第7章
III
INLINCOLNTHEBESTpartofthetheatricalseasoncamelate，whenthegoodcompaniesstoppedoffthereforone-nightstands，aftertheirlongrunsinNewYorkandChicago。ThatspringLenawentwithmetoseeJosephJeffersonin`RipVanWinkle，"
andtoawarplaycalled`Shenandoah。"Shewasinflexibleaboutpayingforherownseat；saidshewasinbusinessnow，andshewouldn"thaveaschoolboyspendinghismoneyonher。
IlikedtowatchaplaywithLena；everythingwaswonderfultoher，andeverythingwastrue。Itwaslikegoingtorevivalmeetingswithsomeonewhowasalwaysbeingconverted。Shehandedherfeelingsovertotheactorswithakindoffatalisticresignation。
Accessoriesofcostumeandscenemeantmuchmoretoherthantome。
Shesatentrancedthrough`RobinHood"andhunguponthelipsofthecontraltowhosang，`Oh，PromiseMe！"
TowardtheendofApril，thebillboards，whichIwatchedanxiouslyinthosedays，bloomedoutonemorningwithgleamingwhitepostersonwhichtwonameswereimpressivelyprintedinblueGothicletters:
thenameofanactressofwhomIhadoftenheard，andthename`Camille。"
IcalledattheRaleighBlockforLenaonSaturdayevening，andwewalkeddowntothetheatre。Theweatherwaswarmandsultryandputusbothinaholidayhumour。
Wearrivedearly，becauseLenalikedtowatchthepeoplecomein。
Therewasanoteontheprogramme，sayingthatthe`incidentalmusic"
wouldbefromtheopera`Traviata，"whichwasmadefromthesamestoryastheplay。Wehadneitherofusreadtheplay，andwedidnotknowwhatitwasabout——thoughIseemedtorememberhavinghearditwasapieceinwhichgreatactressesshone。
`TheCountofMonteCristo，"whichIhadseenJamesO"Neillplaythatwinter，wasbytheonlyAlexandreDumasIknew。Thisplay，Isaw，wasbyhisson，andIexpectedafamilyresemblance。
Acoupleofjack-rabbits，runinofftheprairie，couldnothavebeenmoreinnocentofwhatawaitedthemthanwereLenaandI。
Ourexcitementbeganwiththeriseofthecurtain，whenthemoodyVarville，seatedbeforethefire，interrogatedNanine。
Decidedly，therewasanewtangaboutthisdialogue。
Ihadneverheardinthetheatrelinesthatwerealive，thatpresupposedandtookforgranted，likethosewhichpassedbetweenVarvilleandMargueriteinthebriefencounterbeforeherfriendsentered。Thisintroducedthemostbrilliant，worldly，themostenchantinglygaysceneIhadeverlookedupon。
Ihadneverseenchampagnebottlesopenedonthestagebefore——
indeed，Ihadneverseenthemopenedanywhere。Thememoryofthatsuppermakesmehungrynow；thesightofitthen，whenIhadonlyastudents"boarding-housedinnerbehindme，wasdelicatetorment。Iseemtoremembergildedchairsandtables(arrangedhurriedlybyfootmeninwhiteglovesandstockings)，linenofdazzlingwhiteness，glitteringglass，silverdishes，agreatbowloffruit，andthereddestofroses。
Theroomwasinvadedbybeautifulwomenanddashingyoungmen，laughingandtalkingtogether。Themenweredressedmoreorlessaftertheperiodinwhichtheplaywaswritten；thewomenwerenot。
Isawnoinconsistency。Theirtalkseemedtoopentoonethebrilliantworldinwhichtheylived；everysentencemadeoneolderandwiser，everypleasantryenlargedone"shorizon。
Onecouldexperienceexcessandsatietywithouttheinconvenienceoflearningwhattodowithone"shandsinadrawing-room！
WhenthecharactersallspokeatonceandImissedsomeofthephrasestheyflashedateachother，Iwasinmisery。
Istrainedmyearsandeyestocatcheveryexclamation。
TheactresswhoplayedMargueritewaseventhenold-fashioned，thoughhistoric。ShehadbeenamemberofDaly"sfamousNewYorkcompany，andafterwarda`star"underhisdirection。
Shewasawomanwhocouldnotbetaught，itissaid，thoughshehadacrudenaturalforcewhichcarriedwithpeoplewhosefeelingswereaccessibleandwhosetastewasnotsqueamish。
Shewasalreadyold，witharavagedcountenanceandaphysiquecuriouslyhardandstiff。Shemovedwithdifficulty——
Ithinkshewaslame——Iseemtoremembersomestoryaboutamaladyofthespine。HerArmandwasdisproportionatelyyoungandslight，ahandsomeyouth，perplexedintheextreme。
Butwhatdiditmatter？Ibelieveddevoutlyinherpowertofascinatehim，inherdazzlingloveliness。Ibelievedheryoung，ardent，reckless，disillusioned，undersentence，feverish，avidofpleasure。Iwantedtocrossthefootlightsandhelptheslim-waistedArmandinthefrilledshirttoconvinceherthattherewasstillloyaltyanddevotionintheworld。
Hersuddenillness，whenthegaietywasatitsheight，herpallor，thehandkerchiefshecrushedagainstherlips，thecoughshesmotheredunderthelaughterwhileGastonkeptplayingthepianolightly——itallwrungmyheart。
Butnotsomuchashercynicisminthelongdialoguewithherloverwhichfollowed。HowfarwasIfromquestioningherunbelief！
Whilethecharminglysincereyoungmanpleadedwithher——
accompaniedbytheorchestraintheold`Traviata"duet，"misterioso，misterios"altero！"——shemaintainedherbitterscepticism，andthecurtainfellonherdancingrecklesslywiththeothers，afterArmandhadbeensentawaywithhisflower。
Betweentheactswehadnotimetoforget。Theorchestrakeptsawingawayatthe`Traviata"music，sojoyousandsad，sothinandfar-away，soclap-trapandyetsoheart-breaking。
AfterthesecondactIleftLenaintearfulcontemplationoftheceiling，andwentoutintothelobbytosmoke。
AsIwalkedaboutthereIcongratulatedmyselfthatIhadnotbroughtsomeLincolngirlwhowouldtalkduringthewaitsaboutthejuniordances，orwhetherthecadetswouldcampatPlattsmouth。
Lenawasatleastawoman，andIwasaman。
ThroughthescenebetweenMargueriteandtheelderDuval，Lenaweptunceasingly，andIsathelplesstopreventtheclosingofthatchapterofidylliclove，dreadingthereturnoftheyoungmanwhoseineffablehappinesswasonlytobethemeasureofhisfall。
Isupposenowomancouldhavebeenfurtherinperson，voice，andtemperamentfromDumas"appealingheroinethantheveteranactresswhofirstacquaintedmewithher。
Herconceptionofthecharacterwasasheavyanduncompromisingasherdiction；sheborehardontheideaandontheconsonants。
Atalltimesshewashighlytragic，devouredbyremorse。
Lightnessofstressorbehaviourwasfarfromher。
Hervoicewasheavyanddeep:`Ar-r-r-mond！"shewouldbegin，asifsheweresummoninghimtothebarofJudgment。
Butthelineswereenough。Shehadonlytoutterthem。
Theycreatedthecharacterinspiteofher。
TheheartlessworldwhichMargueritere-enteredwithVarvillehadneverbeensoglitteringandrecklessasonthenightwhenitgatheredinOlympe"ssalonforthefourthact。
Therewerechandeliershungfromtheceiling，Iremember，manyservantsinlivery，gaming-tableswherethemenplayedwithpilesofgold，andastaircasedownwhichtheguestsmadetheirentrance。Afteralltheothershadgatheredroundthecard-tablesandyoungDuvalhadbeenwarnedbyPrudence，MargueritedescendedthestaircasewithVarville；
suchacloak，suchafan，suchjewels——andherface！
Oneknewataglancehowitwaswithher。WhenArmand，withtheterriblewords，`Look，allofyou，Iowethiswomannothing！"
flungthegoldandbank-notesatthehalf-swooningMarguerite，Lenacoweredbesidemeandcoveredherfacewithherhands。
Thecurtainroseonthebedroomscene。Bythistimetherewasn"tanerveinmethathadn"tbeentwisted。Naninealonecouldhavemademecry。
IlovedNaninetenderly；andGaston，howoneclungtothatgoodfellow！
TheNewYear"spresentswerenottoomuch；nothingcouldbetoomuchnow。
Iweptunrestrainedly。Eventhehandkerchiefinmybreast-pocket，wornforeleganceandnotatallforuse，waswetthroughbythetimethatmoribundwomansankforthelasttimeintothearmsofherlover。
Whenwereachedthedoorofthetheatre，thestreetswereshiningwithrain。IhadprudentlybroughtalongMrs。Harling"susefulCommencementpresent，andItookLenahomeunderitsshelter。Afterleavingher，IwalkedslowlyoutintothecountrypartofthetownwhereIlived。
Thelilacswereallbloomingintheyards，andthesmellofthemaftertherain，ofthenewleavesandtheblossomstogether，blewintomyfacewithasortofbittersweetness。
Itrampedthroughthepuddlesandundertheshowerytrees，mourningforMargueriteGauthierasifshehaddiedonlyyesterday，sighingwiththespiritof1840，whichhadsighedsomuch，andwhichhadreachedmeonlythatnight，acrosslongyearsandseverallanguages，throughthepersonofaninfirmoldactress。
Theideaisonethatnocircumstancescanfrustrate。
Whereverandwheneverthatpieceisputon，itisApril。
IV
HOWWELLIREMEMBERthestifflittleparlourwhereIusedtowaitforLena:thehardhorsehairfurniture，boughtatsomeauctionsale，thelongmirror，thefashion-platesonthewall。
IfIsatdownevenforamoment，IwassuretofindthreadsandbitsofcolouredsilkclingingtomyclothesafterIwentaway。
Lena"ssuccesspuzzledme。Shewassoeasygoing；hadnoneofthepushandself-assertivenessthatgetpeopleaheadinbusiness。
ShehadcometoLincoln，acountrygirl，withnointroductionsexcepttosomecousinsofMrs。Thomaswholivedthere，andshewasalreadymakingclothesforthewomenof`theyoungmarriedset。"
Evidentlyshehadgreatnaturalaptitudeforherwork。
Sheknew，asshesaid，`whatpeoplelookedwellin。"
Shenevertiredofporingoverfashion-books。SometimesintheeveningIwouldfindheraloneinherwork-room，drapingfoldsofsatinonawirefigure，withaquiteblissfulexpressionofcountenance。
Icouldn"thelpthinkingthattheyearswhenLenaliterallyhadn"tenoughclothestocoverherselfmighthavesomethingtodowithheruntiringinterestindressingthehumanfigure。HerclientssaidthatLena`hadstyle，"andoverlookedherhabitualinaccuracies。
Shenever，Idiscovered，finishedanythingbythetimeshehadpromised，andshefrequentlyspentmoremoneyonmaterialsthanhercustomerhadauthorized。Once，whenIarrivedatsixo"clock，Lenawasusheringoutafidgetymotherandherawkward，overgrowndaughter。
ThewomandetainedLenaatthedoortosayapologetically:
`You"lltrytokeepitunderfiftyforme，won"tyou，MissLingard？
Yousee，she"sreallytooyoungtocometoanexpensivedressmaker，butIknewyoucoulddomorewithherthananybodyelse。"
`Oh，thatwillbeallright，Mrs。Herron。Ithinkwe"llmanagetogetagoodeffect，"Lenarepliedblandly。
Ithoughthermannerwithhercustomersverygood，andwonderedwhereshehadlearnedsuchself-possession。
Sometimesaftermymorningclasseswereover，IusedtoencounterLenadowntown，inhervelvetsuitandalittleblackhat，withaveiltiedsmoothlyoverherface，lookingasfreshasthespringmorning。
Maybeshewouldbecarryinghomeabunchofjonquilsorahyacinthplant。
Whenwepassedacandystoreherfootstepswouldhesitateandlinger。
`Don"tletmegoin，"shewouldmurmur。`Getmebyifyoucan。"
Shewasveryfondofsweets，andwasafraidofgrowingtooplump。
WehaddelightfulSundaybreakfaststogetheratLena"s。Atthebackofherlongwork-roomwasabay-window，largeenoughtoholdabox-couchandareading-table。Webreakfastedinthisrecess，afterdrawingthecurtainsthatshutoutthelongroom，withcutting-tablesandwirewomenandsheet-drapedgarmentsonthewalls。
Thesunlightpouredin，makingeverythingonthetableshineandglitterandtheflameofthealcohollampdisappearaltogether。
Lena"scurlyblackwater-spaniel，Prince，breakfastedwithus。
HesatbesideheronthecouchandbehavedverywelluntilthePolishviolin-teacheracrossthehallbegantopractise，whenPrincewouldgrowlandsnifftheairwithdisgust。
Lena"slandlord，oldColonelRaleigh，hadgivenherthedog，andatfirstshewasnotatallpleased。Shehadspenttoomuchofherlifetakingcareofanimalstohavemuchsentimentaboutthem。
ButPrincewasaknowinglittlebeast，andshegrewfondofhim。
AfterbreakfastImadehimdohislessons；playdeaddog，shakehands，standuplikeasoldier。Weusedtoputmycadetcaponhishead——Ihadtotakemilitarydrillattheuniversity——
andgivehimayard-measuretoholdwithhisfrontleg。
Hisgravitymadeuslaughimmoderately。
Lena"stalkalwaysamusedme。Antoniahadnevertalkedlikethepeopleabouther。EvenaftershelearnedtospeakEnglishreadily，therewasalwayssomethingimpulsiveandforeigninherspeech。ButLenahadpickedupalltheconventionalexpressionssheheardatMrs。Thomas"sdressmakingshop。
Thoseformalphrases，theveryflowerofsmall-townproprieties，andtheflatcommonplaces，nearlyallhypocriticalintheirorigin，becameveryfunny，veryengaging，whentheywereutteredinLena"ssoftvoice，withhercaressingintonationandarchnaivete。
NothingcouldbemoredivertingthantohearLena，whowasalmostascandidasNature，callalega`limb"orahousea`home。"
Weusedtolingeralongwhileoverourcoffeeinthatsunnycorner。
Lenawasneversoprettyasinthemorning；shewakenedfreshwiththeworldeveryday，andhereyeshadadeepercolourthen，liketheblueflowersthatareneversoblueaswhentheyfirstopen。
IcouldsitidleallthroughaSundaymorningandlookather。
OleBenson"sbehaviourwasnownomysterytome。
`TherewasneveranyharminOle，"shesaidonce。
`Peopleneedn"thavetroubledthemselves。Hejustlikedtocomeoverandsitonthedrawsideandforgetabouthisbadluck。
Ilikedtohavehim。Anycompany"swelcomewhenyou"reoffwithcattleallthetime。"
`Butwasn"thealwaysglum？"Iasked。`Peoplesaidhenevertalkedatall。"
`Surehetalked，inNorwegian。He"dbeenasailoronanEnglishboatandhadseenlotsofqueerplaces。Hehadwonderfultattoos。
Weusedtositandlookatthemforhours；therewasn"tmuchtolookatoutthere。Hewaslikeapicturebook。
Hehadashipandastrawberrygirlononearm，andontheotheragirlstandingbeforealittlehouse，withafenceandgateandall，waitingforhersweetheart。
Fartheruphisarm，hersailorhadcomebackandwaskissingher。
“TheSailor"sReturn，“hecalledit。"
IadmitteditwasnowonderOlelikedtolookataprettygirlonceinawhile，withsuchafrightathome。
`Youknow，"Lenasaidconfidentially，`hemarriedMarybecausehethoughtshewasstrong-mindedandwouldkeephimstraight。Henevercouldkeepstraightonshore。
ThelasttimehelandedinLiverpoolhe"dbeenoutonatwoyears"voyage。Hewaspaidoffonemorning，andbythenexthehadn"tacentleft，andhiswatchandcompassweregone。
He"dgotwithsomewomen，andthey"dtakeneverything。
Heworkedhiswaytothiscountryonalittlepassengerboat。
Marywasastewardess，andshetriedtoconverthimonthewayover。
Hethoughtshewasjusttheonetokeephimsteady。
PoorOle！Heusedtobringmecandyfromtown，hiddeninhisfeed-bag。Hecouldn"trefuseanythingtoagirl。
He"dhavegivenawayhistattooslongago，ifhecould。
He"soneofthepeopleI"msorriestfor。"
IfIhappenedtospendaneveningwithLenaandstayedlate，thePolishviolin-teacheracrossthehallusedtocomeoutandwatchmedescendthestairs，mutteringsothreateninglythatitwouldhavebeeneasytofallintoaquarrelwithhim。
Lenahadtoldhimoncethatshelikedtohearhimpractise，sohealwayslefthisdooropen，andwatchedwhocameandwent。
TherewasacoolnessbetweenthePoleandLena"slandlordonheraccount。
OldColonelRaleighhadcometoLincolnfromKentuckyandinvestedaninheritedfortuneinrealestate，atthetimeofinflatedprices。
NowhesatdayafterdayinhisofficeintheRaleighBlock，tryingtodiscoverwherehismoneyhadgoneandhowhecouldgetsomeofitback。
Hewasawidower，andfoundverylittlecongenialcompanionshipinthiscasualWesterncity。Lena"sgoodlooksandgentlemannersappealedtohim。
HesaidhervoiceremindedhimofSouthernvoices，andhefoundasmanyopportunitiesofhearingitaspossible。Hepaintedandpaperedherroomsforherthatspring，andputinaporcelainbathtubinplaceofthetinonethathadsatisfiedtheformertenant。Whiletheserepairswerebeingmade，theoldgentlemanoftendroppedintoconsultLena"spreferences。
ShetoldmewithamusementhowOrdinsky，thePole，hadpresentedhimselfatherdooroneevening，andsaidthatifthelandlordwasannoyingherbyhisattentions，hewouldpromptlyputastoptoit。
`Idon"texactlyknowwhattodoabouthim，"shesaid，shakingherhead，`he"ssosortofwildallthetime。
Iwouldn"tliketohavehimsayanythingroughtothatniceoldman。
Thecolonelislong-winded，butthenIexpecthe"slonesome。
Idon"tthinkhecaresmuchforOrdinsky，either。HesaidoncethatifIhadanycomplaintstomakeofmyneighbours，Imustn"thesitate。"
OneSaturdayeveningwhenIwashavingsupperwithLena，weheardaknockatherparlourdoor，andtherestoodthePole，coatless，inadressshirtandcollar。Princedroppedonhispawsandbegantogrowllikeamastiff，whilethevisitorapologized，sayingthathecouldnotpossiblycomeinthusattired，buthebeggedLenatolendhimsomesafetypins。
`Oh，you"llhavetocomein，Mr。Ordinsky，andletmeseewhat"sthematter。"
Sheclosedthedoorbehindhim。`Jim，won"tyoumakePrincebehave？"
IrappedPrinceonthenose，whileOrdinskyexplainedthathehadnothadhisdressclothesonforalongtime，andtonight，whenhewasgoingtoplayforaconcert，hiswaistcoathadsplitdowntheback。
Hethoughthecouldpinittogetheruntilhegotittoatailor。
Lenatookhimbytheelbowandturnedhimround。
Shelaughedwhenshesawthelonggapinthesatin。
`Youcouldneverpinthat，Mr。Ordinsky。You"vekeptitfoldedtoolong，andthegoodsisallgonealongthecrease。
Takeitoff。Icanputanewpieceoflining-silkinthereforyouintenminutes。"Shedisappearedintoherwork-roomwiththevest，leavingmetoconfrontthePole，whostoodagainstthedoorlikeawoodenfigure。Hefoldedhisarmsandglaredatmewithhisexcitable，slantingbrowneyes。
Hisheadwastheshapeofachocolatedrop，andwascoveredwithdry，straw-colouredhairthatfuzzedupabouthispointedcrown。
HehadneverdonemorethanmutteratmeasIpassedhim，andIwassurprisedwhenhenowaddressedme。`MissLingard，"
hesaidhaughtily，`isayoungwomanforwhomIhavetheutmost，theutmostrespect。"
`SohaveI，"Isaidcoldly。
Hepaidnoheedtomyremark，butbegantodorapidfinger-exercisesonhisshirt-sleeves，ashestoodwithtightlyfoldedarms。
`Kindnessofheart，"hewenton，staringattheceiling，`sentiment，arenotunderstoodinaplacelikethis。
Thenoblestqualitiesareridiculed。Grinningcollegeboys，ignorantandconceited，whatdotheyknowofdelicacy！"
Icontrolledmyfeaturesandtriedtospeakseriously。
`Ifyoumeanme，Mr。Ordinsky，IhaveknownMissLingardalongtime，andIthinkIappreciateherkindness。Wecomefromthesametown，andwegrewuptogether。"
Hisgazetravelledslowlydownfromtheceilingandrestedonme。
`AmItounderstandthatyouhavethisyoungwoman"sinterestsatheart？
Thatyoudonotwishtocompromiseher？"
`That"sawordwedon"tusemuchhere，Mr。Ordinsky。Agirlwhomakesherownlivingcanaskacollegeboytosupperwithoutbeingtalkedabout。
Wetakesomethingsforgranted。"
`ThenIhavemisjudgedyou，andIaskyourpardon"——hebowedgravely。
`MissLingard，"hewenton，`isanabsolutelytrustfulheart。
Shehasnotlearnedthehardlessonsoflife。Asforyouandme，noblesseoblige"——hewatchedmenarrowly。
Lenareturnedwiththevest。`Comeinandletuslookatyouasyougoout，Mr。Ordinsky。I"veneverseenyouinyourdresssuit，"
shesaidassheopenedthedoorforhim。
Afewmomentslaterhereappearedwithhisviolin-caseaheavymufflerabouthisneckandthickwoollenglovesonhisbonyhands。
Lenaspokeencouraginglytohim，andhewentoffwithsuchanimportantprofessionalairthatwefelltolaughingassoonaswehadshutthedoor。
`Poorfellow，"Lenasaidindulgently，`hetakeseverythingsohard。"
AfterthatOrdinskywasfriendlytome，andbehavedasifthereweresomedeepunderstandingbetweenus。Hewroteafuriousarticle，attackingthemusicaltasteofthetown，andaskedmetodohimagreatservicebytakingittotheeditorofthemorningpaper。
Iftheeditorrefusedtoprintit，IwastotellhimthathewouldbeanswerabletoOrdinsky`inperson。"Hedeclaredthathewouldneverretractoneword，andthathewasquitepreparedtoloseallhispupils。
Inspiteofthefactthatnobodyevermentionedhisarticletohimafteritappeared——fulloftypographicalerrorswhichhethoughtintentional——
hegotacertainsatisfactionfrombelievingthatthecitizensofLincolnhadmeeklyacceptedtheepithet`coarsebarbarians。"
`Youseehowitis，"hesaidtome，`wherethereisnochivalry，thereisnoamour-propre。"WhenImethimonhisroundsnow，Ithoughthecarriedhisheadmoredisdainfullythanever，andstrodeupthestepsoffrontporchesandrangdoorbellswithmoreassurance。
HetoldLenahewouldneverforgethowIhadstoodbyhimwhenhewas`underfire。"
Allthistime，ofcourse，Iwasdrifting。Lenahadbrokenupmyseriousmood。Iwasn"tinterestedinmyclasses。
IplayedwithLenaandPrince，IplayedwiththePole，Iwentbuggy-ridingwiththeoldcolonel，whohadtakenafancytomeandusedtotalktomeaboutLenaandthe`greatbeauties"
hehadknowninhisyouth。WewereallthreeinlovewithLena。
BeforethefirstofJune，GastonClericwasofferedaninstructorshipatHarvardCollege，andacceptedit。
HesuggestedthatIshouldfollowhiminthefall，andcompletemycourseatHarvard。HehadfoundoutaboutLena——notfromme——
andhetalkedtomeseriously。
`Youwon"tdoanythingherenow。Youshouldeitherquitschoolandgotowork，orchangeyourcollegeandbeginagaininearnest。
Youwon"trecoveryourselfwhileyouareplayingaboutwiththishandsomeNorwegian。Yes，I"veseenherwithyouatthetheatre。
She"sverypretty，andperfectlyirresponsible，Ishouldjudge。"
ClericwrotemygrandfatherthathewouldliketotakemeEastwithhim。
Tomyastonishment，grandfatherrepliedthatImightgoifIwished。
Iwasbothgladandsorryonthedaywhenthelettercame。
Istayedinmyroomalleveningandthoughtthingsover。
IeventriedtopersuademyselfthatIwasstandinginLena"sway——
itissonecessarytobealittlenoble！——andthatifshehadnotmetoplaywith，shewouldprobablymarryandsecureherfuture。
ThenexteveningIwenttocallonLena。Ifoundherproppeduponthecouchinherbay-window，withherfootinabigslipper。
AnawkwardlittleRussiangirlwhomshehadtakenintoherwork-roomhaddroppedaflat-irononLena"stoe。
OnthetablebesidehertherewasabasketofearlysummerflowerswhichthePolehadleftafterheheardoftheaccident。
HealwaysmanagedtoknowwhatwentoninLena"sapartment。
Lenawastellingmesomeamusingpieceofgossipaboutoneofherclients，whenIinterruptedherandpickeduptheflowerbasket。
`Thisoldchapwillbeproposingtoyousomeday，Lena。"
`Oh，hehas——often！"shemurmured。
`What！Afteryou"verefusedhim？"
`Hedoesn"tmindthat。Itseemstocheerhimtomentionthesubject。
Oldmenarelikethat，youknow。Itmakesthemfeelimportanttothinkthey"reinlovewithsomebody。"
`Thecolonelwouldmarryyouinaminute。Ihopeyouwon"tmarrysomeoldfellow；notevenarichone。"
Lenashiftedherpillowsandlookedupatmeinsurprise。
`Why，I"mnotgoingtomarryanybody。Didn"tyouknowthat？"
`Nonsense，Lena。That"swhatgirlssay，butyouknowbetter。
Everyhandsomegirllikeyoumarries，ofcourse。"
Sheshookherhead。`Notme。"
`Butwhynot？Whatmakesyousaythat？"Ipersisted。
Lenalaughed。
`Well，it"smainlybecauseIdon"twantahusband。
Menareallrightforfriends，butassoonasyoumarrythemtheyturnintocrankyoldfathers，eventhewildones。
Theybegintotellyouwhat"ssensibleandwhat"sfoolish，andwantyoutostickathomeallthetime。IprefertobefoolishwhenIfeellikeit，andbeaccountabletonobody。"
`Butyou"llbelonesome。You"llgettiredofthissortoflife，andyou"llwantafamily。"
`Notme。Iliketobelonesome。WhenIwenttoworkforMrs。ThomasIwasnineteenyearsold，andIhadneversleptanightinmylifewhenthereweren"tthreeinthebed。
IneverhadaminutetomyselfexceptwhenIwasoffwiththecattle。"
Usually，whenLenareferredtoherlifeinthecountryatall，shedismisseditwithasingleremark，humorousormildlycynical。
Buttonighthermindseemedtodwellonthoseearlyyears。
Shetoldmeshecouldn"trememberatimewhenshewassolittlethatshewasn"tluggingaheavybabyabout，helpingtowashforbabies，tryingtokeeptheirlittlechappedhandsandfacesclean。
Sherememberedhomeasaplacewheretherewerealwaystoomanychildren，acrossmanandworkpilinguparoundasickwoman。
`Itwasn"tmother"sfault。Shewouldhavemadeuscomfortableifshecould。
Butthatwasnolifeforagirl！AfterIbegantoherdandmilk，Icouldnevergetthesmellofthecattleoffme。ThefewunderclothesIhadI
keptinacracker-box。OnSaturdaynights，aftereverybodywasinbed，thenIcouldtakeabathifIwasn"ttootired。Icouldmaketwotripstothewindmilltocarrywater，andheatitinthewash-boileronthestove。
Whilethewaterwasheating，Icouldbringinawashtuboutofthecave，andtakemybathinthekitchen。ThenIcouldputonacleannight-gownandgetintobedwithtwoothers，wholikelyhadn"thadabathunlessI"dgivenittothem。Youcan"ttellmeanythingaboutfamilylife。
I"vehadplentytolastme。"
`Butit"snotalllikethat，"Iobjected。
`Nearenough。It"sallbeingundersomebody"sthumb。
What"sonyourmind，Jim？AreyouafraidI"llwantyoutomarrymesomeday？"
ThenItoldherIwasgoingaway。
`Whatmakesyouwanttogoaway，Jim？Haven"tIbeennicetoyou？"
`You"vebeenjustawfullygoodtome，Lena，"Iblurted。
`Idon"tthinkaboutmuchelse。InevershallthinkaboutmuchelsewhileI"mwithyou。I"llneversettledownandgrindifIstayhere。
Youknowthat。"
Idroppeddownbesideherandsatlookingatthefloor。
Iseemedtohaveforgottenallmyreasonableexplanations。
Lenadrewclosetome，andthelittlehesitationinhervoicethathadhurtmewasnottherewhenshespokeagain。
`Ioughtn"ttohavebegunit，oughtI？"shemurmured。
`Ioughtn"ttohavegonetoseeyouthatfirsttime。ButIdidwantto。IguessI"vealwaysbeenalittlefoolishaboutyou。
Idon"tknowwhatfirstputitintomyhead，unlessitwasAntonia，alwaystellingmeImustn"tbeuptoanyofmynonsensewithyou。
Iletyoualoneforalongwhile，though，didn"tI？"
Shewasasweetcreaturetothosesheloved，thatLenaLingard！
Atlastshesentmeawaywithhersoft，slow，renunciatorykiss。
`Youaren"tsorryIcametoseeyouthattime？"shewhispered。
`Itseemedsonatural。IusedtothinkI"dliketobeyourfirstsweetheart。
Youweresuchafunnykid！"
Shealwayskissedoneasifsheweresadlyandwiselysendingoneawayforever。
Wesaidmanygood-byesbeforeIleftLincoln，butshenevertriedtohindermeorholdmeback。`Youaregoing，butyouhaven"tgoneyet，haveyou？"
sheusedtosay。
MyLincolnchapterclosedabruptly。Iwenthometomygrandparentsforafewweeks，andafterwardvisitedmyrelativesinVirginiauntilIjoinedClericinBoston。
Iwasthennineteenyearsold。
EndofBookIII
BOOKIVThePioneerWoman"sStoryI
TWOYEARSAFTERIleftLincoln，IcompletedmyacademiccourseatHarvard。
BeforeIenteredtheLawSchoolIwenthomeforthesummervacation。
Onthenightofmyarrival，Mrs。HarlingandFrancesandSallycameovertogreetme。Everythingseemedjustasitusedtobe。
Mygrandparentslookedverylittleolder。FrancesHarlingwasmarriednow，andsheandherhusbandmanagedtheHarlinginterestsinBlackHawk。
Whenwegatheredingrandmother"sparlour，IcouldhardlybelievethatI
hadbeenawayatall。Onesubject，however，weavoidedallevening。
WhenIwaswalkinghomewithFrances，afterwehadleftMrs。Harlingathergate，shesaidsimply，`Youknow，ofcourse，aboutpoorAntonia。"
PoorAntonia！Everyonewouldbesayingthatnow，Ithoughtbitterly。
IrepliedthatgrandmotherhadwrittenmehowAntoniawentawaytomarryLarryDonovanatsomeplacewherehewasworking；
thathehaddesertedher，andthattherewasnowababy。
ThiswasallIknew。
`Henevermarriedher，"Francessaid。`Ihaven"tseenhersinceshecameback。Shelivesathome，onthefarm，andalmostnevercomestotown。Shebroughtthebabyintoshowittomamaonce。
I"mafraidshe"ssettleddowntobeAmbrosch"sdrudgeforgood。"
ItriedtoshutAntoniaoutofmymind。Iwasbitterlydisappointedinher。Icouldnotforgiveherforbecominganobjectofpity，whileLenaLingard，forwhompeoplehadalwaysforetoldtrouble，wasnowtheleadingdressmakerofLincoln，muchrespectedinBlackHawk。
Lenagaveherheartawaywhenshefeltlikeit，butshekeptherheadforherbusinessandhadgotonintheworld。
JustthenitwasthefashiontospeakindulgentlyofLenaandseverelyofTinySoderball，whohadquietlygoneWesttotryherfortunetheyearbefore。
ABlackHawkboy，justbackfromSeattle，broughtthenewsthatTinyhadnotgonetothecoastonaventure，asshehadallowedpeopletothink，butwithverydefiniteplans。OneoftherovingpromotersthatusedtostopatMrs。Gardener"shotelownedidlepropertyalongthewaterfrontinSeattle，andhehadofferedtosetTinyupinbusinessinoneofhisemptybuildings。
Shewasnowconductingasailors"lodging-house。This，everyonesaid，wouldbetheendofTiny。Evenifshehadbegunbyrunningadecentplace，shecouldn"tkeepitup；allsailors"boarding-houseswerealike。
WhenIthoughtaboutit，IdiscoveredthatIhadneverknownTinyaswellasI
knewtheothergirls。Irememberedhertrippingbrisklyaboutthedining-roomonherhighheels，carryingabigtrayfulofdishes，glancingratherpertlyatthesprucetravellingmen，andcontemptuouslyatthescrubbyones——
whoweresoafraidofherthattheydidn"tdaretoaskfortwokindsofpie。
Nowitoccurredtomethatperhapsthesailors，too，mightbeafraidofTiny。
Howastonishedweshouldhavebeen，aswesattalkingaboutheronFrancesHarling"sfrontporch，ifwecouldhaveknownwhatherfuturewasreallytobe！OfallthegirlsandboyswhogrewuptogetherinBlackHawk，TinySoderballwastoleadthemostadventurouslifeandtoachievethemostsolidworldlysuccess。
ThisiswhatactuallyhappenedtoTiny:Whileshewasrunningherlodging-houseinSeattle，goldwasdiscoveredinAlaska。
MinersandsailorscamebackfromtheNorthwithwonderfulstoriesandpouchesofgold。Tinysawitandweigheditinherhands。
Thatdaring，whichnobodyhadeversuspectedinher，awoke。
ShesoldherbusinessandsetoutforCircleCity，incompanywithacarpenterandhiswifewhomshehadpersuadedtogoalongwithher。
TheyreachedSkaguayinasnowstorm，wentindog-sledgesovertheChilkootPass，andshottheYukoninflatboats。
TheyreachedCircleCityontheverydaywhensomeSiwashIndianscameintothesettlementwiththereportthattherehadbeenarichgoldstrikefartheruptheriver，onacertainKlondikeCreek。
TwodayslaterTinyandherfriends，andnearlyeveryoneelseinCircleCity，startedfortheKlondikefieldsonthelaststeamerthatwentuptheYukonbeforeitfrozeforthewinter。
ThatboatloadofpeoplefoundedDawsonCity。Withinafewweekstherewerefifteenhundredhomelessmenincamp。
Tinyandthecarpenter"swifebegantocookforthem，inatent。
Theminersgaveherabuildinglot，andthecarpenterputupaloghotelforher。Thereshesometimesfedahundredandfiftymenaday。
Minerscameinonsnowshoesfromtheirplacerclaimstwentymilesawaytobuyfreshbreadfromher，andpaidforitingold。
ThatwinterTinykeptinherhotelaSwedewhoselegshadbeenfrozenonenightinastormwhenhewastryingtofindhiswaybacktohiscabin。Thepoorfellowthoughtitgreatgoodfortunetobecaredforbyawoman，andawomanwhospokehisowntongue。Whenhewastoldthathisfeetmustbeamputated，hesaidhehopedhewouldnotgetwell；
whatcouldaworking-mandointhishardworldwithoutfeet？
Hedid，infact，diefromtheoperation，butnotbeforehehaddeededTinySoderballhisclaimonHunkerCreek。
Tinysoldherhotel，investedhalfhermoneyinDawsonbuildinglots，andwiththerestshedevelopedherclaim。
Shewentoffintothewildsandlivedontheclaim。
Sheboughtotherclaimsfromdiscouragedminers，tradedorsoldthemonpercentages。
AfternearlytenyearsintheKlondike，Tinyreturned，withaconsiderablefortune，toliveinSanFrancisco。ImetherinSaltLakeCityin1908。
Shewasathin，hard-facedwoman，verywell-dressed，veryreservedinmanner。
Curiouslyenough，sheremindedmeofMrs。Gardener，forwhomshehadworkedinBlackHawksolongago。Shetoldmeaboutsomeofthedesperatechancesshehadtakeninthegoldcountry，butthethrillofthemwasquitegone。
Shesaidfranklythatnothinginterestedhermuchnowbutmakingmoney。
TheonlytwohumanbeingsofwhomshespokewithanyfeelingweretheSwede，Johnson，whohadgivenherhisclaim，andLenaLingard。
ShehadpersuadedLenatocometoSanFranciscoandgointobusinessthere。
`Lincolnwasneveranyplaceforher，"Tinyremarked。
`InatownofthatsizeLenawouldalwaysbegossipedabout。
Frisco"stherightfieldforher。Shehasafineclassoftrade。Oh，she"sjustthesameasshealwayswas！
She"scareless，butshe"slevel-headed。She"stheonlypersonIknowwhonevergetsanyolder。It"sfineformetohaveherthere；somebodywhoenjoysthingslikethat。
Shekeepsaneyeonmeandwon"tletmebeshabby。
WhenshethinksIneedanewdress，shemakesitandsendsithomewithabillthat"slongenough，Icantellyou！"
Tinylimpedslightlywhenshewalked。TheclaimonHunkerCreektooktollfromitspossessors。Tinyhadbeencaughtinasuddenturnofweather，likepoorJohnson。ShelostthreetoesfromoneofthoseprettylittlefeetthatusedtotripaboutBlackHawkinpointedslippersandstripedstockings。
Tinymentionedthismutilationquitecasually——didn"tseemsensitiveaboutit。Shewassatisfiedwithhersuccess，butnotelated。
Shewaslikesomeoneinwhomthefacultyofbecominginterestediswornout。
II
SOONAFTERIGOThomethatsummer，Ipersuadedmygrandparentstohavetheirphotographstaken，andonemorningIwentintothephotographer"sshoptoarrangeforsittings。
WhileIwaswaitingforhimtocomeoutofhisdeveloping-room，Iwalkedabouttryingtorecognizethelikenessesonhiswalls:
girlsinCommencementdresses，countrybridesandgroomsholdinghands，familygroupsofthreegenerations。
Inoticed，inaheavyframe，oneofthosedepressing`crayonenlargements"oftenseeninfarm-houseparlours，thesubjectbeingaround-eyedbabyinshortdresses。
Thephotographercameoutandgaveaconstrained，apologeticlaugh。
`That"sTonyShimerda"sbaby。Yourememberher；sheusedtobetheHarlings"Tony。Toobad！Sheseemsproudofthebaby，though；wouldn"theartoacheapframeforthepicture。
IexpectherbrotherwillbeinforitSaturday。"
IwentawayfeelingthatImustseeAntoniaagain。
Anothergirlwouldhavekeptherbabyoutofsight，butTony，ofcourse，musthaveitspictureonexhibitionatthetownphotographer"s，inagreatgiltframe。Howlikeher！
Icouldforgiveher，Itoldmyself，ifshehadn"tthrownherselfawayonsuchacheapsortoffellow。
LarryDonovanwasapassengerconductor，oneofthosetrain-crewaristocratswhoarealwaysafraidthatsomeonemayaskthemtoputupacar-window，andwho，ifrequestedtoperformsuchamenialservice，silentlypointtothebuttonthatcallstheporter。
Larryworethisairofofficialaloofnessevenonthestreet，wheretherewerenocar-windowstocompromisehisdignity。
Attheendofhisrunhesteppedindifferentlyfromthetrainalongwiththepassengers，hisstreethatonhisheadandhisconductor"scapinanalligator-skinbag，wentdirectlyintothestationandchangedhisclothes。
Itwasamatteroftheutmostimportancetohimnevertobeseeninhisbluetrousersawayfromhistrain。
Hewasusuallycoldanddistantwithmen，butwithallwomenhehadasilent，gravefamiliarity，aspecialhandshake，accompaniedbyasignificant，deliberatelook。Hetookwomen，marriedorsingle，intohisconfidence；walkedthemupanddowninthemoonlight，tellingthemwhatamistakehehadmadebynotenteringtheofficebranchoftheservice，andhowmuchbetterfittedhewastofillthepostofGeneralPassengerAgentinDenverthantherough-shodmanwhothenborethattitle。
HisunappreciatedworthwasthetendersecretLarrysharedwithhissweethearts，andhewasalwaysabletomakesomefoolishheartacheoverit。
AsIdrewnearhomethatmorning，IsawMrs。Harlingoutinheryard，diggingroundhermountain-ashtree。
Itwasadrysummer，andshehadnownoboytohelpher。
Charleywasoffinhisbattleship，cruisingsomewhereontheCaribbeansea。IturnedinatthegateitwaswithafeelingofpleasurethatIopenedandshutthatgateinthosedays；
Ilikedthefeelofitundermyhand。ItookthespadeawayfromMrs。Harling，andwhileIloosenedtheeartharoundthetree，shesatdownonthestepsandtalkedabouttheoriolefamilythathadanestinitsbranches。
`Mrs。Harling，"Isaidpresently，`IwishIcouldfindoutexactlyhowAntonia"smarriagefellthrough。"
`Whydon"tyougooutandseeyourgrandfather"stenant，theWidowSteavens？Sheknowsmoreaboutitthananybodyelse。
ShehelpedAntoniagetreadytobemarried，andshewastherewhenAntoniacameback。Shetookcareofherwhenthebabywasborn。
Shecouldtellyoueverything。Besides，theWidowSteavensisagoodtalker，andshehasaremarkablememory。"
III
ONTHEFIRSTORseconddayofAugustIgotahorseandcartandsetoutforthehighcountry，tovisittheWidowSteavens。
Thewheatharvestwasover，andhereandtherealongthehorizonI
couldseeblackpuffsofsmokefromthesteamthreshing-machines。
Theoldpasturelandwasnowbeingbrokenupintowheatfieldsandcornfields，theredgrasswasdisappearing，andthewholefaceofthecountrywaschanging。Therewerewoodenhouseswheretheoldsoddwellingsusedtobe，andlittleorchards，andbigredbarns；allthismeanthappychildren，contentedwomen，andmenwhosawtheirlivescomingtoafortunateissue。
Thewindyspringsandtheblazingsummers，oneafteranother，hadenrichedandmellowedthatflattableland；allthehumaneffortthathadgoneintoitwascomingbackinlong，sweepinglinesoffertility。Thechangesseemedbeautifulandharmonioustome；
itwaslikewatchingthegrowthofagreatmanorofagreatidea。
Irecognizedeverytreeandsandbankandruggeddraw。
IfoundthatIrememberedtheconformationofthelandasoneremembersthemodellingofhumanfaces。
WhenIdrewuptoouroldwindmill，theWidowSteavenscameouttomeetme。
ShewasbrownasanIndianwoman，tall，andverystrong。WhenIwaslittle，hermassiveheadhadalwaysseemedtomelikeaRomansenator"s。ItoldheratoncewhyIhadcome。
`You"llstaythenightwithus，Jimmy？I"lltalktoyouaftersupper。Icantakemoreinterestwhenmyworkisoffmymind。
You"venoprejudiceagainsthotbiscuitforsupper？
Somehave，thesedays。"
WhileIwasputtingmyhorseaway，Iheardaroostersquawking。
Ilookedatmywatchandsighed；itwasthreeo"clock，andIknewthatImusteathimatsix。
AftersupperMrs。SteavensandIwentupstairstotheoldsitting-room，whilehergrave，silentbrotherremainedinthebasementtoreadhisfarmpapers。Allthewindowswereopen。Thewhitesummermoonwasshiningoutside，thewindmillwaspumpinglazilyinthelightbreeze。
Myhostessputthelamponastandinthecorner，andturneditlowbecauseoftheheat。Shesatdowninherfavouriterocking-chairandsettledalittlestoolcomfortablyunderhertiredfeet。
`I"mtroubledwithcalluses，Jim；gettingold，"shesighedcheerfully。
Shecrossedherhandsinherlapandsatasifshewereatameetingofsomekind。
`Now，it"saboutthatdearAntoniayouwanttoknow？Well，you"vecometotherightperson。I"vewatchedherlikeshe"dbeenmyowndaughter。
`Whenshecamehometodohersewingthatsummerbeforeshewastobemarried，shewasoverhereabouteveryday。
They"veneverhadasewing-machineattheShimerdas"，andshemadeallherthingshere。Itaughtherhemstitching，andIhelpedhertocutandfit。Sheusedtositthereatthatmachinebythewindow，pedallingthelifeoutofit——
shewassostrong——andalwayssingingthemqueerBohemiansongs，likeshewasthehappiestthingintheworld。
`“Antonia，“Iusedtosay，“don"trunthatmachinesofast。Youwon"thastenthedaynonethatway。“
`Thenshe"dlaughandslowdownforalittle，butshe"dsoonforgetandbegintopedalandsingagain。Ineversawagirlworkhardertogotohousekeepingrightandwell-prepared。Lovelytable-linentheHarlingshadgivenher，andLenaLingardhadsenthernicethingsfromLincoln。
Wehemstitchedallthetableclothsandpillow-cases，andsomeofthesheets。
OldMrs。Shimerdaknityardsandyardsoflaceforherunderclothes。
Tonytoldmejusthowshemeanttohaveeverythinginherhouse。
She"devenboughtsilverspoonsandforks，andkepttheminhertrunk。
Shewasalwayscoaxingbrothertogotothepost-office。Heryoungmandidwriteherrealoften，fromthedifferenttownsalonghisrun。
`Thefirstthingthattroubledherwaswhenhewrotethathisrunhadbeenchanged，andtheywouldlikelyhavetoliveinDenver。“I"macountrygirl，“shesaid，“andI
doubtifI"llbeabletomanagesowellforhiminacity。
Iwascountingonkeepingchickens，andmaybeacow。“
Shesooncheeredup，though。
`Atlastshegotthelettertellingherwhentocome。
Shewasshakenbyit；shebrokethesealandreaditinthisroom。
Isuspectedthenthatshe"dbeguntogetfaint-hearted，waiting；
thoughshe"dneverletmeseeit。
`Thentherewasagreattimeofpacking。ItwasinMarch，ifIrememberrightly，andaterriblemuddy，rawspell，withtheroadsbadforhaulingherthingstotown。
Andhereletmesay，Ambroschdidtherightthing。
HewenttoBlackHawkandboughtherasetofplatedsilverinapurplevelvetbox，goodenoughforherstation。
Hegaveherthreehundreddollarsinmoney；Isawthecheque。
He"dcollectedherwagesallthosefirstyearssheworkedout，anditwasbutright。Ishookhimbythehandinthisroom。
“You"rebehavinglikeaman，Ambrosch，“Isaid，“andI"mgladtoseeit，son。“
`"Twasacold，rawdayhedroveherandherthreetrunksintoBlackHawktotakethenighttrainforDenver——theboxeshadbeenshippedbefore。
Hestoppedthewagonhere，andsheranintotellmegood-bye。Shethrewherarmsaroundmeandkissedme，andthankedmeforallI"ddoneforher。
Shewassohappyshewascryingandlaughingatthesametime，andherredcheekswasallwetwithrain。
`“You"resurelyhandsomeenoughforanyman，“Isaid，lookingherover。
`Shelaughedkindofflightylike，andwhispered，“Good-bye，dearhouse！“
andthenranouttothewagon。Iexpectshemeantthatforyouandyourgrandmother，asmuchasforme，soI"mparticulartotellyou。
Thishousehadalwaysbeenarefugetoher。
`Well，inafewdayswehadalettersayingshegottoDenversafe，andhewastheretomeether。Theyweretobemarriedinafewdays。
Hewastryingtogethispromotionbeforehemarried，shesaid。
Ididn"tlikethat，butIsaidnothing。ThenextweekYulkagotapostalcard，sayingshewas“wellandhappy。“Afterthatweheardnothing。
Amonthwentby，andoldMrs。Shimerdabegantogetfretful。
AmbroschwasassulkywithmeasifI"dpickedoutthemanandarrangedthematch。
`OnenightbrotherWilliamcameinandsaidthatonhiswaybackfromthefieldshehadpassedaliveryteamfromtown，drivingfastoutthewestroad。
Therewasatrunkonthefrontseatwiththedriver，andanotherbehind。
Inthebackseattherewasawomanallbundledup；butforallherveils，hethought`twasAntoniaShimerda，orAntoniaDonovan，ashernameoughtnowtobe。
`ThenextmorningIgotbrothertodrivemeover。Icanwalkstill，butmyfeetain"twhattheyusedtobe，andItrytosavemyself。
ThelinesoutsidetheShimerdas"housewasfullofwashing，thoughitwasthemiddleoftheweek。Aswegotnearer，Isawasightthatmademyheartsink——allthoseunderclotheswe"dputsomuchworkon，outthereswinginginthewind。
Yulkacamebringingadishpanfulofwrungclothes，butshedartedbackintothehouselikeshewasloathtoseeus。WhenIwentin，Antoniawasstandingoverthetubs，justfinishingupabigwashing。
Mrs。Shimerdawasgoingaboutherwork，talkingandscoldingtoherself。
Shedidn"tsomuchasraisehereyes。Tonywipedherhandonherapronandhelditouttome，lookingatmesteadybutmournful。
WhenItookherinmyarmsshedrewaway。“Don"t，Mrs。Steavens，“
shesays，“you"llmakemecry，andIdon"twantto。“
`Iwhisperedandaskedhertocomeout-of-doorswithme。
Iknewshecouldn"ttalkfreebeforehermother。Shewentoutwithme，bareheaded，andwewalkeduptowardthegarden。
`“I"mnotmarried，Mrs。Steavens，“shesaystomeveryquietandnatural-like，“andIoughttobe。“
`“Oh，mychild，“saysI，“what"shappenedtoyou？
Don"tbeafraidtotellme！“
`Shesatdownonthedrawside，outofsightofthehouse。
“He"srunawayfromme，“shesaid。“Idon"tknowifheevermeanttomarryme。“
`“Youmeanhe"sthrownuphisjobandquitthecountry？“saysI。
`“Hedidn"thaveanyjob。He"dbeenfired；blacklistedforknockingdownfares。Ididn"tknow。Ithoughthehadn"tbeentreatedright。
HewassickwhenIgotthere。He"djustcomeoutofthehospital。
Helivedwithmetillmymoneygaveout，andafterwardIfoundhehadn"treallybeenhuntingworkatall。Thenhejustdidn"tcomeback。
Onenicefellowatthestationtoldme，whenIkeptgoingtolookforhim，togiveitup。HesaidhewasafraidLarry"dgonebadandwouldn"tcomebackanymore。Iguesshe"sgonetoOldMexico。Theconductorsgetrichdownthere，collectinghalf-faresoffthenativesandrobbingthecompany。
Hewasalwaystalkingaboutfellowswhohadgotaheadthatway。“
`Iaskedher，ofcourse，whyshedidn"tinsistonacivilmarriageatonce——
thatwouldhavegivenhersomeholdonhim。Sheleanedherheadonherhands，poorchild，andsaid，“Ijustdon"tknow，Mrs。Steavens。
Iguessmypatiencewasworeout，waitingsolong。IthoughtifhesawhowwellIcoulddoforhim，he"dwanttostaywithme。“
`Jimmy，Isatrightdownonthatbankbesideherandmadelament。
Icriedlikeayoungthing。Icouldn"thelpit。
Iwasjustaboutheart-broke。ItwasoneofthemlovelywarmMaydays，andthewindwasblowingandthecoltsjumpingaroundinthepastures；butIfeltbowedwithdespair。
MyAntonia，thathadsomuchgoodinher，hadcomehomedisgraced。
AndthatLenaLingard，thatwasalwaysabadone，saywhatyouwill，hadturnedoutsowell，andwascominghomehereeverysummerinhersilksandhersatins，anddoingsomuchforhermother。
Igivecreditwherecreditisdue，butyouknowwellenough，JimBurden，thereisagreatdifferenceintheprinciplesofthosetwogirls。Andhereitwasthegoodonethathadcometogrief！
Iwaspoorcomforttoher。Imarvelledathercalm。
Aswewentbacktothehouse，shestoppedtofeelofherclothestoseeiftheywasdryingwell，andseemedtotakeprideintheirwhiteness——shesaidshe"dbeenlivinginabrickblock，whereshedidn"thaveproperconveniencestowashthem。
`ThenexttimeIsawAntonia，shewasoutinthefieldsploughingcorn。
Allthatspringandsummershedidtheworkofamanonthefarm；itseemedtobeanunderstoodthing。Ambroschdidn"tgetanyotherhandtohelphim。
PoorMarekhadgotviolentandbeensentawaytoaninstitutionagoodwhileback。WeneverevensawanyofTony"sprettydresses。Shedidn"ttakethemoutofhertrunks。Shewasquietandsteady。Folksrespectedherindustryandtriedtotreatherasifnothinghadhappened。
Theytalked，tobesure；butnotliketheywouldifshe"dputonairs。
Shewassocrushedandquietthatnobodyseemedtowanttohumbleher。
Sheneverwentanywhere。Allthatsummersheneveroncecametoseeme。
AtfirstIwashurt，butIgottofeelthatitwasbecausethishouseremindedheroftoomuch。IwentovertherewhenIcould，butthetimeswhenshewasinfromthefieldswerethetimeswhenIwasbusiesthere。
Shetalkedaboutthegrainandtheweatherasifshe"dneverhadanotherinterest，andifIwentoveratnightshealwayslookeddeadweary。
Shewasafflictedwithtoothache；onetoothafteranotherulcerated，andshewentaboutwithherfaceswollenhalfthetime。Shewouldn"tgotoBlackHawktoadentistforfearofmeetingpeoplesheknew。
Ambroschhadgotoverhisgoodspelllongago，andwasalwayssurly。
OnceItoldhimheoughtnottoletAntoniaworksohardandpullherselfdown。Hesaid，“Ifyouputthatinherhead，youbetterstayhome。“
AndafterthatIdid。
`Antoniaworkedonthroughharvestandthreshing，thoughshewastoomodesttogooutthreshingfortheneighbours，likewhenshewasyoungandfree。
Ididn"tseemuchofheruntillatethatfallwhenshebeguntoherdAmbrosch"scattleintheopengroundnorthofhere，uptowardthebigdog-town。Sometimessheusedtobringthemoverthewesthill，there，andIwouldruntomeetherandwalknorthapiecewithher。
Shehadthirtycattleinherbunch；ithadbeendry，andthepasturewasshort，orshewouldn"thavebroughtthemsofar。
`Itwasafineopenfall，andshelikedtobealone。
Whilethesteersgrazed，sheusedtositonthemgrassybanksalongthedrawsandsunherselfforhours。
SometimesIslippeduptovisitwithher，whenshehadn"tgonetoofar。
`“ItdoesseemlikeIoughttomakelace，orknitlikeLenausedto，“shesaidoneday，“butifIstarttowork，Ilookaroundandforgettogoon。ItseemssuchalittlewhileagowhenJimBurdenandIwasplayingalloverthiscountry。
UphereIcanpickouttheveryplaceswheremyfatherusedtostand。
SometimesIfeellikeI"mnotgoingtoliveverylong，soI"mjustenjoyingeverydayofthisfall。“
`Afterthewinterbegunsheworeaman"slongovercoatandboots，andaman"sfelthatwithawidebrim。Iusedtowatchhercomingandgoing，andIcouldseethatherstepsweregettingheavier。OnedayinDecember，thesnowbegantofall。
LateintheafternoonIsawAntoniadrivinghercattlehomewardacrossthehill。Thesnowwasflyingroundherandshebenttofaceit，lookingmorelonesome-liketomethanusual。
“Dearyme，“Isaystomyself，“thegirl"sstayedouttoolate。
It"llbedarkbeforeshegetsthemcattleputintothecorral。“
Iseemedtosenseshe"dbeenfeelingtoomiserabletogetupanddrivethem。
`Thatverynight，ithappened。Shegothercattlehome，turnedthemintothecorral，andwentintothehouse，intoherroombehindthekitchen，andshutthedoor。There，withoutcallingtoanybody，withoutagroan，shelaydownonthebedandboreherchild。
`IwasliftingsupperwhenoldMrs。Shimerdacamerunningdownthebasementstairs，outofbreathandscreeching:
`“Babycome，babycome！“shesays。“Ambroschmuchlikedevil！“
`BrotherWilliamissurelyapatientman。Hewasjustreadytositdowntoahotsupperafteralongdayinthefields。
Withoutawordheroseandwentdowntothebarnandhookeduphisteam。Hegotusoverthereasquickasitwashumanlypossible。
Iwentrightin，andbegantodoforAntonia；butshelaidtherewithhereyesshutandtooknoaccountofme。
Theoldwomangotatubfulofwarmwatertowashthebaby。
IoverlookedwhatshewasdoingandIsaidoutloud:
“Mrs。Shimerda，don"tyouputthatstrongyellowsoapnearthatbaby。
You"llblisteritslittleskin。“Iwasindignant。
`“Mrs。Steavens，“Antoniasaidfromthebed，“ifyou"lllookinthetoptrayofmytrunk，you"llseesomefinesoap。“
Thatwasthefirstwordshespoke。
`AfterI"ddressedthebaby，ItookitouttoshowittoAmbrosch。
Hewasmutteringbehindthestoveandwouldn"tlookatit。
`“You"dbetterputitoutintherain-barrel，“hesays。
`“Now，seehere，Ambrosch，“saysI，“there"salawinthisland，don"tforgetthat。Istandhereawitnessthatthisbabyhascomeintotheworldsoundandstrong，andIintendtokeepaneyeonwhatbefallsit。“
IpridemyselfIcowedhim。
`WellIexpectyou"renotmuchinterestedinbabies，butAntonia"sgotonfine。Sheloveditfromthefirstasdearlyasifshe"dhadaringonherfinger，andwasneverashamedofit。
It"sayearandeightmonthsoldnow，andnobabywaseverbettercared-for。Antoniaisanatural-bornmother。
Iwishshecouldmarryandraiseafamily，butIdon"tknowasthere"smuchchancenow。"
IsleptthatnightintheroomIusedtohavewhenIwasalittleboy，withthesummerwindblowinginatthewindows，bringingthesmelloftheripefields。Ilayawakeandwatchedthemoonlightshiningoverthebarnandthestacksandthepond，andthewindmillmakingitsolddarkshadowagainstthebluesky。