第5章

Iwentoutthismorningwithapocketcompassandwalkedinavaryingdirection，perhapsonanaverageS。byW。，1754

paces。ThenIstruckintothebush，N。W。byN。，hopingtostriketheVaituligaabovethefalls。NowIhaveitplottedoutIseeIshouldhavegoneW。orevenW。byS。；butitisnoteasytoguess。For600wearypacesIstruggledthroughthebush，andthencameonthestreambelowthegorge，whereitwascomparativelyeasytogetdowntoit。IntheplacewhereIstruckit，itmadecascadesaboutalittleisle，andwasrunningaboutN。E。，20to30feetwide，asdeepastomyknee，andpiercingcold。Itriedtofollowitdown，andkeeptherunofitsdirectionandmypaces；butwhenIwaswadingtothekneesandthewaistinmud，poisonbrush，androttedwood，boundhandandfootinlianas，shovelledunceremoniouslyofftheoneshoreanddriventotrymyluckupontheother-IsawIshouldhavehardenoughworktogetmybodydown，ifmymindrested。Itwasadamnablewalk；

certainlynothalfamileasthecrowflies，butarealbucketerforhardship。OnceIhadtopassthestreamwhereitflowedbetweenbanksaboutthreefeethigh。Togettheeasierdown，Iswungmyselfbyawild-cocoanut-(socalled，itbearsbunchesofscarletnutlets)-whichgrewuponthebrink。AsIsoswung，Ireceivedacrackontheheadthatknockedmeallabroad。Impossibletoguesswhattreehadtakenashyatme。Somanytoweredabove，oneovertheother，andthemissile，whateveritwas，droppedinthestreamandwasgonebeforeIhadrecoveredmywits。(I

scarceknowwhatIwrite，sohideousaNiagaraofrainroars，shouts，anddemonizesontheironroof-itispitchdarktoo-thelamplitat5！)ItwasablessedthingwhenIstruckmyownroad；andIgothome，neatforlunchtime，oneofthemostwonderfulmudstatueseverwitnessed。IntheafternoonItriedagain，goinguptheotherpathbythegarden，butwasearlydrownedout；camehome，plottedoutwhatIhaddone，andthenwrotethistrucktoyou。

Fannyhasbeenquiteillwithear-ache。Shewon’tgo，hatingtheseaatthiswildseason；Idon’tliketoleaveher；soitdroneson，steameraftersteamer，andIguessit’llendbynoonegoingatall。Sheisinadreadfulmisfortuneatthishour；acaseofkerosenehavingburstinthekitchen。A

littlewhileagoitwasthecarpenter’shorsethattrodinanestoffourteeneggs，andmadeanomeletteofourhopes。

Thefarmer’slotisnotahappyone。Anditlookslikesomerealuncompromisingbadweathertoo。IwishFanny’searwerewell。ThinkofpartiesinMonuments！thinkofmeinSkerryvore，andnowofthis。Itdon’tlooklikeapartofthesameuniversetome。Workisquitelaidaside；Ihaveworkedmyselfrightout。

Yesterday，whocouldwrite？Mywifenearcrazywithear-

ache；theraindescendinginwhitecrystalrodsandplayinghell’stattoo，likeaTUTTIofbatteringrams，onoursheet-

ironroof；thewindpassinghighoverheadwithastrangedumbmutter，orstrikingusfull，sothatallthehugetreesinthepaddockcriedaloud，andwrungtheirhands，andbrandishedtheirvastarms。Thehorsesstoodintheshedlikethingsstupid。Theseaandtheflagshiplyingonthejawsofthebayvanishedinsheerrain。Alldayitlasted；I

lockedupmypapersintheironbox，incaseitwasahurricane，andthehousemightgo。Wewenttobedwithmightyuncertainfeelings；farmorethanonshipboard，whereyouhaveonlydrowningahead-whereashereyouhaveasmashofbeams，ashowerofsheet-iron，andablindraceinthedarkandthroughawhirlwindfortheshelterofanunfinishedstable-andmywifewithear-ache！Well，well，thismorning，wehadwordfromApia；ahurricanewaslookedfor，theshipsweretoleavethebayby10A。M。；itisnow3。30，andtheflagshipisstillafixture，andthewindroundintheblessedeast，soIsupposethedangerisover。Butheavenisstillladen；thedaydim，withfrequentrattlingbucketfulsofrain；andjustthismoment(asIwrite)asquallwentoverhead，scarcestrikingus，withthatsingular，solemnnoiseofitspassage，whichistomedreadful。Ihavealwaysfearedthesoundofwindbeyondeverything。Inmyhellitwouldalwaysblowagale。

Ihavebeenalldaycorrectingproofs，andmakingoutanewplanforourhouse。Theotherwastoodeartobebuiltnow，anditwasahardtasktomakeasmallerhousethatwouldsufficeforthepresent，andnotbeamerewasteofmoneyinthefuture。IbelieveIhavesucceeded；Ihavetakencareofmystudyanyway。

TwofavoursIwanttoaskofyou。First，Iwishyoutoget’PioneeringinNewGuinea，’byJ。Chalmers。It’samissionarybook，andhaslesspretensionstobeliteraturethanSpurgeon’ssermons。YetIthinkeventhroughthat，youwillseesomeofthetraitsoftheherothatwroteit；amanthattookmefairlybystormforthemostattractive，simple，brave，andinterestingmaninthewholePacific。HeisawaynowtogouptheFlyRiver；adesperateventure，itisthought；heisquiteaLivingstonecard。

Second，tryandkeepyourselffreenextwinter；andifmymeanscanbestretchedsofar，I’llcometoEgyptandwe’llmeetatShepheard’sHotel，andyou’llputmeinmyplace，whichIstandinneedofbadlybythistime。Lord，whatbullytimes！IsupposeI’llcomeperBritishAsia，orwhateveryoucallit，andavoidallcold，andmightbeinEgyptaboutNovemberaseverwas-elevenmonthsfromnoworratherless。Butdonotletuscountourchickens。

Lastnightthreepiglingswerestolenfromoneofourpig-

pens。ThegreatLafaeleappearedtomywifeuneasy，sosheengagedhiminconversationonthesubject，andplayeduponhimthefollowingengagingtrick。Youadvanceyourtwoforefingerstowardsthesitter’seyes；heclosesthem，whereuponyousubstitute(onhiseyelids)theforeandmiddlefingersofthelefthand；andwithyourright(whichhesupposesengaged)youtaphimontheheadandback。Whenyoulethimopenhiseyes，heseesyouwithdrawingthetwoforefingers。’Whatthat？’askedLafaele。’Mydevil，’saysFanny。’Iwakeum，mydevil。Allrightnow。Hegocatchthemanthatcatchmypig。’Aboutanhourafterwards，Lafaelecameforfurtherparticulars。’O，allright，’mywifesays。’Byandby，thatmanhesleep，devilgosleepsameplace。Byandby，thatmanplentysick。Inocare。

Whatforhetakemypig？’Lafaelecaresplenty；Idon’tthinkheistheman，thoughhemaybe；butheknowshim，andmostlikelywilleatsomeofthatpigto-night。Hewillnoteatwithrelish。

Itclearedupsuddenlyafterdinner，andmywifeandI

saddledupandofftoApia，whencewedidnotreturntillyesterdaymorning。ChristmasDayIwishyoucouldhaveseenourpartyattable。H。J。Moorsatoneendwithmywife，I

attheotherwithMrs。M。，betweenustwonativewomen，Carruthersthelawyer，Moors’stwoshop-boys-WaltersandA。

M。thequadroon-andtheguestsoftheevening，ShirleyBaker，thedefamedandmuch-accusedmanofTonga，andhisson，withtheartificialjointtohisarm-wheretheassassinsshothiminshootingathisfather。Baker’sappearanceisnotunlikeJohnBullonacartoon；heishighlyinterestingtospeakto，asIhadexpected；IfoundheandI

hadmanycommoninterests，andwereengagedinpuzzlingovermanyofthesamedifficulties。AfterdinneritwasquiteprettytoseeourChristmasparty，itwassoeasilypleasedandprettilybehaved。InthemorningIshouldsayIhadbeentolunchattheGermanconsulate，whereIhadasusualaverypleasanttime。IshallmissDr。Stuebelmuchwhenheleaves，andwhenAdamsandLafargegoalso，itwillbeagreatblow。

Iamgettingspoiledwithallthisgoodsociety。

OnFridaymorning，Ihadtobeatmyhouseaffairsbeforeseven；andtheykeptmeinApiatillpastten，disputing，andconsultingaboutbrickandstoneandnativeandhydrauliclime，andcementandsand，andallsortsofotiosedetailsaboutthechimney-justwhatIfledfrominmyfather’sofficetwentyyearsago；Ishouldhavemadealanguidengineer。Rodeupwiththecarpenter。Ah，mywickedJack！

onChristmasEve，asIwastakingthesaddlebagoff，hekickedatme，andfetchedmetoo，rightontheshin。OnFriday，beingannoyedatthecarpenter’shorsehavingalongertrot，heutteredashrillcryandtriedtobitehim！

Alas，alas，thesearelikeolddays；mydearJackisaBogue，butIcannotstrangleJackintosubmission。

Ihavegivenupthebighouseforjustnow；wegoaheadrightawaywithasmallone，whichshouldbereadyintwomonths，andIsupposewillsufficeforjustnow。

OIknowIhaven’ttoldyouaboutourAITU，haveI？Itisalady，AITUFAFINE:shelivesonthemountain-side；herpresenceisheraldedbythesoundofagustofwind；asoundverycommoninthehighwoods；whenshecatchesyou，Idonotknowwhathappens；butinpracticesheisavoided，soI

supposeshedoesmorethanpassthetimeofday。ThegreatAITUSAUMAI-AFEwasoncealivingwoman；andbecameanAITU，nooneunderstandshow；shelivesinastreamatthewell-

head，herhairisred，sheappearsasalovelyyounglady，herbustparticularlyadmired，tohandsomeyoungmen；thesedie，herlovebeingfatal；-asahandsomeyouthshehasbeenknowntocourtdamselswiththelikeresult，butthisisveryrare；asanoldcroneshegoesaboutandasksforwater，andwoetothemwhoareuncivil！SAUMAI-AFEmeansliterally，’Comehereathousand！’Agoodnameforaladyofhermanners。MyAITUFAFINEdoesnotseemtobeinthesamelineofbusiness。ItisunsafetobeahandsomeyouthinSamoa；ayoungmandiedfromherfavourslastmonth-sowesaidonthissideoftheisland；ontheother，wherehedied，itwasnotsocertain。I，forone，blameitonMadamSAUMAI-AFE

withouthesitation。

Exampleofthefarmer’ssorrows。Islippedoutonthebalconyamomentago。Itisalovelymorning，cloudless，smokinghot，thebreezenotyetarisen。Lookingwest，infrontofournewhouse，Isaw，twoheadsofIndiancornwagging，andtherestandallnaturestockstill。AsI

looked，oneofthestalkssubsidedanddisappeared。Idashedouttotherescue；twosmallpigsweredeepinthegrass-

quitehidtillwithinafewyards-gentlybutswiftlydemolishingmyharvest。Neverbeafarmer。

Iwhileawaythemomentsofdigestionbydrawingyouafaithfulpictureofmymorning。WhenIhaddonewritingasaboveitwastimetocleanourhouse。WhenIamworking，itfallsonmywifealone，butto-daywehaditbetweenus；shedidthebedroom，Ithesitting-room，infifty-sevenminutesofreallymostunpalatablelabour。ThenIchangedeverystitch，forIwaswetthrough，andsatdownandplayedonmypipetilldinnerwasready，mightypleasedtobeinamildlyhabitablespotoncemore。Thehousehadbeenneglectedfornearaweek，andwasahideousspot；mywife’searandourvisittoApiabeingthecauses:ourPaulweprefernottoseeuponthattheatre，andGodknowshehasplentytodoelsewhere。

Iamgladtolookoutofmybackdoorandseetheboyssmoothingthefoundationsofthenewhouse；thisisallveryjolly，butsixmonthsofithassatisfiedme；wehavetoomanythingsforsuchclosequarters；toworkinthemidstofallthemyriadmisfortunesoftheplanter’slife，seatedinaDyonisius’(can’tspellhim)ear，whenceIcatcheverycomplaint，mishapandcontention，isbesidesthedevil；andthehopeofacaveofmyowninspiresmewithlust。Otobeabletoshutmyowndoorandmakemyownconfusion！Otohavethebrownpaperandthematchesand’makeahellofmyown’oncemore！

Idonotbotheryouwithallmytroublesintheseoutpourings；thetroublesofthefarmerareinspiriting-