第19章

。ThiseveningIfellinwithanacquaintance，andwhenIsawhowhappyhewaswithhiswifeandfamilywelcominghimhome，thoughwithonlyone-tenthofmyincomeandchances，andthoughtwhatmighthavebeeninmycase，itfairlybrokedownmydiscretion，andoffI camehere。NowIamhereIfeelthatIamwrongtosomeextent。

ButthefeelingthatIshouldliketoseeyou，andtalkofthoseweusedtoknowincommon，wasverystrong。’

’Beforethatcanbethecasealittlemoretimemustpass，’saidMissSavilequietly；’atimelongenoughformetoregardwithsomecalmnesswhatatpresentIrememberfartooimpatiently——thoughitmaybeyoualmostforgetit。Indeedyoumusthaveforgottenitlongbeforeyouactedasyoudid。’Hervoicegrewstrongerandmorevivaciousassheadded:’ButIamdoingmybesttoforgetittoo，andIknowIshallsucceedfromtheprogressIhavemadealready！’

Shehadremainedstandingtillnow，whensheturnedandsatdown，facinghalfawayfromhim。

Barnetwatchedhermoodily。’Yes，itisonlywhatIdeserve，’hesaid。’Ambitionprickedmeon——no，itwasnotambition，itwaswrongheadedness！HadIbutreflected……’Hebrokeoutvehemently:’Butalwaysrememberthis，Lucy:ifyouhadwrittentomeonlyonelittlelineafterthatmisunderstanding，IdeclareI

shouldhavecomebacktoyou。Thatruinedme！’heslowlywalkedasfarasthelittleroomwouldallowhimtogo，andremainedwithhiseyesontheskirting。

’But，Mr。Barnet，howcouldIwritetoyou？Therewasnoopeningformydoingso。’

’Thenthereoughttohavebeen，’saidBarnet，turning。’Thatwasmyfault！’

’Well，Idon’tknowanythingaboutthat；butastherehadbeennothingsaidbymewhichrequiredanyexplanationbyletter，Ididnotsendone。Everythingwassoindefinite，andfeelingyourpositiontobesomuchwealthierthanmine，IfanciedImighthavemistakenyourmeaning。AndwhenIheardoftheotherlady——awomanofwhosefamilyevenyoumightbeproud——IthoughthowfoolishIhadbeen，andsaidnothing。’

’ThenIsupposeitwasdestiny——accident——Idon’tknowwhat，thatseparatedus，dearLucy。AnyhowyouwerethewomanIoughttohavemademywife——andIletyouslip，likethefoolishmanthatIwas！’

’O，Mr。Barnet，’shesaid，almostintears，’don’trevivethesubjecttome；Iamthewrongonetoconsoleyou——think，sir，——youshouldnotbehere——itwouldbesobadformeifitwereknown！’

’Itwould——itwould，indeed，’hesaidhastily。’Iamnotrightindoingthis，andIwon’tdoitagain。’

’Itisaverycommonfollyofhumannature，youknow，tothinkthecourseyoudidNOTadoptmusthavebeenthebest，’shecontinued，withgentlesolicitude，asshefollowedhimtothedooroftheroom。

’Andyoudon’tknowthatIshouldhaveacceptedyou，evenifyouhadaskedmetobeyourwife。’Atthishiseyemethers，andshedroppedhergaze。Sheknewthathervoicebeliedher。Therewasasilencetillshelookeduptoadd，inavoiceofsoothingplayfulness，’Myfamilywassomuchpoorerthanyours，evenbeforeI

lostmydearfather，that——perhapsyourcompanionswouldhavemadeitunpleasantforusonaccountofmydeficiencies。’

’Yourdispositionwouldsoonhavewonthemround，’saidBarnet。

Shearchlyexpostulated:’Now，nevermindmydisposition；trytomakeitupwithyourwife！Thosearemycommandstoyou。Andnowyouaretoleavemeatonce。’

’Iwill。Imustmakethebestofitall，Isuppose，’hereplied，morecheerfullythanhehadasyetspoken。’ButIshallneveragainmeetwithsuchadeargirlasyou！’Andhesuddenlyopenedthedoor，andleftheralone。Whenhisglanceagainfellonthelampsthatweresparselyrangedalongthedrearylevelroad，hiseyeswereinastatewhichshowedstraw-likemotesoflightradiatingfromeachflameintothesurroundingair。

OntheothersideofthewayBarnetobservedamanunderanumbrella，walkingparallelwithhimself。Presentlythismanleftthefootway，andgraduallyconvergedonBarnet’scourse。ThelatterthensawthatitwasCharlson，asurgeonofthetown，whoowedhimmoney。Charlsonwasamannotwithoutability；yethedidnotprosper。Sundrycircumstancesstoodinhiswayasamedicalpractitioner:hewasneedy；hewasnotacoddle；hegossipedwithmeninsteadofwithwomen；hehadmarriedastrangerinsteadofoneofthetownyoungladies；andhewasgiventoconversationalbuffoonery。Moreover，hislookwasquiteerroneous。Thoseonlyproperfeaturesinthefamilydoctor，thequieteye，andthethinstraightpassionlesslipswhichnevercurlinpubliceitherforlaughterorforscorn，werenothis；hehadafull-curvedmouth，andaboldblackeyethatmadetimidpeoplenervous。Hiscompanionswerewhatinoldtimeswouldhavebeencalledbooncompanions——anexpressionwhich，thoughofirreproachableroot，suggestsfraternizationcarriedtothepointofunscrupulousness。Allthiswasagainsthiminthelittletownofhisadoption。

Charlsonhadbeenindifficulties，andtoobligehimBarnethadputhisnametoabill；and，ashehadexpected，wascalledupontomeetitwhenitfelldue。Ithadbeenonlyamatteroffiftypounds，whichBarnetcouldwellaffordtolose，andheborenoill-willtothethriftlesssurgeononaccountofit。ButCharlsonhadalittletoomuchbrazenindifferentisminhiscompositiontobealtogetheradesirableacquaintance。

’Ihopetobeabletomakethatlittlebill-businessrightwithyouinthecourseofthreeweeks，Mr。Barnet，’saidCharlsonwithhail-

fellowfriendliness。

Barnetrepliedgood-naturedlythattherewasnohurry。

ThisparticularthreeweekshadmovedoninadvanceofCharlson’spresentwiththeprecisionofashadowforsomeconsiderabletime。

’I’vehadadream，’Charlsoncontinued。Barnetknewfromhistonethatthesurgeonwasgoingtobeginhischaracteristicnonsense，anddidnotencouragehim。’I’vehadadream，’repeatedCharlson，whorequirednoencouragement。’Idreamedthatagentleman，whohasbeenverykindtome，marriedahaughtyladyinhaste，beforehehadquiteforgottenanicelittlegirlheknewbefore，andthatonewetevening，likethepresent，asIwaswalkinguptheharbour-road，I

sawhimcomeoutofthatdearlittlegirl’spresentabode。’

Barnetglancedtowardsthespeaker。TheraysfromaneighbouringlampstruckthroughthedrizzleunderCharlson’sumbrella，soasjusttoilluminehisfaceagainsttheshadebehind，andshowthathiseyewasturnedupundertheoutercornerofitslid，whenceitleeredwithimpishjocosenessashethrusthistongueintohischeek。

’Come，’saidBarnetgravely，’we’llhavenomoreofthat。’

’No，no——ofcoursenot，’Charlsonhastilyanswered，seeingthathishumourhadcarriedhimtoofar，asithaddonemanytimesbefore。

Hewasprofuseinhisapologies，butBarnetdidnotreply。Ofonethinghewascertain——thatscandalwasaplantofquickroot，andthathewasboundtoobeyLucy’sinjunctionforLucy’sownsake。

Hedidso，totheletter；andthough，asthecrocusfollowedthesnowdropandthedaffodilthecrocusinLucy’sgarden，theharbour-

roadwasanotunpleasantplacetowalkin，Barnet’sfeetnevertroditsstones，muchlessapproachedherdoor。Heavoidedasaunterthatwayashewouldhaveavoidedadangerousdram，andtookhisairingsalongdistancenorthward，amongseverelysquareandbrownploughedfields，wherenoothertownsmancame。Sometimeshewentroundbythelowerlanesoftheborough，wheretherope-walksstretchedinwhichhisfamilyformerlyhadshare，andlookedattherope-makerswalkingbackwards，overhungbyapple-treesandbushes，andintrudedonbycowsandcalves，asiftradehadestablisheditselfthereatconsiderableinconveniencetoNature。

Onemorning，whenthesunwassowarmastoraiseasteamfromthesouth-easternslopesofthoseflankinghillsthatlookedsolovelyabovetheoldroofs，butmadeeverylow-chimneyedhouseinthetownassmokyasTophet，Barnetglancedfromthewindowsofthetown-

councilroomforlackofinterestinwhatwasproceedingwithin。

Severalmembersofthecorporationwerepresent，buttherewasnotmuchbusinessdoing，andinafewminutesDownecameleisurelyacrosstohim，sayingthatheseldomsawBarnetnow。

Barnetownedthathewasnotoftenpresent。

Downelookedatthecrimsoncurtainwhichhungdownbesidethepanes，reflectingitshothuesintotheirfaces，andthenoutofthewindow。Atthatmomenttherepassedalongthestreetatallcommandinglady，inwhomthesolicitorrecognizedBarnet’swife。

Barnethaddonethesamething，andturnedaway。

’Itwillbeallrightsomeday，’saidDowne，withcheeringsympathy。

’Youhaveheard，then，ofherlastoutbreak？’

Downedepressedhischeerfulnesstoitsveryreverseinamoment。

’No，Ihavenotheardofanythingserious，’hesaid，withaslongafaceasonenaturallyroundcouldbeturnedintoatshortnotice。

’Ionlyhearvaguereportsofsuchthings。’

’Youmaythinkitwillbeallright，’saidBarnetdrily。’ButI

haveadifferentopinion……No，Downe，wemustlookthethingintheface。Notpoppynormandragora——however，howareyourwifeandchildren？’

Downesaidthattheywereallwell，thanks；theywereoutthatmorningsomewhere；hewasjustlookingtoseeiftheywerewalkingthatway。Ah，theretheywere，justcomingdownthestreet；andDownepointedtothefiguresoftwochildrenwithanursemaid，andaladywalkingbehindthem。

’Youwillcomeoutandspeaktoher？’heasked。

’Notthismorning。ThefactisIdon’tcaretospeaktoanybodyjustnow。’

’Youaretoosensitive，Mr。Barnet。AtschoolIrememberyouusedtogetasredasaroseifanybodyutteredawordthathurtyourfeelings。’