIobservedmadethepolicemanstareverymuch。“Yes。
Itwascutoffbythesameblowwhichtookoffthescoundrel"shead——
ho，ho，ho！“Andhemadeacirclewithhishook-nailedfingerroundhisownyellowneck，andgrinnedwithahorribletriumph。“I
promiseyouthatfellowwassurprisedwhenhefoundhisheadinthepannier。Ha！ha！Doyoueverceasetohatethosewhomyouhate?“——
fireflashedterrificallyfromhisglasseye，ashespoke——“ortolovedosewhomyouonceloved。Oh，never，never！“Andherehisnaturaleyewasbedewedwithtears。“Buthereweareatthe"Gray"s-innCoffee-house。"James，whatisthejoint?“
Thatveryrespectfulandefficientwaiterbroughtinthebilloffare，andI，formypart，choseboiledlegofporkandpease-
pudding，whichmyacquaintancesaidwoulddoaswellasanythingelse；thoughIremarkedheonlytrifledwiththepease-pudding，andleftalltheporkontheplate。Infact，hescarcelyateanything。
Buthedrankaprodigiousquantityofwine；andImustsaythatmyfriendMr。Hart"sport-wineissogoodthatImyselftook——well，I
shouldthink，Itookthreeglasses。Yes，three，certainly。HE——I
meanMr。P——theoldrogue，wasinsatiable:forwehadtocallforasecondbottleinnotime。Whenthatwasgone，mycompanionwantedanother。Alittleredmounteduptohisyellowcheeksashedrankthewine，andhewinkedatitinastrangemanner。“Iremember，“
saidhe，musing，“whenport-winewasscarcelydrunkinthiscountry——
thoughtheQueenlikedit，andsodidHarley；butBolingbrokedidn"t——hedrankFlorenceandChampagne。Dr。Swiftputwatertohiswine。"Jonathan，"Ioncesaidtohim——butbah！autrestemps，autresmoeurs。Anothermagnum，James。”
Thiswasallverywell。“Mygoodsir，“Isaid，“itmaysuityoutoorderbottlesof"20port，ataguineaabottle；butthatkindofpricedoesnotsuitme。Ionlyhappentohavethirty-fourandsixpenceinmypocket，ofwhichIwantashillingforthewaiter，andeighteenpenceformycab。YourichforeignersandSWELLSmayspendwhatyoulike“(Ihadhimthere:formyfriend"sdresswasasshabbyasanold-clothesman"s)；“butamanwithafamily，Mr。What-
d"you-call"im，cannotaffordtospendsevenoreighthundredayearonhisdinneralone。”
“Bah！“hesaid。“Nunkeypaysforall，asyousay。Iwillwhatyoucallstantthedinner，ifyouareSOPOOR！“andagainhegavethatdisagreeablegrin，andplacedanodiouscrooked-nailedandbynomeanscleanfingertohisnose。ButIwasnotsoafraidofhimnow，forwewereinapublicplace；andthethreeglassesofport-winehad，yousee，givenmecourage。
“Whataprettysnuff-box！“heremarked，asIhandedhimmine，whichIamstillold-fashionedenoughtocarry。Itisaprettyoldgoldboxenough，butvaluabletomeespeciallyasarelicofanold，oldrelative，whomIcanjustrememberasachild，whenshewasverykindtome。“Yes；aprettybox。Icanrememberwhenmanyladies——
mostladies，carriedabox——nay，twoboxes——tabatiere，andbonbonniere。Whatladycarriessnuff-boxnow，hey?Supposeyourastonishmentifaladyinanassemblyweretoofferyouaprise?I
canrememberaladywithsuchaboxasthis，withatour，asweusedtocallitthen；withpaniers，withatortoise-shellcane，withtheprettiestlittlehigh-heeledvelvetshoesintheworld！——ah！thatwasatime，thatwasatime！Ah，Eliza，Eliza，Ihavetheenowinmymind"seye！AtBungayontheWaveney，didInotwalkwiththee，Eliza?Aha，didInotlovethee?DidInotwalkwiththeethen?
DoInotseetheestill?“
Thiswaspassingstrange。Myancestress——butthereisnoneedtopublishherreveredname——didindeedliveatBungaySt。Mary"s，wheresheliesburied。Sheusedtowalkwithatortoise-shellcane。
Sheusedtowearlittleblackvelvetshoes，withtheprettiesthighheelsintheworld。
“Didyou——didyou——know，then，mygreatgr-ndm-ther?“Isaid。
Hepulleduphiscoat-sleeve——“Isthathername?“hesaid。
“Eliza——“
There，Ideclare，wastheverynameofthekindoldcreaturewritteninredonhisarm。
“YOUknewherold，“hesaid，diviningmythoughts(withhisstrangeknack)；“Iknewheryoungandlovely。IdancedwithherattheBuryball。DidInot，dear，dearMiss——?“
AsIlive，heherementioneddeargr-nny"sMAIDENname。Hermaidennamewas。Herhonoredmarriednamewas。
“Shemarriedyourgreatgr-ndf-th-rtheyearPoseidonwontheNewmarketPlate，“Mr。Pintodrylyremarked。
Mercifulpowers！Iremember，overtheoldshagreenknifeandspooncaseonthesideboardinmygr-nny"sparlor，aprintbyStubbsofthatveryhorse。Mygrandsire，inaredcoat，andhisfairhairflowingoverhisshoulders，wasoverthemantel-piece，andPoseidonwontheNewmarketCupintheyear1783！
“Yes；youareright。IdancedaminuetwithheratBurythatverynight，beforeIlostmypoorleg。AndIquarrelledwithyourgrandf——，ha！“
Ashesaid“Ha！“therecamethreequietlittletapsonthetable——itisthemiddletableinthe“Gray"s-innCoffee-house，“underthebustofthelateDukeofW-ll-ngt-n。
“Ifiredintheair，“hecontinued“didInot?“(Tap，tap，tap。)
“Yourgrandfatherhitmeintheleg。Hemarriedthreemonthsafterwards。"CaptainBrown，"Isaid，"whocouldseeMissSm-thwithoutlovingher?"Sheisthere！Sheisthere！“(Tap，tap，tap。)“Yes，myfirstlove——“
Butheretherecametap，tap，whicheverybodyknowsmeans“No。”
“Iforgot，“hesaid，withafaintblushstealingoverhiswanfeatures，“shewasnotmyfirstlove。InGerm——inmyowncountry——
thereWASayoungwoman——“
Tap，tap，tap。Therewasherequitealivelylittletrebleknock；
andwhentheoldmansaid，“ButIlovedtheebetterthanalltheworld，Eliza，“theaffirmativesignalwasbrisklyrepeated。
AndthisIdeclareUPONMYHONOR。Therewas，Ihavesaid，abottleofport-winebeforeus——Ishouldsayadecanter。ThatdecanterwasLIFTEDup，andoutofitintoourrespectiveglassestwobumpersofwinewerepoured。IappealtoMr。Hart，thelandlord——IappealtoJames，therespectfulandintelligentwaiter，ifthisstatementisnottrue?Andwhenwehadfinishedthatmagnum，andIsaid——forI
didnotnowintheleastdoubtofherpresence——“Deargr-nny，maywehaveanothermagnum?“thetableDISTINCTLYrapped“No。”
“Now，mygoodsir，“Mr。Pintosaid，whoreallybegantobeaffectedbythewine，“youunderstandtheinterestIhavetakeninyou。I
lovedEliza——“(ofcourseIdon"tmentionfamilynames)。“Iknewyouhadthatboxwhichbelongedtoher——Iwillgiveyouwhatyoulikeforthatbox。Nameyourpriceatonce，andIpayyouonthespot。”
“Why，whenwecameout，yousaidyouhadnotsixpenceinyourpocket。”
“Bah！giveyouanythingyoulike——fifty——ahundred——atausendpound。”
“Come，come，“saidI，“thegoldoftheboxmaybeworthnineguineas，andthefaconwewillputatsixmore。”
“Onetausendguineas！“hescreeched。“Onetausendandfiftypound，dere！“andhesankbackinhischair——no，bytheway，onhisbench，forhewassittingwithhisbacktooneofthepartitionsoftheboxes，asIdaresayJamesremembers。
“DON"Tgooninthisway，“Icontinued，ratherweakly，forIdidnotknowwhetherIwasinadream。“IfyouoffermeathousandguineasforthisboxIMUSTtakeit。Mustn"tI，deargr-nny?“
Thetablemostdistinctlysaid，“Yes；“andputtingouthisclawstoseizethebox，Mr。Pintoplungedhishookednoseintoit，andeagerlyinhaledsomeofmy47withadashofHardman。
“Butstay，youoldharpy！“Iexclaimed，beingnowinasortofrage，andquitefamiliarwithhim。“Whereisthemoney?Whereisthecheck?“
“James，apieceofnote-paperandareceiptstamp！“
“Thisisallmightywell，sir，“Isaid，“butIdon"tknowyou；I
neversawyoubefore。Iwilltroubleyoutohandmethatboxbackagain，orgivemeacheckwithsomeknownsignature。”
“Whose?Ha，Ha，HA！“
Theroomhappenedtobeverydark。Indeed，allthewaitersweregonetosupper，andtherewereonlytwogentlemensnoringintheirrespectiveboxes。Isawahandcomequiveringdownfromtheceiling——averyprettyhand，onwhichwasaringwithacoronet，withalionrampantgulesforacrest。ISAWTHATHANDTAKEADIP
OFINKANDWRITEACROSSTHEPAPER。Mr。Pinto，then，takingagrayreceipt-stampoutofhisblueleatherpocket-book，fasteneditontothepaperbytheusualprocess；andthehandthenwroteacrossthereceipt-stamp，wentacrossthetableandshookhandswithPinto，andthen，asifwavinghimanadieu，vanishedinthedirectionoftheceiling。
Therewasthepaperbeforeme，wetwiththeink。TherewasthepenwhichTHEHANDhadused。Doesanybodydoubtme?IHAVETHATPEN
NOW。Acedar-stickofanotuncommonsort，andholdingoneofGillott"spens。Itisinmyinkstandnow，Itellyou。Anybodymayseeit。Thehandwritingonthecheck，forsuchthedocumentwas，wasthewritingofafemale。Itranthus:——“London，midnight，March31，1862。Paythebeareronethousandandfittypounds。RachelSidonia。ToMessrs。Sidonia，PozzosantoandCo。，London。”
“Noblestandbestofwomen！“saidPinto，kissingthesheetofpaperwithmuchreverence。“MygoodMr。Roundabout，IsupposeyoudonotquestionTHATsignature?“
Indeed，thehouseofSidonia，PozzosantoandCo。，isknowntobeoneoftherichestinEurope，andasfortheCountessRachel，shewasknowntobethechiefmanagerofthatenormouslywealthyestablishment。Therewasonlyonelittledifficulty，THECOUNTESS
RACHELDIEDLASTOCTOBER。
Ipointedoutthiscircumstance，andtossedoverthepapertoPintowithasneer。
“C"estabrendreoualaisser，“hesaidwithsomeheat。“Youliterarymenareallimbrudent；butIdidnottinkyousuchafoolwiedis。Yourboxisnotworthtwentypound，andIofferyouatausendbecauseIknowyouwantmoneytopaydatrascalTom"scollegebills。”(ThisstrangemanactuallyknewthatmyscapegraceTomhasbeenasourceofgreatexpenseandannoyancetome。)“Youseemoneycostsmenothing，andyourefusetotakeit！Once，twice；
willyoutakethischeckinexchangeforyourtrumperysnuff-box?“
WhatcouldIdo?Mypoorgranny"slegacywasvaluableanddeartome，butafterallathousandguineasarenottobehadeveryday。
“Beitabargain，“saidI。“Shallwehaveaglassofwineonit?“
saysPinto；andtothisproposalIalsounwillinglyacceded，remindinghim，bytheway，thathehadnotyettoldmethestoryoftheheadlessman。
“Yourpoorgr-ndm-therwasrightjustnow，whenshesaidshewasnotmyfirstlove。"Twasoneofthosebanaleexpressions“(hereMr。P。
blushedoncemore)“whichweusetowomen。Wetelleachsheisourfirstpassion。Theyreplywithasimilarillusoryformula。Nomanisanywoman"sfirstlove；nowomananyman"s。Weareinloveinournurse"sarms，andwomencoquettewiththeireyesbeforetheirtonguecanformaword。Howcouldyourlovelyrelativeloveme?I
wasfar，fartoooldforher。IamolderthanIlook。IamsooldthatyouwouldnotbelievemyagewereItotellyou。Ihavelovedmanyandmanyawomanbeforeyourrelative。Ithasnotalwaysbeenfortunateforthemtoloveme。Ah，Sophronia！Roundthedreadfulcircuswhereyoufell，andwhenceIwasdraggedcorpse-likebytheheels，theresatmultitudesmoresavagethanthelionswhichmangledyoursweetform！Ah，tenez！whenwemarchedtotheterriblestaketogetheratValladolid——theProtestantandtheJ——Butawaywithmemory！Boy！itwashappyforthygrandamthatshelovedmenot。
“Duringthatstrangeperiod，“hewenton，“whentheteemingTimewasgreatwiththerevolutionthatwasspeedilytobeborn，IwasonamissioninPariswithmyexcellent，mymalignedfriendCagliostro。
Mesmerwasoneofourband。Iseemedtooccupybutanobscurerankinit:though，asyouknow，insecretsocietiesthehumblemanmaybeachiefanddirector——theostensibleleaderbutapuppetmovedbyunseenhands。Nevermindwhowaschief，orwhowassecond。Nevermindmyage。Itbootsnottotellit:whyshallIexposemyselftoyourscornfulincredulity——orreplytoyourquestionsinwordsthatarefamiliartoyou，butwhichyetyoucannotunderstand?Wordsaresymbolsofthingswhichyouknow，orofthingswhichyoudon"tknow。
Ifyoudon"tknowthem，tospeakisidle。”(HereIconfessMr。P。
spokeforexactlythirty-eightminutes，aboutphysics，metaphysics，language，theoriginanddestinyofman，duringwhichtimeIwasratherbored，and，torelievemyennui，drankahalfglassorsoofwine。)“LOVE，friend，isthefountainofyouth！Itmaynothappentomeonce——onceinanage:butwhenIlove，thenIamyoung。I
lovedwhenIwasinParis。Bathilde，Bathilde，Ilovedthee——ah，howfondly！Wine，Isay，morewine！Loveiseveryoung。IwasaboyatthelittlefeetofBathildedeBechamel——thefair，thefond，thefickle，ah，thefalse！“Thestrangeoldman"sagonywasherereallyterrific，andheshowedhimselfmuchmoreagitatedthanhehadbeenwhenspeakingaboutmygr-ndm-th-r。
“IthoughtBlanchemightloveme。Icouldspeaktoherinthelanguageofallcountries，andtellhertheloreofallages。I
couldtracethenurserylegendswhichsheloveduptotheirSanscritsource，andwhispertoherthedarklingmysteriesofEgyptianMagi。
IcouldchantforherthewildchorusthatranginthedishevelledEleusinianrevel:IcouldtellherandIwould，thewatchwordneverknownbuttoonewoman，theSabanQueen，whichHirambreathedintheabysmalearofSolomon——Youdon"tattend。Psha！youhavedrunktoomuchwine！“PerhapsImayaswellownthatIwasNOTattending，forhehadbeencarryingonforaboutfifty-sevenminutes；andIdon"tlikeamantohaveALLthetalktohimself。
“BlanchedeBechamelwaswild，then，aboutthissecretofMasonry。
Inearly，earlydaysIloved，ImarriedagirlfairasBlanche，who，too，wastormentedbycuriosity，who，too，wouldpeepintomycloset——intotheonlysecretIguardedfromher。AdreadfulfatebefellpoorFatima。AnACCIDENTshortenedherlife。Poorthing！
shehadafoolishsisterwhourgedheron。IalwaystoldhertobewareofAnn。Shedied。Theysaidherbrotherskilledme。A
grossfalsehood。AMIdead?IfIwere，couldIpledgeyouinthiswine?“
“Wasyourname，“Iasked，quitebewildered，“wasyourname，pray，then，everBlueb——?“
“Hush！thewaiterwilloverhearyou。MethoughtwewerespeakingofBlanchedeBechamel。Ilovedher，youngman。Mypearls，anddiamonds，andtreasure，mywit，mywisdom，mypassion，Iflungthemallintothechild"slap。Iwasafool。WasstrongSamsonnotasweakasI?WasSolomontheWisemuchbetterwhenBalkiswheedledhim。Isaidtotheking——Butenoughofthat，IspakeofBlanchedeBechamel。
“Curiositywasthepoorchild"sfoible。Icouldsee，asItalkedtoher。thatherthoughtswereelsewhere(asyours，myfriend，havebeenabsentonceortwiceto-night)。ToknowthesecretofMasonrywasthewretchedchild"smaddesire。Withathousandwiles，smiles，caresses，shestrovetocoaxitfromme——fromME——ha！ha！
“Ihadanapprentice——thesonofadearfriend，whodiedbymysideatRossbach，whenSoubise，withwhosearmyIhappenedtobe，sufferedadreadfuldefeatforneglectingmyadvice。TheyoungChevalierGobydeMouchywasgladenoughtoserveasmyclerk，andhelpinsomechemicalexperimentsinwhichIwasengagedwithmyfriendDr。Mesmer。Bathildesawthisyoungman。Sincewomenwere，hasitnotbeentheirbusinesstosmileanddeceive，tofondleandlure?Away！Fromtheveryfirstithasbeenso！“Andasmycompanionspoke，helookedaswickedastheserpentthatcoiledroundthetree，andhissedapoisonedcounseltothefirstwoman。
“OneeveningIwent，aswasmywont，toseeBlanche。Shewasradiant:shewaswildwithspirits:asaucytriumphblazedinherblueeyes。Shetalked，sherattledinherchildishway。Sheuttered，inthecourseofherrhapsody，ahint——anintimation——soterriblethatthetruthflashedacrossmeinamoment。DidIaskher?Shewouldlietome。ButIknowhowtomakefalsehoodimpossible。AddIORDEREDHERTOGOTOSLEEP。”
Atthismomenttheclock(afteritspreviousconvulsions)soundedTWELVE。AndasthenewEditor*oftheCornhillMagazine——andHE，I
promiseyou，won"tstandanynonsense——willonlyallowsevenpages，IamobligedtoleaveoffatTHEVERYMOSTINTERESTINGPOINTOFTHE
STORY。
*Mr。ThackerayretiredfromtheEditorshipoftheCornhillMagazineinMarch，1862。
PARTIII。
“Areyouofourfraternity?Iseeyouarenot。ThesecretwhichMademoiselledeBechamelconfidedtomeinhermadtriumphandwildhoydenspirits——shewasbutachild，poorthing，poorthing，scarcefifteen——butIlovethemyoung——afollynotunusualwiththeold！“
(HereMr。Pintothrusthisknucklesintohisholloweyes；and，Iamsorrytosay，solittleregardfulwasheofpersonalcleanliness，thathistearsmadestreaksofwhiteoverhisgnarleddarkhands。)
“Ah，atfifteen，poorchild，thyfatewasterrible！Goto！Itisnotgoodtoloveme，friend。Theyprospernotwhodo。Idivineyou。Youneednotsaywhatyouarethinking——“
Intruth，Iwasthinking，ifgirlsfallinlovewiththissallowhook-nosed，glass-eyed，wooden-legged，dirty，hideousoldman，withtheshamteeth，theyhaveaqueertaste。THATiswhatIwasthinking。
“JackWilkessaidthehandsomestmaninLondonhadbuthalfanhour"sstartofhim。Andwithoutvanity，IamscarcelyuglierthanJackWilkes。WeweremembersofthesameclubatMedenhamAbbey，JackandI，andhadmanyamerrynighttogether。Well，sir，I——MaryofScotlandknewmebutasalittlehunchbackedmusic-master；andyet，andyet，IthinkSHEwasnotindifferenttoherDavidRiz——andSHEcametomisfortune。Theyalldo——theyalldo！“
“Sir，youarewanderingfromyourpoint！“Isaid，withsomeseverity。For，really，forthisoldhumbugtohintthathehadbeenthebaboonwhofrightenedtheclubatMedenham，thathehadbeenintheInquisitionatValladolid——thatunderthenameofD。Riz，ashecalledit，hehadknownthelovelyQueenofScots——wasaLITTLEtoomuch。“Sir，“thenIsaid，“youwerespeakingaboutaMissdeBechamel。Ireallyhavenottimetohearallyourbiography。”
“Faith，thegoodwinegetsintomyhead。”(Ishouldthinkso，theoldtoper！Fourbottlesallbuttwoglasses。)“ToreturntopoorBlanche。AsIsatlaughing，jokingwithher，sheletslipaword，alittleword，whichfilledmewithdismay。SomeonehadtoldherapartoftheSecret——thesecretwhichhasbeendivulgedscarcethriceinthreethousandyears——theSecretoftheFreemasons。Doyouknowwhathappenstothoseuninitiatewholearnthatsecret?tothosewretchedmen，theinitiatewhorevealit?“
AsPintospoketome，helookedthroughandthroughmewithhishorriblepiercingglance，sothatIsatquiteuneasilyonmybench。
Hecontinued:“DidIquestionherawake?Iknewshewouldlietome。Poorchild！IlovedhernolessbecauseIdidnotbelieveawordshesaid。Ilovedherblueeye，hergoldenhair，herdeliciousvoice，thatwastrueinsong，thoughwhenshespoke，falseasEblis！
YouareawarethatIpossessinratheraremarkabledegreewhatwehaveagreedtocallthemesmericpower。Isettheunhappygirltosleep。THENshewasobligedtotellmeall。ItwasasIhadsurmised。GobydeMouchy，mywretched，besotted，miserablesecretary，inhisvisitstothechateauoftheMarquisdeBechamel，whowasoneofoursociety，hadseenBlanche。Isupposeitwasbecauseshehadbeenwarnedthathewasworthless，andpoor，artfulandacoward，shelovedhim。ShewormedoutofthebesottedwretchthesecretsofourOrder。"DidhetellyoutheNUMBERONE?"I
asked。
“Shesaid，"Yes。"
“"Didhe，"Ifurtherinquired，"tellyouthe——"
“"Oh，don"taskme，don"taskme！"shesaid，writhingonthesofa，whereshelayinthepresenceoftheMarquisdeBechamel，hermostunhappyfather。PoorBechamel，poorBechamel！HowpalehelookedasIspoke！"Didhetellyou，"Irepeatedwithadreadfulcalm，"theNUMBERTWO?"Shesaid，"Yes。"
“Thepooroldmarquisroseup，andclaspinghishands，fellonhiskneesbeforeCountCagl——Bah！Iwentbyadifferentnamethen。
Vat"sinaname?DatvichvecallaRosicrucianbyanyothernamevilsmellassveet。"Monsieur，"hesaid，"Iamold——Iamrich。I
havefivehundredthousandlivresofrentesinPicardy。IhavehalfasmuchinArtois。IhavetwohundredandeightythousandontheGrandLivre。IampromisedbymySovereignadukedomandhisorderswithareversiontomyheir。IamaGrandeeofSpainoftheFirstClass，andDukeofVolovento。Takemytitles，myreadymoney，mylife，myhonor，everythingIhaveintheworld，butdon"tasktheTHIRDQUESTION。"
“"GodefroiddeBouillon，ComtedeBechamel，GrandeeofSpainandPrinceofVolovento，inourAssemblywhatwastheoathyouswore?"“
Theoldmanwrithedasheremembereditsterrificpurport。
“Thoughmyheartwasrackedwithagony，andIwouldhavedied，ay，cheerfully“(died，indeed，asifTHATwereapenalty！)“tospareyonderlovelychildapang，Isaidtohercalmly，"BlanchedeBechamel，didGobydeMouchytellyousecretNUMBERTHREE?"
“Shewhisperedaouithatwasquitefaint，faintandsmall。Butherpoorfatherfellinconvulsionsatherfeet。
“Shediedsuddenlythatnight。DidInottellyouthoseIlovecometonogood?WhenGeneralBonapartecrossedtheSaintBernard，hesawintheconventanoldmonkwithawhitebeard，wanderingaboutthecorridors，cheerfulandratherstout，butmad——madasaMarchhare。"General，"Isaidtohim，"didyoueverseethatfacebefore?"Hehadnot。HehadnotmingledmuchwiththehigherclassesofoursocietybeforetheRevolution。Iknewthepooroldmanwellenough；hewasthelastofanoblerace，andIlovedhischild。”
“Anddidshedieby——?“
“Man！didIsayso?DoIwhisperthesecretsoftheVehmgericht?I
sayshediedthatnight:andhe——he，theheartless，thevillain，thebetrayer，——yousawhimseatedinyondercuriosity-shop，byyonderguillotine，withhisscoundrellyheadinhislap。
“Yousawhowslightthatinstrumentwas?ItwasoneofthefirstwhichGuillotinmade，andwhichheshowedtoprivatefriendsinaHANGARintheRuePicpus，wherehelived。Theinventioncreatedsomelittleconversationamongstscientificmenatthetime，thoughIrememberamachineinEdinburghofaverysimilarconstruction，twohundred——well，many，manyyearsago——andatabreakfastwhichGuillotingaveheshowedustheinstrument，andmuchtalkaroseamongstusastowhetherpeoplesufferedunderit。
“AndnowImusttellyouwhatbefellthetraitorwhohadcausedallthissuffering。Didheknowthatthepoorchild"sdeathwasaSENTENCE?Hefeltacowardlysatisfactionthatwithherwasgonethesecretofhistreason。Thenhebegantodoubt。IhadMEANStopenetrateallhisthoughts，aswellastoknowhisacts。Thenhebecameaslavetoahorriblefear。Hefledinabjectterrortoaconvent。TheystillexistedinParis；andbehindthewallsofJacobinsthewretchthoughthimselfsecure。Poorfool！Ihadbuttosetoneofmysomnambuliststosleep。Herspiritwentforthandspiedtheshudderingwretchinhiscell。Shedescribedthestreet，thegate，theconvent，theverydresswhichhewore，andwhichyousawto-day。
“AndnowTHISiswhathappened。InhischamberintheRueSt。
Honore，atParis，satamanALONE——amanwhohasbeenmaligned，amanwhohasbeencalledaknaveandcharlatan，amanwhohasbeenpersecutedeventothedeath，itissaid，inRomanInquisitions，forsooth，andelsewhere。Ha！ha！Amanwhohasamightywill。
“AndlookingtowardstheJacobinsConvent(ofwhich，fromhischamber，hecouldseethespiresandtrees)，thismanWILLED。Anditwasnotyetdawn。Andhewilled；andonewhowaslyinginhiscellintheconventofJacobins，awakeandshudderingwithterrorforacrimewhichhehadcommitted，fellasleep。
“Butthoughhewasasleephiseyeswereopen。
“Andaftertossingandwrithing，andclingingtothepallet，andsaying，"No，Iwillnotgo，"heroseupanddonnedhisclothes——
agraycoat，avestofwhitepique，blacksatinsmall-clothes，ribbedsilkstockings，andawhitestockwithasteelbuckle；andhearrangedhishair，andhetiedhisqueue，allthewhilebeinginthatstrangesomnolencewhichwalks，whichmoves，whichFLIES
sometimes，whichsees，whichisindifferenttopain，whichOBEYS。
Andheputonhishat，andhewentforthfromhiscell；andthoughthedawnwasnotyet，hetrodthecorridorsasseeingthem。Andhepassedintothecloister，andthenintothegardenwherelietheancientdead。Andhecametothewicket，whichBrotherJeromewasopeningjustatthedawning。Andthecrowdwasalreadywaitingwiththeircansandbowlstoreceivethealmsofthegoodbrethren。
“Andhepassedthroughthecrowdandwentonhisway，andthefewpeoplethenabroadwhomarkedhim，said，"Tiens！howveryoddhelooks！Helookslikeamanwalkinginhissleep！"Thiswassaidbyvariouspersons:——
“Bymilk-women，withtheircansandcarts，comingintothetown。
“ByroystererswhohadbeendrinkingatthetavernsoftheBarrier，foritwasMid-Lent。
“Bythesergeantsofthewatch，whoeyedhimsternlyashepassedneartheirhalberds。
“Buthepassedonunmovedbytheirhalberds，“Unmovedbythecriesoftheroysterers，“Bythemarket-womencomingwiththeirmilkandeggs。
“HewalkedthroughtheRueSt。Honore，Isay:——
“BytheRueRambuteau，“BytheRueSt。Antoine，“BytheKing"sChateauoftheBastille，“BytheFaubourgSt。Antoine。
“AndhecametoNo。29intheRuePicpus——ahousewhichthenstoodbetweenacourtandgarden——
“Thatis，therewasabuildingofonestory，withagreatcoach-door。
“Thentherewasacourt，aroundwhichwerestables，coach-houses，offices。
“Thentherewasahouse——atwo-storiedhouse，withaperroninfront。
“Behindthehousewasagarden——agardenoftwohundredandfiftyFrenchfeetinlength。
“AndasonehundredfeetofFranceequalonehundredandsixfeetofEngland，thisgarden，myfriends，equalledexactlytwohundredandsixty-fivefeetofBritishmeasure。
“Inthecentreofthegardenwasafountainandastatue——or，tospeakmorecorrectly，twostatues。Onewasrecumbent，——aman。Overhim，sabreinhand，stoodawoman。
“ThemanwasOlofernes。ThewomanwasJudith。Fromthehead，fromthetrunk，thewatergushed。Itwasthetasteofthedoctor:——wasitnotadrolloftaste?
“Attheendofthegardenwasthedoctor"scabinetofstudy。Myfaith，asingularcabinet，andsingularpictures！——
“DecapitationofCharlesPremieratVitehall。
“DecapitationofMontroseatEdimbourg。
“DecapitationofCinqMars。WhenItellyouthathewasamanofataste，charming！
“Throughthisgarden，bythesestatues，upthesestairs，wentthepalefigureofhimwho，theportersaid，knewthewayofthehouse。
Hedid。Turningneitherrightnorleft，heseemedtowalkTHROUGH
thestatues，theobstacles，theflower-beds，thestairs，thedoor，thetables，thechairs。
“InthecorneroftheroomwasTHATINSTRUMENT，whichGuillotinhadjustinventedandperfected。Onedayhewastolayhisownheadunderhisownaxe。Peacebetohisname！WithhimIdealnot！
“Inaframeofmahogany，neatlyworked，wasaboardwithahalf-
circleinit，overwhichanotherboardfitted。Abovewasaheavyaxe，whichfell——youknowhow。Itwasheldupbyarope，andwhenthisropewasuntied，orcut，thesteelfell。
“TothestorywhichInowhavetorelate，youmaygivecredence，ornot，asyouwill。Thesleepingmanwentuptothatinstrument。
“Helaidhisheadinit，asleep。”
“Asleep?“
“Hethentookalittlepenknifeoutofthepocketofhiswhitedimitywaistcoat。
“Hecuttheropeasleep。
“Theaxedescendedontheheadofthetraitorandvillain。Thenotchinitwasmadebythesteelbuckleofhisstock，whichwascutthrough。
“Astrangelegendhasgotabroadthatafterthedeedwasdone，thefigurerose，tooktheheadfromthebasket，walkedforththroughthegarden，andbythescreamingportersatthegate，andwentandlaiditselfdownattheMorgue。ButforthisIwillnotvouch。Onlyofthisbesure。"Therearemorethingsinheavenandearth，Horatio，thanaredreamedofinyourphilosophy。"Moreandmorethelightpeepsthroughthechinks。Soon，amidstmusicravishing，thecurtainwillrise，andthegloriousscenebedisplayed。Adieu！Rememberme。Ha！"tisdawn，“Pintosaid。Andhewasgone。
Iamashamedtosaythatmyfirstmovementwastoclutchthechequewhichhehadleftwithme，andwhichIwasdeterminedtopresenttheverymomentthebankopened。Iknowtheimportanceofthesethings，andthatmenCHANGETHEIRMINDsometimes。IsprangthroughthestreetstothegreatbankinghouseofManassehinDukeStreet。ItseemedtomeasifIactuallyflewasIwalked。AstheclockstrucktenIwasatthecounterandlaiddownmycheque。
Thegentlemanwhoreceivedit，whowasoneoftheHebrewpersuasion，asweretheothertwohundredclerksoftheestablishment，havinglookedatthedraftwithterrorinhiscountenance，thenlookedatme，thencalledtohimselftwoofhisfellow-clerks，andqueeritwastoseealltheiraquilinebeaksoverthepaper。
“Come，come！“saidI，“don"tkeepmehereallday。Handmeoverthemoney，short，ifyouplease！“forIwas，yousee，alittlealarmed，andsodeterminedtoassumesomeextrabluster。
“Willyouhavethekindnesstostepintotheparlortothepartners?“theclerksaid，andIfollowedhim。
“What，AGAIN?“shriekedabald-headed，red-whiskeredgentleman，whomIknewtobeMr。Manasseh。“Mr。Salathiel，thisistoobad！Leavemewiththisgentleman，S。”Andtheclerkdisappeared。
“Sir，“hesaid，“Iknowhowyoucamebythis；theCountdePintogaveityou。Itistoobad！Ihonormyparents；IhonorTHEIR
parents；Ihonortheirbills！Butthisoneofgrandma"sistoobad——
itis，uponmywordnow！She"vebeendeadthesefive-and-thirtyyears。Andthislastfourmonthsshehasleftherburial-placeandtooktodrawingonour"ouse！It"stoobad，grandma；itistoobad！“andheappealedtome，andtearsactuallytrickleddownhisnose。
“IsittheCountessSidonia"schequeornot?“Iasked，haughtily。
“But，Itellyou，she"sdead！It"sashame！——it"sashame！——itis，grandmamma！“andhecried，andwipedhisgreatnoseinhisyellowpocket-handkerchief。“Lookyear——willyoutakepoundsinsteadofguineas?She"sdead，Itellyou！It"snogo！Takethepounds——onetausendpound！——tennice，neat，crisphundred-poundnotes，andgoawayvidyou，do！“
“Iwillhavemybond，sir，ornothing，“Isaid；andIputonanattitudeofresolutionwhichIconfesssurprisedevenmyself。
“Weryvell，“heshrieked，withmanyoaths，“thenyoushallhavenoting——ha，ha，ha！——notingbutapoliceman！Mr。Abednego，callapoliceman！Takethat，youhumbugandimpostor！“andhere，withanabundanceoffrightfullanguagewhichIdarenotrepeat，thewealthybankerabusedanddefiedme。
Auboutducompte，whatwasItodo，ifabankerdidnotchoosetohonorachequedrawnbyhisdeadgrandmother?IbegantowishIhadmysnuff-boxback。IbegantothinkIwasafoolforchangingthatlittleold-fashionedgoldforthisslipofstrangepaper。
Meanwhilethebankerhadpassedfromhisfitofangertoaparoxysmofdespair。Heseemedtobeaddressingsomepersoninvisible，butintheroom:“Lookhere，ma"am，you"vereallybeencomingittoostrong。Ahundredthousandinsixmonths，andnowathousandmore！
The"ousecan"tstandit；itWON"Tstandit，Isay！What?Oh！
mercy，mercy！“
Asheutteredthesewords，AHandflutteredoverthetableintheair！Itwasafemalehand:thatwhichIhadseenthenightbefore。
Thatfemalehandtookapenfromthegreenbaizetable，dippeditinasilverinkstand，andwroteonaquarterofasheetoffoolscapontheblotting-book，“Howaboutthediamondrobbery?Ifyoudonotpay，Iwilltellhimwheretheyare。”
Whatdiamonds?whatrobbery?whatwasthismystery?Thatwillneverbeascertained，forthewretchedman"sdemeanorinstantlychanged。
“Certainly，sir；——oh，certainly，“hesaid，forcingagrin。“Howwillyouhavethemoney，sir?Allright，Mr。Abednego。Thiswayout。”
“IhopeIshalloftenseeyouagain，“Isaid；onwhichIownpoorManassehgaveadreadfulgrin，andshotbackintohisparlor。
Iranhome，clutchingthetendelicious，crisphundredpounds，andthedearlittlefiftywhichmadeuptheaccount。Iflewthroughthestreetsagain。Igottomychambers。Iboltedtheouterdoors。I
sankbackinmygreatchair，andslept……
Myfirstthingonwakingwastofeelformymoney。Perdition！
WherewasI?Ha！——onthetablebeforemewasmygrandmother"ssnuff-box，andbyitssideoneofthoseawful——thoseadmirable——
sensationnovels，whichIhadbeenreading，andwhicharefullofdeliciouswonder。
ButthattheguillotineisstilltobeseenatMr。Gale"s，No。47，HighHolborn，IgiveyouMYHONOR。IsupposeIwasdreamingaboutit。Idon"tknow。Whatisdreaming?Whatislife?Whyshouldn"tIsleepontheceiling?——andamIsittingonitnow，oronthefloor?Iampuzzled。Butenough。Ifthefashionforsensationnovelsgoeson，ItellyouIwillwriteoneinfiftyvolumes。Forthepresent，DIXI。Butbetweenourselves，thisPinto，whofoughtattheColosseum，whowasnearlybeingroastedbytheInquisition，andsangduetsatHolyrood，IamrathersorrytolosehimafterthreelittlebitsofRoundaboutPapers。Etvous?
DEFINIBUS。
WhenSwiftwasinlovewithStella，anddespatchingheraletterfromLondonthriceamonthbytheIrishpacket，youmayrememberhowhewouldbeginletterNo。XXIII。，wewillsay，ontheverydaywhenXXII。hadbeensentaway，stealingoutofthecoffee-houseortheassemblysoastobeabletoprattlewithhisdear；“neverlettinggoherkindhand，asitwere，“assomecommentatororotherhassaidinspeakingoftheDeanandhisamour。WhenMr。Johnson，walkingtoDodsley"s，andtouchingthepostsinPallMallashewalked，forgottopattheheadofoneofthem，hewentbackandimposedhishandsonit，——impelledIknownotbywhatsuperstition。IhavethisI
hopenotdangerousmaniatoo。Assoonasapieceofworkisoutofhand，andbeforegoingtosleep，Iliketobeginanother:itmaybetowriteonlyhalfadozenlines:butthatissomethingtowardsNumbertheNext。Theprinter"sboyhasnotyetreachedGreenArborCourtwiththecopy。Thosepeoplewhowerealivehalfanhoursince，Pendennis，CliveNewcome，and(whatdoyoucallhim?whatwasthenameofthelasthero?Iremembernow！)PhilipFirmin，havehardlydrunktheirglassofwine，andthemammashaveonlythisminutegotthechildren"scloakson，andhavebeenbowedoutofmypremises——andhereIcomebacktothestudyagain:tamenusquerecurro。Howlonelyitlooksnowallthesepeoplearegone！Mydeargoodfriends，somefolksareutterlytiredofyou，andsay，“Whatapovertyoffriendsthemanhas！HeisalwaysaskingustomeetthosePendennises，Newcomes，andsoforth。Whydoeshenotintroduceustosomenewcharacters?WhyishenotthrillinglikeTwostars，learnedandprofoundlikeThreestars，exquisitelyhumorousandhumanlikeFourstars?Why，finally，ishenotsomebodyelse?“
Mygoodpeople，itisnotonlyimpossibletopleaseyouall，butitisabsurdtotry。Thedishwhichonemandevours，anotherdislikes。
Isthedinnerofto-daynottoyourtaste?Letushopeto-morrow"sentertainmentwillbemoreagreeable……Iresumemyoriginalsubject。Whatanodd，pleasant，humorous，melancholyfeelingitistositinthestudy，aloneandquiet，nowallthesepeoplearegonewhohavebeenboardingandlodgingwithmefortwentymonths！Theyhaveinterruptedmyrest:theyhaveplaguedmeatallsortsofminutes:theyhavethrustthemselvesuponmewhenIwasill，orwishedtobeidle，andIhavegrowledouta“Behangedtoyou，can"tyouleavemealonenow?“Onceortwicetheyhavepreventedmygoingouttodinner。Manyandmanyatimetheyhavepreventedmycominghome，becauseIknewtheyweretherewaitinginthestudy，andaplaguetakethem！andIhavelefthomeandfamily，andgonetodineattheClub，andtoldnobodywhereIwent。Theyhaveboredme，thosepeople。Theyhaveplaguedmeatallsortsofuncomfortablehours。Theyhavemadesuchadisturbanceinmymindandhouse，thatsometimesIhavehardlyknownwhatwasgoingoninmyfamily，andscarcelyhaveheardwhatmyneighborsaidtome。Theyaregoneatlast；andyouwouldexpectmetobeatease?Farfromit。IshouldalmostbegladifWoolcombwouldwalkinandtalktome；orTwysdenreappear，takehisplaceinthatchairoppositeme，andbeginoneofhistremendousstories。
Madmen，youknow，seevisions，holdconversationswith，evendrawthelikenessof，peopleinvisibletoyouandme。Isthismakingofpeopleoutoffancymadness?andarenovel-writersatallentitledtostrait-waistcoats?Ioftenforgetpeople"snamesinlife；andinmyownstoriescontritelyownthatImakedreadfulblundersregardingthem；butIdeclare，mydearsir，withrespecttothepersonagesintroducedintoyourhumbleservant"sfables，Iknowthepeopleutterly——Iknowthesoundoftheirvoices。Agentlemancameintoseemetheotherday，whowassolikethepictureofPhilipFirmininMr。Walker"scharmingdrawingsinthecornhillMagazine，thathewasquiteacuriositytome。Thesameeyes，beard，shoulders，justasyouhaveseenthemfrommonthtomonth。Well，heisnotlikethePhilipFirmininmymind。Asleep，asleepinthegrave，liesthebold，thegenerous，thereckless，thetender-heartedcreaturewhomIhavemadetopassthroughthoseadventureswhichhavejustbeenbroughttoanend。ItisyearssinceIheardthelaughterringing，orsawthebrightblueeyes。WhenIknewhimbothwereyoung。IbecomeyoungasIthinkofhim。Andthismorninghewasaliveagaininthisroom，readytolaugh，tofight，toweep。AsIwrite，doyouknow，itisthegrayofevening；thehouseisquiet；
everybodyisout；theroomisgettingalittledark，andIlookratherwistfullyupfromthepaperwithperhapseversolittlefancythatHEMAYCOMEIN——No?Nomovement。Nograyshade，growingmorepalpable，outofwhichatlastlookthewell-knowneyes。No，theprintercameandtookhimawaywiththelastpageoftheproofs。
Andwiththeprinter"sboydidthewholecortegeofghostsflitaway，invisible?Ha！stay！whatisthis?Angelsandministersofgrace！Thedooropens，andadarkform——enters，bearingablack——ablacksuitofclothes。ItisJohn。Hesaysitistimetodressfordinner