第2章

Asoft，repentantvoice，tremulouswithtears，said:

"Alonzo，dear，Ihavebeenwrong。Youcouldnothavesaidsocruelathing。Itmusthavebeensomeonewhoimitatedyourvoiceinmaliceorinjest。"

TheReverendcoldlyanswered，inAlonzo"stones:

"Youhavesaidallwasoverbetweenus。Soletitbe。Ispurnyourprofferedrepentance，anddespiseit!"

Thenhedeparted，radiantwithfiendishtriumph，toreturnnomorewithhisimaginarytelephonicinventionforever。

FourhoursafterwardAlonzoarrivedwithhismotherfromherfavoritehauntsofpovertyandvice。TheysummonedtheSanFranciscohousehold；

buttherewasnoreply。Theywaited，andcontinuedtowait，uponthevoicelesstelephone。

Atlength，whenitwassunsetinSanFrancisco，andthreehoursandahalfafterdarkinEastport，ananswertotheoft-repeatedcryof"Rosannah!"

But，alas，itwasAuntSusan"svoicethatspake。Shesaid:

"Ihavebeenoutallday；justgotin。Iwillgoandfindher。"

Thewatcherswaitedtwominutes——fiveminutes——tenminutes。Thencamethesefatalwords，inafrightenedtone:

"Sheisgone，andherbaggagewithher。Tovisitanotherfriend，shetoldtheservants。ButIfoundthisnoteonthetableinherroom。

Listen:"Iamgone；seeknottotracemeout；myheartisbroken；youwillneverseememore。TellhimIshallalwaysthinkofhimwhenIsingmypoor"SweetBy-and-by，"butneveroftheunkindwordshesaidaboutit。"Thatishernote。Alonzo，Alonzo，whatdoesitmean？Whathashappened？"

ButAlonzosatwhiteandcoldasthedead。Hismotherthrewbackthevelvetcurtainsandopenedawindow。Thecoldairrefreshedthesufferer，andhetoldhisaunthisdismalstory。Meantimehismotherwasinspectingacardwhichhaddiscloseditselfuponthefloorwhenshecastthecurtainsback。Itread，"Mr。SidneyAlgernonBurley，SanFrancisco。"

"Themiscreant!"shoutedAlonzo，andrushedforthtoseekthefalseReverendanddestroyhim；forthecardexplainedeverything，sinceinthecourseofthelovers"mutualconfessionstheyhadtoldeachotherallaboutallthesweetheartstheyhadeverhad，andthrownnoendofmudattheirfailingsandfoiblesforloversalwaysdothat。Ithasafascinationthatranksnextafterbillingandcooing。

IV

Duringthenexttwomonthsmanythingshappened。IthadearlytranspiredthatRosannah，poorsufferingorphan，hadneitherreturnedtohergrandmotherinPortland，Oregon，norsentanywordtohersaveaduplicateofthewoefulnoteshehadleftinthemansiononTelegraphHill。Whosoeverwasshelteringher——ifshewasstillalive——hadbeenpersuadednottobetrayherwhereabouts，withoutdoubt；foralleffortstofindtraceofherhadfailed。

DidAlonzogiveherup？Nothe。Hesaidtohimself，"Shewillsingthatsweetsongwhensheissad；Ishallfindher。"Sohetookhiscarpet-

sackandaportabletelephone，andshookthesnowofhisnativecityfromhisarctics，andwentforthintotheworld。Hewanderedfarandwideandinmanystates。Timeandagain，strangerswereastoundedtoseeawasted，pale，andwoe-wornmanlaboriouslyclimbatelegraph-poleinwintryandlonelyplaces，perchsadlythereanhour，withhisearatalittlebox，thencomesighingdown，andwanderwearilyaway。Sometimestheyshotathim，aspeasantsdoataeronauts，thinkinghimmadanddangerous。Thushisclothesweremuchshreddedbybulletsandhispersongrievouslylacerated。Butheboreitallpatiently。

Inthebeginningofhispilgrimageheusedoftentosay，"Ah，ifIcouldbuthearthe"SweetBy-and-by"!"Buttowardtheendofitheusedtoshedtearsofanguishandsay，"Ah，ifIcouldbuthearsomethingelse!"

Thusamonthandthreeweeksdriftedby，andatlastsomehumanepeopleseizedhimandconfinedhiminaprivatemad-houseinNewYork。Hemadenomoan，forhisstrengthwasallgone，andwithitallheartandallhope。Thesuperintendent，inpity，gaveuphisowncomfortableparlorandbedchambertohimandnursedhimwithaffectionatedevotion。

Attheendofaweekthepatientwasabletoleavehisbedforthefirsttime。Hewaslying，comfortablypillowed，onasofa，listeningtotheplaintiveMiserereofthebleakMarchwindsandthemuffledsoundoftrampingfeetinthestreetbelowforitwasaboutsixintheevening，andNewYorkwasgoinghomefromwork。Hehadabrightfireandtheaddedcheerofacoupleofstudent-lamps。Soitwaswarmandsnugwithin，thoughbleakandrawwithout；itwaslightandbrightwithin，thoughoutsideitwasasdarkanddrearyasiftheworldhadbeenlitwithHartfordgas。Alonzosmiledfeeblytothinkhowhislovingvagarieshadmadehimamaniacintheeyesoftheworld，andwasproceedingtopursuehislineofthoughtfurther，whenafaint，sweetstrain，theveryghostofsound，soremoteandattenuateditseemed，struckuponhisear。

Hispulsesstoodstill；helistenedwithpartedlipsandbatedbreath。

Thesongflowedonhewaiting，listening，risingslowlyandunconsciouslyfromhisrecumbentposition。Atlastheexclaimed:

"Itis!itisshe!Oh，thedivinehatednotes!"

Hedraggedhimselfeagerlytothecornerwhencethesoundsproceeded，toreasideacurtain，anddiscoveredatelephone。Hebentover，andasthelastnotediedawayheburstforthwiththeexclamation:

"Oh，thankHeaven，foundatlast!Speaktome，Rosannah，dearest!Thecruelmysteryhasbeenunraveled；itwasthevillainBurleywhomimickedmyvoiceandwoundedyouwithinsolentspeech!"

Therewasabreathlesspause，awaitingagetoAlonzo；thenafaintsoundcame，framingitselfintolanguage:

"Oh，saythosepreciouswordsagain，Alonzo!"

"Theyarethetruth，theveritabletruth，myRosannah，andyoushallhavetheproof，ampleandabundantproof!"

"Oh；Alonzo，staybyme!Leavemenotforamoment!Letmefeelthatyouarenearme!Tellmeweshallneverbepartedmore!Oh，thishappyhour，thisblessedhour，thismemorablehour!"

"Wewillmakerecordofit，myRosannah；everyyear，asthisdearhourchimesfromtheclock，wewillcelebrateitwiththanksgivings，alltheyearsofourlife。"

"Wewill，wewill，Alonzo!"

"Fourminutesaftersix，intheevening，myRosannah，shallhenceforth——"

"Twenty-threeminutesaftertwelve，afternoonshall——"

"Why；Rosannah，darling，whereareyou？"

"InHonolulu，SandwichIslands。Andwhereareyou？Staybyme；donotleavemeforamoment。Icannotbearit。Areyouathome？"

"No，dear，IaminNewYork——apatientinthedoctor"shands。"

AnagonizingshriekcamebuzzingtoAlonzo"sear，likethesharpbuzzingofahurtgnat；itlostpowerintravelingfivethousandmiles。Alonzohastenedtosay:

"Calm——yourself，mychild。Itisnothing。AlreadyIamgettingwellunderthesweethealingofyourpresence。Rosannah？"

"Yes，Alonzo？Oh，howyouterrifiedme!Sayon。"

"Namethehappyday，Rosannah!"

Therewasalittlepause。Thenadiffidentsmallvoicereplied，"Iblush——butitiswithpleasure，itiswithhappiness。Would——wouldyouliketohaveitsoon？"

"Thisverynight，Rosannah!Oh，letusrisknomoredelays。Letitbenow!——thisverynight，thisverymoment!"

"Oh，youimpatientcreature!Ihavenobodyherebutmygoodolduncle，amissionaryforageneration，andnowretiredfromservice——nobodybuthimandhiswife。IwouldsodearlylikeitifyourmotherandyourAuntSusan——"

"OurmotherandourAuntSusan，myRosannah。"

"Yes，ourmotherandourAuntSusan——Iamcontenttoworditsoifitpleasesyou；Iwouldsoliketohavethempresent。"

"SowouldI。SupposeyoutelegraphAuntSusan。Howlongwouldittakehertocome？"

"ThesteamerleavesSanFranciscodayaftertomorrow。Thepassageiseightdays。Shewouldbeherethe31stofMarch。"

"Thennamethe1stofApril；do，Rosannah，dear。"

"Mercy，itwouldmakeusAprilfools，Alonzo!"

"Sowebethehappiestonesthatthatday"ssuitlooksdownuponinthewholebroadexpanseoftheglobe，whyneedwecare？Callitthe1stofApril，dear。"

"Thenthe1stofAprilatshallbe，withallmyheart!"

"Oh，happiness!Namethehour，too，Rosannah。"

"Ilikethemorning，itissoblithe。Willeightinthemorningdo，Alonzo？"

"Theloveliesthourintheday——sinceitwillmakeyoumine。"

Therewasafeeblebutfranticsoundforsomelittletime，asifwool-upped，disembodiedspiritswereexchangingkisses；thenRosannahsaid，"Excusemejustamoment，dear；Ihaveanappointment，andamcalledtomeetit。"

Theyounggirlsoughtalargeparlorandtookherplaceatawindowwhichlookedoutuponabeautifulscene。TotheleftonecouldviewthecharmingNuuanaValley，fringedwithitsruddyflushoftropicalflowersanditsplumedandgracefulcocoapalms；itsrisingfoothillsclothedintheshininggreenoflemon，citron，andorangegroves；itsstoriedprecipicebeyond，wherethefirstKamehamehadrovehisdefeatedfoesovertotheirdestruction，aspotthathadforgottenitsgrimhistory，nodoubt，fornowitwassmiling，asalmostalwaysatnoonday，undertheglowingarchesofasuccessionofrainbows。Infrontofthewindowonecouldseethequainttown，andhereandthereapicturesquegroupofduskynatives，enjoyingtheblisteringweather；andfartotherightlaytherestlessocean，tossingitswhitemaneinthesunshine。

Rosannahstoodthere，inherfilmywhiteraiment，fanningherflushedandheatedface，waiting。AKanakaboy，clothedinadamagedbluenecktieandpartofasilkhat，thrusthisheadinatthedoor，andannounced，""Friscohaole!"

"Showhimin，"saidthegirl，straighteningherselfupandassumingameaningdignity。Mr。SidneyAlgernonBurleyentered，cladfromheadtoheelindazzlingsnow——thatistosay，inthelightestandwhitestofIrishlinen。Hemovedeagerlyforward，butthegirlmadeagestureandgavehimalookwhichcheckedhimsuddenly。Shesaid，coldly，"Iamhere，asIpromised。Ibelievedyourassertions，Iyieldedtoyourimportunelies，andsaidIwouldnametheday。Inamethe1stofApril——

eightinthemorning。NOWGO!"

"Oh，mydearest，ifthegratitudeofalifetime——"

"Notaword。Sparemeallsightofyou，allcommunicationwithyou，untilthathour。No-nosupplications；Iwillhaveitso。"

Whenhewasgone，shesankexhaustedinachair，forthelongsiegeoftroublesshehadundergonehadwastedherstrength。Presentlyshesaid，"Whatanarrowescape!Ifthehourappointedhadbeenanhourearlier——Oh，horror，whatanescapeIhavemade!AndtothinkIhadcometoimagineIwaslovingthisbeguiling，thistruthless，thistreacherousmonster!Oh，heshallrepenthisvillainy!"

Letusnowdrawthishistorytoaclose，forlittlemoreneedstobetold。Onthe2doftheensuingApril，theHonoluluAdvertisercontainedthisnotice:

MARRIED——Inthiscity，bytelephone，yesterdaymorning，——ateighto"clock，byRev。NathanHays，assistedbyRev。NathanielDavis，ofNewYork，Mr。AlonzoFitzClarence，ofEastport，Maine，U。S。，andMissRosannahEthelton，ofPortland，Oregon，U。S。Mrs。SusanHowland，ofSanFrancisco，afriendofthebride，waspresent，shebeingtheguestoftheRev。Mr。Haysandwife，uncleandauntofthebride。Mr。SidneyAlgernonBurley，ofSanFrancisco，wasalsopresentbutdidnotremaintilltheconclusionofthemarriageservice。CaptainHawthorne"sbeautifulyacht，tastefullydecorated，wasinwaiting，andthehappybrideandherfriendsimmediatelydepartedonabridaltriptoLahainaandHaleakala。

TheNewYorkpapersofthesamedatecontainedthisnotice:

MARRIED——Inthiscity，yesterday，bytelephone，athalf-pasttwointhemorning，byRev。NathanielDavis，assistedbyRev。NathanHays，ofHonolulu，Mr。AlonzoFitzClarence，ofEastport，Maine，andMissRosannahEthelton，ofPortland，Oregon。Theparentsandseveralfriendsofthebridegroomwerepresent，andenjoyedasumptuousbreakfastandmuchfestivityuntilnearlysunrise，andthendepartedonabridaltriptotheAquarium，thebridegroom"sstateofhealthnotadmittingofamoreextendedjourney。

TowardthecloseofthatmemorabledayMr。andMrs。AlonzoFitzClarencewereburiedinsweetconverseconcerningthepleasuresoftheirseveralbridaltours，whensuddenlytheyoungwifeexclaimed:"Oh，Lonny，I

forgot!IdidwhatIsaidIwould。"

"Didyou，dear？"

"Indeed，Idid。ImadehimtheAprilfool!AndItoldhimso，too!

Ah，itwasacharmingsurprise!Therehestood，swelteringinablackdress-suit，withthemercuryleakingoutofthetopofthethermometer，waitingtobemarried。YoushouldhaveseenthelookhegavewhenI

whispereditinhisear。Ah，hiswickednesscostmemanyaheartacheandmanyatear，butthescorewasallsquaredup，then。Sothevengefulfeelingwentrightoutofmyheart，andIbeggedhimtostay，andsaidI

forgavehimeverything。Buthewouldn"t。Hesaidhewouldlivetobeavenged；saidhewouldmakeourlivesacursetous。Buthecan"t，canhe，dear？"

"Neverinthisworld，myRosannah!"

AuntSusan，theOregoniangrandmother，andtheyoungcoupleandtheirEastportparents，areallhappyatthiswriting，andlikelytoremainso。

AuntSusanbroughtthebridefromtheislands，accompaniedheracrossourcontinent，andhadthehappinessofwitnessingtherapturousmeetingbetweenanadoringhusbandandwifewhohadneverseeneachotheruntilthatmoment。

AwordaboutthewretchedBurley，whosewickedmachinationscamesonearwreckingtheheartsandlivesofourpooryoungfriends，willbesufficient。Inamurderousattempttoseizeacrippledandhelplessartisanwhohefanciedhaddonehimsomesmalloffense，hefellintoacaldronofboilingoilandexpiredbeforehecouldbeextinguished。

ONTHEDECAYOFTHEARTOFLYING

ESSAY，FORDISCUSSION，READATAMEETINGOFTHEHISTORICALAND

ANTIQUARIANCLUBOFHARTFORD，ANDOFFEREDFORTHETHIRTY-DOLLARPRIZE。

NOWFIRSTPUBLISHED——[Didnottaketheprize]

Observe，Idonotmeantosuggestthatthecustomoflyinghassufferedanydecayorinterruption——no，fortheLie，asaVirtue，aPrinciple，iseternal；theLie，asarecreation，asolace，arefugeintimeofneed，thefourthGrace，thetenthMuse，man"sbestandsurestfriend，isimmortal，andcannotperishfromtheearthwhilethisClubremains。Mycomplaintsimplyconcernsthedecayoftheartoflying。Nohigh-mindedman，nomanofrightfeeling，cancontemplatethelumberingandslovenlylyingofthepresentdaywithoutgrievingtoseeanobleartsoprostituted。InthisveteranpresenceInaturallyenteruponthisschemewithdiffidence；itislikeanoldmaidtryingtoteachnurserymatterstothemothersinIsrael。Itwouldnotbecomemetocriticizeyou，gentlemen，whoarenearlyallmyelders——andmysuperiors，inthisthing——

andso，ifIshouldhereandthereseemtodoit，Itrustitwillinmostcasesbemoreinaspiritofadmirationthanoffault-finding；

indeed，ifthisfinestofthefineartshadeverywherereceivedtheattention，encouragement，andconscientiouspracticeanddevelopmentwhichthisClubhasdevotedtoitIshouldnotneedtoutterthislamentorshedasingletear。Idonotsaythistoflatter:Isayitinaspiritofjustandappreciativerecognition。

[Ithadbeenmyintention，atthispoint，tomentionnamesandgiveillustrativespecimens，butindicationsobservableaboutmeadmonishedmetobewareofparticularsandconfinemyselftogeneralities。]

Nofactismorefirmlyestablishedthanthatlyingisanecessityofourcircumstances——thedeductionthatitisthenaVirtuegoeswithoutsaying。Novirtuecanreachitshighestusefulnesswithoutcarefulanddiligentcultivation——therefore，itgoeswithoutsayingthatthisoneoughttobetaughtinthepublicschools——atthefireside——eveninthenewspapers。Whatchancehastheignorant，uncultivatedliaragainsttheeducatedexpert？WhatchancehaveIagainstMr。Per——againstalawyer？

Judiciouslyingiswhattheworldneeds。Isometimesthinkitwereevenbetterandsafernottolieatallthantolieinjudiciously。Anawkward，unscientificlieisoftenasineffectualasthetruth。

Nowletusseewhatthephilosopherssay。Notethatvenerableproverb:

Childrenandfoolsalwaysspeakthetruth。Thedeductionisplain——adultsandwisepersonsneverspeakit。Parkman，thehistorian，says，"Theprincipleoftruthmayitselfbecarriedintoanabsurdity。"Inanotherplaceinthesamechapterhesays，"Thesayingisoldthattruthshouldnotbespokenatalltimes；andthosewhomasickconscienceworriesintohabitualviolationofthemaximareimbecilesandnuisances。"Itisstronglanguage，buttrue。Noneofuscouldlivewithanhabitualtruth-teller；but，thankgoodness，noneofushasto。Anhabitualtruth-tellerissimplyanimpossiblecreature；hedoesnotexist；heneverhasexisted。Ofcoursetherearepeoplewhothinktheyneverlie，butitisnotso——andthisignoranceisoneoftheverythingsthatshameourso-calledcivilization。Everybodylies——everyday；everyhour；awake；asleep；inhisdreams；inhisjoy；inhismourning；ifhekeepshistonguestill，hishands，hisfeet，hiseyes，hisattitude，willconveydeception——andpurposely。Eveninsermons——butthatisaplatitude。

InafarcountrywhereIoncelivedtheladiesusedtogoaroundpayingcalls，underthehumaneandkindlypretenseofwantingtoseeeachother；

andwhentheyreturnedhome，theywouldcryoutwithagladvoice，saying，"Wemadesixteencallsandfoundfourteenofthemout"——notmeaningthattheyfoundoutanythingagainstthefourteen——no，thatwasonlyacolloquialphrasetosignifythattheywerenotathome——andtheirmannerofsayingit——expressedtheirlivelysatisfactioninthatfact。

Now，theirpretenseofwantingtoseethefourteen——andtheothertwowhomtheyhadbeenlessluckywith——wasthatcommonestandmildestformoflyingwhichissufficientlydescribedasadeflectionfromthetruth。

Isitjustifiable？Mostcertainly。Itisbeautiful，itisnoble；foritsobjectis，nottoreapprofit，buttoconveyapleasuretothesixteen。Theiron-souledtruth-mongerwouldplainlymanifest，orevenutterthefact，thathedidn"twanttoseethosepeople——andhewouldbeanass，andinflictatotallyunnecessarypain。Andnext，thoseladiesinthatfarcountry——butnevermind，theyhadathousandpleasantwaysoflying，thatgrewoutofgentleimpulses，andwereacredittotheirintelligenceandathonortotheirhearts。Lettheparticularsgo。

Themeninthatfarcountrywereliars；everyone。Theirmerehowdy-dowasalie，becausetheydidn"tcarehowyoudid，excepttheywereundertakers。Totheordinaryinquireryouliedinreturn；foryoumadenoconscientiousdiagnosisofyourcase，butansweredatrandom，andusuallymisseditconsiderably。Youliedtotheundertaker，andsaidyourhealthwasfailing——awhollycommendablelie，sinceitcostyounothingandpleasedtheotherman。Ifastrangercalledandinterruptedyou，yousaidwithyourheartytongue，"I"mgladtoseeyou，"andsaidwithyourheartiersoul，"Iwishyouwerewiththecannibalsanditwasdinner-time。"Whenhewent，yousaidregretfully，"Mustyougo？"andfolloweditwitha"Callagain"；butyoudidnoharm，foryoudidnotdeceiveanybodynorinflictanyhurt，whereasthetruthwouldhavemadeyoubothunhappy。

Ithinkthatallthiscourteouslyingisasweetandlovingart，andshouldbecultivated，Thehighestperfectionofpolitenessisonlyabeautifuledifice，built，fromthebasetothedome，ofgracefulandgildedformsofcharitableandunselfishlying。

WhatIbemoanisthegrowingprevalenceofthebrutaltruth。Letusdowhatwecantoeradicateit。Aninjurioustruthhasnomeritoveraninjuriouslie。Neithershouldeverbeuttered。Themanwhospeaksaninjurioustruth，lesthissoulbenotsavedifhedootherwise，shouldreflectthatthatsortofasoulisnotstrictlyworthsaving。Themanwhotellsalietohelpapoordeviloutoftroubleisoneofwhomtheangelsdoubtlesssay，"Lo，hereisanheroicsoulwhocastshisownwelfareintojeopardytosuccorhisneighbor"s；letusexaltthismagnanimousliar。"

Aninjuriouslieisanuncommendablething；andso，also，andinthesamedegree，isaninjurioustruth——afactwhichisrecognizedbythelawoflibel。

Amongothercommonlies，wehavethesilentliethedeceptionwhichoneconveysbysimplykeepingstillandconcealingthetruth。Manyobstinatetruth-mongersindulgeinthisdissipation，imaginingthatiftheyspeaknolie，theylienotatall。InthatfarcountrywhereIoncelived，therewasalovelyspirit，aladywhoseimpulseswerealwayshighandpure，andwhosecharacteransweredtothem。OnedayIwasthereatdinner，andremarked，inageneralway，thatweareallliars。Shewasamazed，andsaid，"Notall!"Itwasbefore"Pinafore"s"timesoIdidnotmaketheresponsewhichwouldnaturallyfollowinourday，butfranklysaid，"Yes，all——weareallliars；therearenoexceptions。"

Shelookedalmostoffended，andsaid，"Why，doyouincludeme？"

"Certainly，"Isaid，"Ithinkyouevenrankasanexpert。"Shesaid，""Sh!——"sh!thechildren!"

Sothesubjectwaschangedindeferencetothechildren"spresence，andwewentontalkingaboutotherthings。Butassoonastheyoungpeoplewereoutoftheway，theladycamewarmlybacktothematterandsaid，"Ihavemadeittheruleofmylifetonevertellalie；andIhaveneverdepartedfromitinasingleinstance。"Isaid，"Idon"tmeantheleastharmordisrespect，butreallyyouhavebeenlyinglikesmokeeversinceI"vebeensittinghere。Ithascausedmeagooddealofpain，becauseI

amnotusedtoit。"Sherequiredofmeaninstance——justasingleinstance。SoIsaid:

"Well，hereistheunfilledduplicateoftheblankwhichtheOaklandhospitalpeoplesenttoyoubythehandofthesick-nursewhenshecameheretonurseyourlittlenephewthroughhisdangerousillness。Thisblankasksallmannerofquestionsastotheconductofthatsick-nurse:

"Didsheeversleeponherwatch？Didsheeverforgettogivethemedicine？"andsoforthandsoon。Youarewarnedtobeverycarefulandexplicitinyouranswers，forthewelfareoftheservicerequiresthatthenursesbepromptlyfinedorotherwisepunishedforderelictions。

Youtoldmeyouwereperfectlydelightedwiththatnurse——thatshehadathousandperfectionsandonlyonefault:youfoundyounevercoulddependonherwrappingJohnnyuphalfsufficientlywhilehewaitedinachillychairforhertorearrangethewarmbed。Youfilleduptheduplicateofthispaper，andsentitbacktothehospitalbythehandofthenurse。

Howdidyouanswerthisquestion——"Wasthenurseatanytimeguiltyofanegligencewhichwaslikelytoresultinthepatient"stakingcold？"

Come——everythingisdecidedbyabethereinCalifornia:tendollarstotencentsyouliedwhenyouansweredthatquestion。"Shesaid，"I

didn"t；Ileftitblank!""Justso——youhavetoldasilentlie；youhaveleftittobeinferredthatyouhadnofaulttofindinthatmatter。"

Shesaid，"Oh，wasthatalie？AndhowcouldImentionheronesinglefault，andsheso，good？——itwouldhavebeencruel。"Isaid，"Oneoughtalwaystoliewhenonecandogoodbyit；yourimpulsewasright，but，yourjudgmentwascrude；thiscomesofunintelligentpractice。Nowobservetheresultofthisinexpertdeflectionofyours。YouknowMr。

Jones"sWillieislyingverylowwithscarletfever；well，yourrecommendationwassoenthusiasticthatthatgirlistherenursinghim，andtheworn-outfamilyhaveallbeentrustinglysoundasleepforthelastfourteenhours，leavingtheirdarlingwithfullconfidenceinthosefatalhands，becauseyou，likeyoungGeorgeWashington，haveareputa——

However，ifyouarenotgoingtohaveanythingtodo，Iwillcomearoundto-morrowandwe"llattendthefuneraltogether，for，ofcourse，you"llnaturallyfeelapeculiarinterestinWillie"scase——aspersonalaone，infact，astheundertaker。"

Butthatwasalllost。BeforeIwashalf-waythroughshewasinacarriageandmakingthirtymilesanhourtowardtheJonesmansiontosavewhatwasleftofWillieandtellallsheknewaboutthedeadlynurse。

Allofwhichwasunnecessary，asWilliewasn"tsick；Ihadbeenlyingmyself。Butthatsameday，allthesame，shesentalinetothehospitalwhichfilleduptheneglectedblank，andstatedthefacts，too，inthesquarestpossiblemanner。

Now，yousee，thislady"sfaultwasnotinlying，butonlyinlyinginjudiciously。Sheshouldhavetoldthe，truth，there，andmadeituptothenursewithafraudulentcomplimentfurtheralonginthepaper。Shecouldhavesaid，"Inonerespectthesick-nurseisperfection——whensheisonwatch，sheneversnores。"Almostanylittlepleasantliewouldhavetakenthestingoutofthattroublesomebutnecessaryexpressionofthetruth。

Lyingisuniversalwealldoit；weallmustdoit。Therefore，thewisethingisforusdiligentlytotrainourselvestoliethoughtfully，judiciously；toliewithagoodobject，andnotanevilone；tolieforothers"advantage，andnotourown；toliehealingly，charitably，humanely，notcruelly，hurtfully，maliciously；toliegracefullyandgraciously，notawkwardlyandclumsily；toliefirmly，frankly，squarely，withheaderect，nothaltingly，tortuously，withpusillanimousmien，asbeingashamedofourhighcalling。Thenshallweberidoftherankandpestilenttruththatisrottingtheland；thenshallwebegreatandgoodandbeautiful，andworthydwellersinaworldwhereevenbenignNaturehabituallylies，exceptwhenshepromisesexecrableweather。Then——ButIambutanewandfeeblestudentinthisgraciousart；IcannotinstructthisClub。

Jokingaside，Ithinkthereismuchneedofwiseexaminationintowhatsortsofliesarebestandwholesomesttobeindulged，seeingwemustalllieanddoalllie，andwhatsortsitmaybebesttoavoid——andthisisathingwhichIfeelIcanconfidentlyputintothehandsofthisexperiencedClub——aripebody，whomaybetermed，inthisregard，andwithoutundueflattery，OldMasters。

ABOUTMAGNANIMOUS-INCIDENTLITERATURE

Allmylife，fromboyhoodup，Ihavehadthehabitofreadingacertainsetofanecdotes，writteninthequaintveinofTheWorld"singeniousFabulist，forthelessontheytaughtmeandthepleasuretheygaveme。

Theylayalwaysconvenienttomyhand，andwheneverIthoughtmeanlyofmykindIturnedtothem，andtheybanishedthatsentiment；wheneverI

feltmyselftobeselfish，sordid，andignobleIturnedtothem，andtheytoldmewhattodotowinbackmyself-respect。ManytimesIwishedthatthecharminganecdoteshadnotstoppedwiththeirhappyclimaxes，buthadcontinuedthepleasinghistoryoftheseveralbenefactorsandbeneficiaries。ThiswishroseinmybreastsopersistentlythatatlastIdeterminedtosatisfyitbyseekingoutthesequelsofthoseanecdotesmyself。SoIsetaboutit，andaftergreatlaborandtediousresearchaccomplishedmytask。Iwilllaytheresultbeforeyou，givingyoueachanecdoteinitsturn，andfollowingitwithitssequelasIgathereditthroughmyinvestigations。