第7章

Thedoctorwastroubledinthinkingoverhisinterviewwiththeyounglady。Shewasfullypossessedwiththeideathatshehaddiscoveredthesecretwhichhaddefiedthemostsagaciousheadsofthevillage。

Itwasofnousetoopposeherwhilehermindwasinanexcitedstate。Buthefeltithisdutytoguardheragainstanypossibleresultsofindiscretionintowhichhereagernessandhertheoryoftheequality，almosttheidentity，ofthesexesmightbetrayher。

Toomuchofthewomaninadaughterofourraceleadshertoforgetdanger。Toolittleofthewomanpromptshertodefyit。Fortunatelyforthislastclassofwomen，theyarenotquitesolikelytobeperilouslyseductiveastheirmoreemphaticallyfemininesisters。

Dr。ButtshadknownLuridaandherfriendfromthedaysoftheirinfancy。HehadwatchedthedevelopmentofLurida"sintelligencefromitsprecociousnursery-lifetothefullvigorofitstrainedfaculties。HehadlookedwithadmirationonthechildishbeautyofEuthymia，andhadseenhergrowuptowomanhood，everyyearmakinghermoreattractive。Heknewthatifanythingwastobedonewithhisself-willedyoungscholarandfriend，itwouldbemoreeasilyeffectedthroughthemediumofEuthymiathanbydirectadvicetotheyoungladyherself。SothethoughtfuldoctormadeuphismindtohaveagoodtalkwithEuthymia，andputheronherguard，ifLuridashowedanytendencytoforgettheconventionalitiesinhereagerpursuitofknowledge。

Forthedoctor"shorseandchaisetostopatthedoorofMissEuthymiaTower"sparentalhomewasaneventstrangeenoughtosetallthetonguesinthevillagegoing。Thiswasoneofthosefamilieswhereillnesswashardlylookedforamongthepossibilitiesoflife。

Therewereotherfamilieswhereacallfromthedoctorwashardlymorethoughtofthanacallfromthebaker。Butherehewasastranger，atleastonhisprofessionalrounds，andwhenheaskedforMissEuthymiatheservant，whoknewhisfacewell，staredasifhehadheldinhishandawarrantforherapprehension。

Euthymiadidnotkeepthedoctorwaitingverylongwhileshemadereadytomeethim。Onelookatherglasstomakesurethatalockhadnotrunastray，oraribbongotoutofplace，andhertoiletforamorningcallwasfinished。PerhapsifMr。MauriceKirkwoodhadbeenannounced，shemighthavetakenasecondlook，butwiththegoodmiddle-aged，marrieddoctoronewasenoughforayoungladywhohadthegiftofmakingallthedressessheworelookwell，andhadnooccasiontotreatherchamberlikethelaboratorywhereanactresscompoundsherself。

Euthymiawelcomedthedoctorveryheartily。Shecouldnothelpsuspectinghiserrand，andshewasverygladtohaveachancetotalkoverherfriend"sschemesandfancieswithhim。

Thedoctorbeganwithoutanyroundaboutprelude。

"IwanttoconferwithyouaboutourfriendLurida。Doesshetellyouallherplansandprojects？"

"Why，astothat，doctor，Icanhardlysay，positively，butIdonotbelieveshekeepsbackanythingofimportancefromme。Iknowwhatshehasbeenbusywithlately，andthequeerideashehasgotintoherhead。WhatdoyouthinkoftheTarantulabusiness？Shehasshownyouthepaper，shehaswritten，Isuppose。”

"Indeedshehas。Itisaverycuriouscaseshehasgotholdof，andIdonotwonderatallthatsheshouldhavefeltconvincedthatshehadcomeatthetruesolutionofthevillageriddle。ItmaybethatthisyoungmanisthesamepersonastheboymentionedintheItalianmedicaljournal。Butitisveryfarfromclearthatheisso。Youknowallherreasons，ofcourse，asyouhavereadthestory。Thetimesseemtoagreewellenough。ItiseasytoconceivethatChmightbesubstitutedforKinthereport。Thesingularsolitaryhabitsofthisyoungmanentirelycoincidewiththestory。Ifwecouldonlyfindoutwhetherhehasanyofthosefeelingswithreferencetocertaincolors，wemightguesswithmorechanceofguessingrightthanwehaveatpresent。ButIdon"tseeexactlyhowwearegoingtosubmithimtoexaminationonthispoint。Ifhewereonlyachemicalcompound，wecouldanalyzehim。Ifhewereonlyabirdoraquadruped，wecouldfindouthislikesanddislikes。Butbeing，asheis，ayoungman，withwaysofhisown，andawillofhisown，whichhemaynotchoosetohaveinterferedwith，theproblembecomesmorecomplicated。Ihearthatanewspapercorrespondenthasvisitedhimsoastomakeareporttohispaper，——doyouknowwhathefoundout？"

"CertainlyIdo，verywell。Mybrotherhasheardhisownstory，whichwasthis:Hefoundouthehadgotholdofthewrongpersontointerview。Theyounggentleman，hesays，interviewedhim，sothathedidnotlearnmuchabouttheSphinx。ButthenewspapermantoldWillyabouttheSphinx"slibraryandacabinetofcoinshehad；andsaidheshouldmakeanarticleoutofhim，anyhow。Iwishthemanwouldtakehimselfoff。IamafraidLurida"sloveofknowledgewillgetherintotrouble!"

"Whichofthemendoyouwishwouldtakehimselfoff？"

"Iwasthinkingofthenewspaperman。”

Sheblushedalittleasshesaid，"Ican"thelpfeelingastrangesortofinterestabouttheother，Mr。Kirkwood。DoyouknowthatI

methimthismorning，andhadagoodlookathim，fullintheface？"

"Well，tobesure!Thatwasaninterestingexperience。Andhowdidyoulikehislooks？"

"Ithoughthisfaceaveryremarkableone。Buthelookedverypaleashepassedme，andInoticedthatheputhishandtohisleftsideasifhehadatwingeofpain，orsomethingofthatsort，——spasmorneuralgia，——Idon"tknowwhat。Iwonderedwhetherhehadwhatyoucallanginapectoris。Itwasthesamekindoflookandmovement，I

remember，asyoutrust，too，inmyunclewhodiedwiththatcomplaint。”

Thedoctorwassilentforamoment。Thenheasked，"Wereyoudressedasyouarenow？"

"Yes，Iwas，exceptthatIhadathinmantleovermyshoulders。I

wasoutearly，andIhavealwaysrememberedyourcaution。”

"Whatcolorwasyourmantle？"

"Itwasblack。IhavebeenoverallthiswithLucinda。Ablackmantleonawhitedress。Astrawhatwithanoldfadedribbon。

Therecan"tbemuchinthosecolorstotroublehim，Ishouldthink，forhismanwearsablackcoatandwhitelinen，——moreorlesswhite，asyoumusthavenoticed，andhemusthaveseenribbonsofallcolorsoftenenough。ButLuridabelievesitwastheribbon，orsomethinginthecombinationofcolors。HerheadisfullofTarantulasandTarantism。Ifearthatshewillneverbeeasyuntilthequestionissettledbyactualtrial。Andwillyoubelieveit？thegirlisdeterminedinsomewaytotesthersupposition!"

"Believeit，Euthymia？IcanbelievealmostanythingofLurida。SheisthemostirrepressiblecreatureIeverknew。YouknowaswellasIdowhatacompletepossessionanyrulingideatakesofherwholenature。Ihavehadsomefearslestherzealmightrunawaywithherdiscretion。Itisagreatdealeasiertogetintoafalsepositionthantogetoutofit。”

"Iknowitwellenough。Iwantyoutotellmewhatyouthinkaboutthewholebusiness。Idon"tlikethelookofitatall，andyetI

candonothingwiththegirlexceptletherfollowherfancy，untilI

canshowherplainlythatshewillgetherselfintotroubleinsomewayorother。Butsheisingenious，——fullofallsortsofdevices，innocentenoughinthemselves，butliabletobemisconstrued。Yourememberhowshewonustheboat-race？"

"TobesureIdo。Itwasrathersharppractice，butshefeltshewaspayingoffanoldscore。TheclassicalstoryofAtalanta，told，likethatofEve，asillustratingtheweaknessofwoman，provokedhertomaketrialofthepowersofresistanceintheothersex。Butitwasaudacious。Ihopeheraudacitywillnotgotoofar。Youmustwatchher。Keepaneyeonhercorrespondence。”

ThedoctorhadgreatconfidenceinthegoodsenseofLurida"sfriend。

HefeltsurethatshewouldnotletLuridacommitherselfbywritingfoolishletterstothesubjectofherspeculations，orsimilarindiscreetperformances。Theboldnessofyounggirls，whothinknoevil，inopeningcorrespondencewithidealizedpersonagesissomethingquiteastonishingtothosewhohavehadanopportunityofknowingthefacts。Luridahadpassedthemostdangerousage，buthertheoryoftheequalityofthesexesmadeherindifferenttotheby-lawsofsocialusage。Sherequiredwatching，andhertwoguardianswerereadytocheckher，incaseofneed。

XVI

MISSVINCENTWRITESALETTER。

Euthymianoticedthatherfriendhadbeenverymuchpreoccupiedfortwoorthreedays。Shefoundhermorethanoncebusyatherdesk，withamanuscriptbeforeher，whichsheturnedoverandplacedinsidethedesk，asEuthymiaentered。

Thisdesireofconcealmentwasnotwhateitherofthefriendsexpectedtoseeintheother。Itshowedthatsomeprojectwasunderway，which，atleastinitspresentstage，theMachiavellianyoungladydidnotwishtodisclose。Ithadcostheragooddealofthoughtandcare，apparently，forherwaste-basketwasfullofscrapsofpaper，whichlookedasiftheyweretheremainsofamanuscriptlikethatatwhichshewasatwork。"Copyingandrecopying，probably，"thoughtEuthymia，butshewaswillingtowaittolearnwhatLuridawasbusyabout，thoughshehadasuspicionthatitwassomethinginwhichshemightfeelcalledupontointerestherself。

"DoyouknowwhatIthink？"saidEuthymiatothedoctor，meetinghimashelefthisdoor。"IbelieveLuridaiswritingtothisman，andI

don"tlikethethoughtofherdoingsuchathing。Ofcoursesheisnotlikeothergirlsinmanyrespects，butotherpeoplewilljudgeherbythecommonrulesoflife。”

"Iamgladthatyouspokeofit，"answeredthedoctor；"shewouldwritetohimjustasquicklyastoanywomanofhisage。Besides，underthecoverofheroffice，shehasgotintothewayofwritingtoanybody。IthinkshehasalreadywrittentoMr。Kirkwood，askinghimtocontributeapaperfortheSociety。Shecanfindapretexteasilyenoughifshehasmadeuphermindtowrite。Infact，Idoubtifshewouldtroubleherselfforanypretextatallifshedecidedtowrite。

Watchherwell。Don"tletanylettergowithoutseeingit，ifyoucanhelpit。”

Youngwomenaremuchgiventowritingletterstopersonswhomtheyonlyknowindirectly，forthemostpartthroughtheirbooks，andespeciallytoromancersandpoets。Nothingcanbemoreinnocentandsimple-heartedthanmostoftheseletters。Theyarethespontaneousoutflowofyoungheartseasilyexcitedtogratitudeforthepleasurewhichsomestoryorpoemhasgiventhem，andrecognizingtheirownthoughts，theirownfeelings，inthoseexpressedbytheauthor，asifonpurposeforthemtoread。Undoubtedlytheygivegreatrelieftosolitaryyoungpersons，whomusthavesomeidealreflectionofthemselves，andknownotwheretolooksinceProtestantismhastakenawaythecrucifixandtheMadonna。Therecipientoftheseletterssometimeswonders，afterreadingthroughoneofthem，howitisthathisyoungcorrespondenthasmanagedtofillsomuchspacewithhersimplemessageofadmirationorofsympathy。

Luridadidnotbelongtothisparticularclassofcorrespondents，butshecouldnotresistthelawofhersex，whosethoughtsnaturallysurroundthemselveswithsuperabundantdraperyoflanguage，astheirpersonsfloatinawidesuperfluityofwoventissues。Wassheindeedwritingtothisunknowngentleman？Euthymiaquestionedherpoint-

blank。

"AreyougoingtoopenacorrespondencewithMr。MauriceKirkwood，Lurida？Youseemtobesobusywriting，Icanthinkofnothingelse。

Orareyougoingtowriteanovel，orapaperfortheSociety，——dotellmewhatyouaresomuchtakenupwith。”

"Iwilltellyou，Euthymia，ifyouwillpromisenottofindfaultwithmeforcarryingoutmyplanasIhavemadeupmymindtodo。

YoumayreadthisletterbeforeIsealit，andifyoufindanythinginityoudon"tlikeyoucansuggestanychangethatyouthinkwillimproveit。Ihopeyouwillseethatitexplainsitself。Idon"tbelievethatyouwillfindanythingtofrightenyouinit。”

Thisistheletter，assubmittedtoMissTowerbyherfriend。Theboldhandwritingmadeitlooklikeaman"sletter，andgaveitconsequentlyalessdangerousexpressionthanthatwhichbelongstothetintedandoftenfragrantsheetwithitsdelicatethreadycharacters，whichslantacrossthepagelikeanAprilshowerwithasouthwindchasingit。

ARROWHEADVILLAGE，August——，18。

MYDEARSIR，——YouwilldoubtlessbesurprisedatthesightofaletterlikethisfromonewhomyouonlyknowastheSecretaryofthePansophianSociety。Thereisaverycommonfeelingthatitisunbecominginoneofmysextoaddressoneofyourownwithwhomsheisunacquainted，unlessshehassomespecialclaimuponhisattention。Iambynomeansdisposedtoconcedetothevulgarprejudiceonthispoint。Ifonehumanbeinghasanythingtocommunicatetoanother，——anythingwhichdeservesbeingcommunicated，——Iseenooccasionforbringinginthequestionofsex。IdonotthinkthehomosumofTerencecanbeclaimedforthemalesexasitsprivatepropertyongeneralanymorethanongrammaticalgrounds，Ihavesometimesthoughtofdevotingmyselftothenobleartofhealing。IfIdidso，itwouldbewiththefixedpurposeofgivingmywholepowerstotheserviceofhumanity。AndifIshouldcarryoutthatidea，shouldIrefusemycareandskilltoasufferingfellow-mortalbecausethatmortalhappenedtobeabrother，andnotasister？Mywholenatureprotestsagainstsuchone-sidedhumanity!

No!Iamblindtoalldistinctionswhenmyeyesareopenedtoanyformofsuffering，toanyspectacleofwant。

YoumayaskmewhyIaddressyou，whomIknowlittleornothingof，andtowhomsuchanadvancemayseempresumptuousandintrusive。ItisbecauseIwasdeeplyimpressedbythepaperwhichIattributedtoyou，——thatonOcean，River，andLake，whichwasreadatoneofourmeetings。IsaythatIwasdeeplyimpressed，butIdonotmeanthisasacomplimenttothatpaper。Iamnotbandyingcomplimentsnow，butthinkingofbetterthingsthanpraisesorphrases。Iwasinterestedinthepaper，partlybecauseIrecognizedsomeofthefeelingsexpressedinitasmyown，——partlybecausetherewasanundertoneofsadnessinallthevoicesofnatureasyouechoedthemwhichmademesadtohear，andwhichIcouldnothelplongingtocheerandenliven。Isaidtomyself，Ishouldliketoholdcommunionwiththewriterofthatpaper。Ihavehadmylonelyhoursanddays，ashehashad。Ihavehadsomeofhisexperiencesinmyintercoursewithnature。Andoh!ifIcoulddrawhimintothosebetterhumanrelationswhichawaitusall，ifwecomewiththerightdispositions，IshouldblushifIstoppedtoinquirewhetherIviolatedanyconventionalruleornot。

Youwillunderstandme，Ifeelsure。Youbelieve，doyounot？intheinsignificanceofthebarrierwhichdividesthesisterhoodfromthebrotherhoodofmankind。Youbelieve，doyounot？thattheyshouldbeeducatedsidebyside，thattheyshouldsharethesamepursuits，dueregardbeinghadtothefitnessoftheparticularindividualforhardorlightwork，asitmustalwaysbe，whetherwearedealingwiththe"stronger"orthe"weaker"sex。Imarkthesewordsbecause，notwithstandingtheircommonuse，theyinvolvesomuchthatisnottrue。Stronger!Yes，toliftabarrelofflour，orabarrelofcider，——thoughtherehavebeenwomenwhocoulddothat，andthoughwhenJohnWesleywasmobbedinStaffordshireawomanknockeddownthreeorfourmen，oneafteranother，untilshewasatlastoverpoweredandnearlymurdered。Talkabouttheweakersex!GoandseeMissEuthymiaToweratthegymnasium!Butnomatteraboutwhichsexhasthestrongestmuscles。Whichhasmosttosuffer，andwhichhasmostenduranceandvitality？Wegothroughmanyordealswhichyouarespared，butweoutlastyouinmindandbody。Ihavebeenledawayintooneofmyaccustomedtrainsofthought，butnotsofarawayfromitasyoumightatfirstsuppose。

Mybrother!Areyounotreadytorecognizeinmeafriend，anequal，asister，whocanspeaktoyouasifshehadbeenrearedunderthesameroof？Andisnottheskythatcoversusoneroof，whichmakesusallonefamily？Youarelonely，youmustbelongingforsomehumanfellowship。Takemeintoyourconfidence。WhatistherethatyoucantellmetowhichIcannotrespondwithsympathy？Whatsaddestnoteinyourspiritualdirgeswhichwillnotfinditschordinmine？

Ilongtoknowwhatinfluencehascastitsshadowoveryourexistence。Imyselfhaveknownwhatitistocarryabrainthatneverrestsinabodythatisalwaystired。Ihavedefieditsinfirmities，andforcedittodomybidding。Youhavenosuchhindrance，ifwemayjudgebyyouraspectandhabits。YoudealwithhorseslikeaHomerichero。NowildIndiancouldhandlehisbarkcanoemoredexterouslyormorevigorouslythanwehaveseenyouhandlingyours。Theremustbesomereasonforyourseclusionwhichcuriosityhasnotreached，andintowhichitisnottheprovinceofcuriositytoinquire。ButintheirresistibledesirewhichIhavetobringyouintokindlyrelationswiththosearoundyou，ImustruntheriskofgivingoffencethatImayknowinwhatdirectiontolookforthoserestorativeinfluenceswhichthesympathyofafriendandsistercanoffertoabrotherinneedofsomekindlyimpulsetochangethecourseofalifewhichisnot，whichcannotbe，inaccordancewithhistruenature。

Ihavethoughtthattheremaybesomethingintheconditionswithwhichyouareheresurroundedwhichisrepugnanttoyourfeelings，——

somethingwhichcanbeavoidedonlybykeepingyourselfapartfromthepeoplewhoseacquaintanceyouwouldnaturallyhaveformed。Therecanhardlybeanythingintheplaceitself，oryouwouldnothavevoluntarilysoughtitasaresidence，evenforasingleseason。

theremightbeindividualsherewhomyouwouldnotcaretomeet，theremustbesuch，butyoucannothaveapersonalaversiontoeverybody。Ihaveheardofcasesinwhichcertainsightsandsounds，whichhavenoparticularsignificanceformostpersons，producedfeelingsofdistressoraversionthatmade，themunbearabletothesubjectsoftheconstitutionaldislike。Ithasoccurredtomethatpossiblyyoumighthavesomesuchnaturalaversiontothesoundsofthestreet，orsuchasareheardinmosthouses，especiallywhereapianoiskept，asitisinfactinalmostallofthoseinthevillage。Oritmightbe，Iimagined，thatsomecolorinthedressesofwomenorthefurnitureofourroomsaffectedyouunpleasantly。I

knowthatinstancesofsuchantipathyhavebeenrecorded，andtheywouldaccountfortheseclusionofthosewhoaresubjecttoit。

Ifthereisanyremovableconditionwhichinterfereswithyourfreeentranceintoandenjoymentofthesociallifearoundyou，tellme，I

begofyou，tellmewhatitis，anditshallbeeliminated。Thinkitnotstrange，Omybrother，thatIthusventuretointroducemyselfintothehiddenchambersofyourlife。Iwillneversuffermyselftobefrightenedfromthecarryingoutofanythoughtwhichpromisestobeofusetoafellow-mortalbyafearlestitshouldbeconsidered"unfeminine。”Icanbeartobeconsideredunfeminine，butIcannotenduretothinkofmyselfasinhuman。CanIhelpyou，mybrother"？

Believemeyourmostsincerewell-wisher，LURIDAVINCENT。

Euthymiahadcarriedoffthisletterandreaditbyherself。Asshefinishedit，herfeelingsfoundexpressioninanoldphraseofhergrandmother"s，whichcameupofitself，assuchsurvivalsofearlydaysareapttodo，ongreatoccasions。

"Well，Inever!"

Thensheloosenedsomebuttonorstringthatwastootight，andwenttothewindowforabreathofoutdoorair。Thenshebeganatthebeginningandreadthewholeletteralloveragain。

Whatshouldshedoaboutit？Shecouldnotletthisyounggirlsendaletterlikethattoastrangerofwhosecharacterlittlewasknownexceptbyinference，——toayoungman，whowouldconsideritamostextraordinaryadvanceonthepartofthesender。Shewouldhavelikedtotearitintoathousandpieces，butshehadnorighttotreatitinthatway。Luridameanttosenditthenextmorning，andinthemeantimeEuthymiahadthenighttothinkoverwhatsheshoulddoaboutit。

Thereisnothinglikethepillowforanoracle。Thereisnovoicelikethatwhichbreaksthesilence——ofthestagnanthoursofthenightwithitssuddensuggestionsandluminouscounsels。WhenEuthymiaawokeinthemorning，hercourseofactionwasasclearbeforeherasifitbadbeendictatedbyherguardianangel。ShewentstraightovertothehomeofLurida，whowasjustdressedforbreakfast。

Shewasnaturallyalittlesurprisedatthisearlyvisit。ShewasstruckwiththeexcitedlookofEuthymia，beingherselfquitecalm，andcontemplatingherprojectwithentirecomplacency。

Euthymiabegan，intonesthatexpresseddeepanxiety。

"Ihavereadyourletter，mydear，andadmireditsspiritandforce。

Itisafineletter，anddoesyougreatcreditasanexpressionofthetruesthumanfeeling。ButitmustnotbesenttoMr。Kirkwood。

Ifyouweresixtyyearsold，perhapsifyouwerefifty，itmightbeadmissibletosendit。Butifyouwereforty，Ishouldquestionitspropriety；ifyouwerethirty，Ishouldvetoit，andyouarebutalittlemorethantwenty。Howdoyouknowthatthisstrangerwillnotshowyourlettertoanybodyoreverybody？Howdoyouknowthathewillnotsendittooneofthegossipingjournalslikethe"HouseholdInquisitor"？Butsupposinghekeepsittohimself，whichismorethanyouhavearighttoexpect，whatopinionishelikelytoformofayoungladywhoinvadeshisprivacywithsuchfreedom？Tentoonehewillthinkcuriosityisatthebottomofit，——and，——come，don"tbeangryatmeforsuggestingit，——maytherenotbealittleofthatsamemotivemingledwiththeothers？No，don"tinterruptmequiteyet；youdowanttoknowwhetheryourhypothesisiscorrect。Youarefullofthebestandkindestfeelingsintheworld，butyourdesireforknowledgeisthefermentunderthemjustnow，perhapsmorethanyouknow。”

Lurida"spalecheeksflushedandwhitenedmorethanoncewhileherfriendwasspeaking。Shelovedhertoosincerelyandrespectedherintelligencetoomuchtotakeoffenceatheradvice，butshecouldnotgiveupherhumaneandsisterlyintentionsmerelyfromthefearofsomeawkwardconsequencestoherself。ShehadpersuadedherselfthatshewasplayingthepartofaProtestantsisterofcharity，andthatthefactofhernotwearingthecostumeoftheseministeringangelsmadenodifferenceinherrelationstothosewhoneededheraid。

"Icannotseeyourobjectionsinthelightinwhichtheyappeartoyou，"shesaidgravely。"ItseemstomethatIgiveupeverythingwhenIhesitatetohelpafellow-creaturebecauseIamawoman。Iamnotafraidtosendthisletterandtakealltheconsequences。”

"Willyougowithmetothedoctor"s，andlethimreaditinourpresence？Andwillyouagreetoabidebyhisopinion，ifitcoincideswithmine？"

Luridawincedalittleatthisproposal。"Idon"tquitelike，"shesaid，"showingthisletterto——to"shehesitated，butithadtocomeout——"toaman，thatis，toanothermanthantheoneforwhomitwasintended。”

Theneutergenderbusinesshadgotaprettydamagingside-hit。

"Well，nevermindaboutlettinghimreadtheletter。Willyougoovertohishousewithmeatnoon，whenhecomesbackafterhismorningvisits，andhaveatalkoverthewholematterwithhim？YouknowIhavesometimeshadtosaymusttoyou，Lurida，andnowIsayyoumustgotothedoctor"swithmeandcarrythatletter。”

Therewasnoresistingthepotentmonosyllableasthesweetbutfirmvoicedeliveredit。Atnoonthetwomaidensrangatthedoctor"sdoor。Theservantsaidhehadbeenatthehouseafterhismorningvisits，butfoundahastysummonstoMr。Kirkwood，whohadbeentakensuddenlyillandwishedtoseehimatonce。Wastheillnessdangerous？Theservant-maiddidn"tknow，butthoughtitwasprettybad，forMr。Paulcameinaswhiteasasheet，andtalkedallsortsoflanguageswhichshecouldn"tunderstand，andtookonasifhethoughtMr。Kirkwoodwasgoingtodierightoff。

Andsothehazardousquestionaboutsendingtheletterwasdisposedof，atleastforthepresent。

XVII

Dr。BUTTS"SPATIENT。

ThephysicianfoundMauricejustregaininghisheatafterachillofasomewhatseverecharacter。Heknewtoowellwhatthismeant，andtheprobableseriesofsymptomsofwhichitwastheprelude。Hispatientwasnottheonlyoneintheneighborhoodwhowasattackedinthisway。Theautumnalfeverstowhichourcountrytownsaresubject，intheplaceofthose"agues，"orintermittents，solargelyprevalentintheSouthandWest，werealreadybeginning，andMaurice，whohadexposedhimselfintheearlyandlatehoursofthedangerousseason，mustbeexpectedtogothroughtheregularstagesofthisalwaysseriousandnotrarelyfataldisease。

Paolo，hisfaithfulservant，wouldfainhavetakenthesolechargeofhismasterduringhisillness。Butthedoctorinsistedthathemusthaveanursetohelphiminhistask，whichwaslikelytobelongandexhausting。

Atthementionoftheword"nurse"Paoloturnedwhite，andexclaimedinanagitatedandthoroughlyfrightenedway，"No!nonuss!nowoman!Shekillhim!Istaybyhimdayandnight，butdon"letnowomancomenearhim，——ifyoudo，hedie!"

Thedoctorexplainedthatheintendedtosendamanwhowasusedtotakingcareofsickpeople，andwithnolittleeffortatlastsucceededinconvincingPaolothat，ashecouldnotbeawakedayandnightforafortnightorthreeweeks，itwasabsolutelynecessarytocallinsomeassistancefromwithout。AndsoMr。MauriceKirkwoodwastoplaytheleadingpartinthatdramaofnature"scomposingcalledatyphoidfever，withitsregularbedchamberscenery，itspropertiesofphialsandpill-boxes，itslittlecompanyofstockactors，itsgradualevolutionofaverysimpleplot，itsfamiliarincidents，itsemotionalalternations，anditsdenouement，sometimestragic，oftenerhappy。

Itisneedlesstosaythatthesympathiesofallthegoodpeopleofthevillage，residentsandstrangers，wereactivelyawakenedfortheyoungmanaboutwhomtheyknewsolittleandconjecturedsomuch。

Tokensoftheirkindnesscametohimdaily:flowersfromthewoodsandfromthegardens；choicefruitgrownintheopenairorunderglass，forthereweresomefinehousessurroundedbywell-keptgrounds，andgreenhousesandgraperieswerenotunknowninthesmallbutfavoredsettlement。

OnalltheseluxuriesMauricelookedwithdullandlanguideyes。A

faintsmileofgratitudesometimesstruggledthroughthestillnessofhisfeatures，oramurmuredwordofthanksfounditswaythroughhisparchedlips，andhewouldrelapseintothepartialstupororthefitfulsleepinwhich，withintervalsofslightwandering，theslowhoursdraggedalongthesluggishdaysoneafteranother。Withnoviolentsymptoms，butwithsteadypersistency，thediseasemovedoninitsaccustomedcourse。Itwasatnotimeimmediatelythreatening，buttheexperiencedphysicianknewitsuncertaintiesonlytoowell。

Hehadknownfeverpatientssuddenlyseizedwithviolentinternalinflammation，andcarriedoffwithfrightfulrapidity。Herememberedthecaseofaconvalescent，ayoungwomanwhohadbeenattackedwhileinapparentlyvigorousgeneralhealth，who，onbeingliftedtoosuddenlytoasittingposition，whilestillconfinedtoherbed，fainted，andinafewmomentsceasedtobreathe。Itmaywellbesupposedthathetookeverypossibleprecautiontoaverttheaccidentswhichtendtothrowfromitstrackadiseasetheregularcourseofwhichisarrangedbynatureascarefullyastherouteofarailroadfromonecitytoanother。Themostnaturalinterpretationwhichthecommonobserverwouldputuponthemanifestationsofoneoftheseautumnalmaladieswouldbethatsomenoxiouscombustibleelementhadfounditswayintothesystemwhichmustbeburnedtoashesbeforetheheatwhichpervadesthewholebodycansubside。

Sometimesthefiremaysmoulderandseemasifitweregoingout，orwerequiteextinguished，andagainitwillfindsomenewmaterialtoseizeupon，andflameupasfiercelyasever。Itscomingonmostfrequentlyattheseasonwhenthebrushfireswhichareconsumingthedeadbranches，andwitheredleaves，andalltherefuseofvegetationaresendinguptheirsmokeissuggestive。Sometimesitseemsasifthebody，relievedofitseffetematerials，reneweditsyouthafteroneofthesequiet，expurgating，internalfractionalcremations。

Lean，pallidstudentshavefoundthemselvesplumpandblooming，andithashappenedthatonewhosehairwasstraightasgnatofanIndianhasbeenstartledtobeholdhimselfinhismirrorwithafringeofhyacinthinecurlsabouthisrejuvenatedcountenance。

TherewasnothingofwhatmedicalmencallmalignityinthecaseofMauriceKirkwood。Themostalarmingsymptomwasaprofoundprostration，whichatlastreachedsuchapointthathelayutterlyhelpless，asunabletomovewithoutaidasthefeeblestofparalytics。Inthisstatehelayformanydays，notsufferingpain，butwiththesenseofgreatweariness，andthefeelingthatheshouldneverrisefromhisbedagain。Forthemostparthisintellectwasuncloudedwhenhisattentionwasaroused。Hespokeonlyinwhispers，afewwordsatatime。Thedoctorfeltsure，bytheexpressionwhichpassedoverhisfeaturesfromtimetotime，thatsomethingwasworryingandoppressinghim；somethingwhichhewishedtocommunicate，andhadnottheforce，orthetenacityofpurpose，tomakeperfectlyclear。Hiseyesoftenwanderedtoacertaindesk，andoncehehadfoundstrengthtolifthisemaciatedarmandpointtoit。

Thedoctorwenttowardsitasiftofetchittohim，butheslowlyshookhishead。Hehadnotthepowertosayatthattimewhathewished。Thenextdayhefeltalittlelessprostrated；andsucceededinexplainingtothedoctorwhathewanted。Hiswords，sofarasthephysiciancouldmakethemout，werethesewhichfollow。Dr。Buttslookeduponthemaspossiblyexpressingwisheswhichwouldbehislast，andnotedthemdowncarefullyimmediatelyafterleavinghischamber。

"Icommitthesecretofmylifetoyourcharge。Mywholestoryistoldinapaperlockedinthatdesk。Thekeyis——putyourhandundermypillow。IfIdie，letthestorybeknown。ItwillshowthatI

was——human——andsavemymemoryfromreproach。”

Hewassilentforalittletime。Asingletearstoledownhishollowcheek。Thedoctorturnedhisheadaway，forhisowneyeswerefull。

Buthesaidtohimself，"Itisagoodsign；Ibegintofeelstronghopesthathewillrecover。”

Mauricespokeoncemore。"Doctor，Iputfulltrustinyou。Youarewiseandkind。Dowhatyouwillwiththispaper，butopenitatonceandread。Iwantyoutoknowthestoryofmylifebeforeitisfinished——iftheendisathand。Takeitwithyouandreaditbeforeyousleep。”Hewasexhaustedandpresentlyhiseyesclosed，butthedoctorsawatranquillookonhisfeatureswhichaddedencouragementtohishopes。

XVIII

MAURICEKIRKWOOD"SSTORYOFHISLIFE。

IamanAmericanbybirth，butalargepartofmylifehasbeenpassedinforeignlands。Myfatherwasamanofeducation，possessedofanamplefortune；mymotherwasconsidered，averyaccomplishedandamiablewoman。Iwastheirfirstandonlychild。ShediedwhileIwasyetaninfant。IfIrememberheratallitisasavision，morelikeaglimpseofapre-natalexistencethanasapartofmyearthlylife。AtthedeathofmymotherIwasleftinthechargeoftheoldnursewhohadenjoyedherperfectconfidence。Shewasdevotedtome，andIbecameabsolutelydependentonher，whohadformealltheloveandallthecareofamother。Iwasnaturallytheobjectoftheattentionsandcaressesofthefamilyrelatives。I

havebeentoldthatIwasapleasant，smilinginfant，withnothingtoindicateanypeculiarnervoussusceptibility；notafraidofstrangers，butonthecontraryreadytomaketheiracquaintance。Myfatherwasdevotedtomeanddidallinhispowertopromotemyhealthandcomfort。

Iwasstillababe，oftencarriedinarms，whentheeventhappenedwhichchangedmywholefutureanddestinedmetoastrangeandlonelyexistence。Icannotrelateitevennowwithoutasenseofterror。I

mustforcemyselftorecallthecircumstancesastoldmeandvaguelyremembered，forIamnotwillingthatmydoomedandwhollyexceptionallifeshouldpassawayunrecorded，unexplained，unvindicated。Mynatureis，Ifeelsure，akindandsocialone，butIhavelivedapart，asifmyheartwerefilledwithhatredofmyfellow-creatures。Ifthereareanyreaderswholookwithoutpity，withoutsympathy，uponthosewhoshunthefellowshipoftheirfellowmenandwomen，whoshowbytheirdowncastoravertedeyesthattheydreadcompanionshipandlongforsolitude，Ipraythem，ifthispapereverreachesthem，tostopatthispoint。Followmenofurther，foryouwillnotbelievemystory，norenterintothefeelingswhichIamabouttoreveal。Butifthereareanytowhomallthatishumanisofinterest，whohavefeltintheirownconsciousnesssomestirringsofinvincibleattractiontooneindividualandequallyinvinciblerepugnancetoanother，whoknowbytheirownexperiencethatelectiveaffinitieshaveastheirnecessarycounterpart，and，asitwere，theirpolaropposites，currentsnotlessstrongofelectiverepulsions，letthemreadwithunquestioningfaiththestoryofablightedlifeIamabouttorelate，muchofit，ofcourse，receivedfromthelipsofothers。

MycousinLaura，agirlofseventeen，latelyreturnedfromEurope，wasconsideredeminentlybeautiful。Itwasinmysecondsummerthatshevisitedmyfather"shouse，wherehewaslivingwithhisservantsandmyoldnurse，mymotherhavingbutrecentlylefthimawidower。

Laurawasfullofvivacity，impulsive，quickinhermovements，thoughtlessoccasionally，asitisnotstrangethatayounggirlofherageshouldbe。Itwasabeautifulsummerdaywhenshesawmeforthefirsttime。Mynursehadmeinherarms，walkingbackandforwardonabalconywithalowrailing，uponwhichopenedthewindowsofthesecondstoryofmyfather"shouse。Whilethenursewasthuscarryingme，Lauracamesuddenlyuponthebalcony。Shenosoonersawmethanwithallthedelightedeagernessofheryouthfulnaturesherushedtowardme，and，catchingmefromthenurse"sarms，begantossingmeafterthefashionofyounggirlswhohavebeensolatelyplayingwithdollsthattheyfeelasifbabieswereverymuchofthesamenature。Theabruptseizurefrightenedme；Isprangfromherarmsinmyterror，andfellovertherailingofthebalcony。I

shouldprobablyenoughhavebeenkilledonthespotbutforthefactthatalowthorn-bushgrewjustbeneaththebalcony，intowhichI

fellandthushadtheviolenceoftheshockbroken。Butthethornstoremytenderflesh，andIbeartothisdaymarksofthedeepwoundstheyinflicted。

Thatdreadfulexperienceisburneddeepintomymemory。Thesuddenapparitionofthegirl；thesenseofbeingtornawayfromtheprotectingarmsaroundme；thefranticefforttoescape；theshriekthataccompaniedmyfallthroughwhatmusthaveseemedunmeasurablespace；thecruellacerationsofthepiercingandrendingthorns，——allthesefearfulimpressionsblendedinoneparalyzingterror。

WhenIwastakenupIwasthoughttobedead。Iwasperfectlywhite，andthephysicianwhofirstsawmesaidthatnopulsewasperceptible。Butafteratimeconsciousnessreturned；thewounds，thoughpainful，werenoneofthemdangerous，andthemostalarmingeffectsoftheaccidentpassedaway。Myoldnursecaredformetenderlydayandnight，andmyfather，whohadbeenalmostdistractedinthefirsthourswhichfollowedtheinjury，hopedandbelievedthatnopermanentevilresultswouldbefoundtoresultfromit。MycousinLaurawasofcoursedeeplydistressedtofeelthatherthoughtlessnesshadbeenthecauseofsograveanaccident。AssoonasIhadsomewhatrecoveredshecametoseeme，verypenitent，veryanxioustomakemeforgetthealarmshehadcausedme，withallitsconsequences。Iwasinthenurserysittingupinmybed，bandaged，butnotinanypain，asitseemed，forIwasquietandtoallappearanceinaperfectlynaturalstateoffeeling。AsLauracamenearmeIshriekedandinstantlychangedcolor。IputmyhanduponmyheartasifIhadbeenstabbed，andfellover，unconscious。ItwasverymuchthesamestateasthatinwhichIwasfoundimmediatelyaftermyfall。

Thecauseofthisviolentandappallingseizurewasbuttooobvious。

Theapproachoftheyounggirlandthedreadthatshewasabouttolayherhanduponmehadcalledupthesametrainofeffectswhichthemomentofterrorandpainhadalreadyoccasioned。Theoldnursesawthisinamoment。"Go!go!"shecriedtoLaura，"go，orthechildwilldie!"Hercommanddidnothavetoberepeated。AfterLaurahadgoneIlaysenseless，whiteandcoldasmarble，forsometime。Thedoctorsooncame，andbytheuseofsmartrubbingandstimulantsthecolorcamebackslowlytomycheeksandthearrestedcirculationwasagainsetinmotion。

Itwashardtobelievethatthiswasanythingmorethanatemporaryeffectoftheaccident。Therecouldbelittledoubt，itwasthoughtbythedoctorandbymyfather，thatafterafewdaysIshouldrecoverfromthismorbidsensibilityandreceivemycousinasotherinfantsreceivepleasant-lookingyoungpersons。Theoldnurseshookherhead。"Thegirlwillbethedeathofthechild，"shesaid，"ifshetoucheshimorcomesnearhim。Hisheartstoppedbeatingjustaswhenthegirlsnatchedhimoutofmyarms，andhefelloverthebalconyrailing。”Oncemoretheexperimentwastried，cautiously，almostinsidiously。Thesamealarmingconsequencesfollowed。Itwastooevidentthatachainofnervousdisturbanceshadbeensetupinmysystemwhichrepeateditselfwhenevertheoriginalimpressiongavethefirstimpulse。IneversawmycousinLauraafterthislasttrial。Itsresulthadsodistressedherthatsheneverventuredagaintoshowherselftome。

Iftheeffectofthenervousshockhadstoppedthere，itwouldhavebeenamisfortuneformycousinandmyself，buthardlyacalamity。

Theworldiswide，andacousinortwomoreorlesscanhardlybeconsideredanessentialofexistence。IoftenheardLaura"snamementioned，butneverbyanyonewhowasacquaintedwithallthecircumstances，foritwasnoticedthatIchangedcolorandcaughtatmybreastasifIwantedtograspmyheartinmyhandwheneverthatfatalnamewasmentioned。

Alas!thiswasnotall。WhileIwassufferingfromtheeffectsofmyfallamongthethornsIwasattendedbymyoldnurse，assistedbyanotheroldwoman，byaphysician，andmyfather，whowouldtakehisshareincaringforme。Itwasthoughtbesttokeep——meperfectlyquiet，andstrangersandfriendswerealikeexcludedfrommynursery，withoneexception，thatmyoldgrandmothercameinnowandthen。

WithheritseemsthatIwassomewhattimidandshy，followingherwithratheranxiouseyes，asifnotquitecertainwhetherornotshewasdangerous。Butoneday，whenIwasfaradvancedtowardsrecovery，myfatherbroughtinayounglady，arelativeofhis，whohadexpressedagreatdesiretoseeme。Shewas，asIhavebeentold，averyhandsomegirl，ofaboutthesameageasmycousinLaura，butbearingnopersonalresemblancetoherinform，features，orcomplexion。Shehadnosoonerenteredtheroomthanthesamesuddenchangeswhichhadfollowedmycousin"svisitbegantoshowthemselves，andbeforeshehadreachedmybedsideIwasinastateofdeadlycollapse，asontheoccasionsalreadymentioned。

Sometimepassedbeforeanyrecurrenceoftheseterrifyingseizures。

Alittlegirloffiveorsixyearsoldwasallowedtocomeintothenurseryonedayandbringmesomeflowers。Itookthemfromherhand，butturnedawayandshutmyeyes。Therewasnoseizure，buttherewasacertaindreadandaversion，nothingmorethanafeelingwhichitmightbehopedthattimewouldovercome。ThosearoundmeweregraduallyfindingoutthecircumstanceswhichbroughtonthedeadlyattacktowhichIwassubject。

Thedaughterofoneofournearneighborswasconsideredtheprettiestgirlofthevillagewherewewerepassingthesummer。Shewasveryanxioustoseeme，andasIwasnownearlywellitwasdeterminedthatsheshouldbepermittedtopaymeashortvisit。I

hadalwaysdelightedinseeingherandbeingcaressedbyher。Iwassleepingwhensheenteredthenurseryandcameandtookaseatatmysideinperfectsilence。PresentlyIbecamerestless，andamomentlaterIopenedmyeyesandsawherstoopingoverme。Myhandwenttomyleftbreast，——thecolorfadedfrommycheeks，——Iwasagainthecoldmarbleimagesolikedeaththatithadwell-nighbeenmistakenforit。

Coulditbepossiblethatthefrightwhichhadchilledmybloodhadleftmewithanunconquerablefearofwomanattheperiodwhensheismostattractivenotonlytoadolescents，buttochildrenoftenderage，whofeelthefascinationofherflowinglocks，herbrighteyes，herbloomingcheeks，andthatmysteriousmagnetismofsexwhichdrawsalllifeintoitswarmandpotentlyvitalizedatmosphere？Soitdidindeedseem。Thedangerousexperimentcouldnotberepeatedindefinitely。Itwasnotintentionallytriedagain，butaccidentbroughtaboutmorethanonerenewalofitduringthefollowingyears，untilitbecamefullyrecognizedthatIwastheunhappysubjectofamortaldreadofwoman，——notabsolutelyofthehumanfemale，forIhadnofearofmyoldnurseorofmygrandmother，orofanyoldwrinkledface，andIhadbecomeaccustomedtotheoccasionalmeetingofalittlegirlortwo，whomIneverthelessregardedwithacertainill-

definedfeelingthattherewasdangerintheirpresence。Iwassenttoaboys"schoolveryearly，andduringthefirsttenortwelveyearsofmylifeIhadrarelyanyoccasiontoberemindedofmystrangeidiosyncrasy。

AsIgrewoutofboyhoodintoyouth，achangecameoverthefeelingswhichhadsolongheldcompletepossessionofme。Thiswaswhatmyfatherandhisadvisershadalwaysanticipated，andwasthegroundoftheirconfidenthopeinmyreturntonaturalconditionsbeforeI

shouldhavegrowntomaturemanhood。

HowshallIdescribetheconflictsofthosedreamy，bewildering，dreadfulyears？Visionsoflovelinesshauntedmesleepingandwaking。SometimesagracefulgirlishfigurewouldsodrawmyeyestowardsitthatIlostsightofallelse，andwasreadytoforgetallmyfearsandfindmyselfatherside，likeotheryouthsbythesideofyoungmaidens，——happyintheircheerfulcompanionship，whileI，——

I，underthecurseofoneblightingmoment，lookedon，hopeless。

Sometimestheglimpseofafairfaceorthetoneofasweetvoicestirredwithinmealltheinstinctsthatmakethemorningoflifebeautifultoadolescence。Ireasonedwithmyself:

WhyshouldInothaveoutgrownthatidleapprehensionwhichhadbeenthenightmareofmyearlieryears？Whyshouldnottherisingtideoflifehavedrownedoutthefeeblegrowthsthatinfestedtheshallowsofchildhood？Howmanychildrentherearewhotrembleatbeingleftaloneinthedark，butwho，afewyearslater，willsmileattheirfoolishterrorsandbravealltheghostsofahauntedchamber!WhyshouldIanylongerbetheslaveofafoolishfancythathasgrownintoahalfinsanehabitofmind？Iwasfamiliarlyacquaintedwithallthestoriesofthestrangeantipathiesandinvinciblerepugnancestowhichothers，someofthemfamousmen，hadbeensubject。Isaidtomyself，WhyshouldnotIovercomethisdreadofwomanasPetertheGreatfoughtdownhisdreadofwheelsrollingoverabridge？WasI，aloneofallmankind，tobedoomedtoperpetualexclusionfromthesocietywhich，asitseemedtome，wasallthatrenderedexistenceworththetroubleandfatigueofslaverytothevulgarneedofsupplyingthewasteofthesystemandworkingatthetaskofrespirationlikethedaughtersofDanaus，——toilingdayandnightastheworn-outsailorlaborsatthepumpofhissinkingvessel？

WhydidInotbravetheriskofmeetingsquarely，andwithoutregardtoanypossibledanger，someoneofthosefairmaidenswhosefar-offsmile，whosegracefulmovements，atonceattractedandagitatedme？

IcanonlyanswerthisquestiontothesatisfactionofanyreallyinquiringreaderbygivinghimthetrueinterpretationofthesingularphenomenonofwhichIwasthesubject。ForthisIshallhavetorefertoapaperofwhichIhavemadeacopy，andwhichwillbefoundincludedwiththismanuscript。Itisenoughtosayhere，withoutenteringintotheexplanationofthefact，whichwillbefoundsimpleenoughasseenbythelightofmodernphysiologicalscience，thatthe"nervousdisturbance"whichthepresenceofawomanintheflowerofherageproducedinmysystemwasasenseofimpendingdeath，sudden，overwhelming，unconquerable，appalling。Itwasareversedactionofthenervouscentres，——theoppositeofthatwhichflushestheyounglover"scheekandhurrieshisboundingpulsesashecomesintothepresenceoftheobjectofhispassion。Noonewhohaseverfeltthesensationcanhavefailedtorecognizeitasanimperativesummons，whichcommandsinstantandterrifiedsubmission。

Itwasatthisperiodofmylifethatmyfatherdeterminedtotrytheeffectoftravelandresidenceindifferentlocalitiesuponmybodilyandmentalcondition。Isaybodilyaswellasmental，forIwastooslenderformyheightandsubjecttosomenervoussymptomswhichwereacauseofanxiety。Thatthemindwaslargelyconcernedinthesetherewasnodoubt，butthemutualinteractionsofmindandbodyareoftentoocomplextoadmitofsatisfactoryanalysis。Eachisinpartcauseandeachalsoinparteffect。

WepassedsomeyearsinItaly，chieflyinRome，whereIwasplacedinaschoolconductedbypriests，andwhereofcourseImetonlythoseofmyownsex。ThereIhadtheopportunityofseeingtheinfluencesunderwhichcertainyoungCatholics，destinedforthepriesthood，areledtoseparatethemselvesfromallcommunionwiththesexassociatedintheirmindswiththemostsubtledangerstowhichthehumansoulcanbeexposed。Ibecameinsomedegreereconciledtothethoughtofexclusionfromthesocietyofwomenbyseeingaroundmesomanywhowereself-devotedtocelibacy。ThethoughtsometimesoccurredtomewhetherIshouldnotfindthebestandtheonlynaturalsolutionoftheproblemofexistence，assubmittedtomyself，intakinguponmethevowswhichsettlethewholequestionandraiseanimpassablebarrierbetweenthedevoteeandtheobjectofhisdangerousattraction。

HowoftenItalkedthiswholematteroverwiththeyoungpriestwhowasatoncemyspecialinstructorandmyfavoritecompanion!ButaccustomedasIhadbecometotheformsoftheRomanChurch，andimpressedasIwaswiththepurityandexcellenceofmanyofitsyoungmemberswithwhomIwasacquainted，myearlytrainingrendereditimpossibleformetoacceptthecredentialswhichitofferedmeasauthoritative。Myfriendandinstructorhadtosetmedownasacaseof"invincibleignorance。”Thiswastheloop-holethroughwhichhecreptoutoftheprison-houseofhiscreed，andwasenabledtolookuponmewithoutthefeelingofabsolutedespairwithwhichhissternerbrethrenwould，Ifear，haveregardedme。

IhavesaidthataccidentexposedmeattimestotheinfluencewhichIhadsuchreasonsfordreading。Hereisoneexampleofsuchanoccurrence，whichIrelateassimplyaspossible，vividlyasitisimpresseduponmymemory。AyoungfriendwhoseacquaintanceIhadmadeinRomeaskedmeonedaytocometohisroomsandlookatacabinetofgemsandmedalswhichhehadcollected。Ihadbeenbutashorttimeinhislibrarywhenavaguesenseofuneasinesscameoverme。Myheartbecamerestless，——Icouldfeelitstirringirregularly，asifitweresomefrightenedcreaturecagedinmybreast。TherewasnothingthatIcouldseetoaccountforit。Adoorwaspartlyopen，butnotsothatIcouldseeintothenextroom。Thefeelinggrewuponmeofsomeinfluencewhichwasparalyzingmycirculation。I

beggedmyfriendtoopenawindow。Asbedidso，thedoorswunginthedraught，andIsawabloomingyoungwoman，——itwasmyfriend"ssister，whohadbeensittingwithabookinherhand，andwhoroseattheopeningofthedoor。Somethinghadwarnedmeofthepresenceofawoman，thatoccultandpotentauraofindividuality，callitpersonalmagnetism，spiritualeffluence，orreduceittoasimplerexpressionifyouwill；whateveritwas，ithadwarnedmeofthenearnessofthedreadattractionwhichalluredatadistanceandrevealeditselfwithalltheterrorsoftheLoreleiifapproachedtoorecklessly。Asignfromherbrothercausedhertowithdrawatonce，butnotbeforeIhadfelttheimpressionwhichbetrayeditselfinmychangeofcolor，anxietyabouttheregionoftheheart，andsuddenfailureasifabouttofallinadeadlyfainting-fit。

Doesallthisseemstrangeandincredibletothereaderofmymanuscript？Nothinginthehistoryoflifeissostrangeorexceptionalasitseemstothosewhohavenotmadealongstudyofitsmysteries。Ihaveneverknownjustsuchacaseasmyown，andyettheremusthavebeensuch，andifthewholehistoryofmankindwereunfoldedIcannotdoubtthattherehavebeenmanylikeit。LetmyreadersuspendhisjudgmentuntilhehasreadthepaperIhavereferredto，whichwasdrawnupbyaCommitteeoftheRoyalAcademyoftheBiologicalSciences。InthispaperthemechanismoftheseriesofnervousderangementstowhichIhavebeensubjectsincethefatalshockexperiencedinmyinfancyisexplainedinlanguagenothardtounderstand。Itwillbeseenthatsuchachangeofpolarityinthenervouscentresisonlyapermanentformandanextremedegreeofanemotionaldisturbance，whichasatemporaryandcomparativelyunimportantpersonalaccidentisfarfrombeinguncommon，——issofrequent，infact，thateveryonemusthaveknowninstancesofit，andnotafewmusthavehadmoreorlessseriousexperiencesofitintheirownprivatehistory。

ItmustnotbesupposedthatmyimaginationdealtwithmeasIamnowdealingwiththereader。Iwasfullofstrangefanciesandwildsuperstitions。OneofmyCatholicfriendsgavemeasilvermedalwhichhadbeenblessedbythePope，andwhichIwastowearnextmybody。Iwastoldthatthiswouldturnblackafteratime，invirtueofapowerwhichitpossessedofdrawingoutoriginalsin，orcertainportionsofit，togetherwiththeevilandmorbidtendencieswhichhadbeenengraftedonthecorruptnature。Iworethemedalfaithfully，asdirected，andwatcheditcarefully。Itbecametarnishedandafteratimedarkened，butitwroughtnochangeinmyunnaturalcondition。

Therewasanoldgypsywhohadthereputationofknowingmoreoffuturitythanshehadanyrighttoknow。ThestorywasthatshehadforetoldtheassassinationofCountRossiandthedeathofCavour。

Howeverthatmayhavebeen，Iwaspersuadedtolethertryherblackartuponmyfuture。Ishallneverforgetthestrange，wildlookofthewrinkledhagasshetookmyhandandstudieditslinesandfixedherwickedoldeyesonmyyoungcountenance。Afterthisexaminationsheshookherheadandmutteredsomewords，whichasnearlyasI

couldgetthemwouldbeinEnglishlikethese:

Fairladycastaspellonthee，Fairlady"shandshallsettheefree。

Strangeasitmayseem，thesewordsofawitheredoldcreature，whosepalmhadtobecrossedwithsilvertobringforthheroracularresponse，havealwaysclungtomymemoryasiftheyweredestinedtofulfilment。TheextraordinarynatureoftheafflictiontowhichI

wassubjectdisposedmetobelievetheincrediblewithreferencetoallthatrelatestoit。Ihaveneverceasedtohavethefeelingthat，soonerorlater，Ishouldfindmyselffreedfromtheblightlaiduponmeinmyinfancy。Itseemsasifitwouldnaturallycomethroughtheinfluenceofsomeyoungandfairwoman，towhomthatmercifulerrandshouldbeassignedbytheProvidencethatgovernsourdestiny。Withstrangehopes，withtremblingfears，withmingledbeliefanddoubt，whereverIhavefoundmyselfIhavesoughtwithlongingyethalf-avertedeyesforthe"electlady，"asIhavelearnedtocallher，whowastoliftthecursefrommyruinedlife。

ThreetimesIhavebeenledtothehope，ifnotthebelief，thatI

hadfoundtheobjectofmysuperstitiousbelief——Singularlyenoughitwasalwaysonthewaterthatthephantomofmyhopeappearedbeforemybewilderedvision。OnceitwasanEnglishgirlwhowasafellowpassengerwithmeinoneofmyoceanvoyages。Ineednotsaythatshewasbeautiful，forshewasmydreamrealized。Iheardhersinging，Isawherwalkingthedeckonsomeofthefairdayswhensea-sicknesswasforgotten。Thepassengerswereasocialcompanyenough，butIhadkeptmyselfapart，aswasmywont。Atlasttheattractionbecametoostrongtoresistanylonger。"Iwillventureintothecharmedcircleifitkillsme，"Isaidtomyfather。Ididventure，anditdidnotkillme，orIshouldnotbetellingthisstory。Buttherewasarepetitionoftheoldexperiences。Ineednotrelatetheseriesofalarmingconsequencesofmyventure。TheEnglishgirlwasverylovely，andIhavenodoubthasmadesomeonesupremelyhappybeforethis，butshewasnotthe"electlady"oftheprophecyandofmydreams。

AsecondtimeIthoughtmyselfforamomentinthepresenceofthedestineddelivererwhowastorestoremetomynaturalplaceamongmyfellowmenandwomen。ItwasontheTiberthatImettheyoungmaidenwhodrewmeoncemoreintothatinnercirclewhichsurroundedyoungwomanhoodwithdeadlyperilforme，ifIdaredtopassitslimits。IwasfloatingwiththestreaminthelittleboatinwhichI

passedmanylonghoursofreveriewhenIsawanothersmallboatwithaboyandayounggirlinit。Theboyhadbeenrowing，andoneofhisoarshadslippedfromhisgrasp。Hedidnotknowhowtopaddlewithasingleoar，andwashopelesslyrowingroundandround，hisoarallthetimefloatingfartherawayfromhim。Icouldnotrefusemyassistance。Ipickeduptheoarandbroughtmyskiffalongsideoftheboat。WhenIhandedtheoartotheboytheyounggirlliftedherveilandthankedmeintheexquisitemusicofthelanguagewhich"Soundsasifitshouldbewritonsatin。”

ShewasatypeofItalianbeauty，——anocturneinfleshandblood，ifImayborrowatermcertainartistsarefondof；butitwashervoicewhichcaptivatedmeandforamomentmademebelievethatIwasnolongershutofffromallrelationswiththesociallifeofmyrace。

AnhourlaterIwasfoundlyinginsensibleonthefloorofmyboat，white，cold，almostpulseless。Itcostmuchpatientlabortobringmebacktoconsciousness。Hadnotsuchextremeeffortsbeenmade，itseemsprobablethatIshouldneverhavewakedfromaslumberwhichwashardlydistinguishablefromthatofdeath。

WhyshouldIprovokeacatastrophewhichappearsinevitableifI

inviteitbyexposingmyselftoitstoowellascertainedcause？Thehabitofthesedeadlyseizureshasbecomeasecondnature。Thestrongestandtheablestmenhavefounditimpossibletoresisttheimpressionproducedbythemostinsignificantobject，bythemostharmlesssightorsoundtowhichtheyhadacongenitaloracquiredantipathy。WhatprospecthaveIofeverbeingridofthislonganddeep-seatedinfirmity？Imaywellaskmyselfthesequestions，butmyansweristhatIwillnevergiveupthehopethattimewillyetbringitsremedy。Itmaybethatthewildpredictionwhichsohauntsmeshallfinditselffulfilled。Ihavehadoflatestrangepremonitions，towhichifIweresuperstitiousIcouldnothelpgivingheed。ButIhaveseentoomuchofthefaiththatdealsinmiraclestoacceptthesupernaturalinanyshape，——assuredlywhenitcomesfromanoldwitch-likecreaturewhotakespayforherrevelationsofthefuture。Beitso:thoughIamnotsuperstitious，Ihavearighttobeimaginative，andmyimaginationwillholdtothosewordsoftheoldzingarawithanirresistiblefeelingthat，soonerorlater，theywillprovetrue。