第8章
said:"WecannotgotothatSheshaheliplacewithoutahundredrifles。Wehaveherefive。"TheHajjisaid:"Ihaveuntiedasknotinmyhead-handkerchiefwhichwillbemoretousthanathousand。"Isawthathehadsolooseditthatitlayflagwiseonhisshoulder。ThenIknewthathewasaGreatOnewithvirtueinhim。
"WecametothehighlandsoftheSheshahelionthedawnofthesecondday——aboutthetimeofthestirringofthecoldwind。TheHajjiwalkeddelicatelyacrosstheopenplacewheretheirfilthis，andscratcheduponthegatewhichwasshut。WhenitopenedI
sawtheman-eaterslyingontheircotsundertheeavesofthehuts。Theyrolledoff:theyroseup，onebehindtheotherthelengthofthestreet，andthefearontheirfaceswasasleaveswhiteningtoabreeze。TheHajjistoodinthegateguardinghisskirtsfromdefilement。TheHajjisaid:"Iamhereonceagain。
Givemesixandyokeup。"Theyzealouslythenpushedtouswithpolessix，andyokedthemwithaheavytree。TheHajjithensaid:
"Fetchfirefromthemorninghearth，andcometowindward。"Thewindisstrongonthoseheadlandsatsunrise，sowheneachhademptiedhiscrockoffireinfrontofthatwhichwasbeforehim，thebroadsideofthetownroaredintoflame，andallwent。TheHajjithensaid:"Attheendofatimetherewillcomeherethewhitemanyeoncechasedforsport。Hewilldemandlabourtoplantsuchandsuchstuff。Yearethatlabour，andyourspawnafteryou。"Theysaid，liftingtheirheadsaverylittlefromtheedgeoftheashes:"Wearethatlabour，andourspawnafterus。"
TheHajjisaid:"Whatisalsomyname？"Theysaid:"ThynameisalsoTheMerciful"TheHajjisaid:"Praisethenmymercy"；andwhiletheydidthis，theHajjiwalkedaway，Ifollowing。"
TheInfantmadesomenoiseinhisthroat，andreachedformoreBurgundy。
"Aboutnoononeofoursixfelldead。FrightonlyfrightsSahib!
Nonehad——nonecould——touchhim。Sincetheywereinpairs，andtheotheroftheForkwasmadandsangfoolishly，wewaitedforsomeheathentodowhatwasneedful。TherecameatlastAngarimenwithgoats。TheHajjisaid:"Whatdoyesee？Theysaid:"Oh，ourLord，weneitherseenorhear。"TheHajjisaid:"ButI
commandyetoseeandtohearandtosay。"Theysaid:"Oh，ourLord，itistoourcommandedeyesasthoughslavesstoodinaFork。"TheHajjisaid:"SotestifybeforetheofficerwhowaitsyouinthetownofDupe。"Theysaid:"Whatshallcometousafter？"TheHajjisaid:"Thejustrewardfortheinformer。Butifyedonottestify，thenapunishmentwhichshallcausebirds，tofallfromthetreesinterrorandmonkeystoscreamforpity。"
Hearingthis，theAngarimenhastenedtoDupe。TheHajjithensaidtome:"Arethosethingssufficienttoestablishourcase，ormustIdriveinavillagefull？"Isaidthatthreewitnessesamplyestablishedanycase，butasyet，Isaid，theHajjihadnotofferedhisslavesforsale。Itistrue，asourSahibsaidjustnow，thereisonefineforcatchingslaves，andyetanotherformakingtosellthem。Anditwasthedoublefinethatweneeded，Sahib，forourSahib"scotton-play。Wehadfore-arrangedallthiswithBulakiRam，whoknowstheEnglishLaw，and，IthoughttheHajjiremembered，buthegrewangry，andcriedout:"OGod，RefugeoftheAfflicted，mustI，whoamwhatIam，peddlethis"
dog"smeatbytheroadsidetogainhisdelightformyheart"sdelight？"Nonetheless，headmitteditwastheEnglishLaw，andsoheofferedmethesix——five——inasmallvoice，withanavertedhead。TheSheshahelidonotsmellofsourmilkasheathenshould。
Theysmelllikeleopards，Sahib。Thisisbecausetheyeatmen。"
"Maybe，"saidStrickland。"Butwherewerethywits？Onewitnessisnotsufficienttoestablishthefactofasale。"
"Whatcouldwedo，Sahib？TherewastheHajji"sreputationtoconsider。Wecouldnothavecalledinaheathenwitnessforsuchathing。And，moreover，theSahibforgetsthatthedefendanthimselfwasmakingthiscase。Hewouldnotcontesthisownevidence。Otherwise，Iknowthelawofevidencewellenough。
"SothenwewenttoDupe，andwhileBulakiRamwaitedamongtheAngarimen，"IrantoseeourSahibinbed。Hiseyeswereverybright，andhismouthwasfullofupside-downorders，buttheoldwomanhadnotloosenedherhairfordeath。TheHajjisaid:"Bequickwithmytrial。IamnotJob!"TheHajjiwasalearnedman。
Wemadethetrialswiftlytoasoundofsoothingvoicesroundthebed。Yet——yet，becausenomancanbesurewhetheraSahibofthatbloodsees，ordoesnotsee，wemadeitstrictlyinthemanneroftheformsoftheEnglishLaw。Onlythewitnessesandtheslavesandtheprisonerwekeptwithoutforhisnose"ssake。"
"Thenhedidnotseetheprisoner？"saidStrickland。
"IstoodbytoshackleupanAngariincaseheshoulddemandit，butbyGod"sfavourhewastoofarfeveredtoaskforone。Itisquitetruehesignedthepapers。Itisquitetruehesawthemoneyputawayinthesafe——twohundredandtenEnglishpoundsanditisquitetruethatthegoldwroughtonhimasastrongcure。Butastohisseeingtheprisoner，andhavingspeechwiththeman-eaters——theHajjibreathedallthatonhisforeheadtosinkintohissickbrain。Alittle，asyehaveheard，hasremained……Ah，butwhenthefeverbroke，andourSahibcalledforthefine-book，andthethinlittlepicture-booksfromEuropewiththepicturesofploughsandhoes，andcotton=3Dmills——ah，thenhelaughedasheusedtolaugh，Sahib。
Itwashisheart"sdesire，thiscotton-play。TheHajjilovedhim，aswhodoesnot？Itwasalittle，littlearrangement，Sahib，ofwhich——isitnecessarytotellalltheworld？"
"AndwhendidstthouknowwhotheHajjiwas？"saidStrickland。
"NotforacertaintytillheandourSahibhadreturnedfromtheirvisittotheSheshahelicountry。ItisquitetrueasourSahibsays，theman-eaterslay，flataroundhisfeet，andaskedforspadestocultivatecotton。Thatverynight，whenIwascookingthedinner，theHajjisaidtome:"Igotomyownplace，thoughGodknowswhethertheManwiththeStoneEyeshaveleftmeanox，aslave，orawoman。"Isaid:"ThouartthenThatOne？"
TheHajjisaid:"Iamtenthousandrupeesrewardintothyhand。
Shallwemakeanotherlaw-caseandgetmorecottonmachinesfortheboy？"Isaid:"WhatdogamItodothis？MayGodprolongthylifeathousandyears!"TheHajjisaid:"Whohasseento-morrow？
Godhasgivenmeasitwereasoninmyoldage，andIpraiseHim。Seethatthebreedisnotlost!"
"Hewalkedthenfromthecooking-placetoourSahib"soffice-tableunderthetree，whereourSahibheldinhishandablueenvelopeofServicenewlycomeinbyrunnerfromtheNorth。
Atthis，fearingevilnewsfortheHajji，Iwouldhaverestrainedhim，buthesaid:"WebebothGreatOnes。Neitherofuswillfail。"OurSahiblookeduptoinvitetheHajjitoapproachbeforeheopenedtheletter，buttheHajjistoodofftillourSahibhadwellopenedandwellreadtheletter。ThentheHajjisaid:"Isitpermittedtosayfarewell？"OurSahibstabbedtheletteronthefilewithadeepandjoyfulbreathandcriedawelcome。TheHajjisaid:"Igotomyownplace，"andheloosedfromhisneckachainedheartofambergrissetinsoftgoldandhelditforth。
OurSahibsnatcheditswiftlyintheclosedfist，downturned，andsaid"Ifthynamebewrittenhereon，itisneedless，foranameisalreadyengravedonmyheart。"TheHajjisaid:"Andonminealsoisanameengraved；butthereisnonameontheamulet。"TheHajjistoopedtoourSahib"sfeet，butourSahibraisedandembracedhim，andtheHajjicoveredhismouthwithhisshoulder-cloth，becauseitworked，andsohewentaway。"
"AndwhatorderwasintheServiceletter？"Stalkymurmured。
"OnlyanorderforourSahibtowriteareportonsomenewcattlesickness。Butallorderscomeinthesamemakeofenvelope。Wecouldnottellwhatorderitmighthavebeen。"
"Whenheopenedtheletter——myson——madehenosign？Acough？Anoath？"Stricklandasked。
"None，Sahib。Iwatchedhishands。Theydidnotshake。Afterwardhewipedhisface，buthewassweatingbeforefromtheheat。"
"Didheknow？DidheknowwhotheHajjiwas？"saidtheInfantinEnglish。
"Iamapoorman。WhocansaywhataSahibofthatgetknowsordoesnotknow？ButtheHajjiisright。Thebreedshouldnotbelost。ItisnotveryhotforlittlechildreninDupe，andasregardsnurses，mysister"scousinatJull——"
"H"m!Thatistheboy"sownconcern。IwonderifhisChiefeverknew？"saidStrickland。
"Assuredly，"saidImamDin。"OnthenightbeforeourSahibwentdowntothesea，theGreatSahib——theManwiththeStoneEyes——dinedwithhiminhiscamp，Ibeinginchargeofthetable。
TheytalkedalongwhileandtheGreatSahibsaid:"WhatdidstthouthinkofThatOne？"(WedonotsayIbnMakarrahyonder。)OurSahibsaid:"Whichone？"TheGreatSahibsaid:"ThatOnewhichtaughtthyman-eaterstogrowcottonforthee。HewasinthyDistrictthreemonthstomycertainknowledge，andIlookedbyeveryrunnerthatthouwouldstsendmeinhishead。"OurSahibsaid:"Ifhisheadhadbeenneeded，anothermanshouldhavebeenappointedtogovernmyDistrict，forhewasmyfriend。"TheGreatSahiblaughedandsaid:"IfIhadneededalessermaninthyplacebesureIwouldhavesenthim，as，ifIhadneededtheheadofThatOne，besureIwouldhavesentmentobringittome。Buttellmenow，bywhatmeansdidstthoutwisthimtothyuseandourprofitinthiscotton-play？"OurSahibsaid:"ByGod，Ididnotusethatmaninanyfashionwhatever。Hewasmyfriend。"TheGreatSahibsaid:""TohVac!(Bosh!)Tell!"OurSahibshookhisheadashedoes——ashedidwhenachild——andtheylookedateachotherlikesword-playmenintheringatafair。TheGreatSahibdroppedhiseyesfirstandhesaid:"Sobeit。Ishouldperhapshaveansweredthusinmyyouth。Nomatter。IhavemadetreatywithThatOneasanallyoftheState。Somedayheshalltellmethetale。"ThenIbroughtinfreshcoffee，andtheyceased。ButI
donotthinkThatOnewilltelltheGreatSahibmorethanourSahibtoldhim。"
"Wherefore？"Iasked。
"BecausetheyarebothGreatOnes，andIhaveobservedinmylifethatGreatOnesemploywordsverylittlebetweeneachotherintheirdealings；stilllesswhentheyspeaktoathirdconcerningthosedealings。Alsotheyprofitbysilence……NowIthinkthatthemotherhascomedownfromtheroom，andIwillgorubhisfeettillhesleeps。"
HisearshadcaughtAgnes"sstepatthestair-headandpresentlyshepassedusonherwaytothemusicroomhummingtheMagnificat。
THENEWKNIGHTHOOD
WhogiveshimtheBath？
"I，"saidthewet，RankJungle-sweat，"I"llgivehimtheBath!"
Who"llsingthepsalms？
"We，"saidthePalms。
"Erethehotwindbecalms，We"llsingthepsalms。"
Wholaysonthesword？
"I，"saidtheSun，"Beforehehasdone，I"lllayonthesword。"
Whofastenshisbelt？
"I，"saidShort-Rations，"IknowallthefashionsOftighteningabelt!"
Whobuckleshisspur？
"I，"saidhisChief，Exactingandbrief，"I"llgivehimthespur。"
Who"llshakehishand？
"I，"saidtheFever，"AndI"mnodeceiver，I"llshakehishand。"
Whobringshimthewine？
"I，"saidQuinine，"It"sahabitofmine，I"llcomewithhiswine。"
Who"llputhimtoproof？
"I，"saidAllEarth，"Whateverhe"sworth，I"llputtotheproof。"
Who"llchoosehimforKnight？
"I，"saidhisMother，"Beforeanyother，Myveryownknight!"
Andafterthisfashion，adventuretoseek，WasSirGalahadmade——asitmightbelastweek!
THEPUZZLER
IhadnotseenPenfentenyousincetheMiddleNineties，whenhewasMinisterofWaysandWoodsidesinDeThouar"sfirstAdministration。Lastsummer，thoughhenominallyheldthesameportfolio，hewashisColony"sPremierinallbutname，andtheidolofhisownprovince，whichistwoandahalftimesthesizeofEngland。Politically，hiscreedwashisgrowingcountry；andhecameovertoEnglandtodevelopaGreatIdeainherbehalf。
Believingthathehadputitintrain，Imadehastetowelcomehimtomyhouseforaweek。
ThathewaschasedtomydoorbyhisownAgent-Generalinamotor；thattheyturnedmystudyintoaCabinetMeetingwhichI
wasnotinvitedtoattend；thatthelocaltelegraphallbutbrokedownbeneaththestrainofhundredwordcodedcables；andthatI
practicallybrokeintothehouseofastrangertogethimtelephonicfacilitiesonaSunday，arethingsIoverlook。WhatI
objectedtowashisingratitude，whileIthustoreupEnglandtohelphim。SoIsaid:"Whyonearthdidn"tyouseeyourOppositeNumberinTowninsteadofbringingyourofficeworkhere？"
"Eh？Who？"saidhe，lookingupfromhisfourthcablesincelunch。
"SeetheEnglishMinisterforWaysandWoodsides。"
"Isawhim，"saidPenfentenyou，withoutenthusiasm。
Itseemedthathehadcalledtwiceonthegentleman，butwithoutanappointment——("IthoughtifIwasn"tbigenough，mybusinesswas")——andeachtimehadfoundhimengaged。Athirdpartyintervening，suggestedthatameetingmightbearrangedifduenoticeweregiven。
"Then，"saidPenfentenyou，"Icalledattheofficeatteno"clock。"
"Butthey"dbeinbed，"Icried。
"Oneofthebabieswasawake。Hetoldmethat——that"mysortofquestions""——heslappedthepileofcables——"wereonlytakenbetween11and2P。M。SoIwaited。"
"Andwhenyougottobusiness？"Iasked。
Hemadeagestureofdespair。"Itwasliketalkingtochildren。
They"dneverheardofit。"
"AndyourOppositeNumber？"
Penfentenyoudescribedhim。
"Hush!Youmustn"ttalklikethat!"Ishuddered。"He"soneofthebestofgoodfellows。Youshouldmeethimsocially。"
"I"vedonethattoo，"hesaid。"Haveyou？"
"Heavenforbid!"Icried；"butthat"stheproperthingtosay。"
"Oh，hesaidalltheproperthings。OnlyIthoughtasthiswasEnglandthatthey"dmoreorlesshavethehangofallthe——generalhang-togetherofmyIdea。ButIhadtoexplainitfromthebeginning。"
"Ah!They"dprobablymislaidthepapers，"Isaid，andItoldhimthestoryofathree-millionpoundinsurrectioncausedbyadeputyUnder-Secretarysittinguponamassofgreen-labelledcorrespondenceinsteadofreadingit。
"Iwonderitdoesn"thappeneveryweek，"theanswered。"D"youmindmyhavingtheAgent-Generaltodinneragaintonight？I"llwire，andhecanmotordown。"
TheAgent-Generalarrivedtwohourslater，apatientandexpostulatingperson，visiblytornbetweenthepullingDevilofarampantColony，andtheplacidBakerofalargelyuninterestedEngland。ButwithPenfentenyoubehindhimhehadworked；forhetoldusthatLordLundie——theLawLordwasthefinalauthorityonthelegalandconstitutionalaspectsoftheGreatIdea，andtohimitmustbereferred。
"GoodHeavensalive!"thunderedPenfentenyou。"ItoldyoutogetthatsettledlastChristmas。"
"Itwasthemiddleofthehouse-partyseason，"saidtheAgent-Generalmildly。"LordLundie"satCredenceGreennow——hespendshisholidaysthere。It"sonlyfortymilesoff。"
"Shan"tIdisturbhisHoliness？"saidPenfentenyouheavily。
"Perhaps"mysortofquestions，""hesnorted，"mayn"tbediscussedexceptatmidnight。"
"Oh，don"tbeachild，"Isaid。
"Whatthiscountryneeds，"saidPenfentenyou，"is——"andfortenminuteshetrumpetedrebellion。
"Whatyouneedistopayforyourownprotection，"Icutinwhenhedrewbreath，andIshowedhimayellowishpaper，suppliedgratisbyGovernment，whichiscalledScheduleD。Tomymercilessdelighthehadneverseenthethingbefore，andIcompletedmyvictoryoverhimandalltheColonieswithaBrassey"s"NavalAnnual"anda"Statesman"sYearBook。"
TheAgent-Generalinterposedwithagent-generalities(buttheyweremerelyprovocateurs)aboutTiesofSentiment。
"Theybeblowed!"saidPenfentenyou。"What"sthegoodofsentimenttowardsaKindergarten？"
"Quiteso。Tiesofcommonfunkarethethingsthatbindustogether；andthesooneryounewnationsrealizeitthebetter。
Whatyouneedisanannualinvasion。Thenyou"dgrowup。"
"Thankyou!Thankyou!"saidtheAgent-General。"That"swhatIamalwaystryingtotellmypeople。"
"But，mydearfool，"Penfentenyoualmostwept，"doyoupretendthatthesebanana-fingeredamateursathomearegrownup？"
"Youpoor，serious，paganman，"Iretorted，"ifyoutake"emthatway，you"llwreckyourGreatIdea。"
"WillyoutakehimtoLordLundie"sto-morrow？"saidtheAgent-Generalpromptly。
"IsupposeImust，"Isaid，"ifyouwon"t。"
"Notme!I"mgoinghome，"saidtheAgent-General，anddeparted。I
amgladthatIamnocolony"sAgent-General。
Penfentenyoucontinuedtoargueaboutnavalcontributionstill1。15A。M。，thoughIwasvictorfromthefirst。
Atteno"clockIgothimandhiscorrespondenceintothemotor，andhehadthedecencytoaskwhetherhehadbeenunpolishedover-night。IrepliedthatIwaitedanapology。Thishemadeexcuseforrenewedarguments，andusedwaysideshowsasillustrationsofthedecadenceofEngland。
ForexampleweburstatyrewithinamileofCredenceGreen，and，tosavetime，walkedintothebeautifullykeptlittlevillage。
Hiseyewascaughtbyabuildingofpale-bluetin，stencilled"CalvinistChapel，"beforewhoseshutteredwindowsanItalianorgan-grinder。withapetticoatedmonkeywasplaying"DollyGrey-"
"Yes。That"sit!"snappedtheegoist。"That"saparableofthegeneralsituationinEngland。Andlookatthosebrutes!"Ahugehouseholdremovalsvanwashaltedatapublic-house。Themeninchargeweredrinkingbeerfromblueandwhitemugs。Itseemedtomeaprettysight，butPenfentenyousaiditrepresentedOurNationalAttitude。
LordLundie"ssummerresting-placewelearnedwasafarm，alittleoutofthevillage，upahillroundwhichcurledahighhedgedroad。OnlyaninitiatedfewspendtheirholidaysatCredenceGreen，andtheyhavetrainedthehouseholderstokeeptheplaceselect。Penfentenyoumadeagrievanceofthisaswewalkedupthelane，followedatadistancebytheorgan-grinder。
"Supposeheishavingahouse-party，"hesaid:"Anything"spossibleinthisinsaneland。"
Justatthatminutewefoundourselvesoppositeanemptyvilla。
Itsroofwasofblackslate，withbrightunweatheredridge-tiling；itswallswereofblood-colouredbrick，corneredandbandedwithvermiculatedstuccowork，andtherewascobalt，magenta，andpurestapple-greenwindow-glassoneithersideofthefrontdoor。Thewholewasfencedfromtheroadbyalow，brick-pillared，flintwall，toppedwithacast-ironGothicrail，pickedoutinblueandgold。
Tightbedsofgeranium，calceolaria，andlobeliaspeckledtheglass-plat，fromwhosecentreroseoneofthefinestaraucarias(itsothernamebythewayis"monkey-puzzler")，thatithaseverbeenmylottosee。Itmusthavebeenfullthirtyfeethigh，anditsfoliageexquisitelyansweredtheironrailings。Suchbijouneplusultras，repletewithalltheamenities，donot，asIpointedouttoPenfentenyou，transpireoutsideofEngland。
Ahedge，swingingsharpright，flankedthegarden，andaboveitonaslopeofdaisy-dottedmeadowswecouldseeLordLundie"stiledandhalf-timberedsummerfarmhouse。Ofasuddenweheardvoicesbehindthetree——thefinefulltonesoftheunembarrassedEnglish，speakingtotheirequals——thattorethroughthehedgelikesleetthroughrafters。
"Thatitisnotcalled"monkey-puzzler"fornothing，Iwillinglyconcede"——thiswasarichandrollingnote——"butontheotherhand——"
"Isubmit，melud，thatthenameimpliesthatitmight，could，would，orshouldbeascendedbyamonkey，andnotthattheascentisaphysicalimpossibility。IbelieveoneofourSouthAmericanspidermonkeyswouldn"thesitate……ByJove，itmightbeworthtrying，if——"
Thiswasacrispervoicethanthefirst。Athird，higher-pitched，andfullofpleasantaffectations，brokein。
"Oh，practicalmen，thereisnoapehere。WhydoyouwasteoneofGod"sowndaysonunprofitablediscussion？Givemeamatch!"
"I"veagoodmindtomakeyoudemonstrateinyourownperson。
Comeon，Bubbles!We"llmakeJimmyclimb!"
Therewasasoundofscuffling，brokenbysqueaksfromJimmyofthehighvoice。IturnedbackanddrewPenfentenyouintothesideoftheflankinghedge。IrememberedtohavereadinasocietypaperthatLordLundie"slessernamewas"Bubbles。"
"Whataretheydoing？"Penfentenyousaidsharply。"Drunk？"
"Justplaying!SuperabundantvitalityoftheRace，youknow。
We"llwatch"em，"Ianswered。Thenoiseceased。
"Mydeliver，"Jimmygasped。"Theramcaughtinthethicket，and——I"mtheonlyonewhocantalkNeapolitan!Leggomycollar!"
Hecriedaloudinaforeigntongue，andwasansweredfromthegate。
"It"stheCalvinisticorgan-grinder，"Iwhispered。Ihadalreadyfoundapracticablebreakatthebottomofthehedge。"They"regoingtotrytomakethemonkeyclimb，Ibelieve。"
"Here——letmelook!"Penfentenyouflunghimselfdown，androotedtillhetoobrokeapeep-hole。Welaysidebysidecommandingtheentiregardenattenyards"range。
"Youknow"em？"saidPenfentenyou，asImadesomenoiseorother。
"Bysightonly。ThebigfellowinflannelsisLordLundie；thelight-builtonewiththeyellowbeardpaintedhispictureatthelastAcademy:He"saswellR。A。，JamesLoman。"
"Andthebrownchapwiththehands？"
"Tomling，SirChristopherTomling，theSouthAmericanengineerwhobuiltthe——"
"SanJuanViaduct。Iknow，"saidPenfentenyou。"Weoughttohavehadhimwithus……Doyouthinkamonkeywouldclimbthetree？"
Theorgan-grinderatthegatefencedhisbeastwithonearmasJimmy-talked。
"Don"tshowoffyourfutileaccomplishments，"saidLordLundie。
"Tellhimit"sanexperiment。Interesthim!"
"Shutup，Bubbles。Youaren"tincourt，"Jimmy"，replied。"Thisneedsdelicacy。Giuseppesays——"
"Interestthemonkey，"thebrownengineerinterrupted。"Hewon"tclimbforlove。Cutuptothehouseandgetsomebiscuits，Bubbles——sugaronesandanorangeortwo。Noneedtotellourwomenfolk。"
Thehugewhitefigurelobbedoffatatrotwhichwouldnothavedisgracedaboyofseventeen。IgatheredfromsomethingJimmyletfallthatthethreehadbeenatHarrowtogether。
"ThatTomlinghasaheadonhisShoulders，"mutteredPenfentenyou。"Pitywedidn"tgethimfortheColony。Butthequestionis，willthemonkeyclimb？"
"Bequick，Jimmy。Tellthemanwe"llgivehimfivebobfortheloanofthebeast。Nowruntheorganunderthetree，andwe"lldressitwhenBubblescomesback，"SirChristophercried。
"I"veoftenwondered，"saidPenfentenyou，"whetheritwouldpuzzleamonkey？"HehadforgottentheneedsofhisGrowingNation，andwasearnestlypartingthewhite-thornstemswithhisfingers。
**********
GiuseppeandJimmydidastheyweretold，themonkeyfollowingthemwithawaryandmalignanteye。
"Here"sadiscovery，"saidJimmy。"Thesingingpartofthisorgancomesoffthewheels。"Hespokevolublytotheproprietor。"Oh，it"ssoasGiuseppecantakeittohisroomo"nights。Andplayit。D"youhearthat？Theorgan-grinder，afterhisday"scrime，playshisaccursedmachineforlove。Forlove，Chris!AndMichaelAngelowasoneof"em!"
"Don"tjaw!Tellhimtotakethebeast"spetticoatoff，"saidSirChristopherTomling。
LordLundiereturned，verylittlewinded，throughagaphigherupthehedge。
"They"reallout，thankgoodness!"hecried，"butI"veraidedwhatIcould。Macronsglaces，candiedfruit，andabagoforanges。"
"Excellent!"saidtheworld-renownedcontractor。
"Jimmy，you"rethelight-weight；jumpupontheorganandimpalethesethingsontheleavesasIhand"em!"
"Isee，"saidJimmy，caperinglikeaspringbuck。"Upwardandonward，eh？First，he"llreachoutfor——howinfernalpricklytheseleavesare!——thisbiscuit。Nextwe"lllurehimon——(that"saboutthereachofhisarm)——withthemarronglare，andthenhe"llopenoutthisorange。Howhuman!Howlikeyourignoblecareer，Bubbles!"
Withcareandelaborationtheyornamentedthattree"slowerbrancheswithsugar-toppedbiscuits，oranges，bitsofbanana，andmarronsglarestillitlookedveryape"spathtoParadise。
"UnchaintheGyascutis!"saidSirChristophercommandingly。
Giuseppeplacedthemonkeyatopoftheorgan，wherethebeast，misunderstanding，stoodonhishead。
"He"sthrowinghimselfonthemercyoftheCourt，melud，"saidJimmy。"No——nowhe"sinterested。Nowhe"sreachingafterhigherthings。Whatwouldn"tIgivetohavehere"(hementionedanamenotunhonouredinBritishArt)。"AmbitionpluckingapplesofSodom!"(themonkeyhadprickedhimselfandwasswearing)。
"GeniushamperedbyConvention？Oh，there"sawholebushelfulofallegoriesinit!"
"Givehimtime。He"sbalancingtheprobabilities，"saidLordLundie。
Thethreeclosedroundthemonkey，——hangingonhiseverymotionwithanearnestnessalmostequaltoours。Thegreatjudge"shead——seamedandverticalforehead，ironmouth，andpike-likeunder-jaw，allsetonthatthickneckrisingoutofthewhiteflannelledcollar——wasthrownagainstthepuckeredgreensilkoftheorgan-frontasitmighthavebeenacameoofTitus。Jimmy，withraisedeyesandpartedlips，fingeredhisgrizzledchestnutbeard，andIwasnearenoughto-note，thecapablebeautyofhishands。SirChristopherstoodalittleapart，hisarmsfoldedbehindhisback，oneheavybrownbootthrustforward，chininascurbed，andblackeyebrowsloweredtoshadethekeeneyes。
Giuseppe"sdarkfacebetweenflashingearrings，atwistedragofredandyellowsilkroundhisthroat，turnedfromthereachingyearningmonkeytothepinkandwhitebiscuitsspikedonthebronzedleafage。AnduponthemallfelltheseriousandworkmanlikesunofanEnglishsummerforenoon。
"FilsdeSaintLouis，montezauciel!"saidLordLundiesuddenlyinavoicethatmademethinkofBlackCaps。Idonotknowwhatthemonkeythought，becauseatthatinstantheleapedofftheorgananddisappeared。
Therewasaclashofbrokenglassbehindthetree。
Themonkey"sface，distortedwithpassion，appearedatanupperwindowofthehouse，andastarredholeinthestained-glasswindowtotheleftof"thefrontdoorshowedthefirststepsofhisupwardpath。
"We"vegottocatchhim，"criedSirChristopher。"Comealong!"
Theypushedatthedoor，whichwasunlocked。
"Yes。Butconsidertheethicsofthecase，"saidJimmy。"Isn"tthisburglaryorsomething，Bubbles？"
"Settlethatwhenhe"scaught，"saidSirChristopher。We"reresponsibleforthebeast。"
Afuriousclangingofbellsbrokeoutoftheemptyhouse，followedbymuffedgurglingsandtrumpetings。
"Whatthedeuceisthat？"Iasked，halfaloud。
"Theplumbing，ofcourse，"saidPenfentenyou。"Whatapity!I
believehe"dhaveclimbedifLordLundiehadn"tputhimoff!"
"Waitamoment，Chris，"saidJimmytheinterpreter；"Guiseppesayshemayanswertothemusicofhisinfancy。Giuseppe，therefore，willgoinwiththe"organ。Orpheuswithhislute，youknow。Avante，Orpheus!There"snoNeapolitanforbathroom，butI
fancyyourfriendisthere。"
"I"mnotgoingintoanotherman"shousewitha，hurdy-gurdy，"
saidLordLundie，recoiling，asGiuseppeunshippedtheworkingmechanismoftheorgan(itdevelopedahang-downleg)fromitswheels，slippedastraproundhisshoulders，andgavethehandleatwist。
"Don"tbeacad，Bubbles，"wasJimmy"sanswer。"Youcouldn"tleaveusnowifyouwereontheWoolsack。Play，Orpheus!TheCadiaccompanies。"
*********
Withawhoop，abuzz，andacrash，theorgansprangtolifeunderthehandofGiuseppe，andtheprocessionpassedthroughtherained-to-imitate-walnutfrontdoor。Amomentlaterwesawthemonkeyrampingontheroof。
"He"llbealloverthetownshipinaminuteifwedon"theadhim，"saidPenfentenyou，leapingtohisfeet，andcrashingintothegarden。Weheadedhimwithpebblestillheretiredthroughawindowtothetunefulreminderthathehadleftalotoflittlethingsbehindhim。Aswepassedthefrontdooritswungopen，andshowedJimmytheartistsittingatthebottomofanewly-cleanedstaircase。Hewaggledhishandsatus，andwhenweenteredwesawthatthemanwasstrickenspeechless。Hiseyesgrewred——redlikeaferret"s——andwhatlittlebreathhehadwhistledshrilly。Atfirstwethoughtitwasafit，andthenwesawthatitwasmirth——theinopportunemirthoftheArtisticTemperament。
Thehousepalpitatedtoaninfamousmelodypunctuatedbythestumpofthebarrel-organ"soneleg，asGiuseppe，above，movedfromroomtoroomafterhisrebelslave。NowandagainafloorshookalittleunderthecombinedrushesofLordLundieandSirChristopherTomling，whogavemanyandcontradictoryorders。ButwhentheycouldtheycursedJimmywithsplendidthoroughness。
"Haveyouanythingtodowiththehouse？"pantedJimmyatlast。
"Becausewe"reusingitjustnow。"Hegulped。"AndI"mah——keepingcave。"
"Allright，"saidPenfentenyou，andshutthehalldoor。
"Jimmy，youunspeakableblackguard)Jimmy，youcur!Youcoward!"
(LordLundie"svoiceoverborethefloodofmelody。)"Comeuphere!Giussieppe"ssayingsomethingwedon"tunderstand。"
Jimmylistenedandinterpretedbetweenhiccups。
"Hesaysyou"dbetterplaytheorgan，Bubbles，andlethimdothestalking。Themonkeyknowshim。"
"ByJove，he"squiteright，"saidSirChristopher，fromthelanding。"Takeit，Bubbles，atonce。"
"MyGod!"saidLordLundieinhorror。
Thechasereverberatedoverourheads，fromtheatticstothefirstfloorandbackagain。BodiesandVoicesmetincollisionandargument，andonceortwicetheorganhitwallsanddoors。
Thenitbrokeforthinanewmanner。
"He"splayingit，"saidJimmy。"IknowhisacuteJustinianear。
Areyoufondofmusic？"
"IthinkLordLundieplaysverywellforabeginner，"Iventured。
"Ah!That"sthetrainedlegalintellect。Likemasteringabrief。
Ihaven"tgotit。"Hewipedhiseyesandshook。
"Hi!"saidPenfentenyou，lookingthroughthestainedglasswindowdownthegarden。"What"sthat!"
*********
Ahouseholdremovalsvan，inchargeoffourmen，hadhaltedatthegate。Ahusbandandhiswifehouseholdersbeyondquestion——quaveredirresolutelyupthepath。Helookedtired。Shewascertainlycross。Inallthishaphazardworldthelastcoupletounderstandascientificexperiment。
IlaidhandsonJimmy——theclamourabovedrowningspeechandwithPenfentenyou"said，proppedhimagainstthewindow，thatheshouldsee。
Hesaw，nodded，fellasanumbrellacanfall，andkneeling，beathisforeheadontheshutdoor。Penfentenyouslidthebolt。
Thefurnituremenreinforcedthetwofiguresonthepath，andadvanced，spreadinggenerously。
"Hadn"twebetterwarnthemup-stairs？"Isuggested:
"No。I"lldiefirst!"saidJimmy。"I"mprettynearitnow。
Besides，theycalledmenames。"
IturnedfromtheArtisttotheAdministrator。
"Coeterisparibus，Ithinkwe"dbetterbegoing，"saidPenfentenyou，dealerincrises。
"Ta——takemewithyou，"saidJimmy。"I"venoreputationtolose，butI"dliketowatch"emfrom——er——outsidethepicture。"
"There"salwaysamodusviviendi，"Penfentenyoumurmured，andtiptoedalongthehalltoabackdoor，whichheopenedquitesilently。Wepassedintoatangleofgooseberrybusheswhere，athisstatesmanlikeexample，wecrawledonallfours，andregainedthehedge。
Herewelayup，secureinouralibi。
"Butyourfirm，"——thewomanwaswailingtothefurnitureremovalsmen——"yourfirmpromisedmeeverythingshouldbeinyesterday。
Andit"sto-day!Youshouldhavebeenhereyesterday!"
"Thelasttenantsain"toutyet，lydy，"saidoneofthem。
LordLundiewasrapidlyimprovingintechnique，thoughorgan-grinding，unliketheLaw，ismoreofacallingthanatrade，andhehungoccasionallyonadeadcentre。Giuseppe，I
think，wassinging，butIcouldnotunderstandthedriftofSirChristopher"sremarks。TheywereSpanish。
Thewomansaidsomethingwedidnotcatch。
"Youmight"avesub-letit，"themaninsisted。"Oryourgentleman"eremight。"
"ButIdidn"t。SendforthePoliceatonce。"
"Iwouldn"tdothat，lydy。They"reonlyfruitpickersonabeano。
Theyaren"tparticularwheretheysleep。"
"D"youmeanthey"vebeensleepingthere？Ionlyhaditcleanedlastweek。Getthemout。"
"Oh，ifyousayso，we"ll"ave"emoutofitintwotwos。Alf，fetchmethespareswingle-bar。"
"Don"t!You"llknockthepaintoffthedoor。Getthemout!"
"Whatthe"ellelseamItryingtodoforyou，lydy？"themanansweredwithpathos；butthewomanwheeledonhermate。
"Edward!They"realldrunkhere，andthey"reallmadthere。Dosomething!"shesaid。
Edwardtookoneshortstepforward，andsighed"Hullo!"inthedirectionoftheturbulenthouse。Thewomanwalkedupanddown，theveryfigureofDomesticTragedy。Thefurnituremenswayedalittleontheirheels，and-
"Gothim!"Theshoutrangthroughallthewindowsatonce。Itwasfollowedbyablood-hound-likebayfromSirChristopher，amaniacalprestissimoontheorgan，andloudcries，forJimmy。ButJimmy，atmyside，rolledhiscongestedeyeballs，owl-wise。
"Ineverknewthem，"hesaid。"I"manorphan。"
*********
Thefront，dooropened，andthethreecameforthtoshort-livedtriumph。IhadneverbeforeseenaLawLorddressedasfortennis，withastump-legbarrel-organstrappedtohisshoulder。
Butitisashybirdinthisplumage。LordLundiestrovetodisembarrasshimselfofhisaccoutrementsmuchasanill-trainedPunchandJudydogtriestoescapebackwardsthroughhisfrilledcollar。SirChristopher，coveredwithlimewash，cherishedableedingthumb，andthealmostcrazymonkeytoreatGiuseppe"shair。
Themenonbothsidesreeled，butthewomanstoodherground。
"Idiots!"shesaid，andoncemore，"Idiots!"
IcouldhavegladdenedafewconvictsofmyacquaintancewithaphotographofLordLundieatthatinstant。
"Madam，"hebegan，wonderfullypreservingtherollinhisvoice，"itwasamonkey。"
SirChristophersuckedhisthumbandnodded。
"Takeitawayandgo，"shereplied。"Goaway!"
Iwouldhavegone，andgladly，onthispermission，butthesestillstrongmenmusteverbejustifyingthemselves。LordLundieturnedtothehusband，whoforthefirsttimespoke。
"Ihaverentedthishouse。Iammovingin，"hesaid。
"Weoughttohavebeeninyesterday，"thewomaninterrupted。
"Yes。Weoughttohavebeeninyesterday。Haveyousleptthereovernight？"saidthemanpeevishly。
"No；Iassureyouwehaven"t，"saidLordLundie。
"Thengoaway。Goquiteaway，"criedthewoman。
Theywent——insinglefiledownthepath。Theywentsilently，restrappingtheorganonitswheels，andrechainingthemonkeytotheorgan。
"Damnitall!"saidPenfentenyou。"Theydofacethemusic，andtheydostickbyeachotherinprivatelife!"
"TiesofCommonFunk，"Ianswered。Giusepperantothegateandfledbacktothepossibleworld。LordLundieandSirChristopher，constrainedbytradition，pacedslowly。
Thenitcametopassthatthewoman，whowalkedbehindthem，lifteduphereyes，andbeheldthetreewhichtheyhaddressed。
"Stop!"shecalled；andtheystopped。"Whodidthat？"
Therewasnoanswer。TheEternalBadBoyineverymanhungitsheadbeforetheEternalMotherineverywoman。
"Whoputthesedisgustingthingsthere？"sherepeated。
SuddenlyPenfentenyou，PremierofhisColonyinallbutname，leftJimmyandme，andappearedatthegate。(Ifheisnotturnedoutofoffice，thatishowhewillappearontheDayofArmageddon。)
"Welldoneyou!"hecriedzealously，anddoffedhishattothewoman。"Haveyouanychildren，madam？"hedemanded。
"Yes，two。Theyshouldhavebeenhereto-day。Thefirmpromised——"
"Thenwe"renotaminutetoosoon。Thatmonkeyescaped。Itwasaverydangerousbeast。"Mighthavefrightenedyourchildrenintofits。Alltheorgan-grinder"sfault!Amostluckythingthesegentlemencaughtitwhentheydid。Ihopeyouaren"tbadlymauled，SirChristopher？"ShakenasIwas(Iwantedtogetawayandlaugh)Icouldnotbutadmirethescoundrel"sconsummatetactinleadinghissecondhighesttrump。AnasswouldhaveintroducedLordLundieandtheywouldnothavebelievedhim。
Ittookthetrick。Thecouplesmiled，andgaverespectfulthanksfortheirdeliverancebysuchhandsfromsuchperils。
"Notintheleast，"saidLordLundie。"Anybody——anyfatherwouldhavedoneasmuch，andpraydon"tapologizeyourmistakewasquitenatural。"Afurnituremansniggeredhere，andLordLundierolledanEyeofDoomontheirranks。"Bytheway，ifyouhavetroublewiththesepersons——theyseemtohavetakenasmuchasisgoodforthem——pleaseletmeknow。Er——Goodmorning!"
Theyturnedintothelane。
"Heavens!"saidJimmy，brushinghimselfdown。"Who"sthatrealmanwiththerealhead？"andwehurriedafterthem，fortheywererunningunsteadily，squeakinglikerabbitsastheyran。Weovertooktheminalittlenutwoodhalfamileuptheroad，wheretheyhadturnedaside，andwererolling。Sowerolledwiththem，andceasednottillwehadarrivedattheextremityofexhaustion。
"You——yousawitall，then？"saidLordLundie，rebuttoninghisnineteen-inchcollar。
"Isawitwasavitalquestionfromthefirst，"respondedPenfentenyou，andblewhisnose。
"Itwas。Bytheway，d"youmindtellingmeyourname？"
Summa。Penfentenyou"sGreatIdeahasgonethrough，alittlechippedattheedges，butinfineandfar-reachingshape。HisOppositeNumberworkedatitlikeamule——abewilderedmule，beatenfrombehind，coaxedfrominfront，andproppedoneithersoftsidebyLordLundieofthecompressedmouthandthesearingtongue。
SirChristopherTomlinghasbeenravishedfromtheArgentine，where，afterall，hewasbutpreparingtrade-routesforhostilepeoples，andnowadornstheforefrontofPenfentenyou"sAdvisoryBoard。Thiswasanunforeseenextra，aswasJimmy"sgratisfull-length——(itwillbeinthisyear"sAcademy)ofPenfentenyou，whohasreturnedtohisownplace。
Nowandagain，fromafaroff，betweentheslamandbumpofhisshiftingscenery，theglareofhismanipulatedlimelight，andthecontrolledrollingofhisthunder-drums，Icatchhisvoice，liftedinencouragementandadvicetohisfellow-countrymen。HeisquitesoundonTiesofSentiment，and——aloneofColonialStatesmenventurestotalkoftheTiesofCommonFunk。
HereinIhavemyreward。
THEPUZZLER
TheCeltinallhisvariantsfromBuilthtoBallyhoo，Hismentalprocessesareplain——oneknowswhathewilldo，Andcanlogicallypredicatehisfinishbyhisstart:
ButtheEnglish——ah，theEnglish!——theyarequitearaceapart。
Theirpsychologyisbovine，theiroutlookcrudeandrare；
Theyabandonvitalmatterstobetickledwithastraw；
Butthestrawthattheyweretickledwith——thechaffthattheywerefedwith——
Theyconvertintoaweaver"sbeamtobreaktheirfoeman"sheadwith。
ForundemocraticreasonsandformotivesnotofState，Theyarriveattheirconclusions——largelyinarticulate。
Beingvoidofself-expressiontheyconfidetheirviewstonone；
Butsometimes，inasmoking-room，onelearnswhythingsweredone。
Intelegraphicsentences，halfswallowedattheends，Theyhintamatter"sinwardness——andtherethematterends。
AndwhiletheCeltistalkingfromValenciatoKirkwall，TheEnglish——ah，theEnglish!——don"tsayanythingatall!
LITTLEFOXES
ATALEOFTHEGIHONHUNT
AfoxcameoutofhisearthonthebanksoftheGreatRiverGihon，whichwatersEthiopia。Hesawawhitemanridingthroughthedrydhurra-stalks，and，thathisdestinymightbefulfilled，barkedathim。
Theriderdrewreinamongthevillagersroundhisstirrup。
"What，"saidhe，"isthat？"
"That，"saidtheSheikhofthevillage，"isafox，OExcellencyOurGovernor。"
"Itisnot，then，ajackal？"
"Nojackal，butAbuHusseinthefatherofcunning。"
"Also，"thewhitemanspokehalfaloud，"IamMudirofthisProvince。"
"Itistrue，"theycried。"Ya，SaartelMudir"(OExcellencyOurGovernor)。
TheGreatRiverGihon，wellusedtothemoodsofkings，slidbetweenhismile-widebankstowardthesea，whiletheGovernorpraisedGodinaloudandsearchingcryneverbeforeheardbytheriver。
Whenhehadloweredhisrightforefingerfrombehindhisrightear，thevillagerstalkedtohimoftheircrops——barley，dhurrah，millet，onions，andthelike。TheGovernorstoodinhisstirrups。
Northhelookedupastripofgreencultivationafewhundredyardswidethatlaylikeacarpetbetweentheriverandthetawnylineofthedesert。Sixtymilesthatstripstretchedbeforehim，andasmanybehind。Ateveryhalf-mileagroaningwater-wheelliftedthesoftwaterfromtherivertothecropsbywayofamud-builtaqueduct。Afootorsowidewasthewater-channel；fivefootormorehighwasthebankonwhichitran，anditsbasewasbroadinproportion。AbuHussein，misnamedtheFatherofCunning，drankfromtheriverbelowhisearth，andhisshadowwaslonginthelowsun。HecouldnotunderstandtheloudcrywhichtheGovernorhadcried。
TheSheikhofthevillagespokeofthecropsfromwhichtherulersofalllandsdrawrevenue；buttheGovernor"seyeswerefixed，betweenhishorse"sears，onthenearestwater-channel。
"VerylikeaditchinIreland，"hemurmured，andsmiled，dreamingofarazor-toppedbankindistantKildare。
Encouragedbythatsmile，theSheikhcontinued。"Whencropsfailitisnecessarytoremittaxation。Thenitisagoodthing，O
ExcellencyOurGovernor，thatyoucomeandseethecropswhichhavefailed，anddiscoverthatwehavenotlied。"
"Assuredly。"TheGovernorshortenedhisreins。Thehorsecanteredon，roseattheembankmentofthewater-channel，changedlegcleverlyontop，andhoppeddowninacloudofgoldendust。
AbuHusseinfromhisearthwatchedwithinterest。Hehadneverbeforeseensuchthings。
"Assuredly，"theGovernorrepeated，andcamebackbythewayhehadgone。"Itisalwaysbesttoseeforone"sself。"
Anancientandstillbullet-speckledstern-wheelsteamer，withabargelashedtoherside，cameroundtheriverbend。ShewhistledtotelltheGovernorhisdinnerwasready，andthehorse，seeinghisfodderpiledonthebarge，whinniedback。
"Moreover，"theSheikhadded，"inthedaysoftheOppressiontheEmirsandtheircreaturesdispossessedmanypeopleoftheirlands。Allupanddowntheriverourpeoplearewaitingtoreturntotheirlawfulfields。"
"Judgeshavebeenappointedtosettlethatmatter，"saidtheGovernor。"Theywillpresentlycomeinsteamersandhearthewitnesses。"
"Wherefore？DidtheJudgeskilltheEmirs？WewouldratherbejudgedbythemenwhoexecutedGod"sjudgmentontheEmirs。Wewouldratherabidebyyourdecision，OExcellencyOurGovernor。"
TheGovernornodded。ItwasayearsincehehadseentheEmirsstretchedcloseandstillroundthereddenedsheepskinwherelayElMahdi，theProphetofGod。Nowthereremainednotraceoftheirdominionexcepttheoldsteamer，oncepartofaDervishflotilla，whichwashishouseandoffice。Shesidledintotheshore，loweredaplank，andtheGovernorfollowedhishorseaboard。
Lightsburnedonhertilllate，dullyreflectedintheriverthattuggedathermooring-ropes。TheGovernorread，notforthefirsttime，theadministrationreportsofoneJohnJorrocks，M。F。H。
"Weshallneed，"hesaidsuddenlytohisInspector，"abouttencouple。I"llget"emwhenIgohome。You"llbeWhip，Baker？"
TheInspector，whowasnotyettwenty-five，signifiedhisassentintheusualmanner，whileAbuHusseinbarkedatthevastdesertmoon。
"Ha!"saidtheGovernor，comingoutinhispyjamas，"we"llbegivingyoucapiviinanotherthreemonths，myfriend。"
*****
Itwasfour，asamatteroffact，ereasteamerwithamelodiousbargefulofhoundsanchoredatthatlanding。TheInspectorleapeddownamongthem，andthehomesickwanderersreceivedhimasabrother。
"Everybodyfed"emeverythingonboardship，butthey"rerealdaintyhoundsatbottom，"theGovernorexplained。"That"sRoyalyou"vegotholdof——thepickofthebunch——andthebitchthat"sgot，holdofyou——she"salittleexcited——isMayQueen。Merriman，outofCottesmoreMaudlin，youknow。"
"Iknow。"Grandoldbetchwiththetaneyebrows，""theInspectorcooed。"Oh，Ben!Ishalltakeaninterestinlifenow。Harkto"em!Ohark!"
AbuHussein，underthehighbank，wentabouthisnight"swork。Aneddycarriedhisscenttothebarge，andthreevillagesheardthecrashofmusicthatfollowed。EventhenAbuHusseindidnotknowbetterthantobarkinreply。
"Well，whataboutmyProvince？"theGovernorasked。
"Notsobad，"theInspectoranswered，withRoyal"sheadbetweenhisknees。"Ofcourse，allthevillageswantremissionoftaxes，but，asfarasIcansee，thewholecountry"sstinkin"withfoxes。Ourtroublewillbechoppin""emincover。I"vegotalistoftheonlyvillagesentitledtoanyremission。Whatd"youcallthisflat-sided，blue-mottledbeastwiththejowl？"
"Beagle-boy。Ihavemydoubtsabouthim。Doyouthinkwecangettwodaysaweek？"
"Easy；andasmanybyesasyouplease。TheSheikhofthisvillageheretellsmethathisbarleyhasfailed，andhewantsafiftypercentremission。"
"We"llbeginwithhimto-morrow，andlookathiscropsaswego。
Nothinglikepersonalsupervision，"saidtheGovernor。
Theybeganatsunrise。Thepackflewoffthebargeineverydirection，and，aftergambols，dugliketerriersatAbuHussein"smanyearths。Thentheydrankthemselvespot-belliedonGihonwaterwhiletheGovernorandtheInspectorchastisedthemwithwhips。Scorpionswereadded；forMayQueennosedone，andwasremovedtothebargelamenting。Mystery(apuppy，alas!)metasnake，andtheblue-mottledBeagle-boy(neveradaintyhound)atethatwhichheshouldhavepassedby。OnlyRoyal，oftheBelvoirtanheadandthesad，discerningeyes，madeanyattempttoupholdthehonourofEnglandbeforethewatchingvillage。
"Youcan"texpecteverything，"saidtheGovernorafterbreakfast。
"Wegotit，though——everythingexceptfoxes。HaveyouseenMayQueen"snose？"saidtheInspector。
"AndMystery"sdead。We"llkeep"emcouplednexttimetillwegetwellinamongthecrops。Isay，whatababblingbody-snatcherthatBeagle-boyis!Oughttobedrowned!"
"Theyburypeoplesodamncasualhereabouts。Givehimanotherchance，"theInspectorpleaded，notknowingthatheshouldlivetorepentmostbitterly。
"Talkin"ofchances，"saidtheGovernor，"thisSheikhliesabouthisbarleybein"afailure。Ifit"shighenoughtohideahoundatthistimeofyear，it"sallright。Andhewantsafiftypercentremission，yousaid？"
"Youdidn"tgoonpastthemelonpatchwhereItriedtoturnWanderer。It"sallburnedupfromthereontothedesert。Hisotherwater-wheelhasbrokendown，too，"theInspectorreplied。
"Verygood。We"llsplitthedifferenceandallowhimtwenty-fivepercentoff。Where"llwemeetto-morrow？"
"There"ssometroubleamongthevillagesdowntheriverabouttheirland-titles。It"sgoodgoin"groundthere，too，"theInspectorsaid。
Thenextmeet，then，wassometwentymilesdowntheriver，andthepackwerenotenlargedtilltheywerefairlyamongthefields。AbuHusseinwasthereinforce——fourofhim。Fourdelirioushuntsoffourminuteseach——fourhoundsperfox——endedinfourearthsjustabovetheriver。Allthevillagelookedon。
"Weforgotabouttheearths。Thebanksareriddledwith"em。
This"lldefeatus，"saidtheInspector。
"Waitamoment!"TheGovernordrewforthasneezinghound。"I"vejustrememberedI"mGovernoroftheseparts。"
"Thenturnoutablackbattaliontostopforus。We"llneed"em，oldman。"