第6章

MrDedalushadordereddrisheensforbreakfastandduringthemealhecross-examinedthewaiterforlocalnews。Forthemostparttheyspokeatcrosspurposeswhenanamewasmentioned，thewaiterhavinginmindthepresentholderandMrDedalushisfatherorperhapshisgrandfather——

Well，Ihopetheyhaven"tmovedtheQueen"sCollegeanyhow，saidMrDedalus，forIwanttoshowittothisyoungsterofmine。

AlongtheMardykethetreeswereinbloom。Theyenteredthegroundsofthecollegeandwereledbythegarrulousporteracrossthequadrangle。

Buttheirprogressacrossthegravelwasbroughttoahaltaftereverydozenorsopacesbysomereplyoftheporter"s——

Ah，doyoutellmeso？AndispoorPottlebellydead？——

Yes，sir。Dead，sir。

DuringthesehaltsStephenstoodawkwardlybehindthetwomen，wearyofthesubjectandwaitingrestlesslyfortheslowmarchtobeginagain。

Bythetimetheyhadcrossedthequadranglehisrestlessnesshadrisentofever。Hewonderedhowhisfather，whomheknewforashrewdsuspiciousman，couldbedupedbytheservilemannersoftheporter；andthelivelysouthernspeechwhichhadentertainedhimallthemorningnowirritatedhisears。

TheypassedintotheanatomytheatrewhereMrDedalus，theporteraidinghim，searchedthedesksforhisinitials。Stephenremainedinthebackground，depressedmorethaneverbythedarknessandsilenceofthetheatreandbytheairitworeofjadedandformalstudy。OnthedeskhereadthewordFoetuscutseveraltimesinthedarkstainedwood。Thesuddenlegendstartledhisblood:heseemedtofeeltheabsentstudentsofthecollegeabouthimandtoshrinkfromtheircompany。Avisionoftheirlife，whichhisfather"swordshadbeenpowerlesstoevoke，sprangupbeforehimoutofthewordcutinthedesk。Abroad-shoulderedstudentwithamoustachewascuttingintheletterswithajack-knife，seriously。Otherstudentsstoodorsatnearhimlaughingathishandiwork。Onejoggedhiselbow。

Thebigstudentturnedonhim，frowning。Hewasdressedinloosegreyclothesandhadtanboots。

Stephen"snamewascalled。Hehurrieddownthestepsofthetheatresoastobeasfarawayfromthevisionashecouldbeand，peeringcloselyathisfather"sinitials，hidhisflushedface。

Butthewordandthevisioncaperedbeforehiseyesashewalkedbackacrossthequadrangleandtowardsthecollegegate。Itshockedhimtofindintheouterworldatraceofwhathehaddeemedtillthenabrutishandindividualmaladyofhisownmind。Hismonstrousreveriescamethrongingintohismemory。Theytoohadsprungupbeforehim，suddenlyandfuriously，outofmerewords。Hehadsoongivenintothemandallowedthemtosweepacrossandabasehisintellect，wonderingalwayswheretheycamefrom，fromwhatdenofmonstrousimages，andalwaysweakandhumbletowardsothers，restlessandsickenedofhimselfwhentheyhadsweptoverhim——

Ay，bedad!Andthere"stheGroceriessureenough!criedMrDedalus。

YouoftenheardmespeakoftheGroceries，didn"tyou，Stephen。Many"sthetimewewentdowntherewhenournameshadbeenmarked，acrowdofus，HarryPeardandlittleJackMountainandBobDyasandMauriceMoriarty，theFrenchman，andTomO"GradyandMickLacythatItoldyouofthismorningandJoeyCorbetandpoorlittlegood-heartedJohnnyKeeversoftheTantiles。

TheleavesofthetreesalongtheMardykewereastirandwhisperinginthesunlight。Ateamofcricketerspassed，agileyoungmeninflannelsandblazers，oneofthemcarryingthelonggreenwicket-bag。InaquietbystreetaGermanbandoffiveplayersinfadeduniformsandwithbatteredbrassinstrumentswasplayingtoanaudienceofstreetarabsandleisurelymessengerboys。Amaidinawhitecapandapronwaswateringaboxofplantsonasillwhichshonelikeaslaboflimestoneinthewarmglare。Fromanotherwindowopentotheaircamethesoundofapiano，scaleafterscalerisingintothetreble。

Stephenwalkedonathisfather"sside，listeningtostorieshehadheardbefore，hearingagainthenamesofthescatteredanddeadrevellerswhohadbeenthecompanionsofhisfather"syouth。Andafaintsicknesssighedinhisheart。

HerecalledhisownequivocalpositioninBelvedere，afreeboy，aleaderafraidofhisownauthority，proudandsensitiveandsuspicious，battlingagainstthesqualorofhislifeandagainsttheriotofhismind。Theletterscutinthestainedwoodofthedeskstareduponhim，mockinghisbodilyweaknessandfutileenthusiasmsandmakinghimloathehimselfforhisownmadandfilthyorgies。Thespittleinhisthroatgrewbitterandfoultoswallowandthefaintsicknessclimbedtohisbrainsothatforamomentheclosedhiseyesandwalkedonindarkness。

Hecouldstillhearhisfather"svoice——

Whenyoukickoutforyourself，Stephen-asIdaresayyouwilloneofthesedays-remember，whateveryoudo，tomixwithgentlemen。WhenIwasayoungfellowItellyouIenjoyedmyself。Imixedwithfinedecentfellows。Everyoneofuscouldlosomething。Onefellowhadagoodvoice，anotherfellowwasagoodactor，anothercouldsingagoodcomicsong，anotherwasagoodoarsmanoragoodracketplayer，anothercouldtellagoodstoryandsoon。Wekepttheballrollinganyhowandenjoyedourselvesandsawabitoflifeandwewerenonetheworseofiteither。Butwewereallgentlemen，Stephen-atleastIhopewewere-andbloodygoodhonestIrishmentoo。That"sthekindoffellowsIwantyoutoassociatewith，fellowsoftherightkidney。I"mtalkingtoyouasafriend，Stephen。I

don"tbelieveasonshouldbeafraidofhisfather。No，ItreatyouasyourgrandfathertreatedmewhenIwasayoungchap。Weweremorelikebrothersthanfatherandson。I`Ilneverforgetthefirstdayhecaughtmesmoking。IwasstandingattheendoftheSouthTerraceonedaywithsomemaneenslikemyselfandsurewethoughtweweregrandfellowsbecausewehadpipesstuckinthecornersofourmouths。Suddenlythegovernorpassed。Hedidn"tsayaword，orstopeven。Butthenextday，Sunday，wewereoutforawalktogetherandwhenwewerecominghomehetookouthiscigarcaseandsaid:-Bytheby，Simon，Ididn"tknowyousmoked，orsomethinglikethat-OfcourseItriedtocarryitoffasbestIcould-Ifyouwantagoodsmoke，hesaid，tryoneofthesecigars。AnAmericancaptainmademeapresentofthemlastnightinQueenstown。

Stephenheardhisfather"svoicebreakintoalaughwhichwasalmostasob——

HewasthehandsomestmaninCorkatthattime，byGodhewas!Thewomenusedtostandtolookafterhiminthestreet。

Heheardthesobpassingloudlydownhisfather"sthroatandopenedhiseyeswithanervousimpulse。Thesunlightbreaking-suddenlyonhissightturnedtheskyandcloudsintoafantasticworldofsombremasseswithlakelikespacesofdarkrosylight。Hisverybrainwassickandpowerless。

Hecouldscarcelyinterpretthelettersofthesignboardsoftheshops。

Byhismonstrouswayoflifeheseemedtohaveputhimselfbeyondthelimitsofreality。Nothingmovedhimorspoketohimfromtherealworldunlessheheardinitanechooftheinfuriatedcrieswithinhim。Hecouldrespondtonoearthlyorhumanappeal，dumbandinsensibletothecallofsummerandgladnessandcompanionship，weariedanddejectedbyhisfather"svoice。

Hecouldscarcelyrecognizeashisownthoughts，andrepeatedslowlytohimself:——

IamStephenDedalus。IamwalkingbesidemyfatherwhosenameisSimonDedalus。WeareinCork，inIreland。Corkisacity。OurroomisintheVictoriaHotel。VictoriaandStephenandSimon。SimonandStephenandVictoria。Names。

Thememoryofhischildhoodsuddenlygrewdim。Hetriedtocallforthsomeofitsvividmomentsbutcouldnot。Herecalledonlynames。Dante，Parnell，Clane，Clongowes。Alittleboyhadbeentaughtgeographybyanoldwomanwhokepttwobrushesinherwardrobe。Thenhehadbeensentawayfromhometoacollege，hehadmadehisfirstcommunionandeatenslimjimoutofhiscricketcapandwatchedthefirelightleapinganddancingonthewallofalittlebedroomintheinfirmaryanddreamedofbeingdead，ofmassbeingsaidforhimbytherectorinablackandgoldcope，ofbeingburiedtheninthelittlegraveyardofthecommunityoffthemainavenueoflimes。Buthehadnotdiedthen。Parnellhaddied。Therehadbeennomassforthedeadinthechapelandnoprocession。Hehadnotdiedbuthehadfadedoutlikeafilminthesun。Hehadbeenlostorhadwanderedoutofexistenceforhenolongerexisted。Howstrangetothinkofhimpassingoutofexistenceinsuchaway，notbydeathbutbyfadingoutinthesunorbybeinglostandforgottensomewhereintheuniverse!Itwasstrangetoseehissmallbodyappearagainforamoment:alittleboyinagreybeltedsuit。Hishandswereinhisside-pocketsandhistrousersweretuckedinatthekneesbyelasticbands。

OntheeveningofthedayonwhichthepropertywassoldStephenfollowedhisfathermeeklyaboutthecityfrombartobar。Tothesellersinthemarket，tothebarmenandbarmaids，tothebeggarswhoimportunedhimforalobMrDedalustoldthesametale-thathewasanoldCorkonian，thathehadbeentryingforthirtyyearstogetridofhisCorkaccentupinDublinandthatPeterPickackafaxbesidehimwashiseldestsonbutthathewasonlyaDublinjackeen。

TheyhadsetoutearlyinthemorningfromNewcombe"scoffee-house，whereMrDedalus"scuphadrattlednoisilyagainstitssaucer，andStephenhadtriedtocoverthatshamefulsignofhisfather"sdrinkingboutofthenightbeforebymovinghischairandcoughing。Onehumiliationhadsucceededanother-thefalsesmilesofthemarketsellers，thecurvetingsandoglingsofthebarmaidswithwhomhisfatherflirted，thecomplimentsandencouragingwordsofhisfather"sfriends。TheyhadtoldhimthathehadagreatlookofhisgrandfatherandMrDedalushadagreedthathewasanuglylikeness。TheyhadunearthedtracesofaCorkaccentinhisspeechandmadehimadmitthattheLeewasamuchfinerriverthantheLiffey。

Oneofthem，inordertoputhisLatintotheproof，hadmadehimtranslateshortpassagesfromDilectusandaskedhimwhetheritwascorrecttosay:TemporamutanturnosetmutamurinillisorTemporamutanturetnosmutamurinillis。Another，abriskoldman，whomMrDedaluscalledJohnnyCashman，hadcoveredhimwithconfusionbyaskinghimtosaywhichwereprettier，theDublingirlsortheCorkgirls——

He"snotthatwaybuilt，saidMrDedalus。Leavehimalone。He"salevel-headedthinkingboywhodoesn"tbotherhisheadaboutthatkindofnonsense——

Thenhe"snothisfather"sson，saidthelittleoldman——

Idon"tknow，I"msure，saidMrDedalus，smilingcomplacently——

Yourfather，saidthelittleoldmantoStephen，wastheboldestflirtintheCityofCorkinhisday。Doyouknowthat？

Stephenlookeddownandstudiedthetiledfloorofthebarintowhichtheyhaddrifted——

Nowdon"tbeputtingideasintohishead，saidMrDedalusLeavehimtohisMaker——

Yerra，sureIwouldn"tputanyideasintohishead。I"moldenoughtobehisgrandfather。AndIamagrandfather，saidthelittleoldmantoStephen。Doyouknowthat？——

Areyou？askedStephen——

BedadIam，saidthelittleoldman。IhavetwobouncinggrandchildrenoutatSunday"sWell。Now，then!WhatagedoyouthinkIam？AndIrememberseeingyourgrandfatherinhisredcoatridingouttohounds。Thatwasbeforeyouwereborn——

Ay，orthoughtof，saidMrDedalus——

BedadIdid，repeatedthelittleoldman。And，morethanthat，I

canrememberevenyourgreat-grandfather，oldJohnStephenDedalus，andafierceoldfire-eaterhewas。Now，then!There"samemoryforyou!——

That"sthreegenerations-fourgenerations，saidanotherofthecompany。Why，JohnnyCashman，youmustbenearingthecentury——

Well，I"lltellyouthetruth，saidthelittleoldman。I"mjusttwenty-sevenyearsofage——

We"reasoldaswefeel，Johnny，saidMrDedalus。Andjustfinishwhatyouhavethereandwe"llhaveanother。Here，TimorTomorwhateveryournameis，giveusthesameagainhere。ByGod，Idon"tfeelmorethaneighteenmyself。There"sthatsonofminetherenothalfmyageandI"mabettermanthanheisanydayoftheweek——

Drawitmildnow，Dedalus。Ithinkit"stimeforyoutotakeabackseat，saidthegentlemanwhohadspokenbefore——

No，byGod!assertedMrDedalus。I"llsingatenorsongagainsthimorI"llvaultafive-barredgateagainsthimorI"llrunwithhimafterthehoundsacrossthecountryasIdidthirtyyearsagoalongwiththeKerryBoyandthebestmanforit——

Buthe"llbeatyouhere，saidthelittleoldman，tappinghisforeheadandraisinghisglasstodrainit——

Well，Ihopehe"llbeasgoodamanashisfather。That"sallIcansay，saidMrDedalus——

Ifheis，he"lldo，saidthelittleoldman——

AndthanksbetoGod，Johnny，saidMrDedalus，thatwelivedsolonganddidsolittleharm——

Butdidsomuchgood，Simon，saidthelittleoldmangravely。ThanksbetoGodwelivedsolonganddidsomuchgood。

Stephenwatchedthethreeglassesbeingraisedfromthecounterashisfatherandhistwocroniesdranktothememoryoftheirpast。Anabyssoffortuneoroftemperamentsunderedhimfromthem。Hismindseemedolderthantheirs:itshonecoldlyontheirstrifesandhappinessandregretslikeamoonuponayoungerearth。Nolifeoryouthstirredinhimasithadstirredinthem。Hehadknownneitherthepleasureofcompanionshipwithothersnorthevigourofrudemalehealthnorfilialpiety。Nothingstirredwithinhissoulbutacoldandcruelandlovelesslust。Hischildhoodwasdeadorlostandwithithissoulcapableofsimplejoysandhewasdriftingamidlifelikethebarrenshellofthemoon。ArtthoupaleforwearinessOfclimbingheavenandgazingontheearth，Wanderingcompanionless？HerepeatedtohimselfthelinesofShelley"sfragment。Itsalternationofsadhumanineffectivenesswithvastinhumancyclesofactivitychilledhimandheforgothisownhumanandineffectualgrieving。

Stephen"smotherandhisbrotherandoneofhiscousinswaitedatthecornerofquietFosterPlacewhileheandhisfatherwentupthestepsandalongthecolonnadewheretheHighlandsentrywasparading。WhentheyhadpassedintothegreathallandstoodatthecounterStephendrewforthhisordersonthegovernorofthebankofIrelandforthirtyandthreepounds；andthesesums，themoneysofhisexhibitionandessayprize，werepaidovertohimrapidlybythetellerinnotesandincoinrespectively。

Hebestowedtheminhispocketswithfeignedcomposureandsufferedthefriendlyteller，towhomhisfatherchatted，totakehishandacrossthebroadcounterandwishhimabrilliantcareerinafterlife。Hewasimpatientoftheirvoicesandcouldnotkeephisfeetatrest。Butthetellerstilldeferredtheservingofotherstosayhewaslivinginchangedtimesandthattherewasnothinglikegivingaboythebesteducationthatmoneycouldbuy。MrDedaluslingeredinthehallgazingabouthimandupattheroofandtellingStephen，whourgedhimtocomeout，thattheywerestandinginthehouseofcommonsoftheoldIrishparliament——

Godhelpus!hesaidpiously，tothinkofthemenofthosetimes，Stephen，HelyHutchinsonandFloodandHenryGrattanandCharlesKendalBushe，andthenoblemenwehavenow，leadersoftheIrishpeopleathomeandabroad。Why，byGod，theywouldn"tbeseendeadinaten-acrefieldwiththem。No，Stephen，oldchap，I"msorrytosaythattheyareonlyasIrovedoutonefineMaymorninginthemerrymonthofsweetJuly。

AkeenOctoberwindwasblowingroundthebank。Thethreefiguresstandingattheedgeofthemuddypathhadpinchedcheeksandwateryeyes。StephenlookedathisthinlycladmotherandrememberedthatafewdaysbeforehehadseenamantlepricedattwentyguineasinthewindowsofBarnardo"s——

Wellthat"sdone，saidMrDedalus——

Wehadbettergotodinner，saidStephen。Where？——

Dinner？saidMrDedalus。Well，Isupposewehadbetter，what？——

Someplacethat"snottoodear，saidMrsDedalus——

Underdone"s？——

Yes。Somequietplace——

Comealong，saidStephenquickly。Itdoesn"tmatteraboutthedearness。

Hewalkedonbeforethemwithshortnervoussteps，smiling。Theytriedtokeepupwithhim，smilingalsoathiseagerness——

Takeiteasylikeagoodyoungfellow，saidhisfather。We"rehotoutforthehalfmile，arewe？

ForaswiftseasonofmerrymakingthemoneyofhisprizesranthroughStephen"sfingers。Greatparcelsofgroceriesanddelicaciesanddriedfruitsarrivedfromthecity。EverydayhedrewupabilloffareforthefamilyandeverynightledapartyofthreeorfourtothetheatretoseeIngomarorTheLadyofLyons。InhiscoatpocketshecarriedsquaresofViennachocolateforhisguestswhilehistrousers"pocketbulgedwithmassesofsilverandcoppercoins。Heboughtpresentsforeveryone，overhauledhisroom，wroteoutresolutions，marshalledhisbooksupanddowntheirshelves，poreduponallkindsofpricelists，drewupaformofcommonwealthforthehouseholdbywhicheverymemberofitheldsomeoffice，openedaloanbankforhisfamilyandpressedloansonwillingborrowerssothathemighthavethepleasureofmakingoutreceiptsandreckoningtheinterestsonthesumslent。Whenhecoulddonomorehedroveupanddownthecityintrams。Thentheseasonofpleasurecametoanend。

Thepotofpinkenamelpaintgaveoutandthewainscotofhisbedroomremainedwithitsunfinishedandill-plasteredcoat。

Hishouseholdreturnedtoitsusualwayoflife。Hismotherhadnofurtheroccasiontoupbraidhimforsquanderinghismoney。Hetooreturnedtohisoldlifeatschoolandallhisnovelenterprisesfelltopieces。Thecommonwealthfell，theloanbankcloseditscoffersanditsbooksonasensibleloss，therulesoflifewhichhehaddrawnabouthimselffellintodesuetude。

Howfoolishhisaimhadbeen!Hehadtriedtobuildabreak-wateroforderandeleganceagainstthesordidtideoflifewithouthimandtodamup，byrulesofconductandactiveinterestandnewfilialrelations，thepowerfulrecurrenceofthetideswithinhim。Useless。Fromwithoutasfromwithinthewatershadflowedoverhisbarriers:theirtidesbeganoncemoretojostlefiercelyabovethecrumbledmole。

Hesawclearlytoohisownfutileisolation。Hehadnotgoneonestepnearertheliveshehadsoughttoapproachnorbridgedtherestlessshameandrancourthathaddividedhimfrommotherandbrotherandsister。Hefeltthathewashardlyoftheonebloodwiththembutstoodtothemratherinthemysticalkinshipoffosterage，fosterchildandfosterbrother。

Heturnedtoappeasethefiercelongingsofhisheartbeforewhicheverythingelsewasidleandalien。Hecaredlittlethathewasinmortalsin，thathislifehadgrowntobeatissueofsubterfugeandfalsehood。Besidethesavagedesirewithinhimtorealizetheenormitieswhichhebroodedonnothingwassacred。Heborecynicallywiththeshamefuldetailsofhissecretriotsinwhichheexultedtodefilewithpatiencewhateverimagehadattractedhiseyes。Bydayandbynighthemovedamongdistortedimagesoftheouterworld。Afigurethathadseemedtohimbydaydemureandinnocentcametowardshimbynightthroughthewindingdarknessofsleep，herfacetransfiguredbyalecherouscunning，hereyesbrightwithbrutishjoy。

Onlythemorningpainedhimwithitsdimmemoryofdarkorgiasticriot，itskeenandhumiliatingsenseoftransgression。

Hereturnedtohiswanderings。TheveiledautumnaleveningsledhimfromstreettostreetastheyhadledhimyearsbeforealongthequietavenuesofBlackrock。Butnovisionoftrimfrontgardensorofkindlylightsinthewindowspouredatenderinfluenceuponhimnow。Onlyattimes，inthepausesofhisdesire，whentheluxurythatwaswastinghimgaveroomtoasofterlanguor，theimageofMercedestraversedthebackgroundofhismemory。Hesawagainthesmallwhitehouseandthegardenofrose-bushesontheroadthatledtothemountainsandherememberedthesadlyproudgestureofrefusalwhichhewastomakethere，standingwithherinthemoonlitgardenafteryearsofestrangementandadventure。AtthosemomentsthesoftspeechesofClaudeMelnotterosetohislipsandeasedhisunrest。

Atenderpremonitiontouchedhimofthetrysthehadthenlookedforwardtoand，inspiteofthehorriblerealitywhichlaybetweenhishopeofthenandnow，oftheholyencounterhehadthenimaginedatwhichweaknessandtimidityandinexperienceweretofallfromhim。

Suchmomentspassedandthewastingfiresoflustsprangupagain。Theversespassedfromhislipsandtheinarticulatecriesandtheunspokenbrutalwordsrushedforthfromhisbraintoforceapassage。Hisbloodwasinrevolt。Hewanderedupanddownthedarkslimystreetspeeringintothegloomoflanesanddoorways，listeningeagerlyforanysound。Hemoanedtohimselflikesomebaffledprowlingbeast。Hewantedtosinwithanotherofhiskind，toforceanotherbeingtosinwithhimandtoexultwithherinsin。Hefeltsomedarkpresencemovingirresistiblyuponhimfromthedarkness，apresencesubtleandmurmurousasafloodfillinghimwhollywithitself。Itsmurmurbesiegedhisearslikethemurmurofsomemultitudeinsleep；itssubtlestreamspenetratedhisbeing。Hishandsclenchedconvulsivelyandhisteethsettogetherashesufferedtheagonyofitspenetration。

Hestretchedouthisarmsinthestreettoholdfastthefrailswooningformthateludedhimandincitedhim:andthecrythathehadstrangledforsolonginhisthroatissuedfromhislips。Itbrokefromhimlikeawailofdespairfromahellofsufferersanddiedinawailoffuriousentreaty，acryforaniniquitousabandonment，acrywhichwasbuttheechoofanobscenescrawlwhichhehadreadontheoozingwallofaurinal。

Hehadwanderedintoamazeofnarrowanddirtystreets。Fromthefoullanewaysheheardburstsofhoarseriotandwranglingandthedrawlingofdrunkensingers。Hewalkedonward，dismayed，wonderingwhetherhehadstrayedintothequarteroftheJews。Womenandgirlsdressedinlongvividgownstraversedthestreetfromhousetohouse。Theywereleisurelyandperfumed。Atremblingseizedhimandhiseyesgrewdim。Theyellowgas-flamesarosebeforehistroubledvisionagainstthevapourysky，burningasifbeforeanaltar。Beforethedoorsandinthelightedhallsgroupsweregatheredarrayedasforsomerite。Hewasinanotherworld:hehadawakenedfromaslumberofcenturies。

Hestoodstillinthemiddleoftheroadway，hisheartclamouringagainsthisbosominatumult。Ayoungwomandressedinalongpinkgownlaidherhandonhisarmtodetainhimandgazedintohisface。Shesaidgaily:——

Goodnight，Williedear!

Herroomwaswarmandlightsome。Ahugedollsatwithherlegsapartinthecopiouseasy-chairbesidethebed。Hetriedtobidhistonguespeakthathemightseematease，watchingherassheundidhergown，notingtheproudconsciousmovementsofherperfumedhead。

Ashestoodsilentinthemiddleoftheroomshecameovertohimandembracedhimgailyandgravely。Herroundarmsheldhimfirmlytoherandhe，seeingherfaceliftedtohiminseriouscalmandfeelingthewarmcalmriseandfallofherbreast，allbutburstintohystericalweeping。

Tearsofjoyandreliefshoneinhisdelightedeyesandhislipspartedthoughtheywouldnotspeak。

Shepassedhertinklinghandthroughhishair，callinghimalittlerascal——

Givemeakiss，shesaid。

Hislipswouldnotbendtokissher。Hewantedtobeheldfirmlyinherarms，tobecaressedslowly，slowly，slowly。Inherarmshefeltthathehadsuddenlybecomestrongandfearlessandsureofhimself。Buthislipswouldnotbendtokissher。

Withasuddenmovementshebowedhisheadandjoinedherlipstohisandhereadthemeaningofhermovementsinherfrankupliftedeyes。Itwastoomuchforhim。Heclosedhiseyes，surrenderinghimselftoher，bodyandmind，consciousofnothingintheworldbutthedarkpressureofhersoftlypartinglips。Theypresseduponhisbrainasuponhislipsasthoughtheywerethevehicleofavaguespeech；andbetweenthemhefeltanunknownandtimidpressure，darkerthantheswoonofsin，softerthansoundorodour。

Chapter3TheswiftDecemberduskhadcometumblingclownishlyafteritsdulldayand，ashestaredthroughthedullsquareofthewindowoftheschoolroom，hefelthisbellycraveforitsfood。Hehopedtherewouldbestewfordinner，turnipsandcarrotsandbruisedpotatoesandfatmuttonpiecestobeladledoutinthickpepperedflour-fattenedsauce。Stuffitintoyou，hisbellycounselledhim。

Itwouldbeagloomysecretnight。Afterearlynightfalltheyellowlampswouldlightup，hereandthere，thesqualidquarterofthebrothels。

Hewouldfollowadeviouscourseupanddownthestreets，circlingalwaysnearerandnearerinatremoroffearandjoy，untilhisfeetledhimsuddenlyroundadarkcorner。Thewhoreswouldbejustcomingoutoftheirhousesmakingreadyforthenight，yawninglazilyaftertheirsleepandsettlingthehairpinsintheirclustersofhair。Hewouldpassbythemcalmlywaitingforasuddenmovementofhisownwillorasuddencalltohissin-lovingsoulfromtheirsoftperfumedflesh。Yetasheprowledinquestofthatcall，hissenses，stultifiedonlybyhisdesire，wouldnotekeenlyallthatwoundedorshamedthem；hiseyes，aringofporterfrothonaclothlesstableoraphotographoftwosoldiersstandingtoattentionoragaudyplaybill；hisears，thedrawlingjargonofgreeting:——

Hello，Bertie，anygoodinyourmind？——

Isthatyou，pigeon？——

Numberten。FreshNellyiswaitingonyou——

Goodnight，husband!Comingintohaveashorttime？

Theequationonthepageofhisscribblerbegantospreadoutawideningtail，eyedandstarredlikeapeacock"s；and，whentheeyesandstarsofitsindiceshadbeeneliminated，beganslowlytofolditselftogetheragain。

Theindicesappearinganddisappearingwereeyesopeningandclosing；theeyesopeningandclosingwerestarsbeingbornandbeingquenched。Thevastcycleofstarrylifeborehiswearymindoutwardtoitsvergeandinwardtoitscentre，adistantmusicaccompanyinghimoutwardandinward。

Whatmusic？Themusiccamenearerandherecalledthewords，thewordsofShelley"sfragmentuponthemoonwanderingcompanionless，paleforweariness。

Thestarsbegantocrumbleandacloudoffinestardustfellthroughspace。

Thedulllightfellmorefaintlyuponthepagewhereonanotherequationbegantounfolditselfslowlyandtospreadabroaditswideningtail。Itwashisownsoulgoingforthtoexperience，unfoldingitselfsinbysin，spreadingabroadthebale-fireofitsburningstarsandfoldingbackuponitself，fadingslowly，quenchingitsownlightsandfires。Theywerequenched:

andthecolddarknessfilledchaos。

Acoldlucidindifferencereignedinhissoul。Athisfirstviolentsinhehadfeltawaveofvitalitypassoutofhimandhadfearedtofindhisbodyorhissoulmaimedbytheexcess。Insteadthevitalwavehadcarriedhimonitsbosomoutofhimselfandbackagainwhenitreceded:andnopartofbodyorsoulhadbeenmaimedbutadarkpeacehadbeenestablishedbetweenthem。Thechaosinwhichhisardourextinguisheditselfwasacoldindifferentknowledgeofhimself。Hehadsinnedmortallynotoncebutmanytimesandheknewthat，whilehestoodindangerofeternaldamnationforthefirstsinalone，byeverysucceedingsinhemultipliedhisguiltandhispunishment。Hisdaysandworksandthoughtscouldmakenoatonementforhim，thefountainsofsanctifyinggracehavingceasedtorefreshhissoul。Atmost，byanalmsgiventoabeggarwhoseblessinghefledfrom，hemighthopewearilytowinforhimselfsomemeasureofactualgrace。

Devotionhadgonebytheboard。Whatdiditavailtopraywhenheknewthathissoullustedafteritsowndestruction？Acertainpride，acertainawe，withheldhimfromofferingtoGodevenoneprayeratnight，thoughheknewitwasinGod"spowertotakeawayhislifewhilehesleptandhurlhissoulhellwarderehecouldbegformercy。Hisprideinhisownsin，hislovelessaweofGod，toldhimthathisoffencewastoogrievoustobeatonedforinwholeorinpartbyafalsehomagetotheAll-seeingandAll-knowing——

Wellnow，Ennis，Ideclareyouhaveaheadandsohasmystick!Doyoumeantosaythatyouarenotabletotellmewhatasurdis？

Theblunderinganswerstirredtheembersofhiscontemptofhisfellows。

Towardsothershefeltneithershamenorfear。OnSundaymorningsashepassedthechurchdoorheglancedcoldlyattheworshipperswhostoodbareheaded，fourdeep，outsidethechurch，morallypresentatthemasswhichtheycouldneitherseenorhear。Theirdullpietyandthesicklysmellofthecheaphair-oilwithwhichtheyhadanointedtheirheadsrepelledhimfromthealtartheyprayedat。Hestoopedtotheevilofhypocrisywithothers，scepticaloftheirinnocencewhichhecouldcajolesoeasily。

Onthewallofhisbedroomhunganilluminatedscroll，thecertificateofhisprefectureinthecollegeofthesodalityoftheBlessedVirginMary。OnSaturdaymorningswhenthesodalitymetinthechapeltorecitethelittleofficehisplacewasacushionedkneeling-deskattherightofthealtarfromwhichheledhiswingofboysthroughtheresponses。

Thefalsehoodofhispositiondidnotpainhim。Ifatmomentshefeltanimpulsetorisefromhispostofhonourand，confessingbeforethemallhisunworthiness，toleavethechapel，aglanceattheirfacesrestrainedhim。Theimageryofthepsalmsofprophecysoothedhisbarrenpride。ThegloriesofMaryheldhissoulcaptive:spikenardandmyrrhandfrankincense，symbolizingherroyallineage，heremblems，thelate-floweringplantandlate-blossomingtree，symbolizingtheage-longgradualgrowthofhercultusamongmen。Whenitfelltohimtoreadthelessontowardsthecloseoftheofficehereaditinaveiledvoice，lullinghisconsciencetoitsmusic。QuasicedrusexaltatasuminLibanonetquasicupressusinmonteSion。QuasipalmaexaltatasuminGadesetquasiplantatiorosaeinJericho。Quasiulivaspeciosaincampisetquasiplatanusexaltatasumjuxtaaquaminplateis。Sicutcinnamomumetbalsamumaromatizansodoremdedietquasimyrrhaelectadedisuavitatemodoris。Hissin，whichhadcoveredhimfromthesightofGod，hadledhimnearertotherefugeofsinners。Hereyesseemedtoregardhimwithmildpity；

herholiness，astrangelightglowingfaintlyuponherfrailflesh，didnothumiliatethesinnerwhoapproachedher。Ifeverhewasimpelledtocastsinfromhimandtorepenttheimpulsethatmovedhimwasthewishtobeherknight。Ifeverhissoul，re-enteringherdwellingshylyafterthefrenzyofhisbody"slusthadspentitself，wasturnedtowardsherwhoseemblemisthemorningstar，brightandmusical，tellingofheavenandinfusingpeace，itwaswhenhernamesweremurmuredsoftlybylipswhereontherestilllingeredfoulandshamefulwords，thesavouritselfofalewdkiss。

Thatwasstrange。Hetriedtothinkhowitcouldbe。Butthedusk，deepeningintheschoolroom，coveredoverhisthoughts。Thebellrang。Themastermarkedthesumsandcutstobedoneforthenextlessonandwentout。Heron，besideStephen，begantohumtunelessly。MyexcellentfriendBombados。Ennis，whohadgonetotheyard，cameback，saying:——

Theboyfromthehouseiscomingupfortherector。

AtallboybehindStephenrubbedhishandsandsaid:——

That"sgameball。Wecanscutthewholehour。Hewon"tbeintillafterhalftwo。Thenyoucanaskhimquestionsonthecatechism，Dedalus。

Stephen，leaningbackanddrawingidlyonhisscribbler，listenedtothetalkabouthimwhichHeroncheckedfromtimetotimebysaying:——

Shutup，willyou。Don"tmakesuchaballyracket!

Itwasstrangetoothathefoundanaridpleasureinfollowinguptotheendtherigidlinesofthedoctrinesofthechurchandpenetratingintoobscuresilencesonlytohearandfeelthemoredeeplyhisowncondemnation。

ThesentenceofsaintJameswhichsaysthathewhooffendsagainstonecommandmentbecomesguiltyofall，hadseemedtohimfirstaswollenphraseuntilhehadbeguntogropeinthedarknessofhisownstate。Fromtheevilseedoflustallotherdeadlysinshadsprungforth:prideinhimselfandcontemptofothers，covetousnessInusingmoneyforthepurchaseofunlawfulpleasures，envyofthosewhoseviceshecouldnotreachtoandcalumniousmurmuringagainstthepious，gluttonousenjoymentoffood，thedullgloweringangeramidwhichhebroodeduponhislonging，theswampofspiritualandbodilyslothinwhichhiswholebeinghadsunk。

Ashesatinhisbenchgazingcalmlyattherector"sshrewdharshface，hismindwounditselfinandoutofthecuriousquestionsproposedtoit。

Ifamanhadstolenapoundinhisyouthandhadusedthatpoundtoamassahugefortunehowmuchwasheobligedtogiveback，thepoundhehadstolenonlyorthepoundtogetherwiththecompoundinterestaccruinguponitorallhishugefortune？Ifalaymaningivingbaptismpourthewaterbeforesayingthewordsisthechildbaptized？Isbaptismwithamineralwatervalid？Howcomesitthatwhilethefirstbeatitudepromisesthekingdomofheaventothepoorofheartthesecondbeatitudepromisesalsotothemeekthattheyshallpossesstheland？WhywasthesacramentoftheeucharistinstitutedunderthetwospeciesofbreadandwineifJesus`Christbepresentbodyandblood，soulanddivinity，inthebreadaloneandinthewinealone？DoesatinyparticleoftheconsecratedbreadcontainallthebodyandbloodofJesusChristorapartonlyofthebodyandblood？Ifthewinechangeintovinegarandthehostcrumbleintocorruptionaftertheyhavebeenconsecrated，isJesusChriststillpresentundertheirspeciesasGodandasman？——

Hereheis!Hereheis!

Aboyfromhispostatthewindowhadseentherectorcomefromthehouse。Allthecatechismswereopenedandallheadsbentuponthemsilently。

Therectorenteredandtookhisseatonthedais。AgentlekickfromthetallboyinthebenchbehindurgedStephentoaskadifficultquestion。

Therectordidnotaskforacatechismtohearthelessonfrom。Heclaspedhishandsonthedeskandsaid:——

TheretreatwillbeginonWednesdayafternooninhonourofsaintFrancisXavierwhosefeastdayisSaturday。TheretreatwillgoonfromWednesdaytoFriday。OnFridayconfessionwillbeheardalltheafternoonafterbeads。Ifanyboyshavespecialconfessorsperhapsitwillbebetterforthemnottochange。MasswillbeonSaturdaymorningatnineo"clockandgeneralcommunionforthewholecollege。Saturdaywillbeafreeday。

ButSaturdayandSundaybeingfreedayssomeboysmightbeinclinedtothinkthatMondayisafreedayalso。Bewareofmakingthatmistake。I

thinkyou，Lawless，arelikelytomakethatmistake。