第5章

Often，whentheyhadnomoreagreeableoccupationathand，theMissesMurraywouldamusethemselveswithvisitingthepoorcottagersontheirfather"sestate，toreceivetheirflatteringhomage，ortoheartheoldstoriesorgossipingnewsofthegarrulousoldwomen；or，perhaps，toenjoythepurerpleasureofmakingthepoorpeoplehappywiththeircheeringpresenceandtheiroccasionalgifts，soeasilybestowed，sothankfullyreceived。

Sometimes，Iwascalledupontoaccompanyoneorbothofthesistersinthesevisits；andsometimesIwasdesiredtogoalone，tofulfilsomepromisewhichtheyhadbeenmorereadytomakethantoperform；tocarrysomesmalldonation，orreadtoonewhowassickorseriouslydisposed:andthusImadeafewacquaintancesamongthecottagers；and，occasionally，Iwenttoseethemonmyownaccount。

Igenerallyhadmoresatisfactioningoingalonethanwitheitheroftheyoungladies；forthey，chieflyowingtotheirdefectiveeducation，comportedthemselvestowardstheirinferiorsinamannerthatwashighlydisagreeableformetowitness。Theynever，inthought，exchangedplaceswiththem；and，consequently，hadnoconsiderationfortheirfeelings，regardingthemasanorderofbeingsentirelydifferentfromthemselves。Theywouldwatchthepoorcreaturesattheirmeals，makinguncivilremarksabouttheirfood，andtheirmannerofeating；theywouldlaughattheirsimplenotionsandprovincialexpressions，tillsomeofthemscarcelydurstventuretospeak；theywouldcallthegraveelderlymenandwomenoldfoolsandsillyoldblockheadstotheirfaces:andallthiswithoutmeaningtooffend。Icouldseethatthepeoplewereoftenhurtandannoyedbysuchconduct，thoughtheirfearofthe"grandladies"preventedthemfromtestifyinganyresentment；butTHEYneverperceivedit。Theythoughtthat，asthesecottagerswerepooranduntaught，theymustbestupidandbrutish；andaslongasthey，theirsuperiors，condescendedtotalktothem，andtogivethemshillingsandhalf-crowns，orarticlesofclothing，theyhadarighttoamusethemselves，evenattheirexpense；andthepeoplemustadorethemasangelsoflight，condescendingtoministertotheirnecessities，andenlightentheirhumbledwellings。

Imademanyandvariousattemptstodelivermypupilsfromthesedelusivenotionswithoutalarmingtheirpride-whichwaseasilyoffended，andnotsoonappeased-butwithlittleapparentresult；

andIknownotwhichwasthemorereprehensibleofthetwo:

Matildawasmorerudeandboisterous；butfromRosalie"swomanlyageandlady-likeexteriorbetterthingswereexpected:yetshewasasprovokinglycarelessandinconsiderateasagiddychildoftwelve。

OnebrightdayinthelastweekofFebruary，Iwaswalkinginthepark，enjoyingthethreefoldluxuryofsolitude，abook，andpleasantweather；forMissMatildahadsetoutonherdailyride，andMissMurraywasgoneinthecarriagewithhermammatopaysomemorningcalls。ButitstruckmethatIoughttoleavetheseselfishpleasures，andtheparkwithitsgloriouscanopyofbrightbluesky，thewestwindsoundingthroughitsyetleaflessbranches，thesnow-wreathsstilllingeringinitshollows，butmeltingfastbeneaththesun，andthegracefuldeerbrowsingonitsmoistherbagealreadyassumingthefreshnessandverdureofspring-andgotothecottageofoneNancyBrown，awidow，whosesonwasatworkalldayinthefields，andwhowasafflictedwithaninflammationintheeyes；whichhadforsometimeincapacitatedherfromreading:toherowngreatgrief，forshewasawomanofaserious，thoughtfulturnofmind。Iaccordinglywent，andfoundheralone，asusual，inherlittle，close，darkcottage，redolentofsmokeandconfinedair，butastidyandcleanasshecouldmakeit。Shewasseatedbesideherlittlefire(consistingofafewredcindersandabitofstick)，busilyknitting，withasmallsackclothcushionatherfeet，placedfortheaccommodationofhergentlefriendthecat，whowasseatedthereon，withherlongtailhalfencirclinghervelvetpaws，andherhalf-closedeyesdreamilygazingonthelow，crookedfender。

"Well，Nancy，howareyouto-day？"

"Why，middling，Miss，i"myseln-myeyesisnobetter，butI"madealeasieri"mymindnorIhavebeen，"repliedshe，risingtowelcomemewithacontentedsmile；whichIwasgladtosee，forNancyhadbeensomewhatafflictedwithreligiousmelancholy。I

congratulatedheruponthechange。Sheagreedthatitwasagreatblessing，andexpressedherself"rightdownthankfulforit"；

adding，"IfitpleaseGodtosparemysight，andmakemesoasI

canreadmyBibleagain，IthinkIshallbeashappyasaqueen。"

"IhopeHewill，Nancy，"repliedI；"and，meantime，I"llcomeandreadtoyounowandthen，whenIhavealittletimetospare。"

Withexpressionsofgratefulpleasure，thepoorwomanmovedtogetmeachair；but，asIsavedherthetrouble，shebusiedherselfwithstirringthefire，andaddingafewmorestickstothedecayingembers；andthen，takingherwell-usedBiblefromtheshelf，dusteditcarefully，andgaveitme。Onmyaskingiftherewasanyparticularpartsheshouldlikemetoread，sheanswered-

"Well，MissGrey，ifit"sallthesametoyou，IshouldliketohearthatchapterintheFirstEpistleofSt。John，thatsays，"Godislove，andhethatdwellethinlovedwellethinGod，andGodinhim。""

Withalittlesearching，Ifoundthesewordsinthefourthchapter。

WhenIcametotheseventhversesheinterruptedme，and，withneedlessapologiesforsuchaliberty，desiredmetoreaditveryslowly，thatshemighttakeitallin，anddwelloneveryword；

hopingIwouldexcuseher，asshewasbuta"simplebody。"

"Thewisestperson，"Ireplied，"mightthinkovereachoftheseversesforanhour，andbeallthebetterforit；andIwouldratherreadthemslowlythannot。"

Accordingly，Ifinishedthechapterasslowlyasneedbe，andatthesametimeasimpressivelyasIcould；myauditorlistenedmostattentivelyallthewhile，andsincerelythankedmewhenIhaddone。Isatstillabouthalfaminutetogivehertimetoreflectuponit；when，somewhattomysurprise，shebrokethepausebyaskingmehowIlikedMr。Weston？

"Idon"tknow，"Ireplied，alittlestartledbythesuddennessofthequestion；"Ithinkhepreachesverywell。"

"Ay，hedoesso；andtalkswelltoo。"

"Doeshe？"

"Hedoes。Maybe，youhaven"tseenhim-nottotalktohimmuch，yet？"

"No，Ineverseeanyonetotalkto-excepttheyoungladiesoftheHall。"

"Ah；they"renice，kindyoungladies；buttheycan"ttalkashedoes。"

"Thenhecomestoseeyou，Nancy？"

"Hedoes，Miss；andI"sethankfulforit。HecomestoseealluspoorbodiesadealofternorMaisterBligh，orth"Rectoreverdid；

an"it"swellhedoes，forhe"salwayswelcome:wecan"tsayasmuchforth"Rector-thereis"atsaysthey"refairfearedonhim。

Whenhecomesintoahouse，theysayhe"ssuretofindsummutwrong，andbegina-calling"emassoonashecrossesth"doorstuns:

butmaybehethinksithisdutyliketotell"emwhat"swrong。

Andveryofthecomeso"purposetoreprovefolkfornotcomingtochurch，ornotkneelingan"standingwhenotherfolkdoes，orgoingtotheMethodychapel，orsummuto"thatsort:butIcan"tsay"atheeverfundmuchfaultwi"me。Hecametoseemeonceortwice，aforeMaisterWestoncome，whenIwassoilltroubledinmymind；

andasIhadonlyverypoorhealthbesides，Imadeboldtosendforhim-andhecamerightenough。Iwassoredistressed，MissGrey-

thankGod，it"sowerednow-butwhenItookmyBible，Icouldgetnocomfortofitatall。Thatverychapter"atyou"vejustbeenreadingtroubledmeasmuchasaught-"Hethatlovethnot，knowethnotGod。"Itseemedfearsometome；forIfeltthatIlovedneitherGodnormanasIshoulddo，andcouldnot，ifItriedeverso。Andth"chapterafore，whereitsays，-"HethatisbornofGodcannotcommitsin。"Andanotherplacewhereitsays，-"LoveisthefulfillingoftheLaw。"Andmany，manyothers，Miss:

I

shouldfairwearyyouout，ifIwastotellthemall。Butallseemedtocondemnme，andtoshowme"atIwasnotintherightway；andasIknewnothowtogetintoit，IsentourBilltobegMaisterHatfieldtobeaskindaslookinonmesomedayandwhenhecame，Itelledhimallmytroubles。"

"Andwhatdidhesay，Nancy？"

"Why，Miss，heseemedtoscornme。Imightbemista"en-buthelikegaveasortofawhistle，andIsawabitofasmileonhisface；andhesaid，"Oh，it"sallstuff!You"vebeenamongtheMethodists，mygoodwoman。"ButItelledhimI"dneverbeenneartheMethodies。Andthenhesaid，-"Well，"sayshe，"youmustcometochurch，whereyou"llheartheScripturesproperlyexplained，insteadofsittingporingoveryourBibleathome。"

"ButItelledhimIalwaysusedcomingtochurchwhenIhadmyhealth；butthisverycoldwinterweatherIhardlydurstventuresofar-andmesobadwi"th"rheumaticandall。

"Buthesays，"It"lldoyourrheumatizgoodtohobbletochurch:

there"snothinglikeexercisefortherheumatiz。Youcanwalkaboutthehousewellenough；whycan"tyouwalktochurch？Thefactis，"sayshe，"you"regettingtoofondofyourease。It"salwayseasytofindexcusesforshirkingone"sduty。"

"Butthen，youknow，MissGrey，itwasn"tso。However，ItelledhimI"dtry。"Butplease，sir，"saysI，"ifIdogotochurch，whatthebettershallIbe？Iwanttohavemysinsblottedout，andtofeelthattheyarerememberednomoreagainstme，andthattheloveofGodisshedabroadinmyheart；andifIcangetnogoodbyreadingmyBiblean"sayingmyprayersathome，whatgoodshallIgetbygoingtochurch？"

""Thechurch，"sayshe，"istheplaceappointedbyGodforHisworship。It"syourdutytogothereasoftenasyoucan。

Ifyouwantcomfort，youmustseekitinthepathofduty，"-an"adealmorehesaid，butIcannotrememberallhisfinewords。However，itallcametothis，thatIwastocometochurchasoftaseverI

could，andbringmyprayer-bookwithme，an"readupallthesponsersaftertheclerk，an"stand，an"kneel，an"sit，an"doallasIshould，andtaketheLord"sSupperateveryopportunity，an"

hearkenhissermons，andMaisterBligh"s，an"it"udbeallright:

ifIwentondoingmyduty，Ishouldgetablessingatlast。

""Butifyougetnocomfortthatway，"sayshe，"it"sallup。"

""Then，sir，"saysI，"shouldyouthinkI"mareprobate？"

""Why，"sayshe-hesays，"ifyoudoyourbesttogettoheavenandcan"tmanageit，youmustbeoneofthosethatseektoenterinatthestraitgateandshallnotbeable。"

"An"thenheaskedmeifI"dseenanyoftheladieso"th"Hallaboutthatmornin"；soItelledhimwhereIhadseentheyoungmissesgoonth"MossLane；-an"hekickedmypoorcatrightacrossth"floor，an"wentafter"emasgayasalark:butIwasverysad。Thatlastwordo"hisfairsunkintomyheart，an"laytherelikealumpo"lead，tillIwaswearytobearit。

"Howsever，Ifolleredhisadvice:Ithoughthemeantitallforth"best，thoughheHADaqueerwaywithhim。Butyouknow，Miss，he"srichan"young，andsuchlikecannotrightunderstandthethoughtsofapooroldwomansuchasme。But，howsever，Ididmybesttodoallashebademe-butmaybeI"mplaguingyou，Miss，wi"mychatter。"

"Oh，no，Nancy!Goon，andtellmeall。"

"Well，myrheumatizgotbetter-Iknownotwhetherwi"goingtochurchornot，butonefrostySundayIgotthiscoldi"myeyes。

Th"inflammationdidn"tcomeonallatoncelike，butbitbybit-

butIwasn"tgoingtotellyouaboutmyeyes，Iwastalkingaboutmytroubleo"mind；-andtotellthetruth，MissGrey，Idon"tthinkitwasanywayseasedbycomingtochurch-noughttospeakon，atleast:Ilikegotmyhealthbetter；butthatdidn"tmendmysoul。Ihearkenedandhearkenedtheministers，andreadan"readatmyprayer-book；butitwasalllikesoundingbrassandatinklingcymbal:thesermonsIcouldn"tunderstand，an"th"

prayer-bookonlyservedtoshowmehowwickedIwas，thatIcouldreadsuchgoodwordsan"neverbenobetterforit，andoftensfeelitasorelabouran"aheavytaskbeside，insteadofablessingandaprivilegeasallgoodChristiansdoes。Itseemedlikeasallwerebarrenan"darktome。Andthen，themdreadfulwords，"Manyshallseektoenterin，andshallnotbeable。"Theylikeastheyfairdriedupmysperrit。

"ButoneSunday，whenMaisterHatfieldgaveoutaboutthesacrament，Inoticedwherehesaid，"Iftherebeanyofyouthatcannotquiethisownconscience，butrequirethfurthercomfortorcounsel，lethimcometome，orsomeotherdiscreetandlearnedministerofGod"sword，andopenhisgrief!"SonextSundaymorning，aforeservice，Ijustlookedintothevestry，an"begana-

talkingtoth"Rectoragain。Ihardlycouldfashiontotakesuchaliberty，butIthoughtwhenmysoulwasatstakeIshouldn"tstickatatrifle。Buthesaidhehadn"ttimetoattendtomethen。

""And，indeed，"sayshe，"I"venothingtosaytoyoubutwhatI"vesaidbefore。Takethesacrament，ofcourse，andgoondoingyourduty；andifthatwon"tserveyou，nothingwill。Sodon"tbothermeanymore。"

"Sothen，Iwentaway。ButIheardMaisterWeston-MaisterWestonwasthere，Miss-thiswashisfirstSundayatHorton，youknow，an"hewasi"th"vestryinhissurplice，helpingth"Rectoronwithhisgown-"

"Yes，Nancy。"

"AndIheardhimaskMaisterHatfieldwhoIwas，an"hesays，"Oh，she"sacantingoldfool。"

"AndIwasveryillgrieved，MissGrey；butIwenttomyseat，andItriedtodomydutyasaforetime:butIlikegotnopeace。

An"

Ieventookthesacrament；butIfeltasthoughIwereeatinganddrinkingtomyowndamnationallth"time。SoIwenthome，sorelytroubled。

"Butnextday，aforeI"dgottenfettledup-forindeed，Miss，I"dnohearttosweepingan"fettling，an"washingpots；soIsatmedowni"th"muck-whoshouldcomeinbutMaisterWeston!I

startedsidingstuffthen，an"sweepingan"doing；andIexpectedhe"dbegina-callingmeformyidleways，asMaisterHatfieldwoulda"done；butIwasmista"en:heonlybidmegood-mornin"like，inaquietdacentway。SoIdustedhimachair，an"fettledupth"

fireplaceabit；butIhadn"tforgottenth"Rector"swords，sosaysI，"Iwonder，sir，youshouldgiveyourselfthattrouble，tocomesofartoseea"cantingoldfool，"suchasme。"

"Heseemedtakenabackatthat；buthewouldfainpersuademe"attheRectorwasonlyinjest；andwhenthatwouldn"tdo，hesays，"Well，Nancy，youshouldn"tthinksomuchaboutit:Mr。Hatfieldwasalittleoutofhumourjustthen:youknowwe"renoneofusperfect-evenMosesspokeunadvisedlywithhislips。Butnowsitdownaminute，ifyoucansparethetime，andtellmeallyourdoubtsandfears；andI"lltrytoremovethem。"

"SoIsatmedownanenthim。Hewasquiteastranger，youknow，MissGrey，andevenYOUNGERnorMaisterHatfield，Ibelieve；andI

hadthoughthimnotsopleasant-lookingashim，andratherabitcrossish，atfirst，tolookat；buthespakesocivillike-andwhenth"cat，poorthing，jumpedontohisknee，heonlystrokedher，andgaveabitofasmile:soIthoughtthatwasagoodsign；

foronce，whenshedidsototh"Rector，heknockedheroff，likeasitmightbeinscornandanger，poorthing。Butyoucan"texpectacattoknowmannerslikeaChristian，youknow，MissGrey。"

"No；ofcoursenot，Nancy。ButwhatdidMr。Westonsaythen？"

"Hesaidnought；buthelistenedtomeassteadyan"patientascouldbe，an"neverabito"scornabouthim；soIwenton，an"

telledhimall，justasI"vetelledyou-an"moretoo。

""Well，"sayshe，"Mr。Hatfieldwasquiterightintellingyoutopersevereindoingyourduty；butinadvisingyoutogotochurchandattendtotheservice，andsoon，hedidn"tmeanthatwasthewholeofaChristian"sduty:heonlythoughtyoumighttherelearnwhatmorewastobedone，andbeledtotakedelightinthoseexercises，insteadoffindingthemataskandaburden。Andifyouhadaskedhimtoexplainthosewordsthattroubleyousomuch，I

thinkhewouldhavetoldyou，thatifmanyshallseektoenterinatthestraitgateandshallnotbeable，itistheirownsinsthathinderthem；justasamanwithalargesackonhisbackmightwishtopassthroughanarrowdoorway，andfinditimpossibletodosounlesshewouldleavehissackbehindhim。Butyou，Nancy，Idaresay，havenosinsthatyouwouldnotgladlythrowaside，ifyouknewhow？"

""Indeed，sir，youspeaktruth，"saidI。

""Well，"sayshe，"youknowthefirstandgreatcommandment-andthesecond，whichislikeuntoit-onwhichtwocommandmentshangallthelawandtheprophets？YousayyoucannotloveGod；butitstrikesmethatifyourightlyconsiderwhoandwhatHeis，youcannothelpit。Heisyourfather，yourbestfriend:everyblessing，everythinggood，pleasant，oruseful，comesfromHim；andeverythingevil，everythingyouhavereasontohate，toshun，ortofear，comesfromSatan-HISenemyaswellasours。AndforTHIS

causewasGodmanifestintheflesh，thatHemightdestroytheworksoftheDevil:inoneword，GodisLOVE；andthemoreoflovewehavewithinus，thenearerwearetoHimandthemoreofHisspiritwepossess。"

""Well，sir，"Isaid，"ifIcanalwaysthinkonthesethings，I

thinkImightwellloveGod:buthowcanIlovemyneighbours，whentheyvexme，andbesocontraryandsinfulassomeon"emis？"

""Itmayseemahardmatter，"sayshe，"toloveourneighbours，whohavesomuchofwhatisevilaboutthem，andwhosefaultssooftenawakentheevilthatlingerswithinourselves；butrememberthatHE

madethem，andHElovesthem；andwhosoeverlovethhimthatbegat，lovethhimthatisbegottenalso。AndifGodsolovethus，thatHegaveHisonlybegottenSontodieforus，weoughtalsotoloveoneanother。Butifyoucannotfeelpositiveaffectionforthosewhodonotcareforyou，youcanatleasttrytodotothemasyouwouldtheyshoulddountoyou:youcanendeavourtopitytheirfailingsandexcusetheiroffences，andtodoallthegoodyoucantothoseaboutyou。Andifyouaccustomyourselftothis，Nancy，theveryeffortitselfwillmakeyoulovetheminsomedegree-tosaynothingofthegoodwillyourkindnesswouldbegetinthem，thoughtheymighthavelittleelsethatisgoodaboutthem。IfweloveGodandwishtoserveHim，letustrytobelikeHim，todoHiswork，tolabourforHisglory-whichisthegoodofman-tohastenthecomingofHiskingdom，whichisthepeaceandhappinessofalltheworld:howeverpowerlesswemayseemtobe，indoingallthegoodwecanthroughlife，thehumblestofusmaydomuchtowardsit:andletusdwellinlove，thatHemaydwellinusandweinHim。Themorehappinesswebestow，themoreweshallreceive，evenhere；andthegreaterwillbeourrewardinheavenwhenwerestfromourlabours。"Ibelieve，Miss，themishisverywords，forI"vethought"emowermanyatime。An"thenhetookthatBible，an"readbitshereandthere，an"explained"emasclearastheday:anditseemedlikeasanewlightbrokeinonmysoul；an"Ifeltfairaglowaboutmyheart，an"onlywishedpoorBillan"alltheworldcouldha"beenthere，an"hearditall，andrejoicedwi"me。

"Afterhewasgone，HannahRogers，oneo"th"neighbours，cameinandwantedmetohelphertowash。ItelledherIcouldn"tjustthen，forIhadn"tsetonth"potatiesforth"dinner，norwashedupth"breakfaststuffyet。Sothenshebegana-callingmeformynastyidleways。Iwasalittlebitvexedatfirst，butIneversaidnothingwrongtoher:Ionlytelledherlikeallinaquietway，"atI"dhadth"newparsontoseeme；butI"dgetdoneasquickaseverIcould，an"thencomean"helpher。Sothenshesofteneddown；andmyheartlikeasitwarmedtowardsher，an"inabitwewasverygoodfriends。An"soitis，MissGrey，"asoftanswerturnethawaywrath；butgrievouswordsstirupanger。"

Itisn"tonlyinthemyouspeakto，butinyourself。"

"Verytrue，Nancy，ifwecouldalwaysrememberit。"

"Ay，ifwecould!"

"AnddidMr。Westonevercometoseeyouagain？"

"Yes，manyatime；andsincemyeyeshasbeensobad，he"ssatan"

readtomebythehalf-hourtogether:butyouknow，Miss，hehasotherfolkstosee，andotherthingstodo-Godblesshim!An"

thatnextSundayhepreachedSUCHasermon!Histextwas，"Comeuntomeallyethatlabourandareheavyladen，andIwillgiveyourest，"andthemtwoblessedversesthatfollows。Youwasn"tthere，Miss，youwaswithyourfriendsthen-butitmademeSOhappy!

AndIAMhappynow，thankGod!an"Itakeapleasure，now，indoinglittlebitso"jobsformyneighbours-suchasapooroldbody"at"shalfblindcando；andtheytakeitkindlyofme，justashesaid。Yousee，Miss，I"mknittingapairo"stockingsnow；-

they"reforThomasJackson:he"saqueerisholdbody，an"we"vehadmanyaboutatthreaping，oneanentt"other；an"attimeswe"vedifferedsorely。SoIthoughtIcouldn"tdobetternorknithimapairo"warmstockings；an"I"vefelttolikehimadealbetter，pooroldman，sin"Ibegan。It"sturnedoutjustasMaisterWestonsaid。"

"Well，I"mverygladtoseeyousohappy，Nancy，andsowise:

butImustgonow；IshallbewantedattheHall，"saidI；andbiddinghergood-bye，Ideparted，promisingtocomeagainwhenIhadtime，andfeelingnearlyashappyasherself。

AtanothertimeIwenttoreadtoapoorlabourerwhowasinthelaststageofconsumption。Theyoungladieshadbeentoseehim，andsomehowapromiseofreadinghadbeenextractedfromthem；butitwastoomuchtrouble，sotheybeggedmetodoitinstead。I

went，willinglyenough；andtheretooIwasgratifiedwiththepraisesofMr。Weston，bothfromthesickmanandhiswife。Theformertoldmethathederivedgreatcomfortandbenefitfromthevisitsofthenewparson，whofrequentlycametoseehim，andwas"anotherguesssortofman"toMr。Hatfield；who，beforetheother"sarrivalatHorton，hadnowandthenpaidhimavisit；onwhichoccasionshewouldalwaysinsistuponhavingthecottage-doorkeptopen，toadmitthefreshairforhisownconvenience，withoutconsideringhowitmightinjurethesufferer；andhavingopenedhisprayer-bookandhastilyreadoverapartoftheServicefortheSick，wouldhurryawayagain:ifhedidnotstaytoadministersomeharshrebuketotheafflictedwife，ortomakesomethoughtless，nottosayheartless，observation，rathercalculatedtoincreasethandiminishthetroublesofthesufferingpair。

"Whereas，"saidtheman，"MaisterWeston"ullpraywithmequiteinadifferentfashion，an"talktomeaskindasowt；an"oftreadtometoo，an"sitbesidemejustlikeabrother。"

"Justforalltheworld!"exclaimedhiswife；"an"aboutathreewiksin"，whenheseedhowpoorJemshiveredwi"cold，an"whatpitifulfireswekept，heaxedifwerstockofcoalswasnearlydone。Itelledhimitwas，an"wewasillsettogetmore:

butyouknow，mum，Ididn"tthinko"himhelpingus；but，howsever，hesentusasacko"coalsnextday；an"we"vehadgoodfireseversin":andagreatblessingitis，thiswintertime。Butthat"shisway，MissGrey:whenhecomesintoapoorbody"shousea-

seein"sickfolk，helikenoticeswhattheymoststandi"needon；

an"ifhethinkstheycan"treadilygetittherseln，heneversaysnowtaboutit，butjustgetsitfor"em。An"itisn"teverybody"at"uddothat，"athasaslittleashehas:foryouknow，mum，he"snowtatalltoliveonbutwhathegetsfra"th"Rector，an"

that"slittleenoughtheysay。"

Irememberedthen，withaspeciesofexultation，thathehadfrequentlybeenstyledavulgarbrutebytheamiableMissMurray，becauseheworeasilverwatch，andclothesnotquitesobrightandfreshasMr。Hatfield"s。

InreturningtotheLodgeIfeltveryhappy，andthankedGodthatI

hadnowsomethingtothinkabout；somethingtodwellonasarelieffromthewearymonotony，thelonelydrudgery，ofmypresentlife:

forIWASlonely。Never，frommonthtomonth，fromyeartoyear，exceptduringmybriefintervalsofrestathome，didIseeonecreaturetowhomIcouldopenmyheart，orfreelyspeakmythoughtswithanyhopeofsympathy，orevencomprehension:neverone，unlessitwerepoorNancyBrown，withwhomIcouldenjoyasinglemomentofrealsocialintercourse，orwhoseconversationwascalculatedtorendermebetter，wiser，orhappierthanbefore；orwho，asfarasIcouldsee，couldbegreatlybenefitedbymine。

Myonlycompanionshadbeenunamiablechildren，andignorant，wrong-

headedgirls；fromwhosefatiguingfolly，unbrokensolitudewasoftenareliefmostearnestlydesiredanddearlyprized。Buttoberestrictedtosuchassociateswasaseriousevil，bothinitsimmediateeffectsandtheconsequencesthatwerelikelytoensue。

Neveranewideaorstirringthoughtcametomefromwithout；andsuchasrosewithinmewere，forthemostpart，miserablycrushedatonce，ordoomedtosickenorfadeaway，becausetheycouldnotseethelight。

Habitualassociatesareknowntoexerciseagreatinfluenceovereachother"smindsandmanners。Thosewhoseactionsareforeverbeforeoureyes，whosewordsareeverinourears，willnaturallyleadus，albeitagainstourwill，slowly，gradually，imperceptibly，perhaps，toactandspeakastheydo。Iwillnotpresumetosayhowfarthisirresistiblepowerofassimilationextends；butifonecivilisedmanweredoomedtopassadozenyearsamidaraceofintractablesavages，unlesshehadpowertoimprovethem，Igreatlyquestionwhether，atthecloseofthatperiod，hewouldnothavebecome，atleast，abarbarianhimself。AndI，asIcouldnotmakemyyoungcompanionsbetter，fearedexceedinglythattheywouldmakemeworse-wouldgraduallybringmyfeelings，habits，capacities，totheleveloftheirown；without，however，impartingtometheirlightheartednessandcheerfulvivacity。

Already，Iseemedtofeelmyintellectdeteriorating，myheartpetrifying，mysoulcontracting；andItrembledlestmyverymoralperceptionsshouldbecomedeadened，mydistinctionsofrightandwrongconfounded，andallmybetterfacultiesbesunk，atlast，beneaththebanefulinfluenceofsuchamodeoflife。Thegrossvapoursofearthweregatheringaroundme，andclosinginuponmyinwardheaven；andthusitwasthatMr。Westonroseatlengthuponme，appearinglikethemorningstarinmyhorizon，tosavemefromthefearofutterdarkness；andIrejoicedthatIhadnowasubjectforcontemplationthatwasaboveme，notbeneath。IwasgladtoseethatalltheworldwasnotmadeupofBloomfields，Murrays，Hatfields，Ashbys，&；c。；andthathumanexcellencewasnotameredreamoftheimagination。Whenwehearalittlegoodandnoharmofaperson，itiseasyandpleasanttoimaginemore:inshort，itisneedlesstoanalyseallmythoughts；butSundaywasnowbecomeadayofpeculiardelighttome(Iwasnowalmostbroken-intothebackcornerinthecarriage)，forIlikedtohearhim-andIlikedtoseehim，too；thoughIknewhewasnothandsome，orevenwhatiscalledagreeable，inoutwardaspect；but，certainly，hewasnotugly。

Instaturehewasalittle，averylittle，abovethemiddlesize；

theoutlineofhisfacewouldbepronouncedtoosquareforbeauty，buttomeitannounceddecisionofcharacter；hisdarkbrownhairwasnotcarefullycurled，likeMr。Hatfield"s，butsimplybrushedasideoverabroadwhiteforehead；theeyebrows，Isuppose，weretooprojecting，butfromunderthosedarkbrowstheregleamedaneyeofsingularpower，brownincolour，notlarge，andsomewhatdeep-set，butstrikinglybrilliant，andfullofexpression；therewascharacter，too，inthemouth，somethingthatbespokeamanoffirmpurposeandanhabitualthinker；andwhenhesmiled-butI

willnotspeakofthatyet，for，atthetimeImention，Ihadneverseenhimsmile:and，indeed，hisgeneralappearancedidnotimpressmewiththeideaofamangiventosucharelaxation，norofsuchanindividualasthecottagersdescribedhim。Ihadearlyformedmyopinionofhim；and，inspiteofMissMurray"sobjurgations:wasfullyconvincedthathewasamanofstrongsense，firmfaith，andardentpiety，butthoughtfulandstern:

andwhenIfoundthat，tohisothergoodqualities，wasaddedthatoftruebenevolenceandgentle，consideratekindness，thediscovery，perhaps，delightedmethemore，asIhadnotbeenpreparedtoexpectit。

chapter12

CHAPTERXII-THESHOWER

THEnextvisitIpaidtoNancyBrownwasinthesecondweekinMarch:for，thoughIhadmanyspareminutesduringtheday，I

seldomcouldlookuponanhourasentirelymyown；since，whereeverythingwaslefttothecapricesofMissMatildaandhersister，therecouldbenoorderorregularity。WhateveroccupationI

chose，whennotactuallybusiedaboutthemortheirconcerns，I

had，asitwere，tokeepmyloinsgirded，myshoesonmyfeet，andmystaffinmyhand；fornottobeimmediatelyforthcomingwhencalledfor，wasregardedasagraveandinexcusableoffence:notonlybymypupilsandtheirmother，butbytheveryservant，whocameinbreathlesshastetocallme，exclaiming，"You"retogototheschoolroomDIRECTLY，mum，theyoungladiesisWAITING!!"

Climaxofhorror!actuallywaitingfortheirgoverness!!!

ButthistimeIwasprettysureofanhourortwotomyself；forMatildawaspreparingforalongride，andRosaliewasdressingforadinner-partyatLadyAshby"s:soItooktheopportunityofrepairingtothewidow"scottage，whereIfoundherinsomeanxietyabouthercat，whichhadbeenabsentallday。Icomfortedherwithasmanyanecdotesofthatanimal"srovingpropensitiesasIcouldrecollect。"I"mfearedo"th"gamekeepers，"saidshe:"that"sall"atIthinkon。Ifth"younggentlemenhadbeenathome，Ishoulda"thoughtthey"dbeensettingtheirdogsather，an"worriedher，poorthing，astheydidMANYapoorthing"scat；butIhaven"tthattobefearedonnow。"Nancy"seyeswerebetter，butstillfarfromwell:shehadbeentryingtomakeaSundayshirtforherson，buttoldmeshecouldonlybeartodoalittlebitatitnowandthen，sothatitprogressedbutslowly，thoughthepoorladwanteditsadly。SoIproposedtohelpheralittle，afterIhadreadtoher，forIhadplentyoftimethatevening，andneednotreturntilldusk。Shethankfullyacceptedtheoffer。"An"you"llbeabito"companyformetoo，Miss，"saidshe；"IlikeasIfeellonesomewithoutmycat。"ButwhenIhadfinishedreading，anddonethehalfofaseam，withNancy"scapaciousbrassthimblefittedontomyfingerbymeansofarollofpaper，IwasdisturbedbytheentranceofMr。Weston，withtheidenticalcatinhisarms。

Inowsawthathecouldsmile，andverypleasantlytoo。

"I"vedoneyouapieceofgoodservice，Nancy，"hebegan:thenseeingme，heacknowledgedmypresencebyaslightbow。IshouldhavebeeninvisibletoHatfield，oranyothergentlemanofthoseparts。"I"vedeliveredyourcat，"hecontinued，"fromthehands，orratherthegun，ofMr。Murray"sgamekeeper。"

"Godblessyou，sir!"criedthegratefuloldwoman，readytoweepforjoyasshereceivedherfavouritefromhisarms。

"Takecareofit，"saidhe，"anddon"tletitgoneartherabbit-

warren，forthegamekeeperswearshe"llshootitifheseesitthereagain:hewouldhavedonesoto-day，ifIhadnotbeenintimetostophim。Ibelieveitisraining，MissGrey，"addedhe，morequietly，observingthatIhadputasidemywork，andwaspreparingtodepart。"Don"tletmedisturbyou-Ishan"tstaytwominutes。"

"You"llBOTHstaywhilethisshowergetsowered，"saidNancy，asshestirredthefire，andplacedanotherchairbesideit；"what!

there"sroomforall。"

"Icanseebetterhere，thankyou，Nancy，"repliedI，takingmyworktothewindow，whereshehadthegoodnesstosuffermetoremainunmolested，whileshegotabrushtoremovethecat"shairsfromMr。Weston"scoat，carefullywipedtherainfromhishat，andgavethecatitssupper，busilytalkingallthetime:nowthankingherclericalfriendforwhathehaddone；nowwonderinghowthecathadfoundoutthewarren；andnowlamentingtheprobableconsequencesofsuchadiscovery。Helistenedwithaquiet，good-

naturedsmile，andatlengthtookaseatincompliancewithherpressinginvitations，butrepeatedthathedidnotmeantostay。

"Ihaveanotherplacetogoto，"saidhe，"andIsee"(glancingatthebookonthetable)"someoneelsehasbeenreadingtoyou。"

"Yes，sir；MissGreyhasbeenaskindasreadmeachapter；an"nowshe"shelpingmewithashirtforourBill-butI"mfearedshe"llbecoldthere。Won"tyoucometoth"fire，Miss？"

"No，thankyou，Nancy，I"mquitewarm。Imustgoassoonasthisshowerisover。"

"Oh，Miss!Yousaidyoucouldstopwhiledusk!"criedtheprovokingoldwoman，andMr。Westonseizedhishat。

"Nay，sir，"exclaimedshe，"praydon"tgonow，whileitrainssofast。"

"ButitstrikesmeI"mkeepingyourvisitorawayfromthefire。"

"No，you"renot，Mr。Weston，"repliedI，hopingtherewasnoharminafalsehoodofthatdescription。

"No，sure!"criedNancy。"What，there"slotso"room!"

"MissGrey，"saidhe，half-jestingly，asifhefeltitnecessarytochangethepresentsubject，whetherhehadanythingparticulartosayornot，"Iwishyouwouldmakemypeacewiththesquire，whenyouseehim。HewasbywhenIrescuedNancy"scat，anddidnotquiteapproveofthedeed。ItoldhimIthoughthemightbetterspareallhisrabbitsthanshehercat，forwhichaudaciousassertionhetreatedmetosomeratherungentlemanlylanguage；andIfearIretortedatrifletoowarmly。"

"Oh，lawfulsir!Ihopeyoudidn"tfalloutwi"th"maisterforsakeo"mycat!hecannotbideansweringagain-canth"maister。"

"Oh!it"snomatter，Nancy:Idon"tcareaboutit，really；IsaidnothingVERYuncivil；andIsupposeMr。Murrayisaccustomedtouseratherstronglanguagewhenhe"sheated。"

"Ay，sir:it"sapity。"

"Andnow，Ireallymustgo。Ihavetovisitaplaceamilebeyondthis；andyouwouldnothavemetoreturninthedark:besides，ithasnearlydonerainingnow-sogood-evening，Nancy。Good-

evening，MissGrey。"

"Good-evening，Mr。Weston；butdon"tdependuponmeformakingyourpeacewithMr。Murray，forIneverseehim-tospeakto。"

"Don"tyou；itcan"tbehelpedthen，"repliedhe，indolorousresignation:then，withapeculiarhalf-smile，headded，"Butnevermind；IimaginethesquirehasmoretoapologiseforthanI；"

andleftthecottage。

IwentonwithmysewingaslongasIcouldsee，andthenbadeNancygood-evening；checkinghertoolivelygratitudebytheundeniableassurancethatIhadonlydoneforherwhatshewouldhavedoneforme，ifshehadbeeninmyplaceandIinhers。I

hastenedbacktoHortonLodge，where，havingenteredtheschoolroom，Ifoundthetea-tableallinconfusion，thetrayfloodedwithslops，andMissMatildainamostferocioushumour。

"MissGrey，whateverhaveyoubeenabout？I"vehadteahalfanhourago，andhadtomakeitmyself，anddrinkitallalone!I

wishyouwouldcomeinsooner!"

"I"vebeentoseeNancyBrown。Ithoughtyouwouldnotbebackfromyourride。"

"HowcouldIrideintherain，Ishouldliketoknow。Thatdamnedpeltingshowerwasvexatiousenough-comingonwhenIwasjustinfullswing:andthentocomeandfindnobodyintotea!andyouknowIcan"tmaketheteaasIlikeit。"

"Ididn"tthinkoftheshower，"repliedI(and，indeed，thethoughtofitsdrivingherhomehadneverenteredmyhead)。

"No，ofcourse；youwereundershelteryourself，andyouneverthoughtofotherpeople。"

Iborehercoarsereproacheswithastonishingequanimity，evenwithcheerfulness；forIwassensiblethatIhaddonemoregoodtoNancyBrownthanharmtoher:andperhapssomeotherthoughtsassistedtokeepupmyspirits，andimpartarelishtothecupofcold，overdrawntea，andacharmtotheotherwiseunsightlytable；and-

Ihadalmostsaid-toMissMatilda"sunamiableface。Butshesoonbetookherselftothestables，andleftmetothequietenjoymentofmysolitarymeal。

chapter13

CHAPTERXIII-THEPRIMROSES

MISSMURRAYnowalwayswenttwicetochurch，forshesolovedadmirationthatshecouldnotbeartoloseasingleopportunityofobtainingit；andshewassosureofitwhereversheshowedherself，that，whetherHarryMelthamandMr。Greenwerethereornot，therewascertaintobesomebodypresentwhowouldnotbeinsensibletohercharms，besidestheRector，whoseofficialcapacitygenerallyobligedhimtoattend。Usually，also，iftheweatherpermitted，bothsheandhersisterwouldwalkhome；

Matilda，becauseshehatedtheconfinementofthecarriage；she，becauseshedislikedtheprivacyofit，andenjoyedthecompanythatgenerallyenlivenedthefirstmileofthejourneyinwalkingfromthechurchtoMr。Green"spark-gates:nearwhichcommencedtheprivateroadtoHortonLodge，whichlayintheoppositedirection，whilethehighwayconductedinastraightforwardcoursetothestillmoredistantmansionofSirHughMeltham。Thustherewasalwaysachanceofbeingaccompanied，sofar，eitherbyHarryMeltham，withorwithoutMissMeltham，orMr。Green，withperhapsoneorbothofhissisters，andanygentlemenvisitorstheymighthave。

WhetherIwalkedwiththeyoungladiesorrodewiththeirparents，dependedupontheirowncapriciouswill:iftheychoseto"take"

me，Iwent；if，forreasonsbestknowntothemselves，theychosetogoalone，Itookmyseatinthecarriage。Ilikedwalkingbetter，butasenseofreluctancetoobtrudemypresenceonanyonewhodidnotdesireit，alwayskeptmepassiveontheseandsimilaroccasions；andIneverinquiredintothecausesoftheirvaryingwhims。Indeed，thiswasthebestpolicy-fortosubmitandobligewasthegoverness"spart，toconsulttheirownpleasurewasthatofthepupils。ButwhenIdidwalk，thefirsthalfofjourneywasgenerallyagreatnuisancetome。Asnoneofthebefore-mentionedladiesandgentlemenevernoticedme，itwasdisagreeabletowalkbesidethem，asiflisteningtowhattheysaid，orwishingtobethoughtoneofthem，whiletheytalkedoverme，oracross；andiftheireyes，inspeaking，chancedtofallonme，itseemedasiftheylookedonvacancy-asiftheyeitherdidnotseeme，orwereverydesiroustomakeitappearso。Itwasdisagreeable，too，towalkbehind，andthusappeartoacknowledgemyowninferiority；

for，intruth，Iconsideredmyselfprettynearlyasgoodasthebestofthem，andwishedthemtoknowthatIdidso，andnottoimaginethatIlookeduponmyselfasameredomestic，whoknewherownplacetoowelltowalkbesidesuchfineladiesandgentlemenastheywere-thoughheryoungladiesmightchoosetohaveherwiththem，andevencondescendtoconversewithherwhennobettercompanywereathand。Thus-Iamalmostashamedtoconfessit-

butindeedIgavemyselfnolittletroubleinmyendeavours(ifI

didkeepupwiththem)toappearperfectlyunconsciousorregardlessoftheirpresence，asifIwerewhollyabsorbedinmyownreflections，orthecontemplationofsurroundingobjects；or，ifIlingeredbehind，itwassomebirdorinsect，sometreeorflower，thatattractedmyattention，andhavingdulyexaminedthat，Iwouldpursuemywalkalone，ataleisurelypace，untilmypupilshadbiddenadieutotheircompanionsandturnedoffintothequietprivateroad。

OnesuchoccasionIparticularlywellremember；itwasalovelyafternoonaboutthecloseofMarch；Mr。Greenandhissistershadsenttheircarriagebackempty，inordertoenjoythebrightsunshineandbalmyairinasociablewalkhomealongwiththeirvisitors，CaptainSomebodyandLieutenantSomebody-else(acoupleofmilitaryfops)，andtheMissesMurray，who，ofcourse，contrivedtojointhem。SuchapartywashighlyagreeabletoRosalie；butnotfindingitequallysuitabletomytaste，Ipresentlyfellback，andbegantobotaniseandentomologisealongthegreenbanksandbuddinghedges，tillthecompanywasconsiderablyinadvanceofme，andIcouldhearthesweetsongofthehappylark；thenmyspiritofmisanthropybegantomeltawaybeneaththesoft，pureairandgenialsunshine；butsadthoughtsofearlychildhood，andyearningsfordepartedjoys，orforabrighterfuturelot，aroseinstead。

Asmyeyeswanderedoverthesteepbankscoveredwithyounggrassandgreen-leavedplants，andsurmountedbybuddinghedges，Ilongedintenselyforsomefamiliarflowerthatmightrecallthewoodydalesorgreenhill-sidesofhome:thebrownmoorlands，ofcourse，wereoutofthequestion。Suchadiscoverywouldmakemyeyesgushoutwithwater，nodoubt；butthatwasoneofmygreatestenjoymentsnow。AtlengthIdescried，highupbetweenthetwistedrootsofanoak，threelovelyprimroses，peepingsosweetlyfromtheirhiding-placethatthetearsalreadystartedatthesight；buttheygrewsohighaboveme，thatItriedinvaintogatheroneortwo，todreamoverandtocarrywithme:IcouldnotreachthemunlessIclimbedthebank，whichIwasdeterredfromdoingbyhearingafootstepatthatmomentbehindme，andwas，therefore，abouttoturnaway，whenIwasstartledbythewords，"Allowmetogatherthemforyou，MissGrey，"spokeninthegrave，lowtonesofawell-knownvoice。Immediatelytheflowersweregathered，andinmyhand。ItwasMr。Weston，ofcourse-whoelsewouldtroublehimselftodosomuchforME？

"Ithankedhim；whetherwarmlyorcoldly，Icannottell:butcertainIamthatIdidnotexpresshalfthegratitudeIfelt。

Itwasfoolish，perhaps，tofeelanygratitudeatall；butitseemedtome，atthatmoment，asifthiswerearemarkableinstanceofhisgood-nature:anactofkindness，whichIcouldnotrepay，butnevershouldforget:soutterlyunaccustomedwasItoreceivesuchcivilities，solittlepreparedtoexpectthemfromanyonewithinfiftymilesofHortonLodge。Yetthisdidnotpreventmefromfeelingalittleuncomfortableinhispresence；andIproceededtofollowmypupilsatamuchquickerpacethanbefore；though，perhaps，ifMr。Westonhadtakenthehint，andletmepasswithoutanotherword，Imighthaverepeateditanhourafter:buthedidnot。Asomewhatrapidwalkformewasbutanordinarypaceforhim。

"Youryoungladieshaveleftyoualone，"saidhe。

"Yes，theyareoccupiedwithmoreagreeablecompany。"

"Thendon"ttroubleyourselftoovertakethem。"Islackenedmypace；butnextmomentregrettedhavingdoneso:mycompaniondidnotspeak；andIhadnothingintheworldtosay，andfearedhemightbeinthesamepredicament。Atlength，however，hebrokethepausebyasking，withacertainquietabruptnesspeculiartohimself，ifIlikedflowers。

"Yes；verymuch，"Ianswered，"wild-flowersespecially。"

"Ilikewild-flowers，"saidhe；"othersIdon"tcareabout，becauseIhavenoparticularassociationsconnectedwiththem-exceptoneortwo。Whatareyourfavouriteflowers？"

"Primroses，blue-bells，andheath-blossoms。"

"Notviolets？"

"No；because，asyousay，Ihavenoparticularassociationsconnectedwiththem；fortherearenosweetvioletsamongthehillsandvalleysroundmyhome。"

"Itmustbeagreatconsolationtoyoutohaveahome，MissGrey，"

observedmycompanionafterashortpause:"howeverremote，orhoweverseldomvisited，stillitissomethingtolookto。"

"ItissomuchthatIthinkIcouldnotlivewithoutit，"repliedI，withanenthusiasmofwhichIimmediatelyrepented；forI

thoughtitmusthavesoundedessentiallysilly。

"Oh，yes，youcould，"saidhe，withathoughtfulsmile。"Thetiesthatbindustolifearetougherthanyouimagine，orthananyonecanwhohasnotfelthowroughlytheymaybepulledwithoutbreaking。Youmightbemiserablewithoutahome，butevenYOU

couldlive；andnotsomiserablyasyousuppose。Thehumanheartislikeindia-rubber；alittleswellsit，butagreatdealwillnotburstit。If"littlemorethannothingwilldisturbit，littlelessthanallthingswillsuffice"tobreakit。Asintheoutermembersofourframe，thereisavitalpowerinherentinitselfthatstrengthensitagainstexternalviolence。Everyblowthatshakesitwillservetohardenitagainstafuturestroke；asconstantlabourthickenstheskinofthehand，andstrengthensitsmusclesinsteadofwastingthemaway:sothatadayofarduoustoil，thatmightexcoriatealady"spalm，wouldmakenosensibleimpressiononthatofahardyploughman。

"Ispeakfromexperience-partlymyown。TherewasatimewhenI

thoughtasyoudo-atleast，Iwasfullypersuadedthathomeanditsaffectionsweretheonlythingsthatmadelifetolerable:

that，ifdeprivedofthese，existencewouldbecomeaburdenhardtobeendured；butnowIhavenohome-unlessyouwoulddignifymytwohiredroomsatHortonbysuchaname；-andnottwelvemonthsagoIlostthelastanddearestofmyearlyfriends；andyet，notonlyIlive，butIamnotwhollydestituteofhopeandcomfort，evenforthislife:thoughImustacknowledgethatIcanseldomenterevenanhumblecottageatthecloseofday，andseeitsinhabitantspeaceablygatheredaroundtheircheerfulhearth，withoutafeelingALMOSTofenvyattheirdomesticenjoyment。"

"Youdon"tknowwhathappinessliesbeforeyouyet，"saidI:"youarenowonlyinthecommencementofyourjourney。"

"Thebestofhappiness，"repliedhe，"isminealready-thepowerandthewilltobeuseful。"