第6章

Burgesshasalwaysfoundrestintheseexcursions，andAdamsunrest。TheyaretryingChristianScience，now，withthecustomaryresult，theinevitableresult。NopoliticalorreligiousbeliefcanmakeBurgessunhappyortheothermanhappy。

Iassureyouitispurelyamatteroftemperament。BeliefsareACQUIREMENTS，temperamentsareBORN;beliefsaresubjecttochange，nothingwhatevercanchangetemperament。

Y。M。Youhaveinstancedextremetemperaments。

O。M。Yes，thehalfdozenothersaremodificationsoftheextremes。Butthelawisthesame。Wherethetemperamentistwothirdshappy，ortwothirdsunhappy，nopoliticalorreligiousbeliefscanchangetheproportions。Thevastmajorityoftemperamentsareprettyequallybalanced;theintensitiesareabsent，andthisenablesanationtolearntoaccommodateitselftoitspoliticalandreligiouscircumstancesandlikethem，besatisfiedwiththem，atlastpreferthem。NationsdonotTHINK，theyonlyFEEL。Theygettheirfeelingsatsecondhandthroughtheirtemperaments，nottheirbrains。Anationcanbebrought

byforceofcircumstances，notargumenttoreconcileitselftoANYKINDOFGOVERNMENTORRELIGIONTHATCANBEDEVISED;intimeitwillfititselftotherequiredconditions;later，itwillpreferthemandwillfiercelyfightforthem。Asinstances，youhaveallhistory:theGreeks，theRomans，thePersians，theEgyptians，theRussians，theGermans，theFrench，theEnglish，theSpaniards，theAmericans，theSouthAmericans，theJapanese，theChinese，theHindus，theTurksathousandwildandtamereligions，everykindofgovernmentthatcanbethoughtof，fromtigertohousecat，eachnationKNOWINGithastheonlytruereligionandtheonlysanesystemofgovernment，eachdespisingalltheothers，eachanassandnotsuspectingit，eachproudofitsfanciedsupremacy，eachperfectlysureitisthepetofGod，eachwithoutundoubtingconfidencesummoningHimtotakecommandintimeofwar，eachsurprisedwhenHegoesovertotheenemy，butbyhabitabletoexcuseitandresumecomplimentsinaword，thewholehumanracecontent，alwayscontent，persistentlycontent，indestructiblycontent，happy，thankful，proud，NO

MATTERWHATITSRELIGIONIS，NORWHETHERITSMASTERBETIGEROR

HOUSECAT。AmIstatingfacts？YouknowIam。Isthehumanracecheerful？Youknowitis。Consideringwhatitcanstand，andbehappy，youdometoomuchhonorwhenyouthinkthat_I_

canplacebeforeitasystemofplaincoldfactsthatcantakethecheerfulnessoutofit。Nothingcandothat。Everythinghasbeentried。Withoutsuccess。Ibegyounottobetroubled。

THEDEATHOFJEAN

ThedeathofJeanClemensoccurredearlyinthemorningofDecember24，1909。Mr。ClemenswasingreatstressofmindwhenIfirstsawhim，butafewhourslaterIfoundhimwritingsteadily。

"Iamsettingitdown，"hesaid，"everything。Itisarelieftometowriteit。Itfurnishesmeanexcuseforthinking。"AtintervalsduringthatdayandthenextIlookedin，andusuallyfoundhimwriting。Thenontheeveningofthe26th，whenheknewthatJeanhadbeenlaidtorestinElmira，hecametomyroomwiththemanuscriptinhishand。

"Ihavefinishedit，"hesaid;"readit。Icanformnoopinionofitmyself。Ifyouthinkitworthy，somedayatthepropertimeitcanendmyautobiography。Itisthefinalchapter。"

Fourmonthslateralmosttotheday（April21st）hewaswithJean。

AlbertBigelowPaine。

Stormfield，ChristmasEve，11A。M。，1909。

JEANISDEAD！

Hasanyoneevertriedtoputuponpaperallthelittlehappeningsconnectedwithadearonehappeningsofthetwenty

fourhoursprecedingthesuddenandunexpecteddeathofthatdearone？Wouldabookcontainthem？Wouldtwobookscontainthem？

Ithinknot。Theypourintothemindinaflood。Theyarelittlethingsthathavebeenalwayshappeningeveryday，andwerealwayssounimportantandeasilyforgettablebeforebutnow！

Now，howdifferent！howprecioustheyare，nowdear，howunforgettable，howpathetic，howsacred，howclothedwithdignity！

LastnightJean，allflushedwithsplendidhealth，andIthesame，fromthewholesomeeffectsofmyBermudaholiday，strolledhandinhandfromthedinnertableandsatdowninthelibraryandchatted，andplanned，anddiscussed，cheerilyandhappily（andhowunsuspectingly！）untilninewhichislateforusthenwentupstairs，Jean’sfriendlyGermandogfollowing。AtmydoorJeansaid，"Ican’tkissyougoodnight，father:Ihaveacold，andyoucouldcatchit。"Ibentandkissedherhand。ShewasmovedIsawitinhereyesandsheimpulsivelykissedmyhandinreturn。Thenwiththeusualgay"Sleepwell，dear！"fromboth，weparted。

AthalfpastseventhismorningIwoke，andheardvoicesoutsidemydoor。Isaidtomyself，"Jeanisstartingonherusualhorsebackflighttothestationforthemail。"ThenKaty[1]entered，stoodquakingandgaspingatmybedsideamoment，thenfoundhertongue:

"MISSJEANISDEAD！"

PossiblyIknownowwhatthesoldierfeelswhenabulletcrashesthroughhisheart。

Inherbathroomthereshelay，thefairyoungcreature，stretcheduponthefloorandcoveredwithasheet。Andlookingsoplacid，sonatural，andasifasleep。Weknewwhathadhappened。Shewasanepileptic:shehadbeenseizedwithaconvulsionandheartfailureinherbath。Thedoctorhadtocomeseveralmiles。Hisefforts，likeourpreviousones，failedtobringherbacktolife。

Itisnoon，now。Howlovableshelooks，howsweetandhowtranquil！Itisanobleface，andfullofdignity;andthatwasagoodheartthatliestheresostill。

InEngland，thirteenyearsago，mywifeandIwerestabbedtotheheartwithacablegramwhichsaid，"Susywasmercifullyreleasedtoday。"IhadtosendalikeshottoClara，inBerlin，thismorning。Withtheperemptoryaddition，"Youmustnotcomehome。"Claraandherhusbandsailedfromhereonthe11thofthismonth。HowwillClarabearit？Jean，fromherbabyhood，wasaworshiperofClara。

FourdaysagoIcamebackfromamonth’sholidayinBermudainperfectedhealth;butbysomeaccidentthereportersfailedtoperceivethis。Daybeforeyesterday，lettersandtelegramsbegantoarrivefromfriendsandstrangerswhichindicatedthatIwassupposedtobedangerouslyill。YesterdayJeanbeggedmetoexplainmycasethroughtheAssociatedPress。Isaiditwasnotimportantenough;butshewasdistressedandsaidImustthinkofClara。ClarawouldseethereportintheGermanpapers，andasshehadbeennursingherhusbanddayandnightforfourmonths[2]andwaswornoutandfeeble，theshockmightbedisastrous。

Therewasreasoninthat;soIsentahumorousparagraphbytelephonetotheAssociatedPressdenyingthe"charge"thatIwas"dying，"andsaying"Iwouldnotdosuchathingatmytimeoflife。"

Jeanwasalittletroubled，anddidnotliketoseemetreatthemattersolightly;butIsaiditwasbesttotreatitso，fortherewasnothingseriousaboutit。ThismorningIsentthesorrowfulfactsofthisday’sirremediabledisastertotheAssociatedPress。Willbothappearinthisevening’spapers？

theonesoblithe，theothersotragic？

IlostSusythirteenyearsago;Ilosthermotherherincomparablemother！fiveandahalfyearsago;ClarahasgoneawaytoliveinEurope;andnowIhavelostJean。HowpoorIam，whowasoncesorich！SevenmonthsagoMr。RogerdiedoneofthebestfriendsIeverhad，andthenearestperfect，asmanandgentleman，Ihaveyetmetamongmyrace;withinthelastsixweeksGilderhaspassedaway，andLaffanold，oldfriendsofmine。Jeanliesyonder，Isithere;wearestrangersunderourownroof;wekissedhandsgoodbyatthisdoorlastnightanditwasforever，weneversuspectingit。Sheliesthere，andIsitherewriting，busyingmyself，tokeepmyheartfrombreaking。

Howdazzlinglythesunshineisfloodingthehillsaround！Itislikeamockery。

Seventyfouryearsagotwentyfourdaysago。Seventyfouryearsoldyesterday。Whocanestimatemyagetoday？

Ihavelookeduponheragain。IwonderIcanbearit。ShelooksjustashermotherlookedwhenshelaydeadinthatFlorentinevillasolongago。Thesweetplacidityofdeath！itismorebeautifulthansleep。

Isawhermotherburied。IsaidIwouldneverendurethathorroragain;thatIwouldneveragainlookintothegraveofanyonedeartome。Ihavekepttothat。TheywilltakeJeanfromthishousetomorrow，andbearhertoElmira，NewYork，whereliethoseofusthathavebeenreleased，butIshallnotfollow。

Jeanwasonthedockwhentheshipcamein，onlyfourdaysago。Shewasatthedoor，beamingawelcome，whenIreachedthishousethenextevening。Weplayedcards，andshetriedtoteachmeanewgamecalled"MarkTwain。"Wesatchattingcheerilyinthelibrarylastnight，andshewouldn’tletmelookintotheloggia，whereshewasmakingChristmaspreparations。Shesaidshewouldfinishtheminthemorning，andthenherlittleFrenchfriendwouldarrivefromNewYorkthesurprisewouldfollow;thesurpriseshehadbeenworkingoverfordays。WhileshewasoutforamomentIdisloyallystolealook。Theloggiafloorwasclothedwithrugsandfurnishedwithchairsandsofas;andtheuncompletedsurprisewasthere:intheformofaChristmastreethatwasdrenchedwithsilverfilminamostwonderfulway;andonatablewasprodigalprofusionofbrightthingswhichshewasgoingtohanguponittoday。Whatdesecratinghandwilleverbanishthateloquentunfinishedsurprisefromthatplace？Notmine，surely。Alltheselittlemattershavehappenedinthelastfourdays。"Little。"YesTHEN。Butnotnow。Nothingshesaidorthoughtordidislittlenow。Andallthelavishhumor！whatisbecomeofit？Itispathos，now。Pathos，andthethoughtofitbringstears。

Alltheselittlethingshappenedsuchafewhoursagoandnowsheliesyonder。Liesyonder，andcaresfornothinganymore。Strangemarvelousincredible！Ihavehadthisexperiencebefore;butitwouldstillbeincredibleifIhadhaditathousandtimes。

"MISSJEANISDEAD！"

ThatiswhatKatysaid。WhenIheardthedooropenbehindthebed’sheadwithoutapreliminaryknock，IsupposeditwasJeancomingtokissmegoodmorning，shebeingtheonlypersonwhowasusedtoenteringwithoutformalities。

Andso

IhavebeentoJean’sparlor。SuchaturmoilofChristmaspresentsforservantsandfriends！Theyareeverywhere;tables，chairs，sofas，theflooreverythingisoccupied，andover

occupied。ItismanyandmanyayearsinceIhaveseenthelike。

InthatancientdayMrs。ClemensandIusedtoslipsoftlyintothenurseryatmidnightonChristmasEveandlookthearrayofpresentsover。Thechildrenwerelittlethen。AndnowhereisJean’sparlorlookingjustasthatnurseryusedtolook。Thepresentsarenotlabeledthehandsareforeveridlethatwouldhavelabeledthemtoday。Jean’smotheralwaysworkedherselfdownwithherChristmaspreparations。Jeandidthesameyesterdayandtheprecedingdays，andthefatiguehascostherherlife。Thefatiguecausedtheconvulsionthatattackedherthismorning。Shehadhadnoattackformonths。

Jeanwassofulloflifeandenergythatshewasconstantlyisdangerofovertaxingherstrength。Everymorningshewasinthesaddlebyhalfpastseven，andofftothestationforhermail。SheexaminedthelettersandIdistributedthem:sometoher，sometoMr。Paine，theotherstothestenographerandmyself。Shedispatchedhershareandthenmountedherhorseagainandwentaroundsuperintendingherfarmandherpoultrytherestoftheday。Sometimessheplayedbilliardswithmeafterdinner，butshewasusuallytootiredtoplay，andwentearlytobed。

YesterdayafternoonItoldheraboutsomeplansIhadbeendevisingwhileabsentinBermuda，tolightenherburdens。Wewouldgetahousekeeper;alsowewouldputhershareofthesecretaryworkintoMr。Paine’shands。

Noshewasn’twilling。Shehadbeenmakingplansherself。

Thematterendedinacompromise，Isubmitted。Ialwaysdid。

Shewouldn’tauditthebillsandletPainefilloutthechecks

shewouldcontinuetoattendtothatherself。Also，shewouldcontinuetobehousekeeper，andletKatyassist。Also，shewouldcontinuetoanswerthelettersofpersonalfriendsforme。Suchwasthecompromise。Bothofuscalleditbythatname，thoughI

wasnotabletoseewheremyformidablechangehadbeenmade。

However，Jeanwaspleased，andthatwassufficientforme。

Shewasproudofbeingmysecretary，andIwasneverabletopersuadehertogiveupanypartofhershareinthatunlovelywork。

InthetalklastnightIsaidIfoundeverythinggoingsosmoothlythatifshewerewillingIwouldgobacktoBermudainFebruaryandgetblessedlyoutoftheclashandturmoilagainforanothermonth。ShewasurgentthatIshoulddoit，andsaidthatifIwouldputoffthetripuntilMarchshewouldtakeKatyandgowithme。Westruckhandsuponthat，andsaiditwassettled。

IhadamindtowritetoBermudabytomorrow’sshipandsecureafurnishedhouseandservants。Imeanttowritetheletterthismorning。Butitwillneverbewritten，now。

Forsheliesyonder，andbeforeherisanotherjourneythanthat。

Nightisclosingdown;therimofthesunbarelyshowsabovetheskylineofthehills。

Ihavebeenlookingatthatfaceagainthatwasgrowingdeareranddearertomeeveryday。IwasgettingacquaintedwithJeanintheselastninemonths。Shehadbeenlonganexilefromhomewhenshecametousthreequartersofayearago。Shehadbeenshutupinsanitariums，manymilesfromus。Howeloquentgladandgratefulshewastocrossherfather’sthresholdagain！

WouldIbringherbacktolifeifIcoulddoit？Iwouldnot。

Ifawordwoulddoit，Iwouldbegforstrengthtowithholdtheword。AndIwouldhavethestrength;Iamsureofit。InherlossIamalmostbankrupt，andmylifeisabitterness，butI

amcontent:forshehasbeenenrichedwiththemostpreciousofallgiftsthatgiftwhichmakesallothergiftsmeanandpoor

death。IhaveneverwantedanyreleasedfriendofminerestoredtolifesinceIreachedmanhood。IfeltinthiswaywhenSusypassedaway;andlatermywife，andlaterMr。Rogers。WhenClarametmeatthestationinNewYorkandtoldmeMr。Rogershaddiedsuddenlythatmorning，mythoughtwas，Oh，favoriteoffortune

fortunateallhislongandlovelylifefortunatetohislatestmoment！Thereporterssaidthereweretearsofsorrowinmyeyes。TruebuttheywereforME，notforhim。Hehadsufferednoloss。Allthefortuneshehadevermadebeforewerepovertycomparedwiththisone。

WhydidIbuildthishouse，twoyearsago？Toshelterthisvastemptiness？HowfoolishIwas！ButIshallstayinit。Thespiritsofthedeadhallowahouse，forme。Itwasnotsowithothermembersofthefamily。SusydiedinthehousewebuiltinHartford。Mrs。Clemenswouldneverenteritagain。Butitmadethehousedearertome。Ihaveentereditoncesince，whenitwastenantlessandsilentandforlorn，buttomeitwasaholyplaceandbeautiful。Itseemedtomethatthespiritsofthedeadwereallaboutme，andwouldspeaktomeandwelcomemeiftheycould:Livy，andSusy，andGeorge，andHenryRobinson，andCharlesDudleyWarner。Howgoodandkindtheywere，andhowlovabletheirlives！InfancyIcouldseethemallagain，I

couldcallthechildrenbackandhearthemrompagainwithGeorgethatpeerlessblackexslaveandchildren’sidolwhocameonedayaflittingstrangertowashwindows，andstayedeighteenyears。Untilhedied。ClaraandJeanwouldneverenteragaintheNewYorkhotelwhichtheirmotherhadfrequentedinearlierdays。Theycouldnotbearit。ButIshallstayinthishouse。Itisdearertometonightthaneveritwasbefore。

Jean’sspiritwillmakeitbeautifulformealways。HerlonelyandtragicdeathbutIwillnotthinkofthatnow。

Jean’smotheralwaysdevotedtwoorthreeweekstoChristmasshopping，andwasalwaysphysicallyexhaustedwhenChristmasEvecame。Jeanwasherveryownchildsheworeherselfoutpresent

huntinginNewYorktheselatterdays。Painehasjustfoundonherdeskalonglistofnamesfifty，hethinkspeopletowhomshesentpresentslastnight。Apparentlysheforgotnoone。AndKatyfoundtherearollofbanknotes，fortheservants。

Herdoghasbeenwanderingaboutthegroundstoday，comradelessandforlorn。Ihaveseenhimfromthewindows。ShegothimfromGermany。Hehastallearsandlooksexactlylikeawolf。HewaseducatedinGermany，andknowsnolanguagebuttheGerman。Jeangavehimnoorderssaveinthattongue。Andsowhentheburglaralarmmadeafierceclamoratmidnightafortnightago，thebutler，whoisFrenchandknowsnoGerman，triedinvaintointerestthedoginthesupposedburglar。Jeanwroteme，toBermuda，abouttheincident。ItwasthelastletterIwasevertoreceivefromherbrightheadandhercompetenthand。

Thedogwillnotbeneglected。

TherewasneverakinderheartthanJean’s。Fromherchildhoodupshealwaysspentthemostofherallowanceoncharitiesofonekindoranother。Aftershebecamesecretaryandhadherincomedoubledshespenthermoneyuponthesethingswithafreehand。Minetoo，Iamgladandgratefultosay。

Shewasaloyalfriendtoallanimals，andshelovedthemall，birds，beasts，andeverythingevensnakesaninheritancefromme。Sheknewallthebirds;shewashighupinthatlore。

Shebecameamemberofvarioushumanesocietieswhenshewasstillalittlegirlbothhereandabroadandsheremainedanactivemembertothelast。Shefoundedtwoorthreesocietiesfortheprotectionofanimals，hereandinEurope。

Shewasanembarrassingsecretary，forshefishedmycorrespondenceoutofthewastebasketandansweredtheletters。

Shethoughtalllettersdeservedthecourtesyofananswer。

Hermotherbroughtherupinthatkindlyerror。

Shecouldwriteagoodletter，andwasswiftwithherpen。

Shehadbutanindifferentearmusic，buthertonguetooktolanguageswithaneasyfacility。SheneverallowedherItalian，French，andGermantogetrustythroughneglect。

Thetelegramsofsympathyareflowingin，fromfarandwide，now，justastheydidinItalyfiveyearsandahalfago，whenthischild’smotherlaiddownherblamelesslife。Theycannothealthehurt，buttheytakeawaysomeofthepain。WhenJeanandIkissedhandsandpartedatmydoorlast，howlittledidweimaginethatintwentytwohoursthetelegraphwouldbebringingwordslikethese:

"Fromthebottomofourheartswesendoutsympathy，dearestoffriends。"

Formanyandmanyadaytocome，whereverIgointhishouse，remembrancersofJeanwillmutelyspeaktomeofher。Whocancountthenumberofthem？

Shewasinexiletwoyearswiththehopeofhealinghermaladyepilepsy。TherearenowordstoexpresshowgratefulI

amthatshedidnotmeetherfateinthehandsofstrangers，butinthelovingshelterofherownhome。

"MISSJEANISDEAD！"

Itistrue。Jeanisdead。

AmonthagoIwaswritingbubblingandhilariousarticlesformagazinesyettoappear，andnowIamwritingthis。

CHRISTMASDAY。NOON。LastnightIwenttoJean’sroomatintervals，andturnedbackthesheetandlookedatthepeacefulface，andkissedthecoldbrow，andrememberedthatheartbreakingnightinFlorencesolongago，inthatcavernousandsilentvastvilla，whenIcreptdownstairssomanytimes，andturnedbackasheetandlookedatafacejustlikethisoneJean’smother’sfaceandkissedabrowthatwasjustlikethisone。AndlastnightIsawagainwhatIhadseenthenthatstrangeandlovelymiraclethesweet，softcontoursofearlymaidenhoodrestoredbythegracioushandofdeath！WhenJean’smotherlaydead，alltraceofcare，andtrouble，andsuffering，andthecorrodingyearshadvanishedoutoftheface，andIwaslookingagainuponitasIhadknownandworshippeditinitsyoungbloomandbeautyawholegenerationbefore。

Aboutthreeinthemorning，whilewanderingaboutthehouseinthedeepsilences，asonediesintimeslikethese，whenthereisadumbsensethatsomethinghasbeenlostthatwillneverbefoundagain，yetmustbesought，ifonlyfortheemploymenttheuselessseekinggives，IcameuponJean’sdoginthehalldownstairs，andnotedthathedidnotspringtogreetme，accordingtohishospitablehabit，butcameslowandsorrowfully;

alsoIrememberedthathehadnotvisitedJean’sapartmentsincethetragedy。Poorfellow，didheknow？Ithinkso。AlwayswhenJeanwasabroadintheopenhewaswithher;alwayswhenshewasinthehousehewaswithher，inthenightaswellasintheday。

Herparlorwashisbedroom。WheneverIhappeneduponhimonthegroundfloorhealwaysfollowedmeabout，andwhenIwentupstairshewenttooinatumultuousgallop。Butnowitwasdifferent:afterpattinghimalittleIwenttothelibraryheremainedbehind;whenIwentupstairshedidnotfollowme，savewithhiswistfuleyes。Hehaswonderfuleyesbig，andkind，andeloquent。Hecantalkwiththem。Heisabeautifulcreature，andisofthebreedoftheNewYorkpolicedogs。Idonotlikedogs，becausetheybarkwhenthereisnooccasionforit;butI

havelikedthisonefromthebeginning，becausehebelongedtoJean，andbecauseheneverbarksexceptwhenthereisoccasion

whichisnotoftenerthantwiceaweek。

InmywanderingsIvisitedJean’sparlor。OnashelfI

foundapileofmybooks，andIknewwhatitmeant。ShewaswaitingformetocomehomefromBermudaandautographthem，thenshewouldsendthemaway。IfIonlyknewwhomsheintendedthemfor！ButIshallneverknow。Iwillkeepthem。Herhandhastouchedthemitisanaccoladetheyarenoble，now。

AndinaclosetshehadhiddenasurpriseformeathingI

haveoftenwishedIowned:anoblebigglobe。Icouldn’tseeitforthetears。ShewillneverknowtheprideItakeinit，andthepleasure。Todaythemailsarefulloflovingremembrancesforher:fullofthoseold，oldkindwordsshelovedsowell，"MerryChristmastoJean！"Ifshecouldonlyhavelivedonedaylonger！

Atlastsheranoutofmoney，andwouldnotusemine。SoshesenttooneofthoseNewYorkhomesforpoorgirlsalltheclothesshecouldspareandmore，mostlikely。

CHRISTMASNIGHT。Thisafternoontheytookherawayfromherroom。AssoonasImight，Iwentdowntothelibrary，andthereshelay，inhercoffin，dressedinexactlythesameclothessheworewhenshestoodattheotherendofthesameroomonthe6thofOctoberlast，asClara’schiefbridesmaid。Herfacewasradiantwithhappyexcitementthen;itwasthesamefacenow，withthedignityofdeathandthepeaceofGoduponit。

Theytoldmethefirstmournertocomewasthedog。Hecameuninvited，andstooduponhishindlegsandrestedhisforepawsuponthetrestle，andtookalastlonglookatthefacethatwassodeartohim，thenwenthiswayassilentlyashehadcome。

HEKNOWS。

Atmidafternoonitbegantosnow。ThepityofitthatJeancouldnotseeit！Shesolovedthesnow。

Thesnowcontinuedtofall。Atsixo’clockthehearsedrewuptothedoortobearawayitspatheticburden。Astheyliftedthecasket，PainebeganplayingontheorchestrelleSchubert’s"Impromptu，"whichwasJean’sfavorite。ThenheplayedtheIntermezzo;thatwasforSusy;thenheplayedtheLargo;thatwasfortheirmother。Hedidthisatmyrequest。ElsewhereinmyAutobiographyIhavetoldhowtheIntermezzoandtheLargocametobeassociatedinmyheartwithSusyandLivyintheirlasthoursinthislife。

FrommywindowsIsawthehearseandthecarriageswindalongtheroadandgraduallygrowvagueandspectralinthefallingsnow，andpresentlydisappear。Jeanwasgoneoutofmylife，andwouldnotcomebackanymore。Jervis，thecousinshehadplayedwithwhentheywerebabiestogetherheandherbelovedoldKatywereconductinghertoherdistantchildhoodhome，whereshewillliebyhermother’ssideoncemore，inthecompanyofSusyandLangdon。

DECEMBER26TH。Thedogcametoseemeateighto’clockthismorning。Hewasveryaffectionate，poororphan！Myroomwillbehisquartershereafter。

Thestormragedallnight。Ithasragedallthemorning。

Thesnowdrivesacrossthelandscapeinvastclouds，superb，sublimeandJeannotheretosee。

2:30P。M。Itisthetimeappointed。Thefuneralhasbegun。

Fourhundredmilesaway，butIcanseeitall，justasifIwerethere。ThesceneisthelibraryintheLangdonhomestead。

Jean’scoffinstandswherehermotherandIstood，fortyyearsago，andweremarried;andwhereSusy’scoffinstoodthirteenyearsago;wherehermother’sstoodfiveyearsandahalfago;

andwhereminewillstandafteralittletime。

FIVEO’CLOCK。Itisallover。

WhenClarawentawaytwoweeksagotoliveinEurope，itwashard，butIcouldbearit，forIhadJeanleft。IsaidWEwouldbeafamily。Wesaidwewouldbeclosecomradesandhappyjustwetwo。ThatfairdreamwasinmymindwhenJeanmetmeatthesteamerlastMonday;itwasinmymindwhenshereceivedmeatthedoorlastTuesdayevening。Weweretogether;WEWEREA

FAMILY！thedreamhadcometrueoh，preciselytrue，contentedly，true，satisfyinglytrue！andremainedtruetwowholedays。

Andnow？NowJeanisinhergrave！

InthegraveifIcanbelieveit。Godresthersweetspirit！

1。KatyLeary，whohadbeenintheserviceoftheClemensfamilyfortwentynineyears。

2。Mr。Gabrilowitschhadbeenoperatedonforappendicitis。

THETURNINGPOINTOFMYLIFE

I

IfIunderstandtheidea，theBAZARinvitesseveralofustowriteupontheabovetext。Itmeansthechangeinmylife’scoursewhichintroducedwhatmustberegardedbymeasthemostIMPORTANTconditionofmycareer。Butitalsoimplieswithoutintention，perhapsthatthatturningpointITSELFwasthecreatorofthenewcondition。Thisgivesittoomuchdistinction，toomuchprominence，toomuchcredit。ItisonlytheLASTlinkinaverylongchainofturningpointscommissionedtoproducethecardinalresult;itisnotanymoreimportantthanthehumblestofitstenthousandpredecessors。Eachofthetenthousanddiditsappointedshare，onitsappointeddate，inforwardingthescheme，andtheywereallnecessary;tohaveleftoutanyoneofthemwouldhavedefeatedtheschemeandbroughtaboutSOMEOTHERresult。Itknowwehaveafashionofsaying"suchandsuchaneventwastheturningpointinmylife，"butweshouldn’tsayit。WeshouldmerelygrantthatitsplaceasLAST

linkinthechainmakesitthemostCONSPICUOUSlink;inrealimportanceithasnoadvantageoveranyoneofitspredecessors。

PerhapsthemostcelebratedturningpointrecordedinhistorywasthecrossingoftheRubicon。Suetoniussays:

ComingupwithhistroopsonthebanksoftheRubicon，hehaltedforawhile，and，revolvinginhismindtheimportanceofthestephewasonthepointoftaking，heturnedtothoseabouthimandsaid，"Wemaystillretreat;butifwepassthislittlebridge，nothingisleftforusbuttofightitoutinarms。"

Thiswasastupendouslyimportantmoment。Andalltheincidents，bigandlittle，ofCaesar’spreviouslifehadbeenleadinguptoit，stagebystage，linkbylink。ThiswastheLASTlinkmerelythelastone，andnobiggerthantheothers;

butaswegazebackatitthroughtheinflatingmistsofourimagination，itlooksasbigastheorbitofNeptune。

You，thereader，haveaPERSONALinterestinthatlink，andsohaveI;sohastherestofthehumanrace。Itwasoneofthelinksinyourlifechain，anditwasoneofthelinksinmine。

Wemaywait，now，withbaitedbreath，whileCaesarreflects。

Yourfateandmineareinvolvedinhisdecision。

Whilehewasthushesitating，thefollowingincidentoccurred。Apersonremarkedforhisnoblemienandgracefulaspectappearedcloseathand，sittingandplayinguponapipe。

Whennotonlytheshepherds，butanumberofsoldiersalso，flockedtolistentohim，andsometrumpetersamongthem，hesnatchedatrumpetfromoneofthem，rantotheriverwithit，and，soundingtheadvancewithapiercingblast，crossedtotheotherside。Uponthis，Caesarexclaimed:"Letusgowhithertheomensofthegodsandtheiniquityofourenemiescallup。

THEDIEISCAST。"

Sohecrossedandchangedthefutureofthewholehumanrace，foralltime。ButthatstrangerwasalinkinCaesar’slifechain，too;andanecessaryone。Wedon’tknowhisname，weneverhearofhimagain;hewasverycasual;heactslikeanaccident;buthewasnoaccident，hewastherebycompulsionofHISlifechain，toblowtheelectrifyingblastthatwastomakeupCaesar’smindforhim，andthencegopipingdowntheaislesofhistoryforever。

Ifthestrangerhadn’tbeenthere！ButheWAS。AndCaesarcrossed。Withsuchresults！SuchvasteventseachalinkintheHUMANRACE’Slifechain;eacheventproducingthenextone，andthatonethenextone，andsoon:thedestructionoftherepublic;thefoundingoftheempire;thebreakingupoftheempire;theriseofChristianityuponitsruins;thespreadofthereligiontootherlandsandsoon;linkbylinktookitsappointedplaceatitsappointedtime，thediscoveryofAmericabeingoneofthem;ourRevolutionanother;theinflowofEnglishandotherimmigrantsanother;theirdriftwestward（myancestorsamongthem）another;thesettlementofcertainoftheminMissouri，whichresultedinME。ForIwasoneoftheunavoidableresultsofthecrossingoftheRubicon。Ifthestranger，withhistrumpetblast，hadstayedaway（whichheCOULDN’T，forhewastheappointedlink）Caesarwouldnothavecrossed。Whatwouldhavehappened，inthatcase，wecanneverguess。Weonlyknowthatthethingsthatdidhappenwouldnothavehappened。Theymighthavebeenreplacedbyequallyprodigiousthings，ofcourse，buttheirnatureandresultsarebeyondourguessing。ButthematterthatinterestsmepersonallyisthatIwouldnotbeHERE

now，butsomewhereelse;andprobablyblackthereisnotelling。

Verywell，Iamgladhecrossed。Andveryreallyandthankfullyglad，too，thoughInevercaredanythingaboutitbefore。

II

Tome，themostimportantfeatureofmylifeisitsliteraryfeature。Ihavebeenprofessionallyliterarysomethingmorethanfortyyears。Therehavebeenmanyturningpointsinmylife，buttheonethatwasthelinkinthechainappointedtoconductmetotheliteraryguildisthemostCONSPICUOUSlinkinthatchain。

BECAUSEitwasthelastone。Itwasnotanymoreimportantthanitspredecessors。Alltheotherlinkshaveaninconspicuouslook，exceptthecrossingoftheRubicon;butasfactorsinmakingmeliterarytheyarealloftheonesize，thecrossingoftheRubiconincluded。

IknowhowIcametobeliterary，andIwilltellthestepsthatleaduptoitandbroughtitabout。

ThecrossingoftheRubiconwasnotthefirstone，itwashardlyevenarecentone;IshouldhavetogobackagesbeforeCaesar’sdaytofindthefirstone。TosavespaceIwillgobackonlyacoupleofgenerationsandstartwithanincidentofmyboyhood。WhenIwastwelveandahalfyearsold，myfatherdied。

Itwasinthespring。Thesummercame，andbroughtwithitanepidemicofmeasles。Foratimeachilddiedalmosteveryday。

Thevillagewasparalyzedwithfright，distress，despair。

Childrenthatwerenotsmittenwiththediseasewereimprisonedintheirhomestosavethemfromtheinfection。Inthehomestherewerenocheerfulfaces，therewasnomusic，therewasnosingingbutofsolemnhymns，novoicebutofprayer，norompingwasallowed，nonoise，nolaughter，thefamilymovedspectrallyaboutontiptoe，inaghostlyhush。Iwasaprisoner。Mysoulwassteepedinthisawfuldrearinessandinfear。Atsometimeorothereverydayandeverynightasuddenshivershookmetothemarrow，andIsaidtomyself，"There，I’vegotit！andI

shalldie。"Lifeonthesemiserabletermswasnotworthliving，andatlastImadeupmymindtogetthediseaseandhaveitover，onewayortheother。Iescapedfromthehouseandwenttothehouseofaneighborwhereaplaymateofminewasveryillwiththemalady。WhenthechanceofferedIcreptintohisroomandgotintobedwithhim。Iwasdiscoveredbyhismotherandsentbackintocaptivity。ButIhadthedisease;theycouldnottakethatfromme。Icameneartodying。Thewholevillagewasinterested，andanxious，andsentfornewsofmeeveryday;andnotonlyonceaday，butseveraltimes。EverybodybelievedI

woulddie;butonthefourteenthdayachangecamefortheworseandtheyweredisappointed。

Thiswasaturningpointofmylife。（Linknumberone。）

ForwhenIgotwellmymotherclosedmyschoolcareerandapprenticedmetoaprinter。Shewastiredoftryingtokeepmeoutofmischief，andtheadventureofthemeaslesdecidedhertoputmeintomoremasterfulhandsthanhers。

Ibecameaprinter，andbegantoaddonelinkafteranothertothechainwhichwastoleadmeintotheliteraryprofession。

Alongroad，butIcouldnotknowthat;andasIdidnotknowwhatitsgoalwas，oreventhatithadone，Iwasindifferent。

Alsocontented。

Ayoungprinterwandersaroundagooddeal，seekingandfindingwork;andseekingagain，whennecessitycommands。N。B。

NecessityisaCIRCUMSTANCE;Circumstanceisman’smasterandwhenCircumstancecommands，hemustobey;hemayarguethematterthatishisprivilege，justasitisthehonorableprivilegeofafallingbodytoarguewiththeattractionofgravitationbutitwon’tdoanygood，hemustOBEY。Iwanderedfortenyears，undertheguidanceanddictatorshipofCircumstance，andfinallyarrivedinacityofIowa，whereI

workedseveralmonths。AmongthebooksthatinterestedmeinthosedayswasoneabouttheAmazon。ThetravelertoldanalluringtaleofhislongvoyageupthegreatriverfromParatothesourcesoftheMadeira，throughtheheartofanenchantedland，alandwastefullyrichintropicalwonders，aromanticlandwhereallthebirdsandflowersandanimalswereofthemuseumvarieties，andwherethealligatorandthecrocodileandthemonkeyseemedasmuchathomeasiftheywereintheZoo。Also，hetoldanastonishingtaleaboutCOCA，avegetableproductofmiraculouspowers，assertingthatitwassonourishingandsostrengthgivingthatthenativeofthemountainsoftheMadeiraregionwouldtrampuphillanddownalldayonapinchofpowderedcocaandrequirenoothersustenance。