第1章

Willyoucomewithmeintothechamberofmemoryandliftyoureyestothepaintedwindowswherethefiguresandscenesofchildhoodappear？Perhapsbylookingwithkindlyeyesatthosefromoutmypast，longwished-forvisionsofyourownyouthwillappeartohealthewoundsfromwhichyousuffer，andtoquietyourstormyandrestlessheart。

CONTENTS

INIGHT

IISOLITUDE

IIIFRIENDSHIP

IVFAME

VREMORSE

VITRAVEL

PAINTEDWINDOWS

I

NIGHT

YOUNGpeoplebelieveverylittlethattheyhearaboutthecompen-

sationsofgrowingold，andoflivingoveragaininmemorytheeventsofthepast。Yettherereallyarethesecom-

pensationsandpleasures，andalthoughtheyarenotsovividandbreathlessasthepleasuresofyouth，theyhavesome-

thingdelicateandfineaboutthemthatmustbeexperiencedtobeappreciated。

Fewofuswouldexchangeourmem-

oriesforthoseofothers。Theyhavebecomeapartofourpersonality，andwecouldnotpartwiththemwithoutlosingsomethingofourselves。Neitherwouldwepartwithourownparticularchildhood，which，howeverdifficultitmayhavebeenattimes，seemstoeachofusmoresignificantthanthechild-

hoodofanyoneelse。Icanrunoverinmymindcertainincidentsofmychildhoodasiftheywerechaptersinamuch-lovedbook，andwhenIamwake-

fulatnight，orboredbyalongjourney，orwaitingforsomeoneintherailway-

station，Itakethemoutandgooverthemagain。

Norismybookofmemorieswithoutitsillustrations。Icanseelittlevil-

lages，andagreatcity，andforestsandplantedfields，andfamiliarfaces；andallhavethisadvantage：theyarenotfixedandwithoutmotion，likethepic-

turesintheordinarybook。Peoplearewalkingupthestreetsofthevil-

lage，thetreesaretossing，thetallwheatandcorninthefieldssaluteme。

Icansmelltheodourofthegatheredhay，andthefacesinmydream-booksmileatme。

OfallofthesememoriesIlikebesttheoneinthepineforest。

Iwasatthatagewhenchildrenthinkoftheirparentsasbeingall-powerful。

Icouldhardlyhaveimaginedanycir-

cumstances，howeveradverse，thatmyfathercouldnothavemetwithhisstrengthandwisdomandskill。Allchil-

drenhavesuchaperiodofhero-wor-

ship，Isuppose，whentheirfatherstandsoutfromtherestoftheworldasthebestandmostpowerfulmanliving。So，feelingasIdid，IwasmadehappierthanIcansaywhenmyfatherdecided，becauseIwaslookingpaleandhadapoorappetite，totakemeoutofschoolforawhile，andcarrymewithhimonadrivingtrip。WelivedinMichigan，wheretherewere，inthedaysofwhichIamwriting，notmanyrail-

roads；andwhenmyfather，whowasattorneyforanumberofwholesalemer-

cantilefirmsinDetroit，usedtogoaboutthecountrycollectingmoneydue，adjustingclaims，andsoon，hehadnochoicebuttodrive。

Andoverwhatroads！Nowitwasastripofcorduroy，nowapieceofwell-

gradedelevationwithclaysubsoilandgravelsurface，nowaneglectedstretchfullofdangerousholes；andworstofall，runningthroughthegreatforests，longpiecesofroadfromwhichthestumpshadbeenonlypartlyextracted，andwherethesunlightbarelypene-

trated。Herethesoakedearthbecamelittlelessthanaquagmire。

Butfatherwastoowellusedtohardjourneystofearthem，andIfeltthat，ingoingwithhim，Iwassafefromallpossibleharm。Thejourneyhadalltheallurementofanadventure，forwewouldnotknowfromdaytodaywhereweshouldeatourmealsorsleepatnight。So，toprovideagainsttrouble，wecarriedfather’soldred-and-blue-

checkedarmyblankets，abagoffeedforSheridan，thehorse，plentyofbread，bacon，jam，coffeeandpreparedcream；

andwehungpailsofpurewaterandbuttermilkfromtherearofourbuggy。

Wehadbeenouttwoweekswithoutfailingoncetoeatatapropertableortosleepinacomfortablebed。Some-

timesweputupatthestark-lookingho-

telsthatloomed，rawanduninviting，inthelargertowns；sometimeswehadthepleasureofbeingwelcomedatalittleinn，wherethehostshowedusapersonalhospitality；butoftenerwewereforcedtomakeourselves"payingguests"atsomehouse。Wecarednoth-

ingwhetherwesleptinthespareroomsofafineframe"residence"orcreptintobedbeneaththeeavesoftheatticinalogcabin。Ihadbeguntofeelthatourjourneywouldbealmosttootameandcomfortable，whenonenightsome-

thingreallyhappened。

Fatherlosthisbearings。HewashopingtoreachthetownofGratiotbynightfall，andheattemptedtomakeashortcut。Todothisheturnedintoaroadthatwoundthroughamagnifi-

centforest，atfirstofoakandbutter-

nut，ironwoodandbeech，thenofdenselygrowingpines。Whenween-

teredthewooditwastwilight，butnosoonerwerewewellwithintheshadowofthesesombretreesthanwewereplungedindarkness，andwithinhalfanhourthisdarknessdeepened，sothatwecouldseenothing——noteventhehorse。

"Thesundoesn’tgetinheretheyearround，"saidfather，tryinghisbesttoguidethehorsethroughthemire。Sodeepwasthemudthatitseemedasifitliterallysuckedatthelegsofthehorseandthewheelsofthebuggy，andIbegantowonderifweshouldreallybeswallowed，andtofearthatwehadmetwithadifficultythatevenmyfathercouldnotovercome。I

canhardlymakeplainwhatatragicthoughtthatwas！Thehorsebegantogiveoutsighsandgroans，andintheintervalsofhisstrugglestogeton，I

couldfeelhimtrembling。Therewasanoteofanxietyinfather’svoiceashecalledout，withalltheauthorityandcheerhecouldcommand，topoorSheri-

dan。Thewindwasrising，andthelongsobsofthepinesmadecoldshiversrunupmyspine。Myteethchattered，partlyfromcold，butmorefromfright。

"Whatarewegoingtodo？"Iasked，myvoicequiveringwithtears。

"Well，wearen’tgoingtocry，what-

everelsewedo！"answeredfather，rathersharply。Hesnatchedthelightedlanternfromitsplaceonthedashboardandleapedoutintotheroad。

Icouldhearhimflounderingroundinthatterriblemireandsoothingthehorse。ThenextthingIrealisedwasthatthehorsewasunhitched，thatfa-

therhad——forthefirsttimeduringourjourney——laidthelashacrossSheri-

dan’sback，andthat，withaleapofin-

dignation，thehorsehadreachedthefirmgroundoftheroadside。Fathercalledouttohimtostandstill，andamomentlaterIfoundmyselfbeingswungfromthebuggyintofather’sarms。Hestaggeredalong，plungingandalmostfalling，andpresentlyI，too，stoodbeneaththegiantpines。

"Onejourneymore，"saidfather，"foroursupper，andthenwe’llbivouacrighthere。"

NowthatIwasawayfromthebuggythatwassofamiliartome，andthatseemedlikealittlemovablepieceofhome，Ifelt，asIhadnotfeltbefore，thevastnessofthesolitude。Abovemeintherisingwindtossedthetopsofthesingingtrees；aboutmestretchedthesoftblackness；andbeneaththedense，interlacedbranchesitwasalmostascalmandstillasinaroom。Icouldseethatthecloudswerebreakingandthestarsbeginningtocomeout，andthatcomfortedmealittle。

Fatherwaskeepingupastreamofcheerfultalk。

"Now，sir，"hewassayingtoSheri-

dan，"standstillwhileIgetthishar-

nessoffyou。I’lltieyouandblanketyou，andyoucanlieorstandasyouplease。Here’syournose-bag，withsomegoodsupperinit，andifyoudon’thavedrink，it’snotmyfault。Anyway，itisn’tsolongsinceyougotagoodnipatthecreek。"

Iwaswatchingbythefaintlightofthelantern，andnoticinghowunnat-

uralfatherandSheridanlooked。Theyseemedtobeblockedoutinarudekindofway，likesomewoodentoysIhadathome。

"Hereweare，"saidfather，"likeRobinsonCrusoes。ItwashardluckforRobinson，nothavinghislittlegirlalong。He’dhavehadhertopickupsticksandtwigstomakeafire，andthatwouldhavebeenagreathelptohim。"

Fatherbeganbreakingfallenbranchesoverhisknee，andIgropedroundandfilledmyarmsagainandagainwithlittlefagots。Soafterafewminuteswehadafinefirecracklinginaplacewhereitcouldnotcatchthebranchesofthetrees。Fatherhadscrapedtheneedlesofthepinesto-

getherinsuchawaythatabarerimofearthwasleftallaroundthefire，sothatitcouldnotspreadalongtheground；

andpresentlythecoffee-potwasoverthefireandbaconwassizzlinginthefrying-pan。Thegood，heartyodourscameouttominglewiththedeliciousscentofthepines，andI，settingoutourdishes，begantofeelahappinessdifferentfromanythingIhadeverknown。

Pioneersandwanderersandsoldiershavejoysoftheirown——joysofwhichIhadheardoftenenough，fortherehadbeenmorestoriestoldthanreadinourhouse。ButnowforthefirsttimeI

knewwhatmygrandmotherandmyuncleshadmeantwhentheytoldmeaboutthewaytheyhadcomeintothewilderness，andaboutthegreathappi-

nessandfreedomofthosefirstdays。I，too，feltthisfreedom，anditseemedtomeasifIneveragainwantedwallstocloseinonme。Allmyfearwasgone，andIfeltwildandglad。IcouldnotbelievethatIwasonlyalittlegirl。I

felttallereventhanmyfather。

Father’smoodwaslikemineinaway。Hehadmemoriestoaddtohisemotion，butthen，ontheotherhand，helackedthesenseofdiscoveryIhad，forhehadknownoftensuchfeelingsaswerecomingtomeforthefirsttime。

WhenhewasayoungmanhehadbeenacolporteurfortheAmericanBibleSo-

cietyamongtheLakeSuperiorIndians，andinthatwayhadearnedpartofthemoneyforhiscourseattheUniversityofMichigan；afterwardhehadgonewithothergold-seekerstoPike’sPeak，andhadcrossedtheplainswithoxen，inthecompanyofmanyotheradven-

turers；then，whenPresidentLincolncalledfortroops，hehadreturnedtoenlistwiththeMichiganmen，andhadservedmorethanthreeyearswithMc-

ClellanandGrant。

So，naturally，therewasnothinghedidnotknowaboutmakinghimselfcomfortableintheopen。Heknewallthesorrowandallthejoyofthehome-

lessman，andnow，ashecooked，hebe-

gantosingtheoldsongs——"MarchingThroughGeorgia，"and"BuryMeNotontheLonePrairie，"and"InthePrisonCellISit。"HehadbeeninaSouthernprisonaftertheBattleoftheWilderness，andsoheknewhowtosingthatsongwithparticularfeeling。

Ihadheardwarstoriesallmylife，thoughusuallyfathertoldsuchtalesinahalf-jokingway，asiftomakelightofeverythinghehadgonethrough。Butnow，asweatethereunderthetossingpines，andthewildchorusinthetree-

topsswelledlikearisingsea，thespiritoftheolddayscameoverhim。Hewasagood"stumpspeaker，"andheknewhowtomakeastorycometolife，andneverdidallhissimplenaturalgiftsshowthemselvesbetterthanonthisnight，whenhedweltonhisoldcam-

paigns。

ForthefirsttimeIwastolookintotheheartofakindlynaturedman，forcedbyterriblenecessitytogothroughthedreadexperienceofwar。

Igainedanideaoftheunspeakablehomesicknessofthemanwholeaveshisfamilytoanunimaginedfate，andsacrificesyearsintheserviceofhiscountry。Isawthatthemereforegoingofroofandbedisanindescribabledis-

tress；Ilearnedsomethingofwhatthepalpitantanxietybeforeabattlemustbe，andthequakingfearatthefirstrattleofbullets，andthehalf-madrushofdeterminationwithwhichmenforcevalourintotheirfalteringhearts；I

wasmadetoknowsomethingoftheblightofwar——thehorrorofthebattle-

field，thewasteofbounty，theruinofhomes。

Then，risingabovethis，camestoriesofdevotion，ofbrotherhood，ofserviceonthelong，desolatemarches，ofcour-

agetothedeathofthosewhofoughtforacause。Ibegantoseewhereinlaythehighestjoyofthesoldier，andofhowlittleaccountheheldhimself，iftheprincipleforwhichhefoughtcouldbepreserved。IheardforthefirsttimethewonderfulwordsofLin-

colnatGettysburg，andlearnedtore-

peatapartofthem。

Iwasonlyeight，itistrue，butemo-

tionhasnoage，andIunderstoodthenaswellasIevercould，whatheroismanddevotionandself-forgetfulnessmean。Iunderstood，too，themeaningofthewords"ourcountry，"andmyheartwarmedtoit，asintheoldertimestheheartsofboysandgirlswarmedtothenameoftheirking。ThenewknowledgewassobeautifulthatI

thoughtthen，andIthinknow，thatnothingcouldhaveservedassofitanaccompanimenttoitastheshoutingofthosepines。Theysanglikeheroes，andintheirswayinggavemefleetingglimpsesofthestars，unbelievablybrilliantintheduskypurplesky，andhalf-obscurednowandthenbydriftingclouds。

Byandbywelaydown，notfarapart，eachrolledinanarmyblanket，frayedwithservice。Ourfeetweretothefire——foritwassothatsoldierslay，myfa-

thersaid——andourheadsrestedonmoundsofpine-needles。

SometimesinthenightIfeltmyfa-

ther’shandrestinglightlyonmyshoul-

derstoseethatIwascovered，butinmydreamsheceasedtobemyfatherandbecamemycomrade，andIwasadrummerboy，——Ihadseentheplay，"TheDrummerBoyoftheRappahan-

nock，"——marchingforward，withsetteeth，inthefaceofbattle。

Whatevercouldredeemwarandmakeitgloriousseemedtofloodmysoul。Allthatwashighest，allthatwasnobleinthatdreadfulconflictcametomeinmysleep——tome，thechildwhohadbeenbornwhenmyfatherwasat"thefront。"Ihadastrangebaptismofthespirit。Idiscoveredsorrowandcourage，singingtreesandstars。Iwasneveragaintothinkthatthefiresideandfiresidethoughtsmadeupthewholeoflife。

MyfatherlieswithothersoldiersbythePacific；theforestsingsnomore；

theoldarmyblanketshavedisap-

peared；thememoriesoftheterriblewararefading，——happilyfading，——buttheyallliveagain，sometimes，inmymemory，andIamoncemoreachild，withthoughtsasproudandfierceandbeautifulasValkyries。

II

SOLITUDE

AMONGthepicturesthatIseewhenIlookbackintothepast，istheonewhereI，asullen，egotisticper-

sonnineyearsold，stoodquitealoneintheworld。Tohesure，therewerefa-

therandmotherinthehouse，andthereweretheotherchildren，andnotoneamongthemknewIwasalone。Theworldcertainlywouldnothavere-

gardedmeasfriendlessororphaned。

Therewasnothinginmymereappear-

ance，asIstartedawaytoschoolinmycleanginghams，withmywell-brushedhair，andembroideredschool-bag，toleadanyonetosupposethatIwasacastaway。YetIwas——Ihaddiscoveredthisfact，hiddenthoughitmightbefromothers。

Iwasnolongerloved。Fatherandmotherlovedtheotherchildren；butnotme。Imightcomehomeatnight，fairlyburstingwithimportantnewsaboutwhathadhappenedinclassoramongmyfriends，andtrytorelatemylittlehistories。Butdidmotherlisten？Notatall。ShewouldnodlikeamandarinwhileItalked，orgoonturningtheleavesofherbook，orwritingherletter。

WhatIsaidwasofnoimportancetoher。

Fatherwasevenlessinterested。Hefranklytoldmetokeepstill，andwentonwiththeaccountsinwhichhewassoabsurdlyinterested，orexamined"papers"——stupid-lookingthingsdoneonlegalcap，whichhebroughthomewithhimfromtheoffice。NoonekissedmewhenIstartedawayinthemorn-

ing；noonekissedmewhenIcamehomeatnight。Iwenttobedunkissed。I

feltmyselftobealonelyandmisunder-

stoodchild——perhapsevenanadoptedone。

Why，Iknewalittlegirlwho，whenshewentuptoherroomatnight，foundthebedclothesturnedback，andtheshadedrawn，andascreenplacedsoastokeepoffdrafts。Andhermotherbrushedherhairtwentyminutesbytheclockeachnight，tomakeitglossy；andthenshesatbyherbedandsangsoftlytillthegirlfellasleep。

Inotonlyhadtoopenmyownbed，butthebedsfortheotherchildren，andalthoughIsometimesfeltmymother’shandtuckinginthebedclothesroundme，sheneverstoopedandkissedmeonthebrowandsaid，"Blessyou，mychild。"Noone，inallmyexperience，hadsaid，"Blessyou，mychild。"WhenthegirlIhavespokenofcameintotheroom，hermotherreachedoutherarmsandsaid，beforeeverybody，"Herecomesmydearlittlegirl。"WhenI

cameintoaroom，Iwasusuallytoldtodosomethingforsomebody。Itwas"Pleaseseeifthefireneedsmorewood，"or"Letthecatin，please，"or"I’dlikeyoutoweedthepansybedbe-

foresupper-time。"

Inthesecircumstances，lifehardlyseemedworthliving。IdecidedthatI

hadmadeamistakeinchoosingmyfamily。Itdidnotappreciateme，anditfailedtomakemyyounglifeglad。

Iknewmyyounglifeoughttobeglad。

Anditwasnot。Itwasdrab，asdrabasToot’soldrain-coat。

Tootwas"ourcolouredboy。"Thatisthewaywedescribedhim。Fatherhadbroughthimhomefromthewar，andhadsenthimtoschool，andthenapprenticedhimtoamiller。Tootdid"chores"forhisboardandclothes，butwassoontobehisownman，andtobepaidmoneybythemiller，andtomarryTululaDarthulaJones，anicecolouredgirlwholivedwiththeCut-

lers。

ThetimehadbeenwhenToothadbeenmyself-appointedslave。Almostmyfirstrecollectionswereofhiscarry-

ingmeouttoseethetrainpass，andsaying，"Toot，toot！"inimitationofthelocomotive；so，althoughhehadratherasplendidname，Icalledhim"Toot，"andthewholetownfollowedmyexample。Yes，thetimehadbeenwhenTootsawmesafetoschool，andslippedlittleredapplesintomypocket，andtookmeoutwhilehemilkedthecow，andtoldmestoriesandsangmeplantationsongs。Now，whenhepassed，heonlynodded。WhenIspoketohimabouthisnotgivingmeanymoreap-

ples，hesaid：

"Ahreckonthey’reyourpa’sap-

ples，missy。Why，fo’goodness’sake，don’yo’he’pyo’se’f？"

ButIdidnotwanttohelpmyself。

Iwantedtobehelped——notbecauseI

waslazy，butbecauseIwantedtobeadored。Iwasreallyasortoffairyprincess，——misplaced，ofcourse，inastupidrepublic，——andIwantedlifecon-

ductedonafairy-princessbasis。ItwasagameIwishedtoplay，butitwasoneIcouldnotplayalone，andnotasoulcouldIfindwhoseemedinclinedtoplayitwithme。

Well，thingswentfrombadtoworse。

Idecidedthatifmothernolongerlovedme，Iwouldnolongertellherthings。

SoIdidnot。Igotahundredinspell-

ingfortwelvedaysrunning，anddidnottellher！IbrokeEdnaGrantham’smother’swater-pitcher，andkeptthefactasecret。Thesecretwas，indeed，assharp-edgedasthepiecesofthebrokenpitcherhadbeen；Icriedunderthebedclothes，thinkinghowsorryMrs。

Granthamhadbeen，andthatmotherreallyoughttoknow。Onlywhatwastheuse？Inolongerlookedtohertohelpmeoutofmytroubles。

Ihadnoneednowtohavefatherandmothertellmetohurryupandfinishmychatter，forIkeptallthathap-

penedtomyself。Ihadanew"intimatefriend，"anddidnotsomuchasmen-

tionher。Iwroteapoemandshowedittomyteacher，butnottomyunin-

terestedparents。AndwhenIclimbedthestairsatnighttomyroom，Iswelledwithlonelinessandanguishandresent-

ment，andthehottearscametomyeyesasIheardfatherandmotherlaughingandtalkingtogetherandpayingnoat-

tentiontomymisery。IcouldhearToot，whousedtobemakingallsortsoflittlepresentsforme，whistlingashebroughtinthewoodandwater，andthen"cleanedup"togotoseehisTulula，withneverathoughtofme。

AndIsaidtomyselfthatthebestthingIcoulddowastogrowupandgetawayfromaplacewhereIwasnolongerwanted。

Noonenoticedmysufferingsfurtherthansometimestosayimpatiently，"Whatmakesyouactsostrange，child？"Andtothat，ofcourse，Ian-

swerednothing，forwhatIhadtosaywouldnot，Ifelt，beunderstood。

OnemorninginJuneIlefthomewithmyresentmentburningfiercelywithinme。Ihadnotcaredforthethingswehadforbreakfast，forIwashalf-illwithfrettingandwiththeclosenessoftheday，butmylackofappetitehadbeenpassedbywiththeremarkthatanyonewaslikelynottohaveanap-

petiteonsuchacloseday。ButIwassolanguid，andsoaversetotakinguptheusualroundofthings，thatIbeggedmothertoletmestayathome。Sheshookherheaddecidedly。

"You’vebeenoutofschooltoomanydaysalreadythisterm，"shesaid。

"Runalongnow，oryou’llhelate！"

"Please——"Ibegan，formyheadreallywaswhirling，although，quiteasmuch，perhaps，frommyperversityasfromanyothercause。Motherturnedonmeoneofher"lastword"glances。

"Gotoschoolwithoutanotherword，"

shesaid，quietly。

Iknewthatquiettone，andIwent。

AndnowIwassurethatallwasoverbetweenmyparentsandmyself。Ibe-

gantowonderifIneedreallywaittillIwasgrownupbeforeleavinghome。

SomiserablyabsorbedwasIinthink-

ingofthis，andinpityingmyselfwithaconsumingpity，thateverythingatschoolseemedtopassliketheshadowofadream。IblunderedinwhateverItriedtodo，wassharplyscoldedfornothearingtheteacheruntilshehadspokenmynamethreetimes，andwasholdingontomyselfdesperatelyinmyefforttokeepbackafloodoftears，whenIbecameawarethatsomethingwashappening。

Theresuddenlywasaperfectsilenceintheroom——thesortofsilencethatmakestheheartbeattoofast。Themistswimmingbeforemedidnot，Iper-

ceived，comefrommyowneyes，butfromthechangingcolouroftheair，theusualtransparencyofwhichwasbeingtingedwithyellow。Thesultrinessofthedaywasdeepening，andseemedtocarryathreatwithit。

"Somethingisgoingtohappen，"

thoughtI，andoverthewholeroomspreadthesameconviction。Electriccurrentsseemedtosnapfromonecon-

sciousnesstoanother。Wedroppedourbooks，andturnedoureyestowardthewesternwindows，tolookuponachangedworld。Itwasasifwepeeredthroughyellowglass。Intheskysoft-

looking，tawnycloudscametumblingalonglikeplayfulcats——ortigers。A

momentlaterwesawthattheywerenotplayful，butangry；theystretchedoutclaws，andsnarledastheydidso。

Oneclawreachedthetallchimneysoftheschoolhouse，anothertappedatthecupola，onewasthrustthroughthewallnearwhereIsat。

Thenitgrewblack，andtherewasabellowingallaboutus，sothatthecom-

mandsoftheteacherandthescreamsofthechildrenbarelycouldbeheard。

Iknewlittleornothing。Myshoulderwasstinging，somethinghadhitmeonthesideofthehead，myeyeswerefullofdustandmortar，andmyfeetwerecarryingmewiththeothersalongthecorridor，downthetwoflightsofwidestairs。Idonotthinkwepushedeachotherorwerereckless。Myrecollec-

tionisonlyofmanyshadowyfiguresflyingonwithsurefeetoutofthebuild-

ingthatseemedtobefallinginuponus。

Presentlywewereoutontheland-

ingbeforethedoor，withonemoreflightofstepsbeforeus，thatreachedtothestreet。Somethingsostrongthatitmightnotbedeniedgatheredmeupininvisiblearms，whirledmeroundonceortwiceanddroppedme，notun-

gently，inthemiddleoftheroad。Andthen，asIstruggledtomykneesand，wipingthedustfrommyeyes，lookedup，Isawdozensofothersbeingliftedinthesameway，andblownoffintotheyardorthestreet。Thelargeronesweretryingtoholdontothesmaller，andtheteacherswereendeavouringtokeepthechildrenfromgoingoutofthebuilding，buttheireffortswereofnoavail。Thechildrencameon，andwereblownaboutlikeleaves。

ThenIsawwhatlookedlikeahighyellowwalladvancinguponme——aroar-

ingandfearsomemassofdrivendust，sticks，debris。Itcameovermethatmyownhomemightbethere，instripsandfragments，tobeatmedownandkillme；andwiththethoughtcameaswiftlittlevisionoutofmygeographyoftheArabsinasand-stormonthedesert。I

gatheredupmyflutteringdressskirt，heldittightaboutmyhead，andlayflatupontheground。

Itseemedasifalongtimepassed，atimeinwhichIknewverylittleex-

ceptthatIwasfightingformybreathasIneverhadfoughtforanything。

Thereweremorehurtsandbruisesnow，buttheydidnotmatter。Justtodrawmyownbreathinmyownwayseemedtobetheonlythingintheworldthatwasofanyaccount。Andthentherewasashaftofflame，anear-

splittingroar，andtherainwasuponusinsheets，instreams，invisibleriv-

ers。

Iimaginedthatitwouldlastalongtime，andwonderedinadazehowI

couldgethomeinarainlikethat——

forIshouldhavetofaceit。Icouldseethatinafewsecondstheguttershadbeguntorace，theroadwhereI

laywasastream，andthen——thentherainceased。Neverwasanythingsoastonishing。Theskycameoutblue，tatteredragsofcloudracedacrossit，andIhadtimetoconcludethat，whip-

pedandalmostbreathlessthoughI

was，Iwasstillalive。

AndthenIsawacurioussight。Downthestreetineverydirectioncamerush-

inghatlessmenandwomen。Hereandthereawild-eyedhorsewasbeinglashedalong。Allthetownwascoming。

Theywereintheirworkclothes，intheirslippers，intheirwrappers——theywereinanythingandeverything。Someofthemsobbedastheyran，somecalledaloudnamesthatIknew。Theywerefathersandmotherslookingfortheirchildren。

Andwhowasthat——thatwomanwithawhiteface，withhairfallingabouthershoulders，whereithadfallenassheran——thatwomanwhosebreathcamebetweenherteethstrangelyandwhocalledmynameoverandover，bleat-

ingly，asamothersheepcallsitslamb？

AtfirstIdidnotrecogniseher，andthen，atlast，Iknew。Andthatcreaturewiththerollingeyesandthecuriousash-colouredfacewho，mumblingsome-

thingoverandoverinhisthroat，cameforme，andsnatchedmeupandwipedmyfacefreeofmud，andfeltofmehereandtherewithtremblinghands——

whowashe？

Andbreakingoutofthecrowdofmenwhohadcomerunningfromthestreetofstoresandoffices，wasan-

otherstrangebeing，withasortofbat-

tlelightinhiseyes，who，seeingme，gatheredmetohimandboremeawaytowardhome。Lookingback，IcouldseethewomanIknewfollowing，lean-

ingonthearmoftheboywiththeroll-

ingeyes，whoseeyeshadceasedtoroll，andwhowasquiterecognisablenowasToot。

Ahappinessthatwasalmostaster-

ribleassorrowwelledupinmyheart。

Ididnotweep，orlaugh，ortalk。AllIhadexperiencedhadcarriedmebe-

yondmereexcitementintoexultation。

Iexultedinlife，inlove。Myconceitandsulkinessdiedinthatstorm，asdidmanyanotherthing。Iwasalive。I

wasloved。Isaiditoverandovertomyselfsilently，in"myheart’sdeepcore，"whilemotherwashedmewithtremblinghandsinmyowndearroom，boundupmyhurts，braidedmyhair，andputme，inafreshnight-dress，intomybed。Idonotrecallthatwetalkedtoeachother，butineverycaressofherhandsassheworkedIfelttheun-

spokenassurancesofalovesuchasI

hadnotdreamedof。

Fatherhadgonerunningbacktotheschooltoseeifhecouldbeofanyas-

sistancetohisneighbours，andhadtakenTootwithhim，buttheywerebackpresentlytosaythatbeyondafewsharpinjuriesandbrokenbones，noharmhadbeendonetothechildren。Itwasconsideredmiraculousthatnoonehadbeenkilledorseriouslyinjured，andInoticedthatfather’svoicetrem-

bledashetoldofit，andthatmothercouldnotanswer，andthatTootsobbedlikeabigsillyboy。

Thenaswetalkedtogether，behold，asecondstormwasuponus——asharpblackblastofwindandrain，notter-

rifying，liketheother，butwithan"I’ve-come-to-spend-the-day"sortofaspect。

Butnooneseemedtomindverymuch。Iwascarrieddowntothesit-

ting-room。Tootbusiedhimselfcom-

ingandgoingonthiserrandandonthat，fasteningthedoors，closingthewindows，runningouttoseetotheani-

mals，andcomingbackagain。Fatherandmothersetthetable。Theykeptclosetogether；andnowandthentheylookedoveratme，withoutsayingany-

thing，butwithshiningeyes。

Thestormdieddowntoaquietrain。

Fromtheroofoftheporchthedropsfellinsilverstrings，likebeads。Thenthesuncameoutandturnedthemintoshiningcrystal。Thebirdsbegantosingagain，andwhenwethrewopenthewindowsdeliciousodoursoffreshearthandfloweringshrubgreetedus。Motherbegantosingassheworked。AndI

sanksoftlytosleep，thrilledwiththemarvelsoftheworld——notofthetem-

pest，butofthepeace。

Thesweetfamiliarityofthefacesandthewallsandthefurnitureandthegardenwaslikeablessing。TherewasnotachairtherethatIwouldhaveex-

changedforanyotherchair——notatreethatIwouldhavepartedwith——notacustomofthatsimple，busyplacethatIwouldhavechanged。Iknewnowallmystupidity——andmygoodfortune。

III

FRIENDSHIP

WHENIlookbackuponthevillagewhereIlivedasachild，Ican-

notrememberthattherewereanydivi-

sionsinoursociety。ThisgroupwenttotheCongregationalchurch，andthattothePresbyterian，buteachfamilyfeltitselftobeasgoodasanyother，andevenif，ordinarily，someofthemwithdrewthemselvesinmildexclusive-

ness，onalloccasionsofpubliccelebra-

tion，orwhenintrouble，westoodto-

getherinthepleasantestandmostun-

affecteddemocracy。

Therewereonlythe"BadMadi-

gans"outsidethepale。

ThefactsabouttheBadMadiganswere，nodoubt，seriousenough，butthefictionwasevenmoreappalling。Astofacts，thefatherdrank，themotherfol-

lowedsuit，theappearanceofthehouse——aramshackleoldplacebeyondthefair-grounds——wasascandal；thechil-

drencouldnotbegottogotoschoolforanylengthoftime，and，whentheywerethere，eachclassinwhichtheywereputfeltitselftobeindisgrace，andthedislikefocuseduponthein-

truders，sentthem，sullenandhateful，backtotheirlair。And，indeed，theMadiganhouseseemedlittlemorethanalair。Ithadbeenratherafinehouseonce，andhadbeenbuiltfortheoc-

cupancyofthemanwhoownedthefair-

grounds；buthechoosingfinallytoliveinthevillage，hadpermittedthehousetofallintodecay，untilonlyafamilywithnosenseoforderorself-respectwouldthinkofoccupyingit。

Whenthereoccurredoneoftherareburglariesinthevillage，whenanythingwasmissingfromaclothes-line，oracalforpigdisappeared，itwasgen-

erallylaidtotheMadigans。Unac-

counted-forfiresweresupposedtobetheirdoing；theywereaccordedrespon-

sibilityforviciouspracticaljokes；anditwasgenerallyfeltthatbeforewewerethroughwiththemtheywouldcommitsomeblood-curdlingcrime。

When，assometimeshappened，IhadmetoneoftheBadMadigansontheroad，ordownonthevillagestreet，myhearthadbeatenasifIwasfacetofacewithacompanyofbanditti；butIcannotsaythatthisexcitementwascausedbyaversionalone。Thetruthwas，theBadMadigansfascinatedme。

Theystoodoutfromalltheothers，proudlyanddisdainfullylikeRobinHoodandhisband，andIcouldnotgetovertheideathattheysaid："Fetchmeyonderbow！"toeachother；or，"Goslaughtermeaten-tinedbuck！"I

feltthattheywerefortunateinnotbe-

inghelddowntohoursliketherestofus。Outofbedatsix-thirty，attablebyseven，tidyingbedroomatseven-

thirty，dustingsitting-roomateight，onwaytoschoolateight-thirty，wasnotfor"thelikesofthem！"Onlywe，slavesofrespectabilityandofaninor-

dinateappetitefororder，sufferedsuchmonotonyanddrabnesstorule。IknewtheMadiganboyscouldgofishingwhenevertheypleased，thattheMadi-

gangirlspickedtheblackberriesbeforeanyoneelsecouldgetouttothem，thateverymemberofthefamilycouldpackupandgopicnickingfordaysatatime，andthatanystrayhorsewaslikelytoberiddenbareback，withinaninchofitslife，bytheyoungermem-

bersofthefamily。

Onlyoncehowever，didIhaveachancetomeetoneofthesemodernVisigothsfacetoface，andthefeelingsarousedbythatincidentremainedthedarlingsecretofmyyouth。Idaredtellnoone，andIlonged，yetfeared，tohavetheexperiencerepeated。Butitneverwas！Ithappenedinthisway：

OnacertainSundayafternooninMay，myfatherandmotherandIwenttoEmmons’Woods。ToreachEm-

mons’Woods，youwentoutthebackdoor，pastthepumpandthecurrantbushes，thendownthepathtothechicken-houses，andsoon，bywayofthewoodpile，tothesouthgate。Afterthat，youwentwesttowardtheclovermeadows，pastthehousewheretheCrazyLadylived——here，ifyouwerealone，youran——andthen，reachingthevergeofthewoods，youtookyourchoiceofclimbingaseven-railfenceorofwalkingaquarterofamiletillyoucametothebars。ThelatterwasmuchbetterforthelaceonaSundaypetti-

coat。

OnceinEmmons’Woods，therewasenchantment。Aneaglemightcome——

orablueheron。TherehadbeenbearsinEmmons’Woods——bearswithroll-

ingeyesandredmouthsfromwhichtheirtongueslolled。Therewasoneplaceforpinkytrillium，andanotherforgentians；onefortawnyadders’

tongues，andanotherforyellowDutch-

man’sbreeches。Inthesap-startingseason，themaplesdrippedtheirlus-

cioussapintolittlewoodencups；later，partridgesnestedinthesun-burnedgrass。Therewasnolakeorriver，buttherewasapond，swarmingwithavivaciouspopulation，andonthehard-

bakedclayofthepondbeachthegreenbeetlesairedtheirsplendidchangeablesilksandsandpipershoppedridicu-

lously。

Itwas，curiouslyenough，easiertorunthantowalkinEmmons’Woods，andevenmorenaturaltodancethantorun。Onebecameacquaintedwithsquirrels，establishedintimacieswithchipmunks，andwasonsomesortofcivilrelationwithblackbirds。And，oh，thetossinggreenoftheyoungwil-

lows，wherethelilacdistancemeltedintothepaleblueofthesky！And，oh，thebuddingofthemaplesandthefring-

ingoftheoaks；and，oh，theblossom-

ingofthetuliptreesandthegarner-

ingofthechestnuts！Andthen，thewrigglingthingsinthegrass；thepro-

cessionofants；thecoquetriesoftherobins；andtheBeyond，deepening，deepeningintotheforestwhereitwassafeonlyforthewoodsmentogo。

OnthisparticularSundayoneofuswasrequestednottosquealandrunabout，andtorememberthatweworeourbestshoesandneednotmessthemunnecessarily。Itwashardtobere-

mindedjustwhenthedancewasgettingintomyfeet，butItriedtohaveSun-

daymanners，andwentalonginthestillwoods，wonderingwhythepurplecol-

oursdisappearedaswecameonandwhathadbeendistancebecamenear-

ness。Therewasabeautiful，achingvaguenessovereverything，anditwasnotstrangethatfather，whohadstretchedhimselfonthemoss，andmother，whowasreadingGodey’sLa-

dies’Book，shouldpresentlybothofthembenodding。So，thatbeingawell-

establishedfact——Iestablisheditbyhangingoverthemandstaringattheireyelids——itseemedagoodtimeformetoletthedanceoutofmytoes。Stillcarefulofmyfreshlinenfrock，andrememberingaboutthebestshoes，I

wenton，demurely，downthegreenal-

leysofthewood。NowIsteppedonpatchesofsunshine，nowinpoolsofshadow。IthoughtofhownaughtyI

wastorunawaylikethis，andofwhatamistakepeoplemadewhosaidIwasagood，quiet，child。IknewthatI

lookedsadandprim，butIreallyhatedmysadnessandprimnessandgood-

ness，andlongedtoletoutallthein-

teresting，wild，naughtythoughtstherewereinme。IwantedtoactasifIwerebewitched，andtotearupvinesandwindthemaboutme，toshriektotheechoes，andtoscoldbackatthesquir-

rels。Iwantedtotakeoffmyclothesandrushintothepond，andswimlikeafish，orwrigglelikeapollywog。I

wantedtoclimbtreesanddropfromthem；and，mostofall——oh，withwhatlonging——didIwishtoliftmyselfabovetheearthandflyintotheblandblueair！

Icametoahollowwheretherewasawonderfulgreennessovereverything，andIsaidtomyselfthatIwouldbebewitchedatlast。Iwoulddanceandwhirlandcalltill，perhaps，somekindofacreatureaswildandwickedandwonderfulasI，wouldcomeoutofthewoodsandjoinme。SoIforgotaboutthefreshlinenfrock，andwreathedmy-

selfwithwildgrape-vine；Icarednoth-

ingformyfreshbraidsandwoundtrilliuminmyhair；andIceasedtore-

membermynewshoes，andwhirledaroundandaroundintheleafymould，singingandshouting。

Igrewmadderandmadder。Iseemednottobemyselfatall，butsomesortofawoodcreature；andjustwhenthetreeswerelookinglargerthanevertheydidbefore，andtheskyhigherup，agirlcamerunningdownfromasortofembankmentwhereatornadohadmadeapathforitselfandhadhurledsomegreatchestnutsandoaksinatumbledmass。Thegirlcameleapingdownthesteepsidesofthisplace，herarmsout-

spread，herfeetbare，herdressnomorethanaragthecolourofthetree-trunks。

Shehadonatorngreenjacket，whichmadeherseemmorethaneverlikesomeonewhohadjuststeppedoutofahollowtree，and，tomyunspeakablehappiness，shejoinedmeinmydance。

Ishallneverforgethowbeautifulshewas，withherwildtangleofdarkhair，andherdeepblueeyesandripelips。

Hercheekswereflamingred，andherlimbsstrongandbrown。Shedidnotmerelyshoutandsing；shewhistled，andmadecallslikethebirds，andcawedlikeacrow，andchitteredlikeasquir-

rel，andaroundandaroundthetwoofusdanced，crazyasdervisheswiththebeautyofthespringandthejoyofbe-

ingfree。

Byandbyweweresotiredwehadtostop，andthenwesatdownpantingandlookedateachother。Atthatwelaughed，longandfoolishly，but，afteratime，itoccurredtousthatwehadmanyquestionstoask。

"Howdidyougethere？"Iaskedthegirl。

"Iwaswalkingmylone，"shesaid，speakingherwordsasiftherewasarichthickqualitytothem，"andI

heardyouscreeling。"

"Won’tyougetlost，alonelikethat？"

"Ican’tgetlost，"shesighed。"I’dliketo，butIcan’t。"

"Wheredoyoulive？"

"Beyantthefair-grounds。"

"You’renot——notNorahMadigan？"

Sheleanedbackandclaspedherhandsbehindherhead。Thenshesmiledatmeteasingly。

"Iamthat，"shesaid，showingherperfectteeth。

Icaughtmybreathwithasharpgasp。OughtItoturnbacktomypar-

ents？HadIbeensonaughtythatI

hadcalledthenaughtiestgirlinthewholecountyouttome？

ButIcouldnotbringmyselftoleaveher。Shewasleaningforwardandlookingatmenowwithmockingeyes。

"Areyouafraid？"shedemanded。

"Afraidofwhat？"Iasked，knowingquitewellwhatshemeant。

"Ofme？"sheretorted。

Atthatsecondanagreeabletruthovertookme。Ileanedforward，too，andputmyhandonhers。

"Why，Ilikeyou！"Icried。Shebe-

ganlaughingagain，butthistimetherewasnomockeryinit。Sheranherfin-

gersovertheembroideryonmylinenfrock，sheexaminedthelaceonmypet-

ticoat，lookedatthebowsonmyshoes，andplayeddelicatelywiththelocketdanglingfromtheslenderchainaroundmyneck。

"Doyouknow——othergirls？"sheal-

mostwhispered。

Inodded。"Lotsandlotsof’em，"

Isaid。"Don’tyou？"

Sheshookherheadinwistfuldenial。

"UsMadigans，"shesaid，"keepstoourselves。"ShesaiditsohaughtilythatforamomentIwasalmostper-

suadedintothinkingthattheylivedtheirsolitarylivesfromchoice。But，glancingupather，Isawablushthatcoveredherface，andthereweretearsinhereyes。

"Well，anyway，"saidIquickly，"weknoweachother。"

"Yes，"shecried，"wedothat！"

Shegotup，then，andrantoagreattreefromwhichastoutgrape-vinewasswinging，andpullingatitwithherstrongarms，shesoonhaditmadeintoapracticalswing。

"Come！"shecalled——"come，let’sswingtogether！"

Shehelpedmetobalancemyselfontherope-likevine，and，placingherfeetoutsideofmine，showedmehowto"workup"tillweweresweepingwithafinemomentumthroughtheair。Weshriekedwithexcitement，andurgedeachotherontomoreandmorefranticexertions。Wewereliketwobirds，buttobirdsflyingisnonovelty。Withusitwas，whichmadeushappierthanbirds。ButI，formypart，wasnomoredelightedwithmyswiftflightsthroughtheairthanIwaswiththeshiningeyesandflashingteethofthegirloppositeme。Ilikedherstrength，andthewayinwhichherbodybentandswayed。

Oncemore，sheseemedlikeawood-

child——awild，mad，gaycreaturefromthetree。IfeltasifIhaddrawnaplay-

matefromelf-land，andIlikedherathousandtimesbetterthanthoseproperlittlegirlswhocametoseemeofaSaturdayafternoon。

Well，therewewere，rockingandscreaming，andtellingeachotherthatwewerehawks，andthatwewerefly-

inghighovertheworld，whentheanx-

iousandausterevoiceofmymotherbrokeuponourears。Wetriedtostop，butthatwasnotsuchaneasymattertodo，andaswetwistedandwrithed，tobringourgrape-vineswingtoastandstill，therewasaslowrendingandbreakingwhichstruckterrortooursouls。

"Jump！"commandedNorah——

"jump！thevine’sbreaking！"Weleapedatthesamemoment，shesafely。

Myfootcaughtinastouttendril，andIfellheadlong，scrapingmyforeheadonthegroundandtearingatriangularrentinthepretty，newfrock。Mothercamerunningforward，andtheexpres-

siononherfacewasfarfrombeingtheoneIlikedtosee。

"Whathaveyoubeendoing？"shedemanded。"Ithoughtyouwereget-

tingoldenoughandsensibleenoughtotakecareofyourself！"

Imusthavebeenadepressingsight，viewedwiththeeyesofacarefulmother。Bloodandmouldmingledonmyface，mydressneededalaundressasbadlyasadresscould，andmyshoeswerescratchedandmuddy。

"Andwhoisthisgirl？"askedmother。IhadbecomeconsciousthatNorahwasatmyfeet，wipingoffmyshoeswithherqueerlittlebrownfrock。

"It’sanewfriendofmine，"gaspedI，beginningtoseethatImustloseher，andhopingthelumpinmythroatwouldn’tgetanybiggerthanitwas。

"Whatishername？"askedmother。

Ihadnotimetoanswer。Thegirldidthat。

"I’mNorahMadigan，"shesaid。

Hertonewasrespectful，and，maybe，sad。Atanyrate，ithadacurioussound。

"NorahMad-i-gan？"askedmotherdoubtfully，stringingouttheword。

"Yessum，"saidalowvoice。"Good-

bye，mum。"

"Oh，Norah！"criedI，astrangepainstabbingmyheart。"Cometoseeme——"

Butmymother’svoicebrokein，firmandkind。