第4章
Takeawife，Jack。
CAPT。M。（Withafacelikeawall。）Va-as。Whoseforchoice？
CAPT。G。Ifyou"regoingtobeablackguard，I"mgoingon-What"sthetime？
CAPT。M。（Hums。）-
An"since"twasveryclearwedrankonlyginger-beer，Faith，theremustha"beensomestingointheginger。"
Comeback，youmaniac。I"mgoingtotakeyouhome，andyou"regoingtoliedown。
CAPT。G。WhatonearthdoIwanttoliedownfor？
CAPT。M。Givemealightfromyourcherootandsee。
CAPT。G。（Watchingcheroot-buttquiverlikeatuning-fork。）
SweetstateI"min！
CAPT。M。Youare。I"llgetyouapegandyou"llgotosleep。
TheyreturnandM。compoundsafour-fingerpeg。
CAPT。G。Obus！bus！It"llmakemeasdrunkasanowl。
CAPT。M。"Curiousthing，"twon"thavetheslightesteffectonyou。
Drinkitoff，chuckyourselfdownthere，andgotobye-bye。
CAPT。G。It"sabsurd。Isha"n"tsleep，IknowIsha"n"tlFallsintoheavydozeatendofsevenminutes。CAPT。M。watcheshimtenderly。
CAPT。M。PooroldGandy！I"veseenafewturnedoffbefore，butneveronewhowenttothegallowsinthiscondition。"Can"ttellhowitaffects"em，though。It"sthethoroughbredsthatsweatwhenthey"rebackedintodouble-harness-Andthat"sthemanwhowentthroughthegunsatAmdheranlikeadevilpossessedofdevils。
（LeansoverG。）Butthisisworsethantheguns，oldpal-worsethantheguns，isn"tit？（G。turnsinhissleep，andM。toucheshimclumsilyontheforehead。）Poor，dearoldGaddyIGoingliketherestof"em-goingliketherestof"em-Friendthatstickethcloserthanabrother-eightyears。Dashedbitofaslipofagirl-eightweeks！And-where"syourfriend？（Smokesdisconsolatelytillchurchclockstrikesthree。）
CAPT。M。Upwithyou！Getintoyourkit。
CAPT。C。Already？Isn"tittoosoon？Hadn"tIbetterhaveashave？
CAPT。M。No！You"reallright。（Aside。）He"dchiphischintopieces。
CAPT。C。What"sthehurry？
CAPT。M。You"vegottobetherefirst。
CAPT。C。Tobestaredat？
CAPT。M。Exactly。You"repartoftheshow。Where"stheburnisher？Yourspursareinashamefulstate。
CAPT。G。（Gruffly。）Jack，Ibedamnedifyoushalldothatforme。
CAPT。M。（Moregruffly。）Dry"upandgetdressed！IfIchoosetocleanyourspurs，you"reundermyorders。
CAPT。G。dresses。M。followssuit。
CAPT。M。（Critically，walkinground。）M"yes，you"lldo。Onlydon"tlooksolikeacriminal。Ring，gloves，fees-that"sallrightforme。
Letyourmoustachealone。Now，iftheponiesareready，we"llgo。
CAPT。G。（Nervously。）It"smuchtoosoon。Let"slightup！Let"shaveapeg！Let"s-CAPT。M。Let"smakeballyassesofourselves！
BELLS。（Without。）-
"Good-peo-ple-allToprayers-wecall。"
CAPT。M。Theregothebells！Comean-unlessyou"drathernot。
（Theyrideoff。）
BELLS-
"WehonortheKingAndBridesjoydobring-Goodtidingswetell，AndringtheDead"sknell。"
CAPT。G。（DismountingatthedooroftheChurch。）Isay，aren"twemuchtoosoon？Therearenoendofpeopleinside。Isay，aren"twemuchtoolate？Stickbyme，Jack！WhatthedevildoIdo？
CAPT。M。StrikeanattitudeatthebeadoftheaisleandwaitforHer。（G。groansasM。wheelshimintopositionhe/orethreehundredeyes。）
CAPT。M。（Imploringly。）Gaddy，ifyouloveme，forpity"ssake，fortheHonoroftheRegiment，standup！Chuckyourselfintoyouruniform！Looklikeaman！I"vegottospeaktothePadreaminute。
（G。breaksintoagentlePerspiration。）yourfaceI"llnevermanagain。Standup！visibly。）IfyouwipeyourfaceI"llneverbeyourbestmanagain。Standup！（G。Tremblesvisibly。）
CAPT。M。（Returning。）She"scommgnow。Lookoutwhenthemusicstarts。There"stheorganbeginningtoclack。
Bridestepsoutof"rickshawatChurchdoor。G。catchesaglimpseo/herandtakesheart。
ORGAN-
"TheVoicethatbreathedo"erEden，Thatearliestmarriageday，Theprimalmarriage-blessing，Ithathnotpassedaway。"
CAPT。M。（WatchingG。）ByJove！Heislookingwell。"Didn"tthinkhehaditinhim。
CAPT。G。Howlongdoesthishymngoonfor？
CAPT。M。Itwillbeoverdirectly。（Ansiously。）Beginningtovleachandgulp。Holdon，Gabby，andthinko"theRegiment。
CAPT。G。（Measuredly。）Isaythere"sabigbrownlizardcrawlingupthatwall。
CAPT。M。MySaintedMother！Thelaststageofcollapse！
BridecomesUptoleftofaltar，liftshereyesoncetoG。，whoissuddenlysmittenmad。
CAPT。G。（TOhimselfagainandagain。）LittleFeatherweight"sawoman-awoman！AndIthoughtshewasalittlegirl。
CAPT。M。（Inawhisper。）Formthehalt-inwardwheel。
CAPT。G。obeysmechanicallyandtheceremonyproceeds。
PADRE……onlyuntoherasyebothshalllive？
CAPT。G。（Histhroatuseless。）Ha-hmmm！
CAPT。M。Sayyouwilloryouwon"t。There"snoseconddealhere。
Bridegivesresponsewithperfectcoomess，andisgivenawaybythefather。
CAPT。G。（Thinkingtoshowhislearning。）Jackgivemeawaynow，quick！
CAPT。M。You"vegivenyourselfawayquiteenough。Herrighthand，man！Repeat！Repeat！"TheodorePhilip。"Haveyouforgottenyourownname？
CAPT。G。stumblesthroughAffirmation，whichBriderepeatswithoutatremor。
CAPT。M。Nowthering！FollowthePadre！Don"tpulloffmyglove！Hereitis！GreatCupid，he"sfoundhisvoice。
CAPT。G。repeatsTrothinavoicetobeheardtotheendoftheChurchandturnsonhisheel。
CAPT。M。（Desperately。）Reinback！Backtoyourtroop！"Tisn"thalflegalyet。
PADRE……joinedtogetherletnomanputasunder。
CAPT。G。paralyzedwithfearjibsafterBlessing。
CAPT。M。（Quickly。）Onyourownfront-onelength。Takeherwithyou。Idon"tcome。You"venothingtosay。（CAPT。G。jinglesuptoaltar。）
CAPT。M。（Inapiercingrattlemeanttobeawhisper。）Kneel，youstiff-neckedruffian！Kneel！
PADRE……whosedaughtersareyesolongasyedowellandarenotafraidwithanyamazement。
CAPT。M。Dismiss！Breakoff！Leftwheel！
Alltrooptovestry。Theysign。
CAPT。M。KissHer，Gaddy。
CAPT。G。（Rubbingtheinkintohisglove。）Eh！Wha-at？
CAPT。M。（TakingonepacetoBride。）Ifyoudon"t，Ishall。
CAPT。G。（Interposinganarm。）Notthisjourney！
Generalkissing，inwhichCAPT。G。ispursuedbyunknownfemale。
CAPT。G。（FaintlytoM。）ThisisHades！CanIwipemyfacenow？
CAPT。M。Myresponsibilityhasended。BetteraskMissesGADSAY。
CAPT。G。wincesasthoughshotandprocessionisMendelssohnedoutofChurchtohouse，whereusualtorturestakeplaceoverthewedding-cake。
CAPT。M。（Attable。）Upwithyou，Gaddy。Theyexpectaspeech。
CAPT。G。（Afterthreeminutes"agony。）Ha-hmmm。（ThundersOfapplause。）
CAPT。M。Doocidgood，forafirstattempt。NowgoandchangeyourkitwhileMammaisweepingover_"theMissus。"（CAPT。G。
disappears。CAPT。M。startsuptearinghishair。）It"snothalflegal。
Wherearetheshoes？Getanayah。
AVAH。MissieCaptainSahibdonegonebandkaroallthejutis。
CAPT。M。（Brandishingscablardedsword。）Woman，producethoseshoesSomeonelendmeabread-knife。Wemustn"tcrackGaddy"sheadmorethanitis。（Slicesheeloffwhitesatinslipperandputsslipperuphissleeve。）
WhereistheBride？（Tothecompanyatlarge。）Betenderwiththatrice。It"saheathencustom。Givemethebigbag。
******
Brideslipsoutquietlyinto"rickshawanddepartstowardthesun-set。
CAPT。M。（Intheopen。）Stoleaway，byJove！SomuchtheworseforGaddy！Hereheis。NowGaddy，this"llbelivelierthanAmdberan！Where"syourhorse？
CAPT。G。（Furiously，seeingthatthewomenareoutofanearshot。）
Wherethe-ismyWife？
CAPT。M。Half-waytoMahasubythistime。You"llhavetoridelikeYoungLochinvar。
Horsecomesroundonhishindlegs；refusestoletG。handlehim。
CAPT。G。Ohyouwill，willyou？Get"round，youbrute-youhog-youbeast！Getround！
Wrencheshorse"sheadover，nearlybreakinglowerjaw:swingshimselfintosaddle，andsendshomebothspursinthemidstofaspatteringgaleofBestPatna。
CAPT。M。Foryourlifeandyourlove-ride，Gaddy-AndGodblessyou！
ThrowshalfapoundofriceatG。whodisappears，bowedforwardonthesaddle，inacloudofsun-litdust。
CAPT。M。I"velostoldGaddy。（Lightscigaretteandstrollsoff，singingabsently）:-
"Youmaycarveitonhistombstone，youmaycutitonhiscard，Thatayoungmanmarriedisayoungmanmarred！"
MissDEERCOURT。（Fromherhorse。）Really，CaptainMafflin！
Youaremoreplainspokenthanpolite！
CAPT。M。（Aside。）Theysaymarriageislikecholera。"Wonderwho"llbethenextvictim。
Whitesatinslipperslidesfromhissleeveandfallsathisfeet。Leftwondering。
THEGARDENOFEDENAndyeshallbeas-Gods！
SCENE-Thymygrass-plotatbackoft！"eMahasudak-bungalow，overlookinglittlewoodedvalley。Ontheleft，glimpseoftheDeadForestofFagoo；ontheright，SimlaHills。Inbackground，lineoftheSnows。CAPTAINGADSBY，nowthreeweeksahusband，issmokingthepipeofpeaceonaruginthesunshine。Banjoandtobacco-pouchonrug。OverheadtheFagooeagles。MRS。G。comesoutofbungalow。
MRS。G。Myhusband！CAPT。G。（Lazily，withintenseenjoyment。）
Eb，wha-at？Saythatagain。
MRS。G。I"vewrittentoMammaandtoldherthatweshallbebackonthe17th。
CAPT。G。Didyougivehermylove？
MRS。G。No，Ikeptallthatformyself。（Sittingdownbyhisside。）
Ithoughtyouwouldn"tmind。
CAPT。G。（Withmocksternness。）Iobjectawf"ly。Howdidyouknowthatitwasyourstokeep？
MRS。G。Iguessed，Phil。
CAPT。G。（Rapturously。）Lit-tleFeatherweight！
MRS。G。Iwon"tbecalledthosesportingpetnames，badboy。
CAPT。G。You"llbecalledanythingIchoose。Hasiteveroccurredtoyou，Madam，thatyouaremyWife？
MRS。G。Ithas。Ihaven"tceasedwonderingatityet。
CAPT。G。NorI。Itseemssostrange；andyet，somehow，itdoesn"t。
（Confidently。）Yousee，itcouldhavebeennooneelse。
MRS。G。（Softly。）No。Nooneelse-formeorforyou。Itmusthavebeenallarrangedfromthebeginning。Phil，tellmeagainwhatmadeyoucareforme。
CAPT。G。HowcouldIhelpit？Youwereyou，youknow。
MRS。G。Didyoueverwanttohelpit？Speakthetruth！
CAPT。G。（Atwinkleinhiseye。）Idid，darling，justatthefirst。
Rutonlyattheveryfirst。（Chuckles。）Icalledyou-stooplowandI"llwhisper-"alittlebeast。"Ho！Ho！Ho！
MRS。G。（Takinghimbythemous"acheandmakinghimsitup。）
"A-little-beast！"Stoplaughingoveryourcrime！Andyetyouhadthe-the-awfulcheektoproposetome！
CAPT。C。I"dchangedmymindthen。Andyouweren"talittlebeastanymore。
MRS。G。Thankyou，sir！AndwhenwasIever？
CAPT。G。Never！Butthatfirstday，whenyougavemeteainthatpeach-coloredmuslingownthing，youlooked-youdidindeed，dear-suchanabsurdlittlemite。AndIdidn"tknowwhattosaytoyou。
MRS。G。（Twistingmoustache。）Soyousaid"littlebeast。"Uponmyword，Sir！Icalledyoua"Crrrreature，"butIwishnowIhadcalledyousomethingworse。
CAPT。G。（Verymeekly。）Iapologize，butyou"rehurtingmeawf"ly。（Interlude。）You"rewelcometotorturemeagainonthoseterms。
MRS。G。Oh，whydidyouletmedoit？
CAPT。G。（Lookingacrossvalley。）Noreasoninparticular，but-ifitamusedyouordidyouanygood-youmight-wipethosedearlittlebootsofyoursonme。
MRS。G。（Stretchingoutherhands。）Don"t！Oh，don"t！Philip，myKing，pleasedon"ttalklikethat。It"showIfeel。You"resomuchtoogoodforme。Somuchtoogood！
CAPT。G。Me！I"mnotfittoputmyarmaroundyou。（Putsitround。）
MRS。C。Yes，youare。ButI-whathaveIeverdone？
CAPT。G。Givenmeaweebitofyourheart，haven"tyou，myQueen！
MRS。G。That"snothing。Anyonewoulddothat。Theycou-couldn"thelpit。
CAPT。G。Pussy，you"llmakemehorriblyconceited。JustwhenI
wasbeginningtofeelsohumble，too。
MRS。G。Humble！Idon"tbelieveit"sinyourcharacter。
CAPT。G。Whatdoyouknowofmycharacter，Impertinence？
MRS。G。Ah，butIshall，shan"tI，Phil？Ishallhavetimeinalltheyearsandyearstocome，toknoweverythingaboutyou；andtherewillbenosecretsbetweenus。
CAPT。G。Littlewitch！Ibelieveyouknowmethoroughlyalready。
MRS。G。IthinkIcanguess。You"reselfish？
CAPT。G。Yes。
MRS。G。Foolish？
CAPT。G。Very。
MRS。G。Andadear？
CAPT。G。Thatisasmyladypleases。
MRS。G。Thenyourladyispleased。（Apause。）D"youknowthatwe"retwosolemn，serious，grown-uppeople-CAPT。G。（Tiltingherstrawhatoverhereyes。）Yougrown-up！Pooh！You"reababy。
MRS。G。Andwe"retalkingnonsense。
CAPT。G。Thenlet"sgoontalkingnonsense。Iratherlikeit。Pussy，I"lltellyouasecret。Promisenottorepeat？
MRS。G。Ye-es。Onlytoyou。
CAPT。G。Iloveyou。
MRS。G。Re-ally！Forhowlong？
CAPT。G。Foreverandever。
MRS。G。That"salongtime。
CAPT。G。"Thinkso？It"stheshortestIcandowith。
MRS。G。You"regettingquiteclever。
CAPT。G。I"mtalkingtoyou。
MRS。G。Prettilyturned。HoldupyourstupidoldheadandI"llpayyouforit。
CAPT。G。（Affectingsupremecontempt。）Takeityourselfifyouwantit。
MRS。G。I"veagreatmindto-andIwill！（Takesitandisrepaidwithinterest。）
CAPT。G，LittleFeatherweight，it"smyopinionthatweareacoupleofidiots。
MRS。G。We"retheonlytwosensiblepeopleintheworld。Asktheeagle。He"scomingby。
CAPT。G。Ah！Idaresayhe"sseenagoodmanysensiblepeopleatMahasu。Theysaythatthosebirdsliveforeversolong。
MRS。G。Howlong？
CAPT。G。Ahundredandtwentyyears。
MRS。G。Ahundredandtwentyyears！O-oh！Andinahundredandtwentyyearswherewillthesetwosensiblepeoplebe？
CAPT。G。Whatdoesitmattersolongaswearetogethernow？
MRS。G。（Lookingroundthehorizon。）Yes。OnlyyouandI-Iandyou-inthewholewide，wideworlduntiltheend。（SeesthelineoftheSnows。）Howbigandquietthehillslook！D"youthinktheycareforus？
CAPT。G。"Can"tsayI"veconsultedemparticularly。Icare，andthat"senoughforme。
MRS。G。（Drawingnearertohim。）Yes，now-butafterward。
What"sthatlittleblackblurontheSnows？
CAPT。G。Asnowstorm，fortymilesaway。You"llseeitmove，asthewindcarriesitacrossthefaceofthatspurandthenitwillbeallgone。
MRS。G。Andthenitwillbeallgone。（Shivers。）
CAPT。G。（Anriously。）"Notchilled，pet，areyou？"Betterletmegetyourcloak。
MRS。G。No。Don"tleaveme，Phil。Stayhere。IbelieveIamafraid。
Oh，whyarethehillssohorrid！Phil，promisemethatyou"llalwaysloveme。
CAPT。G。What"sthetrouble，darling？Ican"tpromiseanymorethanIhave；butI"llpromisethatagainandagainifyoulike。
MRs。G。（Herheadonhisshoulder。）Sayit，then-sayit！N-no-
don"t！The-the-eagleswouldlaugh。（Recovering。）Myhusband，you"vemarriedalittlegoose。
CAPT。G。（Verytenderly。）HaveI？Iamcontentwhateversheis，solongassheismine。
MRS。G。（Quickly。）Becausesheisyoursorbecausesheismemineself？
CAPT。G。Becausesheisboth。（Piteously。）I"mnotclever，dear，andIdon"tthinkIcanmakemyselfunderstoodproperly。
MRS。G。Iunderstand。Pip，willyoutellmesomething？
CAPT。G。Anythingyoulike。（Aside。）Iwonderwhat"scomingnow。
MRS。G。（Haltingly，hereyes"owered。）Youtoldmeonceintheolddays-centunesandcenturiesago-thatyouhadbeenengagedbefore。Ididn"tsayanything-then。
CAPT。G。（Innocently。）Whynot？
MRS。G。（Raisinghereyestohis。）Because-becauseIwasafraidoflosingyou，myheart。Butnow-tellaboutit-please。
CAPT。G。There"snothingtotell。Iwasawf"lyoldthen-nearlytwoandtwenty-andshewasquitethat。
MRS。G。Thatmeansshewasolderthanyou。Ishouldn"tlikehertohavebeenyounger。Well？
CAPT。G。Well，Ifanciedmyselfinloveandravedaboutabit，and-oh，yes，byJove！Imadeuppoetry。Ha！Ha！
MRS。G。Youneverwroteanyforme！Whathappened？
CAPT。G。Icameouthere，andthewholethingwentphut。Shewrotetosaythattherehadbeenamistake，andthenshemarried。
Mas。G。Didshecareforyoumuch？
CAPT。G。No。Atleastshedidn"tshowitasfarasIremember。
MRS。G。AsfarasyourememberlDoyourememberhername？
（Hearsitandbowsherhead。）Thankyou，myhusband。
CAPT。G。Whobutyouhadtheright？Now，LittleFeatherweight，haveyoueverbeenmixedupinanydarkanddismaltragedy？
MRS。G。IfyoucallmeMrs。Gadsby，p"rapsI"lltell。
CAPT。G。（ThrowingParaderaspintohisvoice。）Mrs。Gadsby，confesslMRS。G。GoodHeavens，Phil！Ineverknewthatyoucouldspeakinthatterriblevoice。
CAPT。G。Youdon"tknowhalfmyaccomplishmentsyet。WaittillwearesettledinthePlains，andI"llshowyouhowIbarkatmytroop。Youweregoingtosay，darling？
MRS。G。I-Idon"tliketo，afterthatvoice。（Tremulously。）Phil，neveryoudaretospeaktomeinthattone，whateverImaydo！
CAPT。G。Mypoorlittlelove！Why，you"reshakingallover。Iamsosorry。OfcourseInevermeanttoupsetyouDon"ttellmeanything，I"mabrute。
MRS。G。No，youaren"t，andIwilltell-Therewasaman。
CAPT。G。（Lightly。）Wasthere？Luckyman！
MRS。G。（Inawhisper。）AndIthougbtIcaredforhim。
CAPT。G。Stillluckierman！Well？
MRS。G。AndIthoughtIcaredforhim-andIdidn"t-andthenyoucame-andIcaredforyouvery，verymuchindeed。That"sall。
（Facehidden。）Youaren"tangry，areyou？
CAPT。G。Angry？Notintheleast。（Aside。）GoodLord，whathaveIdonetodeservethisangel？
MRS。G。（Aside。）Andheneveraskedforthename！Howfunnymenare！Butperhapsit"saswell。
CAPT。G。Thatmanwillgotoheavenbecauseyouoncethoughtyoucaredforhim。"Wonderifyou"lleverdragmeupthere？
MRS。G。（Firmly。）"Sha"n"tgoifyoudon"t。
CAPT。G。Thanks。Isay，Pussy，Idon"tknowmuchaboutyourreligiousbeliefs。Youwerebroughtuptobelieveinaheavenandallthat，weren"tyou？
MRS。G。Yes。Butitwasapincushionheaven，withhymn-booksinallthepews。
CAPT。G。（Wagginghisheadwithintenseconviction。）Nevermind。Thereisapukkaheaven。
MRS。G。Wheredoyoubringthatmessagefrom，myprophet？
CAPT。G。Here！Becausewecareforeachother。Soit"sallright。
Mrs。G。（Asatroopoflangurscrashthroughthebranches。）Soit"sallright。ButDarwinsaysthatwecamefromthose！
CAPT。G。（Placidly。）Ah！Darwinwasneverinlovewithanangel。
Thatsettlesit。Sstt，youbrutes！Monkeys，indeed！Youshouldn"treadthosebooks。
MRS。G。（Foldingherhands。）IfitpleasesmyLordtheKingtoissueproclamation。
CAPT。G。Don"t，dearone。Therearenoordersbetweenus。OnlyI"dratheryoudidn"t。Theyleadtonothing，andbotherpeople"sheads。
MRS。G。Likeyourfirstengagement。
CAPT。G。（Withanimmensecalm。）Thatwasanecessaryevilandledtoyou。Areyounothing？
MRS。G。Notsoverymuch，amI？
CAPT。G。Allthisworldandthenexttome。
MRS。G。（Verysoftly。）Myboyofboys！ShallItellyousomething？
CAPT。G。Yes，ifit"snotdreadful-aboutothermen。
MRS。G。It"saboutmyownbadlittleself。
CAPT。G。Thenitmustbegood。Goon，dear。
MRS。G。（Slowly。）Idon"tknowwhyI"mtellingyou，Pip；butifeveryoumarryagain-（Interlude。）TakeyourhandfrommymouthorI"llbite！Inthefuture，thenremember-Idon"tknowquitehowtoputit！
CAPT。G。（Snortingindignantly。）Don"ttry。"Marryagain，"