第2章

Thehorsessweatedevenatwalking-pace，butanythingwasbetterthansittingstillinourowndarkhouses。Whenwemovedoffunderthefullmoonwewerefourcouples，onetriplet，andMr。SaumarezrodewiththeCopleighgirls，andIloiteredatthetailoftheprocession，wonderingwithwhomSaumarezwouldridehome。Everyonewashappyandcontented；butweallfeltthatthingsweregoingtohappen。Werodeslowly:anditwasnearlymidnightbeforewereachedtheoldtomb，facingtheruinedtank，inthedecayedgardenswhereweweregoingtoeatanddrink。Iwaslateincomingup；andbeforeIwentintothegarden，Isawthatthehorizontothenorthcarriedafaint，dun-coloredfeather。Butnoonewouldhavethankedmeforspoilingsowell-managedanentertainmentasthispicnic——andadust-storm，moreorless，doesnogreatharm。

Wegatheredbythetank。Someonehadbroughtoutabanjo——whichisamostsentimentalinstrument——andthreeorfourofussang。

Youmustnotlaughatthis。Ouramusementsinout-of-the-wayStationsareveryfewindeed。Thenwetalkedingroupsortogether，lyingunderthetrees，withthesun-bakedrosesdroppingtheirpetalsonourfeet，untilsupperwasready。Itwasabeautifulsupper，ascoldandasicedasyoucouldwish；andwestayedlongoverit。

Ihadfeltthattheairwasgrowinghotterandhotter；butnobodyseemedtonoticeituntilthemoonwentoutandaburninghotwindbeganlashingtheorange-treeswithasoundlikethenoiseofthesea。Beforeweknewwherewewere，thedust-stormwasonus，andeverythingwasroaring，whirlingdarkness。Thesupper-tablewasblownbodilyintothetank。Wewereafraidofstayinganywhereneartheoldtombforfearitmightbeblowndown。Sowefeltourwaytotheorange-treeswherethehorseswerepicketedandwaitedforthestormtoblowover。Thenthelittlelightthatwasleftvanished，andyoucouldnotseeyourhandbeforeyourface。Theairwasheavywithdustandsandfromthebedoftheriver，thatfilledbootsandpocketsanddrifteddownnecksandcoatedeyebrowsandmoustaches。Itwasoneoftheworstdust-stormsoftheyear。

Wewereallhuddledtogetherclosetothetremblinghorses，withthethunderclatteringoverhead，andthelightningspurtinglikewaterfromasluice，allwaysatonce。Therewasnodanger，ofcourse，unlessthehorsesbrokeloose。Iwasstandingwithmyheaddownwardandmyhandsovermymouth，hearingthetreesthrashingeachother。Icouldnotseewhowasnextmetilltheflashescame。

ThenIfoundthatIwaspackednearSaumarezandtheeldestMissCopleigh，withmyownhorsejustinfrontofme。IrecognizedtheeldestMissCopleigh，becauseshehadapagriroundherhelmet，andtheyoungerhadnot。AlltheelectricityintheairhadgoneintomybodyandIwasquiveringandtinglingfromheadtofoot——exactlyasacornshootsandtinglesbeforerain。Itwasagrandstorm。

Thewindseemedtobepickinguptheearthandpitchingittoleewardingreatheaps；andtheheatbeatupfromthegroundliketheheatoftheDayofJudgment。

Thestormlulledslightlyafterthefirsthalf-hour，andIheardadespairinglittlevoiceclosetomyear，sayingtoitself，quietlyandsoftly，asifsomelostsoulwereflyingaboutwiththewind:

“OmyGod！“ThentheyoungerMissCopleighstumbledintomyarms，saying:“Whereismyhorse?Getmyhorse。Iwanttogohome。I

WANTtogohome。Takemehome。”

Ithoughtthatthelightningandtheblackdarknesshadfrightenedher；soIsaidtherewasnodanger，butshemustwaittillthestormblewover。Sheanswered:“ItisnotTHAT！ItisnotTHAT！

Iwanttogohome！Otakemeawayfromhere！“

Isaidthatshecouldnotgotillthelightcame；butIfeltherbrushpastmeandgoaway。Itwastoodarktoseewhere。Thenthewholeskywassplitopenwithonetremendousflash，asiftheendoftheworldwerecoming，andallthewomenshrieked。

Almostdirectlyafterthis，Ifeltaman"shandonmyshoulderandheardSaumarezbellowinginmyear。Throughtherattlingofthetreesandhowlingofthewind，Ididnotcatchhiswordsatonce，butatlastIheardhimsay:“I"veproposedtothewrongone！WhatshallIdo?“Saumarezhadnooccasiontomakethisconfidencetome。Iwasneverafriendofhis，noramInow；butIfancyneitherofuswereourselvesjustthen。Hewasshakingashestoodwithexcitement，andIwasfeelingqueeralloverwiththeelectricity。

Icouldnotthinkofanythingtosayexcept:——“Morefoolyouforproposinginadust-storm。”ButIdidnotseehowthatwouldimprovethemistake。

Thenheshouted:“Where"sEdith——EdithCopleigh?“Edithwastheyoungestsister。Iansweredoutofmyastonishment:——“WhatdoyouwantwithHER?“Wouldyoubelieveit，forthenexttwominutes，heandIwereshoutingateachotherlikemaniacs——hevowingthatitwastheyoungestsisterhehadmeanttoproposetoallalong，andI

tellinghimtillmythroatwashoarsethathemusthavemadeamistake！Ican"taccountforthisexcept，again，bythefactthatwewereneitherofusourselves。Everythingseemedtomelikeabaddream——fromthestampingofthehorsesinthedarknesstoSaumareztellingmethestoryofhislovingEdithCopleighsincethefirst。HewasstillclawingmyshoulderandbeggingmetotellhimwhereEdithCopleighwas，whenanotherlullcameandbroughtlightwithit，andwesawthedust-cloudformingontheplaininfrontofus。Soweknewtheworstwasover。Themoonwaslowdown，andtherewasjusttheglimmerofthefalsedawnthatcomesaboutanhourbeforetherealone。Butthelightwasveryfaint，andtheduncloudroaredlikeabull。IwonderedwhereEdithCopleighhadgone；andasIwaswonderingIsawthreethingstogether:FirstMaudCopleigh"sfacecomesmilingoutofthedarknessandmovetowardsSaumarez，whowasstandingbyme。I

heardthegirlwhisper，“George，“andslideherarmthroughthearmthatwasnotclawingmyshoulder，andIsawthatlookonherfacewhichonlycomesonceortwiceinalifetime-whenawomanisperfectlyhappyandtheairisfulloftrumpetsandgorgeous-

coloredfireandtheEarthturnsintocloudbecauseshelovesandisloved。Atthesametime，IsawSaumarez"sfaceasheheardMaudCopleigh"svoice，andfiftyyardsawayfromtheclumpoforange-

treesIsawabrownhollandhabitgettinguponahorse。

Itmusthavebeenmystateofover-excitementthatmademesoquicktomeddlewithwhatdidnotconcernme。Saumarezwasmovingofftothehabit；butIpushedhimbackandsaid:——“Stophereandexplain。

I"llfetchherback！“andIranouttogetatmyownhorse。Ihadaperfectlyunnecessarynotionthateverythingmustbedonedecentlyandinorder，andthatSaumarez"sfirstcarewastowipethehappylookoutofMaudCopleigh"sface。AllthetimeIwaslinkingupthecurb-chainIwonderedhowhewoulddoit。

IcanteredafterEdithCopleigh，thinkingtobringherbackslowlyonsomepretenceoranother。Butshegallopedawayassoonasshesawme，andIwasforcedtorideafterherinearnest。Shecalledbackoverhershoulder——“Goaway！I"mgoinghome。Oh，goaway！“

twoorthreetimes；butmybusinesswastocatchherfirst，andarguelater。Theridejustfittedinwiththerestoftheevildream。Thegroundwasverybad，andnowandagainwerushedthroughthewhirling，choking“dust-devils“intheskirtsoftheflyingstorm。Therewasaburninghotwindblowingthatbroughtupastenchofstalebrick-kilnswithit；andthroughthehalflightandthroughthedust-devils，acrossthatdesolateplain，flickeredthebrownhollandhabitonthegrayhorse。SheheadedfortheStationatfirst。Thenshewheeledroundandsetofffortheriverthroughbedsofburntdownjungle-grass，badeventorideapigover。IncoldbloodIshouldneverhavedreamedofgoingoversuchacountryatnight，butitseemedquiterightandnaturalwiththelightningcracklingoverhead，andareeklikethesmellofthePitinmynostrils。Irodeandshouted，andshebentforwardandlashedherhorse，andtheaftermathofthedust-stormcameupandcaughtusboth，anddroveusdownwindlikepiecesofpaper。

Idon"tknowhowfarwerode；butthedrummingofthehorse-hoofsandtheroarofthewindandtheraceofthefaintblood-redmoonthroughtheyellowmistseemedtohavegoneonforyearsandyears，andIwasliterallydrenchedwithsweatfrommyhelmettomygaiterswhenthegraystumbled，recoveredhimself，andpulledupdeadlame。Mybrutewasusedupaltogether。EdithCopleighwasinasadstate，plasteredwithdust，herhelmetoff，andcryingbitterly。“Whycan"tyouletmealone?“shesaid。“Ionlywantedtogetawayandgohome。Oh，PLEASEletmego！“

“Youhavegottocomebackwithme，MissCopleigh。Saumarezhassomethingtosaytoyou。”

Itwasafoolishwayofputtingit；butIhardlyknewMissCopleigh；and，thoughIwasplayingProvidenceatthecostofmyhorse，IcouldnottellherinasmanywordswhatSaumarezhadtoldme。Ithoughthecoulddothatbetterhimself。Allherpretenceaboutbeingtiredandwantingtogohomebrokedown，andsherockedherselftoandfrointhesaddleasshesobbed，andthehotwindblewherblackhairtoleeward。Iamnotgoingtorepeatwhatshesaid，becauseshewasutterlyunstrung。

This，ifyouplease，wasthecynicalMissCopleigh。HerewasI，almostanutterstrangertoher，tryingtotellherthatSaumarezlovedherandshewastocomebacktohearhimsayso！IbelieveI

mademyselfunderstood，forshegatheredthegraytogetherandmadehimhobblesomehow，andwesetoffforthetomb，whilethestormwentthunderingdowntoUmballaandafewbigdropsofwarmrainfell。IfoundoutthatshehadbeenstandingclosetoSaumarezwhenheproposedtohersisterandhadwantedtogohomeandcryinpeace，asanEnglishgirlshould。Shedabbledhereyeswithherpocket-handkerchiefaswewentalong，andbabbledtomeoutofsheerlightnessofheartandhysteria。Thatwasperfectlyunnatural；andyet，itseemedallrightatthetimeandintheplace。AlltheworldwasonlythetwoCopleighgirls，SaumarezandI，ringedinwiththelightningandthedark；andtheguidanceofthismisguidedworldseemedtolieinmyhands。

Whenwereturnedtothetombinthedeep，deadstillnessthatfollowedthestorm，thedawnwasjustbreakingandnobodyhadgoneaway。Theywerewaitingforourreturn。Saumarezmostofall。

Hisfacewaswhiteanddrawn。AsMissCopleighandIlimpedup，hecameforwardtomeetus，and，whenhehelpedherdownfromhersaddle，hekissedherbeforeallthepicnic。Itwaslikeasceneinatheatre，andthelikenesswasheightenedbyallthedust-

white，ghostly-lookingmenandwomenundertheorange-trees，clappingtheirhands，asiftheywerewatchingaplay——atSaumarez"schoice。Ineverknewanythingsoun-Englishinmylife。

Lastly，SaumarezsaidwemustallgohomeortheStationwouldcomeouttolookforus，andWOULDIbegoodenoughtoridehomewithMaudCopleigh?Nothingwouldgivemegreaterpleasure，Isaid。

So，weformedup，sixcouplesinall，andwentbacktwobytwo；

SaumarezwalkingatthesideofEdithCopleigh，whowasridinghishorse。

Theairwascleared；andlittlebylittle，asthesunrose，Ifeltwewerealldroppingbackagainintoordinarymenandwomenandthatthe“GreatPopPicnic“wasathingaltogetherapartandoutoftheworld——nevertohappenagain。Ithadgonewiththedust-stormandthetingleinthehotair。

Ifelttiredandlimp，andagooddealashamedofmyselfasIwentinforabathandsomesleep。

Thereisawoman"sversionofthisstory，butitwillneverbewritten……unlessMaudCopleighcarestotry。

THERESCUEOFPLUFFLES。

Thus，foraseason，theyfoughtitfair——

SheandhiscousinMay——

Tactful，talented，debonnaire，Decorousfoeswerethey；

ButnevercanbattleofmancompareWithmercilessfemininefray。

TwoandOne。

Mrs。Hauksbeewassometimesnicetoherownsex。Hereisastorytoprovethis；andyoucanbelievejustasmuchaseveryouplease。

Pluffleswasasubalterninthe“Unmentionables。”Hewascallow，evenforasubaltern。Hewascallowallover——likeacanarythathadnotfinishedfledgingitself。Theworstofitwashehadthreetimesasmuchmoneyaswasgoodforhim；Pluffles"PapabeingarichmanandPlufflesbeingtheonlyson。Pluffles"Mammaadoredhim。ShewasonlyalittlelesscallowthanPlufflesandshebelievedeverythinghesaid。

Pluffles"weaknesswasnotbelievingwhatpeoplesaid。Hepreferredwhathecalled“trustingtohisownjudgment。”Hehadasmuchjudgmentashehadseatorhands；andthispreferencetumbledhimintotroubleonceortwice。ButthebiggesttroublePlufflesevermanufacturedcameaboutatSimla——someyearsago，whenhewasfour-and-twenty。

Hebeganbytrustingtohisownjudgment，asusual，andtheresultwasthat，afteratime，hewasboundhandandfoottoMrs。Reiver"s"rickshawwheels。

TherewasnothinggoodaboutMrs。Reiver，unlessitwasherdress。

Shewasbadfromherhair——whichstartedlifeonaBrittany"sgirl"shead——toherboot-heels，whichweretwoandthree-eighthincheshigh。ShewasnothonestlymischievouslikeMrs。Hauksbee；

shewaswickedinabusiness-likeway。

Therewasneveranyscandal——shehadnotgenerousimpulsesenoughforthat。ShewastheexceptionwhichprovedtherulethatAnglo-

IndianladiesareineverywayasniceastheirsistersatHome。

Shespentherlifeinprovingthatrule。

Mrs。Hauksbeeandshehatedeachotherfervently。Theyheardfartoomuchtoclash；butthethingstheysaidofeachotherwerestartling——nottosayoriginal。Mrs。Hauksbeewashonest——honestasherownfrontteeth——and，butforherloveofmischief，wouldhavebeenawoman"swoman。TherewasnohonestyaboutMrs。Reiver；

nothingbutselfishness。Andatthebeginningoftheseason，poorlittlePlufflesfellapreytoher。Shelaidherselfouttothatend，andwhowasPluffles，toresist?Hewentontrustingtohisjudgment，andhegotjudged。

IhaveseenHayesarguewithatoughhorse——Ihaveseenatonga-

drivercoerceastubbornpony——Ihaveseenariotoussetterbrokentogunbyahardkeeper——butthebreaking-inofPlufflesofthe“Unmentionables“wasbeyondallthese。Helearnedtofetchandcarrylikeadog，andtowaitlikeone，too，forawordfromMrs。

Reiver。HelearnedtokeepappointmentswhichMrs。Reiverhadnointentionofkeeping。HelearnedtotakethankfullydanceswhichMrs。Reiverhadnointentionofgivinghim。HelearnedtoshiverforanhourandaquarteronthewindwardsideofElysiumwhileMrs。Reiverwasmakinguphermindtocomeforaride。Helearnedtohuntfora"rickshaw，inalightdress-suitunderapeltingrain，andtowalkbythesideofthat"rickshawwhenhehadfoundit。Helearnedwhatitwastobespokentolikeacoolieandorderedaboutlikeacook。Helearnedallthisandmanyotherthingsbesides。Andhepaidforhisschooling。

Perhaps，insomehazyway，hefanciedthatitwasfineandimpressive，thatitgavehimastatusamongmen，andwasaltogetherthethingtodo。Itwasnobody"sbusinesstowarnPlufflesthathewasunwise。Thepacethatseasonwastoogoodtoinquire；andmeddlingwithanotherman"sfollyisalwaysthanklesswork。

Pluffles"Colonelshouldhaveorderedhimbacktohisregimentwhenheheardhowthingsweregoing。ButPluffleshadgothimselfengagedtoagirlinEnglandthelasttimehewenthome；andiftherewasonethingmorethananotherwhichtheColoneldetested，itwasamarriedsubaltern。HechuckledwhenheheardoftheeducationofPluffles，andsaiditwas“goodtrainingfortheboy。”

Butitwasnotgoodtrainingintheleast。Itledhimintospendingmoneybeyondhismeans，whichweregood:abovethat，theeducationspoiltanaverageboyandmadeitatenth-ratemanofanobjectionablekind。Hewanderedintoabadset，andhislittlebillatHamilton"swasathingtowonderat。

ThenMrs。Hauksbeerosetotheoccasion。Sheplayedhergamealone，knowingwhatpeoplewouldsayofher；andsheplayeditforthesakeofagirlshehadneverseen。Pluffles"fianceewastocomeout，underthechaperonageofanaunt，inOctober，tobemarriedtoPluffles。

AtthebeginningofAugust，Mrs。Hauksbeediscoveredthatitwastimetointerfere。Amanwhoridesmuchknowsexactlywhatahorseisgoingtodonextbeforehedoesit。Inthesameway，awomanofMrs。Hauksbee"sexperienceknowsaccuratelyhowaboywillbehaveundercertaincircumstances——notablywhenheisinfatuatedwithoneofMrs。Reiver"sstamp。Shesaidthat，soonerorlater，littlePluffleswouldbreakoffthatengagementfornothingatall——simplytogratifyMrs。Reiver，who，inreturn，wouldkeephimatherfeetandinherservicejustsolongasshefounditworthherwhile。

Shesaidsheknewthesignsofthesethings。Ifshedidnot，nooneelsecould。

ThenshewentforthtocapturePlufflesunderthegunsoftheenemy；justasMrs。Cusack-BremmilcarriedawayBremmilunderMrs。

Hauksbee"seyes。

Thisparticularengagementlastedsevenweeks——wecalledittheSevenWeeks"War——andwasfoughtoutinchbyinchonbothsides。A

detailedaccountwouldfillabook，andwouldbeincompletethen。

Anyonewhoknowsaboutthesethingscanfitinthedetailsforhimself。Itwasasuperbfight——therewillneverbeanotherlikeitaslongasJakkostands——andPluffleswastheprizeofvictory。

PeoplesaidshamefulthingsaboutMrs。Hauksbee。Theydidnotknowwhatshewasplayingfor。Mrs。Reiverfought，partlybecausePluffleswasusefultoher，butmainlybecauseshehatedMrs。

Hauksbee，andthematterwasatrialofstrengthbetweenthem。NooneknowswhatPlufflesthought。Hehadnotmanyideasatthebestoftimes，andthefewhepossessedmadehimconceited。Mrs。

Hauksbeesaid:——“Theboymustbecaught；andtheonlywayofcatchinghimisbytreatinghimwell。”

Soshetreatedhimasamanoftheworldandofexperiencesolongastheissuewasdoubtful。Littlebylittle，Plufflesfellawayfromhisoldallegianceandcameovertotheenemy，bywhomhewasmademuchof。Hewasneversentonout-postdutyafter"rickshawsanymore，norwashegivendanceswhichnevercameoff，norwerethedrainsonhispursecontinued。Mrs。Hauksbeeheldhimonthesnaffle；andafterhistreatmentatMrs。Reiver"shands，heappreciatedthechange。

Mrs。Reiverhadbrokenhimoftalkingabouthimself，andmadehimtalkaboutherownmerits。Mrs。Hauksbeeactedotherwise，andwonhisconfidence，tillhementionedhisengagementtothegirlatHome，speakingofitinahighandmightywayasa“pieceofboyishfolly。”Thiswaswhenhewastakingteawithheroneafternoon，anddiscoursinginwhatheconsideredagayandfascinatingstyle。

Mrs。Hauksbeehadseenanearliergenerationofhisstampbudandblossom，anddecayintofatCaptainsandtubbyMajors。

Atamoderateestimatetherewereaboutthreeandtwentysidestothatlady"scharacter。Somemensaymore。ShebegantotalktoPlufflesafterthemannerofamother，andasiftherehadbeenthreehundredyears，insteadoffifteen，betweenthem。Shespokewithasortofthroatyquaverinhervoicewhichhadasoothingeffect，thoughwhatshesaidwasanythingbutsoothing。Shepointedouttheexceedingfolly，nottosaymeanness，ofPluffles"

conduct，andthesmallnessofhisviews。Thenhestammeredsomethingabout“trustingtohisownjudgmentasamanoftheworld；“andthispavedthewayforwhatshewantedtosaynext。ItwouldhavewitheredupPluffleshaditcomefromanyotherwoman；

butinthesoftcooingstyleinwhichMrs。Hauksbeeputit，itonlymadehimfeellimpandrepentant——asifhehadbeeninsomesuperiorkindofchurch。Littlebylittle，verysoftlyandpleasantly，shebegantakingtheconceitoutofPluffles，asyoutaketheribsoutofanumbrellabeforere-coveringit。Shetoldhimwhatshethoughtofhimandhisjudgmentandhisknowledgeoftheworld；andhowhisperformanceshadmadehimridiculoustootherpeople；andhowitwashisintentionmakelovetoherselfifshegavehimthechance。Thenshesaidthatmarriagewouldbethemakingofhim；anddrewaprettylittlepicture——allroseandopal——

oftheMrs。Plufflesofthefuturegoingthroughliferelyingonthe“judgment“and“knowledgeoftheworld“ofahusbandwhohadnothingtoreproachhimselfwith。Howshereconciledthesetwostatementsshealoneknew。ButtheydidnotstrikePlufflesasconflicting。

Herswasaperfectlittlehomily——muchbetterthananyclergymancouldhavegiven——anditendedwithtouchingallusionstoPluffles"

MammaandPapa，andthewisdomoftakinghisbrideHome。

ThenshesentPlufflesoutforawalk，tothinkoverwhatshehadsaid。Plufflesleft，blowinghisnoseveryhardandholdinghimselfverystraight。Mrs。Hauksbeelaughed。

WhatPluffleshadintendedtodointhematteroftheengagementonlyMrs。Reiverknew，andshekeptherowncounseltoherdeath。

Shewouldhavelikeditspoiledasacompliment，Ifancy。

PlufflesenjoyedmanytalkswithMrs。Hauksbeeduringthenextfewdays。Theywerealltothesameend，andtheyhelpedPlufflesinthepathofVirtue。

Mrs。Hauksbeewantedtokeephimunderherwingtothelast。

ThereforeshediscountenancedhisgoingdowntoBombaytogetmarried。“Goodnessonlyknowswhatmighthappenbytheway！“shesaid。“PlufflesiscursedwiththecurseofReuben，andIndiaisnofitplaceforhim！“

Intheend，thefianceearrivedwithheraunt；andPluffles，havingreducedhisaffairstosomesortoforder——hereagainMrs。Hauksbeehelpedhim——wasmarried。

Mrs。Hauksbeegaveasighofreliefwhenboththe“Iwills“hadbeensaid，andwentherway。

PluffiestookheradviceaboutgoingHome。HelefttheService，andisnowraisingspeckledcattleinsidegreenpaintedfencessomewhereatHome。Ibelievehedoesthisveryjudiciously。Hewouldhavecometoextremegriefouthere。

ForthesereasonsifanyonesaysanythingmorethanusuallynastyaboutMrs。Hauksbee，tellhimthestoryoftheRescueofPluffles。

CUPID"SARROWS。

Pitwherethebuffalocooledhishide，Bythehotsunemptied，andblisteredanddried；

Loginthereh-grass，hiddenandalone；

Bundwheretheearth-rat"smoundsarestrown:

Caveinthebankwheretheslystreamsteals；

Aloethatstabsatthebellyandheels，Jumpifyoudareonasteeduntried——

Saferitistogowide——gowide！

Hark，frominfrontwherethebestmenride:——

“Pulltotheoff，boys！Wide！Gowide！“

ThePeoraHunt。

OnceuponatimetherelivedatSimlaaveryprettygirl，thedaughterofapoorbuthonestDistrictandSessionsJudge。Shewasagoodgirl，butcouldnothelpknowingherpowerandusingit。

HerMammawasveryanxiousaboutherdaughter"sfuture，asallgoodMammasshouldbe。

WhenamanisaCommissionerandabachelorandhastherightofwearingopen-workjam-tartjewelsingoldandenamelonhisclothes，andofgoingthroughadoorbeforeeveryoneexceptaMemberofCouncil，aLieutenant-Governor，oraViceroy，heisworthmarrying。Atleast，thatiswhatladiessay。TherewasaCommissionerinSimla，inthosedays，whowas，andwore，anddid，allIhavesaid。Hewasaplainman——anuglyman——theugliestmaninAsia，withtwoexceptions。Hiswasafacetodreamaboutandtrytocarveonapipe-headafterwards。HisnamewasSaggott——

Barr-Saggott——AnthonyBarr-Saggottandsixletterstofollow。

Departmentally，hewasoneofthebestmentheGovernmentofIndiaowned。Socially，hewaslikeablandishinggorilla。

WhenheturnedhisattentionstoMissBeighton，IbelievethatMrs。

BeightonweptwithdelightattherewardProvidencehadsentherinheroldage。

Mr。Beightonheldhistongue。Hewasaneasy-goingman。

NowaCommissionerisveryrich。Hispayisbeyondthedreamsofavarice——issoenormousthathecanaffordtosaveandscrapeinawaythatwouldalmostdiscreditaMemberofCouncil。MostCommissionersaremean；butBarr-Saggottwasanexception。Heentertainedroyally；hehorsedhimselfwell；hegavedances；hewasapowerintheland；andhebehavedassuch。

ConsiderthateverythingIamwritingoftookplaceinanalmostpre-historicerainthehistoryofBritishIndia。Somefolkmayremembertheyearsbeforelawn-tenniswasbornwhenweallplayedcroquet。Therewereseasonsbeforethat，ifyouwillbelieveme，whenevencroquethadnotbeeninvented，andarchery——whichwasrevivedinEnglandin1844——wasasgreatapestaslawn-tennisisnow。Peopletalkedlearnedlyabout“holding“and“loosing，“

“steles，““reflexedbows，““56-poundbows，““backed“or“self-yewbows，“aswetalkabout“rallies，““volleys，““smashes，““returns，“

and“16-ouncerackets。”

MissBeightonshotdivinelyoverladies"distance——60yards，thatis——andwasacknowledgedthebestladyarcherinSimla。Mencalledher“DianaofTara-Devi。”

Barr-Saggottpaidhergreatattention；and，asIhavesaid，theheartofhermotherwasupliftedinconsequence。KittyBeightontookmattersmorecalmly。ItwaspleasanttobesingledoutbyaCommissionerwithlettersafterhisname，andtofilltheheartsofothergirlswithbadfeelings。ButtherewasnodenyingthefactthatBarr-Saggottwasphenomenallyugly；andallhisattemptstoadornhimselfonlymadehimmoregrotesque。Hewasnotchristened“TheLangur“——whichmeansgrayape——fornothing。Itwaspleasant，Kittythought，tohavehimatherfeet，butitwasbettertoescapefromhimandridewiththegracelessCubbon——themaninaDragoonRegimentatUmballa——theboywithahandsomeface，andnoprospects。KittylikedCubbonmorethanalittle。Heneverpretendedforamomentthehewasanythinglessthanheadoverheelsinlovewithher；forhewasanhonestboy。SoKittyfled，nowandagain，fromthestatelywooingsofBarr-SaggotttothecompanyofyoungCubbon，andwasscoldedbyherMammainconsequence。“But，Mother，“shesaid，“Mr。Saggotissuch——sucha——

issoFEARFULLYugly，youknow！“

“Mydear，“saidMrs。Beighton，piously，“wecannotbeotherthananall-rulingProvidencehasmadeus。Besides，youwilltakeprecedenceofyourownMother，youknow！Thinkofthatandbereasonable。”

ThenKittyputupherlittlechinandsaidirreverentthingsaboutprecedence，andCommissioners，andmatrimony。Mr。Beightonrubbedthetopofhishead；forhewasaneasy-goingman。

Lateintheseason，whenhejudgedthatthetimewasripe，Barr-

Saggottdevelopedaplanwhichdidgreatcredittohisadministrativepowers。Hearrangedanarcherytournamentforladies，withamostsumptuousdiamond-studdedbraceletasprize。

Hedrewuphistermsskilfully，andeveryonesawthatthebraceletwasagifttoMissBeighton；theacceptancecarryingwithitthehandandtheheartofCommissionerBarr-Saggott。ThetermswereaSt。Leonard"sRound——thirty-sixshotsatsixtyyards——undertherulesoftheSimlaToxophiliteSociety。

AllSimlawasinvited。Therewerebeautifullyarrangedtea-tablesunderthedeodarsatAnnandale，wheretheGrandStandisnow；and，aloneinitsglory，winkinginthesun，satthediamondbraceletinabluevelvetcase。MissBeightonwasanxious——almosttooanxioustocompete。Ontheappointedafternoon，allSimlarodedowntoAnnandaletowitnesstheJudgmentofParisturnedupsidedown。

KittyrodewithyoungCubbon，anditwaseasytoseethattheboywastroubledinhismind。Hemustbeheldinnocentofeverythingthatfollowed。Kittywaspaleandnervous，andlookedlongatthebracelet。Barr-Saggottwasgorgeouslydressed，evenmorenervousthanKitty，andmorehideousthanever。

Mrs。Beightonsmiledcondescendingly，asbefittedthemotherofapotentialCommissioneress，andtheshootingbegan；alltheworldstandinginasemicircleastheladiescameoutoneaftertheother。

Nothingissotediousasanarcherycompetition。Theyshot，andtheyshot，andtheykeptonshooting，tillthesunleftthevalley，andlittlebreezesgotupinthedeodars，andpeoplewaitedforMissBeightontoshootandwin。Cubbonwasatonehornofthesemicircleroundtheshooters，andBarr-Saggottattheother。MissBeightonwaslastonthelist。Thescoringhadbeenweak，andthebracelet，PLUSCommissionerBarr-Saggott，washerstoacertainty。

TheCommissionerstrungherbowwithhisownsacredhands。Shesteppedforward，lookedatthebracelet，andherfirstarrowwenttruetoahair——fullintotheheartofthe“gold“——countingninepoints。

YoungCubbonontheleftturnedwhite，andhisDevilpromptedBarr-

Saggotttosmile。NowhorsesusedtoshywhenBarr-Saggottsmiled。

Kittysawthatsmile。Shelookedtoherleft-front，gaveanalmostimperceptiblenodtoCubbon，andwentonshooting。

IwishIcoulddescribethescenethatfollowed。Itwasoutoftheordinaryandmostimproper。MissKittyfittedherarrowswithimmensedeliberation，sothateveryonemightseewhatshewasdoing。Shewasaperfectshot；andher46-poundbowsuitedhertoanicety。Shepinnedthewoodenlegsofthetargetwithgreatcarefoursuccessivetimes。Shepinnedthewoodentopofthetargetonce，andalltheladieslookedateachother。Thenshebegansomefancyshootingatthewhite，which，ifyouhitit，countsexactlyonepoint。Sheputfivearrowsintothewhite。Itwaswonderfularchery；but，seeingthatherbusinesswastomake“golds“andwinthebracelet，Barr-Saggottturnedadelicategreenlikeyoungwater-grass。Next，sheshotoverthetargettwice，thenwidetothelefttwice——alwayswiththesamedeliberation——whileachillyhushfelloverthecompany，andMrs。Beightontookoutherhandkerchief。ThenKittyshotatthegroundinfrontofthetarget，andsplitseveralarrows。Thenshemadeared——orsevenpoints——justtoshowwhatshecoulddoifsheliked，andfinishedupheramazingperformancewithsomemorefancyshootingatthetarget-supports。Hereisherscoreasitwaspickedoff:——

Gold。Red。Blue。Black。White。TotalHits。TotalScoreMissBeighton11005721

Barr-Saggottlookedasifthelastfewarrowheadshadbeendrivenintohislegsinsteadofthetarget"s，andthedeepstillnesswasbrokenbyalittlesnubby，mottled，half-growngirlsayinginashrillvoiceoftriumph:“ThenI"VEwon！“

Mrs。Beightondidherbesttobearup；butsheweptinthepresenceofthepeople。Notrainingcouldhelpherthroughsuchadisappointment。Kittyunstrungherbowwithaviciousjerk，andwentbacktoherplace，whileBarr-Saggottwastryingtopretendthatheenjoyedsnappingthebraceletonthesnubbygirl"sraw，redwrist。Itwasanawkwardscene——mostawkward。EveryonetriedtodepartinabodyandleaveKittytothemercyofherMamma。

ButCubbontookherawayinstead，and——therestisn"tworthprinting。

HISCHANCEINLIFE。

Thenapileofheadsbelaid——

Thirtythousandheapedonhigh——

AlltopleasetheKafirmaid，WheretheOxusripplesby。

GrimlyspakeAtullaKhan:——

“LovehathmadethisthingaMan。”

Oatta"sStory。

IfyougostraightawayfromLeveesandGovernmentHouseLists，pastTrades"Balls——farbeyondeverythingandeverybodyyoueverknewinyourrespectablelife——youcross，intime，theBorderlinewherethelastdropofWhitebloodendsandthefulltideofBlacksetsin。ItwouldbeeasiertotalktoanewmadeDuchessonthespurofthemomentthantotheBorderlinefolkwithoutviolatingsomeoftheirconventionsorhurtingtheirfeelings。TheBlackandtheWhitemixveryquaintlyintheirways。SometimestheWhiteshowsinspurtsoffierce，childishpride——whichisPrideofRaceruncrooked——andsometimestheBlackinstillfiercerabasementandhumility，halfheathenishcustomsandstrange，unaccountableimpulsestocrime。Oneofthesedays，thispeople——understandtheyarefarlowerthantheclasswhenceDerozio，themanwhoimitatedByron，sprung——willturnoutawriterorapoet；andthenweshallknowhowtheyliveandwhattheyfeel。Inthemeantime，anystoriesaboutthemcannotbeabsolutelycorrectinfactorinference。

MissVezziscamefromacrosstheBorderlinetolookaftersomechildrenwhobelongedtoaladyuntilaregularlyordainednursecouldcomeout。TheladysaidMissVezziswasabad，dirtynurseandinattentive。ItneverstruckherthatMissVezzishadherownlifetoleadandherownaffairstoworryover，andthattheseaffairswerethemostimportantthingsintheworldtoMissVezzis。

Veryfewmistressesadmitthissortofreasoning。MissVezziswasasblackasaboot，andtoourstandardoftaste，hideouslyugly。

Sheworecotton-printgownsandbulgedshoes；andwhenshelosthertemperwiththechildren，sheabusedtheminthelanguageoftheBorderline——whichispartEnglish，partPortuguese，andpartNative。Shewasnotattractive；butshehadherpride，andshepreferredbeingcalled“MissVezzis。”

EverySundayshedressedherselfwonderfullyandwenttoseeherMamma，wholived，forthemostpart，onanoldcanechairinagreasytussur-silkdressing-gownandabigrabbit-warrenofahousefullofVezzises，Pereiras，Ribieras，LisboasandGansalveses，andafloatingpopulationofloafers；besidesfragmentsoftheday"sbazar，garlic，staleincense，clothesthrownonthefloor，petticoatshungonstringsforscreens，oldbottles，pewtercrucifixes，driedimmortelles，pariahpuppies，plasterimagesoftheVirgin，andhatswithoutcrowns。MissVezzisdrewtwentyrupeesamonthforactingasnurse，andshesquabbledweeklywithherMammaastothepercentagetobegiventowardshousekeeping。

Whenthequarrelwasover，MicheleD"CruzeusedtoshambleacrossthelowmudwallofthecompoundandmakelovetoMissVezzisafterthefashionoftheBorderline，whichishedgedaboutwithmuchceremony。Michelewasapoor，sicklyweedandveryblack；buthehadhispride。Hewouldnotbeseensmokingahuqaforanything；

andhelookeddownonnativesasonlyamanwithseven-eighthsnativebloodinhisveinscan。TheVezzisFamilyhadtheirpridetoo。Theytracedtheirdescentfromamythicalplate-layerwhohadworkedontheSoneBridgewhenrailwayswerenewinIndia，andtheyvaluedtheirEnglishorigin。MichelewasaTelegraphSignalleronRs。35amonth。ThefactthathewasinGovernmentemploymadeMrs。Vezzislenienttotheshortcomingsofhisancestors。

Therewasacompromisinglegend——DomAnnathetailorbroughtitfromPoonani——thatablackJewofCochinhadoncemarriedintotheD"Cruzefamily；whileitwasanopensecretthatanuncleofMrs。

D"Cruzewasatthatverytimedoingmenialwork，connectedwithcooking，foraClubinSouthernIndia！HesentMrsD"Cruzesevenrupeeseightannasamonth；butshefeltthedisgracetothefamilyverykeenlyallthesame。

However，inthecourseofafewSundays，Mrs。VezzisbroughtherselftooverlooktheseblemishesandgaveherconsenttothemarriageofherdaughterwithMichele，onconditionthatMicheleshouldhaveatleastfiftyrupeesamonthtostartmarriedlifeupon。Thiswonderfulprudencemusthavebeenalingeringtouchofthemythicalplate-layer"sYorkshireblood；foracrosstheBorderlinepeopletakeaprideinmarryingwhentheyplease——notwhentheycan。

Havingregardtohisdepartmentalprospects，MissVezzismightaswellhaveaskedMicheletogoawayandcomebackwiththeMooninhispocket。ButMichelewasdeeplyinlovewithMissVezzis，andthathelpedhimtoendure。HeaccompaniedMissVezzistoMassoneSunday，andafterMass，walkinghomethroughthehotstaledustwithherhandinhis，hesworebyseveralSaints，whosenameswouldnotinterestyou，nevertoforgetMissVezzis；andshesworebyherHonorandtheSaints——theoathrunsrathercuriously；“InnomineSanctissimae——“(whateverthenameoftheshe-Saintis)andsoforth，endingwithakissontheforehead，akissontheleftcheek，andakissonthemouth——nevertoforgetMichele。

NextweekMichelewastransferred，andMissVezzisdroppedtearsuponthewindow-sashofthe“Intermediate“compartmentashelefttheStation。

Ifyoulookatthetelegraph-mapofIndiayouwillseealonglineskirtingthecoastfromBackergungetoMadras。MichelewasorderedtoTibasu，alittleSub-officeone-thirddownthisline，tosendmessagesonfromBerhampurtoChicacola，andtothinkofMissVezzisandhischancesofgettingfiftyrupeesamonthoutofofficehours。HehadthenoiseoftheBayofBengalandaBengaliBabuforcompany；nothingmore。Hesentfoolishletters，withcrossestuckedinsidetheflapsoftheenvelopes，toMissVezzis。

WhenhehadbeenatTibasufornearlythreeweekshischancecame。

NeverforgetthatunlesstheoutwardandvisiblesignsofOurAuthorityarealwaysbeforeanativeheisasincapableasachildofunderstandingwhatauthoritymeans，orwhereisthedangerofdisobeyingit。TibasuwasaforgottenlittleplacewithafewOrissaMohamedansinit。These，hearingnothingoftheCollector-

Sahibforsometime，andheartilydespisingtheHinduSub-Judge，arrangedtostartalittleMohurrumriotoftheirown。ButtheHindusturnedoutandbroketheirheads；when，findinglawlessnesspleasant，HindusandMahomedanstogetherraisedanaimlesssortofDonnybrookjusttoseehowfartheycouldgo。Theylootedeachother"sshops，andpaidoffprivategrudgesintheregularway。Itwasanastylittleriot，butnotworthputtinginthenewspapers。

Michelewasworkinginhisofficewhenheheardthesoundthatamanneverforgetsallhislife——the“ah-yah“ofanangrycrowd。

[Whenthatsounddropsaboutthreetones，andchangestoathick，droningut，themanwhohearsithadbettergoawayifheisalone。]TheNativePoliceInspectorraninandtoldMichelethatthetownwasinanuproarandcomingtowrecktheTelegraphOffice。

TheBabuputonhiscapandquietlydroppedoutofthewindow；

whilethePoliceInspector，afraid，butobeyingtheoldrace-

instinctwhichrecognizesadropofWhitebloodasfarasitcanbediluted，said:——“WhatordersdoestheSahibgive?“

The“Sahib“decidedMichele。Thoughhorriblyfrightened，hefeltthat，forthehour，he，themanwiththeCochinJewandthemenialuncleinhispedigree，wastheonlyrepresentativeofEnglishauthorityintheplace。ThenhethoughtofMissVezzisandthefiftyrupees，andtookthesituationonhimself。ThereweresevennativepolicemeninTibasu，andfourcrazysmooth-boremusketsamongthem。Allthemenweregraywithfear，butnotbeyondleading。Micheledroppedthekeyofthetelegraphinstrument，andwentout，attheheadofhisarmy，tomeetthemob。Astheshoutingcrewcameroundacorneroftheroad，hedroppedandfired；themenbehindhimloosinginstinctivelyatthesametime。

Thewholecrowd——curstothebackbone——yelledandran；leavingonemandead，andanotherdyingintheroad。Michelewassweatingwithfear，buthekepthisweaknessunder，andwentdownintothetown，pastthehousewheretheSub-Judgehadbarricadedhimself。Thestreetswereempty。TibasuwasmorefrightenedthanMichele，forthemobhadbeentakenattherighttime。

MichelereturnedtotheTelegraph-Office，andsentamessagetoChicacolaaskingforhelp。Beforeananswercame，hereceivedadeputationoftheeldersofTibasu，tellinghimthattheSub-Judgesaidhisactionsgenerallywere“unconstitional，“andtryingtobullyhim。ButtheheartofMicheleD"Cruzewasbigandwhiteinhisbreast，becauseofhisloveforMissVezzis，thenurse-girl，andbecausehehadtastedforthefirsttimeResponsibilityandSuccess。Thosetwomakeanintoxicatingdrink，andhaveruinedmorementhaneverhasWhiskey。MicheleansweredthattheSub-

Judgemightsaywhathepleased，but，untiltheAssistantCollectorcame，theTelegraphSignallerwastheGovernmentofIndiainTibasu，andtheeldersofthetownwouldbeheldaccountableforfurtherrioting。Thentheybowedtheirheadsandsaid:“Showmercy！“orwordstothateffect，andwentbackingreatfear；eachaccusingtheotherofhavingbeguntherioting。

Earlyinthedawn，afteranight"spatrolwithhissevenpolicemen，Michelewentdowntheroad，musketinhand，tomeettheAssistantCollector，whohadriddenintoquellTibasu。But，inthepresenceofthisyoungEnglishman，Michelefelthimselfslippingbackmoreandmoreintothenative，andthetaleoftheTibasuRiotsended，withthestrainontheteller，inanhystericaloutburstoftears，bredbysorrowthathehadkilledaman，shamethathecouldnotfeelasupliftedashehadfeltthroughthenight，andchildishangerthathistonguecouldnotdojusticetohisgreatdeeds。ItwastheWhitedropinMichele"sveinsdyingout，thoughhedidnotknowit。

ButtheEnglishmanunderstood；and，afterhehadschooledthosemenofTibasu，andhadconferredwiththeSub-Judgetillthatexcellentofficialturnedgreen，hefoundtimetodraughtanofficialletterdescribingtheconductofMichele。WhichletterfilteredthroughtheProperChannels，andendedinthetransferofMicheleup-

countryoncemore，ontheImperialsalaryofsixty-sixrupeesamonth。

SoheandMissVezzisweremarriedwithgreatstateandancientry；

andnowthereareseverallittleD"CruzessprawlingabouttheverandahsoftheCentralTelegraphOffice。

But，ifthewholerevenueoftheDepartmentheservesweretobehisrewardMichelecouldnever，neverrepeatwhathedidatTibasuforthesakeofMissVezzisthenurse-girl。

Whichprovesthat，whenamandoesgoodworkoutofallproportiontohispay，insevencasesoutofninethereisawomanatthebackofthevirtue。

Thetwoexceptionsmusthavesufferedfromsunstroke。

WATCHESOFTHENIGHT。

WhatisintheBrahmin"sbooksthatisintheBrahmin"sheart。

NeitheryounorIknewtherewassomuchevilintheworld。

HinduProverb。

Thisbeganinapracticaljoke；butithasgonefarenoughnow，andisgettingserious。

Platte，theSubaltern，beingpoor，hadaWaterburywatchandaplainleatherguard。

TheColonelhadaWaterburywatchalso，andforguard，thelip-

strapofacurb-chain。Lip-strapsmakethebestwatchguards。

Theyarestrongandshort。Betweenalip-strapandanordinaryleatherguardthereisnogreatdifference；betweenoneWaterburywatchandanotherthereisnoneatall。EveryoneinthestationknewtheColonel"slip-strap。Hewasnotahorseyman，buthelikedpeopletobelievehehadbeenononce；andhewovefantasticstoriesofthehunting-bridletowhichthisparticularlip-straphadbelonged。Otherwisehewaspainfullyreligious。

PlatteandtheColonelweredressingattheClub——bothlatefortheirengagements，andbothinahurry。ThatwasKismet。Thetwowatcheswereonashelfbelowthelooking-glass——guardshangingdown。Thatwascarelessness。Plattechangedfirst，snatchedawatch，lookedintheglass，settledhistie，andran。Fortysecondslater，theColoneldidexactlythesamething；eachmantakingtheother"swatch。

Youmayhavenoticedthatmanyreligiouspeoplearedeeplysuspicious。Theyseem——forpurelyreligiouspurposes，ofcourse——

toknowmoreaboutiniquitythantheUnregenerate。Perhapstheywerespeciallybadbeforetheybecameconverted！Atanyrate，intheimputationofthingsevil，andinputtingtheworstconstructiononthingsinnocent，acertaintypeofgoodpeoplemaybetrustedtosurpassallothers。TheColonelandhisWifewereofthattype。ButtheColonel"sWifewastheworst。ShemanufacturedtheStationscandal，and——TALKEDTOHERAYAH！Nothingmoreneedbesaid。TheColonel"sWifebrokeuptheLaplace"shome。TheColonel"sWifestoppedtheFerris-Haughtreyengagement。TheColonel"sWifeinducedyoungBuxtontokeephiswifedowninthePlainsthroughthefirstyearofthemarriage。WherebylittleMrs。

Buxtondied，andthebabywithher。ThesethingswillberememberedagainsttheColonel"sWifesolongasthereisaregimentinthecountry。

ButtocomebacktotheColonelandPlatte。Theywenttheirseveralwaysfromthedressing-room。TheColoneldinedwithtwoChaplains，whilePlattewenttoabachelor-party，andwhisttofollow。

Markhowthingshappen！IfPlatte"ssaishadputthenewsaddle-

padonthemare，thebuttsoftheterritswouldnothaveworkedthroughthewornleather，andtheoldpadintothemare"swithers，whenshewascominghomeattwoo"clockinthemorning。Shewouldnothavereared，bolted，fallenintoaditch，upsetthecart，andsentPlatteflyingoveranaloe-hedgeontoMrs。Larkyn"swell-keptlawn；andthistalewouldneverhavebeenwritten。Butthemaredidallthesethings，andwhilePlattewasrollingoverandoverontheturf，likeashotrabbit，thewatchandguardflewfromhiswaistcoat——asanInfantryMajor"sswordhopsoutofthescabbardwhentheyarefiringafeudejoie——androlledandrolledinthemoonlight，tillitstoppedunderawindow。

Plattestuffedhishandkerchiefunderthepad，putthecartstraight，andwenthome。

MarkagainhowKismetworks！Thiswouldnothappenonceinahundredyears。TowardstheendofhisdinnerwiththetwoChaplains，theColonelletouthiswaistcoatandleanedoverthetabletolookatsomeMissionReports。Thebarofthewatch-guardworkedthroughthebuttonhole，andthewatch——Platte"swatch——slidquietlyontothecarpet。Wherethebearerfounditnextmorningandkeptit。

ThentheColonelwenthometothewifeofhisbosom；butthedriverofthecarriagewasdrunkandlosthisway。SotheColonelreturnedatanunseemlyhourandhisexcuseswerenotaccepted。IftheColonel"sWifehadbeenanordinary“vesselofwrathappointedfordestruction，“shewouldhaveknownthatwhenamanstaysawayonpurpose，hisexcuseisalwayssoundandoriginal。TheverybaldnessoftheColonel"sexplanationproveditstruth。

SeeoncemoretheworkingsofKismet！TheColonel"swatchwhichcamewithPlattehurriedlyontoMrs。Larkyn"slawn，chosetostopjustunderMrs。Larkyn"swindow，whereshesawitearlyinthemorning，recognizedit，andpickeditup。ShehadheardthecrashofPlatte"scartattwoo"clockthatmorning，andhisvoicecallingthemarenames。SheknewPlatteandlikedhim。Thatdaysheshowedhimthewatchandheardhisstory。Heputhisheadononeside，winkedandsaid:——“Howdisgusting！Shockingoldman！withhisreligioustraining，too！IshouldsendthewatchtotheColonel"sWifeandaskforexplanations。”

Mrs。LarkynthoughtforaminuteoftheLaplaces——whomshehadknownwhenLaplaceandhiswifebelievedineachother——andanswered:——“Iwillsendit。Ithinkitwilldohergood。Butremember，wemustNEVERtellherthetruth。”

PlatteguessedthathisownwatchwasintheColonel"spossession，andthoughtthatthereturnofthelip-strappedWaterburywithasoothingnotefromMrs。Larkyn，wouldmerelycreateasmalltroubleforafewminutes。Mrs。Larkynknewbetter。Sheknewthatanypoisondroppedwouldfindgoodholding-groundintheheartoftheColonel"sWife。

Thepacket，andanotecontainingafewremarksontheColonel"scalling-hours，weresentovertotheColonel"sWife，whoweptinherownroomandtookcounselwithherself。

IftherewasonewomanunderHeavenwhomtheColonel"sWifehatedwithholyfervor，itwasMrs。Larkyn。Mrs。Larkynwasafrivolouslady，andcalledtheColonel"sWife“oldcat。”TheColonel"sWifesaidthatsomebodyinRevelationswasremarkablylikeMrs。Larkyn。

ShementionedotherScripturepeopleaswell。FromtheOldTestament。[ButtheColonel"sWifewastheonlypersonwhocaredordaredtosayanythingagainstMrs。Larkyn。Everyoneelseacceptedherasanamusing，honestlittlebody。]Wherefore，tobelievethatherhusbandhadbeensheddingwatchesunderthat“Thing"s“windowatungodlyhours，coupledwiththefactofhislatearrivalonthepreviousnight，was……

Atthispointsheroseupandsoughtherhusband。Hedeniedeverythingexcepttheownershipofthewatch。Shebesoughthim，forhisSoul"ssake，tospeakthetruth。Hedeniedafresh，withtwobadwords。ThenastonysilenceheldtheColonel"sWife，whileamancoulddrawhisbreathfivetimes。

Thespeechthatfollowedisnoaffairofmineoryours。Itwasmadeupofwifelyandwomanlyjealousy；knowledgeofoldageandsunkencheeks；deepmistrustbornofthetextthatsaysevenlittlebabies"heartsareasbadastheymakethem；rancoroushatredofMrs。Larkyn，andthetenetsofthecreedoftheColonel"sWife"supbringing。

Overandaboveall，wasthedamninglip-strappedWaterbury，tickingawayinthepalmofhershaking，witheredhand。Atthathour，I

think，theColonel"sWiferealizedalittleoftherestlesssuspicionsshehadinjectedintooldLaplace"smind，alittleofpoorMissHaughtrey"smisery，andsomeofthecankerthatateintoBuxton"sheartashewatchedhiswifedyingbeforehiseyes。TheColonelstammeredandtriedtoexplain。Thenherememberedthathiswatchhaddisappeared；andthemysterygrewgreater。TheColonel"sWifetalkedandprayedbyturnstillshewastired，andwentawaytodevisemeansfor“chasteningthestubbornheartofherhusband。”Whichtranslated，means，inourslang，“tail-twisting。”

Yousee，beingdeeplyimpressedwiththedoctrineofOriginalSin，shecouldnotbelieveinthefaceofappearances。Sheknewtoomuch，andjumpedtothewildestconclusions。

Butitwasgoodforher。Itspoiltherlife，asshehadspoiltthelifeoftheLaplaces。ShehadlostherfaithintheColonel，and——

herethecreed-suspicioncamein——hemight，sheargued，haveerredmanytimes，beforeamercifulProvidence，atthehandsofsounworthyaninstrumentasMrs。Larkyn，hadestablishedhisguilt。

Hewasabad，wicked，gray-hairedprofligate。Thismaysoundtoosuddenarevulsionforalong-weddedwife；butitisavenerablefactthat，ifamanorwomanmakesapracticeof，andtakesadelightin，believingandspreadingevilofpeopleindifferenttohimorher，heorshewillendinbelievingeviloffolkverynearanddear。Youmaythink，also，thatthemereincidentofthewatchwastoosmallandtrivialtoraisethismisunderstanding。Itisanotheragedfactthat，inlifeaswellasracing，alltheworstaccidentshappenatlittleditchesandcut-downfences。Inthesameway，yousometimesseeawomanwhowouldhavemadeaJoanofArcinanothercenturyandclimate，threshingherselftopiecesoverallthemeanworryofhousekeeping。Butthatisanotherstory。

HerbeliefonlymadetheColonel"sWifemorewretched，becauseitinsistedsostronglyonthevillainyofmen。Rememberingwhatshehaddone，itwaspleasanttowatchherunhappiness，andthepenny-

farthingattemptsshemadetohideitfromtheStation。ButtheStationknewandlaughedheartlessly；fortheyhadheardthestoryofthewatch，withmuchdramaticgesture，fromMrs。Larkyn"slips。

OnceortwicePlattesaidtoMrs。Larkyn，seeingthattheColonelhadnotclearedhimself:——“Thisthinghasgonefarenough。ImovewetelltheColonel"sWifehowithappened。”Mrs。Larkynshutherlipsandshookherhead，andvowedthattheColonel"sWifemustbearherpunishmentasbestshecould。NowMrs。Larkynwasafrivolouswoman，inwhomnonewouldhavesuspecteddeephate。SoPlattetooknoaction，andcametobelievegradually，fromtheColonel"ssilence，thattheColonelmusthave“runofftheline“

somewherethatnight，and，therefore，preferredtostandsentenceonthelessercountoframblingintootherpeople"scompoundsoutofcallinghours。Platteforgotaboutthewatchbusinessafterawhile，andmoveddown-countrywithhisregiment。Mrs。Larkynwenthomewhenherhusband"stourofIndianserviceexpired。Sheneverforgot。

ButPlattewasquiterightwhenhesaidthatthejokehadgonetoofar。Themistrustandthetragedyofit——whichweoutsiderscannotseeanddonotbelievein——arekillingtheColonel"sWife，andaremakingtheColonelwretched。Ifeitherofthemreadthisstory，theycandependuponitsbeingafairlytrueaccountofthecase，andcan“kissandmakefriends。”

ShakespearealludestothepleasureofwatchinganEngineerbeingshelledbyhisownBattery。Nowthisshowsthatpoetsshouldnotwriteaboutwhattheydonotunderstand。AnyonecouldhavetoldhimthatSappersandGunnersareperfectlydifferentbranchesoftheService。But，ifyoucorrectthesentence，andsubstituteGunnerforSapper，themoralcomesjustthesame。

THEOTHERMAN。

Whentheearthwassickandtheskiesweregray，Andthewoodswererottedwithrain，TheDeadManrodethroughtheautumndayTovisithisloveagain。

OldBallad。

Farbackinthe“seventies，“beforetheyhadbuiltanyPublicOfficesatSimla，andthebroadroadroundJakkolivedinapigeon-

holeintheP。W。D。hovels，herparentsmadeMissGaureymarryColonelSchriederling。HecouldnothavebeenMUCHmorethanthirty-fiveyearshersenior；and，ashelivedontwohundredrupeesamonthandhadmoneyofhisown，hewaswelloff。Hebelongedtogoodpeople，andsufferedinthecoldweatherfromlungcomplaints。Inthehotweatherhedangledonthebrinkofheat-

apoplexy；butitneverquitekilledhim。

Understand，IdonotblameSchriederling。Hewasagoodhusbandaccordingtohislights，andhistemperonlyfailedhimwhenhewasbeingnursed。Whichwassomeseventeendaysineachmonth。Hewasalmostgeneroustohiswifeaboutmoneymatters，andthat，forhim，wasaconcession。StillMrs。Schreiderlingwasnothappy。Theymarriedherwhenshewasthissideoftwentyandhadgivenallherpoorlittlehearttoanotherman。Ihaveforgottenhisname，butwewillcallhimtheOtherMan。Hehadnomoneyandnoprospects。

Hewasnotevengood-looking；andIthinkhewasintheCommissariatorTransport。But，inspiteofallthesethings，shelovedhimverymadly；andtherewassomesortofanengagementbetweenthetwowhenSchreiderlingappearedandtoldMrs。Gaureythathewishedtomarryherdaughter。Thentheotherengagementwasbrokenoff——washedawaybyMrs。Gaurey"stears，forthatladygovernedherhousebyweepingoverdisobediencetoherauthorityandthelackofreverenceshereceivedinheroldage。Thedaughterdidnottakeafterhermother。Shenevercried。Notevenatthewedding。

TheOtherManborehislossquietly，andwastransferredtoasbadastationashecouldfind。Perhapstheclimateconsoledhim。Hesufferedfromintermittentfever，andthatmayhavedistractedhimfromhisothertrouble。Hewasweakabouttheheartalso。Bothways。Oneofthevalveswasaffected，andthefevermadeitworse。

Thisshoweditselflateron。

Thenmanymonthspassed，andMrs。Schreiderlingtooktobeingill。

Shedidnotpineawaylikepeopleinstorybooks，butsheseemedtopickupeveryformofillnessthatwentaboutastation，fromsimplefeverupwards。Shewasnevermorethanordinarilyprettyatthebestoftimes；andtheillnessmadeherugly。Schreiderlingsaidso。Hepridedhimselfonspeakinghismind。

Whensheceasedbeingpretty，helefthertoherowndevices，andwentbacktothelairsofhisbachelordom。SheusedtotrotupanddownSimlaMallinaforlornsortofway，withagrayTeraihatwellonthebackofherhead，andashockingbadsaddleunderher。

Schreiderling"sgenerositystoppedatthehorse。HesaidthatanysaddlewoulddoforawomanasnervousasMrs。Schreiderling。Sheneverwasaskedtodance，becauseshedidnotdancewell；andshewassodullanduninteresting，thatherboxveryseldomhadanycardsinit。Schreiderlingsaidthatifhehadknownthatshewasgoingtobesuchascare-crowafterhermarriage，hewouldneverhavemarriedher。Healwayspridedhimselfonspeakinghismind，didSchreiderling！

HeleftheratSimlaoneAugust，andwentdowntohisregiment。

Thensherevivedalittle，butsheneverrecoveredherlooks。I

foundoutattheClubthattheOtherManiscomingupsick——verysick——onanoffchanceofrecovery。Thefeverandtheheart-valveshadnearlykilledhim。Sheknewthat，too，andsheknew——whatI

hadnointerestinknowing——whenhewascomingup。Isupposehewrotetotellher。Theyhadnotseeneachothersinceamonthbeforethewedding。Andherecomestheunpleasantpartofthestory。

AlatecallkeptmedownattheDovedellHoteltillduskoneevening。Mrs。SchreidlerlinghadbeenflittingupanddowntheMallalltheafternoonintherain。ComingupalongtheCart-road，atongapassedme，andmypony，tiredwithstandingsolong，setoffatacanter。JustbytheroaddowntotheTongaOfficeMrs。

Schreiderling，drippingfromheadtofoot，waswaitingforthetonga。Iturnedup-hill，asthetongawasnoaffairofmine；andjustthenshebegantoshriek。Iwentbackatonceandsaw，undertheTongaOfficelamps，Mrs。Schreiderlingkneelinginthewetroadbythebackseatofthenewly-arrivedtonga，screaminghideously。

ThenshefellfacedowninthedirtasIcameup。

Sittinginthebackseat，verysquareandfirm，withonehandontheawning-stanchionandthewetpouringoffhishatandmoustache，wastheOtherMan——dead。Thesixty-mileup-hilljolthadbeentoomuchforhisvalve，Isuppose。Thetonga-driversaid:——“TheSahibdiedtwostagesoutofSolon。Therefore，Itiedhimwitharope，lestheshouldfalloutbytheway，andsocametoSimla。WilltheSahibgivemebukshish?IT，“pointingtotheOtherMan，“shouldhavegivenonerupee。”

TheOtherMansatwithagrinonhisface，asifheenjoyedthejokeofhisarrival；andMrs。Schreiderling，inthemud，begantogroan。Therewasnooneexceptusfourintheofficeanditwasrainingheavily。ThefirstthingwastotakeMrs。Schreiderlinghome，andthesecondwastopreventhernamefrombeingmixedupwiththeaffair。Thetonga-driverreceivedfiverupeestofindabazar"rickshawforMrs。Schreiderling。HewastotellthetongaBabuafterwardsoftheOtherMan，andtheBabuwastomakesucharrangementsasseemedbest。

Mrs。Schreiderlingwascarriedintotheshedoutoftherain，andforthree-quartersofanhourwetwowaitedforthe"rickshaw。TheOtherManwasleftexactlyashehadarrived。Mrs。Schreiderlingwoulddoeverythingbutcry，whichmighthavehelpedher。Shetriedtoscreamassoonashersensescameback，andthenshebeganprayingfortheOtherMan"ssoul。Hadshenotbeenashonestastheday，shewouldhaveprayedforherownsoultoo。Iwaitedtohearherdothis，butshedidnot。ThenItriedtogetsomeofthemudoffherhabit。Lastly，the"rickshawcame，andIgotheraway——

parrtlybyforce。Itwasaterriblebusinessfrombeginningtoend；butmostofallwhenthe"rickshawhadtosqueezebetweenthewallandthetonga，andshesawbythelamp-lightthatthin，yellowhandgraspingtheawning-stanchion。

ShewastakenhomejustaseveryonewasgoingtoadanceatViceregalLodge——“Peterhoff“itwasthen——andthedoctorfoundthatshehadfallenfromherhorse，thatIhadpickedherupatthebackofJakko，andreallydeservedgreatcreditforthepromptmannerinwhichIhadsecuredmedicalaid。Shedidnotdie——menofSchreiderling"sstampmarrywomenwhodon"tdieeasily。Theyliveandgrowugly。

Shenevertoldofheronemeeting，sincehermarriage，withtheOtherMan；and，whenthechillandcoughfollowingtheexposureofthatevening，allowedherabroad，sheneverbywordorsignalludedtohavingmetmebytheTongaOffice。Perhapssheneverknew。

SheusedtotrotupanddowntheMall，onthatshockingbadsaddle，lookingasifsheexpectedtomeetsomeoneroundthecornereveryminute。Twoyearsafterward，shewentHome，anddied——atBournemouth，Ithink。

Schreiderling，whenhegrewmaudlinatMess，usedtotalkabout“mypoordearwife。”Healwayssetgreatstoreonspeakinghismind，didSchreiderling！

CONSEQUENCES。

RosicruciansubtletiesIntheOrienthadrise；

YemayfindtheirteachersstillUnderJacatala"sHill。

SeekyeBombastParacelsus，ReadwhatFloodtheSeekertellsusOftheDominantthatrunsThroughthecyclesoftheSuns——

ReadmystorylastandseeLunaatherapogee。

Thereareyearlyappointments，andtwo-yearlyappointments，andfive-yearlyappointmentsatSimla，andthereare，orusedtobe，permanentappointments，whereonyoustayedupforthetermofyournaturallifeandsecuredredcheeksandaniceincome。Ofcourse，youcoulddescendinthecoldweather；forSimlaisratherdullthen。

Tarrioncamefromgoodnessknowswhere——allawayandawayinsomeforsakenpartofCentralIndia，wheretheycallPachmaria“Sanitarium，“anddrivebehindtrottingbullocks，Ibelieve。Hebelongedtoaregiment；butwhathereallywantedtodowastoescapefromhisregimentandliveinSimlaforeverandever。Hehadnopreferenceforanythinginparticular，beyondagoodhorseandanicepartner。Hethoughthecoulddoeverythingwell；whichisabeautifulbeliefwhenyouholditwithallyourheart。Hewascleverinmanyways，andgoodtolookat，andalwaysmadepeopleroundhimcomfortable——eveninCentralIndia。

SohewentuptoSimla，and，becausehewascleverandamusing，hegravitatednaturallytoMrs。Hauksbee，whocouldforgiveeverythingbutstupidity。Oncehedidhergreatservicebychangingthedateonaninvitation-cardforabigdancewhichMrs。Hauksbeewishedtoattend，butcouldn"tbecauseshehadquarrelledwiththeA-D-C。，whotookcare，beingameanman，toinvitehertoasmalldanceonthe6thinsteadofthebigBallofthe26th。Itwasaverycleverpieceofforgery；andwhenMrs。HauksbeeshowedtheA-D-C。herinvitation-card，andchaffedhimmildlyfornotbettermanaginghisvendettas，hereallythoughthehadmadeamistake；and——whichwaswise——realizedthatitwasnousetofightwithMrs。Hauksbee。ShewasgratefultoTarrionandaskedwhatshecoulddoforhim。Hesaidsimply:“I"maFreelanceuphereonleave，andonthelookoutforwhatIcanloot。Ihaven"tasquareinchofinterestinallSimla。Mynameisn"tknowntoanymanwithanappointmentinhisgift，andIwantanappointment——agood，sound，pukkaone。I

believeyoucandoanythingyouturnyourselftodo。Willyouhelpme?“Mrs。Hauksbeethoughtforaminute，andpassedthelastofherriding-whipthroughherlips，aswashercustomwhenthinking。

Thenhereyessparkled，andshesaid:——“Iwill；“andsheshookhandsonit。Tarrion，havingperfectconfidenceinthisgreatwoman，tooknofurtherthoughtofthebusinessatall。Excepttowonderwhatsortofanappointmenthewouldwin。

Mrs。HauksbeebegancalculatingthepricesofalltheHeadsofDepartmentsandMembersofCouncilsheknew，andthemoreshethoughtthemoreshelaughed，becauseherheartwasinthegameanditamusedher。ThenshetookaCivilListandranoverafewoftheappointments。TherearesomebeautifulappointmentsintheCivilList。Eventually，shedecidedthat，thoughTarrionwastoogoodforthePoliticalDepartment，shehadbetterbeginbytryingtogethiminthere。Whatwereherownplanstothisend，doesnotmatterintheleast，forLuckorFateplayedintoherhands，andshehadnothingtodobuttowatchthecourseofeventsandtakethecreditofthem。

AllViceroys，whentheyfirstcomeout，passthroughthe“DiplomaticSecrecy“craze。Itwearsoffintime；buttheyallcatchitinthebeginning，becausetheyarenewtothecountry。

TheparticularViceroywhowassufferingfromthecomplaintjustthen——thiswasalongtimeago，beforeLordDufferinevercamefromCanada，orLordRiponfromthebosomoftheEnglishChurch——haditverybadly；andtheresultwasthatmenwhowerenewtokeepingofficialsecretswentaboutlookingunhappy；andtheViceroyplumedhimselfonthewayinwhichhehadinstillednotionsofreticenceintohisStaff。

Now，theSupremeGovernmenthaveacarelesscustomofcommittingwhattheydotoprintedpapers。Thesepapersdealwithallsortsofthings——fromthepaymentofRs。200toa“secretservice“

native，uptorebukesadministeredtoVakilsandMotamidsofNativeStates，andratherbrusqueletterstoNativePrinces，tellingthemtoputtheirhousesinorder，torefrainfromkidnappingwomen，orfillingoffenderswithpoundedredpepper，andeccentricitiesofthatkind。Ofcourse，thesethingscouldneverbemadepublic，becauseNativePrincesnevererrofficially，andtheirStatesare，officially，aswelladministeredasOurterritories。Also，theprivateallowancestovariousqueerpeoplearenotexactlymatterstoputintonewspapers，thoughtheygivequaintreadingsometimes。