第5章

Thiswouldgivehimtwoweeksinsteadofseventy-twohours。AtthisheburstoutviolentlythathewouldnotsetfootinEngland；thatheneverwantedtohaveanythingtodowithEnglandorwiththeEnglish:"Why，I

amamarine!"heexclaimed，"andwemarineswouldsoonerknockdownanyEnglishsailorthanspeaktohim。"

TheEnglishlady，naturally，didnotthentellhimhernationality。ShenowrealizedthathehadsupposedhertobeAmerican，becauseshehadfrequentlybeeninAmericaandhadtalkedtohimasnostrangertothecountrycould。She，ofcourse，didnoturgehisgoingtoEngland；sheadvisedhimwhattoseeinFrance。Hetookhisleaveofseventy-twohoursandwhenhereturnedwasverygratefulfortheadviceshehadgivenhim。

Shesawhimoftenafterthis，andhegrewtorelyverymuchuponherfriendlycounsel。Finally，whenthetimecameforhertogoawayfromBrest，shetoldhimthatshewasEnglish。Andthenshesaidsomethinglikethistohim:

"Now，youtoldmeyouhadneverbeeninEnglandandhadneverknownanEnglishpersoninyourlife，andyetyouhadalltheseideasagainstusbecausesomebodyhadtaughtyouwrong。Itisnotatallyourfault。Youareonlynineteenyearsoldandyoucannotreadaboutus，becauseyouhavenochance；butatleastyoudoknowoneEnglishpersonnow，andthatEnglishpersonbegsyou，whenyoudohaveachancetoreadandinformyourselfofthetruth，tofindoutwhatEnglandreallyhasbeen，andwhatshehasreallydoneinthiswar。"

Theendofthestoryisthattheboy，whohadbecomedevotedtoher，didasshesuggested。To-dayshereceiveslettersfromhimwhichshowthatnothingisleftofhisanti-Englishcomplex。ItisanotherinstanceofhowclearlyournativeAmericanmind，ifonlythefactsaregivenit，thinks，judges，andconcludes。

Itisforthoseofmycountrymenwhowillneverhavethischance，nevermeetsomeonewhocanguidethemtothefacts"，thatItellthesethings。

Letthem"cutoutthedope。"AtthisverymomentthatIwrite——November24，1919——thedopeisbeingfedfreelytoallwhoareready，whetherthroughignoranceorthroughinterestedmotives，toswallowit。TheancientgrudgeisbeingplayedupstrongoverthewholecountryintheinterestofIrishindependence。

IanHayinhistwobookssotimelyandsoexcellent，GettingTogetherandTheOppressedEnglish，couldnotbeasunreserved，naturally，asIcanbeaboutthosetraitsinmyowncountrymenwhichhave，inthepastatanyrate，retardedEnglishcordialitytowardsAmericans。OftheseIshallspeakasplainlyasIknowhow。Butalso，beinganAmericanandthereforebybirthmoreindiscreetthanIanHay，IshallspeakasplainlyasIknowhowofthosetraitsintheEnglishwhichhavehelpedtokeepwarmourancientgrudge。ThusImayrenderbothcountriesforeveruninhabitabletome，butshallatleasttakewithmeintoexileacharacterforstrict，ifdisastrous，impartiality。

IbeginwithanAmericanwhowastravelinginanEnglishtrain。Itstoppedsomewhere，andoutofthewindowhesawsomebuildingswhichinterestedhim。

"Canyoutellmewhatthoseare?"heaskedanEnglishman，astranger，whosatintheothercornerofthecompartment。

"Betterasktheguard，"saidtheEnglishman。

Sincethatbriefdialogue，thisAmericandoesnotthinkwelloftheEnglish。

Now，twointerpretationsoftheEnglishman"sanswerarepossible。Oneis，thathedidn"thimselfknow，andsaidsoinhisEnglishway。Englishtalkisoftenveryshort，muchshorterthanours。Thatisbecausetheyallunderstandeachother，aremuchcloserknitthanweare。Behindthemaregenerationsof"doingit"inthesameestablishedway，awaythattheirlongexperienceoflifehashammeredoutfortheirownconvenience，andwhichtheylike。We"renotnearlysocloselyknittogetherhere，saveincertainspots，especiallytheoldspots。InBostontheyunderstandeachotherwithveryfewwordssaid。SotheydoinCharleston。Butthesespotsofcondensedandhoardedunderstandingliefarapart，areneverconfluent，andalsodifferintheirdetails；whilethewholeofEnglandisconfluent，andthedetailshavebeenslowlyworkedoutthroughcenturiesofgettingontogether，andareacceptedandobservedexactlyliketherulesofagame。

InAmerica，iftheAmericandidn"tknow，hewouldhaveanswered，"Idon"tknow。Ithinkyou"llhavetoasktheconductor，"oratanyrate，hisreplywouldhavebeenlongerthantheEnglishman"s。ButIamnotgoingtoaccepttheideathattheEnglishmandidn"tknowandsaidsoinhisbriefusualway。It"sequallypossiblethathedidknow。Then，younaturallyask，whyinthenameofcommoncivilitydidhegivesuchananswertotheAmerican?

IbelievethatIcantellyou。Hedidn"tknowthatmyfriendwasanAmerican，hethoughthewasanEnglishmanwhohadbrokentherulesofthegame。WedohavesomeruleshereinAmerica，onlywehavenotnearlysomany，they"remuchmorestretchable，andit"snotallofuswhohavelearnedthem。Butneverthelessagoodmanyhave。

Supposeyouweretravelinginatrainhere，andthemannextyou，whosefaceyouhadneverseenbefore，andwithwhomyouhadnotyetexchangedasyllable，said:"What"syourpetnameforyourwife?"

Wouldn"tyourimmediateinclinationbetosay，"Whatdamnedbusinessisthatofyours?"orwordstothatgeneraleffect?

Butagain，youmostnaturallyobject，therewasnothingpersonalinmyfriend"squestionaboutthebuildings。No；butthatisnotit。Atthebottom，bothquestionsareaninvasionofthesamedeep-seatedthing——therighttoprivacy。InAmerica，whatwiththenewspaperreportersandthisandthatandtheother，theterritoryofaman"sprivacyhasbeenlessenedandlesseneduntilverylittleofitremains；butmostofusstilldodrawthelinesomewhere；wemaynotalldrawitatthesameplace，butwedodrawaline。Thedifference，then，betweenourselvesandtheEnglishinthisrespectissimply，thatwiththemtheterritoryofaman"sprivacycoversmoreground，anddifferentgroundaswell。

AnEnglishmandoesn"texpectstrangerstoaskhimquestionsofaguide-booksort。ForallsuchquestionshisEnglishsystemprovidesperfectlydefinitepersonstoanswer。Ifyouwanttoknowwheretheticketofficeis，orwheretotakeyourbaggage，orwhattimethetraingoes，orwhatplatformitstartsfrom，orwhattownsitstopsat，andwhatchurchesorotherbuildingsofinterestaretobeseeninthosetowns，thereareportersandguardsandBradshawsandguidebookstotellyou，andit"stheywhomyouareexpectedtoconsult，notanyfellow-travelerwhohappenstobeathand。Ifyouaskhim，youbreaktherules。Hadmyfriendsaid:"IamanAmerican。Wouldyoumindtellingmewhatthosebuildingsare?"allwouldhavegonewell。TheEnglishmanwouldhaverecognized(notfiftyyearsago，butcertainlyto-day)thatitwasn"taquestionofrulesbetweenthem，andwouldhaveatonceexplained——eitherthathedidn"tknow，orthatthebuildingsweresuchandsuch。

Donot，Ibeg，supposeforamomentthatIamholdinguptheEnglishwayasbetterthanourown——orworse。Iamnotmakingcomparisons；Iamtryingtoshowdifferences。VerylikelytherearemanypointswhereinwethinktheEnglishmightdowelltoborrowfromus；anditisquiteaslikelythattheEnglishthinkwemighthereandtheretakealeaffromtheirbooktoouradvantage。ButIamnottheorizing，Iamnotseekingtoshowthatwemanagelifebetterorthattheymanagelifebetter；theonlymoralthatIseektodrawfromtheseanecdotesis，thatweshouldeachunderstandandhencemakeallowancefortheotherfellow"sway。Youwilladmit，Iamsure，beyouAmericanorEnglish，thateverybodyhasarighttohisownway?Theproverb"WheninRomeyoumustdoasRomedoes"

coversit，andwouldsavetroubleifwealwaysobeyedit。ThepeoplewhoforgetitmostaretheythatgotoRomeforthefirsttime；andIshallgiveyoubothEnglishandAmericanexamplesofthispresently。ItisgoodtoascertainbeforeyougotoRome，ifyoucan，whatRomedoesdo。

Haveyouneverbeenmistakenforawaiter，orsomethingofthatsort?

PerhapsyouwillhaveheardtheanecdoteaboutoneofourambassadorstoEngland。Allambassadors，saveours，wearonformaloccasionsadistinguishinguniform，justasourarmyandnavyofficersdo；itisconvenient，practical，andsavestrouble。Butwehavedeclareditmenial，ordespotic，orun-American，orsomethingequallysilly，andhenceourambassadorsmustweareveningdressresemblingcloselytheattireofthosewhoarehandingthesupperoransweringthedoor-bell。AnEnglishmansawMr。Choateatsomediplomaticfunction，standingaboutinthiseveningcostume，andsaid:

"Callmeacab。"

"Youareacab，"saidMr。Choate，obediently。

ThusdidhemakeknowntotheEnglishmanthathewasnotawaiter。

Similarlyincrowdedhoteldining-roomsorcrowdedrailroadstationshaveagitatedladiesclutchedmyarmandsaid:

"Iwantatableforthree，"or"WhendoesthetraingotoPoughkeepsie?"

JustasweinAmericahaveregularpeopletoattendtothesethings，sodotheyinEngland；andastheEnglishrespecteachother"srighttoprivacyverymuchmorethanwedo，theyresentinvasionsofitverymuchmorethanwedo。But，letmesayagain，theyarelikelytominditonlyinsomebodytheythinkknowstherules。Withthosewhodon"tknowthemitisdifferent。IsaythiswithallthemorecertaintybecauseofafairlyrecentafternoonspentinanEnglishgardenwithEnglishfriends。Thequestionofpronunciationcameup。Nowyouwillreadilyseethatwiththemandtheircompactness，theirgreatpublicschools，theirtwogreatUniversities，andtheirgreatLondon，theoneeternalfocusofthemall，boththechanceofdiversityinsocialcustomsandthetoleranceofitmustbefarlessthaninourhugeunfocusedcountry。Withus，Boston，NewYork，Philadelphia，Chicago，SanFrancisco，iseachacentre。Hereyoucanpronouncethewordcalm，forexample，inonewayoranother，anditmerelyindicateswhereyoucomefrom。DepartureinEnglandfromcertainestablishedpronunciationshasanothereffect。

"Ofcourse，"saidoneofmyfriends，"oneknowswheretoplaceanybodywhosays"girl""(pronouncingitasitisspelled)。

"That"sfrightful，"saidI，"becauseIsay"girl"。"

"Oh，butyouareanAmerican。Itdoesn"tapply。"

ButhadIbeenEnglish，itwouldhavebeensomethinglikecomingtodinnerwithoutyourcollar。

ThatiswhyIthinkthat，hadmyfriendinthetrainbegunhisquestionaboutthebuildingsbysayingthathewasanAmerican，theanswerwouldhavebeendifferent。NotalltheEnglishyet，butmanymorethantherewerefiftyoreventwentyyearsago，haveceasedtoapplytheirrulestous。

About1874afriendofminefromNewYorkwastakentoaLondonClub。

IntotheroomwherehewascamethePrinceofWales，whotookoutacigar，feltforandfoundnomatches，lookedabout，andtherewasasilence。Myfriendthereuponproducedmatches，struckone，andofferedittothePrince，whobowed，thankedhim，lightedhiscigar，andpresentlywentaway。

ThenanEnglishmanobservedtomyfriend:"It"snotthethingforacommonertoofferalighttothePrince。"

"I"mnotacommoner，I"manAmerican，"saidmyfriendwithperfectgoodnature。

Whatevertheirrulemaybeto-dayaboutthePrinceandmatches，astoustheyhavecometoacceptmyfriend"spertinentdistinction:theydon"texpectustokeeporeventoknowtheirownsetofrules。

Indeed，theysurpassusinthis，theymakemoreallowancesforusthanweforthem。Theydon"tcriticizeAmericansfornotbeingEnglish。AmericansstillconstantlydocriticizetheEnglishfornotbeingAmericans。Now，themeasureinwhichyoudon"tallowforthecustomsofanothercountryisthemeasureofyourownprovincialism。IhaveheardsomeofourownsoldiersexpressdislikeoftheEnglishbecauseoftheircoldness。TheEnglisharenotcold；theyaresilentuponcertainmatters。Butitisallthere。DoyourememberthatsailoratZeebruggecarryingtheunconsciousbodyofacomradetosafety，notsureyetifhewerealiveordead，andstrokingthatcomrade"sheadashewent，sayingoverandover，"DidyouthinkIwouldleaveyer?"Wearemoredemonstrative，wespellthingsoutwhichitisthewayoftheEnglishtoleavebetweenthelines。Butitisallthere!Behindthatunconciliatingwallofshynessandreserve，beatsandhidesthewarm，loyalBritishheart，themostconstantheartintheworld。

"Itisn"tdone。"

ThatphraseappliestomanythingsinEnglandbesidesofferingalighttothePrince，oraskingafellowtravelerwhatthosebuildingsare；andI

thinkthattheEnglishman"snotionofhisrighttoprivacyliesatthebottomofquiteanumberofthesethings。Youmaylaysomeofthemtosnobbishness，tocaste，toshyness，theymayhavevarioussecondaryorigins；butIprefertocoverthemallwiththebroaderterm，therighttoprivacy，becauseitseemsphilosophicallytoaccountforthemandexplainthem。

InMay，1915，anOxfordprofessorwasinNewYork。AfewyearsbeforethisIhadreadabookofhiswhichhaddelightedme。Imethimatlunch，Ihadnotknownhimbefore。Evenasweshookhands，Iblurtedouttohimmyadmirationforhisbook。

"Oh。"

Thatwasthewholeofhisreply。Itmademelaughatmyself，forIshouldhaveknownbetter。IhadoftenbeeninEnglandandcouldhavetoldanybodythatyoumustn"ttooabruptlyorobviouslyrefertowhattheotherfellowdoes，stilllesstowhatyoudoyourself。"Itisn"tdone。"

It"sasortofindecentexposure。It"soneoftheinvasionsoftherighttoprivacy。

InAmerica，noteverywherebutinmanyplaces，amanuponenteringaclubandseeingafriendacrosstheroom，willnothesitatetocallouttohim，"Hullo，Jack!"or"Hullo，George!"orwhatever。InEngland"itisn"tdone。"Thegreetingwouldbeconveyedbyashortnodoraglance。

Tocalloutaman"snameacrossaroomfullofpeople，someofwhommaybetotalstrangers，invadeshisprivacyandtheirs。Haveyounoticedhow，inourPullmanparlorcars，apartysittingtogether，generallyyoungwomen，willshriektheirconversationinavoicethatboreslikeagimletthroughthewholeplace?Thatisaninvasionofprivacy。InEngland"itisn"tdone。"Weshouldn"tstanditinatheatre，butinparlorcarswedostandit。ItisagoodinstancetoshowthattheEnglishman"srighttoprivacyislargerthanours，andthusthathislibertyislargerthanours。

Beforeleavingthispoint，whichtomythinkingisthecauseofmanyfrictionsandmisunderstandingsbetweenourselvesandtheEnglish，I

mustn"tomittogiveinstancesofdivergence，whereanEnglishmanwillspeakofmattersuponwhichwearesilent，andissilentuponsubjectsofwhichwewillspeak。

YoumaypresentaletterofintroductiontoanEnglishman，andhewishestobecivil，tohelpyoutohaveagoodtime。Itisquitepossiblehemaysaysomethinglikethis:

"IthinkyouhadbetterknowmysisterSophy。Youmayn"tlikeher。Butherdinnersareratheramusing。Ofcoursethefood"sghastlybecauseshe"sthestingiestwomaninLondon。"

Ontheotherhand，manyAmericans(thoughlesswillingthantheFrench)

arewillingtodiscusscreed，immortality，faith。ThereisnothingfromwhichtheEnglishmanmoreperemptorilyrecoils，althoughhehateswellnighasdeeplyallabstractdiscussion，ortobeclever，ortohaveyoubeclever。AnAmericanfriendofminehadgrowntiredofanEnglishmanwhohadbeenfindingfaultwithoneAmericanthingafteranother。Sohesuddenlysaid:

"WillyoutellmewhyyouEnglishwhenyouenteryourpewsonSundayalwaysimmediatelysmellyourhats?"

TheEnglishmanstiffened。"Irefusetodiscussreligioussubjectswithyou，"hesaid。

Tobeponderousoverthisanecdotegrievesme——butyoumaynotknowthatorthodoxEnglishmenusuallydon"tkneel，aswedo，afterreachingtheirpews；theystandforamoment，coveringtheirfaceswiththeirwell-brushedhats:witheachnationtheobservanceisthesame，itisinthemanneroftheobservingthatwediffer。

Muchissaidaboutour"commonlanguage，"anditsbeingareasonforourunderstandingeachother。Yes；butitisalsoalmostasmuchacauseforourmisunderstandingeachother。Itisbothahelpandatrap。IfweAmericansspokesomethingsowhollydifferentfromEnglishasFrenchis，comparisonscouldn"tbemade；andsomebodyhasremarkedthatcomparisonsareodious。

"Whydoyoucallyourluggagebaggage?"saystheEnglishman——orusedtosay。

"Whydoyoucallyourbaggageluggage?"saystheAmerican——orusedtosay。

"Whydon"tyousaytreacle?"inquirestheEnglishman。

"Becausewecallitmolasses，"answerstheAmerican。

"Howabsurdtospeakofacarwhenyoumeanacarriage!"exclaimstheEnglishman。

"Wedon"tmeanacarriage，wemeanacar，"retortstheAmerican。

You，myreader，mayhaveheard(orperhapsevenheld)foolishconversationslikethat；andyouwillreadilyperceivethatifwedidn"tsay"car"whenwespokeofthevehicleyougetintowhenyouboardatrain，butcalleditavoiture，orsomethingelsequite"foreign，"theEnglishmanwouldnotfeelthatwehadtakenasortoflibertywithhismother-tongue。Adeeppointlieshere:formostEnglishtheworldisdividedintothreepeoples，English，foreigners，andAmericans；andformostofuslikewiseitisdividedintoAmericans，foreigners，andEng-

lish。Nowa"foreigner"cancallmolasseswhateverhepleases；wedonotfeelthathehastakenanylibertywithourmother-tongue；histonguehasadifferentmother；hecan"thelpthat；he"snottobecriticizedforthat。ButweandtheEnglishspeakatonguethathasthesamemother。

Thisidentityinpedigreehasledandstillleadstocountlessfamilydiscords。I"venotadoubtthatdivergencesinvocabularyandinaccentwerethefountandoriginofsomeswollennoses，somebatteredeyes，whenourYankeesmixedwiththeTommies。Eachwouldbecertaintothinkthattheothercouldn"t"talkstraight"——andeachwouldbecertaintosayso。

IshallnotherespinoutalistofdifferentnamesforthesamethingsnowcurrentinEnglishandAmericanusage:molassesandtreaclewillsufficeforanexample；youwillbeableeasilytothinkofothers，andtherearemanysuchthatoccurineverydayspeech。Almostmoretrickyarethosewordswhichbothpeoplesusealike，butwithdifferentmeanings。I

shallspinnolistoftheseeither；oneexamplethereiswhichIcannotname，oftwowordsconstantlyusedinbothcountries，eachwordquiteproperinonecountry，whileintheotheritismorethanimproper。

ThirtyyearsagoIexplainedthisoneeveningtoayoungEnglishmanwhowashereforawhile。Twoorthreedayslater，hethankedmeferventlyforthewarning:ithadsavedhim，duringagameoftennis，fromafrightfulshock，whenhispartner，acharminggirl，meaningtotellhimtocheerup，hadusedthewordthatissoharmlesswithusandinEnglandsofarbeyondthepaleofpolitesociety。

Quiteasmuchaswords，accentalsoleadstodissension。IhaveheardmanyanAmericanspeakoftheEnglishaccentas"affected"；andouraccentdispleasestheEnglish。NowwhatEnglishman，orwhatAmerican，evercriticizesaFrenchmanfornotpronouncingourlanguageaswedo?

Histonguehasadifferentmother!

Iknownothowinthecourseoftheyearsallthesedivergencesshouldhavecomeabout，andnoneofusneedcare。Theretheyare。Asamatteroffact，bothEnglandandAmericaaremottledwithvaryingaccentsliterateandilliterate；equallytrueitisthateachnationhasitsnotionoftheother"swayofspeaking——we"reknownbyourshrillnasaltwang，theybytheirbroadvowelsandhesitation；andquiteastrueisitthatnotallAmericansandnotallEnglishdointheirenunciationconformtothesetypes。

OneMayafternoonin1919IstoppedatSalisburytoseethatbeautifulcathedralanditssereneandgraciousclose。"Star-scatteredonthegrass，"andbeneaththenobletrees，layNewZealandsoldiers，solitaryorinlittlegroups，gazing，drowsing，talkingatease。Later，attheinnIwasshowntoasmalltable，wheresatalreadyayoungEnglishmanineveningdress，athisdinner。AsIsatdownoppositehim，Ibowed，andhereturnedit。Presentlyweweretalking。WhenIsaidthatIwasstoppingexpresslytoseethecathedral，andhowlikeatranceitwastofindascenesoutterlyEnglishfullofNewZealanderslyingallabout，helookedpuzzled。Itwasatthis，orimmediatelyafterthis，thatI

explainedtohimmynationality。

"Ishouldn"thaveknownit，"heremarked，afteraninstant"spause。

Ipressedhimforhisreason，whichhegave；somewhatreluctantly，I

think，butwithexcellentgood-will。Ofcourseitwasthesameoldmother-tongue!

"Youmean，"Isaid，"thatIhaven"thappenedtosay"Iguess，"andthatI

don"t，perhaps，talkthroughmynose?Butwedon"talldothat。Wedoallsortsofthings。"

Hestucktoit。"Youtalklikeus。"

"Well，I"msureIdon"tmeantotalklikeanybody!"Isighed。

Thisdivertedhim，andbroughtuscloser。

"Andseehere，"Icontinued，"IknewyouwereEnglish，althoughyou"venotdroppedasingleh。"

"Oh，but，"hesaid，"droppingh"s——that"s——that"snot——"

"Iknowitisn"t，"Isaid。"Neitheristalkingthroughyournose。Andwedon"tallsay"Amurrican。""

Buthestucktoit。"AllthesamethereisanAmericanvoice。Thetrainyesterdaywasfullofit。Officers。Unmistakable。"Andheshookhishead。

Afterthiswegotonbetterthanever；andashewenthisway，hegavemesomeadviceaboutthehotel。Ishoulddowelltoavoidthereadingroom。

Thehotelwentinrathertoomuchforbeingold-fashioned。Ranitintotheground。Tiresome。Good-night。

PresentlyIshalldisclosemoreplainlytoyouthemoralofmySalisburyanecdote。

Isittheirdiscretion，doyouthink，thatclosesthelipsoftheFrenchwhentheyvisitourshores?NotfromtheFrenchdoyouhearpromptaspersionsastoourdifferencesfromthem。TheyobservethatproverbaboutbeinginRome:theymaynotbeabletodoasRomedoes，buttheydonotinquirewhyRomeisn"tlikeParis。Ifyouaskthemhowtheylikeourhotelsorourtrains，theymaypossiblyreplythattheyprefertheirown，buttheywillhardlyvolunteerthisopinion。ButtheAmericaninEnglandandtheEnglishmaninAmericagoaboutvolunteeringopinions。AretheFrenchmorediscreet?Ibelievethattheyare；butIwonderifthereisnotalsosomethingelseatthebottomofit。YouandIwillsaythingsaboutourcousinstoouraunt。Ourauntwouldnotallowoutsiderstosaythosethings。Isitthis，the-members-of-the-familyprinciple，whichmakesuslessdiscreetthantheFrench?Isitthis，too，whichleadsusbyaseemingparadoxtoresentcriticismmorewhenitcomesfromEngland?

Iknownothowitmaybewithyou；butwithme，whenIpickupthepaperandreadthattheGermansarecallinguspig-dogsagain，Iammerelyamused。WhenIreadFrenchorItalianabuseofus，Iamsorry，tobesure；butwhensomeEnglishpaperjumpsonus，Ihateit，evenwhenI

knowthatwhatitsaysisn"ttrue。Sohere，ifIamrightinmymembers-of-the-familyhypothesis，youhavetheEnglishandourselvesfeelingfreetobedisagreeabletoeachotherbecausewearerelations，andyetfeelingespeciallyresentfulbecauseit"sarelationwhoisbeingdisagreeable。Imerelyputthepointtoyou，Ilaynodogmadownconcerningmembersofthefamily；butIamperfectlysurethatdiscretionisaqualitymorecommontotheFrenchthantoourselvesorourrelations:Imeansomethingalittlemorethandiscretion，Imeanespritdeconduits，forwhichitishardtofindatranslation。

Uponmyfirsttwopoints，therighttoprivacyandthemother-tongue，I

havelingeredlong，feelingthesetobenotonlyofprimeimportanceandwideapplication，butalsotobequitebeyondmypowertomakelucidinshortcompass。Itrustthattheyhavebeenmadelucid。Imustnowgetontofurtheranecdotes，illustratingotherandlesssubtlecausesofmisunderstanding；andIfeelsomewhatliketheauthorofDonJuanwhenheexclaimsthathealmostwisheshehadne"erbegunthatveryremarkablepoem。IrenounceallpretensetotheFrenchvirtueofdiscretion。

Eveningdresshasbeenthesourceofmanyirritations。EnglishmendidnotappeartothinkthattheyneedwearitatAmericandinnerparties。Therewasagooddealofthisatonetime。DuringthatperiodanEnglishman，whohadbroughtletterstoagentlemaninBostonandinconsequencehadbeenaskedtodinner，enteredthehouseofhishostinatweedsuit。Hishost，ineveningdressofcourse，methiminthehall。

"Oh，Isee，"saidtheBostonian，"thatyouhaven"tyourdresssuitwithyou。Themanwilltakeyouupstairsandoneofminewillfityouwellenough。We"llwait。"

InEngland，acricketerfromPhiladelphia，afterthematchatLord"s，hadbeeninvitedtodineatagreathousewiththerestofhiseleven。Theyweretogothereonacoach。TheAmericandiscoveredafterarrivalthathealoneoftheelevenhadnotbroughtadresssuitwithhim。Heaskedhishostwhathewastodo。

"Iadviseyoutogohome，"saidthehost。

ThemoralhereisnotthatallhostsinEnglandwouldhavetreatedaguestso，orthatallAmericanhostswouldhavemetthesituationsowellasthatBostongentleman:buttoomanyEnglishusedtobesociallybrutal——quiteasmuchsotoeachotherastous，oranyone。Oneshouldbearthatinmind。IknowofnothingmoreEnglishinitswaythanwhatEtonansweredtoBeaumont(Ithink)whenBeaumontsentachallengetoplaycricket:"Harrowweknow，andRugbywehaveheardof。Butwhoareyou?"

ThatsortofthingbelongsrathertothePalmerstondaysthantothese；

belongstodaysthatwerenearerinspirittotheWaterlooof1815，whichahaughtyEnglandwon，thantotheWaterlooof1914-18，whichahumblerEnglandsonearlylost。

Turnwenexttheotherwayforalookatourselves。AnAmericanladywhohadbroughtaletterofintroductiontoanEnglishmaninLondonwasinconsequenceaskedtolunch。Henaturallyandhospitablygatheredtomeethervariousdistinguishedguests。Afterwardsshewrotehimthatshewishedhimtoinvitehertolunchagain，asshehadmattersofimportancetotellhim。Why，then，didn"tsheaskhimtolunchwithher?Canyousee?IthinkIdo。

AnAmericanladywasatahousepartyinScotlandatwhichshemetagentlemanofoldandfamousScotchblood。Hewaswearingthekiltofhisclan。Whileshetalkedwithhimshestared，andfinallyburstoutlaughing。"Ideclare，"shesaid，"that"spositivelythemostridiculousthingIeversawamandressedin。"

AttheSavoyhotelinAugust，1914，whenEnglanddeclaredwaruponGermany，manyAmericanwomenmadescenesofconfusionandvociferation。

AboutEnglandandtheblastofFatewhichhadstruckhertheyhadnothingtosay，butcrowdedandwailedoftheirowndiscomforts，meals，rooms，everypaltrypersonalinconveniencetowhichtheyweresubjected，orfearedthattheyweregoingtobesubjected。Undertheunprecedentedstressthiswas，perhaps，notunnatural；butitwouldhaveseemedlessdispleasinghadtheyalsooccasionallyshowedconcernforEngland"splightandperil。

AnAmerican，thistimeaman(ourcruditiesarenotlimitedtothesex)

stoodupinatheatre，disputingthesixpencewhichyoualwayshavetopayforyourprogramintheLondontheatres。Hedisputedsolongthatmanypeoplehadtostandwaitingtobeshowntheirseats。

DuringdealsatagameofbridgeonaCunardsteamer，thetalkhadturneduponacertainhistorichouseinanEnglishcounty。Thetalkwasfriendly，everythinghadbeenfriendlyeachday。

"Well，"saidaveryrichAmericantohisEnglishpartnerinthegame，"thosebigestateswillallbeoursprettysoon。We"regoingtobuythemupandturnyourislandintooursummerresort。"Nodoubtthismillionaireintendedtobeplayfullyhumorous。

AtatablewhereseveralBritishandoneAmerican——anofficer——satduringanotheroceanvoyagebetweenLiverpoolandHalifaxinJune，1919，theofficerexpressedsatisfactiontobegettinghomeagain。Hehadgoneover，hesaid，to"cleanupthemesstheBritishhadmade。"

ToacompanyofAmericanswhohadneverhearditbefore，wastoldthewell-knownexploitofanAmericangirlinEurope。Inanancientchurchshewasshownthetombofasoldierwhohadbeenkilledinbattlethreecenturiesago。Inhishonorandmemory，becausehelosthislifebravelyinagreatcause，hisfamilyhadkeptalittleglimmeringlampalighteversince。Ithungthere，besidethetomb。

"Andthat"snevergoneoutinallthistime?"askedtheAmericangirl。

"Never，"shewastold。

"Well，it"soutnow，anyway，"andsheblewitout。

AlltheAmericanswhoheardthiswereshockedallbutone，whosaid:

"Well，Ithinkshewasright。"

Thereyouare!Thereyouhaveusatourveryworst!AndwiththisplumpspecimenoftheAmericaninEuropeathisveryworst，IturnbacktotheEnglish:only，praydonotfailtogivethoseotherAmericanswhowereshockedbytheoutrageofthelamptheirdue。Howwideofthemarkwouldyoubeifyoujudgedusallbytheonewhoapprovedofthathorriblevandalgirl"sact!Itcannotbetoooftenrepeatedthatwemustnevercondemnawholepeopleforwhatsomeofthepeopledo。

Inthetwo-and-a-halfanecdoteswhichfollow，youmustwatchoutforsomethingwhichliesbeneaththeirveryobvioussurface。

AnAmericansatatlunchwithagreatEnglishladyinhercountry-house。

Althoughshehadseenhimbutoncebefore，shebeganaconversationlikethis:

DidtheAmericanknowthevanSquibbers?

Hedidnot。

Well，thevanSquibbers，hishostessexplained，wereAmericanswholivedinLondonandwenteverywhere。Onecertainlydidseethemeverywhere。

Theywerealmosttooextraordinary。

NowtheAmericanknewquiteallaboutthesevanSquibbers。HeknewalsothatinNewYork，andBoston，andPhiladelphia，andinmanyotherplaceswhereexistedasocietywithstillsomeraggedremnantsofdecencyanddecorumleft，onewouldnotmeetthishighlystar-spangledfamily"everywhere。"

Thehostesskeptitup。DidtheAmericanknowtheButteredbuns?No?Well，onemettheButteredbunseverywheretoo。TheywererathermoreextraordinarythanthevanSquibbers。AndthenthereweretheCakewalks，andtheSmith-Trapezes"Mrs。Smith-Trapezewasn"tasextraordinaryasherdaughter——theonethatputthelivefroginLordMeldon"ssoup——andofcourseneitherofthemwere"talkedabout"inthesamewaythattheeldestCakewalkgirlwastalkedabout。Everybodywenttothem，ofcourse，becauseonereallyneverknewwhatonemightmissifonedidn"tgo。

AtlengththeAmericansaid:

"YoumustcorrectmeifIamwronginanimpressionIhavereceived。

VulgarAmericansseemtometogetonverywellinLondon。"

Thehostesspausedforamoment，andthenshesaid:

"Thatisperfectlytrue。"

Thisacknowledgmentwascomplete，andperfectlyfriendly，andafterthatallwentbetterthanithadgonebefore。

Thehalfanecdoteisapartofthisone，andhappenedafewweekslaterattable——dinnerthistime。

SittingnexttothesameAmericanwasanEnglishladywhoseconversationledhimtorepeattoherwhathehadsaidtohishostessatlunch:

"VulgarAmericansseemtogetonverywellinLondonsociety。"

"Theydo，"saidthelady，"andIwilltellyouwhy。WeEnglish——ImeanthatsetofEnglish——areblase。Weseeeachothertoomuch，weareallalikeinourways，andweareawfullytiredofit。Thereforeitrefreshesusandamusesustoseesomethingnewanddifferent。"

"Then，"saidtheAmerican，"youacceptthesehideouspeople"sinvitations，andgototheirhouses，andeattheirfood，anddrinktheirchampagne，andit"sjustlikegoingtoseethemonkeysattheZoo?"

"Itis，"returnedthelady。

"But，"theAmericanasked，"isn"tthatawfullylowdownofyou?"(Hesmiledashesaidit。)

ImmediatelytheEnglishladyassented；andgrewmorecordial。Whennextdaythepartycametobreakup，shecontrivedinthemannerofherfarewelltomaketheAmericanunderstandthatbecauseoftheirconversationsheborehimnotillwillbutgoodwill。

Oncemore，thesceneofmyanecdoteisattable，alongtableinaclub，wheremencametolunch。AllwereEnglishmen，exceptasinglestranger。

HewasanAmerican，whothroughthekindnessofonebelovedmemberofthatclub，nolongerlivingnow，hadreceivedacardtotheclub。TheAmerican，uponsittingdownaloneinthiscompany，feltwhatIsupposethatmanyofusfeelinlikecircumstances:hewishedthereweresomebodytherewhoknewhimandcouldnodtohim。Nevertheless，hewasspokento，askedquestionsaboutvariousofhisfellowcountrymen，andmadeathome。

Presently，however，anelderlymemberwhohadbeensilentandwhomIwilldesignateasbeingoftheDr。SamuelJohnsontype，said:"YouseemtobehavingtroubleinyourpackinghousesoverinAmerica?"

Wewere。

"Verydisgraceful，thoseexposures。"

Theywere。ItwasMay，1906。

"YourGovernmentseemstobedoingsomethingaboutit。It"scertainlyscandalous。Suchabusesshouldneverhavebeenpossibleinthefirstplace。Itoughtn"ttorequireyourGovernmenttostopit。Itshouldn"thavestarted。"

"Ifancythefactsaren"tquitesobadasthatsensationalnovelaboutChicagomakesthemout，"saidtheAmerican。"AtleastIhavebeentoldso。"

"Itallsoundscharacteristictome，"saidtheSamJohnson。"It"squitethesortofthingoneexpectstohearfromtheStates。"

"Itischaracteristic，"saidtheAmerican。"Inspiteofalltheyearsthattheseahasseparatedus，we"restillinveteratelylikeyou，abullying，dishonestlot——thoughwe"vehadnothingquitesobadyetasyouropiumtradewithChina。"

TheSamJohnsonsaidnomore。

AtaranchinWyomingwereanumberofAmericansandoneEnglishman，amanofnote，bearingacelebratedname。HewastellingthecompanywhatonecoulddointhewayofamusementintheeveninginLondon。

"Andifthere"snothingatthetheatresandeverythingelsefails，youcanalwaysgotooneoftherestaurantsandheartheAmericanseat。"

Thereyouhavethem，myanecdotes。Theyarechosenfrommany。Ihopeandbelievethat，betweenthemall，theycovertheground；that，takentogetherasIwantyoutotakethemafteryouhavetakenthemsingly，theymakemyseveralpointsclear。AsIseeit，theyrevealthechiefwhysandwhereforesoffrictionbetweenEnglishandAmericans。ItisalsomyhopethatIhavebeenequallydisagreeabletoeverybody。IfIamtobebanishedfrombothcountries，IshalltrynottopassmyexileinSwitzerland，whichisindeedalovelyplace，butjustnowtoofullofcelebratedGermans。

Beyondmytwoearlypoints，therighttoprivacyandthemother-tongue，whatarethegeneralizationstobedrawnfrommydata?Ishouldliketododgespellingthemout，Ishouldimmenselyprefertoleaveithere。Somereadersknowitalready，knewitbeforeIbegan；whileforothers，whathasbeensaidwillbeenough。These，iftheyhavethewilltofriendshipinsteadofthewilltohate，willgetridoftheiranti-Englishcomplex，supposingthattheyhadone，andunderstandbetterinfuturewhathasnotbeencleartothembefore。ButIseemtofeelthatsomereaderstheremaybewhowillwishmetobemoreexplicit。

First，then。Englandhasathousandyearsofgreatnesstohercredit。Whowouldnotbeproudofthat?Arroganceistheseamysideofpride。ThatiswhathasrubbedusAmericansthewrongway。Wearerecent。Ourthousandyearsofgreatnessaretocome。Suchisourpassionatebelief。Crudityistheseamysideofyouth。OurcrudityrubstheEnglishthewrongway。

ComparetheAmericanwhosaidweweregoingtobuyEnglandforasummerresortwiththeEnglishmanwhosaidthatwhenallotherentertainmentinLondonfailed，youcouldalwayslistentotheAmericanseat。Crudity，"freshness"onourside，arrogance，toploftinessontheirs:suchisonegeneralizationIwouldhaveyoudisengagefrommyanecdotes。