第2章

JustthenawomandressedinherSundayclothes，——forthebellswerepealingfromtheclocktowerandcallingtheinhabitantstomass，——awomanaboutthirty-sixyearsofagecameuptothepostmaster。

“Well，cousin，“shesaid，“youwouldn’tbelieveme——UncleiswithUrsulaintheGrand’Rue，andtheyaregoingtomass。“

Inspiteofthemodernpoeticcanonsastolocalcolor，itisquiteimpossibletopushrealismsofarastorepeatthehorribleblasphemymingledwithoathswhichthisnews，apparentlysounexciting，broughtfromthehugemouthofMinoret-Levrault；hisshrillvoicegrewsibilant，andhisfacetookontheappearanceofwhatpeopleoddlyenoughcallasunstroke。

“Isthattrue？“heasked，afterthefirstexplosionofhiswrathwasover。

Thepostilionsbowedtotheirmasterastheyandtheirhorsespassedhim，butheseemedtoneitherseenorhearthem。Insteadofwaitingforhisson，Minoret-LevraulthurrieduptotheGrand’Ruewithhiscousin。

“Didn’tIalwaystellyouso？“sheresumed。“WhenDoctorMinoretgoesoutofhisheadthatdemurelittlehypocritewilldraghimintoreligion；whoeverlaysholdofthemindgetsholdofthepurse，andshe’llhaveourinheritance。“

“But，MadameMassin——“saidthepostmaster，dumbfounded。

“Therenow！“exclaimedMadameMassin，interruptinghercousin。“Youaregoingtosay，justasMassindoes，thatalittlegirloffifteencan’tinventsuchplansandcarrythemout，ormakeanoldmanofeighty-three，whohasneversetfootinachurchexcepttobemarried，changehisopinions，——nowdon’ttellmehehassuchahorrorofprieststhathewouldn’tevengowiththegirltotheparishchurchwhenshemadeherfirstcommunion。I’dliketoknowwhy，ifDoctorMinorethatespriests，hehasspentnearlyeveryeveningforthelastfifteenyearsofhislifewiththeAbbeChaperon。TheoldhypocriteneverfailstogiveUrsulatwentyfrancsforwaxtaperseverytimeshetakesthesacrament。HaveyouforgottenthegiftUrsulamadetothechurchingratitudetothecureforpreparingherforherfirstcommunion？Shespentallhermoneyonit，andhergodfatherreturnedittoherdoubled。Youmen！youdon’tpayattentiontothings。WhenI

heardthat，Isaidtomyself，’Farewellbaskets，thevintageisdone！’

Arichuncledoesn’tbehavethatwaytoalittlebratpickedupinthestreetswithoutsomegoodreason。“

“Pooh，cousin；Idaresaythegoodmanisonlytakinghertothedoorofthechurch，“repliedthepostmaster。“Itisafineday，andheisoutforawalk。“

“Itellyouheisholdingaprayer-book，andlookssanctimonious——

you’llseehim。“

“Theyhidetheirgameprettywell，“saidMinoret，“LaBougivaltoldmetherewasneveranytalkofreligionbetweenthedoctorandtheabbe。

Besides，theabbeisoneofthemosthonestmenonthefaceoftheglobe；he’dgivetheshirtoffhisbacktoapoorman；heisincapableofabaseaction，andtocheatafamilyoutoftheirinheritanceis——“

“Theft，“saidMadameMassin。

“Worse！“criedMinoret-Levrault，exasperatedbythetongueofhisgossipingneighbour。

“OfcourseIknow，“saidMadameMassin，“thattheAbbeChaperonisanhonestman；butheiscapableofanythingforthesakeofhispoor。Hemusthaveminedandundermineduncle，andtheoldmanhasjusttumbledintopiety。Wedidnothing，andhereheisperverted！Amanwhoneverbelievedinanything，andhadprinciplesofhisown！Well！we’redonefor。Myhusbandisabsolutelybesidehimself。“

MadameMassin，whosesentencesweresomanyarrowsstingingherfatcousin，madehimwalkasfastasherself，inspiteofhisobesityandtothegreatastonishmentofthechurch-goers，whowereontheirwaytomass。Shewasdeterminedtoovertakethisuncleandshowhimtothepostmaster。

NemoursiscommandedontheGatinaissidebyahill，atthefootofwhichrunstheroadtoMontargisandtheLoing。Thechurch，onthestonesofwhichtimehascastarichdiscoloredmantle(itwasrebuiltinthefourteenthcenturybytheGuises，forwhomNemourswasraisedtoapeerage-duchy)，standsattheendofthelittletownclosetoagreatarchwhichframesit。Forbuildings，asformen，positiondoeseverything。Shadedbyafewtrees，andthrownintoreliefbyaneatlykeptsquare，thissolitarychurchproducesareallygrandioseeffect。

AsthepostmasterofNemoursenteredtheopenspace，hebeheldhisunclewiththeyounggirlcalledUrsulaonhisarm，bothcarryingprayer-booksandjustenteringthechurch。Theoldmantookoffhishatintheporch，andhishead，whichwaswhiteasahill-topcoveredwithsnow，shoneamongtheshadowsoftheportal。

“Well，Minoret，whatdoyousaytotheconversionofyouruncle？“

criedthetax-collectorofNemours，namedCremiere。

“Whatdoyouexpectmetosay？“repliedthepostmaster，offeringhimapinchofsnuff。

“Wellanswered，PereLevrault。Youcan’tsaywhatyouthink，ifitistrue，asanillustriousauthorsaysitis，thatamanmustthinkhiswordsbeforehespeakshisthoughts，“criedayoungman，standingnear，whoplayedthepartofMephistophelesinthelittletown。

Thisill-conditionedyouth，namedGoupil，washeadclerktoMonsieurCremiere-Dionis，theNemoursnotary。Notwithstandingapastconductthatwasalmostdebauched，DionishadtakenGoupilintohisofficewhenacareerinParis——wheretheclerkhadwastedallthemoneyheinheritedfromhisfather，awell-to-dofarmer，whoeducatedhimforanotary——wasbroughttoaclosebyhisabsolutepauperism。ThemeresightofGoupiltoldanobserverthathehadmadehastetoenjoylife，andhadpaiddearforhisenjoyments。Thoughveryshort，hischestandshouldersweredevelopedattwenty-sevenyearsofagelikethoseofamanofforty。Legssmallandweak，andabroadface，withacloudycomplexionliketheskybeforeastorm，surmountedbyabaldforehead，broughtoutstillfurthertheoddityofhisconformation。Hisfaceseemedasthoughitbelongedtoahunchbackwhosehunchwasinsideofhim。Onesingularityofthatpaleandsourvisageconfirmedtheimpressionofaninvisiblegobbosity；thenose，crookedandoutofshapelikethoseofmanydeformedpersons，turnedfromrighttoleftofthefaceinsteadofdividingitdownthemiddle。Themouth，contractedatthecorners，likethatofaSardinian，wasalwaysonthequiviveofirony。Hishair，thinandreddish，fellstraight，andshowedtheskullinmanyplaces。Hishands，coarseandill-joinedatthewriststoarmsthatwerefartoolong，werequick-fingeredandseldomclean。Goupilworebootsonlyfitforthedust-heap，andrawsilkstockingsnowofarussetblack；hiscoatandtrousers，allblack，andthreadbareandgreasywithdirt，hispitifulwaistcoatwithhalfthebutton-mouldsgone，anoldsilkhandkerchiefwhichservedasacravat——inshort，allhisclothingrevealedthecynicalpovertytowhichhispassionshadreducedhim。Thiscombinationofdisreputablesignswasguardedbyapairofeyeswithyellowcirclesroundthepupils，likethoseofagoat，bothlasciviousandcowardly。NooneinNemourswasmorefearednor，inaway，moredeferredtothanGoupil。

Strongintheclaimsmadeforhimbyhisveryugliness，hehadtheodiousstyleofwitpeculiartomenwhoallowthemselvesalllicense，andheusedittogratifythebitternessofhislife-longenvy。Hewrotethesatiricalcoupletssungduringthecarnival，organizedcharivaris，andwashimselfa“littlejournal“ofthegossipofthetown。Dionis，whowascleverandinsincere，andforthatreasontimid，keptGoupilasmuchthroughfearasforhiskeenmindandthoroughknowledgeofalltheinterestsofthetown。Butthemastersodistrustedhisclerkthathehimselfkepttheaccounts，refusedtolethimliveinhishouse，heldhimatarm’slength，andneverconfidedanysecretordelicateaffairtohiskeeping。Inreturntheclerkfawneduponthenotary，hidinghisresentmentatthisconduct，andwatchingMadameDionisinthehopethathemightgethisrevengethere。Giftedwithareadymindandquickcomprehensionhefoundworkeasy。

“You！“exclaimedthepostmastertotheclerk，whostoodrubbinghishands，“makinggameofourmisfortunesalready？“

AsGoupilwasknowntohavepanderedtoDionis’passionsforthelastfiveyears，thepostmastertreatedhimcavalierly，withoutsuspectingthehoardofill-feelinghewaspilingupinGoupil’sheartwitheveryfreshinsult。Theclerk，convincedthatmoneywasmorenecessarytohimthanitwastoothers，andknowinghimselfsuperiorinmindtothewholebourgeoisieofNemours，wasnowcountingonhisintimacywithMinoret’ssonDesiretoobtainthemeansofbuyingoneortheotherofthreetownoffices，——thatofclerkofthecourt，orthelegalpracticeofoneofthesheriffs，orthatofDionishimself。ForthisreasonheputupwiththeaffrontsofthepostmasterandthecontemptofMadameMinoret-Levrault，andplayedacontemptibleparttowardsDesire，consolingthefairvictimswhomthatyouthleftbehindhimaftereachvacation，——devouringthecrumbsoftheloaveshehadkneaded。

“IfIwerethenephewofaricholdfellow，heneverwouldhavegivenGodtoMEforaco-heir，“retortedGoupil，withahideousgrinwhichexhibitedhisteeth——few，black，andmenacing。

JustthenMassin-Levrault，junior，theclerkofthecourt，joinedhiswife，bringingwithhimMadameCremiere，thewifeofthetax-collectorofNemours。Thisman，oneofthehardestnaturesofthelittletown，hadthephysicalcharacteristicsofaTartar:eyessmallandroundassloesbeneatharetreatingbrow，crimpedhair，anoilyskin，hugeearswithoutanyrim，amouthalmostwithoutlips，andascantybeard。Hespokelikeamanwhowaslosinghisvoice。Toexhibithimthoroughlyitisenoughtosaythatheemployedhiswifeandeldestdaughtertoservehislegalnotices。

MadameCremierewasastoutwoman，withafaircomplexioninjuredbyredblotches，alwaystootightlylaced，intimatewithMadameDionis，andsupposedtobeeducatedbecauseshereadnovels。Fullofpretensionstowitandelegance，shewasawaitingheruncle’smoneyto“takeacertainstand，“decoratehersalon，andreceivethebourgeoisie。AtpresentherhusbanddeniedherCarcellamps，lithographs，andalltheothertriflesthenotary’swifepossessed。

ShewasexcessivelyafraidofGoupil，whocaughtupandretailedher“slapsus-linquies“asshecalledthem。OnedayMadameDionischancedtoaskwhat“Eau“shethoughtbestfortheteeth。

“Tryopium，“shereplied。