第1章
MikeFlannery，theWestcoteagentoftheInterurbanExpressCompany，leanedoverthecounteroftheexpressofficeandshookhisfist。Mr。
Morehouse，angryandred，stoodontheothersideofthecounter，tremblingwithrage。Theargumenthadbeenlongandheated，andatlastMr。Morehousehadtalkedhimselfspeechless。Thecauseofthetroublestoodonthecounterbetweenthetwomen。Itwasasoapboxacrossthetopofwhichwerenailedanumberofstrips，formingaroughbutserviceablecage。Inittwospottedguinea-pigsweregreedilyeatinglettuceleaves。
"Doasyouloike，then！"shoutedFlannery，"payforthiman"takethim，ordon"tpayforthimandleavethimbe。Rulesisrules，MistherMorehouse，an"MikeFlannery"snotgoin"tobecalleddownferbreakin"ofthim。"
"But，youeverlastinglystupididiot！"shoutedMr。Morehouse，madlyshakingaflimsyprintedbookbeneaththeagent"snose，"can"tyoureadithere-inyourownplainprintedrates？"Pets，domestic，FranklintoWestcote，ifproperlyboxed，twenty-fivecentseach。""Hethrewthebookonthecounterindisgust。"Whatmoredoyouwant？Aren"ttheypets？
Aren"ttheydomestic？Aren"ttheyproperlyboxed？What？"
Heturnedandwalkedbackandforthrapidly；frowningferociously。
SuddenlyheturnedtoFlannery，andforcinghisvoicetoanartificialcalmnessspokeslowlybutwithintensesarcasm。
"Pets，"hesaid"P-e-t-s！Twenty-fivecentseach。Therearetwoofthem。
One！Two！Twotimestwenty-fivearefifty！Canyouunderstandthat？I
offeryoufiftycents。"
Flanneryreachedforthebook。Heranhishandthroughthepagesandstoppedatpagesixtyfour。
"An"Idon"ttakefiftycints，"hewhisperedinmockery。"Here"stheruleforut。"Whintheagintbeinannydoubtregardin"whichoftworatesappliestoashipment，heshallchargethelarger。Thecon-sign-eymayfileaclaimfortheovercharge。"Inthiscase，MistherMorehouse，Ibeindoubt。Petsthimanimalsmaybe，an"domestictheybe，butpigsI"mblamesuretheydobe，an"merulessaysplainasthenoseonyerface，"PigsFranklintoWestcote，thirtycintseach。"An"MisterMorehouse，bymearithmeticalknowledgetwotimesthurtycomestosixtycints。"
Mr。Morehouseshookhisheadsavagely。"Nonsense！"heshouted，"confoundednonsense，Itellyou！Why，youpoorignorantforeigner，thatrulemeanscommonpigs，domesticpigs，notguineapigs！"
Flannerywasstubborn。
"Pigsispigs，"hedeclaredfirmly。"Guinea-pigs，ordagopigsorIrishpigsisallthesametotheInterurbanExpressCompanyan"toMikeFlannery。Th"nationalityofthepigcreatesnodifferentialityintherate，MistherMorehouse！"TwouldbethesamewastheyDutchpigsorRooshunpigs。MikeFlannery，"headded，"isheretotindtotheexprissbusinessandnottohouldconversationwiddagopigsinsivinteenlanguagesfertodiscoverbetheyChineseorTipperarybybirthan"
nativity。"
Mr。Morehousehesitated。Hebithislipandthenflungouthisarmswildly。
"Verywell！"heshouted，"youshallhearofthis！Yourpresidentshallhearofthis！Itisanoutrage！Ihaveofferedyoufiftycents。Yourefuseit！Keepthepigsuntilyouarereadytotakethefiftycents，but，byGeorge，sir，ifonehairofthosepigs"headsisharmedIwillhavethelawonyou！"
Heturnedandstalkedout，slammingthedoor。Flannerycarefullyliftedthesoapboxfromthecounterandplaceditinacorner。Hewasnotworried。Hefeltthepeacethatcomestoafaithfulservantwhohasdonehisdutyanddoneitwell。
Mr。Morehousewenthomeraging。Hisboy，whohadbeenawaitingtheguinea-pigs，knewbetterthantoaskhimforthem。Hewasanormalboyandthereforealwayshadaguiltyconsciencewhenhisfatherwasangry。Sotheboyslippedquietlyaroundthehouse。Thereisnothingsosoothingtoaguiltyconscienceastobeoutofthepathoftheavenger。Mr。Morehousestormedintothehouse。"Where"stheink？"heshoutedathiswifeassoonashisfootwasacrossthedoorsill。
Mrs。Morehousejumped，guiltily。Sheneverusedink。Shehadnotseentheink。，normovedtheink，northoughtoftheink，butherhusband"stoneconvictedheroftheguiltofhavingborneandrearedaboy，andsheknewthatwheneverherhusbandwantedanythinginaloudvoicetheboyhadbeenatit。
"I"llfindSammy，"shesaidmeekly。
WhentheinkwasfoundMr。Morehousewroterapidly，andhereadthecompletedletterandsmiledatriumphantsmile。
"ThatwillsettlethatcrazyIrishman！"heexclaimed。"Whentheygetthatletterhewillhuntanotherjob，allright！"
AweeklaterMr。MorehousereceivedalongofficialenvelopewiththecardoftheInterurbanExpressCompanyintheupperleftcorner。Hetoreitopeneagerlyanddrewoutasheetofpaper。AtthetopitborethenumberA6754。Theletterwasshort。"Subject——Rateonguinea-pigs，"itsaid，"Dr。
Sir——Weareinreceiptofyourletterregardingrateonguinea-pigsbetweenFranklinandWestcoteaddressedtothepresidentofthiscompany。
AllclaimsforoverchargeshouldbeaddressedtotheClaimsDepartment。"
Mr。MorehousewrotetotheClaimsDepartment。Hewrotesixpagesofchoicesarcasm，vituperationandargument，andsentthemtotheClaimsDepartment。
AfewweekslaterhereceivedareplyfromtheClaimsDepartment。Attachedtoitwashislastletter。
"Dr。Sir，"saidthereply。"Yourletterofthe16thinst。，addressedtothisDepartment，subjectrateonguinea-pigsfromFranklintoWestcote，ree"d。WehavetakenupthematterwithouragentatWestcote，andhisreplyisattachedherewith。Heinformsusthatyourefusedtoreceivetheconsignmentortopaythecharges。Youhavethereforenoclaimagainstthiscompany，andyourletterregardingtheproperrateontheconsignmentshouldbeaddressedtoourTariffDepartment。"
Mr。MorehousewrotetotheTariffDepartment。Hestatedhiscaseclearly，andgavehisargumentsinfull，quotingapageortwofromtheencyclopediatoprovethatguinea-pigswerenotcommonpigs。
Withthecarethatcharacterizescorporationswhentheyaresystematicallyconducted，Mr。Morehouse"sletterwasnumbered，O。K"d，andstartedthroughtheregularchannels。Duplicatecopiesofthebilloflading，manifest，Flannery"sreceiptforthepackageandseveralotherpertinentpaperswerepinnedtotheletter，andtheywerepassedtotheheadoftheTariffDepartment。
TheheadoftheTariffDepartmentputhisfeetonhisdeskandyawned。Helookedthroughthepaperscarelessly。
"MissKane，"hesaidtohisstenographer，"takethisletter。"Agent，Westcote，N。J。Pleaseadvisewhyconsignmentreferredtoinattachedpaperswasrefuseddomesticpetrates。""
MissKanemadeaseriesofcurvesandanglesonhernotebookandwaitedwithpencilpoised。Theheadofthedepartmentlookedatthepapersagain。
"Huh！guinea-pigs！"hesaid。"Probablystarvedtodeathbythistime！Addthistothatletter："Giveconditionofconsignmentatpresent。""
Hetossedthepapersontothestenographer"sdesk，tookhisfeetfromhisowndeskandwentouttolunch。
WhenMikeFlanneryreceivedtheletterhescratchedhishead。