第9章

"Mylord,Iseeyou"removed。"

Andalittlelaterthereadermight,likeOthello,complain,"Ihaveapainuponmyforeheadhere。"

Nothingmorelikely。But,formyself,Ihavegrowncalloustoallsuchallusions。TherepetitionoftheScripturalphraseforthenaturaltermoflifeissofrequentthatitwearsoutone"ssensibilities。

ButhowmanycharmingandrefreshinglettersIhavereceived！HowoftenIhavefelttheirencouragementinmomentsofdoubtanddepression,suchasthehappiesttemperamentsmustsometimesexperience！

Ifthetimecomeswhentoanswerallmykindunknownfriends,evenbydictation,isimpossible,ormorethanIfeelequalto,Iwishtoreferanyofthosewhomayfeeldisappointedatnotreceivingananswertothefollowinggeneralacknowledgments:

I。IamalwaysgratefulforanyattentionwhichshowsmethatIamkindlyremembered。——II。Yourpleasantmessagehasbeenreadtome,andhasbeenthankfullylistenedto。——III。Yourbook（youressay）

（yourpoem）hasreachedmesafely,andhasreceivedalltherespectfulattentiontowhichitseemedentitled。ItwouldtakemorethanallthetimeIhaveatmydisposaltoreadalltheprintedmatterandallthemanuscriptswhicharesenttome,andyouwouldnotaskmetoattempttheimpossible。Youwillnot,therefore,expectmetoexpressacriticalopinionofyourwork。——IV。Iamdeeplysensibletoyourexpressionsofpersonalattachmenttomeastheauthorofcertainwritingswhichhavebroughtmeveryneartoyou,invirtueofsomeaffinityinourwaysofthoughtandmoodsoffeeling。AlthoughIcannotkeepupcorrespondenceswithmanyofmyreaderswhoseemtobethoroughlycongenialwithmyself,letthembeassuredthattheirlettershavebeenreadorheardwithpeculiargratification,andarepreservedasprecioustreasures。

Itrustthatafterthisnoticenocorrespondentwillbesurprisedtofindhisorherletterthusansweredbyanticipation;andthatifoneoftheaboveformulaeistheonlyanswerhereceives,theunknownfriendwillrememberthatheorsheisoneofagreatmanywhoseincessantdemandshaveentirelyoutrunmypowerofansweringthemasfullyastheapplicantsmightwishandperhapsexpect。

IcouldmakeaveryinterestingvolumeofthelettersIhavereceivedfromcorrespondentsunknowntotheworldofauthorship,butwritingfromaninstinctiveimpulse,whichmanyofthemsaytheyhavelongfeltandresisted。Onemustnotallowhimselftobeflatteredintoanoverestimateofhispowersbecausehegetsmanylettersexpressingapeculiarattractiontowardshisbooks,andapreferenceofthemtothosewithwhichhewouldnothavedaredtocomparehisown。Still,ifthehomouniuslibri——themanofonebook——choosetoselectoneofourownwritingashisfavoritevolume,itmeanssomething,——notmuch,perhaps;butifonehasunlockedthedoortothesecretentranceofoneheart,itisnotunlikelythathiskeymayfitthelocksofothers。Whatifnaturehaslenthimamasterkey？Hehasfoundthewardsandslidbacktheboltofonelock;perhapshemayhavelearnedthesecretofothers。Onesuccessisanencouragementtotryagain。Letthewriterofatrulylovingletter,suchasgreetsonefromtimetotime,rememberthat,thoughheneverhearsawordfromit,itmayproveoneofthebestrewardsofananxiousandlaboriouspast,andthestimulusofastillaspiringfuture。

AmongthelettersIhaverecentlyreceived,noneismoreinterestingthanthefollowing。ThestoryofHelenKeller,whowroteit,istoldinthewell—knownillustratedmagazinecalled"TheWideAwake,"inthenumberforJuly,1888。Fortheaccountofthislittlegirl,nowbetweennineandtenyearsold,andotherlettersofherwriting,I

mustrefertothearticleIhavementioned。Itisenoughtosaythatsheisdeafanddumbandtotallyblind。Shewassevenyearsoldwhenherteacher,MissSullivan,underthedirectionofMr。Anagnos,attheBlindAsylumatSouthBoston,beganhereducation。Achildfulleroflifeandhappinessitwouldbehardtofind。Itseemsasifhersoulwasfloodedwithlightandfilledwithmusicthathadfoundentrancetoitthroughavenuesclosedtoothermortals。Itishardtounderstandhowshehaslearnedtodealwithabstractideas,andsofartosupplementtheblanksleftbythesensesofsightandhearingthatonewouldhardlythinkofheraswantinginanyhumanfaculty。RememberMilton"spatheticpictureofhimself,sufferingfromonlyoneofpoorlittleHelen"sdeprivations:

"NottomereturnsDay,orthesweetapproachofevenormorn,Orsightofvernalbloom,orsummer"srose,Orflocks,orherds,orhumanfacedivine;

Butcloudinstead,andever—duringdarkSurroundsme,fromthecheerfulwaysofmenCutoff,andforthebookofknowledgefairPresentedwithauniversalblankOfNature"sworks,tomeexpungedandrased,Andwisdomatoneentrancequiteshutout。"

Surelyforthislovingandlovelychilddoes"thecelestialLightShineinward。"

Anthropologist,metaphysician,mostofalltheologian,hereisalessonwhichcanteachyoumuchthatyouwillnotfindinyourprimersandcatechisms。WhyshouldIcallher"poorlittleHelen"？

Wherecanyoufindahappierchild？

SOUTHBOSTON,MASS。,March1,1890。

DEARKINDPOET,——IhavethoughtofyoumanytimessincethatbrightSundaywhenIbadeyougoodbye,andIamgoingtowriteyoualetterbecauseIloveyou。Iamsorrythatyouhavenolittlechildrentoplaywithsometimes,butIthinkyouareveryhappywithyourbooks,andyourmany,manyfriends。OnWashington"sBirthdayagreatmanypeoplecameheretoseethelittleblindchildren,andIreadforthemfromyourpoems,andshowedthemsomebeautifulshellswhichcamefromalittleislandnearPalos。Iamreadingaverysadstorycalled"LittleJakey。"Jakeywasthesweetestlittlefellowyoucanimagine,buthewaspoorandblind。Iusedtothink,whenIwassmallandbeforeIcouldread,thateverybodywasalwayshappy,andatfirstitmademeverysadtoknowaboutpainandgreatsorrow;butnowIknowthatwecouldneverlearntobebraveandpatient,iftherewereonlyjoyintheworld。IamstudyingaboutinsectsinZoology,andIhavelearnedmanythingsaboutbutterflies。Theydonotmakehoneyforus,likethebees,butmanyofthemareasbeautifulastheflowerstheylightupon,andtheyalwaysdelighttheheartsoflittlechildren。Theyliveagaylife,flittingfromflowertoflower,sippingthedropsofhoney—dew,withoutathoughtforthemorrow。Theyarejustlikelittleboysandgirlswhentheyforgetbooksandstudies,andrunawaytothewoodsandthefieldstogatherwild—flowers,orwadeinthepondsforfragrantlilies,happyinthebrightsunshine。IfmylittlesistercomestoBostonnextJune,willyouletmebringhertoseeyou？SheisalovelybabyandIamsureyouwilllove[her]。NowImusttellmygentlepoetgood—

bye,forIhavealettertowritehomebeforeIgotobed。Fromyourlovinglittlefriend,HELENA。KELLER。

Thereadingofthislettermademanyeyesglisten,andadeadsilencehushedthewholecircle。AllatonceDelilah,ourprettytable—maid,forgotherplace,——whatbusinesshadshetobelisteningtoourconversationandreading？——andbegansobbing,justasifshehadbeenalady。Shecouldn"thelpit,sheexplainedafterwards,——shehadalittleblindsisterattheasylum,whohadtoldheraboutHelen"sreadingtothechildren。

Itwasveryawkward,thisbreaking—downofourprettyDelilah,foronegirlcryingwillsometimessetoffawholerowofothers,——itisashazardousaslightingonecrackerinabunch。ThetwoAnnexeshurriedouttheirpocket—handkerchiefs,andIalmostexpectedasemi—

hystericcataclysm。AtthiscriticalmomentNumberFivecalledDelilahtoher,lookedintoherfacewiththosecalmeyesofhers,andspokeafewsoftwords。WasNumberFiveforgetful,too？Didshenotrememberthedifferenceoftheirposition？Isupposeso。Butshequietedthepoorhandmaidenassimplyandeasilyasanursingmotherquietsherunweanedbaby。WhyarewenotallinlovewithNumberFive？Perhapsweare。Atanyrate,IsuspecttheProfessor。

Whenweallgetquiet,Iwilltouchhimupaboutthatvisitshepromisedtomaketohislaboratory。

Igotachanceatlasttospeakprivatelywithhim。

"DidNumberFivegotomeetyouinyourlaboratory,asshetalkedofdoing？"

"Oh,yes,ofcourseshedid,——why,shesaidshewould！"

"Oh,tobesure。Dotellmewhatshewantedinyourlaboratory。"

"Shewantedmetoburnadiamondforher。"

"Burnadiamond！Whatwasthatfor？BecauseCleopatraswallowedapearl？"

"No,nothingofthatkind。Itwasasmallstone,andhadaflawinit。NumberFivesaidshedidn"twantadiamondwithaflawinit,andthatshedidwanttoseehowadiamondwouldburn。"

"Wasthatallthathappened？"

"Thatwasall。ShebroughtthetwoAnnexeswithher,andIgavemythreevisitorsalectureoncarbon,whichtheyseemedtoenjoyverymuch。"

IlookedsteadilyintheProfessor"sfaceduringthereadingofthefollowingpoem。Isawnoquestionablelookuponit,——buthehasaremarkablecommandofhisfeatures。NumberFivereaditwithacertainarchnessofexpression,asifshesawallitsmeaning,whichIthinksomeofthecompanydidnotquitetakein。Theysaidtheymustreaditslowlyandcarefully。Somehow,"Ilikeyou"and"Iloveyou"gotalittlemixed,astheyheardit。ItwasnotNumberFive"sfault,forshereaditbeautifully,asweallagreed,andasIknewshewouldwhenIhandedittoher。

ILIKEYOUANDILOVEYOU。

ILIKEYOUmetILOVEYOU,facetoface;

Thepathwasnarrow,andtheycouldnotpass。

ILIKEYOUsmiled;ILOVEYOUcried,Alas！

Andsotheyhaltedforalittlespace。

"Turnthouandgobefore,"ILOVEYOUsaid,`"Downthegreenpathway,brightwithmanyaflowerDeepinthevalley,lo！mybridalbowerAwaitsthee。"ButILIKEYOUshookhishead。

Thenwhiletheylingeredonthespan—wideshelfThatshapedapathwayroundtherockyledge,ILIKEYOUbaredhisicydagger"sedge,AndfirstheslewILOVEYOU,——thenhimself。

VII

Thereisnouseinburdeningmytablewiththoselettersofinquiryastowhereourmeetingsareheld,andwhatarethenamesofthepersonsdesignatedbynumbers,orspokenofunderthetitlesoftheProfessor,theTutor,andsoforth。ItisenoughthatyouareawarewhoIam,andthatIamknownatthetea—tableasTheDictator。

Theatrical"asides"areapttobewhisperedinaprettyloudvoice,andthepersonswhooughtnottohaveanyideaofwhatissaidareexpectedtobereasonablyhardofbearing。IfInamedallTheTeacups,someofthemmightbeoffended。IfanyofmyreadershappentobeabletoidentifyanyoneTeacupbysomeaccidentalcircumstance,——say,forinstance,NumberFive,bytheincidentofherburningthediamond,——Ihopetheywillkeepquietaboutit。NumberFivedoesn"twanttobepointedoutinthestreetastheextravagantpersonwhomakesuseofsuchexpensivefuel,forthestorywouldsoongrowtoastatementthatshealwaysusesdiamonds,insteadofcheaperformsofcarbon,toheathercoffeewith。Sowithothermembersofthecircle。The"CrackedTeacup,"NumberSeven,wouldnot,perhaps,bepleasedtorecognizehimselfunderthattitle。Irepeatit,therefore,DonottrytoidentifytheindividualTeacups。Youwillnotgetthemright;or,ifyoudo,youmaytooprobablymaketrouble。

HowisitpossiblethatIcankeepupmyfreedomofintercoursewithyouallifyouinsistonbellowingmy"asides"throughaspeaking—

trumpet？Besides,youcannothavefailedtoseethattherearestrongsymptomsofthespringingupofdelicaterelationsbetweensomeofournumber。Itoldyouhowitwouldbe。Itdidnotrequireaprophettoforeseethatthesaucyintruderwho,asMr。Williswrote,andthedeardeadgirlsusedtosing,inouryoungdays,"Taketheveryformofair,Andeveryshapeofearth,Andcomesunbiddeneverywhere,Likethought"smysteriousbirth,"

wouldpophislittlecurlyheadupbetweenoneormorepairsofTeacups。Ifyouwillstopthesequestions,then,Iwillgoonwithmyreportsofwhatwassaidanddoneatourmeetingsovertheteacups。

Ofallthingsbeautifulinthisfairworld,thereisnothingsoenchantingtolookupon,todreamabout,asthefirstopeningoftheflowerofyounglove。Howcloselythecalyxhashiddentheglowingleavesinitsquietgreenmantle！Sidebyside,twobudshavebeentossingjauntilyinthebreeze,oftenbroughtveryneartoeachother,sometimestouchingforamoment,withasecretthrillintheirclose—foldedheart—leaves,itmaybe,butstillthecoolgreensepalsshuttingtightovertheburningsecretwithin。Allatonceamorningraytouchesoneofthetwobuds,andthepointofablushingpetalbetraystheimprisonedandswellingblossom。

——Oh,no,Ididnotpromisealove—story。Theremaybealittlesentimentnowandthen,butthesepapersaredevotedchieflytotheopinions,prejudices,fancies,whims,ofmyself,TheDictator,andothersofTheTeacupswhohavetalkedorwrittenforthegeneralbenefitofthecompany。

HerearesomeoftheremarksImadetheothereveningonthesubjectofIntellectualOver—Feedinganditsconsequence,MentalDyspepsia。

Thereissomethingpositivelyappallingintheamountofprintedmatteryearly,monthly,weekly,daily,secretedbythatgreatglandofthecivilizedorganism,thepress。Ineednotdilateuponthispoint,foritisbroughthometoeveryoneofyouwhoeverlooksintoabookstoreorapubliclibrary。Solargeisthevarietyofliteraryproductscontinuallycomingforward,forcedupontheattentionofthereaderbystimulatingandsuggestivetitles,commendedtohisnoticebyfamousnames,recastingoldsubjectsanddevelopingandillustratingnewones,thatthemindisliabletobeurgedintoakindofunnaturalhunger,leadingtoarepletionwhichisoftenfollowedbydisgustanddisturbednervousconditionsasitsnaturalconsequence。

Ithaslongbeenafavoriterulewithme,arulewhichIhaveneverlostsightof,howeverimperfectlyIhavecarrieditout:Trytoknowenoughofawiderangeofsubjectstoprofitbytheconversationofintelligentpersonsofdifferentcallingsandvariousintellectualgiftsandacquisitions。Thecynicwillparaphrasethisintoashorterformula:Getasmatteringineverysortofknowledge。Imustthereforeaddasecondpieceofadvice:Learntoholdasofsmallaccountthecommentsofthecynic。Heisoftenamusing,sometimesreallywitty,occasionally,withoutmeaningit,instructive;buthistalkistoprofitableconversationwhatthestoneistothepulpofthepeach,whatthecobistothekernelsonanearofIndiancorn。

Oncemore:Donotbebulliedoutofyourcommonsensebythespecialist;twotoone,heisapedant,withallhisknowledgeandvaluablequalities,andwill"cavilontheninthpartofahair,"ifitwillgivehimachancetoshowoffhisidleerudition。

Isawattributedtome,theotherday,thesaying,"Knowsomethingabouteverything,andeverythingaboutsomething。"Iamafraiditdoesnotbelongtome,butIwilltreatitasIusedtotreatastrayboatwhichcamethroughmymeadow,floatingdowntheHousatonic,——getholdofitanddrawitashore,andholdontoituntiltheownerturnsup。Ifthispreceptisuseddiscreetly,itisveryserviceable;butitisaswelltorecognizethefactthatyoucannotknowsomethingabouteverythingindaysliketheseofintellectualactivity,ofliteraryandscientificproduction。Weallfeelthis。

Itmakesusnervoustoseetheshelvesofnewbooks,manyofwhichwefeelasifweoughttoread,andsomeamongthemtostudy。Wemustadoptsomeprincipleofselectionamongthebooksoutsideofanyparticularbranchwhichwemayhaveselectedforstudy。IhaveoftenbeenaskedwhatbooksIwouldrecommendforacourseofreading。I

havealwaysansweredthatIhadagreatdealrathertakeadvicethangiveit。Fortunately,anumberofscholarshavefurnishedlistsofbookstowhichtheinquirermaybedirected。Buttheworstofitisthateachstudentisinneedofalittlelibraryspeciallyadaptedtohiswants。HereisayoungmanwritingtomefromaWesterncollege,andwantsmetosendhimalistofthebookswhichIthinkwouldbemostusefultohim。Hedoesnotsendmehisintellectualmeasurements,andhemightaswellhavesenttoaBostontailorforacoat,withoutanyhintofhisdimensionsinlength,breadth,andthickness。

Butinsteadoflayingdownrulesforreading,andfurnishinglistsofthebookswhichshouldbereadinorder,Iwillundertakethemuchhumblertaskofgivingalittlequasi—medicaladvicetopersons,youngorold,sufferingfrombook—hunger,book—surfeit,book—

nervousness,book—indigestion,book—nausea,andallothermaladieswhich,directlyorindirectly,maybetracedtobooks,andtowhichI

couldgiveGreekorLatinnamesifIthoughtitworthwhile。

Ihaveapicturehanginginmylibrary,alithograph,ofwhichmanyofmyreadersmayhaveseencopies。Itrepresentsagray—hairedoldbook—loveratthetopofalongflightofsteps。Hefindshimselfinclover,sotospeak,amongrareoldeditions,bookshehaslongedtolookuponandneverseenbefore,rarities,preciousoldvolumes,incunabula,cradle—books,printedwhiletheartwasinitsinfancy,——

itsgloriousinfancy,foritwasbornagiant。Theoldbookwormissointoxicatedwiththesightandhandlingofthepricelesstreasuresthathecannotbeartoputoneofthevolumesbackafterhehastakenitfromtheshelf。Sotherehestands,——onebookopeninhishands,avolumeundereacharm,andoneormorebetweenhislegs,——loadedwithasmanyashecanpossiblyholdatthesametime。

Now,thatisjustthewayinwhichtheextremeformofbook—hungershowsitselfinthereaderwhoseappetitehasbecomeover—developed。

Hewantstoreadsomanybooksthatheover—cramshimselfwiththecrudematerialsofknowledge,whichbecomeknowledgeonlywhenthementaldigestionhastimetoassimilatethem。Inevercangointothatfamous"CornerBookstore"andlookoverthenewbooksintherowbeforeme,asIenterthedoor,withoutseeinghalfadozenwhichI

wanttoread,oratleasttoknowsomethingabout。Icannotemptymypurseofitscontents,andcrowdmybookshelveswithallthosevolumes。Thetitlesofmanyoftheminterestme。Ilookintooneortwo,perhaps。Ihavesometimespickedupalineorasentence,inthesemomentaryglancesbetweentheuncutleavesofanewbook,whichIhaveneverforgotten。Asatrivialbutbonafideexample,onedayIopenedabookonduelling。Irememberonlythesewords:

"Conservons—la,cettenobleinstitution。"Ihadneverbeforeseenduellingcalledanobleinstitution,andIwishIhadtakenthenameofthebook。Book—tastingisnotnecessarilyprofitless,butitisverystimulating,andmakesonehungryformorethanheneedsforthenourishmentofhisthinking—marrow。Tofeedthisinsatiablehunger,theabstracts,thereviews,dotheirbest。Butthese,again,havegrownsonumerousandsocrowdedwithmatterthatitishardtofindtimetomastertheircontents。Weareaccustomed,therefore,tolookforanalysesoftheseperiodicals,andatlastwehaveplacedbeforeusaformidable—lookingmonthly,"TheReviewofReviews。"Aftertheanalysescomesthenewspapernotice;andthereisstillroomfortheepigram,whichsometimesmakesshortworkwithallthathasgonebeforeonthesamesubject。

Itisjustaswelltorecognizethefactthatifoneshouldreaddayandnight,confininghimselftohisownlanguage,hecouldnotpretendtokeepupwiththepress。Hemightaswelltrytoracewithalocomotive。Thefirstdiscipline,therefore,isthatofdespair。

Ifyoucouldsticktoyourreadingdayandnightforfiftyyears,whatalearnedidiotyouwouldbecomelongbeforethehalf—centurywasover！Well,then,thereisnouseingorgingone"sselfwithknowledge,andnoneedofself—reproachbecauseoneiscontenttoremainmoreorlessignorantofmanythingswhichinteresthisfellow—creatures。Wegainagooddealofknowledgethroughtheatmosphere;welearnagreatdealbyaccidentalhearsay,providedwehavethemordantinourownconsciousnesswhichmakesthewiseremark,thesignificantfact,theinstructiveincident,takeholduponit。Afterthestageofdespaircomestheperiodofconsolation。

Wesoonfindthatwearenotsomuchworseoffthanmostofourneighborsaswesupposed。Thefractionalvalueofthewisestshowsasmallnumeratordividedbyaninfinitedenominatorofknowledge。

ImadesomeexplanationstoTheTeacups,theotherevening,whichtheyreceivedveryintelligentlyandgraciously,asIhavenodoubtthereadersofthesereportsofminewillreceivethem。Ifthereaderwillturnbacktotheendofthefourthnumberofthesepapers,hewillfindcertainlinesentitled,"CacoethesScribendi。"

TheyweresaidtohavebeentakenfromtheusualreceptacleoftheverseswhicharecontributedbyTheTeacups,and,thoughthefactwasnotmentioned,wereofmyowncomposition。Ifoundtheminmanuscriptinmydrawer,andasmysubjecthadnaturallysuggestedthetrainofthoughttheycarriedoutintoextravagance,Iprintedthem。Atthesametimetheysoundedverynatural,aswesay,andI

feltasifIhadpublishedthemsomewhereorotherbefore;butI

couldfindnoevidenceofit,andsoIventuredtohavethemputintype。

AndhereIwishtotakebreathforashort,separateparagraph。I

haveoftenfelt,afterwritingalinewhichpleasedmemorethancommon,thatitwasnotnew,andperhapswasnotmyown。Ihaveveryrarely,however,foundsuchacoincidenceinideasorexpressionaswouldbeenoughtojustifyanaccusationofunconsciousplagiarism,——

consciousplagiarismisnotmyparticularfailing。Ithereforesaymysay,setdownmythought,printmyline,anddonotheedthesuspicionthatImaynotbeasoriginalasIsupposed,inthepassageIhavebeenwriting。Myexperiencemaybeworthsomethingtoamodestyoungwriter,andsoIhaveinterruptedwhatIwasabouttosaybyintercalatingthisparagraph。

Inthisinstancemytelltalesuspicionhadnotbeenatfault。Ihadprintedthosesamelines,yearsago,in"TheContributors"Club,"towhichIhaverarelysentanyofmyproseorverse。Nobodybuttheeditorhasnoticedthefact,sofarasIknow。Thisisconsoling,ormortifying,Ihardlyknowwhich。Isupposeonehasarighttoplagiarizefromhimself,buthedoesnotwanttopresenthisworkasfreshfromtheworkshopwhenithasbeenlongstandinginhisneighbor"sshop—window。

ButIhavejustreceivedaletterfromabrotherofthelateHenryHowardBrownell,thepoetoftheBayFightandtheRiverFight,inwhichhequotesapassagefromanoldbook,"AHeroine,AdventuresofCherubina,"whichmightwellhavesuggestedmyownlines,ifIhadeverseenit。Ihavenottheslightestrecollectionofthebookorthepassage。Ithinkitslivelinessand"localcolor"willmakeitpleasethereader,asitpleasesme,morethanmyownmoreprosaicextravagances:

LINESTOAPRETTYLITTLEMAIDOFMAMMA"S。

"IfBlackSea,RedSea,WhiteSea,ranOnetideofinktoIspahan,IfallthegeeseinLincolnfensProducedspontaneouswell—madepens,IfHollandoldandHollandnewOnewondroussheetofpapergrew,AndcouldIsingbuthalfthegraceOfhalfafreckleinthyface,EachsyllableIwrotewouldreach>FromInvernesstoBognor"sbeach,Eachhair—strokebeariverRhine,Eachverseanequinoctialline！"

"Theimmediatedismissalofthe"littlemaid"wastheconsequence。"

ImayaswellsaythatourDelilahwasnotintheroomwhenthelastsentencewasread。

Readersmustbeeitherverygood—naturedorverycareless。Ihavelaidmyselfopentocriticismbymorethanonepieceofnegligence,whichhasbeenpassedoverwithoutinvidiouscommentbythereadersofmypapers。HowcouldI,forinstance,havewritteninmyoriginal"copy"fortheprinteraboutthefishermanbaitinghishookwithagiant"stailinsteadofadragon"s？Itistheautomaticfellow,——Me—

Number—Twoofourdualpersonality,——whodoesthesethings,whoforgetsthemessageMe——Number——Onesendsdowntohimfromthecerebralconvolutions,andsubstitutesawrongwordfortherightone。IsupposeMe——Number——Twowill"sassback,"andswearthat"giant"s"wasthemessagewhichcamedownfromheadquarters。Heisalwaysdoingthewrongthingandexcusinghimself。Whoblowsoutthegasinsteadofshuttingitoff？Whoputsthekeyinthedeskandfastensittightwiththespringlock？DoyoumeantosaythattheupperMe,theMeofthetruethinking—marrow,theconvolutionsofthebrain,doesnotknowbetter？Ofcoursehedoes,andMe—Number—Twoisacarelessservant,whorememberssomeolddirection,andfollowsthatinsteadoftheonejustgiven。

NumberSevendemurredtothis,andIamnotsurethatheiswronginsodoing。Hemaintainsthattheautomaticfellowalwaysdoesjustwhatheistoldtodo。NumberFiveisdisposedtoagreewithhim。

Wewilltalkoverthequestion。

Butcome,now,whyshouldnotagianthaveatailaswellasadragon？Linnaeusadmittedthehomocaudatusintohisanthropologicalcatalogue。Thehumanembryohasaverywellmarkedcaudalappendage;

thatis,thevertebralcolumnappearsprolonged,justasitisinayoungquadruped。DuringthelatesessionoftheMedicalCongressatWashington,myfriendDr。Priestley,adistinguishedLondonphysician,ofthehighestcharacterandstanding,showedmethephotographofasmallboy,somethreeorfouryearsold,whohadaveryrespectablelittletail,whichwouldhavepassedmusteronapig,andwouldhavemadeafrogoratoadashamedofhimself。Ihaveneverheardwhatbecameofthelittleboy,norhaveIlookedinthebooksorjournalstofindoutiftherearesimilarcasesonrecord,butIhavenodoubtthatthereareothers。Andifboysmayhavethisadditionalornamenttotheirvertebralcolumns,whynotmen？Andifmen,whynotgiants？SoImaynothavemadeaverybadblunder,afterall,andmyreaderhaslearnedsomethingaboutthehomocaudatusasspokenofbyLinnxus,andasshownmeinphotographbyDr。Priestley。ThischildisacandidateforthevacantplaceofMissingLink。

Inaccountingfortheblunders,andevengrossblunders,which,soonerorlater,onewhowritesmuchisprettysuretocommit,Imustnotforgetthepartplayedbytheblindspotoridioticareainthebrain,whichIhavealreadydescribed。