第7章

’Ahundredayear’sanicething，forsartain，neighbourSpriggs，’saidhe。’Ioncehadnightothatmyself，butitdidn’tdomenogood。’Andhegavealowsigh，ashethoughtofthechildrenofhisownloinswhohadrobbedhim。

’Andshallhaveagain，Joe，’saidHandy；’andwillhavesomeonetokeepitrightandtightforyouthistime。’

Crumplesighedagain——hehadlearnedtheimpotencyofworldlywealth，andwouldhavebeensatisfied，ifleftuntempted，tohaveremainedhappywithoneandsixpenceaday。

’Come，Skulpit，’repeatedHandy，gettingimpatient，’you’renotgoingtogoalongwitholdBunceinhelpingthatparsontorobusall。Takethepen，man，andrightyourself。Well，’

headded，seeingthatSkulpitstilldoubted，’toseeamanasisafraidtostandbyhisselfis，tomythinking，themeanestthingasis。’

’Sinkthemallforparsons，saysI，’growledMoody；

’hungrybeggars，asneverthinkstheirbelliesfulltilltheyhaverobbedallandeverything！’

’Who’stoharmyou，man？’arguedSpriggs。’Letthemlookneversoblackatyou，theycan’tgetyouputoutwhenyou’reoncein——no，notoldCatgut，withCalvestohelphim！’

Iamsorrytosaythearchdeaconhimselfwasdesignatedbythisscurrilousallusiontohisnetherperson。

’Ahundredayeartowin，andnothingtolose，’continuedHandy。’Myeyes！Well，howaman’stodoubtaboutsichabitofcheeseasthatpassesme——butsomemenistimorous——

somemenisbornwithnopluckinthem——somemeniscowedattheveryfirstsightofagentleman’scoatandwaistcoat。’

Oh，MrHarding，ifyouhadbuttakenthearchdeacon’sadviceinthatdisputedcase，whenJoeMutterswasthisungratefuldemagogue’srivalcandidate！

’Afraidofaparson，’growledMoody，withalookofineffablescorn。’ItellyewhatI’dbeafraidof——I’dbeafraidofnotgettingnothingfrom’embutjustwhatIcouldtakebymightandright——that’sthemostI’dbeafraidonofanyparsonof’emall。’

’But，’saidSkulpit，apologetically，’MrHarding’snotsobad——hedidgiveustwopenceaday，didn’thenow？’

’Twopenceaday！’exclaimedSpriggswithscorn，openingawfullytheredcavernofhislosteye。

’Twopenceaday！’mutteredMoodywithacurse；’sinkhistwopence！’

’Twopenceaday！’exclaimedHandy；’andI’mtogo，hatinhand，andthankachapfortwopenceaday，whenheowesmeahundredpoundsayear；no，thankye；thatmaydoforyou，butitwon’tforme。Come，Isay，Skulpit，areyouagoingtoputyourmarktothisherepaper，orareyounot？’

Skulpitlookedroundinwretchedindecisiontohistwofriends。’Whatd’yethink，BillGazy？’saidhe。

ButBillGazycouldn’tthink。Hemadeanoiselikethebleatingofanoldsheep，whichwasintendedtoexpresstheagonyofhisdoubt，andagainmutteredthat’hedidn’tknow。’

’Takehold，youoldcripple，’saidHandy，thrustingthepenintopoorBilly’shand:’there，so——ugh！youoldfool，you’vebeenandsmeareditall——there——that’lldoforyou——that’sasgoodasthebestnameaseverwaswritten’:andabigblotchofinkwaspresumedtorepresentBillyGazy’sacquiescence。

’Now，Jonathan，’saidHandy，turningtoCrumple。

’Ahundredayear’sanicething，forsartain，’againarguedCrumple。’Well，neighbourSkulpit，how’sittobe？’

’Oh，pleaseyourself，’saidSkulpit:’pleaseyourself，andyou’llpleaseme。’

ThepenwasthrustintoCrumple’shand，andafaint，wandering，meaninglesssignwasmade，betokeningsuchsanctionandauthorityasJonathanCrumplewasabletoconvey。

’Come，job，’saidHandy，softenedbysuccess，’don’tlet’emhavetosaythatoldBuncehasamanlikeyouunderhisthumb——amanthatalwaysholdshisheadinthehospitalashighasBuncehimself，thoughyou’reneveraxedtodrinkwine，andsneak，andtellliesaboutyourbettersashedoes。’

Skulpitheldthepen，andmadelittleflourisheswithitintheair，butstillhesitated。

’Andifyou’llbesaidbyme，’continuedHandy，’you’llnotwriteyournametoitatall，butjustputyourmarkliketheothers，’——thecloudbegantoclearfromSkulpit’sbrow——’weallknowyoucandoitifyoulike，butmaybeyouwouldn’tliketoseemuppish，youknow。’

’Well，themarkwouldbebest，’saidSkulpit。’Onenameandtherestmarkswouldn’tlookwell，wouldit？’

’Theworstintheworld，’saidHandy；’there——there’:andstoopingoverthepetition，thelearnedclerkmadeahugecrossontheplaceleftforhissignature。

’That’sthegame，’saidHandy，triumphantlypocketingthepetition；’we’reallinaboatnow，thatis，thenineofus；andasforoldBunce，andhiscronies，theymay——’Butashewashobblingofftothedoor，withacrutchononesideandastickontheother，hewasmetbyBuncehimself。

’WellHandy，andwhatmayoldBuncedo？’saidthegray-

haired，uprightsenior。

Handymutteredsomething，andwasdeparting；buthewasstoppedinthedoorwaybythehugeframeofthenewcomer。

’You’vebeendoingnogoodhere，AbelHandy，’saidhe，’’tisplaintoseethat；and’tisn’tmuchgood，I’mthinking，youeverdo。’

’Imindmyownbusiness，MasterBunce，’mutteredtheother，’anddoyoudothesame。Itain’tnothingtoyouwhatIdoes——andyourspyingandpokingherewon’tdonogoodnoryetnoharm。’

’Isupposethen，job，’continuedBunce，notnoticinghisopponent，’ifthetruthmustout，you’vestuckyournametothatpetitionoftheirsatlast。’

Skulpitlookedasthoughhewereabouttosinkintothegroundwithshame。

’Whatisittoyouwhathesigns？’saidHandy。’Isupposeifweallwantstoaxforourown，weneedn’taxleaveofyoufirst，MrBunce，bigamanasyouare；andastoyoursneakinginhere，intoJob’sroomwhenhe’sbusy，andwhereyou’renotwanted——’

’I’veknowedjobSkulpit，manandboy，sixtyyears，’saidBunce，lookingatthemanofwhomhespoke，’andthat’seversincethedayhewasborn。Iknowedthemotherthatborehim，whensheandIwerelittleweethings，pickingdaisiestogetherinthecloseyonder；andI’velivedunderthesameroofwithhimmorenortenyears；andafterthatImaycomeintohisroomwithoutaxingleave，andyetnosneakingneither。’

’Soyoucan，MrBunce，’saidSkulpit；’soyoucan，anyhour，dayornight。’

’AndI’mfreealsototellhimmymind，’continuedBunce，lookingattheonemanandaddressingtheother；’andItellhimnowthathe’sdoneafoolishandawrongthing。He’sturnedhisbackupononewhoishisbestfriend；andisplayingthegameofothers，whocarenothingforhim，whetherhebepoororrich，wellorill，aliveordead。Ahundredayear？

Arethelotofyousoftenoughtothinkthatifahundredayearbetobegiven，it’sthelikesofyouthatwillgetit？’——andhepointedtoBillyGazy，Spriggs，andCrumple。’Didanyofuseverdoanythingworthhalfthemoney？Wasittomakegentlemenofuswewerebroughtinhere，whenalltheworldturnedagainstus，andwecouldn’tlongerearnourdailybread？A’n’tyouallasrichinyourwaysasheinhis？’——andtheoratorpointedtothesideonwhichthewardenlived。

’A’n’tyougettingallyouhopedfor，ay，andmorethanyouhopedfor？Wouldn’teachofyouhavegiventhedearestlimbofhisbodytosecurethatwhichnowmakesyousounthankful？’

’WewantswhatJohnHiramleftus，’saidHandy。’Wewantswhat’sournbylaw；itdon’tmatterwhatweexpected。

What’sournbylawshouldbeourn，andbygoleswe’llhaveit。’

’Law！’saidBunce，withallthescornheknewhowtocommand——’law！Didyeeverknowapoormanyetwasthebetterforlaw，orforalawyer？WillMrFinneyeverbeasgoodtoyou，job，asthatmanhasbeen？Willheseetoyouwhenyou’resick，andcomfortyouwhenyou’rewretched？

Willhe——’

’No，norgiveyouportwine，oldboy，oncoldwinternights！

hewon’tdothat，willhe？’askedHandy；andlaughingattheseverityofhisownwit，heandhiscolleaguesretired，carryingwiththem，however，thenowpowerfulpetition。

Thereisnohelpforspiltmilk；andMrBuncecouldonlyretiretohisownroom，disgustedatthefrailtyofhumannature。

JobSkulpitscratchedhishead——JonathanCrumpleagainremarked，that，’forsartain，sureahundredayearwasverynice’——andBillyGazyagainrubbedhiseyes，andlowlymutteredthat’hedidn’tknow。’