第14章

"Wepay20.Whatdoyoupayforbeer?"

"Itcostethus81/2milraysthepint."

"Wegetitfor4;25bottlesforacent.Whatdoyoupayforwheat?"

"Attherateof900milraysthebushel."

"Wepay400.Whatdoyoupayforaman"stowlinensuit?"

"Thirteencents."

"Wepay6.Whatdoyoupayforastuffgownforthewifeofthelaborerorthemechanic?"

"Wepay8.4.0."

"Well,observethedifference:youpayeightcentsandfourmills,wepayonlyfourcents."Ipreparednowtosockittohim.lsaid:"Lookhere,dearfriend,WHAT"SBECOMEOFYOURHIGHWAGESYOUWEREBRAGGINGSOABOUT

AFEWMINUTESAGO?"——andIlookedaroundonthecompanywithplacidsatisfaction,forIhadslippeduponhimgraduallyandtiedhimhandandfoot,yousee,withouthisevernoticingthathewasbeingtiedatall."What"sbecomeofthosenoblehighwagesofyours?——Iseemtohaveknockedthestuffingalloutofthem,itappearstome."

Butifyouwillbelieveme,hemerelylookedsurprised,thatisall!

hedidn"tgraspthesituationatall,didn"tknowhehadwalkedintoatrap,didn"tdiscoverthathewasINatrap.Icouldhaveshothim,fromsheervexation.Withcloudyeyeandastrugglingintellecthefetchedthisout:

"Marry,Iseemnottounderstand.ItisPROVEDthatourwagesbedoublethine;howthenmayitbethatthou"stknockedtherefromthestuffing?——

anmiscallnotthewonderlyword,thisbeingthefirsttimeundergraceandprovidenceofGodithathbeengrantedmetohearit."

Well,Iwasstunned;partlywiththisunlooked-forstupidityonhispart,andpartlybecausehisfellowssomanifestlysidedwithhimandwereofhismind——ifyoumightcallitmind.Mypositionwassimpleenough,plainenough;howcoulditeverbesimplifiedmore?However,Imusttry:

"Why,lookhere,brotherDowley,don"tyousee?YourwagesaremerelyhigherthanoursinNAME,notinFACT."

"Hearhim!TheyaretheDOUBLE——yehaveconfessedityourself."

"Yes-yes,Idon"tdenythatatall.Butthat"sgotnothingtodowithit;theAMOUNTofthewagesinmerecoins,withmeaninglessnamesattachedtothemtoknowthemby,hasgotnothingtodowithit.Thethingis,howmuchcanyouBUYwithyourwages?——that"stheidea.Whileitistruethatwithyouagoodmechanicisallowedaboutthreedollarsandahalfayear,andwithusonlyaboutadollarandseventy-five——"

"There——ye"reconfessingitagain,ye"reconfessingitagain!"

"Confoundit,I"veneverdeniedit,Itellyou!WhatIsayisthis.

WithusHALFadollarbuysmorethanaDOLLARbuyswithyou——andTHEREFORE

itstandstoreasonandthecommonestkindofcommon-sense,thatourwagesareHIGHERthanyours."

Helookeddazed,andsaid,despairingly:

"Verily,Icannotmakeitout.Ye"vejustsaidoursarethehigher,andwiththesamebreathyetakeitback."

"Oh,greatScott,isn"titpossibletogetsuchasimplethingthroughyourhead?Nowlookhere——letmeillustrate.Wepayfourcentsforawoman"sstuffgown,youpay8.4.0,whichisfourmillsmorethanDOUBLE.

Whatdoyouallowalaboringwomanwhoworksonafarm?"

"Twomillsaday."

"Verygood;weallowbuthalfasmuch;wepayheronlyatenthofacentaday;and——"

"Againye"reconf——"

"Wait!Now,yousee,thethingisverysimple;thistimeyou"llunderstandit.Forinstance,ittakesyourwoman42daystoearnhergown,at2millsaday——7weeks"work;butoursearnshersinfortydays——twodaysSHORT

of7weeks.Yourwomanhasagown,andherwholesevenweekswagesaregone;ourshasagown,andtwodays"wagesleft,tobuysomethingelsewith.There——NOWyouunderstandit!"

Helooked——well,hemerelylookeddubious,it"sthemostIcansay;

sodidtheothers.Iwaited——toletthethingwork.Dowleyspokeatlast——andbetrayedthefactthatheactuallyhadn"tgottenawayfromhisrootedandgroundedsuperstitionsyet.Hesaid,withatrifleofhesitancy:

"But——but——yecannotfailtograntthattwomillsadayisbetterthanone."

Shucks!Well,ofcourse,Ihatedtogiveitup.SoIchancedanotherflyer:

"Letussupposeacase.Supposeoneofyourjourneymengoesoutandbuysthefollowingarticles:

"1poundofsalt;1dozeneggs;1dozenpintsofbeer;1bushelofwheat;

1tow-linensuit;5poundsofbeef;5poundsofmutton.

"Thelotwillcosthim32cents.Ittakeshim32workingdaystoearnthemoney——5weeksand2days.Lethimcometousandwork32daysatHALFthewages;hecanbuyallthosethingsforashadeunder141/2cents;

theywillcosthimashadeunder29days"work,andhewillhaveabouthalfaweek"swagesover.Carryitthroughtheyear;hewouldsavenearlyaweek"swageseverytwomonths,YOURmannothing;thussavingfiveorsixweeks"wagesinayear,yourmannotacent.NOWIreckonyouunderstandthat"highwages"and"lowwages"arephrasesthatdon"tmeananythingintheworlduntilyoufindoutwhichofthemwillBUYthemost!"

Itwasacrusher.

But,alas!itdidn"tcrush.No,Ihadtogiveitup.WhatthosepeoplevaluedwasHIGHWAGES;itdidn"tseemtobeamatterofanyconsequencetothemwhetherthehighwageswouldbuyanythingornot.Theystoodfor"protection,"andsworebyit,whichwasreasonableenough,becauseinterestedpartieshadgulledthemintothenotionthatitwasprotectionwhichhadcreatedtheirhighwages.Iprovedtothemthatinaquarterofacenturytheirwageshadadvancedbut30percent.,whilethecostoflivinghadgoneup100;andthatwithus,inashortertime,wageshadadvanced40

percent.whilethecostoflivinghadgonesteadilydown.Butitdidn"tdoanygood.Nothingcouldunseattheirstrangebeliefs.

Well,Iwassmartingunderasenseofdefeat.Undeserveddefeat,butwhatofthat?Thatdidn"tsoftenthesmartany.Andtothinkofthecircumstances!

thefirststatesmanoftheage,thecapablestman,thebest-informedmanintheentireworld,theloftiestuncrownedheadthathadmovedthroughthecloudsofanypoliticalfirmamentforcenturies,sittinghereapparentlydefeatedinargumentbyanignorantcountryblacksmith!AndIcouldseethatthoseothersweresorryforme——whichmademeblushtillIcouldsmellmywhiskersscorching.Putyourselfinmyplace;feelasmeanasIdid,asashamedasIfelt——wouldn"tYOUhavestruckbelowthebelttogeteven?Yes,youwould;itissimplyhumannature.Well,thatiswhatIdid.Iamnottryingtojustifyit;I"monlysayingthatIwasmad,andANYBODYwouldhavedoneit.

Well,whenImakeupmymindtohitaman,Idon"tplanoutalove-tap;

no,thatisn"tmyway;aslongasI"mgoingtohithimatall,I"mgoingtohithimalifter.AndIdon"tjumpathimallofasudden,andriskmakingablunderinghalf-waybusinessofit;no,Igetawayoffyondertooneside,andworkuponhimgradually,sothatheneversuspectsthatI"mgoingtohithimatall;andbyandby,allinaflash,he"sflatonhisback,andhecan"ttellforthelifeofhimhowitallhappened.ThatisthewayIwentforbrotherDowley.Istartedtotalkinglazyandcomfortable,asifIwasjusttalkingtopassthetime;andtheoldestmanintheworldcouldn"thavetakenthebearingsofmystartingplaceandguessedwhereIwasgoingtofetchup:

"Boys,there"sagoodmanycuriousthingsaboutlaw,andcustom,andusage,andallthatsortofthing,whenyoucometolookatit;yes,andaboutthedriftandprogressofhumanopinionandmovement,too.Therearewrittenlaws——theyperish;buttherearealsounwrittenlaws——THEY

areeternal.Taketheunwrittenlawofwages:itsaysthey"vegottoadvance,littlebylittle,straightthroughthecenturies.Andnoticehowitworks.

Weknowwhatwagesarenow,hereandthereandyonder;westrikeanaverage,andsaythat"sthewagesofto-day.Weknowwhatthewageswereahundredyearsago,andwhattheyweretwohundredyearsago;that"sasfarbackaswecanget,butitsufficestogiveusthelawofprogress,themeasureandrateoftheperiodicalaugmentation;andso,withoutadocumenttohelpus,wecancomeprettyclosetodeterminingwhatthewageswerethreeandfourandfivehundredyearsago.Good,sofar.Dowestopthere?No.

Westoplookingbackward;wefacearoundandapplythelawtothefuture.

Myfriends,Icantellyouwhatpeople"swagesaregoingtobeatanydateinthefutureyouwanttoknow,forhundredsandhundredsofyears."

"What,goodman,what!"

"Yes.Insevenhundredyearswageswillhaverisentosixtimeswhattheyarenow,hereinyourregion,andfarmhandswillbeallowed3centsaday,andmechanics6."

"Iwould"tImightdienowandlivethen!"interruptedSmug,thewheelwright,withafineavariciousglowinhiseye.

"Andthatisn"tall;they"llgettheirboardbesides——suchasitis:

itwon"tbloatthem.Twohundredandfiftyyearslater——payattentionnow——amechanic"swageswillbe——mindyou,thisislaw,notguesswork;

amechanic"swageswillthenbeTWENTYcentsaday!"

Therewasageneralgaspofawedastonishment,Dickonthemasonmurmured,withraisedeyesandhands:

"Morethanthreeweeks"payforoneday"swork!"

"Riches!——ofatruth,yes,riches!"mutteredMarco,hisbreathcomingquickandshort,withexcitement.

"Wageswillkeeponrising,littlebylittle,littlebylittle,assteadilyasatreegrows,andattheendofthreehundredandfortyyearsmorethere"llbeatleastONEcountrywherethemechanic"saveragewagewillbeTWOHUNDRED

centsaday!"

Itknockedthemabsolutelydumb!Notamanofthemcouldgethisbreathforupwardsoftwominutes.Thenthecoal-burnersaidprayerfully:

"MightIbutlivetoseeit!"

"Itistheincomeofanearl!"saidSmug.

"Anearl,sayye?"saidDowley;"yecouldsaymorethanthatandspeaknolie;there"snoearlintherealmofBagdemagusthathathanincomeliketothat.Incomeofanearl——mf!it"stheincomeofanangel!"

"Now,then,thatiswhatisgoingtohappenasregardswages.Inthatremoteday,thatmanwillearn,withONEweek"swork,thatbillofgoodswhichittakesyouupwardsofFIFTYweekstoearnnow.Someotherprettysurprisingthingsaregoingtohappen,too.BrotherDowley,whoisitthatdetermines,everyspring,whattheparticularwageofeachkindofmechanic,laborer,andservantshallbeforthatyear?"

"Sometimesthecourts,sometimesthetowncouncil;butmostofall,themagistrate.Yemaysay,ingeneralterms,itisthemagistratethatfixesthewages."

"Doesn"taskanyofthosepoordevilstoHELPhimfixtheirwagesforthem,doeshe?"

"Hm!ThatWEREanidea!Themasterthat"stopayhimthemoneyistheonethat"srightlyconcernedinthatmatter,yewillnotice"

"Yes——butIthoughttheothermanmighthavesomelittletrifleatstakeinit,too;andevenhiswifeandchildren,poorcreatures.Themastersarethese:nobles,richmen,theprosperousgenerally.Thesefew,whodonowork,determinewhatpaythevasthiveshallhavewhoDOwork.Yousee?

They"rea"combine"——atradeunion,tocoinanewphrase——whobandthemselvestogethertoforcetheirlowlybrothertotakewhattheychoosetogive.Thirteenhundredyearshence——sosaystheunwrittenlaw——the"combine"willbetheotherway,andthenhowthesefinepeople"sposteritywillfumeandfretandgrittheirteethovertheinsolenttyrannyoftradeunions!Yes,indeed!themagistratewilltranquillyarrangethewagesfromnowclearawaydownintothenineteenthcentury;andthenallofasuddenthewage-earnerwillconsiderthatacoupleofthousandyearsorsoisenoughofthisone-sidedsortofthing;andhewillriseupandtakeahandinfixinghiswageshimself.Ah,hewillhavealongandbitteraccountofwrongandhumiliationtosettle."

"Doyebelieve——"

"Thatheactuallywillhelptofixhisownwages?Yes,indeed.Andhewillbestrongandable,then."

"Bravetimes,bravetimes,ofatruth!"sneeredtheprosperoussmith.

"Oh,——andthere"sanotherdetail.Inthatday,amastermayhireamanforonlyjustoneday,oroneweek,oronemonthatatime,ifhewantsto."

"What?"

"It"strue.Moreover,amagistratewon"tbeabletoforceamantoworkforamasterawholeyearonastretchwhetherthemanwantstoornot."

"WilltherebeNOlaworsenseinthatday?"

"Bothofthem,Dowley.Inthatdayamanwillbehisownproperty,notthepropertyofmagistrateandmaster.Andhecanleavetownwheneverhewantsto,ifthewagesdon"tsuithim!——andtheycan"tputhiminthepilloryforit."

"Perditioncatchsuchanage!"shoutedDowley,instrongindignation.

"Anageofdogs,anagebarrenofreverenceforsuperiorsandrespectforauthority!Thepillory——"

"Oh,wait,brother;saynogoodwordforthatinstitution.Ithinkthepilloryoughttobeabolished."

"Amoststrangeidea.Why?"

"Well,I"lltellyouwhy.Isamaneverputinthepilloryforacapitalcrime?"

"No."

"Isitrighttocondemnamantoaslightpunishmentforasmalloffenseandthenkillhim?"

Therewasnoanswer.Ihadscoredmyfirstpoint!Forthefirsttime,thesmithwasn"tupandready.Thecompanynoticedit.Goodeffect.

"Youdon"tanswer,brother.Youwereabouttoglorifythepilloryawhileago,andshedsomepityonafutureagethatisn"tgoingtouseit.

Ithinkthepilloryoughttobeabolished.Whatusuallyhappenswhenapoorfellowisputinthepilloryforsomelittleoffensethatdidn"tamounttoanythingintheworld?Themobtrytohavesomefunwithhim,don"tthey?"

"Yes."

"Theybeginbycloddinghim;andtheylaughthemselvestopiecestoseehimtrytododgeoneclodandgethitwithanother?"

"Yes."

"Thentheythrowdeadcatsathim,don"tthey?"

"Yes."

"Well,then,supposehehasafewpersonalenemiesinthatmobandhereandthereamanorawomanwithasecretgrudgeagainsthim——andsupposeespeciallythatheisunpopularinthecommunity,forhispride,orhisprosperity,oronethingoranother——stonesandbrickstaketheplaceofclodsandcatspresently,don"tthey?"

"Thereisnodoubtofit."

"Asaruleheiscrippledforlife,isn"the?——jawsbroken,teethsmashedout?——orlegsmutilated,gangrened,presentlycutoff?——oraneyeknockedout,maybebotheyes?"

"Itistrue,Godknowethit."

"AndifheisunpopularhecandependonDYING,rightthereinthestocks,can"the?"

"Hesurelycan!Onemaynotdenyit."

"ItakeitnoneofYOUareunpopular——byreasonofprideorinsolence,orconspicuousprosperity,oranyofthosethingsthatexciteenvyandmaliceamongthebasescumofavillage?YOUwouldn"tthinkitmuchofarisktotakeachanceinthestocks?"

Dowleywinced,visibly.Ijudgedhewashit.Buthedidn"tbetrayitbyanyspokenword.Asfortheothers,theyspokeoutplainly,andwithstrongfeeling.Theysaidtheyhadseenenoughofthestockstoknowwhataman"schanceinthemwas,andtheywouldneverconsenttoenterthemiftheycouldcompromiseonaquickdeathbyhanging.

"Well,tochangethesubject——forIthinkI"veestablishedmypointthatthestocksoughttobeabolished.Ithinksomeofourlawsareprettyunfair.Forinstance,ifIdoathingwhichoughttodelivermetothestocks,andyouknowIdiditandyetkeepstillanddon"treportme,YOU

willgetthestocksifanybodyinformsonyou."

"Ah,butthatwouldserveyoubutright,"saidDowley,"foryouMUST

inform.Sosaiththelaw."

Theotherscoincided.

"Well,allright,letitgo,sinceyouvotemedown.Butthere"sonethingwhichcertainlyisn"tfair.Themagistratefixesamechanic"swageat1centaday,forinstance.Thelawsaysthatifanymastershallventure,evenunderutmostpressofbusiness,topayanythingOVERthatcentaday,evenforasingleday,heshallbebothfinedandpilloriedforit;andwhoeverknowshediditanddoesn"tinform,theyalsoshallbefinedandpilloried.Nowitseemstomeunfair,Dowley,andadeadlyperiltoallofus,thatbecauseyouthoughtlesslyconfessed,awhileago,thatwithinaweekyouhavepaidacentandfifteenmil——"

Oh,ItellYOUitwasasmasher!Yououghttohaveseenthemtogotopieces,thewholegang.IhadjustslippeduponpoorsmilingandcomplacentDowleysoniceandeasyandsoftly,thatheneversuspectedanythingwasgoingtohappentilltheblowcamecrashingdownandknockedhimalltorags.

Afineeffect.Infact,asfineasanyIeverproduced,withsolittletimetoworkitupin.

ButIsawinamomentthatIhadoverdonethethingalittle.Iwasexpectingtoscarethem,butIwasn"texpectingtoscarethemtodeath.

Theyweremightynearit,though.Youseetheyhadbeenawholelifetimelearningtoappreciatethepillory;andtohavethatthingstaringthemintheface,andeveryoneofthemdistinctlyatthemercyofme,astranger,ifIchosetogoandreport——well,itwasawful,andtheycouldn"tseemtorecoverfromtheshock,theycouldn"tseemtopullthemselvestogether.

Pale,shaky,dumb,pitiful?Why,theyweren"tanybetterthansomanydeadmen.Itwasveryuncomfortable.Ofcourse,Ithoughttheywouldappealtometokeepmum,andthenwewouldshakehands,andtakeadrinkallround,andlaughitoff,andthereanend.Butno;youseeIwasanunknownperson,amongacruellyoppressedandsuspiciouspeople,apeoplealwaysaccustomedtohavingadvantagetakenoftheirhelplessness,andneverexpectingjustorkindtreatmentfromanybuttheirownfamiliesandveryclosestintimates.AppealtoMEtobegentle,tobefair,tobegenerous?Ofcourse,theywantedto,buttheycouldn"tdare.

AConnecticutYankeeinKingArthur"sCourt-Chapter34Chapter34-TheYankeeandtheKingSoldasSlavesWELL,whathadIbetterdo?Nothinginahurry,sure.Imustgetupadiversion;

anythingtoemploymewhileIcouldthink,andwhilethesepoorfellowscouldhaveachancetocometolifeagain.TheresatMarco,petrifiedintheactoftryingtogetthehangofhismiller-gun——turnedtostone,justintheattitudehewasinwhenmypile-driverfell,thetoystillgrippedinhisunconsciousfingers.SoItookitfromhimandproposedtoexplainitsmystery.Mystery!asimplelittlethinglikethat;andyetitwasmysteriousenough,forthatraceandthatage.

Ineversawsuchanawkwardpeople,withmachinery;yousee,theyweretotallyunusedtoit.Themiller-gunwasalittledouble-barreledtubeoftoughenedglass,withaneatlittletrickofaspringtoit,whichuponpressurewouldletashotescape.Buttheshotwouldn"thurtanybody,itwouldonlydropintoyourhand.Inthegunweretwosizes——weemustardseedshot,andanothersortthatwereseveraltimeslarger.Theyweremoney.

Themustard-seedshotrepresentedmilrays,thelargeronesmills.Sothegunwasapurse;andveryhandy,too;youcouldpayoutmoneyinthedarkwithit,withaccuracy;andyoucouldcarryitinyourmouth;orinyourvestpocket,ifyouhadone.Imadethemofseveralsizes——onesizesolargethatitwouldcarrytheequivalentofadollar.Usingshotformoneywasagoodthingforthegovernment;themetalcostnothing,andthemoneycouldn"tbecounterfeited,forIwastheonlypersoninthekingdomwhoknewhowtomanageashottower."Payingtheshot"sooncametobeacommonphrase.Yes,andIknewitwouldstillbepassingmen"slips,awaydowninthenineteenthcentury,yetnonewouldsuspecthowandwhenitoriginated.

Thekingjoinedus,aboutthistime,mightilyrefreshedbyhisnap,andfeelinggood.Anythingcouldmakemenervousnow,Iwassouneasy——

forourliveswereindanger;andsoitworriedmetodetectacomplacentsomethingintheking"seyewhichseemedtoindicatethathehadbeenloadinghimselfupforaperformanceofsomekindorother;confoundit,whymusthegoandchoosesuchatimeasthis?

Iwasright.Hebegan,straightoff,inthemostinnocentlyartful,andtransparent,andlubberlyway,toleaduptothesubjectofagriculture.

Thecoldsweatbrokeoutalloverme.Iwantedtowhisperinhisear,"Man,weareinawfuldanger!everymomentisworthaprincipalitytillwegetbackthesemen"sconfidence;DON"Twasteanyofthisgoldentime."ButofcourseIcouldn"tdoit.Whispertohim?Itwouldlookasifwewereconspiring.SoIhadtositthereandlookcalmandpleasantwhilethekingstoodoverthatdynamitemineandmoonedalongabouthisdamnedonionsandthings.Atfirstthetumultofmyownthoughts,summonedbythedanger-signalandswarmingtotherescuefromeveryquarterofmyskull,keptupsuchahurrahandconfusionandfifinganddrummingthatIcouldn"ttakeinaword;butpresentlywhenmymobofgatheringplansbegantocrystallizeandfallintopositionandformlineofbattle,asortoforderandquietensuedandIcaughttheboomoftheking"sbatteries,asifoutofremotedistance:

"——werenotthebestway,methinks,albeititisnottobedeniedthatauthoritiesdifferasconcerningthispoint,somecontendingthattheonionisbutanunwholesomeberrywhenstrickenearlyfromthetree——"

Theaudienceshowedsignsoflife,andsoughteachother"seyesinasurprisedandtroubledway.

"——whileasothersdoyetmaintain,withmuchshowofreason,thatthisisnotofnecessitythecase,instancingthatplumsandotherlikecerealsdobealwaysdugintheunripestate——"

Theaudienceexhibiteddistinctdistress;yes,andalsofear.

"——yetaretheyclearlywholesome,themoreespeciallywhenonedothassuagetheasperitiesoftheirnaturebyadmixtureofthetranquilizingjuiceofthewaywardcabbage——"

Thewildlightofterrorbegantoglowinthesemen"seyes,andoneofthemmuttered,"Thesebeerrors,everyone——Godhathsurelysmittenthemindofthisfarmer."Iwasinmiserableapprehension;Isatuponthorns.

"——andfurtherinstancingtheknowntruththatinthecaseofanimals,theyoung,whichmaybecalledthegreenfruitofthecreature,isthebetter,allconfessingthatwhenagoatisripe,hisfurdothheatandsoreengamehisflesh,thewhichdefect,takeninconnectionwithhisseveralrancidhabits,andfulsomeappetites,andgodlessattitudesofmind,andbiliousqualityofmorals——"

Theyroseandwentforhim!Withafierceshout,"Theonewouldbetrayus,theotherismad!Killthem!Killthem!"theyflungthemselvesuponus.Whatjoyflamedupintheking"seye!Hemightbelameinagriculture,butthiskindofthingwasjustinhisline.Hehadbeenfastinglong,hewashungryforafight.Hehittheblacksmithacrackunderthejawthatliftedhimclearoffhisfeetandstretchedhimflatonhisback.

"St.GeorgeforBritain!"andhedownedthewheelwright.Themasonwasbig,butIlaidhimoutlikenothing.Thethreegatheredthemselvesupandcameagain;wentdownagain;cameagain;andkeptonrepeatingthis,withnativeBritishpluck,untiltheywerebatteredtojelly,reelingwithexhaustion,andsoblindthattheycouldn"ttellusfromeachother;andyettheykeptrighton,hammeringawaywithwhatmightwasleftinthem.

Hammeringeachother——forwesteppedasideandlookedonwhiletheyrolled,andstruggled,andgouged,andpounded,andbit,withthestrictandwordlessattentiontobusinessofsomanybulldogs.Welookedonwithoutapprehension,fortheywerefastgettingpastabilitytogoforhelpagainstus,andthearenawasfarenoughfromthepublicroadtobesafefromintrusion.

Well,whiletheyweregraduallyplayingout,itsuddenlyoccurredtometowonderwhathadbecomeofMarco.Ilookedaround;hewasnowheretobeseen.Oh,butthiswasominous!Ipulledtheking"ssleeve,andweglidedawayandrushedforthehut.NoMarcothere,noPhyllisthere!Theyhadgonetotheroadforhelp,sure.Itoldthekingtogivehisheelswings,andIwouldexplainlater.Wemadegoodtimeacrosstheopenground,andaswedartedintotheshelterofthewoodIglancedbackandsawamobofexcitedpeasantsswarmintoview,withMarcoandhiswifeattheirhead.Theyweremakingaworldofnoise,butthatcouldn"thurtanybody;

thewoodwasdense,andassoonaswewerewellintoitsdepthswewouldtaketoatreeandletthemwhistle.Ah,butthencameanothersound——

dogs!Yes,thatwasquiteanothermatter.Itmagnifiedourcontract——

wemustfindrunningwater.

Wetorealongatagoodgait,andsoonleftthesoundsfarbehindandmodifiedtoamurmur.Westruckastreamanddartedintoit.Wewadedswiftlydownit,inthedimforestlight,forasmuchasthreehundredyards,andthencameacrossanoakwithagreatboughstickingoutoverthewater.

Weclimbeduponthisbough,andbegantoworkourwayalongittothebodyofthetree;nowwebegantohearthosesoundsmoreplainly;sothemobhadstruckourtrail.Forawhilethesoundsapproachedprettyfast.

Andthenforanotherwhiletheydidn"t.Nodoubtthedogshadfoundtheplacewherewehadenteredthestream,andwerenowwaltzingupanddowntheshorestryingtopickupthetrailagain.

Whenweweresnuglylodgedinthetreeandcurtainedwithfoliage,thekingwassatisfied,butIwasdoubtful.Ibelievedwecouldcrawlalongabranchandgetintothenexttree,andIjudgeditworthwhiletotry.

Wetriedit,andmadeasuccessofit,thoughthekingslipped,atthejunction,andcamenearfailingtoconnect.Wegotcomfortablelodgmentandsatisfactoryconcealmentamongthefoliage,andthenwehadnothingtodobutlistentothehunt.

Presentlywehearditcoming——andcomingonthejump,too;yes,anddownbothsidesofthestream.Louder——louder——nextminuteitswelledswiftlyupintoaroarofshoutings,barkings,tramplings,andsweptbylikeacyclone.

"Iwasafraidthattheoverhangingbranchwouldsuggestsomethingtothem,"saidI,"butIdon"tmindthedisappointment.Come,myliege,itwerewellthatwemakegooduseofourtime.We"veflankedthem.Darkiscomingon,presently.Ifwecancrossthestreamandgetagoodstart,andborrowacoupleofhorsesfromsomebody"spasturetouseforafewhours,weshallbesafeenough."

Westarteddown,andgotnearlytothelowestlimb,whenweseemedtohearthehuntreturning.Westoppedtolisten.

"Yes,"saidI,"they"rebaffled,they"vegivenitup,they"reontheirwayhome.Wewillclimbbacktoourroostagain,andletthemgoby."

Soweclimbedback.Thekinglistenedamomentandsaid:

"Theystillsearch——Iwitthesign.Wedidbesttoabide."

Hewasright.HeknewmoreabouthuntingthanIdid.Thenoiseapproachedsteadily,butnotwitharush.Thekingsaid:

"Theyreasonthatwewereadvantagedbynoparlousstartofthem,andbeingonfootareasyetnomightywayfromwherewetookthewater."

"Yes,sire,thatisaboutit,Iamafraid,thoughIwashopingbetterthings."

Thenoisedrewnearerandnearer,andsoonthevanwasdriftingunderus,onbothsidesofthewater.Avoicecalledahaltfromtheotherbank,andsaid:

"Antheyweresominded,theycouldgettoyontreebythisbranchthatoverhangs,andyetnottouchground.Yewilldowelltosendamanupit."

"Marry,thatwewilldo!"

Iwasobligedtoadmiremycutenessinforeseeingthisverythingandswappingtreestobeatit.But,don"tyouknow,therearesomethingsthatcanbeatsmartnessandforesight?Awkwardnessandstupiditycan.Thebestswordsmanintheworlddoesn"tneedtofearthesecondbestswordsmanintheworld;no,thepersonforhimtobeafraidofissomeignorantantagonistwhohasneverhadaswordinhishandbefore;hedoesn"tdothethingheoughttodo,andsotheexpertisn"tpreparedforhim;hedoesthethingheoughtnottodo;andoftenitcatchestheexpertoutandendshimonthespot.Well,howcouldI,withallmygifts,makeanyvaluablepreparationagainstanear-sighted,cross-eyed,pudding-headedclownwhowouldaimhimselfatthewrongtreeandhittherightone?Andthatiswhathedid.

Hewentforthewrongtree,whichwas,ofcourse,therightonebymistake,anduphestarted.

Matterswereseriousnow.Weremainedstill,andawaiteddevelopments.

Thepeasanttoiledhisdifficultwayup.Thekingraisedhimselfupandstood;hemadealegready,andwhenthecomer"sheadarrivedinreachofittherewasadullthud,anddownwentthemanflounderingtotheground.

Therewasawildoutbreakofangerbelow,andthemobswarmedinfromallaround,andthereweweretreed,andprisoners.Anothermanstartedup;

thebridgingboughwasdetected,andavolunteerstartedupthetreethatfurnishedthebridge.ThekingorderedmetoplayHoratiusandkeepthebridge.Forawhiletheenemycamethickandfast;butnomatter,theheadmanofeachprocessionalwaysgotabuffetthatdislodgedhimassoonashecameinreach.Theking"sspiritsrose,hisjoywaslimitless.Hesaidthatifnothingoccurredtomartheprospectweshouldhaveabeautifulnight,foronthislineoftacticswecouldholdthetreeagainstthewholecountry-side.

However,themobsooncametothatconclusionthemselves;whereforetheycalledofftheassaultandbegantodebateotherplans.Theyhadnoweapons,buttherewereplentyofstones,andstonesmightanswer.Wehadnoobjections.Astonemightpossiblypenetratetousonceinawhile,butitwasn"tverylikely;wewerewellprotectedbyboughsandfoliage,andwerenotvisiblefromanygoodaimingpoint.Iftheywouldbutwastehalfanhourinstonethrowing,thedarkwouldcometoourhelp.Wewerefeelingverywellsatisfied.Wecouldsmile;almostlaugh.

Butwedidn"t;whichwasjustaswell,forweshouldhavebeeninterrupted.

Beforethestoneshadbeenragingthroughtheleavesandbouncingfromtheboughsfifteenminutes,webegantonoticeasmell.Acoupleofsniffsofitwasenoughofanexplanation——itwassmoke!Ourgamewasupatlast.Werecognizedthat.Whensmokeinvitesyou,youhavetocome.Theyraisedtheirpileofdrybrushanddampweedshigherandhigher,andwhentheysawthethickcloudbegintorollupandsmotherthetree,theybrokeoutinastormofjoy-clamors.Igotenoughbreathtosay:

"Proceed,myliege;afteryouismanners."

Thekinggasped:

"Followmedown,andthenbackthyselfagainstonesideofthetrunk,andleavemetheother.Thenwillwefight.Leteachpilehisdeadaccordingtohisownfashionandtaste."

Thenhedescended,barkingandcoughing,andIfollowed.Istruckthegroundaninstantafterhim;wesprangtoourappointedplaces,andbegantogiveandtakewithallourmight.Thepowwowandracketwereprodigious;

itwasatempestofriotandconfusionandthick-fallingblows.Suddenlysomehorsementoreintothemidstofthecrowd,andavoiceshouted:

"Hold——oryearedeadmen!"

Howgooditsounded!Theownerofthevoiceboreallthemarksofagentleman:picturesqueandcostlyraiment,theaspectofcommand,ahardcountenance,withcomplexionandfeaturesmarredbydissipation.Themobfellhumblyback,likesomanyspaniels.Thegentlemaninspecteduscritically,thensaidsharplytothepeasants:

"Whatareyedoingtothesepeople?"

"Theybemadmen,worshipfulsir,thathavecomewanderingweknownotwhence,and——"

"Yeknownotwhence?Doyepretendyeknowthemnot?"

"Mosthonoredsir,wespeakbutthetruth.Theyarestrangersandunknowntoanyinthisregion;andtheybethemostviolentandbloodthirstymadmenthatever——"

"Peace!Yeknownotwhatyesay.Theyarenotmad.Whoareye?Andwhenceareye?Explain."

"Wearebutpeacefulstrangers,sir,"Isaid,"andtravelinguponourownconcerns.Wearefromafarcountry,andunacquaintedhere.Wehavepurposednoharm;andyetbutforyourbraveinterferenceandprotectionthesepeoplewouldhavekilledus.Asyouhavedivined,sir,wearenotmad;neitherareweviolentorbloodthirsty."

Thegentlemanturnedtohisretinueandsaidcalmly:"Lashmetheseanimalstotheirkennels!"

Themobvanishedinaninstant;andafterthemplungedthehorsemen,layingaboutthemwiththeirwhipsandpitilesslyridingdownsuchaswerewitlessenoughtokeeptheroadinsteadoftakingtothebush.Theshrieksandsupplicationspresentlydiedawayinthedistance,andsoonthehorsemenbegantostraggleback.Meantimethegentlemanhadbeenquestioningusmoreclosely,buthaddugnoparticularsoutofus.Wewerelavishofrecognitionoftheservicehewasdoingus,butwerevealednothingmorethanthatwewerefriendlessstrangersfromafarcountry.Whentheescortwereallreturned,thegentlemansaidtooneofhisservants:

"Bringtheled-horsesandmountthesepeople."

"Yes,mylord."

Wewereplacedtowardtherear,amongtheservants.Wetraveledprettyfast,andfinallydrewreinsometimeafterdarkataroadsideinnsometenortwelvemilesfromthesceneofourtroubles.Mylordwentimmediatelytohisroom,afterorderinghissupper,andwesawnomoreofhim.Atdawninthemorningwebreakfastedandmadereadytostart.

Mylord"schiefattendantsaunteredforwardatthatmomentwithindolentgrace,andsaid: