第11章

—— whenoutsidethererangclearasaclarionanotethatenchantedmysoulandtumbledthirteenworthlesscenturiesaboutmyears:"CamelotWEEKLY

HOSANNAHANDLITERARYVOLCANO!——latestirruption——onlytwocents——

allaboutthebigmiracleintheValleyofHoliness!"Onegreaterthankingshadarrived——thenewsboy.ButIwastheonlypersoninallthatthrongwhoknewthemeaningofthismightybirth,andwhatthisimperialmagicianwascomeintotheworldtodo.

Idroppedanickeloutofthewindowandgotmypaper;theAdam-newsboyoftheworldwentaroundthecornertogetmychange;isaroundthecorneryet.Itwasdelicioustoseeanewspaperagain,yetIwasconsciousofasecretshockwhenmyeyefelluponthefirstbatchofdisplayhead-lines.

Ihadlivedinaclammyatmosphereofreverence,respect,deference,solongthattheysentaquiverylittlecoldwavethroughme:HIGHTIMESINTHEVALLEY

OFHOLINESS!——

THEWATER-WORKSCORKED!——

BRERMERLINWORKSHISARTS,BUTGETS

LEFT?——

ButtheBossscoresonhisfirstInnings!——

TheMiraculousWellUncorkedamidawfuloutburstsofINFERNALFIREANDSMOKE

ATHUNDER!——

THEBUZZARD-ROOSTASTONISHED!——

UNPARALLELEDREJOIBINGS!——andsoon,andsoon.Yes,itwastooloud.OnceIcouldhaveenjoyeditandseennothingoutofthewayaboutit,butnowitsnotewasdiscordant.

ItwasgoodArkansasjournalism,butthiswasnotArkansas.Moreover,thenexttothelastlinewascalculatedtogiveoffensetothehermits,andperhapsloseustheiradvertising.Indeed,therewastoolightsomeatoneofflippancyallthroughthepaper.ItwasplainIhadundergoneaconsiderablechangewithoutnoticingit.Ifoundmyselfunpleasantlyaffectedbypertlittleirreverencieswhichwouldhaveseemedbutproperandairygracesofspeechatanearlierperiodofmylife.Therewasanabundanceofthefollowingbreedofitems,andtheydiscomfortedme:LOCALSMOKEANDCINDERS.

SirLauncelotmetupwitholdKingAgrivanceofIrelandunexpectedlylastweokoveronthemoorsouthofSirBalmoralleMerveilleuse"shogdasture.

Thewidowhasbeennotified.

ExpeditionNo.3willstartadoutthefirstofmextmonthonasearchf8rSirSagramourleDesirous.Itisincom-

andoftherenownedKnightoftheRedLawns,assisstedbySirPersantofInde,whoiscompete9t.intelligent,courte-

ous,andineverywayabrick,andfur-

tHerassistedbySirPalamidestheSara-

cen,whoisnohuckleberryhinself.

Thisisnopic-nic,theseboysmeanbusine&s.

ThereadersoftheHosannahwillre-

grettolearnthatthehadndsomeandpopularSirCharolaisofGaul,whodur-

inghisfourweeks"stayattheBullandHalibut,thiscity,haswoneveryheartbyhispolishedmannersandelegantcPnversation,willpUlloutto-dayforhome.Giveusanothercall,Charley!

ThebdsinessendofthefuneralofthelateSirDalliancetheduke"ssonofCornwall,killedinanencounterwiththeGiantoftheKnottedBludgeonlastTuesdayonthebordersofthePlainofEnchantmentwasinthehandsoftheeveraffableandefficientMumble,princeofun3ertakers,thenwhomthereexistsnonebywhomitwereamoresatisfyingpleasuretohavethelastsadofficesperformed.Givehimatrial.

ThecordialthanksoftheHosannahofficearedue,fromeditordowntodevil,totheevercourteousandthought-

fulLordHighStewdofthePalace"sThirdAssistantVtforseveralsau-

ceTsoficecrEamaqualitycalculatedtomaketheeyoftherecipientshu-

midwithgrtude;anditdoneit.

Whenthisadministrationwantstochalkupadesirablenameforearlypromotion,theHosannahwouldlikeachancetosudgest.

TheDemoiselleIreneDewlap,ofSouthAstolat,isvisitingheruncle,thepopularhostoftheCattlemen"sBoard-

ingHo&se,LiverLane,thiscity.

YoungBarkerthebellows-menderishoMeagain,andlooksmuchimprovedbyhisvacationround-upamongtheut-

lyingsmithies.Seehisad.Ofcourseitwasgoodenoughjournalismforabeginning;Iknewthatquitewell,andyetitwassomehowdisappointing.The"CourtCircular"pleasedmebetter;indeed,itssimpleanddignifiedrespectfulnesswasadistinctrefreshmenttomeafterallthosedisgracefulfamiliarities.Butevenitcouldhavebeenimproved.Dowhatonemay,thereisnogettinganairofvarietyintoacourtcircular,Iacknowledgethat.Thereisaprofoundmonotonousnessaboutitsfactsthatbafflesanddefeatsone"ssinceresteffortstomakethemsparkleandenthuse.Thebestwaytomanage——infact,theonlysensibleway——istodisguiserepetitiousnessoffactundervarietyofform:skinyourfacteachtimeandlayonanewcuticleofwords.

Itdeceivestheeye;youthinkitisanewfact;itgivesyoutheideathatthecourtiscarryingonlikeeverything;thisexcitesyou,andyoudrainthewholecolumn,withagoodappetite,andperhapsnevernoticethatit"sabarrelofsoupmadeoutofasinglebean.Clarence"swaywasgood,itwassimple,itwasdignified,itwasdirectandbusiness-like;

allIsayis,itwasnotthebestway:COURTCIRCULAR.

OnMonday,thekingrodeinthepark.

"Tuesday,"""

"Wendesday"""

"Thursday"""

"Friday,"""

"Saturday"""

"Sunday,"""However,takethepaperbyandlarge,Iwasvastlypleasedwithit.Littlecruditiesofamechanicalsortwereobservablehereandthere,buttherewerenotenoughofthemtoamounttoanything,anditwasgoodenoughArkansasproof-reading,anyhow,andbetterthanwasneededinArthur"sdayandrealm.

Asarule,thegrammarwasleakyandtheconstructionmoreorlesslame;

butIdidnotmuchmindthesethings.Theyarecommondefectsofmyown,andonemustn"tcriticiseotherpeopleongroundswherehecan"tstandperpendicularhimself.

Iwashungryenoughforliteraturetowanttotakedownthewholepaperatthisonemeal,butIgotonlyafewbites,andthenhadtopostpone,becausethemonksaroundmebesiegedmesowitheagerquestions:Whatisthiscuriousthing?Whatisitfor?Isitahandkerchief?——saddleblanket?——

partofashirt?Whatisitmadeof?Howthinitis,andhowdaintyandfrail;andhowitrattles.Willitwear,doyouthink,andwon"ttheraininjureit?Isitwritingthatappearsonit,orisitonlyornamentation?

Theysuspecteditwaswriting,becausethoseamongthemwhoknewhowtoreadLatinandhadasmatteringofGreek,recognizedsomeoftheletters,buttheycouldmakenothingoutoftheresultasawhole.IputmyinformationinthesimplestformIcould:

"Itisapublicjournal;Iwillexplainwhatthatis,anothertime.

Itisnotcloth,itismadeofpaper;sometimeIwillexplainwhatpaperis.Thelinesonitarereadingmatter;andnotwrittenbyhand,butprinted;

byandbyIwillexplainwhatprintingis.Athousandofthesesheetshavebeenmade,allexactlylikethis,ineveryminutedetail——theycan"tbetoldapart."Thentheyallbrokeoutwithexclamationsofsurpriseandadmiration:

"Athousand!Verilyamightywork——ayear"sworkformanymen."

"No——merelyaday"sworkforamanandaboy."

Theycrossedthemselves,andwhiffedoutaprotectiveprayerortwo.

"Ah-h——amiracle,awonder!Darkworkofenchantment."

Iletitgoatthat.ThenIreadinalowvoice,toasmanyascouldcrowdtheirshavenheadswithinhearingdistance,partoftheaccountofthemiracleoftherestorationofthewell,andwasaccompaniedbyastonishedandreverentejaculationsallthrough:"Ah-h-h!""Howtrue!""Amazing,amazing!""Thesebetheveryhapsastheyhappened,inmarvelousexactness!"

Andmighttheytakethisstrangethingintheirhands,andfeelofitandexamineit?——theywouldbeverycareful.Yes.Sotheytookit,handlingitascautiouslyanddevoutlyasifithadbeensomeholythingcomefromsomesupernaturalregion;andgentlyfeltofitstexture,caresseditspleasantsmoothsurfacewithlingeringtouch,andscannedthemysteriouscharacterswithfascinatedeyes.Thesegroupedbentheads,thesecharmedfaces,thesespeakingeyes——howbeautifultome!Forwasnotthismydarling,andwasnotallthismutewonderandinterestandhomageamosteloquenttributeandunforcedcomplimenttoit?Iknew,then,howamotherfeelswhenwomen,whetherstrangersorfriends,takehernewbaby,andclosethemselvesaboutitwithoneeagerimpulse,andbendtheirheadsoveritinatrancedadorationthatmakesalltherestoftheuniversevanishoutoftheirconsciousnessandbeasifitwerenot,forthattime.

Iknewhowshefeels,andthatthereisnoothersatisfiedambition,whetherofking,conqueror,orpoet,thateverreacheshalf-waytothatserenefarsummitoryieldshalfsodivineacontentment.

Duringalltherestoftheseancemypapertraveledfromgrouptogroupallupanddownandaboutthathugehall,andmyhappyeyewasuponitalways,andIsatmotionless,steepedinsatisfaction,drunkwithenjoyment.

Yes,thiswasheaven;Iwastastingitonce,ifImightnevertasteitmore.

AConnecticutYankeeinKingArthur"sCourt-Chapter27Chapter27-TheYankeeandtheKingTravelIncognitoABOUTbedtimeItookthekingtomyprivatequarterstocuthishairandhelphimgetthehangofthelowlyraimenthewastowear.Thehighclassesworetheirhairbangedacrosstheforeheadbuthangingtotheshoulderstherestofthewayaround,whereasthelowestranksofcommonerswerebangedforeandaftboth;theslaveswerebangless,andallowedtheirhairfreegrowth.SoIinvertedabowloverhisheadandcutawayallthelocksthathungbelowit.Ialsotrimmedhiswhiskersandmustacheuntiltheywereonlyaboutahalf-inchlong;andtriedtodoitinartistically,andsucceeded.Itwasavillainousdisfigurement.Whenhegothislubberlysandalson,andhislongrobeofcoarsebrownlinencloth,whichhungstraightfromhisnecktohisankle-bones,hewasnolongerthecomeliestmaninhiskingdom,butoneoftheunhandsomestandmostcommonplaceandunattractive.

Weweredressedandbarberedalike,andcouldpassforsmallfarmers,orfarmbailiffs,orshepherds,orcarters;yes,orforvillageartisans,ifwechose,ourcostumebeingineffectuniversalamongthepoor,becauseofitsstrengthandcheapness.Idon"tmeanthatitwasreallycheaptoaverypoorperson,butIdomeanthatitwasthecheapestmaterialtherewasformaleattire——manufacturedmaterial,youunderstand.

Weslippedawayanhourbeforedawn,andbybroadsun-uphadmadeeightortenmiles,andwereinthemidstofasparselysettledcountry.Ihadaprettyheavyknapsack;itwasladenwithprovisions——provisionsforthekingtotaperdownon,tillhecouldtaketothecoarsefareofthecountrywithoutdamage.

Ifoundacomfortableseatforthekingbytheroadside,andthengavehimamorselortwotostayhisstomachwith.ThenIsaidIwouldfindsomewaterforhim,andstrolledaway.Partofmyprojectwastogetoutofsightandsitdownandrestalittlemyself.Ithadalwaysbeenmycustomtostandwheninhispresence;evenatthecouncilboard,exceptuponthoserareoccasionswhenthesittingwasaverylongone,extendingoverhours;

thenIhadatriflinglittlebacklessthingwhichwaslikeareversedculvertandwasascomfortableasthetoothache.Ididn"twanttobreakhiminsuddenly,butdoitbydegrees.Weshouldhavetosittogethernowwhenincompany,orpeoplewouldnotice;butitwouldnotbegoodpoliticsformetobeplayingequalitywithhimwhentherewasnonecessityforit.

Ifoundthewatersomethreehundredyardsaway,andhadbeenrestingabouttwentyminutes,whenIheardvoices.Thatisallright,Ithought——peasantsgoingtowork;nobodyelselikelytobestirringthisearly.

Butthenextmomentthesecomersjingledintosightaroundaturnoftheroad——smartlycladpeopleofquality,withluggage-mulesandservantsintheirtrain!Iwasofflikeashot,throughthebushes,bytheshortestcut.ForawhileitdidseemthatthesepeoplewouldpassthekingbeforeIcouldgettohim;butdesperationgivesyouwings,youknow,andIcantedmybodyforward,inflatedmybreast,andheldmybreathandflew.Iarrived.

Andinplentygoodenoughtime,too.

"Pardon,myking,butit"snotimeforceremony——jump!Jumptoyourfeet——somequalityarecoming!"

"Isthatamarvel?Letthemcome."

"Butmyliege!Youmustnotbeseensitting.Rise!——andstandinhumbleposturewhiletheypass.Youareapeasant,youknow."

"True——Ihadforgotit,solostwasIinplanningofahugewarwithGaul"——hewasupbythistime,butafarmcouldhavegotupquicker,iftherewasanykindofaboominrealestate——"andright-soathoughtcamerandomingoverthwartthismajesticdreamthewhich——"

"Ahumblerattitude,mylordtheking——andquick!Duckyourhead!——

more!——stillmore!——droopit!"

Hedidhishonestbest,butlord,itwasnogreatthings.HelookedashumbleastheleaningtoweratPisa.Itisthemostyoucouldsayofit.Indeed,itwassuchathunderingpoorsuccessthatitraisedwonderingscowlsallalongtheline,andagorgeousflunkeyatthetailendofitraisedhiswhip;butIjumpedintimeandwasunderitwhenitfell;andundercoverofthevolleyofcoarselaughterwhichfollowed,Ispokeupsharplyandwarnedthekingtotakenonotice.Hemasteredhimselfforthemoment,butitwasasoretax;hewantedtoeatuptheprocession.

Isaid:

"Itwouldendouradventuresattheverystart;andwe,beingwithoutweapons,coulddonothingwiththatarmedgang.Ifwearegoingtosucceedinouremprise,wemustnotonlylookthepeasantbutactthepeasant."

"Itiswisdom;nonecangainsayit.Letusgoon,SirBoss.Iwilltakenoteandlearn,anddothebestImay."

Hekepthisword.Hedidthebesthecould,butI"veseenbetter.Ifyouhaveeverseenanactive,heedless,enterprisingchildgoingdiligentlyoutofonemischiefandintoanotheralldaylong,andananxiousmotheratitsheelsallthewhile,andjustsavingitbyahairfromdrowningitselforbreakingitsneckwitheachnewexperiment,you"veseenthekingandme.

IfIcouldhaveforeseenwhatthethingwasgoingtobelike,Ishouldhavesaid,No,ifanybodywantstomakehislivingexhibitingakingasapeasant,lethimtakethelayout;Icandobetterwithamenagerie,andlastlonger.Andyet,duringthefirstthreedaysIneverallowedhimtoenterahutorotherdwelling.Ifhecouldpassmusteranywhereduringhisearlynovitiateitwouldbeinsmallinnsandontheroad;sototheseplacesweconfinedourselves.Yes,hecertainlydidthebesthecould,butwhatofthat?Hedidn"timproveabitthatIcouldsee.

Hewasalwaysfrighteningme,alwaysbreakingoutwithfreshastonishers,innewandunexpectedplaces.Towardeveningonthesecondday,whatdoeshedobutblandlyfetchoutadirkfrominsidehisrobe!

"Greatguns,myliege,wheredidyougetthat?"

"Fromasmugglerattheinn,yestereve."

"Whatintheworldpossessedyoutobuyit?"

"Wehaveescapeddiversdangersbywit——thywit——butIhavebethoughtmethatitwerebutprudenceifIboreaweapon,too.Thinemightfailtheeinsomepinch."

"Butpeopleofourconditionarenotallowedtocarryarms.Whatwouldalordsay——yes,oranyotherpersonofwhatevercondition——ifhecaughtanupstartpeasantwithadaggeronhisperson?"

Itwasaluckythingforusthatnobodycamealongjustthen.Ipersuadedhimtothrowthedirkaway;anditwasaseasyaspersuadingachildtogiveupsomebrightfreshnewwayofkillingitself.Wewalkedalong,silentandthinking.Finallythekingsaid:

"WhenyeknowthatImeditateathinginconvenient,orthathathaperilinit,whydoyounotwarnmetoceasefromthatproject?"

Itwasastartlingquestion,andapuzzler.Ididn"tquiteknowhowtotakeholdofit,orwhattosay,andso,ofcourse,Iendedbysayingthenaturalthing:

"But,sire,howcanIknowwhatyourthoughtsare?"

Thekingstoppeddeadinhistracks,andstaredatme.

"IbelievedthouwertgreaterthanMerlin;andtrulyinmagicthouart.

Butprophecyisgreaterthanmagic.Merlinisaprophet."

IsawIhadmadeablunder.Imustgetbackmylostground.Afteradeepreflectionandcarefulplanning,Isaid:

"Sire,Ihavebeenmisunderstood.Iwillexplain.Therearetwokindsofprophecy.Oneisthegifttoforetellthingsthatarebutalittlewayoff,theotheristhegifttoforetellthingsthatarewholeagesandcenturiesaway.Whichisthemightiergift,doyouthink?"

"Oh,thelast,mostsurely!"

"True.DoesMerlinpossessit?"

"Partly,yes.Heforetoldmysteriesaboutmybirthandfuturekingshipthatweretwentyyearsaway."

"Hasheevergonebeyondthat?"

"Hewouldnotclaimmore,Ithink."

"Itisprobablyhislimit.Allprophetshavetheirlimit.Thelimitofsomeofthegreatprophetshasbeenahundredyears."

"Thesearefew,Iween."

"Therehavebeentwostillgreaterones,whoselimitwasfourhundredandsixhundredyears,andonewhoselimitcompassedevensevenhundredandtwenty."

"Gramercy,itismarvelous!"

"Butwhataretheseincomparisonwithme?Theyarenothing."

"What?Canstthoutrulylookbeyondevensovastastretchoftimeas——"

"Sevenhundredyears?Myliege,asclearasthevisionofaneagledoesmypropheticeyepenetrateandlaybarethefutureofthisworldfornearlythirteencenturiesandahalf!"

Myland,youshouldhaveseentheking"seyesspreadslowlyopen,andlifttheearth"sentireatmosphereasmuchasaninch!ThatsettledBrerMerlin.Oneneverhadanyoccasiontoprovehisfacts,withthesepeople;

allhehadtodowastostatethem.Itneveroccurredtoanybodytodoubtthestatement.

"Now,then,"Icontinued,"ICOULDworkbothkindsofprophecy——thelongandtheshort——ifIchosetotakethetroubletokeepinpractice;

butIseldomexerciseanybutthelongkind,becausetheotherisbeneathmydignity.ItisproperertoMerlin"ssort——stump-tailprophets,aswecallthemintheprofession.Ofcourse,Iwhetupnowandthenandflirtoutaminorprophecy,butnotoften——hardlyever,infact.Youwillrememberthattherewasgreattalk,whenyoureachedtheValleyofHoliness,aboutmyhavingprophesiedyourcomingandtheveryhourofyourarrival,twoorthreedaysbeforehand."

"Indeed,yes,Iminditnow."

"Well,Icouldhavedoneitasmuchasfortytimeseasier,andpiledonathousandtimesmoredetailintothebargain,ifithadbeenfivehundredyearsawayinsteadoftwoorthreedays."

"Howamazingthatitshouldbeso!"

"Yes,agenuineexpertcanalwaysforetellathingthatisfivehundredyearsawayeasierthanhecanathingthat"sonlyfivehundredsecondsoff."

"Andyetinreasonitshouldclearlybetheotherway;itshouldbefivehundredtimesaseasytoforetellthelastasthefirst,for,indeed,itissoclosebythatoneuninspiredmightalmostseeit.Intruth,thelawofprophecydothcontradictthelikelihoods,moststrangelymakingthedifficulteasy,andtheeasydifficult."

Itwasawisehead.Apeasant"scapwasnosafedisguiseforit;youcouldknowitforaking"sunderadiving-bell,ifyoucouldhearitworkitsintellect.

Ihadanewtradenow,andplentyofbusinessinit.Thekingwasashungrytofindouteverythingthatwasgoingtohappenduringthenextthirteencenturiesasifhewereexpectingtoliveinthem.Fromthattimeout,Iprophesiedmyselfbald-headedtryingtosupplythedemand.Ihavedonesomeindiscreetthingsinmyday,butthisthingofplayingmyselfforaprophetwastheworst.Still,ithaditsameliorations.Aprophetdoesn"thavetohaveanybrains.Theyaregoodtohave,ofcourse,fortheordinaryexigenciesoflife,buttheyarenouseinprofessionalwork.

Itistherestfulestvocationthereis.Whenthespiritofprophecycomesuponyou,youmerelycakeyourintellectandlayitoffinacoolplaceforarest,andunshipyourjawandleaveitalone;itwillworkitself:

theresultisprophecy.

Everydayaknight-errantorsocamealong,andthesightofthemfiredtheking"smartialspiriteverytime.Hewouldhaveforgottenhimself,sure,andsaidsomethingtotheminastyleasuspiciousshadeorsoabovehisostensibledegree,andsoIalwaysgothimwelloutoftheroadintime.Thenhewouldstandandlookwithallhiseyes;andaproudlightwouldflashfromthem,andhisnostrilswouldinflatelikeawar-horse"s,andIknewhewaslongingforabrushwiththem.ButaboutnoonofthethirddayIhadstoppedintheroadtotakeaprecautionwhichhadbeensuggestedbythewhip-strokethathadfallentomysharetwodaysbefore;

aprecautionwhichIhadafterwarddecidedtoleaveuntaken,Iwassoloathtoinstituteit;butnowIhadjusthadafreshreminder:whilestridingheedlesslyalong,withjawspreadandintellectatrest,forIwasprophesying,Istubbedmytoeandfellsprawling.IwassopaleIcouldn"tthinkforamoment;thenIgotsoftlyandcarefullyupandunstrappedmyknapsack.

Ihadthatdynamitebombinit,doneupinwoolinabox.Itwasagoodthingtohavealong;thetimewouldcomewhenIcoulddoavaluablemiraclewithit,maybe,butitwasanervousthingtohaveaboutme,andIdidn"tliketoaskthekingtocarryit.YetImusteitherthrowitawayorthinkupsomesafewaytogetalongwithitssociety.Igotitoutandslippeditintomyscrip,andjustthenherecameacoupleofknights.Thekingstood,statelyasastatue,gazingtowardthem——hadforgottenhimselfagain,ofcourse——andbeforeIcouldgetawordofwarningout,itwastimeforhimtoskip,andwellthathedidit,too.Hesupposedtheywouldturnaside.Turnasidetoavoidtramplingpeasantdirtunderfoot?Whenhadheeverturnedasidehimself——oreverhadthechancetodoit,ifapeasantsawhimoranyothernobleknightintimetojudiciouslysavehimthetrouble?Theknightspaidnoattentiontothekingatall;itwashisplacetolookouthimself,andifhehadn"tskippedhewouldhavebeenplacidlyriddendown,andlaughedatbesides.

Thekingwasinaflamingfury,andlaunchedouthischallengeandepithetswithamostroyalvigor.Theknightsweresomelittledistancebynow.

Theyhalted,greatlysurprised,andturnedintheirsaddlesandlookedback,asifwonderingifitmightbeworthwhiletobotherwithsuchscumaswe.Thentheywheeledandstartedforus.Notamomentmustbelost.

IstartedforTHEM.Ipassedthematarattlinggait,andasIwentbyIflungoutahair-liftingsoulscorchingthirteen-jointedinsultwhichmadetheking"seffortpoorandcheapbycomparison.Igotitoutofthenineteenthcenturywheretheyknowhow.Theyhadsuchheadwaythattheywerenearlytothekingbeforetheycouldcheckup;then,franticwithrage,theystooduptheirhorsesontheirhindhoofsandwhirledthemaround,andthenextmomentheretheycame,breasttobreast.Iwasseventyyardsoff,then,andscramblingupagreatbowlderattheroadside.Whentheywerewithinthirtyyardsofmetheylettheirlonglancesdrooptoalevel,depressedtheirmailedheads,andso,withtheirhorse-hairplumesstreamingstraightoutbehind,mostgallanttosee,thislightningexpresscametearingforme!Whentheywerewithinfifteenyards,Isentthatbombwithasureaim,anditstruckthegroundjustunderthehorses"noses.

Yes,itwasaneatthing,veryneatandprettytosee.ItresembledasteamboatexplosionontheMississippi;andduringthenextfifteenminuteswestoodunderasteadydrizzleofmicroscopicfragmentsofknightsandhardwareandhorse-flesh.Isaywe,forthekingjoinedtheaudience,ofcourse,assoonashehadgothisbreathagain.Therewasaholetherewhichwouldaffordsteadyworkforallthepeopleinthatregionforsomeyearstocome——intryingtoexplainit,Imean;asforfillingitup,thatservicewouldbecomparativelyprompt,andwouldfalltothelotofaselectfew——peasantsofthatseignory;andtheywouldn"tgetanythingforit,either.

ButIexplainedittothekingmyself.Isaiditwasdonewithadynamitebomb,Thisinformationdidhimnodamage,becauseitlefthimasintelligentashewasbefore.However,itwasanoblemiracle,inhiseyes,andwasanothersettlerforMerlin.Ithoughtitwellenoughtoexplainthatthiswasamiracleofsorareasortthatitcouldn"tbedoneexceptwhentheatmosphericconditionswerejustright.Otherwisehewouldbeencoringiteverytimewehadagoodsubject,andthatwouldbeinconvenient,becauseIhadn"tanymorebombsalong.

AConnecticutYankeeinKingArthur"sCourt-Chapter28Chapter28-DrillingtheKingONthemorningofthefourthday,whenitwasjustsunrise,andwehadbeentrampinganhourinthechilldawn,Icametoaresolution:thekingMUSTbedrilled;thingscouldnotgoonso,hemustbetakeninhandanddeliberatelyandconscientiouslydrilled,orwecouldn"teverventuretoenteradwelling;theverycatswouldknowthismasqueraderforahumbugandnopeasant.SoIcalledahaltandsaid:

"Sire,asbetweenclothesandcountenance,youareallright,thereisnodiscrepancy;butasbetweenyourclothesandyourbearing,youareallwrong,thereisamostnoticeablediscrepancy.Yoursoldierlystride,yourlordlyport——thesewillnotdo.Youstandtoostraight,yourlooksaretoohigh,tooconfident.Thecaresofakingdomdonotstooptheshoulders,theydonotdroopthechin,theydonotdepressthehighleveloftheeye-glance,theydonotputdoubtandfearintheheartandhangoutthesignsoftheminslouchingbodyandunsurestep.Itisthesordidcaresofthelowlybornthatdothesethings.Youmustlearnthetrick;youmustimitatethetrademarksofpoverty,misery,oppression,insult,andtheotherseveralandcommoninhumanitiesthatsapthemanlinessoutofamanandmakehimaloyalandproperandapprovedsubjectandasatisfactiontohismasters,ortheveryinfantswillknowyouforbetterthanyourdisguise,andweshallgotopiecesatthefirsthutwestopat.Praytrytowalklikethis."

Thekingtookcarefulnote,andthentriedanimitation.

"Prettyfair——prettyfair.Chinalittlelower,please——there,verygood.Eyestoohigh;praydon"tlookatthehorizon,lookattheground,tenstepsinfrontofyou.Ah——thatisbetter,thatisverygood.Wait,please;youbetraytoomuchvigor,toomuchdecision;youwantmoreofashamble.Lookatme,please——thisiswhatImeanNowyouaregettingit;thatistheidea——atleast,itsortofapproachesitYes,thatisprettyfair.BUT!Thereisagreatbigsomethingwanting,Idon"tquiteknowwhatitis.Pleasewalkthirtyyards,sothatIcangetaperspectiveonthethingNow,then——yourhead"sright,speed"sright,shouldersright,eyesright,chinright,gait,carriage,generalstyleright——everything"sright!Andyetthefactremains,theaggregate"swrong.Theaccountdon"tbalance.Doitagain,pleaseNOWIthinkIbegintoseewhatitis.

Yes,I"vestruckit.Yousee,thegenuinespiritlessnessiswanting;that"swhat"sthetrouble.It"sallAMATUEUR——mechanicaldetailsallright,almosttoahair;everythingaboutthedelusionperfect,exceptthatitdon"tdelude."

"What,then,mustonedo,toprevail?"

"LetmethinkIcan"tseemtoquitegetatit.Infact,thereisn"tanythingthatcanrightthematterbutpractice.Thisisagoodplaceforit:rootsandstonygroundtobreakupyourstatelygait,aregionnotliabletointerruption,onlyonefieldandonehutinsight,andtheysofarawaythatnobodycouldseeusfromthere.Itwillbewelltomovealittleofftheroadandputinthewholedaydrillingyou,sire."

Afterthedrillhadgoneonalittlewhile,Isaid:

"Now,sire,imaginethatweareatthedoorofthehutyonder,andthefamilyarebeforeus.Proceed,please——accosttheheadofthehouse."

Thekingunconsciouslystraighteneduplikeamonument,andsaid,withfrozenausterity:

"Varlet,bringaseat;andservetomewhatcheeryehave."

"Ah,yourgrace,thatisnotwelldone."

"Inwhatlackethit?"

"ThesepeopledonotcallEACHOTHERvarlets."

"Nay,isthattrue?"

"Yes;onlythoseabovethemcallthemso."

"ThenmustItryagain.Iwillcallhimvillein."

"No-no;forhemaybeafreeman."

"Ah——so.ThenperadventureIshouldcallhimgoodman."

"Thatwouldanswer,yourgrace,butitwouldbestillbetterifyousaidfriend,orbrother."

"Brother!——todirtlikethat?"

"Ah,butWEarepretendingtobedirtlikethat,too."

"Itiseventrue.Iwillsayit.Brother,bringaseat,andtheretowhatcheeryehave,withal.Now"tisright."

"Notquite,notwhollyright.Youhaveaskedforone,notUS——forone,notboth;foodforone,aseatforone."