第19章

"Don’tmindmycrankiness，Ros。I’vegotsomuchonmymindthatI’dbemeantomyoldgrandmother，ifIhadone，Iguesslikely。

Don’tletmymeannesstroubleyou；itisn’tworthtrouble。"

Ilaughed。"George，"Isaid，"ifIeverdreamedofsuchathingasgettingmarriedmyself，youwouldscaremeoutofit。Yououghttobeahappyman，andactlikeone；insteadyouactasifyouwereabouttobejailed。"

Hecaughthisbreathwithasortofgasp。Then，afterapauseandwithoutlookingup，heaskedslowly：

"Jailed？Whatintheworldmadeyousaythat，Ros？"

"Isaiditbecauseyouactasifyouwereboundforstate’sprisoninsteadofthematrimonialaltar。George，whatIStroublingyou？"

"Troublingme？Why——why，nothingspecial，ofcourse。Catchingupwithmyworkheremakesmenervousand——andkindofabsent—minded，Iguess。Actabsent—minded，don’tI？"

Hedid，therewasnodoubtofthat，butIdidnotbelieveitwashisworkwhichcausedtheabsent—mindedness。

"Ifthereisanytrouble，George，"Isaid，earnestly；"ifyou’reinanydifficulty，personally，Ishallbeverygladtohelpyou，ifI

can。Imeanthat。"

ForamomentIthoughthehesitated。Thenheshookhishead。

"Iknowyoumeanit，Ros，"heanswered。"I’mmuchobligedtoyou，too。Butthere’snothingtohelpmewith。I’mjustnervousandtired，that’sall。"

Ididnotbelieveit，butIfeltthatIhadsaidallIcould，consideringhisattitude。Ibadehimgoodnightandleftthebuilding。AsIcamedownthestepsMissColtonwasjustcrossingtheroadfromEldredge’sstore，agoodsizedbrownpaperparcelinherhand。

EversincethedaywhenCaptainJedhadgivenmehiswarningIhadbeenstrengtheningmyresolution。TheremarkofMrs。Colton’swhichIhadoverheardonthenightofthefishingtrip，althoughitrevealedtome，asIbelieved，myrealstandinginthemindsofmyneighbors，whatevertheymightpretendwheninmycompany，was，afterall，onlyaminordetail。IknewthatImustbreakoffmyacquaintancewiththisgirl。Byallthatwassensibleandsaneitmustbebrokenoff。Imustnot，formyownsake，continuetomeether，toseeherandspeakwithher。No；IwouldavoidherifI

could，but，atallevents，Iwouldbreakofftheassociation，evenifIwereobligedtooffendher，deliberatelyoffendher，toaccomplishmypurpose。Isworeit；andthenIsworeatmyselfforbeingsoweak—mindedastoneedtoswear。ThatIshouldbeafraidofagirl，ameregirl，tenyearsyoungerthanI，who，asthecasualpastimeofanidlesummer，hadchosentopretendaninterestinme！Iwasnotafraidofher，ofcourse；Iwasafraidofmyself。

NotthatIwasindangeroffallinginlovewithher——thatideawastooridiculoustobeevenfunny。Butshewasbecomingadisturbinginfluenceinmylife——thatwasit，adisturbinginfluence——andI

mustnotpermitmyselftobedisturbed。

Sonow，asIsawthedisturbinginfluencecrossingtheroadinmydirection，myfirstthoughtwastoretreattothebank。Butitwastoolatetoretreat；shehadseenme，andshebowedpleasantlyassheapproached。

"Goodafternoon，"shesaid。

Ibowedandadmittedthattheafternoonwasagoodone，consciousasIdidsothatSimEldredgehadfollowedhertothedoorofhisstoreandwasregardinguswithmarkedinterest。

Sheexhibitedthepackage。"Iamactingasmyownerrandboy，yousee，"shesaid，smiling。"ItwassuchabeautifuldaythatI

refusedtosendanyoneforthis，oreventoride。Ididnotrealizethatafewyardsofmuslinwouldmakesuchabundle。NowI

mustcarryit，Isuppose，inspiteofappearances。"

IbelievedIsawanopportunitytoescape。

"Iamgoingdirectlyhome，"Isaid。"Letmecarryitdownforyou。

IwillsenditovertoyourhousebyLute。"

"Oh，nothankyou。IcouldnotthinkoftroublingMr。Rogers。Butdoyoureallywanttocarryit？Youmay，forawhile。Wewilltaketurns。Iamgoingdirectlyhome，too；andwewillwalkdowntogether。Unless，ofcourse，youareinahurry。"

Ithinkitwastheexpressionofmyfacewhichledhertoaddthelastsentence。IfIhadhadtimetothink，tosummonmyresolution，itispossible——yes，itispossiblethatIshouldhavedeclaredmyselftobeinahurryandgoneonalone。Butshehadcaughtmeunawaresandresolutionwaswanting。IannouncedthatIwasinnohurryatall，andtooktheparcel。

Wewalkedontogether，shechattingeasily，andIpretendingtolisten，althoughawarethatourprogresswaswatchedbyeagereyesandcommenteduponandexclaimedoverbymanytongues。Thedrawnshadesofparlorwindowsmovedsignificantlyaswepassedand，asweturnedintotheLowerRoad，IglancedovermyshoulderandsawSimEldredgeandhisclerkandThophNewcombandAlvinBakeronthestoreplatform，staringafterus。Asifthisaudiencewasnotsufficient，andtomaketheaffaircomplete，wemetCaptainDeanstruttingimportantlyonhiswaytothepost—office。Hebowedandsaid"Afternoon，"butthelookhegavemewassignificant。Therewassurpriseinit，anddistrust。IknewIshouldhavetodomoreexplainingatournextmeeting。AndIknew，too，orcouldguess，whatwasbeingsaidthatverymomentatthestore，andofthesurmisingandtheorizingandstrengtheningofsuspicionswhichwouldgoonatadozensuppertablesthatevening。

Mycompanion，however，appearedtobequiteunconsciousofallthis。ThatImightbesuspectedandmisjudgedbecauseshehadchancedtoprefermycompanytoawalkhomealonedidnot，evidently，occurtoher。Therewasnoreasonwhyitshould，ofcourse；shewasnotinthepositionwheretheopinionorsuspicionsofDenboro’sinhabitantsneedconcernherintheleast。ButI，angryatCaptainJedforhislookandwithSimEldredgeandhiscompanionsfortheirimpudentstaresandthetroubleIknewtheirgossipytongueswouldmakeforme，wasgloomyandresentful。

ShedidmostofthetalkingandIwalkedbesideher，puttinginawordoccasionallyanddoingmybesttoappearasunconcernedasshereallywas。WecrossedElnathanMullet’sbridgeandcontinueddowntheShoreLane。SuddenlyIwasawarethatshehadnotspokenforsomeminutes。

"Eh？Yes，MissColton；whatisit？"Istammered。ThenIrealizedthatwewerestandingbesidethegranitepostsmarkingtheentrancetotheColtongrounds。Ihadbeensowrappedinmyunpleasantthoughtsandforebodingsthatwehadreachedourjourney’sendwithoutmynoticingit。

"Well！"Iexclaimed，andthenaddedthebrilliantobservation，"Wearehere，aren’twe。"

"Weare，"shesaid，dryly。"Didn’tyouknowit？"

"Why，Ihadnotrealized。Thewalkhasseemedsoshort。"

"Yes，I’msureitmust。Ithinkyouhavespokenexactlysixwordsinthelastfiveminutes。Willyoucomein？"

"Ohno；no，thankyou。"

"Whynot？Fatherisinandwillbegladtoseeyou。"

"I——Imustbegettingontowardhome。Supperwillbeready。"

Shebitherlip。"Farbeitfrommetocriticizeyourdomesticarrangements，Mr。Paine，"shesaid，"butitdoesseemtomethatyourhousekeeperservesmealsatoddhours。Itisonlyafewminutesafterfour，bymywatch。"

Shehadmeatadisadvantage。IimaginedImusthaveappearedembarrassed。IknowIfeltthatway。

"Ididnotrealize……Ithoughtitmuchlater，"Istammered。

"Thenyouwillcomein？Fatherwillliketodiscussthefishingwithyou，Iknow。Hehastalkedoflittlebuthiswonderfulweakfisheversincehecaughtit。"

"No，thankyou，MissColton。Really，Imustnotstop。"

Shetooktheparcelfrommyhands。

"Verywell，"shesaid，indifferently；"asyouplease。Ithankyouforyourkindnessinwalkingdownwithme。Goodafternoon，Mr。

Paine。"

Sheturnedaway。HerewastheopportunityIhadbeenwaitingfor，theopportunityofbreakingoffouracquaintance。IfIknewanythingIknewthetoneofthat"Goodafternoon"meantthat，forsomereasonorother，shewasoffended，justasIhadbeencertainIwishedhertobe。Herewastheopportunity，Heavensent，toridmylifeofitsdisturbinginfluence。JustwhatIhadprayedforhadcometopass。

Andso，toprovethesincerityofmyprayersandtheworthofmyhighresolve，I——calledherback。

"MissColton，"Isaid。

She，apparently，didnothearme，soIcalledagain。

"MissColton。"

"Yes？"

"Iseemsomehoworothertohaveoffendedyou。"AndevenasIsaiditIrealizedthecompletenessoftheback—down，realizeditandblushed。Iwasashamedofmyweakness。YetwhensheaskedmetorepeatmywordsIdidso。

"Youspoketome？"shesaid，coldly。

"I——IsaidIhadnotmeanttooffendyou。"

"WhyshouldyouimaginethatIamoffended，pray？Youseemtothinkotherpeoplemustnecessarilyregardyouasseriouslyasyoudoyourself。Iamnotoffended。"

"Butyouare。"

"Verywell；thenIam。Wewon’targuethematter；itisscarcelyworthargument，isit？"

Thisobservationcalledfornoanswerinparticular，atleastI

couldnotthinkofone。WhileIwasgropingforawordshespokeagain。

"Don’tletmedetainyou，Mr。Paine，"shesaid。"Iamsureyour——

supper，wasit？——mustbewaiting。"

"MissColton，you——youseemtoresentmynotacceptingyourinvitationtovisityourfather。IassureyouI——Ishouldbeverygladtocalluponhim。"

"Thankyou。Iwilltellhimso。Hewillbegrateful，doubtless。

Yourcondescensionisoverwhelming，Mr。Paine。"

"MissColton，everythingIsayseemstobewrongthisafternoon。I

don’tknowwhatIhavedone。Twiceyouhavespokenofmycondescension。"

Herfootwasbeginningtopatthegrass。Irecognizedthebattlesignal，butIkepton。

"Idon’tunderstandwhatyoumeanbycondescension，"Isaid。

"Don’tyou，indeed？Youareverydenseallatonce，Mr。Paine。"

"Possibly。ButIdon’tunderstand。"

Foraninstantshehesitated。Thensheturnedonmewithagustoffierceimpatiencewhichtookmybreathaway。Hereyesflashed。

"Youdo，"shedeclared。"Youdounderstand，Iamnotblind。DoyousupposeIcouldnotseethatyouwishedtoavoidmewhenImetyouatthebankjustnow？Thatmycompanywasneitherwelcomenordesired？Thatyouacceptedmysuggestionofwalkingdowntogethermerelybecauseyoucouldthinkofnoexcusefordeclining？"

Thiswasastaggerer。Andtheworstofitwasitstruth。

"MissColton，"Ifaltered，"Ican’tunderstandwhatyoumean。I——"

"Youdounderstand。Andplease，"withascornfullaugh，"oh，PLEASEunderstandthatIamnottroubledbecauseofTHAT。Yourcharmingandcultivatedsocietyisnotindispensabletomyhappiness，Mr。Paine，strangeasthatmayappeartoyou。Really，"

withcuttingcontempt，"itisnot。"

"ThatIquiteunderstand，MissColton，"Isaid，"but——"

"Butyouarelikeeveryoneelseinthishorrid，narrow，bigotedplace。Don’tyousupposethatIseeiteverywhereIgo！Everyoneherehatesus——everyone。Weareintruders；wearenotwantedhere，andyoualltakepainstomakeusfeelasuncomfortableasyoucan。Oh，youareallsnobs——allofyou。"

Iactuallygasped。

"Snobs！"Irepeated。"We——snobs？"

"Yes。Thatisexactlywhatyouare。WhenFathercameherehemeanttobeacitizen，agoodcitizen，ofthetown。Hehadintendedtodoallsortsofthingstohelpthevillageandthepeopleinit。HeandIdiscussedeversomanyplansfordoinggoodhere。Andwewantedtobefriendlywitheveryone。Buthowhaveyoutreatedus！Noonecomestoseeus。Weareavoidedasifwehadthesmall—pox。Themajorityofpeoplescarcelyspeaktousonthestreet。Iamsolonelyand——"

Shestopped。Ihadneverseenhersoagitated。Asforme，astonishmentismuchtoomildatermtouseindescribingmyfeelings。Thatthesepeople，thesemillionairesandaristocratsshouldfeelthattheyhadbeenavoidedandslighted，thatweDenboroiteswerethesnobs，thatTHEYshouldbelonelybecausenoone，oralmostnoone，cametocalluponthem——thiswastoomuchformybewilderedbraintograspallatonce。

Theyoungladywenton。

"Andyou！"sheexclaimed。"Youareasbadastherest。Fatherhascalleduponyouseveraltimes。Ihavecalledonyourmother。

FatherandIhavetriedtobefriendlyandneighborly。Notthatwearelackinginfriends。We，"haughtily，"arenotobligedtoBEG

forfriendship。Butwefeltitourdutyto——"

Iinterrupted。ThereisalimittoforbearanceandIconsideredthatlimitreached。

"MissColton，"Ideclared，"youaretalkingnonsense。Consideringthemannerinwhichyourfathertreatedmewhenwefirstmet，I——"

"Howdidyoutreathim？HowdidyoutreatMr。Carverandmewhenyoufirstmetusintheauto？Youinsultedus。Itwasplainenoughthenthatyouhatedus。"

"I——why，MissColton，Ididnotknowwhoyouwere。"

"Indeed！Wouldithavemadeanydifferenceifyouhadknown？I

doubtit。No，youareliketherestofthepeoplehere。Becausewehavecomefromthecityyouhavechosentobeasenviousandpettyanddisagreeableasyoucan。EvenNellieDean，whomIknowbetterthananyonehere，hasneverreturnedmycall。Thereisaconcertedplantomakeusfeelweareneitherwelcomenorwanted。

Verywell，"disdainfully，"weknowit。I，forone，shallnotforcemypresenceuponanyoneofyouagain。AnditisprobablethatI

shallmanagetoexistevenwithoutthedelightsofDenborosociety。

Good—by，Mr。Paine。"

"But，MissColton——"

"Good—by。"

"MissColton，listentome。Youarewrong，allwrong，Itellyou。

Thereisnoplanorplottomakeyoufeeluncomfortable。Weareplainvillagepeoplehere，andyouarewealthyandhavebeenusedtoassociatingwiththoseofyourclass。EveryoneinDenboroknewthatwhenyoucame，andtheyhavebeenshyofintrudingwheretheymightnotbewelcome。ThentherewasthatmatteroftheLanehere。"

"Oh，thatpreciousLane！IwishIhadneverseenit。"

"Ihavewishedthatanumberoftimesinthepastfewmonths。Butitishereandthequestionovershadowseverythingelseinthevillagejustnow。Itdoesnotseemofmuchimportancetoyou，perhaps；perhapsitisnotsoveryimportanttome；but——"

Againsheinterruptedme。

"Ithinkitisimportantenoughtomakeyouforget——ordinarycourtesy，"shedeclared。"Yes，courtesy。DON’Tlookatmelikethat！YouknowwhatImean。AsItoldyoubefore，Iamnotblind。

Docreditmewithsomeintelligence。Allthewayduringthischeerfulwalkofoursyouscarcelyspokeaword。DidyousupposeI

didnotknowwhatwastroublingyou？IsawhowthatCaptainDeanlookedatyou。Isawthosepeoplestaringfromthepost—officedoor。Iknewwhatyouwereafraidoftheirsaying：thatyouarealtogethertoocompanionablewithFatherandme；thatyouintendsellingthelandtous，afterall。Thatiswhatyouthoughttheywouldsayandyouwereafraid——AFRAIDoftheirgossip。Oh，itishumiliating！And，foratime，Ireallythoughtyouweredifferentfromtherestandabovesuchthings。"

IbegantofeelasifIwereoncemoreasmallboyreceivingalecturefromthegoverness。

"Iamnotatallafraidofthem，MissColton，"Iprotested。

"Youare。Why？Yourconscienceisclear，isn’tit？Youdon’tintendsellingouttomyfather？"

"Certainlynot。"

"Thenwhyshouldyoucarewhatpeoplelikethatmaythink？Oh，youwearyme！Iadmiredyouforyourindependence。TherearefewpersonswiththecouragetofacemyfatherasyouhavedoneandI

admiredyouforit。IwouldnothavehadyousellusthelandforANYTHING。"

"Youwouldnot？"Igasped。

"Certainlynot！Ihavebeenonyoursideallthetime。IfyouhadsoldIshouldhavethoughtyou，likealltherest，holdingbackmerelyforahigherprice。Irespectedyouforthefightyouweremaking。Youmusthaveknownit。IfIhadnotwhydoyousupposeI

gaveyouthathintabouttheDevelopmentCompany？"

"Goodnessknows！"Iexclaimed，devoutly。

"AndIwassureyoucouldnotbebribedbyanofferofapositioninFather’soffice。Itwasnotreallyabribe——Fatherhas，forsomeunexplainablereason，takenafancytoyou——butIknewyouwouldbelieveittobebribery。ThatiswhyIwassopositiveintellinghimthatyouwouldnotaccept。Andnowyou——oh，whenI

thinkofhowIhaveLOWEREDmyself！HowIhavestoopedto……

Butthere！Iamsurethatsupperofyoursmustbewaiting。Praycondescendtoconveymyregretstothefaithful——whatishername？

OddthatIshouldforgetanamelikeTHAT。Oh，yes！Dorinda！——PrayconveymyregretstothefaithfulDorindaforbeingunwittinglythecauseofthedelay，andassureherthattheoffensewillNOTberepeated。Good—by，Mr。Paine。"

Shewalkedoff，betweenthegranitepostsandalongthecurveddrive。ThistimeImadenoattempttocallherback。ThestormhadburstsounexpectedlyandhaddevelopedintosuchahurricanethatIhadhadtimetodolittlemorethanbendmyheadbeforeit。

ButIhadhadtimeenoughtogrowangry。Iwouldnothavecalledherbackthenfortheworld。Shehadinsultedme，notonceonly，butagainandagain。Istoodandwatchedhergoonherway，andthenIturnedandwentonmyown。

Thepartinghadcome。Theacquaintancewasbrokenoff；notpreciselyasIhadintendedittobebroken，butbroken，nevertheless，andendedforgoodandall。Iwasgladofit。Therewouldbenomorefishingexcursions，nomoregiftsofflowersandbooks，nomorecharitycalls。The"commonfellow"wasfreefromthedisturbinginfluenceandhewasgladofit——heartilygladofit。

Yethisgladnesswasnotasapparenttoothersasitshould，byallthatwasconsistent，havebeen。Lute，evidently，observednotracesoftranscendenthappiness，whenIencounteredhiminthebackyard，besidethewoodpile，sharpeningthekindlinghatchetwithawhetstone，aprocesspeculiarlysatisfyingtohistemperamentbecauseittooksuchalongtimetoachieveanoticeableresult。

"Hello，Ros！"hehailed。"Why！whatailsyou？"

"Ailsme？"Irepeated，crossly。"Nothingailsme，ofcourse。"

"Well，I’mgladtohearit。Youlookasifyou’dlostyourlastfriend。"

"Ihaven’tlostanyfriends。Farfromit。"

"Nobody’sdead，then？"

"No。ThoughIcouldfindsomewhoarehalfdeadwithouttryingveryhard。"

Moreperfectlygoodsarcasmwasted。LuteinquiredeagerlyifI

meantoldMrs。LobeliaGlover。"Iheardyesterdayshewasprettyfeeble，"headded。"’Tain’ttobeexpectedshe’lllastalongspell，atherage。DoctorQuimbysaysshehadaspineinherbackfortwentyyears。"

ImadenocommentuponpoorMrs。Glover’ssurprisingaffliction。I

merelygruntedandwentintothehouse。Dorindalookedatmecuriously。

"What’sthetrouble？"sheasked。

"Trouble！Thereisn’tanytrouble。YouandLuteseemtobelookingfortrouble。"

"Don’thavetolookfartofindit，inthisworld。Anythingwrongatthebank？"

"No。"

"Um—hm。Settin’solongonthefencemakeyouuneasy？Itoldyouthepicketswouldwearthroughifyouroostedon’emtoolong。"

"Thereisnothingthematter，Itellyou。HowisMother？"

"Sheain’tanywuss。If’twan’tanimpossibilityI’dsayshewasbetterthelastmonththanI’dseenhersinceshewastook。NellieDeancalledonherthisafternoon。"

"Humph！Ishouldthinkanextweek’sbridewouldbetoobusytocallonanyoneexceptpossiblythedressmaker。"

"Um—hm。Well，Nellielooksasifshe’dbeencallin’onthedressmakerprettyoften。AnyhowshelookedworriedandOlindyCahoon’sdressmakin’gabbleisenoughtoworryanybody。Sheleftanoteforyou。"

"Who？Olinda？"

"Landsakes！no！WhatwouldOlindybedoin’downhere？Thereain’tanybridestodressinthishouse，orbridegroomseitherunlessyou’recal’latin’tobeone，orLuteturnsMormon。Thatlastnotionain’tsuchabadone，"withadrysmile。"Anotherwifeortwotohelpmetakecareofhimwouldcomeinhandy。"

"Whodidleavethenoteforme，then？"

"Nellie，ofcourse。Shewantedmetobesureyougotit。

Somethin’aboutthatwonderfulweddin’，Is’pose。Ileftitupstairsonyourbureau。"

Ifoundthenoteandputitinmypockettoreadlateron。Ididnotfeellikereadingitthen。Ididnotfeellikedoinganythingorseeinganyone；yetleastofalldidIfeellikebeingalone。

ForifIwasaloneIshouldthink，andIdidnotwanttothink。I

prowledaboutmyroomforatimeandthenwentdownandspentashorttimewithMother。Herfirstquestionwasconcerningmydayatthebank，andhersecondifIhadseenanyoftheColtonsrecently。"IratherhopedMissMabelwouldcometoseemeto—day，"

sheadded。"Ilookforwardtohervisitsso，Ithinkshe’sarealfriendofours，Roscoe。Iknowyoudon’t，dear，oryoutrytobelieveyoudonot；butsheis——Iamconvincedofit。Iwonderifshewillcometo—morrow。"

Icouldhaveputastoptoherwonderingonthatsubject，butIwasinnomoodtodoitthen。Iwentintothedining—room。Dorindawarnedmenottogofarfromthehousebecausesupperwouldbereadyinafewminutes。Theword"supper"remindedmeofmyunfortunatechoiceofanexcuseandthesarcasticreferencetoourodddomesticarrangements；whichremindedme，initsturn，ofothersarcasmswhichhadfollowedit。My"charmingandcultivatedsociety"wasnotnecessarytoherhappiness……Whenshethoughtofhowshehadloweredherself……OtherpeopledidnotnecessarilyregardmeasseriouslyasIdidmyself……Andsoon……untilDorindacalledmeintositatthetable，andpretendtoeatwhilesheandLutecommentedonmylackofappetiteandmyabsent—mindedness。

Itwaseighto’clock，andIhadgoneuptomyroomtoescapefromtheirsolicitudeandpointedquestioning，whenIhappenedtothinkofNellie’snote。Ihadnotbeencuriousconcerningitscontents，for，asIhadagreedtoactasbestmanatthewedding，Iassumed，asDorindahaddone，thatshehadwrittenonthat，toher，all—

importanttopic。Itookthenotefrommypocketandtoreopentheenvelope。

Nelliehadnotwrittenaboutthewedding。Herletterwasalongone，evidentlywritteningreatagitationandwithwordsblottedandunderscored。Itssubjectwasthemansheloved，GeorgeTaylor。

Shewassoanxiousabouthim。DidIremember，thatnightwhenmymotherwasill，howshehadspokenofhimtomeandaskedifIhadnoticedhowtroubledandworriedheseemedoflate？

"And，Roscoe，"shewrote，"Ihavenoticeditmoreandmoresincethen。HeISintrouble。Thereissomethingonhismind，somethingthathewillnottellmeandthatIcanseeisworryinghimdreadfully。Heisnotlikehimselfatall。IKNOWsomethingiswrong，andIcannotfindoutwhatitis。IwanttohelphimSO

much。Oh，please，Roscoe，don’tthinkthisisjustafoolishgirl’simagination，anddoesnotamounttoanything。Itdoes。I

knowitdoes。Youarehisbestfriend。Can’tYOUfindoutwhatistroublinghimandhelphim，formysake？Ihavemeanttospeaktoyouaboutthiseversomanytimes，butIseldomseeyoualoneandI

couldnotspeakwhilehewaswithme。SoIdecidedtowritethisletter。Ifyouwilltry，justTRYtofindoutwhatailshimandhelphimIshallnever，NEVERforgetyourkindness。Perhapshedoesnotwanttomarryme。Perhapshedoesnotcareformeasmuchashethoughthedidandwillnottellmebecausehedoesnotwantmetofeelbad。Ifthatisittellhimnottomindmyfeelingsatall。Iwanthimtobehappy。IfitwouldmakehimhappiertohavemegivehimupIwilldoit，eventhoughIshallpraytodierightaway。Ohcan’tyouhelphimandme，Roscoe？Please，PLEASEtry。

Agirloughttobeperfectlyhappywhoisgoingtobemarried。AndIamsomiserable。Ican’ttellMotherandFatherbecausetheywouldnotbelieveme。TheywouldthinkIjustimagineditall。

ButYOUwon’tthinkthat，willyou？Youwillseehimandtrytohelphim，formysake。"

Andsoon，eightcloselywrittenpages，endingwithanotherpleatometosee"poorGeorge"andhelphim，andbeggingmeto"burnthisletter，becauseIshouldbesoashamedtohaveanyoneelseseeit。"

Itwasapitifulletterand，evenintheframeofmindIwasthenin，disgustedwithhumanityandhatingtheentirefemininesex，I

couldnothelpfeelingsorryforNellieDean。OfcourseIwassurprisedatreceivingsuchaletterandIbelieved，justasshebeggedmenottobelieve，thatthecauseofherdistressandanxietywasmoreimaginarythanreal。ButthatsomethingwastroublingGeorgeTaylorIhadfeltcertainforagoodwhile。TheideathathedidnotloveNellieIknewwaspreposterous。Thatwasnotit。Therewassomethingelse，butwhatIcouldnotimagine。I

wantedtohelpthegirlifIcould，buthowcouldIaskGeorgetotellmehissecrets？I，withasecretofmyown。

AfterponderingforsometimeIdecidedtowalkuptoGeorge’sboardingplaceandtalkwithhim。Nothingwouldcomeoftheinterview，probably，butImightaswelldothatasanythingelse。

Imustdosomething，somethingbesidessitinthatroomandseemockingfacesineverycorner，faceswithdarkeyesandscornfullipswhichtoldmethatmycharmingandcultivatedsocietywasnotnecessarytotheirhappiness。

Taylorrentedtheupperfloorofahouseaquarterofamilefromthebank。Hishousekeeperansweredmyringandinformedmethatheremployerhadnotyetcomehome。