第4章

Thecrashbroughtthefarmer"swiferushingintotheroom.Christinehadwell-nighsprungoutofhershoes.Mrs.Wake"senquirywhathadhappenedwasansweredbytheevidenceofherowneyes.

"Howdiditoccur?"shesaid.

"Icannotsay;itwasnotfirmlyfixed,Isuppose.Dearme,howsorryIam!Mydearfather"shall-clock!AndnowIsupposeitisruined."

AssistedbyMrs.Wake,sheliftedtheclock.Everyinchofglasswas,ofcourse,shattered,butverylittleharmbesidesappearedtobedone.Theyproppedituptemporarily,thoughitwouldnotgoagain.

Christinehadsoonrecoveredhercomposure,butshesawthatMrs.

Wakewasgloomy."Whatdoesitmean,Mrs.Wake?"shesaid."Isitominous?"

"Itisasignofaviolentdeathinthefamily."

"Don"ttalkofit.Idon"tbelievesuchthings;anddon"tmentionittoMr.Longwhenhecomes.HE"Snotinthefamilyyet,youknow."

"Ono,itcannotrefertohim,"saidMrs.Wakemusingly.

"Someremotecousin,perhaps,"observedChristine,nolesswillingtohumourherthantogetridofashapelessdreadwhichtheincidenthadcausedinherownmind."And——supperisalmostready,Mrs.

Wake?"

"Inthree-quartersofanhour."

Mrs.Wakelefttheroom,andChristinesaton.ThoughitstillwantedfifteenminutestothehouratwhichNicholashadpromisedtobethere,shebegantogrowimpatient.Aftertheaccustomedtickingthedeadsilencewasoppressive.Butshehadnottowaitsolongasshehadexpected;stepswereheardapproachingthedoor,andtherewasaknock.

Christinewasalreadytheretoopenit.Theentrancehadnolamp,butitwasnotparticularlydarkoutofdoors.Shecouldseetheoutlineofaman,andcriedcheerfully,"Youareearly;itisverygoodofyou."

"Ibegpardon.ItisnotMr.Bellstonhimself——onlyamessengerwithhisbagandgreat-coat.Buthewillbeheresoon."

ThevoicewasnotthevoiceofNicholas,andtheintelligencewasstrange."I——Idon"tunderstand.Mr.Bellston?"shefaintlyreplied.

"Yes,ma"am.Agentleman——astrangertome——gavemethesethingsatCasterbridgestationtobringonhere,andtoldmetosaythatMr.

Bellstonhadarrivedthere,andisdetainedforhalf-an-hour,butwillbehereinthecourseoftheevening."

Shesankintoachair.Theporterputasmallbatteredportmanteauonthefloor,thecoatonachair,andlookingintotheroomatthespreadtablesaid,"Ifyouaredisappointed,ma"am,thatyourhusband(asIs"poseheis)isnotcome,Icanassureyouhe"llsoonbehere.

He"sstoppedtogetashave,tomythinking,seeinghewantedit.

WhathesaidwasthatIcouldtellyouhehadheardthenewsinIreland,andwouldhavecomesooner,hishandbeingforced;butwashinderedcrossingbytheweather,havingtookpassageinasailingvessel.Whatnewshemeanthedidn"tsay."

"Ah,yes,"shefaltered.Itwasplainthatthemanknewnothingofherintendedre-marriage.

Mechanicallyrisingandgivinghimashilling,sheansweredtohis"good-night,"andhewithdrew,thebeatofhisfootstepslesseninginthedistance.Shewasalone;butinwhatasolitude.

Christinestoodinthemiddleofthehall,justasthemanhadlefther,inthegloomysilenceofthestoppedclockwithintheadjoiningroom,tillshearousedherself,andturningtotheportmanteauandgreat-coatbroughtthemtothelightofthecandles,andexaminedthem.Theportmanteauborepainteduponittheinitials"J.B."inwhiteletters——thewell-knowninitialsofherhusband.

Sheexaminedthegreat-coat.Inthebreast-pocketwasanemptyspiritflask,whichshefirmlyfanciedsherecognizedastheoneshehadfilledmanytimesforhimwhenhewaslivingathomewithher.

Sheturneddesultorilyhitherandthither,untilsheheardanothertreadwithout,andtherecameasecondknockingatthedoor.Shedidnotrespondtoit;andNicholas——foritwashe——thinkingthathewasnotheardbyreasonofaconcentrationonto-morrow"sproceedings,openedthedoorsoftly,andcameontothedoorofherroom,whichstoodunclosed,justasithadbeenleftbytheCasterbridgeporter.

Nicholasutteredablithegreeting,casthiseyeroundtheparlour,whichwithitstallcandles,blazingfire,snow-whitecloth,andprettily-spreadtable,formedacheerfulspectacleenoughforamanwhohadbeenwalkinginthedarkforanhour.

"Mybride——almost,atlast!"hecried,encirclingherwithhisarms.

Insteadofresponding,herfigurebecamelimp,frigid,heavy;herheadfellback,andhefoundthatshehadfainted.

Itwasnatural,hethought.Shehadhadmanylittleworryingmatterstoattendto,andbutslightassistance.Heoughttohaveseenmoreeffectuallytoheraffairs;theclosenessoftheeventhadover-

excitedher.Nicholaskissedherunconsciousface——morethanonce,littlethinkingwhatnewsitwasthathadchangeditsaspect.LothtocallMrs.Wake,hecarriedChristinetoacouchandlaidherdown.

Thishadtheeffectofrevivingher.Nicholasbentandwhisperedinherear,"Liequiet,dearest,nohurry;anddream,dream,dreamofhappydays.ItisonlyI.Youwillsoonbebetter."Heheldherbythehand.

"No,no,no!"shesaid,withastare."O,howcanthisbe?"

Nicholaswasalarmedandperplexed,butthedisclosurewasnotlongdelayed.Whenshehadsatup,andbydegreesmadethestunningeventknowntohim,hestoodasiftransfixed.

"Ah——isitso?"saidhe.Then,becomingquitemeek,"Andwhywashesocruelasto——delayhisreturntillnow?"

Shedutifullyrecitedtheexplanationherhusbandhadgivenherthroughthemessenger;buthermechanicalmanneroftellingitshowedhowmuchshedoubteditstruth.Itwastoounlikelythathisarrivalatsuchadramaticmomentshouldnotbeacontrivedsurprise,quiteofapiecewithhispreviousdealingstowardsher.

"Butperhapsitmaybetrue——andhemayhavebecomekindnow——notasheusedtobe,"shefaltered."Yes,perhaps,Nicholas,heisanalteredman——we"llhopeheis.IsupposeIoughtnottohavelistenedtomylegaladvisers,andassumedhisdeathsosurely!

Anyhow,Iamroughlyreceivedbackinto——therightway!"

Nicholasburstoutbitterly:"Owhattoo,toohonestfoolswewere!——

tosocourtdaylightuponourintentionbyputtingthatannouncementinthepapers!Whycouldwenothavemarriedprivately,andgoneaway,sothathewouldneverhaveknownwhathadbecomeofyou,evenifhehadreturned?Christine,hehasdoneittoButI"llsaynomore.Ofcoursewe——mightflynow."

"No,no;wemightnot,"saidshehastily.

"Verywell.Butthisishardtobear!"WhenIlookedforgoodthenevilcameuntome,andwhenIwaitedforlighttherecamedarkness."

SooncesaidasorelytriedmaninthelandofUz,andsosayInow!

Iwonderifheisalmosthereatthismoment?"

ShetoldhimshesupposedBellstonwasapproachingbythepathacrossthefields,havingsentonhisgreat-coat,whichhewouldnotwantwalking.

"Andisthismeallaidforhim,orforme?"

"Itwaslaidforyou."

"Anditwillbeeatenbyhim?"

"Yes."

"Christine,areyouSUREthatheiscome,orhaveyoubeensleepingoverthefireanddreamingit?"

Shepointedanewtotheportmanteauwiththeinitials"J.B.,"andtothecoatbesideit.

"Well,good-bye——good-bye!Cursethatparsonfornotmarryingusfifteenyearsago!"

Itisunnecessarytodwellfurtheruponthatparting.Therearesceneswhereinthewordsspokendonotevenapproximatetothelevelofthementalcommunionbetweentheactors.Sufficeittosaythatparttheydid,andquickly;andNicholas,moredeadthanalive,wentoutofthehousehomewards.

Whyhadheevercomeback?DuringhisabsencehehadnotcaredforChristineashecarednow.Ifhehadbeenyoungerhemighthavefelttemptedtodescendintothemeadsinsteadofkeepingalongtheiredge.TheFroomwasdownthere,andheknewofquietpoolsinthatstreamtowhichdeathwouldcomeeasily.Buthewastoooldtoputanendtohimselfforsuchareasonaslove;andanotherthought,too,kepthimfromseriouslycontemplatinganydesperateact.Hisaffectionforherwasstronglyprotective,andintheeventofherrequiringafriend"ssupportinfuturetroublestherewasnonebuthimselfleftintheworldtoaffordit.Sohewalkedon.

MeanwhileChristinehadresignedherselftocircumstances.Aresolvetocontinueworthyofherhistoryandofherfamilylentherheroismanddignity.ShecalledMrs.Wake,andexplainedtothatworthywomanasmuchofwhathadoccurredasshedeemednecessary.Mrs.

Wakewastooamazedtoreply;sheretreatedslowly,herlipsparted;

tillatthedoorshesaidwithadrymouth,"Andthebeautifulsupper,ma"am?"

"Serveitwhenhecomes."

"WhenMr.Bellston——yes,ma"am,Iwill."Shestillstoodgazing,asifshecouldhardlytakeintheorder.

"Thatwilldo,Mrs.Wake.Iammuchobligedtoyouforallyourkindness."AndChristinewasleftaloneagain,andthenshewept.

Shesatdownandwaited.Thatawfulsilenceofthestoppedclockbegananew,butshedidnotminditnow.Shewaslisteningforafootfallinastateofmentaltensitywhichalmosttookawayfromherthepowerofmotion.Itseemedtoherthatthenaturalintervalforherhusband"sjourneythithermusthaveexpired;butshewasnotsure,andwaitedon.

Mrs.Wakeagaincamein."Youhavenotrungforsupper——"

"Heisnotyetcome,Mrs.Wake.Ifyouwanttogotobed,bringinthesupperandsetitonthetable.Itwillbenearlyasgoodcold.

Leavethedoorunbarred."

Mrs.Wakedidaswassuggested,madeupthefire,andwentaway.

ShortlyafterwardsChristineheardherretiretoherchamber.ButChristinestillsaton,andstillherhusbandpostponedhisentry.

Shearousedherselfonceortwicetofreshenthefire,butwasignoranthowthenightwasgoing.Herwatchwasupstairsandshedidnotmaketheefforttogouptoconsultit.Inherseatshecontinued;andstillthesupperwaited,andstillhedidnotcome.

Atlengthshewassonearlypersuadedthatthearrivalofhisthingsmusthavebeenadreamafterall,thatsheagainwentovertothem,feltthem,andexaminedthem.Histheyunquestionablywere;andtheirforwardingbytheporterhadbeenquitenatural.Shesighedandsatdownagain.

Presentlyshefellintoadoze,andwhensheagainbecameconsciousshefoundthatthefourcandleshadburntintotheirsocketsandgoneout.Thefirestillemittedafeebleshine.Christinedidnottakethetroubletogetmorecandles,butstirredthefireandsaton.

Afteralongperiodsheheardacreakingofthechamberfloorandstairsattheotherendofthehouse,andknewthatthefarmer"sfamilyweregettingup.By-and-byMrs.Wakeenteredtheroom,candleinhand,bouncingopenthedoorinhermorningmanner,obviouslywithoutanyexpectationoffindingapersonthere.

"Lord-a-mercy!What,sittinghereagain,ma"am?"

"Yes,Iamsittingherestill."

"You"vebeenthereeversincelastnight?"

"Yes."

"Then——"

"He"snotcome."

"Well,hewon"tcomeatthistimeo"morning,"saidthefarmer"swife."Do"eegetontobed,ma"am.Youmustbeshrammedtodeath!"

ItoccurredtoChristinenowthatpossiblyherhusbandhadthoughtbetterofobtrudinghimselfuponhercompanywithinanhourofrevealinghisexistencetoher,andhaddecidedtopayamoreformalvisitnextday.ShethereforeadoptedMrs.Wake"ssuggestionandretired.

CHAPTERVIII

Nicholashadgonestraighthome,neitherspeakingtonorseeingasoul.Fromthathourachangeseemedtocomeoverhim.Hehadeverpossessedafullshareofself-consciousness;hehadbeenreadilypiqued,hadshownanunusualdreadofbeingpersonallyobtrusive.

Butnowhissenseofself,asanindividualprovokingopinion,appearedtoleavehim.When,therefore,afteradayortwoofseclusion,hecameforthagain,andthefewacquaintanceshehadformedinthetowncondoledwithhimonwhathadhappened,andpitiedhishaggardlooks,hedidnotshrinkfromtheirregardashewouldhavedoneformerly,buttooktheirsympathyasitwouldhavebeenacceptedbyachild.

ItreachedhisearsthatBellstonhadnotappearedontheeveningofhisarrivalatanyhotelinthetownorneighbourhood,orenteredhiswife"shouseatall."That"sapartofhiscruelty,"thoughtNicholas.Andwhentwoorthreedayshadpassed,andstillnoaccountcametohimofBellstonhavingjoinedher,heventuredtosetoutforFroom-Everard.

Christinewassoshakenthatshewasobligedtoreceivehimasshelayonasofa,besidethesquaretablewhichwastohavebornetheireveningfeast.Shefixedhereyeswistfullyuponhim,andsmiledasadsmile.

"Hehasnotcome?"saidNicholasunderhisbreath.

"Hehasnot."

ThenNicholassatbesideher,andtheytalkedongeneraltopicsmerelylikesaddenedoldfriends.ButtheycouldnotkeepawaythesubjectofBellston,theirvoicesdroppingasitforceditswayin.

Christine,nolessthanNicholas,knowingherhusband"scharacter,inferredthat,havingstoppedhergame,ashewouldhavephrasedit,hewastakingthingsleisurely,and,findingnothingveryattractiveinherlimitedmodeofliving,wasmeaningtoreturntoheronlywhenhehadnothingbettertodo.

Theboltwhichlaidlowtheirhopeshadstrucksorecentlythattheycouldhardlylookeachotherinthefacewhenspeakingthatday.Butwhenaweekortwohadpassed,andallthehorizonstillremainedasvacantofBellstonasbefore,Nicholasandshecouldtalkoftheeventwithcalmwonderment.Whyhadhecome,togoagainlikethis?

Andthentheresetinaperiodofresignedsurmise,duringwhichSolike,soverylike,wasdaytoday,thattotellofoneofthemistotellofall.Nicholaswouldarrivebetweenthreeandfourintheafternoon,afainttrepidationinfluencinghiswalkashenearedherdoor.Hewouldknock;shewouldalwaysreplyinperson,havingwatchedforhimfromthewindow.

Thenhewouldwhisper——"Hehasnotcome?"

"Hehasnot,"shewouldsay.

Nicholaswouldenterthen,andshebeingreadybonneted,theywouldwalkintotheSallowstogetherasfarastothespotwhichtheyhadfrequentlymadetheirplaceofappointmentintheiryouthfuldays.A

plankbridge,whichBellstonhadcausedtobethrownoverthestreamduringhisresidencewithherinthemanor-house,wasnowagainremoved,andallwasjustthesameasinNicholas"stime,whenhehadbeenaccustomedtowadeacrossontheedgeofthecascadeandcomeuptoherlikeamermanfromthedeep.Hereonthefelledtrunk,whichstilllayrottinginitsoldplace,theywouldnowsit,gazingatthedescendingsheetofwater,withitsnever-endingsarcastichissattheirbaffledattemptstomakethemselvesoneflesh.Returningtothehousetheywouldsitdowntogethertotea,afterwhich,andtheconfidentialchatthataccompaniedit,hewalkedhomebythedeclininglight.Thisproceedingbecameasperiodicasanastronomicalrecurrence.Twiceaweekhecame——allthroughthatwinter,allthroughthespringfollowing,throughthesummer,throughtheautumn,thenextwinter,thenextyear,andthenext,tillanappreciablespanofhumanlifehadpassedby.Bellstonstilltarried.

YearsandyearsNicwalkedthatway,atthisintervalofthreedays,fromhishouseintheneighbouringtown;andineveryinstancetheaforesaidorderofthingswascustomary;andstillonhisarrivaltheformofwordswenton——"Hehasnotcome?"

"Hehasnot."

Sotheygrewolder.Thedimshapeofthatthirdonestoodcontinuallybetweenthem;theycouldnotdisplaceit;neither,ontheotherhand,coulditeffectuallypartthem.Theywereinclosecommunion,yetnotindissolublyunited;lovers,yetnevergrowingcuredoflove.BythetimethatthefifthyearofNic"svisitinghadarrived,onaboutthefive-hundredthoccasionofhispresenceathertea-table,henoticedthatthebleachingprocesswhichhadbegunuponhisownlockswasalsospreadingtohers.Hetoldherso,andtheylaughed.Yetshewasingoodhealth:aconditionofsuspense,whichwouldhavehalf-killedaman,hadbeenenduredbyherwithoutcomplaint,andevenwithcomposure.

Oneday,whentheseyearsofabeyancehadnumberedseven,theyhadstrolledasusualasfarasthewaterfall,whosefaintroarformedasortofcallingvoicesufficientinthecircumstancestodirecttheirlistlessness.Pausingthere,helookedupatherfaceandsaid,"Whyshouldwenottryagain,Christine?Wearelegallyatlibertytodosonow.Nothingventurenothinghave."

Butshewouldnot.PerhapsalittleprimnessofideawasbythistimeoustingthenativedaringofChristine."Whathehasdoneoncehecandotwice,"shesaid."Heisnotdead,andifweweretomarryhewouldsaywehad"forcedhishand,"ashesaidbefore,anddulyreappear."

Someyearsafter,whenChristinewasaboutfifty,andNicholasfifty-

three,anewtroubleofaminorkindarrived.Hefoundaninconvenienceintraversingthedistancebetweentheirtwohouses,particularlyindampweather,theyearshehadspentintryingclimatesabroadhavingsowntheseedsofrheumatism,whichmadeajourneyundesirableoninclementdays,eveninacarriage.Hetoldherofthisnewdifficulty,ashedidofeverything.

"Ifyoucouldlivenearer,"suggestedshe.

Unluckilytherewasnohousenear.ButNicholas,thoughnotamillionaire,wasamanofmeans;heobtainedasmallpieceofgroundonleaseatthenearestspottoherhomethatitcouldbesoobtained,whichwasontheoppositebrinkoftheFroom,thisriverformingtheboundaryoftheFroom-Everardmanor;andherehebuiltacottagelargeenoughforhiswants.Thistooktime,andwhenhegotintoithefounditssituationagreatcomforttohim.Hewasnotmorethanfivehundredyardsfromhernow,andgainedanewpleasureinfeelingthatallsoundswhichgreetedhisears,inthedayorinthenight,alsofelluponhers——thecawofaparticularrook,thevoiceofaneighbouringnightingale,thewhistleofalocalbreeze,orthepurlofthefallinthemeadows,whoserushwasamaterialrenderingofTime"sceaselessscouroverthemselves,wearingthemawaywithoutunitingthem.

Christine"smissinghusbandwastakingshapeasamythamongthesurroundingresidents;buthewasstillbelievedinascorporeallyimminentbyChristineherself,andalso,inamilderdegree,byNicholas.Foracuriousunconsciousnessofthelonglapseoftimesincehisrevelationofhimselfseemedtoaffectthepair.Therehadbeennopassingeventstoserveaschronologicalmilestones,andtheeveningonwhichshehadkeptsupperwaitingforhimstillloomedoutwithstartlingnearnessintheirretrospects.

Intheseventeenthpensiveyearofthistheirparallelmarchtowardsthecommonbourne,alabourercameinahurryonedaytoNicholas"shouseandbroughtstrangetidings.ThepresentownerofFroom-

Everard——anon-resident——hadbeenimprovinghispropertyinsundryways,andoneofthesewasbydredgingthestreamwhich,inthecourseofyears,hadbecomechokedwithmudandweedsinitspassagethroughtheSallows.Theprocessnecessitatedareconstructionofthewaterfall.Whentheriverhadbeenpumpeddryforthispurpose,theskeletonofamanhadbeenfoundjammedamongthepilessupportingtheedgeofthefall.Everyparticleofhisfleshandclothinghadbeeneatenbyfishesorabradedtonothingbythewater,buttherelicsofagoldwatchremained,andontheinsideofthecasewasengravedthenameofthemakerofherhusband"swatch,whichshewellremembered.

Nicholas,deeplyagitated,hasteneddowntotheplaceandexaminedtheremainsattentively,afterwardsgoingacrosstoChristine,andbreakingthediscoverytoher.Shewouldnotcometoviewtheskeleton,whichlayextendedonthegrass,notafingerortoe-bonemissing,soneatlyhadtheaquaticoperatorsdonetheirwork.

ConjecturewasdirectedtothequestionhowBellstonhadgotthere;

andconjecturealonecouldgiveanexplanation.

Itwassupposedthat,onhiswaytocalluponher,hehadtakenashortcutthroughthegrounds,withwhichhewasnaturallyveryfamiliar,andcomingtothefallunderthetreeshadexpectedtofindtheretheplankwhich,duringhisoccupancyofthepremiseswithChristineandherfather,hehadplacedthereforcrossingintothemeadsontheothersideinsteadofwadingacrossasNicholashaddone.Beforediscoveringitsremovalhehadprobablyoverbalancedhimself,andwasthusprecipitatedintothecascade,thepilesbeneaththedescendingcurrentwedginghimbetweenthemliketheprongsofapitchfork,andeffectuallypreventingtherisingofhisbody,overwhichtheweedsgrew.Suchwasthereasonablesuppositionconcerningthediscovery;butproofwasneverforthcoming.

"Tothink,"saidNicholas,whentheremainshadbeendecentlyinterred,andhewasagainsittingwithChristine——thoughnotbesidethewaterfall——"tothinkhowwevisitedhim!Howwesatoverhim,hoursandhours,gazingathim,bewailingourfate,whenallthetimehewasironicallyhissingatusfromthespot,inanunknowntongue,thatwecouldmarryifwechose!"

Sheechoedthesentimentwithasigh.

"Ihavestrangefancies,"shesaid."IsupposeitMUSThavebeenmyhusbandwhocameback,andnotsomeotherman."

Nicholasfeltthattherewaslittledoubt."Besides——theskeleton,"

hesaid.

"YesIfitcouldnothavebeenanotherperson"s——butno,ofcourseitwashe."

"Youmighthavemarriedmeonthedaywehadfixed,andtherewouldhavebeennoimpediment.Youwouldnowhavebeenseventeenyearsmywife,andwemighthavehadtallsonsanddaughters."

"Itmighthavebeenso,"shemurmured.

"Well——isitstillbetterlatethannever?"

Thequestionwasonewhichhadbecomecomplicatedbytheincreasingyearsofeach.Theirwillsweresomewhatenfeeblednow,theirheartssickenedoftenderenterprisebyhopetoolongdeferred.HavingpostponedtheconsiderationoftheircoursetillayearaftertheintermentofBellston,eachseemedlessdisposedthanformerlytotakeitupagain.

"Isitworthwhile,aftersomanyyears?"shesaidtohim."Wearefairlyhappyasweare——perhapshappierthanweshouldbeinanyotherrelation,seeingwhatoldpeoplewehavegrown.Theweightisgonefromourlives;theshadownolongerdividesus:thenletusbejoyfultogetherasweare,dearestNic,inthedaysofourvanity;

andWithmirthandlaughterletoldwrinklescome."

Hefellinwiththeseviewsofherstosomeextent.Butoccasionallyheventuredtourgehertoreconsiderthecase,thoughhespokenotwiththefervourofhisearlieryears.

Autumn,1887.

ALICIA"SDIARY

CHAPTERI——SHEMISSESHERSISTER

July7——Iwanderaboutthehouseinamoodofunutterablesadness,formydearsisterCarolinehaslefthometo-daywithmymother,andIshallnotseethemagainforseveralweeks.Theyhaveacceptedalong-standinginvitationtovisitsomeoldfriendsofours,theMarlets,wholiveatVersaillesforcheapness——mymotherthinkingthatitwillbeforthegoodofCarolinetoseealittleofFranceandParis.ButIdon"tquitelikehergoing.Ifearshemaylosesomeofthatchildlikesimplicityandgentlenesswhichsocharacterizeher,andhavebeennourishedbytheseclusionofourlifehere.Hersolicitudeaboutherponybeforestartingwasquitetouching,andshemademepromisetovisititdaily,andseethatitcametonoharm.

Carolinegoneabroad,andIlefthere!Itisthereverseofanordinarysituation,forgoodorill-luckhasmostlyordainedthatI

shouldbetheabsentone.MotherwillbequitetiredoutbytheyoungenthusiasmofCaroline.Shewilldemandtobetakeneverywhere——toPariscontinually,ofcourse;toallthestockshrinesofhistory"sdevotees;topalacesandprisons;tokings"tombsandqueens"tombs;tocemeteriesandpicture-galleries,androyalhuntingforests.Mypoormother,havinggoneovermostofthisgroundmanytimesbefore,willperhapsnotfindtheperambulationsoexhilaratingaswillCarolineherself.IwishIcouldhavegonewiththem.I

wouldnothavemindedhavingmylegswalkedofftopleaseCaroline.

Butthisregretisabsurd:Icouldnot,ofcourse,leavemyfatherwithnotasoulinthehousetoattendtothecallsoftheparishionersortopourouthistea.

July15——AletterfromCarolineto-day.ItisverystrangethatshetellsmenothingwhichIexpectedhertotell——onlytrivialdetails.

SheseemsdazzledbythebrilliancyofParis——whichnodoubtappearsstillmorebrillianttoherfromthefactofheronlybeingabletoobtainoccasionalglimpsesofit.ShewouldseethatParis,too,hasaseamysideifyoulivethere.IwasnotawarethattheMarletsknewsomanypeople.If,asmotherhassaid,theywenttoresideatVersaillesforreasonsofeconomy,theywillnoteffectmuchinthatdirectionwhiletheymakeapracticeofentertainingalltheacquaintanceswhohappentobeintheirneighbourhood.TheydonotconfinetheirhospitalitiestoEnglishpeople,either.IwonderwhothisM.delaFesteis,inwhomCarolinesaysmymotherissomuchinterested.

July18——AnotherletterfromCaroline.Ihavelearntfromthisepistle,thatM.CharlesdelaFesteis"onlyoneofthemanyfriendsoftheMarlets";thatthoughaFrenchmanbybirth,andnowagaintemporarilyatVersailles,hehaslivedinEnglandmanymanyyears;

thatheisatalentedlandscapeandmarinepainter,andhasexhibitedattheSalon,andIthinkinLondon.HisstyleandsubjectsareconsideredsomewhatpeculiarinParis——ratherEnglishthanContinental.Ihavenotasyetlearnthisage,orhiscondition,marriedorsingle.Fromthetoneandnatureofherremarksabouthimhesometimesseemstobeamiddle-agedfamilyman,sometimesquitethereverse.FromhisnomadichabitsIshouldsaythelatteristhemostlikely.Hehastravelledandseenagreatdeal,shetellsme,andknowsmoreaboutEnglishliteraturethansheknowsherself.

July21——LetterfromCaroline.Query:Is"afriendofoursandtheMarlets,"ofwhomshenowanonymouslyandmysteriouslyspeaks,thesamepersonageasthe"M.delaFeste"ofherformerletters?Hemustbethesame,Ithink,fromhispursuits.Ifso,whencethissuddenchangeoftone?Ihavebeenlostinthoughtforatleastaquarterofanhoursincewritingtheprecedingsentence.Supposemydearsisterisfallinginlovewiththisyoungman——thereisnolongeranydoubtabouthisage;whataveryawkward,riskythingforher!Idohopethatmymotherhasaneyeontheseproceedings.But,then,poormotherneverseesthedriftofanything:sheisintruthlessofamothertoCarolinethanIam.IfIwerethere,howjealouslyIwouldwatchhim,andascertainhisdesigns!

IamofastrongernaturethanCaroline.HowIhavesupportedherinthepastthroughherlittletroublesandgreatgriefs!Issheagitatedatthepresenceofthis,toher,newandstrangefeeling?

ButIamassuminghertobedesperatelyinlove,whenIhavenoproofofanythingofthekind.Hemaybemerelyacasualfriend,ofwhomI

shallhearnomore.

July24——ThenheISabachelor,asIsuspected."IfM.delaFesteevermarrieshewill,"etc.Soshewrites.Theyaregettingintoclosequarters,obviously.Also,"Somethingtokeepmyhairsmooth,whichM.delaFestetoldmehehadfoundusefulforthetipsofhismoustache."Verynaivelyrelatedthis;andwithhowmuchunconsciousnessoftheintimacybetweenthemthattheremarkreveals!

Butmymother——whatcanshebedoing?Doessheknowofthis?Andifso,whydoesshenotalludetoitinherletterstomyfather?

IhavebeentolookatCaroline"spony,inobediencetoherreiteratedrequestthatIwouldnotmissadayinseeingthatshewaswellcaredfor.AnxiousasCarolinewasaboutthisponyofhersbeforestarting,shenownevermentionedthepooranimalonceinherletters.Theimageofherpetsuffersfromdisplacement.

August3——Caroline"sforgetfulnessofherponyhasnaturallyenoughextendedtome,hersister.Itistendayssinceshelastwrote,andbutforanotefrommymotherIshouldnotknowifsheweredeadoralive.

CHAPTERII——NEWSINTERESTINGANDSERIOUS

August5——Acloudofletters.AletterfromCaroline,anotherfrommother;alsoonefromeachtomyfather.

Theprobabilitytowhichalltheintelligencefrommysisterhaspointedoflateturnsouttobeafact.Thereisanengagement,oralmostanengagement,announcedbetweenmydearCarolineandM.delaFeste——toCaroline"ssublimehappiness,andmymother"sentiresatisfaction;aswellastothatoftheMarlets.Theyandmymotherseemtoknowallabouttheyoungman——whichismorethanIdo,thoughalittleextendedinformationabouthim,consideringthatIamCaroline"seldersister,wouldnothavebeenamiss.Ihalffeelwithmyfather,whoismuchsurprised,and,Iamsure,notaltogethersatisfied,thatheshouldnothavebeenconsultedatallbeforemattersreachedsuchadefinitestage,thoughheistooamiabletosaysoopenly.Idon"tquitesaythatagoodthingshouldhavebeenhinderedforthesakeofouropinion,ifitisagoodthing;buttheannouncementcomesverysuddenly.Itmusthavebeenforeseenbymymotherforsometimethatthisupshotwasprobable,andCarolinemighthavetoldmemoredistinctlythatM.delaFestewasherlover,insteadofalludingsomysteriouslytohimasonlyafriendoftheMarlets,andlatelydroppinghisnamealtogether.Myfather,withoutexactlyobjectingtohimasaFrenchman,"wisheshewereofEnglishorsomeotherreasonablenationalityforone"sson-in-law,"butI

tellhimthatthedemarcationsofraces,kingdoms,andcreeds,arewearingdowneveryday,thatpatriotismisasortofvice,andthatthecharacteroftheindividualisallweneedthinkaboutinthiscase.Iwonderif,intheeventoftheirmarriage,hewillcontinuetoliveatVersailles,orifhewillcometoEngland.

August7——AsupplementalletterfromCaroline,answering,byanticipation,someoftheaforesaidqueries.Shetellsmethat"Charles,"thoughhemakesVersailleshispresenthome,isbynomeansboundbyhisprofessiontocontinuethere;thathewilllivejustwhereshewishes,provideditbenottoofarfromsomecentreofthought,art,andcivilization.Mymotherandherselfboththinkthatthemarriageshouldnottakeplacetillnextyear.Heexhibitslandscapesandcanalsceneryeveryyear,shesays;soIsupposeheispopular,andthathisincomeissufficienttokeepthemincomfort.

Ifnot,Idonotseewhymyfathercouldnotsettlesomethingmoreonthemthanhehadintended,anddiminishbyalittlewhathehadproposedforme,whilstitwasimaginedthatIshouldbethefirsttostandinneedofsuch.

"Ofengagingmanner,attractiveappearance,andvirtuouscharacter,"

isthereplyIreceivefromherinanswertomyrequestforapersonaldescription.Thatisvagueenough,andIwouldratherhavehadonedefinitefactofcomplexion,voice,deed,oropinion.Butofcourseshehasnoeyenowformaterialqualities;shecannotseehimasheis.Sheseeshimirradiatedwithgloriessuchasneverappertainedandneverwillappertaintoanyman,foreign,English,orColonial.TothinkthatCaroline,twoyearsmyjunior,andsochildlikeastobefiveyearsmyjuniorinnature,shouldbeengagedtobemarriedbeforeme.Butthatiswhathappensinfamiliesmoreoftenthanweareapttoremember.

August16——Interestingnewsto-day.Charles,shesays,haspleadedthattheirmarriagemayjustaswellbethisyearasnext;andheseemstohavenearlyconvertedmymothertothesamewayofthinking.

Idonotmyselfseeanyreasonfordelay,beyondthestandingoneofmyfatherhavingasyethadnoopportunityofforminganopinionupontheman,thetime,oranything.However,hetakeshislotveryquietly,andtheyarecominghometotalkthequestionoverwithus;

Carolinehavingdecidednottomakeanypositivearrangementsforthischangeofstatetillshehasseenme.Subjecttomyownandmyfather"sapproval,shesays,theyareinclinedtosettlethedateoftheweddingforNovember,threemonthsfromthepresenttime,thatitshalltakeplacehereinthevillage,thatI,ofcourse,shallbebridesmaid,andmanyotherparticulars.Shedrawsanartlesspictureoftheprobableeffectuponthemindsofthevillagersofthisromanticperformanceinthechancelofouroldchurch,inwhichsheistobechiefactor——theforeigngentlemandroppingdownlikeagodfromtheskies,pickingherup,andtriumphantlycarryingheroff.

Heronlygriefwillbeseparationfromme,butthisistobeassuagedbymygoingandstayingwithherforlongmonthsatatime.Thissimpleprattleisverysweettome,mydearsister,butIcannothelpfeelingsadattheoccasionofit.InthenatureofthingsitisobviousthatIshallneverbetoyouagainwhatIhithertohavebeen:

yourguide,counsellor,andmostfamiliarfriend.

M.delaFestedoescertainlyseemtobeallthatonecoulddesireasprotectortoasensitivefragilechildlikeCaroline,andforthatI

amthankful.Still,ImustrememberthatIseehimasyetonlythroughhereyes.ForhersakeIamintenselyanxioustomeethim,andscrutinisehimthroughandthrough,andlearnwhatthemanisreallymadeofwhoistohavesuchatreasureinhiskeeping.Theengagementhascertainlybeenformedalittleprecipitately;Iquiteagreewithmyfatherinthat:still,goodandhappymarriageshavebeenmadeinahurrybeforenow,andmotherseemswellsatisfied.

August20——Aterribleannouncementcamethismorning;andweareindeeptrouble.Ihavebeenquiteunabletosteadymythoughtsonanythingto-daytillnow——half-pastelevenatnight——andIonlyattemptwritingthesenotesbecauseIamtoorestlesstoremainidle,andthereisnothingbutwaitingandwaitingleftformetodo.

MotherhasbeentakendangerouslyillatVersailles:theywerewithinadayortwoofstarting;butallthoughtofleavingmustnowbepostponed,forshecannotpossiblybemovedinherpresentstate.

Idon"tlikethesoundofhaemorrhageatallinawomanofherfullhabit,andCarolineandtheMarletshavenotexaggeratedtheiraccountsIamcertain.Onthereceiptofthelettermyfatherinstantlydecidedtogotoher,andIhavebeenoccupiedalldayingettinghimoff,forashecalculatesonbeingabsentseveraldays,therehavebeenmanymattersforhimtoarrangebeforesettingout——

thechiefbeingtofindsomeonewhowilldodutyforhimnextSunday——aquestofnosmalldifficultyatsuchshortnotice;butatlastpooroldfeebleMr.Dugdalehasagreedtoattemptit,withMr.

Highman,theScripturereader,toassisthiminthelessons.

Ifainwouldhavegonewithmyfathertoescapetheirksomeanxietyofawaitingher;butsomebodyhadtostay,andIcouldbestbespared.Georgehasdrivenhimtothestationtomeetthelasttrainbywhichhewillcatchthemidnightboat,andreachHavresometimeinthemorning.Hehatesthesea,andanightpassageinparticular.

Ihopehewillgettherewithoutmishapofanykind;butIfeelanxiousforhim,stay-at-homeasheis,andunabletocopewithanydifficulty.Suchanerrand,too;thejourneywillbesadenoughatbest.IalmostthinkIoughttohavebeentheonetogotoher.

August21——Inearlyfellasleepofheavinessofspiritlastnightovermywriting.MyfathermusthavereachedParisbythistime;andnowherecomesaletter

Later——Theletterwastoexpressanearnesthopethatmyfatherhadsetout.Mypoormotherissinking,theyfear.WhatwillbecomeofCaroline?O,howIwishIcouldseemother;whycouldnotbothhavegone?

Later——Igetupfrommychair,andwalkfromwindowtowindow,andthencomeandwritealine.IcannotevendivinehowpoorCaroline"smarriageistobecarriedoutifmotherdies.IpraythatfathermayhavegotthereintimetotalktoherandreceivesomedirectionsfromheraboutCarolineandM.delaFeste——amanwhomneithermyfathernorIhaveseen.I,whomightbeusefulinthisemergency,amdoomedtostayhere,waitinginsuspense.

August23——Aletterfrommyfathercontainingthesadnewsthatmymother"sspirithasflown.PoorlittleCarolineisheart-broken——shewasalwaysmoremymother"spetthanIwas.ItissomecomforttoknowthatmyfatherarrivedintimetohearfromherownlipsherstronglyexpressedwishthatCaroline"smarriageshouldbesolemnizedassoonaspossible.M.delaFesteseemstohavebeenagreatfavouriteofmydearmother"s;andIsupposeitnowbecomesalmostasacreddutyofmyfathertoaccepthimasason-in-lawwithoutcriticism.

CHAPTERIII——HERGLOOMLIGHTENSALITTLE

September10——Ihaveinsertednothinginmydiaryformorethanafortnight.Eventshavebeenaltogethertoosadformetohavethespirittoputthemonpaper.Andyettherecomesatimewhentheactofrecordingone"stroubleisrecognizedasawelcomemethodofdwellinguponit

Mydearmotherhasbeenbroughthomeandburiedhereintheparish.

Itwasnotsomuchherownwishthatthisshouldbedoneasmyfather"s,whoparticularlydesiredthatsheshouldlieinthefamilyvaultbesidehisfirstwife.Isawthemsidebysidebeforethevaultwasclosed——twowomenbelovedbyoneman.AsIstood,andCarolinebymyside,Ifellintoasortofdream,andhadanoddfancythatCarolineandImightbealsobelovedofone,andlielikethesetogether——animpossibility,ofcourse,beingsisters.WhenI

awokefrommyreverieCarolinetookmyhandandsaiditwastimetoleave.

September14——Theweddingisindefinitelypostponed.Carolineislikeagirlawakeninginthemiddleofasomnambulisticexperience,anddoesnotrealizewheresheis,orhowshestands.Shewalksaboutsilently,andIcannottellherthoughts,asIusedtodo.ItwasherowndoingtowritetoM.delaFesteandtellhimthattheweddingcouldnotpossiblytakeplacethisautumnasoriginallyplanned.Thereissomethingdepressinginthislongpostponementifsheistomarryhimatall;andyetIdonotseehowitcouldbeavoided.

October20——IhavehadsomuchtooccupymeinconsolingCarolinethatIhavebeencontinuallyoverlookingmydiary.Herlifewasmuchnearertomymother"sthanminewas.Shehasnever,asI,livedawayfromhomelongenoughtobecomeself-dependent,andhenceinherfirstloss,andallthatitinvolved,shedroopedlikearain-beatenlily.Butsheisofanaturewhosewoundssoonheal,eventhoughtheymaybedeep,andthesupremepoignancyofhersorrowhasalreadypassed.

Myfatherisofopinionthattheweddingshouldnotbedelayedtoolong.WhileatVersailleshemadetheacquaintanceofM.delaFeste,andthoughtheyhadbutashortandhurriedcommunionwitheachother,hewasmuchimpressedbyM.delaFeste"sdispositionandconduct,andisstronglyinfavourofhissuit.ItisoddthatCaroline"sbetrothedshouldinfluenceinhisfavourallwhocomenearhim.Hisportrait,whichdearCarolinehasshownme,exhibitshimtobeofaphysiquethatpartlyaccountsforthis:buttheremustbesomethingmorethanmereappearance,anditisprobablysomesortofglamourorfascinatingpower——thequalitywhichpreventedCarolinefromdescribinghimtomewithanyaccuracyofdetail.Atthesametime,Iseefromthephotographthathisfaceandheadareremarkablywellformed;andthoughthecontoursofhismoutharehiddenbyhismoustache,hisarchedbrowsshowwelltheromanticdispositionofatrueloverandpainterofNature.Ithinkthattheownerofsuchafaceasthismustbetenderandsympatheticandtrue.

October30——Asmysister"sgriefforhermotherbecomesmoreandmorecalmed,herloveforM.delaFestebeginstoreassumeitsformerabsorbingcommandofher.Shethinksofhimincessantly,andwriteswholetreatisestohimbywayofletters.Herblankdisappointmentathisannouncementofhisinabilitytopayusavisitquitesosoonashehadpromised,wasquitetragic.I,too,amdisappointed,forIwantedtoseeandestimatehim.ButhavingarrangedtogotoHollandtoseizesomeaerialeffectsforhispictures,whichareonlytobeobtainedatthistimeoftheautumn,heisobligedtopostponehisjourneythisway,whichisnowtobemadeearlyinthenewyear.Ithinkmyselfthatheoughttohavecomeatallsacrifices,consideringCaroline"srecentloss,thesadpostponementofwhatshewaslookingforwardto,andhersingle-

mindedaffectionforhim.Still,whoknows;hisprofessionalsuccessisimportant.Moreover,sheischeerful,andhopeful,andthedelaywillsoonbeoverpast.

CHAPTERIV——SHEBEHOLDSTHEATTRACTIVESTRANGER

February16——WehavehadsuchadulllifehereallthewinterthatI

havefoundnothingimportantenoughtosetdown,andbrokeoffmyjournalaccordingly.IresumeitnowtomakeanentryonthesubjectofdearCaroline"sfuture.Itseemsthatshewastoogrieved,immediatelyafterthelossofourmother,toanswerdefinitelythequestionofM.delaFestehowlongthepostponementwastobe;then,afterwards,itwasagreedthatthemattershouldbediscussedonhisautumnvisit;butashedidnotcome,ithasremainedinabeyancetillthisweek,whenCaroline,withthegreatestsimplicityandconfidence,haswrittentohimwithoutanyfurtherpressureonhispart,andtoldhimthatsheisquitereadytofixthetime,andwilldosoassoonashearrivestoseeher.Sheisalittlefrightenednow,lestitshouldseemforwardinhertohaverevivedthesubjectofherownaccord;butshemayassumethathisquestionhasbeenwaitingonforananswereversince,andthatshehas,therefore,actedonlywithinherpromise.Intruth,thesecretatthebottomofitallisthatsheissomewhatsaddenedbecausehehasnotlatterlyremindedherofthepauseintheiraffairs——that,inshort,hisoriginalimpatiencetopossessherisnotnowfoundtoanimatehimsoobviously.Isupposethathelovesherasmuchasever;indeed,Iamsurehemustdoso,seeinghowlovablesheis.Itismostlythuswithallmenwhenwomenareoutoftheirsight;theygrownegligent.

Carolinemusthavepatience,andrememberthatamanofhisgeniushasmanyandimportantcallsuponhistime.InjusticetoherImustaddthatshedoesrememberitfairlywell,andhasasmuchpatienceasanygirleverhadinthecircumstances.HehopestocomeatthebeginningofAprilatlatest.Well,whenhecomesweshallseehim.

April5——IthinkthatwhatM.delaFestewritesisreasonableenough,thoughCarolinelooksheart-sickaboutit.ItishardlyworthwhileforhimtocrossallthewaytoEnglandandbackjustnow,whiletheseaissoturbulent,seeingthathewillbeobliged,inanyevent,tocomeinMay,whenhehastobeinLondonforprofessionalpurposes,atwhichtimehecantakeuseasilyonhiswaybothcomingandgoing.WhenCarolinebecomeshiswifeshewillbemorepractical,nodoubt;butsheissuchachildasyetthatthereisnocontentingherwithreasons.However,thetimewillpassquickly,therebeingsomuchtodoinpreparingatrousseauforher,whichmustnowbeputinhandinorderthatwemayhaveplentyofleisuretogetitready.OnnoaccountmustCarolinebemarriedinhalf-mourning;Iamsurethatmother,couldsheknow,wouldnotwishit,anditisoddthatCarolineshouldbesointractablypersistentonthispoint,whensheisusuallysoyielding.

April30——Thismonthhasflownonswallow"swings.Weareinagreatstateofexcitement——Iasmuchasshe——Icannotquitetellwhy.

Heisreallycomingintendays,hesays.

May9.Fourp.m——IamsoagitatedIcanscarcelywrite,andyetamparticularlyimpelledtodosobeforeleavingmyroom.Itistheunexpectedshapeofanexpectedeventwhichhascausedmyabsurdexcitement,whichprovesmealmostasmuchaschool-girlasCaroline.

M.delaFestewasnot,asweunderstood,tohavecometillto-

morrow;butheishere——justarrived.Allhouseholddirectionshavedevolveduponme,formyfather,notthinkingM.delaFestewouldappearbeforeusforanotherfour-and-twentyhours,lefthomebeforeposttimetoattendadistantconsecration;andhenceCarolineandI

wereinnosmallexcitementwhenCharles"sletterwasopened,andwereadthathehadbeenunexpectedlyfavouredinthedispatchofhisstudiowork,andwouldfollowhisletterinafewhours.Wesentthecoveredcarriagetomeetthetrainindicated,andwaitedliketwonewlystrungharpsforthefirstsoundofthereturningwheels.Atlastweheardthemonthegravel;andthequestionarosewhowastoreceivehim.Itwas,strictlyspeaking,myduty;butIfelttimid;I

couldnothelpshirkingit,andinsistedthatCarolineshouldgodown.Shedidnot,however,gonearthedoorassheusuallydoeswhenanybodyisexpected,butwaitedpalpitatinginthedrawing-room.

Helittlethoughtwhenhesawthesilenthall,andtheapparentlydesertedhouse,howthathousewasattheverysamemomentaliveandthrobbingwithinterestunderthesurface.Istoodatthebackoftheupperlanding,wherenobodycouldseemefromdownstairs,andheardhimwalkacrossthehall——alighterstepthanmyfather"s——andheardhimthengointothedrawing-room,andtheservantshutthedoorbehindhimandgoaway.

Whataprettylover"smeetingtheymusthavehadintherealltothemselves!Caroline"ssweetfacelookingupfromherblackgown——

howitmusthavetouchedhim.Iknowsheweptverymuch,forIheardher;andhereyeswillberedafterwards,andnowonder,poordear,thoughsheisnodoubthappy.IcanimaginewhatsheistellinghimwhileIwritethis——herfearslestanythingshouldhavehappenedtopreventhiscomingafterall——gentle,smilingreproachesforhislongdelay;andthingsofthatsort.Histwoportmanteausareatthismomentcrossingthelandingonthewaytohisroom.IwonderifI

oughttogodown.

Alittlelater——Ihaveseenhim!ItwasnotatallinthewaythatIintendedtoencounterhim,andIamvexed.JustafterhisportmanteauswerebroughtupIwentoutfrommyroomtodescend,when,atthemomentofsteppingtowardsthefirststair,myeyeswerecaughtbyanobjectinthehallbelow,andIpausedforaninstant,tillIsawthatitwasabundleofcanvasandsticks,composingasketchingtentandeasel.Atthesamenickoftimethedrawing-roomdooropenedandtheaffiancedpaircameout.Theyweresayingtheywouldgointothegarden;andhewaitedamomentwhilesheputonherhat.Myideawastoletthempassonwithoutseeingme,sincetheyseemednottowantmycompany,butIhadgottoofaronthelandingtoretreat;helookedup,andstoodstaringatme——engrossedtoadream-likefixity.ThereuponI,too,insteadofadvancingasIoughttohavedone,stoodmoonstruckandawkward,andbeforeIcouldgathermyweaksensessufficientlytodescend,shehadcalledhim,andtheywentoutbythegardendoortogether.Ithenthoughtoffollowingthem,buthavechangedmymind,andcomeheretojotdownthesefewlines.ItisallIamfitfor

HeisevenmorehandsomethanIexpected.Iwasrightinfeelinghemusthaveanattractionbeyondthatofform:itappearedeveninthatmomentaryglance.HowhappyCarolineoughttobe.ButImust,ofcourse,godowntobereadywithteainthedrawing-roombythetimetheycomeindoors.

11p.m——IhavemadetheacquaintanceofM.delaFeste;andIseemtobeanotherwomanfromtheeffectofit.Icannotdescribewhythisshouldbeso,butconversationwithhimseemstoexpandtheview,andopentheheart,andraiseoneasuponstiltstowiderprospects.Hehasagoodintellectualforehead,perfecteyebrows,darkhairandeyes,ananimatedmanner,andapersuasivevoice.Hisvoiceissoftinquality——toosoftforaman,perhaps;andyetonsecondthoughtsIwouldnothaveitlessso.Wehavebeentalkingofhisart:Ihadnonotionthatartdemandedsuchsacrificesorsuchtenderdevotion;orthatthereweretworoadsforchoicewithinitsprecincts,theroadofvulgarmoney-making,andtheroadofhighaimsandconsequentinappreciationformanylongyearsbythepublic.

Thathehasadoptedthelatterneednotbesaidtothosewhounderstandhim.ItisablessingforCarolinethatshehasbeenchosenbysuchaman,andsheoughtnottolamentatpostponementsanddelays,sincetheyhavearisenunavoidably.Whetherhefindshersasufficientlyrichnature,intellectuallyandemotionally,forhisown,Iknownot,butheseemsoccasionallytobedisappointedathersimpleviewsofthings.Doeshereallyfeelsuchloveforheratthismomentashenodoubtbelieveshimselftobefeeling,andashenodoubthopestofeelfortheremainderofhislifetowardsher?

Itwasacuriousthinghetoldmewhenwewereleftforafewminutesalone;thatCarolinehadalludedsoslightlytomeinherconversationandlettersthathehadnotrealizedmypresenceinthehousehereatall.But,ofcourse,itwasonlynaturalthatsheshouldwriteandtalkmostaboutherself.Isupposeitwasonaccountofthefactofhisbeingtakeninsomemeasureunawares,thatIcaughthimontwoorthreeoccasionsregardingmefixedlyinawaythatdisquietedmesomewhat,havingbeenlatelyinsolittlesociety;

tillmyglancearousedhimfromhisreverie,andhelookedelsewhereinsomeconfusion.Itwasfortunatethathedidso,andthusfailedtonoticemyown.Itshowsthathe,too,isnotparticularlyasocietyperson.

May10——HavehadanotherinterestingconversationwithM.delaFesteonschoolsoflandscapepaintinginthedrawing-roomafterdinnerthisevening——myfatherhavingfallenasleep,andleftnobodybutCarolineandmyselfforCharlestotalkto.Ididnotmeantosaysomuchtohim,andhadtakenavolumeofModernPaintersfromthebookcasetooccupymyselfwith,whileleavingthetwoloverstothemselves;buthewouldincludemeinhisaudience,andIwasobligedtolaythebookaside.However,IinsistedonkeepingCarolineintheconversation,thoughherviewsonpictorialartwereonlytoocharminglycrudeandprimitive.

To-morrow,iffine,weareallthreegoingtoWherryborneWood,whereCharleswillgiveuspracticalillustrationsoftheprinciplesofcoloringthathehasenumeratedto-night.IamdeterminednottooccupyhisattentiontotheexclusionofCaroline,andmyplanisthatwhenweareinthedensepartofthewoodIwilllagbehind,andslipaway,andleavethemtoreturnbythemselves.IsupposethereasonofhisattentivenesstomeliesinhissimplywishingtowinthegoodopinionofonewhoissocloselyunitedtoCaroline,andsolikelytoinfluencehergoodopinionofhim.

May11.Late——Icannotsleep,andindesperationhavelitmycandleandtakenupmypen.Myrestlessnessisoccasionedbywhathasoccurredto-day,whichatfirstIdidnotmeantowritedown,ortrusttoanyheartbutmyown.WewenttoWherryborneWood——

Caroline,CharlesandI,aswehadintended——andwalkedallthreealongthegreentrackthroughthemidst,CharlesinthemiddlebetweenCarolineandmyself.PresentlyIfoundthat,asusual,heandIweretheonlytalkers,Carolineamusingherselfbyobservingbirdsandsquirrelsasshewalkeddocilelyalongsideherbetrothed.

HavingnoticedthisIdroppedbehindatthefirstopportunityandslippedamongthetrees,inadirectioninwhichIknewIshouldfindanotherpaththatwouldtakemehome.UponthistrackIbyandbyemerged,andwalkedalongitinsilentthoughttill,atabend,I

suddenlyencounteredM.delaFestestandingstockstillandsmilingthoughtfullyatme.

"WhereisCaroline?"saidI.

"Onlyalittlewayoff,"sayshe."Whenwemissedyoufrombehinduswethoughtyoumighthavemistakenthedirectionwehadfollowed,soshehasgoneonewaytofindyouandIhavecomethisway."

WethenwentbacktofindCaroline,butcouldnotdiscoverheranywhere,andtheupshotwasthatheandIwerewanderingaboutthewoodsaloneformorethananhour.Onreachinghomewefoundshehadgivenusupaftersearchingalittlewhile,andarrivedtheresometimebefore.IshouldnotbesodisturbedbytheincidentifIhadnotperceivedthat,duringherabsencefromus,hedidnotmakeanyearnestefforttorediscoverher;andinanswertomyrepeatedexpressionsofwonderastowhithershecouldhavewanderedheonlysaid,"Oh,she"squitesafe;shetoldmesheknewthewayhomefromanypartofthiswood.Letusgoonwithourtalk.IassureyouI

valuethisprivilegeofbeingwithoneIsomuchadmiremorethanyouimagine;"andotherthingsofthatkind.Iwassofoolishastoshowalittleperturbation——IcannottellwhyIdidnotcontrolmyself;

andIthinkhenoticedthatIwasnotcool.Carolinehas,withhersimplegoodfaith,thoughtnothingoftheoccurrence;yetaltogetherIamnotsatisfied.

CHAPTERV——HERSITUATIONISATRYINGONE

May15——ThemoreIthinkofitdayafterday,themoreconvincedI

amthatmysuspicionsaretrue.Heistoointerestedinme——well,inplainwords,lovesme;or,nottodegradethatphrase,hasawildpassionforme;andhisaffectionforCarolineisthattowardsasisteronly.Thatisthedistressingtruth;howithascomeaboutI

cannottell,anditwearsuponme.

Ahundredlittlecircumstanceshaverevealedthistome,andthelongerIdwelluponitthemoreagitatingdoestheconsiderationbecome.Heavenonlycanhelpmeoutoftheterribledifficultyinwhichthisplacesme.Ihavedonenothingtoencouragehimtobefaithlesstoher.Ihavestudiouslykeptoutofhisway;havepersistentlyrefusedtobeathirdintheirinterviews.Yetalltonopurpose.Somefatalityhasseemedtorule,eversincehecametothehouse,thatthisdisastrousinversionofthingsshouldarise.IfIhadonlyforeseenthepossibilityofitbeforehearrived,howgladlywouldIhavedepartedonsomevisitorothertothemeanestfriendtohindersuchanapparenttreachery.ButIblindlywelcomedhim——indeed,mademyselfparticularlyagreeabletohimforhersake.