第2章
"Giveprisintcondition，"herepeatedthoughtfully。"Nowwhatdothimclerksbewantin"toknow，Iwonder！"Prisintcondition，"isut？Thimpigs，praiseSt。Patrick，dobeingoodhealth，sofarasIknow，butI
niverwasnoveternairysurgeontodagopigs。Mebbythimclerkswantsmetocallinthepigdoctheran"havetheirpulsestook。WanthingIdoknow，howiver，whichisthey"vegloriousappytitesforpigsoftheirsoize。Ate？They"datethebrasspadlocksoffofabarndoorIIfthepaddypig，bythesametoken，ateasheartyasthesedagopigsdo，there"dbeafamineinIreland。"
Toassurehimselfthathisreportwouldbeuptodate，Flannerywenttotherearoftheofficeandlookedintothecage。Thepigshadbeentransferredtoalargerbox——adrygoodsbox。
"Wan，——two，——t"ree，——four，——five，——six，——sivin，——eight！"hecounted。"Sivinspottedan"wanallblack。Allwellan"heartyan"alleatin"loikeragin"hippypottymusses。Hewentbacktohisdeskandwrote。
"Mr。Morgan，HeadofTariffDepartment，"hewrote。"WhydoIsaydagopigsispigsbecausetheyispigsandwillbetilyousaytheyain"twhichiswhattherulebooksaysstopyourjollyingmeyouknowitaswellasIdo。
Astohealththeyareallwellandhopingyouarethesame。P。S。Thereareeightnowthefamilyincreasedallgoodeaters。P。S。IpaidoutsofartwodollarsforcabbagewhichtheylikeshallIputinbillforsamewhat？"
Morgan，headoftheTariffDepartment，whenhereceivedthisletter，laughed。Hereaditagainandbecameserious。
"ByGeorge！"hesaid，"Flanneryisright，"pigsispigs。"I"llhavetogetauthorityonthisthing。Meanwhile，MissKane，takethisletter：Agent，Westcote，N。J。Regardingshipmentguinea-pigs，FileNo。A6754。Rule83，Gen。eralInstructiontoAgents，clearlystatesthatagentsshallcollectfromconsigneeallcostsofprovender，etc。，etc。，requiredforlivestockwhileintransitorstorage。Youwillproceedtocollectsamefromconsignee。"
Flanneryreceivedthisletternextmorning，andwhenhereadithegrinned。
"Proceedtocollect，"hesaidsoftly。"Howthimclerksdoloiketobetalkin"！Meproceedtocol-lecttwodollarsandtwinty-foivecintsoffMistherMorehouse！IwonderdothimclerksknowMistherMorehouse？I"llgitit！Oh，yes！"MistherMorehouse，twoan"aquarter，plaze。""Cert"nly，medearfrindFlannery。Delighted！"Not！"
FlannerydrovetheexpresswagontoMr。Morehouse"sdoor。Mr。Morehouseansweredthebell。
"Ah，ha！"hecriedassoonashesawitwasFlannery。"Soyou"vecometoyoursensesatlast，haveyou？Ithoughtyouwould！Bringtheboxin。"
"Ihevnobox，"saidFlannerycoldly。"IhevabillaginMistherJohnC。
Morehousefortwodollarsandtwinty-foivecintsforkebbagesatenbyhisdagopigs。Wudyouwishtopayut？"
"Pay——Cabbages——！"gaspedMr。Morehouse。"Doyoumeantosaythattwolittleguinea-pigs——"
"Eight！"saidFlannery。"Papaan"mammaan"thesixchilder。Eight！"
ForanswerMr。MorehouseslammedthedoorinFlannery"sface。Flannerylookedatthedoorreproachfully。
"Itakeutthecon-sign-ydon"twanttopayforthimkebbages，"hesaid。
"IfIknowsignsofrefusal，thecon-sign-yrefusestopayforwandangkebbageleafan"behangedtome！"
Mr。Morgan，theheadoftheTariffDepartment，consultedthepresidentoftheInterurbanExpressCompanyregardingguinea-pigs，astowhethertheywerepigsornotpigs。Thepresidentwasinclinedtotreatthematterlightly。
"Whatistherateonpigsandonpets？"heasked。
"Pigsthirtycents，petstwenty-five，"saidMorgan。
"Thenofcourseguinea-pigsarepigs，"saidthepresident。
"Yes，"agreedMorgan，"Ilookatitthatway，too。Athingthatcancomeundertworatesisnaturallyduetobeclassedasthehigher。Butareguinea-pigs，pigs？Aren"ttheyrabbits？"
"Cometothinkofit，"saidthepresident，"Ibelievetheyaremorelikerabbits。Sortofhalf-waystationbetweenpigandrabbit。Ithinkthequestionisthis——areguinea-pigsofthedomesticpigfamily？I"llaskprofessorGordon。Heisauthorityonsuchthings。Leavethepaperswithme。"
ThepresidentputthepapersonhisdeskandwrotealettertoProfessorGordon。UnfortunatelytheProfessorwasinSouthAmericacollectingzoologicalspecimens，andtheletterwasforwardedtohimbyhiswife。AstheProfessorwasinthehighestAndes，wherenowhitemanhadeverpenetrated，theletterwasmanymonthsinreachinghim。Thepresidentforgottheguinea-pigs，Morganforgotthem，Mr。Morehouseforgotthem，butFlannerydidnot。One-halfofhistimehegavetothedutiesofhisagency；theotherhalfwasdevotedtotheguinea-pigs。LongbeforeProfessorGordonreceivedthepresident"sletterMorganreceivedonefromFlannery。
"Aboutthemdagopigs，"itsaid，"whatshallIdotheyaregreatinfamilylife，noracesuicideforthem，therearethirty-twonowshallIsellthemdoyoutakethisexpressofficeforamenagerie，answerquick。"
Morganreachedforatelegraphblankandwrote：
"Agent，Westcote。Don"tsellpigs。"
HethenwroteFlanneryalettercallinghisattentiontothefactthatthepigswerenotthepropertyofthecompanybutweremerelybeingheldduringasettlementofadisputeregardingrates。HeadvisedFlannerytotakethebestpossiblecareofthem。
Flannery，letterinhand，lookedatthepigsandsighed。Thedry-goodsboxcagehadbecometoosmall。Heboardeduptwentyfeetoftherearoftheexpressofficetomakealargeandairyhomeforthem，andwentabouthisbusiness。Heworkedwithfeverishintensitywhenoutonhisrounds，forthepigsrequiredattentionandtookmostofhistime。Somemonthslater，indesperation，heseizedasheetofpaperandwrote"160"acrossitandmailedittoMorgan。Morganreturneditaskingforexplanation。Flanneryreplied：
"Therebenowonehundredsixtyofthemdagopigs，forheavenssakeletmeselloffsome，doyouwantmetogocrazy，what。"
"Sellnopigs，"Morganwired。
NotlongafterthisthepresidentoftheexpresscompanyreceivedaletterfromProfessorGordon。Itwasalongandscholarlyletter，butthepointwasthattheguinea-pigwastheCavaaparoeawhilethecommonpigwasthegeniusSusofthefamilySuidae。Heremarkedthattheywereprolificandmultipliedrapidly。
"Theyarenotpigs，"saidthepresident，decidedly，toMorgan。"Thetwenty-fivecentrateapplies。"
MorganmadethepropernotationonthepapersthathadaccumulatedinFileA6754，andturnedthemovertotheAuditDepartment。TheAuditDepartmenttooksometimetolookthematterup，andaftertheusualdelaywroteFlannerythatashehadonhandonehundredandsixtyguinea-pigs，thepropertyofconsignee，heshoulddeliverthemandcollectchargesattherateoftwenty-fivecentseach。