第16章
Thetablewasliterallyloadedwithgoodcheer，andpresentedan
epitomeofcountryabundance，inthisseasonofoverflowinglarders。A
distinguishedpostwasallottedto"ancientsirloin，"asminehost
termedit；being，asheadded，"thestandardofoldEnglish
hospitality，andajointofgoodlypresence，andfullofexpectation。"
Therewereseveraldishesquaintlydecorated，andwhichhad
evidentlysomethingtraditionalintheirembellishments；butabout
which，asIdidnotliketoappearover—curious，Iaskednoquestions。
Icouldnot，however，butnoticeapie，magnificentlydecoratedwith
peacock’sfeathers，inimitationofthetailofthatbird，which
overshadowedaconsiderabletractofthetable。This，thesquire
confessed，withsomelittlehesitation，wasapheasantpie，thougha
peacockpiewascertainlythemostauthentical；buttherehadbeen
suchamortalityamongthepeacocksthisseason，thathecouldnot
prevailuponhimselftohaveonekilled。*
*Thepeacockwasancientlyingreatdemandforstately
entertainments。Sometimesitwasmadeintoapie，atoneendof
whichtheheadappearedabovethecrustinallitsplumage，withthe
beakrichlygilt；attheotherendthetailwasdisplayed。Suchpies
wereservedupatthesolemnbanquetsofchivalry，whenknights—errant
pledgedthemselvestoundertakeanyperilousenterprise，whencecame
theancientoath，usedbyjusticeShallow，"bycockandpie。"
ThepeacockwasalsoanimportantdishfortheChristmasfeast；
andMassinger，inhisCityMadam，givessomeideaofthe
extravagancewithwhichthis，aswellasotherdishes，wasprepared
forthegorgeousrevelsoftheoldentimes：—
MenmaytalkofCountryChristmasses，
Theirthirtypoundbutter’deggs，theirpiesofcarps’tongues；
Theirpheasantsdrench’dwithambergris；thecarcasesofthreefat
wethersbruisedforgravytomakesauceforasinglepeacock。
Itwouldbetedious，perhaps，tomywiserreaders，whomaynot
havethatfoolishfondnessforoddandobsoletethingstowhichIama
littlegiven，wereItomentiontheothermake—shiftsofthisworthy
oldhumorist，bywhichhewasendeavoringtofollowup，thoughat
humbledistance，thequaintcustomsofantiquity。Iwaspleased，
however，toseetherespectshowntohiswhimsbyhischildrenand
relatives；who，indeed，enteredreadilyintothefullspiritof
them，andseemedallwellversedintheirparts；havingdoubtlessbeen
presentatmanyarehearsal。Iwasamused，too，attheairofprofound
gravitywithwhichthebutlerandotherservantsexecutedtheduties
assignedthem，howevereccentric。Theyhadanold—fashionedlook；
having，forthemostpart，beenbroughtupinthehousehold，andgrown
intokeepingwiththeantiquatedmansion，andthehumorsofits
lord；andmostprobablylookeduponallhiswhimsicalregulationsas
theestablishedlawsofhonorablehousekeeping。
Whentheclothwasremoved，thebutlerbroughtinahugesilver
vesselofrareandcuriousworkmanship，whichheplacedbeforethe
squire。Itsappearancewashailedwithacclamation；beingthe
WassailBowl，sorenownedinChristmasfestivity。Thecontentshad
beenpreparedbythesquirehimself；foritwasabeverageinthe
skilfulmixtureofwhichheparticularlypridedhimself：allegingthat
itwastooabtruseandcomplexforthecomprehensionofanordinary
servant。Itwasapotation，indeed，thatmightwellmaketheheart
ofatoperleapwithinhim；beingcomposedoftherichestand
raciestwines，highlyspicedandsweetened，withroastedapples
bobbingaboutthesurface。*
*TheWassailBowlwassometimescomposedofaleinsteadofwine；
withnutmeg，sugar，toast，ginger，androastedcrabs；inthisway
thenut—brownbeverageisstillpreparedinsomeoldfamilies，and
roundthehearthsofsubstantialfarmersatChristmas。Itisalso
calledLamb’sWool，andiscelebratedbyHerrickinhisTwelfthNight：
Nextcrownethebowlefull
WithgentleLamb’sWool；
Addsugar，nutmeg，andginger
Withstoreofaletoo；
Andthusyemustdoe
TomaketheWassaileaswinger。
Theoldgentleman’swholecountenancebeamedwithaserenelookof
indwellingdelight，ashestirredthismightybowl。Havingraisedit
tohislips，withaheartywishofamerryChristmastoallpresent，
hesentitbrimmingroundtheboard，foreveryonetofollowhis
example，accordingtotheprimitivestyle；pronouncingit"theancient
fountainofgoodfeeling，whereallheartsmettogether。"*
*"Thecustomofdrinkingoutofthesamecupgaveplacetoeach
havinghiscup。WhenthestewardcametothedoorewiththeWassel，he
wastocrythreetimes，Wassel，Wassel，Wassel，andthenthe
chappell（chaplein）wastoanswerwithasong。"—ARCHAEOLOGIA。
Therewasmuchlaughingandrallyingasthehonestemblemof
Christmasjovialitycirculated，andwaskissedrathercoylybythe
ladies。WhenitreachedMasterSimon，heraiseditinbothhands，
andwiththeairofabooncompanionstruckupanoldWassailchanson。
Thebrownbowle，
Themerrybrownbowle，
Asitgoesroundabout—a，
Fill
Still，
Lettheworldsaywhatitwill，
Anddrinkyourfillallout—a。
Thedeepcanne，
Themerrydeepcanne，
Asthoudostfreelyquaff—a，
Sing
Fling，
Beasmerryasaking，
Andsoundalustylaugh—a。**FromPoorRobin’sAlmanac。
Muchoftheconversationduringdinnerturneduponfamilytopics，to
whichIwasastranger。Therewas，however，agreatdealofrallying
ofMasterSimonaboutsomegaywidow，withwhomhewasaccusedof
havingaflirtation。Thisattackwascommencedbytheladies；butit
wascontinuedthroughoutthedinnerbythefat—headedoldgentleman
nexttheparson，withtheperseveringassiduityofaslowhound；being
oneofthoselong—windedjokers，who，thoughratherdullatstarting
game，areunrivalledfortheirtalentsinhuntingitdown。Atevery
pauseinthegeneralconversation，herenewedhisbanteringin
prettymuchthesameterms；winkinghardatmewithbotheyes，
wheneverhegaveMasterSimonwhatheconsideredahomethrust。The
latter，indeed，seemedfondofbeingteasedonthesubject，asold
bachelorsareapttobe；andhetookoccasiontoinformme，inan
undertone，thattheladyinquestionwasaprodigiouslyfinewoman，
anddroveherowncurricle。
Thedinner—timepassedawayinthisflowofinnocenthilarity，
and，thoughtheoldhallmayhaveresoundedinitstimewithmanya
sceneofbroaderroutandrevel，yetIdoubtwhetheriteverwitnessed
morehonestandgenuineenjoyment。Howeasyitisforonebenevolent
beingtodiffusepleasurearoundhim；andhowtrulyisakindheart
afountainofgladness，makingeverythinginitsvicinityto
freshenintosmiles！thejoyousdispositionoftheworthysquirewas
perfectlycontagious；hewashappyhimself，anddisposedtomakeall
theworldhappy；andthelittleeccentricitiesofhishumordidbut
season，inamanner，thesweetnessofhisphilanthropy。
Whentheladieshadretired，theconversation，asusual，became
stillmoreanimated；manygoodthingswerebroachedwhichhadbeen
thoughtofduringdinner，butwhichwouldnotexactlydofora
lady’sear；andthoughIcannotpositivelyaffirmthattherewas
muchwituttered，yetIhavecertainlyheardmanycontestsofrarewit
producemuchlesslaughter。Wit，afterall，isamightytart，
pungentingredient，andmuchtooacidforsomestomachs；buthonest
goodhumoristheoilandwineofamerrymeeting，andthereisno
jovialcompanionshipequaltothatwherethejokesarerathersmall，
andthelaughterabundant。
Thesquiretoldseverallongstoriesofearlycollegepranksand
adventures，insomeofwhichtheparsonhadbeenasharer；thoughin
lookingatthelatter，itrequiredsomeeffortofimaginationto
figuresuchalittledarkanatomyofamanintotheperpetratorofa
madcapgambol。Indeed，thetwocollegechumspresentedpicturesof
whatmenmaybemadebytheirdifferentlotsinlife。Thesquirehad
lefttheuniversitytolivelustilyonhispaternaldomains，inthe
vigorousenjoymentofprosperityandsunshine，andhadflourishedon
toaheartyandfloridoldage；whilstthepoorparson，onthe
contrary，haddriedandwitheredaway，amongdustytomes，inthe
silenceandshadowsofhisstudy。Stillthereseemedtobeaspark
ofalmostextinguishedfire，feeblyglimmeringinthebottomofhis
soul；andasthesquirehintedataslystoryoftheparsonanda
prettymilkmaid，whomtheyoncemetonthebanksoftheIsis，the
oldgentlemanmadean"alphabetoffaces，"which，asfarasIcould
decipherhisphysiognomy，Iverilybelievewasindicativeof
laughter；—indeed，Ihaverarelymetwithanoldgentlemanthattook
absoluteoffenceattheimputedgallantriesofhisyouth。
Ifoundthetideofwineandwassailfastgainingonthedrylandof
soberjudgment。Thecompanygrewmerrierandlouderastheirjokes
grewduller。MasterSimonwasinaschirpingahumorasa
grasshopperfilledwithdew；hisoldsongsgrewofawarmer
complexion，andhebegantotalkmaudlinaboutthewidow。Heevengave
alongsongaboutthewooingofawidow，whichheinformedmehehad
gatheredfromanexcellentblack—letterwork，entitled"Cupid’s
SolicitorforLove，"containingstoreofgoodadviceforbachelors，
andwhichhepromisedtolendme：thefirstversewastothiseffect：
Hethatwillwooawidowmustnotdally，
Hemustmakehaywhilethesundothshine；
Hemustnotstandwithher，shallI，shallI，
ButboldlysayWidow，thoumustbemine。
Thissonginspiredthefat—headedoldgentleman，whomadeseveral
attemptstotellaratherbroadstoryoutofJoeMiller，thatwas
pattothepurpose；buthealwaysstuckinthemiddle，everybody
recollectingthelatterpartexceptinghimself。Theparson，too，began
toshowtheeffectsofgoodcheer，havinggraduallysettleddown
intoadoze，andhiswigsittingmostsuspiciouslyononeside。Just
atthisjunctureweweresummonedtothedrawing—room，and，Isuspect，
attheprivateinstigationofminehost，whosejovialityseemedalways
temperedwithaproperloveofdecorum。
Afterthedinnertablewasremoved，thehallwasgivenuptothe
youngermembersofthefamily，who，promptedtoallkindofnoisy
mirthbytheOxonianandMasterSimon，madeitsoldwallsringwith
theirmerriment，astheyplayedatrompinggames。Idelightin
witnessingthegambolsofchildren，andparticularlyatthishappy
holidayseason，andcouldnothelpstealingoutofthedrawing—roomon
hearingoneoftheirpealsoflaughter。Ifoundthematthegameof
blind—man’s—buff。MasterSimon，whowastheleaderoftheirrevels，
andseemedonalloccasionstofulfilltheofficeofthatancient
potentate，theLordofMisrule，*wasblindedinthemidstofthehall。
Thelittlebeingswereasbusyabouthimasthemockfairiesabout
Falstaff；pinchinghim，pluckingattheskirtsofhiscoat，and
ticklinghimwithstraws。Onefineblue—eyedgirlofaboutthirteen，
withherflaxenhairallinbeautifulconfusion，herfrolicfacein
aglow，herfrockhalftornoffhershoulders，acompletepictureofa
romp，wasthechieftormentor；and，fromtheslynesswithwhichMaster
Simonavoidedthesmallergame，andhemmedthiswildlittlenymphin
corners，andobligedhertojumpshriekingoverchairs，Isuspected
therogueofbeingnotawhitmoreblindedthanwasconvenient。
*AtChristmassetherewasintheKinge’shouse，wheresoeverheewas
lodged，alordeofmisrule，ormaysterofmeriedisportes，andthe
likehadyeinthehouseofeverynoblemanofhonor，orgood
worshippe，werehespirituallortemporall。—STOWE。
WhenIreturnedtothedrawing—room，Ifoundthecompanyseated
roundthefire，listeningtotheparson，whowasdeeplyensconcedina
high—backedoakenchair，theworkofsomecunningartificerofyore，
whichhadbeenbroughtfromthelibraryforhisparticular
accommodation。Fromthisvenerablepieceoffurniture，withwhich
hisshadowyfigureanddarkweazenfacesoadmirablyaccorded，he
wasdealingoutstrangeaccountsofthepopularsuperstitionsand
legendsofthesurroundingcountry，withwhichhehadbecome
acquaintedinthecourseofhisantiquarianresearches。Iamhalf
inclinedtothinkthattheoldgentlemanwashimselfsomewhat
tincturedwithsuperstition，asmenareveryapttobewholivea
recluseandstudiouslifeinasequesteredpartofthecountry，and
poreoverblack—lettertracts，sooftenfilledwiththemarvellousand
supernatural。Hegaveusseveralanecdotesofthefanciesofthe
neighboringpeasantry，concerningtheeffigyofthecrusader，which
layonthetombbythechurchaltar。Asitwastheonlymonumentof
thekindinthatpartofthecountry，ithadalwaysbeenregardedwith
feelingsofsuperstitionbythegoodwivesofthevillage。Itwassaid
togetupfromthetombandwalktheroundsofthechurch—yardin
stormynights，particularlywhenitthundered；andoneoldwoman，
whosecottageborderedonthechurch—yard，hadseenitthroughthe
windowsofthechurch，whenthemoonshone，slowlypacingupand
downtheaisles。Itwasthebeliefthatsomewronghadbeenleft
unredressedbythedeceased，orsometreasurehidden，whichkeptthe
spiritinastateoftroubleandrestlessness。Sometalkedofgoldand
jewelsburiedinthetomb，overwhichthespectrekeptwatch；and
therewasastorycurrentofasextoninoldtimes，whoendeavored
tobreakhiswaytothecoffinatnight，but，justashereachedit，
receivedaviolentblowfromthemarblehandoftheeffigy，which
stretchedhimsenselessonthepavement。Thesetaleswereoften
laughedatbysomeofthesturdieramongtherustics，yet，when
nightcameon，thereweremanyofthestoutestunbelieversthatwere
shyofventuringaloneinthefootpaththatledacrossthe
church—yard。
Fromtheseandotheranecdotesthatfollowed，thecrusader
appearedtobethefavoriteheroofghoststoriesthroughoutthe
vicinity。Hispicture，whichhungupinthehall，wasthoughtbythe
servantstohavesomethingsupernaturalaboutit；fortheyremarked
that，inwhateverpartofthehallyouwent，theeyesofthewarrior
werestillfixedonyou。Theoldporter’swife，too，atthelodge，who
hadbeenbornandbroughtupinthefamily，andwasagreatgossip
amongthemaidservants，affirmed，thatinheryoungdaysshehad
oftenheardsay，thatonMidsummereve，whenitwaswellknownall
kindsofghosts，goblins，andfairiesbecomevisibleandwalk
abroad，thecrusaderusedtomounthishorse，comedownfromhis
picture，rideaboutthehouse，downtheavenue，andsotothechurch
tovisitthetomb；onwhichoccasionthechurchdoormostcivilly
swungopenofitself；notthatheneededit；forherodethrough
closedgatesandevenstonewalls，andhadbeenseenbyoneofthe
dairymaidstopassbetweentwobarsofthegreatparkgate，making
himselfasthinasasheetofpaper。
AllthesesuperstitionsIfoundhadbeenverymuchcountenancedby
thesquire，who，thoughnotsuperstitioushimself，wasveryfondof
seeingothersso。Helistenedtoeverygoblintaleofthe
neighboringgossipswithinfinitegravity，andheldtheporter’s
wifeinhighfavoronaccountofhertalentforthemarvellous。Hewas
himselfagreatreaderofoldlegendsandromances，andoftenlamented
thathecouldnotbelieveinthem；forasuperstitiousperson，he
thought，mustliveinakindoffairyland。
Whilstwewereallattentiontotheparson’sstories，ourears
weresuddenlyassailedbyaburstofheterogeneoussoundsfromthe
hall，inwhichweremingledsomethingliketheclangofrude
minstrelsy，withtheuproarofmanysmallvoicesandgirlishlaughter。
Thedoorsuddenlyflewopen，andatraincametroopingintothe
room，thatmightalmosthavebeenmistakenforthebreakingupof
thecourtofFairy。Thatindefatigablespirit，MasterSimon，inthe
faithfuldischargeofhisdutiesaslordofmisrule，hadconceivedthe
ideaofaChristmasmummeryormasking；andhavingcalledintohis
assistancetheOxonianandtheyoungofficer，whowereequallyripe
foranythingthatshouldoccasionrompingandmerriment，theyhad
carrieditintoinstanteffect。Theoldhousekeeperhadbeen
consulted；theantiqueclothes—pressesandwardrobesrummaged，and
madetoyielduptherelicsoffinerythathadnotseenthelight
forseveralgenerations；theyoungerpartofthecompanyhadbeen
privatelyconvenedfromtheparlorandhall，andthewholehadbeen
bedizenedout，intoaburlesqueimitationofanantiquemask。*
*MaskingsormummerieswerefavoritesportsatChristmasinold
times；andthewardrobesathallsandmanor—houseswereoftenlaid
undercontributiontofurnishdressesandfantasticdisguisings。I
stronglysuspectMasterSimontohavetakentheideaofhisfromBen
Jonson’sMasqueofChristmas。
MasterSimonledthevan，as"AncientChristmas，"quaintly
apparelledinaruff，ashortcloak，whichhadverymuchtheaspectof
oneoftheoldhousekeeper’spetticoats，andahatthatmighthave
servedforavillagesteeple，andmustindubitablyhavefiguredinthe
daysoftheCovenanters。Fromunderthishisnosecurvedboldlyforth，
flushedwithafrost—bittenbloom，thatseemedtheverytrophyofa
Decemberblast。Hewasaccompaniedbytheblue—eyedromp，dishedupas
"DameMincePie，"inthevenerablemagnificenceofafadedbrocade，
longstomacher，peakedhat，andhigh—heeledshoes。Theyoungofficer
appearedasRobinHood，inasportingdressofKendalgreen，anda
foragingcapwithagoldtassel。
Thecostume，tobesure，didnotbeartestimonytodeepresearch，
andtherewasanevidenteyetothepicturesque，naturaltoayoung
gallantinthepresenceofhismistress。ThefairJuliahungonhis
arminaprettyrusticdress，as"MaidMarian。"Therestofthe
trainhadbeenmetamorphosedinvariousways；thegirlstrussedup
inthefineryoftheancientbellesoftheBracebridgeline，andthe
striplingsbewhiskeredwithburntcork，andgravelycladinbroad
skirts，hangingsleeves，andfull—bottomedwigs，torepresentthe
characterofRoastBeef，PlumPudding，andotherworthiescelebrated
inancientmaskings。ThewholewasunderthecontroloftheOxonian，
intheappropriatecharacterofMisrule；andIobservedthathe
exercisedratheramischievousswaywithhiswandoverthesmaller
personagesofthepageant。
Theirruptionofthismotleycrew，withbeatofdrum，accordingto
ancientcustom，wastheconsummationofuproarandmerriment。Master
Simoncoveredhimselfwithglorybythestatelinesswithwhich，as
AncientChristmas，hewalkedaminuetwiththepeerless，though
giggling，DameMincePie。Itwasfollowedbyadanceofallthe
characters，whichfromitsmedleyofcostumes，seemedasthoughthe
oldfamilyportraitshadskippeddownfromtheirframestojoininthe
sport。Differentcenturieswerefiguringatcrosshandsandright
andleft；thedarkageswerecuttingpirouettesandrigadoons；andthe
daysofQueenBessjiggingmerrilydownthemiddle，throughaline
ofsucceedinggenerations。
Theworthysquirecontemplatedthesefantasticsports，andthis
resurrectionofhisoldwardrobe，withthesimplerelishofchildish
delight。Hestoodchucklingandrubbinghishands，andscarcely
hearingawordtheparsonsaid，notwithstandingthatthelatterwas
discoursingmostauthenticallyontheancientandstatelydanceofthe
Pavon，orpeacock，fromwhichheconceivedtheminuettobe
derived。*Formypart，Iwasinacontinualexcitementfromthevaried
scenesofwhimandinnocentgayetypassingbeforeme。Itwasinspiring
toseewild—eyedfrolicandwarm—heartedhospitalitybreakingoutfrom
amongthechillsandloomsofwinter，andoldagethrowingoffhis
apathy，andcatchingoncemorethefreshnessofyouthfulenjoyment。
Ifeltalsoaninterestinthescene，fromtheconsiderationthat
thesefleetingcustomswerepassingfastintooblivion，andthat
thiswas，perhaps，theonlyfamilyinEnglandinwhichthewholeof
themwasstillpunctiliouslyobserved。Therewasaquaintness，too，
mingledwithallthisrevelry，thatgaveitapeculiarzest：itwas
suitedtothetimeandplace；andastheoldmanor—housealmostreeled
withmirthandwassail，itseemedechoingbackthejovialityoflong
departedyears。*（2）
*SirJohnHawkins，speakingofthedancecalledthePavon，from
pavo，apeacock，says，"Itisagraveandmajesticdance；themethod
ofdancingitancientlywasbygentlemendressedwithcapsandswords，
bythoseofthelongrobeintheirgowns，bythepeersintheir
mantles，andbytheladiesingownswithlongtrains，themotion
whereof，indancing，resembledthatofapeacock。"—HistoryofMusic。
*（2）Atthetimeofthefirstpublicationofthispaper，thepicture
ofanold—fashionedChristmasinthecountrywaspronouncedbysomeas
outofdate。Theauthorhadafterwardsanopportunityofwitnessing
almostallthecustomsabovedescribed，existinginunexpectedvigor
intheskirtsofDerbyshireandYorkshire，wherehepassedthe
Christmasholidays，Thereaderwillfindsomenoticeoftheminthe
author’saccountofhissojournatNewsteadAbbey。
ButenoughofChristmasanditsgambols；itistimeformeto
pauseinthisgarrulity。MethinksIhearthequestionsaskedbymy
graverreaders，"Towhatpurposeisallthis—howistheworldtobe
madewiserbythistalk？"Alas！istherenotwisdomenoughextant
fortheinstructionoftheworld？Andifnot，aretherenot
thousandsofablerpenslaboringforitsimprovement？—Itissomuch
pleasantertopleasethantoinstruct—toplaythecompanionrather
thanthepreceptor。
What，afterall，isthemiteofwisdomthatIcouldthrowintothe
massofknowledge；orhowamIsurethatmysagestdeductionsmaybe
safeguidesfortheopinionsofothers？Butinwritingtoamuse，if
Ifail，theonlyevilisinmyowndisappointment。If，however，I
canbyanyluckychance，inthesedaysofevil，ruboutonewrinkle
fromthebrowofcare，orbeguiletheheavyheartofonemomentof
sorrow；ifIcannowandthenpenetratethroughthegatheringfilm
ofmisanthropy，promptabenevolentviewofhumannature，andmake
myreadermoreingoodhumorwithhisfellowbeingsandhimself，
surely，surely，Ishallnotthenhavewrittenentirelyinvain。
THEEND